#but shawn NEEDS to follow him there even if hes already set to start working after he graduates
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minamotoz · 2 years ago
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a song about a guy who is afraid of change and commitment but still acts as though he has the authority to tell other people what they should be doing with their life...... s5-7 cory matthews
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obsidiancreates · 11 months ago
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One Undead To Another (Chapter 3)
(It's 1 AM and I work today so naturally I'm hyperfocused on writing. Trigger warning for blood drinking, POV of someone who's dying, and temporary death.)
Burton Guster wakes up to use the bathroom. He checks his phone as he snuggles back under his still-warm covers, a habit he developed pretty much the moment Shawn got a cellphone and the ability to send texts. 
Following MY lead and proving you all wrong
Oh, no. He did not.
Halfway to the Spooky Mansion. Still a chance for you to join in.
Seriously are you ignoring me or did you forget to turn your volume up again :( 
Going in, keeping your half of the check when I solve this.
Spooky mansion got way too spooky. Bury me with my Tears for Fears vinyls.
Gus immediately calls Shawn after reading that last text.
No answer. He waits for a text scolding him for calling during a snooping mission- he waits for ten minutes before he lets out a panicked scream and dials Lassie.
No answer there, fine. He calls Juliet next.
“Gus?” Her voice is groggy and scratchy. “This better be an emerge-”
“Shawn went back to that mansion.”
“He what? I- why am I even surprised?”
“His last text to me says he might be in trouble, Jules.”
“Gus, we ruled them out as suspects.”
“In those murders! In just one set of murders!”
“... That’s a fair point, actually. Okay, I will call Carlton, and we will check on Shawn. Are you going to come with us?”
“Yes, obviously I’m coming with you!”
“Okay, okay, I’ll pick you up on the way to Carlton’s. And Gus?”
“Yeah?”
“Change out of your pajamas before I get there.”
He looks down at his fireman pjs- the same he was wearing last time Shawn did this. Maybe they’re cursed. He should probably burn them and get new ones, just to be on the safe side. “Right.”
—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Jebus, O’Hara, why is Guster here?” Lassiter groans as he slumps, practically unwillingly, into his Ford Fusion. 
“He was extremely helpful last time!”
“Thank you, Juliet. Besides, I’m the one Shawn is texting!”
“If he got himself shot again, I’m putting you both in the holding cells for the rest of the case,” Lassiter gurmbles as he starts the car and pulls out.
“If he got shot again, I’m sicking his dad on him.” If there anyone left to- no, no, he can’t think like that. He can panic and doom-spiral after he finds Shawn totally safe, healthy, and grinning with some stupid new piece of evidence. Because that’s how they have to find him.
“Whatever. We’re either going to save his ass again, or arrest it for breaking an entering. Either way, Guster stays in the car.”
Gus scoffs. “Yeah, alright.” 
The car ride is quiet. Lassiter oozes irritation over being woken up. Jules hums along to the radio, either used to or simply resigned to situations like this being apart of her life- and probably trying to help Gus calm down. It’s working, a little. Gus feels a little silly about it, but it’s hard to panic when there’s someone humming nearby.
They’re only a few minutes away when all three feel a… twist. 
Lassiter tenses at the wheel as Jules lets out a soft gasp and Gus’s stomach drops.
Something is wrong. Deeply, deeply wrong, and they don’t need to say it out loud to know they all feel it.
Lassiter floors it for the last stretch. He and Jules run up to the house with guns already drawn and fingers on the triggers, Gus behind them with a mounting dread as the mansion looms.
Lassiter has barely raised his hand to knock when the screaming starts. 
—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn’s scream of pain is muffled, silenced, in the shoulder of The Boss. He feels her fangs dig, pressing deeper and deeper into his neck as she uses him like some kind of handsome juice pouch, or maybe a soup dumpling- yeah, definitely a soup dumpling. Should he be thinking about food right now? He is food- and being food hurts.
She bites deeper, and his next scream feels choked. He can feel his blood as it’s sucked out of him, a horrible unnatural feeling. It’s not like when he was shot, where his blood just oozed out of it’s own accord. It’s like his blood knows it’s being stolen, knows it’s being taken away, and it’s trying to cling to the inside of his veins with all of it’s thick, liquid-y strength.
He thinks he might be screaming again, or maybe moaning in pain? He’s making some kind of sound, but good god, she is making quick work of him. The world is going dull and fuzzy, his eyes drooping but never closing. The flickering candles cast strange shadows, making it look like more than four other people surround them- he sees a dozen, maybe more, it’s hard to tell, they’re all moving through each other. How much blood has he lost if he’s hallucinating already? 
His fingers feel cold. No, actually- all of him feels cold. His fingers feel numb. He’s slumping against her now. He can’t hold his own weight anymore. Will they dump him in a field? No, that- they have something else planned for him. Don’t they? It’s starting to go away. Everything is starting to go away. There must be fifty people in the room now. There’s a sea lion in the corner. His arms have gone slack. Why can’t he close his eyes all the way?
“-ay strong.” He’s not sure who spoke. What did he name the other people again? How many were there? He was… investigating something. Right? It’s hard to think. It makes him tired. Someone is cradling him and holding him up, but it doesn’t feel nice. His neck feels the least nice.
“-wn. Shawn, stay with us, help is coming. Help is coming.”
He… he knows that voice. It’s… comforting. Who is that?
His eyes still won’t close. He feels cold. He feels his last dregs of blood clawing to stay inside of him. There’s pairs of feet, just in front of him, taking up his blurry darkening vision. A pair of white shoes, for… some kind of sport, Shawn doesn’t know, he can’t… connect. And a pair of… he doesn’t know, some kind of old lady shoes. He knows those shoes.
There’s a hand against his cheek. No, there isn’t. Yes, there is. No, there isn’t- but there’s something. It’s there and it’s not there, like- like cotton candy. That stuff is weird. A whole mouthful turns into nothing within seconds. Someone is saying something to him.
“-ay. It’ll be okay. They’re almost here.”
“So are we.” He knows that voice too. It’s not as comforting- but it’s not not comforting. It’s… someone. He can’t make the connection. He should’ve passed out by now. He’s lost enough blood to die, he knows that, if he knows one thing it’s that. Why is he still awake?
“We’ll make sure they find you.” That not-there hand is carding through his hair now as whatever is digging in his neck leaves- it’s the first sensation other than numbness he’s felt in… has it been seconds? Minutes? Hours? He’s not good at tracking time even when he does have blood. This is a nightmare. He hopes it’s a nightmare. Thinking hurts.
His head is pushed back. The shoes belong to people- that’s good to know. He can’t really see who. He isn’t sure what he’s capable of seeing right now actually counts as Seeing at all. Someone is yanking open his mouth. 
“-or you. I’m here for you. You’re not alone right now.”
“I’m not sure he understands what you’re saying.”
“Shush, Mary. He needs to hear it anyway.”
Something is in his mouth. Something cold, and thick, and slugdy, and awful. He doesn’t have the strength to gag as it slides down his throat. It tastes rotten. It tastes wrong.
There’s a lot of it. He can’t swallow. He can’t gag. It lasts forever.
It reaches his stomach.
It burns.
He’s on the floor now- he didn’t feel his head hit, but it’s resting against something solid, so it must’ve. Hey, he can still make deductions. That’s cool. Everything is numb, but not numb, and everything hurts, but he can’t feel it. It hurts someone else, even though it’s him. It’s… far away. He’s far away. Someone is kneeling in front of him. Two someones. He can’t see them. His eyes are closed, finally. He doesn’t know how he knows they’re there.
“Go to sleep, Shawn.” … Oh. Oh, he knows where he knows that voice. He must really be dying, then. Or already dead.
“Gr’ma.” He can’t hear his own voice.
“Shhh. It’s okay. Go to sleep. We’ll make sure you’re okay.”
There’s a sound pounding against his ears. He tries to lift his head to hear it better. It’s a dull roar, like a terrible low-quality recording of a rock concert. … Yeah, exactly like that. It’s screaming.
“Your friends will be okay too. I promise. Trust me, sweetheart. Just… let yourself sleep.”
He actually doesn’t think he has a choice- but it’s nice that she’s talking. It’s so much clearer than the screaming. He should probably care about that. He’s too far away to be able to.
Shawn takes a deep breath and relaxes.
He sighs. 
He loses consciousness. 
He does not breathe again.
—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As soon as the screaming starts Lassiter breaks the door down. It’s almost too easy- the wood is rotten. Who would live in a place like this? Someone not looking to stay long. Shawn had said that. Why hadn’t Gus believed him?
“SBPD!” Lassiter and Jules to in with guns raised and ready to fire- Gus feels safe enough behind them to follow.
No-one is home. If it weren’t for the ear-splitting screaming coming from somewhere, it would be eerie.
“Guster, go back to the car.” Lassiter doesn’t move. “Now.”
“Shawn is somewhere in here.” Gus can hear his fear leeching into his voice.
“We’ll find him,” Jules promises, just as rooted to the spot- something in the air feels wrong. A stillness, but a crackling, an energy but a void. 
“Alright.” He can’t stand it anymore, he loves Shawn and he wants to find him but he can’t stand it anymore-
The door slams shut behind him.
“AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!” Gus’s scream is lost among the chorus. The lights are flickering- no, that’s too mild a word for it, because the lights are going in and out and sparking and buzzing and it’s like the whole house is screaming-
Someone’s at the end of the entrance hall.
“Hands in the air!” Lassiter bellows, but the figure doesn’t put their hands up. The lights go out again. They come back on. The figure is closer.
“Stay where you are!” Juliet’s gun is steady as she aims it.
“-me? Testing, testing- forgive me. The afterlife doesn’t usually have this much bleed-over.”
Gus almost faints. He knows that voice.
“That’s impossible.” Lassiter swallows. He knows it too. They all do. “You’re worse at rescuing than Shawn,” Mary Lightly says, hands in the pockets of his racquetball uniform. “At least he was moving.”
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bookwormscififan · 1 year ago
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The Ruby Files
Taglist: @brokentimewatch
A/N: this is a prequel to The Crimson Files, and should close out this series. I do lean a little more into the romance side of vampire fiction with this one, and do send me an ask with prompts if you ever want to see more from this universe!
--
Shawn woke in a cold sweat, noting his lack of pounding heart and aching teeth. A chill ran down his spine, followed by a flare of angry warmth as he turned to look at the sleeping vampire beside him, body hidden nicely beneath the thick sheets as the evening sun shone over his pale skin.
Rolling his eyes as he tucked his feet up beneath him and sat up, he reached to the side and nudged the vampire, exasperated smile on his face.
“Wake up, Anti,” he mumbled, watching the man beside him curl into his touch, “We need to talk about last night.” That made the vampire wake up, squinting in the evening light, frowning at Shawn as he rolled over to face him.
“What about last night?” He asked, voice a low rumble as he reached his arms up to rub his eyes, “Why are you waking me up so early?” A slightly more awake glance at Shawn made Anti sit upright, fingers sticking into Shawn’s mouth to feel the new fangs.
“Shit.”
“Yeah, shit,” Shawn replied with a bitter laugh, shoving at Anti’s wrist to get his fingers out of his mouth, “I always told you that you were going to turn me one of these days.” He tried to glare at Anti, but his face faltered as he looked at the pale man beside him.
“Not my fault you let me bite you,” Anti groused, crossing his arms and leaning back in the bed, “I warned you your blood would be too hard to resist. Now I’ve got a fresh vampire to look after instead of an occasional snack.”
“I never agreed to being a snack,” Shawn replied, face flushed, gently touching the tender skin of his collarbone where Anti had bitten him last night, “Our relationship isn’t built on my feeding you, just my being with you.”
“And yet,” Anti started, voice light with humour, “You let me drink from you occasionally. It seems there’s more to you than you think, Mr Shawn Flynn, and I would love to explore more of that with you if you lie back down.”
Shawn groaned again, rolling his eyes as he swung his legs off the side of the bed, standing and walking to his dresser with the sheet around him. He opened the drawer and started digging through it for clothes, ignoring Anti’s stare boring into his back.
“Stop staring at me and get up,” he grumbled, throwing a spare shirt at Anti, “The town already hates the idea of you visiting so often, now they’re going to have so much to say about you turning me.” He pulled a loose shirt over his head, feeling to see if the collar would cover the mark on his collarbone, and sighing when he found it didn’t.
He dug in his drawer for another shirt, this one high-necked, and swapped his clothing before pulling a strip of fabric from the same drawer. Turning around, he rolled his eyes at the sight of Anti still undressed on his bed, and he sat on the bed beside the vampire.
“Tie this, will you?” he commanded, stretching his neck out and shivering as Anti ran cold fingers gently along the material of his collar. He sat calmly as Anti tied the stock, shooting the vampire a glare when he tied the knot a little too tightly.
“Please get dressed, Anti,” he sighed, standing up and walking back to the dresser to find a pair of trousers, “I need to give my notice at work before the sun sets, and you should find some food now that I wouldn’t be very pleasant to drink from.” He held back a chuckle as Anti ran a hand down his arm, lifting his hand and pressing his fangs against his wrist, shoving at the vampire as he tugged on his trousers.
He had no idea what he was going to do now that he was a vampire in a town full of people who hate vampires.
--
“You never told me you lived in a castle!” Shawn gasped, looking out of the carriage window at the grand castle silhouetted against the setting sun. Anti sat beside him, chuckling at Shawn’s reactions and adjusting his clothes, tossing a blood orange into the air and catching it before biting into it.
“Why are these called blood oranges if they don’t actually have blood in them?” He scowled at the fruit, tossing it onto the floor of the carriage and crossing his arms, “It doesn’t even taste remotely like blood! I’d rather eat a persimmon!”
“Anti,” Shawn said, eyes still focused on the castle, “Has anyone been maintaining this castle since you’ve been living with me in Ireland?” He looked at the vampire, tilting his head at his silence as the carriage approached the castle gates.
“Of course, someone has,” Anti retorted, staring at the ground, “He doesn’t have anywhere else to call home. The castle is as much his as it is mine. If my parents hadn’t set up a business in the colonies, they’d be here, too.”
The carriage stopped in front of the castle, tall stone seeming imposing in comparison to the small, inconspicuous carriage. Shawn stepped out first, fixing his hat on his head before turning around, managing a small smile as he extended a hand to Anti, who snorted and took it, allowing Shawn to help him out of the carriage.
Anti smoothed down his coat, stepping forward toward the door with Shawn following him. He cleared his throat, adjusting his neck stock, before raising a gloved hand to grasp the brass door knocker, closing his eyes as the knock echoed through the castle.
The door opened to reveal a butler, no older than Anti looked, who politely motioned for them to enter before stepping out to help the carriage driver unload Shawn and Anti’s luggage. Anti stood beside Shawn in the castle’s entryway, waiting for the butler to return with the bags before he spoke.
“Shawn, this is Adam,” Anti introduced, removing his gloves and hat and placing them on the small table by the door, “Adam, this is my… This is Shawn. Please attend to him with the same level of respect as you attend to me.”
Shawn smiled at Adam, heat rising to his cheeks as the butler bowed at him, and awkwardly removed his gloves and hat when Adam held his hand out. Anti nodded to Adam, then led Shawn up the stairs to the master bedroom, gently linking Shawn’s arm through his own and patting his hand.
“This is your home, now, too,” he said, standing behind Shawn and removing his coat and jacket, “You’re safe here with me, and I can teach you all there is to know about being one of my kind.” Shawn smiled at Anti, placing a hand on his cheek and looking into his eyes, moving closer to the vampire.
--
“I’m not going to get myself killed! I’m immortal, aren’t I?” Shawn yelled, pacing the room in front of Anti as he pulled at his hair, “I have as much right as anyone else to enlist myself and help fight the Jacobites.”
Anti sighed, setting his glass aside as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, sleeves rolled up and shirt unbuttoned. It was the fourth time Shawn had brought up this dumb idea to join the British army. The fourth time this week.
“Shawn, I love you, but I just can’t let you join them,” Anti began slowly, voice soft to avoid fighting, “They train during the day. There will be blood on the front lines. You’ll reveal your true self, and they’ll execute you. You may be immortal, but you aren’t invincible. It’s just too dangerous.”
He flinched as Shawn swept a hand across the surface of his desk, papers and ink flying everywhere. Anti glared at Shawn, watching him march toward the vampire with fury in his eyes. Shawn grabbed Anti’s shirt, pulling him forward until his face was inches from Anti’s.
“I don’t need you to worry about my safety,” he stated, voice low, “I can make my own decisions, Anti. You don’t control me, you never did. Now, you’ll let me enlist, or I’ll leave you and never return. Your choice.” He let Anti go, staring him in the eye as he waited for a decision.
Anti tried to meet Shawn’s angry gaze, but his still heart wouldn’t let him be angry with this man. He turned his head, biting his lip as he thought through Shawn’s options, weighing the pros and cons as he sat back in the seat. Eventually he looked back up, taking a deep breath before he nodded his head.
“Alright,” he began quietly, “Alright, you win. Go, go enlist. When you’ve satisfied that itch, come back to me and tell me all about it. Write me often. And be careful,” he warned, reaching out for Shawn’s retreating back as the younger vampire left him alone and crushed in the castle.
--
My dearest Anti,
Training is difficult, but a little white lie that I have a skin condition has enabled me to participate in most of the training in the shade.
I share a bunk with a kindly gentleman named Jameson. If I were mortal, I would say he was a few years younger than me. As it stands, I am about forty years older than Jameson, yet he speaks to me as an equal. I rather enjoy the pretence.
They say the Jacobite rising is reaching a head, and that as soon as we finish our training we will be fighting against the Scots. We have been warned that we may even have to fight before we complete training.
I trust you are well. I miss you.
Shawn.
“Who are you writing to? A girlfriend?” Shawn frowned as Jameson plucked the letter from his hands, hastily grabbing it back before the young man could read it.
“Actually, I am writing to my lover,” Shawn admitted, thanking the nighttime gloom for hiding the blush on his cheeks, “He, uh, he asked me to write him often.” He watched Jameson’s face for a reaction to his words, letting out a silent sigh as Jameson rolled onto his back, arms behind his head.
“Must be nice,” he mused, staring at the ceiling, “To have someone waiting for you back home. I’ve got nobody waiting for me. I enlisted because my parents died, and I have no siblings to account for. All my family’s worth is on me. If I die here…” he trailed off, and Shawn looked at him to see tears welling up in the corner of his eye.
Without thinking, Shawn reached out and wiped the tears from Jameson’s eye, shuffling to sit closer to the man and smiling when he looked at him in surprise.
“Wha…?” Jameson’s question faded as Shawn leaned forward to press his lips against the corner of Jameson’s eye, leaning back and smiling at him again as he watched Jameson’s cheeks flush. He opened his hand to press against Jameson’s cheek, chuckling as Jameson’s eyes widened.
“Seize the day, right?” he said, voice soft as he removed his hand and sat back, watching as Jameson struggled to catch up to everything that had just happened. He smirked as he went back to writing his letter, occasionally glancing at the flustered Jameson lying in his bed.
P.S: Anti, would you be terribly upset if I were to befriend Jameson?
--
“Why are you more awake after lights out?” Jameson asked one night, lying in Shawn’s bed with Shawn’s arm around his shoulder. Shawn hummed in thought, staring at the ceiling before he answered, arm tightening around Jameson’s shoulders.
“I’m not sure, honestly,” he lied, closing his eyes and breathing deeply, “I’m just more used to the night life than day, I guess. I never really thought about it.” He listened to Jameson sigh, feeling the mortal turn and curl into Shawn’s side, and he bit his lip as he felt Jameson’s pulse beat faster.
Suddenly, the door to the barrack opened and the general walked in, shouting about the battle starting and calling the soldiers to work. Shawn and Jameson scrambled out of the bed, pulling on their uniforms and preparing for the coming fight.
The battle was bloody, bayonets and axes flying, and Shawn ran from tree to tree as he avoided blows and sunlight, watching the sky and waiting for the clouds to cover the sun. He looked across the field at the sound of falling bodies, eyes wide as he saw most of both armies had fallen.
When the sounds of battle faded, Shawn moved out from behind the tree he was using for shade, seeing a quiet field with numerous bodies across the ground. The sun had long since set, an evening mist crawling across the field, and Shawn stepped forward to see the casualties better.
His eyes scanned the area, looking for the bright-eyed gaze of Jameson, mouth going dry when he spotted the mortal lying on the ground. As rain began to fall onto the dirt, Shawn raced across the field toward Jameson, falling to his knees as he looked across the mortal’s body for signs of injury.
“Shawn…” The voice was soft, and Shawn froze as a warm and wet hand touched his cheek. He looked at Jameson, seeing his glassy eyes and bloodstained cheeks, and he held back a sob as he realised the mortal was dying.
“Just… breathe deeply, alright, Jameson?” Shawn whispered, tearing at his uniform to hold fabric scraps against his wounds, “Breathe. You’ll be alright.” He shook his head as Jameson reached his other hand up to hold Shawn’s shoulder, looking into his face pleadingly.
“Leave me, Shawn… Let me go. You can’t save me; you’ll get yourself killed. Please, Shawn, please—” he cut himself off to gasp, rolling to the side to cough, and Shawn felt tears prick at his eyes as he watched Jameson suffer.
He raised his eyes to the sky, taking a deep breath, then pressed his wrist against his mouth and bit into his skin, feeling his own blood well up in his mouth. Grimacing at the taste, he leaned down and pressed his lips to Jameson’s, letting the blood pour into his mouth.
He kept his lips there, forcing Jameson to swallow, then sat back up and looked at the man, clenching his fist as he felt himself heal. Jameson stared at him, eyes wide and lips stained with blood, face registering confusion before it contorted in pain, and Shawn jumped back as Jameson curled into himself, holding his stomach and groaning.
He felt like he had been watching Jameson in pain for years, waiting to see if Jameson would still die or if he would turn, and he let out a breath when Jameson inhaled sharply and looked at him. His eyes were no longer the bright blue they were in his life, they were glassy and grey, and they flared with anger and mistrust as he looked at Shawn.
Jameson wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, running his tongue along his teeth before sitting up and looking at Shawn with clearer eyes.
“What have you done? What are you?”
“I’m still Shawn, Jameson,” he replied, holding his hands out to placate the new vampire, “I just… I don’t have a skin condition, alright? I’m a vampire. Turned, just like you. I couldn’t bear to see you die, I wouldn’t be able to cope if you died, so I just… turned you.” He shrugged, looking at the ground when Jameson’s stare became too much to bear.
“You… you’re a vampire,” Jameson said slowly, processing the information, “I was going to die. The Jackson name was going to die with me. But you… you couldn’t bear to see me die, so you turned me into a vampire… This sounds ridiculous. You’re insane.” He stood up, backing away from Shawn slowly, then running when Shawn started to stand up.
Shawn watched him go, removing his uniform jacket before standing and walking away from the field, head hung.
--
“Shawn.” He turned at the sound of his name, trying to place the hooded figure walking toward him with shaking hands and a pale face. His breath came out in a rush when he realised he was looking at a sickly Jameson, and he raised his hands in defence when Jameson stopped before him. It had been weeks, and Shawn wasn’t sure how Jameson felt toward him now.
“Put those down, I won’t hurt you,” Jameson sighed, swatting Shawn’s hands away in favour of wrapping his arms around his neck and leaning on him, “I need your help.” Shawn grunted when Jameson collapsed, knees locking to bear the full weight of the unconscious vampire.
“Drink this.” Shawn handed Jameson a glass, sitting down and monitoring his reaction to the drink.
He had managed to get Jameson to the inn he was staying at, and now Jameson sat in a chair with a warm blanket wrapped around his shoulders, shivering despite the fire blazing in the fireplace. Shawn had also provided him a change of clothes, which were still folded on the table beside them.
Jameson finished his glass, setting it on the table, then pulled the blanket tighter around himself and looked at Shawn. There was a spot of blood on the corner of his mouth, and Shawn bit his lip as he resisted the urge to reach out and wipe it away, unsure of what Jameson’s reaction would be.
“Thank you, Shawn.” His voice was soft, slightly hoarse, and his lips pulled up in a watery smile of gratitude. “I haven’t been able to sustain myself since leaving you that day on Culloden Field.” He looked down at his shaking hands, resting palm up on his lap, and clenched his fists as he turned his head away.
Shawn returned his smile, slowly leaning forward to gently take one of Jameson’s hands in his own, looking into his grey eyes with compassionate ones. Jameson let Shawn hold his hand, watery smile growing stronger, and his eyes drooped as he leaned forward, forehead resting against Shawn’s.
“I missed you,” he whispered, closing his eyes as he closed the gap between them, melting into Shawn’s touch as Shawn closed his eyes to return the kiss.
“For some reason, I wish that would scar,” Shawn muttered, fingers inspecting the bite mark on his collarbone, right above where Anti had bitten and turned him years ago, “I just want some way to make that permanent.”
Jameson watched him from the bed, sheets draped over his form, a lazy smile on his face. He tilted his head, eyes trained on Shawn’s fingers as they traced the mark on his collarbone.
“Why do you want to make it permanent?” he asked, shifting to sit on his heels, “Wouldn’t your… wouldn’t he be upset?” he corrected, avoiding labelling Anti, watching Shawn bite his lip before turning to look at him.
“I haven’t spoken to him since I left,” he explained, dropping his hands as he moved to sit opposite Jameson, “I’ve got you now, and I want to remember this moment, right now. I don’t want to think about Anti,” he finished, reaching out a hand to hold Jameson’s cheek. Jameson tilted his head, leaning into Shawn’s touch, smiling fondly at him as his face flushed.
“There’s folklore I’ve heard about vampires,” Jameson began slowly, holding Shawn’s hand to his cheek, “Does silver harm you?” Shawn stared at him, eyes wide as he thought, free hand still tracing fingers along the slowly healing bite mark.
“I’m not sure,” he replied, “I never thought to try it. Why? Do you think burning me with silver will make this permanent?” He asked, chuckling quietly before he saw Jameson’s serious face, letting go of his cheek and sitting back as Jameson climbed out of bed.
He watched Jameson walk to his small bag he had been carrying under his cloak and sat back when he pulled an item out of the bag. Jameson turned around, holding a sheathed blade in his hands, returning to sit beside Shawn on the bed before he unsheathed the blade.
“This was my father’s,” he started, tilting the blade to reflect the firelight, “It’s silver. I could… I could maybe use it to scar you, maybe it’ll be permanent?” He offered, looking at Shawn with cautious eyes. Shawn smiled, taking the blade from Jameson’s hand and turning the point to press against one of the tooth marks.
He winced as his skin burned, pressing further when the blade caused the mark to bubble, gasping at the pain. When he had dug the blade deep enough into his skin to scar, he removed it and moved on to the other tooth mark, gritting his teeth against the pain.
He stopped when Jameson placed a hand on his, gently pulling the blade back and leaning forward, pressing his lips to Shawn’s freshly burned skin, and Shawn sighed as the feel of Jameson’s lips helped to relieve the ache of the burn.
“That should work,” Jameson said, leaning back and running his fingers along Shawn’s collarbone, “We’ll see if it will stay.” Standing up, Jameson walked to the table and pulled out the pair of trousers Shawn had given him, pulling them on before returning to the bed.
“Do you need more blood?” Shawn asked, taking in Jameson’s still sickly pallor, “Or do you just want to rest? I can work with both.” He chuckled as Jameson flopped down onto the bed beside Shawn, lazily throwing an arm over his legs to push him down and lie beside him.
“Alright, we’ll sleep,” Shawn laughed, turning and cupping Jameson’s face in his hand, smiling at him as Jameson fell asleep.
--
“I’m still not sure about returning to this place with me,” Jameson said, looking out the window as the carriage pulled up to the castle gates. Shawn hummed in reply, gently biting his thumbnail as he curled his arm around Jameson’s, worriedly watching the gates open.
“It’ll be alright,” he said, more to himself than to Jameson, “Anti will be glad to see me again. It’ll be fine.” Slowly, he opened the door to the carriage, climbing out before turning and offering his hand to Jameson, smiling at the memory of doing the same to Anti all those years ago.
The couple walked to the front doors, Shawn raising a shaky hand to grasp the brass knocker and stepping back after knocking the door. He shuffled his feet while he waited for the doors to open, itching to hold Jameson’s hands, but fearing Anti’s reaction.
“Mr. Flynn.” Shawn looked up at Adam’s voice, smiling with relief upon seeing the butler’s kind face.
“Good evening, Adam,” he greeted, straightening his posture, “I have returned. I trust Anti has been well. This is my… This is Jameson Jackson. I wrote to Anti about him,” he concluded, motioning to Jameson with a nervous chuckle.
Adam observed Jameson briefly before stepping back to let the duo inside, glancing outside to check for luggage before stepping out to gather the bags.
Shawn watched Jameson’s awestruck face with amusement, shrugging off his coat and removing his gloves, handing them to Adam when the butler returned. He gently helped Jameson out of his outerwear, handing them to Adam as well, before taking Jameson’s hand and leading him to the drawing room.
“Sir,” Adam’s voice called after them, making Shawn turn, “He’s in the drawing room. Would you like me to announce you?” Shawn shook his head, a smile creeping across his face as he continued to walk forward.
“I think I’d like to surprise him.”
Anti sat silently in the drawing room, watching castle’s shadow grow through the French doors as the sun set. He held a half-empty glass of blood in one hand, and Shawn’s last letter in the other. His shirt buttons were undone, green waistcoat open to reveal the blood spatter on the white linen.
He didn’t move when he heard the door open, assuming it was just Adam coming to offer a refill, and frowned when he didn’t hear Adam’s address. He listened to the footsteps draw closer to his seat, grip tightening on the letter, and closed his eyes when the footsteps stopped just behind his seat.
“Hello, Anti.” His eyes flew open as he heard the voice, dropping both his glass and the letter as he turned around in surprise to see the slightly flustered but smiling face of Shawn looking back at him.
“Shawn…” he gasped, taking in the vampire’s appearance: his tidy shirt, worn trousers, and scuffed shoes. He looked at Shawn’s slightly overgrown hair, smiling at his freckled face, then his smile fell as he saw the burn marks on his collarbone.
He reached out a hand to touch the marks, tilting his head when Shawn didn’t flinch, feeling the tough and scarred skin in the same place he had bitten years ago. A wave of anger flared through Anti, causing him to tighten his grip on Shawn’s shirt to pull him closer.
“What happened?” He asked, running his mouth along the marks and wincing at the still-present traces of silver in the skin, “Who did this to you?” He heard Shawn shiver, and he released him before leaning back to see his face.
“I wanted that,” Shawn began with an uncomfortable chuckle, “I wanted the bite to be permanent so I could remember it in case anything happened. As for who…” He trailed off as he reached behind him, drawing Anti’s attention finally to the man standing behind Shawn.
Anti’s eyes narrowed as he took in the navy-blue waistcoat on the man, the dark slacks, the scuffed shoes, and the dark hair falling over his face. He watched the man fidget with his fingers, avoiding his gaze until Shawn spoke again.
“Anti,” he began, reaching to take the other man’s hand in one of his and Anti’s hand in his other, “This is Jameson Jackson. He’s my… he’s my close friend from Culloden.” He finished the last part in a sigh, dropping his head as he struggled to label his relationship. Anti looked between the men, hand tightening in Shawn’s before he dropped Shawn’s hand.
“You did that to him?” He asked Jameson, voice soft with barely contained rage. “You branded him with your mark? Shawn, what… why would you let him do that? Is this why you disappeared for so long? I was so concerned that you had gotten yourself executed, and you were simply warming beds?” His voice grew progressively louder as his rage and betrayal grew stronger, until he was standing in front of Shawn with his voice breaking.
“You sent me away,” Shawn said, voice low as he stared at Anti’s feet, “You sent me to enlist. You should have known what you were doing. If you didn’t want me to find other people, you should have gone with me.” Finally, he lifted his eyes to meet Anti’s, clenching his fists by his sides.
“Don’t ever blame me or shame me for doing something—” Shawn’s demand was cut off by the hard slap Anti swiped across his face, force so strong it caused him to lose his balance, swaying to the side and slamming his face into the corner of the small side table. He fell heavily to his knees, holding himself up on a shaky arm as he swiped the other across his mouth, sleeve coming away red.
“You gave me an ultimatum, Shawn,” Anti’s voice was crackling, eyes watery with unshed tears, “You gave me no other choice than to let you go there! I told you it wasn’t safe, but you didn’t listen! I didn’t send you away, Shawn. I let you go.” He froze as Jameson knelt beside Shawn, holding the vampire’s head in his hands as he inspected his face.
A sudden flare of possessive jealousy rose in Anti’s chest, and he dragged Jameson away from Shawn by his stupid waistcoat, pulling him into the courtyard before swinging his fist into Jameson’s jaw, watching with sick satisfaction as the younger vampire stumbled to the hard ground.
Jameson lifted himself to his elbows, spitting blood from his mouth before turning fierce eyes on Anti, breathing heavily as he slowly rose to stand before him.
“That was a good blow,” he gasped, rolling up his sleeves and shifting into a ready stance, prepared for Anti’s next hit and dodging it with youthful swiftness. Anti growled, throwing another punch that caught Jameson squarely in the gut, causing him to gasp and double over, allowing Anti to sweep his leg, dropping Jameson to the ground again.
Jameson recovered from the hit, reaching forward to swipe at Anti’s own feet and drop him to the ground, climbing on top of him and throwing punches to his face, adrenaline masking the pain ebbing in his knuckles as he drove them into Anti’s face again and again.
Anti took advantage of the momentary break in Jameson’s pattern to catch his wrists, rolling until he was straddling Jameson’s chest and punching his head, watching with fervour as Jameson’s head flicked from side to side.
He stopped when strong hands grasped his shoulders and pulled him back, panting with bleeding hands before struggling to shrug the hands off his shoulders.
“Let me go,” he demanded, trying in vain to release himself so he could finish punching Jameson, “Let me kill him.” He stopped struggling when the hands slid down from his shoulders to wrap arms around him, holding him close in an embrace.
“Stop, Anti,” Shawn’s voice spoke into his ear, a slight whistle in his speech, “It’s over. You don’t need to kill him. You’ve hurt him enough. Just… stop.” Anti shivered as Shawn kept whispering into his ear, breathing steadying before he lifted his hands to hold Shawn’s, keeping the vampire behind him.
“I’m sorry, Shawn,” he reflected, resting his chin on Shawn’s crossed arms, “I guess I got jealous. You never sent me anything more, I wasn’t sure you were even still alive, then you return here with a new turned vampire who you let mark you. I went mad with jealousy. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
Shawn hummed behind him, arms shifting before he let Anti go, moving to crouch in front of the vampire. He looked at Jameson’s unconscious form, watching his steady breathing for a minute before looking at Anti with bright eyes.
“I’m not a possession, Anti,” he began softly, hand on Anti’s shoulder, “I never belonged to anyone. I own nothing but my clothes and my dignity. You’ve provided so much for me these past forty years, and I am so grateful. But I’m not yours. I’m not Jameson’s, either. I’m me, and I belong to myself. I will always obey your command, but I want to be free to do as I wish.” He smiled at Anti, showing off a freshly chipped fang, hand moving to cup his cheek.
“Let Jameson and I stay in the castle,” he asked, “We will stay with you, but there will be no more closeness. Today, we are all equals and individual. No attachments.” His eyes shone with tears, matching Anti’s, and the older vampire let out a bitter chuckle as he lifted his hand to cup Shawn’s cheek.
“No more attachments,” he agreed, forcing a smile as he stroked his thumb across Shawn’s cheek, looking into his eyes before closing his own and letting out a deep breath, “I’ll get Adam to make up a room for you… and one for Jameson,” he finished, looking to the side as Jameson groaned.
--
“Are you sure you can take care of the castle by yourself?” Shawn asked, one foot already in the carriage as he looked worriedly at Jameson.
“I think 150 years has taught me enough about the goings-on of the castle, Shawn,” Jameson replied with a laugh, patting Shawn on the back and stepping away, “Adam can take care of the castle while I’m asleep, anyway.”
Shawn smiled, finally climbing into the carriage and closing the door, opening the window to lean out toward Jameson.
“Remember, you can always write me if something goes wrong,” he called, adjusting his cloak around his shoulders, “I’m just a carriage ride away if you need me, and Anti should be home soon.”
Jameson waved as Shawn’s carriage drove away, walking back into the castle and sighing, straightening his shoulders and heading for the drawing room.
“Sir,” Adam’s voice broke Jameson out of his reverie, and he turned to see what his butler needed, “There is someone here to see you.” Jameson frowned, setting his glass on the table, running his fingers along the dent on the corner.
“Who?” he asked, standing up and straightening his waistcoat, “Send them in.”
“This man says his name is Jackie,” Adam stated, waving the new guest inside. Jameson watched him enter, something in his gut telling him there was trouble on the way. He faked a smile, waving to the seat beside him with a small bow.
“Take a seat, Jackie,” he offered, waiting for the mortal to sit down before he returned to his seat, picking up his drink, “Tell me, what brings you here?”
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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 3 years ago
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You did it again! Loved “Across the Bar”. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 😝 I didn’t actually have another request ready, but I needed to think up at least one more after reading that. 😌
Another Shawn. (For me it’s always Shawn; it’s pathetic really.) I read something recently that had such good back and forth banter between the couple in the story. So, I guess I’m just looking for something fun and flirty in an established relationship. Maybe throw in some dirty/sexy innuendos, but it doesn’t have to lead to smut since you just did one of those for me. LOL Feel free to get him (or her) all flustered/worked up though. There can always a be denial in the follow through (or a future promise). 😆 Some quips or ribbing, some playful teasing, a little competitiveness? Maybe during something mundane or everyday, like she goads him into doing yoga with her or something. (Just an example- the first I thought up; it can be whatever you might like it to be.)
Idk. What do you think?
I kept this one a little shorter, only wanted to the banter to be focal point.
Written for Graduation Blurb Weekend. Today, May 8th, 2022, is the last day to submit a request. 
Female Reader Insert. CW: 18+ Content (Smut Adjacent)
Cleaning Day
_____________
Saturdays and Sundays are cleaning days. There’s no way around this. There's no avoiding the fates. There is only ever joining in, or at the very least, not interrupting the flow. Shawn, after the bed shakes for a moment, listens. You brush your teeth, get dressed, and then shuffle out the room. Though Shawn knows he’s not going back to sleep, he continues to lay in bed, cradling the pillow to his chest. A speaker beeps to life. 
It’s going to happen. It’s all going to happen and then a moment later, Shawn hears the crooning of Mary J. Blige. There it goes. Shawn pushes up from the mattress a little and listens to the cabinets opening and closing. He tries to remember what part of the house you’re supposed to be tackling today. Last weekend you deep cleaned the bathrooms and prepped dinner. Shawn thinks that maybe you’re going to tackle the kitchen. 
And if you are going to deep clean the kitchen, that means he needs to get up because you’re definitely going to go for washing walls and deep cleaning the stove. Which means he needs to make sure you don’t hurt yourself. Shawn makes quick work of brushing his teeth and throws on pants, but forgoes a t-shirt. Mostly because the one he was going to wear isn’t on the back of the chair and he assumes you’ve snagged it. 
Stepping out of the door, Shawn immediately spots you on your step stool. You’re pulling the stuff from off the top of the fridge and he walks over, hands resting gently on your waist. “Hey, hot stuff,” you grin, turning to look at him. 
“Good morning to you too,” he laughs, pinching your ass. “Also that’s my shirt and you know it!”
“Guess you’ll have to take it off me.”
“You’d like that wouldn’t you? Love me to undress you?”
You laugh for a moment before you can return. “You love it too. Don’t even lie.”
He laughs, but stays behind you to ensure you don’t get wobbly trying to clear off the top of the fridge. He’d offer to do the job himself, but you’d refuse having already started it and he doesn’t mind the facefull of your panty cladded backside. When you start to shift, Shawn takes a step back and lets you set all the boxes and tins onto the counter. 
“Are you going to deep clean out the fridge too?” Shawn asks, pulling out your gloves and buckets. Inside of them already are the sponges and cleaners you’ve designated for the kitchen. 
“We probably should see what has expired and what’s still good.”
Shawn hums, filling one bucket with some warm water. “So clean appliances, walls, counters and then we deep dive into the fridge.”
“Sounds like a man with a plan,” you return, sliding up behind Shawn. You playfully tap his ass before kissing the back of his bicep. 
“Hey, missy. What’s going on here?”
“Oh, come off it. You love it when I play with your ass.” You give your thanks and take the bucket from Shawn. He squawks, watching you go back to the step stool to begin the cleansing. He does, but that’s not the thing he expected from you first thing in the morning. He laughs and fills the second bucket to start on wiping down the walls of the kitchen. This deep of a clean is a two person job and slowly over the months, Shawn has picked up on all your little intricacies. You like to clean the appliance first and the walls. Then you clean counters. 
And when it’s not cleaning, Shawn has learned the small things about you too. Like the way you do a two-step to almost any song that you love. You love having more time in the morning to do things than the mornings so you wake early out of dedication to keeping a schedule. Your prefer cooler showers if you’re showering in the morning and warmer showers at night. And it’s all the small things, but it’s those things that matter the most between the two of you. 
Another song comes up on the shuffle and both you and Shawn start to belt out the lyrics. He spins to watch you and you turn from the wiping down the fridge handles to sing to each other. He’s the singer, obviously, at how flawlessly he hits the higher notes, but you love to join in with him. Laughter and giggles fall from you two after the note passes and the two of you resume your assigned work. 
As the morning progresses, the two of you keep passing teasing touches. Shawn’s hand on your ass. You trail your nails over his stomach. It’s intimate, gives both of you a fluster, but is clearly not taking precedent. Shawn steps away to the restroom, pressing a kiss to your temple. “I’ll be right back.”
“Okay. Don’t fall in,” you call out behind him. 
Shawn laughs. “I’ll do my best.”
The music continues to filter around the kitchen and you scrub at the oven floor after letting the cleaner sit for the last hour. A couple minutes later, Shawn returns back to the kitchen and as he passes, he cups the back of your neck and tilts your head back. 
“Yes, my dear?” you ask, batting your lashes up at him. 
“Oh, so innocent. But not later,” he teases, thumb teasing your lips. 
“Oh, later, I’ll never be innocent again,” you return, tongue flicking out against his thumb. Your heart is racing just a little in your chest and you’re cursing the way the wetness gathers between your legs, but it’s Shawn and he’ll always make it so easy for you. You’ll never resist him. 
A small punch of arousal hits Shawn’s gut and he squats down to capture your lips into a kiss. “Love you,” he whispers. 
“Love you too.” He stands and turns to the sink to wipe it down.
“Love your ass in those boxer briefs too,” you tack on. Shawn punctuates the sentence with a tiny wiggle and the sound of both of your later bounces over the lyrical flow of Lauryn Hill.
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koulakoukoula2003 · 4 years ago
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Impatience (Levi x Reader)
Pairing: Levi x Reader, Levi x You
Genre: Fluff (soooooo much fluffffff)
Word Count: 1199
A/N: Hellooooo fellow Levi hoes, here’s a fluffy scene between you and Levi. Been wondering, when Historia became Queen and got Levi into saving the orphans of the Underground, how cute was he going to look holding one of those orphans in his arms... 😳 Oh my God... Anyways! The two of you are already in a relationship, so just, enjoy! 😘
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You were in the Underground -a place the two of you hadn’t visited in so long- and Queen Historia was leading the way. She was in a carriage riding ahead. Of course, Levi and (y/n) were on the front to lead them through the streets of the place that you two grew up in. A bunch of MPs were all around, making sure to help and protect their Queen from the scums that lurked around in the Underground. The smell of moisture was all too familiar. Both (y/n) and Levi couldn’t help staring all around the place. You hadn’t visited that place ever since Erwin came and dragged you both out of there. 
Too many bad memories. You recognised the streets. Children were lying all around. Abandoned and starving. Despair in their eyes. Their bones almost sticking out from the lack of tissue. Levi raised his hand, signalling the MPs to stop, and Historia stuck her head out of the carriage. 
“We’re here, your Majesty,” Levi informed her. He had to admit, it was weird calling that brat like this, but he got used to it faster than he expected. 
“Excellent, Captain, Lieutenant,” Historia jumped out of her carriage and the MP officer approached her right away. 
“Uh- Ma’am! I suggest that you stay within the carriage. You will be safer that way,” The man said nervously. Historia frowned and parted her lips to throw something utterly rude on the officer’s way, but you unmounted your horse, and you approached the two. 
You placed a hand on Historia’s shoulder. “No need to worry, officer, we’ll be keeping an eye on her. Besides, there’s no criminal in the Underground that doesn’t fear Captain Levi, I assure you,” 
Historia smirked. “Exactly. Now quit trying to order around your Queen, and let’s get to work,” Historia said. An authoritative and stern tone in her voice that could’ve scared the highest-ranking officers trembling. Your eyes widened. You were impressed. 
“U- Uh, yes, your Majesty! I- I wasn’t trying to- M- My apologies!” The young man stuttered before he set off to get to work right away. 
Once the two of you were left alone, you laughed and squeezed Historia in a side-hug. Your hand reached for Historia’s hair, caressing gently. “I’m so damn proud of you!” 
Historia giggled and overly enjoyed the way you were messing her hair. “Thanks, (y/n)!” She managed to escape your hug and she turned and looked around her. “Let’s see what we got here,” 
The MP officers, Historia, Levi and (y/n) set off to pick up the children, load them in the empty cart and take them out of that horrible place. The construction of the orphanages was going well, and Historia didn’t want to any more prolong saving those kids. She had to save them, and she had to do it fast. 
You knelt in front of a little boy. He must have been around three to four years old. He flinched right away when you approached him, as if he was afraid that you were going to hurt him. That reaction was more than understandable. You were once the same. A scared, bony little child, tossed into a cruel world, wallowing in fear and despair. 
“It’s alright,” You said and you gave him the sweetest smile you could manage. You knelt down, close to his height. “I’m (y/n). What is your name?”
He examined you with those huge, innocent, deep brown eyes of his for a moment. “S- Shawn,” 
“Well, Shawn, it’s very nice to meet you. Are you hungry?” You asked. The boy was scared, but hearing of food, that fear slowly started to subside. The boy nodded and your hand reached for your pocket beneath your green, Survey Corps cloak. You took out a cracker. You opened and handed it to him. “There you go,” 
Shawn stared at the cracker. He didn’t even bother to catch it. He lifted both of his little hands up, allowing you to pick him. You smiled as you handed him the cracker, and then you lifted him up and settled him in your arms. He was so light, it almost worried you, but he started munching on the cracker hungrily. He had consumed it before you knew it. 
You tried to leave him back down on the cart where the rest of the children were and Historia was offering them food, but he did not want to get off of you. Shawn just buried his face in your neck. His little hands clutched on your clothes and he remained silent in you embrace. All you could do was smile. You pressed a kiss on his little temple. 
“It’s alright, you’re safe now. We’ve got you,” You said, trying to reassure him, but his little fingers only tightened around your shirt. “Alright, I’ll hold you a little bit more,” You promised and you turned around only to see Levi with a little girl in his arms. 
The sight melted your heart right away. The little girl was in a white, dirty, ragged gown. She had blonde, messy long hair. She too had finished eating the cracker that Levi had given her, and she was now sucking on her thumb. She must’ve been a three-year-old. She was the definition of cute. 
“Oi, brat,” Levi’s one hand reached for the little girl’s and he pulled her thumb out of her mouth. “No sucking on your fingers. They’re dirty,” 
The girl just looked up at him, with those large honey eyes and she tucked her finger back in her mouth. Levi sighed. He should’ve known better than to try to reason with a three-year-old. 
Your sweet laughter reached his ears and he finally lifted his attention on you. He almost forgot how to breathe. You had a little boy in your arms, and that boy was clutching on your shirt and he was burying his face in your neck. Your hands supported this little body against your chest and the boy had closed his eyes, enjoying every second he spent in your arms. 
You were so wonderful, there, holding and talking, and treating that little kid as if it was your own. Levi couldn’t get his eyes off of you. He could almost imagine you in one of your white, baggy gowns, and a baby boy in your arms. One that would have the raven colour of his hair, but your eyes. 
Levi tried his best to snap out of the beautiful picture that he had in his mind as the two of you finally settled the little ones on the cart, but he couldn’t stop himself. A warm arm slipped around your waist, and he forced your back to crush against his chest. Dry, soft lips pressed a kiss against your cheek from behind and his breath brushed against your ear warmly as he spoke. 
“I can’t wait to have one of our own,” 
You giggled. A bright blush spread across your cheeks and you let her head rest back on his shoulder. You nuzzled your nose in his neck and you smiled, closing your eyes briefly. 
“Me neither,” 
A/N: Ooffffff there it is! Y’all feel free to reblog just send a few follows and notes on my way! Thanks for reading! Lemme know what you think! This is a scene from my actual Levi x OC fic on ao3, I just changed it slightly so that it can stand on its own 🥰
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21burritoseavey · 3 years ago
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wonder (j.a.)
a/n: uhh, yeah so I would like to formally apologise for what you are about to read. I don’t know if I’ll make a pt.2 but if you want one let me know. thanks to the wonderful person who requested this and thank you for your patience. I changed a few things and it’s a little unedited but I really hope you like it!  
Summary: Jack tells Y/n he likes her on her birthday.
Song: Wonder by Shawn Mendes
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I wonder if I'm being real Do I speak my truth or do I filter how I feel?
“We’re already late! Hurry up!” Corbyn yelled out from the entrance hall of the Seavey residence, ending his third reminder with an irritated slam of the front door. 
“I’ll be out in a minute!” Jack shot back quieter. His gaze lingered on Daniel’s wardrobe mirror, clean and reflective of his handsomely dressed figure. Jack sighed as he glanced down at himself, ruffling a hand through his hair. 
The day dawned crisp and clear, warm with the light of the sun glaring through fewer clouds than usual. Corbyn strolled across the driveway to meet the rest of the boys - ready and waiting - in the car. No other boy was seen following behind them, indicating another few minutes of waiting to be had. 
“It’s a birthday party, we’re not meeting the Queen.” Daniel rolled his eyes. 
“It’s not just a birthday party,” Jack declared a moment after, tugging at the narrow collar of his blazer in his hurry to make it to the car. He finally decided this outfit would be the one - all white clothes on, black dress shoes and dark brunette curls left unbound to tumble messily along the breeze as he jogged to Jonah’s open window. 
I wonder, wouldn't it be nice To live inside a world that isn't black and white?
“It’s Y/n’s 21st birthday.” He breathed, leaning his elbows on the edge of the window. 
“You’re wearing the first outfit you put on,” Zach drawled, slumping back into the passenger’s seat. 
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Jack shrugged, walking across the road to the empty seats in the back. Corbyn and Jack slipped into the back beside Daniel. The air was sticky and humid, only to perish when the air conditioning blasted from the front before they made it out of Daniel’s neighbourhood, wafting cool air with the low hum of constant blowing accompanying it. 
I wonder what it's like to be my friends Hope that they don't think I'll forget about them I wonder
While the rest of the boys filled the air with conversation about gifts and birthday festivities, Jack was silent, making his quiet presence known with simple nods and agreements. His mind reeled with thoughts and thoughts of Y/n, unable to still to a peacefulness for the whole car ride. Y/n was always one to make everyone feel comfortable, especially at a party she’d planned herself. But there was something about Y/n’s special day that made Jack’s cheeks flush and heart flutter with even more intensity every moment he thought about it. Maybe this would be the perfect day to tell her?
Y/n never enjoyed all the parties she’d been dragged to by friends at university. The chaos of college students finally letting loose was overwhelming, to say the least. The strobe lights dancing onto the floor and pounding baselines reverberating through intoxicated bodies and infused scents of perfume and cologne laced in the foggy dark air only made Y/n’s loathing for them grow stronger every time she went to one. And when it was time for her own party, Y/n made sure it was everything she envisioned it to be. 
Right before I close my eyes The only thing that's on my mind
Including the guys, an invite had been sent to some friends from her classes, one of whom was named James, a friend from her visual arts class. Nothing more. Or at least that’s how Jack liked to think of it. He had no right to be angry, but every time that name rolled off his tongue, it sent a sickening chill down his spine. It all started when Y/n went over to Jack’s place. With her backpack across her back, she let herself into his room casually. Her smile caught Jack’s gaze as he sat behind his keyboard...along with another smile, from a guy he’d never seen before. Y/n had invited him over herself in order for the two boys to ‘get to know each other’. Jack could barely stomach the thought of wiping the grin off her face with any sort of disagreement, so he let them both stay. That night was packed with great conversation and giddy dimpled laughter between them, but not Jack. His mind was so deep in wonder and confusion that he could hardly hear what they were even saying. 
“Jack, could you pass that box over there?” Corbyn asked, gesturing towards the wrapped rectangular gift. Jack raised his gaze to Corbyn. Just a friend Jack thought at last, dismissing the rest of his thoughts as he leaned over to grab the present. 
Been dreamin' that you feel it too I wonder what it's like to be loved by you
“You got her something?” He gaped, “I thought we all agreed to not get her anything?” His eyes shot back towards the rest of the guys as they stepped out of the car. He noticed their gifts as his eyes roamed down towards the neatly...and some quite messily wrapped gifts in their hands. “So, it’s just me then?” He asked with an annoyed glare. “Great.” He sighed, “no that’s just wonderful.” He corrected, hopping out of the car to show the sarcasm etched in his expression. “I just won’t have anything to give Y/n. This was my one chance to tell her-” 
“That’s okay,” Y/n spoke gently behind him. Her sudden words had Jack twirling around slowly to greet her, as if doing so would ease the embarrassment that washed over him. Though, a quick hug from Y/n had him easing back into himself in seconds. Y/n pulled away and glanced at him, “What’d you need to tell me?” 
“Uh...um,” Jack’s eyes flickered to the boys, “Happy birthday!” He assured her, leaning back in for a hug, ignoring the boys’ teasing laughter that found its way along the breeze and into his ears. 
“Thank you,” Y/n said sweetly. 
“And Sydnie wanted me to tell you that she’s sorry she couldn’t make it and happy birthday.” 
“Oh,” Y/n grinned, “Well tell her that I’m sad she’s missing out, but she’s still my favourite Avery.” Y/n bit back a smile and watched Jack’s expression morph into an opened mouthed glare. 
She broke out into a fit of laughter, cheerful giggles falling between them as Jack stuttered out a “Wow, how could you?” He shook his head disapprovingly. 
I wonder why I'm so afraid Of saying something wrong, I never said I was a saint
Y/n’s party was at the park - nothing unexpected for Jack since he knew she loved it so much - and with the help of some friends, the set up was the perfect mix of classy and casual. A long table cut through the grassy field, standing under a silky white sheet, and it was almost like a canopy of flowers were draped across it. The bandmates noticed a few of Y/n’s friends at their spots on the cushions, helping themselves to the platters of fruit and snacks. And even a small tepee stood a small distance away, upholstered with light blue canvas that sheltered Y/n’s sleepy puppy inside. The sun kissed shades of champagne pink and soft beige with its bright rays and the gentle wind allowed the tableware to stay in place without worry of anything toppling over.
The boys wished Y/n a happy birthday while they took their seats, but Jack lingered in front of the narrow table. The way in which he was standing was almost perfect for a photo and Y/n took their fleeting moment of stillness to snap a quick one beside them. Her beaming smile greeted Jack’s gaze from the side. “I can’t believe you did this,” He chuckled breathily. 
“Are you doubting my hard work, Jack Avery?” She teased, pocketing her phone. 
“No, no, It’s great.” He rushed out. 
“Yeah, this is amazing Y/n.” Jonah started, crouched down to pat the lazy puppy. “It's so aesthetic.” He said honestly, sending a wave of light laughter to flourish over the group. 
“Well, come on, then. Sit down.” She ushered Jack to sit on one of carefully placed cushions. A familiar boy came breezing towards the low table from behind the low-lying bushes. Y/n looked up at him with a smile, and she gazed back at the boys to introduce him formally. “Oh, and, um” She wobbled onto her feet and stood beside him. “This is James,” she said gently, looking towards the boys with hesitance in her eyes, a smile still on her face. 
I wonder, when I cry into my hands I'm conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a man
Jack’s neutral expression faltered into a frown, and he bowed his head towards his dress shoes, blaming it on the fake notification he’d gotten on his phone when Y/n asked him if he was okay.  “You two already know each other.” She smiled, settling back into her seat beside James. “Why don’t you tell him about the band?” she proposed. Her jolly gaze towards the other boy practically gave Jack no other choice but to start the conversation. 
“Yeah, sure.” He answered calmly. 
--------
And I wonder if someday you'll be by my side And tell me that the world will end up alright I wonder
Jack had counted sixteen people at the park in his head while he talked to James. It was more of a one-sided thing actually - the other boy held forth almost all hour about his own musical experiences - and Jack finally decided to end the conversation with a random excuse, no longer able to hide his hurt with a smile. “Hey, you know what, I actually have to get Y/n’s gift from the car. So, we’ll talk later?” He spoke gently, standing up to make his escape quick and easy. 
“Oh, sure. Nice talking to you.” James nodded, letting Jack leave with a smile on his lips. In all honesty, the conversation wasn’t bad enough for him to leave abruptly, but there was just something about the way Y/n lingered close to him as they chatted...the way her eyes roamed over James’ lips as he spoke... the slight twinkle in her eyes kindled with an almost childish nervousness at their close proximity. To the other boys, Jack was always reading too much into things, but this time was quite the opposite, and he swore there were a bunch of signs that something was going on between them. 
Right before I close my eyes The only thing that's on my mind
“Six instruments,” Jack started plainly, trudging over to Daniel and Corbyn. Y/n’s 4-month-old golden retriever had made himself comfortable on Daniel’s lap as the pair sat on the grass with a plate of snacks next to them. The mutual laughter falling between them broke with Jack’s voice again, “He plays six instruments.” He sat tiredly on the grass, palms propped up behind him and legs stretched out. “How can I compete with that?” He threw his hands up in exasperation and dropped them to plop a piece of cantaloupe in his mouth. 
“Damn, almost as many as me.” Daniel let out an impressed chuckle, glancing over at the tall brunette boy standing next to Y/n. “Maybe he could be our sixth member.” He joked.
Corbyn caught on and continued their teasing, “yeah, his hair is goals.” He laughed. 
“So, what, you guys think he’s great too?” Jack looked furiously towards them as he plucked out stands of grass. 
Been dreamin' that you feel it too I wonder what it's like to be loved by you
“You don’t?” Corbyn asked between a bite of his watermelon. Daniel eyed him with an envious stare silently. Jack stayed quiet; fingers focused on ripping out small roots from the ground. “Why are we just hearing of this now?”
“I didn’t think it would get to this!” Jack admitted breathily. “I mean, studying together, that’s okay, but coming to her birthday party?”
“...More of a... get-together...” Daniel trailed off quietly. 
Jack continued on as if the others were invisible. “I’ve had my heart set on telling her today for weeks now.” He slumped back against the tepee, sharing a swift look with the small blonde puppy that wobbled back into his bed. “I can’t tell her now. Not when he’s here.” 
“We come to birthday parties and we’re friends...I don’t get what the problem is. He’s probably just a friend like Y/n said.”
I wonder what it's like I wonder what it's like to be loved by you
“No, look at the way they’re standing. He linked his arm with hers.” Jack didn’t bother acting sly and just pointed towards the almost coupley pair of university students sitting at the picnic table again. Y/n’s arm was indeed linked with James’ as they shared a plate of snacks. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Jack repeated, keeping his gaze on the one individual he thought liked him back. But Jack could see how it mattered to Y/n, she wasn’t pulling away after all. He tried to shake it off and focus back on his group that had now increased with Zach hearing Jack’s gloomy thoughts from a few paces away. 
“Why don’t you just go talk to her?” Zach said. 
“I can’t,” Jack pouted. “Or else I’d be interrupting whatever that is…” Jack’s quiet last word couldn’t be heard over Jonah’s heavy footsteps pounding across the levelled grass. His panicked expression immediately set Jack into high alert, and he looked towards his friend with the same concerned stricken face. 
Right before I close my eyes The only thing that's on my mind
“Okay-I-...” Jonah hunched over with his hands on his thighs as he caught his breath, “I don’t- I-” He stopped trying to speak and let a silence fall over the small group. He cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t usually be this panicked about something like this but, they are like going to. Kiss.” Jonah’s words came out as faint breaths, but Jack understood every word and he shifted his gaze over towards Y/n again. The gap between the two was basically non-existent in Jack’s eyes. James’ hand was on her thigh as they faced each other before it reached up to tuck a strand of Y/n’s sun kissed hair that cascaded down her back. And with Y/n leaning in closer with a smile, their lips were mere seconds away from meeting and stomach’s almost swarming with premature first kiss butterflies. That sight of them together, that moment suspended in time ignited this spark in Jack. It was more than the spark of fondness and adoration for Y/n, it was this weird, stinging mix of hurt and panic that just led him towards the picnic table. The loud stomps coming from the corner had Y/n and James flinching back in fear. 
“Hey, okay look Y/n. I know I’m not like this James guy,” Jack rushed out, barely paying a glance towards the other boy as he stepped closer to the frazzled girl sitting cross-legged on the floor. “And I can’t play six instruments and do homework as good as him and I don’t have cool hair,” His voice was fragile as if it could break any second with the chance of his confession being a total disaster, but he went for it. “But I like you… so much Y/n. I always have.” 
Been dreamin' that you feel it too I wonder what it's like to be loved by you
 a/n: AHHH SORRY gjreigihtrh
taglist: @chilling-seavey @marthagryffindor @randomlimelightxxx @hiya-its-amber @the-girl-who-cried-wolf @hackerXavery @jonahlovescoffee​ @onlyangelavery​​ @sadbitchfangirl
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secretobsessionstuff · 3 years ago
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Been thinking about Mateo and Shawn lately !! They remind me of myself and my own partner, so I figured maybe i’d... request something based on one of my own experiences. Long story short, I had been with them all day but I was feeling really dizzy and nauseous. I was thinking about my partners gentle way of comforting me, by holding my forehead while i was getting sick or gently running their fingertips on my back. Perhaps you could do something like this with mateo and shawn? Maybe shawn is really out of it and mateo is worried he might bother shawn if he touches him too aggressively (?) i guess? I love their dynamic <33
Thank you all for being patient as I slowly get to requests. This was a super cute one 💕
It was nearing the evening when Shawn started to get tired. As the sun began to set, with golden hour in full swing, he too wanted to dip below the horizon to sleep. He and Mateo had been out all day doing errands and planned to get dinner at a new restaurant, but now Shawn just wanted to go home.
The fatigue and dizziness hit suddenly. It was the nausea that grew steadily stronger as the sun continued to leave for the day. He lazily moved through the store, holding onto the clothing racks to keep himself upright. People must have thought he was drunk with the way he swayed down the aisles.
He eventually found his boyfriend in one of the aisles trying on shoes. Shawn sighed as he found a place to sit next to a pile of shoes that Mateo was considering buying. It was only when he sat down that he realized how weird he felt. He realized that he could have passed out right there if he wanted to. Suddenly his lunch wasn’t sitting so well in his stomach. He looked up at Mateo with half-closed eyes.
“What do you think of these?” Mateo asked as he admired the leather shoes in the mirror.
“You look good in everything,” Shawn said through a yawn, not really looking at the shoes. Still, it wasn’t a lie. Mateo could walk out of here with slippers, and Shawn would be eager to see them kicked off haphazardly at the foot of his bed. Just not today. “Are you almost done? I want to go home soon.”
Mateo spun around, feeling fancy in the new shoes. He wasn’t going to buy them though because he needed more time to decide, and it didn’t look like Shawn had more time – he looked like he was going to fall asleep in the middle of the store. “You don’t want to get dinner at that new Thai place?”
Shawn scrunched up his nose. “My stomach isn’t feeling so good.” The blurriness around his vision wanted to creep closer in, and his head wanted to fall off his shoulder. “Actually, a lot of me isn’t feeling so good.”
After switching the shoes out for his actual pair, Mateo sat on the bench and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes which were bloodshot and glassy. He touched the back of his hand to Shawn’s forehead and pulled back in surprise. “It does feel like you a small fever.”
Shawn groaned and let his head fall on Mateo’s shoulder. “My eyes are burning and I’m dizzy. Will you drive?”
Mateo helped his boyfriend up. “Sure. Anything else bothering you?” It was tough not to fall back into the script that he used for patients, but Shawn didn’t seem to care.
“My stomach.”
“You already said that.”
“Well, it really hurts,” he whined, only half joking because his stomach really was in knots. “Add short term memory loss to the list.”
Getting in the car did not sound like a fun time, but Shawn did so anyway. The ride wasn’t as bad as he thought because he fell asleep before Mateo left the parking lot.
Mateo enjoyed the quiet drive back. Shawn’s car drove smoothly and silently, letting his boyfriend stay asleep the whole time. That might have been a testament to how Shawn was feeling rather than the car’s performance, however. Mateo snuck glances at Shawn’s paler than normal face. The tattoo on his neck stood out even more against the ashen skin.
“We’re here,” Mateo said as he parked the car. Shawn stayed asleep. “Babe, wake up.”
The snoring continued so Mateo got out of the car and came around to the passenger side. He unbuckled Shawn’s seat belt and felt the heat rolling off his body. “Oh boy, you’re really warm,” Mateo mumbled to himself, but it seemed to have startled Shawn from his sleep.
Shawn looked around and squinted. The first thing he registered was the fresh new wave of nausea coursing through his veins. With Mateo’s help, they walked to the door. Shawn’s legs really wanted to buckle under him. “Fuck, that nap did not help. I feel so much worse.”
“Yeah, your fever’s gotten worse too,” Mateo said as he opened the door for his boyfriend. “How’s your stomach?”
“Sick. I think I might puke.”
“You could wait for me in the bathroom while I put our groceries away.” Mateo set their bags down on the counter. “I want to take your temp—or you can crash on the couch. That works too,” he said as he watched Shawn fall onto the soft cushions.
With the thermometer and a bucket, Mateo joined Shawn on the couch. He wasn’t asleep, surprisingly. The grimace on his face told Mateo that he was too nauseous to sleep. His body took up most the couch so Mateo gently lifted Shawn’s head and placed it on his own lap.
Shawn moaned as he was jostled around. When he was settled back down on Mateo’s legs, he let out a heavy exhale. Even while lying down, the room felt like it was spinning around his head.
“Sorry, hon,” Mateo said softly. “Will you put this under your tongue?”
While Shawn held the thermometer in his mouth, Mateo ran his hands through his boyfriend’s hair. He hated hearing Shawn’s heavy breathing which served as a reminder that he was miserable. Mateo decided he would keep gliding his fingers through Shawn’s hair until his breathing slowed down or until the thermometer beeped. Whichever came first.
The thermometer beeped first. The device told him that Shawn’s temperature was sitting just below 102°F. It wasn’t terrible but not great. Still, Mateo never liked to treat anything under 103°F. This was the body’s way of curing itself. Of course, Shawn’s body had other plans to deal with whatever was making him sick, but that was a more unpleasant process.
Shawn groaned and squirmed around on Mateo’s lap. He wanted to stay where he was because Mateo’s fingers felt great, but the nausea was reaching its peak. His belly gurgled loudly, making him curl in on himself.
Mateo heard the gurgled and felt his boyfriend tense up beneath his hand. “Are you gonna be sick? Need the bucket?”
With a hand over his mouth, Shawn nodded quickly. He lifted himself up with his arm, careful not to elbow Mateo in the crotch. He reached for the bucket, but his beautiful boyfriend held it up to his mouth so that he didn’t have to. Shawn still grabbed one side, just to help him aim and to keep him from falling off the couch.
He gagged emptily at first, making his whole body shudder. The nausea filled his mouth with saliva and caused his jaw to quiver. Another gag caught in his throat.
“I’ve got you, just let it happen,” Mateo said while holding the bucket steady. He could feel the strain that it had on Shawn’s body just from the way he shook.
Shawn gagged one last time before a real wave of sick came rushing up his throat. He lurched forward from the force of the heave. With his eyes squeezed shut and tears gathering on his lashes, he heard the splatter of sick as it hit the bottom of the bucket.
A mix between a cough and a heavy exhale followed a wet burp. Shawn’s chest moved rapidly as he tried to catch his breath in between retches. “Ugh everything hurts, Teo.”
Mateo’s go-to choice of comfort in this instance would be to rub Shawn’s back or stomach but he hesitated when he heard the pain in the boy’s voice. Shawn’s body was already tense and flooded with misery; he didn’t know if his boyfriend wanted to be touch that much. In the past there had been times when Shawn was too overwhelmed for any extra stimuli. Sometimes he couldn’t stand having his shirt rub against his skin when he was sick.
“I’m sorry, baby,” Mateo said gently, with his free hand hovering awkwardly in the air. “Will it help if I rub your back?”
Shawn swallowed thickly, aware that a second bout was coming. “Maybe. Can you do it lightly…you know, like the tracing.”
Mateo knew exactly what he was talking about. Sometimes when neither of them could sleep, they took turns tracing shapes on each other’s back with their fingertips. It started out as a game to guess the pictures, but it quickly turned into random patterns that left goosebumps on their arms.
With the lightest touch, Mateo started at the top of Shawn’s spine and slowly worked his way down. Then he circled back up to the base of his neck, taking his time to make each touch gentle.
When he felt the muscles in Shawn’s back tense up, he quickly lifted his hand in fear that he hurt him. Shawn just belched up another gush into the bucket. Without a second to breathe, he was bringing up the next wave of stomach contents. Shawn gasped for air and went right back into it with a groan.
“Shh, shh, it’ll be over soon,” Mateo whispered as resumed his gentle tracing.
For a long time, Mateo kept up the gentle movement of his hands, even when the vomiting seemed to have tapered off into plain old hellish nausea. It’s the worst feeling of still being nauseous when the puking stops, but that’s the land where Shawn found himself after wiping the bile from his lips.
Physically exhausted, Shawn slumped back down on Mateo’s lap. His throat was raw and his abdomen screamed from the work. Every breath hurt. But the one thing that made it easier to deal with was the pitter patter of soft fingertips on his back. It reminded him of peaceful rain during an afternoon nap.
“That feels nice,” he sighed and closed his eyes.
Mateo smiled. He kept his voice low because he could see that Shawn’s breathing was slowing down. “Do you feel better?”
“A little.” Shawn yawned. “I could actually fall asleep.”
“Then fall asleep. I won’t stop.”
Mateo was pleased that he didn’t hear a response. He was pleased to hear Shawn’s breathing even out. As promised, he danced his fingertips across his boyfriend’s back, at least until he too fell asleep.
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sunaswife · 4 years ago
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Summary: It’s been five years since you’ve seen your ex, Rin. He’s still not over you and you’re not over him. When he finds out you have children he thought he didn’t have a chance. Then he finds out they’re his? All of a sudden you’re teaching Suna how to be a single dad.
note from denise: TAGLIST CLOSED
Warnings: Fluff, angst I guess, drama, and cuteness twin overload
Previously Up Next Masterlist
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Chapter seven
“Alrighty give mommy kissy.” You squatted down. Both of your kids tackled you in a hug and they kissed your cheeks. You kissed them back and pulled away. You watched as they walked to the bus.
Even though they’re homeschool, they offered a program where your kids can still go to class in person once a week so they can socialize and it won’t affect their mental health. After talking to another mother who put her kids in the same program, she recommended it and you decided that it was best.
Your kids already socialized in their volleyball practice but it wouldn’t hurt for them to talk more with other kids.
You saw as Rini helped his sister up the bus first and blocked the back of her skirt from showing her shorts underneath and you lowkey wanted to cry because he was such a gentleman. He then got in and they sat together on the right side of the bus and they waved you goodbye. You waved back and the bus began to leave.
You sighed and turned back home. You washed this morning’s dirty dishes and cleaned a bit around. After you were satisfied with the presentation of your house, you made your way to your small studio office and began answering more emails and writing topics for the new podcast episode you and Jamie had to record.
You took another sip of your barley warm tea and finally you heard the doorbell ring. You glanced at the time on your watch and realized it wasn’t 12 yet, it was probably Jamie.
You carried your laptop and placed it on the dining table and ran to the door. “I’m coming!” You yelled as Jamie rang the bell again. You opened the door revealing your two best friends and you were shocked to see Hana. She’s your best friend from highschool, the one who blocked the boy’s numbers and let you spend the night when you got kicked out.
She was also the one who was rooting for you and Suna but she was more than furious when she found out what happened. You called her on New Years and started balling your eyes out.
You told her to never date boys cause they sucked but little did you know she had a big crush on you. You were her first love.
I guess you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. So when Rin started to take your attention, she felt jealousy and loneliness but your happiness mattered more than her selfishness.
She became a fashion major in University but dropped out because she didn’t like what they were teaching. With the bit she learned and already knew, she turned into art. She made beautiful leather pieces of lingerie with straps and belts and lace and the models needed dramatic makeup and hair. And you happened to know an amazing makeup artist.
That’s where Jamie came in.
And eventually they fell in love.
Hana is always busy with her lingerie company since everything is hand crafted and not made in a factory like Jamie’s makeup products. So that’s why it was a shock to see her here during the day at least. “Come in come in. Mi casa es su casa.” You said in broken Spanish and they laughed.
Jamie sat on the dining table and sighed. She rubbed her baby bump and you asked if she wanted something to drink. You got her water as well as some wine for Hana. “So they’re really coming over?” Hana asked as she opened Jamie’s laptop and set it up for her wife.
“Yeah I hope so. If they flake I’m not gonna give him another chance. I already told the kids he’ll be here and they’re excited.” You said and she nodded. “Good.” Hana replied. You and Jamie began reading eachothers notes and topics regarding the podcast. “I think Hana is gonna have to take my place on the podcast if I pop.” Jamie mentioned randomly.
“Hell no.” Hana immediately said. “That’s a you two thing I’m not getting into it.” Hana said sternly. “But Hana, since Jamie got pregnant. You didn’t have a face for your spicy lingerie line. So I temporarily replaced her. Surely you could do the same!” You exclaimed and she rolled her eyes. “Speaking of lingerie I have something I want you to try for the next photoshoot. I’ll go get it after my smoke.” She said and you rolled your eyes with a nod.
“It’s pretty hot, like a harness thing on your wrist that connects to your thighs.” Jamie spoke up as Hana left. “Where does Hana come up with these things?” You asked and Jamie made a smirky face. “Nevermind I don’t wanna hear about your guy’s sex life.” You shuttered and she snickered.
Hana got out your front door, walked to her fancy Mercedes and took out the gift wrapped box as well as her favorite pack of smokes. She sat on the small bench in the front of your house and she lit the lighter, breathing in the nicotine. She sighed and wondered if you’re going to be okay with your ex seeing his kids.
If it was her she would refuse to let him see them and take it to court. But you weren’t like that. You always had hope and patience that you’d meet Suna again someway somehow.
She heard a car door slam and looked up to see the three tall figures get out of a car. She exhaled the smoke and they looked up to see her. “It’s been a long time, huh?” She tilted her head to the side and Suna scratched the back of his neck as he neared. “Hana I—I’m sorry for everything.” He said. “I trusted you with my best friend and you hurt her. I don’t think I could ever forgive you for hurting my first love like that.” She spoke bitterly and put out the cigarette in the small froggy bowl turned ashtray that the twins made.
“First love?” Osamu asked and Hana stayed quiet and motioned for them to follow her. Suna didn’t know what to say, after you left Hyogo Suna began bugging her for answers and she went off on him once and that’s when he realized that Hana was gay and in love with you the whole time.
Immediately when the door opened they heard yelling and singing. Obviously confused the boys looked at eachother but Hana seemed unfazed, she’s used to her wife’s chaotic nature and even though you’re pretty quiet and collected you make a complete 360 with Jamie around. You were both like Yin and Yang.
“Shh she’s been trying to get this song down for weeks.” Hana whispered as the boys followed through the small hall. They looked at the photos that adorned the wall and they saw baby photos of Suna’s kids and they truly looked like him. From the corner of his eye, Suna saw a photo of you with Shawn Mendes and smiled that you finally had a chance to meet your celebrity crush.
Suna nor the twins didn’t know what to expect when they saw you again. But they were shocked to see you in your true nature with studio headphones over your ears as you sang each note higher and higher. Jamie was yelling and slamming the table with her palm encouraging you to keep on going. Jamie used to do that in parties, drinking games were her favorite.
You finally finished the song and you took off your headphones and started screaming. “SIX WEEKS IT TOOK ME SIX FUCKING WEEKS TO COPY IT TO A T! I DID IT OH MY GOD!” You yelled and Jamie yelled again too. “BITCH I TOLD YOU YOU COULD DO IT BUT YOU-“
“SELF-“ punch
“DOUBT-“ punch
“ALL-“ punch
“THE-“ punch
“TIME!” punch
“Alright alright I get it goddamn—if you weren’t pregnant you know I would punch you just as hard.” You scowled as you rubbed your arm. “Sorry y/n.” She apologized and chuckled. “We’re not interrupting right?” Hana spoke up causing you and Jamie to turn. The three men stood behind her and your face fell. The air shifted and you suddenly felt cold.
“No just work stuff.” You said and you quickly stood up. “Welcome to my home. You’re welcome to sit at the table.” You said and closed your laptop. “Would you like anything to drink..?” You asked, trying to be hospitable and Hana scoffed. “Give them water, you don’t have to be nice to them.” Hana said and she sat by Jamie. You bit the inside of your cheek and looked at the three men. “Water is fine..” Suna spoke up and the twins nodded.
“Sit.” Jamie said and motioned to the dining chairs. They all sat awkwardly while waiting for you to come back from the kitchen. You had your tray with their water, more tea for you and Jamie, and a glass of wine for Hana.
“Alright where do we start..” you said as you sat down next to Suna since that was the only empty spot. “The beginning.” Jamie shrugged. “I already explained what happened. I told her everything.” Jamie told the boys and immediately Atsumu scowled. “Knowing you you probably made yourself sound less bad.” He muttered, immediately Hana was about to say something but you interrupted. “Did you make the bet?” You asked the blonde, “Y..Yeah..” he frowned and shifted in the seat awkwardly, “Did you accept the bet?” You turned to Suna. “Yes..” he said guiltily. “Did you think Suna would win?” You asked Osamu. “Yeah.” “Jamie Did you think pissy— I mean Atsumu would win?” You asked her and she sighed a yes. “And did you all bet with money?” You asked. They all replied with yeahs and yes’s.
“Did you guys agree to quit because it was wrong?” You asked and they all nodded. “Then that’s all that happened. I don’t need to know anything else.” You explained.
“Look guys.” Jamie spoke up and she tapped her manicured fingers on the table nervously. “It took a long ass time for Y/N to forgive me and trust me, I ruined her life and I’m blessed to have met her. Without her I’d probably still be in an abusive relationship. Without her I wouldn’t have learned how to be humble and grateful for even waking up in the morning. She’s my best friend and I’m telling you straight up if you truly want to be her friend again. You need to work for it, Suna if you really want to be in the kids lives and earn Y/N’s trust you truly need to work for it.” she said almost desperately.
“If you ever disrespect her again. I will not hesitate to sock you in the face and I’ll call up Tobio if I have to. That goes for all of you.” Hana told the three men.
“Do you guys have anything to say?” You asked. “I would apologize but I’d rather let you see it than hear it.” Suna spoke up and you nodded. “Alright.” You said simply.
“I’m sorry, Y/N-cha—I mean Kageyama.” Atsumu said. “I’m sorry Kageyama.” Osamu finished and you nodded once more.
“Okay this is awkward. I forgave you guys a long time ago but I don’t trust either of you. Atsumu, Osamu you are not obligated to be my friend. Suna you aren’t obligated to be my friend either but I would appreciate it if we were civil with one another for the sake of the kids. If you ever have any questions regarding the kids I’ll be happy to answer.” You told him as you played with the tea bag in your cup, and they all stared at you.
Like that’s it? You forgive them? You’re not going to throw your tea at them?
“Um I kind of want to ask about the ya know..”
“Pregnancy?” Hana raised a brow and Suna nodded awkwardly. “Like when did you find out....and is that why you left?” He asked. “If its alright can we talk about that in private?” You asked and stood up. “Y-yeah sure.” Suna stuttered and he stood up as well. “Hana, Jamie you don’t mind—“ “The bus honks at 13:30 we know. We’ll be able to hear it.”
“Yeah and we have a lot of catching up to do.” Jamie fake smiled and you wanted to snort at the her disgust and their awkwardness. “Alright follow me.” You motioned down the hall. You opened the door to the kids room and you took a step in. He followed you and closed the door. You both released a sigh and you sat on Akira’s bed. “You can sit there.” You motioned to your sons bed.
He nodded and sat on the small bed. “Okay so..the pregnancy..” you started. “Mhm.” He nodded. “I found out on January 25th, I wasn’t feeling the best for a while and I couldn’t handle the discomfort anymore so I went to the hospital with my mom. The doctor asked me the basic sex questions and tested my urine. My mom came into the room when I was told the news and I was basically disowned.” You sighed and leaned back against the wall.
You hugged your knees to your chest. He could already feel the shame you must have felt in his chest. “I had to walk to the pharmacy in my school uniform to get to prenatales since my mom told me to walk home. When I finally arrived home, my room was trashed and they were asking if you happened to be the dad. I told them no. He even threatened to kick me out and I told him I didn’t know so I was kicked out and I left. I spent the night at Hana’s and the next day I resigned as the team’s manager, and gathered all my papers to transfer.” You said and he rubbed his face and sighed.
His birthday.
You found out on his birthday.
He patiently listened and asked a few questions here or there and before you knew it you barley heard the faint foot steps and the door bursting open. You both turned to see your guy’s kids standing there. “See I told you they were talking.” Akira mumbled. “Aunt Hana said something about them making out.” Rini huffed.
“She said making up not out! Are you an idiot or an idiot?!” Akira said slightly frustratedly. “I’m older than you, don’t call me an idiot.” He said and shoved her. Before you could scold your son, you saw Akira’s whole demeanor change and you knew Rini was fucked. “How many times has mom said to stop shoving girls and pushing women! If you keep at it than you’re going to be a bad husband to your future wife someday you stupid Rabbit!” She yelled as she tackled him and began smacking him around. “Get off me you nerd!” He yelled and you quickly pulled Akira away.
Rini began crying and Akira did too and you sighed and turned to Suna.
“Welcome to parenthood.”
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jalapeno-princess · 4 years ago
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Mark Tuan X Reader
Genre: The most adorable fluff I have ever written with some first time sex (the smut in here is so vanilla and soft and terrible but I don’t even care at this point lol)
Word Count: 14.5K
Summary: You and your boyfriend Mark had plans to go out on a date until the two of you find out that it is expected to rain for the rest of the night. What starts off as a romantic night in turns in to finally becoming one with the love of your life.
Warnings: Oral (male and female receiving), fingering, breast play
A/N: Hey guys! If I am being completely honest, this is one of my favorite stories I’ve ever written because Mark is such a soft, fluffy and doting boyfriend in here (and I feel with my entire ass that he is like this in real life) and I don’t know but I just find it so cute when boyfriends are considerate of their partner’s desires to wait for sex (it’s rare but if a man really loves you he will wait for however long you need him to)(it’s even more rare when he puts your pleasure before his own but there are men out there and I still have yet to find one like that but one day)(@God...When?) by the way, this is based on the song “Teach me how to love” by Shawn Mendes, I highly recommend that you listen to the song before or while reading this so it makes more sense. Happy reading!
Ooh, your body's like an ocean I'm devoted To explore you Ooh, what do you desire? I'm inspired I'll do it for you
Won't you draw a map for me? Laced with strawberries And I'll get on my knees Put my hands around you Ooh, teach me how to Touch you, tease, caress you, and please you Teach me how to love Put my hands around you Ooh, teach me how to Touch you, tease, caress you, and please you Teach me, teach me, teach me how to love
“Thank you for tuning in to Good Evening Los Angeles. Make sure to stay indoors tonight for there is a 80% chance of rainfall with winds up to 25 miles per hour. We’re also expecting a thunderstorm on Wednesday with winds between 30 to 35 miles per hour—“ 
Mark released an exasperated sigh once he heard the weather forecast and was quick to change the channel in disappointment. 
“Well, I guess there goes our plans for tonight. We haven’t gone out on a date in almost an entire month because we’re both so busy, I really wanted to take you to that new sushi restaurant but I guess it’s just going to have to wait.” 
You giggled softly at his now upset demeanor and took this time to snuggle up closer to his body if it was even physically possible. Your bodies were practically glued together to the point where you could feel his heart beat against your chest. 
His arms were wrapped protectively around your waist as he was propped up against his headboard with you lying on top of him, legs on either side of his lap—hiding your face in the crook of his neck. Right after you returned home from work a little over two hours ago, Mark suggested that you took a quick nap to regain some energy before you both went out to dinner later that night. 
For the last week and a half, he’s been planning to take you out on a date and claimed that there was something he had to tell you. Being the impatient person that you were on top of overthinking quite often, you begged him to confess what was weighing heavy on his mind, but he would always try to change the subject and told you not to worry about it. 
As much as you were dying to know what he was hiding from you, you knew Mark like the back of your hand—if it was something bad, he would have told you already so you just had to accept that he was going to tell you on his own time; even if it meant having to wait another week until the both of you could go out on a date again. 
He was quick to give you one of his shirts and a pair of sweatpants to change in to—this was a regular occurrence. For the last six months of your relationship, the two of you spent quite a lot of time at each other’s places. A lot of your stuff was scattered throughout his apartment; he purchased both your shampoo and conditioner, body wash, a toothbrush and some other beauty products that were currently sitting on the bathroom counter—your side to be exact. 
There were a few of your clothes in his closet, but you never got around to using them. Whenever you would sleep over, he’d lend you some of his clothes because he claimed almost every item he owned looked amazing on you. You had a few of your work sandals and flats on his shoe rack, some of your vitamins and medication on his kitchen counter and he even purchased Disney+ because you were such a fan of Disney movies. 
Your place mirrored his; he had set up an Xbox in your living room to play with when he did come over, he had some of his clothes in your closet and in your drawers; some that he left there and some you would secretly take over time. He left a few of his rings and a necklace his parents gave to him on your dresser and he’d even bring his briefcase over if he had plans on staying the night. 
Sometimes, your mutual friends would hint towards the two of you moving in together since technically, you already did. However, Mark never really said anything about it and you just assumed that he believed it was still too early in your relationship to move in together. 
You thought about it every now and then; you wouldn’t mind going to bed wrapped tightly in his warm, protective embrace and getting to wake up next to him in all his handsome glory every single day. Any moment spent with your boyfriend made you always feel so happy; Mark had to be one of the best things in your life at the moment. 
Your heart craved his presence all the time—even when the two of you had a small argument or disagreement which never happened all too often. Whenever the two of you couldn’t hang out and spend time together—if your schedules collided or if either of you went home to visit your families, your chest would always feel so empty. 
Mark Tuan is where you held your heart; the both of you might not have been together for all that long just yet, but you felt and believed wholeheartedly that he was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. You could only hope he felt the same way about you because you honestly didn’t know what you would do if you were to lose him. Mark in more or less words was your soulmate—your best friend. 
From the time you were a little girl, you were such a hopeless romantic. You were in love with the idea of love and being in love and it wasn’t until Mark came in to your life did you realize how beautiful the concept of love really was. He’s opened your eyes to so many different things; he’s brought in so much life and color in to your dull and seemingly black and white world. You placed a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth—trying to take his mind off of the unfortunate weather situation and thankfully, it worked. 
He smiled against your lips, humming gently and deepening the kiss as he brought his fingers in to your shirt and grazed them just above your belly button. 
“That’s fine baby, we can just stay in tonight. If I’m being honest, I didn’t really feel like getting ready or dressing up. I just want to be lazy. We can order some take out and watch another movie if that’s okay with you.” 
He was silent for a few seconds, as if he was considering your suggestion to follow what the weather reporter said and stay inside for the night. He nodded in agreement before placing a sweet kiss on your forehead. 
“That sounds like a plan. I don’t care where we are or what we end up doing, I just want to be with you.” You playfully flicked his forehead and giggled at his look of confusion. 
“You’re such a cheeseball Mark. Don’t say things like that, you don’t understand what your words do to my heart. What do you feel like eating tonight?” 
You repositioned your body and sat right on top of his lap so that he could look at your phone while you scrolled through the many take out options that California had to offer. He placed his chin on your shoulder; watching as you searched up restaurants and fast food joints near his apartment. Feeling his breath against your neck sent a tingling sensation to your chest; it wasn’t like you weren’t used to the proximity. 
You and Mark clung to one another like sloths. If you were cooking, washing the dishes or doing laundry, he’d always take his place behind you and allowed you to do your thing, but he had to be holding you at all times. He confessed that he just loved the feeling of having you near; your presence always calmed him down and made him feel at ease. 
However, he seemed to be quite touchy tonight in particular, not that you were complaining. His hands were lingering in foreign places; the two of you had yet to become one in that sense. Since Mark was your first genuine boyfriend, you had yet to give yourself to anyone. 
It wasn’t as though you were waiting for marriage or anything, but you were the type of person who believed that sex was a spiritual, sensual and memorable experience as much as it was sexual. You wanted to save your virginity for someone you knew would love you and cherish you for your entire being; not just your body. 
Sex to some people was a way to receive pleasure and to soothe their carnal urges—but you believed that it was so much more than reaching an orgasm. You wanted to trust the person you decided to give your body to and you were more than grateful that Mark was so patient, considerate and understanding of your feelings. 
Not once did he ever ask you to go that far with him; he made it known that he wanted to take your relationship at the pace that you were most comfortable with. Although you were sure it had to be hard for him to stay abstinent, especially because it was scientifically proven that men had their needs and desired sex more than women did; he continued to be such a gentleman and allowed you to determine when you were ready to give yourself to him. 
It didn’t take you long to realize that you were in love with your boyfriend; actually, you noticed that your feelings for Mark went further than just infatuation around the beginning of the second month. The two of you had yet to say that four letter word though; it almost slipped from your lips a couple of times, but you were afraid of rejection if you were to tell him only to find out that he didn’t reciprocate your fame feelings.
As the days went by, you were soon losing your resolve. Seeing him shirtless almost every day, kissing him passionately and making out with him fervently, having him drag his fingers along your bare skin—each and every touch drove you closer to your end. You knew you’d have to have him one of these days; and with the way you’d feel him harden up against your butt or your thigh as the two of you would cuddle or the way his jaw would drop and clench when he’d see you in a body hugging dress or even in one of his baggy shirts, you knew he was just as on the brink of insanity as you were. 
“Hmm, pizza sounds good—“
“We always get pizza—“
“Well, that’s because I love pizza. Almost as much as I love y—yogurt. Uh—fine, we can get whatever it is that you want. How about you decide what we eat and I’ll pick out a movie for us?” 
You could feel your heart rate increase immensely as you heard the l word fall from his lips—but your stomach sank when he caught himself. Was he going to finally confess what you’ve been dreaming of him to say since the day you realized you felt that way toward him? Did he really love yogurt? Or did he catch himself about to say the only thing that the two of you have been prolonging on getting around to and try to redirect the entire conversation so that maybe you could forget about it?
Luckily you weren’t facing him or else he’d be able to see the frown that quickly rose on your face. You continued to look at different menus for a few more minutes as he pulled up Netflix and began to scan through the many different shows and movies there were. 
“Oooh, what about Thai food? It’s been a while since we’ve had pad Thai. We can share multiple entrees if you want?” You felt him hum against your shoulder blade and you took that as a yes before calling in your order. 
“Should we wait for the food before putting on a movie? Or shall we watch a tv show for now and just wait for it to arrive?” 
“I’m fine with waiting, there’s a new episode of buzzfeed unsolved that I’ve been wanting to watch. Is that okay with you?” He placed a kiss on the back of your neck and began to graze both of his thumbs on your hip bones. 
“I like the sound of that. I’m glad you waited for me—you always have a habit of being impatient and watching without me—ow, what was that for? You know it’s true y/n. You finished an entire season of The Office while I was in Taiwan.” 
He rubbed the left side of his abdomen where you had hit him and playfully pinched your cheek. Your mind wandered back to that day three months ago; his entire family went to China in order to attend his cousin’s wedding and it was the first time the two of you went over a week without seeing each other physically. He called you whenever he had the chance and tried to send you as many photos of his trip as the terrible service in Taiwan allowed him to. 
In order to take your mind off of his absence, you sneakily watched some episodes of your favorite show even after promising to wait for him to come back. You tried to watch other series, but nothing really entertained you like the cast of the office did. Mark was pretty upset when he found out—you forgot that Netflix showed you where you last left off and it was on an episode he had yet to see. 
Hell, he had multiple episodes to finish of the previous season to even start on the one you currently were watching. He gave you the silent treatment for two days; although, he still continued to take care of you silently—but he willingly gave in on the third day after you cooked him some of his favorite meals to get him to forgive you. He also claimed that he couldn’t stay mad at you for much longer and he could tell you learned your lesson by how apologetic you were in order to get him to start talking to you again. 
From that day on, he made you promise him that you wouldn’t watch anything without him and the entire memory made you snicker. Mark was twenty-seven years old, yet he still acted like a child. Even his laugh was that of a little kid; you didn’t think it was possible for a man his age to have such an adorable, contagious and high pitched laugh that never failed to send warmth to your cheeks every time you were the cause of it. 
His laughter and child-like mindset were only two of the many things you appreciated about your boyfriend. He was like a breath of fresh air—he never took life too seriously as most of the people around you did. He kept you sane in a world where everyone was seemingly crazy because of how hectic the real world could get. Both his and your laughter filled the room as Steve Carrell’s character was freaking out about something and soon, there was a knock at the door which you assumed was the delivery guy. 
“I’ll be right back babe.” 
He gently lifted you off of his lap in order for him to get up and stole a chaste kiss from your lips while making his way to the front door. You decided to grab some napkins and chopsticks from the kitchen and waited for him to head back to his room. 
“Shit, how much did we order, this bag is heavy as hell.” 
You couldn’t help but stifle back a laugh and led the way back to his room. He placed the food down on the bed and you began to distribute food on both your plates—all the while thanking him for buying the food. To say Mark was generous was an understatement. 
He loved buying things for you no matter how many times you’d tell him to save his money for things he’d actually need. Sometimes, the two of you would fight over who was going to pay; most of the time, he would give his card—whether it was at a restaurant, while you’d go grocery shopping together; if you went to watch a movie or went to the arcade, if you went shopping for new clothes or just random trinkets he’d see that he thought you’d like, he’d purchase it in a heartbeat. 
Mark just really enjoyed seeing a smile on your face and he would do whatever he could just to make you happy. You tried to tell him time and time again that you weren’t a materialistic person, truthfully—he could write you a heartfelt letter or give you a ring pop and you would probably cry.  But he’d never listen and you just got used to his generosity over time; it just showed you how much you meant to him and knowing that alone did wonders to your heart. 
Even if you had given him his own share of what you ordered, he’d playfully steal some food off of your plate just to rile you up. Mark was well aware of how protective you could be when it came to your food. There were times when you felt like sharing with him, but that was only if you both got different meals and he wanted to try yours or if you so happened to be eating and felt bad that he didn’t have any food. 
He did feed you to make up for his many bits of teasing and you could feel your heart flutter every time he brought the chopstick full of noodles up to your mouth. When you were both done and full beyond belief, he took the empty bag and went to go throw it away while you prepared the area for you to both get comfortable in. 
Once he was finished putting away the left overs and taking out the trash, he made a beeline to where you were and flung himself on top of you; earning himself a loud groan and a punch to the shoulder. He was quick to pull you back in to the previous position; allowing you to sit in between his legs while he intertwined one of your hands with his and placed his free one on top of your lap. 
“I was thinking we could watch that Ted Bundy movie since you were interested about his case back when they did an unsolved mystery about it.” 
Mark was always great at observing people; since he was more on the introverted and soft spoken side, he was more of a listener than he was a talker. For the last month, you’ve taken an interest in murder mysteries and solving crimes. 
You had the adorable tendency to repeatedly tell Mark your theories or who you suspected the killer was while you watched these shows and your excitement never failed to bring your boyfriend so much satisfaction himself. For some reason, you were beginning to feel warmth in your chest—it wasn’t the kind that you’d always seem to get whenever Mark would compliment you or did something to make your heart flutter. This was a feeling you couldn’t fathom in to words—it was one you weren’t familiar with, but it did feel good. 
Really good. 
Maybe it was just because hearing him point out such a small detail that he remembered set it in stone that he really did care about you. God, what did you do to deserve such a wonderful human being to call your boyfriend? What war did you lead in your past life to be the lucky girl who was able to love Mark Tuan? For the first hour of the movie, you found yourself unable to take your eyes off of the screen—it was just so addicting. 
Not only was the acting really good from both the main characters, but the storyline and the suspense was too interesting to pull your attention away from. Mark had to cover your mouth with his hand because you were unable to stop talking about how stupid the justice system were to believe Ted’s lies in the first place and that if you were a detective at the time, you would have seen through his act from the beginning. 
“He’s not even that good looking, why would these girls fall for him?” 
He snickered against your neck at your enthusiasm; you would always be very verbal when it came to movies like this. Movies where you would put yourself in the shoes of one of the characters and explain in to detail to your boyfriend how you would have went about the entire situation. 
Unfortunately, you failed to notice the warning at the beginning; you were too excited with the idea of how the director and all the screenwriters came up with the movie in it’s entirety to read that there was explicit sexual content in the film. When Zac Efron and one of his love interests began to have sex up against a vending machine, you were unprepared to say the least for what was coming. 
The female’s moans were extremely loud and Zac’s thrusts were rough; the two of them were practically shaking the vending machine and you were feeling flustered at the sight and the noise. Especially because you were watching such a graphic scene with your boyfriend who you had yet to have sexual intercourse with. If you and Mark were to have had sex already, then maybe you wouldn’t have felt so awkward watching other people having sex. But because you had yet to participate in that activity, it just felt so weird. 
Mark began to tense up against your body and before you knew it, there was something hard pressing up against your ass. You weren’t stupid, you could tell that this scene was having an effect on your boyfriend as much as it was on you. There was a tingling sensation between your thighs; you’ve felt it a couple of times before, but now that you were watching a sex scene and found yourself growing hot at every thrust and curse of how good it felt, you had a huge feeling you were turned on—but it wasn’t because of the two people fucking, it’s because of the beautiful boy whose embrace you were currently in. 
To your dismay, the scene seemed as if it was going on for hours—it’s as though you were now watching a porno and you honestly didn’t know how to feel about it. You couldn’t see his face, but you could tell by his now clammy hands and the way he was slowly retracting himself away from you, that Mark was having a hard time watching—especially because he probably wanted to be doing the same thing they were and you couldn’t blame him, you wanted it too. 
“Babe, I um—I’ll be right back. I have to uh—use the bathroom—y/n, what are you—holy shit—“ 
Whether it was because you were exceedingly horny at this point and wanted to give in to finally experience what so many people referred to as their favorite past times, or because seeing the woman on screen beg Zac to fuck her harder made you want to feel exactly what it was that drove her to the point of cursing and begging for him to go faster. You also wanted to use this as your way to nonverbally confess your love to him. 
You were a coward; there was no way you’d be able to tell him that four letter word without knowing that he felt the same exact way, so you were going to wait for as long as you had to. Surprising both yourself and your boyfriend, you brought your hands down to his clothed erection and began to palm him through his sweats. 
He was hard as a rock; just feeling him made your breath hitch. You had no idea what you were doing, this was another reason why you’ve tried so long to prolong having sex with him; you knew he had previous girlfriends and although he never talked much about that part of his past life, you were sure he must have had a few one night stands and you were afraid that you wouldn’t be able to give him the pleasure he desired—the pleasure he deserved. 
However, watching his head tilt back as you shoved your hand in to his pants in order to actually feel him without the restraints of his clothing, you had a huge feeling you were doing something right. 
“B—babe, baby—fuck, just like that y/n. That feels so good. Ahhh—“ 
You pulled down his sweats to give yourself better access to his lower region and did him a favor by pulling him out of his briefs. The sight of his cock standing right at attention; the tip red and leaking precum made your mouth water. You’ve never watched porn before and the closest you got to seeing Mark naked was when he’d come outside in just a towel right after he would take a shower—so this was the first time you’ve ever seen a penis. Well, other than what your high school health teacher showed in class.
From what your friends would tell you, penises were ugly. But then again, genitalia in general was not the prettiest sight. Maybe you were being biased because he was your boyfriend, but his cock was very pretty. Was that even possible? You had no clue at all, but what you did know was that you wanted to feel him inside of your mouth and inside of your pussy. 
“Mark.”
He was quick to look down at you and with the way he was gazing at you; with so much adoration, yet lust in his eyes, you knew that tonight was going to be the night you gave yourself to him. You couldn’t wait anymore; you needed him. 
“Yeah?”
You took in a deep breath; suddenly nerves began to build up and you had a hard time understanding why, but you found yourself fondling his balls against the thin cotton material. 
“I’m ready. I want you. I want all of you Mark. I need you—I trust you. I’m all yours if you’ll have me baby.” 
He was at a loss for words; were you really telling him that you wanted to finally have sex with him? You giggled softly at his blank expression; he must have had been processing what you just told him, but when it finally registered in his mind, you were being pulled up to his level and he smashed your lips together. 
The kiss was rough; he was allowing his hormones to act for him and you were extremely thankful for it. In the past, the two of you had many passionate make out sessions which usually ended with Mark giving you an excuse as to why he had to leave early or why he took so long in the bathroom. Now, it all made sense. 
“Shit, are you sure baby? Fuck—I’m so excited, please excuse my swearing but fuck—I promise you, I’m going to take such good care of you okay? You don’t understand how long I’ve been dreaming about this day. Your body—God spent a lot of time creating you. I lose my damn mind every single day watching you walk out in these tight little outfits and in my clothes and it takes every single bone in my body not to just say fuck it and have my way with you. You’re so fucking beautiful y/n, every single thing about you is mesmerizing. You’re one of the seven wonders of the world—I would stare at you all day if time allowed me to. Everything about you—your personality, your strength, your courage, your passion and dedication to every single activity and job you put your heart and mind in to—you’re simply perfect baby and I can’t wait to show you exactly what you mean to me. I’m going to warn you right now, I’m not a mind reader unfortunately, so I can’t tell what you’re thinking. I’m going to need you to tell me what feels good, what hurts, what feels uncomfortable, what you like—just be vocal okay baby? I want your experience to be mind blowing. I want this night to be one you will remember for a very long time.” 
You bit your lip at his words—you knew you were making the right decision in allowing Mark to be the person to take your innocence away. He already was the rightful owner of your heart, so you saw no harm in giving him the entirety of your being. 
There was nobody else in the entire world that you saw yourself with—Mark was it for you. You came to the decision months ago that you wanted Mark to be the first person you experienced going all the way with and you could only hope and pray he’d be the last and only person. 
He pulled you on to his lap and reconnected his lips with yours—grinding your clothed core against his naked sex. His fingers were squeezing all but gently on your lower waist as he guided your grinding—a breathy moan left his lips practically every ten seconds. If you thought hearing your boyfriend laugh was your favorite sound in the entire world, his moans and growls against your jaw had to be pretty high on that list also. 
“Mark—babe—I want to suck you off.” He quickly pulled his lips away from yours and his eyes widened in shock at your sudden confession. 
“W—what—you want to—you want to suck me off—who are you and what did you do to my sweet, innocent girl y/n? Where did you get such a potty mouth babe?”
“I don’t know, seeing your cock did things to me. You’re huge—is that even going to fit in either of my holes?” 
Mark tried to cover up his mouth to prevent himself from laughing more than he should, but you were just so adorably naïve that he couldn’t help himself. You didn’t know what the average size; length and width of a penis was, but Mark had to be around 6.5 to 7 inches in length and his girth was thick. You looked at him and pouted slightly; you were only ruining the night the longer you continued to indirectly hint towards your lack of experience. What if he was laughing because he already knew you’d have no idea what you’d be doing if you did end up blowing him off. 
Apparently receiving head was something a lot of guys enjoyed most about sexual intercourse—so you wanted to do that for Mark as your way of thanking him for being such a perfect boyfriend. For never failing to supply you with everything that you need, for making you laugh on the days that you didn’t think you were able to do anything but cry, for picking you up and dropping you off to work when he had the time, for comforting you when you had a rough day by preparing you a bath and making you a cup of tea—you just wanted him to know that you were aware and extremely appreciative of his many sacrifices, how he was so quick to tend to your needs and how he’d drop everything to be by your side. 
He didn’t have to say it; you knew deep in your heart that Mark loved you just by his doting actions. But you were hoping that maybe one day, he’d finally say those three words you’ve been dying to hear from the first time he kissed you. 
“Yes, it will fit. How the hell are you so cute when asking to give me head? You can’t be real—fuck, hearing you ask to suck my dick is something I’ll never get used to but shit—I think I could come just by hearing you talk dirty. You’re so fucking sexy—please—blow me baby.” 
You stole one more sweet kiss from his soft lips and got down on your knees; you were level with his cock and you wrapped your hand around his length, earning yourself a breathy sigh. 
“I um—I don’t know what I’m doing, so do you think you could guide me?” He gave you an adoring smile while gathering all your hair and putting it in to a makeshift ponytail. 
“You’re going to want to lubricate me just a little bit so it’ll be easier for you to take me in your mouth—so you can either spit on me or lick the sides of my dick and—holy—s—shit—just like that—oh—“ 
You didn’t hesitate to follow his directions; gripping his cock at the base, you licked long stripes up and down; making sure to press your tongue down harder on his veins. You then brought one of his balls inside of your mouth; sucking and nibbling on it for a few seconds before switching over to the other side. 
After showing some love to both of his balls for around a little over a minute, you circled your tongue around the tip of his dick and flicked at his slit just to see what would get a rise out of him for future reference. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but you gave him no chance to emit any kind of speech before you finally wrapped your mouth around him. You wished you could have recorded his reaction in that moment; his moan went straight to your core. 
His eyelashes fluttered as he shut his eyes and threw his head back—you didn’t know what to think about his reaction so far, but when he brought his hands down to your hair and tugged on it all but gently, you had a feeling you must have been doing something right. You continued your movements but increased your speed—bobbing your mouth up and down on his shaft as quickly as you could. Since he was well endowed, you tried your best to swallow as much of him that your throat would allow; the tip of his cock met your vulva with every thrust. 
Tears began to build up at your eyes and you weren’t going to lie, it was painful. You were starting to choke and gag as he sank deeper inside of your throat. However, hearing his moans echo throughout the room as multiple curses fell from his mouth only led you to desire going faster—taking him completely down your throat and pumping whatever you couldn’t fit in to your mouth with your hand. 
“Shit—baby, that feels so fucking good I can’t even—your mouth is so—feels amazing—“ 
You hummed softly at his compliment against his girth—pulling away in order to smile up at him but ultimately shoving him back inside of you. It was unexpected; you didn’t think you could benefit from giving head, but you were having just as much fun blowing your boyfriend as he was adamantly was being on the receiving end. 
Something about seeing him writhing at your ministrations and hearing him praise you sent warmth straight to your folds. You also really enjoyed having his cocked stuffed in to your mouth; something about it made you feel confident; sexy even and you weren’t one to get all that cocky, but you were getting off on your boyfriend’s many praises of what a good girl you were. All you wanted was to please your boyfriend, you didn’t care whether or not you were doing it right—but hearing him whine and beg you to suck him harder brought you just as much pleasure. 
“Y/n—can I—do you think I could fuck your face? Would that be okay or is that too much? You can be honest with me baby, I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this—I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to—“
“Do whatever it is that you want with me, I can take it Mark. I want to take care of you too. Tonight is as much about you as it is about me. I want to learn how to please you; I want to show you just how much you mean to me, so do your worst babe. Fuck, I love sucking your dick Mark. It feels so fucking good.” 
He whimpered at your explicit words; yet he was quick to shove his cock back inside of your mouth—making sure you were prepared for him before he began roughly pumping in and out of your wet cavern. He tugged on your ponytail ever so gently and pushed you further down his length to the point where your teeth were grazing his balls. You honestly didn’t even think you were capable to practically swallow him whole, but you could feel his tip deep in the back of your throat. 
That must have been a good thing; your friends always made comments about how they couldn’t fit even half of their partner’s cock in their mouths and apparently, guys enjoyed it when girls could deepthroat. The naughty and sinful noises falling repeatedly from Mark’s lips made it obvious that he was having the time of his life. 
“Such a good, good girl. You look so pretty with my dick in your mouth. God, if only you could see yourself right now. You look so fucking sexy and you’re taking me so well. Your mouth was made to suck my cock y/n.” 
You brought both your hands up to his ass and playfully squeezed his cheeks, earning you the most adorable gasp from your boyfriend. After this experience, you were well aware that you’d need to blow him at least every other day in order to get your own fill. If he already felt wonderful against your tongue, your mouth started to water at the thought of how he’d feel in between your pussy. 
“Baby—I’m close—I’m going to—I—mmm—“ 
Before you could even process his stuttering, his creamy, warm liquid filled up the entirety of your mouth. You sucked him dry of all his cum—making sure to lap up any left over substance from off of your lips. Absentmindedly, you brought your thumb up to his head and grazed your nail around his tip, flicking at his slit playfully. He lightly tugged on your hair and the noise he released from the back of his throat—a mixture of a moan and a whine caused the coil deep inside of your core to tighten. 
After a few more long licks against his girth, you made your way back up to him and stole a sweet kiss from his lips. His movements were quick; he pulled you with him back on to the bed and flipped over your bodies so that he was on top of you. 
“What in the hell was that y/n? There is no way that could have been your first time—you were—holy shit I can’t even explain how incredible that felt and how amazing you are I’m honestly speechless. Damn baby, you’re a professional; that was the best head I’ve ever been given. Your tongue—God, you were made to suck my cock baby. Thank you—I’ll do whatever it is you ask of me—anything baby. Shit. Give me a moment will you?” 
He began to take in deep breaths, his chest heaved right above yours. You couldn’t hold back; you released a snarky giggle at the way he was acting like he just finished a marathon. He had to be overreacting; there was no way you blew him as well as he claimed that you did. 
All you did was sink your mouth on his cock and bobbed your head along his hardened length—going by your instincts and what you believed would drive him crazy. You did suck and nibble on his tip in particular; he seemed to react the most when you focused on that particular area of his penis. It was obvious he was sensitive there, and you were going to use that knowledge as your advantage and for future reference.
Once your boyfriend caught his breath, he turned around to face you and brought his hand up to your cheek, cupping and playfully pinching it before stealing multiple sweet kisses from your lips. 
“You can’t be real—there’s no way. You—God, you’re wonderful. Absolutely extraordinary. I can’t even think right now. I know we’ve waited to be intimate for when you were ready, but damn—I’ve been missing out. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything for me, but I really would not mind receiving a blow job at least twice a day.”
You jokingly rolled your eyes and softly flicked his forehead at his comment; but you already came to the decision that you would need to have him in your mouth as much as he was hinting towards needing to have you. 
“If I’m already losing my mind at having your pretty little mouth around me, what more when I’m buried in your pretty little cunt? I’m so fucking excited to be inside of you baby—but first, I really want to return the favor. I want you to feel the euphoria you just sent me through.” 
There were a few moments every now and then when you would imagine what it would feel like to have someone go down on you. Whenever you would go out to meet up with your group of friends, you would talk about everything going on in your lives; work, school, family drama—and you didn’t know how the topic of sex would come about, but they all seemed to live very sexually active lives. Since you were twenty-three years old, you felt embarrassed at the fact that you were still a virgin. 
Even more so because you were in a relationship—although sex was an exceptionally big deal when it came to dating, it wasn’t everything. You knew it was normal for some couples to not have sex at all—some people didn’t necessarily care for it and others didn’t revolve their relationships around it. But both you and Mark were still so young; sex was on the minds of almost everyone at your age. 
Therefore, you kept to yourself and never joined in as your friends would go in to great detail about how amazing it felt to be eaten out and that some of them were so addicted to having sex to the point where they would have to call in sick from their jobs because they weren’t physically able to walk. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t envious of the fact that every single one of your friends has had some kind of sexual experience. 
Apparently, it felt better to have sex with the person you were in a relationship with—or the person you were in love with. Sex was more meaningful and there was more connection—more intimacy involved. One of your friends stated that it was because men had a tendency of giving their all when feelings of love and adoration were involved. Now that you began to think about your conversations with them, you felt as though their words played a small part in leading you to finally wanting to go all the way with Mark. 
“Hey, you alright? I didn’t hurt you too much did I?” 
You didn’t realize you were spacing out until you felt him run his fingers through your tousled hair. Seeing the worry that was now on his face tugged at your heartstrings; it was painfully obvious that he was enjoying himself. Maybe a little too much, but you liked it. However, you were well aware that Mark wasn’t going to allow this continue unless you were having just as much fun as he was—no matter how thrilled he was to finally get to love on your body. 
His reaction made you smile softly to yourself; although he would remind you on a daily basis how you were the best thing that has ever happened to him and that just the mere thought of you is what would keep him going throughout the day, it was nice hearing him worry about how you were doing. Honestly, what did you do to deserve him? 
“I’m fine baby. I was just thinking. But—um—I—I didn’t think we would be doing this so I—uh—I’m not really—tidy down there and I don’t want you to see—“ He giggled against the juncture of your neck and dragged his teeth along your collarbone; humming while leaving wet pecks in his wake. 
“Baby. Look at me.” 
You lifted your head and made direct eye contact with the older boy. In the beginning of your relationship, you were very shy to even hold his hand. Every time he’d look at you or catch you looking at him, heat would rise upon your cheeks as you would blush in embarrassment. But overtime, you were able to look at him without having to turn away from growing shy and timid. You believed it was because you were a lot more comfortable with your boyfriend now and he was very verbal about how much he took great delight in being able to look at you; so you’ve grown immune to his many stolen glances. Although; you still had your few moments of shyness—but Mark was a fan of knowing the effect his gaze had on you. 
“I don’t care about things like that, okay? Really—most men don’t and the ones who do are complete assholes. Whether you’re as bare as the desert or have a full on jungle going on, it really doesn’t matter to me. I’m going to eat you out nonetheless. We don’t have to do that if you’re not comfortable just yet, but I’m going to tell you now, I’ve been dreaming about the moment I finally get to have my face smashed up against your pussy since the first day I realized I had feelings for you. It will feel amazing—I promise you. But just like you baby, I want to learn your body. I want to learn each and every curve—I want to map you entirely with my tongue. I want to memorize each and every single birth and beauty mark, every scar, every dimple. I want to know it all and I have the rest of my life to learn. I need you to tell me what you like—what you couldn’t care less for, what you want me to focus on, whether you want me to slow down or pick up my pace. I want you to be verbal about what feels good. I need you to teach me how to love your beautiful body y/n and I won’t stop until you got to feel even half of the amount of pleasure you’ve given me. Okay? I’ll take good care of you, I promise.” 
Each word that fell from his lips; his entire confession of what he had planned to do to you filled your chest with wonder and excitement. You were never afraid of finally giving up your innocence. Sure, you were worried that when he were to finally make his way inside of you—the pain would be unbearable and extremely uncomfortable. 
There were quite a few first time horror stories that you’ve heard in the last year from your closest friends, some of your cousins and even a couple of your classmates. But you genuinely didn’t even think about how it would hurt; you trusted Mark more than anyone else in the entire world. You believed wholeheartedly that he wouldn’t hurt you and as much as you didn’t want to think about any of his past lovers, you were sure he had enough experience in bed to know how to take care of a girl. 
Hearing that he planned on spending the rest of his life with you just set his feelings in stone for you. The two of you talked about your future together on multiple occasions; where you’d want to live in, the kind of house you’d want to purchase, getting a dog together—things like that, but you didn’t think he was all too serious about you being the person he ended up marrying. It was still so early on in your relationship to plan so far ahead, but when it’s real love, you just know and you’ve known for a long time now that he was the man you want nothing more than to see at the end of the aisle one day. 
“Okay.”
“Okay? Are you sure baby?”
“Yes. I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure about anything else in my entire life. I’ve found myself staring at you whenever you’d bite on or lick your lips. I—I’ve pictured how they would feel like nibbling and licking on my clit. I—hate to say this but I think I actually came once—I don’t know if I did, I don’t know how these things work, but my underwear was soaked and my vagina hurt the entire day so—please, eat me Mark Tuan. Show me what that tongue does. Fuck me with your mouth.” 
His jaw was now clenched and the veins on his neck grew more prominent. The low, stifled sound of what you assumed as a growl came from the back of his throat. He gave you no time to even think of what to say or how to react, he pushed you roughly on to his bed and smashed his lips against yours. His kisses were hard—fleeting, rushed—he tugged on your bottom lip with his teeth and kissed you with all the breath he had in his body. 
His hands moved all along your sides; he’s touched you quite often, but not in the way that he was right now. Your body felt as those it was burning in flames—there was electricity running through your blood and you had to squeeze your thighs together because of how dominant and animalistic he was acting. 
“Fuck, I didn’t realize how sexy hearing you command me to eat you out would sound. You’re so fucking hot, I can’t wait to devour you. But before I do anything, let’s get this off of you. Don’t get me wrong, you look so gorgeous in every outfit that you wear—but whenever you wear my clothes, I get hard every single time. It actually took every bone in my body not to beg you to let me have my way with you. Sometimes, I’ll even buy clothes for myself that I think would look good on you. I really don’t want to rush our relationship and all I care about is your happiness and your well being—but hearing that you trust me and that you want me to be the only man—a lucky man at that—to have you—I’ll never take that for granted.” 
He practically yanked his shirt off of you and flew it somewhere across the room. It didn’t matter to either of you—you were both eager to finally indulge in one another and with the way he was quickly discarding both of your clothes from your bodies; impatient to have his way with you—you knew he didn’t care about the state of his bedroom floor. Not when he was seconds away from ravishing in your dripping cunt. 
“I really wanted to take my time with you—I wanted our first time together to be soft and slow, but I can’t. The need to fuck the living shit out of you is strong. Oh God—your tits. Ah, I’m fucked. Seriously. As your boyfriend, I always find my gaze wandering over to these pretty titties of yours. But fuck—seeing them bare; your nipples are so perky and I’m sure if I were to flick one of them—they’d be hard. I can’t even tell you how much I’ve been wanting to suck on these huge breasts of yours. Whenever you’d wear a low cut top or even tops that are tight and hug your breasts perfectly—I wondered how wonderful it would feel getting to suck on and massage them.” 
You bit your lip at the thought of him palming himself and getting hard while thinking about your boobs. The truth was all coming out and you wished you came to the decision to become one with him sooner—much sooner. His words were doing wonders on the burning sensation in between your thighs. 
“Can I tell you something?” He nodded vehemently and you found yourself snickering at how eager he was to respond anything you said or asked of him. 
“I’ve played with my breasts a couple of times and I’d pretend it was you in my place. You have such long, skinny fingers and you have such nice hands for a man—I’ve grown curious about what you would do to me once we became intimate and I actually really enjoy how it feels. Breast play—I like it a lot, but I’m sure you can do so much better.”
“You’ve touched yourself?”
“No. Not down there. Only my boobs. I’m too much of a coward to masturbate.” 
Out of no where, he lifted up one of his hands and motioned for you to take it. You looked at him in confusion, but he motioned towards your mounds and you had an idea of what he was hinting towards wanting you to do. 
“Take my hand and show me how you touch your breasts when you think of me—when you’re horny and playing with yourself. You know, I would have gladly done it for you. All you had to do was ask baby—now I’m hard thinking about you kneading these large mounds. Shit, we need to speed up this process, I need to hurry up and rail you or else I think I’m going to lose my fucking mind. Teach me baby—show me how you do it so I get an idea of what makes your pussy throb. Show me—and then I’ll take matters in to my own hands.” 
You did as you were told—not wanting to wait much longer to feel his hands wander throughout your body. His touch was featherlight; you could tell that he was all talk. His words might have been naughty but you knew he was still going to be a gentleman when it came down to it. Mark was always so soft and gentle whenever it came to you. 
Sometimes, he’d take care of you as if you were a child; he would feed you if the two of you went out on a date, he would push you on the inside of the sidewalk, run you a bath after you had a long day and he’d also tuck you in to bed before preparing what he needed for the next day.
 As horny as he probably was right now, you could tell he was going to try his best not to go past his boundaries and risk making you feel uncomfortable. You dragged his hand between the valley of your breasts; letting his nails graze just below your bosom and you could feel goosebumps rising on your skin at how cold his fingertips were. To his surprise, you cupped one of your breasts with his hand and whispered for him to take your nipple in between his fingers. 
“Pinch it—mmm—like that.”
“Like this?” 
He squeezed your left breast—molding and kneading while twisting at your right nipple. Just the feeling of him pinching and rolling it in between his fingers was enough to elicit a breathy moan from your lips. You leaned your head back against his pillows as he was hovering over your lap. He leaned down so that you could feel his cock against your clothed entrance. 
Mark had left you only in your underwear while he was completely bare of any clothing—if you weren’t so focused on watching him show so much love to your chest, you would have ripped your panty off just to have his naked sex pressed up against yours. He continued his ministrations—spending most of his time just fondling your tits and flicking your nipples. 
After a couple of minutes tugging on his soft brown locks and trying to conceal your noises of pleasure, he looked at you with a devilish grin and a sneaky glint in his eye. Right as you were about to ask him why he looked as if he had a trick up his sleeve, he lowered his face down to your chest and wrapped his lips around your breast. 
“Oh God—mmm—Mark—holy—“ 
You couldn’t describe how amazing it felt having him suck on one of your mounds. The sensation was exceedingly mind blowing. He brought your nipple in between his teeth; lightly biting your hardened nub. He lifted his hand up to your other breast and began to squeeze it softly. When you felt him humming as he started to switch back and forth between your boobs; making sure both of your breasts got the same amount of attention, the throbbing sensation in between your thighs heightened. 
“Such pretty—pretty titties. I could suck on these things all day if you’d let me.” 
You were about to retaliate—wanting to jokingly scold him because you weren’t quite used to him being this vulgar, but he was quick to return his mouth back to your chest. 
“Mark.” 
He looked so adorable as he released your boob with a loud pop sound. “Yes baby? You okay?” 
You nodded in agreement before reaching for his hand and lowering it down to the waistband of your panties. Your boyfriend needed to know just how absolutely mad you were quickly becoming at his generous ministrations. He practically sucked your tits like it was his life duty to—as if it was his job. Without hesitation, you forcefully shoved his fingers inside; his breathing began to increase as he dragged his fingers along your wet folds. 
“Holy fuck, you’re soaking wet princess. I’m not even kidding babe, you’re like the Pacific Ocean. All because I’m sucking on your titties? God y/n, where the hell did you come from? You’re otherworldly.” 
To your dismay, he pulled his fingers away before genuinely doing anything, but he was quick to put his fingers in to his mouth and sucked on your essence. The sight alone sent chills down your spine—it was so fucking hot. He was so fucking hot and you needed him to speed up the process or else you would actually cry from sexual frustration. 
“Just as I expected; you taste delicious. So sweet. Mind if I get a taste straight from the source?” Once he received your nod of approval, he kissed you a few times—smiling against your lips as he began to cup your sex through the flimsy cotton. 
“Promise me you’ll be vocal about what feels good and what doesn’t. If you need me to stop—if it gets too much, I’ll try to pull away, but I can’t promise you anything. You taste too good.” 
Before you knew it, he started to make his way down your body. He ran his hands along your sides while leaving kisses down your neck—your collarbones, kissing both breasts, gripping your hips while placing kisses down your stomach. Once his face was right above your naval, he left a chaste kiss on your belly button causing you to giggle at the tickling sensation—but the laughter didn’t last long. 
He put both of his hands on either of your knees and pried your legs open; giving him better access to your entrance. Knowing that his face was just meters away from your core sent you in to a frenzy. This was something from your wildest dreams; you knew that the two of you would become intimate sooner or later, but seeing him in between your thighs made you lightheaded. 
Mark wasted no time in nibbling on your soft skin—he bit on your underwear and pulled it down to your legs, completely ridding you of your final piece of clothing. You were grateful that you picked the right kind of panties to wear tonight; although you were sure Mark wouldn’t have cared at all if you decided to wear boy shorts or granny panties. 
Since you were in a position where you weren’t able to see him, you soon grew insecure at the idea of being completely bare in front of him. All you wanted was to be enough for your boyfriend; he was nothing short of perfect and you desired to be exactly that for him. It’s what he deserved. 
Seeing as how you lacked self-confidence, you brought your hands up to your eyes to prevent yourself from seeing his reaction of seeing you completely naked. Mark was a very kind person towards you; especially because he was your boyfriend, so you knew that there was a chance he would lie or not tell you the complete truth in order to save your feelings. 
You were afraid that he might have been with girls who had nicer bodies than you—skinnier, smaller and more petite frames with tiny waists, big breasts and a round, plump ass. You’d rather him be honest with you, but even if he just so happened to find flaws on your body, you were well aware that he wouldn’t admit it. That’s just who he was; Mark hated hurting people’s feelings, even if they deserved to know the truth. Just because you were his girlfriend wouldn’t change the fact that he was always looking out to protect people and prevent them from feeling bad about themselves. 
“Nope—we’re not having any of that.” He reached up to pull your hands away from your face and gave you a scowl. “You—are so breathtakingly beautiful. I can’t even fathom your beauty in to words. I could write a novel about your gorgeous features—how did I get so damn lucky? Your body; fuck—your body is a damn wonderland y/n and I can’t wait to explore it. You have such a pretty cunt and I’m so excited to fuck it. Listen to me baby—you are the most beautiful girl on this hell forsaken earth you hear me? By the end of the night, I will make sure you know how much of a goddess you are.” 
He blew warm air against your cunt—immediately sending shivers down your spine. Finally, after what felt like hours waiting for him touch you—to actually touch you, he licked a long strip along your folds and you let out a loud whimper.
“Fuck!”
“You like that?” 
You nodded so quickly—not caring how straight forward your response was. He began to lick and suck along your folds—his hands made their way up to your ass cheeks and squeezed both as he went to work; nibbling and sucking on your pussy. His teeth grazed against your overly sensitive nub and you found yourself pulling on the bedsheets—needing to grip at anything other than his hair because you knew if you were to tug on his locks while he was sucking you dry—he’d probably be bald by the end of the night.
“Fuck—Mark! Ah—there, right there—oh—“ 
With every hum and moan against your core, you could feel yourself getting closer and closer to your end. You believed that you were close to orgasming; there was an unfamiliar burning sensation in your stomach and you knew that Mark was going to do whatever he could to lessen the tension. Your moans only grew louder the longer his mouth stayed on your cunt; his wet muscle continued to lap up your juices. To your delight, he brought his index and middle finger up to your entrance and didn’t give you any time to prepare before he shoved both digits inside of you. 
“Oh my God—Mark! That feels—so, so good!” 
You couldn’t even describe the euphoria you were feeling as his tongue licked and slurped against your clit while he began pumping his fingers in and out of you. Your heart felt as if it was about to leap out of your chest; he was taking your breath away and you were sure with how many times you were chanting his name that you were going to lose your voice before the night ends. When you felt him curl both fingers inside of you, you yelped in shock. 
He was reaching deeper—you weren’t sure just how far into your cunt that his fingers could go, but he began to graze along an area that was soon causing your knees to buckle and your thighs to shake. 
“Mark—Mark—oh—baby—“
“That’s your g-spot if you didn’t already know. I plan on keeping that in mind. Feels good doesn’t it?”
“Mmm—yeah—please, go faster.” 
He giggled against your folds and placed a sloppy kiss against your labia all the while adding in another finger inside. You could feel tears brimming at your eyelids, but it was only because he was bringing you so much pleasure. You absentmindedly lowered your hand down to his face and cupped his cheek; he might have said his main purpose was to please you, but you were hoping that he was receiving the same amount of ecstasy that he was giving to you. His movements picked up—switching between his lips, tongue and fingers. He even playfully slapped your pussy in the hopes of getting a rise out of you and instead of growing irritated, you were sure he brought you closer to your end. 
“Close baby?”
“Yes—God yes. Your tongue—your fingers—I can’t hold it in anymore—“
“You don’t have to. Let go for me.” 
The last sentence came out as a command; his voice was low and raspy which caused you to do exactly as you were told. Your head felt as if it was about to blow up. Everything was spinning; you began to see white and the tightness in your stomach was no longer there. It felt like a wave crashed upon you and filled up your lungs; taking your breath away completely. Mark didn’t stop his licking—he continued to suck up your juices entirely. 
He drank from your cunt like you were a well and he was dying of thirst. Once your boyfriend decided that he rid you completely of your release, he pulled his fingers out of the depths of your silky walls and made his way back up to you. The sight of your fucked out state made him chuckle—your chest was rapidly rising, some of your hair was stuck to your forehead and your eyes were rolled to the back of your head. 
In that moment—seeing you look as if the wind was completely swept out of you, he knew this was when you looked the most ethereal. The kiss against your forehead was delicate; featherlight. Nothing compared to the rough and impatient ones he left on your core just a few moments ago. When he brought his fingers up to your lips, you saw the white liquid running along both his index and his ring fingers and internally groaned. 
“I want you to taste yourself. Say ah.” 
You stuck out your tongue and allowed him to insert his digits inside of your mouth; you made sure to make direct eye contact as you sucked on his fingers just like you previously did with his length. You swirled your tongue around both of them, making sure to press your wet muscle before allowing him to pull them out. His brows were furrowed while he dragged his teeth along his bottom lip. He was obviously extremely turned on by your ministrations and soon, his lips were back on yours. 
His hands immediately cupped both your cheeks as he put in as much energy in to the kiss that he could muster. With the way he was kissing you—like he would die if he were to take his lips away from yours, you were growing impatient with wanting to finally have him fill you up. 
Having his naked body pressed up against yours, feeling his cock graze against your entrance, having your breasts pressed up firmly against his chest—everything was getting too much for you. There were so many emotions running through you; you were never going to get enough of having Mark like this. 
“How was it y/n? I mean—I’m assuming you were having a great time. You absentmindedly began to wrap your legs around my head and I did grow a little lightheaded but—“
“Oh my God Mark, why didn’t you say anything?! I’m so sorry—“
He let out a soft snicker against your neck and placed a kiss there while making his way back up to you. “Don’t apologize, it was fucking sexy as hell. You’re like my own personal ear muffs. Being suffocated by these thick thighs of yours would be an ideal way to go if you ask me.” 
You both erupted in laughter at his silly comment and you enjoyed the playful banter going on between the two of you. Was it normal to joke around during a time of lust and erotica? It didn’t matter—everything that happened tonight would be forever imprinted in to your heart. The events that happened so far were just as touching and heartwarming as they were sexual. 
“You’re such a dumbass you know that? But yes, I had a wonderful time. Thank you baby. That was—wow—more than I could ever imagine. Fuck, that felt heavenly. I really liked that; more than I’d want to admit. Your lips and your tongue are now my favorite body parts on you.”
“Oh, really? I’ll keep that in mind for future reference. I enjoyed that just as much as you did. I’m not kidding, you taste marvelous. I could spend the entire rest of tonight with my head in between your thighs—but I think it’s time you and I finally um—you know—“
“Fuck?”
“Jeez y/n, could you be any less romantic?”
 He squeezed your ass and slapped both of your both of your cheeks. However, he was quick to change his demeanor from naughty to gentle and soft. His eyes softened and he brought some of your hair behind your ear; letting his fingers glide along your neck and collarbones. The glint in his eyes made your heart swell up—any nerves that you had before going in to it were completely gone now. All you could think about was giving yourself completely to the love of your life. 
“Babe.”
“Yeah?”
“Take me already. I’m yours.” 
He gave you a soft smile and brought his bottom lip in between his teeth; he took his index finger and began to trace your features—starting with both your brows, then taking it along your nose to just above your Cupid’s bow. His ran his thumb along your top lip and you placed a sweet kiss on the back of it. 
“Say it again.”
“Huh?”
“I’m yours. I want you to say it again.” If you were to take a look at yourself right now, you were sure your cheeks would be flushed—you were now shy for the first time tonight. 
“Mark Tuan—I’m yours. Forever.” 
He clenched his jaw—your words obviously had some kind of affect on him. To your confusion, he got off of you and leaped over to his drawer; rummaging through clothes and underwear. Finally, after what felt like hours of waiting for him to find whatever it was that he looked for, he released a sigh of relief and briskly made his way back over to you. 
The tin foil packet was held in between his fingers and he waved it around like some kind of trophy. Only then did it really occur to you that you were going to lose your virginity—and to the man who your entire life revolved around. It was a bittersweet feeling; but you were more than happy to eventually be able to experience having your way with one another. He tore open the wrapper and placed the condom on his dick—crawling over to you and hovering over your lap. He gently took your chin in between his fingers and lifted your face so that you were looking up at him. 
“I’m sorry if it hurts okay? It might feel uncomfortable and maybe even painful at first. I want you to tell me if you need me to stop or to slow down. I’ll try not to go too hard since it is your first time, but if you were already so tight around my fingers, I can only imagine you’re going to clench around me with your pussy in the most delicious way. You trust me right?” 
You nodded—not missing a beat while giving him an exhausted smile. It wasn’t even up for debate, you trusted Mark with your entire being. He was the only person you would confess every single thing to. Whenever you had good news, he was the first person you wanted to tell and whenever your day wasn’t all that great, you wanted to find solace in him and he wrapped up in his embrace. When you nonverbally gave him your permission to take the lead, he lined himself at your entrance and tapped his cock against your folds; running it back and forth along your labia in order to collect some of your juices. 
“Remember, I don’t move unless you say I can.” 
He lowered himself and placed his lips against yours; you assumed it was his way of taking your mind off of the stretch that was about to come. As soon as Mark entered himself inside of you, you couldn’t help but let out a whimper. It wasn’t all that painful, but it was uncomfortable. Obviously, you weren’t used to being filled like this; something about the way his cock felt against your walls ignited a tingling sensation to your core. Your boyfriend moaned against your mouth and tightened his grip on your hip bones. “
Fuck—you’re so tight. Shit; I’m not even exaggerating—“
“Is that a good thing?”
“Yes. God yes. You feel glorious. But are you okay? It doesn’t hurt too much does it?” 
You shook your head in disagreement. No matter how uncomfortable you were, it was adamant that your boyfriend was trying his best not to lose his shit. You were going to suck it up and take him like a big girl; you were well aware that the pain would soon be replaced with pleasure  once he began to pick up the pace. 
“Mark, you can move. I’m okay.” 
His eyes seemingly rolled to the back of his head after hearing you give him permission to move and he didn’t even take a second to process that information, he began to ram himself slowly inside of you. He pulled his cock out of you before pounding his length back inside of your cunt all but gently. His pelvis hit your ass with each and every thrust and just as you expected it, you were now moaning in pleasure from the feeling of the tip of his cock hitting the back of your cervix. 
The two of you moaned in unison each time he bottomed in and out of you. He rotated between stealing chaste kisses from you, hiding his face in the crook of your neck and groaning against your jaw and sucking on both of your breasts; biting on your nipples whenever he thrusted himself a little too roughly. 
“F—fuck—feels so—“
“I know—shit—you’re so fucking wet y/n—“
His pace grew quicker to the point where he was practically railing you—the sound of skin smacking and clapping against each other alongside of both his and your moans and curses bounced off of his walls. You weren’t sure whether or not he was aware that he was leaving bruises on your skin, but you didn’t care—your mind was solely focused on him and only him. Everything else was just going to have to with till the morning. He pulled his hands away from your waist and brought them up to your breasts, pushing them up and down as he mirrored his movements inside of your warm cavern. 
“You look so beautiful right now I don’t think there are enough words in the English dictionary to even describe just how gorgeous you are. I can’t believe you’re all mine.” 
He lifted one of your legs and threw it over his shoulder; you weren’t sure exactly what he was doing until he pushed his dick back into your folds and began to reach deeper and further in to your pussy. “H-holy shit Mark—“ His girth continuously grazed against your clit; the way his hands were roaming all throughout your body, you had a feeling he couldn’t keep his hands in one place. 
Sweat was dripping down the both of you; when he lifted your other leg on top of his shoulder, you immediately clenched around him. The sensation was driving you literally insane. He was right; now that he had an idea of what made you squirm and scream, you could tell that he was going to use it against you. 
“Fuck, did you just get tighter? Stop that—please, I know I’m minutes away from coming and I don’t want to cum just yet. I really didn’t want to tease you tonight, but I will teach you a lesson if I have to. Don’t test me y/n. Come on, you’ve been such a good girl this entire night baby. We can experiment more next time, but for now, I just want to make love to my pretty girl.” 
It was tempting; if he was going to mess around with you by constantly trying to reach for your g-spot, you wanted to show him the same amount of teasing by clenching around him. You also wanted to see just how animalistic your boyfriend could get and you wanted him to go rough on you—but you didn’t want to have to beg him to do something, anything to help you reach your release. You wanted to experience coming with him—you were already so close to your second coming. 
Mark was a man of actions rather than of talking, so you trusted the fact that he would punish you if you did continue to go against his wishes. Although you were well aware now that you’ve finally had him inside of you, having sex would be a frequent activity—you felt yourself smiling like an idiot hearing him make plans for the next time you’d tumble in to bed together. 
After a few moments, you felt your legs giving in—probably because of how sore your inner thighs were now that he kept burying himself in between them at a mind blowing pace. He fucked you like he had vengeance on you—his cock filled you to the hilt. Slowly, he brought your legs off of him and got closer to you; he intertwined your hands together and placed them on either side of your head.
He continued to pump himself inside of you—constant moans continued to fall from your lips. You were completely speechless; his name fell off of your lips like a mantra. He kissed you hard; his pink lips were swollen and you were sure your lips looked similar if not the same. 
“Y/n.” 
You looked up at him and your breath hitched when you saw the way he was looking at you. His gaze was one that you didn’t recognize. His eyes were soft—he had a small smile that you wouldn’t have been able to distinguish if you didn’t see the glint in his eyes. You were about to question his sudden whisper of your name but he beat you to it. 
“I love you. God, do I love you. I love you so much baby. I love you, I love you, I love you. I don’t ever want to stop saying it.” 
With every thrust came a love confession and just hearing him admit those three magical words; the three words you’ve been yearning to hear for months—his words alone sent butterflies to your tummy and you weren’t even able to say it back to him before you felt yourself letting go and seeing stars for a second time. With a few more thrusts, you were soon being filled with his creamy, warm liquid and he flopped down on top of you while burying his face in between your breasts. 
You brought one hand in to his hair while dragging the other gently across of the expense of his back. The two of you laid there in silence; giving yourselves some time to both settle down from your breathtaking and extremely mind blowing orgasms. You were sure he could feel your heart racing against his chest; his was beating rapidly against yours. A huge grin rose on your face as you began to think about his love confession. 
He loved you. 
You didn’t care that it took him six months to admit his feelings for you, you were completely over the moon. You left a soft kiss right below his ear. 
“I love you too Mark and I’m in love with you. I have been for longer than I’d like to admit. I’ve been wanting to tell you for months, but I was afraid that it was too early to tell you and that you didn’t feel that way about me—“
“I’ve been in love with you since our second date y/n I’m not even joking. Don’t get me wrong, like I’ve mentioned multiple times tonight, you’re genuinely such a beautiful girl—you’re literally a sight for sore eyes. But everything about you is seemingly perfect. Your personality, your intelligence, your kindness, generosity and your heart. The way you dropped everything to run over to help that older lady carry her groceries to the bus stop and then the way you didn’t even hesitate to buy ice cream for that little girl who dropped hers at the play ground. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, I need you to know that. I don’t know what I would do without you. You’re my entire world y/n. These last six months with you—getting to love you—kissing you, having late night conversations about the future with you, going on all these cute little dates with you, staying up till three in the morning to talk with you—I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I would go to the ends of this earth if it meant having you for the rest of my life in each and every lifetime.” 
Tears began to fall down your cheeks and you immediately pulled him in to another kiss; you didn’t think you were able to top his heartfelt speech nor did you want to. You could only hope your signs of affection would be enough to prove what your words weren’t able to. 
“Is sex everything you could hope it would be?”
“Yes. I um—I’m actually upset with myself for waiting this long. If I knew back then what I know now; if I knew how glorious making love to you would be then I would have let you take me right after our first date. You’re so good to me Mark. You’re the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for. Thank you for that; and for every single thing that you do for me. Was I okay though? I know, you’ve probably been with partners who had more experience and were able to please you in better ways than I did, but I’m willing to learn whatever I need to in order to be good enough for you—“
You frowned when he roughly placed his hand over your mouth in attempts to silence you and licked his hand out of force of habit. “I never ever want to hear you say that you aren’t good enough for me or that you want to change your ways to be what you think I deserve. You are what I deserve; hell, if anything, I’m not good enough for you y/n. That was the best sex I’ve ever had in my entire life and I mean it. I’m not just saying that to spare your feelings or to make you feel better about the situation. You are the only person I’ve ever been in love with. You’re the only person I am ever going to love. What we had wasn’t sex—we made love. You were perfect baby. You made sure to take care of me and made tonight about us—even if I really wanted to focus specifically on you. Did I not praise you enough for the mindblowing blowjob you gave me? Where did you even learn how to do that? That was—I’m speechless. You took my breath away at least five times tonight and now you’re doing it for a sixth time just looking the way you do right now. If you’re not tired, I’m hard again. I’m sure you can feel it. There are so many things I want to do to you and since the night is still young, maybe we can cross some of those things off of my list. I want you on all fours baby. I wanna see that ass clap for me.”
Your imagination Now I'm fixated And I'm dying to learn Every inch of you Therе's something new F'ing me up I'm what you deserve, just
Draw a map for me Laced with strawberries And I'll get on my knees
Put my hands around you Ooh, teach me how to Touch you, tease, caress you, and please you Teach me how to love Put my hands around you Ooh, teach me how to Touch you, tease, caress you, and please you Teach me, teach me, teach me how to love
How to love How to love Teach me, teach me, teach me how to love
Teach me, teach me, teach me how to love Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush Teach me, teach me, teach me how to love Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush
Put my hands around you Ooh, teach me how to Touch you, tease, caress you, and please you Teach me how to love (please teach me how to love) Put my hands around you Ooh, teach me how to Touch you, tease, caress you, and please you Teach me, teach me, teach me how to love
How to love How to love Teach me, teach me, teach me how to love How to love How to love Teach me, teach me, teach me how to love Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush Teach me, teach me, teach me how to love Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush Babe, I won't stop 'til you feel the rush Teach me, teach me, teach me how to love
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pogueshomecoming · 4 years ago
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like to be you - jj maybank x reader
requested? nope
description: based on the song by shawn mendes and julia michaels, kook!reader and jj get in a fight about his dad and it reiterates that their lives are very different
masterlist, taglist, and request links are in my bio :)
warnings: mentions of abuse, descriptions of cuts and bruises, angst, arguments
word count: 2.5k
++
The chateau's door opens with a creak, and your attention is pulled away from the conversation Pope and John B are having. JJ stumbles in, barely able to walk. You're on your feet in an instant.
"JJ?" John B follows after you, Pope trailing behind him. JJ makes it four more steps before he collapses to the ground, whimpering in pain. His hair falls out of his face to reveals his bloody and bruised face.
You fall to your knees right next to him, scooting closer so his head can rest in your lap. He groans and tries to curl into himself when you lift his shirt to see if he's bleeding anywhere else. "JJ, what the hell? Do we need to go to the hospital?"
Concern fills your voice, but JJ shakes his head. "I need a shower. I'll be fine tomorrow."
JJ goes to sit up, and you have to keep your hands pressed to his back as a guide. There's no way he'd be able to stand in the shower alone.
"Was this your dad again?" Pope crouches in front of the blonde boy, taking in the bruises on his shins that looked way too similar to a boot's imprint.
"Yeah." His voice is weak, strained from using his energy, and probably screaming at his father. Your blood boils. At what point will JJ stop going home? What would it take?
"I'll help you into the shower." You mumble, trying not to show your anger because it's not JJ you're mad at. JJ tries to smile but ends up wincing, and the boys help him to his feet. John B and Pope help your boyfriend into the bathroom while you grab fresh towels from the bag of laundry you brought over this morning.
He's sitting on the toilet lid by himself when you enter the bathroom, his shirt already on the floor. You can see two more cuts on each side of his ribcage in addition to the busted lip and eyebrow. The bruise on his hip is the worst. Usually, his blood has dried by the time he gets here, but it looks like he's reopened the wounds.
"God, JJ. I'm so sorry. I know it hurts." You shut the door behind you and quickly turn on the shower. It's not long before steam starts to fill the room.
"Are you going to get in with me?" JJ's voice is soft as he undresses his lower half.
"If that's what you want." He nods, and you start to undress, too, letting him use you as a crutch once you're both ready to get in.
The silence between you two isn't uncommon. JJ knows there's not much for you to say when he's like this because he knows you hate it. You hate seeing him hurt.
You use a washcloth to scrub around the cuts gently while he watches the water turn red and swirl around the drain. One of them could need stitches, but you know he won't listen. JJ uses sleep as a cure-all.
He leans against you when you've finished cleaning his wounds, letting his forehead press into the crook of your neck. His fingers are tracing patterns in your back.
"Don't you think it's time to get out of there, J? You could move in here permanently." Your voice is quiet, and the sounds of the shower would've drowned it out if JJ wasn't skin to skin with you.
"What do you mean?" JJ pulls back, so now his hands are on your elbows.
You sigh, not sure if this would be a touchy subject in JJ's mind. "Like... this happens every time you go home, so you could not go home anymore? I don't like seeing you hurt for no reason."
"Y/N, I avoid my father as much as possible already. It sounds a lot like you're telling me it's my fault if I keep going back there." JJ furrows his brow and shakes his head, indicating that he's bothered by your words.
"No, no, of course it isn't your fault. I know you already avoid him. I just thought that maybe it's time to move away from that situation and separate yourself."
JJ is quiet, and you look at your feet, knowing you've upset him, and it's too late to take it back.
"I'm here enough. John B isn't responsible for me. It's fine, Y/N. I'll only go when he's not there from now on." JJ squeezes your arms, trying to be reassuring, but you've still got that pit in your stomach, and you've never been good at keeping your mouth shut.
"What are you talking about? John B would love for you to stay here, even more so if it meant you were staying out of danger. My family has a guest house. If you're worried about bothering JB, I can-"
"I'm a Pogue, Y/N, not a Kook. Your parents wouldn't let me stay, and I don't want to. That's not how this works. I'm not taking a handout. We've talked about it before. Not everyone wants what the Kooks have, alright? Can we drop it?" His voice rises, having more of a bite as his anger grows, and he lets go of you.
"Hey, this is not about me being a Kook. I hate when you throw that in my face, and you know it. This is about you always going back there because you think you deserve what he does to you!" The words hang in the air after you've spoken them. The only sound between the two of you is the water running. You're sure that your friends heard the argument through the paper-thin walls.
JJ visibly falters. His shoulders slump, and he starts to fiddle with his hands as he turns his back to you. After a moment, his body begins to shake as he holds back tears. You're not sure if there's anything you can say to make it better.
"Wait, J, I-" You stop talking when he turns around abruptly.
"I can't, okay? I can't leave him there. He thinks the groceries magically appear in the fridge. He thinks that he's getting paid leave from work. I work my ass off to provide for him. What happens when I stop? He'd fucking die, and then it's my fault. After everything he's done to me, I hate him. I fucking hate him, but I can't leave him."
JJ doesn't wait for a response. Instead, he gets out of the shower. You're shocked. He's never walked away from an argument. Sure, you've fought before, but it never ends with one of you leaving.
You wait until you hear the bathroom door shut to turn the water off, and then you take your time drying off. There were no clothes for you to change into, so you make sure your towel is tucked tightly before you exit the bathroom.
John B, Pope, and Kie are sitting on the couch. Kie must've arrived in the last few minutes, but the looks on their faces confirm that they heard everything. They try to look away once they realize you're looking at them, but it's too late.
"Goodnight, guys." You say weakly, feeling like you're going to cry any second now. It feels stupid to cry. JJ is the one who's hurt, but you don't want that for him anymore.
In response, they all mumble goodnight, and you turn on your heel to enter the guest room.
JJ is already in bed, the covers are pulled to his waist, and he's facing away from the door. The bandages and alcohol pads and trash that comes with that is on the dresser, so you know he's already done what you usually do for him.
Both of you are silent as you move around the room to get dressed. With each step closer, you start to dread getting into bed. When you have nothing else left, you ease in as gently as possible after turning off the light.
You didn't imagine the bed to feel so cold, and it triggers the tears you'd been holding back for JJ's sake. If he notices, he doesn't do or say anything. You lay on your back and look at the ceiling, letting your tears fall past your ears and into your hair.
The relationship you have with your father is hugely different than JJ's with his. You've never been scared to go home, you've never flinched from someone's touch, and you've never had to yearn for a parent's love and affection. The two of you live very different lives.
"I don't want to go to bed like this," JJ says softly. You hear the motion of the blankets before you feel the warmth of his hand enclosing your wrist.
"I'm sorry, J. I don't even know why I'm crying. I'm not that one who got hurt. I'm so-"
"Tired. We're both tired. I'll never judge you for crying. There's nothing left to say. Let's call a truce."
It wasn't an outright acceptance of your apology, but it was close. There were still more things you needed to say, but JJ is right. You're both tired, and it's time to go to sleep. For now, you'll stay in this weird in-between spot where you don't know if he's still upset or not.
"Yeah, sounds good." You choke out, managing so sound somewhat natural.
JJ doesn't retract his hand, but he doesn't move any closer, leaving you to fall asleep grasping onto the little warmth you're getting from him.
+
You wake up before JJ. Somehow your internal alarm clock is always set for earlier in the morning when your anxiety is high. He's snoring softly next to you, the bruises on his face already looking better.
JJ rolls from his side to his back, the covers falling off of him to reveal that he's almost bled through his bandages. You scoot out of bed as quietly as you can.
After leaving the room to brush your teeth, you come back with a damp washcloth and gather the medical supplies from the dresser. You start to tend to JJ's wounds while trying not to wake him up. What is he going to say when he wakes up? Is he still going to be upset with you?
It was naive of you to think your anxiety would go away overnight, but you're not sure you want to have another conversation about it. JJ stirs before you're ready, and his pretty blue eyes look at you curiously.
He said there wasn't anything left to say last night, but there was and still is. However, when you make eye contact, all of it goes out the window. You blank.
"Thanks for cleaning that up, baby." JJ smiles sweetly. You're head starts spinning with possibilities. Is he going to act as if nothing happened? Will he throw it in your face randomly to make you feel worse about it? Nothing that JJ has ever done previously would lead you to believe he'd do that, but it's where your mind takes you.
"Do you want to go to the beach?" That always cheers both of you up, but you can't tell if you're offering for him or yourself.
"Sure, sweetheart. It's too cold to swim, but I bet our spot will be open."
There was a specific tree on the beach that you and JJ liked to lay under sometimes. It had the perfect amount of shade and sun because you got cold too quickly, and JJ the opposite. Out of all of the memories you have, those are the fondest.
By the time you get to the beach, JJ still seems as normal as ever. You hadn't expected him to wake up screaming or yelling, but you did think he'd say something else—anything to make you feel like he didn't hate you for what you said would be nice.
JJ pulls you down onto the blanket with him to assume your regular cuddling position, but it's modified slightly with his bandages. "You don't have to act like I'll break, Y/N. I've survived a lot of things so far, so accidentally putting your hand over my wound isn't going to do shit."
"Alright, alright." You allow yourself to giggle despite your mind telling you that he's angry with you.
The two of you trail off into silence after a few moments of laughter, both deep in thought. You nervously pick at your nails, wondering what JJ is thinking about. Does he have a speech he's rehearsing in his head? Is he waiting for the right moment?
"Y/N, how could you? You didn't-"
"I'm sorry, JJ. About what I said, I didn't mean to come at you like that. You should still be mad at me, I-" you start to ramble, but JJ cuts you off.
"What? I was going to say you didn't give me my good morning kiss. You always do. Are you still thinking about the fight? It's fine, Y/N, really. Look at me," JJ shifts so you can turn to face him.
"It was harsh, but I needed to hear it. In some ways, I think you're right. Sometimes I blame myself for my mother leaving, which is why he's the way he is, so it comes full circle. I know that's fucked up, but it's getting better. I'm getting better. Why didn't you tell me you were still worrying about it?"
You have to ignore your heartbreaking at his words to be able to talk. JJ has let his father into his head, but you can imagine how hard it would be not to.
"I don't know. You stopped the conversation last night, and I didn't want to push anymore than I already did. I figured I'd wait until you were ready to talk about it, but I've been anxious all morning thinking about it." You take a deep breath.
"Sometimes, when we fight, it scares me because I feel like I'm going to lose you a little each time. We get so caught up in the moment, and I just... We're so different. I don't know what it's like to be you."
JJ places his hands on either side of your face, and at the same time, he wipes a tear that has fallen onto your cheek.
"You can always tell me what's inside of your head, alright? No matter what you say, I won't love you any less. You're right, you don't know what it's like to be me, but I'm in the same boat. Our differences aren't what defines us, right? We've said that since the beginning." JJ reassures you by giving you a quick and sweet kiss.
"I love you, J."
You shove yourself into his chest, and maybe you miss the wince on JJ's face, but he doesn't say anything because he doesn't mind. The weight you've been carrying on your shoulders since he left you in the shower last night is gone.
But you might disagree with JJ. Your differences are what makes you right for each other. JJ is the one that pulls you out when you're stuck far in the depths of your mind, and you're the one who cleans his cuts and bruises. You don't understand what he goes through, but you're still there to pick up the pieces, and that's all that matters to him.
++
jj maybank taglist + mutuals: @wlwkie , @jjjmaybank , @shawnssongs , @hopelesswritingxd , @newsiestrash123 , @millie-753 , @thatsonobx, @jjtheangel , @obxkie, @baileysb1tch, @ohbx, @babysbestlife , @psychicforest , @fanficscuziranout , @maebanks , @diverdown06, @pogue-writings , @maybankdreams , @thelocalpogue , @maybe-maybanks , @dpaccione , @teenwaywardasgardian , @extratragic , @pixelated-pogues , @kitluvs1 , @a-brooding-bird , @ilovejjmaybank , @damonsalvawhore27 , @beth-winchester21 , @danicarosaline , @sunwardsss, @outerbanksbro , @collecting-stories , @yelyahryan , @brightcosmos , @ssprayberrythings , @abbiesthings , @sadcupofcoffee , @millenialpoems, @niya-savage , @queenofthepouges , @poguepunk , @perkeusjackson , @fanofmany , @ultradolans , @love-chx , @outerbankslut , @cognacdelights , @alternativehp , @dmonchld , @bricksatanakinswindow
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magnoliabloomfield · 3 years ago
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Possession Part 10
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This one is super long, it got away from me, but i don't think any of you will mind lol. Expand for story time.
Gally sat in the gathering hall, his heel bouncing against the dirt floor. As everyone settled in, Newt gave him a glance that put most of his nerves at ease, and for good reason. Once the discussion started it was clear that Alby had already decided that she was to be a Keeper in her own right. Some confusion and groans went around the others but Alby put a fast stop to them, explaining it was the only way to uphold the one rule about her and everything else Gally had said to Newt. He was glad he wasn’t the one trying to convince anyone or having to take credit for the idea.
The only thing left to settle was what she would be a keeper of. They decided to go around to each keeper and see what they had observed about her.
“Gally, you worked with her first, what do you think?” Alby started off with him.
Gally crossed his arms and thought for a moment, forcing his mind to other things than when her eyes softened as she looked at him. “She’s good at following direction,” he started out and earned a nod from every other keeper who had worked with her as well. “If you don’t give her something to do she will just find something to do. When there was nothing left she could do on the building project she went around giving everyone water and wet rags to keep cool. So, she’s not lazy and she has a fair bit of common sense. Plus, being smaller she can help with things no one else can get to.”
“I bet you wish you could be her keeper then,” Zart spoke up out of turn, earning a furrowed glare from Gally that made him backpedal quickly. “Just because of how helpful she seems to be to the building team.”
Gally would never even hint that he wouldn't have minded being her keeper, that he was the only one he trusted to take care of her right. But those feelings were just another confirmation that she should be her own keeper.
“She did well in the medhut, but she admitted that she might not be able to handle some of the worse things that come through there,” Clint spoke up next. “But she is good at organizing, she transformed the storage and it’s totally easier to find things now. If possible I’d like to have her rewrite the notes we took on treating injuries because her hand writing is so much better than mine or Jeff’s, just throwing that out there.”
“She was good at the smaller tasks in the garden,” Zart said. “But she’s not so good at the more difficult physical tasks.”
“I think that’ll be a common thread, nothing heavily physical I should think,” Newt tacked on out of turn.
“I don’t have anything bad to say about her,” Fry started up. “But she just wasn’t fast enough in the kitchen. But to be fair, no one ever is on their first day. It takes a while to learn muscle memory and I just don’t have that kind of time when all of you are counting on me to get you fed day in and day out.”
Gally lightly gripped his chin in thought. There was something similar in everything they were saying, there was some common thread.
“You have an idea Gally?” Newt asked, breaking him from his trance.
“Well, it sounds like, in one way or another, everyone would agree her attention to detail is very good,” Gally mused aloud, not focusing on anyone just yet as he continued to think. “It’s like we all could use her help in certain situations but not necessarily all the time. So… maybe she could be the keeper of odd jobs? She could organize whatever needs organized, she can write down what needs written, she can assist whenever we need someone small, or whenever something intricate or tedious needs done and we can’t spare someone able bodied for it. She could help us all while not belonging to anyone.”
“The Keeper of Odd Jobs?” Shawn repeated incredulously. The Keeper of the baggers was never one to go with the flow. “Why don’t we just make her the Keeper of the Laundry?”
“Laundry is the slopper’s job and it takes more than one person to do,” Alby pointed out. “Unless you want to make her keeper of the sloppers. I don’t know if the little punks would hate answering to a girl or love it.”
“She needs to be the keeper of herself, and then any other girls who may or may not show up,” Gally dared to add.
“Well, let her go off and do whatever she feels like then, why does she have to be a keeper?” Shawn went on complaining.
“Because the keepers decide what happens in the glade,” Alby said with an edge to his voice. “Those decisions effect her now so she should get a say in them, she should have her perspective heard.”
Nikola was surprised when the gathering broke up and no one came to talk to her about her assignment. Even if Alby didn’t come and inform her she figured whoever it was would be excited enough to come tell her himself. Except for Gally. She felt a hopeful little jump in her chest that she was going to be a builder. She knew Gally would do right by her, protect her and be kind enough to her without being creepy. But he wouldn’t be bursting at the seams happy to tell her either.
As she was in line getting dinner that evening, still thinking about her assignment, she felt a presence looming up on her.
“Hey,” Gally’s voice called out to her as he came up from behind.
She felt another jolt, thinking this was finally it, he was coming to tell her he really was her keeper.
“You’ll want to stick around for this meal, Newt is saving a seat for you,” was all he said before walking off to his own table.
Nikola was left standing there in confusion, not expecting that. She also felt a little miffed that he wasn’t saving a seat for her himself, but expected her to go sit with Newt. Nevertheless she followed his instruction and awkwardly sat beside Newt at a table with Zart and Alby himself.
“Hey,” she greeted them blandly. “I heard you were saving a seat for me here, what’s up?”
“We have a special announcement to make and it has to do with you,” Newt started explaining with an amused smirk. “We wanted to make sure you were around to hear it since you seem to get antisocial at meal times.”
Nikola couldn’t help the small furrow in her brow from confusion. She didn’t care about his jab at her not sticking around for meals and didn’t bother explaining that’s the only time she could hear herself think, she just wondered what this announcement was. She looked around, trying to spot Gally as if just seeing him would bring her some comfort. She didn’t manage to catch sight before Alby stood up and addressed the gladers.
“Now that everyone’s here, I want to announce what the council decided on for the latest greenie, Nikola,” he shouted and earned everyone’s attention as the chatter fell to a silence. However, when he mentioned Nikola a few whoops and wolf whistles were heard. “Shut up you shanks,” Alby chastised them. “Because she’s the newest Keeper.”
Nikola couldn’t keep the shock off her face, but her surprise turned sour rather quickly as the announcement was met with a silence that bubbled to a murmur around her.
“I know you might be confused by this,” Alby acknowledged them. “But you’re not going to put up a fuss about it, and you’re certainly not going to give Nikola any clunk about either. It was the council’s decision and she never asked for it. We made her a keeper so she can lead any other girls that might show up in the future, and now that we have girl living here and sharing our glade with us, her voice should be heard about what goes on here.”
Nikola started to think that made a lot of sense and definitely liked that they were willing to listen to her and let her have a say in what went on there. But Alby wasn’t done.
“Besides all that, it was the only way to make sure we didn’t break the new rule,” He added, making Nikola’s brows furrow in confusion. What new rule had they made about her?
“She doesn’t belong to anybody.”
Nikola felt the blood rush to her face. She felt angry, but she wasn’t sure why. It was actually ideal, she couldn’t be ordered around by one keeper, she wasn’t being treated like an object or property, but there was something alienating about it too. It was a very complex situation and so were her emotions about it.
“What does that mean?” she whispered to Newt as Alby said a few last words to cement the whole thing and draw the announcement to a conclusion. “That I don’t belong to anybody?”
Newt shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. “Well, uh, you’re the first girl anyone here has seen for as long as they can remember. But there’s only one of you and dozens of them. We were afraid it would cause some problems if, uh…”
“I had some kind of… exclusive relationship with someone?” she pressed.
“Yeah,” Newt sighed in relief because he didn’t have to try and say it himself.
She turned away with a sigh of her own as she looked out on the grassy meadow of the glade shadowed from the setting sun and camp fires. “If all of them can’t have me, none of them shall. That kind of deal, huh?”
“If it makes you feel any better,” Alby cut in, having heard some of the conversation. “It’s not like anyone else has ever liked the living situation here-“
“And me being here just made it worse?” She cut in, staring him down with a deadened expression.
“That’s not it,” Newt leaned in, trying to smooth it over.
“Whose idea was it?” Nikola asked.
“What, the rule?” Newt asked.
“I came up with the rule the moment you arrived,” Alby admitted easily. “I’m doing my best to keep this place from falling into chaos every day, and I know you didn’t ask to be sent here, but you are here and that’s going to present new problems I have to work hard to overcome whether everyone likes it or not.”
Nikola understood where he was coming from but it didn’t make her feel very good. In fact, she was pretty sure she was going to cry. She hadn’t done that yet, she’d been too busy or had other things on her mind. She pressed her lips together and pushed back from the table.
“It was Gally,” Newt said quickly before she could get up and leave.
She looked at him, her tears put on temporary hold.
“Gally suggested you be a keeper so no one could act like they owned you and you’d have a voice on the council,” he elaborated.
That was a whole new thing to try and process, so she got up, leaving them and the rest of her dinner behind, and headed to her prison tower. As safe and kindly built as it was, it just further isolated her. The worst kind of isolation was not being alone, but being surrounded with people you either couldn’t trust or couldn’t get close to. She realized that’s the kind of isolation she was in. Sure, she didn’t want to belong to someone the way an animal or object belongs to a person, but she wanted to feel like she belonged in the world, even one as small and messed up as this one.
“Nikola,” a gruff voice called after her when she was halfway to her house.
She closed her eyes at having been caught, at having to interact with someone when she needed to go off and feel her feelings. As her eyes closed, she felt tears fall. She hadn't realized it had started already. She stayed there with her back turned to them and hoped they would just talk and make it quick.
“What’s wrong?” She recognized Gally’s voice drawing up cautiously behind her and it felt like a fist wrapped around her heart, and extra squeeze of sadness came over her that she wasn’t expecting. “Nikola?”
“Nothing,” she lied as she crossed her arms, trying to play off how thick her voice sounded from the held back tears.
But he had rounded her to her side and she looked at him. It was a bit of a surprise to see the biggest, toughest guy look like a deer in the headlights when he saw her face. She tried to hide her expression, but she couldn’t suck tears back into her eyes.
“Are you… crying?” he asked quietly.
“So what if I am?” she asked as she fiercely wiped her face. “Am I not allowed?”
He looked away and she thought she saw him ball up a fist.
“You can, I just…” he looked down and then changed his mind about finishing that sentence. “Is there something I can do?”
“I doubt it,” she said and took a step toward her house, toward her well deserved privacy to cry, but stopped. “Why did you want me to be a keeper?”
He seemed surprised that she knew that and his wide eyes quickly looked away from her again. “So you wouldn’t have to answer to anyone,” he said to his boots. “So they’d have to listen to you instead of making you listen to them. They don’t know what it’s like for a girl here, so you should get a say in the things that are going to affect your life. I thought that would be a good thing, I didn’t realize you’d be upset by it.”
“I’m not,” she blurted, not being able to take the kicked puppy act from the big guy. “It’s not that part, it was the part about not belonging to anyone.”
That caused him to lock eyes with her in confusion. “What?”
“No, I know. I know. It just,” she let out a frustrated sigh. “I get it, I’m not property or anything so I appreciate it, but there’s a whole other meaning to belonging and it feels like I’m never going to belong here in that sense when everyone can only get so close to me, you know?”
He just stared down at her like he didn’t know.
“Forget it,” she sighed as she started for her house again, somehow feeling even worse.
“No, wait a second,” he pressed, catching up to her. “I want to understand.”
Gally rarely met a problem within the Glade that he couldn’t fix. Nothing was as challenging as the girl, but he was confident that with proper effort he could do something useful.
“Do you have a best friend?” she spun on him and asked, her voice sounding different as her nose stuffed up a little from the crying. “There are some people that you’re just closer to than others, right?”
He thought of Newt and how he spent more time with him than Shawn who he didn’t like at tall. He wasn’t sure if that would qualify as being best friends though.
“Can I have a best friend here, or would that just make everyone else jealous? Is there anyone I can laugh with, is there a shoulder I’m allowed to cry on or do I have to rotate through everyone in the glade to keep it fair? I’m already the only girl which is a lonely enough thing but it feels like I’m not even- like, I’m not allowed to be human.”
Gally tried to process what she said even as the sight of her crying in front of him caused him unusual distress. He found it hard to keep his hands by his sides.
“Well, I’m here. Aren’t I?” he asked her.
Her eyes were glassy and surprised as she looked up at him, slightly hopeful.
“I don’t know if you’d think of me as best friend material, but I never walk away from people, especially the ones I can help,” he told her, his conviction in what he was saying let him hold her gaze.
She was the first one to shy away. Her head tilted down, her falling tear drops twinkling in the low light, but he thought he saw a small smile before she looked down.
“You’re right,” she nodded. “You’re not really best friend material.”
She looked up and a big grin cracked on her tear stained face, she was teasing him. He broke into a relieved grin of his own, glad she wasn’t serious, and she let out a little laugh, possibly her first one.
“I’m kidding of course,” she assured him. “You’ve been a pretty good friend so far.”
She pursed her lips as her eyes looked skyward, as if recounting all the things he’d done to earn him that commendation. She let out a heavy breath but she seemed to be feeling better than when he found her.
“Thank you, Gally. Goodnight,” she smiled softly, slightly turning toward her house again, but waiting on him.
“Goodnight,” it slipped from his lips before he could even think of restraining it, and he wasn’t upset about it when he saw her smile grow a little before she went off to her house for real that time.
He watched her go for a moment, turned to go, but looked back once more. She was on the bottom rung of her ladder taking a glance back at him as well.
Masterlist
Note about me: Hey yall! sorry for the long wait, I had Vertigo and headaches 24/7 for two weeks. They switched me to to 24 hour release Webutrin and I'm on 500mg of Salt Stick Vitasium for my POTS and that's doing the trick! I finally feel like a functioning human being again and brain can story again. I wanna keep brining you Gally fun, but I also want to get back into my original novel too, so anyone who might want to take a look at some of my own original writing and hype me up I'd appreciate it so much! let me know if you want to.
and now to make some people's notifications happy:
@gladerscake @quackquackbi @poulterjonas @crazysheeplyca @neilox @thesuitkovian @carp3d1em @cottoncandy-dreamxd @emilyhadenbaker
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Start of Something Great
hi i haven’t written anything in a HOT minute. But I really have been sitting on that ask about sneaking around with Shawn for a hot minute too. So here it is, cheating..with Shawn. Which of course we don’t condone here but, some good angst, and Shawn being a lil cocky hot jock, cool right?  NSFW/ Smut / Jock Shawn/ Cheating with Shawn / Car sex / gratuitous oral scenes / Impatient h*rny Shawn /vague college boy style daddy kink / Angsty /Catching feelings /undescribed femme character because fuck non-inclusive descriptions✨ / 3.5k words 
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“Crush, who's got a crush?” Turn off the car. Look around. “I like the way you blush.” Get out, lock the car. Walk across the parking lot, head down. “I like the way you bite.” Get into his car, the backseat. Head still down. Cheeks hot. “Touch, each time we touch,” He gets out, a smirk painted on pink lips. “I wanna take too much.” Steal a glance, clouds of breath, long fingers reaching for the door. “Keep me up all night” The door pulls open, he slips into the backseat as well. The door locks “I wanna scratch your surface.” Lips crushed together, teeth almost clashing at the simple eagerness of it. “I wanna feel your groove.” Her cold fingertips pulled at clothes, pushing off jackets and scratching his pale skin. “I wanna be your needle.” The windows of the car were already fogging up in the cold Toronto air, body heat raising the temperature of the car. “I wanna lick your wound.” His lips found her neck, warm kisses sticking to her skin. She could feel the cold steel of his earring brush her cheek. “You wanna play with fire?” Her fingers ran up his neck, tangling into brown curls, pulling already. “Stick and poke tattoo?” Teeth. She felt his teeth against her neck, “Easy,” she whispered. “Sorry, I missed you,” he murmured as those teeth found her ear. “You wanna play, my new girl?” Her hand ran under his shirt, fingertips tracing the outline of hard muscles. “I wanna play with you.” Her fingertips ran lower, brushing over his belt. “Is this your sex playlist or something?” she asked with a laugh. He paused, pulling back and glancing at the front of his car, “No,” he said before looking back at her, “Are you listening to the music right now? I’m almost insulted. ” he said before pushing her jacket off, pushing her shirt up. Almost as soon as he did, he pushed her bra up as well, humming as her breasts fell out the bottom. “No I just..” she started, but she was cut short as his lips found her chest. “God you have…such nice fucking tits,” he whispered. Calloused hands cupped her breasts, massaging and kneading her tender skin as his lips moved over her. His tongue teased her nipples, hardening them in the cool air.  “Shawn…” she breathed his name, wrapping her arms around his head as his lips worked over her. She wanted to pull her shirt all the way off, the only thing stopping her was… Well, the simple fact they were in a parking lot. There were no cars around them, but she was still nervous. Her fingers combed through his curls as he sucked at her chest, almost playing with them. “Do you want me to eat your pussy?” It caught her off guard, she’d barely noticed he’d stopped. “I uh…” and she glanced around. “What?” Shawn asked, sitting back up straight, “You said your lunch break was an hour, we have time.” She shook her head, “No I just, we’ve never done that before, like a car..” her voice was soft. “You’ve never done it before maybe,” he said laughing, shrugging some, “You’re the one who didn’t want to come back to my dorm.” He said and she nodded, “No I know, I just, what if someone sees?” she asked. “Who?” Shawn asked, tapping his finger on the window covers on his back windows. Of course the front was still open, but the back was rather closed off on the sides. “The dude leering in my windshield? Back or front?” he asked smirking some. For a moment, she thought about the window covers, how often did he do this..with who else. So much so he’d bought those? “Right, sorry, I’m just..nervous.” she whispered. Shawn shrugged then, taking his discarded jacket, and hanging it in front of his back window. He took hers then, hanging each side at the safety handles in the front seat, making a making shift sort of partition, “Better?” She nodded, but then reached in closer to him, kissing his lips harder this time. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, letting her fingers play in those curls again. “…Tell your boys it’s going down.” He broke those kisses, and he moved, a bit awkwardly but then shifting to ‘stand’ in front of her. “We in the zone now, don't stop.” Bent over, he pulled her leggings down and off, setting them on the car seat beside her. “You can keep your hands on me, touch me right there, rock my body.” Moments later, her panties followed as he moved to his knees on the floorboard. “I can't keep my hands off you, your body is my party.” His hands spread her legs wide, pushing them up so her shoes rested on his car seat. “I'm doing this little dance for you.” His lips were instantly moving up her inner thighs, not even giving her a moment to feel exposed. “You got me so excited.” No that came after, as his tongue dragged up her slit. “Now it's just me on you” His tongue found her clit, teasing it, drawing circles and flickering there. “Your body's my party, let's get it started.” Her mouth fell open in soft moans as her fingers tangled once more into his hair. “Boy, you should know that your love is always on my mind.” His tongue dragged lower, and she gasped, feeling it push into her. He pushed it deep, his face tight against her. She could feel his breath hot, through his nose against her clit. “I'm not gonna fight it, I want it all the time.” His tongue kept working into her, pumping over and over. His eyes shut tight. “Boy you should know that your love is always on my mind.” She was getting …way too close, way too fast, and on the verge of telling him. But finally, his lips pulled back from her. Relief. “I can't it deny it, I want you, I want you.” Her eyes watched the way his jaw got tight, cheeks hollowing as he leaned in to spit against her pussy. God, he was so dirty. “This…has to be a sex playlist,” she almost laughed. His brown eyes flickered up as two fingers pressed together dragged up and down her slit, like spreading his saliva. He took a moment to push his fingers half into her, and leaning up, spitting a long string of saliva onto his fingers. “Now I am insulted,” he said in a low voice as he pushed those fingers deep into her. Immediately they pushed up, and they made her gasp, her hips jerked forward. It was so sticky…as if she’d needed that spit at all. “You’re…demonic Mendes,” she panted those words as his free hand pushed his hair out of his face. “I love it when you talk dirty to me baby,” he purred. His fingers worked into her, and she clenched around them so tightly she thought he’d stop moving them. Her hips almost pushed forward to each movement for more friction, and she cursed herself for it. Soon, his head leaned back down, and she felt his lips on her again. He tilted his head to the side, curls falling on her thigh as he worked her clit. His lips gave kisses, tongue teasing and circling, and he’d suck softly in between all of it. Even so, his fingers were relentless, and she was sure she was soaking his car seat now. “Shawn…” she moaned, her body arching as her hands pulled his hair tight. “Shawn you’re going to make me cum...” her voice was almost a broken sob at this point, and her words only served to make him moan against her skin. His fingers didn’t stop, if anything they got faster, and his lips and tongue worked hungrily. “Sh-awn..” she almost choked his name as she pleaded. But soon her hips lifted entirely off of the seat, grinding up against his face as she reached her orgasm. She clenched so tightly against his fingers. One of her hands shot to her mouth covering it so she wouldn’t scream. But she still gave broken dry sobs as she rode out that high. The whole time she rode it out, Shawn peppered soft kisses over her, working fingers into her, making her whimper and whine. Finally, as her hands pushed him back, he did pull back, looking up at her with a soft grin on his lips, “Good?” he asked. She gave a shy nod as he leaned in, kissing her lips hard. While he kissed her, he slowly moved up, sitting back on the seat beside her. She slipped her legs back down into a normal sitting position, glancing over at him and hoping he didn’t notice she was already shaking. She swore she could feel her heartbeat in her pussy right now. But her eyes were locked on his hands, undoing his belt, and he pushed his jeans down. No underwear. As his jeans reached his thighs, his cock popped free, and she couldn’t help but watch it bounce in place. He was such a stereotype and she wondered if he knew it. “Well, are you going to stare at it or are you going to suck it?” his voice woke her up from that thought and she almost jumped. She had to stop herself from apologizing, but she nodded, leaning over to him. She stayed on the seat, almost turning sideways, and leaning down on one elbow. Her free hand wrapped around his cock and slowly tugged it as she pushed soft full lipped kisses over his skin. Her fingers wrapped around the base of his cock, and she dragged her lips along the length. Up, then down, her tongue slipping between parted lips. Her eyes were closed but she heard him groan, felt his legs spread, his long fingers tangling into her hair. She felt a sort of stern tug, almost pulling her head up as he slipped forward in the seat. “Stop teasing..” he whispered as her tongue trailed over the tip of his cock. She smiled just a bit, dragging the tip of her tongue over the  slit there. He inhaled so deeply that she heard his breathing shake while he did. “I swear to fucking god,” he panted. She couldn’t help but giggle, “You have such a nice cock Shawn,” she whispered against his skin, giving the very tip soft kisses, “It’s so big, and so hard for me…so pretty and pink.” She swore she could hear him grit his teeth as she stuck out her tongue and tapped his cock against it. “Please,” he finally whispered through his teeth. “Put it in your mouth.” Another giggle from her and she leaned forward, wrapping her lips around him. Shawn breathed a sigh of relief, his fingers loosening in her hair as his fingertips rubbed her scalp now. “Fuck,” he groaned in a breathy sigh. His eyes closed as his head fell back, his mouth falling open as her mouth worked him. “You’re such a good girl…” he half muttered. She hummed against his cock in her mouth, pushing it back into her throat as far as she could for him, even gagging against him some. Something deep inside of her chest just pushed her to please him, to make sure he kept answering those texts from her. The ones where she asked him to meet her at a random parking lot…between his classes, on her lunchbreak. It was once a week, Tuesday, she didn’t have classes, she worked in the library at the college they attended. So they’d meet here. He’d asked her before to get dinner, to go on a real date with him. She’d politely declined, and despite the fact he didn’t seem hurt, he’d jokingly called her ‘Tuesday’ the next week. She couldn’t help but wonder if there were others… a Monday, maybe even more. She didn’t like the idea of there being others, even if she felt she didn’t have a right to that. Each time she bobbed her head down, she felt his stomach clench, his cock twitching against her lips. He gave low groans with each movement, until finally his hand pushed her shoulder gently. “Up,” he said softly, letting her sit up straight. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, and just glanced to him. But as soon as she did, he kissed her hard, his hand resting on her jaw and pulling her closer. Once more he was moving in front of her. This time he moved her, pushing her into the corner of his car, pushing her legs apart. He put one on the seat, and one he moved so the heel of her foot rested on the arm rest of his car door. He moved one of his knees down, resting it on the car, and sort of crouching to move in front of her.  “You know I’m never going to forgive you for not just letting me get a hotel for us.” He said reaching forward into his car’s center console. “A hotel for fifteen minutes Shawn?” she asked watching him pull back a condom. “Mhn, yeah a hotel for fifteen minutes, it would be better than my back hurting for the next two days.” He said as he opened the condom and pulled it on. “Your back?” she asked with a giggle, playfully wrapping her arm around his neck. “You know this position, in this car, and your dick are NOT friends. I’m going to spend the rest of the week sitting funny,” she said leaning up to kiss his lips once. “Maybe, but you keep coming back don’t you?” he asked, pushing himself up into her now. She gasped, feeling that familiar dull ache in her stomach. Sure, he was big, but it wasn’t insane or anything. Nothing she couldn’t handle normally. But the way this position scrunched her up, her legs wide, exposing her to as deep as he could get. And the way he jackhammered into her in that position, all of it did leave her rather sore. But he was right, she did keep coming back. Because truthfully, even in spite of all of that, he was good. Better than most, and even better than her boyfriend. “Fuck, Shawn,” her voice was a whine as he began to thrust into her already. Her free hand rested on his back, clawing at him through his shirt. Almost as soon as she did that, he pulled back a little, balancing, pausing for a moment, taking off his shirt. “I love those nails.” he purred. And he rebalanced himself once more, going back to thrusting into her at a steady pace.  She made constant whimpers and whines, the way he did thrust into her was sinful. It had her bouncing in place and she just knew the car was rocking from the outside if anyone was watching. “Shawn..” she whined again, as he leaned in, kissing at her jaw, at her neck. He was careful this time, no teeth, no nips despite the fact that her nails were drawing blood on his back. “You miss that big cock baby?” he purred against her jaw, “You miss how it fucks you, huh?” he panted. She nodded, and he felt it against his chest, “Yes,” her voice sounded like she was begging. “Yes what?” he asked, pushing an extra deep thrust into her. “Yes daddy!” that came out as a dry sob.  “Good girl, tell me nobody fucks you like I do.” Shawn whispered against her jaw. “Tell me nobody fucks that pussy like I do. Tell me that’s why you keep coming back.” his voice was low, almost starving really. She couldn’t help but whimper, making soft sobbing noises. He was so deep already, she swore she could feel him in the back of her throat. “N..nobody..fucks it like you do daddy,” she panted. Now both of her arms wrapped around his torso as she dug her nails into his shoulders. “What else.” his words sounded like velvet even as he panted him. “Why do you keep coming back, hm? Tell me. Make that big cock cum.” Her whimpers got louder now, she wrapped one leg around his waist, almost just because she needed something to hold onto. “B-bec-because...of that c-cock...daddy!” she whined, her voice shaking some just because of the way he was relentless with her. “Shawn, easy.” she breathed against his neck, “Please,” her words were almost shaking. It was too much for her, he was rough often, sure. He was hungry, but this time he seemed... desperate.  When she told him to be easy though, Shawn slowed down a good amount. He didn’t slam into her, he didn’t make her bounce against the seat. He was deep still, hungry, but he rolled his hips up against hers, pushing into her as he kissed her throat. She could hear him giving soft almost growls against her jaw, but her breathing was only beginning to somewhat regulate. “Shawn..” she panted, one hand still on his back, one hand rubbing his curls. “You’re horny today, huh?” her voice was an exhausted kind of laugh. But Shawn didn’t seem to notice, “It’s been a rough week.” he said, taking one hand and using it as leverage to hold himself up. The other hand moved between her thighs, massaging her clit. His fingers were short fast little circles as he kept pushing up into her like that.  “Mhn, you expect me to beli....oh..fuck that feels good,” she whined at his fingers. “You expect me to believe you haven’t got your dick wet since last Tuesday?” she said it disbelieving, even though she couldn’t help but wish it were true... even if that wasn’t their relationship. “I don’t care what you believe. Can we stop talking about personal shit right now?” he asked before kissing her hard. He kissed her the way he’d been fucking her. Like he wanted to knock the breath out of her, like he couldn’t get enough. His lips crushed to hers, his cock pushed deep into her each time, slow and intense. His fingers kept working that sweet little button, and she could feel warmth building in her core. The more focused his thrusts got, the more intsense that seemed to feel. Oh no..oh no no no. Not here, not in his car. Not in his Jeep. Not..with him. It was already him, he was so cocky, he was so good. This wasn’t going to be the first time she squirted with a boy. Her fingertips pressed his stomach, not hard, just a feeble half hearted attempt to stop him. “Shawn,” she whined into the kiss. “Cum,” he panted against hers. He knew her, he knew the whimpers and noises she made right before it hit. He knew the way her pussy clenched on him, over and over, squeezing his cock so tight he was ..honestly scared he’d lose the condom sometimes. An irrational fear, but it crossed his mind. She was squirming under him, like she always did, like she wanted to get away before it was too late.  All at once, it crashed into her. Warmth flooded between her legs, she could /feel/ the gushing. Her cheeks were burning hot, on fire as her hips jerked. She swore she was screaming, but she must not have been, or he didn’t mind because he didn’t stop her. His lips were on her neck, his fingertips still massaging her clit as he kept rolling his hips into her. He kept at it until she’d ridden it out, her hips jerking up at the sensitivity. Once she reached that point though her nails stopped clawing at him and instead began pushing him away. At the little pushes she gave and her whines, he slowly pulled back. She glanced between them, she couldn’t remember feeling him cum exactly, but she did see the condom full. He sort of ‘fell’ beside her in the car seat, panting softly. He pulled the condom off, cracking his door and dropping it on the parking lot pavement as cold air rushed in. Quickly, he shut the door, and she scolded him. “Oh Shawn, fuck come on!” she groaned. “That’s..so gross, don’t be that guy.” she whined. “I am that guy.” he said looking over at her in a tired way, and sighing softly despite smiling as he did.  For a moment she just glared at him, before finally speaking, “When did you cum...at the end or?” Shawn shook his head, “Mhn, no, almost as soon as I put it in.” he said, and she blinked in shock. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, only getting a shrug as a response. She wondered if he was shy, or it really had just been a week. “Do you want to smoke?” he asked after a moment, “Like split one before you go back to work?” She laughed, glancing over back him, and slowly putting her legs straight in front of her. “You want me to go back to work high?” she asked, once more, he just shrugged. There was a moment of silence as she shakily picked up her panties, starting to put them back on. She stopped mid-thigh, sort of glancing at the moisture between her legs, “Do you have a uh..” but as she looked up, Shawn was handing her a pile of napkins.  She gave a soft ‘oh thank you’ taking the napkins and beginning to wipe up with them. But midway through she laughed some, “Panera?” she asked holding up a napkin to him.  “Do you prefer Dominos?” he asked shrugging. “You know your fast food napkins though, I like that in a girl.” he teased. Before just kind of sitting up a bit straighter, looking over at her. “Do you uh, you don’t wanna go again?” he asked, watching her pull up her panties now. “When have we ever gone twice in your car?” she asked with a soft laugh. Shawn shrugged, but started fixing his own jeans then. That..really was all she was getting out of him today, huh. “Are you trying to keep me here?” she asked playfully, giving a little giggle as she kept redressing. Honestly, she was just a bit pleased with herself for keeping her trembling legs still. Another shrug from Shawn. But finally he answered, “I don’t know I’m just not feeling class today.” It was a feeble excuse but who was she to argue it.  She took her jacket down where he’d pinned it above the seats and their veil was lifted, it was lighter in the car. But still, cold, snow lingering on the parking lot ground. Almost on cue of her taking her jacket, her phone was ringing. Instinctively she reached in her jacket pocket, taking it out and looking at the screen. Shawn did his best to subtly glance at the screen, but he didn’t have to. “Sorry, I should..” she said holding up her phone to him. Another damn shrug. As soon as her hand touched the door, Shawn spoke. “You still haven’t broken up with him yet?” he asked looking over at her. For a moment she was quiet, “For...what Shawn?” she asked, turning back in her seat to face him. “If I recall, you had a girlfriend the first time we..” she trailed off then, bracing herself for another shrug.  “Yeah but I left her.” he said, there was the shrug, just after this time. “Are you expecting me to believe it was for me?” she asked, her tone a bit coy, “Is that what you’re insinuating, Mendes?” her phone had stopped ringing now. And she felt the buzz of a voicemail notification. He shook his head, rolling his eyes some, she could she a smirk on his lips even if he did turn his head. “I’m just saying that it was the right thing to do. To break up with her. Not keep cheating on her. I don’t have to like..be a stereotype of every single negative college jock in a movie, you know? I can be nice.” he said kind of giving her a smile, “I think I’m nice.” She didn’t really have an answer to that. Or well she did, her first instinct was to prove him wrong. To mention how she knew he was only passing his classes because he slept with his tutors. Or because the coaches had begged his teachers to pass him so he could keep winning the school’s hockey games. She wanted to mention how she’d seen him deck at least 3 guys in bars since they’d started school. How he walked around campus like he was a god and everyone just went with it. How maybe she wasn’t being a good girlfriend but he wasn’t the good guy in this whole equation either. She knew she wasn’t being a good girlfriend. But how dare he call her out on that.  “Actually Shawn, I’m pretty sure walking up to a girl in the circle of her friends at a party...with your beer in hand. And then minutes later using the ‘well your boyfriend isn’t here is he’ line on her, before dragging her into a bedroom... I’m pretty sure that is THE negative movie jock stereotype, so you’re missing the key points.” she said pulling on her jacket. “Oh fuck you that’s not fair,” he sighed, “I made sure you were sober,” he said in a quiet voice. But now she was getting out, jacket secure and grabbing phone and keys from her jacket pocket. “Hey,” he reached out, grabbing her jacket sleeve gently, almost like a child, pulling at his mother. “See you next week?” he asked. She saw something in his eyes, and she didn’t know what it was, or for sure she’d ever seen it on him before. So, she just nodded to him. He tugged her a bit closer then, “Kiss me.” he said in a quiet voice. She gave a soft sigh, but leaned in closer as he cupped her cheek and kissed her lips in a soft sticky way.  Their lips stuck together in the cool air, the crack in her door already dropping the car temperature. “Do you remember what you told me the first time you fucked me?” she asked against his lips. “This could be the start of something great,” he said nipping at her bottom lip. “Mhn, almost,” she added, “’This could be the start of something great, as long as you don’t fall in love with me.’ That’s what you said,” she said against his lips, “So I didn’t.” she added before giving him one more peck as she saw his jaw clench. She turned to get out then, only hearing Shawn give her a soft ‘be safe, text me once you get back, the roads are gross’ before she closed the door. She got walked back to her car, the wind already burning her cheeks, and she didn’t look back. She didn’t want to see him right now, even if it was just him getting back in his driver’s seat. 
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robinsdearest · 4 years ago
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Bobby pin
Tim Drake x Reader
Peanut Butter and Oreos (Part 1) They’ll be okay (Part 2) Bobby pin (Part 3)
You vaguely remember the plane crashing, or the impact sending both of your parents flying through the plane, nor do you remember how you got into a life raft. Nonetheless here you were, drifting in the middle of the sea, your jet plane long out of sight. Four other people sat around you, all in different states of broken. Even you were a little jousted- Dr. Zantoks said you had a broken wrist and what seemed to be a few broken ribs, but all else was fine. Gina Zantoks was one of the few doctors you had known before this flight while the other three were complete strangers. 
As the five of you floated, Gina searched the raft for medical supplies and anything else useful. It was daylight, so at least she could see clearly. All that she could find was a single flare. She sighed loudly. 
"This must do." Her Russian accent was thick, and this sense of hopelessness and fear only made it thicker. "I am hopeful we only need one." She smiled gently down at you, brushing a few h/c strands of hair away from your face. One of the men shifted over closer to Gina, making the raft tilt. 
"Gina," he had a heavy Midwestern accent and seemed rather fit for his old age. "What the hell do we do? Everyone else went down in the plane. Even the freaking pilot. Didn't you use to be on a submarine?" The man flew his hands around as if it helped anything. Gina only gave him a hard glare. "I did work on submarine, but as doctor. You did not hear correctly. Only doctor, Jacob." The man frowned and turned away. Jacob. Your mind spun some wheels to register his name. That must be the same Jacob Hunter from Central City who has been working on blood transfusions. His name clicked, and you filed it away for later information. You closed your eyes. Tim had taught you that trick of going through the motions of remembering and saving information like a computer. Tim. Oh, Tim.
Your eyes immediately shot back open. Sitting up abruptly, you winced in pain, but nonetheless started taking off your shoes. Gina only stared at you dumbfounded. "Child! What are you doing? You will hurt yourself more." She reached out to stop you, but stopped moving herself when you took out what seemed to be a chip from under the sole of your shoe. You whooped loudly. "Thank god, Tim! He always said one of these came in handy." You took the device and set it on your seat. "Does anyone have a bobby pin?" You scanned the other raft members with a hopeful glint in your eye. The other woman sat up and pulled out said object from her hair. She handed it to you. She was Laura Reeno, a pediatrician from Star City. You thanked her before propping open the device. "It's a communicator! Tim said I should always keep one. I can't believe this is happening!" Gina, Laura, and Jacob all cried in glee, but the last man just sat silently. He huffed out a sigh before turning around from the group. That must of been Shawn Ramirez, a plastic surgeon from Metropolis. You paid no attention to him as you began prodding the communicator. 
Just like Tim had taught you, you pressed the pin down onto the small circuit board to get a signal. The tiniest green light appeared before immediately turning red. You gasped and dropped the bobby pin. Gina and Laura eyed you carefully. "What's wrong, Y/N?" Laura glanced down towards the small device before darting her eyes back to yours. You only looked up with a smile on your face. "Someone already has our signal!"
  It was nightfall by the time Jacob heard the whirring of a helicopter. It must have passed over the raft several times before everyone was awake and alert. Gina quickly stood up and grabbed the flare. Opening and lighting it, the flare popped and burned, then finally shot off into the sky. The red streak made everyone cry out in joy. The helicopter seemed to do another circle around the raft before it finally started to come down. 
A ladder was dropped, and the end fell into the water nearby. Grabbing it, Jacob and Shawn held it in place on the raft. Gina made you go up first. You started climbing, and as you made you way up, you couldn't help but to cry and to think of Tim. Whenever you got back to Gotham, you were going to tell him how you truly felt. Struggling up onto the helicopter, however, those thoughts were shattered into a thousand pieces. 
Once you were on the helicopter itself, you were met with several assault rifles pointed directly at you. A man with an eyepatch and a scar running under it held up a finger to his lips, signaling you to be quiet. You did as you were told and crawled over to an open seat. Gina was up next: she gasped loudly, but then quickly followed you. Laura did the same thing, but was crying uncontrollably. One of the goons only had to wave a gun closer to her face for her to shut up. Jacob was the next one up, except he did not follow orders as well as the others before him did.
"What the fuck is this? This isn't a rescue! I demand you tell me who you are!" Jacob was fuming and continued to throw his arms around. "We're from America. We won't stand for this. Tell us who you people are!" The man with the eyepatch simply smiled. 
"You have no right to demand anything." He looked around the helicopter to each of his men. His eye stopped on the man closest to Jacob. He simply waved his hand, twisting his wrist, and the goon shot Jacob execution style. Blood spewed onto yours, Gina's, and Laura's shirts as Jacob's dead body went hurling towards the water. The three of your sat perfectly still, not wanting to make a move. You heard his body impact the water, a cacophonous splash, and you flinched.
Finally, Shawn climbed aboard. He looked around the helicopter and then to the man with the eyepatch. The corners of his lips turned upright into a gnarly grin. "It's about damn time you got here."
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peakyxtommy · 4 years ago
Text
Wonder - T.S.
Thomas Shelby x Fem!Reader
Summary: Based around song Wonder by Shawn Mendes. Tommy wonders about his love for the reader and has to make a decision to confess or deny it. 
Word Count: 2.7K 
Warning: Angst, Sadness, Fluff
A/N: Enjoyed writing this. Ya Girl Snapped LOL Listen to Wonder b/c that song snaps.
Gif Credit: @myimaginesworld​
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I wonder if I'm being real
Do I speak my truth or do I filter how I feel?
I wonder, wouldn't it be nice
To live inside a world that isn't black and white?
His heart ached again in this lifetime. His heart has not ached this way in the longest of time, since he lost his first true love. It was a losing battle because the only thing that painted his mind was the scene of you crying last night in his office. He did what he did best which was push people away. It was a trait he had gotten good at from a young age. Thinking he was protecting himself but was really doing the opposite. Avoiding being vulnerable, the risk that comes with letting another person in. Letting them see the deepest roots of your soul. The actions of the past that caused trauma on the present. Wishing it all could be wiped away in the future. 
He remembers the crack in your voice as the scene replays in his head. You came to his office, to be taken out to dinner as he had forgotten earlier in the week. When you show up to his office ready to be dined, you're met with the same old excuse again. That’s when your voices started out in a yelling match to now be in hushed whispers of the rarest parts of your mind, on display for the other. 
“Do you even love me?” Your finger points accusingly at him as he stands tall with a small space between your two bodies, but the tension felt made that space feel like you were across the room. It was a question that broke his heart even more than the first time the words left your soft lips. The way your brow furrowed and the curvature of your lips frowned with deep sadness, he knew this wasn’t a game anymore. 
“Why would you even ask that?” He questions in defense, not daring to meet your eyes, finding his reflection in his black shoes more interesting. 
“Lately, I can feel the distance growing between us, like a ship lost at sea, that’s getting harder to reach. I know I told you how I felt, a few weeks back. I didn't need to hear you say it back but, since then, it’s like you’ve been avoiding me like the plague. It hurts.”
You whisper the last part so soft, he almost misses it. He hears it but the thought scares him. Makes him want to run even further away than when you first said it to him. He stares as you hold back the tears in your eyes, silently pleading for him to say something, to be brave enough to let you in. He remains silent. 
“I love you Tommy, but I can’t keep doing this. It’s like lighting fires with matches, but it’s not catching with you. I keep leading myself into the flames, to keep on burning. It’s not enough to lose myself when you get to walk away fine, not broken hearted.” 
“Then maybe you should go. Find someone that is good enough for you!” He screams, throwing the glass in his hand against the wall, watching as it shatters into small pieces. This was the last straw for you. You just shake your head in disappointment, as he tries to get the last word in. 
As he watched you leave his office with the door slamming loudly, shaking the walls. He knew it was a mistake that he didn’t go after you or say the truth he felt in the deepest part of his being. So instead he sat in his office staring out the window nursing a bottle of whiskey and a pack of smokes, hoping it would take some of the pain away. It doesn’t but it at least numbs the thought of you in his heart and mind, at least for a little while.  
Right before I close my eyes
The only thing that's on my mind
Been dreamin' that you feel it too
I wonder what it's like to be loved by you
He felt it felt deep inside his bones from the moment he met you. He couldn’t explain why when you talked to him it made everything feel different, feel new. He wondered about you. His mind couldn't stop traveling to the future. He let himself dream freely of loving you. He wanted to tell you the truth but he was afraid. You made him happy. You covered the deepest scars and wounds with your words. Words that spoke truth, spoke volume. You were sweet and kind, the almost exact opposite of him. You spoke with a smile on your face every time you graced him with your presence. 
It had been three days since he last saw and heard from you. He didn’t blame you at all, he blamed himself. He knew the look on Polly’s face the second day meant she knew something was up and today she ripped him a new one as usual, but he couldn’t be bothered to listen to her reasoning, already knowing the truth. He wished the truth didn’t hurt, that denial could be easier but it wasn’t. 
He spent his days forcing himself into work to not let his mind get too caught in silence because he couldn’t stop thinking about you and what you were doing in the small moments of your days away from him. It was only at night right before he closed his eyes he thought of you and him, the moments you shared together. 
“Tommy what are you doing, put me down!” You laugh as he spins you around in his arms.
“I have good news, you’re the first I'm sharing with!” He says with a wide grin, as he places you back on the ground. 
“What’s the good news Tommy?” You cheer, just as excited as him. 
“I got the betting license needed and I'll be able to expand to own a club in London. My plan is working out great so far.” 
“That’s excellent news Tom. I’m proud of you and know your family will be glad as well.”
“To celebrate, I got you something.” He pulls out a small black rectangle box placing it into your open palms. You open the box, to reveal a three stone diamond pendant necklace. It was the first of many moments where he would leave you speechless in a good way and gift you in a sweet way.  
“Thank you so much Tommy. You didn’t have to do this. I should be the one surprising you with a gift. I love it so much, I'm never going to take this off. “ You kiss him sweetly and allow him to put it around your neck.
“You’re my girl, you’re a gift enough to me daily (Y/N).” 
I wonder why I'm so afraid
Of saying something wrong, I never said I was a saint
“I love you Tommy.” You spoke the next morning naked limbs entangled in another as your forehead rested against his collar bones, fingers tracing circles into his milky skin. Those words had been on your mind a lot the past few weeks. You were afraid to say them, to leave yourself open to being hurt. 
The closer you grew to him as staying the night more at his house and even slowly leaving a few of your things there. You knew it was him that made your heartbeat skip just a little faster and even when he made it angry or spark with fear due to his dangerous risk taking, he also calmed it like no other. Even though he wasn’t the best with words, when he spoke to you he tried his best and would say the words that seemed to soothe you back to peace. His actions of holding you closer at night or early in the morning or surprise gifts, made you believe it was all worth the risk of saying those three words. Three words that spoke volume, that could grow or crush you in the small fraction of a second. He was worth the risk. 
When he heard you say those words, it’s like a knife pierced his heart. A heart that already knew death and heartache. A heart that was on the mend, but still wounded. The words you spoke stroked fear inside of him. A man able to strategize, control men, and kill his enemies was afraid to love. He didn’t want to mess this up or say something wrong, even in this moment.
Those words were real, the emotions were real, and that what was happening between the two of you was real. It wasn’t a game or dream, but a connection. A connection he didn’t want to end or break. He knew he wasn’t a saint and surely he was going to Hell, but with you in his arms, he felt whole, felt holy. 
He did what he did best and shoved his emotions down. He didn’t say anything because he knew you weren’t expecting him too. The best he could do was offer a small smile and a peck on the lips as he held you closer to his chest, afraid that time and his feelings would catch up with him.  
I wonder, when I cry into my hands
I'm conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a man
He wasn’t one for deep emotions, because it made him feel less than a man but with you he could be vulnerable. He could fully be himself and you drew that out of him slowly at first. 
You tell he was angry by the slam of the front door, soon followed by the slam of his office door. Both shaking the house into silence and then the chatter continued like it was a normal occurrence. You knew not to bother him right now, deciding to let him cool down for a bit before going to see what was wrong. 
You waited an hour before knocking, making your entrance known with a hot cup of tea and a plate of dinner on a tray. The scene in front of your eyes almost shocks you, but you handle it by addressing it head on.
“Tommy what’s wrong?” You speak in a soft whisper setting the tray on his desk, as he furiously wipes his wet eyes. 
“Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine. It’s all fucking fine!” He huffs, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to will the tears away. You take a sit across from him in the empty chair allowing him to have his space, never seeing him this upset before. 
“Everything’s not fine. You’re angry and upset, upset enough that you’re crying. If you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you. I’ll be here to listen.” You speak biting your lip out of nervousness of wondering if you pushed him too far. 
“Men aren’t supposed to cry, crying is weak! It serves no purpose.” He swallows the last bit of the glass of whiskey he’s been nursing next to the half filled bottle. His eyes still don’t meet yours. 
You finally come around to his chair to sit in his lap, forcing his eyes to meet yours. 
“That’s a lie because everyone cries. Crying isn’t weak, it’s a normal human emotion. It actually does you some good. I sometimes feel better after I cry and sometimes when I’m crying with the right person, it makes me feel even better than when I’m crying alone. I promise, I won’t think less of you if you cry. You don’t have to be strong all the time and hold all your emotions in. It’s okay to let it all out.”
You press a kiss to his forehead, knowing this man wouldn’t let you easily but you would open your arms wide enough to let him know you were a safe place, that you could be his safe place, his safe haven from all of the things going on in his world and mind. That much he appreciated and would hold on too, even if he couldn’t fully express himself emotionally yet. 
And I wonder if someday you'll be by my side
And tell me that the world will end up alright
You were sitting in your living room reading when you heard a knock at the door. You move swiftly to see who it could be at this late hour, having a feeling but pushing it to the back of your mind. It was only a week since you last heard and saw of him. You brace yourself for when you open the door, to come in contact with his tall and pale figure, standing in your doorway. His blue eyes had bags underneath them and his face was stone cold. 
“Can I please talk with you?” He asks.
“Now you have words to say, a week later. You seemed okay, not saying anything when we had words in your office!” You huff with anger, crossing your arms as you both stood in the doorway, cold air, nipping at you both, almost colder than the air between you two. 
“It will only take two minutes. If you want me to go after that then I’ll leave. I promise.”
 “Go on.” 
“I’m sorry for being daft and hurting your feelings. It was wrong of me. I’ve only been avoiding you because I love you. I was afraid of letting you get close because I know I’m not good enough for you and that you can do better. I’m selfish because I want you to choose me even if I'm not the best option for you.
 I’m plagued by darkness, but you’re the light that shines through. Even from the day we first met, I knew there was something special about you. I’m not ready to lose that, lose you, by letting fear control my heart. I will never be perfect, as good, and will always be in the head of danger, but I do promise to try my best to be the best I can be, if you will still have me? I really do love you (Y/N), even if it’s taken me this long to realize it.”
You can see the redness of his cheeks and the wetness pooling in his eyes as he makes his declaration to you. You can still feel that familiar sting of heartache from the week earlier, but you also feel the warmth of the love you have shared for him inside the depth of your inner being. There will never be love without heartache and making those hard decisions of staying or walking away. 
“Tommy you’re enough for me. I see the darkness and the danger, but I see the good in you. You need to start seeing it as well. If I had to choose you over anyone else, I would choose you time and time again because I love you Thomas Shelby, and only you. You have my heart and you can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m still hurt by your words and actions, and if it happens I will leave. So don’t mess up. We’re a team and we both have things we can work on together because no one’s perfect.” You speak with seriousness in your tone but also warmth and love. 
 “Thank you.” Is all he speaks as his cold fingers find your cheeks and your ice lips touch soon becoming warm in his embrace. You let him into your home to warm up and have a cup of tea. Spending the remainder of the evening reading a poetry book you both enjoy, taking turns reading pages to each other, enjoying being in the embrace of another again.  
I wonder what it's like to be loved by you
He no longer had to wonder about your love, finally allowing himself to fall into you. To trust you fully and to let the walls surrounding him and his heart come down, knowing you were going to be worth it. 
-
Taglist:
@captivatedbycillianmurphy
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panic-at-the-fiction · 4 years ago
Text
Let’s Talk About Cuba
Sumary: (y/n) and Alex has a rocky relationship to begin with but after the events in Cuba they have a lot to talk about. But Alex seems to be avoiding (y/n).
Warnings: Smut, totally could have used some protection. Bad smut writing
A/N: So I wrote this in like May before I had even started posting and I had a friend help me write the smut part but she quit on me so I had to write the uncomfortable last bit by myself. And for my first smut piece ever I did okay with it but I was so uncomfortable writing it I never got around to posting it. So here I am 5 months later finally posting it. And may I say Alex Summers needs more smut written for him. Just not by me.
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Things had been complicated for the past couple of months. Shaw was finally dead. Then we lost Erik and Raven to the human killing dark side just like we had lost angel. Then Xavier told us that Moria wasn’t going to be coming back to the mansion either. She had left without even saying goodbye too. At least Shawn had the decency to tell he was returning home to see his parents.
Our ragged tag team of mutants was gone and with Xavier and Hank all so busy with their big plans to make this place into a mutant school, with their bright new students arriving any day now. There was really no point in me and Alex staying here.
I mean we were too old to be students. Neither of us were qualified to be teachers either, but where else would we go? Charles and Erik had found Alex in a high security prison and me living out of an illegal gambling ring hustling sleazy rich guys at poker each night. We didn’t have a warm fuzzy home to go back too like Shawn did.
I had been wondering the halls for the past hour trying to find Alex. We hadn’t had a chance to talk in private about what happened In Cuba.
He had saved me from one of angels acid spit blast only to end up on top of me. Both of our faces barely inches apart. I swear we stayed like that for an eternity. Both of us staring at the other like we were contimplating the existence of the universe.
Now I’ll be the first to admit I had always felt a tension between us. At first it seemed like it was burning hatred but over training our sarcasitc comments to each other became less mean and more flirtatious. Only now we barely even say anything. Just a few glances between us followed by awkward eye contact.
Ever since Cuba I haven’t been able to think much about anything other than his lips on mine. Neither of us have been willing to bring it up yet and Ive started to think maybe he didn’t want to talk to me. That he’s been avoiding me and that what ever happened with us on that beach was in my head; that he doesn’t feel the same way. The idea of it all was stressing me out. I had never felt like this before. I had never gotten this worked up over a guy.
I knocked on his bedroom door, but no answers. I could hear his record player playing in his room. He had to be in there. “Alex open up Its me, we really need to talk.” Still no answer. I was beginning to get pissed off. If he didn’t want to talk about Cuba because he doesn’t feel the same way he can tell me like a man. “Alex! Just open the damn door and talk to me like a man or I’ll have to break it down!”
That’s when I heard the hallway bathroom door open. He was just strolling out of the bathroom, post shower in sweat pants and no shirt. This man really had no idea the effect he could have on me. I stormed over to him pointing my finger at his chest ready to unleash my weeks worth of built up anger and insecurities. “Where the hell have you been Summers?! I haven’t seen you around in a week! How come you’ve been ignoring me? To afraid to talk to me like a man now summers?”
He just stared at me startled like a deer I headlights. He seemed to get ahold of himself and process what I had yelled at him.“I haven’t been avoiding you (y/n). I’ve just been busy with you know stuff.”
“Oh you’ve just been busy with ‘stuff’ that’s why I’ve been wondering the halls alone the past couple of weeks. We’re they only ones here and there hasn’t been anything to do since we got here. How the hell have you been busy? I mean I’ve gone out of my mind just trying to occupy the time. You haven’t talked to me in days and UGH I’m trying to be mad at you for ignoring me but it’s hard to focus when your not wearing a goddamn shirt!” In that moment I couldn’t stop myself. I grabbed his face and pulled him down to my hight crashing my lips onto his. I realized what I had done to late and I quickly pulled away, trying to act cool about what I had just done.
The awkward silience was deadly. Alex only laughed and shook his head. “You really have no idea how insane you drive me.” He closed the distance between us, pushing me up against the wall grabbing my hips and kissing me.
I threw my arms around his shoulders completely melting at the feeling of his lips on mine. The kiss was picking up quickly. His hand slid down to the back of my thighs and he easily lifted me off the ground. I quickly wrapped my legs around him.
He fumbled with the door handle to his room. Barely getting open and getting us inside. He kicked the door shut with his foot before laying us down on the bed. His lips begin to work their way down my neck stopping and leaving marks every so often. His fingers tracing up my shirt, slowly pushing it up. I couldn’t stand his slow teasing so I broke the kiss, quickly taking off my own shirt.
We easily fell back into the same rhythm. Each kissing the other like we couldn’t get enough.
Alex unhooked my bra and began kissing down my stomach, moving towards my hips. He slowly slipped my pants off. “Is this ok?” he asked.
“Of course it is.” His hand drifted to my inner thighs and then to my already wet heat.
“You're this sensitive, baby?”
“Don't act like it's not your fau-“ He pressed his lips onto mine before I could finish my sentence. The hand that was hovering over me started taking off my underwear. I shimmied my legs to get them off and he broke away.
“Do we really have time for all this teasing?” I asked sitting up on my hands.
“Hey I’ve been waiting to do this for a long time now. I’m gonna do it right.” He repositioned himself so he could comfortably rest his head between my thighs. He moved closer, grazing his tongue against my clit slowly. I ran my hand through his hair.
“Fuck.” I moaned as the knot in my stomach unraveled.
“You better quite down or you might wake up the whole mansion.” He laughed.
“Shut up you jerk” I said playfully smacking his shoulder.
“Now lay on you back.”
“A bit demanding there aren’t we?” he said refusing to move.
“Just do it.” I said pushing him over so that he laid beside me.
“Alright then.”
I flipped over to straddle him. I quickly took off his sweat pants. I line him up with my entrance and in to him. I lean down connect our lips again. I moved my hips as fast as I could. I couldn’t get enough of him. Alex seemed to not even able to get enough either as he flipped me back over leaving him once more on top.
His pace was rough and fast but I could still feel the tenderness with every thrust. I dragged my hands down his back. I must have scratched him because he took both my hands and pinned them down with his own away from both of us. Between not being able to touch him and his uncontrollable thrust the knot in my stomach built up once more and was quickly undone. Alex continued thrust as he reached his own high.
With both of us hot and out of breaths he slowly pulled out and layed beside me. We layed there still catching our breaths before I trned my head to look over at him. “So you’ve been waiting to do that with me for a while?” I asked smiling thinking about what he had said earlier. “How long have you’ve wanted to do that?”
He flipped over to face me and set up on his elbow. “To be honest since the first day they brought us together and you stood up to me all sassy like.” I was doing my best not to laugh. To think after all that worrying about him not feeling the same way about me he had liked me since before I knew I like him.
Alex smiled at me and slipped his arm around me pulling me closer so that I was laying on his chest. “You think we woke up the professor dorks down the hall?”
I had totally forgot they were still in the mansion. I let out a soft laughed and burred my face in his chest. “Oh God I hope not.”
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lonelyreputation · 4 years ago
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Trouble in Canada • TWO
A/N: Thanks for your patience & thanks for all your support 🥰 Only 3 months late with this 🥴 Can’t believe I’m posting TiC2 AGAIN wow I’ll forever love this series bc of you all 🤧🤧
THANKS A MILLION A MILLION FOR ALL YOUR KIND WORDS!! I love you all with all my heart 🥺🤧
TROUBLE IN CANADA PT. 1 | MASTERLIST | LET’S CHAT 🥂
Warnings: Arguing, angst, few swear words here and there
WC: 10.1K // Angst
“We need to talk.”
The cup of tea you held slipped through your hands and shattered.
Normally when a glass shattered in your apartment, Shawn would always rush forward.  He would always push you back, no walking around without shoes, he would say out of care as he kneeled down to pick up the minuscule shards of glass, don’t want you getting glass stuck in your foot.
But the two of you just stood there, looking at each other with different emotions swimming in your eyes, as the ceramic mug lay destroyed at your feet.
You had never seen your husband lack emotion in his eyes.  His eyes were always your favorite aspect of him, they were one of the first things about him that you fell in love with.  His eyes that normally held love, care, and compassion were now dark, empty, and held a hint of anger.
While his eyes held negativity, you felt the back of your eyes prick with tears, throat tight with sadness.  But you were looking at him with eyes wide of desperation––full of questioning and heartbreak–––because why on earth wasn’t he wearing his wedding ring.
You knelt to the ground, getting to work on picking up the broken mug, because you didn’t want him getting glass stuck in his foot.  It felt as if you were getting a glimpse into how this conversation with your husband was going to go; you trying to pick up the remnants of your heart that you could already feel breaking.
Once you got the small pieces together, you walked over to the trash can with Shawn’s eyes following you with every move.  You brushed the pieces in the bin and took the broom from the closet to dispose of the larger breaks.  You held eye contact with him as you walked back out into the entry area of your apartment.
His eyes trailed your every movement with skepticism, like he didn’t trust you.
You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to keep your emotions at bay, as the broken pieces of the mug made a clanking noise when you swept them together.  You looked up at Shawn through your eyelashes and saw his eyebrows pulled together as if he was thinking of what to say.  
Frankly, you didn’t think you were able to say anything.  He was the one who said that the two of you needed to talk, you had no idea what you wanted to talk about. You figured that you would be listening to more of his side of the conversation than talking.
When did he take off his wedding ring?
“That was the mug I got for you on our second Valentine’s Day together,” his words were only slightly louder than the broken pieces falling into the bin, his voice cracked, “And you––you’re throwing it away?”
You stopped dumping the glass pieces into the trash, and looked up at him with sad, questioning eyes, “It’s…broken?”
Placing the dustpan on the counter, you walked out from the kitchen and stood in front of Shawn, and for the first time since before you started dating all those years ago, you didn’t know what to say.
“Are you not even going to try and fix it?!”
The pain behind his voice sounded like he was talking about so much more than a broken mug.
Cautiously, you took a step forward, eyes glancing down at his bare hand, then stared into his fuming eyes, “Why…” You gulped, eyes returning down to where his wedding ring should be.
Why was he not wearing his wedding ring?
In theory, the question shouldn’t be a hard one to ask him.  He was your husband, there were no secrets between the two of you in the decade you’ve known each other.  There were no secrets between the two of you as you slept next to each other at night, his arm thrown around you to keep you safe; there were never any secrets.
But now? Now you didn’t know.  You didn’t know the words to string together in order to ask him why he took off the ring you slid on his finger the day you promised to love each other for eternity.  
The nausea built up in your stomach slowly, bile churning with each thought that passed through your mind.    
What made him not want to wake up with you every morning?
Nothing was settling right in your stomach.  Nothing about this was a case of, oh, sorry I forgot to return your calls I was too busy.  He had dodged your calls, purposefully avoided you––his wife––and now he was standing in the middle of your home not wearing his ring.
Your house didn’t feel like much of a home anymore.
For a moment you pushed your doubts aside.  You tried not to focus on the pain in your heart as you shifted your focus on something else you needed to discuss with Shawn; your cooking instructor.  
The thought of Ethan had been weighing down on your mind ever since your last lesson.  You lightly touched your wrist, remembering the way his hand tightly circled around your wrist that day.  The glower of possessiveness he held in his eyes when he looked at you caused you to shudder at the memory.  The feeling of embarrassment flooded your entire body as the phantom pain of hot oils dripping down your back as the whole class stood and watched.
You wished you had confided in Shawn about the uncomfortable actions Ethan demonstrated during each lesson.  
Pushing your crumbling heart to the back of your mind you took a deep breath, anxiety crawling up your throat, “I need to––um––I want to tell you something.”
Feeling nervous in front of your husband wasn’t uncommon. Everyday you had spent with him felt like the day of your first date; on your toes, giddy about what the rest of the day would bring––excited to spend the day with him.  It’s what made you fall in love with him at a rapid pace.  But while you were accustomed to the affect of your heart skipping a beat whenever you were around him, this was a different kind of nervousness.
This nervousness felt more like knowingly walking into a trap instead of a blissful evening with your husband.
With another deep breath, you looked down at your sock clad feet, not wanting to see his reaction, “There was um––Something happened when you were on tour–––”
“Can’t even look me in the fucking eyes when you say it?”
You whipped your head up, eyes wide, and for the first time you were frightened of your husband.  His tone was lethal, words sharp, as his jaw was set, “I would’ve thought you could at least do that when you tell me––”
You took a step backward, “Tell you what?”
For a second the animosity he held in his eyes fell and was replaced with desperation, “Don’t,” his voice cracked for the second time as he sniffled, “Don’t make me say it.”
While you felt your heartbreak at the hopelessness in his tone, he sounded exactly how you felt on the inside.
“Shawn,” you said his name carefully, afraid that if you said one wrong word he would explode like a time bomb, “I––I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He let out a scoff, “Okay, then,” he crossed his arms over his chest and sent you a glare so strong it felt like you were slammed into the wall behind you, “Go on.”
You knew this was something important you had to share with him.  He’s your husband, you thought to yourself, he’s here to protect you––to keep you safe––you should tell him.  But everything about him seemed off.  His stance was guarded, arms stiffly crossed over his chest, as he coldly stared at you.  
“Um, well,” you nervously twisted your sweaty hands together in front of you, “When you were on tour there was this…guy,” you shuddered at the thought of Ethan, ‘And he––There was a situation––”
“Just fucking say it,” He sounded tired, but his words were still powerful, “Fucking say it and then we can be done.”
His words felt like a dagger piercing your chest.  All of the oxygen left your lungs as you were left breathless, hand pressed against your chest to shield you in any way from his dismissive tone, “What?” You gasped out, “Be done with what?”
“You know.”
“I don’t––”
“You,” his hand reached into his over the shoulder travel bag and pulled out a magazine, “Know.” His voice was laced with venom as he threw the magazine at the floor in front of you, “You fucking know.”
Gently, you bent down and picked up the edgeworn magazine, and it automatically opened up to an article.  The pages looked crinkled as if someone had read these pages until they had the words memorized. The top right edge of the glossy paper looked like it had been folded over repeatedly. And you didn’t miss the tear stains that smudged some of the inked words.
You read the bold headline––Trouble In Canada–-over a few times before your eyes darted around the two page spread that contained an article and blurry pictures of you with Ethan; specifically on the last day of class where you were pressed up against him.  The angle of the picture made you look guilty of an act that you never thought of committing against your husband.  Your breath, along with your heart, stopped beating as you glanced up at Shawn before skimming the article.
He misses Y/n––Below, pictures of Y/n and a mystery man have appeared––Everyone around him knows how much he loves his wife––Noticable changed––It’s not going to end well.
It’s not going to end well.
You clenched the magazine in your hand, “Who’s the source?”
“That’s what you’re concerned about?!” Shawn let out a laugh, “Not that I had to find out through my mother texting me a link to an article about how my wife was having an affair?!”
Your eyes widened as the magazine dropped to the ground.  
An affair.  He thought you had an affair.
Your eyes darted back to Shawn’s hands.  He nervously rubbed his thumb along the underside of the finger where his wedding band used to take up space.  He thought you were having an affair with a person who made your skin crawl.
“Who––”
“Does it matter?!” He threw his hands up as he yelled before his voice quieted down, repeating the question under his breath, “Does it matter?”
You shook your head rapidly as you walked forward, wanting to reassure him that the article had it all wrong, “Shawn, that’s not––It’s a shitty tabloid, Ethan isn’t––”
“Don’t,” You stopped walking forward and started walking backward as Shawn angrily pointed a finger at you, words laced with malice, “Say his name.”
You felt your eyes begin to water, chest heaving up and down as your worst nightmare was slowly starting to become a reality, “He’s not––That isn’t––Those pictures are not what it looks like.”
“They seem pretty self-explanatory,” His voice fell in sadness, “I would wait hours to call you––”
“Shawn, listen––”
“Hours,” he cut you off, bottom lip quivering, “to hear about your day.  I would wait hours to hear your voice calm me down because touring is stressful and you were the only person who was capable of calming me down––”
“Were?”
“––Only to find out that you’ve been running around with someone else!”
“You stopped picking up my calls!” Your voice was pleading with him, “I stayed up for hours at night wondering what I did––”
“You were having an affair!” He matched the volume of your yells, “Why would I want to talk to you?!”
He wasn’t listening to you.  It seemed as if he was so caught up in the narrative he created in his head that he didn’t want to listen to you.  He thought it was better to believe the heartbreak of you running into another person’s arms while he was the one who was left in the dust.
“Were you that lonely,” Shawn narrowed his eyes, voice gravelly low, “That you went to someone else? Christ––We have the money that you could’ve used to come out and see me! Or have you had enough of me?”
“Do you even hear yourself––”
“Was being married to me too much?” He let out a sarcastic laugh, “After years together, you can’t even handle a single year of marriage. What ever happened to for better or for worse––”
“I didn’t have an affair!”
You stomped your foot on the ground as if you were a little girl throwing a tantrum.  Your voice was high, throat scratchy from trying to hold back your tears as Shawn threw countless accusations your way.  But when Shawn accused you of making a mockery of your wedding vows to him, that’s when he crossed the line.
The room was silent, your words ringing through the apartment just as loud as the ringing in your ears.  Shawn looked shocked, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide at your outburst.  Never once had you screamed about something so desperately.  But this was your marriage.  This was your marriage to the person you thought would love and trust you until the end of your life.  And you thought he would love and trust you until the end of his life.
“I didn’t,” your bottom lip trembled as you sucked in a breath, a few tears leaking from your eyes, “I would never,” you hastily wiped away the falling tears on your cheek with the heel of your palm, “Do you honestly think that little of me?”
Shawn opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.  His cruel words still floated around in the air.  After all the love songs he wrote about you not once did you think he was capable of saying words as degrading as the ones he yelled at your face.
“That guy,” you closed your eyes and brought your hands up to your forehead, trying to subdue the raging pain in your forehead from all the yelling, “Was the cooking instructor Jessie and I had for our cooking lessons.”
“I don’t want to know––”
“He,” you cut Shawn off before he could find another way to belittle your feelings, “Wasn’t very…helpful as a teacher.” You bit the inside of your cheek, mirroring Shawn’s position and crossing your arms across your chest as you bounced your leg, “Sometimes he would––”
“God,” the pain in Shawn’s voice struck a chord with you, “Do you really think I want to know what you two did together?!”
You stood there frozen, not being able to wrap your head around the situation you found yourself in with Shawn, as the two of you looked into each other’s eyes with opposite emotions.  
Your eyes were wide as they overflowed with desperation, terrified that your marriage was about to come to an end; they poured over with hurt from the devastating allegations Shawn proposed.
Shawn’s eyes were narrowed at you as they seethed with aggression, on the edge of becoming unhinged at the thought of someone stealing the love of his life right under his nose; they overflowed with untrust.  
But both of your eyes were both filled to the brim with love, not understanding how the person they vowed to love and to treasure for the rest of their lives, could hurt the other so viciously and carelessly.
“He––I’m your wife, Shawn,” you choked on a sob, “I’m your wife and you’re not listening to me!”
“You haven’t said anything!” His eyes were red as he cried right back at you.
“How am I supposed to tell my husband that another man made me feel uncomfortable when he’s accusing me of sleeping with them?!”
Shawn looked like he had more hatred to spew planned out in his head, but once the truth to your story came out, he was at a loss for words.  His shoulders dropped as fast as his face and an audible noise escaped his throat.  
A new wave of tears threatened to spill over as he looked at you, “That’s––What did––What?”
You bit your bottom lip, nodding your head as your eyes refocused on the lack of his wedding band on his finger.  You toyed with the diamond of your engagement ring, “But apparently I had an affair.”
Since the first time he had come back, Shawn was silent.  He was as silent as the moment he walked through the door and said words that shattered your world; we need to talk.  
He was as silent as the day of your wedding, speechless as you walked down the aisle more than ready to spend the rest of your life with him; I love you, he had said through tears, I’ll love you with all my heart until my last breath.
And as you stood in front of him, at a loss of words for yourself, you still wanted him to love you even after accusing you of the most heinous act in a marriage.
Another pregnant pause; your teeth clattered together as you failed to hold back your cries while Shawn’s fists shook at his sides.
Wordlessly, you brushed past him and picked your phone off the counter rushing to the door.  You threw on your converse, only having time to tuck the laces under the tongue, not wanting to spend anymore time in Shawn’s presence.  It felt as if the walls of your marriage was collapsing -––Your lungs were collapsing as you felt sobs blocking your airway––And with each step you took further away from Shawn, you felt your world crumble a little bit more.
You plucked a random jacket from the coat rack and before you even registered Shawn trying to call out your name, you slammed the door shut.  You dug your hands deep in the pockets as the brisk Toronto air hit your face.
Your rings were burning a hole into your skin.
A twenty minute walk on the streets of Toronto would normally relax you, but normally your hand would be hooked around Shawn’s arm as the two of you laughed on your way to a restaurant.  The streets were tainted with memories of him as you rounded the corner of a familiar street.
“Y/n?”
You sniffled as you spoke into the callbox, “Hey–Jessie? Can––Could you buzz me–me–In?”
The sound of the door unlocking brought more comfort to you than your husband had in the past month.
Not being able to stand still in an elevator by yourself, you opted to walk up six flights of stairs.  You had spent countless days at Jessie’s apartment whenever Shawn was away on tour; from when you first started seeing each other, toward the end of his Illuminate Tour, you had spent countless nights sleeping over at her cozy Toronto apartment.  The two of you would stay up late with ice-cream as you scoured every update account to get a glimpse of the boy who would text you after every show saying how he wished you were with him.
You knocked once on the door before it swung open to show a confused Jessie in a bathrobe and facemask, she tilted her head, “Lover’s quarrel?”
You brought a hand up to cover your mouth, but no amount of muffling could cover up the sound of your uncontrollable cries of grief.  Jessie’s eyes widened as she ushered you into her apartment and quickly shut the door as you fell into her arms before she turned the lock of the deadbolt with a soft click.
You stood in the entryway of her apartment, staining your best friend’s shirt with tears, as you gripped onto the back of her shirt for dear life.  Because the lifeline you normally had in your husband was thrown overboard.
Forming a coherent sentence was impossible with the sobs that tore through your chest.  You tried your hardest to say that; no, this wasn’t just a lover’s quarrel, it was something bigger.  It was something bigger than Jessie realized until she was able to decode a sentence that you kept repeating out loud until it became as familiar to you as a prayer.
He doesn’t want to be married to me anymore.
///
A few days had passed since you hastily made an exit from your apartment.  You thought the sinking feeling would leave once you were away from your husband’s presence, but instead, your heart only ached more.
Shawn didn’t have much time left in Canada before he had to head back on the road, and it caused your chest to tighten up every time you thought of him leaving you again.
But why did it matter; you thought to yourself as you were wrapped up in a blanket, knees tucked up to your chest as you leaned on the far side on Jessie’s couch.  Your hands cradled the lukewarm tea, it being the only thing that gave you warmth, he doesn’t want to be married to me anymore.
You’ve only moved from your position on the couch to go walk to the bathroom, your socks gliding on the hardwood floor because you didn’t have the energy to pick up your feet.  
It was lunch time, and just like all other three meals throughout the day, Jessie brought over the meal she prepared you and softly placed it on the coffee table with a meek smile and somber eyes, “Tomato soup.”
You nodded your head and glanced at the soup in the yellow bowl.  You took another sip of your tea.
“Y/n,” Jessie breathed out your name, trying to get your attention, as she knelt down in front of you.  But you continued to stare past her shoulder, eyes focusing on the window as the pitter patter of rain softly hit the glass
She repeated your name once more, a comforting hand on your knee, but you slowly shook your head with a wobble of your chin.  The only time you had spoken to Jessie was when you first arrived at her place and fell into her arms as you sobbed about your ruined marriage.
You were silent, just like Shawn’s communication with you since you fled your home.  
He came home without wearing his wedding ring.
Your hands tighten around your mug, tea now cold, as you bit the inside of your cheek until you tasted something metallic.  You had no verbal answer for her, just a shake of your head as you held your breath, trying to rid yourself of the lump in your throat.
The all too familiar sting behind your eyes crept back like an old friend.  You shut your eyes tight as you gasped out for a breath.
“He’s going to divorce me, Jess.”
Her hand on your knee fell limp as you brought a hand up to cover the choked sob that escaped past your lips, “I love him so much and he’s gonna divorce––”
“He would never do that to you,” Jessie’s voice was confident, something you hadn’t felt about yourself, or your marriage, in months, “He wouldn’t even dream of that.”
You removed your hand from your mouth, a gut wrenching sob shattering through your chest as you tried to wipe away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling, “You didn’t see him––The––The things he said to me,” Jessie took the mug form your hands as you wrapped your arms around your bent legs, tucking your head into your knees, “I’m so scared.”
It was a whisper, but the despair in your voice was not lost on your best friend.  
“I––” Jessie didn’t know how she felt.  She knew she felt her own heart breaking for her best friend––for Shawn as well––because she had been there with them since the start of their relationship.  She was the one who introduced you two. But she also felt anger, a betrayal, deep within her bones that made her blood boil, “––I need to pick up groceries.”
Jessie didn’t want to leave her best friend, but she wanted to pay a visit to the man who broke his promise––to cherish you forever––to her best friend.
She reluctantly stood up, staring down at you with tears in her own eyes, as you kept your head buried between your knees and the blanket.  She knelt down to press a featherlight kiss to the top of your head, whispering, “get some rest.”
She didn’t know if you would listen to her, but she noticed the exhaustion behind the heartbreak in your eyes.  And with a slight nod, you agreed that you needed sleep, readjusted your position on the couch and tried to keep your eyes shut tight so as to not let any more tears stain the blanket.
Once Jessie was positive you were asleep, she slipped on her sneakers and left her place without a jacket.  She needed the cold Canadian air to cool down the heat she felt in her body for being so angry.
The twenty minutes it would normally take her to walk to your apartment took her only thirteen minutes.  Jessie breezed through the lobby, impatiently tapped her foot as she rode the elevator up, and harshly knocked on the door until it was opened by a wide eye Shawn.
“Y/n?” Shawn asked desperately before he even registered who was at the door.
Jessie rolled her eyes and pushed past him, “Do you think she would knock on her own door?”  She scoffed as she looked around the apartment; pillows thrown astray, dishes piled up in the sink, and ruffled blankets on the couch telling her that he hasn’t been sleeping in their bed, “What the hell is your problem?!”
Shawn didn’t register her question as he continued to stare out the door, looking up and down the hallway.  Jessie knew exactly who he was waiting for, and with a sigh, she softened her voice, “She’s not with me.”
His head whipped back to Jessie as if he forgot she was there, “She––Are you––Has she been staying with you?”
All the anger came flooding back into her system as she narrowed her eyes at his question, “You would know if you tried calling her.”
He slowly closed the door and leaned up against it with a defeated sigh, “I knew she didn’t want to hear from me––”
“Are you kidding?” Jessie clenched her fists at her sides in anger, “You were the only person she wanted to hear from.”  
Shawn closed his eyes and rubbed the corners of them, not knowing what to say in response.  Jessie knew she didn’t have to tell him how terrible he acted toward his wife, she could see it with every defeated slump of his shoulders, the way their usually neat apartment was a mess, and his bloodshot eyes.
“How is she?”
Jessie rolled her eyes again, ignoring his question because she knew that he already knew the answer to it, “You have some nerve coming home to her without your ring.”
Shawn’s melancholy composure dropped and she saw his eyes narrow in irritation, “How else was I supposed to react?”  He let out a bitter laugh, “A whole magazine spread came out showing my wife with another man––”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Jessie walked up to him and poked his chest hard, “What happened to you always telling her not to believe everything she read in the papers about you? Every time you were seen with a different girl, every rumor of ‘sparks flying’ after you sang a duet with a different girl––What about everything she had to put up with with you?””
“That’s different because she knew those weren’t true––”
“So what about this?!” Jessie blew up and threw her hands in the air, “This is no different.  This is the first time she’s been caught up in something like this.”
“She was jumpy the last time I spoke to her on the phone!” Shawn defended himself, “She sounded like she didn’t want me to come home and after I saw those pictures,” Shawn swallowed as he looked down at the floor.  He felt his stomach drop as if he remembered the moment his mother texted him a link to the article.
“Everything just made sense,” Shawn whispered as he shook his head.
There was silence between the two of them for a moment before Jessie spat out, “That’s a weak excuse,” and Shawn raised his head up, eyebrows pulled together, “Did you forget what’s written on the inside of your ring?”
Shawn looked down in shame and shook his head.  He knew exactly what was written on the inside of his ring––with your handwriting––and the same thing was written on the inside of your ring; with his handwriting.
With all my heart.
Out of habit, Shawn brought his fingers to touch his ring finger.  But unlike all the other times the tips of his fingers would softly brush against the ring finger on his left hand in remembrance to you, he didn’t feel the cool metal of his ring.  Just his bare finger.
“How could you?” Jessie’s voice was barely above a whisper.  Shawn wasn’t her husband, so she couldn’t even comprehend the amount of betrayal you felt, but with being his friend since he was thirteen, she was at a loss of words, “For as long as I’ve known you…I’ve never been more disappointed in you in my life.”
Shawn ran a hand through his hair, “Jess––“
Jessie shook her head, “She always let you explain yourself––Most times she didn’t even think twice if you were out with someone else––Because she trusted you.”  Shawn nodded solemnly, “But you didn’t give her the same respect.”
“I know.”
Without sparing his feelings, because Jessie didn’t think he deserved any sympathy, she said words that knew would cut Shawn to his core, “She thinks you’re going to divorce her.”
His mouth dropped, all expressions of guilt left his face, as he stared at his friend.  He didn’t even know what he was feeling.  All he knew was that he swore his heart stopped beating and that the ringing in his ears was becoming relentless.
“She––Why would––That never––“ his hands started shaking, as he felt his eyes well up with tears, because he never wanted to picture his life without you.  His voice cracked, “Divorce?”
With a sharp nod, Jessie crossed her arms over her chest, “Well, when your husband comes home without his wedding ring on, what other conclusion is she going to come to?”
Shawn shook his head, “That wasn’t my––“
“You took your ring off,” Jessie’s eyes looked at his ring finger, noticing a sliver of his finger a share lighter than the rest of his skin tone, “I’m not married, but I know you’re not supposed to do that if you love your spouse.”
“I do love her,” Shawn spoke angrily.
Jessie tapped her foot, “I’m not leaving until you put your ring back on.”  She watched as he dug his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants and pulled out a golden band.  She smiled as Shawn slipped it back into place, “You two need to talk,” she said as if it was the easiest thing in the world, “You need to listen to her because there’s more to those pictures.”
Shawn nodded his head, like he was a kid listening to his mom telling him to clean his room.  He knew they needed to talk, he knew that he messed up, but he was also terrified of what you were going to say to him.  He had never thought of divorcing you, but if the thought was swirling around in your mind…Would you want to divorce him?
“I have to run some errands,” Jessie smiled at the ring that was back in its place on his finger, “I’ll be gone for about an hour–––“
Before Jessie could finish her sentence, Shawn turned around on his heel, running to the front door to fling it open.  She heard his footsteps race down the hall and smiled to herself even more.  
Shawn was lucky that she knew where their spare key was hidden so she could lock up behind her.
///
You knew Jessie waited until she thought you were asleep to leave to pick up groceries.  So you tried your hardest to fake your rest, and when you heard the door softly close behind her, you opened your eyes and continued to stare out the window.  You didn’t have a lot of motivation, sometimes just thinking was too much energy, so you only tried to focus on the sounds of rain hitting the window and the low rumble of thunder you heard.
You don’t know how long you stayed like that for, but you started to get thirsty, and without Jessie here to refill your tea, you had no choice but to make yourself a cup.  Begrudgingly, you sat up, keeping the blanket wrapped around you like a cape, and made your way into the kitchen.  Filling the tea kettle up with water, you placed it on the stove.  Picking at the hangnails on your fingers, you lifted your head up when heard the door abruptly open.
Even if it had been Jessie returning with groceries, you still would have stayed mute upon her re-entry, and when your eyes landed on the person you least expected to see, you still stayed quiet.
He was out of breath, cheeks flushed red as his chest heaved, but you didn’t say a word to him.  You only listened to the low rumble of water boiling in the tea kettle.
He didn’t say anything either.  He was trying to communicate with his eyes; wide and hopeful that you would forgive him for being an idiot.  But you stared at him with a blank expression.
“Did you run here?”
Shawn nodded as he exhaled, “I––Jessie said you were here.”
You quirked an eyebrow, and pulled the blanket tighter around your body.  Not saying anything in response, you diverted your eyes down to the white kettle.
As you stood in the kitchen with your husband, you had never felt more uncomfortable in your life.  You never thought there would be a time you didn’t feel comfortable in his presence, just seeing him through FaceTime would be enough to make you smile; but as you stood in front of him for the first time since you saw him without his ring, you didn’t want to see him.
Your eyes were focused hard on the kettle, channeling all of your anger to the boiling water, “Thought the next time I would hear from you was going to be with Brian serving me divorce papers.”
It was a low blow, and you heard the sharp intake of breath from him, but you didn’t care.  He made you feel like hell for the past month of him ignoring you and then blowing up in your face, not giving yourself a chance to explain your situation to him.
“I would never––You know I would never do that.”
“Do I?” You bit your bottom lip, “I never thought you’d take off your ring.”
That cut Shawn off from saying whatever he planned because you had a point.  He never thought he would take off his ring, but he did.  He took it off, and at the time, he didn’t understand the consequences that would come with it when he returned to you.  He thought he knew everything by just looking at those pictures.  He thought the marriage was over before he stepped foot back into your home.
Hastily, Shawn lifted his left hand, the gold ring was dull under the kitchen lights, “I put–––“ he stopped talking when he saw you lightly touch the kettle with your left hand.  You only brought your hand out of the blanket for half a second, but that half a second was more than enough time for him to realize what the worst sight in the world was, “Your––You took off your rings.”
You retracted your hand back into the blanket and glared at him, “I wasn’t the first.”
“That’s not fair,” Shawn’s words were cold, “There was proof that you could’ve been––”
“Could’ve been what?” You reached up into the cabinet to grab a tea bag, “Cheating on you? Unfaithful? In a relationship with another man––”
“Stop!” He yelled as he pressed his palms against his head, eyes shut tight.  He’d been tortured with the thought of you being with someone else while he was away, he didn’t want to imagine it even more, “Jessie told me that it wasn’t fair to not let you––”
“Oh, so you listened to her and not me?” You shot back at him, forgetting about your tea. “Should I be worried about that?  Hm?  You and Jessie––”
“Now you’re just being over dramatic,” Shawn rolled his eyes.
You felt the anger bubble up in the pit of your stomach like the tea that started to lowly whistle, “No,” you raised your voice to match his, “being over dramatic was taking off your fucking ring––”
“I put it back on!” Shawn yelled as he held up his hand again, pointing to the ring on his finger, “I put it back on for you––”
“That’s rich,” you laughed out, “Because if you hadn’t dodged my calls you wouldn’t have taken it off in the first place.”
He clenched his jaw, “Well, if you didn’t sound like you didn’t want me to come home we wouldn’t be in this mess!”
“If I…” Your voice cracked as you thought back to all the times Ethan made advances on you, where he made you feel uncomfortable, and it was as if you were transported to your last lesson.
With a deep breath, all anger you felt towards your husband disappeared.  You were now more sad than anything else.  Sad that he wasn’t taking time to listen about how those pictures came about.
You repeated yourself with a sniffle, “If I…” you had to pause again, feeling your throat close up because if he wasn’t taking the time to listen for the second time around, would he ever listen to anything?  
“I didn’t know how to tell you about him––How––How uncomfortable he made me feel––”
The rigidness behind his voice cut you off, “I’m your husband, you can come to me with anything, and if he made you uncomfortable, why didn’t you just change instructors?”
“Why didn’t I––What?” The shakiness of your voice was covered up by the tea kettle that was now whistling out of control, “Change instructors––He––Do you even care what he did?”
“That’s not the––”
You brought your left hand up to cover your mouth, you had cried too many times in front of him and you were tired of him not listening to you, “Leave.”
Shawn shook his head, “Y/n, I’m not leaving––”
You felt your chin wobble as you shook your head, vision starting to cloud from the build up of tears in your eyes, “Go––I––I want you to leave.”
He took a step forward, reaching a hand out to comfort you, but the last thing you wanted was for him to comfort you.  
Noticing you recoiling from his touch, he reached over to turn the stove off and poured the hot water into the mug, “I don’t––I’m not home for much longer,” his voice was desperate as he set the kettle back down on the stove top, “I’m home for three more days––Don’t––Please come home.”
You shook your head, “I don’t––You––Leave.”
He stood firmly in place, “Not without you––”
“Go!” You shouted through your tears as you pointed at the door, “I can’t be around you-–you.”  Shawn continued to shake his head, his eyes filling up with tears as you pleaded with him to leave you alone.  
Your next words were cruel, you were taking advantage of how scared he was to lose you, but that didn’t matter to you.  All you wanted was to be alone.
“If you don’t leave now,” your voice had softened but the edge was still there as tears continued to run down your face, “I don’t know what that’ll mean for our marriage.”
He didn’t move an inch, challenging your words, but you kept eye contact with him.  You wanted him to know that you were serious––serious about how him not leaving would be detrimental to your marriage––But in all honesty, you were bluffing.  You didn’t want your marriage to end as much as he didn’t.  But right now…You couldn’t be in the same room as the man you married.
His eyes were wide, not believing the ultimatum you gave him, but he didn’t want to lose you forever.  He took a step toward you, but when you shut your eyes at his movement, his heart broke and he knew the best thing to do was give you what you wanted.  And that was space.  
Your eyes stayed shut as you heard his footsteps grow further away.  You finally opened your eyes when you heard the door close.  Even with how you continuously cried for days, your eyes were not out of tears.
 You felt a new wave of sobs take over your body as you sat on the kitchen floor crying your eyes out with your tea abandoned on the counter.
///
You didn’t go back home and Shawn left for tour again.  
He would be gone for two months until he got the chance to return home to Canada.  It might’ve been selfish of you to ignore his plea for you to return home to him, it would no doubt cause him more stress than usual on tour, but for your sanity you knew returning home would only cause another argument.
You stayed with Jessie for a week longer before coming to the conclusion that you needed to return home.  While your home wouldn’t be complete until Shawn returned, you needed to be back in that space.
Walking into the home for the first time in a few weeks was strange.  It was eerily quiet, but everything looked in place, if not more clean than what you were used to.  Jessie told you that she had seen dishes stacked up in the sink among other things thrown around, so you were glad Shawn had the decency to clean up before he left.
Standing in the doorway, you looked at the bay window you sat in when Shawn returned home that afternoon.  And like a movie, it was as if you could see the whole fight play out; Shawn throwing the tabloid at your feet and then screaming at one another.  The vile words he said to you still hurt to think about, so you looked away from the window that made you fall in love with the apartment.
You slowly walked further into the apartment and everything you saw held a memory.  In the kitchen you saw Shawn trying to distract you from cooking as he did a terrible dance.  In the living room, you saw the couch and thought about the countless times you’d fallen asleep on each other in the middle of a movie.  And in the corner, where there was a little bookshelf and chairs to relax in, you saw yourself reading a book as Shawn sat in the chair opposite of you, trying to perfect a song’s chorus.
Everything coming back in waves was too much, but only a few tears leaked from your eyes.  Most of the memories that came back to you were happy.  They were full of laughter and smiles––Just like how your marriage had been.  They always say how the first fight is the worst, but you didn’t think it could get any worse than this.
Finding yourself in your bedroom, you flicked the lights on, and immediately changed into sweatpants and one of Shawn's shirts.  Part of you wished you returned home before he left, but you knew you weren’t emotionally ready for that.  So you opted for one of his t-shirts to bring you his comfort as he was halfway across the world from you.
You peeled back the covers on his side of the bed, slowly getting under, and bringing the sheets up to your chin.  You buried your head into his pillow and that’s when you lost it.  What if by being selfish and not coming home you had wrecked your marriage? You were both angry, but Shawn took a lot of things to heart, and there was no doubt you knew he felt absolutely crushed that you didn’t return home.
As if he knew you were thinking of him, your phone rang, and you saw the ridiculous selfie he took on your phone when he was nineteen.  You wanted to swipe and answer the call.  You wanted to hear his voice.  But you were scared that he would actually confirm your worst fears and say that your marriage was over.
You screened the call, and right when you were about to put your phone down and cry into his pillow more, his contact picture lit up your screen again.
With a shaky breath, you tried your best to push all your fears down as you answered the call, “Sh––Shawn?”
“Y/n,” he breathed out your name with a sigh of relief, “I––I’m so glad you picked up.”
You nodded your head against the pillow and whimpered, “I––Yeah––I––Sh––Shawn––I––”
“Please don’t leave me,” he shakily breathed out the sentence in one breath, “I don’t know––I––” You could imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’m such an asshole and this––You––I love you and I can’t––” You heard an ugly sob from the other end of the phone as he whispered out the best he could, “Please––please don’t leave me.”
You felt all of your fears disappear as you let out a little cry of relief, “I love you too.”
“We––We can talk––You can talk,” he corrected himself and it caused you to laugh a little, “When I get home?”
You nodded your head and for the first time, in a long time, you smiled, “I’ll be waiting.”
///
Nearly two months later, you were making yourself a cup of tea as you awaited Shawn’s arrival.  Even though the two of you talked almost every night, conversation was still strained with how you last saw each other; you shouting at him to leave threatening that your marriage could be over if he didn’t.  It was a heavy note to leave off on, but the two of you brushed it under the rug as you would recount what you did during your day and he told you about the show he had performed.
You were nervous––more nervous than you were on your first date with him––but you tried to push those feelings away.  He was your husband.  You both loved each other endlessly.  And it did ease your anxiety a bit knowing that your marriage wasn’t going to end after this conversation.
The sound of a key unlocking your door caused your heart rate to spike as you threw away your tea bag.  He was home and it was time to really talk.
Much like the ill fated day he came home without his ring, he rolled in a small carry-on suitcase and had a black duffle bag slung over his shoulder.  The first thing your eyes went to was his left hand, and even though you had seen it in every picture of him performing on stage, it still brought a smile to your face seeing it on his hand.  While his left sock was raised higher than the right sock, and his t-shirt was still wrinkled, you noticed his hair was a little shorter.
“Did you get a haircut?”
Shawn dropped his duffle bag with a smile as he rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen, “Do you like it?”  
You nodded your head with a smile as you passed him a freshly made cup of tea as your hands circled your own cup, “Your curls look more tame.”
Shawn laughed into his tea before he took a sip and placed the mug down.  He exhaled a deep breath, tapping his fingers on the sides of the mug like he was playing piano, and gave you a worrisome look, “Can I––Can I hug you?”
Your shoulders dropped at how uncertain he sounded.  But then again, it had been months since you last touched him.  The last time you touched him was before he left for tour the first time; before he took off his ring.
“Yeah,” you croaked out with a nod.
Within a matter of seconds, Shawn’s arms were wrapped tightly around you, hugging you like it was one of his last moments on Earth.  You circled your arms around his waist and your body was immediately flooded with the warmth of his chest.  It had been so long since you had any form of physical contact with him that you almost forgot what a simple hug felt like.
And it was something you never wanted to go months without again.
Shawn pressed a kiss to the top of your head, which made you feel giddy on the inside, before he slightly pulled away, “I––I won’t say a thing,” he whispered as he rubbed his hands up and down your back, “But I think we need to talk.”
The giddiness you felt dissipated and your insides now felt queasy.  You wanted to forget that the past few months had happened.  You tried your best to block it from your memory, but Shawn was right, you needed to talk in order to move forward in your marriage.
So you talked and Shawn didn’t utter a single word.  You explained how Jessie thought cooking lessons would be a good idea to distract you from missing Shawn, how the advances Ethan first made were a joke here and there, but then he started paying more attention to you.  He became hyperfixtated on the way you cut vegetables and how––If you change this and follow me, he would say before lightly touching you and directing your hand movements, you’ll have what you need––trying to add a double meaning to his words.
You could see Shawn’s jaw clench a few times as his knuckles would turn white from how tight he was holding the mug.  While you knew he didn’t like what he was hearing, you were appreciative that he was listening instead of arguing with you like the last time.
“And um––Yeah––So That’s––Yeah.”  You rambled off as you went to touch your wrist that Ethan harshly grabbed a few months ago.  And even though the grease burns on your back were healed, you still felt the itch of them as if they happened yesterday.
After a brief moment of silence, Shawn closed his eyes and let an aggravated breath out through his nostrils, “He…He touched you.”
You nodded your head as you took a sip of your tea, wanting to delay any sort of response for as long as you could, “Yeah,” But with his eyes staring into yours, you knew he wasn’t going to let you skip over any detail, “Those, um––That picture in the magazine…That’s when the grease spilled on my back.”
Shawn rubbed his hands over his eyes, he was no doubt exhausted from traveling, and it probably didn’t do him any good hearing this story, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
What was different than before the times you tried to talk to him about this, his voice wasn’t accusatory;  It was careful.  Careful in the sense that he didn’t want you to think he was upset with you.  Because the situation wasn’t your fault and he knew that.  
“You’re already so stressed with your job,” you looked down into your empty mug, “I didn’t want to add any stress.”
Shawn reached his hand across the counter and unwrapped one of your hands from your mug.  He laced your fingers together and held your hand tightly, “I’m your husband,” he weakly smiled at you, “The music, touring, writing––None of that is a real job––My my job to worry about you.”
While he sounded a bit defeated, you knew that he meant well.  You knew that he was only upset with himself because you were scared to go to him with something that made you uncomfortable.  He always wanted to be your person to go to whenever you felt yourself in a weird situation, and in this instance, he thought that he failed at that part of being your husband.
So you squeezed his hand back in reassurance, “I know you’re not going to forget about this,” he raised an eyebrow at you because you knew he was never going to forget this disastrous fight or forget about what Ethan did to you, “But for now, can we forget about it and take a nap?”
With a shake of his head, he let out a chuckle, “You’re right that I’m not going to forget about this,” he said as he lifted your connected hands over your mug as he pulled you out of the kitchen and down to your bedroom, “But a nap sounds fantastic.”
And for the first time in months, you walked to your bedroom with a lovesick smile on your face, trailing behind the man you fell in love with more every day you shared together.
///
FOUR MONTHS LATER
“You’re really not going to tell me where we’re going?” You laughed as you tightened your hold around Shawn’s arm, “This isn’t fair!”
“It’s a surprise,” he smirked as he continued to lead the way down the streets of Toronto.  
It was a peaceful day in the capital city of Ontario.  The sun was shining, birds chirping, and you were arm-in-arm with your husband.  He had just finished the last leg of his world tour and you couldn’t be more proud of everything he accomplished.  Luckily enough, you were able to join him on tour for the last two months, and spent your first wedding anniversary in Napa, California the day before his show in Sacramento.
It was definitely an ideal way to spend your first year married to Shawn––drinking wine––And everyone congratulated you on getting through what was dubbed to be the “hardest” year of marriage.  That was the understatement of the century. And both you and Shawn would always brush off everyone joking about it because they didn’t know how hard of a year it really was.  
The whole debacle with the tabloid magazine was mostly swept under the rug, and you just told your families and the people on Shawn’s team he was closest to, that it was just a misunderstanding; A tabloid that took things way out of proportion. The only people who really knew how devastating the year had been was you, Shawn, and Jessie.
Sometimes there would be a thought in the back of your head about how detrimental another fight like that could be to your marriage.  But you always tried to shut those thoughts down as soon as possible and just focus on the good things in your life.  And right now, that was Shawn leading you to a surprise location, because he thought the two of you needed another anniversary celebration.  
“I––I’ll…” Your voice trailed off as you walked down the familiar strip of shops, “After you’ve fallen asleep, I’ll take your socks off.”
Shawn threw his head back in laughter at your poor attempt to get him to spill the surprise, “Impossible because you always fall asleep before me.”
“Fair,” you let out a sigh, “I still think it’s weird you sleep with socks on.”
“I thought we agreed to disagree on that.”
“It’s just,” you squeezed his bicep, at a loss of words, “infuriating.”
Shawn smiled brightly down at you before quickly pressing a kiss to your cheek, “But you still married me.”
With a roll of your eyes you softly hit him in the stomach, “Yeah, yeah…” But when you turned a corner, you knew why these shops were so familiar, and you almost stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, “What are we––Shawn?”
He looked back at you with a sheepish smile and a shrug of his shoulders.
“Shawn,” you hesitantly said his name again, “What're you planning?”
Again, he shrugged his shoulders, “You know how terrible I am in the kitchen,” he glanced back at the place where you took your cooking lessons when he was away on tour.  And for a moment, the playfulness dropped from his face as he seriously looked into your eyes, “If you’re not comfortable going back in there, we can always get coffee across the street.”
You mentally made a pros and cons list in your mind.  You hadn’t been in the place you received your cooking lessons since you stormed out of there.  And as far as you knew, Ethan still worked there, which made your skin crawl.  But you were with Shawn.  Shawn would be by your side the whole time.  And you were curious to see what he had up his sleeve.
“I mean…I’m fine with it,” your voice wavered.  He raised his eyebrows, silently asking you if you were actually fine to go back in there, because he didn’t want to push you with something you weren’t 100-percent on.  So you cleared your throat and repeated yourself, “I’m fine going in, but…I think he’s supposed to be teaching today?”
A wicked smile spread across Shawn’s face, “Three o’clock couple’s cooking class with Ethan Anguis.”
Your mouth dropped and you couldn’t help but let out a loud laugh, “You did not.”
Shawn smirked, “I do believe we have to check-in in ten minutes before we lose my deposit.”
You shook your head because you could not believe how ridiculous your husband was, “Lead the way.”
With a gleam of mischief in his eyes, he smiled as he bent over with his arm stretched out as he opened the door for you.  You let out another laugh as he followed you into the familiar classroom.  You were standing behind a few other couple’s but once you heard his voice, your hand instinctively gripped onto Shawn’s tighter.
He looked down at you, again, silently asking you if you were comfortable with this.  You nodded, and before you knew it, you were face-to-face with the man who had caused your marriage to be hell for a few months.  
Ethan was looking down at the check-in book, not realizing you were in front of him, before Shawn cleared his throat, “Mr. and Mrs. Mendes.”
His head shot up as he ignored Shawn’s presence entirely and only had eyes for you.  You shifted closer into Shawn’s side as Ethan sent a smile your way, “Y/n, it’s nice to see you––”
“Do you always refer to your student’s by their first name?” Shawn didn’t hide the malice in his voice, he wanted Ethan to know that you were just a student. 
Ethan’s eyes darted to Shawn for a brief second, before his eyes flickered down to your hands clasped together, and you swore you saw him glaring at your hands before he tried to compose himself before answering Shawn’s question, “She––I’ve had her in class before.”
“Then you should be used to calling her Mrs. Mendes.”
Ethan’s eyes hardened at the protectiveness of Shawn’s words as he nodded his head once, “We’ll be at table six––”
Shawn stepped forward until his lower stomach was basically toppling over the weak wooden podium, “If you do anything to make her feel uncomfortable again,” his low and threatening voice sent a shiver down your spine as he insinuated what he had done in the past, “I swear you’ll never work in a restaurant in Toronto again.”
You noticed how Ethan’s jaw clenched as his face began to turn red.  You didn’t know if it was red out of embarrassment or anger, but you didn’t want to stick around to find out.
“We’ll be at table six,” you said as you dragged Shawn by the hand.
You made it to your table and you couldn’t help but smile up at Shawn who had a proud smirk on his face, “What are you doing?”
The two of you sat down on the barstools as you waited for everyone else to get checked in.  Shawn moved his stool closer to yours so that you could sit side-by-side, thighs touching, as he threw an arm over your shoulder and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of your lips, “Just tryna cause a little trouble.”
You rolled your eyes as you rested your head on his shoulder, “I love you.”
Shawn smiled brightly down, “And I love you,” his attention was briefly pulled away when Ethan called out that the lesson would be beginning shortly.  When he returned his gaze back down to you, he smiled softly, noticing that your eyes had never left him, “With all my heart.”
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