#but overall I'd rate the experience a hard 2/10. at least the ma was nice.

[goodmorning-hello]

Okay no yeah had a very Weird time with the gender wizard today and i think i gotta get it off my chest

So first time meeting the endocrinologist, to discuss the intersection of PCOS diagnosis and possibly going on T, yeah? And the whole time i felt like i was talking to a wall, so. zero points on bedside manner. But that got me sort of on my heels and wondering if I'm just not articulating myself well enough to be understood right, or if she's not really listening, or what.

And like. She was asking a LOT of questions about my depression levels and specifically asked about thoughts of self harm / si, and like. Yeah?? I've been at that rodeo for AGES, that's not your business??? That's for unpacking with my therapist; i didnt come in prepped to air out that laundry today. Let's get to the topic at hand, no?

And she was asking about my social history and who I'm out to, which like. Yeah okay, i guess that's a sort of fair question, but also i sort of fail to see how it matters? 1) You don't know my family dynamic, you don't know whether being out to my family means DICK ALL. 2) If my friends peace out bc i tell them I'm a boygirl, then I'll be well rid of them and i will find new friends. 3) It's not my boss's business AT ALL whether I'm a lady or not on any given day, as long as i show up and do my job they shouldn't, and don't, give a shit.

And she kept iterating that going on T will cause some permanent changes, which. Yes, that's the idea. Why are you telling me this. I want those changes. That's what I'm asking for.

And ultimately she decided that she wouldn't advise it "based on my social situation"

Bitch i am a grown ass man??? I KNOW my social situation, and I'm capable of navigating the changes that this would entail. I understand that this is going to cause some permanent changes, that's why im here. I have thought about this. I wouldnt be here if this was a fleeting fancy. Do you know how long i waited for this appointment.

And now that I've been percolating on it I'm belatedly realizing that actually yeah, i am kinda mad. Not even bc i didn't get what i want, but just at like. What the HELL was going on in that appointment? Does she think i don't know my own situation and mind, and don't understand what I'm asking for????

And i was just so mentally wrung out from the day I'd already been having before she even walked in that i just sort of accepted it, like. Yeah sure, whatever lady. I'll call back in a month or two so we can have this exact same conversation again on a day when I'm ready to fight you for it, let me out of here so i can go eat something today.