#but she's totally oblivious to the fact that she's literally driving the other girl insane

[renegade-diamonds]

Ok, I know there's a lot of omega/beta Nancy fanfics out there with Robin as the alpha, BUT HEAR ME OUT-

Nancy spends most of high school believing she's a beta. She gets with Steve, Jonathan, all the regular canon events of S1 and S2 happen...

But then it's season 3. Nancy spends the summer getting more and more pent-up and frustrated with everything. Jonathan's scent changes into something unfamiliar after he presents as a beta, and it's harder for the two of them to use the crutch of their shared trauma as the basis of their relationship. They fight nearly every day, and the attraction begins to fizzle. By the Battle of Starcourt, they're hanging on solely because it's familiar and easy.

And then Nancy meets Robin.

Talkative, rambling, stumbling Robin, who smells like blooming roses and the comforting scent of fresh ink on paper.

Robin- who's smells like distress, fear, shock, and omega after everything that's happened.

Something about her scent drives Nancy wild. She keeps her distance, confused and clinging to Jonathan despite the emotional distance between them. She does not like how distressed Robin smells. It bothers her in a way she can't quite explain.

Later that night, to everyone's immediate shock, Nancy abruptly presents as an alpha. Her presentation is quick, painful, and clarifying.

She never gives voice to her suspicions about her late presentation, but she knows exactly who triggered it. She pushes down her inner alpha, ignores her instincts and tries to continue moving forward like nothings changed.

It isn't until Spring Break 1986 that Nancy's forced to contend with the secret object of her desires- no matter how hard she tries to deny it, no matter how stubbornly she clings to her failing relationship with the ever-absent Jonathan- she can't escape the fact that she wants Robin Buckley.

[sincerelyneo]

blank space | p.js

“i get drunk on jealousy”

💿now playing: blank space by taylor swift

❯ summary: Your boyfriend, Jisung, is just so damn…oblivious, and it’s going to get him in trouble one day. Especially if he keeps letting that make up artist flirt with him right in front of you.

❯ pairings: jisung x fem!reader

❯ genre: established relationship, smut, angst, idol!au

❯ words: 4.1k

❯ tags: 18+ minors dni!, swearing, arguing, a lot of jealousy, possessive!reader, switch!jisung, praise kink, oral sex (both), unprotected sex (don't do this!), fingering, creampie, reader uses she/her pronouns, pet names, marking, angsty, literally just reader getting jealous and then getting pissed at jisung for not realising it (lowkey real but I may be projecting).

“No seriously, Jisung, you have the prettiest eyes for eyeliner. It gives you crazy sex appeal,” the makeup artist says with a bite of her lip, smudging the black colour out beneath Jisung’s eye. 

Your boyfriend blushes and nods, cheeks flushing pink as he mutters out a rushed, “Thank you.” 

Your left eye starts to twitch — there’s no way you could keep your sanity hearing another woman say your boyfriend has any kind of sex appeal. You consider the consequences of potentially trying to gauge her eyes out if she carries on. Not worth the jail time. 

Instead, you watch her, tight-lipped and sharp gaze as she lets her fingertips graze Jisung’s cheeks a little too delicately, her touch lingering for way longer than it should. Compliments flowing out of her mouth like water as she studies parts of his face that only you should know about. 

And that’s not even the worst part — oh no — the part that’s driving you absolutely insane is the fact that Jisung is completely oblivious to it all. Honestly, the more toxic part of your brain wants to call it him being complicit but deep down you know he’s simply just clueless. In fact, you had to be the one to make the first move at the beginning of your relationship because the poor boy could not pick up on any of your flirting signals. 

At first, you thought it was cute; maybe it still is when he’s obvious to you — but to other girls — absolutely not. On one hand, Jisung was everything you could ever want in a boyfriend—bubbly, friendly, and kind, like a lost puppy who always found his way back to you. But his obliviousness to the world around him drives you up the wall.

Especially when it comes to that makeup artist who laughs a little too loudly at his jokes. He’s not even that funny, you think with a scoff. 

Jisung does, however, notice the sound escaping your lips and his eyes snap to the mirror in front of him to study you. You’re lazily scrolling through your phone, body turned away from him with a bored expression.

His eyebrows furrow, you’re pissed, but why? 

He took the trash out last night when he got home from practice, he didn’t eat your leftovers despite really wanting to, he told you he loved you this morning, and he even let you have the aux on the drive to set. 

“Everything okay Y/N?” 

You look up from your phone to meet his eyes through the mirror, “It will be if she—”

“Jisung, tilt your head back for me a little,” the makeup artist interrupts, voice high pitched and so fucking annoying. “I can’t see your gorgeous eyes like this.”

Is this bitch for real? 

You can't take it anymore. It's like he doesn’t even notice—or maybe he just doesn’t care. If the roles were reversed, you’d have called the guy out by now. But Jisung and his total utter obliviousness strikes again.

Deciding you’ve had enough, with a tight smile and quick glance at Jisung, you get up to leave. But before you can take two steps, he calls after you, voice laced with that confused, puppy-dog innocence that only makes you more frustrated.

"Wait, where are you going?"

You shrug, “Somewhere where I’m not interrupting.”

There’s a flicker of confusion in his eyes, then a hint of realization, as he studies your soured expression, pointed in a certain woman’s direction. He turns to the makeup artist, who’s still holding her brush up midair, looking at him expectantly.

“Noona,” he says with an apologetic smile, “do you think we could take a break for like fifteen minutes?”

The way he says it—"Noona"—sends a fresh wave of annoyance through you. It’s petty really on your part but you can’t help but wonder how close the two of them actually are. You thought she was just a random makeup artist. 

“Sungie, our time is already short—”

Jisung gives her a soft look. “Please.”

She frowns but ultimately nods, packing up her kit with a pout that makes you want to roll your eyes.

As soon as the door clicks shut behind her, Jisung turns in his chair to face you fully, hand reaching out to hold yours. "What’s going on? Are you okay?"

You shake off his hand, crossing your arms and raising an eyebrow. “Noona?”

His eyes widen as he stumbles over his words. “It’s… just polite,” he says, looking genuinely puzzled. “She’s older, so I thought—”

“You’re kidding, right?” You let out a huff. “She was practically flirting with you!”

Jisung blinks, still looking as lost as ever.

“Flirting?” he says, furrowing his brows. “No, she was just doing her job. She has to say nice things—they do it to all the other boys.”

“All the other boys are single,” you let out an incredulous laugh, crossing your arms tighter. “And that went beyond saying nice things, Jisung, she was calling you sexy and practically petting your face!”

He scratches the back of his neck, cheeks pink. “It… might’ve sounded like that, but I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it.” His eyes flicker down. “She’s just… really friendly, maybe?”

“Friendly? So it would be friendly if another guy started calling me sexy right in front of you?”

“Well, no, but–”

You don’t even let him finish before you’re snapping again, “Not to mention that she was practically drooling over you, and she called you, Sungie!”

He lets out a soft sigh, trying to keep up with your frustration but clearly not understanding. “The guys call me that too,” he says, still wearing that innocent expression. “It’s not a big deal…is it?”

Is he serious?

You shake your head and tongue the inside of your cheek in disbelief. You give him a final glance up and down and try to head for this door again – but this time he’s out of the chair and grabbing your wrist, his grip firm but gentle.

“Let go of me, Sung.”

“No, baby, you’re mad at me, and I don’t want that,” he looks at you, alarmed now, eyes wide. “I swear, I don’t see her that way. I didn’t even notice she was flirting with me.”

“That’s exactly my point, Jisung!” You let out an exasperated sigh. “You didn’t notice. You never do.”

Jisung sighs, and you can tell he’s holding back a laugh, his lips twitching.

“Okay, I get it, you’re frustrated with me.” He pulls you in a little closer, tilting his head with that slight smirk, his voice dropping as he says, “But just so we’re clear… I only notice when you flirt with me.”

He’s trying to lighten the mood, clearly, that stupid grin of his doing nothing to ease your annoyance though. You pull your wrist from his grasp, fixing him with a deadpan look, but he doesn’t stop, leaning in closer with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Baby, she’s not the one I think about when I’m sitting in that chair,” his hand finds its way to your waist, pulling you just close enough that you’re practically breathing the same air, his voice low and teasing. “I only think about you. I love thinking about only you.”

He brings his hand up to your cheek, his thumb grazing your skin as he tilts your face up to his. “Only person I want is you. And I’m sorry for not realising. I never want to upset you.”

Your cheeks flush, but you’re still not ready to let him off the hook that easily.

“Maybe you wouldn’t upset me if you weren’t so clueless,” you say, voice half a grumble. “You’re mine, Jisung, and I don’t like other girls thinking they can talk to you like that.”

He nods, his grin widening as his lips ghost over yours. “Got it. So I’ll just have to show you I’m yours then, huh?”

You hold onto a sliver of your stubbornness, giving him a final huff. “If you don’t, maybe I’ll let some ‘friendly’ guy flirt with me next time.”

His playful look falters, just for a second, and he leans in, his tone dropping. “Not happening,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against yours as he pulls you flush against him. “You’re mine, too.”

His words spark something inside you—a flicker of pure competitiveness. You lean into his kiss, rough and messy, pouring your frustration into it as your fingers grip his jaw, moaning into him. Jisung whimpers in response, his broad hands moving instinctively to hold your waist—but you’re quicker, pinning his wrists above his head as you press him against the wall, bodies flush.

You watch as his biceps twitch at the movement. You know Jisung – know his body so damn well – that right now he wants nothing more than to touch you, to grope and grasp your body like he owns it. But you’re still mad at him. He knows that. And although he can easily overpower you and have you under his mercy, Jisung lets you deny him what he wants most. Truthfully, he secretly loves it when you make him feel like this — powerless and desperate. 

You pull away from him, lips swollen and puffy as they start to pepper kisses down the column of his neck. Images of that makeup artist flicker in your mind as you suck hard against his pale flesh. You know you shouldn’t be doing this – he has a music video to shoot – but something tells you to mark him, claim him as yours for her to see. And judging by the way Jisung moans as your teeth nip at the sensitive skin, you know he’s enjoying it too. 

It’s not something you usually do, but right now, he doesn’t mind at all. He’s yours. 

Jisung’s chest heaves, his skin bearing the reddened claim of your lips that’s starting to deepen. There’s a rush of satisfaction—pride, maybe lust—in your eyes as you study the mark on his neck, and you see the same desire mirrored in his gaze. His lips are glossy with your spit, parted and breathless; and despite you easing your grip on his arms, he keeps them obediently above his head –  like such a good boy.

He looks so wrecked and needy, and you haven’t even touched his cock yet.

“You’re usually such a good boy, Sungie,” you sigh, running your fingers through his hair. He leans into your touch, looking down at you with eyes that are so full and desperate.

“Always want to be good for you, Y/N. I’m so sorry.”

You giggle, fingers tracing his cheek. “Yeah? You’re going to be obedient for me, and only me, right?”

He nods eagerly.

“Prove it.”

He doesn’t hesitate for a second. With a firm grip, he cups your thighs beneath his arms and tosses you against the leather sofa in his dressing room—the same one where you’d watched that makeup artist flirt with him. If only she were here now to see and hear everything she’d never get to experience.

You reach for his belt buckle, being just mindful enough to undress him carefully since he’s still in his shoot clothes—but only just. His shoes and clothes drop to the floor and he’s a lot less gentle when it comes to undressing you, tearing away every barrier that’s preventing him from making this up to you.

When you’re finally naked, Jisung sinks between your thighs, sinking a single digit into your needy wet cunt.

You mewl at the stretch of his fingers, enjoying the delicious burn shooting through you as he adds a second one. Jisung loved this part, prepping you and watching you get dizzy from just the length of his fingers. He loved seeing you squirm in pleasure – and truthfully – he’s starting to think he enjoys seeing you squirm with jealousy too. Even if that hadn’t been his original intention. 

He scissors his fingers meticulously, knowing every place he needs to touch to have you panting and moaning. When he feels you tighten around him, he does the only logical thing in his mind and leans in and starts to lap at your clit. You tremble, stomach contracting as you thread your fingers through his hair. Just feeling you writhe beneath him makes him smirk against you – he’s sick –  increasing the pace of his fingers.

“Fuck–Sungie” you pant, still twisting underneath him.

The pointed tip of his tongue works against your clit without stopping, warm breath coasting over you as his fingers curl specifically inside your until he finds the most sensitive spot that makes your knees quiver. 

“You gotta cum first,” he murmurs, the ripple of his deep voice vibrating against you. “I gotta make it up to you.”

You hum, a low, contented sound, tightening your grip on his hair and sinking further into the sofa as he licks at your pussy, relentless and thorough. His fingers glide effortlessly against your inner walls, pressing in just right without resistance. He works you into a frenzy until soft, needy whimpers spill from your lips. A flicker of worry crosses your mind that someone outside might hear—but then again, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.

“Gotta make it up to my girl,” he murmurs, voice low and coaxing, “Cum for me, baby. Please, cum for me.”

And you do—so fucking hard. Your body tenses, pleasure tearing through you as his fingers stay persistent, thrusting even as he feels you clench around them. His mouth never leaves your swollen clit, tongue working you over until you’re unravelling completely beneath him. Your loud cries fill the space and send a clear message: he’s yours. 

Jisung doesn’t stop, his movements steady and focused, drawing every last ounce of pleasure from you as he watches, eyes dark with pride.

When he feels you coming down, Jisung pulls his fingers from you slowly, sliding them into his mouth, his eyes locked on yours as he tastes you. Your heart races at the sight and your eyes flash with renewed lust, the haze of desire clouding any other thought except one: you have to show him you’re his too.

Without a word, you push him back, guiding him to sit as you settle on his lap, trailing kisses along his jaw and down his neck. You’re driven by that one thought: to make sure he feels just as claimed, just as wanted. He shivers beneath you, hands gliding to your hips, gripping as he tilts his head back.

"Baby, you don’t have to—this was supposed to be about you,” he mutters, voice thick and shaky.

You hush him with a smirk, fingers wrapping around him as you give a soft, teasing lick to his tip. His breath catches, eyes growing darker as he watches you, transfixed. His cock twitches in your hand, and without another word, you take him between your swollen lips—lips he’d claimed, lips he ached for.

Slowly, you let him fill your mouth, cheeks hollowing as you draw him deeper, savouring every reaction. His hand drifts to the back of your head, resting there, a gentle weight that spurs you on. As you start a steady rhythm, moaning softly, you feel his knees tremble, just like yours had. He sucks in a sharp breath, fingers twitching against the back of your head as he tries to keep himself steady, but his hips jerk up involuntarily at the heat of your mouth. 

“God, baby… feels so good,” he rasps, eyes half-lidded as he watches you. His pulse quickens with every slow pull of your lips, every hum you let slip that reverberates right through him.

You take him deeper, teasing the underside of his length with your tongue, relishing how his breathing gets rough and ragged. His fingers tighten just a bit, grounding himself against the overwhelming pleasure, though he’s still letting you set the pace, just like the good boy he wants to be for you.

One of your hands slips down to tease his balls, and you pull back just enough to catch a glimpse of him. His eyes are shut now, mouth open in bliss, and you smirk before taking him back between your lips. With each movement, you let your saliva coat his length, stroking him in sync with the rhythm you’d started.

“Fuck, baby,” he gasps, his hand still resting on your head, gentle but anchoring. “If you keep going like that—”

At the needy sound escaping him, you pull back, and he lets out a frustrated whine, his hips bucking instinctively to chase the pleasure you’ve just taken away.

“Baby…” he murmurs, almost breathless.

“If you really want to make it up to me, Sungie…” You lean down, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, his rock-hard cock trapped between your bodies. “Then I need you to fuck me,” you repeat, punctuating your words with a teasing bite at his collarbone.

His eyes darken, any trace of that desperate look disappearing as he slides his hands to your hips, gripping you hard enough to bruise, and strong enough to flip you over. He pulls your back flush against him, and you shiver at the low growl rumbling from his chest. His fingers dig into your hips, anchoring you in place as he teases, before he finally thrusts in–deep. 

Jisung stays buried deep inside you, making your eyes roll back in pleasure. You feel every inch of him, throbbing against your already sensitive walls, his balls pressing against your clit. And then he finally moves—fuck, it's good. Rough, and primal, and everything you both crave.

With each thrust, he hits deeper, his pace building as his frustrations melt into something raw and consuming. You arch your back, pushing into him, feeling his grip tighten. His breaths are hot against your shoulder as he leans down, voice a low whisper in your ear, “Yours.”

And you can’t help the smirk that creeps onto your lips as you gasp out, “Mine.”

“Is that what you wanted?” he murmurs, trailing his hand up your spine, feeling you shudder beneath his touch. “Wanted me to prove that you’re the only girl I think about? Show you that you’re the only one who gets to cum on my cock?”

You nod weakly, barely able to manage a breathy, “Yes.”

Your mind feels hazy, consumed by the way he fills you, the perfect burn and stretch as your body accommodates all of him. And trust, there’s a lot of him.

“Am I doing a good job at it?” he grinds out, pulling you upright so your back presses flush against his chest.

He grips your neck, claiming your lips in a kiss that travels along your shoulders and settles at your throat. He sucks a dark mark into your skin while his hands find your breasts, massaging them as he keeps his rough pace.

“So good,” you manage to say, clenching around him. “Always so good for me, Ji…”

He chuckles, pinching your nipple, causing a tiny yelp to escape your lips. “You never have to be jealous, baby,” he coos, “I only ever want to be good for you.”

You nod in agreement, revelling in the way his hands and cock explore every inch of your body. He knows you so well, and it’s clear from the way you’re panting—he’s always eager to please.

“Show me I’ve been a good boy and cum on my cock, baby,” he demands, but your mind is too foggy to process his words. Everything feels heated and overwhelming; his voice fades into a background hum as he pounds into you relentlessly. You’re too far gone to think about anything but him inside you. 

“Wanna feel you cum, Sungie,” is all you can manage to gasp out.

A low laugh echoes in your ear. “I will,” he promises, sliding one hand down to your belly. “Gonna cum right here and fill you up. But you have to cum first, okay? You always have to cum first.”

You whine and nod, squirming against him for a moment before he pushes you back down onto all fours.

“Good,” he purrs, snapping his hips against you. “I want to feel you cum.”

He’s fucking into you hard enough that the sound of your skin colliding echoes throughout the room—and probably outside too. You cling to the couch, overwhelmed by just how deep he is, tears brimming in your eyes from the intensity, but your body quickly adjusts, demanding more.

A thin layer of sweat glistens on Jisung’s forehead, mirroring the sheen that coats your body, but still, you crave more. You rock back into him, aided by his strong hands, feeling another orgasm building inside you. Jisung doesn’t let up when your movements falter, skillfully manipulating your body even as you start to shudder and whimper, even as your cunt pulses around him. He fucks you through the climax, grunting loudly, slowing just enough to savour the tightness of your walls around his cock.

You’re a puddle beneath him—and he knows it. Not wanting to overwhelm you any further, his thrusts slow down, becoming gentle and deliberate. You realize what he’s about to do; he’s going to pull out and neglect his own orgasm because he cares too much about you. And that’s when his cluelessness starts to kick in because you don't want that. You want—no, need—him to feel just as good as you do. You want him to use you because, just as he is yours, you’re his.

You wrap an arm around to grip his back, pulling his body against yours again. Glancing over your shoulder, you see his brows furrow and his mouth open to protest, but you silence him by pressing a finger to his jaw and capturing his lips in a heated kiss. Jisung catches on pretty quickly and his thrusts start again—wicked and rough. 

It’s clear he’s chasing his own climax this time, and you’re just helplessly being dragged along for the ride—but you don’t mind. Your body responds to him instinctively, craving him as pleasure spirals into more pleasure. You gasp for breath, another orgasm stirring within you as his cock swells inside you. 

With a throaty moan that nearly erupts into a roar, Jisung cums, burying himself deep as he spills into you. You shudder quietly, your eyes rolling back and mouth parting in bliss. His weight pins you down, and you sigh happily as he curls his body around you, allowing his cock to keep you full of his cum. It’s territorial and possessive. 

And just as you’re about to get lost in the afterglow with him, there’s a pounding at the door that snaps you both back to reality. You know exactly who it is. Her impatient knocks echo through the small room.

"Jisung! The shoot is about to start! It’s been way more than fifteen minutes!"

Panic jolts through you both. Jisung doesn’t waste a second before he scrambles off you. You quickly reach for your clothes, throwing them on in a rush, not even caring that his cum is dripping out of you. The post-orgasm haze starts to fade, and reality is crashing in—hard.

“Just a second!” Jisung calls, trying to smooth down his hair and fix his shirt. You can see the slight flush on his cheeks as he fumbles, still slightly dazed. 

The door swings open, and the makeup artist strides in, irritation radiating from her. She surveys the scene, her eyes narrowing. “What happened to you? Your makeup is a mess! Did you—did she make you cry?” Her gaze lands on you, accusatory. “I can have her removed from set if you—”

Jisung starts to speak up, ready to defend you, but the makeup artist’s eyes dart to the purple bruise blooming on his neck—the very mark you left. You can almost see the realization wash over her as the pieces fall into place.

Her expression shifts from annoyance to a mix of embarrassment and realization. “Oh,” she stammers, the colour draining from her face. “That’s not—” 

You can’t help the smirk that breaks across your face, a sense of triumph washing over you. Jisung doesn’t say anything and settles on rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Well…it looks to me like you have a lot of work to do,” you tease, knowingly. 

The makeup artist huffs, visibly flustered. You stroll past her with a giggle, and just before you close the door behind you, you throw out a sarcastic, “Sorry about that.”

Pride bubbles inside you as you walk away. He’s yours, and that mark on his neck proves it.

[vivithefolle]

I was always confused by Hermiones behavior towards Ron in OOTP. Was she trying to hide her feelings? because she didn't really gave him any signs. Why she was so nasty at him with the teaspoon thing. Was she trying to make him jealous with the letters? What did or didn't she understand from Ron giving her the perfume. Is all this just JKR being stupid because she don't want them together before the very end. Sry for all these questions but I am rly confused can you plz help Vivi?

Once again, I’ll copy one of my Quora essays!

it’s a stereotype to say that girls resort to underhanded tactics when it comes to dating, or like to “test” their partner’s love… but it’s a stereotype for a reason: there are teenage girls who resort to those tactics.

The archetype of the Tsundere exists as an exaggeration of the traits some teenage girls demonstrate when they find themselves in a position of vulnerability such as “having a crush on someone”.

For someone as prideful as Hermione is, having a crush on someone is extremely threatening.

Hermione prides herself in her logic and intelligence. The validation she receives from getting good grades is something she needs, because she’s very insecure deep down. She thinks all she has to offer is her intelligence, and as she goes from a little girl to a young woman, this causes her grief because she doesn’t want to be just “intelligent”. As her body develops and changes, she finds that being the smartest one in the room isn’t enough anymore - she still loves being the smartest in the room, but she wants more than just that, she wants validation for other things. That’s why she was extremely hurt when Ron tactlessly (and Rowling-ly) remarks “you’re a girl” - she wants to be seen as a girl, as a woman, as more than a walking brain. She wants validation that she is a girl, and beautiful, and sexy, and capable of making heads spin. She needs “sexual” validation, for lack of a better term.

Of course she doesn’t really realize those feelings. All she knows is that it hurts when Ron seems to consider her “one of the guys”, or looks at girls that aren’t her. She likes it when he compliments her, but she’s also angry at him because he only ever seems to compliment her intelligence and damn it, she wants him to compliment something else! She wants him to look at her, REALLY look at her! Look at her like he looks at the pretty girls!

Little does she know that Ron does look at her, but he probably thinks he’s a pervert for doing so. Because - because she’s Hermione! She’s not like other girls, she’s not - she’s not the kind of girl you ogle! She’s the kind of girl you gift flowers to - roses, they’re her favourite - the kind of girl you have long, meaningful talks with - not sure if they’re always meaningful, but they sure talk a lot together! - she’s the kind of girl you… the kind of girl you love, not the kind of girl you just look at…

*wistful sigh* Mutual pining, mutual admiration, slow burn, +100k words…

But truth is, many people go around saying that Hermione treating Ron harshly and treating pretty much every boy (with exceptions like Draco Malfoy) more gently is because she actually doesn’t like Ron, and likes anyone but Ron.

When the truth actually is that… Hermione is awful. No, no, seriously, when Hermione is in love, she’s terrible. She can be a nice friend but when she’s in love with you she’s horrible. Especially since she’s a teenager.

Hermione is a prime example of a Tsundere.

The cute, blushy, giggling Hermione who flirts with [insert character here] and cries delicately when she’s rejected? Pure fanfiction. Canon Hermione keeps her love aggressively hidden behind countless iron walls, only letting it peek through when she’s absolutely sure the person she likes isn’t looking.

“How was practice?” asked Hermione rather coolly half an hour later, as Harry and Ron climbed through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room. “It was -” Harry began. “Completely lousy,” said Ron in a hollow voice, sinking into a chair beside Hermione. She looked up at Ron and her frostiness seemed to melt. - Order of the Phoenix

Rare footage of the Hermione Granger, scientific name Selfinsertus Overratedus, displaying interest in specimen of mighty fine hunk

Hermione isn’t sweet and tender and kind with the one she loves. At least, the teenage Hermione isn’t. She’s harsh, she’s disdainful and only gives out breadcrumbs of affection once in a while as part of the complicated mind game she’s playing.

You see, Hermione is never going to make the first move. You must be the one to ask her out, because she sure as hell ain’t going to do it for you.

This is due, I think, to the events of Goblet of Fire. Viktor Krum asks her out because Rowling absolutely wants Hermione to be the ugly duckling who transforms into the beautiful swan, so she brings in Cardboard Cutout With No Personality Aside From Being Famous to woo her self-insert.

Now Hermione has gotten the experience of being asked out, and being a rather socially awkward person who also hates being vulnerable - more on that later - well, now she just assumes that if someone asked her out once, then anyone who does like her can do the same.

Which is why she doesn’t realize that Ron is actually aware he loves her. There’s a big comedy of assumptions going on in Romione’s love story.

Hermione believes that Ron either 1) likes her but is oblivious to his own feelings and so she thinks she has to “give him hints” to make him realize it. Emphasized best by this exchange:

Hermione laughed. “Harry you’re worse than Ron [at understanding girls]… well, no, you’re not, “ she sighed, as Ron himself came stumping into the Hall splattered with mud and looking grumpy.

“I’ve sent him so many signals and yet he doesn’t notice. Woe is me!”

2) doesn’t actually likes her, but sees her just as a good mate or worse, as another sister.

Hermione keeps flip-flopping between her two assumptions throughout the series, all because of her biggest assumption: she thinks that if Ron was interested in her, he would ask her out. Because Viktor Krum was interested in her, and he asked her out, so why wouldn’t Ron do the same? They’re both boys and she’s a girl, after all. Isn’t that how it works?

This is also why Hermione’s “““invitation”““ to the Slug Club isn’t even an invitation - really, it’s worse than Ron’s invite to the Yule Ball, at least he was actually offering her to come:

“We’re allowed to bring guests,” said Hermione, […], “and I was going to ask you to come, but […] I won’t bother.”

“I was going to ask you to come but I won’t bother.”

This is literally what she says. It’s more of a “look Ron! An invite! If you’re good maybe I’ll think about letting you have it!” than anything else.

It’s because this is Hermione’s last resort. The ultimate humiliation. She has to resort to inviting Ron when in her mind, he’s supposed to be the one asking her out. He’s the boy! He’s supposed to do it! (And this is why I laugh at all the fools who claim that Hermione is the pinnacle of feminism. Seriously, the girl is more of a misogynist than any other character in the series.)

Hermione failed to take into account that Ron’s insecurity cripples him worse than she imagines, and that he copes with it differently than she copes with her own insecurities.

And this is the part where I explain about Hermione’s hatred of being vulnerable.

You see, I can relate quite a lot to Hermione - I see a lot of me in her, and a lot of people who hurt me in the past as well.

Bullied because she was an easy target, being the know-it-all and local teacher’s pet? Yep. Bullied for her appearance (I got braces when I was 8 and have been wearing glasses since I was a toddler, she had her bushy hair and buck teeth)? Can relate. Cried easily? Super check. Rule enforcer when the teachers weren’t around? Mega check.

And naturally, when you’re such a water fountain as I was, there’s nothing more humiliating than ending up crying in front of your bullies. You quickly learn that it will bring you nothing but more bullying. More humiliation. More vulnerability.

Hence why you start despising any form of vulnerability you find in yourself.

Obviously, being in love? That’s one of the most terrible things you can find yourself in when you’re afraid of being vulnerable. Because, oh god, your feelings are completely insane around the person. They make or ruin your day. You keep wanting to show them how cool / great / impressive you are, and you try desperately to mask all your little faults so they will hopefully return your feelings.

Given that Hermione is already not the most socially-aware battering ram in the knife drawer, she acts especially nasty to Ron, because she’s overcompensating for the vulnerability he makes her feel. And she most likely isn’t even aware of it! Forget Fanfic Hermione cringing as she realizes how mean she sounds, welcome Canon Hermione who just doubles down on a pointless argument just to drive home how totally in control she is and how Ron has absolutely zero effect on her, no siree!

In short: Hermione overthinks. She overthinks everything. She’s overthinking every of Ron’s actions, she’s assuming he’s either out to get her because she assumes he’s perfectly aware of her crush on him and he’s just toying with her (this is the very insecure, pessimistic Hermione speaking), she’s assuming he’s completely oblivious to her feelings and so she uses the ages-old technique of the “subtle hints” to make her feelings known to him (and fails miserably because she doesn’t want to put herself out there too much in case he rejects her, which would be the ultimate humiliation and the worst possible thing to happen to her, in her teenage girl mind), and she’s assuming he’ll never like her the way she likes him, all the while being woefully oblivious to the fact that Ron does want to be with her but she keeps sending him signals that she sees him as a troublesome child rather than a potential partner.

All in all, a teenage Hermione in love is utter torture. She’s her own worst enemy, and it’s only when she decides to let go of it all - of the mind games, of the distancing, of the passive-aggressive; of the overthinking - and just takes a chance that her efforts bear fruit.

There was a clatter as the basilisk fangs cascaded out of Hermione’s arms. Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Ron threw away the fangs and broomstick he was holding and responded with such enthusiasm that he lifted Hermione off her feet.

(As much as I’m disillusioned with Romione, this kiss is still one of my favourite parts of the series. They mutually sweep each other off their feet for god’s sake, you wish your ship would.)

[galaxina-the-pyro]

Candace Against the Universe Predictions

Note: This is MY LIST of possible outcomes that can occur in the movie - they may differ from what your predictions are, and that’s okay. This was just made for fun.

(~)

Doofenshmirtz and Isabella’s duet (which, yes, they ARE going to have a duet in the movie, this was confirmed) is going to either be a rap battle, or a song about the two having to work together to solve a problem (I really want it to be a rap battle)

Doofenshmirtz’s reasoning for having a rivalry with Isabella stems from the fact that he doesn’t want a child telling him what to do - by the end of the movie, though, he grows to respect Isabella

Isabella might remind Dr. D of Vanessa when she was her age

Phineas and Candace have an emotional argument about how Candace would rather live on a planet without her brothers than go back home where everyone is concerned and stuff - this leads to Phineas saying they never should’ve come to rescue her and things get really emotional after that

Phineas, Ferb, and the gang listen to some of Doofenshmirtz’s backstories during the trip, and are immediately fascinated by them - they don’t doubt a single tale, but it leads to them asking a lot of questions that never get answers

Phineas, Ferb, and Doofenshmirtz build an inator together

The big bad villain of the movie (if there is one) creates a doomsday machine meant to destroy any planet that goes against his/her people’s way of thinking (the entirety of Earth included), and Doofenshmirtz saves literally everyone by installing a self-destruct button on it, which the main villain accidentally presses

Candace and Vanessa get kidnapped at the same time rather than separately

Perry somehow someway has a musical number in all this - somehow, he sings something, possibly in his head

Doofenshmirtz shares his stories about how he keeps getting beaten up by a platypus to the other kids, and these are the only stories that Phineas and the others don’t quite buy, since, you know, platypuses don’t do much - Doofenshmirtz ALMOST name drops Perry before something happens that totally interrupts him

There will be at least ONE Phinabella moment - at LEAST

Before getting kidnapped, Candace gets the impression that Jeremy is going to break up with her for either not showing up to the game mentioned in the preview, or possibly ruining the game in her attempts to bust Phineas and Ferb

Phineas’ present shown in the preview was for Candace, possibly on another day where he and Ferb are trying to make amends to her for something that probably happened previously - this present is brought with them on their trip to save Candace, and Phineas is determined to give this gift to her

The unknown gift is what makes Candace cry (again, that’s been confirmed to happen in the movie as well), and makes her realize that she can’t live in a world without her brothers, no matter how insane they are

Candace sees that weird imaginary zebra that calls her Kevin, and he actually gives some sound advice - or not. Either way he has a speaking role

The aliens attempt to sacrifice Candace (and probably Vanessa) to some kind of god/goddess

Isabella is trying to earn her “Space Travel Rescue” patch in this movie - she also earns several other space related patches

Isabella’s patches are brought into question by Doofenshmirtz, which probably starts the conflict between them as Isabella attempts to prove she can do literally ANYTHING she sets her mind to - however, he still ends up questioning them, not because he doubts Isabella’s abilities, but because he wonders why anyone would want to earn patches involving shrimp net repair, sap collecting, and other nonsensical accomplishments. He also questions how there are space-themed patches and WHY

There is a sad, cute song in this movie, and I will stand by that

Candace befriends an alien - this alien may or may not be the main antagonist of the movie, but said alien shares in Candace’s frustrations over not being taken seriously, not being appreciated, and having her “hopes and dreams” dashed by younger siblings

We learn the NAME of Phineas and Candace’s biological dad, which is, coincidentally, Lawrence - a different Lawrence to be sure, but still, his name is Lawrence, probably to hammer in to fans’ heads that their bio-dad doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things

Isabella’s dad has a speaking role

Irving was GOING to be a part of this adventure, but was inevitably left behind - they gang once in a while mentions him, acting like he’s there when he actually wasn’t

Phineas actually snaps at Ferb or Isabella or whoever about saving Candace, being super worried about her and stuff - he apologizes immediately

Ferb ends up having another uplifting speech, that dissolves into a wave of frustration as he goes to destroy the aliens that kidnapped his sister

Phineas, Ferb, and the gang find Perry in space - no one questions how he got there, not even Doofenshmirtz. Maybe Candace and Vanessa do but they stay quiet

Vanessa learns that Perry’s family is the Flynn-Fletcher’s

Candace and Vanessa have a duet

Monogram constantly interrupts Perry on his adventure, leading to Perry eventually throwing away his communicator - he feels a sense of freedom that is brief upon getting a new one when he gets home

Schnitzel gets a cameo

No she doesn’t. That’s not actually possible. This was a test to see if you actually read this

There’s a “death scene” in this movie, but the character who “dies” is okay

Milo’s brief presence in the movie inevitably is what causes the events to play out

Candace, Vanessa, and Isabella all sing a song together

Buford ends up using the canoe (that he carries throughout the entire movie, that was also confirmed) for everything except for what a canoe is supposed to be used for

Buford has an “I am so in love with her right now” moment (if it’s with Vanessa, Ferb ends up Vulcan Pinching him for seemingly no reason)

There will be a very touching Canderemy scene

The alien that teams up with Phineas, Ferb, and the gang plus Doofenshmirtz either turns traitor, or makes a noble sacrifice in order to ensure their safety

The alien is probably the younger sibling of the alien Candace befriends

Meap has an appearance in the movie, whether it’s a cameo or him playing a very small part in their overall adventure

After returning to earth Doofenshmirtz claims he’ll never go to outer space again, but then suddenly gets a sense of foreboding as Milo and Melissa walk passed him from far behind, hinting at certain events in Milo Murphy’s Law

Weird Al has a musical number in this movie (not Milo. Just Weird Al)

There’s a montage on when Phineas, Ferb, and Candace were much younger (bonus points if younger Isabella appears in this montage at least once)

Phineas, Ferb, and the gang sing a song together (probably about the power of friendship or something, I dunno)

One of the characters keeps saying space puns and drives everyone crazy (I’m voting on Phineas, but Buford is also a good contender for this, probably a better one in fact)

Phineas and Ferb both cry in this movie

There are nods to Isabella and Baljeet’s heritages (cuz I think that would be neat)

The Fireside Girls help the gang out from Earth, much like in the episode “Out to Launch”

In fact, all the episodes involving Phineas and Ferb going into space are mentioned in this episode - one such mention gets a “but that hasn’t happened yet” response from Ferb

Phineas, Ferb, and the gang end up getting captured

There’s more than one epic fight scene in this movie

One of the items that caused the possible disaster at the “big game” mentioned in the preview was the very t-shirt canon that Candace uses to fight off the alien invasion

Isabella ends up nearly admitting her feelings to Phineas when the gang are in a deadly situation with seemingly no way out - they’re either rescued by Doofenshmirtz or Candace

At the end of the movie (probably post credits), although the aliens are defeated, they end up abducting Thaddeus and Thor’s sister, Mandy - instead of helping her, they decide to go play video games

Baljeet has a musical number about the probabilities of them being able to save Candace (which is very slim); Phineas and the others keep being positive while ultimately ignoring Baljeet’s warnings

Somehow, Klimpaloon makes an appearance; we ALL know the Giant Floating Baby Head is gonna appear, so what’s the point?

Doofenshmirtz and Vanessa have a very sweet father-daughter moment (maybe one that hints at Doofenshmirtz’s future reformation, but I dunno)

Vanessa and Norm also have a sweet moment, as the reason why she was captured was because Norm is considered her younger brother, much to Doofenshmirtz’s chagrin

Vanessa and Ferb talk to each other once in this movie

Vanessa and Monty are dating in the time frame of this movie - whether Monty actually shows up in the movie or even should show up in the movie, I dunno

Isabella teases Ferb about his crush on Vanessa before he shoots back about her crush on Phineas - all while Phineas is standing there, completely oblivious

Phineas and Ferb actually have an argument

Phineas has a Candace moment. I dunno what that would look like, but that’s what I wanna see

The couple with the wife who’s like “What did you think a(n) [insert specific thing] was going to fall from the sky?” make an appearance

Isabella gets lost in Phineasland at least once

At the end of the movie, business goes back to usual - Candace attempts to bust the boys and fails, but she’s surprisingly cheery about it, probably saying something like “Ah~...home sweet home.”

The movie ends with the guitar riff, like in any Phineas and Ferb episode

[daisylincs]

What about 14/23+54 for staticquake? Please and thank you. 😊

14 = Bodyguard AU, 23 = Performer AU and 54 = Secret Relationship.

Once again thank you to Grace for the wonderful prompt!! In fact, it was SO wonderful I got totally carried away, and wrote this monster of a bullet point-fic. I would say sorry, but I enjoyed myself far too much. Ah, well. I hope you like it, too! 

Lincoln is an Ed Sheeran-level singer-songwriter who fell in with a bad group - but, kudos to him, managed to get away from them. Problem is, now he's in quite a lot of danger because of it. 

But, being totally stubborn and unreasonable, and above all a musician, Lincoln flatly refuses to give up on his performances.

Mack, his manager, throws up his hands but knows there's no point in arguing (he has learned the hard way that it will get him. literally. nowhere.) 

So he compromises: Lincoln gets to go on giving performances IF he agrees to have a bodyguard with him at all times.) 

Lincoln hates the idea - "I'm not a baby, Mack, I can take care of myself, and also there's NO WAY I'm letting some musclebound goon ruin my shows by standing there glaring all the time." 

Mack gets a little smirk on his face at this point that has Lincoln thinking, oh dear. "Don't worry," Mack says, "I know just what to do." 

And Lincoln really doesn't like the look of that smirk - Mack only ever wears it when he has A Plan™.

But he figures, best not to complain now - he can always fire the musclebound goon tomorrow, and anyway the muse is a very flighty thing so he has way better things to be doing. 

The next day, Lincoln goes into his office fully expecting to meet, well, a musclebound goon. Instead, he finds a pretty girl perched on his desk making notes on her phone. 

At first, he thinks she's lost, and being way too nice for his own good, he tries to help her find where she's actually going. 

Only… "Oh, no," she says with a cheerful smile, "I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be." 

"No, no," he says, still nice because she's quite pretty, even if she is in totally the wrong place. "This is a private office, actually." 

She hums her agreement - "nice decor, too." 

Lincoln is getting kind of annoyed now, because pretty or no, she's wasting his time. "You don't understand," he says. "This is Lincoln Campbell's office. I'm supposed to be meeting my new bodyguard here." 

The woman gives him a cheeky grin. "I know," she says. "Pleased to meet you." 

Lincoln's jaw drops practically to the floor as he finally gets it. "Wait… you're my new bodyguard?" 

"Daisy Johnson," she says with an exaggerated bow. "Graduated from May's academy with highest honours. I also have a degree in computer science, and by the way, your security system is crap." 

And, much as he doesn't want to be, Lincoln is impressed. Really impressed. She's only been here, what, fifteen minutes, and she's already hacked his security system? 

Also, a graduate of May's Academy? He knows next to nothing about the bodyguarding business, but… wow. 

And as he quickly learns, she's every bit as stubborn as he is. More, probably. If he doesn't want protection, well then that's too bad for him, she's here whether he likes it or not. 

After just one morning, he's already thinking that if he has to be stuck with a bodyguard following him around 24/7, he's glad it's Daisy. 

Days pass, and they get more comfortable with each other, falling into a routine that's almost friendly. He sleeps in, she mocks him for it as she wakes him up with coffee. After breakfast, he goes to the piano, while she improves some tiny feature of their now incredibly sophisticated security system. If it's a show day, or if he's meeting fans, they'll head out to the car together. Daisy has made her routine bug sweep into a kind of game, being unbelievably dramatic about flinging open the doors and declaring them "clear!" before bowing him into the car. 

During the drive, they chat about everything and anything (Daisy is hilarious, and her stories about the family she found at May's are the best. He feels like he knows Fitz and Jemma personally, and wants to smash their oblivious faces together as much as Daisy does.)

 When they get back from whatever show or interview he finished (or after a morning of song-writing), they like to play board games together. Daisy is insanely good at battleships, but he always beats her at backgammon. 

And Lincoln never, ever thought he'd say this, but he really likes his bodyguard. Impossible as it would have seemed to him a few weeks ago, she's become his friend. 

(It helps that she's not some musclebound goon, after all.) 

Which, great as it is, is also kind of a problem. 

Daisy is the furthest thing from a musclebound goon… because she's really, really pretty. 

And smart. And funny. And all-around just a great person. Honestly, could you even blame him for crushing on her? 

Luckily, Daisy hasn't noticed. (He thinks.) And he intends to keep it that way - he is NOT willing to lose his friend over the shitshow that is gossip tabloids. He knows that if the press gets even a hint of something between them, it's tickets for them. 

So, no, he's not willing to risk even thinking about his crush too much. 

Too bad Daisy seems determined to make him think about it as much as possible. 

"I'm bored," she informs him for the fiftieth time that afternoon. 

"That's just because you're losing in backgammon," he points out, also for the fiftieth time. 

She rolls her eyes. "No, I want to do something." Then her eyes light up with what can only be a really terrible idea. "I've got it! Come spar with me in the gym." 

"No!" There's no way he's going to agree to spar with her - seeing her in workout clothes every morning makes it hard enough to stay in his self-imposed friendzone, he isn't going to go making it WORSE by doing something as physical as sparring with her. 

"Pleeeeeaaaaaase?" 

That's the thing about Daisy - once she has hold of an idea, she will not let it go. And she'll resort to any means to get him to agree, even the hugely unfair advantage of puppy eyes. 

"Fine," he sighs, and the way her whole face lights up makes him think maybe it's worth going through the torture of a whole sparring session. 

He reconsiders that as soon as he's actually there. Daisy in full-on sparring mode is a whole new kind of beautiful - eyes shining, grinning hugely between panting breaths, curls loose and tangled around her face. She looks so alive, and God, he has never been more smitten. 

She kicks his ass. 

Twice. 

And on the third time she pins him, she huffs and goes, "I know you can do better than that." 

"Sorry," he says, trying his best not to dwell on the fact that she is currently lying on top of him. "You're just really distracting."

Shiiiit, he thinks, cursing himself immediately. Why, why, why did he say that? 

But Daisy's gaze simultaneously softens and turns mischievous. "Is that so?" she asks, leaning forwards so her curls are tickling his face. 

He has to catch his breath, because when she's leaning over like this her lips are suddenly really close to his. And also, did she just flirt with him, a little? 

He shifts his head a little, trying to ignore how this brings her lips even closer. "C'mon," he says. "You know you're really pretty." 

She raises her eyebrows. "Is that all?" 

"Of course not," he says. "You're smart, and kind, and funny, and badass. Daisy, you're… you're brilliant." 

He doesn't know how the mood turned from playful to so sincere, but he does know he means every word. 

And Daisy knows it too. Her eyes soften, and before he quite realises what's happening, she leans down and kisses him. 

He kisses her back, of course he does. And when they break apart, he sees his own feeling of oh-God-what-did-we-just-do reflected in her eyes. 

They look at each other for a long moment… and without having to say a word, they agree to leave the questions and worrying for later, and for now, let themselves just feel. 

And, well, they do. 

The next morning, Lincoln wakes up happier than he can remember being in a long time. Daisy is stretched out next to him, the sunlight painting her skin gold. 

It has to be the first time in history he's up before she is, and all he can think is how beautiful she looks. 

She wakes up, too, shooting him a sleepy smile that has his insides doing funny things, and for a few precious minutes they just bask in the warmth of the moment. 

But all too soon, reality comes crashing back. 

"I'm your bodyguard," Daisy says, scrambling out of bed with a look of dawning horror on her face. "This breaks every rule in the book, I can't do this." 

"I'm so sorry," she adds quietly, giving him a stricken look as she's halfway out of his room. "You deserve so much better, I should never have done this." 

"Okay, first of all, I was hardly an unwilling participant," he says, and her lips quirk up despite everything. "Second of all - I've been torturing myself for weeks trying to tell myself I'd get over it, but I really like you, Daisy. And I know better than anyone how impossible this seems - believe me, I've analysed every corner of it - but I can't let you go." 

She looks like she might still walk away, but she hesitates just inside the door. "What do you want to do?" she asks quietly. 

And it's crazy, and it's stupid, but he says it. Secret relationship. 

Daisy stands in the doorway, biting her lip, but slowly, she starts to grin. 

And that's how they start dating in secret. 

The funny thing is, their lives don't even change all that much. They still share a coffee in the morning, chat in the car and play board games in the afternoon. They still make each other laugh like crazy and get along like a house on fire.

 The only real difference is that he can kiss her whenever he feels like it, provided no-one's watching. That, he thinks, is the best difference he could ever have hoped for. 

They just need to be very careful not to get caught kissing. 

But after the first few weeks, caution turns into a kind of game - how far can we take this before someone'll be onto us? 

They are almost caught SO many times, and it just gets funnier every time. (Daisy's latest excuse: she needed to inspect his bare chest to make sure he wasn't bugged. Joey's face… Luckily for them, Daisy leaned poker faces from the best.) 

In short, life is great. He's got a job he loves with great people around him, and the best secret girlfriend anyone could wish for. 

It's so great, in fact, that he kind of forgets Daisy is actually his bodyguard. 

She doesn't forget, though. And she does her job. 

Because at his latest concert, some freaky terrorists decide it's just the time to try and make a statement by murdering a popular performer. 

Honestly, those poor terrorists. They never stood a chance against Daisy. 

Everything would have been one hundred percent fine if he hadn't called out "Daisy!" and rushed off-stage when he heard the gunshots, suddenly remembering with a cold shock that his girlfriend was also his bodyguard and currently being shot at. 

But unfortunately, he doesn't really stop to think. He rushes off stage, not giving a damn what anyone might think, to make sure she's all right. 

And the thing is, she's fine. Until she sees him. 

Then she freezes, for just a second, but it's enough for one of the terrorists to get in a shot. 

He sees it all happen in slow motion - the blood seeping out and staining Daisy's bodysuit, Daisy herself swaying and collapsing to the floor. He hears the shot a second after it hits. 

He runs over, his entire world suddenly panicky and terrified. Not Daisy, no, he can't lose her; oh, God, this is all his fault. 

Somehow, Daisy manages to squeeze his hand. He understands the silent message for what it is - it's going to be okay. 

Even when she's been shot, she's still so unbelievably strong. He squeezes her hand back and won't let go even when the paramedics come rushing into the building. 

He keeps gripping her hand as they load her up onto a stretcher, not even caring about the reporters that swarm them as soon as they're outside. 

The paparazzi can go fuck themselves. His girlfriend needs him right now, and that's more important than anything else. 

The next few hours, where he's waiting tensely as Daisy is in the operating theatre, are some of the longest of his life. 

At some point, four people (two men and two women) come rushing into the hospital, faces white and drawn. He's never seen them before, but he recognises them. May, Coulson, Fitz and Jemma. Daisy's family. 

The intimidating one, May, takes one look at him and goes "Daisy's boyfriend?" 

"Yeah," he says, so surprised he almost forgets his worry for a second, "how did you know?" 

May snorts and tells him that he's about as subtle as a brick wall, oh, and Daisy tells her everything. 

He smiles faintly at that. And the five of them - they don't know each other, but in those awful, uncertain hours, they form a bond, the kind that can only form in times of extreme stress when someone you all love is in danger. 

When the tired-looking nurse finally comes out to tell them Daisy's going to be okay, they hug each other on the spot. And it should be awkward, but all any of them can think about is Daisy, so it's not. It just feels right. 

They troop into her room, all five of them together, and a very dopey Daisy smiles weakly up at them. Lincoln immediately reaches for her hand, pressing a quick kiss to her knuckles and lacing their fingers. 

Daisy gives him a small, tired smile, but then her brow squinches in confusion. "Wait… we're supposed to be a secret couple." 

Jemma coughs. "About that." And she shows them the latest gossip headlines: Lincoln holding Daisy's hand for dear life as they rush her to hospital. 

"Oh, that's not good," Daisy says, frowning through the effects of her heavy sedatives. 

This would have totally panicked Lincoln just a few days ago, but now… he almost lost her. The tabloids seem paltry and insignificant in comparison. 

"How would you feel about going on a date when you're better?" he asks, because he thinks she and everyone else in the room needs some cheering up. "A proper date, not a secret meet-up in the closet."

 Coulson raises his eyebrows, like, too much information. But Daisy grins. "I would love that," she says, just slightly slurred through all the drugs. 

"Good," he says, and kisses her forehead. She's smiling as she drifts off. 

Watching her, Lincoln thinks that their secret relationship was never meant to be. It was a lot of fun, sure, but it was never meant to last. 

They were always going to end up being a real couple. 

And honestly? He couldn't be happier. 

The end.

[homestuckcontroversyin2020]

My Opinions on The Epilogues

So I expect that this isn’t going to go over too well, whether it be because I get absolutely zero attention on this post, or for the fact that I’m literally typing up what is probably a hate post that’ll spark up some, “Oh fuck you.” comments. Either way, I don’t really care about the possible hate to be garnered or anything. I’m here to state my opinion on this, and opinions can’t kill anyone when you’re as weak at arguing as I myself am. Now, this isn’t a fucking logical article, I’m not taking time with comprehensive research and making sure I fact check every little detail because that would involve reading Homestuck for and eighth time and re-reading the Epilogues so I have the biggest refresher in the world. I’m not doing that, so take my sub-par rambles.

Preface over, let’s get into the meat.

My original thought when I heard that the Epilogues came out was initially an eye roll big enough to be like when Hulk smashed Loki in the ground. An arch of, “What the fuck, Hussie.” In other words? I didn’t want to read them. I spent the first few days in agony, complaining about how Homestuck was probably just becoming a money grab, and hearing from other people about the content that  came out.

It.. wasn’t as bad as I expected when I jumped into it. People made a bigger deal about them than I thought was even insanely possible. Let me get this out of the way. I don’t hate the Epilogues. Do I think they were poorly done? Yes. Do I think that the writing was subpar? Absolutely. Do I think that fourteen year olds in their bedroom typing away at shitty fanfiction or roleplaying smut on MxRP/MSPARP have a better grasp on the characterization of each individual character than the people who took over and wrote the Epilogues? 10000%. Still, I thought they were a clever addition to alternate timelines. I had heard from a source they were meant to be a satirical take on fanfiction, and was a mocking poke at the Homestuck community... until Beyond Canon came out.

So here we are now with an 18 year old who’s spent their time on this planet obsessing over Homestuck since before they could read cuss words without feeling embarrassed telling you about how they’re pissed off with some small things that are of no value.

I’m an Alpha Kid Stan(TM) so everything that happened to my sweet babies has made me want to blow my brains out over the walls. Let’s go down the line.

Jane, sweetheart? Who hurt you? Now, I’ll be honest, I rushed through the Epilogues in my, ‘fuck I don’t want to read this but I feel like I need to in order to satiate my burning curiosity.’ mode. Jane’s whole... situation seems really fucked up to me. The color of her text in the EPs is another thing that pissed me off beyond belief, and I’m not sure why. The consistency between comic and canon was draining on my nerves. Jane, in Homestuck, is a whiny teen, but in no way do I look at her and see racist Hitler. Also, what the fuck was up with the clown thing? Why did she have an obsession with fucking Jake? Sure, she was into him before, but wasn’t part of her character arch getting over the buck toothed bangaroo? I thought so. I also thought that Jane was, you know, just a normal girl living her best life. She sure complained, but who doesn’t?? The Jane we’re given in the Epilogues seems to lack the internal dilemmas that the dear, sweet Crocker we’ve grown fond of does. There’s barely a hit of self hate, she doesn’t blow up, and sure we could possibly count this to her being older, but, what? She didn’t seem to be pissed off about the entire existence of trolls in Homestuck. Sure, her time with them was minimal and she didn’t really get all the shit through, but she fought side by side with Kanaya, even. I just don’t see it at all.

Jake. Oh boy. This is a big one. In either case, Jake’s whole thing really bothers me. He doesn’t seem like Jake. He seems like a watered down version of himself that doesn’t even make fucking sense? He’s an aloof dork, but he’s not horrendously stupid, there’s no reason to make him an alcoholic, and why the fuck is he an attention seeking slut? Yes, yes. We could blame this all on Dirk but really, what were the authors thinking? They had complete control over what happens in this and they turn Jake into something he’s not. He had other drives and passions than living out his life as the sexy action movie woman we all need in our lives. Jake’s smart to his own degree, stubborn, and kind of a flirt! He’s not insanely oblivious, either. For instance, I recall a specific moment where he insinuates that Jane was having a wet dream about him in Homestuck. I’m not going to find the quote, but I know it’s there. Jake spent time working on the robot rabbit for John with Jade and outright refused help from some outside sources. Jake is smart! He’s got an extensive vocabulary! He’s just a nerd, and he’s more than an uwu gay boy for Mr. Triangles.

Roxy, oh no. This is where I expect to get the most heat. Roxy is a beloved character. The light of my life and the best of the kids, in my opinion. (I’m an avid Dirk Stan, but Roxy has won my heart truly and thoroughly.) I don’t like the whole trans/non-binary thing. Not because I’m transphobic or anything, because I’m absolutely not. It’s because it feels like it just doesn’t fit with her as a character?? Roxy grew up in isolation in a place without humans, you really think she’s going to have an outright conceptualized view on gender roles and norms? Basic fucking psychology would tell you otherwise. This is something that her brain would have trained her to do based on a societal view. I may not have paid a huge ass amount of attention in psychology, but gender is a thing that’s completely up in the air and taught to us. Roxy didn’t have that. You could argue and say that her house has something of the sort that’d lead her to feel that way, or perhaps she’s learned this all off the internet, but her clothes scream femme and she had to make them herself, is all I’m saying. Again, whatever, go off, make Roxy trans. It’s not a huge deal, but that isn’t the only problem I have. Roxy as a character seems to have just lost her spark. There’s little outright love and enjoyment and adoration for her friends that there is in Homestuck. She’s not your hype go get them loving girl. Again, maybe you could blame this on the fact that they’re all older, but getting older isn’t going to drastically impede your previous personality and make you an entirely different person. They essentially turned Roxy into a watered down version of Dave, but trans. It’s like they couldn’t make Dave trans so they just made a new Dave. It’s annoying to me, and that’s my biggest problem. I love Roxy. I don’t care for Epilogue Roxy. If they had done it right, if they had used specific things from Homestuck, if Homestuck itself keyed in on this or ANYTHING, fine. But Roxy was old enough to question her identity, most people do around 16, and she could have had the opportunity to start representing this already. I mean, who was stopping her? Then the baby stuff. Huh? What? Why? Doesn’t make sense, pass. Her bffsy, brother, and person that cared about her most off and yeets himself from the top of the nearest belltower and all she can think about is copulating with John??? Alright, fam.

Onto Dirk. Y’know what? I don’t have many huge problems with Dirk. I found his personality in Meat really funny, I found the death in Candy absolutely soul crushing. Dirk is a good character. I don’t think they did his personality well, but I don’t think they did any of the characters well. Maybe John. Maybe. Dirk really just sounded like a child who wasn’t getting what he wanted, and it was amusing to say the least. He sounded horrible from the way people talked about him before I read it, but I really just found his overzealous ego entertaining. I found the fact that they made him still totally desperate for Jake kind of annoying though. Dirk broke of their relationship. Dirk was the one who took a moment to realize it wasn’t healthy for either of them, and getting what you want isn’t good. Taking over the narrative and making your ex nearly jizz himself in public is hilarious and all, but also, what??

Alright. Alphas. Let’s move onto Betas.

I skipped a lot of it, not going to lie. Rather than breaking it down for each character like I did with the Alphas, I’m just going to ramble and see where the wind takes. me.

I don’t ship Davekat. I don’t see it working in a romantic aspect. I see them being bros, and it felt really forced in both sides of the story. The homoerotic tension could maybe be smelled for a mile away, but lets not forget something very important. Dave has shown interest in women. Dave was interested in Terezi, he called Roxy and Jane hot, he totally fucking jizzed his jeans for Jade. The fact that so many characters in the Epilogues were exclaiming that Dave was gay, and Dave himself leaning towards the sentiment, didn’t seem to really match up. Dave’s not just pretending to like chicks either, he’s definitely interested in them to the point of being genuinely flustered and embarrassed (I.E The Hot Mom conversation.) So, I don’t really enjoy that. I think the economy shit is cute, his alternate counterpart seemed to have a good hand for business according to the spiel that was made about him, I liked it.

Rose? Didn’t pay a lot of attention to her. The drug abuse shit really pissed me off. Rose in general really pissed me off in the Epilogues. 

John is a can of worms. His characterization was done well, but I guess I just don’t see the point in the two timeline deals. Also, why did he have sex with Terezi? Why was he so much of a baby when the rest of the people around him apparently seemed to mature? Who knows. I sure as hell don’t.

And... then there’s Jade. Poor, sweet Jade. She’s been done dirty almost as much as Jake has, if not worse. She has a dick for one. Yikes. She’s extremely sexually driven, which isn’t something I can see for canon Jade who just wants to hang out and vibe. She’s also so fucking insistent with the “uwu lets date Dave and Karkat” shit that it drives me up a fucking wall. Jade, you should know better! You dated an alternate version of Dave! You dated the OG motherfucker fresh timeline bitch who lost everyone, and sure he was depressed, but I think if I remember correctly you know about all of this???? Hmmmmm!!!! Big questions. It almost leads one to believe she’d know better than to enter into a relationship like this with Dave since it could be emotionally unfulfilling. :))))

Anyways, this entire thing is a can of fucking worms and I don’t suspect I’m going to use this account often aside from shitposting, so have this one uneducated article and if you made it through it and agree, disagree, or what have you, don’t be an ass in the replies? I get it, I’m opinionated and should probably shut my mouth, but it’s the internet and I don’t really care at this point.

[nottswitch]

Avalanche

Part 1: Announcements

This moment right now is such a big deal for me because this fic that I’m going to write is literally my baby. I put myself into every single word (not that I don’t do it with everything I write but here it feels special). I’ve been dreaming about this story for a while now and finally I got my hands on bringing it to life!

In the end of each part there will be a translation box because this fic’s going to have quite a bit of my native language (read: Russian). Keep in mind that all Russian characters initially speak it but for the most part I’ll write their dialogues in English so that you won’t misunderstand too much.

Oh and yes, this is an OC fic. There was no way this could be a reader insert. No way.

I really, really hope you will enjoy it and join me on this journey! Let me know if you’d like to be tagged ;) (and please if you’ve read, give me a sign if you liked it or not or I’ll literally go insane)

Word count: 2,726

Series masterlist

“Sirius, why did you even… I can’t put it into words… What the hell is wrong with you?”

Remus was frantically waving his hands and almost shouting as three of the boys, who liked to call themselves Marauders, entered the common Gryffindor room. As a lucky owner of rational mind, he couldn’t get his head around that idea of a crazy duo of his best friends. It wasn’t their idea, to be fair, it was an idea of Hogwarts’ authorities, but the fact they agreed in the first place — that was unacceptable!

“What was going through your head, I wonder!” Remus exclaimed, falling on to the couch and crossing hands on his chest, ready to listen to Sirius’ explanations.

“Why so tense, Moony? Chill.”

Sirius took a seat in front of him, lounging on another huge couch, one of those scattered around the room. James did the exact same, imposingly spreading all over the free end of the couch and putting his hands behind his head. Both had smirks on their lips and their usual mischevious expression painted on their faces.

“Really, what’s so bad? No need to shout,” James added, rolling his eyes. “You didn’t seem to protest, huh?”

“That’s because I didn’t want to mess up with Professor McGonagall, you dummie.” Remus looked at James as if he was ready to turn him to ashes using only his eyes. “But now, tell me — what the hell?!”

“Oh come on, Remus! Since you’ve heard the announcement, did you really think we wouldn’t volunteer?” Sirius raised his eyebrows in a pretentiously surprised way. “We wouldn’t miss this chance for the world, right, Prongs?”

“Of course we wouldn’t!” James was indeed as pretentiously surprised as Sirius. “You’re just coming in the set with us, Rem, it’s time to accept. Pity Peter couldn’t join!”

Remus couldn’t handle these two anymore, facepalming and heaving a frustrated sigh. Why was he even wasting time talking to them if they’re unfixable and had zero control over their actions?

“Okay, let’s view this from another point,” he began again as calm as possible. “Do you know Russian?”

Sirius thought for a second.

“Does vodka count?”

“No, vodka doesn’t count.”

“Oh then I don’t.”

“You?” Remus directed to James.

He shook his head.

“And why on Earth did you agree to take part in exchange program with a Russian school?!”

Sirius and James looked at each other, at Remus afterwards and synchronously slapped their palms against their faces.

“Do you really not understand?” James asked from under his hand, shushed by this obstacle.

“I really do not understand, yes, please explain to my stupid, oblivious self.”

“Okay. Alright,” Sirius raised his hands in defense. “Actually, I didn’t think it’ll be a problem with you, Moony.”

“Me neither,” James put in.

“First of all, brand new experience.” Sirius bent a finger. “Secondly, it’s a bloody Koldovr… Koldsot… Koldot…”

“Koldovstoretz,” Remus prompted with all sarcastic politeness he had. “You can’t even say this name right!”

“It’s a bloody Koldovstoretz!” Sirius exclaimed, completely ignoring the last remark. “One of the most secretive magical schools of all of them! And now they’re offering an exchange program! How could anyone want to miss this opportunity?”

James stuck his head out behind Sirius’ back and nodded in agreement.

“Moony, isn’t it tempting? To visit such a distant country?” Remus didn’t have time to notice how Sirius was already sitting near him, his hand patting Remus’ back. “To learn all their spells? Read their books? Know their secrets?”

Remus frowned, hesitating. In a plain way, but Sirius was telling the truth. This trip would have offered great opportunities to broaden the knowledge, he was right here…

“And? You decided?” Sirius raised his eyebrow, getting his victorious grin ready. He witnesses every emotion on his friend’s face.

“We don’t know Russian,” Remus made the last attempt to defend his point of view. He knew it would fail but he tried.

“Not a problem!” Sirius carelessly brushed his words away. “You heard that McGonagall said that it’s not necessary, there are special English-speaking classes.”

By that moment it was obvious that Remus gave up already.

“Just imagine how many stories we will tell when we come back! Isn’t this dreamy, really?”

“Alright, you win,” Remus spreaded his arms, letting James and Sirius high-five each other and exchange knowing ‘we told you’ looks. “How do you always persuade me to do crazy things?” he mumbled under his breath, causing his friends to laugh.

“It’s a special power of ours.” Sirius shrugged, smirking.

“This is the craziest thing so far,” Remus noted, getting up and heading to the dorms. “Can’t believe I agreed.”

“There was no way you could’ve not!” James shouted after him as he was walking up the stairs.

And Remus thought that he was maybe unfortunately, but completely right.

Only the first day of November it was but a wave of freezing cold and timid snowflakes had time to cover the neighbourhood. Zoya shivered under the two of her warmest blankets and yawned, stretching every possible part of her body. It was Tuesday, just the beginning of the week, but she already wanted to sleep her life away. She loved studying, but this weather — it was driving her crazy. This gap between autumn and real winter, called November, was usually a disaster.

While Zoya was contemplaiting life, on another bed someone started tossing over and over, making totally unsatisfied sounds.

“What’s the time?” moaned a girl from under the duvet, reluctantly sticking her head out. Firstly, she got a pillow in it and only then heard the answer.

“Eight,” Zoya said, chuckling, watching how her friend rubbed her eyes and forehead at the same time. “We’re scarily close to being late, actually.”

“Ah, that’s okay, we’re never late anyway.”

“Late for breakfast,” Zoya corrected herself, raising her eyebrow. “Wanna stay hungry? We’re having FE today.”

“Dear Lord!” the red-haired girl, who had already sat up, fell back on the pillows and burrowed her face deeper into them. “Who even created Flying Education? A sadist?”

“You’re asking that every other morning. Cheer up, at least we don’t have Physical Education anymore.”

“Yeah, that was hell. Why are you complaining about FE though? You’re taking Rug Flying!” The girl lifted herself, resentfully staring at Zoya. “It’s me who should be whining!”

“It’s also you who chose Brooms!”

Zoya had hardly any time to dodge from her own pillow, thrown in her direction.

“Hey, I didn’t make you!”

“Will you shut up maybe?”

Another voice interrupted girls’ little squabble.

“Look who woke up! Maria, if you don’t get up right now, I’m killing you, decided.”

“Don’t call me Maria,” mumbled a bush of blond hair which turned out to be a girl, currently not very pleased with life. She just crawled out of her fortress made out of blankets.

“Okay, Masha, whatever your name is, we need to head for breakfast because otherwise we would be hungry for the rest of the day and we have FE,” the redhead spoke quickly, already out of bed and looking for her uniform.

“Ooooh, FE!” Masha bursted into laughter, watching her pacing around the room. “I see why you’re so happy then. It’s Lilya’s lucky day!”

“Another rug flier,” Lilya mumbled under her breath, grabbing her towel and heading to the door at the back of the room. “At least I’m the first in the shower!” she stuck her tongue out, shutting the door.

The two girls looked at each other and synchronously rolled their eyes.

Walking out of the house which was called ‘terem’ and where all the students lived, Zoya took a deep breath in and… madly coughed because several snowflakes got straight into her nose. Her friends, following her, merely laughed, patting her back (together, at the same time, it did hurt!), and hurried to the castle of Koldovstoretz. In front of it they stopped for a brief second, glancing over the fascinating building. It was an unsaid tradition between them — to pause at the main enterance and admire the beauty of the castle. If it was sunny, another thing to draw someone’s attention would be countless gems, decorating the space above the gates and sparkling, catching light. But unfortunately, today’s weather sucked — obnoxious drizzle mixed with occasional gusts of wet snow and piercing wind didn’t do any good — and these gems looked like dull, slightly tinted pieces of stone.

The atmosphere inside though, from the very moment the gates were shut behind the backs of another newcomers, made it up for an awful weather situation. Zoya joyfully slided into a flow of students, smoothly moving towards the Great Hall. She liked when it was noisy around, when everyone discussed how they slept this night, what their plans for a day were and so on. Sometimes she could have overheard something funny another student said and then tell it to Masha and Lilya, if they weren’t with her at that moment. All in all, she very much enjoyed mornings in Koldovstoretz and wouldn’t change them for the world.

Entering the Great Hall was another exciting part that regularly happened. The thing was, you never knew what it would turn into. Every day it took either beautiful, wondrous or even funny theme. Yesterday it was an enchanted forest with quaint trees and plants, fantastical small creatures under your feet — neither of the girls appreciated this detail after a weird heavens-know-how-much legged insect crawled on their table.

Today it was a moon. Literally, since stepping in the Hall you were walking on a surface of the moon, starry sky distant planets around. It has never been done before, Zoya thought, waving to a tiny alien flying by. But she liked it and how unfortunate it was that the new theme held only for the morning! After the last person left the Hall, its furnishing turned standard, wonderful — red, white and golden with hints of blue and green — but still standard.

“Here!”

A shout from Masha came somewhere from the left, and Zoya turned in its direction, surely knowing where to go. The three of them had their table and apparently everyone else knew it was taken as it was always free.

“So, let’s see what we have today, shall we?” Zoya took out her wand after getting comfortable enough on a chair. “Скатерть-самобранка, накорми завтраком!¹” she said very clearly, tapping the tip of her wand three times against the table.

As the last word escaped her mouth and Zoya’s wand froze in the air after the third tap, mere shapes of dishes full of food started appearing from nothing, getting more and more visible.

“We’re getting samovar tea again! It’s going traditional,” Lilya excitedly exclaimed, already pouring herself some green tea.

Besides a big golden samovar, decorated with coloured gems, similar to those above the main gates, on the table there was a huge plate of pancakes called ‘blini’, two small deep dishes with two kinds of dips and fully served sandwiches with red caviar.

“We look pretty strange,” Zoya said, looking around and seeing that they’re the only table with a traditional Russian breakfast. And to be fair, they did look kinda weird, considering the whole spacey theme the Hall was going for.

“I could care less,” Lilya muttered barely legible, having already stuffed her mouth with a sandwich.

As the breakfast went by, nobody really noticed how the Headmistress stood up — teachers never had their own special table and sat wherever they wanted, among students — until she cleared her throat, magically making herself sound louder.

“I totally forgot,” Masha hit her palm against her forehead, scolding herself. “Remember when yesterday at Koldozoology Natalya said she’ll make an announcement today?”

“We don’t take Koldozoology,” Zoya and Lilya hissed through their teeth, turning their heads at the headmistress.

“Oh, I forgot.” Masha also looked at a tall, shapely woman whose fair hair was stuck in a tight braid and twisted at the back of her head.

She coughed and began her speech.

“Судари и сударыни!² I’m very happy to announce that since tomorrow our Academy is opening an exchange program with other magical schools from around the world!”

She paused, glancing over the tables and by her satisfied face one could understand that student’s faces showed the exact reaction she expected. A second after everyone loudly cheered and she seemingly got even more pleased.

“From the day after tomorrow to the end of January there will be three students from an English school, Hogwarts — I bet you know that already — staying here and studying with us.”

Another portion of cheers.

“If you would like to fill in an application, you’re welcome at my office after afternoon. We need to choose the lucky three by the evening. Good luck!”

With these words she got out of the table, neatly sliding the chair back and, whilst students got back to their meal, lively discussing just announced news, came to the girls’ table. They all gave her surprised looks as she quickly threw “Would you please come to my office after breakfast” and walked away so fast they didn’t have time to answer.

“I hope we’re not in trouble.” Masha worriedly frowned, resting her chin on her crossed hands on the table.

They finished their meal in silence.

The Headmistress’ office truly looked like a room of a museum with all the portraits of famous Russian magicians hanging on the walls, oaken furniture, encrusted with amber and heavy white and golden curtains, covering a huge window with a view on the school’s yard. If sun blessed this place with its presence, flecks of sunlight danced across the room and all in all, it never had a mood for serious talks. Maybe that’s why the headmistress was so surprised, seeing Zoya, Masha and Lilya pretty scared as they walked in.

“Girls, relax,” she suggested when they sat down on a couch, offered for them. “No need to be tense, I’m not telling you off!”

“So we’re not in trouble?” Lilya asked and when Natalya, the headmistress, shook her head, letting out a short laugh, breathed out in relief. “We just thought that maybe we did something wrong.”

“No, of course not. Actually, to the topic now.” Natalya leaned a bit forward, her hands on the table in front of her. “First of all, tell me, is taking part in the exchange program in your plans?”

Girls exchanged looks.

“We haven’t thought about it to be honest,” Lilya began, scratching the back of her head, “but…”

“I don’t think we would be able to handle it so we’re not doing this,” Zoya interrupted her. She was genuinely afraid that her crazy redhead friend would agree. “Sorry if that’s why you called us, professor.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I didn’t call you to make you participate. I would like to send you though, you’re one of the top students, but that is also precisely the reason you’re here.” The woman paused for a second to take a deep breath in and then continued. Girls stared at her with now great interest. “It would be great if you would agree to accompany these students from Hogwarts. Show them everything, tell what they’d want to know, explain things… What do you say?”

She finished and her expectant look focused on the girls.

“Why us?” Lilya blurted out, after what Zoya shushed her, whispering “And that’s all you can say?”.

“No, her question is absolutely normal,” Natalya defended Lilya. “As I’ve already mentioned, you’re one of our best students, and if I’m not being wrong, your English is pretty fluent, right?”

“It is,” Zoya confirmed, getting more and more involved and ignoring Masha, pocking her in the arm. “When are they arriving?”

“So you’re in?” headmistress asked, just to be assured by Zoya’s frantic nodding. “The day after tomorrow, at nine in the evening. You’ll have to meet them as well by the way.”

“We’re fine with that.”

“Good then. I’m counting on you, girls! Oh, and the last thing,” Natalya added, looking through some pieces of parchment. “Their names are… let me see… Sirius Black, James Potter and Remus Lupin.”

“Okay but why?” Masha wondered when they the door of the office closed behind their backs.

“Why not?” Zoya simply answered, grinning. She already had a feeling that something very exciting was coming their way.

Translation box:

¹ - “Tablecloth, feed us our breakfast!“

² - “Ladies and gentleman!“ but an elder version.

Tag List: @padfootagain @giggleberts @starless-skyox @furmicl

[vivithefolle]

I love your analysis about the Cho/Ron interaction, but I'm just curious as to how Harmionie shipping Quorans would respond to it if you post it there. Knowing them, they'd probably see it as more proof that Harmony works because "Look! Hermione doesn't care when Harry is tactless but she can't stop nagging Ron when he is tactless!" 🤣 Seriously, though. Hermione is WAY nicer to Harry than she is to Ron. Come to think of it, Hermione is nicer to most people than she is to Ron.

Aaaah, well that’s simply because Hermione is… awful.No, no, seriously, when Hermione is in love, she’s terrible. She can be a nice friend but when she’s in love with you she’s horrible. Especially since she’s a teenager.

Hermione is a prime example of a Tsundere.

The cute, blushy, giggling Hermione who flirts with [insert character here] and cries delicately when she’s rejected? Pure fanfiction. Canon Hermione keeps her love aggressively hidden behind countless iron walls, only letting it peek through when she’s absolutely sure the person she likes isn’t looking.

“How was practice?” asked Hermione rather coolly half an hour later, as Harry and Ron climbed through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room.“It was -” Harry began. “Completely lousy,” said Ron in a hollow voice, sinking into a chair beside Hermione. She looked up at Ron and her frostiness seemed to melt. - Order of the Phoenix

Rare footage of the Hermione Granger, scientific name Selfinsertus Overratedus, displaying interest in specimen of mighty fine hunk

Hermione isn’t sweet and tender and kind with the one she loves. At least, the teenage Hermione isn’t. She’s harsh, she’s disdainful and only gives out breadcrumbs of affection once in a while as part of the complicated mind game she’s playing.

You see, Hermione is never going to make the first move. You must be the one to ask her out, because she sure as hell ain’t going to do it for you.

This is due, I think, to the events of Goblet of Fire. Viktor Krum asks her out because Rowling absolutely wants Hermione to be the ugly duckling who transforms into the beautiful swan, so she brings in Cardboard Cutout With No Personality Aside From Being Famous to woo her self-insert.

Now Hermione has gotten the experience of being asked out, and being a rather socially awkward person who also hates being vulnerable - more on that later - well, now she just assumes that if someone asked her out once, then anyone who does like her can do the same.

Which is why she doesn’t realize that Ron is actually aware he loves her. There’s a big comedy of assumptions going on in Romione’s love story.

Hermione believes that Ron either 1) likes her but is oblivious to his own feelings and so she thinks she has to “give him hints” to make him realize it. Emphasized best by this exchange:

Hermione laughed.“Harry you’re worse than Ron… well, no, you’re not, “ she sighed, as Ron himself came stumping into the Hall splattered with mud and looking grumpy. “Look - you upset Cho when you said you were going to meet me, so she tried to make you jealous. It was her way of trying to find out how much you liked her.”“Is that what she was doing?” said Harry, as Ron dropped on to the bench opposite them and pulled every dish within reach towards him. “Well, wouldn’t it have been easier if she’d just asked me whether I liked her better than you?”“Girls don’t often ask questions like that,” said Hermione.

“I’ve sent him so many signals and yet he doesn’t notice. Woe is me!”

2) doesn’t actually likes her, but sees her just as a good mate or worse, as another sister.

Hermione keeps flip-flopping between her two assumptions throughout the series, all because of her biggest assumption: she thinks that if Ron was interested in her, he would ask her out. Because Viktor Krum was interested in her, and he asked her out, so why wouldn’t Ron do the same? They’re both boys and she’s a girl, after all. Isn’t that how it works?

This is also why Hermione’s “““invitation”““ to the Slug Club isn’t even an invitation - really, it’s worse than Ron’s invite to the Yule Ball, at least he was actually offering her to come:

“We’re allowed to bring guests,” said Hermione, […], “and I was going to ask you to come, but […] I won’t bother.”

“I was going to ask you to come but I won’t bother.”

This is literally what she said. It’s more of a “look Ron! An invite! If you’re good maybe I’ll think about letting you have it!” than anything else.

It’s because this is Hermione’s last resort. The ultimate humiliation. She has to resort to inviting Ron when in her mind, he’s supposed to be the one asking her out. He’s the boy! He’s supposed to do it!(And this is why I laugh at all the fools who claim that Hermione is the pinnacle of feminism. Seriously, the girl is more of a misogynist than any other character in the series.)

Hermione failed to take into account that Ron’s insecurity cripples him worse than she imagines, and that he copes with it differently than she copes with her own insecurities.

And this is the part where I explain about Hermione’s hatred of being vulnerable.

You see, I can relate quite a lot to Hermione - I see a lot of me in her, and a lot of people who hurt me in the past as well.

Bullied because she was an easy target, being the know-it-all and local teacher’s pet? Yep. Bullied for her appearance (I got braces when I was 8 and have been wearing glasses since I was a toddler, she had her bushy hair and buck teeth)? Can relate. Cried easily? Super check. Rule enforcer when the teachers weren’t around? Mega check.

And naturally, when you’re such a water fountain as I was, there’s nothing more humiliating than ending up crying in front of your bullies. You quickly learn that it will bring you nothing but more bullying. More humiliation. More vulnerability.

Hence why you start despising any form of vulnerability you find in yourself.

Obviously, being in love? That’s one of the most terrible things you can find yourself in when you’re afraid of being vulnerable. Because, oh god, your feelings are completely insane around the person. They make or ruin your day. You keep wanting to show them how cool / great / impressive you are, and you try desperately to mask all your little faults so they will hopefully return your feelings.

Given that Hermione is already not the most socially-aware battering ram in the knife drawer, she acts especially nasty to Ron, because she’s overcompensating for the vulnerability he makes her feel. And she most likely isn’t even aware of it! Forget Fanfic Hermione cringing as she realizes how mean she sounds, welcome Canon Hermione who just doubles down on a pointless argument just to drive home how totally in control she is and how Ron has absolutely zero effect on her, no siree!

In short: Hermione overthinks. She overthinks everything. She’s overthinking every of Ron’s actions, she’s assuming he’s either out to get her because she assumes he’s perfectly aware of her crush on him and he’s just toying with her (this is the very insecure, pessimistic Hermione speaking), she’s assuming he’s completely oblivious to her feelings and so she uses the ages-old technique of the “subtle hints” to make her feelings known to him (and fails miserably because she doesn’t want to put herself out there too much in case he rejects her, which would be the ultimate humiliation and the worst possible thing to happen to her, in her teenage girl mind), and she’s assuming he’ll never like her the way she likes him, all the while being woefully oblivious to the fact that Ron does want to be with her but she keeps sending him signals that she sees him as a troublesome child rather than a potential partner.

All in all, a teenage Hermione in love is utter torture. She’s her own worst enemy, and it’s only when she decides to let go of it all - of the mind games, of the distancing, of the passive-aggressive; of the overthinking - and just takes a chance that her efforts bear fruit.

There was a clatter as the basilisk fangs cascaded out of Hermione’s arms. Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Ron threw away the fangs and broomstick he was holding and responded with such enthusiasm that he lifted Hermione off her feet.

(As much as I’m disillusioned with Romione, this kiss is still one of my favourite parts of the series. They mutually sweep each other off their feet for god’s sake, you wish your ship would.)