#but smokes gosh there goes me once again realizing the ships i like always sink and never sail

[speakeasier]

being in love sucks, it doesn't feel good to have a heart hurt like this. why do we yearn for things we can never have...

[chicgeekgirl89]

A Tale of a Fateful Trip

Fandom: NCIS LA

Characters: Sam Hanna, G Callen, Kensi Blye, Marty Deeks, Nell Jones, Eric Beale, Otis the Sea Lion

Summary: The mate was a mighty sailing man, the skipper brave and sure. Four passengers set sail that day, for a three hour tour. The team sets out for an afternoon of fun on Sam's boat and gets in a lot of trouble.

A/N: This just demanded, DEMANDED to be written. LOOK AT THOSE LYRICS! THE STORY WRITES ITSELF! Enjoy the nonsense! 

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“Ahoy matey!” Eric called to Sam as they walked up the dock. “Shiver me timbers and blow me down!”

“How many nautical references is he going to make today?” Deeks asked Nell.

“As many as he possibly can,” Nell said. “I’m pretty sure he made a list.”

“You can’t tell me that Eric works for the Navy and doesn’t know the difference between a pirate ship and fishing boat,” Callen asked.

“Oh he knows,” Nell said. “He just doesn’t care.”

“Deeks did you put my sunglasses in here?” Kensi called from behind them, having stopped briefly to search through her bag.

“They’re in the side pocket,” Deeks said. 

She dug around and pulled them out. “Oh thanks babe!”

“Wow, Sam, the boat looks great!” Nell said as they came aboard. 

In honor of completing his final renovations on the vessel Sam had invited the team aboard for an afternoon of fishing. They’d all seen the “before” pictures and Sam had truly outdone himself; Michelle’s name gleamed in the sunlight, water lapping cheerily against the hull. 

“Welcome aboard,” Sam said, clearly pleased at the attention his boat was getting. 

“Looks like you’ve got everything here in ‘ship shape,’” Eric said, looking around to make sure everyone had heard him.

Deeks and Nell exchanged an amused look while Sam rolled his eyes. “Sam you’ve really done an amazing job,” Kensi said, setting her bag down on the deck. “I can’t believe you did all of this yourself.”

“More like he didn’t trust anybody else to do it,” Callen said knowingly.

“You want something done right, do it yourself,” Sam said.

“Is that a new addition to the SEAL Ethos?” Deeks asked with a smirk.

Sam glared at him while the others laughed. “So, are we casting off soon Skipper?” Eric asked.

Sam raised his eyebrows. “Skipper?”

“Skipper. You know.” Eric broke into song. “Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip.”

Deeks joined in. “That started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship!”

“This boat is completely seaworthy,” Sam said calmly. “We’re not going to sink and land on some godforsaken island.”

“Although if we did, the Skipper here would know exactly how to survive,” Callen said, slapping him on the shoulder.

“All right,” Sam shook him off. “Enough jokes. Before we get underway we need to discuss safety regulations and procedures.”

“Sam we work for the Navy,” Kensi said with a snort. “I think most of us are clear on watercraft safety procedures.”

The amused looks all around suggested everyone else was thinking the same thing. He silenced them all with a patented Sam Hanna glare. “Life jackets are located in the wheelhouse. If there is a water emergency you should immediately don a flotation device.”

“I’m sorry, are you a boat captain or a flight attendant?” Deeks asked skeptically.

Another glare. “All garbage and recycling should be thrown in the proper receptacles located at the front and rear of the boat. There is no smoking—“

“No one here smokes,” Eric pointed out.

“No discharging of weapons on deck—“

“You would be the most likely to do that,” Nell said.

“No excessive inebriation—“

“And no fun!” Callen finished up for him. “Anchors away Skipper!”

Sam folded his arms across his chest. “You know if I’m the Skipper that makes you Gilligan.”

Callen thought for a moment and shrugged. “I can live with that.”

“Hey, Sam, before we cast off, do you have a fridge on this puppy for the beer?” Deeks held up the cooler he and Kensi had brought from the bar.

“That depends. Is it regular beer or some concoction the two of you made up full of snails and seaweed?” Sam asked.

Deeks looked at Callen. “Was that this batch?”

“No this one is blueberry and cayenne,” Callen said.

Nell eyed them both. “Sometimes I really wonder about you two.”

“Don’t we all,” Kensi said, nose wrinkling at the thought of trying yet another of her husband’s beer experiments.

“There’s one downstairs,” Sam said. “Get comfortable, we’re going out pretty far.”

They all waved goodbye to Otis and within thirty minutes the shoreline had disappeared. Sam took his time finding a good spot and dropped the anchor, coming out of the wheelhouse to get the fishing rods ready. 

Deeks whistled the Gilligan’s Island theme song as he baited his hook. “Stop with that song,” Sam said.

“What, were you more of a Brady Bunch fan?” Deeks asked. 

“I would bet Sam watched a lot of Bonanza,” Callen said.

“Really? I would have pegged him for a Dragnet guy,” Nell said from where she was laid out, sunning herself on the deck in a large hat and sunglasses. 

“Would you all stop it?” Sam asked, setting down the bait bucket. “I didn’t watch any of those shows.” He cast his line. “I watched The Munsters.”

“That explains a lot,” Kensi muttered.

“What could that possibly explain?” Sam asked. 

Eric inhaled deeply. “Gosh, just being out here, the salty air, the wind in the sails—“

“Not a sailboat,” Callen said with a shake of his head.

“—makes me feel like breaking out my tap shoes and doing a little number from ‘Anything Goes,” Eric said.

“You sure about that?” Deeks asked. “You’re looking a little pale there buddy.”

Indeed, Eric had lost what little color he had in his cheeks and upon close inspection seemed clammy. “No, nope, I’m great,” he insisted, gripping the rail a little tighter as the boat swayed on the waves.

“Babe you should put on some sunscreen,” Kensi said, pulling a tube out of her bag.

“Don’t need it!” Deeks said. “Too many hours surfing the waves. I’m like a golden god.”

Kensi sent him the bemused look that she saved especially for him. “Deeks put the sunscreen on.”

Everyone was distracted by a retching sound as Eric turned and began hurling his guts out over the side of the boat. “Whoa hey, not on the deck!” Sam said, jumping up and rushing over to make sure nothing marred the boat’s new paint job.

“Yikes, thar he blows,” Deeks said, giving Nell a low five of sea related humor as he walked by. 

“I don’t understand,” Eric said, coming up for air, eyes wild. “I took a dramamine.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes that doesn’t help out in the deep water,” Sam said, patting his back.

“I think I packed some of those pressure point bracelet things,” Kensi said, digging in her bag once again.

“Who are you today, Mary Poppins?” Callen asked.

“It’s always good to be prepared,” Kensi said, pulling a bracelet out of an inner zippered pouch and handing it over to Sam who shoved it onto Eric’s wrist as he began to heave again.

“Ooh I think I got one!” Deeks said, his line pulling down hard toward the water.

Callen anchored his own line and came to help, both of them pulling and tugging. “Holy Blackbeard what is it a Great White?” Deeks grunted as it nearly jerked out of his hands.

“Just keep pulling!” Callen said.

Without warning the line snapped sending both of them tumbling onto the deck in a heap. Callen landed on top of Deeks’ chest, the wind knocked out of both of them. “Well this is awkward,” Deeks said when he could breathe again.

“Geez Callen, Kensi is right here,” Nell said. 

“Yeah if you’re going to make a move you could at least do it somewhere private,” Kensi said, neither of them moving to help the guys up.

“Ha ha,” Callen said as he got to his feet and held out a hand to Deeks. “Sorry Deeks, looks like it’s the one that got away.”

“Like Carrie Jenkins,” Deeks said morosely, staring at the water.

“Who’s Carrie Jenkins?” Eric asked, popping his head up briefly.

“My third grade crush. She moved to Boise and I never heard from her again.”

“How tragic,” Kensi said with a roll of her eyes. 

“Um, hey guys?” Nell said, coming out of her seat, eyes focused on the horizon. “Is it just me or is that boat getting really close, really fast?”

Everyone’s eyes followed hers to see a rather large boat approaching as a fast clip. “Could just be somebody out for a joyride,” Callen said as Sam procured a pair of binoculars. 

“There’s been a pretty big increase in drug running up and down the coast in the last couple years,” Deeks said, coming to stand next to Sam. 

“Can you see anything?” Kensi asked.

Sam shook his head. “Not yet. But they’re moving pretty fast.”

He handed the binoculars to Callen. “I’m going to go blast the horn.”

“They’re not slowing down,” Nell said as Sam hit the horn three times. 

“No, they’re definitely not,” Callen said. 

If anything they seemed to be speeding up. The realization hit all of them at the same time, but it was Callen who managed to get the words out. “They’re going to ram us! Everybody down!” 

They all hit the deck and seconds later there was a bone shattering impact as the other boat clipped the bow. “Everybody all right?” Callen yelled, the waves rocking them so hard it seemed like they were in danger of capsizing.

“We’re good!” Deeks yelled back, an arm thrown over Kensi’s shoulders.

“Fine!” Nell yelled.

“I’m going to throw up again,” Eric moaned.

“Sam!” Callen started to scramble to his feet only to come back down again as the rapid staccato sound of gunfire burst through the air.

“What the hell is going on?!” Kensi cried.

“There are weapons in the hold,” Callen said. “Cabinet next to the fridge!”

“I’m on it!” Deeks called, crawling to the stairs. 

Gunfire continued to rain down on them and then there were several short bursts and Sam reappeared from the wheelhouse, Glock in hand. “Can we assume the ‘no firing weapons on deck’ rule is out the window?” Callen yelled.

Sam spared half a second to glare at him before letting off another round. Deeks reappeared and tossed weapons out to the rest of the team.

It seemed their added firepower was enough to run off their attackers because as fast as it had started it was over. The boat turned in the water, churning up massive waves in its wake as it sped away.

Things seemed deafeningly silent in the moments that followed. “Everybody good?” Sam called.

“Good,” they all chimed in one at a time.

“We need to call it in,” Nell said, her voice less than steady.

“I’m on it,” Callen said.

“I have to check for damage to the engine and see if we’re taking on water,” Sam said. Even he seemed unusually shaken. It was one thing to be shot at in the line of duty, it was another to be taken completely by surprise on your day off.

“I’ll come with you,” Deeks offered.

“We’ll bag up the brass out here,” Nell said. 

“There’s uh, there’s bags down in the kitchen,” Sam said. “Gloves in the drawer next to the stove.”

Eric made another gagging sound and Nell pulled a face, pushing him gently back to the railing. “Let’s try to barf away from the evidence, okay?”