#but ron has a thing for him too and he's just as touchy feely with him as he is in the show

[marshmellowtea]

not to be on my bullshit again but currently i am entertaining the thought of "incompetent egotistical businessman who think he's hot shit" ron x "younger assistant with a crush who's actually been carrying him the entire time they've been working together" henry

[seriouslysam8]

I love Basorexia but I have a question.

Even if it was really funny, don't you think that the part between Harry and Ron was a bit out of character? They aren't that affectionate in canon and it kind of defeats the whole point made in the books that Harry is comfortable just with Ginny's touch. Not that you wrote Harry happy about the situation, but I think realistically he would have gone to sleep in Ron's bed and even been a bit annoyed by it.

I hope you don't take this as a critique, I just want to understand where you stand on this point. There are things that are not really canon in your series, like Harry and Ginny raising Teddy, so I just want to understand if writing their friendship as more open is something you do on purpose or you just see in canon things that I don't really see.

-Five

Hi! So, here’s my thought process and how I approach it.

So Harry obviously loves Ron in canon. Ron obviously loves Harry in canon. They are brothers in every sense of the word. Even when they are fighting and mad at each other, they’re miserable. Those two boys just can’t function without the other.

In Basorexia, Ron’s clearly drunk. People act different when they are drunk. I picture Ron as a very happy and touchy-feely drunk. He’s the type of drunk person you want to be around. By contrast, I’ve always written Harry as a sappy drunk who has no problem professing his love for people while completely pissed.

Harry is annoyed with Ron in Basorexia, no doubt. He has no interest in dealing with Ron’s drunk shenanigans. But he also just had possibly the best night of his life. He’s been worried all year that Ron would be upset with him if he dated Ginny, that it would ruin their friendship. The moment Ron says he’s been rooting for them, Harry instantly becomes calm and wants to talk to Ron about it. Because, at the end of the day, Ron is his best friend and brother.

So, yes, in canon, Harry is not affectionate with really anyone until HBP where you see him willingly hug Ginny and show her affection. This had to have jump started his need for affection.

Harry is extremely touch-starved. He was never given hugs and kisses growing up. Touch normally meant pain. He’s uncomfortable with physical touch. He is uncomfortable with Hermione hugging him, nervous with Cho. He has no idea how to navigate physical affection.

Then, GOF happens. Sirius sits next to him in Dumbledore’e office and keeps a comforting hand on him when Harry retells what happened at the graveyard. Molly hugs him in a way only a mother could. He is comforted by adults who love and care for him. Then, he opens himself up to Ginny.

Now, I know in Effloresce I probably took the Hinny affection way too far. But there’s nothing really written about what happened at the Burrow that summer except that Ginny was always around and Harry forgot that she didn’t normally hang out with them in school. So I attest that it could still be canon light since he willingly hugs her at school and seems comfortable with her in canon.

So this brings me back to Harry being touch-starved. In canon and in my expanded little canon light universe, Harry’s experienced some very real and amazing physical affection for the first time in his life. It has got to be overwhelming and amazing and unreal to him. He’s gone so long without affection that he probably can’t get enough of it. Spending all night with Ginny touching him has got to have his endorphins running high and he’s feeling really good.

Who is the one person he trusts the most? Who is his very best friend in the entire world?

Ron.

His best mate. His brother. Arguably his favorite person in the entire world (sorry, Ginny). I believe over the years, Harry and Ron started showing each other more and more affection. Claps on the back, quick hugs, gently shoving each other. Ron and Ginny quite possibly, in my opinion, opened him up to showing affection to those he loves the most.

So, in short, yeah they’re not that affectionate in canon, but I believe they grow to that overtime. Mix in drunk Ron and very happy Harry… I think they’re both comfortable enough with each other in that moment to be a little affectionate. That affection just continues to grow over time.

[autumnsnuggling]

I got inspired so here’s another bullet point fic! TW for references to poor MH

Hogwarts Eighth Year

Harry’s roomed with Draco. Harry can’t be arsed to fight with him anymore. Draco can’t either.

Harry’s MH is awful after the trauma of the war, and he finds the only thing he can do a lot of the time was lay on his bed and read (contrary to popular opinion, Hermione wasn’t the only one out of The Golden Trio to read, Harry did too, reading his textbooks at the Dursley’s to escape. I think he would have also read anything he could have got his hands on in his cupboard, Matilda style).

Thanks to the need to improve Muggle relations, Muggle Literature has found its way into the castle (anything from Disney stories to Raul Dahl, to great classics like Pride and Prejudice)

One of these books is something Harry used to read to escape, and immediately, he picks it up again, collapsing onto his bed in his thankfully empty room, when he should be in lessons, intent on escaping.

When Draco comes back from lessons utterly exhausted, he finds Harry with his back to him, reading silently, and Draco’s so surprised he just Draco draws closer again, reading over Harry’s shoulder, trying to figure out what the book is

Harry turns slightly to look at him, half-expecting a fight though he can’t be bothered to give him one, and finds Draco flushing slightly, dropping his gaze and making to walk away

And maybe because although it’s comforting in some ways, reading reminds him of being alone in the cupboard. Or maybe it’s because last year, Harry always had Hermione hugging him and Ron clapping him on the back, reassuring him he was loved and alive. Or even, maybe it’s that sharing a room with Draco has made Harry think they might just be very similar. But for some unfathomable reason, Harry offers for Draco to read with him

And somehow, after a long, confused, wary, hopeful look, Draco nods, settling gingerly on Harry’s bed behind him, sitting up against the headboard so he can see

Heat prickles on their skin. Neither of them dare to breathe. The very air between them seems to vibrate. 

They both ignore it.

After trying hard to focus, soon, Draco gets sucked in, beginning to ask questions.

Each time he asks something, he points, leaning closer and pointing to make it easier for Harry to understand what bit he’s on about (not because he’s one of the most touchy-feely people ever and he’s touch starved at the moment at all)

And quietly, Harry answers, swallowing each time as his heart skips a beat from the warmth the soft brushes of Draco’s skin brings

Seconds turn into minutes, and slowly, as pages turn, they both shift. Closing the gap. 

Draco shimmies down the bed. Rolls onto his side. Props his head up on his elbow. 

Harry scoots backwards slightly. Stretches out a leg and finds Draco’s. Angles himself towards Draco.

Draco stops taking his hand away after pointing at a spot on the page, resting it gently in the dip of Harry’s stomach

Harry shivers

Draco’s arm grows tired of supporting his head, putting it down on Harry’s pillow, close enough to catch the smell of Harry’s hair.

Tentatively, Harry’s hand finds Draco’s

Draco jumps but then squeezes as Harry goes to drop his hand

Legs tangle

Harry’s back presses against Draco’s chest

Breaths catch as arms squeeze

Heads rest on one another

Eyes close

The book lies forgotten

[lazywonderlvnd]

this is a tiny soft birthday piece for @l0vegl0wsinthedark -- you deserve way more than u think u do my angel and i hope this lifts ur spirits just enough to enjoy ur day like u should (and while i’m finishing a whole ass fic for you) happy birthday ilysm ❤️❤️❤️

includes: lots of weed smoking, kissing boys, and a room full of gryffindors and slytherins getting along

The chair is definitely made for one person, but that hasn’t stopped Draco from making himself comfortable on Harry’s lap in an entitled manner reminiscent of Crookshanks. In fact Crookshanks, in Harry’s opinion, looks a bit annoyed at the stolen bit of real estate. He’s contented himself with Ron’s lap but he’s watching Draco with an almost human expression of contempt.

There’s a layer of smoke sitting stagnant at about head height, like a potent cloud, that Harry had noticed five minutes ago and can’t unsee now. Had they really smoked that much?

He looks around the room: at Seamus, who is speaking rapidly and with extravagant hand gestures to Blaise in an Irish accent so thick Harry can make out only one in five words; at Hermione, with one of the two circulating joints in hand, laughing with tears in her eyes at something Ginny’s just said; at Luna, holding the other and staring peacefully off into space, completely unaware of Pansy sneaking glances at her. Yes, perhaps they had smoked that much. Goyle looks utterly blazed too, his eyes bloodshot and slitted, fingers positively caked with cheese dust from a bag of crisps. 

Bringing his focus back round to Draco on his lap — who is, from his position, engaged in conversation with Dean — Harry gives a great yawn and shifts a bit, trying to relieve the slight tingling in his right leg. Draco readjusts himself without missing a beat, moving some of his weight around to Harry’s other thigh and continuing uninterrupted in his spiel about … well, Harry’s not sure, really. He thinks it’s something about some artist or another, Draco’s current obsession.

“Harry!” 

He turns, blinking, to see Hermione holding the joint towards him and shaking it. The ash falls off and lands on the carpet.

“Oh — oops,” she giggles. “Sorry. I said your name a million times. Here, take it, it’s yours.”

He leans over the arm of the chair to reach out as far as he can while being weighed down with Draco, stretching towards her on the sofa, and just manages to snag it with his fingertips. She pulls out her wand and cleans the ash, then turns back to Ginny.

Harry drops his head back and takes a hit, pulling the smoke into his lungs, holding it there, and then blowing it out towards the ceiling. He watches with fascination as it joins seamlessly with the larger cloud. He’s become completely neutralised to the smell of the weed but he keeps getting whiffs of Draco’s shampoo, a brand new one he keeps raving about that’s supposed to work all kinds of wonders on his scalp and hair follicles. All Harry really gives a shit about, though, is that Draco’s smelled like coconut lately, which he very much likes.

He lifts his head and takes another hit, but this time he brings his mouth close to Draco’s ear and blows the smoke into it, causing him to cringe away, startled, while Dean starts laughing.

“You’re so fucking annoying when you’re high,” says Draco, trying for scolding except that his eyes are bright and he can’t quite keep a smile off his face. “Give me that.” He snatches the joint from Harry and brings it to his lips, letting the smoke drift out through his nose and looking like the world’s loveliest and smallest dragon. He must see the way Harry’s looking at him because after he takes his second hit he leans down with a coy grin and Harry meets him halfway in a kiss so Draco can breathe the smoke into his mouth. His tongue follows shortly after and Harry loves the way he can taste the weed on it, earthy and bittersweet. 

He loses himself in it quickly, his hazy, sluggish brain happily forgetting the presence of eight or nine of their friends around them as he drinks his fill. All that’s real or matters is the warm, solid weight of Draco in his lap, the smell of weed and coconut, his soft lips and wet tongue and the gentle fingers on his jaw, stroking lightly. His own hand, the one not draped behind Draco’s back, finds his hip and snakes beneath his shirt, just enough to graze warm skin. Draco smiles against his mouth and hums into the kiss before pulling away and trailing his lips towards Harry’s ear.

“I’d settle down if I were you,” he says softly, his breath tickling Harry’s neck. It’s only then that Harry realises he’s got a semi that’s beginning to dig into Draco’s arse and he lets out a quiet laugh. Just to be cheeky, he brings his lips to Draco’s jaw and kisses down his neck, grinning when he feels Draco shiver.

“But I’m enjoying myself so much,” he whispers, hand sliding from Draco’s hip to his lap, where he squeezes over his half-hard cock, causing him to squirm and gasp in surprise. He grabs Harry’s hand and pulls it away with pink cheeks while Harry laughs against his neck.

“Oi, d’you two fucking mind!” comes Dean’s voice, and Harry looks up to see him watching them with raised eyebrows.

“You don’t have to watch,” Harry tells him, ripping his hand out of Draco’s grip to squeeze his thigh this time, delighted by the squawk of indignation.

“Draco’s still holding the joint, you pillock,” says Dean. “And he’s about to singe your arm with it.”

“I’m not about to singe anybody, you troglodyte,” Draco says, whipping round to glare at him. “Not all of us are bumbling Gryffindor barbarians born without a trace of elegance in our blood —”

“Ow!” Harry yells, snatching his arm from around Draco’s back when something scalding hot touches his skin. Dean descends into howls of laughter while Draco takes Harry’s arm and starts apologising profusely. He goes as far as chucking the joint at Dean, whose laughter subsides as it lands in his lap and he jumps out of his chair before it can burn him. Harry can see it beginning to burn a hole in the carpet.

This is not by any means the first time this carpet has seen a lit joint. Hermione has fixed most of the damage but here and there are obvious reminders, which Harry actually quite likes. There is, he thinks, such a thing as too much cleanliness and perfection. If a burn mark on his carpet is a memory of a good time, he can’t see what’s so bad about it.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” Draco coos, lifting his arm and pressing a soft kiss to the tiny burn mark.

“You did that on purpose,” says Harry, affecting a deep, childish frown that makes Draco laugh. He cups Harry’s cheeks and kisses his lips once, twice, three times, then his cheek, before pulling away.

“Better?”

“Oh, I’ll need more than that if you wanna make up for burning me,” Harry tells him, cheeky grin back in place. Draco rolls his eyes and Harry hears both Dean and Ron making retching noises while Seamus wolf-whistles.

“Who has the other joint?” Dean asks as he drops the roach into an ashtray on the coffee table. “Someone needs to roll a new one.”

“Harry, you do it,” says Pansy. “Blaise did the last two and they were terrible.”

“What the fuck?” Blaise says, glaring at her. “They were fucking decent, what’re you on about?”

“Harry?” Pansy presses, ignoring him. “Will you? Yours are the best.”

“That’s because he’s good with his hands,” Draco says, bringing his lips to Harry’s cheek again where Harry can feel him grinning.

“You have to get off my lap then,” says Harry, prompting a heavy pout from Draco that makes him look twelve.

“Just do it on my lap, it’s not that hard.”

Harry huffs out a breath but agrees; he likes Draco’s warm weight and doesn’t really care if it’s a little more difficult to do, but mostly it’s because in spite of the burn he’s still half-hard and doesn’t necessarily need everyone seeing it. Dean brings over the flat tray with a mirrored base that Harry likes to use for this purpose and sets it down on Draco’s lap.

Draco makes a game of kissing his neck while he’s trying to roll the joints, causing him to fumble several times to the general chagrin of the room at large.

When he’s finished, Dean removes the tray and all the scattered, ground-up weed on its surface and takes the joints, lighting them both and handing one off to Seamus so the rounds can begin again. Harry wonders vaguely how long it would take for the whole room to fill with smoke and eventually suffocate them.

Draco’s nuzzling his cheek now and Harry slips his arm back around him.

“We should kick everyone out after they finish these ones,” he hums into Harry’s ear. “I’m very anxious to make up for burning your poor arm.”

Harry laughs and squeezes his hip playfully, but he also feels his cock twitch with interest. Their friends will come again, plenty of times; more important is the very baked, very randy Draco in his lap whose mouth looks more inviting by the minute.

“Yeah, all right,” he agrees. 

“Good,” Draco says and kisses his cheek once again. His touchy-feeliness is one of Harry’s very favourite things about Draco when he smokes. It’s like he can’t help it. “I’m gonna get some lemonade actually, do you want anything, love?”

“I’m okay,” says Harry. “Don’t be long.”

With another kiss — on his mouth this time — Draco stands up and Harry takes the opportunity to swat his arse before he walks away. Draco yelps and blushes and smacks his arm but he’s smiling, and it makes Harry’s heart even lighter than the weed does.

[howling-harpy]

hi there! can i ask a BOB headcanon of Winters/Speirs and secret relationship please?🥺🥺🥺 thanks before, i hope you have a great day x

Ooh nice! Interesting choice of a pairing. Wonderously I have written that before. Might it be you who requested the fic too? ;)

The only way Speirs and Winters work is by keeping it secret.

They are both serious, dedicated, professional officers, and there is absolutely no overlap between their professional and personal lives.

This couple doesn’t so much try to keep it a secret as it comes naturally to them.

They have two separate gears: a professional soldier gear and a lover gear. The lover gear shifts on behind closed doors, off duty.

They are not cuddly or touchy feely, but when they have alone time, they do rely on each other quietly and with small gestures.

Dick makes sure Ron gets something to eat regularly and treats him to extra goods he gets his hands on.

Ron pulls Dick out of overworking cycles, sometimes walking up behind him when he’s hunched over a desk and gives him a neck massage.

They don’t really fit together since they disagree on so many things morally and leadership wise, but they learn to complement each other.

Dick admires Ron for his decisiveness and practical ability, and sets on to balance and rein in his violent temper.

Ron admires Dick’s emotional intelligence and how caring he is, but reminds him of boundaries and makes himself the strong caring one so that Dick has someone to rely on for a change.

Dick doesn’t know how to ask for it, but Ron knows when he’s wanted in a primal sort of way and makes himself welcome in Dick’s billet.

Sometimes when everything is a bit too much, when there is time to count casualities and a little bit too much time to think in general, when Nix is on a bender and Dick is left completely alone, he goes to Ron’s billet. Ron never asks why he’s there or ask anything at all, he just knows, and takes Dick to bed and gives him exactly what he needs.

Their relationship behind closed doors could almost be seen as an extreme form of maintaining a soldier’s ability to function, but it’s a little bit too affectionate and passionate to be just routine.

Ron is sensual and attentive, almost too much for Dick to handle in the bedroom where he definitely is burned by his fire.

Dick gives Ron a run for his money though; everyone in the officers’ showers can see the red marks on Ron’s back, but no one dares to ask.

[thesmalltowngal]

Snowbaz #22- The Stars Taunt Us; Ch. 3

Links to the last two chapters:

The Stars Taunt Us- Ch. 1

The Stars Taunt Us- Ch. 2

Hey guys, so I was thinking long and hard about what direction I wanted this fic to go in, and I’m so happy with the way it turned out. (Especially the part about the supernova.) This chapter is much better when listening to music if you can, so here’s a list of the songs I listened to while writing this chapter, in order:

- Give Me Love, Ed Sheeran

- Bite, Troye Sivan

- A Drop in the Ocean, Ron Pope

- Make it To Me, Sam Smith

- Creep, Radiohead

- Apocalypse, Cigarettes After Sex

- All I Ask, Adele (I high recommend listening to this one at the end if you can for maximum emotion.)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy! (All of them can be found together on Wattpad, as well.)

______________________________

*Baz’s POV*

I wasn’t expecting this. Simon Snow down on one knee with a ring in his hand, telling me to take a chance on us. When I don’t speak right away, he says just that.

“Come on, Baz. Take a chance on us…” But that’s just the thing, I want to say to him. I already did, all that time ago at Watford. Part of me wants to fling into his arms and scream about how fucking much I accept his proposal. But the other part of me just… it doesn’t fucking feel it. We’ve been together for two months and they’ve been good. (Not as good as when we were first together- nothing could compare to that.) You wanted him to propose ages ago, my pesky brain tells me. What the fuck is stopping you now?

“I… I, erm- I just,” I’ve never stuttered this much before, and I think it’s making Simon nervous. “Simon, I need a week. Just a week to think about it. It’s… a lot to take in.” He once again looks like a kicked puppy, but not all of the hope has drained out of his eyes. (Crowley, I feel just awful for making him feel so unhappy.) (Screw that; he made me unhappy for a year.) He nods slowly and gets up to stand right in front of me. I go to hand him back the ring, but he stops me. 

“Baz, it’s for you. Whether you accept the proposal or not, that’s the ring I bought for you. You can keep it,” I nod and tuck it safely into my shirt pocket. (It really is a bloody wonderful ring- the inscription made my heart flutter.) “I can give you all of the time to think in the world, love. Just know that I love you.” Where was that love a year ago? My heart wants to ask. But he scoops me into a long, slow kiss. I remember how I loved the way his jaw moved so long ago, and I try to focus on that instead of the itchy feeling that kissing him gives me. 

I don’t know when that happened. For so long after the break-up, I craved his touch. I just want to feel his lips, his hands, his wings. But I suppose that now each touch feels a tad tainted; like I’m letting a stranger touch me. I mean, I know Simon very, very well. He hasn’t changed all too much since we were together. But for some reason, I just haven’t felt the same as how it did before he broke my heart. (Maybe broke isn’t the right word- hearts don’t break. He stole my heart. Or maybe it simply stopped working for a little while.) 

Then again, these past two months haven’t been terrible. Going out to do stuff with him has been fun, and every now again we tease like old times. We hold hands, which isn’t all around unpleasant. Just like now; we’re sitting back at the table drinking our drinks while we hold hands across the table. I could imagine doing this for the rest of my life. (However long that is- I still don’t know about the whole possible immortality.) I can imagine having nice afternoons with Simon and going to bed with him, back to back. Maybe occasionally together together. Maybe we could get a dog. (And not for eating purposes.) Yeah, that sounds just fine. 

But I need a week to think about it.

*Simon’s POV*

A week. I can deal with a week. I was surprised when he didn’t say outright yes, but not too disappointed. I understand that he needs time; he’d be a bit loony if he didn’t. We’ve been back together for just two months (two bloody fantastic months, but only two nonetheless), and I know that I hurt him when I told him to leave. But I didn’t really mean it. Sometimes (quite frequently, really) I’ll wonder what would have happened if I had gotten my shit together earlier and stayed with him. Merlin, we might’ve been married by now. It certainly felt like it was going that way before I fucked everything up. Maybe he’d still look at me like I hung the stars just for his enjoyment. Maybe we would still snog each other like it was the end of the world. (Maybe it was. For us, anyway.) 

I suppose I understand where he’s coming from. I know I hurt him in ways that he didn’t deserve to be hurt. I know that. But I know I love him and I know he loves me… so why let one bloody mistake get in the way of a fucking lifetime of happiness? I don’t know. But I have faith (that’s a first) that he’ll make the right decision by the end of the week. The right decision for not just us but him, too. I’m pretty sure that he’ll say yes by the end of this week, but then again, I was pretty sure that he’d come back when I broke up with him. I’ve been wrong a lot this past year. 

Now we’re back at my apartment, and I’m cooking dinner while Baz grumbles about there being nothing on the telly to watch. I take a moment from cooking to admire the way he looks. (I’ve been doing that a lot.) He has one arms draped over the back of the couch, legs crossed while flipping through the channels on the remote in his other hand. Somehow he always manages to look amazing, even when his hair is a mess and he’s doing something as simple as looking for a show. I shake myself and get back to making spaghetti. 

Just as I’m stirring the sauce, I feel arms wrap around my waist, a body moving around my wings, and the ghost of a kiss on the side of my cheek. Baz hasn’t seemed very touchy feely lately, so I take this as an opportunity to lean back into his arms and melt under his touch. I can’t help the sigh that escapes from my lips as he nuzzles his face into my neck. I just miss him so much. I know we’ve been together (again) for over two months, but I haven’t felt quite as close to him as I did before the break up. We’ve cuddled just the same, sure, but there aren’t as many as thoughtless touches- like a casual kiss on the forehead, or the squeeze of a hand. I haven’t been ready to go very far, (not further than a proper snog now and then, with shirts off) but Baz hasn’t seemed to mind. But even though we’ve felt separate lately, stars wait an eternity to finally get to each other. What’s a few months?

“I love you, Baz.” I breathe, still leaning into his touch. (Not caring about my wings for the moment.) He seems hesitant for a moment- like he doesn’t quite know what to say. 

“I love you too, Snow.” I smile as I spin around to face him, spaghetti sauce long gone from my mind. His eyes shine (but with what I don’t know) as he looks from my lips back to my eyes. He looks sad, but then again, he tends to look sad a lot. Crowley, I wish I could make him happy. 

*Baz’s POV*

Simon Snow is looking at me as though he’s been wanting me for an eternity. (It sometimes feels that way- like we’ve been waiting as long as the stars for a happy ending.) I don’t know why I decided to come and wrap my arms around him. Merlin, I don’t even know why I kissed him. I suppose… I suppose I wanted the illusion of normalcy for just a bit, didn’t I? The way it felt like it did over a bloody year ago when things were far from perfect, but at least they weren’t this. Sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever get that back… I hope we do.

But for now, I just want to get lost in Simon the way I used to. Lost in the novas that he holds in his eyes and trace the constellations of moles that he has all over. He is a galaxy. He is a living, breathing, galaxy. He could be my galaxy. But that’s just the thing- I never did know if the galaxy intrigued me, or if I always resented it… maybe a bit of both. 

He leans forward and gently pushes his lips against mine, as though he’s not sure if it’s what I want. I’m torn between it is and it isn’t. I decide to forget my options as I just for once in my life, go along with something without any thought. His mouth works so lovely against mine. (It doesn’t feel the same as it used to- maybe it never will.) 

The definition of a supernova: A star that suddenly increases greatly in brightness because of a catastrophic explosion that ejects most of its mass. Maybe we’re the catastrophic explosion… but maybe we’ve also simply increased in brightness. Maybe we’re both. But all I think about as I kiss him back gently is supernovas, and what that means, I’m not quite sure. 

I try to avoid his wings as I softly move my hands up and down his back. His tail wraps around my leg just like it used too- just like it did when it drove me crazy. His hands are in my hair, and this whole thing just seems very… hesitant. Like we’re both too afraid of breaking the other. (Maybe I’m just afraid of breaking myself- maybe I’m afraid of our inevitable explosion.) But I don’t wish for more and I don’t wish for less. Because for a moment- just a moment, it feels like it did oh so long ago. It feels like it did when we were back in my apartment, snogging and feeling like fireworks until we had to sleep. This is nice. For a second I can imagine doing this for the rest of my life. (Although I’m not exactly sure how long that’s supposed to be.)

But it’s all washed away in one motion as smell of burning sauce fills our lungs. Simon springs away from me and toward the stove, trying to turn it off and fan away the smoke. Whatever bit of fire I had felt, it’s gone now; the fire is replaced by an aching hole where my heart should have been before he stole it. He turns back, muttering his apologies, reaching back for me. 

But I’m already back on the couch. 

…

It’s the night before I tell Simon my answer to his proposal… and I still have no idea what I’m going to do. I told him this morning that I needed the day to myself to think. This past week has been lovely; it’s been like a tiny glimpse into the future I could have. The bloody problem is that I just don’t know if it’s the future I want. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with Simon Snow. Marrying him, getting a dog together (he never could shut up about getting a puppy), getting steady jobs. Getting a flat together. Maybe, maybe, getting back to what we once were before. (I’m on my porch, staring up at the stars. After all, it’s the stars that lead my back to him in the first place.)

In the beginning - the very beginning of our story - I told myself that I couldn’t let myself love Simon Snow. Then I fell in love, and I told myself that it just wouldn’t work. That he would marry Wellbelove and kill me. We were destined to be enemies. I told myself constantly that I didn’t want it to happen. And then when it did happen, it felt like I was flying among the stars. I could see things oh so very clearly. But once real life started happening, I kept preparing myself for him to cast me aside. To suddenly change his mind and tell me he didn’t want me anymore. And I was finally telling myself that maybe he did want me after all… when he did change his mind. And after so long of doing nothing but wanting wanting wanting him and losing myself along the way… I’m not so sure that the want I feel for him is the most important thing in my life anymore. He was my life for the longest time, and then I had to try and live without him. I found myself more than I had in my whole life. 

I could choose Snow, and I would get everything I’ve ever wanted since I was a child. I was get my very happy happily ever after. I would get the hero. Or I could choose myself and risk losing absolutely everything fucking lovely in my life. I would be my own hero. (Or my own villain, come to think of it.) It’s either me, or Snow and the rest of my life. For once in his entire life… maybe Simon has a run for his money. 

I gaze up, letting the stars guide me.

…

I’ve made my decision, fully prepared for everything to come. I stayed out late late on my porch last night, just thinking. I got hardly any sleep. But I’ve made up my mind, and I feel as clear-headed as I have in my entire life. After draining a deer this morning, I feel alert and ready for whatever the day decides to bring. I ultimately chose what would make me the absolute happiest in my life; I chose my future. 

I knock on his door, so sure about the decision I’ve made. When he opens the door, morning sunlight streaming in behind him, making him look like an absolute angel, my heart pings. Oh how I love this absolute fool. 

“Morning, Simon.” He’s all awake and dressed, ready for my answer. And I’m ready to give it to him. He invites me in and has us sit on the couch, a good amount of space between us. Far enough that he can spring away if I say no, and close enough that he can fling himself into my arms if he says yes. 

“Morning Baz. So… have you made a decision? Knowing you, I s’pose you have.” He laughs lightly to himself before visibly readying himself for my response. 

“Simon Snow, I have loved you since we were children,” His eyes are alight with hope. “Bloody hell, of course I still love you. I spent my years wishing on shooting stars that you’d one day love me back. That I would get the privilege of holding you and calling you mine. And once I finally got you, I never wanted to let you go. Of course, I’ve never been fond of myself. Especially through the years of obsessively falling madly in love with you… I lost myself. I suppose, in a way, I found myself, too. But mostly I felt lost, too focused on you to do anything else.” I keep my voice steady. (Which is fucking hard.) “I constantly told myself that you would let me go as soon as things settled. I thought that I never deserved love- let alone from you, Simon Snow.”

“Baz, you know that’s not-” He cuts me off. I hold a hand up, telling him to stop.

“I know, Simon. I know. But just let me talk, love. So then, finally, when I started letting myself believe that it was real, that we were real… that your love was real, that when you did change your mind,” He goes to cut me off again, but I stop him with a look. “I lost myself again. When I got you, I felt like I was completed. Like I was just half a person that needed you to make me complete and feel whole. So when we were separated, I tried finding myself again. Not the Baz that was lost and scared and confused. Not the Baz that was fucked by and completely bloody enamored with Simon Snow… just myself. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. And then when I had grown by myself, stronger than ever, I found you again. I found the love of my life again, but this time, I didn’t feel it. All I saw was the person that made my chest ache and my eyes fill with tears. Simon, I didn’t want to get lost again. I was so clear. I had just found myself. But one look into your starry eyes and I was lost again- defining myself by a boy whom I had once been in love with. A boy who was a stranger now.” We’re both crying. We know what this means for us.

“You crushed me, rebuilt me, and then crushed me again more times than I can count; you did it without even blinking. I will always have a place for you, Simon Snow. But you stole my heart, and I need to find a way to regrow it on my own. Crowley, I can’t feel complete with someone. I have to be complete and strong on my own. And I just don’t think I can do that when I’m with you. I’m so sorry, love, but I have to choose me this time.” I get up off the couch and when Simon doesn’t move, I lean down to kiss the constellation on his cheek. I go to leave, standing by the door, looking back at him once more. 

“Hey Baz?” He stops me, sorrow dripping into his voice. I quirk an eyebrow at him, ignoring the tears streaming down my cheeks. “I hope you find yourself.” I smile at him, my breath catching in my throat. He looks like the Simon I fell in love with. 

I smile a heart-breaking smile at him and I say the only thing I can think of to say at the moment. “Send Bunce my best.” He laughs through his tears and nods at me. Before I close the door, we just look each other in the eyes. Those beautiful, (extra)ordinary, starry starry eyes that 11 year old Baz fell in love with. We smile a sad smile; a smile of strangers. Maybe not strangers. Maybe strangers with a past… with a sad history. I nod one more time before closing the door. (Literally and figuratively, that is. Closing the literal door… and the door on our relationship.) That was the last time I’ll ever see Simon Snow. (Sometimes stars are just meant to explode- not create anything bigger or brighter or better.)

Even as I hiccup and can’t see through my tears, twisting his ring in my fingers… I know that the stars guided me right. For once in my life, I needed to choose me.

I will have a happy ending. Simon will have a happy ending. We just won’t have the same happy ending. The moral is that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, two people just aren’t meant to have a happy ending together. 

*Simon’s POV*

I was just really, really hoping that he would be my happy ending. 

[synonym-for-life]

Roarmac for the ship asks!!

Well, this was incredibly fun! Now I miss writing Roarmac. I should write another fic. Thank you for this delightful ask, Ginger!

Who digs through the toy bin at thrift stories

Cormac starts. Ron tries to pretend for maybe a second or two that he isn’t that childish but then gives in to Cormac’s enthusiasm and they end up taking half the bin home - Weasleys love clutter after all. 

Who gives better hugs

Cormac is good at happy, enthusiastic hugs. He just likes to hug period and is in general very touchy-feely. However, his comfort hugs are a bit too “slappy” - Cormac just wants to slap that sadness out of you and pound some enthusiasm in (this sounds wrong but it’s Cormac we’re talking about…). Ron is a bit stiffer and less relaxed when it comes to hugging, but when a friend is in need of comfort, his hugs are the most sincere even if he ends up shuffling his feet awkwardly after. 

Who does absolutely nothing on a day off

Ron. I mean. Of course, it’s Ron. And it drives Cormac mad. Cormac! Wants! To! Do! Stuff! When that happens, Ron sends his boyfriend over to the Burrow, where Mrs Weasley keeps him occupied so that Ron can get some fucking peace and quiet. When Molly can’t handle Cormac, she sends him over to Arthur’s muggle-clutter-filled shed where he entertains Arthur’s eccentricities with unparalleled enthusiasm.

Who prefers gold and who prefers silver

Uhh, I have no idea. I can’t see either of them very interested in this, but Ron would like both silver and gold more than Cormac. Cormac would probably be the kind of lad who finds a random stone on a beach and wraps it in copper wire and thinks it’s the most rad accessory ever made. If there’s one thing to be said about Cormac is that he’s confident. Even when he has no reason to be.

Who looks better in stripes

They both look terrible in stripes, but Ron at least knows it, Cormac, on the other hand, insists that he can pull it off and combines vertical and horizontal stripes just to make a point - he ends up looking like a really large, inflated barcode. 

Who wears “dad hats”

Probably Ron. But idk, maybe Cormac too. Depends on whether Arthur manages to convince him regarding his views on muggle fashion. 

Who excessively quotes shows or movies

I think Ron has an excellent memory for this, so he would definitely do it, but he’d kind of keep it subtle. Cormac would absolutely do it too but misquote everything.

Who saves everything because “we could use it for something someday”

Ron. He’s a Weasley. I like to imagine that in the attic of the Burrow, one could find letters from Great Aunt Gertrude who fought in WWI disillusioned as a soldier, a collection of preserved gnome heads from Great Great Grandfather Cecil, perhaps even an heirloom dildo first owned by Great great great great aunt Mathilda.

Who piles on the blankets

Both! And it’s the worst. Their nights are one constant fight for blanket-possession - that is until they each get separate blankets, then the fights only happen once to twice a week. 

Who drowns everything in chocolate

Ron all the time. Cormac when he’s in “bulking season”. When Cormac is trying to get “lean for the summer”, Ron tries to sabotage him by upping his own chocolate intake in an effort to tempt Cormac into breaking his diet. He never admits why he does this, but it’s because he secretly loves Cormac’s pudgy winter stomach and a more pliable squeezable arse. 

Ugh, don’t you all just love Roarmac? What a legendary pair!

[violetclarity]

Tagged by @goldentruth813 and @aibidil a little while back

RULES: You must answer the questions below about the last ship that you read/wrote about, regardless of whether or not you like this ship, then tag anyone you want.

The last thing I read and wrote were drarry so...here you go! In order to make this more specific (read: easier for me) since there are sort of endless permutations for these two and my HCs for them are very flexible/change from fic to fic, I’m answering for the last thing I wrote them in, my (hopefully) soon to be posted Self Indulgent Soulmate AU

1. What domestic thing are they most guilty of? I’m...confused by this question? They absolutely love waking up next to each other in the morning and spending as much time lounging in bed as possible. Gross.

2. Who is enabler in the relationship? (eg: “I shouldn’t eat the cake.” “Eat the damn cake. You know you wanna.” “Damn, you’re right.”) I don’t love this example because the “I shouldn’t eat X” thing grates at my soul on a daily basis, but I think that Draco would encourage Harry to do more self-care type things, remind him that he can put himself first sometimes and can say no to requests for favors, etc. So, enabling, but in a good way :)

3. What is their song? I made a playlist for this fic but I’m having trouble picking a favorite. Maybe Years & Years by Olly Murs? (yes I learned about this song from the wireless prompt list and it’s AMAZING) or I Wanna Be Yours (Arctic Monkeys)

4. In a battle, would they fight back-to-back, or sporadically, watching out for each other? There are no battles in this fic, but if there were, back-to-back. They’ve wasted too much time and mean to much to each other to be separated at a moment like that.

5. In death fics, which person is the one that usually dies/you choose to kill off? everyone lives in this story!

6. What would a reverse verse look like? EQUALLY ANGSTY BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY AND I LOVE IT. tbh I’m super tempted to write something w a similar plotline - like a You’ve Got Mail AU where Harry realizes he is talking to Draco before Draco does? - or just write a Harry POV sequel to this fic after I post it :P

7. If you had to put them into any other fandom of yours, which would it be and how would it work out for them? Taking them out of a magical world feels very wrong but I will try my hand at Yuri on Ice. Let’s see...they skated together when they were kids and were friendly rivals. They have a big falling out in juniors right before Draco’s parents force him to stop competing. He has an obligation to his family (business), but he’s always remembered Harry and wished he hadn’t had to give up on his dream. Meanwhile, Harry becomes a big time figure skating star and Draco keeps track of what he’s up to in the magazines. He knows his parents need to arrange a marriage for him that will be advantageous for their business interests, so he tries not to get too excited when his soulmark comes in, until he sees Harry’s printed in the paper and realizes they match...

8. Are they the “touchy-feely” couple or the “witty, sometimes insulting banter” couple? They are both, 100% both. They have great conversations but frequently insult each other/bicker, regardless of if they are alone or with other people, and their friends are all a little like ?? why are you like this?? But they also want to make sure they communicate and that the other knows how much they care, so they can be very touchy-feely, but that’s usually when they’re alone and only very rarely happens in public.

9. Would they want marriage? Kids? Or are they more comfortable without those things? Overall I can be convinced in most directions for this for drarry. For this story I don’t think they would want to get married - Draco especially would resist it, but neither would feel it was necessary - but down the line I could see them with a kid or two.

10. What are most of their dates like? I think they would be all over the idea of trying new things together and introducing each other to places, foods, activities etc. that they enjoy. Sort of retroactively getting to know each other, but having a lot of fun doing it. They spend a lot of time just being together so they like to plan it out a bit more if they’re Going Out.

11. Do they have a secret language? Inside jokes? No one else quite understands their mix of bickering and affection, which definitely develops into more of a secret language the longer they are together.

12. What do their morning routines look like? Are they harmonious? Do they fight each other for space? Do they help each other get ready? Getting out of bed is always a struggle but after that they are pretty harmonious. They have a very low-key but daily competition over who gets to make breakfast for the other, even if it’s just boiling water for tea or making toast.

13. Assuming that some family members are alive (related or no), how did each family react to the couple? Lucius and Narcissa are not thrilled, but Draco doesn’t really give them a chance to say anything bad about Harry or their relationship. Every other week Harry comes with him to dinner at the Manor. It’s awkward and remains so for some time. Ron and Hermione are reluctantly completely on board from the start because they just want Harry to be happy, and eventually everyone else on Harry’s side follows their lead.

14. What is your favorite AU for them? This fic is an AU already :D

15. Finally, what trope works better for the couple as they are in canon? (If they’ve never met, which one do you think would work best if they know each other?) Mutual pining is always my go-to trope 100% of the time, but if I was writing something where they had never met I would go with a “Harry has worked X place for a long time and doesn’t need super posh Draco Malfoy coming in and telling him how to do his job, even if Malfoy is ridiculously fit...”

I feel like probably everyone already did this because I’ve been missing from tumblr for weeks but if you haven’t and feel so inclined I’ll tag @foularcadebanana @starlillie @potteresque-ire @snortinglaughter @malfoypotterbaby

[unfortunatelysirius]

I Will Never Be Satisfied [Harry Potter x Weasley! Reader – Golden Trio]

Prompt: (Requested by Anonymous) Hi could you please if possible write one based on the song 'satisfied' from the musical Hamilton. Where the reader is toasting at fluer and Charlie's wedding but then she sees Ginny and harry kissing and gets flashbacks from the Yule ball where she realizes she loves harry. Sorry if it's a bit long! Thank you! Additional Notes: Let’s be real here. Hamilton is one of the best musicals ever created, so instead of toasting to the groom, let’s toast to the wonderfully talented man Lin Manuel-Miranda! Thanks so much for this request because I cannot even describe how excited I was to write it. So thank you, lovely anon, for making this request! Also, I was thinking you might have meant Bill rather than Charlie so I went ahead and did it with Bill and Fleur, if that’s alright :)) I also made it where the reader is a Weasley! I hope you enjoy it and you can totally request a part two with another one of the songs if you like it! Have a fantastic day. Word Count: 800-900

:::::::SATISFIED, FROM HAMILTON:::::::

“A toast to the groom! To the groom, to the groom, to the groom. To the bride! To the bride, to the bride, to the bride…”

You couldn’t remember a time where you weren’t smiling at Fleur and Bill’s wedding. Everyone was so happy, so alight with life—Fleur and Bill most of all. You couldn’t say you weren’t in absolute shock when Fleur made you one of her bridesmaids. She’d been bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement, and as one of the only Weasleys who hadn’t detested her at first sight, you were honored.

“Thank you, Fleur,” you had said, then barreled into her, wrapping your arms around her in a hug. The Veela was in tears, sobbing thick thank-yous into the hair of your head. It should have been the other way around, but Fleur was always a rather emotional woman, and hearing you accept her offer, she couldn’t help but cry tears of joy. It made you love the silvery-haired woman all the more passionately.

“To your union; to the union—to the revolution! And the hope that you provide; may you always be s a t i s f i e d .”

You were up at the stand, all eyes on you as you lifted a cup of Butterbeer in grace. You smiled largely, looking around the room with tears in your eyes. “Fleur, you deserve a life full of happiness,” you began. “Bill’s a wonderful man—he’s my brother, and I love him more than life itself. I love all of my siblings more than life itself. But you, you’ve always been there for me, Bill. And you and Fleur are perfect together, two wonderful people that have made my life worth living. So in honor of their union, I bid a toast! To a long, magical, prosperous life, you two!”

You saw them, then. Your little sister Ginevra, and Harry Potter, the Chosen One—the Boy-Who-Lived. They were smiling and laughing along the rest of the room as you toasted your brother and his newly-wedded wife—but this was different. So different. You could already feel the tears welling in your eyes and your throat.

Harry leaned forward and kissed Ginny. He had her cheek cupped in his hand, his forehead creased with love and pleasure. No one paid them any attention, but Merlin, that was the only thing you could focus on. That was the only thing that mattered—the one thing that made sense

And before you could stop yourself, you were spiraling back into a memory filled with so much hope… hope that only ended up being false. - - - - - -  - - - - - - - -  - -

“I remember that night, I just might regret that night for the rest of my days. I remember those soldier boys tripping over themselves to win our praise.”

It was the night that you had been waiting for since the start of the year. You were particularly ungrateful at first, thinking that a year of no Quidditch would result in sheer misery, but that initial belief only led to the excitement of a Triwizard Tournament and the Yule Ball. Having Harry, one of your best mates, involved as one of the contenders frightened you to no end, but at least you had the dance to look forward to.

You were going with one of the Dumstrang boys, a seventeen-year-old bloke that was rather good-looking in a ruggedly handsome sort of way. When he asked for your hand, you couldn’t say you were surprised; he’d been eying you for weeks, giving you that certain look that boys did when they really, really wanted you. You weren’t very flattered, nor were you excited, but you pretended to be for the sake of not looking like an unappreciative slag. He was cute, sure, but he didn’t make you feel anything. When he talked, it was like a never-ending Shakespearean soliloquy—endurable, but dull and lifeless. You didn’t want him, but you honestly didn’t even know what or who you wanted. You just knew it wasn’t him.

You were dressed in a teal dress adorned with lace material, a pair of glass heels on your feet. Your partner was dressed in robes of a similar color scheme, though there wasn’t an assemblage of lace—very unfortunate, in your opinion, as it could have given you a right laugh. You thought you looked pretty enough, but the real show of the ball was Hermione. You weren’t jealous—far from it, actually—but you still wished that you had the same amount of attention—specifically from your partner, who was chatting up a girl by the punch, a coquettish smile on his face.

Frowning with self-pity and regretting your choice of a date, you sat down by the far-right wall, feet propped up and a cup of smuggled-in Firewhiskey on hand. Though it burned your throat, you relished in it. The night you had been waiting for turned out to be a bust, and you just wanted to go up to your dorm and sleep off the pain. At least there you could avoid everyone and everything without it being questionable. You could blame it on the Firewhiskey and the dancing, say you needed to sleep off the incoming hangover. It would be an easy endeavor. It would hardly take any effort at all.

“I have never been the same. Intelligent eyes and a hunger-pang frame. And when you said, ‘Hi,’ I forgot my dang name.” Set my heart aflame, every part aflame. This is not a  g a m e .”

“Hey, Y/N.”

You turned your head. Shock enveloped you in waves at the sight of Harry, his smile tentative and hesitant. You grinned weakly at him. “Hi, Harry.”

He gestured towards the empty seat beside you. “Can I sit?”

You were shocked yet again, almost to the point of speechlessness. Your grin softened to a smile. “Of course.”

He sat down beside you, and it took you mere seconds to evaluate your best friend. Here he was, with his messy hair, thick glasses, and lovely smile, being so nice and genuine to you. For the first time since you met on the train to Hogwarts, you realized how utterly beautiful he was. Had he always been this stunning? He had a certain charm about him since the day you met, but now, it was an all-time-high.

Why couldn’t he have been your date than that stupid bloke from Dumstrang? You knew how wrong it was of you to think like that about your friend, especially when he fancied Cho Chang. You knew it was.

But you couldn’t help yourself when the Firewhiskey was churning in your stomach and your heart was fluttering with every look Harry gave you.

“Are you enjoying the ball?” Harry asked, looking deep into your eyes.

You laughed and shook your cup at him. “Alcohol makes anything enjoyable.” “You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied.” “Wish I could get pissed without having the entire world go against me,” Harry grumbled, looking cross with the ground as he stared down at it. You moved a shaky hand and placed it on his forearm, gaining a curious look from him. You were never one for being excessively touchy-feely. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. You forget yourself.” “It’s not all against you, Harry. I’m not against you. Ron isn’t; Hermione isn’t.” You were looking at him intensely, wishing he could see in himself what you saw. “You’re like me. I’m never satisfied.”

He just looked away. “You’re too good to me, Y/N,” he said, more softly than you’d ever heard his voice. “Is that right?” You smiled at him. “I’ve never been satisfied.” And that’s when you knew you were in love with Harry James Potter, Chosen One—the Boy-Who-Lived.

- - - -  - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - “I know my sister like I know my own mind.”

He made her so happy. She made him so happy. “You will never find anyone as trusting or as kind.” They were so compatible, so perfect for each other. You were a mere sidekick to their love story—a Peggy in a sea of Angelicas, a Madison in a sea of Jeffersons. “If I tell her that I love him she’d be silently resigned.” Your grip on the glass reached its maximum level of tightness, and you felt like you were shaking. You couldn’t stop staring at Ginny and Harry, and you knew the entire room was probably wondering if you were having a panic attack.

“He’d be mine. She would say, ‘I’m fine.’” A tear slipped down your cheek. “SHE’D BE LYING.” Without another word into the microphone of grace, you hurried off the stage, breaking your way through the crowd with a general ease. “He will never be satisfied.” You didn’t stop until you were far, far away from that place. Then you allowed the sobs to wrack your bones. “I will never be satisfied.” You would never be satisfied.

[california-doom-merchants]

The Apprentice: S1E2

I wrote the first one of these mid-January in between the election and the inauguration and:

I enjoyed writing it to hell

It's my favourite thing I've written in ages

I'm ill so I've got a big ball of spite that needs directing at SOMETHING

Fuck everything this man stands for

So that in mind let's begin. The US Apprentice, Season 1 Episode 2, aka “Sex, Lies and Altitude”, aka “Fucking Kill Me Dead”

First episode didn't have this theme song which opens with the refrain “Money money money, got to have it”

It's nice to be back, as in “the last time I watched this the star of this show didn't have a big red apocalypse button those sure were the days”

It opens on the two guys who didn't get fired walking back into the group

“David is...departed” motherfucker he lost in a reality show he didn't DIE

Alright so for all the opulence around them these guys are sharing rooms which are smaller than dorm rooms, like why the fuck are those even in Trump Tower

Maybe it's to make the co-eds feel more at homeroigoeinrgre

“The reality is that every board meeting will mean someone goes home” that's the basic premise of the show yeah

The women's group are gonna vote on who they want to be project leader

There's a whole bunch of drama between two of the women and like it's a competition aimed at businesspeople, of course they all want to lead this is Not Exactly Surprising

Trump is meeting the tiny apprentice idiots at an advertising agency

“This is Round 2 in a 13 round fight” too many rounds. too many.

Men's group are like “alright it's an advertising task, you worked in advertising, boom you're the leader”

seeing as yesterday you went to THE MOTHERFUCKING NY STOCK EXCHANGE *AIRHORNS* to get told “fuck you, sell lemonade” maybe not the best plan

but what do I know I don't have a BA in Money

One of the women is wearing a multicoloured bandanna at this business meeting and damn if that ain't Early 2000s Aesthetic right there

They meet up with the president of the advertising agency who's like early 50s and ripped and also in a tshirt and jeans for some reason??

He and Trump are very touchy-feely

He shows off his shitty open-plan office like it's the Taj Mahal and a security guard scoots right by them on a fucking scooter

“Advertising is an amazing thing, it's a powerful powerful tool, weapon”

Just drops “weapon” in there as if that's not actually quite disturbing

“this time you're gonna be working on CORPORATE. JETS” and they grin like 9 year olds

they gotta design an advertising campaign which sounds super tedious but again my name ain't Jonny Business what do I know

“the winning team is gonna be flown from New York to Boston by PRIVATE JET. For dinner”

oh boy I hope the jet is covered in gold

also I really hope they have to make their own travel arrangements home. fuck you peasants, third task is hitchhiking you motherfuckers

the advertising guy is like “cool you gotta make a 30 second advert and also a magazine ad”

he also gives them some friendly advice like “swing for the fences. and failure is not an option”.

Another way of putting that is “Take risks, and also make sure nothing goes wrong” which is ??????? you can't have risks without the chance of failure you chiseled fuck

oh wow so I didn't mention last time that each episode has like a business monologue?? from the big white supremacist himself

this one's titled “Don't Negotiate With Underlings”

alright so the “monologue” is like three sentences and two of them are “Deal with the boss”

like leaving aside a) DUH, b) could have titled that like “Talk To The One In Charge” or “Go Straight To The Top”

“Don't Negotiate With Underlings” makes you sound simultaneously like a total shithead but also a total shithead who's dealing with a hostage crisis

An advert popped up for Geena Davis on Will and Grace and props to whoever recorded this for not just switching channels

I don't even watch W&G but give me anyone who was in Thelma & Louise over this garbo

So the women immediately call up the company they're advertising for

“Hi we're working on your ad campaign” yeah in the same way that Maggie Simpson is driving Marge's car

“okay so we have an appointment today with the CEO and senior vice president of marketing” wow lucky they both happened to be free!!!

They are playing up the “this woman is ambitious and mean” angle to the fucking hilt

the leader literally picks one other woman to go to this meeting and fucks off without giving any other instructions

the next shot is them running out of the building and into a road like zoo escapees

the guy leader is like “we don't need to meet with the people who we're designing an ad campaign for, what do they have to offer??”

the women literally have to run to get to the meeting with the CEO

“one of the reasons you've been put on the Marquis Jet case is to wow us” well it was because you'd get to star on primetime CBS

meanwhile all the other women are looking at the jet they're (tangentially) gonna advertise

“my design idea is something that's very...risky” alright lay it on me

“I want to show a phallic symbol” HOLY SHITTTTTTTTT

but no seriously please don't, this show already has all the dicks I can handle

“I want to show a phallic symbol because it's a plane”

“I want to show a phallic symbol because it's a plane and if you buy the card you're gonna go UP. You're gonna go WAY UP”

Then there's a long lingering shot of the front of the plane

Smooth jazz starts playing

Ron Jeremy is there

“it's gonna be so bad they're gonna LOVE IT”

like credit's where it due, it takes a certain sort of courage to get a task like this and go “what if I make it DELIBERATELY shit?”

they're showing the woman they've established as Angry and Uncooperative talking about what a bad idea this is but I'm 100% on her side

and not just out of fuck-the-editors spite, this is so clearly dumb

Speaking of the editors, they've edited this one scene with the guys so badly it looks like one guy phoned another just to tell him who Warren Buffett is

“our project leader isn't motivating us, he needs to be our cheerleader” ummm

“Mr. Trump's been our cheerleader, Donnie's been our cheerleader” this is rapidly approaching Stockholm Syndrome, the only interaction he's had with you is to tell you that you're bad but not quite as bad as someone else

maybe he just knew some really nasty cheerleaders

There's a montage of these guys directing a TV ad being filmed and it could not be more obvious that they're clueless

It just cut to one guy who said “Victory. Victory for the men” and then it cut to someone else

Or maybe I hallucinated it

Nope it's still there

Fuck

Okay holy shit the women's ad just got referred to very casually as “Tammy's Testicle Ad”

There's two photos where they've shot the plane to look like a dick and like balls

That's like something eight year olds would do if given a budget

One of the guys working back at the office has literally laid down on the conference room floor to sleep

Honestly I don't even have the heart to make fun, I'm here for the obnoxious business people and the fascist in charge, not the guy who's clearly not in the right place emotionally to be on a TV show

The women are getting into full flight attendant outfits to make their pitch because “it's the full experience that sells it”, in which case where are your dongs

they're also doing a direct mail side of the campaign and the guy they're selling to is like “but people just toss direct mail”

She assured him it's “damn good”

I'm just enjoying the moment before he realizes their definition of “damn good” is largely genitalia-themed

These posters are the worst thing I've ever seen

also who the fuck direct mails a fucking private jet renting service? know your audience like what the ass

“alright guys you've set the women's movement back about 70 years”

damn dude imagine being told “hey design an advert for a plane!” and then two days later being told “you are traitors to your gender”

The guys are getting ready to present

“I am the Zen Master of presentation” yes but how capable are you of talking about DONGS

oh my god the men have made a Powerpoint and it actually has the “pie charts woosh onto screen” effects

they don't mention it but the pie chart absolutely mentions direct mail so both teams must have been told to do this very stupid thing

then they hand the committee first class cigars at the end

the committee is torn between the men's “a bit generic but overall good” approach and the women's “DICKS AND BALLS DICKS AND BALLS” approach

Everyone gets called back in so the ad company guy can call “The Big Guy”

The women won

I hate this

The women all get into a limo to go to their private jet and they shout “Donald's Divas!” and I can't anymore

Meanwhile the men are bickering

“Here's my guarantee to you – someone's getting fired tomorrow”

like is this stuff handed to them on a cue card or do people on reality shows just spend all their time re-iterating the concept and premise to other people on the show

“The jet was a taste of the Trump lifestyle” honestly props on making a TV series that is essentially an advert for yourself and getting it to last 10 plus seasons

Then there's this contrast montage of the women eating in this fancy restaurant and the guys eating at their shitty apartment complex

but you know what? the men look like they're happy and the women are all alone in a restaurant and look pretty miserable

why do the rewards always make me envy the losers more

is it because the winners have extra Trump proximity

(yes)

I don't want to get into the “drama” because it's like 95% manufactured but yeah the women are arguing

Race comes into it and frankly I can't imagine a worse forum to discuss misogynoir

but apparently this whole “flight to Boston, dinner, flight back” means they're on the move at 4am and that seems more like a penalty to the next round than anything else

like did nobody think of this?? or is this more of this “successful people don't need sleep” shit

one of the guys (the dude who slept) is very obviously freaking out and one of the guy says “sit down, relax, close your eyes”, puts a cowboy hat on him and gives this monologue like “imagine yourself fishing, the mountains at your back”

the other man thanks him and stays there for a bit

honestly I feel like I'm meant to laugh at this but it's oddly touching

smash cut to someone else - “yeah we need to fire that guy”

the losing team has to pack up all their stuff every time they go to the boardroom and I imagine that being just a hassle rather than genuinely unsettling

Trump walks into the boardroom out of the shadows just like he does in my nightmares

it's surreal watching these guys defend a “losing” idea which was actually professional

“you should have met with the guy who hired you” well YES

the team leader has to pick two other people who were responsible for losing

but the whole reason they lost was due to a decision he made so he picks the “fell asleep” guy and then someone else seemingly at random

this is Not A Very Well Thought Out Aspect Of Your Show

“I had to pick someone!” and then Trump's like “bit disloyal”

No it's literally one of the rules of your shitty TV franchise

The team leader is lying about stuff which is on tape which is a bold move

but dick-themed direct mail was also a bold move so what do I know

“Sam, you're a disaster, don't take offence, everyone hates you”

This is said to the same guy who was like “Donnie's our cheerleader!”

The team leader got fired

Honestly I think it's more because they think the other guy is good TV and they don't want to get rid of him too soon

and for someone who just didn't get fired he looks really quite upset

guy who got fired is like “I'll call you direct in five years when I have my first building”

I googled it, he does not own a building

So in summary – this wasn't fun. This wasn't interesting. This wasn't good television, or even good reality television. At best it got me to laugh at an absolutely terrible ad campaign and at worst it just made me feel bad for the guy who got fired, the guy who didn't get fired, the cast, the crew, the security guard on the ridiculous looking scooter and pretty much everyone involved in this trainwreck besides the walking talking constitutional crisis at the centre of it.

See you for Part 3!

[itsworn]

This Mustang-Turned-Supercar Packs An 800HP Kaase Ford Hemi!

Jon Darbyshire’s “Archer 520FX” ’69 Fastback melds the best of old and new.

In recent times, the business coupe has changed. Traveling salesmen defined the body style while stuffing their wares in stripped down, rear-seatless coupes. The lack of options and seats meant that the cars were thrifty and traded passengers for inventory. Practicality was the key, allowing for the spread of consumer culture in America before the advent of department store catalogs and the impending takeover from the internet. By the 1960s, the business coupe body style fell out of favor as vans, carry-alls (the proto-SUV), and pick-ups became more prolific for cross-country efforts. So then, what’s a modern business coupe?

For jet-setting entrepreneurs, four wheels can be an escape from the world, even if they’re a little slower than a pair of wings. More and more, we’re seeing the business coupe evolve from what owners needed (like a fleet vehicle), to what fuels childhood memories and passions. Eschewing the sardine-can experiences of airlines, there’s been a return to purposeful customs that seek to impress you more as it storms the highway than in the rolling field of a local car show.

Flush handles and functional vents—nothing was left untouched. The rear quarters were pushed out 2 inches for the massive 20×12 Boze wheels.

“I’m a long-time mustang lover,” said Jon Darbyshire, the owner of this cross-pollinating 1969 Ford Mustang fastback, known as the Archer 520FX. “One of the earliest memories that I had of having a car was the Mustang coupe that I purchased and worked on with my grandfather. It wasn’t anything special, but it’s what I had while learning to work on cars. When he was alive, he was a hard working blue collar guy. He taught me and my brother how to work on cars. Even if I had just a little money, he’d help throw on chrome valve covers or put a carburetor kit in, little things like that.”

Jon eventually went on to start his own software company in the 1990s, carrying his grandfather’s name. As time went on, his son, Dylan, also picked up an early Mustang, and the two began to build it in much the same vein as his own. This is when Bobby, Karen, and Bruce Schumacher (of Vintage Fabrications in Independence, MS) entered the picture.

“During World of Wheels, Jon had walked up to our booth and started talking to my wife and son. At first, it didn’t stand out enough for him to say anything to me. You know, you talk to a lot of people,” Bobby told us. “But at 8:30 the next morning, Jon pulls up in the driveway of the shop!” Jon had brought his son’s Mustang up to finish a few odd and ends in the motor and interior, and it didn’t take long for the two to begin discussing the real motive: Jon’s own plans for a 1969 Mustang. The idea was to build a super car wrapped in unique, vintage steel. To Jon, the idea of another Ferrari or Lamborghini rolling around wasn’t enough, though he looked to the high-end supercar factories for what truly made them different than your plebian transportation.

Any time parts are mixed across eras and models, getting the fixed lines and shapes (such as the 2009 headlamps and grille) to integrate so that the melting pot pours out a smooth, well-proportioned design takes a careful eye. “When we started this project, I went with a guy out of California, but he just couldn’t get the look right. He left too much of the 1969 Mustang-look to the nose,” Bobby felt. “Luckily, I was at World of Wheels. Jason Slover, from Pete and Jake’s, said, ‘Well, why don’t you have Larry Erickson do it? He designed the ’05 Mustang, CadZZillla, and Aluma Coupe for Boyd.’” Larry’s hot rodding carrier might’ve been launched in California, but his work started further back than that as the designer of the 1992 Cadillac Seville and Eldorado before eventually landing with Ford Motor Company to design the 2005-2009 Mustang.

He continued: “We go up to him and tell him the idea, it’s the Mustang Ford should have done. And he got kind of excited, and he goes, ‘I’m not limited to production stuff, I can do stuff we couldn’t do back then.’ That’s where Larry led us. Every body line, every seam was thought about like it was done at the factory.”

“Being a corporate guy, I made a Power Point [laughs] with different pieces of different cars and Mustangs that I really liked,” Jon told us. “Then Larry started doing a number of models for us, showing what it would look like with two different front ends.”

The Archer 520FX’s nose is entirely sheet metal, despite it sharing features with the plastic fascias of its modern brethren.

Two Faces, Two Years

You’d be forgiven for thinking this was a fascia swap at first glance, but in reality it’s a 5,000-hour tour de force of body work. With every square inch in sheet metal, the nose was hand-fabricated with Larry’s design at the helm.

To do this, the innocent ’69 Mustang fastback fell under Vintage Fabrications’ team to bow the front fender 2 inches up and 3 inches out to accommodate the one-off 18×10-inch Boze Wheels shod in 285mm-wide Michelin Pilot Super Sports. The nose was stretched ahead of the front wheel wells, while the hood was pulled tighter against the windshield. At Jon’s desire to reproduce a short run of 520FXs, the nearly 900 pieces of sheet metal were digitized and turned into CAD files for plasma cutting to recreate the intense hand-fabbed metalwork in the Archer 520FX.

“I wish you could have seen it built, one fender at a time and getting it perfect before you do the other side,” Jon mentioned. “They’re like artists—there’s so many curves, bends, and lines, and your time welding on a piece of metal to make it flow. That took a lot of time.”

The rear quarters were pushed out 2 inches for the 20×12-inch Boze hoops and massive 345mm-wide Michelin rollers. The quarters’ brake ducts were even made functional for the Baer brakes. The rockers were dropped 2 inches before turning attention to the rear of the Archer 520FX, which retains the traditional styling cues from the ’69 while sharpening the edges and adding an adjustable spoiler. The shotgun exhaust is flanked by a pair of blades which mimic the uprights of a diffuser.

Things were still contentious as the front end became reality. “We tore it apart a little bit and changed some of the things that he saw on the side of the car, in the lines, that Larry just didn’t feel fit together. We didn’t want it to feel bolted-on, we wanted this to feel more integrated,” Jon emphasized. “Larry went down the car with a fine eye for a day with tape lines to make the front-end and fenders feel like they were coming around without looking bulky. The car looked amazing when it came out of metal, but those little changes just added a lot.”

Larry used later 2009-2014 Mustang headlamps with 2015 Mercedes SL550 driving lamps inside the custom, laser-cut grille. The curbside glance from up front draws into question which era the fastback profile behind it is from. Anytime you meddle with the facial features of an icon, it’s polarizing, but Jon’s vision, Larry’s execution, and Bobby’s fabricators pulled the look together before Carrender Collision sprayed Archer 520FX in Rhodium Silver with Platinsilber Pearl strips (from the Porsche 918 and Boxster, respectively), with Eric Campbell hand-pinstriping the details.

Taking cues from a variety of modern super- and luxury-cars, Jon and Bobby worked on the craftsmanship of dash rather than going to the extreme in exotic materials and styling. There’s even a pass-through door added to the trunk, so golf clubs and other large items will fit.

Outclassing the Upper Crust

If you’re spending hundreds of miles at a time in a machine, its cockpit needs to be fit for the job at hand. Today, custom interiors are more than an exercise in exotic materials, wild stitching, and the sheer number of one-off bits—the tactile feel of the interfaces mean about as much as the comfort in the seats. Jon surfed Ferrari dealerships and poured over photos of the new Ford GT super car. “At the time I owned an Aston Martin; what I really enjoyed about that car was the feel of the interior. It felt like a cockpit,” he remarked. “We were going to pull the switches from a modern Ferrari, but then Bobby came back and said, ‘We’ll just make them custom; we’ll make them fit the car.’”

“He sent me pictures of switches from Lamborghinis, even those start buttons, that’s where all the touchy-feely stuff came from because he wanted the inside of the car to feel like the outside of the car,” Bobby elaborated. “When he picked up the car, the only thing he found wrong was that the A/C controls still said ‘Vintage Air’ on them, so we had that machined out. It’s okay to make a custom car, but he wanted to make it look factory.”

Vintage Fabrications kept the factory eye-brow dash contours, but from there, everything was retooled half-a-century newer with subtle, machined touches around the Classic Instruments gauges, switch gear, starter button, door panels, and center console (pulled from a late-model Mercedes). Ron Wright, of VF, followed through in wiring the modern luxury touches, like the Pioneer head unit and accent lighting, along with the Vintage Air HVAC.

The Roadster Shop Elites Series chassis and suspension gives this ’69 Mustang Fastback the bones to fight exotic cars outside of the valet drive, too.

The Highway Missile’s Airframe

The answer here was simple: “He decided he wanted the best-of-the-best chassis, so we went to Roadster Shop,” says Bobby. A fully-independent Roadster Shop Elite Series chassis was the foundation for this muscular super car, capable of handling the thrust of Kaase’s 520ci reactor, thanks to Penkse double-adjustable shocks.

If you drive a nicely restored Mustang, the front end still sways just a little bit; you hit the brakes, sometimes the car will push left or right,” Jon mentioned. “What’s different about this is that you can get on it and it just flat-out accelerates. It takes off, you hit the brakes, and it stays in its lane. It’s more like a luxury sports car. You turn the steering wheel just a little bit, and it reacts. The suspension is really tight, but not rough.”

The underside of the Archer 520FX reflects its intent: you won’t find polished chrome and candy paint, it’s all business with only select hardware, like the chunky RS billet control arms and 3-inch stainless steel exhaust, standing out with their natural finishes.

The Kaase-built 520ci mill churns 761 hp and 731 lb-ft at the wheels through a Bowler Transmissions 4L80E.

Super Car Arms Race

With the look, feel, and foundation of the Archer 520FX carrying the modern super car touches that Jon wanted, it was time to give them a powerhouse that’d surely send their dime-a-dozen flat-plane-crank V8s and V10s packing. “I kept telling Bob that I wanted this to be a combination of luxury meets NASCAR,” he joked.

In doing so, Bobby called up Jon Kaase Racing Engines for the individual-throttle-body-fed, 520ci Boss engine. With a 4.390 x 4.300 bore and stroke, the Ford Performance block was stuffed with a Lunati rotating assembly and Diamond pistons. The mild 10:1 compression ratio and hydraulic-roller Comp camshaft make for a street-friendly package that’s capable of belting out nearly 800 wheel hp through a Bowler Transmissions 4L80E with Compu-Shift paddles behind the steering wheel. Italy will forever be known for its shrieking V12s, but the 520ci Kaase mill rattles the teeth of those high-strung hellions with brutal torque and the unmistakable chest-drumming of a big-cube V8, which is the effect Jon and Bobby wanted.

Number 001 signifies this is the first of a series of 520FXs that Jon wants to produce. Vintage Fabrications saved the tooling and digitized the components necessary to replicate the unique, Larry Rickman-approved styling.

Looking Back

“The whole experience of building the car with Vintage Fabrications reminded me of working in the garage with my grandfather on Sundays. With a brother, we’d fight after church on whose car he’d work on first. We didn’t have great cars, they were always breaking down, but they were also as cool as we could make them,” Jon reminisced. “We’d always talk while looking in the magazines for the cool things you could do, and this car has all that cool stuff we always talked about, plus a whole lot more that we never knew about back then! Archer is a family name. The company that I founded, Archer Technologies, was named after my grandfather. We sold that company, and started a foundation. It means something to our family to call it ‘Archer.’ The FX was gleamed from Larry and Bobby, because when Ford first designed its cars, they were called ‘Future Experimental’ or FX. And of course, the 520 is the 520ci Kaase motor!”

  The post This Mustang-Turned-Supercar Packs An 800HP Kaase Ford Hemi! appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

from Hot Rod Network http://www.hotrod.com/articles/mustang-turned-supercar-packs-800hp-kaase-ford-hemi/ via IFTTT

[nomorebigwords]

an okay start for 2018!

Hey good looking,

We’re gonna do a new journaling process for 2018. From weekly to bi-weekly and now… monthly!

This is mostly because I think not all weeks are eventful. Also I feel like I’m trying to force myself to process things I’m not ready to do at that time. Journaling helps me to keep things in perspective. But at the same time it feels toxic that I’m just talking to myself. I’m literally regurgitating the happy and sad moments all to myself. It doesn’t help my dude.

Anyway let’s go to some of the stuff that happened this January!

For the first two weeks of January. I got rekt. No literally. I was vomiting my insides out. Through my butt!! Acute gastro-thingy my doctor said (whom I’ve unfortunately ditched). I was forcefully removed from the job I honestly am degrading internally in. I got better though. But it kinda didn’t hide the fact I wasn’t doing well mentally or emotionally. My lead even noticed since the last week of 2017. I honestly thought it was just the sickness. Convinced even.

But I felt bad when I met up with Renzo and Gail. It was a wake up call. They were honestly happy that when I loosened up after drinking alcohol. In verbatim it looked like I someone had died. Fuck.

Also hey you met up with Renzo!!! Wahoo. Talked about how unhappy I was with my career. Wanted to resign. Want some stability. The works. Also did the co-op playthrough for the Remnant Architect. We aced it oh yes.

Then unto the next thing.

I got promoted. I mean I was amazed. I honestly I was gonna get fired!!!! But hey more money mo problems amirite? It felt nice. But at the same time. I’m not as ecstatic as I should be.

I actually want to leave some sentences. Well about the evening of January 19. And well into the early morning of January 20.

I admitted I wanted to have something more with Isaac. He told me he wasn’t ready. And that he couldn’t give what I needed. I wanted to call bullshit. But then again. Who am I kidding? I did feel have that extreme need. And I was feeding on the barely there connection. And we mostly had our moments under the influence of alcohol. That’s a lot of warning signs.

And honestly I retold the story a lot of people. But this is me so I’m gonna focus on the highlights.

1. Also meet with chung’s bff who was really fun once nawalan ng hiya HAHAHA 2. We share the same sentiments in our career (ie dev isn’t what we want, we want to see the bigger picture of what we do.) 3. Got rekt. Hard. 4. Almost never left Isaac’s side hahaha 5. Was a little touchy feely. 6. The only time when I didn’t think of kissing him (at least anything my sober self can remember) 7. He is an understanding motherfucker 8. He literally saw the second worst version of myself. And he stayed. 9. Somehow even after being rejected, I felt my feelings gotten stronger. Or maybe it’s Stockholm Syndrome. 10. He actually did take care of me though. 11. And most of the time I was just countlessly spewing out “I hate you.” 12. Then he said “I hate me too.” 13. And I lost it 14. And I told him he can’t hate himself I can only do that 15. And then he made me sit  on the edge of the sidewalk 16. “Tell me what car do you see?” 17. “Why the fuck-“ 18. “Mikey, what’s the car in front of you?” 19. “It’s a Toyota, I don’t get-“ 20. “What about that one, tell me the colour.”

Motherfucker somehow saw I was lowkey having a mental breakdown. And he did the grounding technique. We went to McDonald’s and I didn’t want anything. He ordered me a coke. And I kept staring at him. He was fucking tired. His eyes were already bloodshot, and he was only barely awake.

“Why don’t you leave?” “I’m leaving only if you’re okay with it.”

Then we want back to our side of the street. He probably smoked. And there was a calm after the shitstorm that was me.

Fuck.

---

now on to the remaining part of 2018, I mean January.

I got my performance rating, it’s 2.8 out of 4. I’m within target. Great. I still want it to be higher still. Ron pointed out that I should be thankful and proud blah blah. I still have lots to improve on. L O A D S. ((and honestly i’m at a tipping point if i should just resign and start over)

also… living in qc again.

IT IS THE BEST DECISION I’VE MADE IN 2018 SO FAR. I mean sure it’s a hell a lot more expensive. The travel is abysmal. But lord sleeping in your own room, in your own bed. Fuck me. f u c k m e. u p. Honestly my quality of sleep has just increased exponentially.

Also I’ve been craving more and more to just go out of the closet. But I don’t have the safety net yet for any fallout. Ugh.

I’m also decided to again to try more and thus I hope to share with you some more meaningful progress.  11 months to go 2018.

[andrewdburton]

Books about money that might make appropriate Christmas gifts

“My brother sucks with money,” a friend told me the other day. “I’m thinking of giving him a book about money for Christmas. Do you have any recommendations?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure gifting a book about money is the best way to help,” I said. “I know you mean well, but from my experience this sort of gift has the potential to create hard feelings rather than help. Sometimes it creates resistance rather than acceptance.”

“But didn’t you get started with your financial turnaround because people gave you books about money?” my friend asked.

“Good point. That’s true,” I said. “But that was because I was at rock bottom. My friends could tell that I was ready to listen, that I wanted help. Before that, if somebody had given me a book about money, I wouldn’t have liked it.”

“I’ll tell you what,” I said. “I’ll draw up a list of books you might want to consider, and I’ll publish the list at Get Rich Slowly sometime soon. Sound good?”

“Sounds good,” my friend said.

After some consideration, I’ve put together a short list of books about money that might be appropriate for gifting. If you too want to help out a friend or family member, these are great options. But as I warned my friend, try to be certain the intended recipient is ready to listen. Otherwise you run the risk of pissing them off.

Books About Money

My default recommendation is Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. My friend Michael sent me a copy of this book when I was at the lowest point of my financial life. (But he only did so because he could tell I was ready to read it.)

Your Money or Your Life introduced many concepts that nowadays we take for granted in the world of personal finance. It covers budgeting, mindful spending, financial independence, simple living, and your true hourly wage. And it conveys the info using real-life stories from real-life people. (The book can get a little New Age-y in parts, so keep that in mind.)

That’s my default recommendation. Based on the subject’s circumstances, though, I might suggest a different title. Here are some examples:

For young adults just starting out, I recommend I Will Teach You to Be Rich by Ramit Sethi. Sethi’s book is filled with actionable advice applicable to kids just out of college (or high school). It covers topics such as salary negotiation, basic investing, and smart use of credit. This is an essential money manual for people in their early twenties.

What if it’s too late to catch your intended recipient before they develop bad habits? When it comes to books about debt reduction, there are several good options. If your friend is Christian (or open-minded enough that they don’t mind religious talk in a book), then Dave Ramsey’s The Total Money Makeover is the gold standard. For short and sweet, I like Debt is Slavery. For touchy-feely, try the excellent Dear Debt by Melanie Lockert (which I’ll review next Sunday!). And an often-overlooked past bestseller is How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously by Jerrold Mundis [my review].

For parents with young children, consider The Opposite of Spoiled by Ron Lieber. This book covers work, allowances, consumerism, charity, gratitude, and more. It’s a terrific guide to instilling financial wisdom in our youth.

For folks you suspect might be interested in financial independence and/or early retirement, I think Work Less, Live More by Bob Clyatt is a great bet [my review]. It’s not as intense as some other FIRE books can be, yet it offers plenty of sensible advice. If “intense” is actually appropriate, then consider Jacob Lund Fisker’s excellent and hard-core Early Retirement Extreme. (But I’d only suggest that if the person you’re giving it to has expressed an interest in early retirement and/or has an analytical mind.)

Just typing this list, I’m filled with trepidation. Giving gifts that attempt to teach an overt lesson is…well, risky. It’s not the best approach. Instead, I think it’s often better to come at things sideways. In the case of helping somebody get better with money, I might pass along a book that’s more subtle, something tangentially related to the subject.

Books Obliquely Related to Money

For instance, I’m a huge fan of all of the following — and none of them come across as “preachy” (especially if you include a personalized note that explains how the book changed your life).

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey has helped millions of people achieve happier, more productive lives. When I first read this, I thought it was pop psychology at its worst. How wrong I was. The older I get, the more I realize this book is filled with solid advice. Mr. Money Mustache and I have had a couple of conversations about how the ideas in this book are important to building a mental framework that leads to financial success.

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck is another massive bestseller that can lead to improved psychological and emotional stability. The first section on discipline is especially powerful. Peck says that we can achieve mental and spiritual health by using four tools to cope with the challenges we face: delayed gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth, and balance. (When I pulled The Road Less Traveled from my bookshelf to write this blurb, I realized I’m in a place in my life where I ought to re-read it. That’s what I’ll do this afternoon.)

The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz is another million-copy bestseller that Mr. Money Mustache and I both admire. [Here’s his review.] This book was written in 1959, and it feels like it. (Sometimes it seems like something out of Mad Men!) But once you get past the funny phrases and outdated anecdotes, The Magic of Thinking Big is dense with practical ideas for making your life (and the world) a better place. Topics covered include how to cure yourself of excusitis (“the failure disease”), how to build confidence and destroy fear, how to make your attitudes your allies, how to get into the action habit, and how to use goals to help you grow.

A modern companion to these three classics might be Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth. When I first found this book a year ago, I re-read it four times in a single week. It’s that good. Duckworth’s thesis is that while talent and skill do matter, grit — the combination of passion, patience, and perseverance — matters more. Grit has fewer practical action steps than the other books on this list, but it’s a modern book in a modern style that might be more accessible to many people.

Finally, another way to impart financial wisdom is through biographies. For example, I enjoyed The Snowball by Alice Schroeder, which is a thick and thorough look at the life of Warren Buffett. Schroeder shows how Buffett’s path to wealth started from a young age, when he’d go door to door selling chewing gum and soda pop to people in his neighborhood. This money “became the first few snowflakes in a snowball of money to come,” she writes. Then she chronicles the next seventy years as he becomes one of the richest men on Earth.

How do you feel about giving money books as gifts? Have you done this in the past? If so, which book did you give and how was it received? Has somebody given you a personal finance book before? How did it make you feel? Did you learn from it? If you wanted to give a gift that would help a friend or family member improve their circumstances, what would you give?

The post Books about money that might make appropriate Christmas gifts appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

from Finance http://www.getrichslowly.org/2017/11/27/gift-books/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[latoyarubalcava3546]

More Than A Dozen Women Come Forward With Sexual Assault Allegations Against Porn Veteran Ron Jeremy — 'He Doesn't Hear No'

Ron Jeremy is the latest celebrity to be called out for alleged sexual assault.

In a new Rolling Stone report, more than a dozen women came forward with accusations of impropriety spanning over 30 years.

Related: Al Franken Accuser Leeann Tweeden Doesn't Want The Senator To Step Down

Actress Jennifer Steele claimed the 64-year-old raped her twice, once at a photo shoot and another time at his apartment, in December of 1997.

She told the mag of him allegedly cornering her in a bathroom:

"He was like, 'I need to look at your ass so I can get hard for the photo shoot.' Then it turned into him basically sticking it in without me knowing it was happening. I said flat-out no. It stopped, but it didn't stop soon enough after I said no ... During the whole photo shoot I was thinking, 'Was I just raped? What the fuck just happened?' [But] by the time the shoot was done, I had it in my head that I had somehow exaggerated it and it was an honest mistake ... He just kinda keeps going and pretends like you didn't say anything."

When asked why she didn't report the crime, Steele replied:

"I was pretty promiscuous. I was a stripper. I couldn't prove it."

Adding:

"He hides behind other women's scarlet letters, is what he does. [He] know[s] if someone's a porn star and they say they've been raped, people aren't gonna take it seriously."

Another adult performer, Kendra Sunderland, said Jeremy sucked her breasts without permission at a Dallas expo in 2015:

"People expect this from him. If I went and got mad on Twitter, people would say, 'That's Ron.' But if I said a fan did it, they'd say 'That's not OK, that's crossing a line.'"

As you can probably imagine, it's very difficult for sex workers to come forward with their stories considering the stigma and gray areas that are involved when it comes to being in the adult entertainment industry. Not to mention, sex workers who come forward are "likely to be blamed or disbelieved by law enforcement."

With that said, Rolling Stone spoke with several people in the industry who said Jeremy's behavior is not standard.

Popular performer Julia Ann said:

"I think Ron is an anomaly, and you'd be hard-pressed to say there's any other person who's been able to publicly sexually harass or assault people and get away with it. It's one thing for someone to do it in their hotel room or their condo or their office or their car, but he can do it in the middle of a convention ... When there are dollar signs involved, the lines [of consent] actually get drawn much more distinctly."

In 2003, Jeremy was investigated for criminal sexual conduct after a fan alleged he held her down and raped her in his Michigan hotel room. Charges were not pressed.

Also in 2003, performer Ginger Lynn said Jeremy raped her while they were on location shooting a film in 1983.

In 2007, another fan told police the porn star reached inside her bra, pulled out her breast, and signed it without her permission at an expo in Miami. Jeremy told TMZ at the time:

"I probably signed about 150 boobs that weekend, all of which I sign 'RJ' with a heart.'"

There are just a handful of the many explosive accusations against Ron for years of abuse.

Related: Sylvester Stallone Allegations Bring Half-Sister's Rape Claims Back Into The Spotlight

In a statement to the magazine in response to the many allegations, Jeremy said in full:

"Let me first say, that I'm fully in support of the women and men who have been coming forward about being sexually assaulted. These real predators need to be taken down. My reputation is currently being smeared by these old allegations that have already been investigated and dismissed. However, I understand how social change works, and if my reputation has to get a bit tarnished along the way for the better treatment of women, and men, so be it. I will be there to support all people, men and women, that have bravely come forward to attack this systemic problem.

As for the allegations against me, these allegations have been online and in print for quite sometime. This is not new or breaking news. I'm shocked you guys are picking this up after it's been reported on over and over by other publications and has been proven over and over to be false.

I have never and would never rape anyone. All serious allegations have been investigated by police and dismissed by judges, as have most of the accusations of "Groping". I have never been charged nor spent one day in court for any of this. And these are old allegations. Check, Anything about me appearing in court or in jail, is public record. I was only arrested 20 years ago when I was fighting for Freedom Of Speech with Hal Freeman. The police who looked into the groping charges have always said that they watch the video from the event or whatever and that I did nothing wrong or illegal. They then ask if I want to press charges against The people making false accusations. I never have.

As for the charges of Groping, I say yes, I AM A GROPER. And by groper, I mean I get paid to show up to these shows, events, and photo shoots and touch the people and they touch me. I'm not the young stud I was, but I still draw a crowd. And we are talking about things that are within reason, in front of police officer's and security that are always there as well as the tons of cameras And the general public. But seriously, if you were going to be around Ron Jeremy, wouldn't you assume that I'd be a little bit touchy Feely? Yes. This is what I do for a living. I am not Kevin Spacey, Louis CK, Weinstein, or Cosby.

For over 40 years fans and fellow performers pay money and wait in long lines to meet me. They want autographs, pictures, to flirt with me, physically grab me in different areas (usually my clothed penis), they ask me to touch them and many ask to have me sign their boobs. When I take photos with fans and other performers at these conventions, signings or events, I do sometimes kiss people on the lips or the cheek, sign boobs or whatever they want. There is "put on" flirting and touching for the photos. This is exactly what people pay me for at conventions. The female performers flirt and touch too. It's what we do. If you watch these videos that Ginger Banks put out of me "groping," you see that everyone in the videos is laughing and "groping" too. That I'm not running up to them, they come to me.

If anyone was ever made to feel uncomfortable by ANY of our interactions, I'm deeply sorry. That was never my intention and it breaks my heart in half.

I hope that everyone reading this keeps in mind that I do tons of these conventions and adult signings. I take pictures with about 500,000 people each all over the world and have every year, for 40 years. These touching complaints are the exact same thing everyone else stood in line for. They couldn't be happier.

I have never raped anyone. If anyone continues those claims, that is defamation. I will sue them in court.

I'm not saying that I never met these people or interacted with them. I don't remember most of them, how could I? I may have seen hundreds people on those days. A girl said that I took her into a back room at a convention? Now this I remember. No one pushed anyone anywhere, she and a girl friend of hers asked if they could come in to the back tent with me. "Back room" was actually a small tent where the performers went to relax and eat crafty. There were seven other people in the small tent including security guard. And we took some sexy photos with each other as people looked on or looked at their phones. If I did anything wrong, that security guard who works for the convention, would have taken me down and called the police. And someone claimed that in hedonism in Jamaica, which is a nudist swingers resort, I tried to massage their leg years ago? Why is this even in an article?

I am very happy that the scum bags of the earth are being taken down. They deserve it. But these allegations are pure lies or buyers remorse. In 40 years, I've never been punched by a boyfriend or anyone ever.

I have been heartbroken over these allegations. Not because it affects me or my business, I can take that, but because they are lies and there are actual women and men out there Who have been victims of serious sexual assault, and so on, that are trying to get their voices heard.

Again, It does bother me that there might be women out there that had some buyers remorse after our interactions. But I did nothing wrong or out of the ordinary for these conventions or events. These events are supposed to be a fun time. That video that Ginger Banks made looks like a pro Ron Jeremy video if you turn off the sound. Everyone in the videos is having fun with me.

This really is a non-story. However I'm glad I had a chance to speak my side."

Thoughts??? SOUND OFF in the comments (below)!

[Image via WENN.]

[lorettalivingston6911]

More Than A Dozen Women Come Forward With Sexual Assault Allegations Against Porn Veteran Ron Jeremy — 'He Doesn't Hear No'

I look younger now than when I was in my early 20s

Ron Jeremy is the latest celebrity to be called out for alleged sexual assault.

In a new Rolling Stone report, more than a dozen women came forward with accusations of impropriety spanning over 30 years.

Related: Al Franken Accuser Leeann Tweeden Doesn't Want The Senator To Step Down

Actress Jennifer Steele claimed the 64-year-old raped her twice, once at a photo shoot and another time at his apartment, in December of 1997.

She told the mag of him allegedly cornering her in a bathroom:

"He was like, 'I need to look at your ass so I can get hard for the photo shoot.' Then it turned into him basically sticking it in without me knowing it was happening. I said flat-out no. It stopped, but it didn't stop soon enough after I said no ... During the whole photo shoot I was thinking, 'Was I just raped? What the fuck just happened?' [But] by the time the shoot was done, I had it in my head that I had somehow exaggerated it and it was an honest mistake ... He just kinda keeps going and pretends like you didn't say anything."

When asked why she didn't report the crime, Steele replied:

"I was pretty promiscuous. I was a stripper. I couldn't prove it."

Adding:

"He hides behind other women's scarlet letters, is what he does. [He] know[s] if someone's a porn star and they say they've been raped, people aren't gonna take it seriously."

Another adult performer, Kendra Sunderland, said Jeremy sucked her breasts without permission at a Dallas expo in 2015:

"People expect this from him. If I went and got mad on Twitter, people would say, 'That's Ron.' But if I said a fan did it, they'd say 'That's not OK, that's crossing a line.'"

As you can probably imagine, it's very difficult for sex workers to come forward with their stories considering the stigma and gray areas that are involved when it comes to being in the adult entertainment industry. Not to mention, sex workers who come forward are "likely to be blamed or disbelieved by law enforcement."

With that said, Rolling Stone spoke with several people in the industry who said Jeremy's behavior is not standard.

Popular performer Julia Ann said:

"I think Ron is an anomaly, and you'd be hard-pressed to say there's any other person who's been able to publicly sexually harass or assault people and get away with it. It's one thing for someone to do it in their hotel room or their condo or their office or their car, but he can do it in the middle of a convention ... When there are dollar signs involved, the lines [of consent] actually get drawn much more distinctly."

In 2003, Jeremy was investigated for criminal sexual conduct after a fan alleged he held her down and raped her in his Michigan hotel room. Charges were not pressed.

Also in 2003, performer Ginger Lynn said Jeremy raped her while they were on location shooting a film in 1983.

In 2007, another fan told police the porn star reached inside her bra, pulled out her breast, and signed it without her permission at an expo in Miami. Jeremy told TMZ at the time:

"I probably signed about 150 boobs that weekend, all of which I sign 'RJ' with a heart.'"

There are just a handful of the many explosive accusations against Ron for years of abuse.

Related: Sylvester Stallone Allegations Bring Half-Sister's Rape Claims Back Into The Spotlight

In a statement to the magazine in response to the many allegations, Jeremy said in full:

"Let me first say, that I'm fully in support of the women and men who have been coming forward about being sexually assaulted. These real predators need to be taken down. My reputation is currently being smeared by these old allegations that have already been investigated and dismissed. However, I understand how social change works, and if my reputation has to get a bit tarnished along the way for the better treatment of women, and men, so be it. I will be there to support all people, men and women, that have bravely come forward to attack this systemic problem.

As for the allegations against me, these allegations have been online and in print for quite sometime. This is not new or breaking news. I'm shocked you guys are picking this up after it's been reported on over and over by other publications and has been proven over and over to be false.

I have never and would never rape anyone. All serious allegations have been investigated by police and dismissed by judges, as have most of the accusations of "Groping". I have never been charged nor spent one day in court for any of this. And these are old allegations. Check, Anything about me appearing in court or in jail, is public record. I was only arrested 20 years ago when I was fighting for Freedom Of Speech with Hal Freeman. The police who looked into the groping charges have always said that they watch the video from the event or whatever and that I did nothing wrong or illegal. They then ask if I want to press charges against The people making false accusations. I never have.

As for the charges of Groping, I say yes, I AM A GROPER. And by groper, I mean I get paid to show up to these shows, events, and photo shoots and touch the people and they touch me. I'm not the young stud I was, but I still draw a crowd. And we are talking about things that are within reason, in front of police officer's and security that are always there as well as the tons of cameras And the general public. But seriously, if you were going to be around Ron Jeremy, wouldn't you assume that I'd be a little bit touchy Feely? Yes. This is what I do for a living. I am not Kevin Spacey, Louis CK, Weinstein, or Cosby.

For over 40 years fans and fellow performers pay money and wait in long lines to meet me. They want autographs, pictures, to flirt with me, physically grab me in different areas (usually my clothed penis), they ask me to touch them and many ask to have me sign their boobs. When I take photos with fans and other performers at these conventions, signings or events, I do sometimes kiss people on the lips or the cheek, sign boobs or whatever they want. There is "put on" flirting and touching for the photos. This is exactly what people pay me for at conventions. The female performers flirt and touch too. It's what we do. If you watch these videos that Ginger Banks put out of me "groping," you see that everyone in the videos is laughing and "groping" too. That I'm not running up to them, they come to me.

If anyone was ever made to feel uncomfortable by ANY of our interactions, I'm deeply sorry. That was never my intention and it breaks my heart in half.

I hope that everyone reading this keeps in mind that I do tons of these conventions and adult signings. I take pictures with about 500,000 people each all over the world and have every year, for 40 years. These touching complaints are the exact same thing everyone else stood in line for. They couldn't be happier.

I have never raped anyone. If anyone continues those claims, that is defamation. I will sue them in court.

I'm not saying that I never met these people or interacted with them. I don't remember most of them, how could I? I may have seen hundreds people on those days. A girl said that I took her into a back room at a convention? Now this I remember. No one pushed anyone anywhere, she and a girl friend of hers asked if they could come in to the back tent with me. "Back room" was actually a small tent where the performers went to relax and eat crafty. There were seven other people in the small tent including security guard. And we took some sexy photos with each other as people looked on or looked at their phones. If I did anything wrong, that security guard who works for the convention, would have taken me down and called the police. And someone claimed that in hedonism in Jamaica, which is a nudist swingers resort, I tried to massage their leg years ago? Why is this even in an article?

I am very happy that the scum bags of the earth are being taken down. They deserve it. But these allegations are pure lies or buyers remorse. In 40 years, I've never been punched by a boyfriend or anyone ever.

I have been heartbroken over these allegations. Not because it affects me or my business, I can take that, but because they are lies and there are actual women and men out there Who have been victims of serious sexual assault, and so on, that are trying to get their voices heard.

Again, It does bother me that there might be women out there that had some buyers remorse after our interactions. But I did nothing wrong or out of the ordinary for these conventions or events. These events are supposed to be a fun time. That video that Ginger Banks made looks like a pro Ron Jeremy video if you turn off the sound. Everyone in the videos is having fun with me.

This really is a non-story. However I'm glad I had a chance to speak my side."

Thoughts??? SOUND OFF in the comments (below)!

[Image via WENN.]

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