#but she isnt into labels! she doesnt need to worry about this! its fine everything is fine-

[hecksupremechips]

I always heard people say that Layla should’ve gotten with Warren Peace instead of Will in sky high but guys come on it’s 2023 we all all know she and warren were just bearding for each other I’m sick of pretending they weren’t

[dumfukucc]

rant vent i need to cry

I’ve always wondered exactly how relationships are supposed to work. Are they natural? Are they work? Are they a mix of both? What’s the ratio? Is this too much work? A normal amount? Am I giving up enough of myself? Should I have to give up pieces of myself for you? Shouldn’t you have to give up pieces of yourself for me? I feel as though I’m the only one struggling. You never worry about these things. You never break yourself down and reuse the pieces to create an image you think I’d enjoy. 

I’m queer. I may just be gay. I have no idea I have no frame of reference I’ve only ever been with you. You’re straight. At least for the most part. You have no interest in labels. No interest in understanding that part of yourself. So you can’t understand me. You can’t understand how I wonder if I’m being true to myself. You cant understand how I fall a little bit in love with every woman I meet, and how it kills me to know I can’t ever actually let myself fall for her, or anyone. You can’t understand how much I feel like I dont belong. I dont feel like I belong to the LGBTQ community. Because am i lying? I dont think so. I dont feel like i am. I love women. I like men. but i dont feel like i belong.  i feel like an imposter. i used to label myself as bisexual. i still sometimes label myself like that for the comfort of straight friends i dont want to explain queer to. you cant understand my point of view.

I’m a free spirit. I need to be able to do what i want when i want. ill let you know when i do things, but i cant have anyone in the way stopping me or controlling me or making me feel less in control of my life. if i want to go have a few drinks with friends i WILL (after covid ofc, all of these are about after covid). if i wanna go out dancing i WILL if i wanna go to a concert i will if i wanna go to a bookstore i will if i want to do anything and everything i WILL i will find a way with or without you and i need you to be with me if you want to be WITH me. 

NO I DONT WANT YOU TO MOVE INTO MY APARTMENT WHY DID YOU ASK MY ROOMATES IF IT WAS OKAY BEFORE HAVING A VERY SERIOUS CONVERSATION ABOUT IT WITH ME FIRST, YES I SAID IT WAS OKAY IN THE BEGINNING BUT WE NEVER HAD THE CONVERSATION WHYSJGHALIDJBFL JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME FIRRRRRRST.

this will be the first time living BY MYSELF without family. YES ITS LIVING BY MYSELF EVEN IF I HAVE ROOMATES WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN jesus i talked to amalia about all this and she seemed to understand granted i couldnt tell her everything we only ttalked for an hour while your locked yourself in our room but from what i told her she seemed to get it. she said i should go what i need to. and in a long term realtionship while being so young its good to have some seperation so you can still grow as people instead of growing as a couple and I TOTALLY AGREEEEEEE WITH THAT.

i feel like i never really got to grow up as me i grew up as your girlfriend.

SEVEN YEARS. SEVEN YEARS OF FEELING LIKE IM JUST YOUR GIRLFRIEND. AND I FINALLY FEEL LIKE MY OWN FUCKING PERSON IN 2019 AND YOU ALWAYS HAD SOMETHING NEGATIVE TO SAY. ALWAYS. I FINALLY FELT GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. I FELT PRETTY, I FELT COOL, I FELT LIKE I HAD FRIENDS, I WASNT LONELY. AND YOU SAID I WENT OUT TOO MUCH. I PARTIED TOO MUCH, I DRANK TOO MUCH, I WAS AT THE SORORITY HOUSE TOO MUCH I SAW JENNA TOO MUCH I TALKED WITH LILLY TOO MUCH I LISTENED TO BAD MUSIC TOO MUCH I SMOKED WEED TOO MUCH IDFVGLKJADNFLAS I JUST WANTED TO FEEL good about myself. Im in the prime of my life. Im a young 21. no thoughtd of marraige or babbies or real careers yet. i dont have to worrya bout anything but my classes and my job. my classes fulfill me. I paint and paint and design and write and just vibe within my classes and its beautiful. My job fulfill me. My boss is the best father figure ive ever had and i dont care if thats weird its true. i work with my BEST FRIEND. the activites are fun i like fixing th bowling lanes i like mixing bar drinks i like serving food i like giving kids toys in the arcade. it makes me feel good at the end of the night,. our hours are perfect. I USED TO WORK A 10HR SHIFT CLOSE AT 9 GO HOME AND CHANGE AND THEN MEET MY FRIENDS AT A PARTY AT 10 EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY AND LET LOOSE UNTIL 2 OR 3 THE NEXT DAY BEFORE GETTING READY FOR MY SHIFT AT 11AM TO DO IT ALL AGAIN AND I LOVED IT. YOU COMPLAINED. I LOVED IT. I JUST WANTED YOU TO WANT TO DO IT WITH ME. BUT YOU DONT LIKE PARTIES SO I SAID THATS FINE ILL RESPECT THAT. i SAY I LIKE PARTIES BUT YOU WANT ME HOME WITH YOU CAUSE YOU CANT RESPECT THE FACT I DO. WHY IS THIS A ONE WAY STREET YOU FUCKER.

GOD THERES SO MUCH I WANT TO TELL YOU. TO YELL AT YOU. TO GET THROUGH YOUR THICK FUCKING SKULL BUT I CANT WITHOUT hurting you. i dont wanna hurt you i fucking love you i cant say any of this to hyou. I dont want you to be sad. but why do i have to be sad in exchange. it doesnt feel fair.

we should break up. cause i feel like i love you isnt enough here. i feel like were too incompatible like we just cant make it work. not the way we should. not when you want to be my everything, cause you cant be my everything. and i dont want to be your everything. thats a lot of presser, thats... it feels unhealthy. it feels toxic. but then again im probably toxic. hell look at this ling ass rant i am 100% toxic.

i say we should break up but ill take one look at your fuckign smile and fall back in your arms like a lovestruck puppy. youre my home

i dont wanna be homeless

[mycatmoo]

The Great Escape (Oumota Weekend)

Oumota weekend

Villain vs Superhero

“So this is it. The final battle.” A voice said out of nowhere as Kaito, Maki, and Shuichi entered the final room of the villains lair.  

“Huh?” Kaito asks, looking around the dark room. He could barely see a foot in front of him, and he most certainly couldn’t see their enemy.

“Such a shame too. This is the most fun I’ve had in a loooong time.” The voice says with a dramatic sigh.

“Show yourself, Kokichi. We know its you.” Maki hisses.

“Maaan, still quite bitchy, huh, Maki Roll? Weell, if you INSIST. It is quite boring to have a conversation with people who cannot see me.” Kaito waited with baited breath to see the person the three of them has been chasing for a long time.

For some reason Kaito didn’t understand, he felt excited to see the smaller boy, but also anxious. Seeing him again would mean they would have to fight, and this fight would mean that they would never get to see him again. And something about the thought of never seeing Kokichi again made Kaito feel… hollow.

They waited a bit. Then a bit longer. Then a little bit longer. But still, he didn’t show up.

“Uh… where is he?” Shuichi asks, looking around. After that, they heard a “nishishi” come from behind them. Turning around, the three saw Kokichi in all his glory, wearing his cape and hat.

Immediately, Maki whipped out her gun, and pointing it at Kokichi.  

“Aah come on Maki Roll! Don’t be like that! After all, the villain is supposed to give a villainous monologue before the big fight! It would be no fun if you put a gun to my head beforehand!”

“So give that monologue so I can shoot you and get this done with.”

“Maaan. You always were a buzzkill. Definitely my least favorite out of your little band of heroes. By the way, where’s Kaede and Rantaro? Seems strange that you’d leave them out.”

“They stayed in case anything went wrong.” Shuichi explained.

“Well then wouldn’t it have made more sense to bring Kaede along instead of you? After all, if what you’re thinking does happen and I wind up defeating you, wouldn’t it make more sense to have “the heart” there to keep you all going instead of “the smart guy?”

“What are you going on about this time?” Kaito asks.

“Oh, you know. Just me being me. Just spouting out random nonsense that comes to my brain.”

“That has to be a lie. You never just “spout out random nonsense that comes to your brain.” Maki growls, eyes narrowing.

“Aaah man. Ya caught me. Yes, there was a point.” Kokichi says with faux disappointment, his smile still present on his face.

“So what were you talking about?” Kaito asks, putting his hand behind his head in confusion.

“If you beat me I’ll tell you! After all, I still haven’t given my villainous monologue!”

“So get to it.” Maki growls.

“Alright alright, you don’t have to rush me!

…

…

..

Oh would you look at the time, seems I gotta blast.” Kokichi says with a laugh.

‘What?”

“Well, as it turns out, I’m not actually the final boss! The boss has finally entered the room!” And with that, Kokichi runs to the door, throwing it open then slamming it shut. Kaito hears a click come from the door, and when Maki (after chasing after Kokichi) tried opening it, she found it locked.

“Its locked.” She simply says. Then, the three of them were pounded with a blinding light. It took a bit, but soon enough, Kaito adjusted to the light.

“Thaaaat’s right losers! The dude you were following all this time? He was just a ploy! I am the actual mastermind behind everything!” A voice announces. Turning to the front of front of the room, he could finally see the rest of the room. It was like a throne room, with massive windows, elaborately decorated, and a red carpet leading to massive throne. And sitting on the throne was a woman, about their age, with pinkish-blonde hair in two ponytails.

Kaito immediately recognized who it was. It was the woman who had helped them multiple times throughout this journey.

Junko Enoshima.

-

“Gotta get to the secret door, quickly.” Kokichi mutters, rushing around the floating airship that his “boss,” Junko, calls her villainous home.

He knew from the beginning that Junko was the big bad terrorizing the city. After the first bank robbery where the only thing left was a simple black and white bear hairpin, he knew it. And he knew he had to stop her.

He was one of her first “followers”, and got to the second highest rank rather quickly.

She didn’t have a clue about his plan to stop her.

As he ran through the passageway leading to the throne room, he could feel his heart rushing. His brain was working in overload. He could stop worrying that his plan would fail.

That any of those three would get hurt.

That Kaito would get hurt.

At the thought of Kaito getting hurt, he shoved the feeling into a box labeled “repression.”

It wouldn’t matter what his opinion of the “hero” was, he had more important things to worry about.

Soon, he got to the door. Grabbing a taser gun attached on his pants, hidden by his cape (he left his hat on the run here) he opened the door slowly. Looking around, he saw what he estimated would happen. Junko giving a monologue while holding Shuichi to her, holding a gun to his head. Kaito, with his sword drawn, was trying to talk her out of it, while Maki looked around for a solution.

Junko had her back to him. Good. He could work with this.

Walking out slowly, he sneaks closer to Junko, making sure he cannot hear his footsteps.

It was Kaito who saw him first. He looked about ready to say something to Kokichi, but Kokichi put his finger to his mouth in a “shh” way. As soon as he got close enough to Junko, he raised his taser, and shot her square in the back.

With a scream, Junko let go of Shuichi as she fell to her knees, shaking from the taser.

“Shuichi!” Kaito immediately exclaims, rushing over to the shaking boy and throwing his arm over his shoulder.

“Come on you three!” Kokichi immediately yells, rushing over to the secret door.

“Wait, what about Junko?!” Kaito immediately calls.  

“There is something MUCH more important to worry about right now!” Kokichi yells back, throwing open the secret door and turning around.

“And why should we trust you?” Maki asks with eyes narrowed.

“Just trust me. I’ll explain later.” And with that, Kokichi rushes through the door, not looking back to see if the three of them was following. With Junko out of commission for a little while, he could focus on the more threatening person to his plan. Monaca. His mind set, he rushes over to the control room of the ship.

Behind him, he could hear three sets of footsteps. So they WERE following him. Good. His plan was going swelly.

In fact, it was going too swell. Something about that didn’t sit right with Kokichi.

Soon enough, the group was at the control room. Putting his eye to the eye scanner, Kokichi opens the door. Peering inside, he didn’t see the little girl.

Good.

“Come in. I’ll explain.” Kokichi says, walking into the room. Letting the other three enter, he closed and locked the door.

“Why did you lock the door?” Maki asks, glaring at Kokichi.

“Relaaax. Its locked from the inside. Press the red button and you can leave.” Kokichi sighs dramatically, walking up to the computer. “Aaaanyway. As for the reason I stopped you from killing Junko and ending this here, well… It’s simple really.” Kokichi says, digging in his pocket for a flashdrive. Finding it, he sticks it into the computer, turning it on.

“If you DID kill her, it would initiate plan two of her Destroy the World plan.”

“What?!” Kaito exclaims.

“How would killing Junko be the start of a plan two?” Maki asks.

“All of her followers would be enraged… They would follow her plan to end the world if she died…”

“Ya. That’s why we have to defeat her without killing her.” Kokichi says, half paying attention. He had to take control of the ship and manage to pilot it to where DICE was hiding. From there, the police would swoop in and arrest everyone inside.

This plan would only work today. He fought tooth and nail to get all of the Remnants of Despair inside the ship today, and this was likely his one shot.

Only a few people knew of the secret door, and Junko would likely be able to narrow it down to him.

“Need help with that?” Kaito asks, surprising Kokichi slightly.

“Nishishi. I doubt YOU of all people would know what to do here!”

“Well it looks like you’re having some trouble with that.”

“Aaah. Does Kaito-chan CARE for me? The guy who was harassing you for how long?”

“Well it’s obvious that you are actually a good guy!”

“I prefer “anti-hero” y’know. Their more fun than just a boring old good guy. Just like you!”

“HEY!”

“Aaaand… Got it.” Kokichi mutters.

“Got what?” Shuichi asks.

“The wheel to this thing it based off your fingerprints. And it doesn’t recognize my fingerprints. I had to hack the system to reset the fingerprints. Sooo.. does any of you know how to drive an aircraft?”

“Wait, you don’t know? Isn’t all of this YOUR plan?” Maki asks.

“Uh yea. I know how to drive one of these things. But I just saved your asses. I think it’s time I get a break.”

“...Fine. I’ll do it.” Maki says with a sigh.

“Great! Put your fingers on that thing!” Kokichi announces, pointing to a small circle near the steering wheel. Putting her fingers on it, a robotic voice announces;

“Fingerprints detected. Allowing access to steer the ship.”

“Alright, where am I taking this thing?”

“Here.” Kokichi says, pulling up a map on the computer, inputting an area, and setting it to give directions.

“Alright. Lets go.” Maki sighs, grabbing the steering wheel, allowing the computer to give her directions on where to go.

-

When Kaito saw Kokichi sneaking up behind Junko, he felt his heart skip a beat. At first he felt anxious, scared that Kokichi was going to shoot one of them. But then he realized something when he pointed that gun at Junko.

He was on their side the entire time.

Suddenly, so much made sense. From the multiple encounters he had with Kokichi, he said many cryptic things. But now, seeing this, he realized their meaning.

He was alluding to his plan, and how he was going to betray Junko.

So, without another thought, he followed Kokichi.

Why did his heart skip a beat when he realized this?

And now, looking at the smaller boy sitting in the corner with his eyes closed, though not really sleeping, he saw him in a new light. And why is Kaito’s heart beating so fast?

“Uuh Kaito? Can you stop staring? Its kinda creeping me out.”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry.” Kaito says, quickly turning his head away.

“Neeheehee.” Kokichi says. Despite trying his best to make it not seem like he’s tired, Kaito could tell that he was. Scooting up to the smaller boy, he attempts to strike up a conversation.

“So, all this time, you were just playing Junko?”

“Yup!”

“And you were on our side the entire time?”

“Well I wouldn’t say I was on YOUR side. I was on MY side, which just happened to align with your side.”

“So about that conversation we were having before you ran off?”

“I told you. I’d tell you what I meant if you beat me, and you didn’t, sooo…”

“Ah come on, man!”

“What? You wanna fight? I still got my taser!”

“If either of you fight then I am turning this ship around.” Maki growls.

“Sorry Maki Roll.”

“Stop calling me Maki Roll.”

And the conversation started up again from there. Granted, Kokichi and Kaito DID get into an argument. Like pretty much every other encounter they’ve had. But whatever, it’s kind of expected at this point.

Eventually though, there was a knock at the door. Then another. Then a lot more.

“Huh. Guess she finally decided to show up.” Kokichi sighs, getting up and pulling out a small taser and a strange bomb. Walking over to a small trunk, he removes two strange hammers, handing them to Kaito.

“Who?” Shuichi asks.

“Monaca. She’s the technician of the group. She’s the person I was most concerned about.”

“What are these?” Kaito asks, looking strangely at the hammers.

“Electrohammers. Hit a touch, they can knock out any electronics. Monaca’s power comes from primarily from electronics, so these will be useful. And these.” Kaito says, holding up the bombs. “Are electrobombs. They block out electromagnetic waves.”

“Ah. So we’re going to have to fight robots?” Shuichi asks, grabbing a hammer.

“Most likely. Maki, don’t stop steering. No matter what.”

“I can’t promise anything.” Maki sighs.

“Alright. Let’s do this.” Kokichi says, holding up the taser, facing the door just as it opens. Just outside the door, Kaito could see a little girl with green hair.

“Huh? You technician, and the one you were most worried about, was a little girl?” Kaito asks incredulously.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover. I’m pretty fearsome.” Monaca says with her creepy smile. “You did so well, getting to this point. It took us a while to realize that you incapacitated Big Sis Junko and that you were here.”

“Nishishi. Glad you’re proud of me.” Kokichi says, putting his hand behind his head.

“Too bad that all that work was for nothing. You are a traitor, and I will not let you get in the way of Big Sis Junko’s plan.” And with that, 5 robots appeared behind Monaca. “Have fun.” Monaca says in a sing song voice, stepping behind the robots.

“Okay, the electrohammers will only be able to knock out one of exisals. There are 6 inside the trunk. I’m going to go for Monaca.” Kokichi whispers to the two boys. “Lets go.” And with that, the three of the charged.

Kaito immediately went for the exisal closest to him, a yellow one. They didn’t seem to expect this, and Kaito managed to get a clear hit on the exisal’s leg. With a sputter, the robot slumped to the ground. While he didn’t see it, Kaito felt Kokichi run past him, and past the exisal. Next to him, Kaito saw Shuichi knock out a pink one.

“Good job Shuichi! That’s my sidekick!” Kaito called with a thumbs up.

“Hey knuckleheads! Focus on the robots instead of your bromance!” Kokichi shouts, nearly dodging an arm of a red exisal swinging at him.

“Kokichi!” Kaito yells, running inside the control room. Throwing his used electrohammer, he grabs two more, Shuichi grabbing one, and runs back out. Charging at the red exisal harassing Kokichi, he swings at it, knocking that one out. He could hear Shuichi knocking out an exisal behind him. “You alright?”

“Yea, thanks.” Kokichi says without thinking, charging after Monaca, who ran away. Quickly taking out the last exisal, Kaito chases after Kokichi, throwing his two electrohammers in a random direction again.

“Stay with Maki! I’m going to help Kokichi!” Kaito yells to Shuichi as he runs. He didn’t wait for a response. Despite trying his best though, Kaito wasn’t able to keep up with Kokichi. Soon enough, he lost track of him.

Skidding to a stop, Kaito has only one thing to say. “Shit.”

Without another thought, Kaito starts running again, this time following his gut. And it seemed like his gut was right, as he soon heard a loud bang and a scream.

“Kokichi!” Kaito yells, running to where he heard the scream. Quickly, he throws the door open, and sees a simple room. Kokichi was kneeling, holding an area in his stomach, with Monaca standing over him, a gun in her hand.

Without another thought, Kaito rushes Monaca, pulling the gun out of her hand, and shoving her away from Kokichi.

“Stay away from him, you brat!” Kaito yells, standing in between the two of them.

“Kaito…” Kokichi says weakly, before Kaito heard a small thud from behind him.

“Kokichi!”

“You’re too late. Kokichi is going to die.” Monaca says cheerfully.

“Fuck you!”

“That’s a harsh thing to say to a kid.”

“I don’t care! Just come here, you brat!” Kaito yells, rushing at Monaca again, picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder.

“Let go of me!” Monaca cries, kicking and screaming. Not affected by the weak kicks and punches from the 8-something or other year old, Kaito gently picks up a knocked out Kokichi, rushing back to the control room.

“Shuichi! Help me!” He says as soon as he gets there. Upon seeing the heavily bleeding Kokichi, Shuichi gets to work, attempting to slow the bleeding. Kaito puts the still screaming Monaca in the corner, blocking the doorway.

From there, Kaito was mostly in a daze. Before he knew it, the ship landed and police rushed inside. They put Kokichi in an ambulance, and he was rushed to the nearest hospital. And before he knew it, Kaito was passed out at the side of Kokichi’s bed, head resting on the side of his bed.

-

“Ngh..” Kokichi groans tiredly. He couldn’t feel anything. He couldn’t see anything. And he was too tired to process anything. It felt like forever where he laid there, nothing happened, before he slowly opened his eyes. It was blurry at first. Okay, for a while. But soon enough, he got his vision back. He got his senses back. And he could finally feel stuff. He felt something in his arm. He felt warmth from the blanket. Soon enough, Kokichi realized he was in a hospital.

It took him a bit, but soon he remembered what sent him into the hospital in the first place.

“Kaito…” Kokichi whispers, too tired to be any louder. His voice was cracky, as if he hadn’t used it in a long time. Which was likely.

...How did he survive?

Managing to look around, he saw Kaito, sitting on the side of his bed, head on said bed, sleeping. He looked so peaceful.

Kokichi could feel his heart flutter. And this time, he was too tired to bury it. His box labeled “repression” burst open. Kokichi couldn’t help himself after that. Despite being tired, he slowly and shakily raised a hand to Kaito’s face with a tired smile.

When Kaito stirred slightly from the touch, Kokichi’s hand gave out. He started drifting off to sleep again. But Kokichi had one last thought before sleep consumed him again.

That he loved Kaito, and since Kaito was the one worriedly by his side when he was hurt, he likely did as well.

[forethan21]

18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way. 

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this? 

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.

[cauldronoflove]

Ok so this is really obscure, but I've had this idea for a while now, and I'd love to see you work with it? Headcanons for a time travel AU in which Peter Parker is messing with Stark Tech and gets sent back to the 1940s? He could work with Peggy Carter in the SSR to solve the case and pretend to be her little brother. Plus in 2017 Tony and Steve working together to get him back. If you think it's weird or want to skip it no worries! If not, then thank you so much, I love your headcanons!!

i love this concept so much you dont even know?? but also okay i realized abt halfway through these 2.5k+ words that this wasnt exactly what you asked for and i feel kinda bad about that but i hope you still like it all the same!! also i wanna say thank you for thinking of me for this prompt im super flattered????

- peter wasnt technically supposed to be in the 4th basement of stark tower

- technically he was on his lunch break and was supposed to be using said time to both eat and work on his spanish homework

- but he'd heard these whispers from a couple of the older interns about some of the old stuff that mr. stark had thrown down there because he never had time to finish them and peter had an idea

- see, he's been wanting to move up a bit, have mr. stark trust him a little more, and what's better then maybe taking one of his old designs and making it better and making it work

- so thats why he's in the fourth basement of stark tower, trying to remember if he's had his tetanus shot because some of this stuff is seriously Old

- and then he stumbles onto this little pyramid shaped....doohickey

- its the only thing in 4 floors of Things that doesnt have a label or a file or a crude drawing taped to the front of it so now peter is Officially Curious

- he kinda fiddles with it for a few minutes until his phone beeps with his 'hey pete youre gonna be super late getting back to work again' alarm and he about drops this thing on the floor because like everyday the alarm scares him to death

- but because hes clumsy and because hes pete he actually does drop it and everything goes black

- but everything's fine because he wakes right back up and he's pretty sure that he electrocuted himself but thats happened dozens of times so he picks himself up and brushes himself off and realizes that he may have been out longer than he thought because theres fewer boxes in the room than before and geez his head hurts

- "are you quite alright?"

- oh god he mustve hit his head harder than he thought because that looks like

- "m-miss carter, no sorry, ma'am? oh, oh god i'm so sorry that was so rude, agent? agent ma'am?"

- "this is howard's fault isnt it"

- "howard? as in....oh god oh god"

- "do you know where you are?"

- peter parker loved a lot of things and one of those things was museums and one of those museums in particular had an exhibit on a certain mr. rogers and adjacent to that exhibit was a small plaque about the woman standing in front of him and oh god he was going to hyperventilate and throw up in front of a literal legend and hero at the same time

- "remind me to kill him later. right now lets get you something warm to drink, yes? maybe some new clothes, youre looking a little singed"

- flash forward half an hour and he's sitting in front of the agent carter sipping at some terribly bitter coffee while she pursed and unpursed her lips a few times

- (annnnd time skip back to present day)

- friday: mr stark theres a woman downstairs beating on the door asking for youtony, 47 names going through his head: ...go on

- enter may parker, in her pjs, fire in her eyes, carrying on the legacy of brunette women ready to end a stark's life

- "it is ten o'clock on a school night, i've talked to ned, i've talked to mj and liz, i've talked to every corner sub shop owner, i even had a nice long chat with pepper, yet no one could tell me anything so you better have answers as to where my nephew is anthony"

- and in that moment, tony stark's life flashed before his eyes

- "hey, friday, where is the kid?"

- "peter's vitals havent been detected since 1:32pm on floor D"

- tony: fu-

- (back to pete and peggy)

- so he's quickly caught her up on the gist of whats going on (aka he told her he's from 2017 ny and hed really just like to go home) and she's taking it surprisingly well, all nodding and hmm-ing and cursing howard stark under her breath, kinda how may is when tony does like.. anything

- but now shes leading him through their super secret base and he's trying not to stare because, has he mentioned, hes literally standing next to peggy carter

- "right, well, here's your cot. if you need anything, dugan can help you. he's that one, there, with the cigar. you get some rest and i'll find howard and see if we cant get your...issue squared away. oh, and whatever you do, dont accept anything dernier tries to give you, you've already blown up once today, i dont think you can afford another"

- present day

- tony's been working through the night, a marginally-more-than-slightly disgruntled may beside him, and an even-more-than-marginally-more-than-slightly peeved happy beside her

- ("how do you lose a teenage boy, tony" happy moans to his phone when he wakes up and sees all the missed calls and texts he has)

- good news: it only took like 2 1/2 hours and three shots of espresson for tony to figure out what happened to peter

- bad news: it wasnt even a Tony Stark Exclusive Design, it was a Howard Stark One-Time Use That Was Actually A Malfunction Design, he'd had several more coffees that werent even close to being strong enough, and he had a growing black eye from the punch may landed before happy could pull her away and calm her down (maybe that last part should be in the good news column)

- "so he's just stuck in the 40s alone, then" may surmises, rubbing at the tension headache in her temples

- tony doesnt respond because at this point he needs his other eye for miracle working and depth perception

- "well, probably not alone," happy begins. "i catalogued everything in that level, and that stuff came from one of howard's london facilities, so it was probably calibrated for that time, so he's probably with-"

- tony: "hap, please dont finish that sentence"

- may: "1940s london. so he's with steve, then, safe. with captain america. okay, i can handle that."

- tony: "no, ah, a little later than capsicle, probably"

- may: "so not safe with captain america"

- happy: "safe with agent carter, more likely"

- pete and peggy

- good news: pete made it through the night without being blown up by the howling commandoes

- bad news: once howard was finally located and sobered up, he explained that he hadnt built that particular device yet, so peter was kinda stuck

- peter wasnt coping well

- "i have a spanish test tomorrow! and a trig test on friday! and i'm supposed to hang out with ned on saturday, and then may's gonna kill me when i dont show up for sunday dinner, and shes gonna kill me in general because i never checked in because holy shit i never checked in!"

- howard: peggy he's crying what do i do

- peggy: do i have to do everything myself

- she advances on peter and takes his chin in her hand, locking eyes with him: peter, you know who i am, dont you?

- he nods as best as he can

- "then you must know that i'm going to do everything in my power and then some to get you back home, dont you?"

- "yes ma'am"

- "good. go take a walk while i talk to howard, and if anyone asks, youre my american brother in for a short visit." and then she pats him on the cheek and his soul kinda ascends then and there because agent carter just patted him on the cheek AND gave him permission to tell people he's her brother

- so he goes to take his walk but the thing is when he gets anxious, he likes to fiddle with the loose legos he keeps under his bed, building and rebuilding tiny structures to help ease his nerves

- needless to say, he's an Absolute Nervous Wreck while he waits for some kind of something from peggy or howard and there arent any legos to keep him busy

- so he kind of takes that walk right on down to the lab and starts poking around because even if he is a certified nervous wreck he's also thr most inquisitive little shit that ever did walk the earth

- peggy finds him two hours later with a pair of loose fitting goggles on his forehead, his sweater sleeves pushed up to his elbows, and some . substance on his hands

- "please dont tell me youre somehow howard's long lost son too," she says, taking his appearance in

- he shakes his head as the beakers in front of him emit a puff of green smoke directly into his already scrunched up face "no ma'am; it's just that mr. stark kinda has me on desk duty and never lets me get my hands dirty so i like to take every oppurtunity i can get"

- she nods, "good, because howard needs you to describe what you remember of the device, and then you and i are going to begin the slog through the logistics of it all"

- "ooooookay"

- which is how peter parker ends up sitting across from peggy carter, the both of them scribbling extremely advanced mathematics onto yellowing sheets of paper as howard stark tinkered with some spare parts he had lying around as he tried to construct a crude rendering of the device

- peggy mostly doesnt talk, actually, she hasnt spoken since explaining that shed picked her math skills up on an assignment shed once had where she learned she actually loved numbers and then howard had been letting her do calculations for him in her free time

- peter was too impressed to respond bc from what he gathered she'd only been on that mission for six months and she didnt have much free time which meant she'd had to pick it all up FAST

- anyway, they got at that for hours, until peter cant keep his eyes open and even howard is dwindling; peggy waves them both off to bed but stays and keeps scribbling away

- they repeat that routine for 3 days

- on the 5th night, after she waves them off, peter goes to his cot and he tosses and turns for hours, listening to the commandoes play poker and crack jokes, but he cant sleep

- finally he gets up and just starts walking, anywhere his feet take him

- coincidentally, his feet take him past what he quickly realizes is peggy's room

- "peter why are you still up? is everything all right?" she asks, pulling off these big hulking glasses that made him incredibly homesick because she reminds him so much of may in that moment, big glasses on, hunched over a book in her lap, hair pulled back out of her face

- and he apologizes, but she Knows something's terribly wrong, so she gets up and ushers him away from her doorway, and leads him down a hall or two and then theyre standing in an open space, and she's looking at him like shes trying to solve one of her equations

- "do you know how to throw a punch, peter"

- " whatever youre thinking i dont think its a good idea we dont have any gear and i dont want to get hurt-"

- she shakes her head and asks again, and he finally answers with a kinda

- "'kinda' will get you hurt; watch me" and she begins to demonstrate a few slow punches and he follows her movements and tries to copy them but hes a little sloppy but its ok because she corrects him and finally theyre just standing beside one another counting out punches when she asks "whats on your mind"

- and he doesnt even hesitate he just lets loose everything, how much he misses may and how terrible he feels that he cant get in touch with her, how much he misses ned and mj and liz, how much he misses his fire escape and the deli on the corner and the buildings and then he's crying again, but she gracefully doesnt point it out

- once he's done spitting out everything thats bothering him she gets this kind of sad smile and says, "you remind me of a man i knew. he cared so much about his friends, sometimes to the point of not even worrying about himself, whuch meant he was always in some sort of trouble, as you can imagine. but he always found his way out of a problem, even if he was the one who created it." she laughs slightly then. "i guess what i'm getting at is even if i cant get you back home, even if howard cant, i believe that youll figure it out."

- "are you comparing me to captain anerica right now because i'm already crying and i dont think i can take much more" he says through sniffles, his arms slack by his sides now

- she smiles and nods, keeping her stance, and peter feels an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this amazing woman who immediately helped him without much of a pause and who's made sure he was okay for the past 5 days and who's up at god knows what time showing him how to throw a punch and being his borderline therapist and he just wants to give her something in return

- "im not sure if im supposed to do this, because for all i know it could tear a hole in the fabric of time and space but i really want to show you this," he begins, pulling his wallet put of his pocket.

- he flicks the little photo holders out and theres may, and theres ned and mj and liz, and theres that cat he found that one time, and theres him and tony, and there, at the bottom, is the time he officially met steve after the whole fight thing and all

- "this was taken a couple months ago; well, a couple months for me, it's decades from now, but here," and he holds out his wallet for her to see and she looks over the photo curiously before she understands and a tear slips down her cheek and she smiles the most grand smile

- "thank you, peter" and she passes the wallet back and puts her hand on his shoulder and says "i promise i'll have you home in time for sunday dinner"

- and she does