#but qpr have always spoken to me deeply so i wanted to show that a bit of love too even if this maybe isn’t that

[stellewriites]

and harmonise

showing all parts of myself a bit of love here while i figure out my place on the aroace spectrum

gaz x reader

aro gaz, ace reader, fluff

you’d realised you’d liked kyle for a few months now. it felt inevitable given your close friendship, his cracking smile and caring nature; plus those egregiously tight, but oh so flattering, workout shorts he insisted on wearing throughout the summer.

the slow development of feelings snuck up on you until one day you realised the urge to kiss him was blaring like a siren in the back of your mind as you listened to him talk about some album his mate johnny had lent him. you’d not panicked though, it had felt only natural to fall for him. as one of your closest friends, you knew first hand how lovely he was; in fact, you were surprised it hadn’t happened sooner.

you also knew nothing would come of it. the entire time you’d known gaz, he’d never once really dated, the few people he’d introduced to your friend group were never officially titled girlfriend or partner and didn’t stick around for long. you’d always dismissively assumed he maybe wasn’t keen on commitment, and since you didn’t date all that much either, the topic never came up between the two of you.

you’d met on a work’s night out at christmas seven years ago. he was a coworker’s friend that had come to meet them in the pub and you’d hit it off immediately when you coincidentally sat near each other at the table.

by the end of the night you’d swapped numbers and started to hang out more and more often; as the years went by, you’d only gotten closer.

this came to a head one evening when you were sat on his couch, sprawled next to him after finishing your takeout and watching his football team lose on tv.

you’d been flirting lightly all evening, teasing him as his team missed easy passes and stealing his food while he threw his arm over the cushion behind you and pushed his plate closer. you felt something brewing between the two of you and after a few encouraging messages from your friends you finally decided you were going to ask him out when he walked you home later.

his phone pinged on the coffee table in front of you and you snickered when you saw johnny’s name. “looks like you’ll owe johnny fifty quid in about an hour,” you said and kyle groaned into his hands.

curled over with his elbows on his knees you rubbed his back

“guess pizza’s on me next time then,” you said and he looked up at you with unimpressed eyes.

“you’re meant to say my team will pull through, babes. win at the last second,” he huffed.

“i don’t like to lie to you,” you simpered sarcastically. you nudged him playfully when he rolled his eyes.

he looked at you then, your glistening eyes and teasing smile, and leant down for a soft kiss, his tongue making an eager appearance but barely brushing against your lips before he was pulling back.

he hovered close and you giggled quietly, cut off when he dipped back in, firmer this time. you kissed him back just as encouraging, held him close by the shoulders and licked into his mouth before he got the chance to tease.

you didn’t know how long you sat there for, separating for quick moments to catch your breath before going back for more, magnetised and desperate to be close.

when you finally took a minute to break free, breathless and giddy, you gained the courage to joke with him. “so what are we?” you asked the cliche dreaded question with a put on voice and an exaggerated expression. you broke after a moment and snorted a soft laugh.

kyle however had frozen. “uh, friends still?”

you paused in turn, surprised even if you were only originally kidding. you weren’t expecting to be anything right now, but the term friends didn’t sit right with you after that kind of kiss either. you frowned and your hands dropped from his shoulders. “what?”

kyle cleared his throat, growing a little cagey and defensive.

“i’m not looking for anything, you know? but this is fun, babes. it could be more fun even.” he gestured between you.

“oh. i don’t… kiss my friends like that.” you shook your head softly, but then moved to hold his hand. “not that im judging, but i mean, i thought you liked me?”

“i do,” he nodded. his sweet eyes were genuine.

“but you don’t even want to try dating me?”

he sighed, jaw growing tense as he shook his head. he pulled his hand free from yours and ran it anxiously over his hair.

“i don’t like you like that,” he admitted softly, hesitantly, eyes guarded.

“oh,” you said, hurt. you pulled your hands close in your lap and bit the inside of your cheek. “ok. you just like me for sex.”

“i like you as a close friend,” he corrected firmly. “and yeah i think you’re very sexy and beautiful and i’d enjoy having sex with you, but that’s secondary.”

you felt your reflexive upset start to fade as you listened to him properly and you nodded. “i’m not built for casual i think, ky,” you said with a strained smile.

he nodded.

“not everyone is, it’s ok.” he sat back to give you both room. “are we ok though?”

you nodded immediately. it wasn’t his fault you were sensitive to rejection and the topic of sex that usually came hand in hand with it; scorned as you were by one too many previous partners that didn’t stay interested once you set your boundaries.

“yeah! it’s just— it’s funny really, because i’m literally like wired to not be into what 90% of casual is. i’m ace.” you felt the need to explain. might as well tell him since you’d already kissed the guy.

his eyes brightened. “you’re asexual?”

“…yeah, you know what that means?” you felt your shoulders start to relax.

he nodded. “i’m aromantic.”

“oh!” you started to huff a laugh. “fucking hell, that makes sense. ok, so we’re like two sides of the same coin then.”

he smiled down at you once more, his body relaxing and his arm finding its way to the back of your seat again. “looks like. what’re the odds, eh?”

you snorted. “jeez, it really wouldn’t have worked out. i would’ve been way too needy for affection for you, and i doubt you’d be happy with only getting your dick sucked every tuesday.”

he frowned, offended. “i like affection.” the hand over your shoulder tugged on your earlobe as if to prove it.

“shit, sorry i was just basing it off of the other aro people i’ve met before. i didn’t want to assume but i did exactly fucking that, put you in a box.” you winced.

“oi, apology accepted so stop beating yourself up, babes,” he knocked your shoulders together before turning to face you head on. “seriously, stop. i’m into that sort of thing and you won’t want to take care of it.”

you sputtered a deep laugh and slapped his chest as he grinned down at you.

“so…” he said after your laughter slowed down and silence took over. you looked up to see him pouting. “you’re saying you don’t want to keep kissing?”

you shrugged, reticent. “i still don’t kiss my friends like that.”

he nodded, grabbed his drink and chugged the last gulp back.

“and what if we weren’t friends?”

“but you just said you don’t like dating,” you said. “or like implied it.”

“and you don’t like sex, but you’d be willing to try sucking my dick every tuesday,” he joked, but you saw the serious look in his eye. “it doesn’t have to be dating or like— we can make it what we want. our rules for what we’d like from our relationship.”

you stared at him, speechless.

“so we wouldn’t be dating, but we’d be together?”

he nodded shyly. “if you wanted to try it.”

you pulled out your phone and searched on google ‘queer platonic relationship’.

“like this?” you tilted the screen so he didn’t have to lean so far into your shoulder, but he didn’t move away.

“sure, if the label helps.”

“i do like labels,” you mumbled under your breath. he smiled at you fondly. a thought occurred to you and you nervously bit at your fingernails before looking at him. “would we be exclusive?”

he thought for a moment. “is that what you’d want?”

you nodded. “i think so. at first at least.”

“then yeah, we could try that. if it works then great, if it doesn’t then we let the other know,” he said. he lifted your hand to wrap your pinkies together. “no holding shit in, babes. i know how you get.”

“fuck you, you’re just as avoidant,” you said but shook your hand lightly to indicate that you agreed. “so… we wouldn’t celebrate valentine’s day, but you would come do my weekly shop with me,” you said, trying to get your bearings.

“you could take me as your plus one to your friend’s wedding next month, but i won’t clap if you catch the bouquet,” he agreed.

you laughed, starting to get it. “even with the tax benefits we’d get from being married?”

he squinted at you. “ok, i’ll snap like at those pretentious poetry readings.”

you huffed and shook your head. his match had started back up and you watched the team run from one end to the other for a few quiet minutes.

“hey, we don’t have to decide now. we can talk about this more after you’ve thought about it,” he suggested lightly, watching you.

“why don’t you need to think about it?”

“i’ve done it before,” he said easily. “not with someone ace, but, you know, every relationship needs adjustments and this would be no different. we just need to feel it out as we go.”

“fuck,” you whispered. “that kinda convinced me.”

he rolled his eyes. “just have a think about it. i’ll come by yours tomorrow to grab you before gym and we can go over the details more on the way there, talk about do’s and don’ts, see if we’d actually fit or not.”

“what if we try it and it doesn’t work out?” you asked a little naively, voicing your biggest concern. you worried about the ‘what ifs’; what if you grew too attached, too jealous, or worse, tried to break your own boundaries to keep the relationship from ending.

you knew logically that you weren’t the type to get jealous, that kyle had always managed to balance his time between you and his older friends and that that wouldn’t suddenly change; you wouldnt be upset if he slept with other people given it wasn’t something you were interested in; he’d already told you he liked affection just as much as you did; and that he’d make an effort to check in with you - just as you would with him. but—

“then we’ll go back to being friends without the kissing,” he answered reassuringly, squeezing your shoulder and pulling you into his side. you sighed and snuggled close; that’s what you needed to hear. “you’re stuck with me, babe, not a lot you could do that’d have me fucking off now.”

you smiled and kissed his cheek. he practically glowed under the attention.

“ok,” you nodded. “you know i’m going to be researching everything about this deep into the night right?”

he groaned. “just relax. the internet isn’t going to have all the answers, babe. this is about us now, not anyone else.”

you hummed. “reddit might know something though.”

“jesus fucking christ…”

“hey! you’re the one who’s interested in me like sexually and uhh, emotionally? aesthetically? platonically? i don’t...”

kyle raised his eyebrows expectantly. “all but romantic.”

“right. so you know what you’re in for and you like it.”

he smiled. “i know.” his gaze flickered over your face. “do you?”

you’d been friends for years now, great friends. this would just be like a cherry on top of an already fantastic sundae.

“yeah. i do.”

“cool. then we should kiss a bit more since my team’s already lost,” he suggested and you snorted.