#but seriously it's insane that this isn't recreated after this

[lonestardust]

the blue and black suits, the pose, the left hand in pocket, the physical resemblance etc etc what in the world is this coincidence omggg

[theminecraftbee]

being in true sexyman nostalgia mode today (on account of. IT'S BEEN ONE YEAR BABY.) i think one of the most fascinating things about it is that we will never manage to do that again. like, not in a "we couldn't organize it better" way; there were better ways to do the spreadsheet, we would just turn off comments on posts and anon asks from day one so that we wouldn't then get people accusing us of censorship while we tried and failed to control the tide of things that ended up in the comments and inbox, we'd definitely have a WAY higher non-hermit contingent, both thanks to qsmp and thanks to the sexyman blog and medusa now having MUCH wider reach to other corners of the fandom and the original spread not all rooting at me, etc.

but the reason we couldn't do it again is that i don't know if we could ever replicate the exact circumstances that lead to it blowing up quite to the extent it blew up.

it was while tumblr polls and doing tumblr poll brackets on tumblr itself was still new-ish, and people were still excited about them. the idea of a mcytblr bracket was basically brand new; i won't claim we did it FIRST (because i have no idea if we did and doubt we did), but certainly we did it big first. so there's that; we can never again invent in real time "shit people are sending us threats about fraud lets legalize fraud because its funny, we can't stop it, and that neutralizes that drama as a thing anyone will take seriously", and then in turn accidentally invent a fandom culture of. um. wide-spread voter fraud.

(i don't know if we should apologize for, uh, causing the specific way mcytblr voter frauds. i still think it was better than the alternative at least, especially after seeing how so many other polls crashed and burned after us. there were MANY things we could have done better but i have seen SO MANY ways we could have done things worse since then so i think we came out looking pretty okay.)

but also: february 2023 was a very different time in mcytblr. we were in a hermitcraft dead period, where most of the hermits were either on vacation or playing tcg (which was fun, but didn't end up generating that much fandom activity by that time in february). the former dsmp crew was very much doing Nothing (and in that awkward space when the entire fandom knew dsmp 2 was never happening, but also people were still claiming it would happen, so it was just... busy waiting). qsmp didn't exist yet. there was no ongoing life series and wouldn't be for some time. i think even the dominioners and lifestealers were in a fairly dead zone. there was very little new for people to be excited about, mcyt content-wise.

enter: our poll. our poll which cleo then thinks its funny to call out on twitter. our poll, which was not only new mcyt content for the fandom to interact with (thanks to the fact we KEPT GETTING CC INTERACTIONS???), but participatory.

for about two weeks, we were the mcyt event de jour.

and like. the thing is. now we're in february 2024. mcyt is BOOMING. a new hermitcraft season JUST STARTED. we came off of vault hunters before that. meanwhile, qsmp just restarted and is, if i'm understanding correctly, booming. they just added a new guy! the two current juggernauts of the fandom are in FULL SWING. i honestly think we'd be somewhat overtaken by the fact things are actually happening in fandom. there's stuff to do that ISN'T go insane about a poll.

and it's not new, and we've seen it all before now, and frankly, it's hard to cause a mass hysteria event TWICE. lightning in a bottle, as they say.

i think part of the reason we all just REMEMBER mcytblr sexyman so much is that we could never, ever recreate it, so it remains crystalized in a single moment in time, impossible to replicate, forever memorable.

anyway: HAPPY ONE YEAR TO THE JOE HILLS SWEEP BABY,

[hyrule-in-a-pokeball]

THE RE-WRITTEN TIMELINE

!!!WARNING!!!

Spoilers for Tears of the Kingdom ahead. Shut your eyes and scroll for a sec if you don't want to see.

No seriously I'm going all in.

Alright now that those nerds are gone, lets talk about how my suspicions that all past games are no longer canon turned out to be 100% correct. Also grab some coco, we're gonna be here for a minute.

At the beginning of Tears of the Kingdom, Link and Zelda are separated, with Zelda being transported into the distant past thanks to her latent time magic going nuts when exposed to a sage stone (NOTE:

Sage stones greatly amplify the holder's powers and while Zelda possessed both light AND time magic due to her ancestry, it seems her time magic was stronger and so was what the stone amplified)

Zelda finds herself in the era of Hyrule's founding and meets the first king and queen of Hyrule, her ancestors, King Rauru (A Zonai possessing light magic) and Queen Sonia (A Hylian possessing time magic). Both are not only the King and Queen, but are the sage of light and time respectively. It is made very clear that these two are the first king and queen of Hyrule. None came before them. All came after them.

Now, I hear you saying "This doesn't make all the old games non-canon!" Yeahyeah, shush, keep reading. The adversary the first king and queen face in Hyrule's first era is none other than Ganondorf, the demon king of the Gerudo tribe

Before, Ganondorf first appeared in OoT's era (which was not, nor was it ever stated to be Hyrule's founding era), but now here he is, right at the beginning of it all with the first king and queen. In fact we even get a sort of recreation/Overwrite of a certain OoT scene

A moment in both games in which Ganondorf is swearing fealty to the King of Hyrule. Of course, in OoT, Rauru isn't the current king, but an ancient sage dwelling in the light temple And also a Hylian. And also an Owl... This has been re-written, he';s a Zonai and the first king now, and also not an Owl.

Ganondorf ultimately betrays the king, echoing his actions in OoT, but in this timeline, there's no little princess Zelda, there's no Sheikah, there's no little forest boy. Nobody to meddle in Ganondorf's plans. He murders Queen Sonia and steals her stone, taking it for himself and amplifying his powers to insane degrees, and truly becoming The Demon King.

Rauru rallies the leaders of the regions of Hyrule, A Gerudo woman, A Zora woman, a Goron, and a Rito man, as well as his older Sister Mineru. Aside from Mineru, all the others remain nameless, but all wear helmets/masks that are reminiscent of the divine beasts that would be created thousands of years in their own futures and be named after them.

Thats right. I strongly believe these four to be Nabooru, Ruto, Darunia, and I guess "Medo"(?). Rauru gives them all sacred stones, naming them sages. Nabooru becoming the sage of lightning, "Medo" becoming the sage of wind, Ruto the sage of water, and Darunia the sage of fire. Mineru is already the sage of Spirit, Zelda, having a sacred stone, is named the sage of time, and Rauru, also possessing one, is the sage of light.

Together, with their own powers jacked up, they confront the demon king and his army of monsters. And lose. In a last act of desperation, King Rauru; the sage of light, uses his light powers, apparently fueled by his own life, to seal Ganondorf and drain away his magic.

Ganondorf knows this seal won't hold forever and taunts Rauru that this is ultimately a futile act, But Rauru, having knowledge of the future thanks to a time traveling Zelda, tells him that by that time, someone wielding a magic sword that destroys evil will appear to oppose him, and that person's name is JACK- I mean LINK. Ganondorf, fascinated by this prospect, says he looks forward to this, and then succumbs to Rauru's sealing magic. And there the two of them stay for thousands upon thousands of years.

This conflict between the seven sages and the Demon King Ganondorf became legend, and is known in present day Hyrule as... The Imprisoning war

Now according to all official Zelda media released before this point, the Imprisoning war happened before A Link to the Past/Twilight Princess/Wind Waker, and was the name for the events that took place in OoT. OoT and the events shown in Tears of The Kingdom cannot exist side-by-side. TotK overwrites the ancient legend that is OoT.

BUT WE'RE NOT DONE YET

OH NO

See. Ganondorf stays sealed there until present day. He doesn't break his seal and get into mischief. He doesn't kidnap girls on the high seas or puppet an idiot wannabe king. He stays sealed in that spot for thousands upon thousands of years. The event of 10,000 bbw (Before Breath of the Wild) take place while he's still sealed away. "Calamity ganon", while born of Ganondorf, is a different entity just sort of spawned from him. I have my suspicions now that Calamity Ganon is actually Ganondorf's magic that was drained away by Rauru, having coalesced and taken on a sort of conscious form. But then, how did the people of the ancient past know that "ganon" would return? How did they know they needed a hero with a magic sword? How did they know to build divine beasts to help fight this monstrously powerful foe?

Because Zelda, from present day, kept saying in the founding era "Yo this guy is gonna come back in the future and a dude named link with a cool sword is gonna fight him so be ready to throw down" She told this to each individual sage, and in turn, each sage made sure that when that time came, their people, the Gerudo, the Zora, the Rito, and the Gorons, would be there to help the hero. So for generations, they waited. They planned. And then one day, "Calamity ganon" appeared. It was defeated and sealed away by the princess of that era, a nameless hero, and big ol' mechs. And then it appeared again for the last time, because that time it was destroyed 100 years later. Then 5-8 years later Ganondorf woke up, Zelda went back in time and- Oh look a time loop

Suddenly the logo makes a lot of sense

BUT THAT REMAINS TO BE ALL, MY FRIENDS

The tapestry shown in Breath of the Wild depicting a nameless ancient hero wielding the master sword, standing against Calamity Ganon along with the guardians and divine beasts? Remember that?

We always thought he looked very odd. Very "not-Link" like. And thats because he didn't. Your reward for finishing all 152 shrines in Tears of the kingdom is an unusual single piece of armor called "Ancient Hero's Aspect"

These three pieces represent the Owl, the dragon, and the boar. In Zonai tradition, the Owl represented Wisdom, the Dragon; Courage, and the Boar; Power. This item's description reads as follows: "This item is said to contain the spirit of a hero who once saved Hyrule. That hero's aura will envelop the wearer" So what happens when you put this armor on?

Link takes on the form of that ancient hero. An individual who appears to be half Zonai (Full blood Zonai have much longer ears). Who has a snout, and long flowing red hair. And once, long ago, he wielded the master sword in opposition to Calamity Ganon.

Too long; didn't read? The events of Tears of the Kingdom directly and brutally contradict the entirety of the Legend of Zelda franchise and now only Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom should be considered canon

[pain-suffering-even]

various headcanons that i forgot aren't actually canon pt. 2

the americans (thomas, christopher, and laura), plus china (zhigang) and germany (lennart)

Thomas, Christopher, and Laura are childhood/middle school friends

Laura would always bring home stray cats and dogs

Lennart and Thomas become friends when Lennart asks for help with an S rank gate that spawned in Germany

Lennart isn't super close with Christopher, since him and Thomas tend to swing between being best friends or mortal enemies every week, but Lennart thinks he's nice

Christopher visits Europe a lot, since he's partially retired, so they get closer then as Lennart shows him around

Zhigang is usually too busy to hangout with Thomas or Christopher, but whenever the Annual Guild Conference is around, they tend to dedicate that week to hanging out

Christopher hates any mention of Kamish. Thomas doesn't care and thinks Christopher needs to get over himself. Hence their strained relationship

Zhigang is most definitely traumatized but works too hard to notice

Lennart wasn't part of Kamish, but did participate in the cleanup team. That's where he first met Zhigang and Christopher. Thomas was too busy recovering, so he never got to meet him

Hwang Dongsu gets on Laura's nerves, but Thomas usually steps in if he's eyeing her a little too creepily that day

After becoming friends, the group decided to attend the Annual Guild Conference dressed up with a theme. They've done pink (Barbie-esque), Aloha Shirts (wonder who came up with that one), emo/punk/goth, and the latest, Disney Princesses (Lennart loves Disney movies). There isn't much anyone can do to stop them. Even Laura participates

Thomas disregards a lot of his guild leader duties to steal Christopher and Laura and go on roadtrips. Sometimes, they go visit Europe to see Lennart

Zhigang basically never leaves China, being a hardcore workaholic, so they always have to plan to go see them on their birthday and for the holidays, etc

Thomas has a custom aloha shirt, except it's made to withstand S rank attacks. He used the Scavenger Guild budget money on it. As a tax write off. Laura wishes she could be mad but she's impressed he thought of such a thing

Christopher is scarred from Kamish due to seeing Thomas almost die from tanking attack after attack for him. He almost died. It sparks an argument, where Christopher leaves the Scavenger Guild, and their frenemies relationship begins

Once, Thomas sneaks up on Christopher and scares the ever loving shit out of him. Christopher accidentally sets the room on fire and sets off the fire alarm and emergency sprinklers. The entire building has to be evacuated

Thomas does the same thing (sneaking up on someone) to Lennart and his screech is priceless

They joke about putting a bell on Thomas, like they do with cats, just to be aware of where they are in the room. Laura is really, seriously considering it, because despite Thomas being 10 feet tall and built like a fridge, he can be quiet when he wants to be

Lennart casually mentions he has four sisters, and his first job was being a hairdresser in his village in Germany. This leads to him finally dealing with the mess that is Thomas' curly and knotted up hair

Zhigang got into university on a baseball scholarship, before all the awakenings happened. This is why they tend to swing their sword... like a baseball bat. And instinctively swing whenever they see an object flying at them. Thomas has recreated the game fruit ninja in real life using this information

Lennart started learning Chinese, because despite him knowing about three other languages, Chinese isn't one of them. This leads to the two of them having conversations that Thomas can't listen to, and it drives him insane (it's usually Lennart complimenting Zhigang, and then Zhigang compliments Lennart, etc etc)

Laura threatens to retire early whenever Thomas gets on her nerves a little too much and it always worries the entire Scavenger Guild, because she's kind of the only reason they're functioning. Thomas would solo too many gates on his own if it weren't for her

Lennart is one of the most put-together and polite hunters out there, but even he struggles not decking Dongsu in the face when he drops casual comments about his and Laura's physique in front of his face

Thomas has a lot of other S rankers in his guild from various other countries. He isn't very well liked, since he's "stolen" so many of them, like with Dongsu, but he doesn't mind (the trend started after Christopher left, when he no longer had a vice, or a sparring partner that could withstand his attacks. He's looking for a replacement, in a way, but it never feels right)

[rokramble]

Counterpart's Conundrum - a kinda Dark Links meet AU, with bonding, attempted murder, shenanigans and Ravio :D

Or a time traveling nightmare camping trip that Ravio was accidentally invited to, and now everyone has feelings and gets to learn about morals and personhood or some shit. It's very funny to me, so expect the vibes to be closer to a crackfic taken seriously right now.

Also I added totk fake Zelda, because that idea was also very funny to me. <3 I'll put a few details below.

I only chose dark links/shadow links we fight in the games, so there's no SkSw, BotW, MC, WW, or even TP darks (i'm sorry TP). What we DO have are:

Dink - OoT. his name makes him sooo mad, but it grows on him Malachite (aka Mal) - ALttP/FS Azurite - ALttP/FS Garnet - ALttP/FS Amethyst (aka Grimace) - ALttP/FS. yeah there's 4 of them, they're feral Dave - OoA. his placeholder name got stuck </3 he's silly like that, also an annoyance Shade - ALBW+TFH. knows politeness and manners, has decided they're optional, he is down to fight at all times Guard - TAoL. his morals are your morals your majesty ^_^ Gray - FSA. heavily based on the manga. still figuring out feelings Onyx - ST. he's like if a soot sprite from totoro had no fear and could maim you Summon - HW. he is such a violent, angry person but the devotion is insane + Delta (aka Marionette/Mari) - TotK phantom puppet. almost had matching names with Dink, but the guys respect/love her aura of bloodlust way too much for that. + Ravio - ALBW. he's not even slightly evil, did not get himself into this situation and is having a very hard time getting himself out.

The 'how' of their meeting is something or other—some residue of Ganon or Demise's influence, like grease on the timeline if you will—got the brilliant idea of recreating and gathering dark reflections of the hero from previous plots. It misunderstood who Ravio was since Lorule is/was a 'dark world', and thought Delta deserved the chance to actually attack people.

It then used whatever power left to give them an item for time travel. But the ganon grease didn't secure the full group's loyalty, so now they've been let loose on the timelines to track down and kill the Links their own way, without order, with only Ravio and Gray to stop them.

At first it was just about keeping the peace and biding time to escape or take the group out, but after seeing some of them learn and change Ravio is attached and Gray kinda wants to show them the world. It's really a conundrum.

To end it off (I'll probably make even more detailed posts another time), some funnies that came about in the planning stages of this:

Ravio: *accidentally found families your evil doppelgangers*

Delta: what do you have there? Ravio, drink in hand, trying to hide a Link behind him: an evil root beer

Gray, back in his time, kicking Link's door open: LINK HOLY FUCK

Gray: if i had a rupee for every time a violet boy lied to gain my trust and double-crossed me i'd have two rupees. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

Gray: what is it with violet bitches and going undercover?! Ravio: I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE

Mal: this is my emotional support cold bastard Azurite: this is my emotional support slippery bastard

Shade: you should be addicted to shutting the fuck up Dave, signing: you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid

Onyx: (⓿_⓿) Onyx: (◕_◕) Onyx: (◉_◉) Summon: stop Onyx: (ㆆ_ㆆ)

Mal: what do you have?! Dink: A BOMB Mal, Ravio and Shade: NO! Azurite: oh my darkness why does he have a bomb? (Gray did it)

Dink, young adult: i'm having a midlife crisis Gray: aren't you like, five? Dink, young adult?: i'm eleven so shut the fuck up

Delta, referring to the darks: my henchmen

"Wow these people are so weird, thank Ganon I'm the only normal one" - pretty much all of them

[l-g-6-5]

Okay, this is the largest disparity between time spent on user and Stand.

Today, I bring Risotto and Metallica.

I did separate the images of the two per usual. I am gonna share them still because it's fucking hilarious.

The leader of Polpo's execution squad. Risotto is still as observant and professional as her canon self. She's just a bit more social.

Her appearance is important to uphold, as appearing unapproachable is imperative for striking fear into people. Her makeup goes on Monday, fixed every morning, and wiped off Friday. She has several pairs of contacts she uses to change her eyes. Her outfits change regularly, as she has issues finding something she is comfortable with keeping. Dolce notes that she has many wigs in her closet.

The meticulous upkeep of her appearance is nothing to laugh at. Her abilities will make you meet your maker, whether it be her Stand or just her hand-to-hand battling. Risotto is still very efficient and cold.

Despite her being this attentive to herself, she can be just as attentive to her team. After all, if you have to wrangle Gelato and Sorbet with their tendency of being captured and put up with Dolce and Secco getting wild on the field, you would need to know if something was wrong with them. Her patience is insane and nigh on impossible to break.

Rosemary and her are very close. Even if they both take their jobs seriously, they will still casually speak to each other. Risotto is the standard of leadership Rosemary holds herself to: unwavering and strict, yet still attentive and graceful.

I told you the disparity was hilarious.

Metallica is her Stand. Much like Rosemary, Risotto gained it from Polpo. She finds the little beings charming, but very ironic.

As a World Energy Stand, Metallica takes the energy of iron atoms in molecules and stores it, allowing them to move the element itself around, be it to their user or inside another person. From there, they can recreate the bonds and form them into something Risotto can utilize or to something that injures the enemy from the inside out. What is ironic is the fact she has an iron deficiency that can take her out if she isn't careful.

She has used her abilities to reinforce her bones and allow her physical prowess come to the forefront. She has used it to form razors inside people. She just cannot use it to stop her major weakness inside herself.

The one thing she can't control is tantalizingly out of reach.

How ironic...

[slashbitch2]

Prove Me Wrong, Darling

who doesn't love a bit of enemies to lovers? :)

You and Agatha had never gotten along. From your perspective, it was due to a conflict of interest. Whereas if you asked her, she'd likely say it was a conflict of intelligence, or something else insulting along those lines. Though the issue you had with the fellow witch wasn't her attitude, rather her underestimation of your powers. It'd started with her massacre of the Coven, when she'd attempted to end your life alongside the others. But to her surprise, you'd been strong enough to defend yourself and escape. Since then, there'd been several instances where your paths had crossed, and you hadn't let her live down the failure yet.

This particular occasion was different, however, as Agatha had asked you for help.

It'd taken everything in you not to immediately mock her. But you knew that she'd leave without further explanation if she felt ridiculed, and you were just dying to know what had made her stoop to your level. So, you'd swallowed your pride and attentively listened to her proposal. It'd mostly featured the repeated phrases "immense power" and "huge source of energy," and even a confession that she was baffled by the cause, which only intrigued you further.

Although you weren't too interested in accumulating anymore power, the opportunity to be on level ground with Agatha was too good to pass on. You confessed this to her upon accepting the invitation, which resulted in an unimpressed eye roll. Regardless of her annoyance, you left that same day, arriving in the least expected location. A quaint town in New Jersey.

"Well," You landed behind Agatha in the middle of a road, surveying the picturesque, colourless neighbourhood. "isn't this lovely."

She pursed her lips, looking round similarly perplexed. "Lovely?" She echoed. "This is like every outdated suburban stereotype rolled into one. Like some kind of picture-perfect movie set."

Her condescending comment jogged a memory. "That's what I was thinking of!" You exclaimed, clapping your hands enthusiastically. "Did you ever watch that sitcom- from the 50s? The Dick Van Dyke Show?"

"From the title alone I'm glad I didn't."

"Seriously, it's practically the same setting." You moved to stand directly in front, forcing her to look at you.

"So, what you're saying is someone used this insane amount of power just to recreate their favourite TV show?" She quirked an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed by your theory.

"Well, wouldn't you?"

"No."

"Anyway." You glanced down at the rather eye-catching ensemble Agatha was currently wearing, then at your comparably casual yet modern clothes. "This isn't going to work." With a wave of your hand, the jeans and jumper combo was replaced by a more period accurate pencil skirt and blouse. Satisfied, you looked up at her expectantly.

Taking it as a challenge, she copied the gesture, managing to both create a new dress and fix up her hair. She smirked, enjoying the chance to show off her superior abilities.

"It's not a competition." You huffed.

She placed a hand on your arm fake comfortingly. "Of course not, dear."

The contact caused you to shiver slightly. It felt as though her touch ignited sparks, though the sensation wasn't exactly unpleasant. Quite the opposite, in fact. But indulging in it didn't feel right either, so you were grateful when Agatha removed her hand.

Her face dropped, eyebrows furrowing. Slowly, she swivelled round to point at a house. "There. Can you feel it?"

Following her outstretched finger, you tuned into the energy, focusing specifically on the house. "Mhm." Unsurprisingly, Agatha was right. An unfamiliar energy was being emitted from whoever was inside. You tried to pinpoint what kind of magic the user possessed, but found no trace of any familiar type. "Shall we go meet the neighbours, then?"

"You read my mind." She muttered, narrowing her eyes and offering an arm without so much as sparing a glance in your direction.

You hesitated, taken aback by the kind gesture. It hadn't dawned on you until then that an incredibly powerful being was residing little over 10 metres away, and that you were both about to willingly walk into their house. Looping your arm with hers created a naïve sense of safety.

Neither spoke as you approached the house with faux confidence, only pausing for Agatha to summon a potted plant. A house warming gift, you guessed. The simple gesture of goodwill brought a smile to your face.

"I didn't expect you to be such a considerate neighbour." You whispered.

"Gotta make a good first impression." She reached out to knock against the door.

---

You sighed. Barely an hour spent in this black and white world and you were already bored. Everything was so tiresomely perfect, so normal that you questioned how you'd ever suffered through those terrible old sitcoms in the first place. Sitting in Wanda's living room, the only entertainment was your partner in crime Agatha, or Agnes, as you ought to say.

She was currently flipping through a magazine, tracing the page with her index finger and reading aloud to help Wanda prepare for her anniversary.

"Any notable date you can remember? Special occasion?" She asked the redhead. "You know, to remind him of good times." She winked suggestively, briefly glancing at you with an expression that only you could decipher. She was enjoying flustering Wanda a little too much.

"Oh...I don't know." She trailed off, untrustworthy eyes darting around the room. "Do you two have any memorable date? Maybe I could steal some ideas."

Had the sitcom spell effected you, this would've been the ironic moment in which you spat out whatever drink was currently in your mouth. Fortunately though, you'd declined the offer of tea earlier, and opened your mouth to correct her.

Agatha beat you to it by nudging you with her elbow. "Oh don't we just?" She laughed deeply until you joined in with a forced chuckle.

Deciding to join in with her game, you hummed thoughtfully. "What about that picnic we had? In Salem, remember?" Judging by the way her eyes flashed dangerously, she knew you were referring to that dreadful night with the Coven, serving as revenge for the sudden change in relationship status. "Agnes decided the best time to go on a date would be at night- and in the middle of forest of all places!"

Agnes threw back her head in exaggerated laughter. "Oh hush! I thought it'd be romantic. Besides, you're the one who got us completely lost, dear." She continued, further adding depth to the altered anecdote. "And I'd say it went pretty well regardless." She turned to whisper conspiratorially to Wanda. "So I'll spare you the dirty details."

The three of you fell into easy laughter, only interrupted by the shrill ring of the telephone. "If you'll excuse me." Wanda stood up to answer. "That's probably Vis."

You took the distraction as respite from forcing such an overly hospitable smile, finding that your cheeks were already aching. For the last few minutes, you'd been aware of a pair of eyes watching you closely, and finally turned to face the witch sitting next to you.

"What?"

Agatha said nothing, her invasive eyes never leaving yours as she took a sip of her drink. You could practically see the gears turning in her head as she thought something through, and dreaded to wonder what she was about to say.

Reaching some form of a conclusion, she leant forward to place her drink down on the table. "Kiss me." She murmured through clenched teeth, momentarily glancing at Wanda, who's back was turned.

"Excuse me?" Out of all the possible things she could've said, this request seemed the least plausible in your mind.

"When Wanda turns round she should see us-" Agatha gestured her hand back and forth as if vocalising what she was implying was too sinful to put into words. Her vagueness was met by your blank stare. "Y'know?"

"No?" You shook your head, unable to comprehend why she'd ask such a thing, untrusting your interpretation of her suggestion.

"Just-" Agatha raised her hands to grasp your face. Hesitated. Then threw them back down into her lap and sighed in frustration. The fact she was struggling to initiate contact was laughable, though eventually you took pity on her.

Leaning forward, you kept your eyes open to watch for Agatha's reaction. You found it amusing that upon realising what you were trying to do, her eyes shut impossibly fast. Satisfied that she was consenting, you raised one hand to cup her cheek and continued to chase after her lips. The kiss was chaste and affectionately mundane, exactly at it should be.

In response, she grabbed your knees and pulled you closer, nipping at your bottom lip. Clearly Agatha wasn't on the same wavelength as you. Her hands shifted further up to your thighs, bringing a startling heat to the kiss. You gasped, virtually melting at her touch. You wanted this. One hand slid to rest on her shoulder. But it wasn't the time or place. You gently pushed against her.

Agatha pulled away, breathless. She scanned your face with pupils blown wide and mouth slightly agape like she'd just reached some new revelation. You were certain your expression mirrored hers.

Wanda cleared her throat somewhere in the distance.

"Gosh, Wanda I'm sorry." Agnes' cheerful voice reappeared as she addressed the redhead without breaking your intense shared eye contact. "But I think we ought to be heading home now." She said unabashedly. Like you hadn't just been caught making out on the neighbour's couch.

"Of course." You could hear the understanding smile in her voice, the slight awkwardness from intruding. "It's been lovely meeting you both."

Summoning an ounce of brainpower, you turned to Wanda. "And you. Feel free to keep the magazine." Then tugged Agatha up and began dragging her toward the front door. For once in her life she went willingly, allowing herself to be pulled along, calling out a last minute farewell to Wanda.

Upon reaching the end of the garden, Agatha wordlessly took the lead. Staying true to her fabricated story, she set a determined course for the house to the right, waltzing up as if she owned the place. A quick flourish of your fingers and the lock was rendered useless. Now the house was yours.

As soon as the door shut behind you, she turned on her heel and pushed you against it. Her mouth quickly sought out yours with a desperation only appropriate in private. Had you known Agatha was this good of a kisser, you would've done this ages ago, but elected not to vocalise the praise knowing she'd never let you live it down. You felt her smirk against your lips, and briefly wondered if she'd somehow infiltrated your mind. You wouldn't put it past her.

As she began trailing kisses down your neck, any concern about the invasion of privacy became inconsequential. You sighed. She rewarded the sound with a nip at your throat. Due to the haze of lust clouding your better judgment, you didn't register the sound of footsteps until it was too late.

"Woah!" A man called from the top of the staircase, presumably the current previous resident of the house. Agatha froze, her lips still pressed up to your neck.

"If you two beautiful ladies hadn't already broken into my house, I would've happily invited you in." The man grinned obnoxiously, slowly continuing down the stairs.

Agatha disinterestedly waved her hand, incapacitating him. The sound of the stranger tumbling down the stairs caused her to let out a short, cruel cackle, before returning to bury her face in the crook of your neck.

"Not big on roommates?" You joked, sliding a hand up and down her back soothingly.

She nipped at your flesh, a little harder this time. "Trust me, he doesn't want to be here for what I'm about to do to you."

Already impatient, you decided to tease her in hopes it would speed things up. "You're all talk and no action, Harkness."

She all but growled as she returned to your lips. Without warning her hands squeezed your hips. "I don't think you're in the position to be insulting me, love."

"Then prove me wrong, darling."

[llycaons]

ep5: haven't we been here before?

I don't remember how accurate this is to the book, but if it is, it should have been changed. two rooftop sword duels between wwx and lwj involving alcohol, within the past three episodes? I don't want to see this again! I don't care that it's raining or that it ends differently (with wwx grabbing onto lwj forcing them out of bounds), it's just not interesting to see again

and I have to say, lwj attacking on sight of wwx doing something wrong is getting so old. can their dynamic progress please

I always thought that scene was weird as hell anyway. not as bad as it could have been but never one I liked. granted, forcing lwj to get drunk like in cql is only a little better, but at least they get closer by the end of it and we learn about lwj's tragic backstory

ohhh but the cold pond cave is very pretty

they don't bother making anyone's hair look wet lol

so yeah this is essentially the same in all adaptations except wwx putting on lwj's clothes omg. and admiring his body lmao

and here we see the famous ear blush. I was never really a fan of that ngl..I don't dislike it but it does nothing for me. im glad they didn't try to recreate it for the drama because I think that would look awkward in a live action. though lwj looks like, bloodless the entire time instead

I am so uncomfortable with their bare chests. I'm trying not to mind the differences in their physiques because it's not like, insanely unrealistic body types but you can tell they animated them with a certain audience in mind and the chiseled abs on super skinny guys is just kind of freaky. you know what it reminds me of the dudes from that anime free! OH it also reminds me of killua in caa when he takes off his shirt and has that six pack

a 15 year old and 15 year old. I don't like this

so I'm really trying to connect with lwj in this show knowing everything I know about him and with all the affection and admiration I have for him from the show and even from the book and it's just not happening. that character might as well be a walking brick wall. do people seriously write fanfic for this guy?

please god not another extended zombie action scene. the guqin power is really cool but I really don't care if they're getting attacked? we know they won't die. can we get back to relationship development

oh my god FOR A BUNNY?? A FUCKING RABBIT?? oh no we can't let a small woodland creature get hurt can we yeah it's definitely going to be attacked by fucking zombies and YOU, THEIR TARGET can keep it safe by carrying it ON YOUR PERSON. yeah the rabbit would be WAY safer with you especially after the zombies rip you apart. idiot

anyway. this this is new. wwx reaching for resentment this early on certainly differs from both other versions of the story I've seen. it fits in the story and provides a logical progression of events while making it clear that it's something he only considered when his life was in danger

as far as I remember there was zero messing around with resentful energy before BM in the novel, and in cql the first glimpse of the sword was when they defeated the tortoise of slaughter. this means that jc not realizing the mystery wen murderer is wwx is about 5 times dumber. this man has absolutely nothing going for him in the donghua huh

oh fuck there's an after-credits scene. was there always one?

lwj not reacting at all to hearing the rabbits would be eaten besides saying he'd keep them. go king give us nothing

well the rabbits are implied to have sex. was it worth it. are you all happy. sigh

the mental damage I'm taking isn't as bad as in the book but. christ. this is really faithful huh

those rabbits at the beginning creep me right out

[jlf23tumble]

i THINK that industry anon was saying Louis being on the X factor made him a loser, so they were glad people have "forgot" about him...even though no one forgot about him there's just less content because he isn't on Tv every week. and calling anyone being a judge/mentor on TXF or American idol or The Voice a loser is calling a lot of MAJOR industry players losers here...

Aha, angry trombone then--thank you!! I honestly saw that “ask” after driving up to Van Nuys to see these insane Christmas trees (the colors! the lights! i wish I had a million dollars to recreate them in my house!!), and I could NOT make out the intent--figured it was either as you said or someone had moved on from calling me a fake to calling me a loser, lol. Thanks for that--seriously--and yeah, me as you, wondering wtf