#but sadly i've also experienced this with some friends before and even my therapist dismissed me when i brought up my struggles with food

[kachulein]

... Long rant incoming ...

There's been a topic I've been wanting to rant about for years but always kinda chickened out of it. Tonight, I got really agitated about it out of the blue but once again, I decided against speaking up and instead went to go watch a video. And guess what, the youtuber in that video said exactly what I've been wanting to rant about (the video wasn't about said topic btw). So I kind of took this as a sign to speak up and rant.

What the youtuber said was as follows:

"I find it really strange that people don't believe pretty people can be insecure."

And this is honestly the sad truth. Yes, I am aware that pretty privilege exists and I've been frustrated about that for a vast number of times myself but this is not the focus of what I want to talk about in this post.

I've noticed that the so to speak "pretty people" don't always get the longer end of the stick. When someone is viewed as "pretty", most people automatically believe that they must love themself and have an amazing life. "Pretty people" aren't allowed to be sad, to have insecurities or to struggle with their mental health. When they try to speak up about their struggles or insecurities, their feelings are very often invalidated because "A pretty person like you has no business being insecure/unhappy. If you call yourself ugly, just think about all those people who aren't as pretty as you, what would they have to say? Should they just hide in a corner crying all day? You should feel lucky". As if being pretty is the utmost goal in life and apparently also a natural protection against insecurity and mental health problems.

This mindset is so harmful.

Mental illness and insecurities don't discriminate, they can affect anyone regardless of who they are or what they look like and whether other people perceive them as "pretty" or not. It seems as though you're only allowed to struggle if you're "ugly". But then again, who the fuck decides over what is "ugly" and what is "pretty"? Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and what Person A finds beautiful doesn't have to align with what Person B finds beautiful (and isn't that a beautiful thing in and of itself? That all of us find beauty in different things and people, and that this way, everyone has someone somewhere on this earth that thinks they're beautiful?).

People need to realize that only because they think someone is good-looking, the person in question might not share the same opinion. You might find beauty in someone else but they might be unable to see that same beauty within themself. Imagine you'd go to your friend and be like "I think you're so pretty, so from now on, you're not allowed to have any insecurities anymore and if you try to tell me about them, I won't take you seriously because you're so pretty". That would be such a dick move, wouldn't it? So why can't we just learn to take people's insecurities and struggles seriously regardless of what someone looks like? Why is measuring someone's level of attractiveness an appropriate way of deciding how valid someone's struggles are?

There's actually a song that I really enjoy that kind of talks about this topic. It's called "Pretty Head" by Transviolet. There's a line saying "And I'm so happy, 'cause aren't all the pretty girls happy?" And this really hit home for me when I've listened to this song for the first time a few years ago. I started to really think about this line and realized that when we see a person we think is pretty, we automatically assume that, idk, they must be having a great life, 'a better life than we do', a loving family and loving friends, a loving partner, a lot of self-love and healthy habits and a lot of money, etc. But why do we associate all of that with attractiveness? Because of pretty privilege, maybe? It just doesn't hold true for everyone and we shouldn't discuss one end of the stick and ignore the other.

Dismissing someone's struggles and insecurities, not even specifically related to appearance but in general, can be so harmful. It leaves the struggling person feeling so alone and alienated from other people. Knowing that they're not being taken seriously/that their struggles are being invalidated may cause them to stop opening up and eventually bottling everything up and just further isolating themself from others. It can make someone feel so alone with their struggles, feeling like there's no one there to listen to them, to support them, to share their feelings with. It's a very lonely place and I just think we should give everyone the chance to be listened to, regardless of what they look like or who they are.

Alrighty, this was a long rant and I'm sorry it's so emotionally charged. It's a very personal issue for me and I've just wanted to put in my own two cents. If you read all of this, thank you, I really appreciate it, and you!

TL;DR: People can struggle and feel insecure regardless of how conventionally attractive they're deemed as. Their appearance shouldn't be the judge of whether their struggles and insecurities are valid or not. Anyone can have insecurities and struggles and everyone should get a chance to open up and express themselves without being dismissed and having their feelings invalidated.

To end this on a more positive note: Make sure you check out "Pretty Head" by Transviolet, it's a really cool song. <3