#but real life exists and i have to worry about relationships uni family work living in new country soon

[toruq]

[botwstoriesandsuch]

hey Kip! I’m sending asks into different writer’s askboxes, inquiring about cool themes/development facts/stuff the author wants to share about their personal favorite work of their own. What’s yours? :)

Ok so this ask is old and when I first got it I was like “dang I don’t really have a lot to talk about, what should I talk about I could those revalink headcanons the Kip Cut that turned into a working fic uhh hmm maybe I’ll just make something new to talk about real quick” and then I did and now there is a 12+ chapter Revalink fic in my drafts and I’m gonna talk about that now, whoopsie doopsie [click "j" to skip]

aHEM, OK so allow me to break out the primary school white board because yeah, I have a lot of thoughts and the oxford comma has not yet made it’s home into my brain. oh and spoilers for paraphrase. for both all of Chapter one and future events in later chapters, but it’s really nothing you couldn’t surmise from the AO3 tags

so I really wanted to tell the story of Revali and Link learning and struggling to love again after the less-than-fortunate events of Botw, but I wanted a...how you say...fresher, approach on the subject? Like I know we always say that fanfic writers writing the same tropes and stories time and time again is good because we eat that shit up--but at the same time I had asian parenting as was told never to half ass anything ever, no matter what. So now I'm gay and extra and have depression maybe and oh would you look at that @motherhyrule has dropped a beautiful revalink prompt right into my lap

Great so now that we have, that, I shall take you on the step by step process on how to make a :sparkles: story. So step one is to spend at least five to eleven business days for your white board to dismantle your genre and themes and work them around your character arcs. Luckily I have prepared one ahead of time

s*breaks out those laser pointers that uni professors use* So let's start with defining genre. As define because I HATE you, fuck you. I want you to suffer and writhe on the ground, motherfucker. How dare you think that I would give you nothing but pure predictable fluff, fuck you and yours

is the set of expectations that your audience has when consuming a piece of media

And the great thing about fanfiction is that unlike movies or book where the genres are more vague like, "oh it's a noir mystery genre. so there's a crime, maybe a murder, and a detective and a criminal." or "oh it's a teen romance. so there's some white people and a morally questionable six-pack 18 year old love interest that will be painted as desirable for some reason" BUT with fanfiction HALF of the work out the window, because as soon as you see those #revalink #aro sidon #zelpha #revali is an idiot and #found family tags you already know what's up.

Now what's so great about genre and expectation? Well the fun thing about it is that

I will use it to fucking break you.

... ... ...

<3 For example! <3

In Chapter 1: Holes, you already expect there to be revalink, you already expect them to be soulmates with the soulmarks and there's angst and yadayada ya. Revali and Link have to match because thatttss what this is all about, this is about them! This is about cute, little soulmarks and romantic words!

But whoooopsie doopsie [disney channel laugh track plays] they DON'T match anymore! Link's got a different mark! The number one rule of this entire genre has been broken whoooooooooooooooops. *ba dum tiss*

You might notice with a lot of my writing that I do this a lot, this whole..."oop but there's one little thing that's different." TebaSaki sick fic? Ok cool, but what if Teba burns an irreplaceable relic of the Rito champion to fight a wizzrobe first to characterize why his dumbass clicks with Saki. Mipha deciding to persue Link? Ok what if she chases after a dragon to externalize this conflict as she pierces it's flesh for a scale. Link fighting a Lynel? Ok but what if it's actually a sidlink angst fic in disguise and it's also world building on how Link deals with the bloodmoon that erases all of his efforts which is sort of similar to how his existence was erased from Hyrule 100 years ago mwaahahaha! Ok now that I say this outloud I think I just have a pattern of using fight scenes to externalize character growth. I like fight scenes...anyways.

I think another great thing about the realm of fanfiction is that with the tagging system, I can basically use a chekhov's gun sort of deal, without doing any writing. You know I'm gonna use that gun marked "soulmates" but you don't know when I'm gonna shoot it, and you SURE as hell don't know how.

And huzzah! One of the main points of conflict both drives the tension between Revali and Link, solidifies the unique genre and setting of this world, while also creating a new mystery that will carry over for the next few chapters.

Is Revali right in that Link's rebirth makes him destined for someone new now? What will Link do with the information that his soulmark has changed? Why did it change? Did Revali's change as well? How does anything fucking work right now?

And sure, you might be able to tell where things will end with them, but you sure as fuck will not know how because I HATE you. Fuck you. I want you to suffer and writhe on the ground, motherfucker. How dare you think that I would give you nothing but pure predictable fluff. I am not your goddamn fairy godmother, I will do as I fucking please. You will suffer as you fucking deserve, fuck you and your little tiny--

/j

Oh! But you might have noticed on my little planning whiteboard thing that there was a little T-Chart! For Revali and Link! That's because the next important thing besides plot (and in a lot of cases, including this one, it's argued to be even MORE important than plot) is

~CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT~

[to the tune of that history of the world video on youtube]

So yes, it's a little T-Chart outlining their character views in relation to the themes. And the great thing about themes is that they're not something you can necessarily predict in the same way you can with the genre and plot.

But now see, I'm very lazy so I'm just gonna plagiarize @hyrule-kingdom-updates thingy [that you should read btw] because they said my point quite clear enough

Now I don't really need to care about those points about bond and relationships and being understood, because I'm dealing with already established canon characters. I'm not some NERD who dabbles with entire casts of ocs who even cares about ocs not me that's for sure ahaahahaahahahahahaahahahahahAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *cries in my orphaned WTTU fic* AHAHAHA*sobs*DONT FUCKING LOOK AT ME THAT WAY I SWEAR--

/j I love ocs

But the points I do wanna focus on is the idea that characters provide new perspectives on the theme, and that characters growth can be tracked based on their wants, lies, and needs.

So see, themes can be predicted the same as genre/plot because while you can have the same fanfic plots and tropes, theme will always vary!

Sometimes it's a journey of selfworth with Revali! Sometimes it's an exploration of trauma with Link. Sometimes it's about how you deal with the vulnerabilities of love with Mipha. Sometimes there's straight up NOOOO theme, and people just be fucking, and kissing, and baking, and having a good time. And that is totally fine too!

But I'm not a fucking coward.

I'm gonna weave in themes with my plot, because I fucking can.

I'm not a weakling like you.

Do you hear me, 2019 Kip? Do you hear me Demmers? Do you hear me Quill? I'm coming for your ass. You think you're so great, but I'm coming for you. Rest assured that your graves will be as deep as your sculptured pride--

Heeeere is that T-Chart again, plus more!

yyyyyYou might notice that Revali and Link are quite parallel, to paraphrase. Ayoooo, see what I did there? *dabs* I'm a genius. Anywho

They both start off the same way: 100 years ago they were in love and happy. Basically the equivalent of childish naivety. For the first time in their lives, life is whimsical and charming, and they make each other happy. In fact, it's almost a flaw with how they perceive this happiness. But don't worry! It doesn't last long!

You know what happens.

I think the chart is pretty self explanatory. Revali builds walls fast enough to give a republican a wet dream. Meanwhile Link makes every aromantic in the chat groan with his doubled down sentiments in the idea that his chances of being truly happy again are gone.

Now, I can't exactly describe the full on process of the inbetweens, and where Revali and Link are gonna go from here, because...you have to read it for yourself! Heehee...but something I did think was fun was how these character views on the themes are revealed. Because you'll notice that, I never give exposition. Ever.

Ok well, let me rephrase that. I never give exposition scenes. I will never give you a big LOTR fancy wizard scene explaining the ins and outs of a character's question or the world's magic or whatever. I'm a very impatient Kip, and I value efficiency. Nonono, it's all about multi tasking, baby!

Chapter 1: Holes is divided into three parts.

Post 100 Years - Medoh (Establishes Ghost Rev/Bonk Head Link's view)

100 Years Ago - Flight Range (Establishes old Revalink views)

Post 100 years - Mark (Develops Ghost Rev/Bonk Head Link's view in contrast to who they once were)

I think the way that you structure flashbacks is incredible vital, as it's a very quick way to characterize people without having them say stuff like "I used to be like you, until I took an arrow to the knee" or whatever.

And with the main structure of the chapters and the fic as a whole is focus on their characters, that means I can hide whatever other stuff I want in those scenes, becuase you're too busy absorbing the fun character stuff to realizing I'm giving you boring exposition. Like for example:

Post 100 Years - Medoh and Mark

Foreshadowing for the end of the fic

Set up connection to Medoh with Revali

Link has defeated Windblight

Link has been visiting Revali every night for the past few days

Link has already met Kass and presumably Teba

Link doesn't have the Mastersword

Revali's Gale is still an ability that needs master and practice on Link's end

And that's just some of the stuff.

And see, the only reason I can efficiently give all of this information regarding character, and even exposition, is because of the theme. The themes make everything relevant, and everything circles and encompasses one another, so there's absolutely no wasted space. I mean don't even get me started on how it's gonna be to characterize the other characters around this

I don't wanna talk about the other characters too much either because that's spoilers, but you can probably take a gandar based on my notes.

And oh my god this is just on the theme of the faults that come with "soulmates" and "true love" and all that, and how even magical destined relationships still require work and effort, and that no one thing or person solves all your problems. And that's not even TOUCHING the shit on trauma and scars. I didn't think it was even possible for me to talk about botw without touching on that, ha. Ah well, I've been talking for too long.

Revalink has a lot o' writing potential so das pretty cool yeah, I am excite

[thethera-rossa]

                        My “janiizu” watchlist of 2019

1. Boku to shippo to Kagurazaka - This was actually the only drama I saw with Arashi member during this year :/ But I am really glad I started the new year with this cute and fluffy drama. It is a warm story about the life of a sweet and caring vet. This role was a perfect match for sunshine Masaki Aiba. Definitely must-see if you are an animal lover like me. Aiba-chan and all the “shippos�� melted my heart. I could “live” my childhood dream of being a vet thanks to this drama.

2. Laplace’s witch - probably the biggest disappointment? It is the trailer’s fault I had high hopes. Were it not for Sho ( who did not have enough screening time btw ) and my good friend who watched with me, I won't finish it. Everything seemed rushed, not explained properly. I could not grasp all that supernatural features in rushed revenge themed plot. And Suzu’s acting was so annoying, she ruined the mysterious aura of her character because of her poor and pathetic acting. Sho was really smexy in it but simply used as an eso to sell the movie... that’s it. 

3. One Million Stars Falling from the Sky -  pretty old drama from 2002 watched because I really loved the Korean remake and wanted to see the original version. It is a tragic story of two people who are suddenly connected with their forgotten past just to realise they never can be together. To be honest, I loved the Korean version more, because of better described and developed relationships and more thrilling and tragic features in the plot. Some characters were lame in Japanese version, to be honest. Also, Koreans put a better emphasis on “mind game” and plot twists. But Japanese one with Kimura was as heartbreaking as Korean one with Seo In Guk. 

4. Papadoru - Watched because Ryo is my fav from Kanjani and it is supposed to be legendary drama. But it ended up being a bit disappointing because of the boring plot and because chemistry among the lead couple was almost non-existent. Still, I enjoyed the relationship between children and Ryo. And little girl fangirling over Sho was my fav character  :D To be honest, this is really fitted drama mainly for hardcore Ryo’s fans and other people might be disappointed in it just like me.

5. Assassination classroom - Live-action remake of famous anime. Did not expect to enjoy it. I saw both movies, and both very pretty cool and entertaining. Nino did a great job with his voice acting and whole acting casting was great too. Masaki Suda and Yamada were outstanding in their roles. I really like the nice and inspiring message of both movies.

6. Killing for the prosecution - Idk if I am that stupid but I was so confused during this movie. The story followed too fast and I could not grasp it to fully understand what is happening. The characters were not introduced well I would say...But Nino’s and Kimura’s acting was really nailed. Maybe if I could read the book it would be easier to make connections. If you enjoy thrillers with juridical features give this movie try. 

7. Aka medaka - A beautiful retro biographic movie from the world of rakugo’s actors. I really enjoyed this movie because I learned something new about Japanese culture. The acting cast did an awesome job and portrayed their characters believable. Nino shined in his role of rookie rakugo actor and I was hooked to follow his life story to see how he mastered his dream job.

8. Eien no Nispa- Another biographical movie, but this time with Jun as the main character. It was a really beautiful and touching story about Hokkaido’s first inhabitants-Ainu people and the brave explorer Takeshiro Matsuura who mapped this beautiful Japanese island and fought for Ainu people’s rights. Again I learned a lot about Japanese history and geography. Jun portraying this difficult role was splendid, really hats off to him. 

9. Yuuzai- Ikuta simply never disappoints me. Another heavy-  psychological mystery thriller with him...hmm still did not sort my thoughts about it. For sure this movie is not to be seen just once to understand everything. There were just too many characters, their stories overlapped and too much was happening at the same time. The story was interesting and will make you hooked and wonder until the end. The acting was splendid, as expected of great actors Eita and Toma. Also supporting acting cast was awesome too. Such a pity I could not see it during the film festival in  Karlovy Vary. 

10. Ore no hanashi wa nagai- For me the most anticipated drama of the year. I usually don't watch ongoing dramas, but of course, Toma is the exception. At first, I was sceptical when I get to know it will be a family drama genre, worrying it will be boring, but it turned to be more fun than I expected. The whole “family” was really nice and funny. It seemed like you watch the real household like you are part of the family and together want to help find Mitsuru’s motivation to work. Toma put his whole being into his sassy and “i-know-it-all” character and sometimes he was so annoying yet clever want to kick his ass. But then he is so charming and realistic, one simply could not stop rooting for him and laugh at his jokes. This drama was a great relax for me after tiring week at uni. It made my winter friday evenings entertaining. 

What do you think? Did you see some of this dramas/ movies? Do you like Johnny’s? What did you watch with them this year? I like to discuss about dramas and actors/actresses so if you want talk about my article, dont hesitate to let me know your thoughts. 

[ofduplicitousparis]

Hello! It’s Katie again with a trash child, I’ll be good and skip the ramble though so:

TWs: Immigration / Deportation, Death, Cancer

grant gustin. male. he/him  /  did i hear you say constantly checking a rolex watch, an ever present pompous smirk, denim jackets and ripped jeans ? then you must be talking about paris, i’d recognize them anywhere. i’ve heard that the twenty nine year old criminal defense lawyer is a capricorn and honestly, i see it. they’re known for being deceitful and edonistic, but their ambitious and discret tendencies make up for it. they’ve been staying at du lac for one week and i think that their real name is james ruth, but don’t spill. 

QUICK FACTS:

Codename: Paris Legal Name: James Alexander Ruth (psst from the mun though >.> that middle name is a reference to his father. He doesn’t know that though) Preferred Name when not using her codename: James. Age: 29 Gender:  Male Sexuality: Bisexual Date of Birth: January 1st Birthplace: Woodlawn, Bronx, NY Hometown: Dublin, Ireland Nationality: Irish, with American citizenship still in tact technically Height: 6′0″

Languages: English, Irish Occupation: Criminal Defense Lawyer

Father’s Full Name: James doesn’t know, actually Father’s Status: Unknown Mother’s Full Name:  Molly O’Malley/Ruth Mother’s Status: Deceased (After a battle with brain cancer) Mother’s Occupation: N/A (was a housekeeper at a hotel before she died) Ruth Siblings Oldest to Youngest:

James

Kiara (TBA, I’m debating making her a wanted connection? So her name is technically TBA as well - all I know is she’s younger than him ok.)

Relationship Status: Single

QUICK HISTORY

• To start off, James was born to Molly Ruth (as she was going by at the time) in the Bronx. As his father’s name isn’t on his birth certificate, he really has zero clue about who his father could be or anything about the man. His mother never mentioned who he was, or why he’s not in his life, and at this point, he really doesn’t want to know. (There’s only one time he’s actually tried to look into it, see below).

• His mother never married, in fact, he can’t recall a day where she actually even dated. Sure, it happened, otherwise his sister Kiara wouldn’t exist, but it only feeds into him not having a clue about who his father is or how he came to be.

• Even with only having one parent though, the ‘Ruth’ home was happy. Sure he didn’t often see his mother as much as he wished he did, she worked her ass off, but he had his baby sister, he was doing well in school, and he had an amazing social life. In fact, growing up he actually spent a lot of time with his next door neighbor and aunt, Ella, and her family. It was uncommon for the two families to celebrate holidays and go to church together. He wished he saw his mom a bit more often, of course, but he was happy in America.

• That is, until it was found out that Molly didn’t have a green-card or proper paperwork to actually work in the country. At ten years of age, James quickly was thrown into the world deportation trials and being sent to stay with his Aunt Ella, who he learned wasn’t actually his aunt biologically. Not long after his mom was deported, talks of sending him and his sister to Ireland to be with her began.

• James didn’t want to go at first, in fact - he did everything he thought of to get out of leaving his entire world behind. For the only time in his life, he tried to find out who his father was in hopes he’d be able to stay with him. It quickly became apparent that his mother had covered her tracks to the point he wouldn’t be able to figure it out, so by his 11th birthday - he was living in a country he had never been before, needing to find new friends and catch up on what he was supposed to already know in school.

• It was only after reuniting with his mother he learned why she left in the first place. Molly O’Malley had grown up in Dublin during the Troubles, and in 1987 - not long after losing her mother - she decided to get out of there as soon as she possibly could. Once upon sneaking into America, she started going by Ruth - hoping the very American last name would prevent anyone truly looking into the situation (because #WhitePrivilege is a thing here).

• After arriving in Ireland, Molly went back to her actual name - finding work in yet another hotel (she was so used to that line of work at this point, she didn’t dare try anything else). When given the option to change his name, James refused. It was a piece of his identity at this point. He’ll respond to ‘The O’Malley Boy’ if someone really… knows his family and stuff but otherwise he really doesn’t use it.

• While life in Ireland was an adjustment, James eventually made it. He started spending time with his very extensive family, learned Irish, breezed through secondary school, enrolled in Uni, got his law degree, etc etc. While he still does some very American things (what his mom called chips are fries but American fries are also… not the same thing as the proper version of what she calls chips, etc etc), he’s undoubtedly picked up behaviorism, slang, etc from Ireland too.

• He’s become a very well known criminal defense lawyer since he’s been able to practice, in doing so he’s made quite the money for himself. It’s not uncommon for him to show off and flash what he owns.

• The reason he is in Dulac is because of his mother, actually. She recently died from a very lengthy and brutal fight with brain cancer, and James really can’t stand being home right now. He was the one who took care of her the most when she was so ill, so it’s very much a rough time for him. The wound is still very fresh so… don’t ask him about his mam and expect answers, ok.

• James isn’t exactly the... nicest person. Okay, I love him, he’s an asshole and he doesn’t always play nicely with others. He knows what he wants, and he’ll do whatever it takes to get it. He’s probably the kind of guest who makes things harder but... tries to make it look like he’s not doing that. The staff who has to worry the least about his shit is the maids / housekeeping - his mom was one, his heart does come out occasionally, and that’s one of those cases. I really could see other staff being like “ugh, he made my life harder AGAIN” and a maid being like “really? He offered to help me carry towels and tries to make my job as easy as humanly possible??”

[mirios-eyes-are-beautiful]

aa So I just woke up to this?

I’m just.. speechless? I can’t believe this actually happened, so thank you all for the last few months, for every like, reblog and comment. It’s been such a pleasure to interact with you and scream about Mirio and The Big Three<3 I hope 2019 won’t bring us too many tears (spoiler: it will.) and we can all laugh about their shenanigans again (spoiler: we won’t.). This blog came alive with crazy good fanart, hilarious memes and sweet headcanons, sprinkled with my neverending affection towards Mirio, so kudos go out to the amazing artists and writers that create the content we love<3 Thank you for over 1k followers and I hope to see the family of mirihoes grow in the progressing year! I’ve received a lot of questions for my milestone special and I only picked out a few, but if you want more of these, let me know! Now let’s dive right into the Q&A!

Heey~ I’m a huge Bnha fan and I love this blog, keep up the great work!! \(^-^)/ I’d love to know how old you are, if that’s not too personal of a question?

Not at all! I’m actually 20 y/o and my Birthday is in June, also my zodiac is Gemini👭

What do you do for a living?

I’m a university student in my second year! I’m majoring in Linguistics and my minor is English Literature and Culture. Though before, I did a year of Environmental Sciences, but it just wasn’t my cup of tea so I quit🤷‍♀️ I’m also part timing at a boutique.

Hello! I check your blog everyday and I can’t with all your reactions, they’re almost always the same as mine:D Which state (USA) are you from and what languages do you speak?

Lol, do I really sound American?:D I’m actually from Germany, so German is my mother tongue! Other than that, I consider myself pretty fluent in English (your assumption of me being a native speaker flatters me so much, you have no idea) and I guess my French is decent. I can order food and ask for directions in Spanish (ayyyy) and studied Hindi for two semesters at Uni. Also I’m currently learning Japanese for my degree in Linguistics.

Do you have a favorite anime show? Other than My hero academia of course!

My all time favorite anime is definitely Arslan Senki! Besides that, I also love Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Assassination Classroom, Durarara, Hunter x Hunter and pretty much every existing sports anime (Haikyuu, Kuroko no Basuke, Daiya no Ace, Free!, Yowapedal, Yuri on Ice, Prince of Tennis,.. although Haikyuu is my favorite) I enjoy most genres as long as the plot and characters appeal to me.

Do you read any manga? (also LOVE YOUR BLOG!!<3)

Yeah! I really love manga and I’ve read tons of shoujo when I was younger (I bingeread every night in middle school tbh) Nowadays though, not so much anymore.. It’s not that I came to hate it, I just don’t have as much time unfortunately-.-’ I do read the new Bnha and Haikyuu chapters on a weekly basis, but I can’t manage more than that. I also read yaoi/shounen-ai manga and doujinshi from time to time, but it’s not as much of an obsession as it was a few years ago. However, I own a couple of manga series (Bnha, Haikyuu, Arslan Senki), which I love to reread in my free time😊

hey, we share a love for mirio, so do you maybe have a few anime recommendations, or any good anime you’re watching now?

uhuhuhu birds of a feather flock together;))) Of course I can dish out some recommendations, but I’ll start with what I’m watching atm. I started rewatching Daiya no Ace not so long ago (due to the announcement of Season 4) so I sometimes watch a few episodes of that when I find the time. Also, and this is a recommendation as well, there’s this new track and field anime called Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru (Run with the Wind) coming out every Friday and it’s hilarious. If you like sports anime, you should definitely give it a go! The last anime I’m rewatching right now is Sukitte Ii na yo (Say I love you), cause I’ve been in a shoujo mood lately and after several years I still can’t deal with the cuteness of this show. Now for recs.. this is hard, since everyone has a different taste in series, but other than the shows I’ve named in the “Favorite anime” question, I’d recommend Wotakoi (Wotaku ga Koi no Muzukashii). It’s a very sweet anime about the love stories of otakus, so if you like a good laugh and lots of fluff, this show is for you (11eps). Same goes for Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (12eps + 6 short specials). Shounen-wise I enjoyed for example Noragami, Bleach, Katekyo Hitman Reborn and Magi. Shoujo-wise I can always rewatch Toradora, Kimi ni Todoke and Itazura na Kiss. Sorry for rambling, there are just too many!😅

What pronouns do you use? And what’s you sexual orientation? If the latter question is too personal, just ignore it(/ω＼)

No worries! I use she/her pronouns and I’m pan, slightly favoring men. Probably due to the fact that I’ve only had hetero relationships so far. Though, I really don’t care about my partner’s gender🤷‍♀️

hi, i’ve been going through a rough time lately and your reblogs and memes never fail to make my day. how so you stay positive when things are going downhill? (sorry for the weird ask..)

Your question isn’t weird at all! I’m sorry to hear that you don’t feel well lately and I’m glad my posts are able to cheer you up a bit<3 I, for my part, am a very optimistic person and always try to concentrate on the positive things in my life, but I cannot deny that due to my personal problems I’ve spent many nights sleepless as well. Unfortunately, there’s no recipe for happiness, but here are some things you should always keep in mind should you feel down: Don’t surround yourself with toxic people. Don’t let them in your life and if they already are, either ignore them or cut them off. The latter won’t always work, since the world of adulthood is a cruel place, but try to develop a thick skin and don’t let them abuse the power over you that they don’t actually have. Try to talk with people. I can tell from experience that talking about your problems will almost always make you feel better, or at least lighter afterwards. Think positive. There’s never only black and white, so even if everything seems hopeless or bland, you should never cease to search for the good aspects. An example from me: Uni fucks me up real bad atm. I have six exams and one term paper to write this semester and I’m seriously afraid of failing. I’ve always had insane expectations of myself, because when I was a toddler, my parents found out that I was highly talented and that has been a as much of a curse as it is a blessing throughout my entire life. Whenever something gets too much for me and I end up in a slump, I think about how grateful I am to have so many wonderful friends. I think of all the things I plan to do with the money I earn, such as travelling, buying manga, movies, clothes,.. and even if that might not seem like a trivial matter for some people, I think of all the amazing anime coming out this year: Ice Adolescence, One Punch Man Season 2, Attack on Titan Season 3, Fruits Basket remake, Bnha Season 4, Haikyuu Season 4, Daiya no Ace Season 3.. Why am I naming these? Because they keep me going. They give me something to look forward to. They make me realize that I’m extremely grateful to be alive, because I get to experience these works. I get to discuss my favorite shows with people, who share my interests! I get to scream about Mirio’s bara arms with you guys! If that isn’t something to be cheerful about, I don’t know what is<3

And since I don’t want to end this on a solemn note, here’s a personal favorite of mine:

On a scale from 1-10, how much do you love Mirio?^^

1.000.000 (A million, you get it? wink wonk) Thanks for sticking around! Hope this gave you a little insight on who I am and I’d love to spend 2019 with you as well<3

[fairycosmos]

i’m gonna be 20 in december and i just feel so behind??? like everyone around me is either getting into a relationship or doing drugs and i’m just lying in bed waiting for the sun to go down

ugh i know exactly what you mean !! the pressure to do what everyone else is doing can really drive you mad, can't it? but you just have to constantly keep in mind that life is not a race, and your existence isn't something that needs to match up with everyone else's. you have a very surface level perception of their lives, you know? like it may seem fun, but in reality relationships are hard work and every high has a come down. literally the only goals, the only real responsibilities you should be aiming for, is looking after your physical and mental health to the best of your ability, and being good to yourself and others. and not merely thinking about those things, but actively taking steps to achieve them. everything else is just a made up expectation. you don't have to prove anything to anyone. you don't have to be anyone but yourself. and you don't get the prize of happiness for pushing yourself into things just cause everyone else is doing them. tbh i think its natural to feel this way to an extent, but if you spend more time thinking about it rather than helping yourself, then that's when it becomes a problem. are you able to talk to someone, maybe your parents or a family member about this? or if that's not an option, a counsellor or a support group? you're not the only one dealing with existential worries - others understand more than you think they do. there's no harm in opening up, in sharing the weight of this so it feels less burdensome. you don't have to go through it alone. please, please consider it.i know its easier said than done, but i get it. i totally understand where youre coming from. im 18 and everyone i used to know is at uni and dating and i'm single and depressed and still in college. but i just, i sort of feel like life is a lot longer than we realize right now. this is the age when you're supposed to be lost, confused and directionless, because you're still living the answers to all of the questions you have. you just need to give yourself a chance. someday you'll look back, and most of it will make sense. it sounds like bullshit, but i really believe in that. just keep taking it one day at a time. you're doing so much better than you think you are. i hope you're okay. i'm always here if you need to talk. message me anytime.

[leximsiel]

My journey so far in Real Life (1 of 2)

With life going the way it is, lately my mind’s been drifting away to where it once was.

Around these couple months 4 years ago was what I'd still regard as the worst days of my life. My serial cheat of an ex, after 8 years, had just found her stallion and went her way for good. (To clarify, there were faults on my part in the relationship as well). Nevermind the weeks when I was crying my eyes out, the constant sensation of my heart physically breaking. Adding on to other reasons, I was spending majority of the time home, whenever I headed out I'd worry about how other people were perceiving me, if they'd know the situation I was in, and how they would treat me if they knew what was going on. A couple Morrison’s, Asda, and Aldi, I’d made sure I was dressed up pretending to be ‘normal’ and rotated shopping in different supermarkets  in case someone could figure me out or exploit my vulnerabilities.

Originally because I was tired and disappointed about the degree of selfishness and narcissism that existed in every corner of human society I’ve been to, I had been living a life distancing myself from the same, somewhat like a hermit. Perhaps if my ex hadn’t left, I’d have hid forever. 

Instead, uni was waiting for me for the 3rd time.

I still remember what it felt like, the first few times walking into the lecture halls. The very first lecture was in a brightly lit hall with rows of tables evenly spaced out across 3 sections. There were 2 entrances, and I had found myself at the one that faced the audience - nearly a couple hundred of them. Hesitated for a moment, I turned around and made way to the other entrance. But the wrong move was being “fashionably late” to the lecture - my failed attempt to “blend in” meant I had so many pairs of eyes set on me as I walked, feeling eternally, towards an empty seat. I told myself to just walk like a normal person, act like a normal person, keep a straight face.

Realising staying the same way I did my chances of finding happiness would remain dismal, I starting working on both my internal and external qualities. I begun by looking at characteristics that affected me socially the most first, and what is it that could be improved. 

My first exercise, therefore, was to somewhat re-learn and practice greeting people outside of a professional setting.

So aside from the degree, the next 2 years were also spent on (re)learning how to present myself, interact, and communicate with other people. From the basic smile, “hello,” to pleasantries. Avoiding conversations that might go beyond the surface, more often than otherwise I would find myself faking, “acting” as a normal person. The arrogant side of me still hadn’t washed off in the most part, and it certainly didn’t make things at all easy when coupled with social anxiety. There were friendly faces that approached me but I could only blatantly ignore them because I didn’t know how to react. I kept challenging myself to take on opportunities that I knew would be anxiety provoking. 

(Meanwhile, turns out it'd take closer to 2 years to get over my ex. More than a year down the track I was still having dreams at night when we were still living together, enjoying life. More often than not, towards the end she would remind me it was time for us to return to reality before my alarm would wake me. Perhaps one might understand why for a whole year I had preferred staying in bed longer than I should.)

Though I'd feel demotivated at times, I just kept pushing whenever I could, reminding myself of what I was pursuing in life - having my own happy family. There were many struggles against keeping on building meaningful connections, but after the university course I did leave the seaside city with what I needed to restart my career, made a few friends, set up some sort of a monthly dinner group, and started practicing socialising with people through something not directly related to my professional field. I was at a point where I, most of the time, would feel comfortable interacting with people I've gotten to know. Around graduation I also tried to make apologies to the people that I had regrettably avoided to engaged with.

Perhaps I was then ready for more, perhaps I really should have stayed, but part of me just felt the pond was too small. Saying no to what might potentially turn out to be “easy mode,” I left behind an environment I was familiar with and had healthy personal and professional connections. My desire for a harder adventure had led me away.

(Fortunately as things stand today, objectively I wouldn't say I was being too ambitious, if at all).

[rtnvrashul]

I Don’t Want to Have My Own Family and Here’s Why

Family for me is a strange and absurd concept. For me it is a socially acceptable oppression. I’d like to say it’s fucked up but that would be an exaggeration. I mean, I’m sure that there are a lot of loving harmonious supporting out there. But unfortunately mine is not one of them.

Now why is it that I don’t want to have family of my own? Let see. Being a family member means that you are being put and putting every other member of your family in certain expectation. And that is not okay.

I realized this a while ago when my father found out my relationship with a Muslim and Non-Chinese guy. He freaked out, he felt degraded, he said he has lost hope, he gave me this passive-aggressive silent treatment. He acted like it’s the end of the world or that I’m a failing child. And he is not the only person acting that way, or at least thinking that way. Turned out my mother, brothers, and aunt, grandma think the same way.

Facing this kind of reaction I was confused. I still am confused. For 22 years of my life I have never – I repeat – NEVER be that troubled child. I have always been a good kid for them. Working my ass to have a good score, I get into one of a reputable university in Indonesia, I don’t do drugs or smoke or go clubbing, for the most part I am a home-child. Despite the fact that I’ve been living separately from my parents since I was 13 (with occasional visits to home every other week when), I have proven them that I can take responsibility of my own and take care of myself (with some help from friends obviously). Also recently, a week before this unexpected crisis emerged, I just finished my study in university as a cum-laude.

So yes I am confused why is the fact that I’m dating a Muslim and non-Chinesse guy outshined my acchievments of 22 years as a child? It’s not like I’m pregnant, or caught for having abortion, or having a drug problem because of this guy, or running with my tuition money to have vacation with my Muslim boyfriend. We’re just dating, you know like normal people. We eat, hang out, watch movies, arguing, we study, we share stories, you know normal stuff.

My only mistake is that I wasn’t honest and tell my father earlier about my existing boyfriend upfront. But I have a solid reason for that, yet his reaction is not one of them. My family had been through a huge crisis. So I thought to tell him about my Muslim boyfriend is unnescesarry and would only add his weight as a father and chief of the family. Plus it’s not a serious thing, I’m not gonna ask him to marry me and so is he. We’re just being a good company for each other during uni-life – as soon as it ends, so will our relationship.

And so in the midst of post-graduation self-esteem crisis while I’m looking for a real job and in need of full support from my family, I put my chin up, travel to my Parents’ house in Pelabuhan Ratu and decided to explain my situation. He didn’t listen. He didn’t even care about my explanation. All he did care is to let me know that he is dissapointed because I am not dating a Chinesse-Buddhist guy, and so he lost hopes.

For the whole week I was there he didn’t talk to me like he used to. We didn’t have our three-hours long conversation. Untill I finally pushed him to talk to me and he explained his worries that is based on his prejudice of Muslim and non-Chinesse people. I was heartbroken and dissapointed to listen to his reasoning. Look, he has every right to be mad, but I want him to be rational. To be mad because of prejudice, assumption, and limited past experience regarding this case is not rational. He didn’t even ask about what kind of person is my boyfriend. And I thought he was the most rational man in the family, turned I was wrong.

Later that week I found out how in the world my father knows about my relationship. Thanks to brothers and aunt that was talking behind my back and assuming things without confirming anything to me. I was furious to them and so my mother told me what she said to my father to calm him down when he first found out to calm me down. The point is she told my father to man up and accept the fact that he is failing as a father if this thing with my boyfriend become serious. Haha thanks mom.

I get more furious knowing that this is not the first time happened in my family. My brothers too have been dated or hang out with a girl from different religion and a non-Chinesse ethnicity. But they were not THIS concerned.

I was mad, confused, dissapointed, and heartbroken to know that my value as a daughter only measured by who is my boyfriend Why is it then, if it’s a measuring tool, didn’t they marry me after high school with some koko-koko? I was so mad that just after graduation, while I’m trying to have a grasp on my life, they already told me that I’m a failure because of whom I am dating. “Because what would our relative said if they know I am dating a Muslim guy?”

So turned out, my father, my family is not mad because I do something wrong that might harm myself. They are mad because I do things that is not alligned with their ego and expectation. And so I decided to be mad at them because their action is not as what I expect them to. But mom told me to not be mad to my brothers or father or aunt or my grandma for dissapointing me. Because they are older and “wiser”.  

So they have every right to preach me about things they think I do wrong but I don’t have a right to be mad at them and tell them they are wrong and make them understand.

And so my friend, that is why I think family is absurd. You don’t get to decide things for your sake. Because family comes first. Even if it’s hurting you. Because blood is thicker than water. Yeah sure, no thank you, it’s too messy. Also I’m affraid that one day I realized I am no different than my family when it comes to future children.

[camploah]

The moment when Pearl Mackie understood just how big her new role as Doctor Who’s latest companion was came early in filming. “There was a scene in episode three that was so awesome – in the sense that I was awestruck by the scale of the set – that it was really humbling. I stood there looking at it, thinking, ‘Oh. Wow. This is a very big show.’ When you see it from the inside, that’s when you realise how massive it is.”

She’s not wrong — Doctor Who is, as 29-year-old Mackie puts it, “properly, globally huge”. The most successful science fiction series in television history, this tale of a history-haunted time lord and his adventures across the universe with various sidekicks has progressed far beyond its days as children’s tea-time entertainment. In 2013 the 50th anniversary special broke viewing records around the world after being aired in 94 countries simultaneously while the current Doctor, Peter Capaldi, began his stint by undertaking a rock star-style world tour with then companion Jenna Coleman, taking in Cardiff, London, Seoul, Sydney, New York, Mexico City and Rio de Janeiro. At each stop they were greeted by queues of fans, many of them in costume. There were Weeping Angels and Daleks, Cybermen and companions, and a whole host of Doctors, from every stage of this very British institution’s lengthy career.

Yet even institutions need a shot in the arm once in a while, and it’s this that the upbeat, enthusiastic Mackie, with her mobile features, frequent hand gesticulations and firm opinions, promises to bring to the series. Her part as new companion Bill Potts is “quite chatty, a bit mouthy, sometimes says the wrong thing… She questions things that haven’t been questioned in a really long time, which is fun.” Bill will also be openly gay. “It shouldn’t be a big deal in the 21st century. It’s about time, isn’t it?”

As is Mackie herself. Playing Bill is her first major role after a career as a jobbing actor consisting of a lot of repertory theatre, a year-long stint in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time in London’s West End (“No, I wasn’t there when the roof fell in, that’s what everyone asks…”) and an afternoon’s work on daytime soap Doctors. “This is by far the biggest thing I have ever done, which is amazing,” she admits, laughing. “And also a bit mental.”

If it fazes her, then she’s hiding it well. At the photo shoot for this piece she gamely tries on outfit after outfit of streetwear, looking like a small but ferocious superhero, the type of no-nonsense heroine who’s as at home with a snappy retort as a swift roundhouse kick, and the perfect companion for Capaldi’s madcap incarnation of the Doctor. Afterwards in the studio next door she proves entertaining, relaxed company, happy to talk about everything from her love of old musicals (“These days they can seem quite alien, but I grew up with them – Singin’ in the Rain is one of my favourite films”) to seeing Angela Davis talk at the Southbank Centre (“She was so much more amazing than I ever imagined she would be”) and why another Davis, Viola, is her role model. (“I heard her speak after a screening of Fences and it was so empowering,” she says.)

Rather than hiding from the maelstrom to come, Mackie appears keen to embrace it, talking cheerfully about the fun she has had filming, how amazing Capaldi is (“You watch him doing stuff and you think, ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, that looks good’ and then you see it on camera and you’re like ‘woaahhh’”), how much she enjoyed a recent Doctor Who convention and, most of all, how great the fans are.

“There was a guy who dressed up as me on Facebook within two hours of my part being announced. I thought: ‘This. Is. Brilliant.’ The whole fandom is amazing. There’s a pair of little kids who literally made my life. I was sitting at home on a Saturday feeling sleepy and I saw them online dressed as Bill. They’re so, so cute. I want to meet them.”

It wasn’t just the high levels of adorability that touched Mackie. “When I was little there weren’t that many people who looked like me on TV, so it’s great to have two little kids thinking: ‘OK, she looks like me so I’m going to dress up as her, and I don’t need a different kind of face make-up, I don’t need to straighten my hair.’”

She spent much of her own childhood searching for a similar jolt of recognition. “When Alicia Keys came out that was a big thing for me because she was mixed race as well,” she says. “There were a lot of people I liked on screen, like Judi Dench, she’s wicked, but that’s very different to having someone where you think, ‘She looks like me, maybe I could do that.’”

An only child, Mackie grew up in Brixton, south London, with her mother, an artist and health professional, now retired. It was a loving, supportive childhood, and one with its own claim to television history: her grandfather, Philip Mackie, wrote the screenplay for The Naked Civil Servant, “although he died the year before I was born,” she says, “so I never got to talk acting with him, but apparently he said to my mum and her sisters: ‘Don’t be an actress…’”

Undeterred by this piece of family wisdom, Mackie bombarded her mother with acting requests. “I wanted to act from the age of five – my mum was like, ‘OK, just go to school.’ Then when I was 14 I wanted to go to the Brit School and Mum said, ‘OK, maybe stay at this school, do drama and do your GCSEs.’ Her advice was to take the exams and have a back-up: ‘If you still want to do it after uni, great.’ She’s very sensible.” Despite that, Mackie never seriously considered another career. She studied drama at Bristol University before landing a place on the Bristol Old Vic’s prestigious two-year foundation course and admits she was lucky her mother was so supportive. “I moved back home after I graduated from Bristol Old Vic and I’m really lucky I could do that as it allowed me to work in repertory theatre for no money – it would have been a very different story otherwise.”

Is she concerned about being branded a companion for life? “There is that worry, but the other companions have gone on to do incredible things and, if anything, it’s just a wonderful way of getting yourself out there. There are elements of [she puts on a very daffy voice]: ‘Doctor, what’s this?’ But what’s great about the show is that the heart of it, the relationship between the Doctor and his companion, is very real.”

She’s aware though that any series of this magnitude comes with a downside. “I know not everyone is going to love Bill, and why should they?” she says. “But I do, and hopefully there won’t be too much unpleasant stuff. If there is, I just won’t listen to it.”

She is similarly sanguine about her own social media presence. She maintains a vigorous Twitter account which doesn’t shy away from tweets of a political bent, referencing Black Lives Matter and talking about both Trump and Brexit.

“The thing is, it’s all the same stuff I used to tweet – I’ve just got more people following me,” she says. “It’s quite weird to me when people say: ‘I think you should only tweet about you and not political issues.’ Fair enough, but I’m not only going to tweet about Doctor Who because essentially that’s just my job. I’m not a brand. I’ve had an entire life before that and I’ve got my own mind. It’s also…” She breaks off before adding seriously: “I just think you can’t not have an opinion about the current state of the world and if I’ve got a slight platform to raise awareness about things, then that’s a great thing to use it for.”

Bill is a world away from recent companions – “a very normal girl from a very normal existence” �� with none of the complicated back story that dominated Karen Gillen and Jenna Coleman’s runs on the show. Instead, this new companion sounds closer to those from the show’s original run: wide-eyed, practical, up for an adventure and free of torment. “The great thing about Bill is that she wants to know how stuff works and is also excited about what’s happening, and I think that opens up the show for people who may not have watched before or for a while,” says Mackie. “You’re not being dropped into the middle of this complicated storyline, you can just go on the journey with Bill.”

She hopes her tight group of friends from her south London schooldays will be among those who take that journey. “The first episode actually airs on my best mate’s birthday… luckily she was like: ‘Great, we can watch it and then go out.’ Which was cool because I didn’t want to suggest on her birthday that [she drops her voice in a parody of a serious actor]: ‘This is my show and we must all sit down and watch reverentially in silence.’”

In fact, she expects the opposite will be true, and that’s fine. “I kind of hope they all take the piss a little bit. The funniest thing was when I first got the part. We’re all on this WhatsApp group and my cousin wrote: ‘Oh my God, it’s so exciting that you’re going to be in Inspector Morse.’ I was like, ‘What? Really?’ Everyone took the piss for days.”

[georgia-thereforeiam-blog]

Nostalgic at 22

Sitting on the tram to work, thinking about money, thinking about relationships. I actually googled what 'true love' feels like before. One shitty buzz feed article telling me it means I can listen to the person for hours on end without getting bored. I deleted my browser history. Listening to a playlist on Spotify and 'Summer of '69' comes on. I'm thrown back to my mates garage growing up. Playing pool, drinking jack Daniels, so present, so whole. Another song comes on and suddenly I'm back in his car, just another random drive after school, or uni. Listening to old hits, pointing out mansions we wanted to buy somewhere down the track. Slurpee in hand, worries out of the head. Singing along quietly or screaming the lyrics into his hear. Windows down and there's a cold winter breeze coming in, worth it coz his car stinks and I'm rugged up in an old hoodie anyway. I go to sleep at night and I'm so introverted. I'm so consumed in my own head. Looking at the stars, listening to the suburb street sounds, so aware of my own existence. I'm nostalgic, I feel it like a dull pain in my chest, rising up to the base of my throat. Really, this feels real, it feels physical. I'm longing for that happiness, that self sufficiency. I was enough, why don't I feel like that now? As a person, I've grown and learnt. I've absorbed energy from the people I work with, my boyfriend and my patients. Some friends have come and gone. I'm suddenly scared, I've never felt like this before. I'm scared to make a move, scared to make a change. I'm competing again, comparing my finances, my fitness, my love life, my lunch, my appearance. What. The. Fuck. When did that happen. How did it happen. I know, I know myself and I know presence and mindfulness. I know that comparison is just a manipulation of the ego and yet it consumes me more than ever before. I thought I was proud of myself for not wearing makeup for a year. These decisions I make then feel an insurmountable pressure to uphold, but why? It doesn't make me a better person, it doesn't make me better than others - is that why I'm doing it? Is that what I think? I see other girls at work with fake eyelashes and bronzed skin and I judge. They look beautiful and I judge. I say if the hot doctor looks at them instead of me it's because they're wearing makeup. What was originally meant to be a healthy choice transpired into judgement, self loathing, resentment and guilt. It's fine not to wear makeup, it's fine to wear makeup, I know this on the surface but deep down - deep down I stay so insecure that I can't convince myself I'm enough as is. I should be more, there's always someone to compete against, to be better than. What is that. I don't want what was. I mean god I would slide back into 19 year old me without a second thought for the ease. For the times of living with family, less responsibility and the comfort of the town you grew in. For the drinks, the laugher and the passion. Ignoring all the sadness, uncertainty and troubles that came with that age mind you. I'm not naive, I'm simply longing. Not for that age, that life, just for that EASE. Where's my ease. Where's the smile on my face when I wake up, where's the motivation and the self forgiveness. I've sucked myself dry at 22 and I'm using everything in my willpower to ignore the greatest source of that energy depletion. My relationship. I'm with a beautiful person, he loves me beyond compare. He can say without a doubt that he would marry me, spend a life with me. "Everything I do is with you in mind, what can I do to make Georgia happy". He told me that the other night after I yelled at him for an issue so small you'd need a microscope to put it in perspective. I didn't need that buzz feed article god I just needed to look at my boyfriend, look at the way he loves me and suddenly I know what true love is. I know he feels that. I can only imagine the magic in our lives if I gave him that back. I want that. I want to be in love with him but I don't know if I ever have been. I love him. The strongest emotions I feel for him are when he's sad, sick or going through a hard life event. It makes me want to hold him forever and tell him I'm always going to be there and that's he's okay. Hell sometimes I say those exact words. How can I do that. I just want him to be okay. How is that possible when he's made me his everything. Tell me how to take away someone's EVERYTHING. God his pain, the pain that would cause. He doesn't have enough friends, who will he turn to? Living at home kills him, how can I put him back there? I feel sick writing this, the thought of him going through this convinces me his wellbeing is of higher importance than mine. That I am responsible for him. I convince myself that if I feel that concerned then I must love him. Suddenly I'm back at square one. I've justified my relationship again. The hurt doesn't matter. He's okay. But I'm still nostalgic, I'm consumed but completely empty. I'm 22 and I'm losing hope for what's left of my 'youth'. I'm 23 in 4 months, how am I meant to feel? What am I meant to do?

[courtneybella-blog1]

What does a degree mean?

I graduated in November 2016 and everything seemed quite positive and celebratory at the time but then reality kicked in because nobody wanted to hire a university graduate and work experience was essential. I remember going to the job centre every week and feeling helpless because I couldn’t get no interviews and the job centre advisors were pressurising and intimidating. They assumed being a uni grad would give you a high paid job into any office, media company or school.

I came across a film internship that following winter and after I completed it I was still unemployed for months. Most internships guarantee a paid role afterwards or another interview but nothing ever happened. I got some agencies offering me teaching assistant roles and then I would sign up to an agency and I would never hear anything back from them again. It felt like I was a ghost because I walked around unnoticed by everyone and I started to lose patience and my faith. I knew after a while they only used me in order to get commissioned and I felt like a puppet who was completely lost in the working world.

I remember reading emails being rejected from jobs and then finally being invited for interviews and not getting the roles which devastated me because I really did try my best in the interview with politeness, smiling, well dressed and I made my resume was update. I felt like my whole world was falling apart and I started to become lost and my happiness decreased which led to weight gain.

I remember I attended an interview for a midday assistant at a nursery part time and the interviewers barely looked at me and one of them said I was too young to work and they didn’t hire people with degrees.

Some of these educational institutions were looking for people with level 1 or level 2 qualifications. I thought to myself I’m not going back to college to study childcare because that would be a waste of time.  I sat there feeling angry on the inside but on the outside I smiled. I studied for 3 years to then end up in debt and unemployed but I pray and begged God to help me.

The government need to realise a lot of young people are out of work because nobody is willing to take them on and train them. I’m disappointed at what is happening with uni grads in England it’s almost like having a degree is worthless. Whereas in other countries such as China, USA or Canada state it’s essential to have a degree to have a good paid job. I wish the system was focused on helping young intelligent people like myself and giving us a chance to strive and succeed in the working world. Everywhere I go I feel oppressed, claustrophobic and trapped and all I need to do is escape and breathe.  I want to work overseas in the USA but I want to gain work experience here first but the working system in England isn’t helping me progress further because I cannot hold a paid job as yet. How long is the wait? Will I ever get employed? Is England going through an economic crisis?

Most jobs advertised online attract my eye but unfortunately the recruitment team aren’t attracted enough to my application form or my CV. I hear people always tell me to make sure your cover letter is brilliant but how do you write a brilliant cover letter for a company whose reading a lot of resumes and cover letters a day. I feel like right now too many doors are shutting in my face so imagine how many thousands of uni graduates who go through the same routine month after month. I know people with degrees and masters who graduated two or three years before me and still don’t have their dream job. Some work in retail, admin or reception roles or some stay at home which they hate because they would rather do something they’re really passionate about.

Now I think about my own job hunting process honestly it’s hard and difficult. Sometimes I feel like I don’t exist and then I began to feel frustrated during the whole situation. I know some uni classmates who are already employed whereas some of them aren’t even in employed like myself. I know a few which are doing either unpaid or paid internships which isn’t leading them anywhere. As it is slave labour work and they are being overworked and doing other people’s extra work. Honestly the employment system is a bit of a joke considering I receive student finance loan letters telling me how much I owe them but yet I scream at the letter because I’m still unemployed. Right now I cannot afford to pay for my own essentials such as clothes, food, travel let alone pay for student finance.

I truly believe this economy is corrupted and being unemployed is infectious. I remember having a trial day at a preparatory in north London and I stayed at the school for the whole day and I tried my best. The head teacher promised he will call me and some other potential candidates for a second interview face to face but it never happened. Instead the school still advertised for this teaching assistant job role through other agencies. I called my recruitment consultant to ask her for feedback or whatever happened about this so called job but I never heard anything back. Whilst I was at the prep school a candidate told me it was important for the agency to pay you to do trial days and at least pay you £60.

I needed to be noticed fast so I decided to volunteer at two local schools to gain more experience as teaching assistant and nursery assistant since I didn’t mind training as a primary school teacher. I would love to become a kindergarten teacher in America and raise my family there too. After working at the schools I felt like I was working for free and it was all for nothing so I decided to quit because I was not content within myself. I needed to feel secure and I needed a job fast after the summer term ended.

Meanwhile I was doing voluntary and applying for teaching assistant roles in schools and updating my CV it was crazy the more and more schools and agencies were turning me down. It was ironic because more agencies and schools were willing to interview me with less work experience months ago and then reject me forwards. This shows every company know exactly what they’re doing and who they will hire so they call people in to be interviewed for their own benefit.

These organisations need to interview a lot of people to prove to the government they have advertised the job well. Also these same companies sadly reject the unwanted candidates as they have already selected their potential candidates. The potential candidates the company hires might possibly walk out of the job a week or month later as it happens because some people realise a specific job isn’t for them.

As a young person trying to find my feet isn’t easy at all instead it’s hard and challenging. Nobody seems to understand you instead they keep asking you how is the job hunting? How are the interviews and have you considered another career path. My mind is constantly worrying about the next path in life and I feel helpless during this hardship of being unemployed and penniless. I ask myself why did I work so hard in school to then end up with all of these qualifications and no real job and no income.

I always remember adults including teachers and parents telling young people to stay in school and complete their education but nobody told us the reality of the possible struggles that would come along with it. Life is always going to be full of ups and downs because that is the way life is designed. Now being 22 and still employeed I feel I’m on the low how can I possibly elevate myself if I cannot even gain a simple job I may want to be a scriptwriter but I cannot be knocking on Hollywood’s door overnight.

I need to be able to build myself with basic working school whilst gaining more confidence, independence and determination before I push myself any further. If I could talk to any uni grad right now in the same position as me I would tell them start flying and create your own opportunity don’t wait for a door to open for you. Don’t let life pass you by because you don’t want the time to run out on you.

As people always say we only live once and we cannot relive again so don’t let the system drag you down instead defeat it with hard work, motivation and determination and carry God first place too. If you love writing write, you love teaching teach and if you love music become a musician but don’t let money or negative people including co-workers, family, friends or a bad relationship get in the way because the devil doesn’t like real success he likes failure instead. Remember to stay positive and to be thankful for life because nobody knows when they will be gone so don’t let any job get you down because once you’re in a good position everything will fall into place at the right time.