#but since it’s no longer dry out and i’ve tested the humidity of our apartment as well

[insert-game]

i think my dog’s new allergy medication is working 😭😭😭

[thealmightyshoes]

My time back home

          I never liked the rain, even as a kid. It was always to cold, it ruined fun summer plans, and it left behind sticky humidity. Maybe I’m just using it as an excuse, maybe I don’t want to get out of my car. I can put it in reverse, leave and never come back here, I don’t have any obligations, right? I pull the keys out of the ignition and slide them into my pants pocket. I grab the crumpled white envelope that’s been resting on the passenger seat, I haven’t gotten around to opening yet. My life is busy, or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself.

           I tear it open, a small note and a key sit inside. I pull the note out first, my sisters handwriting. “If you ever need to come back home and rest.” God when was the last time we spoke; it feels like ages now. I set the note down on my dashboard and grab the key from the envelope, it feels cold and heavy. I open my car door and step out; the rain is coming down in sheets now. I rush to the safety underneath the house patio. Once I’m safe and comparatively dry I glance around, the place looks almost the exact same from when I was a kid. Our lush green yard, the rose bushes, the flowerpots. With how picture perfect it all is you’d figure someone still lives here.

           I decide that I’ve spent enough time staring at the yard, and I slide the key into the doorknob. It almost makes me feel small again, our giant solid black door. I remember being yelled at because I painted all over it, my dreams of world-famous artistry were crushed early. I push it open and am greeted by the quiet darkness. Closing the door behind me reminds me of  the many nights where I’d try to sneak in after a long night of partying, I never was successful. Either through my own fault or my brother tattling. He loved rules, it only made sense he wanted to be a lawyer, he probably would’ve been great at it as well.

           We got along pretty well, but as the old saying goes keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Really though we did almost everything together, he was my best friend for close to my entire life. He went to all my shows and I went to every single one of his games, we’d find a way to cheer each other up no matter what happened. Sometimes I wished he reached out to me, maybe I could’ve helped.

            I fumble my hand against the wall, trying to find the light switch, something inside me stops though. I’m not sure if I can bare to see the state of the house right now. I walk forward about 5 steps, I know that the kitchen is to the left of me, and the dining room is on right. I swear I catch a waft of something, it almost smells like mom’s cherry pie. She only made it twice a year, kept the recipe secret as if they were nuclear launch codes. I think my sis ended up prying it out of her, only after proving that she could handle the responsibility. I hope she wrote it down somewhere.

           Thanksgiving was always my favorite holiday, just being able to stuff myself and be with family. It helped that fall is the best season. Mom was a wizard at making dessert, but dad was the true chef of the family. I swear you could give him a garbage can and he’d still make the best meal. He was always looking for an excuse to cook a banquet, whether it be a holiday, or you just got an A on a difficult math test. He always said he wanted us so fat we could never leave the house, that way we’d always be safe. I sometimes wish that happened.

           I continue straight, I only see the living room through silhouettes, but I could tell it was my sis’s handiwork. She ended up becoming an interior designer and it shows. Whenever she visited me, she always made a huge deal about how the Feng Shui was off and we’d get into dumb arguments about my furniture placement. After the millionth time I caved and let her rearrange my apartment, I haven’t changed much since. She always loved this house, mom knew it, that’s why she left her the house.

           Dad died first, stroke, it was unexpected and hit us all hard. Mom followed soon after, natural causes, we knew she was going. The months leading up to her death she just kept getting worse and worse. They always joked that they couldn’t be separated, where one goes the other naturally follows. I believe it, one-time dad got lost during a vacation to Hamburg before we even got a hotel. We were in a coffee shop trying to talk to call the cops, and he walks in as if he knew she was there. Things weren’t perfect of course, but they refused to fight in front of us. Sometimes that meant we had to play outside during a blizzard while they had ‘adult conversations.’ I don’t blame them; I understand now that they were trying to protect us.

           I sit down, well more like tumble over, the sofa. It’s soft but filled with dust. I was the only one in the family who didn’t have allergies, something like this would’ve caused a sneeze fest. I lay there, head cradled in a throw pillow, giggling to myself about all these memories I haven’t remembered in years. The laughter grows quieter, until I can no longer laugh, I try to keep them in, but tears flow down my face regardless. Knowing that those memories are the last time I’ll ever hear them again.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Im playing my online farming game and I hear "come on guys. Let's go. Time to quit playing around. Mom has people waiting -- like the whole world for our results"

Well it's been 7 hours since the last update and about 6 since they got that larger batch going

Chasity: the UV is doing better than i expected, I'm pleasantly surprised but it's also worse than i thought.

So she explains to me that it is easy to kill but it develops very quickly as it ages but its not harder to kill. Like a fine wine it goes down quick.

Chasity: mom you play too Much. So as it ages it does become slower to kill but it's not easier nor harder just longer.

Me: that's weird

Chasity: yep. We had several different people test it. And the results were all the same But it was milliseconds however we are spraying directly onto a a Petri dish, an antiseptic/antiviral/antibacterial that is prescription for lab use only and so in real life out in the air we don't know the actual results as far as in time - at this time. But we are only 12 hours into the testing phase -- first we had to confiscate the correct virus -- which we did about midnight last night but we didn't really want to test it unless there was an interest and to prove the "PRESIDENT" wrong is an interest. At least for us here in this lab. Because we Are scientist and not idiots. And so to find out how about air we have to spray it into a confined room we have here in the lab and it will show how fast it dies airborne or if it remains air borne past the allowable spray. So like is it just sprayed then falls like the one mom had created (on "accident" through George Bush) so its not airborne or does it remain air borne like the COVID and COVID-19. which once again if you have COVID-19 you cannot get COVID, I've tested it here in this lab they do not interact -- mom what do you call it? A one way window?

Me: yeah because i tried to explain the one way pathway but George Bush didn't understand... He doesn't understand that blood flows one direction through the body from left to right he just thinks the blood goes back and forth in the same blood tube. Like a two way street and so he argued with me and so i explained it as a one way and two way window and he was all "the only one getting arrested here is you. I've proved I'm not smart enough to do all this! Twice!! Just to you!" And he leaned over the table And whispered "And all my life to the secret service" he makes it fun to screw him over to make the perfect virus to kill aliens. To get them off our planet. But to keep humans safe!! And so yes one way mirror.

Chasity: oh that is too funny. That is all i wanted to hear you say, that hes dumb. Your memory is perfect!

Me: so how is the humidity going?

Chasity: sucks fast growing and not easy to kill. But! It does die in about 5 whole seconds and not milliseconds like the UV

Me: so people should feel safe to hang their clothes on the line?

Chasity: oh yeah! Exactly! But they should know the virus can spread in the sun and the UV aka sun won't kill them but it should be safe if it's not like apartment living and its in a private location. It would be better watched to dry in the sun with a fan on an extension cord in a barricaded outdoor place and if you hear someone cough while your clothes are outside you should spray Lysol for at least 2 seconds immediately directly onto the clothes. At least that's what I would do, stay outside with them listening for a cough or discreet spray from a hoodlum or terrorist which is the same now a days. While reading a book and catching some rays myself with sunscreen and sunglasses of course -- in the privacy of my own yard which is allowed even in Spain.

Wendy: so what is the safety? I'll answer that myself. Very very bad. The one mom had was very digital and not many were getting sick from just the Corona. This one however is very bad in just the way it makes any one everywhere very sick and the rate it multiplies. Mom waited too long to close the labs but she stopped one that was 10 times worse and presumed to kill within hours if not just a few days. Like 3 or 4 immediate death. This one now isn't designed to kill, its like mom's. But this one she stopped on Tuesday was like COVID But for every one. It was true Hell. Luckily JuJu pissed her off and she ordered it closed. Otherwise my dad would be dead and probably millions if not billions. They had the orders up,boxed and ready to ship, they just wanted to test on a human first -- my dad.

Long story short. JuJu was the test dummy..

Wendy: yeah! And he died in 4 short hours! My dad wouldn't even had time to get home and would died in his car on the road and it would looked like a generic car accident! So yeah fuck JuJu. I'll kick his ass.

Me: sounds like you did

Wendy: no that was you! Once you posted he committed suicide he knew it was a cover up Because you were just going to have him murdered so he just drank it on his own. That's what i saw.

Me: he hates women so much he committed suicide so that i couldn't have the honor of killing him. Well he only proved women are always right which has Always been my fight with him. Well we won in the end! Hoorah!

Wendy: like 17 people committed suicide that night!

Chasity: Mostly by poisons. They didn't wanna go to jail And wanted control over their own death.

Me: over all death. That's why we always tried to stop them but that was dam sneaky on JuJu

Chasity: he said it was an antidote mom so we didn't know what to do

Me: don't listen to the lab people. I said there is no cure.

Chasity: but for the Corona because we knew there was a new variant for the President of the United State's request because he's mad he is going to die of COVID. I told y'all we needed a human!

Me: well just kill any thing the Corona Variant 2 is mild

Chasity: just a wet cough. But dad got it worse than you so we we're kinda scared.

Me: well i got it at Allsups and I'm nearly over it. As long as i take cough medicine. And fever. Its less than the modern day cold and flu. Corona is literally a joy to have over regular sinus infections and bronchitis. Shit i been sick from that crap they've let loose on their labs. For months sick. This is a wonder virus. So nice to have compared to 2013 and 2014. There was no emergency anything but the cold medicine aisle was wiped out all kinds. People were sick and dying! This? I'm all sleep for awhile, cough take medicine and that's it.

Chasity: yeah well dad had it really bad i thought he was going to die

Me: but he was working out exercise and working and

Chasity: doing cardio and all. See dad? You should stay with mom. She would take care of you. Stay in bed and have chicken soup, a few push ups and repetitive weights and back to bed. You don't have to reply but I hope you're listening.

Brian: shit she takes care of me like I'm a beast! Don't touch me! Breathe over there! We will lay back to back so you know I'm here but no breathy stuff. You want sex? Die first So i don't catch what you got then come back to life after. She is funny tho. I don't mind her so much. That last time i was sick and she was with me i was all "i feel great let me go running!" Then i went back and begged her to never let me do that again!

Chasity: you wanted to die huh?

Brian: she put me in a cool bath and I fell asleep. And I woke up and she was adding hot water. Which made me sleep more. But she left me in there alone while I was asleep! She said I was too tall to drown unless she tried to kill me so she just stopped any one but the little girls from going in. But she covered me with a towel so they couldn't see my junk in the front. And i thought it was a blanket and I was all "oh she's so sweet to bring me a blankie. What the fuck! It's wet who did this to me?! Oh that water is hot. Ouch. Good thing I'm asleep that ain't me. I always turn my own water on. No girl would bathe me. Just ask JuJu Bee. Im too ugly but then again she tells,him she calls him that because bees only sting once and Then they die and she's been stung and she's just waiting for him to die and JuJu because there's no Jesus for what he's done and over all jujuBe candy is good for nothing with no nutrient value and he should shut his face or she's gonna kick it in. What a chick. Hand me that wet towel back I'm getting cold" and you know she told me "it's hot you can't tell the difference of the temperature and the towel is in your lap you never handed it out. But some things you see in your dreams are real. Your body just doesn't know it." And I seriously woke up and I shrieked "are you trying to burn me like in that book with the grandma? You're trying to burn my balls off?!?" And I heard all this laughter but I saw her face looking directly at me not at all amused but slightly sad and I got really scared "why are you such a nightmare?!?!" I seriously shrieked and i thought she would cry but she started to laugh and she got up from the edge of the tub and suddenly a rubber ducky started to float in the tub and I grabbed her arm and said "no babe look!! Did you turn into a duck?!?! No I'm grabbing your arm what am I thinking?!" And she looked down into my eyes real deep like she does and she says "you're real beautiful don't you know?" And i let go of her arm "go on go pee. But what is that laughing you have a tape recorder or something?" She said she wished because it wasn't funny then but she knew she would laugh later. Finally she told on them two, Annabelle and Declan because she adjusted the towel and I was getting ready to throw it out but she shrieked then "no!! You need it to cover up for the kids!" And I said "well where are they?" And she moved her head slightly to the left and motioned me to shh. So i pretended to be a sea monster with a pink towel over my waist and scared the dickens out of them both. Declan looked at me in horror and said I was no fun! Me! Me! Of all people. After i was nearly pissing in my tub talking in my sleep. Shit. I knew i said some bad stuff but all i could think was that it was about sex and murder. Luckily the words that came out were sober compared to what was in my head which was drunk with power.

Chasity: so you're seriously thinking it won't be so bad then? To live with mom then with me?

Brian: I mean well..yeah now JuJu is dead and so is a lot of other people it might be a possibility.

Chasity: because dad this is really important to me So don't mislead me.

Brian: well she's not So bad... She's just a lot of work!

Me: you are a lot of work. You want to treat me like a baby and do everything

Brian: No like you're a doll! But you talk back! Sheesh! A lot too I might add! That makes the work double because then i got to think!

Me: well you don't seem to listen too badly.

Brian: Oh wow! What a compliment! That is a compliment isn't it?!

Me: yeah

Wendy: im Peter Pan's wife do you remember me? Dad you need to grow up and get a wife. Quit being a bachelor. The look isn't good on you. Or on mom. Do you hear?

Brian: yeah i hear. I am listening.

Wendy: okay good. In conclusion of the virus growth we will get back to you tomorrow, general public. And dad we hope you grow over night just as Much. Mom's been typing just over an hour and no major changes to report but now we need to get the room ready and we will have that report tomorrow. Dad thanks for the talk. We always enjoy the Tales of the Man Dressed in a Pink Towel in the Bathtub.

[atomicsuperhero]

36 Things I Learned About Gardening in 2019

While gardening is something that's always been part of my life, 2019 was my first year of really embracing it fully. I've had lots of houseplants for many years, but while I've helped, I've never paid too much attention to outdoor gardening or tried to learn too much. Before this year I participated in some gardening with my mum, always filling a few pots of my own with bedding plants, and helping with some stuff (though never enough) in the vegetable garden, greenhouse, and flower beds. But I was never really involved in the planning or seed-starting or anything like that.

In 2019 I fully embraced gardening, and I started the year with plenty of good intentions. Of course, things don't usually go quite as you planned, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. I learned plenty about gardening this year, from failures, successes, and surprises. Here are some of the lessons I learned over the course of 2019.

Don’t book a 21 day trip in the middle of your 120-day growing season. Since I launched into full-time freelance copywriting this year, I realized that I was technically location independent. Thanks to convenient holiday booking by a few friends, I had the opportunity to spend 3 weeks visiting my brother in his new town of Terrace, BC. I had plenty of fun. It was really cool to be able to work from somewhere else. But, my trip was from about July 21 to August 11. 

Guess what's happening in the garden in those weeks? Everything is starting to ripen. Particularly, peas need to be picked. Peas are a priority crop for us because we all love garden peas. I was gone and mum basically had to handle the whole harvest herself. It felt pretty shitty. I also missed several other things that were ready for harvest during those weeks. Next year I'll plan my visits before planting or after fall harvest.

I am not organized enough to keep a garden journal I fully intended to keep a garden journal, right from January when we started seedlings, through to the end of the season. It didn't intend it to have long entries, just notes about what, when, and where we planted, significant weather dates, interesting observations, and events. I managed to keep it updated from January 21 until May 12. I think I stopped when I went to Terrace for a week in May, and I never picked it back up. We'll see if I can keep it up in 2020. I did draw up diagrams, with rough estimations of where we planted different vegetable crops this year. I'll do that again next year. Now, I need to find those sheets and make sure they're glued into my garden journal notebook.

THIN the plants. Plant spacing recommendations are there for a reason. When I'm planting things with small seeds, like carrots, I tend to be a little heavy-handed... There's a reason your seed packages have plant spacing recommendations. Follow them. If you don't, you'll end up with smaller vegetables that are often very tangled together. We ended up with pretty small carrots this year, simply because mum and I didn't have the heart to thin them out. So, thin them out, or space your seeds more appropriately.

Garden vlogs are great, but I need to simplify them if I’m actually going to get them up I started a series of garden vlogs at the beginning of May. I enjoyed it, and I liked the idea but found that I didn't have a ton of time for editing the videos and actually getting them posted. My latest vlog went up on August 27. After that, I collected footage for several more end of season vlogs. And I've never got round to editing them together and posting them.

That there actually are plants I can grow in my dungeon basement apartment (more on that in the future) Sometime late in the summer or early in the fall I got the idea to start testing supposed low-light houseplants in my basement suite. My bedroom has two tiny windows, one facing west that gets a lot of shade from a large evergreen and a medium-sized chokecherry tree, and a north window that's under the overhang of a small patio. It's the brightest room in my suite. So, I've collected a variety of supposed low-light plants and I'm watching their progress. So far its been going surprisingly well. I'm hoping to develop these experiments into more regular blog content in 2020.

Follow seeding directions more closely Maybe my first gardening failure of the year was pansies. Seriously, the easiest garden flower to grow. But I screwed something up and lost a full tray of seedlings. I don't remember the exact details, now, but I realized after a couple of weeks that I hadn't followed the seeding directions correctly, which is probably what led to the failure of my pansy seedlings.

Keep your eyes peeled for pests We developed an aphid infestation in our seedlings early this spring. For whatever reason, we didn't notice it until we'd already had our seedlings in the greenhouse for a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, we lost quite a few plants because it was such an infestation when we finally noticed. We did get ladybugs, twice. And they did pretty well. But, we also ended up having to use insecticidal soap, after all our ladybugs had ditched the greenhouse, to finish the job.

Silver Sparkle Pilea is EXTREMELY temperature sensitive  Back to my houseplant experiment. I had a silver sparkle pilea. I loved it. But I accidentally let it dry too much once. It hadn't fully died yet, so I started watering it properly again and set it in my west window sill for a little more light. It had popped up one tiny set of new leaves that were looking promising. But then, we had the first night where it got to about -12. That one set of tiny leaves was toasted. The window sills are still pretty warm, and it wasn't touching the glass, but apparently, it was still too cold for it.

Poinsettias are not poisonous They're not. I've had to research this for several articles this year. Poinsettia is not poisonous to people or pets. A 50-pound child would have to eat 500 poinsettia leaves to be in danger. You're going to have issues long before a child eats 500 leaves, namely the fact that your child is clearly part bionic if they like to eat green things that could possibly be construed as healthy. For the record, I ate a leaf off our poinsettia about two weeks ago in the middle of lunch, because people were arguing about it. It is not a delightful flavour, but I had zero ill effects.

Marimo Moss balls are pretty cool I got one. They're fascinating. I'm not sure about the ethical implications of buying them. They seem to be dwindling in numbers in their natural habitat, so probably our fascination with them is not great for their natural survival. On the other hand, perhaps the popularity will help drive some research into them and maybe we'll be able to find out why their numbers are dwindling.

Writing about gardening is actually a real job Seriously. I actually get paid to write about gardening. I don't get paid to write about gardening on my own blog, but one of my main clients pays me to write gardening blogs on a wide variety of topics and it’s amazing.

The more you learn about gardening the more you realize you don’t know There's that quote from Einstein: "The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know." This is probably not surprising, but it’s true... I've learned more about gardening this year than in the rest of my life, probably. And the more I learn, the more I realize I know basically nothing about gardening.

Plant more sweet peas! Sweet peas are so easy, and rewarding. The more blossoms you cut, the more flowers they produce. So plant them everywhere. They do need something to climb, so don't plant them out in the open unless you're planning to put some stakes or trellises in for them.

Ferns are dicks Seriously, they just are. Don't try to keep them as houseplants unless you live somewhere that is naturally humid. Ours did fine all summer, and as soon as we started the furnace this fall they were like "NOOOOOOOOOO, I can't go on! I'm going to mope and look like shit forever-more."

Learn to love terra cotta Seriously. I had a few challenges with houseplants this year with overwatering. I have slowly been switching all my houseplants into terra cotta pots, and they're much happier in general. I don't love the orange of terra cotta, but once you have all of your plants in it, it just kind of fades into a background neutral colour and you don't notice it anymore. Terra cotta dries faster and allows you to bottom water.

Overwatering is worse than underwatering As mentioned above, I nearly drowned a few plants this year. They'll die more quickly from overwatering than they will from underwatering.

Freshley overalls from Dovetail are the only gardening pants you’ll ever need. Seriously, get yourself a pair. They are AMAZING.

Rubber gloves for weeding keep your hands and nails cleaner and more moisturized. Legit, these are better than any other gardening glove I've used. Most gardening gloves are too thick for weeding out little weeds, and your hands still end up dried out. Rubber gloves are thin enough that you can grab small weeds and seedlings, you can feel well through them, they keep your hands from drying out. They also last surprisingly longer than expected. The blue painting gloves you can buy at the hardware store are the best. You can take them off and re-use them for several days. Simply leave them inside out, then flip them the right way, blow a little air into them like a balloon to pop the fingers back the right away, and put them back on.

Buy the damn bulbs, you’ll regret it if you don’t  My grandma bought tulip bulbs for me and mum this fall. We got them in just in time, it legit started snowing as we covered the last bit up. But, I didn't get any Allium bulbs, because they were pretty pricey, and my budget has been tight this year, and I REALLY wish I had.

Ladybugs are fucking awesome Seriously, they're brutal little pest destroyers. If you have a greenhouse, get some.

Thrillers, Fillers, and Spillers A great guideline for filling planters. Thriller would be something tall and interesting, filler would be something shorter to fill in the mid-level height, and a spiller that trails over the sides of your pots.

Airplants are weird Tillandsia, they just are weird. I'm still learning more about them, and trying to keep mine alive through crazy dry Alberta winter.

Water culture for orchids is a thing Moss is really not that great a medium for orchids. I don't know much about water culture, but I pulled my orchids out of their saturated and rotting moss, and switched them to water culture, we'll see how it goes.

Lettuce is grown outside tasted even better than lettuce from the greenhouse Seriously. The lettuce we grew in the raised garden beds tasted way better than the stuff we grew in the greenhouse, which tastes way better than the stuff from the grocery store.

Fertilize the tomatoes We start the year with good intentions to fertilize our tomatoes in the greenhouse at least once a week. But, then we fall off the wagon and barely keep up with watering. But it’s important. We would have had a much better harvest this year if we'd kept it up. Tomatoes are hungry beasts.

Start your glads EARLY I started my Gladiolus bulbs in pans on April 3rd. I may actually start them even earlier in 2020. They started blooming towards the end of July and lasted all the way through August, and I think there were even a few stragglers left in September. I loved them.

Lemon cucumbers are delightful They're super yummy, try some.

Starbucks plastic to-go cups aren’t good planters They're top-heavy. They don't have drainage, and because they have so much soil, it tends to hang onto the water and not dry out fast enough.

DRAINAGE Everything needs better drainage than I thought it did, hence, switching to terra cotta.

Aphids are assholes Mealybugs are assholes Fungus gnats are assholes I don't think I need to expand on these.

You always need more houseplants Duh.

Tiny pots, like 5" and smaller need to be watered more than once a week in winter. Everyone says "oh you have to water your plants less in winter because they need a period of dormancy. This is true. But if you have lots of houseplants in tiny terra cotta pots, you have got to be vigilant. Terra cotta dries fast in normal humidity, but it dries even faster in dry furnace heated air in the winter. I water my small terra cotta potted plants at least twice a week. Some of the smaller ones even three times a week.

Bottom watering for the win. This is my solution to overwatering. Everything has trays or saucers or is set in a tray for watering. I fill the tray and let them soak up as much as they want. If the water is gone in 10 minutes, I add more, until they stop soaking it up. If there's water left sitting in the saucer after an hour, I dump it.

I am emotionally attached to our trees Late this fall my mum decided to cut down our ornamental crab apple tree. For good reason, it looks beautiful for 2 weeks of the year, and spends the other 50 dropping rotten crab apples on the sidewalk, my car, the driveway, the flower bed, the lawn… But I’m still sad about it. Unreasonably sad.

So there are just a fraction of things I learned about gardening this year. My goal for 2020 is to prioritize writing for my own blog a little more frequently. There are endless gardening things I can talk about, so cheers to more writing and learning about the topics that I'm most passionate about.