#but slightly unsure new relationship fics truly set my brain on fire

[preux-chevalier]

for ask thingy: L E M O N :) 🍋🍋🍋

the lemon... is in play

L: Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. [Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there’s no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character you hate.]

Peter Jakes from Endeavour is, in his own way, a tremendous success story. He overcame a LOT of baggage and while I don’t necessarily like him most of the time, when his full story was revealed I grew to appreciate him a lot more than I had before.

E: Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

Very rarely outside of casual conversations with friends in the fandom, but among my fandom buddies I’m kind of known for my ability to swing rapidly between gutwrenching angst and ridiculous crack. Deke/Enoch for Agents of SHIELD. The original version of the mermaid au for Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. I don’t remember any off the top of my head for Cabin Pressure that were specific to me, but I distinctly remember being involved in Immortal Snoopadoop and Martin’s freckly accidental nudes.

M: Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

There are quite a few that I’d love to hang out with, but Bertie Wooster is such a sincerely wonderful friend to people in his canon - most of whom do not return the favour. His cheerful outlook on life and flair for words would be good for me, and I like to think that I’d be basically the one person who actually listens to him.

O: Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

Spotify shuffle gives me Please Don’t Say You Love Me by Gabrielle Aplin. That one’s unquestionably Phryne Fisher/Jack Robinson, from Phryne’s point of view. Although, fun fact, the music video actually features an actor from another one of my fandoms - Iain de Caestecker from Agents of SHIELD.

N: Name three things you wish you saw more in your main fandom [or a fandom of choice].

I’m going to be lame and just do things I want to see more of in general, since I don’t really think I have a main fandom?

1. Amicable exes. Not every relationship ends in fire and brimstone, and way too often exes are demonized for no other reason than to give the preferred ship a hurt/comfort opportunity. I know it’s not always possible to do amicable splits, like in situations where there’s canonical cheating, but... not every relationship ends in cheating or abuse. The ex is a person too. If you’re not treating every character you write as a three dimensional person with their own wants and needs in life, you’re doing a disservice to your writing.

2. If the characters are weird people... let them be weird. This character is a super spy? Show me random paranoid habits they don’t even think about anymore that would be absolutely bizarre to a normal person. Another character is an athlete? They’re probably eating a very strange diet by normal standards, whether in terms of quantity or nutrition. A character has Opinions about personal space? They’re probably never going to sit on a couch of their own volition. Stuff like that. It doesn’t need to go so far that you’re basically writing an alien, but like... people are weird! The weird parts of characters are why we love them so much!

3. This one is just something I personally love, but there are NEVER enough new-relationship fics for me. Like, they’ve already done the getting-together part, but they’re still kind of growing into the realities of being in a relationship. The specific awkwardness of that situation is like catnip to me. Are we telling people yet? What do I refer to you as, if we are? At what point is it just assumed I’m staying the night? Do I leave a spare toothbrush at yours? Can I kiss you in public? All those beautiful awkward questions. *flaming elmo*

[sign-from-god-complex]

The Purpose of Marriage, To Know That You Are Loved

I’m sorry that you’re sad, anon!!! I wrote you a fluffy lamp/calm fic and I realise it’s more than a little late, but I hope it succeeds in brightening your mood nonetheless.

Summary: Roman had been thinking about it for a while now, and although this wasn’t exactly the way he had expected to propose, he certainly didn’t regret it.

Pairing: LAMP/CALM

Warnings: None that I can think of! But if you see any let me know.

A/N: Catch me out here with my long, weird titles. Also, I’ve started writing two entirely new fics instead of continuing on with A Gift From Me To You, so I think I’m truly getting the fanfiction author experience now. Hope you enjoy this, though!!

AO3 Link

“Marry me?”

There was a shocked silence in the darkened room as the other three occupants processed what had just been said. Roman could see the vague outline of one of his boyfriends, Virgil he thought, turning to look at him incredulously.

It was an impulsive thought, sure, but at the same time, it wasn’t. The four of them had all been together for over a year and a half now, and every second of it had been the best of Roman’s life. Things had been hard at times, of course—they all had their own issues they were trying to work through—but Roman truly felt safe with the three of them. Safer than he’d ever felt with anyone else before, including his family. It may be selfish, but he wanted to keep that forever.

Roman had been thinking about it for months, really. He may not have necessarily expected to be asking right now, but he just hadn’t been able to help himself.

They were laying in the dark in what had previously been Roman’s bedroom but had quickly become their shared room after they’d realised Roman had the largest bed. Roman’s hand was stroking through Patton’s hair, listening to his small noises of contentment. Logan and Virgil were curled up on the other half of the bed behind Patton, though Roman knew that Patton had shoved his legs over in their direction, unwilling to let the two of them cuddle alone.

The moonlight had shone in through the blinds between parted clouds, illuminating the scene for just a long enough moment for Roman’s heart to swell. He loved them. He was so sure. If they said yes, Roman was going to spend the rest of his life telling them, watching Patton giggle and Virgil blush and Logan sigh. In this moment—this perfect moment—Roman’s insecurities were pushed away and he was so, so sure.

“Roman,” Logan sounded strangled, “You know that we can’t. Get married that is. It’s not legal.”

Polyamory still wasn’t accepted, or even really known, by the general public. It wasn’t surprising of course, but it definitely made things slightly harder for them in some areas. If they were ever going to adopt a child, for instance—though that was an entirely different conversation, one that hopefully was much further away—and if they wanted to get married. But Roman wasn’t lying when he said he’d thought about this.

“I know that, Specs, but weren’t you and Virgil the ones telling me that weddings were, and I quote, ‘outdated expensive pageantry’? And, loathe as I was to admit it at the time, in some ways you were right. The point of a wedding shouldn’t be to get married-”

“It shouldn’t?”

Patton was staring up at him in the darkness, sounding extremely confused. Roman smiled brightly down at him, though he was unsure if Patton could see it.

“No! Well, I mean… yes, but not ultimately! The point of a wedding is to put love on display!” Roman waved his arm in an arc above his head, hearing Patton giggle at the gesture. “Would it be nice to have the legal system recognise our commitment to each other? Absolutely. But, quite honestly—and I never thought I’d say this—I am perfectly as content with having a small party with our close friends, just having an evening where I can fully appreciate the three of you and declare to the heavens and beyond how much I love you. Because I do love you all. So much.”

There was silence for a few seconds, and Roman worried that maybe he’d gone overboard and was being too clingy. The quiet was broken however by a choked sound from Patton and he looked down to see tears pooling in his eyes, a massive grin on his face. Logan and Virgil had both sat up at this point and had shifted over slightly closer to Patton and himself. He could still only really make out their silhouettes in the darkness, but Roman could see Virgil leaning against Logan, the latter of which was wiping suspiciously at his face.

“Oh my god, someone turn the lights on,” Roman heard Virgil say, his voice wavering but full of affection, “There is no way you are getting out of giving us a real proposal, you absolute dork.”

Patton lifted his head of off Roman’s chest, instead situating himself between Logan and Virgil. Climbing out of bed and turning the lights on, Roman spun around to see his boyfriends. They were all in slight states of disarray, considering they had just been about to go to sleep before Roman had dropped this on them, but to Roman, they looked as perfect as ever.

They watched him move back towards the bed with shining eyes, Logan and Virgil barely containing their smiles and Patton still beaming. Roman gave them a dazzling grin in response, causing Virgil to snort and Logan to roll his eyes.

And there, in his room, at 11 pm, wearing a Disney princess shirt and Patton’s borrowed cat pyjama pants, Roman got down on one knee.

“Patton, Logan, Virgil. The three of you are the most important people I have ever known in my entire life. Every second I have spent with you has been a blessing-”

Logan opened his mouth, but Roman cut him off before he could speak.

“Yes! Even the time you, Virgil and I almost set fire to the house in an attempt to cook Patton breakfast in bed, resulting in all 3 of us receiving superficial burns and having to go to the emergency room. That moment is still included because although it was one of the less-fun trips to the ER I’ve been a part of, it was still time spent with the three of you. And I cherish that. Every second I can get.”

Logan shut his mouth, a soft look in his eyes. Roman proceeded.

“Patton, you are the sweetest, most kind person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Your light is so warm and bright and I treasure every moment I am allowed to bask in it. From the moment I first saw you—taking time out of your day to help a little kid find their parents, managing to stop the tears with just a smile and a joke—I knew you were going to have a big place in my life, though I don’t think I ever could have predicted just how big.

“Even on your bad days, you’d drop everything to help someone who needed it and it’s so incredibly admirable. You don’t always have to be strong though, my love. Sometimes, you need to let other people care for you the way you care for them. You’re allowed to be sad and I want to be there to help you through every moment that you are, because you deserve that and much, much more.”

Patton was crying freely now, tears streaming down his face. He’d leant back against Virgil who had wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. Roman watched as Virgil pressed a soft kiss to the top of Patton’s head and smiled.

“Virgil, although I may be a clueless moron all of the time, I’m not such a moron that I can’t see how lucky I am to know you. I was stupid in the early days of our friendship, not understanding that your cautious nature is something to be recognised and understood, instead of mocked the way I had. I’m quite sure you’ve saved my life on more than one occasion, just by stopping me from going through with my ill-advised plans, and even just by being there for me. By granting me with a kindness I hadn’t shown you.

Because that cautious nature of yours presents as more than just anxiety. It presents as concern for others’ wellbeing and care when your friends are feeling down and fierce protection and loyalty to those you consider worth your time. And I could never be more grateful that I was allowed a place amongst those people.”

“Geez, save something for the wedding vows,” Virgil quipped, but his eyes were full of tears.

“Logan,” Roman continued, addressing the last of his boyfriends, “Your intelligence is dazzling, we all know that. Almost every day you teach us something new, whether that’s the scientific names of various vegetables, the relationship between anxiety and achievement, or even just pointing out constellations for us. And I know I like to pretend like I don’t listen or care, but I promise I do. But, dear, there is so much more to you than your intelligence. Logan, you are fun.”

At that admission, Logan’s eyebrows shot up, the shock on his face evident. Roman doubted that anyone had called Logan fun before. Something he needed to rectify.

“I know I haven’t been very good at showing or articulating how much I enjoy spending time with you, but I do. I love debating with you about useless topics, I love assisting you in your science experiments and I love watching you glare at the crossword in the mornings because the caffeine hasn’t caught up with your brain yet, and you're struggling to remember your own name.

“But most of all, I love when you squirm your way into my arms as I’m sitting on the couch, grumbling and telling me to shut up. Because you feel comfortable around me, for some reason, and that’s a privilege I could never take for granted.”

Logan was crying too now, but he tried to cover it up by holding a hand against his face, though not in such a way that it blocked his view of Roman kneeling down there on the carpet.

“Patton Gabriel Hart, Virgil Alexander Moore and Logan Crofters McKenzie-”

“You are aware that that is not my middle name, correct?”

The look Logan was giving him was full of tears and warmth and Roman had to blink back tears of his own in an attempt to keep his composure. He shot him a crooked smile.

“Well, then what is it?”

Logan just laughed, shaking his head.

Roman let out a teasing sigh, “Worth a try.”

“So!” he continued, “Patton Gabriel Hart, Virgil Alexander Moore and Logan McKenzie, I’m quite sure in another life we would have been soulmates. Truly, we fit together in a way that I can barely comprehend, but I never wish to miss out on a single second of it. Will you do me the incredible honour of spending the rest of your lives with me?”

Roman watched as his three boyfriends shared a look and then before he could even recognise the danger, they all tackled him, knocking him over onto the rug. There was laughter ringing in his ears and warmth—so much warmth—all around him. His face was wet from scattered tears but he didn’t notice, his entire being wrapped up in his boyfriends, in the experience of so much love and joy focused in one place.

One by one they all pulled away, leaving Roman laying on the floor as he took a moment to get his breath back.

“Roman, you are… captivating.”

Roman propped himself up on his elbows at Logan’s comment, somewhat confused. The three of them were sitting up, watching him with so much affection in their eyes.

“You are full of life, absolutely brimming with it, always romanticising every aspect of your existence. At first, I thought this to be foolish and setting yourself up for heartbreak, but I now realise that you are not ignorant to the way the world is, you just choose to appreciate the small things. Making sure that you take happiness where you can get it. That is truly admirable.”

Roman smiled. His boyfriends just couldn’t let him have the last word, could they? Though, truly he didn’t mind. How could he possibly mind?

Virgil spoke up next, “You’re so passionate and dedicated to everything you do. Sometimes that passion can be a little bit overwhelming to witness, but mostly it’s… inspiring.”

Roman inhaled slightly in shock. Inspiring? He hardly thought anything he did merited such a label.

“You know that I’m a little, well, a lot anxious, about putting myself out there; the cost of rejection just seems too high, you know? But, watching you come home from auditions, watching you create and create despite every time you’ve been turned down because it’s something you love to do… it’s inspiring, yeah. Makes me feel like there’s a way to get past anything, no matter how hurt you may feel in the moment.”

Roman could tell he was crying again, though he didn’t really think too hard on it, instead pushing himself up so that he was sitting alongside the other three. Patton beamed at Roman, taking the reins from Virgil and leading on.

“You live your life like you’re always in the spotlight. Always providing the audience with a smile, radiating confidence, even when you don’t truly feel it.” He laughed a little self-deprecatingly. “It’s something we have in common.”

Roman gave a comforting smile to Patton, trying to somehow telepathically communicate reassurance. Patton returned with a small smile of his own.

“But,” he continued, “We get to see you backstage too and that’s amazing. We get to see you grow and learn and change, we get to see you at the moments where you don’t feel like the dazzling star you are and we are all so, so happy that you trust us with that. Because it means that we can show you just how wonderful you truly are. We’ll spend the rest of our lives showing you if that’s what it takes.”

Roman was positively glowing.

“Was that a yes then?”

“Yes, Roman,” Logan finally said, “We would be honoured to marry you.”

The next few minutes were kind of a blur. He vaguely remembered lifting Virgil up into the air, much to his fiancé's— fiancé!—protests, and spinning him around, laughing and crying all at once. He definitely kissed each of them at least once, and somehow he’d ended up in Patton’s arms, revelling in the surety they provided. Logan and Virgil had decided to join in too, wrapping their arms around both Patton and Roman as best as they were able to.

It was warm, it was likely a bit uncomfortable but, god, it was perfect. He wanted to be surrounded by his fiancés like this forever, and now, he could.

[brooks-schreave]

Brooks: Ficlet 2 (Part 1)

HI! Last Brooks fic was really used to progress a storyline, SO this one will be more fun! I wanted to show off his relationships with the girls but the fic was kinda long and I'm not totally done with rps, so I decided to put a part 1 and 2. Thanks @clove-teasdale and @eloiseduval for the rp 💗 Sorry for typos :)

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“Prince Brooks, wake up. Prince Brooks!” Bertram, my butler, exclaimed, trying to get me out of bed. However, knowing his attempts would be fruitless, he resorted to ripping the covers from me. “Really, your highness? Pokémon nightwear?”

My face heated. “My mom got them for me!”

Bertram nodded, clearly unimpressed. “You need to get dressed quickly if you want to arrive to breakfast on time.”

I groaned inwardly. “Yeah, yeah. Gotta get that morning protein.”

“Precisely, sir.”

I walked over to my dresser to pick out my clothes for the day. It didn't require much thought as I wore different variations of the same thing most days. A button down, khakis, nice shoes, a sweater, and a tie. It's what was comfortable but still looked presentable enough. Admittedly, I found myself trying a bit harder with my looks when the Selection began. I wasn't interested in any of the girls, of course, but it was almost reflex to attempt to impress the women. So far, no one had mentioned it, which I appreciated. That'd be far too embarrassing, even for my standards.

“Alright, Bert, I'm headed out.”

“Yes, sir. And Prince Brooks?”

“Yes?”

He gave me a advising look. “Try to speak to some people. You really should work on your social skills. I've been telling you this for years."

I rolled my eyes, nodded reluctantly, and headed out the door.

:-:-:-:-:

I stepped into the dining hall and looked around for a moment. Not everyone was here yet, so some girls were standing around talking. Should I engage? God, definitely not. But should I? I sighed to myself and headed to my seat. I saw Eloise sitting in her chair silently. She was usually pretty lively but I guess since Clove wasn't there to chat her up, she was left high and dry. Okay, you got this.

I attempted a short wave, cursing myself on how awkward it must've looked. She waved back. “Morning, Elle,” I offered her what I assumed to be a polite smile. “Where's the other one?” By other one I meant Clove Teasdale: the bane of my existence.

She smiled and raised a brow. “Morning. And I think she should be here soon. Concerned, are we?” Concerned? God, no.

“Eh, more grateful,” I shrugged. She let out a small laugh. Alright, new topic. “How are you?”

“Pretty good today, what about you?”

“A little tired myself. Glad I'll have a palace-perfect-meal to brighten my day.”

“Well they always brighten mine. Keep me strong,” she joked. It was comforting to know she had at least some semblance of humor. It made for easier conversation.

“Obviously. You'll be a bodybuilder by the end of the month,” I laughed. She returned the response. Oh, I'm funny…. Cool.

“I'm sure Nate will love a bodybuilder as a possible wife. He'll come to appreciate my bone crushing hugs.” Gosh, they even sounded similar.

“His dream girl,” I sighed dreamily.

I was enjoying my conversation with Elle, but not enough to not notice when Clove waltzed in. I didn't spare her so much as a glance. She stopped as she saw me and rolled her eyes before taking her seat. “Good morning, Eloise.”

Eloise looked between me and Clove and pressed her lips together. “Morning Clove.” Clove nodded and seemingly refused to allow her eyes to fall on me, instead focused on the rest of the room.

I ignored their beginning conversation and carried on my own. “So, Elle, how's your stay been?”

I heard Clove scoff. Typical.

Elle took a sip of her juice. “Very lovely, thanks. Lots to do, making new friends.” She glanced at Clove. The corner of Clove’s lips lifted in a brief smile as she spared Eloise a glance, then returned her stare back at the room.

“Who've you made friends with?” Poor girl, I thought. Hopefully there were other girls besides Madame Satan over there.

She lifted one shoulder. “Not too many girls, mostly just passing conversations. Evelyn, Avalyn, to name a couple. Clove, here, is the one I've spent the most time with so far.” Of course.

I ignored the last part of her response. “Oh, I've met Evelyn. I've read a book of hers. Have you?”

Clove gave me an offended look. Could she read my mind or something? Jeez.

Elle fiddled with her fork. “I just started it the other day, actually. She gave me a copy. I've never been too much of a reader but I like it so far.”

“You're more into music, right?”

She nodded. “Been surrounded by it my whole life, I love it.”

“Lucky you. With Nate playing all the time, I'm almost sick of it,” I smiled.

My dearest oppressor, Clove, decided now was the perfect moment to truly make her presence known. “Maybe because you can't play,” she muttered. Elle raised an eyebrow, once again.

Alright, I had ignored the looks and the scoffing, but no more. I turned towards her. “I'm sorry, am I bothering you, miss... I didn't catch your name.”

She glared at me. I repressed a smirk. “Not a surprise. Not many things you catch on.”

I faked a laugh. “You'd know exactly what's that like, wouldn't you?”

“I'm not the one who couldn't catch a ball, actually, but sure.” I nearly rolled my eyes. Of course she's resort to childhood taunts.

“I'm not the one who's couldn't throw one,” I said nonchalantly, taking a sip of my juice.

“Hmm, maybe if I'd had your face as target I would've had a better aim.”

I slightly choked on drink from laughing. For some reason, I loved when she got mad. It was like something had been embedded in my brain when I was younger that her anger was the response I was to hope for. “Claws are out, I see.” I turned to Elle. “I apologize for her behavior. There's just no excuse.” Elle let out a small unsure laugh, looking back and forth between us.

Clove’s mouth dropped but she closed it again and looked away, setting her jaw, then back at me with a proper smile. “I'm not sure you want to talk about proper behavior, Prince Brooks, since you barely understand the definition.” Oh, it's like that?

“I understand just fine, I assure you.” This freckled young miss couldn't appreciate my wit, but I knew someone who could. “Lady Eloise, would you say I'm polite?”

She bit her lip. “I think it best I don't answer that.”

Clove looked at me as if to say ‘two can play at that game'. I grinned at the challenge. “Lady Eloise, would you say assuming someone else stole something from you without proof is polite?”

She gave Clove a wary look. I nearly felt bad for the girl. “I'm assuming you already know that answer to that question.”

“Would you call stealing polite,” I interjected.

“I never stole anything from you, you idiot,” Clove gave me a flat look. Eloise sighed.

“How could I believe a thief,” I countered.

“I'm not a thief!” She crossed her arms with defiance. “Like I would want anything from you.”

“You'd been eyeing that solar system replica for months!” My pride and joy… ripped from its rightful place in my room, never to be seen again.

Elle furrowed her brows. Damn, I probably sounded really geeky. Eh, I'm used to it.

Clove threw her hands in the air. “You sound as stupid as when we were seven, my God!”

“You sound as bratty as when we were seven, dear Lord!”

“Well, smart ass,” Oh shit, “please do tell me how I stole a freaking solar system with a blinking sun-that I couldn't even carry--WITH NO HELP!”

Good point, but I refused to lose. “I don't know! You have man hands!

“I'm surprised you know how man hands look like since you don't have a sample of those,” she retorted.

“So what if I have soft hands!” Gosh, that didn't sound very manly. “At least they don't look like bear paws like yours. How's your roar, Clove?”

She stood up. “Excuse you?” Haha, I'm dead.

I stood up too. “Wanna go? Let's go.” Who do I think I am? An MMA fighter?

She clenched fists with anger, but said nothing, as her expression went flat. She headed for the door. “Grow up.”

I flinched. Not the reaction I wanted. “I'll be right back,” I said to Elle and followed Clove. She was so to kill me. “Clove, wait up! Clove.”

She spun around quickly and brought her hand swiftly across my face. Did she just...

I stood there stunned and held my cheek. “OW!”

She glared at me with fire in her eyes as she took a threatening step towards me. “You want bear hands, I’ll show you what they look like.”

I took a step back but she kept advancing. Even though I towered over her, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly terrified. “I was jokin-”

She spoke without a single waver in her voice. “I don’t care what you thought you were doing. You don’t want to call me out for a fight Brooks, trust me.”

My eyes flickered at her newfound confidence I hadn't seen as children and at the threat. “Why, Clove? What would happen.” I was definitely playing with fire.

She was silent for a moment and turned to leave. “Good luck getting that journal back.” Crap. She still had my journal filled with my notes and codes about the possible corruption within the Selection.

I grabbed her hand pulled her back towards me. “I need the journal, you know that.”

She pushed me away and pointed accusingly. “Then stop acting stupid. I agreed to work with you because it’s convenient, that doesn’t mean I can’t go at it alone and spare myself your annoying presence.” She ran a hand through her curls, the same curls she's always had, exasperated as she looked down the hall, and mumbled, “I’ve got enough on my plate as it is.”

I kicked at the ground, knowing what I should say even though the idea went against everything I wanted to respond. “Sorry,” I muttered.

She spared me a glance and crossed her arms, frowned, and stared at the hall again. “Right.” She stood a bit straighter. “How’s this going to work then? As far as I understood we were working on this together. Some,” she gestured with one hand, “teamwork will be involved.” She didn't sound too pleased.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, right. I know you're busy and I don't usually have the chance to talk to you... So what if we came up with a signal? Y'know, if we ever need to meet.”

“Alright, so what’s it gonna be?”

I thought it over for a moment. “I don't know, it could be something like tucking your hair behind you ear. Like this…,” I spoke a bit quietly as not to scare her and reached forward to tuck her hair back. Why did I just do that? That was weird, oh God. She moved her head back a little and gives him a surprised look followed by a confused frown.

I snatched my hand back. Why am I like this? “O-or… a quick brush against our noses?” I demonstrated.

Clove watched me warily with remaining confusion on her face. Move on, woman! “I guess that could work. So we use it whenever we have a breakthrough of sorts?” I nodded. “I might have something before dinner if you want to check. You should get back to breakfast though.” She turned to leave.

“Are you not going to eat,” I asked.

She stopped walking, her back still to me. Her sight fell to the ground for a second or two before she kept going. “I’m not that hungry.” That was clearly a lie, but I wouldn't press.

I frowned as I watched her retreating figure. For the first time, it finally clicked. She wasn't 10 years old anymore. I ran a hand through my hair. I should probably stop acting that way, then. But that'd probably prove itself to be quite difficult.