#but our two strongest players werent here today so as section leader the burden was on me i guess
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#mir meeps#plsssss just scroll past#π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨βοΈπ¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π¨π©#the girl who hasnt been coming for cca showed up today#which is great isnt it??? like im genuinely glad and relieved that she and the other member came#but our two strongest players werent here today so as section leader the burden was on me i guess#and it was just a little stressful bc im supposed to be good at playing shit but im not#im not as musically talented as all the other SLs and im trying my damn best to make my notes sound nice and whatever but im struggling#ok but thats not the point like for the most part i managed to play relatively Okay enough and helped the others along here and there too#but one of the members that finally showed up today just. was just different#like shes close with the other member who finally came but the other member is the same as always: kind and ptient and stuff#but the one im talking about....was being so ?? hostile and cold towards me#and i knOoOooOoOoOow its because she hasnt been coming for cca at all which means she cant play some of the song pieces which means#she makes mistakes but god im not mad at all???? if you tell me you cant make it bc of family problems and personal issues fuck then thats#more important?? i understand it im not mad that you Werent able to come for practice if anything im worried as FUCK bc youre gonna feel#like youre behind everyone and stuff and i want to help but i dont know how if youre behaving this way#god i swear im not mad At All#but im walking home from prac at 1030pm right now im feeling so lousy bc i feel like ive done sth wrong#which is honestly so fucked up bc i Know why shes behaving like this i understand it but its jUst sO HarD not to feel like#as if i DIDNT fuck up somewhere but i know i didnt do anything wrong???#man it sucks being me LMAO sucks being SENSITIVE#god i cant wait for this to be over and i get the hell out of here i cant wait for march 30 to just be over#i might talk to her about it if im brave enough fuck she literally spoke to me so differently than the last time we met we were having#so much fun i swear#maybe shes still dealing with issues yeah??? maybe thats why ok im gonna shut the FUCK up now#i couldnt even play my solo right earlier like i CAN but i was so fucking nervous above everything else i just fucked up#today was such an off day guys lmao and god these are such MINISCULE PROBLEMS i fucking sweaaaaaaaar#we gonna be okay tho im gonna sleep this off and think about it when im like. Stable again#and im sorry im not trying to sound like im having the worst life im obviously Not im not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me or anything#just need to. let it out LMAOOOO kk bye
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