#but rolan and Rand are kind for the sake of it

[phantom-does-a-thing]

He thinks rolan is just doing it for his own sake, for his own selfish desire, for his own solace. And in a way, rolan kind of is. Because he hurts to see Rand hurting and he wants his friends to be okay. He wants to help take their hurt away and offer them some comfort. He cares about them so much and he wants to take care of them. But he already broke Rand’s trust once before and he doesn’t know how to get that back. He’s desperate and scared and confused and trying so hard to get Rand to trust him and let him in but he’s never been good at emotions. Rolan doesn’t know what to DO. He wants to fix the problem but he doesn’t know how! He needs to fix what’s wrong, he needs to fix it, he needs to take care of Rand and Kian and help them before he can help himself because he needs to make sure his hive is okay. And Rand won’t let him care!!!!!!!!! Rolan’s hive is hurting and they aren’t allowing him to care for them.

I think like Chip, Rolan is the type of person that enjoys providing for people. He likes caring and being able to take care of people. He loves domestic moments and being able to make breakfast. But Rand won’t LET HIM. Rand won’t let him help, won’t let him care, he won’t let Rolan close enough to comfort his tears or hold his hand or lay on bed together. He won’t let Rolan get close to him. He flinched away when rolan touches him and tries to brush him off

nodsnods he likes being the mother friend, he likes offering comfort, especially because he knows his friends wont find that comfort in their houses, he likes being the safe harbor to them. but rand wont let him, and he's confused and hurt and worried and he doesn't know how to fix this, how to fix rand, what to fix in himself to make rand trust him again. he can promise rand he wont leave him again as many times as he wants but its worthless, rand thinks he's lying, pitying him, thinks rolan's just doing this to get himself some closure, but its not that, he cares about him, and he doesn't know what to do

[phantom-does-a-thing]

Kian always automatically assumes Rand or Rolan is trying to flirt with him whenever they do something nice because he hasn’t been in a genuine loving relationship in a long time and everything has always been trying to get something out of him

[dawnlotus1]

(I originally wrote this as a infodump for friends who haven’t seen it yet and that’s why it’s so vague and spoiler adverse but sure yeah tumblr can have it too)

Thinking about the ways the Bitb boys did and did not keep in touch,,,

It ended up being a long post so putting it below a cut 👍

I think Kian tried to keep in touch the most, like Grizzly mentions in the discord, Kian doesn’t feel cared for or loved out in Hollywood with only his therapist seeming to actually care a bit about him in any meaningful way. Nobody actually cares about him it’s all connections and shallowness even with the nicer and well meaning celebrities. His dream in his eyes failed even though he’s making crazy money as a stocks broker, he feels like a phony not living his true life that he promised for himself and that he wasn’t able to make his rock star dream a reality. He misses Becky. He wonders why she never came up to meet him like she promised. He still wonders if she’s still coming and still manages to think she’s just somehow 10 years late. He misses his friends. He would leave voice mails to Rand and Rolan with very short like one sentence “what’s up?” And maybe a joke, and on the occasions they picked up they would chat and laugh but it would always end up with Rolan or Rand pushing the conversation to be about whatever Kian was doing in Hollywood because, obviously his life is the best and most entertaining right? So Kian would give them a story, most of which was true as he still got around, and the rest weren’t lies but padding to get around questions that might show how he truly felt or how his daily life actually looked. He would find anything to talk about that would get a laugh out his friends, the people who were supposed to really care for him and the care that he needed but was paranoid that they too were going to grow distant and their knowledge of each other would get too wide with their time apart and soon he wouldn’t know the true them and they wouldn’t know the real Kian anymore and he would be totally truly unknown to those around him again.

Rolan would talk a bit about his own personal life, and would always find some way to construct it so it sounded like he was justifying everything he did. Because if he couldn’t communicate to someone else that he knew what he was doing how could he fool himself? How could he fool himself enough to keep going and fool everyone else that he deserved his job and his life and leaving everything behind?

Kian would bring up Galloway all the time for nostalgias sake and because it was something they both experienced and could talk about, but it always made Rolan uncomfortable. He couldn’t tell Kian that he missed it because then why did he leave. Why did he flee that town and everything he had in the dead of night with the clear intent to everyone left there he was escaping them. And he couldn’t tell Kian he hated it either because it was their old life, the one they had together and Kian loved it..and so does Rolan. He knows he loves his old life but he cannot look it in the face and cannot take his eyes off the present or he will crumble under his own mountain of questions he puts off answering for himself. And so he constructs a life where it’s all going well for him and Kians feeds him back a life where it’s all going well for him too and both are deeply saddened because they know that’s not telling the full truth and that their friend is no longer telling them everything.

Rolan and Rand do not talk, sometimes they receive information about each other through Kians calls and gossip or on very rare occasion some kind of too-formal-they-don’t-know-why-they-said-it-that-way call or voicemail. Rolan blocks out a lot of The Event and he associates it heavily with Rand even tho he wishes he didn’t. He knows Rand went though a similar thing he did, and he feels really guilty for not being there for Rand but can’t decide when he should try to be there for him, if it’s too late. He still has a lot of feelings he hasn’t figured out about Rand and whenever he tries to untangle them it hurts, he feels Rand resents him.

Rand feels like he’s losing a grip on everything. It’s all slipping out of his hands and he’s becoming more and more pessimistic about his own effort to hold on, a cycle looping to make it worse out of guilt and shame and self loathing. Some days he picks up the phone desperately when someone reaches out only to not know what to say, and other days he lets it ring and ring and just thinks about allll he wishes he could say.

Sometimes when he spares a word with Rolan he find himself slipping and often has to hang up before he ends up lashing out or saying something hurtful that he wouldn’t be able to fix halfway across the country when they don’t know when they will talk again, so he ends up shutting his mouth tight to keep his emotions in. Rolan doesn’t know what to do with this and after a couple of awkward ha-ha’s leaves with just telling Rand what info he needed to communicate, with their calls often ending with a couple seconds of silence while Rolan waits and Rand tries to work up the courage to say something else before Rolan gives a small goodbye and hangs up.

Rands calls with Kian go much better, and on a good day Rand will often end up laughing and joking with him for an entire day on the phone if Kian doesn’t get busy with something. Rand never gets busy. He never gets busy in their godforsaken lazy town on his own lazy ass. He hates the others for leaving and he hates himself for staying. He is jealous the others got out and so so so thankful they did. He is so so lonely and doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He wishes that he called more but really just wants them back in his attic again, sitting next to him, somewhere where he could see and feel them. If he convinces himself that he’s sneaking into Kians backyard and throwing rocks at his window he can call Kian. If he convinces himself that he’s going to ask Rolan why he left Galloway he can call Rolan (but he will never ask, it’s just to get him to punch in his number). A lot of his messages get sent to voicemail, his friends are busy when he isn’t, they have lives at 11:00am when he hasn’t left the house. They are sleeping (sometimes with babes lol) at 4:50 am in the morning when Rand gets so high he wishes it could just knock himself out and he needs someone or something to take him out of his current stagnant as the bayou life. He doesn’t have a life he’s waiting to live anymore, and he thinks he’s missed his window. One misstep in his life, and his sister is gone. One misstep and the rest of his life is a unfinished plan with empty pages until he dies.

TDLR : Kian desperate for the people he truly connects with calls his friends often to maintain his knowledge of their lives because if they drift there will be nobody left who actually cares about him.

Rolan needs to prove to himself and everyone else that every decision he makes was the right one because if he lets doubt slip through his regret and anxiety will destroy all he has scraped together for himself.

Rand has so many things he wants to communicate to the people he trusts but he can’t work up the courage to decide that “it’s the right time” to say anything. And all that’s left to talk about is whatever else is going on his life which is nothing at all.

[phantom-does-a-thing]

Rolan’s love is in the form of knowledge, in the form of checking out book after book of one particular thing so that he can learn everything about it to know what to do. He knows how to dye hair from reading the instructions so meticulously he has every step memorized. He can sew and cut hair and knows how to do so many odd tasks because he wanted to help his friends. He cares for them so much that he will learn everything he can about a topic just to help out.

Anything that needs to be done meticulously, they go to Rolan. Because for them he will learn every tip and trick to getting it done as best he can for them.

Kian’s love takes place in the form of memory. He remembers everything that the others mention. When Rand will bring up a movie he kind of wants to see, kian will get tickets as soon as he can even if Rand might have forgotten about it. He remembers and he listens. Rolan talks about a book he likes and Kian asks questions and listens so intently youd think he’s read the book himself.

He has Rand’s and Rolan’s favorite snacks memorized, he knows what drinks they like and what to get them whenever they’re upset. He loves them enough to keep track of those things and to remember.

Rand’s love takes place in the form of actions. Everything he does is worth a million words, every small thing a testament to his love. He does things for the others to show how much he cares. Defends them (with violence if needed) if someone is bothering Rolan or Kian. He shows up in the middle of the night with a gift or a hug or warm news just for the sake of it.

He gives them his sweatshirt if they’re cold or shares his food if they want some. He makes sure they’re cared for (subtly) with those small things to make them feel loved. He’ll fix Rolan’s shirt or quickly do Kian’s hair, small things. Still shows how much he loves them.