#but people use this to mean it's completely worthless like

[cele-ish]

I am so so glad someone's bringing this up!

While usually I am strong defender of Genshin's localisation, most of Mona's constellation lines were butchered. The Chinese version gives us this:

「雄狮」早早离群，但她会继续成长，直到能完全继承狮群的荣耀。

which roughly translates to:

The "male lion" left the group early, but she will continue to grow until she can fully inherit the glory of the lion group.

It's not about her being separated from her pack. It sounds like it's about Diluc leaving and throwing his responsibilities on Jean's shoulders. He was the leader of the pack, the Favonious prodigy and from what we've heard about him, he was most likely considered to be Varka's successor. Jean was not prepared to shoulder all that unexpectedly at the ripe age of 17 and she always has to live up to the legend of the knight that Diluc was - at least in her head.

He was to be the sword, she was to be the shield, as indicated through their c6 constellations. Now she has to carry both.

Add to that the fact that Jean carries the burden of guilt for what happened to Diluc and that the Knights harboured a traitor. She thinks it's up to her to make the Knights as an organisation worthy of Diluc's respect again, so that his tragedy does not repeat ever again.

It doesn't help that Varka seems to take Jean for granted and has no consideration for her capacity - and since she was raised in the belief that she's only worth what she's able to offer Mondstadt, she will not protect her boundaries.

He sounds extremely dismissive even when talking about Jean to her mother. He doesn't respect the effort Jean is putting in at all. it's just odd errands, haha.

Most people in Mondstadt only see her achievements and are completely oblivious to their cost. She's wearing herself thin because she believes she has to work twice as hard to barely match the expectations and make up for her "shortcomings". She wants to have a perfect schedule, as her mother intended for her, but no matter how much she adjusts it (she's on version XVII, mind you!) she can't match the unrealistic standard and keeps falling behind and sacrificing her wellbeing trying to chase it. I also think of her to be a girlie who buys all the fresh produce, makes a weekly meal plan just to lack the time and energy to actually cook so she ends up eating random 'girl dinner' stuff (or takeaway pizza!) while her groceries rot away and she feels bad about it.

I even see her relationship with Klee as a result of "someone's gotta do it" state of mind. She's not well suited to taking care of a child, she's so awkward with Klee and even snaps at Kaeya's joke that she could pose as Klee's mother during the Golden Apple Archipelago. Yet she recognises that this child, with very unpredictable pyro powers, left behind in the city by her mother, is in need of formal protection and parental figures, even if unconventional ones. She has no idea how to connect with Klee yet still she does the right thing, enrolls her into the KoF as means of protection and making sure she's sheltered and taken care of.

If I were to choose her theme song, I wouldn't hesitate and pick "Surface Pressure" from Encanto right away. "Under the surface, I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service"? Please, that's Jean right away.

Both Kaeya and Lisa see through Jean's mask of professionalism and poise. They always look after her, voice their concerns. Lisa after Weinlesefest says how she's disappointed with Varka, Kaeya during the first Archon Quest even straight up mentions how becoming Acting Grand Master "must have been hard on Jean" if you talk with him in her office. Both of them are willing to push their boundaries to help out Jean, staying up late and finishing up her overdue work.

Additionally, Kaeya is always quick to put people in their place and remind them of Jean's authority. He always, always is trying to help Jean relax, whether it is through TCG, throwing her a party (and even clearing out her tasks so that she can actually enjoy it), or going out for drinks in Simulanka. These lines were not anyhow pushing the plot yet they were added either way. That means all of this is important. Given how close he was to Diluc, only he would truly know first hand how hard it was (is?) to walk in his shoes. Both him (as the Cavalry Captain) and Jean have to face it and do the heavy lifting. It's a unique mutual understanding.

So, tldr, under all that reliability and elegance is a stressed out disaster girlie who always thinks she's not good enough so she overworks herself to compensate for it.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, now I am late to places but I regret nothing.

I love all the hints at Jean not coping that well with being Acting Grand Master, because to nearly everyone it seems like she is but she just kinda isn't. Like, obviously there's her story quest where she just collapses from overworking herself but there are all these other examples that show that homegirl is not alright.

Like Jean this is not a normal way to consume coffee. This seems a lot more like dependence than "coffee just makes me feel a bit more awake" or just liking the drink.

And like wdym she's completing random reviews at 3am because she got sick (probably from overworking) and then not allowing herself to buy a book. Like that's just sad.

Like bro Mona took one look at Jean's constellation and was like "girl you've had too much on your plate for FAR too long". And then probably realised how depressing that sounded and was like "idk she's like really strong thoughhhh, it's not all baddd"

Like even Kaeya's concerned bro. At least she's got him looking out for her though.

[melivora]

"X is a social construct"

Okay? That doesn't mean it doesn't matter

[vvelegrin]

my favorite type of class is where the instructor is wasting my fucking time

[awkward-teabag]

This is made all the worse by the assumption users know hover actions or what an icon means so it's decided not to label anything because "people already know it".

No, they don't. Some do but you don't assume everyone who interacts with your site/program has the exact same knowledge as you. And, frankly, if you can't make a UI look good with larger buttons and/or labels, you kind of suck at your job.

Smart phones have made this even worse because companies cut costs and only design a mobile interface now and shoehorn that onto the desktop version. What may make sense for someone navigating with their finger vertically doesn't always make sense for someone navigating with a mouse horizontally. And in an effort to keep a "clean interface" for a phone's limited screen, so much information is lost and/or there's a bunch of dead space.

Or everything is spread out, which can be very, very far if you use an ultra-wide monitor or a TV.

That said, a lot of the choices are not due to graphic/UI designers, it's because some higher up with no design experience and who cares more for ~aesthetic~ than user experience is calling the shots and gets the final say on how things look. It's execs and tech bros who think they know best and that having the HGTV of user interfaces means something is automatically good.

One small but extremely annoying effect of Tech Modernization or w/e is how UI contrast is garbage anymore, especially just, like, application windows in general.

"Ooh our scrollbar expands when you mouse over it! Or does it? Only you can know by sitting there like an idiot for 3 seconds waiting for it to expand, only to move your cursor away just as it does so!" or Discord's even more excellent "scrollbar is 2 shades off of the background color and is one (1) pixel wide" fuck OFF

I tried to move a system window around yesterday and had to click 3 times before I got the half of the upper bar that let me drag it. Why are there two separate bars with absolutely nothing to visually differentiate them on that.

"Well if you look closely-" I should not!! have to squint!!! at the screen for a minute straight to detect basic UI elements!! Not mention how ableist this shit is, and for what? ~✨Aesthetic✨~?

and then every website and app imitates this but in different ways so everything is consistently dogshit to try to use but not always in ways you can immediately grok it's!!!! terrible!!!! just put lines on things again I'm begging you!!!!

[ventique18]

So the floor opens to suggestions for Halloween. Skully, being the eager beaver he is, presents "their" idea of what Halloween means. (Their because he ain't reading the others' worthless opinions of course)

"Silent. Simple. Modest. THIS IS HALLOWEEN!"

So of course, everyone is shocked. What is this nutjob even saying?

Jack is surprised, but being the gentleman he is, encourages Skully that that is interesting and if he could explain further. So he does.

First of all, silent. True silence and desolation, where you could hear every beat of your heart, is where true fear lies.

But Jade disagrees.

Jade: "So as to properly convey the spirit of Halloween, the fright and fun of it both, you simply can't do without music."

Jade: "Music stirs up the fear that makes you tremble and the excitement that makes you want to dance."

Jack agrees but Skully finds it ridiculous.

Skully: "I beg to disagree! Dancing is naught but tomfoolery-- I hardly think that is appropriate for Halloween! Such noises are against the spirit of Halloween!"

Jack thinks to himself, then encourages Skully to proceed to his next point.

So he discusses Halloween is "simple." Decorations can be gaudy and Vil agrees that there is beauty in simplicity. Skully then proposes that decorations should be removed completely and that rooms should be painted in all black to simulate the night. Then you will feel the creeping fear when there is NOTHING but darkness around you...

So Vil FUMES because how DARE Skully suggest having just ONE color?!

Vil: "DON'T EVEN JOKE WITH ME!"

Epel chimes in and says colors make the spirit, so even better if they include ALL 7 COLORS IN NEON. Vil tells him his tastes are also shit.

Malleus: "It is Halloween, after all. As Schoenheit mentioned, some people might find it tasteless to clad everything in only one color."

Malleus: "For the past 100 years or so, Halloween has been popularly celebrated with incorporations of bright colors such as purple, orange, or bright green.

Malleus: "I, too, am of the opinion that the decorations should be spectacular. Merely using black is not enough."

Azul: "If even Malleus who lives in that dreary, prison-like dormitory agrees, then that must mean this is an important point indeed..!"

Leona: "What he says. That's just how special Halloween is."

Y'ALL BULLYING MALLEUS FOR NO REASON 😂

[yandere-daydreams]

tw - implied non/con, extreme pet play, dehumanization, psychological/physical abuse, and unbalanced power dynamics.

commissioned piece. donate to palestinians in gaza here.

Sometimes, you really do think Suguru thinks of you as a pet.

It shouldn’t be as difficult to believe as it is. Of course you’d be less than human to him, less than equal to the god-like status he has among his followers. But, Suguru knows he’s not a god, and while you might not be the only person he claims to be superior to, you are the only one he keeps locked in a steel-barred dog crate padded only by thread-bare blankets and distant memories of what it felt like to sleep in a real bed. You’re special – albeit, not the kind of special you’d like to be. You can disregard most of his grandiose speeches about ‘complete non-sorcerer elimination’ and ‘killing off those worthless monkeys’ as the self-indulgent rambling of a deranged cult leader, but he doesn’t seem to be phoning it in when it comes to you.

He doesn’t talk to you. Communication occurs solely through blunt orders (come, sit, bark, etc.) or sweetened, syrupy baby-talk, cooed as his fingers card through your hair and pet down the length of your spine. You’re expected (something learned purely through trail and error, reward and punishment) to follow him around happily, to sit at his feet and clamber into his lap whenever his eyes find yours and he taps his thigh, that expectant smile already tugging at the corner of his lips. Depending on the day, you’re either coddled and adored like a beloved pet, allowed to walk on two legs rather than four and fed treats out of his open palm, or treated like a stray who’d wandered in off the street and refuses to leave. You do prefer the former to the latter, but it doesn’t really make that much of a difference, not if you’re being honest with yourself. Either way, you always seem to end up on your knees between his legs as he sits above you, a fist curled around your collar as he tells you to lick, puppy, lick.

Speaking of – you’re not allowed to wear clothes. You used to hate it, to steal his shirts and hide in closets, to do anything you could to salvage what little pride you had left, but it’s hard not to get used to something forced onto you so constantly. The only thing Suguru’s ever given you to wear is a simple, black, leather collar – studded with silver spikes and drawn tight enough to bite into your throat when he pulls on it, which he does often. You’re thankful he doesn’t make you wear those cutesy animal ear headbands or, god forbid, a tail, but not as thankful as you should be. As unbearable as it’d be, having him dress you up like a cat or a dog or some wide eyed, sexed-up rabbit would take the edge off. Like this, it’s harder to believe he thinks of you as an animal, as something cute and small and vulnerable that he can love and care for. It’s harder to deny that he knows you’re human – he just doesn’t see why that would ever mean you couldn’t also be his pet.

You think, when you’ve exhausted all other silver linings, that it’s (partially, at least) his excuse to keep you. You know what he does to people who aren’t like him, you’ve seen what he’s like at his worst, and you know that, if you weren’t his pet, you’d just be another non-sorcerer, another nuisance the world would be better off without. If you’re a pet, you can’t be a person, and if you’re not a person, it means he’s not going against his warped ideals when he pulls you close to his chest, when he ghosts his lips over the top of your head, when he fucks you so softly and so gently, you can almost believe he cares whether or not you enjoy it. Pets are supposed to be loved, and so he’s not doing anything wrong by loving you.

You know what would happen to you if you weren’t his pet, too, if he couldn’t make excuses for himself. You’ve seen how wide his smile can be when he comes home with blood on his clothes, how little effort it takes for him to hook his hands under your arms and carry you to his bed, already muttering about how perfect he’s going to make the world for his pretty, precious pet. You’re not allowed to leave his cramped apartment, but he talks about putting you on display for his acolytes as he ruts into you with an almost animalistic brutality, about showing all of those filthy, degenerative insects what a well-trained mutt looks like. You know that you should do more to fight back, that your humanity should be worth more to you than a few half-hearted escape attempts and the occasional pained whine, but you’ve seen see what he can do, heard about the dismembered bodies he leaves to rot in a ditch behind his temple, and—

And, no matter how much you hate him for it, no matter how much you hate yourself for it, it’s true.

When it comes down to it, you’d rather be his pet than be nothing at all.

[puppyplayhouse]

Step brother Hyunjin things

Warnings: puppy reader, degradation, blackmail, choking at some point, dub con, kissing.

Lil headcanon of mean step bro Hyunjin (who maybe is possessive) being a dick (it's so delicious tho)

Has known you since you were both little because your parents were family friends before their respective divorces, so he knows every button to push.

Constantly using Dad against you. It's a core part of his blackmail, really. Every time you're a little less than compliant, he pulls up one of the thousands of pictures he's taken of you during your times together and asks what you think Dad would have to say about it.

Calls you puppy when people are around just to get you flustered. He's amazing at playing it off so that nobody questions it because well, he's just a good brother and you've always been SO close.

Any time he sees you alone on the couch, he's tugging his pants down and tapping his cock against your cheek. Of course, you protest. You tell him that you don't know when your parents are getting back. He doesn't care, though. He tells you that you should shut up and get to work if you don't want them to find out.

He's not always mean, though. You'd even say he's somewhat nice when you've had a really hard day and you come to him reluctantly, kneeling in front of him because you just can't be in control right now, and he's the only person who can take that from you.

He rewards you so well for that. For any willing submission you offer him, he returns it by making you cum over and over again on his fingers before he fucks you nice and slow, rolling his hips lazily into yours to drag out the low, whimpered moans that you let slip. He's only gentle with you when you earn it.

He loves to make you cum. He loves it even more when your pretty mouth is objecting to it and telling him he shouldn't be doing it, but your hips are bucking against him and your nails are digging into his arm in a pathetic attempt to ground yourself.

And he takes pictures every time. Sometimes, he'll force you to pose and use his fancy camera. Those are the more tasteful shots of you in pretty lingerie with wide doe eyes. Other times he's using his phone to capture the tears that spill down your cheeks as you gag around the length of his cock. He loves both equally.

He always has to degrade you. He'll pin you down completely still the movement of his hips as he makes you beg, always something along the lines of "C'mon, puppy. You were all talk before begging me to stop and now you're panting like a bitch in heat. Tell me you want it. That's it, more. I know you can do better than that. Tell me you're my worthless slut."

He knows you like it because your pussy is always dripping and practically pulses around him.

He would never admit it, but after a while you become the only person he fucks. Sure, he could have his pick, but he knows nobody else would look as cute as you do when you're staring up at him wide, panicked eyes, and tear stained cheeks.

He fucking loves seeing you cry. He loves watching you bite your pillow when he finds you laid on your bed and forces your pants down without a word, easily sliding his cock inside of you because you're always soaked at this point.

At some point he starts making you tell him that you love him. He has a firm grip of your throat and you're overstimulated to the point of becoming delirious as he uses one of your toys on you, thrusting it in an out of your aching cunt. "Tell me, and I'll stop, yeah? All you have to do is tell me how much you love me."

And you do. You say it like a prayer. You say it over and over again even after he's stopped, and he's got your cheeks cradled in his hands, cooing at you because you took everything he gave you without a complaint this time.

He was recording it, of course.

Recording you is his second favourite form of torture. He has so many videos of you sat pretty between his legs, your hands in fist infront of you like little paws as your tongue sticks out of your mouth, drool dripping down onto his lap to create a messy wet patch on the fabric of his pants. Those are his favourite to get himself off to.

Sweet brother Hyunjin is always nice enough to let you know when he's getting himself off to you. Which is every time. He sends you videos and pictures of his gorgeous cock fucking up into his hand and it's the only time he seems out of control, desperate for it to be you that he was burying his cock into instead.

Very rarely does he lay back and let you do the work. He likes taking charge and making a mess of you, but very rarely when you're being a good dog and sitting patiently, waiting almost excitedly for his next round of abuse, he lets you do the work. He'll pat his lap and wait for you to climb on top of him, watching in amusement as you fumble with his zipper and shove his pants down, messily grinding yourself against his bulge until he quietly tells you that if you don't move on, he'll leave.

You always perk up at that, taking it less as a threat and more as permission to sink yourself down on his cock. This is when he praises you.

He tells you how pretty you look and that you take his cock so fucking well, looking up at you with something akin to adoration sparkling in his eyes. He might even kiss you. His kisses are the ultimately reward, always slow and sensual. You become ravenous when he kisses you.

Maybe he'll even tell you he loves you. That you're his favourite puppy. He knows he loves you, and he has accepted that. But maybe he'll let you know when your grinding down onto his cock like the well trained mutt he has made you into.

He doesn't make it too sweet though. More like, "that's it. Take my cock, baby. Fuck, I love you. My desperate little slut. All fucking mine, yeah?"

[ashherahh]

gentle reminders for a lonely heart

Note: Please take it if it resonates, leave it if it doesn't. Meditate before making your decision. It's completely okay if you don't resonate with this reading. The collective is huge and I'm sure you'll receive the messages you need in due time.

tarot masterlist • rules + tags • paid services

If you have been feeling some kind of way, here's a message to let you know that everything will be okay (⁠づ⁠￣⁠ ⁠³⁠￣⁠)⁠づ

pile 1

Cards: Temperance, Two of Cups Rx, Two of Swords Rx, Ace of Swords Rx

Just take a breather. Everything will fall into place eventually.

You will find your way in this world and everything will make sense. You just need to let go of the mess for a bit, okay? You can't do it all, babe. You shouldn't have to either.

There's more to life than always having to make the right decision. Sometimes life pulls us on a path and we kind of need to just go with the flow. This is difficult, of course. Things are so crazy, how could you not plan for everything?

Babe, you'll make yourself crazy thinking about the what ifs.

It's like you're in a forest and there's a river you find yourself walking next to but it's flowing in the opposite direction of where you're going. You find yourself stumbling and falling into this river and the sheer shock of the situation leads you to believe that this the worst possible thing that could've happened to you.

But, maybe that needed to happen and maybe you needed to be swept away by the current.

Whenever chaos comes into our lives, it always points out something that has been at the back of our minds but now we simply can't ignore. There has been no balance, but now is not the time for balance.

Balance will come but only after letting go. So let the mess go, let it slip through your hands like sands through an hour glass. Let go of what you should've done and who you should've been and what you should've accomplished.

Another thing about chaos is, it drags our attention to the present. Although it's not a nice circumstance, you're in the moment and you're present. You're thinking of what to do now. The lesson in chaos is to always focus on what you can do now, in this moment. In this space and with what you have, think about now.

No more future and no more past. Just right now. If all you can do is breath, that's all you can do. That's okay.

If you're in this state of limbo where nothing makes sense and everything seems to be falling apart and you're second guessing every decision you make — take a moment.

Actually, take many moments. You need it and you deserve it. You're going to be absolutely fine.

pile 2

Cards: Three of Swords Rx, The Star, The Fool, The Knight of Swords

Oooh, we in our healing era! We're in our glow up era! We are feeling ourselves and we're going to be feeling good for a very long time. I love this for you!

How amazing to know that the heartache is coming to an end? How amazing are you to walk away from what was bringing you down for so long? Welcome back, babe!

The universe has many a good thing in store for you.

You really got out of it and it was not easy but it's going to be so worth it. You're on a new path now, one that will bring in a love that will completely cast a shadow onto the one of the past. They will be a distant memory.

You're being blessed with this new relationship because of how you handled the past heartache, and I can see how bad it was. I can see how much it hurt you and you sat with it for so long but now you're a Star. Shining so bright, living life, back into your groove.

I can see that it was difficult for you to move on, but I'm so proud of you.

Sometimes we think we'll be with someone forever but the Universe has other plans. It shifts and changes and redirects us. Sometimes it uses people we love and that doesn't mean the love was for nothing. It wasn't.

No love is worthless. You just ended up giving more than they did, but that's always been you, right?

All that love you're capable of giving to others and been giving to others, it's time you give it to yourself. You'll see how amazing your life becomes once you start doing that, not only that, things will just start happening for you.

It took a while to get here but the change will happen before you know it and the pain will be a memory of the past. You're being guided and protected through this healing and through this new beginning.

You have a really beautiful soul and such a kind heart. Once you let that shine through, and I mean really shine, you'll see how happy you'll be.

pile 3

Cards: Eight of Pentacles Rx, Five of Pentacles Rx, Temperance Rx, Six of Wands

All your efforts are not in vain and the reward will come in the most unlikeliest of ways, but it'll come.

You've earned it. All the times you denied yourself, you held back, you decided to focus. It's all going to be rewarded. You're going to be blessed with so much, you won't know what to do with it.

Having to rub pennies together is not fun. You had to say no to a lot and miss out on a lot. I really do feel for you, babe. It's tough having to be responsible when you see everyone around you having fun. Especially when you have goals people don't really understand.

If you find yourself comparing yourself to others, smack those thoughts out of your mind.

I'm not going to romanticise your situation, I am not Lana Del Rey. I'm just a messager and the message is that you're a tough cookie and you will not be broken by this. The guide watching over you is really in awe of you and they got your back all the way. Not many people can handle things the way you have.

This is not a beaten path. Your cart won't get stuck in the mud going this way. You're going to do awesome things with your life. You're going to live your dream life, in all honesty.

When you wake up in your big ass bed in your own house, able to drive your dream car to get that ice coffee you always used to tell yourself was too expensive — you'll understand that you're a fucking boss and you can get through anything.

The days where you feel like you just want to quit and leave everything behind, those will be days you look back on and you'll be glad you really gave it your all. You're an underdog.

Just remember: you are strong, you are brave, you will do amazing things.

Ps. If you feel drawn to pile 1 as well, go ahead and read it.

[absurdthirst]

Mother's Day Surprise {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 11.4k

Warnings: Menstrual blood/cramping, violent attack, near death, surgery, comma, mentions of blood and disturbing scenes, recovery, assistance with basic needs, helping Joel shower, confessions of feelings, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, pull out method, mentions of family planning, breeding kink, dirty talk, cream pie, infertility, depression, feelings of worthlessness, death, harsh and cruel world, babies

Comments: Helping Joel Miller recover from a horrific attack leads to a life you never knew possible.

**🚨🚨 Contains spoilers for Season 2 of The Last of Us🚨🚨**

A/N: Happy Mother's Day to all those lovely moms out there and anyone wishing to become one in the future. Being a mom doesn't necessarily mean biologically. 💜

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

You grunt, squinting as you struggle to see in the dark. It's the middle of the night, the sun not yet peeking through the curtains, and you wonder why you woke up until your stomach twists and you realize you're wet between your thighs. "No. No. No. No." You cry, tears in your eyes as you scramble out of bed and rush into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. You shove your shorts down and sob at the blood that's gathered there. You got your period. Again. You sit down on the toilet and gather some paper to clean yourself up while you try to smother your cries but there's a knock at the door and Joel's voice  resonates through it, "are you okay, sweetheart?" He asks and you choke out, "the bed." Joel walks over to turn the lamp on, his eyes widening at the blood on the sheets. "Oh sweetheart." He sighs, resting his forehead against the door frame. "I'm sorry, baby. I - I am useless." You sob and he rattles the door handle, "let me in." He demands and you flush the toilet, washing your hands before you open the door. Joel immediately wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. "We will try again." He promises, "I didn't give up when I was recovering and we won't give up now." He assures you while you sob into his chest.

He sighs, not even going to deny his own disappointment, although people who used to know him in the Boston QZ would never believe it. Joel Miller, disappointed that you aren’t pregnant. The very obvious sign of his seed not taking root staining the sheets of the bed you share. He shouldn’t want a child. He’s closer to fucking sixty years old than not, just a few years shy and yet he finds himself wanting to see you round with his child. His second child by blood, his third in his heart. Ellie is staying with Dina tonight, so he doesn’t have to worry about waking her up as your sobs wrack your body. “You aren’t useless.” He soothes, frowning when he remembers your emotional words. Standing in the bathroom, he wishes there was something that he could do, fertility doctors from twenty plus years ago were a thing of the past. Most people do not want to bring children into this fungi infested world, but here in Jackson, he has hope for the future. Hope for a chance to pass on a legacy.

You cling to him, knowing he's disappointed. Lord knows you've been trying enough but you just can't seem to get pregnant. It's like you are cursed and you wonder if Joel's injuries hurt your chances.

****

You gasp when you look up to see a mangled man carried into the hospital. You set your cup of coffee down and stand up, the resident doctor rushing around to try and stop the bleeding. "What the hell?" You ask and a teenage girl is clinging to his hand as the team try to wheel him into the surgery room. "Joel. Joel. Don't leave me." She pleads, tears in her eyes, and you reach for her. "He's in good hands, sweetheart. Come here. Let the doctor work." You manage to drag her away and she wraps her arms around you and sobs, "I didn't know - she nearly - they nearly- it's all my fault." She chokes and you rub her back, frowning at the doors where the man disappeared.

Hours later, the door swings open and the doctor comes back through, his work scrubs stained with blood. Ellie had been impatiently sitting and leaps out of her seat. “Is he alive? Where is he? I want to see him.” She demands, making the doctor lift his hands slightly. “He’s alive.” He reassures her, making her tense shoulders slump with relief and tears prick her eyes. “There was massive trauma to the head, and-“ Ellie interrupts him. “Of course there is, that bitch tried to beat him to death with a fucking golf club.”

Your eyes widen at the news that he was nearly beaten to death. You wrap your arm around Ellie’s shoulder. She had rambled about how Joel saved her, how much she loves him, how he’s the father she never had. Her words made your heart melt and you silently prayed he pulled through. “It’s going to be a long road to recovery. For now, we will monitor him and see if he pulls through the night. It’s touch and go still.” The doctor warns Ellie who nods, “he will pull through. Joel is a stubborn fucker.” You chuckle and rub her upper arm, “let’s get you something to eat and a shower and we can come back when he’s settled in a room.” You suggest and she’s reluctant to leave but the doctor nods, “he’s unconscious. Will be for a few days at least. His body needs rest. Go get some food and he will be waiting for you.” Ellie nods and lets you guide her to your house. Her home needs to be cleaned up and you don’t want her to see the aftermath of the battle that occurred in her home.

Joel had put up a fight. Furniture is broken, the mirror in the hallway - one he had grumbled about every day when it showed him how old he is - is shattered. Shards of glass and spurts of blood splash the walls. Ellie grimaces and stops at the blood stain on the floor right by the open front door. Obviously no one had cared about closing up the house when rushing Joel off to the hospital. “Right.” She sighs, turning when she hears someone running towards her. “Ellie! Fuck, is Joel alright?” Breathless, Tommy stops in front of the teenager and his face almost begs her to tell him that his older brother is okay. “I tracked her, but she got away.” He explains; that being the reason he wasn’t at the hospital earlier. “She went to the river and I couldn’t track her from there.” 

Ellie straightens her back, shaking her head, “that fucking bitch.” She growls and you answer Tommy’s question. “Joel had surgery. He’s unconscious right now. Still in the air as to him waking up without brain damage. The doctor did the best he could but it…it was bad.” You admit and Tommy closes his eyes, needing to see his brother. “I need to see him.” He says and you nod, “he’s unconscious still. I’m going to get Ellie changed and get her something to eat.” You tell Tommy who reaches out to squeeze Ellie’s shoulder. “Get something to eat, kid. I’ll let you know if anything changes.” Tommy promises and Ellie doesn’t say anything else, going quiet. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.”

You nod, “go clean up. I’ll get started on trying to clean this up.” You tell her and she makes her way upstairs. You sigh, looking over at the pool of blood and you feel sick. You’ve always had a crush on the older Miller brother since he arrived at Jackson, but you’re certain he doesn’t even know you exist. 

****

You check Joel’s pulse, his eyes moving beneath his eyelids. He’s still unconscious, has been for a few days, and the hospital isn’t equipped with equipment to test brain function. All you can do is watch and wait to see if he will wake up.

Joel hurts, every inch of his body hurts and it feels like he’s trying to move mountains just to open his eyes. Fingers twitching and he opens his mouth, groaning quietly.

You gasp when you hear him groan, watching his eyes flutter, and you let go of his wrist, calling for the doctor. The doctor comes in and you gesture to Joel, “he is waking up.” The doctor nods, checking Joel over, his bandages wrapped around his head, and they had to shave his head to perform the surgery. You wonder if he will be angry about losing his hair. Ellie is in the waiting room so you head out to see her. “He’s awake.” You tell her and she stands up, “he is. I want to see him.” You shake your head, “the doctor is checking him over. Let’s give them some time.”

It takes a long time to understand what the doctors are telling him, frowning in confusion and wondering why his head feels like it’s been squashed like a grape. Moving is slower and he hisses in pain when he learns that his ribs have been broken and his leg is also fractured. Opening his mouth, it’s hard to get a word out. “E-E-El-Ellie.” He manages, needing to see her.

The doctor nods, “she’s okay.” You escort Ellie into the room, wanting her to see her father is awake, and she rushes over to the bed. “Joel. Joel. I’m sorry.” Ellie chokes, reaching for his hand. He groans as he squeezes her hand, silently assured that she’s okay.” You watch their reunion with tears in your eyes from the doorway.

“D-d-don’t bl-ame y-your-self.” Joel rasps out, still fuzzy on what happened. He doesn’t remember anything much before waking up in the hospital. Although he gets the sense he was angry- desperate. He groans in pain when she lunges forward to hug him, but he doesn’t push her away. 

You watch Ellie hug him and you know in that moment you’ll do whatever you can do to make sure Joel gets better. Ellie pulls back after several moments and the doctor checks Joel’s vitals. “He needs some more time here so we can observe him.” Ellie nods at the doctor’s words and you walk over to rub her back.

“I’m going be honest, Mr. Miller,” the doctor tells him as he pulls back. “I am surprised that you even woke up. There was significant bleeding and swelling of the brain. Tests seem positive but there could be damage that hasn’t manifested itself yet.” He tells Joel. “It’s going to be a long road to recovery for you.”

Joel doesn’t say anything. He was nearly murdered. He knows he shouldn’t be alive right now. Ellie sniffs as she steps back and Joel attempts to squeeze her hand. The doctor grabs his clipboard and looks at Joel’s recent vitals. “Waking up was half the struggle. Let’s monitor you and go from there.” The doctor says, “and we will keep running tests.” Joel grunts out an “okay” and you offer him a smile, “you’re a fighter just like Ellie said. She’s lucky to have you.”

You’re familiar to him, he can’t place it, but his thoughts are still fuzzy and jumbled. “How- how long have I been here?” He asks after a moment. “Three days.” Ellie answers and he frowns. “Who- where have you been sleeping?”

Ellie says your name, “I have been staying in her house. She has been cleaning our house because there was too much blood and - and it was a mess.” Ellie reveals and Joel’s eyes are hazy as they meet yours, silently saying goodbye thank you and you nod in response. “Just focus on getting better, Ellie and I are enjoying some girl time.” You tease, winking at Ellie who chuckles.

****

Joel stays in hospital for two weeks and you look after Ellie, preparing his home for his return, and when the doctor declares him fit to leave, he says that he needs someone to look after him. He still can’t shower by himself, he needs help eating and he struggles to walk alone. It’s going to be a long recovery for Joel. “I can help,” Ellie says without hesitation as Joel sits on the edge of the bed.

“You can’t help me do everything.” Joel grunts, knowing that he could never allow the teenage girl to help him shower or get to fucking bathroom. “I- Tommy-“ his brother has been by to visit every day, and he’s talked to him about taking Ellie. He doesn’t know how he will manage, but he also knows he can’t burden Maria and their baby with his convalesce.

“Tommy is out of town on a scouting mission.” Ellie says, knowing Joel’s brother was set on revenge for his brother’s condition. He just had to track Abby down. “I can help.” You volunteer, feeling close to him despite not having a full conversation with him. Spending time with Ellie, hearing her stories about Joel and his bravery had made you fond of him. “I can help him at home.” You offer and the doctor looks to Joel for his answer.

His eyes slide to you, unsure why you would volunteer to help him, but the doctor immediately nods. “That would be a good idea.” He agrees. “You can check his bandages and make sure that he doesn’t get an infection.” He smiles at the three of you like it’s a done deal and Joel frowns slightly, not sure if he likes the idea of you helping him.

You nod, noticing Ellie’s grateful smile, and you look at Joel, “it’s for the best. I can monitor your health and help you. I’m a nurse. It’s a medical decision.” You tell him and he grunts, knowing he doesn’t have a choice. He’s discharged and you wheel him to the doctor’s truck, knowing Joel won’t be able to walk home. You arrive outside of the house and Joel grunts, “I can walk.” He doesn’t want a wheelchair so you let him wrap his arm around you to guide him into the house. “Take your time.” You reassure him, “no need to rush.”

The shuffle is slow and painful, making him huff in irritation that he can’t move like he would want to. Even as he’s gotten older and been slower, he’s been able to move how he wanted to. Now, in a cast and recovering from nearly dying, he needs help. Ellie jumps forward to open the door and he’s glad to see that the scene that had been left from the attack you told him about has been cleaned away. He will have to thank you for that. “Fuck.” He pants, out of breath and in pain just because of the short walk from the truck to the house. “I don’t know how the fuck I’m getting upstairs.”

“We moved a bed downstairs.” You tell him, “you won’t be going upstairs for a while.” You escort him into the living room and help him settle down on the bed. He’s only wearing socks so he groans as he sits down and you help him lay on the bed. “You need to rest as much as possible. Let me get you some water. Are you hungry?” You ask, helping him settle against the pillows.

“Can you cook better than the shit they served at the hospital?” He grumbles, having not enjoyed the food there. He’s relieved to be home and his head hurts a little bit less today than before. He’s got a plate covering the fractured portion of his skull and they actually had to remove a large chunk of the bone.

You chuckle, “I like to think so. I’m glad your appetite is back. What do you feel like? I make a mean mac and cheese.” You adjust his pillow and Ellie comes to sit down next to him. “She’s a really good cook. Like really good. I’ve been helping make cheese and we even made a cake.” She tells Joel with wide eyes, shocked at how this place is like life in books she read.

“Sure.” Joel agrees, the little fissure of pain at the mention of a cake isn’t as rough as it might once have been. The last night she had been alive, Sarah had wanted a cake desperately for Joel’s birthday. “Make something the kid likes.” He suggests. “I eat anything.”

You smile, liking how he caters to Ellie, and you know that Ellie told the truth about the man she considers a father. “What do you want, sweetheart?” You ask her and she nods, “Mac and cheese.” You ask if she wants to help you while Joel gets settled in and Ellie follows you into the kitchen so you can get started on the food and you pour Joel a glass of water. “You want to take this to Joel?” You ask Ellie who takes the glass and takes it to her father figure.

Joel listens to the sound of people talking in the kitchen and it’s so strange. He can’t make out what’s being said, but he can hear voices. It’s almost unsettling that there is someone else in the safe, cozy home that he and Ellie have managed to carve out for themselves. Tommy told him that Abby, the girl who had attacked him, was the daughter of the doctor he had killed to save Ellie. His past sins were coming back to haunt him, but he doesn’t regret not letting the teen sacrifice herself for a lost cause.

Ellie comes back out to hand Joel the glass of water and he takes it, taking a sip. “Thanks, kid.” He says and she sits down at the edge of his bed. “I- I thought I was gonna lose you.” She whispers, her brown eyes meeting his, “I was scared.” She admits and Joel feels his chest tighten, tears stinging in his eyes. “But you didn’t. I survived and I ain’t going anywhere, kid.” He promises, reaching out to squeeze her hand with his free one. “She been looking after you?” He asks her, jerking his chin towards the kitchen. “Yeah. She’s been great. She cleaned this place up. Made sure I ate and showered and slept while worrying like fuck about you. She’s a good one.” Ellie says and Joel trusts her opinion. You hear what Ellie says from around the corner, some homemade chips in a bowl in your hand and you smile, liking that she trusts you. You carry the bowl in and set it down , “hope these are good. We fried them earlier today.” You say, looking between Ellie and Joel.

Joel’s brow raises and he nods. “Thanks.” It hurts to nod so he just sends you his thanks with his eyes. “For taking care of her and me now, I guess.” He sips the water and grunts when the cool liquid slides down his throat to quench his thirst. “I’m sorry for all the cursing I will be doing.” He warns you, knowing he’s never been a good patient.

You chuckle, “curse away. You’re alive. That’s all that matters.” You promise and make your way back into the kitchen to continue making dinner. It’s going to be a long path of recovery but you’re happy to help Joel get back on his feet. 

****

“Shit.” Joel hisses as you help him into the downstairs bathroom to shower. “Do you, uh, I can help take off your pants.” You offer, cheeks burning as you try and help him shower for the first time since he left the hospital.

Joel isn’t a shy man, never has been, but the idea that you have to help him bathe like he is a helpless baby makes him burn with embarrassment. There’s not a goddamn thing he can do about it though, his body is still healing and he can’t get his head wet because of the stitches and staples. “Fuck.” He grunt, hoping he doesn’t really embarrass himself. The fact that he’s not gotten an erection since he’s woken up makes him wonder if something is wrong with that function. “Fuck, what the hell else am I going to do? Shower with my fuckin’ clothes on?”

You shake your head, “no. I- I have to help. I’m a nurse. I am a professional.” You tell him even though that doesn’t hold much weight in today’s world. “Let me help you.” You reach in to turn on the water to heat it up and you reach for Joel’s shirt. “Keep still.” You murmur, working the buttons open. He probably prefers t-shirts but the button down is required so he doesn’t jostle his head. He is still weak so he lets you push the shirt off of his shoulders. “Pants next.” You declare and hook your fingers in the sweatpants, dragging them down his legs  and he’s naked under them so it's easier for him to use the bathroom. He steps out of them and you try not to appraise his naked form. He’s still healing but he’s gorgeous.

“Sorry.” He huffs, knowing that the last thing you want to do is to help an old man bathe, his still bruised body on display. Luckily, there were still medical supply devices like a chair to sit in the shower to make it easier for him, although he knows you will get wet helping him. His dormant cock twitches slightly and his eyes widen at the sensation.

You focus on looking after him and not on his body, which even though bruised, is still beautiful. You know your clothes will get soaked but that’s okay, you don’t want to strip off and make him uncomfortable so you step into the shower and help him sit down on the chair. “Temperature okay?” You ask and he nods. You grab the soap you made last week and hold it out. “You want to do it or shall I?” You ask, knowing you’ll need to wash his face so he doesn’t get his head wet.

He hates to admit that he’s so damn tired after getting into the shower, he just wants you to do it. Grunting, he shakes his head slightly and winces when he feels a little pain. “Just do it.” He tells you, not wanting this to become some kind of pissing match. “Feel like a damn baby.”

You nod, “I understand but this is the best thing for you, honey. You need to focus on healing. You nearly died so being showered isn’t the worst thing in the world.” You put it in perspective for him. You lather up your hands and work on washing his back. He groans and your stomach twists with forbidden arousal. He’s injured, recovering, you shouldn’t feel attracted to him.

“Does it hurt?” Your soft question is almost arousing, murmuring in his ear but he grunts. “No.” His voice comes out raspy and raw. “Feels good.” He’s still so damn sore and your hands on his skin feels like a massage. “It’s feeling really good.”

You continue working on washing him, mindful of his bruises. “Good.” You murmur, “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” You say as you massage the soap into his black and blue back. “Tommy tried to find them but they were gone.” You reveal, “they are gone.”

“It’s my fault.” Joel murmurs quietly, closing his eyes and trying to forget the moment he had killed that doctor, but it plays behind his lids. “How could you deserve something like this?” You snort, but he sighs softly. “I killed her father.” He reveals. “He was a doctor, for the Fireflies. They believed Ellie was the answer to a cure.” He opens his eyes, frowning. “They were going to remove her brain.”

You gasp, your hands freezing on his back. "They - does she know?" You whisper and Joel shakes his head. "She can't." You declare, having gotten to know Ellie enough to know that she would sacrifice herself. He nods, "I can't - I lied to her. I can't lose her." He confesses and you rub his back, "you won't. Secret's safe with me." You promise, "you didn't deserve this, Joel. No one does. This world...it's cruel but we have our little piece of paradise here. We just gotta protect it."

Even though he knows it would never absolve him of his sins, your words are a balm to his spirit. Soothing him and making him relax even more. “It’s nice here.” He murmurs softly. “Sarah would love it here.”

Ellie had briefly discussed the daughter that Joel lost on Outbreak Day and you rub his shoulders, “we are lucky. Not QZ, not the Wild West. We are safe and our commune is thriving.” You hum, “Ellie is lucky to have you.” You murmur and he hisses when you press a little too hard, “I’m sorry.” You grab the rag and lather it up, “you, uh, want to wash your -” Your cheeks heat up at the thought and he takes the rag without a word.

Joel washes his groin quickly, gritting his teeth when his long neglected cock starts to stir from the simple touch and the smell of your soap. He has noticed it every time he gets your help to use the bathroom and he is now covered in it. “Help me.” He grunts, trying to push to his feet so he can wash his ass.

You wrap your arms under his armpits, helping him stand and he grunts as he washes his ass. When he’s done, you rinse him off and shut off the water, grabbing the towel around his waist. “You good?” You ask and he nods, “yeah. Just feel like a fucking baby.” You chuckle, “at least you don’t need breastfeeding.”

“Fuck.” He huffs and blurts out, “that would be more fun,” before he even realizes how inappropriate it would be. “Shit, I’m sorry.” He grunts, blushing slightly.

You snort and smile, “I think we are beyond apologies now, huh?” You say, knowing you’ve helped him to the bathroom and now helped him shower. “Let’s get you redressed and I’ll heat up the soup I made earlier for you.” You tell him and grab the clean clothes you set aside for him.

His bedroom is what used to be the downstairs office. It’s got some doors for privacy, but more often than not, they are kept open until he needs to change. It makes it easier. “I didn’t ask, how do you like that bed?” His bedroom upstairs had become yours since they had broken down the smaller bed from the third bedroom. Joel wouldn’t let you sleep on the couch, telling you he could piss in a bottle in the middle of the night if he needed to. You deserved to sleep in a real bed for helping him.

“It’s good. Nice and comfy. I have no complaints.” You tell him, knowing your roommate, Sandra, will be enjoying the peace and quiet on her own in your house. “I hope it’s comfortable here.” You help him pull the shirt over his head and you kneel down so he can  step into the sweatpants.

“It’s a bed.” He’s going to be uncomfortable regardless of where he is because of how badly he had been beaten. The only reason he’s alive is because she had started swinging on other parts of his body besides the head. “I think I’ll appreciate it more when I can move without wanting to cry.”

“Not too long now. You’ve overcome the worst. You’ll get there in the end.” You promise him, “you’ll get better. Ellie needs you.” You pull the sweatpants up and stand up, patting his chest. “All clean.” You smile and guide him to sit on the bed. You swing his legs onto the bed and stand up, “I’ll go get your soup, Miller.”

He watches you go, his eyes dropping down to your ass, not for the first time either. This time though, there is a punch of lust that his body responds to. Making him grunt and reach down to adjust himself slightly. You are beautiful and now that he has spent time with you, he can see why Tommy called him a lucky bastard.

****

You spend eight weeks looking after Joel. Helping him bathe until he can manage himself, feeding him, making sure he has water. It’s your priority and you are so happy he’s recovering well. He can walk properly now and the bruises have faded. “You want some cake?” You ask Joel as he walks into the kitchen where Ellie is trying to lick the spoon of the jam you made to go in the sponge cake.

“God, yes.” Joel groans, the irony of cake not being lost on him. You have been positively spoiling him and Ellie and he hates to think about when you will leave. He’s getting better and it’s about time you go back to your own life. “Are we doing a shower tonight?” The stitches are out, but he still has staples and needs help in the shower.

You nod, “yes, sir. Gotta make sure you avoid a nasty infection. We don’t have any oral antibiotics left.” You sigh, knowing that even if someone found some, they’d be expired. You and Ellie put the cake together and you cut out a slice for each of you. Setting the plate down in front of Joel, you love the way he smiles at you. It’s been impossible to keep your affection for him at bay. You’ve fallen for him, knowing that you will have to return home at some point but the grumpy yet funny man has gotten into your heart.

“Thanks.” He sends you a grateful look and sets his elbows on the table as he waits for you to sit down. “It smells incredible. You seem to enjoy cooking, or is it just something you do because you know Ellie can’t?” He teases, making the teenager huff and roll her eyes. “It’s not like I’ve had a chance to learn, man.”

You giggle and nudge Ellie, “you’ve been learning. You’ll get there. No, I, uh, I love cooking. Always have.” You admit, “I missed it a lot when I was on the outside. Cooking rabbit on a fire isn’t quite the same as cooking in a warm kitchen.” You sigh, forking up a bite of the cake.

“Yeah, campfires are temperamental, and cooking on them is even worse.” He snorts. Ellie chuckles. “When you would let us have them.” Joel shrugs slightly. “It’s dangerous out there.” He reminds her. “Hell, it’s dangerous in here too, but it’s better than out there.” He glances towards the entryway where he had collapsed when Abby nearly beat him to death.

You notice his glance and you realize once again how close to death he was. “You’re here now. Hopefully you don’t have to go back out there anytime soon.” You reach out to squeeze Joel’s hand and he smiles at you, his fork in his other hand, “you are safe for now.”

You have been incredible, and it’s almost amazing to see how you have slipped past the shell of his heart, something that only Ellie has managed since Tess. It’s hard to believe Tess has been gone as long as she has, but Joel has been slowly trying to heal emotionally as he heals physically. Thoughts of you have crept into his waking hours, causing some embarrassing moments in the showers when he gets hard, or you wake him up from an erotic dream that features you.

****

“So, the doctor gave you the all clear. Just to be careful and not do too much.” You smile at Joel as you enter the living room after the doctor left. He had done a full assessment of Joel and called his surgery a miracle - the fact that he survived is a gift from God. Ellie is out visiting Dina and you sit down next to Joel on the sofa, “I guess I can get out of your hair now. You can have your bed back and I’ll go back to my place.” You finish softly, sad to be leaving him.

Joel wipes his hands on his sweatpants, still wearing them out of habit over the past few months. “You’re probably happy as hell to be getting away.” He snorts as he looks over at you and wonders how you have become even prettier than before. He’s crazy about you, how kind you are, how you have taken Ellie under your wing and how you never rebuke him for when he gets sad and introspective. You have helped so much and he hates that you are leaving. “Maybe I need to get the shit beat out of me again, make you stick around.”

You chuckle, shaking your head. "No need to do that. All you have to do is ask me to stay and I would." You confess and your eyes widen at the way you blurted that out. You close your mouth, turning your head to stare across the room, avoiding those dark brown eyes. "I'm sorry. I-" You begin but he interrupts you. "Stay." You turn your head to look at him again, "what? You - you want me to stay?" You ask, feeling breathless.

He rolls his eyes at your question and huffs. “Do you think that I’m getting hard every time you help me shower because getting clean turns me on?” He asks bluntly. “I’ve been trying to think about anything else but you, but nothing works.”

You stare at him in shock, “I- I can’t believe - I just thought you were horny because you couldn’t jerk off.” You snort and close your eyes for a second. “I think about you. All the time.” You admit, reaching for his hand, “I had a crush on you before I came to help.” You tell him honestly, “always thought you were handsome, but now that I know you? You’re - fuck, I love you.” You confess just as breathless as your prior revelation.

His own breath stops, caught in his chest as you confess your feelings. A year ago, hell - a few months ago, he would have been denying that you felt that way. Ignoring it or being unable to respond in kind because his world was still ground to a halt, but that had changed. You and Ellie, that attack, it had changed things and made him realize that even though he had lost so many, he still had those to live for. He lunges forward and presses his lips to yours. “Love you too.” He murmurs as you gasp.

You can’t believe he’s kissing you but you reach up to cup his cheek, pressing your lips back to his, and your heart is pounding in your chest. You shift closer, cupping his other cheek and you rest your forehead against his when you pull back, caressing his stubbled cheeks. “I love you, Miller.” You smile, unable to fathom that the man you’ve fallen for loves you too.

He's panting and his heart is beating wildly in his chest. Already turned on again and starting to tent his sweats and all you've done is shared one kiss. Reaching up, he caresses your neck and shoulder. "Are you sure? I'm fuckin' old, baby." He jokes. "And a little decrepit."

You shake your head, "you're not decrepit. Or too old. I love you, Joel. No matter what. Hell, if I can look after you like I have and still think you are sexy, you're good to go." You promise with a giggle, sliding your hands down to his chest. "And I haven't stopped thinking about you between my thighs. Inside of me." You confess in a hushed tone.

The kid is off with her friend and Joel groans quietly, having thought of nothing else for the past few days. "I don't know if I can perform worth a shit." He admits with a shake of his head. "Haven't cum since I woke up."

"I don't care. Just want to be close to you." You murmur, "don't care if you cum right away. I can ride you." You want to be close to him, to feel all of him. "I keep thinking about how you'd feel inside of me."

He's still in his downstairs bedroom and he nudges his nose against yours. "Close the doors." He rasps out, nodding towards the French doors that close off his makeshift space. "I don't want to tire myself out trying to get upstairs."

You stand up, hands shaky as you shut the doors and turn to face him. You take in the details of his face, his head shaved from his surgery so his hair is growing back patchy but he’s still so attractive. You reach for the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and you swiftly remove your bra. Hooking your fingers in your leggings, you push them down along with your panties to stand naked in front of him. “I’ve seen yours, figured it’s only fair if you see mine.”

"It gets bigger." He jokes, aware that you have seen and politely ignored the times he's gotten hard from you helping him in the shower. "Fuck, you are beautiful." He praises breathlessly, eyes drinking in your body as he licks his lips. It's been a long goddamn time since he's been with someone, the last person was Tess, but he feels like he's about to bust if he doesn't touch you.

“So are you.” You respond as you walk towards him. “So brave. A fucking fighter.” You murmur, shifting to straddle him as he sits back on the bed. His hands immediately find your ass and you chuckle, knowing he’s watched it enough times. You cup his cheeks and lean in to kiss him, “wanna see if it gets bigger.” You joke, grinding down onto the tent in his sweats.

Joel groans, twitching underneath you and he knows he won’t have any problem performing. The problem might be that he doesn’t please you before he cums. His hand slides around your waist to dip between your thighs. Hissing when he finds you starting to get slick as he starts to slowly rub your clit.

“Oh God.” You pant, rocking down onto his hand. It’s been far too long since anyone touched you and you are whimpering at the way his thick fingers rub your bundle of nerves. You tilt your head back and he leans in to kiss along your neck, your fingers digging into his shoulder as you absorb every touch.

He groans as he learns your body. He and Tess had been comfortable, completely familiar with each other and what the other liked. The whimpers and groans rockets his arousal higher as you grind down against his fingers and he feels like he’s going to bust in his sweats. Turning his wrist, he presses his thumb against your clit and slides his fingers through your slick folds so he can press them inside you.

“I want to touch you.” You whimper and he shakes his head, “not yet. Otherwise this will be over sooner than you thought.” He grunts and you rock onto his thick fingers, stretching you out in the most delicious way. “Fuckkkk.” You exhale as he presses his finger against that spongy spot inside of you. He’s good. He knows what he’s doing.

He loves the way you respond to him, how wet you get. Sliding his hand up and down your back as he kisses along your shoulder and down to your tit. Wrapping his lips around a stiff nipple as he continues to pump his fingers in and out of your wet heat.

“Shit.” You hiss, caressing his head as he suckles on your nipple like he’s trying to root. It has you quivering and you’re so close. So many nights of imagining how he’d touch you has led to you getting worked up faster than you have ever known. “Joel. Oh God, Joel. You’re gonna make me - I’m gonna-” You don’t finish your cry as you cut yourself off with a strangler choke and clamp down on his digits, soaking them with your cum.

“That’s it, fuck, good girl.” Joel pants against your breast as he pumps his fingers to help you ride out your orgasm. “You’re so goddamn good to me, ain’t ya? You creamin’ all over my fingers, making me harder than a fucking rock.” He coos praises into your skin, enjoying the way your nails bite into his shoulder through the shirt. Your pretty cunt soaked his fingers and he can only imagine how good you will feel around his cock.

His words make you choke on your breath as he works you through your orgasm. You never imagined he’d be so dirty but you love it. “Fuck, baby. Yes. I need - I need you inside of me but I want to suck your cock.” You whine, reaching down to tug on the hem of his shirt, wanting him naked beneath you.

“You can’t.” Joel moans, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t last a minute. And I want to feel you, fuck, imagined it so many times.” He pants, pulling away from the back of the bed so you can pull his shirt off. “Maybe- later, if I can get it up again.” He chuckles.

You pull his shirt over his head, still mindful of his injuries, and you slide your hands down his chest, admiring his broadness. “You’re so sexy.” You murmur, reaching down to pull his cock out of his sweatpants, wanting to see him in this light. You’ve seen his cock plenty of times but now you know he’s hard for you and it’s intoxicating. You pump him and he groans out a warning so you shift to lift your hips, positioning him at your entrance and you slowly sink down onto him.

“Fuuuuuuuuck.” His hands grip your hips harshly and he clenches his jaw as you take him. You are hot and tight like a glove around his cock, clenching around him as your walls flutter. Your ass presses against his thighs and he rocks his hips up. “Fuck, that’s - fuck, gimme a minute.” He begs, feeling like he’s about to cum. “Let me- calm down.”

You nod, stilling on top of him, and you caress his chest. He exhales shakily and you lean in to kiss him, “take your time, baby. I’m in no rush.” You promise and kiss along his jaw, loving how he stretches you out.

It’s been so long since he’s felt this close to anyone, your breath blows against his skin and he shivers. Closing his eyes as he holds you still. “Fuck, I love you.” He murmurs quietly, aware that this is something that he shouldn’t even have, he should have died. But he’s here and he’s going to live for the moment and bask in the forgiveness of your touch.

You close your eyes at his words, loving how he caresses you, and you tilt your head to look at him. “I love you too. You’re so much more than you think you are.” You murmur, caressing his cheek, and you experimentally rock your hips. His groan makes your stomach clench and you rock again, starting slow as he moves inside of you.

“Shit.” He hisses quietly, opening his eyes to watch as you start to move. “You’re so pretty, so fuckin’ pretty.” He promises as he starts to slide his hands up and down your back. “You feel so good, does it feel good for you?”

His words make your heart pound in your chest and you nod, “feels so good. You feel so damn big inside of me.” You confess breathlessly, “stretching me out. It’s been so long since I had sex. You need to- to pull out so tell me if you’re close.” You remind him, not wanting an accidental pregnancy right now.

Joel grunts, looking into your eyes as he nods. “I will.” He promises. Safe sex isn’t really a thing to be had but hopefully there’s not something to come of this. You are right to remind him. “I’m good baby, ride me.”

You take his word and start to move faster. Your hands gripping his shoulders as you start to move on top of him, moaning at the way he twitches inside of you. "Fuck, you feel so good." You pant, chest heaving as his cock curves just right inside of you.

Joel grunts and leans forward to press his lips to yours, biting your bottom lip after he kisses you. Your breasts brush against his chest and he pulls you closer, craving the feel of your skin against his.

You moan into his mouth, loving how strong her feels, how he’s recovered and he’s stronger for it mentally. You rock down onto his cock, loving the way he twitches inside of you, and you are getting close. Just the feel of having the man you love inside of you is pushing you higher. “Oh shit.” You whimper when you find the right spot and you reach down to rub your clit, pushing yourself closer to the edge.

“That’s it pretty girl, making yourself cum.” Joel groans, watching you touch yourself with dark eyes. It’s so sexy and he can’t get enough of it. “Make yourself cum on my cock. I want to feel it, see it. Show me what you look like.”

You nod, mouth open as you work yourself higher until you finally fall over the edge. A cry escapes your lips as you cum, moaning his name and you clamp down on his cock, soaking him while your orgasm rocks through you.

His eyes roll back in pleasure as he feels you squeezing him and he knows he will be cumming any second. “Sweethea-rt, you gotta-“ he grits his teeth as he jerks your body up off his cock so he can keep his promise to you, panting as he spurts all over his stomach and chest.

You watch him as he cums and you love it. The way he looks is intoxicating and you lean in to kiss him. “Fuck, I love you.” You murmur, leaning in to kiss him as he pants your name.

He kisses you back eagerly, reaching for his shirt to wipe away the mess so you can lean against him. “Fuck, that was- I can’t even-“ he chuckles quietly and kisses you again. “What do you think about moving in permanently?”

You smile as he looks at you, his dark eyes soft, and you cup his cheeks. “Yes. Absolutely.” Your smile turns into a grin, excited to explore this next step with Joel. “I was dreading going home and I would miss you and Ellie like crazy.” You confess, “I want to stay.”

“Good.” He pauses for a moment and then he admits, “it’s felt like a proper home with you here. Ellie, she loves you too.” He tells you softly. “I think she imagines we are a family.”

“I imagine that too. She’s like a daughter to me.” You confess, “I want to make this a home and I want to be yours. Be in your bed every night. Be by your side no matter what.” You promise and Joel smiles, cupping your cheek, “sounds amazing, baby.”

****

“Joel.” You say his name as he takes a sip of whiskey. Ellie is watching a movie with the other kids in the barn and you decided to cook a romantic dinner for Joel, wanting to ask him something. He looks at you and you tilt your head, appraising him. You pick up your glass and take a sip, your throat suddenly dry. “Everything okay, baby?” He asks and you nod, squaring your shoulders. “I want a baby.” You announce, bracing yourself for him to say no.

Joel freezes, waiting for the familiar ache to take over his chest. For this vision to blur and his breathing to turn into short bursts as thoughts of Sarah take over. As the sounds of her rapid, panicked last breaths fill his ears. It never comes. 

He doesn’t panic at the thought of having a child that could remind him of Sarah. Ellie does in some ways, but she’s a completely different type of girl. One raised in the world outside the safety of the walls of Jackson. If you had a child here, they would be innocent in some ways Ellie was not, more like Sarah. “A baby, huh?” He murmurs after a moment. “With me?” He asks. “I’m nearly sixty, baby. You want that?”

You sense his hesitation and you feel like backtracking but you think about the nights you’ve spent awake pondering this, weighing the pros and cons of having his baby in this world. You reach for his hand, “I know and I still want it. Spending time with Ellie, helping with your nephew, it’s made me realize that I can do it. It’s hard, always hard being a mother, but I’m ready and I want a baby. I want a baby that will carry our legacy, a baby that will grow up safe and capable. We will make sure of it. Unless you don’t want that, which is - it’s fine. I’ll handle your decision. We both have to want this, Joel. Not just me. Don’t do it for me. I want you to want this too and if you don’t, then that’s case closed.” You promise, not wanting to pressure him.

Joel squeezes your hand gently, reminded of the nights he had woken in a cold sweat, sometimes from the broken memories of him being attacked or the memory of losing Sarah. You have been right beside him, offering him comfort and solace. He’s told you about that night, sharing with you memories that he has kept bottled for over twenty years. You had cried in his arms like you had been Sarah’s mother, assuring him that he had done everything right to try to protect his baby girl. The fact that he’s not immediately said no is very insightful and he bites his lip and watches you with a softness that even a year ago, he was unsure he was capable of. “It’s been a looooong time since 2 AM feedings and my hearing is shot.” He snorts, smiling slightly. “You’ll have to poke me to wake me up if you want me to get up with a baby.”

You smile, loving the way he has agreed to having a baby with you. “You’re forgetting the best part about deciding to have a baby….” You trail off and smirk, “the trying.” He returns your smirk and you giggle, standing up from your seat and you round the table to sit in his lap. “I love you.” You murmur when you’re settled in his lap, reaching up to caress his cheek. “I want you to fuck a baby into me, Joel.”

“Fuck, that’s hotter than I ever imagined.” Joel grunts, twitching underneath you. His sex drive isn’t completely on par with yours, but he keeps up and keeps you satisfied in other ways. You’ve told him you don’t regret being with him at all. Which is another balm on his battered soul. “You want me to cum in that pretty pussy?” He asks, squeezing your ass. “Imagined how you would look dripping me a few times.”

You moan, kissing along his jaw as his words wash over you. “I want you to cum inside of me. Put a baby in me.” You plead, wiggling on his lap. His hair has grown back now, more gray in it, but you love it, and you reach up to run your fingers through his hair.

He groans and captures your lips with his, licking into your mouth immediately as the easy passion blooms between you. His hands move to start stripping you down.

It doesn’t take long for you and Joel to be naked. You stumbled up the stairs to your bedroom, clothes scattered on the trail upstairs and when you lay down on the bed, Joel is immediately hovering over you. Your heart is pounding in your chest and his hand slides along your thigh, cupping your pussy. “I don’t want foreplay. I just want you. Want to feel all of you.” You murmur, caressing his shoulders.

There are times when you want the burn of his cock stretching you out and tonight is one of those nights it seems. That’s good because Joel is impatient to get inside you. He takes his cock in hand and pumps it a few times as he shuffles forward to press against your entrance. “I love you.” He murmurs.

He pushes inside of you, stretching you out, and you gasp out “love you too.” He pushes inside of you until he’s fully seated and you take a deep breath, enjoying the weight of his body on top of yours and the weight of the moment. Deciding to take this step together has your body primed and ready for him. He starts to move inside of you and you wrap your legs around his waist, moaning at the way he rocks into you.

Nearly dying hadn’t had the lasting effects that the doctors had feared when Joel had been brought in. His thrusts are steady, if not a little harder than normal, although he keeps the pace sedate. Not rushing, but he enjoys burying himself as deep as he can go and watching your eyes roll back in pleasure. “Gonna knock you up.” He grunts out.

His words make you clench around him, your hands sliding down his back to squeeze his ass. His recovery has been a miracle from the man who was on death's door to the man currently making love to you trying to get you pregnant. You whimper when his lips find your neck and you rock your hips up to try and meet his.

Every time the two of you come together, Joel remembers how lucky he is. His kisses trail along your throat as he groans into your skin. Both of you give and take from each other. “Fuck, baby.” Joel moans, his body tensing when you clench down around him again. “You gonna cum before I fill you up? Love it when you soak my cock.”

You nod, "yes baby. I - shit - you always feel so good." You slide one hand down between you so you can rub your clit. He immediately bats your hand away after shifting his weight onto one elbow. You moan when he rubs your clit just right, his hips pushing into your ass as you take him deep inside of you. "Shit. Joel. You - I'm - God." You cry out as you clamp down on his cock, soaking him.

“That’s it, good girl, goooooood girl.” Joel moans, clenching his teeth as you come apart around him. He feels his own body is ready to cum, excited by the situation and it only takes a few more thrusts. Instead of pulling his hips back, he plunges them forward, embedding himself deep as he paints your womb with his seed. “Fuck, fuck.” He pants, closing his eyes as he rides out his orgasm, amazed at how good it feels. “You’ll be pregnant in no time.”

You smile against his lips when he leans in to kiss you and you’re so hopeful for the future with Joel. A baby that looks like the two of you combined. You are excited and when he pulls out, you keep his cum inside of you, trying to make sure that it takes. You’ll be pregnant in no time.

****

“Sweetheart….I’m supposed to go ride the southern border and check the area.” You’ve quieted down over the past few hours, but he can still see the sadness lurking in your eyes. You’ve stopped blaming yourself but he knows those thoughts are bouncing around and he’s reluctant to leave you. “Do you want me to have Tommy go? Stay here with you?”

You shake your head, eyes sore from crying, “no baby. Just go. I’ll be fine. Ellie will be back soon.” You murmur, keeping your back turned towards him. You feel useless, you feel broken, and you feel exhausted. You’ve tried so hard to get pregnant. You even researched old wives tales about how to get pregnant. You’ve taken herbs, teas, anything you can to get pregnant and after trying for so long, you’re exhausted.

He worries about you, leaning over and pressing his lips to your forehead. “I’ll be back as quickly as possible and I’ll make dinner tonight.” He offers. It’s the historical Mother’s Day today, and he knows you will be extra glum since you are once again not pregnant. Sometimes he wonders if he should just tell you that he’s changed his mind, taking the guilt and worry about it off your shoulders. You can blame him for not having a child. “Okay?”

“Sure.” You murmur, closing your eyes as a cramp contracts in your stomach, making you curl into a ball. You really thought this was it. Your period was two weeks late and you didn’t tell Joel because you wanted to surprise him and then you got your period. You sniff and Joel sighs, shuffling out of the bed to get ready for his shift. You can’t blame him. He’s had a kid. It’s got to be you that’s the issue.

He’ll look for some wildflowers for you while he’s out. They always make you smile and tonight, he will do his best to make sure that you know that no matter what, he loves you. He thinks about all this while he puts his clothes on and brushes his teeth, coming out of the bathroom to find you still curled up. “Go soak in a hot bath, baby.” He suggests, walking over to the bed and kissing your cheek. “I’ll be back soon.”

You listen to him go and you know it's technically Mother's Day today. Salt in the wound. You swallow harshly and wait until the front door closes before you allow yourself to sob again. You can't believe you aren't pregnant. You've tried so hard. Maybe you aren't meant to be a mother.

Saddling the horse and getting let out of the gates of Jackson has Joel on autopilot. Most often the scouting parties are in groups, but today had been just singles, most men in the community wanting to spend time with their wives and celebrate them. The grass is green and lush; there's a certain beauty to the mild spring transitioning into warmer weather. Urging the horse forward, he is eager to finish the patrol so he can get back to you.

You have your bath, eyes sore from sobbing, and you try to come to terms that you’re never going to be a mother. It’s just not in the cards. You love Ellie and you think of her as your daughter but you wanted a baby, a combination of you and Joel to love and care for in this new world. That isn’t going to happen and you curl around yourself in bed after you’re dry, trying to cope with that fact.

Pulling the reins, Joel listens carefully, certain that he has just heard a cry. His hand goes to his rifle to pull it off his shoulder. Wary of traps or ruses to draw unsuspecting people in, he scans the area. Silence lingers long enough until he’s almost convinced he was hearing things when there’s another, louder cry. A baby. His eyes widen and he nudges the horse forward again. “Hello?” He cups his hand and calls out, wondering if there is a group traveling nearby. There must be, if there is a baby. Mountain lions and things that can sound like a baby crying are farther up in the mountains. Instead of the sound quieting, the crying turns into screaming, giving him a direction to head towards. Joel keeps his rifle up and guides the horse with his knees when he almost stumbles upon the scene. 

“Shit!” There’s a woman lying on the ground, face down with a carrier on her back, a small baby - no more than three or four months old - screaming from the restraints. He scans the areas again, looking for a trap, but there’s nothing moving. The baby's howls prompts him to dismount and move towards the woman, his rifle pointed at her until he reaches them and nudges her with his boot. Wondering if she’s been changed and cannot get to the baby, although he’s never seen one go dormant with a human around and making noise. “Hey…” prodding her doesn’t make her move and Joel scans the area again, the open range not a good spot to plan an ambush, but someone could be hiding in the tall grass. Carefully kneeling down, he grabs a bony thin shoulder and turns the woman enough to see that her gaunt face and shrunken eyes are lifeless. “Shit.” He hisses, looking back at the baby who is almost as bad as the mother. From what it looks like, this poor woman had been traveling to find shelter, food, anything for her and her baby and she collapsed less than two miles from salvation. 

Joel sighs as he sets the rifle down and rolls the body on its side. “I’m sorry.” He murmurs quietly, his heart clenching at the reality of the situation, reaching out to close the woman’s eyes before unbuckling the strap for the carrier that is across her chest.

Ellie returns before Joel does and you offer her a smile as she says hello. “I, uh, I made you something.” She says, handing you a piece of paper. It’s a card. “Happy Mother’s Day” it says and your heart clenches. A genuine smile on your face as you realize she made this for you. You open it and tears sting in your eyes as you read her scrawled handwriting. “Thank you for being the mom I never had.” She wrote and you choke, reaching for her. “I love you so much sweetheart.” You pull her close, reminded that you have a beautiful daughter who loves you. “I love you too.” She murmurs, holding you just as tight. The front door opens and you pull back as you hear a baby crying. “Joel?” You gasp when your partner walks into the kitchen.

“Ellie….go to Tommy’s and get a bottle.” He orders the teenager as he starts to pull the baby carrier off his own chest to take the baby out. He had brought the body back, but this baby needed milk as soon as he could get it for her. “I found her,” he explains. “A woman collapsed two miles away from Jackson, she starved to death.” He motions you over. “At least, I think it’s a girl.”

Your eyes widen as he cradles the baby and you reach out to take them into your arms. The baby’s diaper is dirty and you shush them as you walk over to grab an old dish towel from the drawer as a makeshift diaper. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” You coo, unwrapping the baby on the kitchen table and you tell Joel to get a wet cloth. You work on cleaning up the baby, “it’s a girl.” You announce and wrap her in the dishtowel, using the pin from her old diaper. “It’s okay sweetheart. You’re okay, sweet girl. You’re safe and we are going to get you milk.” You promise, cradling her as you turn back towards Joel. “Her poor mother. So close to salvation.” You sigh, shaking your head at the tragedy.

“I brought her back.” Joel tells you quietly, watching as you bounce the baby girl in your arms and coo at her to calm her down. “Hoping something in her bag would tell us where she’s from, what the baby’s name is.” He sighs softly. “I couldn’t leave her out there.”

“Her mother deserves a service, a burial. We must give this little one a place to visit her mother.” You murmur, stroking her cheek. She’s gorgeous, her eyes watching you, and you try to not get too attached to her, knowing that Maria and Tommy will be handling the situation.

Ellie comes bursting into the house. “Got a bottle!” She yells, thundering down the hall to rush into the kitchen. “Tommy and Maria are coming too.” She pants, quickly handing the full bottle of milk to you. The baby is obviously hungry because the second that you brush the nipple against her mouth, she shakes her little head furiously as she tries to get it in her mouth, crying out before the nipple is in and immediately starting to suckle hungrily with great, greedy gulps.

“We will need more. Tommy and Maria have everything for a baby. We - they should take her.” You murmur, knowing it will be hard to hand the baby over but she isn’t yours and the leader needs to make a decision on her placement.

Joel takes one look at the way you hold this baby while she’s eating and knows that’s not what needs to happen. This baby is your chance to be a mother, to feel like a mother. It’s like it was fate for him to be out there and find her today, to bring her to you. “I think we should keep her.” Joel tells you, coming up and laying his hand on your shoulder. “Tommy and Maria have a lot on their plate with one baby already.”

Your eyes widen as you look at him then back at the baby. “We - us - are you - Joel.” You whisper, a soft smile on your face as you dare to hope that you can keep the little girl. It feels wrong. Her mother just died, but she can’t be left alone. She needs someone to look after her.

The front door opens. “Joel?” Tommy’s voice floats through the house and Joel keeps looking at you with the baby. “In the kitchen.” He calls out. The guards at the gates had kept his horse with the poor woman’s body and he had known Tommy and Maria would come to find out what the hell happened, but he wanted to get the baby here first. Footsteps quickly sound out, two sets of them like he expected and the baby is still greedily sucking away at the milk when his brother and sister in law come into the kitchen.

You look up as Maria walks in, her baby strapped to her chest, and she immediately comes over to see the baby in your arms. “Oh, she’s a sweet little thing. She needs fattening up. Poor girl, her mom was so close to our gates. She needs a mother. You should be her mother.” She says and you stare at her, “are you sure?” Maria smiles, stroking the head of her son. “She needs a mother and you are a more than capable applicant.” She gestures to the way you’re holding the baby. “I- I know this sounds insane but I feel like this is my purpose.” You murmur, looking down at her as she suckles.

Tommy smirks at Joel, who is obviously relieved by the decision. He’s talked to Tommy about the issues you’ve had trying to conceive and wished that there was some way for you to figure out what was wrong, but there just aren’t the medical resources here in Jackson. Joel had even been thinking about trying one of the universities, but couldn’t risk it again. “We both feel that way.”

You smile, cooing at the baby. “Did we find out what her name is?” You ask and Tommy nods, holding up a note that was in the mother’s satchel. “Her name is Hope.” Tommy reveals and you smile, “Hope.” You murmur, pulling the bottle away when she’s done. You shift her to your shoulder to burp her and you cradle her once she’s burped. “She’s our hope.” You declare as you look at Joel and he comes over to wrap his arm around you, looking down at the baby. “Our new daughter.” Joel murmurs, kissing your hair and he beckons Ellie over. “She’s kinda cute.” Ellie says and leans in to stare at the baby. “Hi Hope. I’m Ellie. Your big sister. I’ll teach you everything you need to know. Especially about our grumpy dad.” She jokes and Joel chuckles and rolls his eyes. “We will gather everything you’ll need and we will make sure her mother has a proper burial. For now, you guys settle in as a family.” Maria says, stepping back towards Tommy. “Oh and Happy Mother’s Day.” Maria says to you and you smile, “you too.” You may not be able to have a biological baby but you have Ellie and you have Hope. The two girls who have made you a mother.

[ghostlyferrettarot]

🎲🖤Chiron in the signs🖤🎲

❗️All the observations in this post are based on personal experience and research, it's completely fine if it doesn't resonate with everyone❗️

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🗝Masterlist🗝

🗝Chiron reveals where we possibly have wounds, what hurts the most in each of us. With that, this influence guides us through a journey of suffering and liberation throughout life.🗝

🎲Chiron in Aries: is a more individualistic, impetuous and impulsive energy and such influence can "hurt." is affected by a possible feeling of worthlessness. These are people who may not value themselves (or may not know the exact measure of their value). Therefore, he should not fear his initiatives nor his own strength. At some point in life, the native must embark on a journey of self-discovery to overcome any feelings of helplessness that arise during life.

🎲Chiron in Taurus: can give rise to some problems related to insecurity or self-esteem. They may resent not considering themselves attractive or for some physical attribute that they dislike. Insecurity can also be due to the scarcity of some material good that he considers essential. It can be money, property, in short, anything he needs to feel safe and stable. Once he achieves such achievements and goals, insecurity will tend to decrease. People with this positioning have to learn to value themselves more in order to heal.

🎲Chiron in Gemini: May indicate a need to find your own voice. They can be very imaginative and creative but can have some problems expressing themselves. They relate more to their outgoing and spiritual side, some seek time for seclusion, introspection, and reflection. Individuals have difficulty learning rigorously, mechanically, but they still acquire knowledge by paying attention, capturing the deeper messages.

🎲Chiron in Cancer: Those with this positioning are more likely to feel out of place, sometimes thinking that they are not loved or that they do not receive enough love and attention. These are people who are more inclined to care for others, but they also need to be cared for. Learning to take care of their own needs is the key to balance, so they can feel complete. Opening your heart and accepting the love of others is also essential to healing any inner pain that may arise.

🎲Chiron in Leo: It can influence some feelings of dismissal, which eventually causes these people to feel unrecognized or not feel creative enough. These natives may think that their talents are or have been neglected, they may feel that they never had the opportunity to shine. The difficulty they demonstrate in expressing their own talents may be due to a repressed childhood or other various situations. To help overcome it, the individual needs to find a way to get closer to her inner child and awaken her creativity.

🎲Chiron in Virgo: may indicate possible changes in health or the feeling that personal problems are never definitively resolved. This influence can give the person a different way of dealing with the body, healing and health, in addition to work and routine. It can make the individual overly critical. It is recommended to learn to face imperfection, something that can be very difficult for them. . The fact is, since they tend to naturally be a perfectionist, they could use this trait where it is most welcome: in the spheres of healing and work.

🎲Chiron in Libra: May suggest possible problems in relationships with people. Relationships with some individuals may be more difficult and you may constantly have to deal with someone who is rude or rude. Or someone selfish or unfair. It may also indicate that this person is more likely to feel hurt or rejected in a relationship. You need to contain your impulses to achieve everything that the Libran scale means. The solution may involve better communication, more harmonious relationships, and the use of logic and common sense.

🎲Chiron in Scorpio: may suggest resentments or losses, material or symbolic throughout life. may, in some ways, suffer losses at an early age. Or feeling like a part of yourself has died due to irreparable losses. He may be afraid of his power to "dive" into the hearts of others, just as he may feel helpless. You are advised to enjoy life more lightly, because even when we lose something or someone, our life goes on and we can still become richer and more experienced with what we have or achieve.

🎲Chiron in Sagittarius: may suggest a certain lack of incentive in life or possible ruptures in your beliefs and values. In the sign of Sagittarius it may suggest wounds in the person's structure of faith or natural enthusiasm, which may have been discredited or missing. had no incentive. This positioning may suggest a break with spiritual traditions or teachings that may cause pain. People with this positioning may feel confined to a mundane existence. When you realize that there is wisdom in your own heart, your healing process begins.

🎲Chiron in Capricorn: May suggest some difficulty achieving goals in life and dealing with authority. It can suggest the difficulties that an individual may have in satisfying his or her greatest desires. From an early age, his ambition may have been restricted or he may have encountered many obstacles that were difficult to overcome. Perhaps you have lacked incentive from family or friends, or you have encountered inflexible bosses, etc. To overcome this, these natives must believe in themselves again, because then they will have more energy to pursue their ambitions.

🎲Chiron in Aquarius: can suggest wounds in collective concepts, freedom or personal originality. It may suggest feelings of inadequacy and social rejection. Aquarius brings a desire for freedom, originality, and the collective good, and such positioning can undermine such things, making the individual eventually feel uncomfortable dealing with people, groups, and tribes, and more likely to feel disconnected or isolated. To find the path to healing, they must learn to be themselves and appreciate their differences. This can be a difficult lesson, as some are not as comfortable in their own skin.

🎲Chiron in Pisces: may suggest wounds in beliefs, intuition, and the willingness to help those in need. People with this positioning in their birth chart may have been wounded by being wrong about others, suffering disappointments or betrayals. It suggests possible existential crises. This individual may eventually suffer a religious or spiritual crisis or lose faith in the world and others. They must balance their feelings and understand that there are disappointments along the way, but they can be overcome. That way, they will be able to find a cure for their problems.

[techramonic]

A Comprehensive Analysis on Eric Harris, 3.

Disclaimer: This analysis/psychoanalysis is limited only to analysis as a means to reflect and understand the people involved. It is strictly informative. Just like all of my posts, I am detached from the media I write about and solely focus on the people to understand their psychology, for others to gain insight. There is no room for me to romanticize or glorify anything I write because I am only here to explain. I understand and research, but I do not condone. Thank you.

note: This is all solely based on independent research. If I may be wrong with the medical aspects of this post, please correct me. I would appreciate it a lot.

Fluvoxamine Maleate

Just a few days before the shooting, Eric was promptly rejected from his application to serve in the marines. Despite his desirable qualities, he was rejected for the sole reason of being tested positive for consuming a prescripted drug after rejecting that he was off any medication. With a trace of Luvox in his system, theories speculate that the drug's side effects played a role on the events that have transpired. Luvox is a medication prescription drug that is used to treat mental illnesses such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), anxiety, depression, and others. While there are positive effects, the downside are heightened sensations of dread, irritation, depression, and arising violent behaviors. It also has a chance to increase manic symptoms, especially if taken in particularly large doses.

Anti-depressant usage, effects of overdose, and detoxification

When taken over the prescribed dosage, Luvox can lead to increased agression and suicidal ideation and tendencies. Eric was in anger management therapy after being on probation alongside Dylan for attempting to steal a vehicle containing thousands worth of valuable electronics and tools. After getting caught, Eric openly expressed his difficulties in managing his anxiety and explosive anger issues that his counselor said, "he frequently blew up and often cried." Revealing that this influences his homicidal and suicidal thoughts, so he was prescribed Fluvoxamine, which is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRIs). These drugs increase the capacity of the brain to receive serotonin.

According to an interview with Eric's friends, they speculate that Eric was off his medication completely for sometime. Abruptly stopping medication can lead to the development of a more violent response. For some people, drugs are able to fix their chemical imbalances, but it can also lead to withdrawal symptoms of taken for over the duration of 6 weeks. Abruptly discontinuing anti-depressants can lead ro rebound depression or relapse. Symptoms may return stronger than before. Furthermore, SSRI's such as Luvox and Prozac take about 5 days to linger in one's system before subsequently washing off.

In a period of 11 months, Eric and Dylan have been under a juvenile detention program at Jefferson County district — this was in 1998, just a year before the shooting. They were allowed to leave the program by early February 1999. After finishing, Eric wrote a letter contained in his juvenile diversion program file. He states, "I learned that thousands of suggestions are worthless if you still believe in violence."

After public demands for stricter regulations on SSRIs after the tragic shooting, Luvox was temporarily banned in 2002. By 2008, drug manufacturers had reformulated Luvox to a controlled-release version specifically designed to treat OCD, excluding indications for depression or anxiety. Subsequently, the FDA approved Luvox CR for the treatment of OCD. The label does not explicitly prohibit prescribing it to the pediatric population, it notes that the smallest dose "may not be appropriate" for children, without providing further explanation.

Eric was about 17 at the time of taking the medication, which means he is part of the pediatric population. Though it's still unclear if he was taking normal doses for a long period of time or taken more than what was prescribed, it is clear that there was negligence with prescribing a child a SSRI that has the posibility of worsening their already apparent symptoms.

Columbine was really a case that opened the public's eyes into the dysfunctional aspects of society and institutions, transcending even to the medical field.

[mythicmanuscripts]

can you please write some nsfw subby crying emotional Aemond who’s obsessed with his wife and finally feeling loved?

Of course I can!! That’s my favourite Aemond!

While there is definitely sub!Aemond in this answer there isnt any more than implied NSFW undertones so I haven't added a cut. Hope you lads enjoy!!

So firstly it takes a very long for reach this point. Aemond is so so used to people mistreating him and lying to him and making him feel worthless. When he first marries you he assumes you will be the same. He doesn’t even have it left in him to hope for something better.

For months he was just stiff and formal with you, and in fact he never even consummated the marriage. He was too afraid of the intimacy of the act, of laying himself bare before someone

You have to earn his trust, and you earn it by always supporting him. He’s never alone in his convictions anymore, and he’s never alone during the cold evenings either. You keep him company, but you also listen and give advice and are proactive in your support for him.

Once he starts to lean on you, it snowballs from there very quickly. Aemond tries to slow down or stop it, but it’s like he’s addicted? He can’t go a day without seeing you, and eventually that evolves into him not being able to go a day not hugging you, then not kissing you, and so it progresses.

I think what really gets him is that you never ever turn him away? It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, if he comes to you then you will always let him in. Even if you’re in the middle of something, you’ll still give him a smile and tell him to come sit with you.

It’s that love and care he that he sees in your eyes every single time he comes to you that leaves him chasing after you, begging for the smallest scrap of attention. And the most important part is that you NEVER turn him away. He always has a safe space with you.

And well, when you think about it like that, of course he’s emotional and obsessed with you!! You’re like a walking safe space for him. If aemond had it his way you would never be out of his sight. Yes he’s the submissive, but he’s also very very possessive about his dom. he knows how insanely lucky he got and he will not allows others to take too much of your attention.

Honestly I think Aemond would almost always want you at his side once he realises that you actually love him? The complete 180 he goes through from only speaking to you when it was absolutely necessary and only being spotted with you at public events to pretty much never being without you will forever confuse pretty much the entire of the red keep.

It's like one day Aemond wakes up and decides that the two of you will now be a team and then you are simply never spotted apart. And I don't just mean Aemond taking you everywhere he needs to go, whenever you have somewhere to be then he's always going to come with as well. It really doesn't matter what you're doing or why, he just always comes with.

I actually think maybe once a week you two will just sit together and discuss your schedules and where you are both expected to be so that you can work out how to attend everything together? When he's prince regent he has absolutely no problem with moving small council meetings to ensure he can go somewhere with you and that you will then be free for the new time of the small council meeting.

So when someone asks about needy, emotional crying sub!aemond, the honest answer is that he’s in some form of that state most of the time.

It’s most prominent when you two are alone.

Aemond really just melts under your attention. The moment he knows he’s got your full attention his brain just shuts off? It’s by far his favourite time of the day.

He always starts calm and collected but within a few minutes he’s already getting worked up and a little squirmy. You wait for him to ask if you can play with him, and the moment he asked you flip the two of him over and then he's pretty much instantly all emotional and pliant for you.

It takes a long time for him to actually admit he wants something from you, but you get very good at reading his body language. He's so so happy about the fact that he knows if he just shows you how he's feeling then you will help him and look after him.

He really just loves how at ease you make him feel? He knows the moment he walks into your shared quarters he can relax and finally just be taken care of him.

I actually think maybe you two will have very strict rules about who can and can't come into your quarters? Most of the nobles don't even think about the servants and just let the servants do their various jobs, but it's very different with you and Aemond. You understand that for Aemond your bedroom is his safe space, and so you make sure he never feels like his safe space has been violated.

Servants have to ask you when they can change the sheets in your quarters, you do not allow them to just come in and do it whenever like the rest of the keep does. You also don't any servants assigned to specifically just help you do things like drawing baths and brushing your hair and whatnot. If for whatever reason you do want someone to do those things then you will call someone, but you never have a servant constantly waiting in your quarters.

It takes Aemond a while to notice this change actually, and when he brings it up and finds out why, he pretty much immediately just melts and you have to pull him into a tight hug.

So yeah, clingy, emotional sub!aemond who loves his wife very very much is pretty much his constant state and he's so so thankful.

[xazse]

Imagined getting fingerfucked by Kazuha till you pass out without even pounding his dick into your pussy 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Notes: HELLOO, I’ve been neglecting my people who aren’t that interested in Scaramouche and jjk so enjoy this!

Pairings: Fem!Reader x Kazuha Kaedehara

Tags: Overstimulation, fingering, passing out, our poor neglected Kazuha at the end, sensitive reader, NOT PROOFREAD

You’re such a sensitive thing, Kazuha knows this and uses it in his favor.

You two are somewhere on the crux hiding behind some boxes: he’s been trying to calm you down and tell you just small kisses and nothing more, but you’re such a greedy minx that tries to slip a little tongue in, tries to bite at his lips, you’re even going as far as to guide his hands towards your cunt.

Small pleas leave your wet lips, a pout decorating your face, his cock stirs at the desperate sight of you, he so badly wants to fuck you but he’s the one most in control and if he gets worked up like you are right now he isn’t gonna be able to perform his duties with Beidou.

“Kazuha… please… just a little” you press your nimble fingers on his cock, a hiss leaves his lips. In a matter of seconds he’s standing up and manhandling you onto one of the boxes. You’re bent over while he’s behind you pinning your arms behind your back. You make no move to tell him to stop or to let up a little. Confused and a little dazed at his quick movements you turn slightly at him.

A whispered yelp is let out when you feel a cold breeze hit your ass and pussy. He keeps pulling your shorts down till they hang around your ankles. Kazuha steps back a little to admire the view, your plush thighs squeezing together periodically to relieve some pressure building up. He doesn’t like handling you in such a mean way but it’s completely necessary.

He decides he’s had enough of the view and slides himself beside you, putting his face in the crook of your neck and a little bit of his weight on your back, but not fully ontop of you, just at an angle.

He guides his soft fingers down your back, to your exposed cunt. It’s already plenty wet but he traces the outline just a little to tease you, it’s not even a second before you’re whining for more. He pushes a finger inside your awaiting hole, needy little hole just accepts him, so he takes the incentive to add one more. Two slim fingers are scissoring you open. Wet slick sounds are resonating in the area, Kazuha is silently begging no one to come near.

Pretty sounds are leaving your throat, he can just picture how good you look, a bitten bruised lip, lusty ridden eyes, just the thought of how ruined you’re becoming makes his cock throb so badly, Kazuha isn’t one to be this worked up so easily but the urge to put his length deep within your swollen cunt is just too much to bare.

He’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t realize he’s sped up his ministrations, his fingers are entering and leaving your cunt so skillfully. Distraught but loving every moment of it you take to bouncing back on his fingers ever so slightly, but not disturbing his pace. he’s also so lost that he doesnt see the way you bring your own fingers to rub at your clit. It’s so slippery you have a hard time being precise with the directions and where you want the pleasure.

Kazuha doesn’t let up with abusing your sticky pussy. Soon enough you start to feel dizzy but so so good, your tummy clenching hurts with every push of his fingers inward, reaching back to tell him you feel weird like really weird is worthless: all that falls from your lips are moans.

Everything goes white and all you can feel is your pussy clenching and unclenching before darkness.

Kazuha is finally pulled out of his daze when you slump and stop moving, he immediately straightens up and checks you out, a breathless laugh escapes his lips at the sight your chest rising and falling. After a quick minute of him trying to get himself together he realizes how painfully hard he still is, as well a precum stain decorating his pants.

[l-in-the-light]

About pirates and their treasure (a theory)

You know what they say, right? X marks the treasure. Luffy has a huge X on his chest, where his heart is. Buggy has big crossbones painted all over his forehead. Chopper's hat bears the X mark. Strawhats used to have an X mark on their hands in their famous farewell scene with Vivi.

There are many really ridiculous theories trying to connect the X on Chopper's hat to the main treasure of One Piece, claiming it points towards Long Ring Long Land because the dots surrounding the X (post-timeskip) remind them of that island's shape. Don't worry, this won't be one of those theories. In fact, we're going completely different direction here, and by the end of this post you might instead start to vomit rainbows of happiness. Don't blame me if that happens :D

Let's start off with this mysterious occurance. Both Chopper and Franky mistake the symbol for danger with that of a pirate flag. What's up with that? Do those two scenes have anything in common?

Let's take a look at Hiluluk trying to explain the meaning of skull and crossbones. "This shows there's nothing a man can't do", "it makes man fight like a pirate", "it's the symbol of man's faith", "thanks to it the man rejects impossibilities". To understand this, let's take a closer look at history of Chopper's hat that bears an X, because it's for sure connected to this idea.

Chopper got that hat as his first ever gift, from his first ever friend, as his very first peace offering. Triple first meaning. And he got it from his most favourite person in the world. That's why it's his treasure from now on. Both Chopper and Hiluluk have matching hats from now on.

Hiluluk has his "treasure" symbol on his medical suitcase, because it's thanks to the specimens he keeps there that he can cure people (later it's the same for Chopper and his medicine bag, also bearing an X). Being a doctor and curing people is his treasure. Kureha is wearing a shirt with a cherry blossom image on it, just like on Hiluluk's flag. The symbol on the shirt is close to her heart. That's because Hiluluk was her treasure. That's why she picked his dream and took care of Chopper. Soon Chopper becomes her treasure as well.

Kureha and Hiluluk bantered with each other all the time, but they also knew each other for ages. Hiluluk knew that Kureha isn't overly emotional, but that he can count on her. After all she always helped him without taking any money for it. Her actions are honest, unlike her words. who does it remind me of? Do you catch the drift?

Pirates love their treasures. But pirates are just people, and actually for most people their biggest treasure can be something like a memento, autograph or other object holding emotional value, but if we put it in the context of One Piece we have for example Chopper's hat. Obviously it's his treasure, but not because it's a hat, but because it's a gift from Hiluluk. They both wore hats from then on and it symbolically connected them together. That connection is what is Chopper's actual biggest treasure. The reminder of love and acceptance he received from the most important person to him.

Okay, let's switch to someone else:

Did you know Nami and Nojiko wear matching bracelets? Those bracelets are cheap and worthless, the only value they carry is that they connect the two girls, no matter where they are. That's why those bracelets are their treasures, because they mark each other and serve the purpose of a symbolical connection between them.

Remember Vegapunk's broadcast when Nojiko declared she's not gonna listen to it anymore and instead went back to her tangerine groves? That's because she understood, in case the world is truly going to end, the least she can do is to take care of Bellemere's tangerines, because that's also a treasure for both her and Nami. And she for sure wants to keep those tangerines in top shape for her sister. All she can do to help her is just to do her best and have faith.

Next stop is Brook and Laboon. This theory explains why Brook's afro is so important to him. It's his treasure, because it reminds Laboon of a whale/himself. Rumbar Pirates even mentioned that Brook's afro looks just like Laboon. That's literally what connects them together, again, no matter how far apart they are from each other. Brook safekeeping the music dial in his head is also quite symbolic, since it will be a present for Laboon, for keeping his promise. Brook's treasure is his afro, but his biggest treasure is Laboon; that afro serves only as a reminder of their connection.

The talk about treasure always reminds me of Shanks and his strawhat. He claimed it was his biggest treasure when he handed it to Luffy, but later on Buggy is so perplexed: if it's Shanks's biggest treasure why would he just discard it like that, right? But Buggy is actually wrong. That hat means a lot to Shanks and is his treasure, but he has even more important ones. And in his case, it means the person he gave his hat to is his treasure, bigger treasure than the hat itself. And the funniest thing of all is, Luffy isn't even his biggest treasure. There's a person Shanks treasures even more.

In the first flashback of Buggy and Shanks we see the red-hair jumping in the water to save Buggy, uncaring what happens to his strawhat, not even stopping for a moment to remove it, it just flies somewhere to the side. That's Oda's hint: for Shanks, Buggy is his biggest treasure. Other treasures be damned.

And what's the most ironic here is that this is mutual. Buggy was ready to give up on his dream for Shanks. Despite being so disappointed in him, later on Buggy still said things like "I'm not gonna tell you anything about Shanks, not even as a send-off to afterlife", he's still defending him. It's ironic because neither of them is aware how important they actually are for each other.

This paragraph will enter speculation territory. My suspcion is that Shanks earned his scar against Blackbeard because the other surprised him by mentioning Buggy. He probably thought he's the son of Rocks D. Xebec. Blackbeard's ship is called "Xebec" and I bet there is a connection here. Shanks probably did the same thing Buggy did - refused to say anything not to sell off any information about Buggy. Those two might have seperated ways because of a misunderstanding, but they remain each other's treasures and defend each other to this day. Despite Buggy's promise/threat that they will be enemies the next time they meet, they both avoided each other. They finally met at Marineford and they were not enemies back then either.

And then I realized, it's just like in real life. Pirates or not, people's biggest treasures happen to be usually other people. That's why so many characters have specific X marks on them. Like Luffy or Buggy, but not only that. Scars, tattoos, they can also serve for symbolically marking a treasure. And just like in real life, one person can have many treasures, but only that One Special Person in their life.

For Shanks, he has this scar on his eye, while Buggy has crossbones on his face. X marks the treasure, their marks are kinda matching. Their jolly rogers also emphasize the marks around the eyes.

Now let's take a look at Whitebeard and Ace. Both got defeated by blow to their hearts. Whitebeard's treasure wasn't money or fame, it was finding a family. It was the same for Ace. They have the matching family symbol on their back: jolly roger of the Whitebeard Pirates (we're never shown any other crew having those tattoos on their backs, or at least I don't think I saw it, but please correct me if I'm wrong). The last words Ace said: "Thank you for loving me" weren't meant only for Luffy, but also for Whitebeard and his fellow crewmates. They were all Ace's treasures. But he also had just one Special Person and it wasn't Luffy.

In the very first introduction scene of Ace we see his back with the tattoo and the tavern people presume Ace is dead which feels like a very symbolic scene. Last scene we see of Whitebeard is his mantle falling revealing his back tattoo, identical to Ace. That's the mark of their treasures and it's on the same place on their body! Sure, Whitebeard has his other children, and Ace also has Luffy and a tattoo in memory of Sabo, but all of this exposition actually shows us something important: this means their biggest treasure is actually each other. Whitebeard loved Ace the most (that's why he said he's just a man with one heart doting for one lad of the young generation and he meant Ace then) and Ace finally found the ultimate answer he was searching for in Whitebeard's love for him.

Isn't it oh so curious that Law and Luffy share a mark in exactly same spot? They're matching. Luffy has a scar over his chest, marking his heart. Law has a a heart tattoo on his chest, in the middle of which there is a smiling face. Luffy rescues Law literally sitting on a Heart Throne. This is so straightforward it freaking hurts.

Of course Luffy has his crewmates and friends, they're his treasure. But after losing Ace Luffy earned himself a scar. It marked him. It shows us that from this moment on Luffy gained his most favourite person in the world, the Special Person. Who would that be? It would have to be someone who chose him over everything else, right? Because Luffy has serious abandonment issues. And what did Law do for him? He risked his life to get Luffy's ass out of the danger in Marineford, healed him and quietly sat there waiting for him to recover. So far significant people in Luffy's life always leave him (sometimes even his own crewmates, as sad as that is, and he needs to chase after them. Damn, even Ace finally left on his own, didn't he?), but this time this guy just appeared out of nowhere, he didn't even know Luffy well, but he was there in Luffy's lowest moment, and saved his life unconsciously fullfilling Ace's will ("live, Luffy!"). And that guy didn't even wait to hear thanks for that, leaving Luffy to do whatever he wants with the life he just saved. Like, how can we not think that Luffy would be all crazy about that person, knowing what we already know about Luffy?

As for Law... Law's novel puts it very nicely. His biggest regret and worst nightmare fuel is that he couldn't save anyone in Flevance. Not even one person. He helped quite a few people from then on. But many years later he managed to actually save Luffy's life, against all odds.

The life of that rascal who also defended prejudiced fishman in Sabaody, indirectly defending Law at the same time ("don't come closer, you will spread diseases!", that sure reminded him of Amber Lead Syndrome trauma or maybe even triggered him), just like Law's other favourite person did before, Cora-san.

I don't think it's a stretch that for Law rescuing Luffy was a big deal if not The Biggest Deal, exactly because Luffy survived. Just by that fact alone he became his biggest treasure. After all, in that situation, Law was literally the only person in the world who was able to save him.

Another potential "treasure" pair. After timeskip their eyes are marked - by a swirling eyebrow and a literal scar. We know that Kuina was the most important person for Zoro, she was his rival. Now that place is reserved for Sanji, he's Zoro's rival, and Zoro never misses opportunity to pick up a fight with him. And how are things from Sanji's POV? Perhaps all you lovely ZoSan shippers can tell me why Zoro would be marked as Sanji's biggest treasure. I know he must be the one, after all Sanji asks Zoro and not anyone else to eliminate him in case he loses control of himself thanks to Germa's suit. Sanji would never say it to just anyone but only to someone special, that much I'm sure of.

Another possible pair. They have scars/tattoo running all over their face, one diagonally, the other vertically. It's probably not a coincidence. Considering both have the same goal of creating their very own armies, there is probably a story waiting here to be told. I doubt it's a happy story though, my bet is that their ways got seperated. They're kinda like Shanks and Buggy, constantly missing each other, at least that's my bet. I don't think this means automatically that Crocodile is one of Luffy's parents, sorry.

Caribou and Coribou, they're also marked as each other's treasures. We learn from the cover story that their grandma told them to get along and not fight, because they're brothers and should support one another. Indeed that's exactly what they're doing as adults. They are each other's most important people.

Other possible treasure/special persons matchups: Franky and Franky's Family, Franky and Iceburg, Usopp and Yasopp and Usopp and Kaya, Page 1 and Ulti, Kid and Killer (maybe Killer will even earn a matching scar to Kid now after he took the blow for him against Shanks, who knows). And possibly countless others.

Mr 3 and Bon Clay? Why not! But that's not why I chose this image. "Jolly Roger is not something to laugh at or shot at". Replace "jolly roger" with "treasure" and we get this: "You don't laugh at other people's treasure". And since we know now that the treasure is love, we get finally: you don't laugh at other people's love.

For jolly roger/treasure/love one is willing to "fight like a pirate" which means "risking your life". It's a symbol of faith and a promise of life. All of that applies when thinking about "love" as well, you fight for your loved ones (all the freaking time in One Piece), you show unbreakable faith in them (also all the time, especially Luffy's crew for him but he always returns the favour as well), and it's a promise of life because what's the point if you die and leave your loved one all alone?

Other possible indications that X marks the treasure on the jolly rogers. Bonney's favourite dish is pizza, Apoo's most favourite thing in the world is his music.

If Shanks is right that scars don't make a man and there's always a lesson behind the scar that you need to learn, then that lesson in this context would be: to realize who is the dearest person to you and how much you're willing to risk for them. Only then you "earn" your treasure, because if you have love but can't treasure it, what good is it for?

Live action actually plays with this motif one more time when small Luffy declares proudly he ate the devil fruit because it was an important treasure to Shanks, and now Luffy has to be that treasure for him instead. Sneaky child!

Every pirate treats their treasure differently, right? Some tuck it away so others can't find it (Law tucked Heart Pirates at Zou to keep them safe... to keep his treasure safe), some just reach their hands for the grab and always keep their treasures close to them (Luffy - any time he finds a good person he just forces them to become his crewmate), and some just resign from reaching for it at all, thinking they're unworthy or because they don't think that treasure belongs to them (that's Buggy in a nutshell). Other people just let it go, like Shanks.

How does it all relate to One Piece's titular treasure? Well, if it was treasure left by Joyboy, then I assume it was very personal, something or someone he loved the most. The same way with Roger's treasure btw. That one? Most likely snatched by Whitebeard for himself heh. Yes, I think it's likely it was Ace. But it could also be Roger's whole crew, Rayleigh included. "My treasure? You need to search the whole world to find it", because indeed, those people are scattered all over the seas. "I left it all there" part still remains a mystery though.

Post dedicated to @tae-rambles because she claimed I interested her in the art of fishing. This theory is your fishing rod. All of you, please go fish! I want to see what treasures you can find!

This is the theory I used as basis for my Lawlu series of analysis posts. This is why I'm convinced Luffy and Law are Special for each other. You think this is going too far and there's no way Oda did a code like that in his pirate manga? But he always says, even in the SBS, that love is an important part of his story. "Love" was the answer to a question of how exactly Sanji's legs can ignite! Why do you think Sanji is constantly repeating "love is a hurricane" otherwise? Love is everywhere in One Piece <3

[sophieinwonderland]

Catarina Claes and Low Self-Esteem - A Ramble

Here's a draft I was saving for after I wrote my Plurality of Catarina Claes post, but I haven't done that and don't feel like it, so I'm posting this anyway...

I was thinking about Catarina while scrolling through the Crunchyroll comments describing her as denser than a black hole, which while funny the first time, and the second, starts to wear on you by the hundredth.

I mean, I get a community having running jokes, but I'm talking literally every episode has at least one person saying this, and sometimes multiple.

The thing about these comments is... they're not wrong. Catarina can be really dense and oblivious. It's one of her defining character traits. Everyone knows it...

But... I think there's more to it than this where it concerns her love interests.

Catarina, in my opinion, doesn't recognize that people love her because she sees herself as unlovable.

Putting Ourselves In Catarina's Shoes

Imagine for a moment that you've always been the strange girl at school.

You have one close friend. You've never had a romantic partner. You're a disappointment to your parents who see you as just some lazy girl. And then, at 17, you die completely unaccomplished. A failure.

You get a new life though. You're reborn with no memory of who you used to be.

And the person you are now... is a brat. A spoiled rich brat who hurts everyone around her. Then you get hit on the head and have memories from your last life flood your brain.

Now there are two very different lives in your head, but there are common themes in them.

In both, you have a mom who puts you down at every turn. In both, you haven't really known love before.

And on top of all of that, you realize that your new life is as a villain. A rival who is supposed to compete with the heroine for a man who doesn't love her. Someone who only agreed to be engaged with her to avoid other offers.

This is your destiny.

And it confirms everything terrible your parents told you about who you are across two lives.

By the time she enrolls in the magic academy, she's had over 30 years to internalize her sense of worthlessness, and nearly a decade to internalize her destiny as a villain who exists only to be a rival in someone else's story.

Catarina Isn't Just Oblivious. She's In Denial.

She's built an entire self-concept around being the unlovable villainess that she literally cannot fathom anyone having genuine romantic feelings for her.

Even while she loves her friends (platonically), she's still convinced through the series that they're going to kill or exile her in the end.

No matter how many times people drop hints or even outright tell Catarina they love her, she can't accept that.

All in all, I feel dismissing Catarina's obliviousness as her just being dense (which again, she is) does a disservice to the character.

[joelscruff]

safety (boyfriend's dad!joel x f!reader)

just a bit of an origin story for my boyfriend's dad!joel relationship. you can read other installments of this fic here. this one isn't smutty but i hope you enjoy 💕 and here's my kofi if you'd like to leave a tip. summary: you find yourself falling for your boyfriend's father. rating: 18+ (mdni) warnings: age difference, cheating, daddy issues, daddy kink, lap sitting, pet names (use of babygirl) word count: 2.2k

the first time your boyfriend's father kisses you, it's because you ask him to.

you've always looked at him a bit differently, always found yourself taking quick peeks out of the corner of your eye whenever he's in the room, given him shy smiles and giggled at all his jokes (most of which were actually funny, believe it or not). the first time you'd met him you'd gone to shake his hand, expecting a firm shake and a quick nod like your own father, but he'd surprised you completely when he'd wrapped you up in his arms, given you a bear hug and softly told you he was so happy to meet you.

your boyfriend always rolls his eyes at his father's affection, his jokes, his quirks. it's been almost disappointing in a way, to see the way his father behaves in comparison to his son. your boyfriend constantly seems to cultivate a cold exterior - and interior, if you're being honest with yourself - while his father radiates warmth and welcomeness, a safeness you've never seen in your own father. you wonder how your boyfriend is able to take such advantage of his father's kindness, that safety that so many people can only crave and never experience.

the two of you fight a lot, but this is normal for you. every relationship you've had - whether familial or romantic - has involved some form of conflict. it's just the way things are; you've come to accept that. the only difference is that before this you never had a third party standing on the outside, witnessing it, worrying about it.

"are you okay?"

the first time he catches you crying you feel embarrassed; until this point you've put on a good front, been your sweet and passive self around him. now he sees a different side of you, the side everyone else in your life has seen dozens of times. the side that hurts, feels pain, suffers.

you nod, leaning against the banister of the front patio and biting your lip, "yeah, i'm fine," your voice cracks and breaks - you're not fine, your boyfriend just berated you for messing up his concentration during one of his stupid games, called you a waste of space. but you're not going to tell his father that.

"you don't look fine," he murmurs, taking a step toward you, "something happen?"

you shake your head, "no really, i'm okay, mr. miller."

"joel," he corrects you softly with a gentle smile, and you try to smile back.

"joel," you repeat, "sorry."

"don't be sorry," he says tenderly, taking another step toward you and carefully placing a hand on your shoulder, "i want you to know...if you ever need to talk to somebody, i'm here. i'll always listen, alright?"

you're not sure what to say; no one has ever given you an offer like that before. it's confusing and surreal. your brow furrows but you slowly nod, "okay."

he gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze and then goes back inside the house, leaving you standing there alone. the ghost of his touch weighs heavily for the rest of the evening, his words echoing in your mind. he can't really mean that, can he?

the next time he sees you cry it's only about a week after the first time, and this time he knows what's wrong. you can see it in his expression, the quiet anger burning behind his glasses for his own son.

"i won't defend him," he tells you softly, sitting next to you on the couch in the living room while your boyfriend yells something incoherent down the hall, "you can talk to me."

you find yourself confiding in him briefly, only briefly. you don't go into much detail, just tell him you hate being made to feel worthless, that it's something you've dealt with for a long time. he touches your shoulder again, squeezes it calmingly, reassuringly. you look into his eyes and feel yourself falling before you can even register it. he cares about you.

you think about him a lot. during the day, nights, when you're in bed and can't sleep and just want somebody to hold you. you imagine his arms wrapped around you, remember that first time you met when he'd hugged you so tight and welcomed you so warmly. you want him to hold you like that again, touch you, love you. you touch yourself and pretend it's his fingers, you bury your face in your pillow as you come and pretend it's his chest.

you think of him when you have sex with your boyfriend. you'd feel bad, but you've started to become numb with the way he treats you, uses you. you close your eyes and curl your hand in his hair and pretend it's his father on top of you, his father inside you, his father kissing your neck.

every week your boyfriend competes in ridiculously boring online competitions; you show up at his house only for the promise of seeing joel, talking to him, sharing a quick moment in the kitchen or living room with him. you sit on your boyfriend's bed and watch from afar as he bangs on the keyboard and shouts aggressive things into his microphone, sounding like a whiny and petulant child. you wonder what you even see in him anymore, what you even saw in him to begin with. you should end it, you know you should. but then how would you see his dad?

he berates you again for messing up his concentration, tells you to leave for a bit and to "stop being so annoying". you don't even protest, just climb off his bed and leave the room, slamming the door louder than necessary behind you.

joel spends a lot of time in his office; he's the head of a contracting company, always making plans, doing paperwork, making phone calls. he has his shit together, another thing you feel drawn to. he's the only person in your life who seems to know exactly what to do in any given situation, knows who he is and where he's going.

you find yourself climbing the stairs and knocking softly on his office door. "come in," he calls from inside, and you slowly push it open.

he looks up from his desk, scattered with paper and blueprints. his brow furrows when he sees it's you, "hey, sweetheart, you alright?"

you close the door behind you and then stand there for a few seconds just staring at him; he's got on a cozy looking grey sweater, knitted and warm. his jeans are dark and his socks are mismatched, a quirk you love. he looks perfectly disheveled in his joel miller sort of way, hair thick and curly, beard scruffy and soft. his glasses accentuate the kindness of his eyes, the tenderness as he looks at you. he's like a comforting beam of light, a safe haven.

"can you hold me?" you ask softly, barely a whisper. it's out before you even know you're saying it, and then you're biting down hard on your lip and feeling tears prick in your eyes.

he seems surprised but only for a moment, then he makes his way toward you in two long strides and wraps his arms around you, pulling you in and holding you close. you melt into his embrace, burying your head in his warm sweater and almost collapsing into his arms, feeling yourself begin to cry steadily. you should feel embarrassed but you're too overwhelmed by the feeling of finally being held by him again, feeling him so close, inhaling the comforting scent of him.

you feel him press a soft kiss to the top of your head, a gesture of comfort and safety, nothing more, "you're okay," he murmurs into your hair, "i've got you."

he holds you like that for a long time and makes no move to let go, just lets you stand there and take what you desperately need from him. your cries die down eventually until you're sniffling lightly into the thick fabric of his sweater and just breathing him in. his hands trail up and down your back comfortingly, tracing patterns and words, almost like a secret language.

"i feel safe with you," you mumble against his chest, but the words are muffled and hard to make out.

"hm?"

you pull back a bit to peer up at him with tear-filled eyes, cheeks pink and puffy, "i feel safe with you," you repeat, voice shaky but much more relaxed, calm.

he smiles softly, peering down at you with that familiar tenderness, "i'm glad," he murmurs, and you swear you catch his eyes trail down to your lips for a brief moment, "i want you to feel safe with me."

"can you kiss me?" you whisper, voice breaking on the last word, not caring that this could make or break the quiet companionship you've formed with him, "please."

his brow furrows again but he doesn't pull away, lips parting a bit in surprise, "sweetheart, i'm not sure that's-"

"please," you repeat, voice raw and desperate, "it's all i think about."

his expression relaxes then, the tenderness returning. with a resigned look you watch as he leans his face down toward you; you close your eyes and allow him to press his lips gently against yours, soft and sweet. he's so gentle, so warm, so safe. your arms wrap tighter around him as you kiss him back, a soft whimper falling from the back of your throat. it's perfect. he's perfect.

when he pulls away he leaves his forehead pressed against yours, and when you open your eyes your heart stutters when you see his face so close, lips wet from your saliva and eyes dark with desire.

"that what you needed?" he murmurs softly, nose brushing against yours.

you nod and kiss him again, humming quietly against him when he pulls you in closer and palms your back firmly, holding you close. you're not sure how it happens but you both end up on the small couch in the corner of his office, him sitting back against the cushions while you seat yourself in his lap, a leg on either side of his thighs. his hands travel inside your shirt, exploring the soft expanse of your back as you whimper again into his mouth and revel in the feeling of being touched by someone so different.

"what else do you need?" he breathes, voice deep and husky as his hands travel from your back to your face, cradling it in his palms, "i'll give it to you, sweetheart, anything you ask. just tell me."

you could say a multitude of things; you could tell him to kiss you again, touch you, fuck you, the list goes on. and you want him to do all of that, but the one thing on your mind is what inevitably slips past your lips.

"i just want you to hold me," you whisper, and you don't care if you sound pathetic, "please."

he looks at you with a great deal of pain in his eyes, an empathetic gaze you've seen numerous times. he thumbs your cheeks, wipes away the tears there and slowly nods.

"okay, babygirl," he murmurs, "i'll hold you."

you sit in his lap for the next hour. it's quiet and peaceful and perfect; he rubs your back while you bury your face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in and letting his presence completely invade your senses. you fall asleep briefly, but when you wake up you're happy to find that you're still in his lap, still being held. he makes absolutely no moves to remove you from him, to pull away or leave the room. he just holds you.

"thank you," you whisper finally; it's time to leave, you know this. your boyfriend will be looking for you soon, wondering where you went and why you didn't come back. you pull your face up from joel's neck and look down at him with tenderness, love.

"any time," he murmurs with a gentle smile, then leans forward a bit to press a tiny kiss to the tip of your nose, "i mean it, sweetheart. any time you're upset, any time you need to be held...you come to me, okay?"

you nod, biting down on your lip to keep the tears at bay, "no one's ever held me like this before," you whisper, "not even my own father."

his brows scrunch together and he touches your arms, squeezing them carefully in his hands, "i'm sorry, babygirl," he breathes, "you don't deserve that," his eyes capture yours in an intimate gaze, "you deserve the world."

the word is there, fighting to be spoken behind your lips. but you don't say it. you don't want to make him uncomfortable, don't want to ruin something that's only just started. but you feel it there, the desire to call him what you've been wanting to call him since the day you met. but that's a conversation for another day.

instead of words, you settle for a kiss. you lean down and touch your mouth to his, feel the gentle scratch of his scruff against your chin as you open a bit wider to allow his tongue to prod inside, just for a moment. he tastes like comfort, feels like safety.

daddy.