#but should not because im married to someone else and im quiet about being poly in a lot of spaces

[eldritchmochi]

as an aspec erotic novelist, i second this, this is a great approach. have some additional notes:

loving a person makes that person feel like home

its the little things: remembering how they like their coffee, joking about stealing all the blankets, adjusting your routine to line up with theirs. in jokes and a sense of comfort, where you can be YOURSELF, even if you fear it. knowing what you got yourself into in regards to your love interests quirks and habits, for better or worse. relying on the other person for small things but big things too

being vulnerable, even if its scary as fuck

i write a LOT of aspec characters in my fics, because i am aspec and i honestly really love re-exploring the "wait is THIS what its like to fall in love?" from slightly different angles. i also definitely do it this way to incorporate my slightly disjointed understanding of romantic love as part of my writing style. its been a hit so far lmao

so: for stories specifically focused on romance, i do things like:

- focus on the small things. the electric feel of a calculated "casual" touch of hands or shoulders or maybe knees. the way their face lights up when they catch sight of u. the butterflies when u think of them (which can be largely understandable if u just use "butterflies" to describe it lmao)

- have a magnetic feel. what about the love interest attracts your pov character? BEYOND looks lmao. are they brilliant and your pov character just wants to listen to them talk forever? do they have a skill or trade theyre experienced with? it can honestly be anything, depending on the characters

- wax poetic. doesnt have to be the full purple prose but the romos tend to make your love interest shine like the sun, golden warmth that your pov character cant live without, making the rest of their life feel sunny and bright. the quintessential poem is the love poem for a reason. the beauty of love transcends simple exposition

- dont be afraid to amp up the intensity. its fiction. romance is SUPPOSED to be wish fulfillment. write the kind of romance you think will be fun, whether its the overwhelmed "i have never known love like this" soulmate or the "youre my best friend and i cant live without you" found family or the "your my mirror and my foil and i hate how you see me (please never look away)" enemies to lovers tragedy. if its cheesy and over the top, good, its romance, its supposed to be. if its slow and subtle, good, its romance, its supposed to be. if its awkward and unsure and exploratory, good, its romance, its supposed to be. there's no wrong way to go experience love, and theres no wrong way to PORTRAY love (tho mind the fact that you will never appeal to everyone and you shouldn't try to, so be prepared to brush off butthurt reviews)

this feels very scattered lmao, but im trying not to just completely rehash skyscrib's points, theyre very good points, i just lov talking about The Process :>

hi, skyscribbles!

as an aroace writer myself, i struggle a lot with writing romance. how am i supposed to describe something so foreign to me?

i love how you've written your romances, so i guess what I'm trying to ask is - any tips? help?

Never fear, I have one easy trick that will solve all your romance problems (okay, that's an exaggeration, but it has been a massive help to me):

Just make them influence each other's character growth.

Here's the thing. I truly believe that we don't need to describe romance. We can sit here all day trying to imagine the sensation of romantic attraction, and we can try to capture it in words, but will that make the readers actually care about the pairing? We can say 'A was attracted to B, and it felt like this,' but can that alone convince a reader that A and B have a satisfying narrative to tell together?

We need to structure the story so that it feels as if everything is leading to these characters being together. We need the audience to feel that every interaction between them has payoff. We want them to crave more interactions. We want them to believe that these characters are better together than apart.

So how do we do this? We make each character shape the other one's growth. The result? At the end, each character is a different person to the one they were in the beginning, and it is because the other character was around.

Congratulations! Now these characters are inextricable. They are made from what they learned from each other.

Here are some of my favourite ways to do this:

They push the other character to grow past their flaws. Let's say Character A's flaw is that they struggle to stand up for themself. Have Character B be someone with a strong sense of justice who is horrified by how A lets other people push them around. Thanks to them, A realises they deserve better.

They correct false beliefs about the world that the other character has. For example: have Character A be someone who's been through some shit and thinks the world is universally harsh and cruel. Have Character B be unconditionally kind. Watch Character A go '???' and reconsider their whole worldbiew.

Make the characters have something in common, and then hit them with some good ol' 'learning to love yourself by loving your mirror.' Let's say both characters have done some messed-up things. Character A thinks they could never be forgiven. But hold on - they think B could be forgiven, and if B is just like them... oh no! This means they might not be beyond redemption after all!*

You don't need to describe the feeling of romantic attraction. If you make these characters change each other, the romance will write itself. Because there'll be interesting emotional conflict in how they challenge each other. Because there'll be satisfying narrative payoff in watching them grow past their flaws.

Make the important beats in their personal growth also be important beats in their relationship. Make the growth of the romance plot be inseparable from the growth of them as individuals. Not soulmates as in 'bound by fate', but soulmates as in 'our stories are intertwined, and I would not be myself without you.'

And one last thing: trust yourself. Seriously. As aroace people, we are not missing out on any crucial thing we need to be able to write romance. Think of the people you love most. Think of how they have changed and shaped you. Think of the phrases you started using because they said them; the hobbies and fandoms they introduced you to. Think of what you've learned from them. Think of the memories you share with them.

Think of how you've grown as a person because of them. Think of all the pieces of your loved ones that you have welcomed into your sense of self.

Trust me: you understand love.

—

*Yes, this is just Shadowgast. I'm predictable like that.