#but pls no one propose marriage in a creepy fashion (or any fashion. i love y’all but the answer is no)

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

uhhhhhhhhhhh idk. ask me stuff!

[host-of-chthon]

For the Ultimate Ship meme... Mysterio and Mary

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - For a LONG time, or at least until one of them dies

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - It was a slow burn, especially on Mysterio’s side, who is constantly anxious that he is going to hurt her.

How was their first kiss? Veeeery soft and tender

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Mysterio (he is the old fashioned gentleman and all), but honestly, marriage is not something demons do.

Who is the best man/men? - Um... I do not think Mysterio would want a best man, if the Higher Order paid witness their union that would be good enough for him.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Again, in the -unlikely- scenario of a typical marriage, then any of Mary’s friends would do, Mysterio would leave that upon her.

Who did the most planning? - Mysterio, since I doubt that their wedding would be anything close to a conventional ceremony

Who stressed the most? - Mysterio, having constantly second thoughts

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big (I think it would be on the fancy but creepy side)

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - MEPHISTO (obviously. He is jealous and posessive, he’d never approve)

Sex:

Who is on top? - Mysterio. When it comes to women he’s all about being top.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Again, Mysterio.

How healthy is their sex life? - Way more healthy than Mysterio is used toBarely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - I imagine a LOT, Mysterio does not need rest inbetween sessions, so they can go on and on and on and on.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Obviously, quid pro quo is the name of the game.

How rough are they in bed? - Mysterio triiiiiiiiiiiiies to be gentle but he often fails.Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - I don’t think it is possible for normal children to be conceived, but they already consider their dragons and bats as their children.

How many children will they adopt? - AS MANY DRAGONS AND BATS AS POSSIBLE

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - I think they both share.

Who is the stricter parent? - None they are spoiling their kids

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Mary. Mysterio would constantly remind her that dragons are not easy to get hurt by jumping off the windows, but she wouldn’t want them maimed regardless.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Mary. 

Who is the more loved parent? - I think they compete on who would spoil them the most

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Both (and honestly, i think that would scare the teachers)

Who cried the most at graduation? - Mary externally and Mysterio internally (”awww they grow so faaasttt”)

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - BOTH WOULD BE WILLING TO KILL ANYONE WHO DARES TOUCH THEIR BBIES

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Mary

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Mysterio

Who does the grocery shopping? - Mary

How often do they bake desserts? - VERY OFTEN, they both have a sweet tooth

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Mysterio loves drinking blood, darling. As for Mary, I doubt she cannot appreciate the delights of a well cooked steak.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Mary would try to surprise Mysterio but in the case Mysterio remembered, he would surprise Mary first.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Mysterio (he would most definitely suggest going somewhere FANCY and he’d do the teleporting)

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - None, they both know how to cook

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both

Who is really against chores? - Mysterio. Why strain when there are cleaning spells?

Who cleans up after the pets? - Both, cause they see them as their children

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - None 

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Mary. Everything has to be immaculate

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Mary.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Mysterio all the way. That hair and those wings deserve extra care

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Mary (Mysterio hates dogs)

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Very often

What are their goals for the relationship? - To last, Mysterio not to kill Mary by accident and to be happy together

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Mysterio (he wakes up way after noon)

Who plays the most pranks? - Mary, surprisingly.