#but she's so fucking scared of spoilers and of giving you information to figure shit out

[monty-glasses-roxy]

What is the tubehell challenge

The Tubehell Challenge is a challenge I made up for myself where I take the shoddy work of Andrea Wagginer (not sure how to spell her last name I normally just call her Andrea TubesForBrains or something instead for my own amusement) and rewrite it with the same limitations she had. Well not exactly the same cause I don't know what her exact limits are but ya know what I mean

Basically, I write what I believe was the intended story she was going for, with whatever modifications I deem necessary, all while using the exact same amount of words that she used. I have the exact same amount of time to tell the same story she did with the goal of doing the storyline more justice.

My Tubehell Challenge is specifically for two of her stories, The Storyteller (in the Bobbiedots Conclusion book I believe) and The Mimic (in the Nexie book I think?). They had what felt like a good storyline beneath the guff that was just so disappointingly done that it gave me the idea to do this in the first place. I came up with this as a joke, but now I'm committed because it feels really doable to me and easy way to pick up writing again, so this is what my Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month which is the 'write 50k words in the month of November' challenge) project is going to be this year.

The name of the challenge comes from how these stories of hers feel like a form of hell for me (yes I'm dramatic so sue me) and that she keeps going on about the fucking climbing tubes from Cleithrophobia. Which btw, I read the Wiki summary for that and it's the most stupid fucking death trap ever Ballora sends all those that cross her to the fucking Tubes now this is the joke I won't drop ever again lmao Andrea just really loves her fucking Tubes okay? She keeps killing people on them

But yeah I've maybe gone insane over how tormentingly bad these are. Just a bit.

Hope this answers your question! If not, askbox always open and whatnot I gotchu

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 26 part one

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)

Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes! 

I’m Coming Up So You Better Get This Party Started

The Lans arrive just in time to see Cousin Jin Zixun hassling Su She, and they wonder how he has the fucking nerve to come to a party that they are also invited to. 

Su she was invited by his new best friend Jin Guangyao, who deploys a full-on charm attack, wrapping Su She permanently around his little finger. 

Smoother than the Lanling weather that’s how he holds himself together Watch out, he’ll charm you 

Jin Guangyao grew up with women who earned their living by being charming, pleasant, and hiding their true thoughts from their clients, and he appears to have mastered this useful skill set. With Su She, he exudes confidence and authority, allowing the lesser man to bask in his attention.

With Zewu Jun he deploys helplessness and embarrassment, effectively controlling a man with much greater power than his own.

Lan Xichen confronts him about Su She's presence, and Jin Guangyao pretends he didn't know that Su She was ex-Lan. This seems super unlikely, given that JGY is good at collecting information that he can use to fuck with people, and also that he sheltered Lan Xichen from the Wens directly after Su She betrayed him.

Lan Xichen seems like he doesn't believe what JGY is telling him but then he decides to drop it, passive-aggressively saying that since JGY is uninformed, he's not guilty. Lan Xichen is actually assuming a lot here about his right to tell Jin Guangyao who to invite and who to shun, but JGY doesn't push back. Lying is so much simpler.

(more behind the cut!)

Su She wins for most unintentionally sarcastic-seeming toasting expression.

Jiang Cheng, Party Animal

Jiang Cheng arrives at the party, bringing his Jiang retinue and his bad temper. He super obviously casts around to try to find Wei Wuxian, who already told him he probably wasn't coming to the party.

Jiang Cheng is that guy who only comes to a party because the girl he likes said she was thinking about going, and then he spends the whole party saying "hey have you seen Mei Lin? She said she was going to be here but I don't see her."

Jin Guangyao formally congratulates Jiang Cheng on the Jiang clan's success in the hunt, and Jin Guangshan toasts him. As always, Jiang Cheng reacts to praise from authority figures like it's rain in the desert, smiling from ear to ear. He says that the Jiang Clan will donate the prey from the hunt to the other gentry clans. ...what?

Are we seriously saying that when these dudes go night hunting it's not just to remove dangerous bad stuff, it's for profit? 

Like, do they eat monsters? Wear their fur? Make leather from their skin? Carve jewelry from their claws? Is Jiang Cheng wearing a purple monster's skin right now? (There will be an art prompt at the end of this post)

Meanwhile, check out the way Nie Huaisang is looking at Jiang Cheng, wow.

Forecast: Hazing

Having gotten the single pleasant part of the banquet over with, it's time for the Jins to pick on the Lans. Cousin Jin Zixun goads Lan Xichen into taking a drink with him, knowing that this is (mostly) against Lan rules. Jin Guangyao tries to stop him by saying, hilariously, that it's bad to drink and fly on a sword, but CJZX waves this away and keeps pushing, saying that if Lan Xichen won't drink, it's an insult to him.

A random cultivator who is definitely on the Jin payroll backs him up, saying that teetotaling is for losers, and Captain Blowhard boisterously agrees. Loudly agreeing with powerful people is the Yao clan's signature martial arts skill.

Jin Guangyao looks embarrassed and helpless, which is, as mentioned before, his own signature skill. But he's just playing his own part in this piece of theater; everything happening at this party (so far) is happening for the benefit of the Jin Clan. Cousin Jin Zixun is an ass, but he's not actually a loose cannon, and Jin Guangshan is clearly enjoying the Lans' discomfort.

Why? This entire party, the hunt, everything he's done since the end of the Sunshot campaign, has been designed to increase and consolidate his power. His main goal is to get the Yin Tiger seal, but reducing the status of the Lans is also a good move for him. The Lans have been the strongest opponents to the use of resentful energy, and worked the hardest to conceal and contain the Yin iron in the past. If he wants to use resentful energy as part of his own cultivation, he needs them to chill. 

So this is a bit of a test; will they comply with the will of the larger group in order to avoid conflict, or will they refuse, which will allow him to label them as iconoclastic weirdos?. 

Lan Xichen takes a long look at his brother, who is expressing all sorts of emotions while keeping his face very very still. 

At a guess, he is thinking that this entire party is bullshit, that his brother's willingness to play along with these assholes is bullshit, that being viciously beaten for having a single drink in his life was bullshit, that Wei Wuxian not being here right now is bullshit.

Lan Xichen picks the "go along, get along" path, having his drink and using his magic skill of anti-intoxication to neutralize it, as he'd done previously when drinking with Wei Wuxian. 

Cousin Jin Zixun picks on Lan Wangji next, and since he cannot magically or even non-magically tolerate alcohol, there is a real risk to his reputation if he drinks. But Lan Wangji breaks rules when he feels like it, not when people tell him to. He pointedly ignores the offered drink while Lan Xichen looks worried. 

The rest of the party guests have a wide variety of reactions, none of them helpful, to these shenanigans. Jin Guanshan's son and heir watches with calm interest as the power dynamics play out.

All of this is actually not great strategy for the Jins. The Lans don't play little social games to gain power, because all that time they spend not drinking, not gossiping, and not doing other stuff? Is spent cultivating and practicing sword and musical battle forms. The Lan Bros are overwhelmingly powerful as individuals, and embarrassing them won't change that.

It's moot, ultimately, because Wei Wuxian chooses this moment to arrive.

Darkness Visible

Wei Wuxian actually made a big impressive stair-climbing entrance to Jinlintai a few minutes ago, with camera work echoing Lan Wangji's stair climb at the Wen Indoctrination Bureau from several episodes back. 

But nobody was around to see that, other than us, and when he appears at the party it's in stealth mode; he steps into the frame from out of nowhere, and drinks Lan Wangji's unwanted drink.

Lan Wangji responds by looking at him like this for the next several minutes.

Wei Wuxian doesn't have time for their usual sport of Extreme Gazing, though; he came for a reason, which is to find and rescue Wen Ning. He gets right to it, asking Cousin Jin Zixun where he's keeping him.

Jiang Cheng, who is the king of worrying about the wrong fucking thing, jumps up to try to stop Wei Wuxian from talking. Like, seriously, he's ok with the Jins trying to take his clan's special extreme weapon, but he's not ok with his head disciple being rude in order to fulfill a whopper of a life debt--Jiang Cheng's life debt, in particular--or being rude in order to preserve the clan's independence.

Jin Guangshan decides this is a good moment to bring up the Yin tiger amulet. Wei Wuxian pushes back, hard, pointing out exactly what Jin Guangshan is doing. He says he's setting himself up to be a new Wen Ruohan. 

Lan Wangji pays close attention to Wei Wuxian's reasoning here, and so does Nie Mingjue, unless he’s just trying to mask his confusion. 

Jiang Cheng is too busy being horrified to listen, apparently. Or he just doesn’t agree, preferring to be reduced to a secondary authority, rather than defy a primary authority.

Wei Wuxian is, of course, all about independence; he was literally born to be a rogue cultivator, despite being dubbed “patriarch” himself, not long after this. 

Let’s Go Crazy Let’s Get Nuts

Wei Wuxian gets tired of the scene and decides to lose his temper. He makes a show of being enraged, and he genuinely is angry, but I don't think he's out of control, this time.  

He acts like he's out of control in order to scare everyone, but he makes his points very clearly, reminding everyone that he has power they don't have, that he's good at killing, that he's not patient, and that his teeth are nicer than everybody else’s. 

Everybody in the room freaks out to one degree or another--except Jin Guangshan, who is apparently too pissed off to be scared.

It's hilarious that Jin Guangshan thought he was going to get Wei Wuxian to hand the Yin Tiger amulet over by creating a complex system of social pressure against him. Wei Wuxian's favorite way of responding to social pressure is to escalate it into violence, regardless of the consequences; he's been doing that at least since Gusu Summer School and probably a lot longer. Jin Guangshan should know this, given how many beatings his son has taken from Wei Wuxian over the years.

Wei Wuxian does a fantastically sexy scary, theatrical countdown, and Cousin Jin Zixun caves in and gives him the information he wants. It's worth noticing that even under threat of death, CJZX doesn't comply until he visually checks in with his clan leader. He’s genuinely a bad person, yes, but he’s a loyal soldier, which is what most of these clans value most. 

As soon as he gets what he wants, Wei Wuxian is perfectly, smugly, in control of himself again. Everyone in the room is still stunned and afraid, so Jin Guangshan has achieved that much, at least; nobody likes Wei Wuxian having the Yin tiger seal now, including Jiang Cheng. 

As he leaves, Wei Wuxian has one of those conversations with Lan Wangji in which everything is said in glances in the course of a couple of seconds. 

WWX: I love you, I have to leave you; I've got some shit to take care of and I won't be coming back to all of this. 

LWJ: I love you; I'm probably going to have to fight you; your funeral is going to be so upsetting

Wei Wuxian turns away from everyone, and you can see the weight settling on his shoulders, as he contemplates the choices he just made and the choices that are still ahead of him. 

Jin Guangshan, for the first and only time, loses his temper in front of everybody, literally flipping a table because he's so mad about what just happened. 

Art prompt: Jiang Cheng wearing an outfit made of a Chinese mythical creature. Bonus points if it’s a qilin. Bonus bonus points if Zhang Qiling (from DMBJ/Lost Tomb franchise) is standing next to him looking grumpy while Jiang Cheng wears an outfit made from a qilin. 

Soundtrack: Get This Party Started by Pink, Charm Attack by Leona Naess, Let’s Go Crazy by Prince. 

[staticscreenwriting]

Love like the movies // Bucky Barnes // 6

SIX - GHOST

Trigger warning: Alcohol, food, mention of sex (nothing graphic and no actual smut)

Masterlist

Summary: This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Bucky Barnes, finds himself thrown into a world that seems so different from everything he’s ever known. The girl, (Y/N) knows entirely too much about rom-coms and is quite particular about the way she eats her popcorn. Bucky meets (Y/N) a few months after returning to NYC. He knows almost immediately that becoming her friend is inevitable. This is a story of boy meets girl. This is a story about love. (Bucky Barnes x female!Reader // a few spoilers for TFATWS)

"You held hands?"

"Mmh."

"And then you cuddled."

"We didn't cuddle, I was just kind of - leaning into him. Sort of."

"So you cuddled!"

"Sure. If that's what you wanna call it. We cuddled."

"Then what?" Robin inquires. Smirking at (Y/N) over the rim of her wine glass, like a giddy pre-teen waiting for the kissing scene to come up in a romance movie.

"And nothing. That's it."

"Oh come oooon. You cozied up to each other and then just what - acted like it never happened?"

"Essentially. But that's okay. It's not a big deal. And don't say it like that."

"Like what?" Robin continues to poke and by this point, it's not so much her wanting information than her trying to rile up (Y/N). Though she's very well aware of this, (Y/N) falls for it anyway.

"Cozied up to each other," (Y/N) says and scrunches her nose up in distaste. "Like we had dirty sex or something."

"Do you want to have dirty sex with him? Oh man, imagine what that arm can do."

Holding her hand out to stop her best friend from talking, (Y/N) takes a big gulp of white wine, emptying her glass. This is a conversation that can't be held entirely sober. "First of all, don't say those things about his arm. It's- I don't know. It doesn't sit right with me."

"Sorry yeah that was … not cool" Robin apologizes and by the tone of her voice (Y/N) can tell she means it.

"I'm the first to admit that Bucky is insanely handsome and if things were different, sure. But we're friends and I really enjoy the time spent together and our friendship. I don't wanna do anything to jeopardize it or ruin it by adding unnecessary feelings to it."

"Feelings aren't unnecessary," Robin replies, combing her fingers through her fiery red curls.

"Sometimes they are. The last thing Bucky and I need is broken hearts and ruined friendships."

"What if it doesn't end that way?"

"Relationships never work out well for me, you know that."

Robin places her glass on the countertop. It means whatever talk is gonna follow, it'll be a serious one. There's been very little need for a serious talk between the girls over the time they've been friends but neither of them has ever been afraid to start those conversations and say things as they are. Sometimes that's what friendship is, being blunt even if it's not what your friend wants to hear.

"Look I'm not saying you have to take the relationship to another level. If this is making you happy the way it is, then that's all that matters to me. I just don't want you to give up on something that could be great, because you're scared and because some stupid assholes in the past didn't realize what they had in you."

Where she's only had shit luck with relationships, (Y/N) thinks she's really lucked out in the friend department. Robin is as wonderful as they come. Even if she drives her crazy sometimes.

"They weren't all assholes." (Y/N) chimes up weakly though there's not even enough determination in her voice to convince herself.

"Weren't they? Let's see ...I'm not even gonna talk about Russel. He doesn't count. Who else was there? Pete liked to show you off but he didn't like you. Did he?"

"Not really."

"See? Asshole! Kylie only wanted to be with you so she could be the cool girl who's fucked another girl once and use that as something to brag to the guys about."

"She was figuring herself out."

"She was straight, babe. She was using you and your sexuality as some kind of badge of honor so guys would think she's cool. She only wanted to make out with you at parties and when there were men around to ogle you. I’m the last person to blame anyone for trying to figure out who they are and who they like but that wasn’t the case here. She used you, and what does that make her?"

“ An asshole? “

“ An asshole!”

“ What about Ricky, he wasn’t an asshole! “ (Y/N) chimes in, filling her glass up once more.

“ Okay sure but he was your High School sweetheart and that rarely lasts. I’m not gonna count him. What about Mike —“

“— Okay, you’ve made your point. I have a bad taste in romantic partners, I get it. Doesn’t change anything. Me and Bucky we’re — we’re good as we are. No romance needed.”

“ Just don’t want you to miss out on something great.”

It’s not that the thought has never crossed her mind. In fact, when she’s being really honest to herself, it swirls around her head a lot. When he grants her one of his smiles. The rare ones that make his eyes crinkle. Or when he comes to see her and brings dog treats for Lady, just because he’s that thoughtful. Or when she noticed he put a popcorn and a sun emoji next to her name in his phone. The popcorn, as he said because she liked movies and the sun because she’s always happy and smiling. Or when he held her hand throughout the entire movie. Those are moments when (Y/N) thinks about what it would be like to be more than friends.

“ It’s great as it is now. He’s great.”

“ Then that’s all that matters to me.” Robin smiles. She has one of those smiles that makes you feel at home. Comfortable and soft. Like warm milk with honey a mom makes their child when they can’t sleep.

It’s a while later, when (Y/N) strolls back into the room, another bottle of wine in hand, that a knock sounds on her front door. Her eyes wander to Robin then to the door then back. “I’m not expecting anyone.”

“ Oh, that’s Bucky.” Robin, who’s by now migrated over to (Y/N)’s huge fluffy couch, Lady cuddled onto her lap, says with the most casual of tones (Y/N) has ever heard. As if Bucky and her have been lifelong friends. As if there is nothing strange or peculiar about this situation.

“ How do you know?”

Robin shrugs and goes back to petting Lady’s curly fur. “ He texted you when you were getting the wine. Said he was around and had food. I told him to come join us for movie night. What’s the big deal? “

“ I uh — it’s not I just — you could’ve told me. “

“ That was literally 5 minutes ago babe. I had no time to tell you yet. By the way, this man uses entirely too many emojis.”

A smile pulls on the corners of (Y/N)’s lips. She’s asked him once why he never used any emojis, or smileys as he called them (all of them — even the ones that aren’t faces). He told her he didn’t really understand when to use most of them, like the shrimp or the Hockey stick. (Y/N) told him it’s because they’re fun. Ever since then he uses all kinds of emojis with her. None really relating to his messages. It’s quite endearing if she’s being honest.

“ Are you gonna let him in? “ Robin asks, shaking (Y/N) out of her thoughts.

The smell of Chinese food floods into the apartment as (Y/N) opens her door to Bucky. He looks so effortlessly cool in his leather jacket and boots. With his hair a little longer now, all swoopy and quiffed. Like the bad boy straight from a romance novel. The one with a heart of gold. The one that gets the girl.

(Y/N) is not that girl, the one from the novels, the Hallmark movies. The one that’s quirky but never weird. The one that makes all the boys fall for her. She’s not the main character, at least according to herself. She’s the side character that shows up like twice. The one that helps the main character on their quest to self-discovery or true love. That’s who she is. Not more, not less.

“ I brought food!” Bucky exclaims as he steps inside, waving the bag around before placing it on the kitchen counter, to which Lady jumps up from her position on Robin’s lap.

Lady, (Y/N) has realized a while ago, has somehow fallen head over paws in love with Bucky. Always following him, looking up at him with her big brown puppy eyes. Always looking to be close to him. Maybe, (Y/N) thinks, it’s the treats he always carries around. But maybe it’s Bucky too and his patience and his affection and the way he greets the little dog like she’s the main reason he’s come around.

Moments like this, they come with those little flutters around the heart. People always compare them to butterflies. (Y/N) thinks that’s wrong. Butterflies are gentle, graceful, and soft. This feels like a swarm of bees. Chaotic. Overwhelming. A little bit scary.

“ Man, did you plan on coming here, or did you buy all this for yourself?” Robin asks, eyes wide in surprise at the sheer amount of styrofoam containers Bucky keeps pulling from the bags.

“ I kind of bought it with the intention of sharing, yeah. “

Robin’s eyes meet (Y/N)’s across the room and there's a silent secret there, hidden in her teasing smirk. One shared only with a friend. No words. No sounds. Just the truth and two knowing hearts connecting.

“ Am I intruding? If you guys want me to leave, I can leave. “

While he tries to keep his voice casual, the sad tint doesn’t get lost on (Y/N).

“ Absolutely not, don’t be silly. We’re just drinking wine and watching a movie and you are free to join us in both.”

While he shakes his head at her offer of wine, Bucky helps (Y/N) bring the food over to the couch and plops down in the middle of the couch, Robin to his right and (Y/N) on his left.

“ What are we watching? “ he asks, a dumpling already on the way into his mouth.

“ Well, “ Robin responds filling her glass up once more, “ it was (Y/N)’s turn to chose so —”

“ A rom-com”

“ A rom-com. “

Something about seeing these two interact and joke around inspires a fuzzy feeling to wrap itself around (Y/N)’s heart. Even if they’re making fun of her.

The way Bucky fits in here, as if it’s where he’s always belonged. The way he’s not a stranger imposing but a friend added to the mix. It’s a nice feeling. She hopes he feels it too.

“ Okay, whatever. This isn’t your usual rom-com though, there are ghosts in this one. “

“ Is it ghosts falling in love?” Robin asks and lets her laugh get swallowed by her wine glass.

“ No. Well — uh kinda but not really. They fall in love be — you know what, just start the damn movie! “

There’s an undeniable intimacy in watching your favorite movies with other people. It’s like giving away little pieces of yourself and sharing them with others. No matter how insignificant it may seem to anyone else but you. These are the things that make us who we are. Our passions. For art. For music. For books. For movies. And opening up is always scary. Even if it’s just a teeny tiny bit.

Through the corner of her eye (Y/N) glances at Bucky and Robin, trying to judge their reactions. See if they’re enjoying themselves or not. Bucky displays his ever-present scowl. It’s the default setting. Sometimes she wonders if that has always been the case. If that's just what he looks like or if years of abuse, horror, pain have left their marks on him, on not only his heart but also his face.

Maybe this can be his safe place, she thinks. Maybe she can be. Not someone to fix him, because he’s not broken, just lost. Not to fix but to hold his hand while he heals. Slowly but surely.

For a while, the three sit in comfortable silence. The kind that fills you with this inexplicable calm. Where no words are needed.

And then the beginning chords of unchained melody spill from the tv speakers. It’s a touch there, a kiss here, hands covered in clay. Bodies covered in clay. Gasps and heavy breathing. Hands grasping skin, wandering, loving.

Robin’s presence falls completely to the back of (Y/N)’s mind. Bucky’s however...

“Do you want to have dirty sex with him? “ her friend's words ghost through her head like a particularly annoying jingle for some tv ad. The room feels warm all of a sudden. Not warm — boiling. There’s a heat radiating from her right, from Bucky. So what if he’s attractive. So what if she sometimes lets her mind wander and think about how his hands would feel on her skin or his lips on hers or his — yeah okay you get the point. So what?

Bucky slumps down into the couch a little more with every second of steamy pottery sex that’s fluttering across the tv screen. Is he — nervous? Uncomfortable ? No, she must be imagining it. Projecting, that’s what this is. She’s projecting her own chaotic emotional state onto him. There’s nothing there. (Y/N) has to remind herself. Just secret little thoughts that have to be kept between her and her. As long as no one knows, no one gets hurt. It’s the easy way out. The safe way. The right way.

Right?

“ Sooo, what did you guys think?” (Y/N) asks, turning her body towards her friends and sitting criss-cross on the couch.

“ Didn’t expect all the murder. “ Bucky replies as he takes a sip from his beer. “ And the — “

“ The messy sex! I know.” a visibly intoxicated Robin cuts in.

“ Not where I was going but okay.”

She doesn’t pay his words any attention, instead of launching herself backwards over the arm of the couch, dramatically fanning herself with her perfectly manicured hand. “ I am not going to lie, oh boy that was some hot stuff. Wouldn’t say no to that.”

“Oh please,” (Y/N) chimes in, wine glass clutched in hand and smile on her face. She can clearly feel the alcohol washing through her system bringing her to the place between sober and drunk where everything feels light and your confidence seems to get a little extra boost. “ What do you have to complain about? You’re getting married in two weeks! I’m sure you get enough action as it is. “

Robin doesn’t answer right away, just throws (Y/N) a giddy, boozed-up smile. Though in her eyes, there’s a loved-up glimmer of someone about to marry the love of their life.

“ Yeah, that’s true.”

“See, so you’re not the one that should be complaining. Us, however…”

Her red curls swing around her like a spark of fire as Robin sits up again, pointing her finger at (Y/N).

“ And whose fault is that? You could be getting some if you didn’t get so lost in your romantic fantasies. And him — “ the red-haired girl exclaims before pointing her finger towards Bucky “ don’t even tell me he ain’t getting some. Look at him! Are you sexually active, Bucky? “

“ You don’t have to answer that. Robin, come on.”

“ No, you don’t have to but you should. I’m trying to prove a point. Help me prove a point, Bucky. “

“ You’re making him uncomfortable. “

“ Am I making him uncomfortable or you? “

“ Ooookay, I think it’s time for you to go to bed. “

“ Nooo, we’re having a conversation. “

“ Would you look at that, my drink is empty. I’m just gonna — I’m gonna get another one. Okay? Okay.”

Bucky doesn’t wait for an answer before getting up and rushing out of the living room and into the kitchen, clearly uncomfortable. Clearly embarrassed.

“ See what you did? You scared him off. “

“ I couldn’t scare that man off if I tried. Trust me. “ Robin murmurs, a loud yawn cutting through her argument. There’s a certain determination in her words though. Some truth hidden in there that (Y/N) can’t quite put her finger on. It’s like Robin knows something she doesn’t. And maybe it’s good this way. Maybe she doesn’t need to know.

“ Alright, whatever that’s supposed to mean, Tipsy. I’ll go see what he’s up to. You go the fuck to sleep.”

“ Whatever mom, “ Robin bickers and cuddles closer into the soft couch anyway. “ Oh, don’t forget to invite him! I like him. We’re friends now. “

“ Go to sleep! “ (Y/N) orders again, earning herself a salute from her best friend who starts snoring no more than 2 seconds later.

He feels like a 13-year-old. Actually — no. Things were easier at 13. Situations like this one were easier at 13. Being horny was easier at 13.

It was all new to him then, yes, but it was new for everyone at 13. He’s 106 now, a grown man. He should be able to talk or at least think about these things without turning into a full-blown mess. His hand is clammy, his face is probably the same shade of bright red as Robin’s hair. And by god, his thoughts are a jumbled mess, swirling around all over the place.

Truth be told, he hasn’t had a lot of time to actually think about anything even remotely physical. It was never very high on his list of things to figure out and the opportunity hasn’t really presented itself to him either. Not since the 1940s at least.

Have things changed? Surely not, right? Maybe people got a bit more experimental and for sure they talk more openly about it now but the fundamentals must have stayed the same. He sure hopes so at least.

His thoughts get interrupted as (Y/N) steps into the kitchen. Her eyes are slightly glassed over from the wine though she’s nowhere near as drunk as Robin. She seems happy, then again she always does. For a little moment, he feels jealousy wash over him. About being able to get drunk. It’s damn stupid, he’s well aware. But that doesn’t make his feelings less valid. To just drink and let go and forget, that sounds really nice.

But that’s just one of the things the serum has taken from him. By far not the worst aspect of it all but unpleasant either way.

“ Hey uh — you okay? “ she asks leaning against the kitchen island across from him.

“ Sure. Are you? “

“ I uh — might be a little drunk, “ (Y/N) confesses as she lifts her hand and indicates a tiny space with her fingers.

“ Yeah, I think you might be.” Bucky laughs. Actually laughing comes naturally when she’s around and quite honestly, at first, it made him feel guilty. Guilty about the fact that he got to laugh along with a pretty girl while so many people had to die through his hands.

He tries to push those thoughts away. They aren’t doing anyone any good. Not him and not those people either.

“ Hey, I’m sorry she was making you uncomfortable. She gets — well she has no filter when drunk. Or ever really.”

Bucky shakes his head. His finger nervously trails along the grain of the stone countertop. There are conversations he needs to have, sooner or later, if he wants to live his life. Not just coast along but actually live. But it doesn’t mean those come easy. Not for someone who’s been through all he’s been through. Not for someone who’s grown up the way he has, who’s been raised the way he has.

“ Ah, no. Don’t worry. I uh — I just. It’s been a long time since I had talks like this. “

“ Like what? “

“ Between friends, you know. About — stuff. “

“ About sex? “

“ Mmh. “

“ You don’t have to talk about it with us if you don’t want to. It’s fine. “

“ No, but I do want to talk about sex with you. I mean — not you, you. You both. But not in a weird way. I mean — with friends. “

“ Okay. “

“ It’s just that I was raised in different times and the last time I had a real actual friend that I talked to about intimate things was so long ago. Steve and I talked about everything and even then there used to be reservations. One because I don’t think Steve really wanted details and two because Steve wasn’t — he didn’t have the most experience when it came to women so it was a very one-sided conversation. And I’ve never talked about any of this with a girl. It’s all new to me but I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you. “

(Y/N) regards him with a glimmer of amusement and mischief in her eyes as she munches away on some cold leftover spring rolls.

“ You don’t have to justify yourself to me, Buck. I know you trust me, I hope you know I trust you. “

He does. And he doesn’t hate how it sounds when she calls him Buck.

“ So, Robin and Charlie are getting married in two weeks. I was wondering if you’d like to be my plus one. Back when they announced it I was under the impression Russel and I would be a thing by then but uh — clearly that didn’t happen. It’s in upstate New York. We’re all gonna stay at this gorgeous Inn and well there’s a spot open if you want it.”

“ As a plus one? “

No matter how much he wants to deny it to himself, his heart does a little flutter as she says those words. A plus one sounds like something. He’s not sure what but something, surely.

“ Yeah, as a friend, obviously. “

“ Obviously. “

There goes the flutter.

“ Robin is okay with it by the way. She explicitly told me to ask you.”

“ So Robin wants me there, not you. “

“ No! I want you there! I love spending time with you. Also, Robin’s family is crazy. I need you by my side. I need you there. I want you there. “

“The need to be needed is an individual’s sense of significance rooted in the sense of being part of a community or cause beyond themselves. The need to be needed is one of our fundamental desires. We want to feel significant in the eyes of others, even if it is only one other person. “

Bucky has read those words in one of the many magazines stacked on the little side table in the waiting room of Dr. Raynor's office. They didn’t really make much sense to him then. He always thought he’d be fine by himself.

In that moment he realizes that was all a big pile of absolute bullshit.

The feeling of being wanted, of being needed, even if it’s just one person that needs him, that means everything.

“ Okay, I’ll come. “

“ Yeah? “

And there it is again, the smile that reminds him of the sun. The smile that he’s sure could bring a thousand men to their knees, including himself.

“ Cool. I’m — I’m really happy about that. “

“ Mmh. Me too. “

For a moment they just look at each other, words unspoken swirling in the air between them, neither brave enough to let them slip from their tongue.

It’s not until a particularly loud snore coming from the living room pops the bubble and breaks the spell.

Both of them fall into giggles before Bucky speaks up again.

“ It's late I should probably go. “

“ Yeah and I should go to bed. I’ll have a hangover tomorrow for sure.”

Bucky slips into his leather jacket and places a soft kiss goodbye on Lady’s head before turning back to (Y/N).

“ For the record, I’m not getting any. “

“ I uh — okay. Good. Well not good, “ (Y/N) stumbles over her words “ not good for you. Good for me. I mean. Not that I don’t want you to have sex. But I mean, Robin was taking the piss, and if I don’t get laid it makes me feel better to know you aren’t either. Oh god, this sounds horrible. I’m just gonna stop talking now. “

Bucky smiles the brightest smile she’s ever seen him smile, it almost breaks his face in two. And even though she wants the ground to swallow her whole right then, if it puts a smile like that on his face, she’ll gratefully embarrass herself again.

“ Have a good night, (Y/N). “

“ You too, Bucky”

And with a kiss to her head, he leaves the flat, a smile staying on his lips the entire way home.

“ Why did I have to come again? This is a bachelorette party, I thought men aren’t allowed. “ Bucky grumbles as (Y/N) parks her truck in the parking lot of the convenience store. The pink and blue neon lights reflect on the wet asphalt.

“ It’s a shared party. We’re all friends so it makes sense for the couple to celebrate together. Stop moaning. “ (Y/N) exclaims as her heels create a click-clack sound.

The store is empty as they enter except for the bored-looking teenager leaning against the counter by the cash register.

There’s something about empty stores at night that makes it feel like time stands still. Like for a moment, reality is altered. There’s only you and the outdated music coming from the speakers and the hum of the refrigerators holding the soda cans.

“ I can’t believe Hannah forgot to bake the cake. It’s all she had to do. I did everything else, everything. She had one job. “

Bucky’s learned by now to just let her rant about this topic. It’s all she’s talked about for the last hours since Hannah, public enemy number one that day, has called her to inform her she’s forgotten about the cake. Why there needs to be a cake at this party, Bucky doesn’t know but hey, who is he to question it.

(Y/N) walks straight over to the counter that holds the bakery items only to be met with disappointment.

“ Well great. We can choose between one single cupcake, a box of stale donuts, and a croissant. “

“ What about this one? “ Bucky asks and points towards a bright pink cake decorated with candy roses and white icing.

“ It says Happy Birthday. “

“ Ah, don’t worry we can fix that.”

(Y/N) raises her eyebrows in doubt. “ You sure? “

“ 100%. Trust me. “

She regards him for a moment, uncertainty shining through, before granting him a little smile and a nod. “ Okay then. You get the cake, I’ll be over there for a second. “

Looking through the fridges, (Y/N)’s eyes fall onto a pack of popsicles in the shape of Captain America’s shield.

Ripping open the fridge door she calls out “ Hey Grumpy, would you like thes— “

All she hears is a smack and then Bucky’s voice exclaiming a loud “Fuck!”

And in that moment she doesn’t know what’s more shocking, the fact that she just slammed the door right into his face or hearing him swear.

“ Are you okay? I’m so sorry. “

“ I’ll be fine.”

“ We gotta put ice on it. “

“ No (Y/N) I — “

She’s already on her way to get a pack of frozen peas. And if Bucky is being real honest, his cheek does hurt quite a bit. Super Soldier Serum and all …

“ I am genuinely so sorry. “

Bucky sits on the bed of (Y/N)’s truck, frozen peas pressed to his face and a chuckle falling from his lips as (Y/N) sends yet another apology his way.

“ It’s okay, (Y/N). I told you, I’m fine. “

He pulls the peas away from his face and places them next to him, before picking up the cake and lifting the plastic lid off of the container.

“ Alright, let’s see if I can fix this. “

“ You have a bruise on your cheek. “

Bucky looks up at her with those gorgeous blue eyes of his, that (Y/N) sometimes finds herself drowning in. Calm and story all at once. Like oceans.

“ Does it make me look rough and handsome? “

“ You’re always handsome. But yes, it gives you a roguish charm. “

“ Good. “

(Y/N) feels a heat rush to her face as Bucky focuses back on the cake.

“ Mmmkay. Let me see. What if we — “ Bucky murmurs, more to himself than to (Y/N). He swipes his finger, sans glove, over the white icing letters and while there’s a good intention there, when he lifts his finger back up the cake looks like a downright mess.

“ Ta-da “ he exclaims and turns the cake towards her.

“ It says Happy day now “

“ Is it not a happy day? “ Bucky asks, eyebrows raised in question.

“ Let me rephrase that. It says ‘Happy messy white stain Day’ “

Bucky pulls his lips into a grimace, eyes wandering from (Y/N) down to the cake and back to her. “ Yeah, we can’t bring that “.

Laughter fills the air as they regard the sad mess of a cake before them. If this was a movie, (Y/N) thinks, this would be their moment. The one where they realize. The one that feels like time stops and all that matters is them.

Something wet and sticky against her cheek pulls her from her daydream.

“ What the hell? “

Bucky only grins at her. There’s the boyish charm again. It’s so insanely endearing to see these little moments flare up and push through the perpetual gloom he seems to carry with him. He doesn't hold the weight of 90 years of fighting on his shoulders right then.

“ Oh you didn’t “

Before Bucky can react she grabs a handful of the cake and smashes it against the uninjured side of his face.

“ Is that how you wanna play it? Okay. Fine. “

Cake flies through the air as their laughter rings through the night. Not a thought wasted on pain, on worries, on heartbreak.

The rooftop bar (Y/N) booked specifically for this night is covered in fairy lights and glitter decor. There’s a karaoke machine in one corner and an open bar in the other.

A loud cheer sounds from the crowd as Robin steps out into the open, fingers intertwined with those of a petite brunette with big square glasses sitting on her nose.

They get swallowed by a tidal wave of people, pulled from one hug into another, and while his eyes stay with them, Bucky feels a touch against his metal arm. (Y/N) wraps herself around him leans her head against his shoulder and stares lovingly at the couple before them.

“ I’m so glad she’s happy. I love her so much. “

“ She loves you too. “ he says.

And really how could anyone not?

A little while later, when the crowd has allowed them to breathe again, Robin and the brunette wander towards Bucky and (Y/N), matching smiles on their faces.

“ Buck, this is Charlie, Robin’s fiancee. Charlie, this is my friend Bucky. “

“ It’s so nice to meet you,” Charlie exclaims, a strong English accent dripping from her words. “ What in the world happened to your face? Are you okay? “

While Bucky smirks, (Y/N) flinches at those words and shrinks into herself a little.

“ Oh you know, funny story. Someone here was a little too excited about some red white and blue popsicles. “

Robin lets out a loud laugh “ Now that sounds like someone I know very well. “

“ They were shaped like Cap’s shield, okay. I thought it was funny and fitting. “

Charlie’s eyes move between the 3, a look of confusion settling on her features.

“ Why fitting? “

“ Oh babe, let me catch you up,” Robin says and steers Charlie in the direction of the bar.

The night flies by and for the first time in so long, Bucky doesn’t feel out of place. Not for a single moment. Even being surrounded by people he doesn’t know and while listening to music he doesn’t get. It’s nice, feeling like you belong.

Robin and Charlie have just finished their karaoke rendition of Don’t Stop Believing when a familiar voice echoes from the speakers.

“ Hello guys, my name is (Y/N). You may know me, I’m the maid of honor. I am responsible for this party — you’re welcome. Anyway, I guess it’s my turn to sing tonight but I can’t do this one alone. I’m gonna require my friend, Mr. James Buchanan Barnes up on this very stage with me. “

Oh no. Definitely no. Not in a million years. No w—

“ Because this one’s a duett. “

Her eyes meet his across the way, shining with amusement, mischief, affection. Even across the dimly lit roof, her sunshine smile seems to light up the entire night.

“ I’m not doing it, “ Bucky says and shakes his head as Robin slides up to his side.

“ C’moooon. “

“ Nope. I probably don’t even know the song. “

It’s like the universe wants to make a fool of him as in just that moment Bill Medley’s voice sounds through the night.

“ I know you know this song. “ Robin says and nudges his side “ come on don’t make her do this by herself. “

“ I — “ he looks at (Y/N) again, with her sunshine smile and those expressive eyes and the buttercream stain on her shirt. And he doesn’t see fear or pain or regret. All he ever sees when he looks at her is happiness and fun and laughter.

“ Ugh. Okay. Alright. “

Cheers follow him as he steps on stage and (Y/N) hands him the second mic. Though it’s supposed to be a duett, (Y/N) doesn’t really care and sings both parts with unfiltered joy and unapologetic passion. And while it takes a moment for him to warm up to it, Bucky can’t help but let her enthusiasm light a spark in him too and by the time the pre-chorus hits he joins her in singing their hearts out.

“ You're the one thing I can't get enough of. So I'll tell you something. This could be looooooove “

New York comes alive with the promise of a better tomorrow. One where Bucky feels like he belongs. To a place or a group of friends or a person. A tomorrow where he can laugh with a pretty girl, have food fights in a parking lot, and sing some silly song at the top of his lungs.

Maybe the song isn’t all wrong. Maybe he’s having the time of his life. And maybe, just maybe, he owes it to (Y/N).

Taglist // if you want to be added or taken off just message me :) //:

@zaynyierulez - @je-like-you - @dracoxxyoflam - @jackiehollanderr - @majo240820 - @kay-gilles -@booksb4looksstuff - @jckie94 - @charmed-asylum - @shawnie--jo - @yllwtaxi - @tailsoflightning - @giuliarogers - @mangoogirl - @gerim-1995 - @elen-alambil - @threeminutesoflife - @writeroutoftime - @buckybarn3s - @rosaline-black - @kenziekugler22 - @vghz82

[theocanread]

THE CONFERENCE OF THE BIRDS- MISS PEREGRINE’S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN

I finished it…. I finished the book. Spoilers for all of it XD

GRRR GAY PEOPLE. And now another segment about Enoch!

He has been such a polite young man this entire book! He’s all “I believe in you Jacob!” But he says it in his own way. Which if I remember correctly was something like “I knew you weren’t completely useless, Jacob!”

And Jacob brought Enoch to the conference specifically, which means he respects Enoch as a person and friend a lot. XOXO and Enoch is just tired and hungry all the time. And very invested emotionally in what’s going on around them. Like when they were discussing the possibility of Caul coming back he was very part of the conversation. He was also scared, which is valid. Unless he was scared in the Bentham’s secret office scene. (My brain is jumbled from all the information.)

Anywayssss he comforts Hugh when he’s freaking out. Which at first I was like “aww! He’s getting soft!” And then I remembered him comforting the little girl in the bathtub in book 2 or 3. He’s always been soft. And it specifically says when everyone is trying to cheer up Fiona, Enoch is the first person to make her laugh :) that’s so cute. ALSO WHEN THEY FOUND OUT THE WIGHTS HAD FIONA, ENOCH CALLED HER “FEE” WHICH IS SO SO SO CUTE. Listen I’m all for romance, but platonic friendships genuinely engulf my heart.

Also, Jacob appreciating Horace is my everything. I can’t do it justice without giving the excerpt. It mad eke so happy. Page 276, “Horace who was wearing a cravat into battle. Horace, who had stayed up all the previous night repairing the rest of the peculiar sheep’s wool sweaters, which many of us were now wearing as a protective layer under our clothes despite the warm day. When this was over, I was going to tell him just how much I love him.” AHH HORACE DESERVES THE WORLD, AND JACOB SEES THIS.

Ok onto the elephant in the room. I believe when Fiona “died” I threatened Ransom Rigg’s safety. I take that back. YAYY FIONA IS ALIVEEEE. I love her. And I missed her. And Hugh’s determination has been beautiful characterization. This whole book is full of his strength and his pain and I had a lot of fun reading about it. This book would be perfect, if only Noor and Jacob weren’t flirting….. I just- I want them to be friends. And I want Emma and Jacob to have a complex friendship that they’re trying to figure out the boundaries of. They’re both hurt and I don’t think they really should be together. But Noor and Jacob feels like a big massive no. I am not interested in this at all.

I was worried that thing where mute characters suddenly gain the ability to speak by some miracle of emotion. But that didn’t happen to Fiona :) she can stay mute and be a functioning and important member of the team, because mute people are functioning people and I like her representation. I think she’s probably actually nonverbal. (I think it’s canon she’s nonverbal because of trauma. But I think aside from her PTSD she’s probably also autistic. Not just because she doesn’t talk, she gives the vibes.

I wrote this like 3 days ago at this point. I started the last book. I am angry at stupid horny Jacob doing stupid shit and ruining everything. I loved him, and then he fell for Noor. I love Noor, but this plot point is not doing it for me. My brain is tired. I want more content, BUT JACOB IS SO STUPID ITS INSUFFERABLE. I thought he learned to get help from his friends when he’s gonna do something. But it’s just him and Noor and they lead a Nazi right to the fucking holy grail! I am mush and lead. And I can’t type anymore. Good day to you, Peculiars.

[xsarcasticwriterx]

Au Volant-part 1

Summary: You were free, you had control until bucky and Steve showed up at your door.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: Angst, swearing, minor tfawts ep 2 spoilers.

Notes: This is a series btw and I'm not sure how long it'll be (not like I do for any of my series) and yea that's all just know it will be pretty....dark pfft. Also, this does NOT fit in the marvel timeline even if references are made to such.

Steve knew when he was out-matched, hell even before the serum he knew when he'd lose he just didn't know when to stop. Bucky did though and nothing about that had changed in 100 years. Not even now when steves ass was being handed to him. after getting bucky back steve and bucky had gone off on their own mission to find other super-soldiers who may still be alive. of course they expected this to be easier than it was.

Of course, bucky could've just brought steve to Isaiah Bradley but he still knew steve would be pissed after finding out what had been done to him and he just wanted to leave Isaiah to his own thing still.

Then there was you. Bucky met you back when he was first becoming the winter soldier. you were their first test into becoming one of them. of course, your trigger words hadn't been finished before you killed those who were working on you and escaping. it s why they advanced buckys mechanism. You'd had tried to free him but they were already in the works of triggering buckys words.

Bucky knew you were free but only by self-discipline and no one knowing the words aside from hydra who, by this point, you'd spent the last century running from. He wanted you to stay out even if he knew where you were at.

That was until now, they needed another super soldier to win. Sure he could call Isaiah but as far as triggers go you were more likely to not only survive this but even join it. So with that process bucky grabbed steve ignoring his words and ran to your house.

you were 95 years old, despite how you looked. you had managed to escape hydra. Ever since hydra fell you ere truly free for the first time in a long time. you had enrolled in college majoring in history, ironic yes but you figured with your overextended life maybe you could use it and become a history professor.

This was your plan until there was a knock at your door. you figured it was the pizza you had ordered until you opened it seeing a bloody avenger and the weapon that hydra used over and over again to kill people. So with that you slammed the door, locked it, and walked back to your living room. "y/n come on" you heard bucky say. "nope" you yelled back.

"I thought you said shed be willing to help?" you heard steve groan. "I never said willing I said she could help" bucky replied. steve sighed "look y/n I know-" steve started to say "you don't know shit about shit star-spangled man with a plan," you said back.

"I spent the last 70 years running from this man ok. Now I know he is back to Sargent Barnes or whatever crap he was before but guesses what it does mean I am willing to just jump back in the man who was on my ass trying to kill me just yesterday, and it sure as fuck doesn't mean that I am willing to jump back into war" you wished they just go away. You were finally free safe. "steve go" "huh?" "go ill be back with you in a few minutes" and so steve walked away out of hearing distance. bucky said down but your door.

"look y/n I know what you've been through ok. I know they hurt you because they hurt me too. See this difference is I was a soldier before this...you were just someone in the wrong place wrong time. Me and steve here are looking for the others those who were like us, set them free too. Though they seem to either be like you, Isiah, or are still trying to fight. now I'm here because most are trying to fight and they're gathering together and fighting. I don't blame you for not trusting me I get it, some days even I don't trust me but know that I never wanted to hurt you." bucky cleared his throat "I am James 'bucky' Barnes and you are part of my amends" bucky said before the door opened and he fell back.

You stuck your hand out "give it" you said which bucky only looked up at you confused. "come on there's only so many therapists for brainwashed murderes give it" you said again. bucky handed you the tiny book. you opened it and crossed out your name handing it back to him. "get up and get your boy toy over there to come inside. I need to get ready if we're going to war." you said walking upstairs. "so you'll come?" bucky asked. "sure James why the fuck not but be aware you may be fixed but I'm only free out of pure will, soon as someone says the words I'm no longer free" you said walking to your room.

Bucky opened his notebook writing down ten words. he handed the paper to steve. "what's this?" he asked looking down at the words in both Russian and English. "her trigger words. just know as soon as there said she's one of them" bucky knew the words. hydras orders were if he found you to trigger you. "so she's not...." steve trailed off "nope she's only free out of self will" bucky shrugged sometimes he wished he had been able to be like you. "is it safe to bring her?" steve asked fearing what would happen if you became like bucky. "ill be fine" you said from the top of the stairs. you were wearing your gear which consisted of a black long sleeve made out of bulletproof gear that you stole from the police, black leggings for movement, black boots, and a hoodie. your hair was out of your face and you had your daggers on one side of your belt and your guns on the other.

"don't be a moron and say those words and everything will be fine," you said walking down. "now what's the game plan what do I need?" "what you have and spare clothes and weapons," Steve said. you nodded walking to your garage where the rest of your knives and guns were at along with your disguised clothes. "so you said that the soldiers are grouping up and fighting. know why?" "There are only rumors some say they want new hydra, others say they're scared some say they are forming a 'better' hydra," bucky said following you.

you grabbed a bag stuffing clothes in and ammo along with some daggers. "so are we staying with the rest of the little einstens?" you asked turning to steve. you were met with two confused faces. you blinked, how on earth are you, a person on the run, more educated on pop culture than these two "its....its a kids show" you said clearing your throat "im asking if were staying at the avengers headquarters" you said awkwardly. "oh no were tracking the group and certain people, those suspicious and then we just stay in hotels" steve said. you nodded and walked to the front door. "lets go then shall we"

you two got into steves car. "so how come no ones ever heard of you if you were on of them?" steve asked. "got out before i become one fully they never were able to trigger me" you shrugged. "she tried getting me out but...she was too late" bucky looked down. steve shut up from that point on. you all drove to a motel close to where they had seen a few people hiding out at from the sights of it.

the motel was kind of well really bad, not quite what you expected when rolling with the avengers. they said it was to stay undercover, large purchases and such could trigger that someone famous is rolling in. So here you were sat on a rigidy bed in the motel. there was 2 beds but 3 of you so someone had to share. "not it" steve said flopping back onto a bed. you and bucky looked at each other. "come on you two have known each other for almost as long as buck and I" steve said sitting up.

you grumbled sitting on the bed before sighing. not like you slept much so maybe you wouldn't have to actually share the bed. "for tonight we will fill you in" steve said. you 3 sat at a table and they told you the information they have and what they're plan is.

They said how they have a few places where they think people are hiding out based on the hours of activity and a few spots look like people are hiding out there. They said their plan was talk until people started noticing bucky and then chose to fight, then they came to you. Now their plan was talk but with back up incase shit takes a turn again.

Bucky and steve had gone to sleep but you were still up sat at a table. you were sharpening your daggers. you were zoned out for a while at this point. you didn't sleep often due to fear that if you let your guard down you wouldn't be able to hold back the soldier part of you. you really only slept when you were on the verge of passing out. This started when one night you had a dream, not long after you escaped, of the man saying the words. you felt your whole brain shift, luckily you woke up and were able to push back before anything happened. since then it was too close of a call to risk anything ever again.

You saw movement and looked up seeing bucky look around in almost a panic before he saw you. his breathing steadied "hey" he whispered out of breath. you nodded to him "you ok there?" "hmm? yea why are you up isnt it late?" you looked at the clock. last you looked it was 12am. you shrugged "same reason your up" "guess being brainwashed has its cons" you huffed "ysupposeou could say that"

"you sleep at all" bucky asked standing and walking to you. "i sleep when i feel like im going to pass out" you returned back to sharpening your daggers "last time i casually slept the world almost had another winter soldier" you scoffed "never doing that shit again" you looked up at bucky. his hair was a mess and a thin layer of sweat covered his chest. he was definitely muscly and you'd be lying if you said he wasn't hot.

"you should rest ill watch over you make sure you don't change" he said looking at you. "no its fine got another" you looked down at your watch looking at the date "few days before i pass out" you shrugged. "y/n. sleep" he stated. you shook your head. bucky groaned, walked to you and threw you over his shoulder "come on sleep time" he said putting you on the bed. you groaned but soon as you were laying down you felt your eyes insticntly close. "stupid body" you grumbled

soon slumber took over. bucky smirked down at you. you two were one in the same except while he was forever free you, you were free on pure will and keeping your guard up. "ill keep you safe doll, no one will change you even yourself" he said brushing the hair from your face. soon he felt as peace seeing you so calm and he laid next to you. the bed reminded him of the ones in the military. sleep took him over not too longer after.

[1in5-demigods-agree]

The affect Childhood Abuse Had on the Earp Sisters

WARNING: THIS IS THE LONGEST THING WRITTEN AND IS RIDDLED WITH SPOILERS. 

TW: CHILD ABUSE, TRAMUA, ALCHOLISM  

The underlying fear of being like Ward clearly runs deep in Wynonna. I can’t blame her, as someone with first hand experience, a kid who was raised by abusive guardians are scared of continuing the cycle. So in the 4x10, when Waverly brings up her concerns and compared her to Ward, it is going to fucking hurt but we will get to that later.

Lets start with Willa, we know that Ward not only abused them but he also, as seen in season one, he places an insane amount of pressure on these kids. If you don’t remember let me give you a refresher, in season 1 when Willa figures out she is the Earp Heir, we get a flashback of her training with Ward, in which he takes her out in the middle night while he is obviously drunk to shoot bottles. When she hesitates and complains he yells at her and tells her ‘that she is the only one preventing the revenants from killing everyone and and the blood is on her hands if she failed to do her job as Heir. Thus Ward created a paranoid solider much like himself, and Willa grew with the mindset that she is has to do whatever it takes to get the job done. With this mindset combined with years of no socialization, everything she does goes along the line of if the reward outweighs the cost, that is the option she is going to chose. Like when she shot Haught, she would get a reward of delaying her sister and having less hinderance to her goal while it costs her nothing, she has no emotional attachments to Nicole and while Waverly does, she made no secret of the fact that she hates her. Or when Willa sent Whiskey Jim back to hell, to her the reward is another one off her hit list, while the cost would be loss of information and possibly BBD help. Also the ‘cost’ were partnerships that to her generated more risk than reward, and thus the decision was easy profit. So, the training and abuse from Ward created a child  who knew only one purpose: To be the Earp Heir. 

Now onto our angel, Waverly, from the beginning of the show it is made abundantly clear that she was neglected at early childhood. Throughout the show a running gag is that no one remembers when Waverly’s birthday is, especially Wynonna, this alone tells us that she was overlooked by her family. (This also shows a character contrast between her and Wynonna seeing as in the very first episode Wynonna turns 27 and Waverly immediately sends the sister she hasn’t seen in years a birthday text. This has nothing to do with my point, I just thought it was interesting how we hadn’t met Waverly at that point but the show hints at what she is like, good job Andras). In her youth, she lived an environment where those around her either hated and ignored her, or loved and eventually left her. This is going to create abandonment issues and is what drives Waverly to hide her true self. She becomes what others want her to be to decrease the chance that she’ll be left again. In season 1, we see her playing the part of the town darling but in exchange she has to hide her interests (she literally hides her Earp curse research under her bed and behind a curtain) in order to maintain shitty friendships and her relationship with her ex Champ. She seeks validation from others, and when she falls short of what others want seem crumbles in on her self. We see it in the first season, when she has to come to terms that Wynonna is in fact the Heir and no matter how much she prepared and hoped, it will always be Wynonna in the end. She does gain confidence but the shit that Ward did to her not only created the problem but also caused friction between her and Wynonna. 

Speaking of which:

Wynonna, our beloved protag, she has been through so much shit hasn’t she. As the middle child she got a fascinating mix of what both Waverly and Willa had to deal with. She was subjected to both the monolog of how they are the only thing between the revenants and destruction of everything they love and was also neglected by her father as she just a spare, the second born. Not to mention she also feels abandoned by Mama Earp, as we see in season 3, and has to deal with the trauma of the attack on the homestead when she was twelve during which she accidently killed her father and her older sister was taken. And oh yeah, she had to deal with this trauma while she was in a mental hospital because she killed her father and truthfully said revenants attacked them. A mental hospital by the way whose chosen ‘treatment’ was shock therapy until she told them what they wanted to hear. So not only Wynonna have survivors guilt, she has abandonment issues, PTSD, a substance abuse problem. She also has spent years running from and denying her past only to be pulled back the curse she can’t escape. Her father instilled the mindset of being the Heir, is a responsibility you can’t afford to fail at. She also sees the consequences of failing first hand, people die, every death is just another person she failed. All the while she is dealing with her burden, she sees Waverly’s attempts to heal, she sees Waverly having the normalcy she desperately wanted but can’t have. Wynonna is protective of Waverly and just wants her safe, so seeing this brings up a weird mixture of happiness and jealously toward her sister. A mixture that anger is introduced in when Waverly share her concern in 4b, because Wynonna doesn’t see concern, she sees her sister for whom she gave up so much for so, she can be happy, asking for more. Waverly also compares her to Ward (as someone who has been abused and has been told the ways I act like said parent by my siblings, that shit cut deep), which hurts, as she has tried to be better and avoid being like him but no matter how hard they try to break away Ward still haunts them.

TLDR: Ward is an alcoholic abusive dick

Ward: I raised prefect war ready soilders

Me: You fucked up perfectly good children is what you did. Look at them they have trauma  

[brownjet-archive]

why the fandom doesn’t let katara express her trauma

there are two very simple things here: misogony, and racism.

as i just said in this post, all other characters in the show are allowed to express their trauma! Let’s break that down shall we!

Let’s start with Aang! 

There is absolutely nobody who can dispute this, Aang has so much trauma. He is the sole survivor of a targeted genocide against the Air Nomads. Important things to remember in terms of Aang’s trauma, he is a twelve-year-old boy, and became the youngest master airbender (lok spoilers, he is surpassed by his grandaughter), and because of that the elders of the Air Nomads thought that they should inform Aang, again a TWELVE-YEAR-OLD (normally he would’ve been told when he was 16) that he was the avatar (the most powerful being) and that a war was potentially brewing, and that he would need to begin his avatar training. Aang, obviously scared, betrayed, and understanding the responsibilities of being the avatar, did a thing that is understandable for a twelve year old: he ran away. 

And his actions will always haunt him; he will always live with the trauma of being the sole survivor of the genocide against his people, and in order to honor the memories of his people, Aang does his very best to always preserve the culture of the Air Nomads. And while, he is criticized for preserving his culture (shut up about how you wanted him to kill Ozai! shut up about saying aang might’ve killed people before! shut up! it’s not funny, and it says you don’t respect aang’s values, and if you can’t respect a cartoon’s values, how are you going to respect the value’s of people of color!!), but he is never criticized for talking about his trauma. Mostly because everyone watching can realize what horrible things he has experienced.

That’s about as much as people can process, and in their minds Aang remains a goofy child, forgetting the pain, anger, and trauma he experiences, and the fact that he chooses to forgive. He chooses to let go of his anger. He chooses to be kind. And within Aang, he cannot be both kind and angry because it would tear him apart. Aang chooses to be silly, goofy, and kind, because those are the values he was taught by his people, and that is the person he wants to be. 

Let’s move onto Toph!

Everybody loves Toph because she invented a new bending discipline, she’s a badass, she’s rude, she’s disabled, and she’s hilarious. The thing about Toph is, she’s a hardass. She is stubborn, like a rock. She is grounded, and knows her power, and is never in any way humbled by a loss of power. She is a force to be reckoned with, and she knows this, and she loves fighting, loves bending, and has no shame about being apologetically herself. Wow, it’s almost like, she and Katara have the exact same values and are both the most powerful benders of their respect elements!

So, the thing is, up until she met the gaang, Toph wasn’t allowed to be herself in any way shape or form. So the first time she has freedom, the thing she craves, she gives in and lets herself be who she is. And she never fails to be herself.

Her stubbornness and Katara’s stubbornness are the catalysts of their rather tempestuous relationship. Both of them are bossy, but before meeting Toph, Katara had been the leader, had been the loudest and most outspoken, but upon meeting Toph there was someone with a similar volatile temper to her own, but rather than being another parental figure, Toph filled the role of the “wild child.” Suddenly the dynamic of the gaang was shifted away from Katara, and now there are two big stubborn forces at odds with each other: one about doing the fun thing and the other about doing the correct thing. 

And the thing is, when they are not at odds with each other, they are the ones who have the most fun, they are the ones who work the best as a team, and they are the ones you want to have on your side. But when they are at odds with each other, they are volatile, and snappy, and rude. 

But the thing is, Toph is allowed to do that. She’s allowed to do that because it fits in with her character as the “tomboy.” It fits in with her doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Toph is the most accomplished earthbender by the time we meet her, and the only time we have ever seen her struggle with her earthbending was when she invented metalbending. 

Toph is allowed to be loud, rude, and express the trauma of not being herself, because that is a very common trauma, especially among children of color, and lgbtq children. By rejecting her old life, by being apologetically herself, she takes on the trauma of rejecting all aspects of her femininity, something that again, is very relatable. Whereas Katara doesn’t have that trauma. 

Toph’s trauma is accepted, and talked about and it is because she is a character in who people can see themselves in, and that makes people like her more. 

Where is Suki?

So, the thing about Suki, is especially since the revival, people are making sure that Suki is included, and talk about her a lot. It’s just cause she’s so amazing, and we are all probably just a little bit in love with her. 

While Suki is an important character, her arc within the narrative isn’t one that we, the audience, get to experience a lot. She is allowed to be kind, and emotional, and she wears makeup and embraces femininity, but she is also established as one of the most, if not the most, powerful and important characters. 

But because people are talking about Suki, her trauma at being a prisoner of war is being talked about. It’s not being talked about on a large scale, but it is being acknowledged and validated as real and actual trauma. But the other thing is, Suki herself doesn’t really talk about it. Not because she’s closed off, but because she doesn’t have the amount of screen time that any of the other characters have. 

So this is kinda my disappointing end to the piece about Suki’s trauma because unfortunately there wasn’t a lot that happened within the show, and the show doesn’t have her resolving it in any way. 

Now the Fire Nation people! Zuko!

I actually really don’t want to talk about Zuko because Zuko’s trauma is always talked about, and it’s always the first thing white people bring up when talking about the show. “Zuko’s redemption arc was the best thing ever!” Yeah, it was the best redemption arc to ever exist, but he and Katara are literally the exact same person! They have similar traumas, they are mean, rude, and explosive, and y’all eat that shit up for Zuko, but give Katara a hard time about her own trauma!!! It’s the misogyny and the racism. 

Okay, I may write another post about Zuko’s trauma from my lens, because it is done well, and that’s part of why it is talked about, but the other part is it physically hurts white people to care about a brown girl in the way they care about an emo boy. For clarification, I love Zuko, but uh......this is just not it. 

Azula! 

Finally some good fucking food. 

Azula is probably somehow the character who’s trauma is talked about second most and second least. Some people refuse to believe that she has trauma, but the fact of the matter is she grew up in the same environment that Zuko did, however it presented as better. Azula had “friends” and from what we’ve seen, Zuko did not. Azula had the attention of her father, and Zuko did not. Azula was a prodigy, and Zuko was not. 

The thing is, Azula is shown to be one of the smartest characters in the show. She was not blind to the abuse that Zuko received, and she grew up listening to and parroting her father who’s only use for her was as a weapon in his favor. She knew that Zuko was being abused, and saw how horrible it was, and started doing everything in her power to be the most spectacular, and Ozai’s favorite, so that what happened to Zuko didn’t happen to her. Did she contribute to the abuse that Zuko received? Yes. Did she care that Zuko was being abused? No.

The thing is, Azula grew up hearing Ozai tell her that she was better than Zuko. Azula grew up knowing that her mother probably didn’t love her. Azula grew up with their uncle favoring Zuko, and not bothering to know her at all. Azula grew up with being told that she was better than Zuko but with clear examples that she was much harder to love than him, so she took the “love” from the person who bothered to show her attention. 

To her, Zuko was everything she shouldn’t ever be. Which was why, her mental deterioration sped up when she felt she was being treated like Zuko. If she felt she was being treated like Zuko, she felt that she was being treated without love, and really without Ozai she wouldn’t have had anyone else. She had lost all the important people in her life; or rather they had all turned on her, and it was the last straw. It reinforced her narrative that she was difficult to love, reinforced that Ozai’s love was conditional, and affirmed to the audience that Zuko wasn’t who she wanted to be like. 

People kind of readily accept that Azula has a mental illness, and while it is generally accepted that all of the characters aren’t always mentally stable, it isn’t generally accepted that their lack of mental stability, could in fact be a mental illness. 

The thing is, like I’ve said before, Azula’s trauma is either talked about a lot or a little, depending on really if people are individually fans of her character. It’s honestly just more of a wlw thing, (i am a wlw!), cause we’re all about those unhinged ladies, so like Azula’s trauma is a weird topic in the way it gets addressed by the fandom. 

Ty Lee

People stan The Beach, and people love Ty Lee cause she is cute and feminine. Her character arc is similar in Suki’s in the sense of how it is written and portrayed, but not necessarily in terms of Ty Lee’s actual character development. Ty Lee, like Suki, and like Mai, while being important and influential characters, don’t have a lot of screentime in which we see character development. However, what Ty Lee and Mai have that Suki does not, is The Beach. 

The Beach is kind of the first and only time where we see Ty Lee talking about her trauma. In previous episodes she mentions running away, she is seen having insecurity about the Kyoshi Warriors being prettier than them, but in The Beach it is explained. She, like Toph, was scared of not being able to be herself. But in the way of wanting attention. She had six identical sisters, and felt that the only way she could stand out was to run away and join the circus. And she was happy doing that. And then she was forced out of it, but she, like Azula, knew that she would have to remain on the good side of the person in power, which for her, just happened to be Azula. 

But the thing is, Ty Lee doesn’t have the intensity that Azula does. She portrays herself as loyal to Azula, yet wishy-washy in terms of her own personal choices, and that works in her favor when she chooses Mai, a choice that stuns all of them. And then, we don’t see her till the end, and by then she feels comfortable enough with who she is that she joins the Kyoshi Warriors who have a uniform that makes them identical. 

Ty Lee’s trauma is talked about, though not as much because again, most of it happens on screen, but i haven’t seen people invalidate her trauma, the way it happens with Katara. 

Mai

Mai is the only other character who’s trauma is invalidated. The thing is, she does not have the stubbornness of Toph, the femininity of Ty Lee, or the intensity of Azula, so she, like Katara is placed into an other category. She is kind of a wild card, because she is so emotionally closed off, and retains the emo and depressed teenager trope. And again, her arc isn’t given the same weight of the other characters’ so the only time we even learn that her trauma has to do with the fact that her mother was overbearing to protect her father’s political career was in The Beach. 

Listen, I do have more to say but if I even attempt to this will become far too long (like it isn’t already), anyways I love my girl Mai and I am sorry to give her the short end of the stick, but if I write about her longer, I will forget my points that I was going to make. 

Sokka and Katara.

So, the situation of Katara and Sokka is vastly different than each and every other members of the main cast. Why? Their geography. 

Like all the other main members, they were pretty socially isolated, but unlike the others they were completely and totally isolated by geography. Yes, Suki was on Kyoshi Island, but that was more of a strategic isolation to avoid involvement in the war, but the point is, Sokka and Katara are totally isolated, and they probably think they won’t ever leave the south pole. 

It’s played off for comedy when Katara introduces Aang to the village and you see how small the village is. From what we know, all the men of the tribe have left, and Hakoda, their father, is the chieftan, so therefore each Katara and Sokka felt they had a role to fill within the social dynamic of all the men leaving, in terms of how to maintain the village dynamic. 

Sokka and Katara are by stark difference much older than the children of the village, and in fact in the flashback in the Southern Raiders, they are the only children that are visible. This means that, they have no peers. And the thing is, if you have siblings you do not consider them your peers. 

So the roles that they feel they need to fill are much different than that of each others. Sokka feels he needs to fill the role of the men in the village; they are vulnerable without the men, and their only and biggest defense is that they live in the heart of the South Pole, and it is incredibly difficult for Fire Navy ships to navigate within the South Pole. So while there isn’t a likely chance of them being invaded, especially since the genocide of the Southern Waterbenders, there still resides a huge fear within Sokka that he is the last line of defense for his village. 

By the way the village reacts when Zuko invades, it is clear that their worst fears have been realized, and all the adults know that Sokka isn’t enough for their defense, and he and Katara know that too. But for Sokka, it is important to be able to protect his village, even if he knows there is no chance of him winning. It’s about proving that he is strong enough to lay down his life for the people he loves, and that is the role he stepped into.

But the fact of the matter was it seemed pointless to step into that role, and for Katara, who tried to fulfill the role of their mother, it seemed like Sokka was avoiding doing chores. 

The thing about Katara’s trauma is that it’s a culmination of being a survivor of genocide, loosing her mother, and loosing her father.

Despite the fact that Katara and Sokka are siblings, their traumas are incredibly different and they react in completely different ways.

Sokka is the most emotionally closed off character in the show. How? He is the only character that doesn’t readily give into their emotions. I’m not saying other characters don’t show restraint, but Sokka is the only character who doesn’t readily cry, isn’t ready to get angry, isn’t ready to take up space; at least not in the way it matters. Sokka is grumpy, and silly, and easily annoyed, but those are much more surface level emotions, and that goes back to not having any peers while trying to be the protector of the village. 

Whereas, Katara is the most emotional character on the show. She is angry, rude, mean, happy, shallow, sensitive, kind, determined, stubborn, and snooty. And in the sense of, every emotion Katara ever feels she feels with every fiber of her being. Katara often moves when she talks, and in times of heightened emotions, before she becomes a master waterbender, all the water in her vicinity would react to her, heightening how much she feels. 

It makes people uncomfortable to see a brown girl on screen who is angry. And the thing is, Katara and Sokka, and the Water Tribe members are the only characters in atla that unambiguously look like people of color (except for guru pathik but we’re not gonna touch that.) Despite the fact that every single character in atla is a person of color, only members of the Water Tribes are the characters that are unambiguously people of color. Every other character, in comparison are incredibly lighter. 

But the thing is people forget the difference between Sokka and Katara. Katara has trauma surrounded her heritage of being a Southern Waterbender, a trauma that nobody else in her village shares. Not only is she the only waterbender in the South Pole, her status as waterbender is a symbol of hope among her people, and among herself. So not only is Katara trying to fill the role of her mother, dealing with being a survivor of genocide, but her ability is also seen as a symbol of hope for her people, and is also something that she knows will likely result in her being captured by the Fire Nation. So not only is it something that inspires hope, but it is also something that need to be kept a secret, and that is a lot to pin on a fourteen year old girl. 

I should just say that I am not saying any one of these characters has more trauma than the other, and in no way am I comparing their trauma to each others. That is not productive, and is not the point. I am saying that Katara’s trauma about her mother is not as flat as white people make it out to be, but even if it was, there would be no excuse to criminalize her for expressing the fact that her mother was killed violently in a war that lasted for 100 years. Just shut up! If you think Katara expressing herself is annoying, shut up! She’s a 14 year old brown girl with trauma, and the way she is the one who is annoying is so transparent! 

[stilesxeveryone]

The Rewatch

Okay, so my opinions are a little unnecessary and all over the place and silly, but I thought it’d be fun to just write down my thoughts as I go through the episodes of Teen Wolf. I figured that I’d do about half a season in each post rather than a post for each episode, just to keep it all a little more short and put together. And I’ll put a cut before episode 2 to make it look a little nicer as well.

Season 1, episode 1

Oh god, here we go again

Why in the world was Stiles on Scott’s roof, how the fuck did he hang facing Scott (like what are his legs doing??), and how did he jump down so smoothly

AU where Scott also gets caught in the woods while searching for the body, so he doesn’t get bitten? What if Sheriff Stilinski got bit instead, imagine how different the story would be

Apparently wolves were in fact removed from California in the early 1900s, and packs have only very recently been spotted moving into the area in the last few years, so Stiles is right

Scott being a werewolf for all of one minute (and not even knowing it yet) but immediately being able to zero in on every conversation Allison has 

Lydia’s outfits are so cute 🥺🥺🥺

Derek looks so scruffy first episode! Compared to how I remember him, he looks so much younger here, especially with his oversized jacket

Again, Scott is weirdly good with his powers in the first episode, like he doesn’t even know he’s a werewolf or anything but somehow he knows how to calm down the scared dog?

Derek is literally so horrible at reassuring a new werewolf oh my god. “The bite is a gift.” “We’re brothers now.” Yes thank you for this information, but what about the important stuff? And Scott clearly says that he thinks Derek bit him, and Derek says nothing of it

Season 1, episode 2

Derek being terrible continues. Listen, I understand that he’s never done this before, but please, threatening to kill someone is not the way you teach them to control their anger

I need so much more Allison and Stiles being best friends/siblings content tbh

I feel like it’s pretty unlikely that Stiles “listens to every police call, follows every case” Stilinski would go out and dig up the body, because that’s definitely the kind of tampering with evidence that wouldn’t be helpful in court

Please the green screen is so bad

Oh god no it’s Scott stalking Allison time

Scott’s priorities are just a little messed up,, like it’s very concerning that he decided being good at lacrosse and impressing Allison was more important than not killing someone or getting himself killed, and like it’s clearly not arrogance that he’ll be fine since he was anxious about something going wrong

Season 1, episode 3

Stiles wanting to know if Danny and gay guys in general could be attracted to him is indeed my favourite thing

Oh jeez, I forgot about Lydia’s whole ‘pretending to be dumb’ thing, I’m so proud of her for developing past that, I really need to write her more often

I genuinely missed being able to see Chris Argent every episode, but also oh boy I can’t wait to see him in later seasons just bc he looks so much better later on tbh

I will never get over how much I hate the werewolf designs, like how they look when they shift,, they’re just- there’s nothing good about them at all

Season 1, episode 4

So Scott is aware of two werewolves in town, Derek and the alpha, but when he hears Kate say that she shot one of two werewolves and that he has 48 hours, he isn’t at all worried that “oh shit Derek might be dying?”

They talk so loudly in public areas about everything that happens and it is so incredibly concerning. There’s no way other kids in school aren’t hearing them 

“Why should I help you?” maybe because he’ll die if you don’t, Scott? What kind of question is that?? I know we’re all irked by that moment a lot but god we deserve to be irked by it

Fun little detail, the Argent gun business is called “Argent Arms International”

Kate constantly mentioning Scott being “adorable” or his “adorable brown eyes” any chance she can get is literally so gross and concerning (spoilers, but especially considering her history with Derek)

And of course we all know how we feel about Scott suggesting that the Argents could have had a reason for mass murdering Derek’s family

Season 1, episode 5

Does Jackson only watch sports videos? Like first he watches lacrosse games and now he wants to watch a basketball movie (also I just wanna mention that Jackson’s actor, Colton Haynes, is literally so pretty, his freckles 🥺)

I love the dynamic of Stiles and his dad’s relationship so muchhh, I’m really glad we do get to explore their relationship and what happened with Stiles’ mum in later episodes

Whole lotta trauma gets brought up in this episode, from Jackson, Lydia and Derek and I feel so bad for them tbh

I really like how the parent teacher conference goes, like it’s very much exposition about how Jackson is adopted, Lydia’s parents are divorced, Stiles’ mum is no longer in the picture, Scott’s parents are divorced and his dad isn’t around anymore either. But I think it’s a good way to use exposition and make it in character and show what the kids are dealing with

I know the CGI isn’t always that great in this show but that dying mountain lion literally looks like an old, stuffed, toy cat that someone animated with photoshop warp tools and it’s a tragedy

Season 1, episode 6

I honestly wish they had more of Scott struggling with being a werewolf? Obviously they show his troubles with aggression and handling full moons, but not much about anything else

Like it would have been really cool to see him struggle more with sensory overload since everything would be heightened, or seeing him struggle more with new instincts? 

Also very much could use less of Scott/Allison make out sessions, I don’t need fifty shots of Scott’s abs okay

I love that Stiles just goes “I’m gonna teach you how to be a werewolf before Derek fails to”

“She makes me weak” shut the fuck up, in what universe does loving someone (or at least in this case crushing) make you weak??? The person I love has only ever made me better, and I think I make him better too

Scott’s (Tyler Posey’s) acting… there’s a lot to work on and that gets more obvious the longer I watch this 

Doesn’t it later turn out that Deaton was literally the emissary of the Hale pack? So like really close to them (at least the alpha) and meant to help them out? But in this episode he straight up gives Derek nothing and Derek suspects him to be the big bad alpha? I mean obviously it’s just writing inconsistency, although I know fanon often translates it as Deaton being the most secretive and unhelpful bitch in the west. But also what if Deaton just straight up lied about being their emissary? I think that would be an interesting take

[jinkicake]

Street Rat Shigaraki

You bump into your old childhood friend who you last saw when you were five. Much to your confusion, he looks as if he hasn’t aged a day.

Or

Shigaraki gets hit by a quirk that reverts him back into a young boy.

Shigaraki x Childhood friend!Reader

THIS HAS SEMI-SPOILERS. Just a little bit of Shigaraki’s childhood/background but it’s not that much other than his real name, I think.

I wrote this after reading chapter 235 (I think?), my heart was destroyed, my poor baby. Sigh. So many people sleep on Shigaraki, once my baby boy discovers lotion and chapstick... whew it’ll be over for you all!

WC- 1,757

~~~

The bag of groceries rests under your arm as you continue to walk through the less than busy street. It’s early enough in the afternoon that there are only a few people on the street, one of them being a small child. He seems alone and you walk up to him, crouching down to get eye level with him.

“Are you okay honey? Where are your parents?” You ask but your eyes widen as he looks up at you. This kid is the splitting image of your lost childhood friend, it almost feels like a joke. “Tenko?” At this, his red eyes glance into your own before tilting his head to look at your features.

“(Y/N)?” He smiles and stands up before running into your legs. Your mind is being torn apart as you stare down at the young Tenko, wondering how the hell he hadn’t aged a day.

“What are you doing out here?” You ask him softly before picking him up in your arms, he only shrugs in response. “Here, let’s go to my apartment and I can try to figure something out.” You hold him tightly flushed against your hip, trying to ignore how his tiny hands bunch up in your sweater. In your mind you try to come up with an answer, try to figure out why the hell your old childhood friend was delivered straight to your feet.

-

“We have to find him!” Twice cries dramatically before turning another way. “No the fuck we don’t!” He yells at himself and the villains in the bar don’t even glance at him.

“Hasn’t that freak show been on the streets since he was a kid? I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Dabi mutters, staring at his drink, clearly having no interest in the subject at hand.

“Shigaraki wasn’t even hit that badly, it should only last a day or two!” Toga informs a very-worried Kurogiri.

“We need to split up and try to find him.” A collective amount of groans are heard around the room.

-

“So what were you doing on the street?” You ask the small boy sitting in your lap, the two of you on the train towards your apartment.

“I don’t know,” He frowns and his chubby cheeks puff up as he tries to think. “looking for you?”  A wide smile takes up his face as he looks up at you and you pinch his cheeks.

“Tenko how do you even remember me?!” You coo, smiling softly down at the small boy. “It’s been so long.” A sad smile appears on your face as he shrugs once more and leans against your chest. “Are you finally a hero? Remember how you liked All Might.” You tease and ruffle his dark hair, his small fist grasps your shirt in return.

“I still want to be!” He pushes and you watch him with a fond smile, as you run your eyes over him again you notice the dry skin on his neck. Gently your fingers brush against it and he winces in response.

“I have some lotion at my house okay, don’t worry I’ll take care of you again!” You promise and pick him up before getting off the train. “Just like I did when we were younger~”

As you walk through the station you lift him up higher in your arms so he rests against your chest, one arm wrapped around his back and the other under his bottom.

“We are almost at my house honey!” You rub your nose against his and laugh at the squeals of delight squirming past his lips.

“What are the odds that's him?” Toga watches as you carry the small child as she rests against the wall of the empty station, a knife twirling in her hands.

“I know those beady red eyes anywhere.” Dabi mummers before walking over to you. “Hey, doll.” He smoothly calls out, using the same voice he uses to corner easy prey. You stiffen and slowly turn around, clutching the child in your hands as the unfamiliar man walks up to you. “Cute kid.” Dabi comments, trying to test the waters, before Toga blows it all to shit.

“That's ours, give him back.” She reaches her hands out and tries to grab at Tenko, causing you to freeze her in place.

“Please leave us alone.” You try softly and take a step back from the two villains. Your hand softly holds the back of Tenko’s head as you try to hide him away from them. “You’re trying to tell me this child is yours?” You turn to the man in disbelief, irritation heavy in your voice.

“That is exactly what we are telling you, he’s our friend, hit by a de-aging quirk.” Dabi nearly gags on the word ‘friend’ as he tries to explain it to you. You simply shake your head.

“Tenko wouldn’t be associated with bad people like you, no offense.” You huff under your breath and take another step back.

“Tenko?” The dark-haired man peers at the child before rolling his eyes. “Just let me see him, I’ll prove it to you.”

“Tenko,” You move the squirming child in your arms to face the man in front of you, still protectively holding him against you. “do you know this man?” The small child looks at Dabi before shaking his head furiously, squirming to try to hide in your arms again.

“Must have affected his mind too.” The man comments and you narrow your eyes at him.

“I don’t believe you, please leave us alone.” Your eyes harden and he freezes in front of you. Quickly you up your pace and walk towards your apartment, knowing that the villains will be able to move within five minutes, less than that, depending on their strength. As soon as you make it to your apartment building you let out a sigh and slow down your pace before getting to your door. When you walk in you place your bags on the counter and walk over to the cabinet.

“Do you want anything?” You look down at the small boy and he points at the packet of crackers. “Mmm okay but not too many because I don’t want to spoil your appetite.” You place him on the counter and hand him the bag, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head. Grimacing at how greasy his hair is.

“When is the last time you took a shower?” You mutter and start putting away all the groceries. When you finally finish you gently scoop the boy in your arms and bring him to your bathroom. “You’re taking a bath.”

There isn’t even room for discussion as you start to fill the tub and search under your sink for the gentle-skin products you own. Once the tub is filled and the water is a nice medium temperature you place him in, using the bucket you have to wet his hair. As you wash through his hair you frown at how dirty he looks. “What happened to you Tenko?” You murmur and his eyes slowly close at the feelings of your hands in his hair. After his bath, you dress him in the washed clothes your nephew had left behind. “Okay come on.”

“No.” Tenko frowns stubbornly, shaking his head as you show him the lotion.

“Come on, it’ll make you feel better.” You try to persuade him and he sticks his nose out. “We can eat dinner after we do this.” You offer and he finally lets you, before you put the lotion on his skin you warm it up by rubbing it between your fingers. “Okay.” Gently your hands rub circles onto his neck, lathering the medicinal lotion on the dry sky. “Such a good boy.” You praise and he smiles at the affection. This feels a dream, your heart swelling at your old friend.

Later that evening it’s dark and you’re dozing off in your bed, the small boy pressed to your chest with your arms tightly wrapped around him. You feel scared that you’ll lose him again, scared to lose someone who promised to always protect you. Softly a faint ‘pop’ echos throughout the room and you feel a much larger body pressed against your own. Still, your eyes flutter shut as you rest your face into a head of fluffy hair.

When you wake up a few hours later and blink the sleep out of your eyes, your mind fully registers the stranger sleeping in your bed. With a horrific gasp, you jump back off the bed, out of his arms, and land flat on your back on the floor.

“Who the hell are you?!” You screech from the floor, staring at the grown man now resting in your bed. The grown man who, not seconds ago, had his face pressed against your chest. His messy light blue hair flicks out of his face while he rubs his eyes, blinking slowly as he looks around the room.

“I haven’t slept that well in a long time.” He groans, falling back against your pillows and your eyes widen at the familiar red eyes.

“Tenko?” You crawl back onto the bed, resting on your knees as you peer down at him. “W-what happened?”

“Got hit by a villains quirk and turned into a kid.” He grumbles against the pillow, his body instantly relaxing as he teeters on the edge of sleep. “Also my names not Tenko, it’s Tomura.”

“Did you change your name?” You lay back down next to him, staring at his sleep-deprived face. Already you want to grab more lotion and some chapstick for the poor boy.

“You could say that.” You let out a hum and continue to run your eyes over him, he looks familiar you just can’t put your finger on it. Maybe you’ve seen him before?

“It’s been like twenty years, huh?” You comment and he doesn’t respond. “I’m glad I bumped into you and got to see you again, sweet Tenko.” Gently you rest your own face against your pillow, finding yourself fast asleep too quickly, not feeling Shigaraki’s pinky wrap around your own.

When your childhood friend disappears the next day, you realize why he looked so familiar. You can only watch in horror as the news publicly displays newfound information on the group known as the League of Villains. The light blue hair on-screen makes your chest ache and betrayal flood your veins to the point that your eyes begin to water.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me."

[writerwhowritesao3]

Director's Commentary on Talk To A Green Tree?

Oh hai!! Director’s Commentary under the cut ‘cause it’s a lengthy one, love. 

I wanted to write this story because I wanted to explore the relationship between Billy and Susan. I wrote about their relationship somewhat in my first story, Jump In The Fire, but that wasn’t the main purpose or focus of that fic; the main focus of Jump In The Fire was the beginning of Billy’s relationship with Steve (jumping in at the Harringrove angle) and also setting up friendship relationships between Billy, Nancy, and Jonathan—and, of course, also to “fix” Billy’s relationship with Max. 

In Jump in the Fire, I wanted to make it clear that Billy’s relationship with Susan isn’t contentious or bitter—if anything, they have a good-to-okay relationship. Billy has trouble letting Susan in and has very conflicting feelings about her, and understandably so. He’s traumatized and hurt from the fact that his biological mother, Sandra, outright abandoned him with his abusive father when he was ten; he has major trust issues and a fear of abandonment stemming from that. 

Still, Billy does like Susan. Loves her, when you get down to it. It would be hard not to like a woman who’s been a maternal figure in your life since you were 11/12. But Billy feels conflicted about his feelings towards Susan for three main reasons:

1) He’s not over his own mother’s abandonment

In all honesty, Susan being concerned about Billy's wellbeing didn't come as much of a surprise. In the four-and-a-half years that she and Neil had been married, Susan had taken her role as Billy's stepmother very seriously. At points, even bordering on "replacement mother" territory. If Billy was being truthful with himself, he didn't hate Susan. Hell, he may have even admitted to liking her. And if Billy was feeling extra introspective, he would have admitted that the only thing that compelled him to keep Susan at arm's length was that he still wasn't over the fact that his own mother abandoned him. (Jump in the Fire, chapter 4)

2) He’s angry that Susan doesn’t stop Neil from abusing him (although he acknowledges that it really isn’t her fault...and as mentioned in another chapter, she doesn’t know how bad Neil gets when she’s not home)

Of course, there was also the lingering and maybe-unreasonable resentment that Susan was unable to stop her husband from beating him. But in all fairness, his own mom couldn't do that either. (Jump in the Fire, chapter 4)

2) He’s afraid to acknowledge his feelings because he’s afraid that one day, Susan will leave Neil—and Billy—, taking Max with her. 

The other great thing about his dad not being home was that the mood around the house was a lot lighter. It wasn't anything overt or obvious, it was just the general atmosphere. Billy wasn't as tense; even a little more jokey with Max and Susan. He and Max didn't have to watch their language as much. Even Susan seemed just slightly happier and more relaxed when it was just the three of them in the house.

Billy noticed it. He'd been noticing it for years. And it scared the shit out of him. (Jump in the Fire, chapter 11)

There’s also another reason for Billy’s conflicting feelings: he thinks that accepting Susan as a mom or mother figure would be a betrayal to Sandra (who he has not spoken to since he was 10...)

"Sounds good," Billy smiled softly. "I'm gonna go to bed."

"Yeah, you should," Susan said. "It's late. 'Night, honey."

"'Night, Mom," Billy said as he turned around to head to his room.

He didn't realize what he had said until he was halfway down the hall. Didn't realize that the word "mom" had slipped out of his mouth so effortlessly. He didn't know if Susan had caught the slip. Couldn't bring himself to look back to see if she had noticed it or even heard it. Couldn't help but wonder if, on the chance Susan had caught it, she minded. Or if she resented it because she wasn't his mom. Or if she didn't care either way. Unable to stop his mind from going there, Billy wondered how his actual mother would feel about him calling another woman "mom."

Billy went to sleep that night with the terrible feeling that he committed some horrible, irreparable betrayal. (Jump in the Fire, chapter 11)

Chapter 12 of Jump in the Fire is the first time I wrote anything from Susan’s perspective. In those sections, I wanted to make it clear that Susan not only loves Billy and considers him to be her son, but that she has absolutely no intention of abandoning him. Susan is an adult woman and so she has the insight and emotional maturity to understand why Billy has a hard time fully trusting her and letting himself relax around her. 

I also wanted to make it clear that although Susan knows that Neil hits Billy, she doesn’t actually know the full extent of it. She has her suspicions, and that’s absolutely part of the reason why she chooses to stay married to Neil: she does not want to leave Billy alone with him. 

ANYWAY

I’m writing Talk to a Green Tree to further explore the mother-son relationship between Billy and Susan because I didn’t focus closely enough on it in Jump in the Fire. The fic is written in both Susan and Billy’s perspectives.

The first three chapters of Talk to a Green Tree are about events/ moments that occur pre-Hawkins and the last three chapters are about events/moments that happen when they’re living in Hawkins. 

The focus on two of the chapters are actually mentioned in Chapter 5 of Jump in the Fire. 

The first chapter takes place during the first year of their new family. As mentioned in the chapter, Billy gets horribly sick when he’s 12 years old, and Susan takes a week off of work to stay home with him and take care of him. 

(spoilers if you guys give a shit lol) The next chapter to be published (Chapter three) takes place the summer before they move to Hawkins, when Billy is 15 (almost 16). The chapter is about Billy being drugged and raped at a party and how the next morning, he lets himself be (almost) completely vulnerable with Susan. 

...with the anger came guilt—guilt at feeling angry at Susan because, fuck, she did not deserve that. When he was twelve years old, about seven months after Susan and Neil had said their vows, a severe flu had gone around Billy's school; Billy had caught it. Susan had taken a week off of work to stay home with him. She had kept him hydrated, made him soup, rubbed his back when he threw up. Even helped him into the bath when his 103º fever broke and he felt clammy and sweaty and weak from the illness.

And then, of course, there was the incident in June, a week before Neil broke Billy's collarbone. When Neil was on a weekend trip with his work buddies and Billy had gone to a college party he had no business going to. Had gone to a party and came home at two in the morning, blasted out of his mind despite only drinking one beer. Had spent the entire next day going from curled up and shivering in bed to kneeling on the bathroom floor with his head in the toilet. He had stuffed his blood-stained underwear to the bottom of his trashcan, double-bagged it, and tossed it into the neighbors' trash bin that night.

Susan had taken care of him as best she could with the very limited information that she had. Had given him water and held his hair back, even when he was just dry heaving. Had fucking held him when he cried and cried and couldn't stop.

"Did something happen at the party?" Susan asked softly, rubbing circles onto Billy's back. He shuddered and nodded into her tear-soaked neck. He was practically in her lap. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Billy gasped out. He took a few shaky breaths. Tried to get his tears under control. Failed. "Please don't tell my dad," he begged.

"I won't, sweetheart, I won't," she soothed. She stroked his hair. He cried harder. "I got you, honey, you're okay."

She kept her word and she never pushed him to tell her what happened. She never even brought it up again. (Jump in the Fire, chapter 5)

That chapter is honestly tricky to write. The first part is in Billy’s perspective and actually goes into exactly what happened to him and the second part is in Susan’s perspective, starting with being woken up at 2AM because a sorority girl brings a very out-of-it Billy back home, going into her being pissed off that Billy a) lied about where he was going and b) seems to have gotten so shit-faced that he’s violently ill the next morning...and then having the horrible realization that Billy is probably not just hungover and then having the awful, instinctual feeling that Something Happened to him. 

ANYWAY

I guess at its core, Talk to a Green Tree is about the formation and evolution of a blended family that’s affected by domestic violence and trauma. And it’s about Susan really doing her best to be a good mom to Billy...and about Billy eventually being able to trust Susan and acknowledge to himself that even though Susan isn’t his mother, she is his mom in every way that counts. 

This was very fucking rambly haha.

[liddolwhynot2000]

Decisions Of a Capricorn

____________________________________

Summary: Levi Ackerman woke up one fine morning. In the past. Shit.

Genre: Angst, lets-change-shit, drama, liddol romance (Levixhappiness)

Pairings: Levi/Original Female Character, Levi/Petra

Warning: Manga spoilers

____________________________________

Chapter 2: White Poppy

____________________________________

Summary: Capricorns are responsible and disciplined. You always make the most practical decisions. You think about things thoroughly before acting, and you make choices based on what provides the most benefits for everyone.

Alternatively, Levi decides what to do.

____________________________________

Usually, when he was left alone in his office, Levi was either buried in an absurd amount of paperwork, courtesy of Erwin, or trying to sleep a little.

Today, however, he was simply sitting at his desk and staring mindlessly at the table. He didn't even feel the urge to get himself some tea, too lost in his internal monologue.

He was back in the past. The Godamn shitty past.

Eren hadn't turned into a douche bag yet. Erwin was still alive. 95% of the people that had been dead to him a day ago, were alive and well. And if he played his cards right, he could ensure that at least some of them would stay alive.

He could and would change shit.

But.. How?

Levi was a practical man. He knew his own limits when it came to plotting and planning. There was no way for him to change things in a way that wouldn't result in the rumbling. Not on his own. Only the likes of Hange or Armin or-

Erwin

____________________________________

'Erwin.'

'Yes Levi?'

Erwin continued to work, not even bothering to look at Levi as he filled out forms for the upcoming expedition. It was late at night and the blonde commander was sitting at his desk, working away as everyone else slept. Others would think he was simply sleep deprived and that's why he was hardly paying attention to his trusted captain.

Levi knew better. Erwin was always sharp, he just preferred luring people into a false sense of security that he wasn't.

He leaned back against the couch, crossing his legs casually and took a sip of his tea.

'I've been thinking about your plan.'

'And?'

'I think we made a mistake.'

At this, Erwin calmly settled his pen down and finally deigned to look at him.

'Explain.'

Okay, time to put his plan into motion.

'We're sure that The Armoured and Colossal are like Eren right? Humans that's can transform into titans?'

'Yes.'

'The Colossal Titan and Armoured Titan appeared five years ago. Which means whoever is inside those shitty titans, they have at least five years of experience over Eren. Taking him and my squad into a battle field where they aren't prepared for enemies like that-'

Levi could only feel relief as Erwin's expression lit up with understanding.

'It means that I judged wrong. Of course, not all titan shifters would be like Eren. They've had more time and access to their power. More time to harness it in battle. Eren has hardly had 2 months and still can't transform at will. This makes it difficult to use him as bait to lure out the traitor, because simply put, Eren won't be able to protect himself. In which case, we would risk losing our greatest weapon and... '

Watching him open the drawer and pull out the mission plan, Levi realised that he had forgotten how smart Erwin was. He could practically see the gears turning in his mind. The brilliant bastard was changing the plan as they spoke.

'Exactly. And if the Armoured Titan comes after us, we're fucked. We don't have anyone except Eren who even stands a chance against it. And that's not saying much.'

Levi liked to believe it was sheer dumb luck that Annie had come after them, rather then Reiner. They could at least still fight and capture Annie with their limited resources--Reiner would have gotten away with Eren easily.

'Do you think your squad can take on a titan shifter?'

Levi blinked and snapped out of his thoughts.

'Frankly, no. If the shifter is Eren, he'll get his ass kicked. If it's the Armoured fucker, they're dead.'

His old squad just wasn't able to take on an opponent like that. They were all prepared to take on the worst, however, Levi acknowledged their lack of creativity and improvisation. They would simply think between to kill or to not kill, which was likely what would had gotten them killed in the first place. If they had let Eren transform first and tire out the female titan before they fought her, they would have likely lived. His next squad had proven better then them because of this--for they often found ways to fight and get out of it alive against the shittiest of odds.

'Even if we tell them about the traitor?'

'If we tell them, they'll judge accordingly and try to keep Eren safe no matter what.'

If he instructed his squad of the situation beforehand, he was confident they'd get out of it alive. They weren't the best at spur of the moment thinking, but they were still extremely talented. As long as they stuck to his orders and were informed enough, they'd manage well.

'Do you think we should tell Eren?'

Inwardly, Levi winced at the mention of Eren, remembering that he still hadn't figured out what to do about him.

'Yes. The brat needs to be prepared too. And.. I think we need to give him reasons to trust us.'

Erwin raised an eyebrow at him, silently probing for more. Levi obliged.

'The brat's a Survey Corps fanboy. The hero worship will wear off soon enough. I'd rather our greatest weapon actually trust us because we give him reasons to. Don't want to risk him acting out.'

'Fair. This is rather odd coming from you, I-'

'Don't take this the wrong way. I don't trust him. But he should trust us. We're gambling lives for his shitty ass.'

'Ah. I see.'

'How much are you going to change the plan?'

'I haven't decided yet. I'll tell you by tommorow. I need to think on it a little more.'

'I just want you to let me tell my squad about the traitor. The rest is your shit to figure out.'

'... Well, you do have valid reasons so-'

Levi smirked,

'So act in whatever manner you see fit.'

Levi nodded before making to leave. His job here was done. Just as he was about to shut the door and leave Erwin to strategise, he paused.

'You might regret letting me do what I want.'

Erwin smiled at him.

'No regrets.'

Levi almost smiled back, but instead opted to shut the door.

____________________________________

Early in the morning, Levi walked outside in the courtyard. The sun had risen a while ago and the air had been crisp. It wouldn't be long till his comrades would be awake, so he figured a stroll to clear his mind wouldn't hurt.

Had he made the right decision? Levi honestly didn't know.

Initially, he had planned to just tell Erwin everything. About Marley, Eren letting his inner lunatic out full blast, the truth about the King. But, he had stopped himself.

Maybe it was because he had grown used to not having Erwin around, that he was making decisions on his own? Or maybe it was just that he was tired of following orders that only got people killed?

He hadn't wanted to not tell his squad about the traitor, yet he had obeyed orders and stayed quiet. Resulting in their deaths.

He hadn't wanted to go along with the battle in Stohess District, but he had obeyed orders and watched countless civillians die.

He hadn't wanted to take part in any plan that involved keeping Zeke alive but he had fucking obeyed orders and done it. The end result had been a mass genocide that none of them had been able to stop.

He knew Erwin would lead them well if he knew everything, but for now, he would prefer changing things using his own authority. It was selfish of him, but he had learned his lesson.

Ever since that dark day in that field, when he had made his decision to serve in the Survey Corps, he had always relied on Erwin. Or rather, his orders. It had been easier to let him make all the decisions and just go with it. The objective was always completed, so the cost had always been brushed aside.

Except following orders like that had only worked for singular, short term goals. When it came to the end goal, it had only led to their destruction.

Levi was scared that if he followed Erwin half blind like before, history would only repeat itself. But what if he made it worse? Erwin had always been more visionary. The brains of the operation. Levi was used to being the brawns that just did as told.

He kicked a pebble, sighing. Taking a deep breathe he closed his eyes--only for someone to bump into his chest and fall to the ground.

Levi didn't so much as step back, hardly phased. He frowned at the person rubbing their head as they half lay on the floor.

It was a woman, with startling, long red hair. A basket lay next to her, full of flowers. Some had fallen out of the basket.

'Tch. Watch where you're going.'

The woman looked up at him, vivid pretty green eyes blinked up at him in confusion. Levi raised an eyebrow, and then realisation dawned upon her. She immediately scampered upto her feet

'I'm so, so sorry--I was - I mean- I didn't mean to bump into you Captain. It was an honest mistake.'

'Whatever.'

He rolled is eyes and gestured to the flowers on the ground.

'Well? Clean up this mess'

'Oh yes, of course.'

She began hurriedly picking up the flowers, before nervously apologising to him once more and running off. Just as he was about to walk back to his office, he noticed a flower she hadn't picked up.

Holding it in his hand, he couldn't help feeling a sense of peace. It was a white poppy. Clutching it tightly, he began to climb the stairs to his office, suddenly feeling more sure of himself then ever.

Hange had told him, in one of her I- learned-something-new-so-your-eardrums-have-to-suffer sessions, about what a poppy symbolised. Peace. The end and remembrance of a war. It had been one of the last happy conversations he had with her, right before Eren had unleashed hell on them.

Peace was all Levi had ever wanted--not just for himself, but for everyone living in the walls. And he would try his damned hardest to achieve that.

Yet again, he would believe in his own decisions. This time, he would trust himself even more. Feeding Erwin little information that made sense would be easy enough, the man was intelligent enough to draw conclusions that would benefit them.

And, there were somethings he would prefer that still happened. To keep things predictable for him. Like the 57th Expedition. He would capture Annie this time around and not let the Stohess Battle occur. The wall titans and humanity existing outside the walls could be proven when Historia was made queen and they reached the basement-

Wait, shit.

Historia was still part of the Survey Corps.

____________________________________

Levi stared blankly at the flower on his desk, debating whether if breaking the queen's legs before she was even queen would be considered treason. Because there was no way in hell he was letting her near any danger.

Historia was a game changer. A hope for the war. Levi knew some people would still die, but Historia was one who couldn't. Eren could be replaced, Erwin could be replaced, Levi himself could be replaced, but not Historia. He would have to get her out of the fold safely-

*knock knock*

'Come in' Levi answered without a second thought. Petra entered holding a tray full of biscuits and a steaming cup of tea.

'Captain, here's your morning tea. The staff had some biscuits today too.'

'Ah. Thank you. Just put it here.'

Petra settled the tea cup and plate on his desk, catching sight of the poppy.

'That's a pretty flower captain. Where did you pick it from?'

'I didn't. I got it from some girl.'

If Levi hadn't been busy checking the temperature of his tea, he would have noticed the slightly crushed expression on his comrades face. By the time he looked at her again, the girl was saluting him.

'Petra--go tell the others we'll be doing transformation experiments with Eren today. Everyone has an hour to get ready. If anyone's late, they'll have a special sparring session with me.'

'Yes Sir!'

Watching her leave, he resolved himself. He was doing what he could for them. He would try to get them closer to peace. He found himself looking at the white poppy again, the barest hints of a smile on his face.

He might just have to thank that girl for bumping into him.

.. And look into the law books regarding what injuries to historia wouldn't count as treason. There had to be at least one right?

__________________________________

A/N: hope y'all liked this! Sorry I've been MIA. My dad got pnemoneia and ended up admit in the hospital. Thankfully we caught it in time, so he's recovered well now. But it's been a crazy couple of days.

Soo, I debated Levi being absolutely honest with Erwin and telling him the entire truth but I realized it wouldn't work. The story is going to be set in more changing the timeline from chapter 4 I think, when the expedition starts. I'm actually writing this as I go sooo, *laughs nervously. Also poor historia. Will Levi actually break her legs? Till next time!

(also I'm working on those asks now, so they'll come soon)

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

Finding Your Heart - fic

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Damian Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Dick Grayson, bits of Tim Drake and Stephanie Brown Summary: This wasn’t the way he wanted to find Damian, after everything that happened between them. This wasn’t how he wanted Alfred and Dick to reunite with him either. A/N: Dick was driving the plane. Crane blew up the building on purpose to cover his tracks, and was the one to lock Damian in the lab after he and the nameless henchmen fought. The whole family comes home and basically all live in the cave/Damian’s room as he recovers, and they all have conversations with him about what he was doing, why etc. Damian didn’t kill the guy who stabbed him because he recognized the henchmen was no the problem, Crane was. He’s still a good boy in my book. Glossed over kind of plotholes because I didn’t care enough and it wasn’t the point of this story ok bye. Don’t forget my Pateron and shit!

~~

If Bruce was grateful for anything, it was the fact that no matter what he lost, save for his parents, it always came back.

Jason came back. Dick came back. Tim came back. Stephanie came back.

Alfred, now, came back too.

Damian…he came back. And then he left again.

It was in the back of his mind, as they celebrated Alfred’s return to life, and Dick’s return from amnesia. The fact that their returns were not through darkness, not through aliens, not through a multiverse crashing down around them and changing time.

It was magic. It was a miracle.

But Damian wasn’t here. And Bruce would never ever forget that. Not now, as they shared delivery pizza at the island in the manor’s spacious kitchen. Not in the days after, as things settled back into a semblance of the old normal, with new quirks here and there. Not in the weeks after either, as Alfred returned to being Penny-One, and Dick began to retrain himself to return to the Nightwing title soon.

Just as Bruce would never forget the tears in Dick’s eyes when he explained to him and Alfred what had happened to their youngest. His breakdown, and resolve in the violence. When he explained why.

“It’s not your fault.” Bruce promised, even as Alfred pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, and silently dabbed his eyes. “It’s mine. I…I didn’t see his grief. I didn’t understand how badly he was taking your absences. I didn’t know.”

“But I would have.” Alfred had whispered, closing his eyes.

“We would have.” Dick corrected.

And he’d never forget the despair on grandfather and son alike, when Dick asked if Bruce had any idea where he was, and he had to tell them no.

Damian was a sore subject, to say the least, after that. No one spoke of him, though Bruce found everyone stopping near the case holding his old uniform every so often.

Not a memorial for the dead, this time. But a memorial for the child they failed.

His name was like a bad word, a sour taste, and Bruce never forgot that either.

Most of all, he never forgot it was his fault.

Even now, as he, Tim and Stephanie fought against a gang that he had yet to determine which super villain they associated with, he thought of his son. The one not there, the one he chased away.

How much he could use his help right now. How much he missed him.

God, if Jason knew, he’d be furious. Furious because he didn’t learn the first time around, with him.

The fight was in the streets, and it was becoming a stalemate. Not that he and his partners for the evening would give up. But he was looking for an opening, a moment to retreat, regroup, then reappear with a new attack plan.

But the moment never came, because suddenly one of their enemies shouted.

“Boss said it’s a go! She’s blowin’!”

Before any of them could comprehend the warning, a building down the block – a lab, if Bruce had his bearings right – shuddered in an explosion. Glass from windows spraying into the street, flames pushing out right after. Dust and ash came at them in a typhoon-like wave.

And the gang members in the street laughed.

“You’re fucked.” One nearby cackled. When he came back into view, he had a gasmask on. “You’re so fucked, Batman.”

Bruce punched him in the Adam’s apple, and let him drop to the ground unconscious.

“Something’s in that building.” Bruce said through the comms. “How dangerous?”

“Gotham Labs.” Tim’s voice crackled. Bruce still couldn’t see him in the floating dust. “No major projects that I know of. Or dangerous. Vegan cosmetics was the last big thing I heard about coming from there.”

“And now it’s all up in flames?” Stephanie sighed. “So much for stealing Batman’s credit card on its launch date.”

“Spoiler, please.” Tim snorted.

Before Bruce could scold them, tell them to focus, get them to get these thugs off the street, there was a shriek from the lab, and a shape running from the destroyed building.

“Take care of them.” Bruce ordered. “I’m going up ahead.”

Stephanie and Tim both gave their affirmatives, and jumped back into fighting the henchmen, now with a small element of surprise in the fog. As Bruce ran forward, he saw the shape was a woman in a lab coat.

“Help!” She was screaming. “Someone…anyone! Police! Ambulance! Help!”

“Ma’am.” Bruce called as he approached, careful not to scare her. She turned towards him with tears cascading down her face.

Bruce frowned. She…was clean. No ash, no burns. Her hair wasn’t even out of place. He glanced back towards the building, now smoking.

“Are you alright?”

“What? Oh, me? Yes. I’m fine. We’re all fine.” She sniffed, trying to wipe at her face. “But he’s not. He’s trapped and…and I don’t think there’s any vents in there, and we can’t-”

“He who?”

“I…” The woman paused. “I don’t know. He didn’t give a name. He just…he just appeared! Out of nowhere! Got us all out of the lab, shoved us in the bunker, told us to stay there until help arrived. Then…then the explosion happened, and when we came out to check, he was still in the lab, but…but Batman…”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“He was bleeding when we saw him.” The woman’s tears suddenly flowed harder. “But the canisters were all broken, we could see them.”

“What was in the canisters?”

“I…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The woman cried. “He…he was paying for our other research, and…and he was blackmailing us. We didn’t have a choice.”

Bruce’s stomach dropped.

“Who paid you?” He demanded. “What was in the canisters?”

“Fear gas.” The woman whispered. “Jonathan Crane was forcing us to make it. Mass produce. The…the boy tonight, he saved us, but whatever happened, all the canisters are broken, and the gas is in the lab.”

The woman hid her face.

“And there’s a failsafe on the doors.” She wailed. “That…that fucking shit is dangerous. So if even only one canister malfunctioned, the lab would seal itself shut to contain it.”

“For how long?” Bruce asked. “How long does the lab seal for?”

“I don’t know!” The woman yelled. “Crane installed it! He never told us!” She stopped her foot and pointed from where she came. “But he’s in there, the gas is flooding the place, he’s hurt, I didn’t see him have a respirator, and we can’t get him out!”

Bruce nodded, shoving his own respirator onto his face. “Stay here.”

The woman, surprisingly listened, but shouted information after him. The lab was in the basement, and the remaining scientists were still trying to first reach one of the doors to the lab through the explosion wreckage, and second, try to figure out if they could even open the door.

“Red Robin, when you’re finished, I’ll need you inside.” Bruce called through his communicator as he burst through the doors and looked for a way down. Not hard, when there were various holes in the floor from the explosion. “And both of you, there’s a potential for fear gas in the area. Masks on, now.”

They both returned an affirmative, and Barbara was immediately on the line herself, relaying last known sightings of the Scarecrow.

As Bruce got to the lower levels, he began to follow the voices, the sounds of things being thrown, or pushed. After a few rounded corners, he found the gaggle of scientists, three pushing fallen shelving units and chairs away from a large metal door, and a fourth knelt in front of said door, typing wildly on a keypad.

“It’s…it’s not working!” The typer growled in frustration. “There’s…there’s nothing I can think of! Nothing is working!”

“Then keep thinking!” Another one spat as he threw a table over the heads of the other two assisting him. “That kid is a fucking goner if we don’t get him out of there!”

Unlike the woman outside, Bruce didn’t announce his presence, just silently moved forward. As he reached them, he glanced into one of the windows next to the door, just to see what he was going to be working with. Who he was, hopefully, going to save, and not have to watch die a slow and painful death.

Immediately, his knees went weak.

The lab wasn’t that big. Smaller than an average fast food joint, but bigger than a grocery store public bathroom. Even through the opaque green gas, Bruce could see canisters lining the floor underneath the tables that followed the walls of the room, where microscopes, liquid-filled vials and partially constructed containers sat.

Each canister had a sizable hole in the side, and Bruce could only guess – remote detonation.

But none of that was important, not now, as he tried to stop himself from collapsing to his knees. What was important was the boy in the middle, wearing a black body suit, similar to Nightwing’s, and a black cape with a hood and faded gold trim.

Damian.

“Jesus Christ, no.” He gasped. The scientists nearby jumped, having still not seen him.

Luckily, it was Gotham, and even scientists were disillusioned to the sudden appearance of a vigilante. “We’ve gotta get that kid out of there, Bats. Just one inhale of that crap will make you hallucinate. He’s been in there at least ten minutes, probably more, who knows what the effects could be.”

“Death, probably.” Another one said. The one who spoke slapped her on the arm. “What? I’m being honest! That’s why we don’t have to waste, here!”

Damian hadn’t moved at their ruckus. He was lying on the ground, eyes closed, half curled in on himself, hand clutching his side. There was blood on his fingers, and coming from his nose. Even through the gas, Damian looked dirty. Tired.

Bruce wondered where he’d been sleeping. Was he sleeping? Was he safe?

But then his heart stuttered again, as he noticed something else in the room. In the corner, by a door on the other side of the room. A man. A body.

A body that was, surprisingly, breathing. A body dressed like the gang members outside, that was wearing a respirator that looked suspiciously like one Bruce knew Damian used to carry, when he was Robin.

“…You all need to get out.” Bruce found himself croaking, as his surprise and heartache began to transform into action.

“What? No way. We need to get that kid out!” The one at the keyboard countered. “And…and maybe that other one, I don’t know if he’s even still…”

“I’ll handle it. Now go.” Bruce heard a click on his communicator, other chatter. Alfred it sounded like, to Barbara. Dick, too. He was at the cave with Alfred. The scientists didn’t move. “I said now!”

The four jumped again, and one by one began to slowly move. The last one, the man at the door, stopped on his way. “…You get that kid out, Batman, or so fucking help me.”

Bruce glared down at him. The man shrunk away and ran after his coworkers.

Bruce looked back into the room. The man in the corner was unconscious, he could tell that much. But still.

Bruce put his hand on the window. “…I don’t know what to call you.”

Damian twitched at the noise, and twisted his head to look at Bruce directly. His mask was still green, and it didn’t move as he frowned.

“Oh, great.” Damian sighed, dropping his head. “You.”

“I’m going to get you out, son.” Bruce said. “I promise.”

“Save it.” Damian huffed. But it was quick, and Bruce knew it was because he was trying not to breathe. “I’m not talking to you, Mother.”

Bruce blinked.

The gas. The hallucinations were your fears.

“It’s…it’s me.” Bruce tried instead. “Not your mother.”

Damian turned away, rolled with a groan to lay on his back. “My father doesn’t show up in real life, why would he show up in a fear-induced hallucination?”

Bruce almost smiled at his attitude. He was trying to fight the gas, like it was a sentient being. That was so like him.

God, Bruce missed it.

“I…Rob…” Bruce swallowed. “Da-”

“Do not say another word, Master Bruce.” Alfred scolded on the communicator. His voice was loud. “Focus on getting that door open.”

“I…right.” Bruce shook his head, and crouched, pulling out a code-breaking device from his utility belt.

“Tim will be in to help you in a few minutes.” Dick now, but he sounded distracted. “And we should be only a few minutes behind him.”

Bruce froze. “…What?”

“We’re coming.” Dick said plainly. “We’re coming to get Damian.”

“Wait, no.” Bruce growled. “Nightwing, you’re not recovered yet. A-Alfred, you’re…you are not to be in the field. It’s not safe-”

“And you will have your hands full with the other man in the chamber.” Alfred shot back. “Not to mention, you only have a respirator for yourself. From your cowl footage, it’s clear Damian gave his to that man. You know as soon as you get in there, he will be in the throws of the effects of the gas, and won’t recognize you. He doesn’t recognize you now. He will fight you, or flee, before you can get him any kind of help.”

“And we are not letting that happen.” Dick hissed. “We’re bringing Damian home, Bruce, or so help me-”

“It’s not safe.” Bruce snapped back, hitting buttons on his device. He could hear Damian babbling in the lab now. Talking about how he’s not scared of anything, least of all his father, or his judgment. Which, of course, Bruce knew, meant the complete opposite. He ignored the guilt in his heart, at least for a moment. “You are both to stay in the cave and wait for-”

“Bruce.” Alfred said coldly. “I am coming to get my grandson. Nightwing is coming to get his brother. And there is not a goddamn thing you can do to stop us.”

Bruce heard the distinct sound of a link click off.

“…So…” Stephanie chimed in after a moment. “Red’s on his way in and…I guess I’ll wait out here for Nightwing and, uh, Penny-One to arrive.”

Bruce frowned, squeezed the device in his hand a little too tightly, heard it creak in his grip. He continued to search through codes, the others be damned.

They didn’t know what he would do. Their beliefs were wrong. He wouldn’t worry about the man who clearly stabbed his son. He was unconscious and had a breather. He was fine. Tim could take him, whenever he got there.

No. Bruce would rush in, and he’d take his son into his arms. He’d put pressure on the wound, and hold his boy, no matter how hard Damian fought him, no matter how deep in the gas’s hallucinations he was.

He’d hold his son and this time, he was not letting go. For anything, or anyone.

He heard Tim arrive behind him, and glanced back into the chamber as Tim pulled a wire from his glove to plug into the keypad on the door. Damian was muttering to himself now. But more than that, he was trembling. Sweating. His eyes were wild behind the mask, darting back and forth, or trying to keep them closed, and failing.

He stood, put his hand on the thick glass. He wondered what Damian was seeing, hearing. “Son.” He called, and Damian twitched, curling deeper into himself. “Focus on my voice.”

“No.” Damian shot back.

“Batman, it’s not a good idea.” Tim offered, clicking away on his pad. “You know he’s hearing things. It’s not coming across as you.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t try.”

“Doesn’t mean it won’t be construed into something else by the time he hears it.” Tim snapped. “You know that.”

“So you want him to lie in there and suffer?” Bruce shot back. He saw Tim tighten his jaw. “The least we can do is try.”

“The least we can do is focus on getting him out of there.” Tim countered. “So save your emotional vomit for later and help me.”

He huffed a frustrated breath, but…Tim was right. Of course Tim was right. So he pushed at the door, testing how tight it was, if the explosion had loosened it at all, and settled back in next to Red Robin to hack into the system.

The code was seven digits, and after they believed they figured out three, Bruce glanced over to make sure Tim had his respirator on. Glanced up at the unsteady building around them, that could theoretically collapse on them all at any moment. After four numbers, he glanced back to Damian. His trembles had manifested constant twitching now. Fingers, ankles, lips.

The gas seemed to be settling a little now, the room a little less green. That didn’t help, of course, since Damian was on the floor, where said gas was settling. But it would make containment easier. Wouldn’t reach the city, or any one who wasn’t in this room.

One less thing standing between he and his boy.

His heart fluttered when they hit the fifth digit. Hope, he could hope, he had hope. Damian had hope.

And when Tim’s device dinged for the sixth a moment later, Nightwing and Penny-One appeared in the doorway.

Dick was in his full Nightwing uniform, the one he hadn’t yet worn since before the amnesia. The one he was wearing when he was shot, Bruce realized, as he noticed the shadow of the large bloodstain on the costume’s neck.

Alfred was in black and dull green tactical gear, a black eye mask and a clear respirator adorning his face. He had a shotgun in hand, but Bruce saw at least one more handgun on his hip.

He forgot sometimes, Alfred used to be in the British army.

“Move.” Alfred demanded. Tim shifted to the side of the door, eyes still on his tablet. Bruce didn’t. “Batman, I won’t ask again.”

“He really won’t.” Nightwing mused as they walked forward. He was just finishing putting on his own rebreather. “Seriously, Bruce. Let us handle this.”

“He is my son.” Bruce countered, but his voice wasn’t right. It wasn’t as authoritative. It was almost whiny.

Almost scared.

“And you ran him off in the first place.” Alfred countered. “So the likelihood that you are the first one he’d want to see is almost zero.”

“Not to mention, there’s an asshole in there who, by the looks of it, stabbed him.” Nightwing added, glancing into the window. “So it’d probably be better if you took care of that guy than one of us because let me tell you, B. We’re already not happy.”

Alfred pumped his shotgun. “Indeed.”

“We’d also like some cover, if you don’t mind.” Dick said brightly. “There’s still been no sign of Crane. And if he or anyone else shows up while we’re trying to wrangle Damian, there could be trouble.” Dick looked over with a dark grin. “And we don’t want any more trouble, you know?”

And he did. Bruce did know. Bruce knew all of that, and on a normal case, he’d have already suggested and done all of it.

But, still. His heart was getting in the way. For once, his heart was overriding his head, and all he found himself saying was, “But he’s my son…”

For the first time that night, Alfred softened a little. He put a hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “So let us help you get your son home safely.”

At that moment, Damian screamed. No words, just a loud sound as he dropped to his back, body bowing as his chest and hips lifted.

Dick swallowed. “Red.”

“I’m working on it!” Tim snapped, angrily punching buttons on his tablet. There was the sound of something falling across the room. “I think if I can just…”

The tablet beeped, and the door sighed as the seal broke.

Dick was at the door instantly, digging his fingers into the seam until the door shifted. Bruce grabbed it too, pulling it until the gap was wide enough for their bodies to slip through.

“Kid!” Dick was calling as he fell into the room first. Damian growled in response. Dick jumped across the room anyway, dropping to his knees. “I’ve got you.”

Tim got into the room next, and he silently went for Damian’s assailant. Then Alfred, who followed Dick. Bruce remained just inside the room.

“Can you hear me?” Dick asked quietly, running his hand over Damian’s hair. “Can you hear me, D?”

“Fuck off.” Damian gasped, pulling away from Dick’s hand and struggling to twist up onto his elbows. His cape twisted around his biceps. “F-fuck off, I don’t have to listen to you.”

“I know.” Dick said smoothly. He glanced at Alfred, who already had gauze out, and was trying to assess Damian’s injuries. “…Do you know who you’re talking to?”

“What, did Satan suddenly forget his own name?” Damian spat, waving his arm like he was swatting at a fly around his head. “We already had this conversation last time I was in Hell, you twat.”

Bruce felt himself twitch at the statement. But he didn’t get any more time to think about it, as Tim was calling, “Any time you feel like it, Batman!”

Bruce shook his head, running over to help Tim with the other man in the lab.

“So yes, I know your name. And I know what you’re going to say.” Damian droned as he slowly shifted to his knees. “I know my parents hate me. I know I’m worthless. I know it’s my fault everyone is dead. Or was there something else you’d like to add?”

“…Oh, my boy.” Alfred whispered, and Damian froze. His eyes went wide as he slowly sat back on his knees. “My boy, it’s alright.”

Damian blinked, and tears appeared in his eyes. Almost robotically, he turned his head towards Alfred. “No.”

Alfred smiled. “Yes, my dear. It’s me. I’m here.”

“No!” Damian wailed. He turned back towards the room, searching. Eventually his eyes landed on something above and behind Dick’s shoulder. “Get him out!”

Dick glanced behind him, just to make sure there was nothing, and even looked over towards Bruce and Tim. They both shrugged.

“Pennyworth does not belong in Hell.” Damian hissed. “You’ve stolen him, haven’t you. You’ve stolen him and you’ve trapped him here, you overgrown piece of shit. No wonder you were kicked out of Heaven, you absolute waste of space!”

Damian tried to lunge, but the slice in his side reacted to the movement, and he recoiled instantly, shoving his hand against it.

“I’ll duel you.” He decided. “I’ll duel you for his soul, and I’ll kill you. Then I’ll rule Hell, and I’ll be sure to get all the souls you’ve stolen out.”

“Damian.” Alfred tried softly. He passed the gauze to Dick. “My dear boy, I’m not in Hell.” He reached out and carefully took Damian’s hand between both of his. Damian’s eyes, impossibly, grew wider, as he turned to look at Alfred once more. “And neither are you.”

“I should be.” Damian breathed. “I should be for what I did to you.”

“You did nothing to me.” Alfred promised. “What happened wasn’t your fault.”

It was mine. Bruce thought, as he rolled the man and pulled his arms together for Tim. It was mine, and I let Damian take the blame.

“I should have done something. I should have figured something else out.” Damian gasped, tears rolling down his face. He jerked, but didn’t take his eyes off Alfred, as Dick pressed the gauze to his side. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Damian.” Alfred promised, squeezing Damian’s hand. “Absolutely nothing.”

“D, I need you to breathe.” Dick hummed. Damian jumped again, looked towards him. “Or, well, I need you to breathe slower. In and out.”

“I’m sorry.” Damian continued, eyes looking around the space, looking right through Dick. There was an accent in his voice now, and both Dick and Alfred knew too well that his accent only returned when their boy was at his lowest. “Pennyworth, I…I should have sacrificed myself. Bane would have happily killed me instead of you.”

“Don’t talk like that.” Alfred continued to try to soothe. “Damian, just focus on my voice, alright?”

“I should have let him kill me. I should have been there for Grayson.” Damian rambled. “I could have pushed him out of the way. Taken the bullet.” He tried to tug his hand from Alfred’s but the old man wouldn’t let go. “That’s why I’m here. That’s why I belong here. I failed you, and I failed Grayson and I am worthless so of course I belong down here in this god forsaken pl-”

“Hey.” Dick whispered. Balancing holding the pressure against Damian’s wound in one hand, he reached for Damian’s free hand with the other. Damian’s fingers twitched in his grip, and he watched with almost glee as recognition hit Damian’s eyes. “Kiddo, you didn’t fail me.”

Damian’s tears fell faster.

“You have never failed me a day in your life.” Dick smiled. “And look, see? I’m right here. I’m fine.”

“G-Grayson?” Damian murmured hopefully.

“Right here, Damian.” Dick nodded. Damian blinked at him, then looked at Alfred, then back. Then his eyes seemed to roam the room, like he was seeing it for the first time. He even looked over to Bruce, Tim and the man in the corner. “I came home.”

“…I’m sorry.” Damian whispered, looking back towards Dick. “I should have been there.”

Dick kept his grin, and shook his head. “No, you shouldn’t have.” He glanced behind Damian, watched as Alfred let go of his hand to reach into one of his pockets. It reappeared with the extra respirator they had brought, and he silently held the back of Damian’s head as he pressed it to his face. Once again, Damian didn’t seem to notice the action, nor Alfred retaking his hand. “I’m frankly real damn glad you weren’t.”

“It’s my job to protect Batman. My Batman.” Damian continued, frantically trying to blink the tears from his eyes. He turned to Alfred. “It’s my job to protect my family.”

“It’s not.” Alfred smiled too. “Your job as always been to allow us to love you, and to come home safe at the end of the day.”

“Your job is to be a kid.” Dick added. “Right now, your job is to not bleed out on this floor. Think you can do that for me?”

But Damian was shaking his head. Damian was pulling his trembling hands from theirs and hiding his face behind them as he doubled over himself and pressed his head to his knees.

“I’m sorry.” He cried. “I’m so sorry.”

“…I don’t think he believes they’re real.” Tim whispered as he leaned back from the unconscious man.

Bruce shook his head. “He won’t until his system is free of the gas.”

“Or until he stops losing blood.” Tim hummed. “We’ve gotta get him back to the cave.”

“I’m so sorry.” Damian continued across the room. “Please forgive me. Please, please forgive me.”

“…I agree.” Bruce sighed. He watched as Alfred pulled Damian’s hand back into his, and ran the other along the back of his head. As Dick, keeping one hand against the injury, wrapped his arm around Damian’s back and leaned his cheek on his shaking spine. “We need to get him home.”

“Want me to deal with this guy while you go with them?” Tim asked, pushing himself onto his feet.

Bruce watched for a moment longer. Listened as Damian sobbed, as Damian hated himself. Watched as Dick closed his eyes in sorrow, as Alfred wiped away his own tears too.

“No, I’ll…I’ll stay. They have him.” Bruce admitted, despite how tight his heart felt. “The more of us finishing this up, the faster we can all get home and be with him.” Tim nodded and helped Bruce to his feet, then leaned over to haul the man up. “…Nightwing.”

Dick opened his eyes and glanced over. After a moment, he nodded and sat back up. “Alfie.”

Alfred nodded too, reaching into another pocket and pulling out a syringe. Dick gently rolled Damian to his side, which Damian surprisingly allowed, and carefully gathered the boy into his arms.

“P-Please forgive me.” Damian continued, still hiding his eyes behind his one hand. As soon as he was settled, Alfred leaned forward and plunged the needle into his throat.

Like everything else, the fear gas made it so Damian didn’t notice.

They were all silent as the effects took hold. As Damian’s cries slowed, and tapered off into slow, watery breathes. As his hand dropped from his face in unconsciousness.

It was like a funeral procession as they left the remnants of the lab. Dick first, Damian in his arms. Alfred right behind them. Tim and Bruce bringing up the rear with the nameless man between them.

On the street, the GCPD were already swarming, taking the rest of the gang into custody. The plane Alfred and Dick brought sat in the middle of the road not far away.

“Get him home.” Bruce murmured as he passed Dick. “Call with any updates. We should be back soon.”

“Take your time.” Dick hummed. “It’s going to take us a while to get him stable.”

Bruce nodded, and gave Dick’s shoulder a grateful squeeze. He nodded to Alfred, who gave him a grim smile, and then they parted ways. Bruce watched as they loaded into the plane, as it took off down the street.

He exhaled, and let himself smile, just a little.

He’d found him. He’d found his boy.

It was another two or so hours before the rest of them could clamor home, the city saved, the day won. They’d found Crane, and they each took an extra punch or two to him, in honor of Damian.

But when Bruce stepped out of the Batmobile in the cave, the first sound to greet his ears was Damian crying. Still.

He frowned as he moved up the stairs. Had the gas not worn off yet? Why hadn’t they given him an antidote?

But he stopped as the medbay came into view. Damian was hooked up to every machine available, injuries bandaged and Dick was lying next to him on the cot. Damian himself was sat up, and engulfed in the embrace of one Alfred Pennyworth.

“You’re alive.” He was wailing, clinging to Alfred’s torso. To Dick, who was rubbing his back, he cried, “You came back.” Then to both, even as Alfred tried to wipe at the boy’s eyes. “You’re both here.”

“Like we could ever stay away from you, kiddo.” Dick smirked.

But still, among the tears of relief and reunion, was the litany that wasn’t as influenced as the fear gas as they’d hoped.

“I’m sorry.” Damian whispered. Alfred just stroked at his hair. Dick just rolled over and wrapped his arms around his waist, careful of the now bandaged stab wound nearby. “I’m so sorry. For everything that’s happened. For everything I did. Everything I didn’t do.”

It was something they’d have to work on, all of them. And a confrontation was coming, Bruce knew. But that was okay. That was fine. It didn’t matter. There was only one thing that mattered. One thing that Bruce, and everyone, was grateful for.

Damian was home.

[buddietomytarlos]

9-1-1 S4 Ep4 Thoughts *Spoilers*

Thoughts are under the cut :)

- I’m so excited and scared to find out what the Buckley secret is.

- ARMED HOOLIGANS… ma’am being sprayed with water— MAY POPPING OFF WITH THE CODES WHAT A QUEEN. wait what the hell just happened—

- BUCK AND EDDIE ARE TOTALLY THAT COUPLE WHO WATCH MURDER MYSTERIES TOGETHER TO FIGURE OUT WHODUNNIT

- But Chim acting weird around Buck… what could he have found out asdfgjkl;

- Buck calling him and Maddie a united front 🥺🥺 saying that she cannot leave his side.

- LMAOOOOOO ALBERT FUCKING TAKES OFF. My mom and I are giggling to ourselves

- THE 118 FAHSDJFAKS. The way he goes down the pole lmao.

- May and Michael 🥺🥺🥺 Healthy family bonds ahhhh

- GOD no wonder she was murdered. NOT HER TRYING TO MURDER THEIR DOG. It ain’t that serious ma. I love those suburb mystery episodes.

- Buck taking in deep breaths aw my poor baby. Why do the Buckley parens care about nicknames lol like??

- … the way his parents don’t seem to care about him whatsoever literally I am 🤬🤬🤬

- CHIM LEAVING IMMEDIATELY. Also “is everything alright?” that’s what a therapist is for

- the second the flour came into play on that woman I just KNEW it was gonna be her lol

-May confiding in Cap PLEASE

- CONGRATULATIONS GRADUATE AHHHHHHH. It has her name 🥺🥺🥺

- WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE BOMB ASPECT OF THE EP-

- “You shouldn’t be doing that.” Gathering all the information you can??

- Eddie discreetly telling Chim he knows and that he’ll tell Cap. King sit!

- Chim really telling this bomber about Buck’s family secret fhajkdfk also I love them paralleling the conversations it’s something 9-1-1 does fantastically

- CHIM GOING IN FOR THE HIT DAMNNNNNNN KING SHIT!!!!! what a legend

- STAN CALLING OUT BUCK AND EVERYONE ASKING CHIM ABOUT IT

- Hen not wanting to be a part of it 🥺🥺 

- Even though no one can hear her, Athena saying “like a damned cat” lolol

- SHE SHOT HERSELF… BECAUSE OF A DOG… damn that sucks bro lmao

- “From what you hear?” BITCH BUCK LOOKS SO SAD I JUST WANNA GIVE HIM A HUG. “Cause you could’ve come.” Buck looking between his mom and Maddie, knowing they’re keeping something.

- “When do I get mine.” BUCK 😭😭😭

- “Yeah, people make mistakes. Doesn’t mean you give up on them.” !!!!!!

- Buck going off is something that’s been long needed we love to see it.

- “And you wanna know why I am really in therapy? It’s because I have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment.” 😭😭

- “We were supposed to? We were kids!” A lot of adults make their (usually oldest) kid(s) out to be an adult when their not and in my family that is absolutely prevalent and it SUCKS. I’m a 22 year old adult who knows I have to grow up but because I’ve been taking care of everyone, I still act like a teenager. This hits so fucking hard rn

- “Love me anyway.” the way his voice broke a bit bye 😭😭

- What are these sounds Buck is making… but also Eddie being right there and knowing exactly what he’s doing because he did the same yup yup

- “Two dinners and I am back to being a 12 year old trapped between my sister and my parents… and now? Planning my awkward apology.” APOLOGY FOR WHAT?? SPEAKING YOUR FEELINGS? YOU DON’T NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR THEM BEING BAD PARENTS TO YOU AND MADDIE BUCK 🥺🥺

- “What do you have to apologize for? Did you say something that wasn’t true?” Okay yes perfect response but also you know he’s a good dad as well because he listens and says these kinds of things… did that make any sense??

- “I’ve been down that road. I don’t recommend it.” !!!!!!!

- “Can’t imagine why.” THE WAY HE SAID IT LOL

- THE 9-1-1 CUPCAKES AWW

- Daniel Buckley. “He was our brother” 😭😭 but like why keep that from Buck? 

[singofsolace]

Miranda Otto’s Filmography as seen through a specific lens

otherwise known as: I watched some of these things so you don’t have to. But more specifically, I want to share basic information about which of her films and tv series require trigger warnings. Honestly, I’ve never recovered from some of them (thinking about In Her Skin... but also Homeland... because what the actual fuck, Saul?)

This isn’t a complete list. It’s only 21 of over 60 credits Miranda has to her name, but I think these are probably some of her most famous roles. Please let me know what you think of these brief descriptions, and whether anything should be added or removed.

It should go without saying that there are spoilers below. Read at your own risk.

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina:  Zelda Spellman

A powerful role, but be aware Zelda is abused, raped (implied), and violently murdered (twice)

Downhill: Charlotte

I love this woman with all my heart, okay? Miranda Otto is supposed to be playing the most heterosexual woman ever, and instead manages to make every single scene gay as fuck.

The Silence: Kelly Andrews

Gets her leg mutilated (also it’s implied that she and Kiernan’s character would be made sex slaves by this random cult that shows up... which is super tasteful and not at all disgusting)

Annabelle: Creation: Esther Mullins

Face mutilated, eventually murdered (I think? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this one)

24: Legacy: Rebecca Ingram

Powerful woman kidnapped, tortured, and violently murdered

Homeland: Allison Carr

Powerful woman violently attacked by her former lover in full view of her coworkers. Riddled with bullets while she is curled in a trunk.

The Daughter: Charlotte

I’ve made a whole post about how I think Charlotte was raped by her employer, and that it therefore shouldn’t be framed as a sexy affair… but here we are.

I, Frankenstein: Leonore

Powerful woman kidnapped and used as a bargaining chip. I’ve also made a post about this one, and how Miranda Otto claims this part could have been played by a man, but the blatant sexism around the kidnap and ransom—making a woman who is the leader of warriors powerless to fight back against her attackers, and having her rescued in a way that frames her as a damsel in distress (complete with bridal carry)—makes me believe that Miss Otto doesn’t notice just how much sexism was written into the role.

Reaching for the Moon: Elizabeth Bishop

While as a whole, this movie is beautiful and wonderful and one of my all-time favorites, we need to still acknowledge that Lota and Elizabeth were in an incredibly toxic relationship—which I actually think is great representation, because abuse doesn’t just happen between a husband and a wife, or a boyfriend and a girlfriend, it can happen to anyone with any partner.

Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries: Lydia Andrews

I unapologetically adore Miranda in this one. She is so convincing as the grieving widow that the plot twist caught me completely by surprise. This is perhaps the only role that I’ve seen Miranda play where a bad woman was brought to justice, but in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with her gender. Justice was neutral and exacted without prejudice, in this case.

In Her Skin: Mrs. Barber

This is one of the most upsetting and disturbing films I’ve ever seen. Miranda Otto is brilliant in it, but playing the role of a mother whose daughter went missing (and then was brutally murdered) definitely took its toll. I will never understand why the movie released an interview during which Miranda was clearly distraught. She breaks down into tears multiple times just trying to talk about this movie (which was a real-life murder case).

Cashmere Mafia (TV Series): Juliet Draper

Okay, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Juliet Draper. I would cherish her and dote on her for the rest of her life if she were my wife. But in the actual show, her husband is a serial cheater. When her friends find out about it, they don’t judge her broken marriage, but they do give her the courage she needs to leave him. They tell her she deserves more—and she does!! But in the final episode there is a pretty disturbing plot about a multi-millionaire who wants to buy not only her Hotel company but also her… which is exactly as bad as it sounds.

War of the Worlds: Mary Ann

Miranda Otto is heavily pregnant and glowing in a grand total of five minutes of this movie, but oh, what wonderful five minutes!!

The Lord of the Rings: Eowyn

This is the role for which Miranda is most famous. I have nothing bad to say about Eowyn, except that she ought to have been given more screen time, and that there shouldn’t have been that creepy plot about the King’s advisor or whoever wanting to have sex with her. It was incredibly unnecessary and frames Eowyn as a potential victim in the beginning, which was completely unnecessary in terms of character/plot development. 

Danny Deckchair: Glenda Lake

Glenda Lake is a precious cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure. Please for the love of Otto watch this film for baby Miranda in a sweet romantic comedy.

Julie Walking Home: Julie Makowsky

I don’t understand this film at all. It has one of the most absurd plots I’ve ever seen. Miranda’s husband/partner cheats on her and gets caught, and then he gets violent (in front of her children and multiple adult witnesses!!), and then their son gets cancer, and then she goes to Poland, and then a Healer tries to cure her son, and it works for a while, and eventually Julie (Miranda) has sex with the Healer, in order to teach him how to have sex? and then she gets pregnant by this man, and then her son’s cancer comes back, and then the Healer runs for the hills, and then her former partner takes her back so that they can all be a family again....?!?!?!?!

Human Nature: Gabrielle

This film made Miranda popular with a lot of creepy old men (okay maybe just Bruno Barreto based on this interview… (seriously I am so uncomfortable with the way he’s like… oh yes, I knew her from that film... and then later *places his hand on her bare knee/thigh* Lowell doesn’t give a shit about (Elizabeth/Miranda) being awkward! 

(the implication being that Lowell is only interested in getting Elizabeth into his bed...)

anyway… she plays a sexy French scientist, who isn’t actually French. There’s lots of lingerie, dancing, and kissing.

The Jack Bull (TV Movie) Cora Redding

Miranda Otto dies an incredibly violent death in period costume for no apparent reason besides generating male pain.

Dead Letter Office: Alice Walsh

Young!Miranda is so cute in this, but there’s a sort of ambiguously creepy older man-younger woman relationship… because Alice (Miranda) is looking for a father figure… and anyway I don’t remember this film well enough to comment more specifically, but I remember it being lovely except for the age difference between Alice and the guy in charge of the missing letters.

Doing Time for Patsy Cline: Patsy

I watched this purely for Miranda, and I do think it’s good, but only her part in it. Miranda plays the “busty bimbo with a heart” incredibly well. I remember being scared for her character, because her husband was a mean drunk/drug addict, but I don’t think any actual violence gets portrayed… but someone who has watched this more recently can correct me if I’m wrong.

Sex is a Four Letter Word

I only made it through half of this film before I turned it off. I wouldn’t watch it unless you’ve ingested/inhaled some substances and don’t mind people monologuing about their terrible sex experiences. 

...

Let me know if you’d like to know more about any of these films!

[sparkie96]

"I would never doubt you" Chreon

(Spoiler alert this takes place during the Umbrella Leon AU)

He tried his bonds once more and huffed out of frustration, giving a defeated sigh before reclining in his seat. Leon looked around at the fancy and oh so interesting interior that was the interrogation room of the BSAA Headquarters. He had just come back from an assignment with Neo-Umbrella; a bittersweet dinner with Director Derek C. Simmons. A man he wasn't supposed to be working for to begin with, but he missed his window of opportunity and he was not dragging Sherry or anyone else down with him. Not again. 

He had been on his way back to his hotel when he had been grabbed, bagged and bound before being tossed into the back of a truck. 

At first, Leon contemplated his captors, wondering just who was ballsy enough to grab him in broad daylight like this. It wasn't until he heard Jill Valentine's voice in the truck did he realize who caught him. The only question was...why? 

Well, actually that was a lie. He knew why...and his other question was whether or not Captain Beefcake was going to be here. He hoped so...he and Chris were supposed to start their new life together...but he had been "arrested" by "United States Officials" after the ambush and separated from Chris, Sherry and their escorts. Luckily, they had made it out...but Leon was back to playing errand boy for the very organization he had tried to get away from. 

When he tried to reach out to Chris, he had been barred. He then volunteered to take the assignment in Edonia, but a woman who looked and sounded like Ada, but was not Ada, pretty much told him to fuck off. She had heard about his romps with Chris and told him that if he wasn't so appealing to their employer, he would have been one of her pet projects. That and he was apparently still on "probation" so he wouldn't be allowed any assignments like he was used to. 

So, angered and heartbroken, Leon had no choice but to let the woman go and no way of even warning Chris and his men of the threat that was coming. He even tried to reach out to Sherry secretly, but his letters had been returned, big red "Return to Sender" stamped on the front of each and every one. 

He had been alone and cut-off...isolated...until now. 

The door to the interrogation room opened and Leon nearly jumped for joy when he saw Chris, "Holy shit! You're alive! What happened? Where's Sherry?" 

Almost two years...it had been almost two years since he had last seen Chris or Sherry. Almost two years since he had seen the people he had considered to be his family.

The man looked annoyed with him, slamming a file down on the table and startling Leon in the process. The smile melted from the agent's features, replaced by a look that was a mix of concern and confusion.

"Chris?" Leon asked, reaching for the man despite the cuffs.

"That's Captain Redfield to you, fugitive." The man snarled, "Especially after what you did to my men." 

Leon furrowed his brows in confusion. Fugitive? "What are you talking about?" 

Chris scoffed, opening the file and throwing pictures at the younger. Pictures of places and people he didn't recognize, "Don't fucking play dumb with me! You caused all of this! You and that bitch!" 

Leon gave a look of offense, but tried to contain his emotions as he looked over the photos. He didn't know this place...nor did he know these people or recognize the mutations of the monsters. A new virus perhaps? And what the hell was all this? Was this what happened in Edonia? He hadn't heard details about it. 

He shook his head, "I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about." 

Chris slammed his fist on the table and stood, getting in close and scaring the agent, "Don't fucking lie to me! You and that Wong bitch killed all of my men, killed innocents all across Edonia and then attacked Jake Muller and Agent Birkin's plane!" 

Leon's eyes widened in shock, frozen in place as a cold, sickening feeling washed over him. Agent

...Birkin? He slowly shook his head, feeling like he was about to have a panic attack. No...no, no, no! Sherry...she was supposed to be safe with Claire! She wasn't ever supposed to be involved with any of this ever again! 

His stomach churned as Chris told him angrily what had happened, showing Leon a photo of someone who looked remarkably like himself with that not Ada woman. Leon felt so confused, shaking his head fervently. No, that wasn't him. He had never been to Edonia! What the fuck was this?!

"You told me back then you wanted to change!" Chris hollered accusingly, "You wanted out of this life! But then you fucking disappear for nearly two years and then pull this shit?!" 

"Chris, this isn't me!" Leon protested, "I didn't...I don't know what this is! Please! I've never even been to Edonia!" 

"Then who the fuck is this?!" Chris exclaimed, showing a picture of the imposter, "You telling me that this isn't you? Cause, it looks like you to me!" 

"It's not! I swear!" Leon argued, "Please, you got to believe me!" 

"Why should I?!" Chris hollered, throwing the picture at him, Kevlar gloved hands angrily gripping the table as the bigger man invaded his space, "You fucking promised and then this shit happens! You killed innocent people and good men!" 

"I did not!" 

"I fucking saw you with my own eyes, Kennedy!" 

"Chris I would never…!" 

"THEN WHY DID YOU?!"

The agent was speechless, unsure of what to say. What could he say? He didn't know what the fuck had happened nor did he know what was going on. He knew he never stepped foot in Edonia, but Chris knew what he saw, and there were even photos of this mysterious doppelganger. He didn't believe Leon and Leon didn't know how he could protest his innocence. 

"I trusted you…" Chris said, calming and sitting back in his seat, "I fucking poured my heart out to you and gave it to you...and then you disappeared. And when I finally see you again, you betray me and kill everyone I trust..." 

Leon felt like his heart was breaking in his chest as he looked up at the man he loved. Those eyes that used to look at him with love now cold and looked upon him with hatred. His composure was wavering, feeling like he was about to break down and beg for forgiveness. He reached for Chris's hand, but the man pulled away, hurting Leon even more. 

"I don't know what to say…" Leon confessed, "I know I wasn't there...but you know what you saw…" 

Chris studied him, as though contemplating something. What? Only the man knew. 

Leon cleared his throat, "You want justice for your men...and whatever happened to Sherry and this "Jake" person. That's understandable." 

Chris leaned back in his seat, not replying, but simply watching. Leon looked down at the floor, trying not to cry. 

Leon looked up at him through dark locks, "I would never doubt you or your judgement. In the end...I know you'll do the right thing." 

Again, he was met with silence, but he could see it in the man's eyes as they softened. He was slowly breaking through the stoic and cold exterior. Before either could say or do anything, a young man wearing a scarf came in and informed Chris that they needed to move out soon. Their flight to China would be leaving later on, but they needed to go over the briefing with the team and prepare in the meantime. 

Leon looked between the two before settling his gaze on Chris, the man giving a nod and thanking "Lieutenant Nivans" before packing up the file and standing. 

"Wait!" Leon protested, pulling at his cuffs and reaching for Chris as best as he could, "Please...I need to know about Sherry. Is she still alive? She's okay, right?" 

Chris merely looked down at him, not saying a word but turning back to Nivans, "Have Parker and Quint escort this man to a cell. I'll question him more and we'll figure out what to do with him when we get back." 

Leon shook his head, crying and screaming for Chris as two men entered in and Chris left. The bigger man undoing and adjusting his cuffs until his arms were bound behind his back, despite Leon's thrashing. They held the struggling man by his arms, Leon calling for Chris and begging for him to come back, insisting he could help. 

They had passed a room filled with soldiers and desks, passed through several corridors and made their way down a long hallway filled with cells. Leon waited and then stumbled, making it seem like there was something wrong with his leg. When the big guy, "Parker" bent down to check, Leon had headbutted him. The man stumbled back, cursing in Italian while holding his nose in pain. 

The shorter man, "Quint" tried to get a hold on Leon, but the agent kneed him in the groin. When the bald man doubled over, Leon kneed him in the face, knocking him out. Parker reached for him, but Leon got into a crouch before sweeping his leg, knocking Parker's legs out from under him. He knocked him out as well. 

After bending and twisting until his arms were in front of him, Leon retrieved the key to the cuffs from Parker, "Sorry, boys...but I need to find my daughter and prove my innocence to the man I love, and sitting in a cell counting my days isn't going to help me do it." 

Once freed, he bolted down the hallway, reaching an emergency exit. He flew through the door and ran. He didn't know what the fuck was going on...but most likely he had been set up. For What? He still wasn't completely sure. 

One thing he did know what that he needed to find Ada. The real Ada. No doubt she would catch wind of this, especially if there was a nut job parading around as her. Together, they would get to the bottom of this. Then he would go to China and help Chris before something bad happened. 

But first, he had to make a stop in Tall Oaks where his hotel was and get some supplies. 

[kyber-kisses]

Too Soon (part.10)

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: ye old supernatural gore, spoilers for 15x03, more angst.

Summary: With the reader back on earth, she does what she can to help while Dean becomes over protective.

A/n: 15x03 fucked me up in more ways than I care to admit- it also helped fuel my creativity for this series. The angst is only rising my friends...

The moment your eyes opened, your body was lurching forward, fingers pulling on the handle of the backseat to open the door with a familiar click. You weren’t sure if it was the concussion or something else, but it had you feeling even more dizzy than normal, yet this time it was accompanied by a wave of nausea that had you dropping to the pavement as you fell out of the car. The ground digging in to your already scratched up hands as you gagged. If your stomach had food in it, it all would have come up at this point, but there wasn’t, which lead to you doubling over into a massive fit of coughing.

The world around you tilted on its axis, your head feeling like a bowling ball with too much weight on one side. Even your hearing was out of wack, everything sounded warped and muffled as you attempted to suck in air. Your lungs felt like they were being crushed under an immense weight.

As the rest of your body began to slump towards the pavement you could hear the muffled yells of your name, the blurry figure of Dean running into view. You could tell it was him by the set of bow legs quickly advancing on you.

At least it was him and not some insane spirit.

His hands were on your shoulders before you could even register how close he was. “Y/N!” His voice urgent as he helped you to lean back against one of the impalas tires.

You tried to inhale yet again, finding it difficult to get air into your lungs. Trying desperately to refocus your vision, your wide eyes found his own. You heartbeat was erratic, the force of it making you believe the organ might jump out of your chest.

Deans mind was a flurry of thoughts as he tried to think of a way to help you. “Y/N, I need you to try and calm down, can you do that for me sweetheart? Let’s try taking a deep breath.” He finished, inhaling slowly and signaling for you to follow along.

Doing as he said, you slowly sucked in oxygen, all the while your fingers gripping tightly to the sleeves of his flannel. Slowly, but surely the world came back into focus and stopped spinning, revealing a very worried and scared Dean Winchester.

“Are you okay? What the hell happened?” He questioned, eyes inspecting your face once he knew it was safe to ask.

“I don’t- I don’t know.” You shook your head, feeling your eyes burn with tears. “ I woke up and- and this feeling just washed over me. I couldn’t breathe. My vision went. . .” Wiping a hand across your face, you looked back up at the hunter. “Dean, what’s wrong with me?”

The way Dean was looking at you said that he wished he had an answer, but he didn’t. The two of you silently agreeing that something wasn’t right.

Your thoughts were both shifted as a ambulance whirred pass, lights flashing. Your eyes followed the vehicle as it took off down the street, Deans head snapping around as well.

“What happened?” Shifting forward from your position to watch the ambulance turn the corner. Dean fell back next to you, running a hand through his hair. “Is everyone okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I just shot Ketch.” He stated matter of factly, and somewhat tired.

Your eyes widened as you turned to him. “WHy?”

Taken back by the tone in your voice, Dean leaned back, “woah, hey calm down. He was possessed. I had to do something.” He countered.

“Oh.” falling back again, you let your eyes wander down the road, seeing the rest of the group work their way back towards you. “So I guess you guys had an eventful time while I was asleep.”

A huff could be heard next to you indicating that Dean found your comment somewhat amusing. “Yeah, you could say that again.”

Both of your heads tilted to look up at the mass that was Sam Winchester as he neared the two of you, his head slightly cocked in confusion.

“You alright? Something happen?”

Waving him off, you pushed yourself up from the ground, Dean following suit, “I’m fine now. Everything’s fine.”

You didn’t see it but Dean glanced over at you again, worry clearly etched on his features. You may be back and alive, but something was wrong. He could sense it.

“Dean, could you please stop worrying? I can practically feel it radiating off of you in waves.” You sighed, looking up at him.

“Oh I’m sorry. It’s just that your back from the dead and I have a duty of care. Forgive me.” He stated sarcastically. Your eyes lingered on him for a moment longer before tearing way.

Clapping your hands together you turned to address the rest of the group. “ Okay so what’s the plan? Where are we off to now?”

Shoving his hands into his jacket, Sam walked around the front of the car, popping open the passenger door. “ Rowena thinks she might have a way to shut the opening into hell. We need to head back to the cemetery.”

Seeing as there was six of you, you slid into the front seat, successfully sandwiching yourself between Sam and Dean as Rowena, Cas, and the demon you honestly didn’t give a single fuck about settled into the back seat.

The soft rumble of Baby’s engine put a smile on your face as Dean started up the car, taking off quickly down the road towards the cemetery you had found yourself in when you first woke up back on earth. A part of you felt uneasy about the whole thing. These things never ended well, so here was to hoping this time might be different.

*. *. *. *.

The cemetery looked so different in the day light- apart from the corpses that still littered the ground. But this time sunlight filtered through green leaves and birds chattered somewhere in the distance. It wasn't silent like last time. . Yet somehow,in your brief time there, you had completely missed the gaping hole in the earth.

Tucking your hands into the jacket Dean had given you, you trailed behind the boys, footsteps falling into sync with the red haired witch. Your eyes continued to glance up at Deans back. You were just as worried about him as he was about you- there was no denying that.

“Are you alright Dearie?” Rowena's Scottish accent making its way into your ear. A small smile pulled at the corners of your mouth as you looked over at her.

“No. I'm worried about them.” Nodding your head towards the figures in front of you. They looked tired, and not just physically. Growing up with them, you had seen them shift and grow- but this? It worried you to no end. Even the way they carried themselves was different, it was heavier.

“Your death took quite the toll on them. Especially that Dean Winchester.” She shook her head with a small frown. “And now with Jack- and Chuck. . . They are lucky to have you back. They needed a win.”

“It’s not permanent.”

The words just slipped out, you hadn’t meant to say them aloud, but they just came tumbling out, making your steps falter. Rowena quickly stopped as well, eyes widening with surprise. “I’m sorry, what?”

A deep exhale left your body as you closed your eyes in shame. Shit. It was bound to come up at some point, you just didn’t expect it to be so soon.

Opening your eyes, you made sure the boys were out of earshot before turning to the witch.

“When Billie- when Death brought me back, she said that once everything was set right, my soul would be heaven bound immediately.” Sighing, you looked down at your feet. “I’m only here to help them. Once that’s done I’m a dead woman once again.”

“And you haven’t told them yet? You haven’t told Dean?” She questioned, slightly taken back by the information.

You threw your hands in the air, a sudden burst of anger coursing through your body. “ How?! How do I tell them that I have to leave them again? That this whole miracle has a rotten side to it?” You exclaimed, eyes burning with un-shed tears. “Tell me Rowena, how am I supposed to tell the love of my life that he has to go on without me?” Breathless, you took a step back, shaking your head. “ If you know Dean Winchester at all, you know he will fall into that grief and not come back. He will blame himself again.”

The silence from the witch told you that she understood. A comfortable quiet settling between you.

“You're right. But they deserve to know the truth. Dean most of all.” She stated, resuming her walk towards the crypt once again. “ I can tell that boy loves you a great deal. Hell- anyone can see that.” She scoffed, adjusting her bag on her shoulder.

She was right. They deserved the truth, and you promised yourself that you would tell them. . . When the time was right.

*. *. *. *.

There was a heavy silence in the crypt as Rowena prepared for the spell. Sam was helping where he could, Cas was starring daggers into Belphegor, and Dean? Dean was sitting quietly in a corner packing shotgun shells full of rock salt into a shotgun sling, all the while a stern expression set on his face. He wasn't doing well. That was easy to see. It took only a few strides for you to cross the room, gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Dean.” He looked up at you, giving a very small and weak smile to assure you he was fine.

Damn this man and his stubbornness.

Kneeling down, you quickly grabbed his hands, successfully halting him from his current task. “Dean.” You said again, this time more sternly.

“You alright?” He questioned for the hundredth time, his mind immediately telling him that something was wrong as he looked up.

“Would you stop asking me that? Anyways, I should be asking you that question. I can tell something’s up. I’ve only been your best friend since forever.” You quipped, sending a smirk in his direction.

The green eyed hunter let out a light laugh, rolling his eyes. “ I’m fine Y/N. . . And best friends? Is that really all we are now?” He teased playfully.

Feeling a blush creep up your face, you shoved his hands away, standing up once more. “ Do shut up.”

“Never.” Dean chuckled, returning to his task and jamming another shell into the sling.

*. *. *. *.

You knew the plan was going to be some sort of insanity, but actually hearing it? Well, it just confirmed that your lives were literally insane.

“I need someone to go down to hell with me.” Belphegor stated clearly, shoving his hands into Jacks coat.

A handful of surprised looks ricocheted across the group. Hell really wasn’t a place any of you wanted to venture to.It wasn't what you would call a must see travel destination.

“Cas will go.” Dean spoke up, glaring over at the Angel, who in return gave him a look that could only say: Are you fucking serious right now?

There it was again. The tension and anger hanging in the air like a thick cloud. It was easy to tell when Dean was angry, and this was one of those times. His face remaining stoic as he bore into the Angel.

Cas finally agreed, not having much choice and You watched as he and the demon slipped out of the crypt before turning to shoot Dean a look.

“What the fuck Dean? Now is really not the time to be an asshole.” You snapped, slapping him on the arm. “I don’t know what’s going on, but you need to grow up.”

You could see his mind trying to come up with an excuse to give you, but you didn’t allow it, holding up a hand to silence him you took a step towards the door.

“Let’s just go do our job. You can tell me what happened later.” Picking up your own shotgun, you cocked it, waltzing towards the door.

Deans eyes widened, as he watched you retreat. “Where the hell do you think your going? It’s not safe.” He fired back, taking quick strides to reach you. “I’m not losing you again. You're staying here.”

You let out a light chuckle, leaning back in disbelief. “Oh I am, am I? Rowena said this part was a two man job. And I’m easily worth two men.” You stated, pushing you back against the door to open it. “You're welcome to tag along if you want.”

With that, you turned on your heel and made your way through the cemetery, leaving a stunned Dean in your wake.

He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be annoyed, scared, or slightly turned on, but either way he followed behind you, ready to face any danger that lay ahead because, no matter what, Dean Winchester would always follow you. Hell, he would follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked. You were one side of a magnet, pulling him towards something he still didn't fully understand.

Taglist: @my-proof-is-you @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @a-crowd-of-newsies @iluvyewman-blog​ @a-dorky-book-keeper​ @heyyy-hey-babyyy​ @orphiceseum​ @greenarrowhead​ @thevelvetseries​ @silver-winter-wolf​ @carryon-doctor-lock​ @jxackles​ @ryansgirl5509​