#but seeing the “emasculating black men is a problem” pop up. oh my fucking god.

[iwtvdramacd18]

I still can't believe we literally had conservative black talking points getting widespread here cuz people aint actually engaged with gay black people outside of those echoing their points over some vampire yaoi

[filmpenance]

Day 15 - Eraserhead

Eraserhead – 1977 – David Lynch

(Friday Fright)

“I'll do what I want! And you better take good care of things while I'm gone!” – Mary X

Along time ago in a galaxy far away, I almost watched Eraserhead. I was hanging out[i] with my friend Carlton and one of us suggested watching the movie. Carlton owned it, so on it went.

We turned it off after approx. five minutes. Either because I was frightened or I was bored to death. I have a feeling it was the latter (most likely a bit of both). In any case, for Film Penance I decided I had to finally do it , and I did.  

Eraserhead is kind of review resistant. It’s a metaphor layered on top of a dystopian landscape shoved inside a masculine fear burrito and then extruded onto film. 

There isn’t even any point in critiquing it, as it’s so clearly some David Lynch fever-dream. 

I can however, tell you what crossed my mind as I watched.

Movie as Rorschach Test, if you will. 

[Although the idea of a Horshack Test[ii] appeals to me too[iii].]

So, um spoiler alert? Honestly, I could post the entire script and it still won’t matter. As if any of this will make any kind of sense anyway. 

HERE WE GO….

This is a black and white movie. That translucent weird dude looks worried. 

Is it the hairball planet behind him that’s making him scared?

Oh, there’s a guy on the planet operating levers in a box looking out a window. 

He looks like if one of the dancers in Madonna’s Express Yourself video got the measles.

A sperm puppet just came out of weird dude’s mouth. Sperm goes by window dude and lands in an anthill/vagina. Weird dude steps in a puddle. 

IS THAT PUDDLE A VAGINA METAPHOR?

Weird dude walks behind what looks like a factory. The ground is wet here. 

IS EVERYTHING THAT’S WET A VAGINA METAPHOR?

Weird dude enters his futuristic-retro-apartment hovel. Hot 27 neighbour lady told weird dude he’s invited to Mary’s for dinner. Also weird dude’s name is Henry. 

Henry has a phonograph and moss heap on his armoire. Is that an armoire? It looks old. Is part of the floor hay? Okay, he’s putting a wet sock on the radiator. Clearly that puddle was a vagina.  

Why does his apartment sound like a kettle filled with birds?

He sets off for dinner. We see Mary in the window of the door. She looks worried too. These are sad times.

He gets in the house and meets Mary’s mom, Mrs. X. 

Then Mr. X, Mary’s dad announces they’re going to have manmade chicken for dinner and Henry can carve. Yay! Acceptance from dystopian strangers.

Mrs. X asks Henry if he’s boned Mary, because if yes, Mary and Henry have to get married and pick up the baby from the hospital. 

YES! 1,000 times YES!!!

[Thought: Hmm… I’d really like this movie to be remade by Amy Sedaris, with all the characters from Strangers with Candy instead. That would be keen.]

Henry carves the manmade chicken and blood comes out of the carcass. Wait! Is that a metaphor for menstruation? 

IS THE CHICKEN A VAGINA? A VAGINA FOR MEN TO CARVE? 

I don’t know. Possibly.

Time passes.

Henry and Mary are living in his apartment and the baby is there. Cool! They’re married and brought the baby home! 

But it’s not really a baby, it’s more like a really wet fish. Wait! IS THE BABY A VAGINA?

OMG! IT’S A GIRL!!!!

Mary asks Henry if there was mail that day, and Henry says “No” but that is LIES because Henry clearly picked up a box with a worm in it that 100% represents his penis being kept in a box now that he’s married. 

Henry then hides his dickworm in a little Bavarian looking cupboard.

Mary and Henry go to bed. They can’t sleep because Fish Baby is crying all night and WON’T SHUT THE FUCK UP! 

Mary tries to feed it and yells at it but those things don’t work. The baby keeps crying! Dammit! 

Babies still cry in the future-dream-past? That sucks.

[Thought: Does the Fish Baby grow up to be Admiral Ackbar?[iv]]

Mary can’t take the crying Fish Baby bullshit any more, puts on her coat, grabs her bag and tells Henry he can look after Fish Baby for a while. Wait! IS THIS MOVIE KRAMER VS KRAMER?

No problem! Henry will stay home and enjoy the lady with ovaries on her face who lives in a tiny theatre behind the radiator. She’s so nice and non-threatening! Until she starts stomping worms all over her tiny stage that is! 

Squish! Squish! Squish!  Squish all the penises! 

FATHERHOOD = EMASCULATION!

[Thought: When the Fish Baby grows up, will it ask to borrow the car for dates? And how soon will that be? I assume Fish Babies don’t age at the same rate as regular citizens of dystopia.]

Mary comes back home for a night and more and more minnow babies come out of her that Henry smashes like they’re penisworms in a tiny radiator theatre[v].

Hot 27 lady neighbour comes by when Mary’s gone. Hot 27 and Henry make intercourse inside of a vagina puddle that is also his bed. 

Which is strange, because the most improbable thing in this movie is a hot lady fucking Henry.

Now that that’s over, Henry can perform a number with Lady Ovaries in the radiator theatre.

Henry’s head pops off! Then he wakes up, and he’s an Uber driver!

(I made that last part up)

Fish Baby laughs at Henry, when he tries to intercourse with Hot 27 again.

No real man can stand by while a fish laughs at him, so Henry decides to cut the baby out of its bandages. 

IT REALLY IS A GIRL!

[Thought: It would be cool if Henry was played by John Belushi.]

ALL CONSUMING VAGINA! 

OATMEAL STUFF! 

DANCE WITH LADY OVARIES! 

LEVER WINDOW GUY IS BACK! 

MORE VAGINA METAPHORS! 

PLUS ANOTHER VAGINA METAPHOR.

Being a dad is hard.

THE END!

Trailer: https://youtu.be/J0Eq5GtCYdA

Review: https://nyti.ms/2mLodv0

SEE ALSO: The Brood, The Dark Crystal, Kramer vs Kramer, Strangers with Candy

NOTES:

[i] The “Netflix and Chill” of the 90s.

[ii] Oh god, this person made one! http://www.chrisherrondesign.com/personal.html

[iii] Any Welcome Back Kotter fans in this industrial hell-scape? No?

[iv] And if Fish Baby is Admiral Ackbar does that improve the Bechdel Test results for the original Star Wars trilogy?

[v] Watch The Brood. Seriously