#but omg dude just hear people out instead of invalidating people’s experiences

[bandzboy]

men in the gaming scene are so annoying you say that you have sexist experiences in games and they are like “you are lying i am sure that never happened” OFC YOU WOULD SAY THAT YOU ARE A MAN SO OBVIOUSLY YOU WOULDNT KNOW WHAT THAT IS

[elle-smells]

STORYTIME PART 3 🏳️‍🌈🙋🤷‍♂️

Part 1

Part 2

(pretty sure this is the last one)

Now

My friends are accepting, I honestly don't give a crap of certain people at my school aren't okay with it bcs it's not like I'm walking around with a huge "HEY, I'M BI!" Sign on my head. Tbh I only want my friends to know and if it happens to spread then who cares?

And I truly mean all of that, really I do. It's just never felt like the right time. It kinda feels like over sharing atm, not something that will come up in conversation and the fact that I've started to grow a little self conscious about my sexuality doesn't help my case.

See, after I figured out I was Bi I didn't really think a lot about preference. I just wanted to love who I loved. But then came DUN DUN DUUUNNN Research. I looked up everything that has to do with bisexuality and even tried to educate myself on save sex with girls (which should honestly be taught in schools for LGBTQ+ youth but that's another topic of convo)

Apart from that, I watched a ton of videos of people coming out and explaining their experiences and a lot of them talked about preference. So I started to think about it and came to the conclusion that I have a preference for guys. That.....that scared the crap out of me.

All the ppl that I heard talking about preference said they either feel about 50/50 or they have a preference for the same sex.

That made me spend a lot of time feeling ashamed of not being "bisexual enough". I felt like if I told people about my preference then they would invalidate me by thinking I'm either "too scared to say I like girls" or "just trying to follow a trend by saying I like girls"

I knew neither of those things are true but I thought ppl would see it that way. And so, I didn't even feel comfortable enough to talk about my sexuality with the LGBTQ+ community, let alone the people that aren't a part of it.

Later on I found the sexuality spectrum and that felt so right to me you have no idea. And when I heard Alexia talk about it in Skam France OMG.... *Chef's kiss* it made things even better. Unfortunately, that didn't mean I stopped feeling self conscious sometimes.

All of that self consciousness now adds to my reasoning of why it's "never the right time" to tell my friends.

Until last week, when I started writing Part 1 of this story time.

Here's where the emojis come in btw

Outside of my main girl friend group, I have another friend that goes to my school. We've only known each other for almost a year but we've become close in that time. He's one of my best friends and he's seen me cry more times that I'm proud of tbh hahaha. However, recently, we've kinda drifted apart (it's a long story), and we're still friends and talk and have a laugh but we're not the same as before. Oddly enough, I still feel like I could tell him anything. ANYTHING. If I'm sad, I'd want to talk to him, If I murder someone, he's one of the first people I'd call. And If I'm happy, I'd tell him the reason why.

For a while, I had considered coming out to him first but, again, it never felt right.

Last week, I found out he's changing school's so he won't be with us for senior year. That really bumbed me out, so I called him for the first time in a while. We had a good talk, we laughed and it felt like the beginning of our friendship.

If you asked me, I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was. I just knew. And it all lined up perfectly too!

It checked all the boxes.

• It came up in conversation - we were talking about how EVERYONE has little gay moments some times

• It was someone I trusted - Like I said, he's kinda my best friend

• It didn't feel like over sharing - the gave me perfect segway. He talked about "Bisexual check" tiktoks and how he's not bi but fits a few of the stereotypes (ie. Sweater weather, rolled up jeans, etc)

The stars were aligning and I just....said it

Well, kinda said it:

"hahaha omg dude, in that case, you're more bisexual than I am"

...... My heart started beating so hard I could basically hear it, I frees more anxious by the second so much so that I almost didn't realize he didn't stop talking.

Him: so yeah, and it's not like I only like sweater weather, it's more of-

Me: dude....did you-... are you not getting what I'm telling you

Him: uhh,no.....

Me: umm, ok nevermind then. I'll tell you again another time.

Him: oh, ok.

(hence the emojis 🏳️‍🌈🙋 <- I'm not straight. 🤷‍♂️<- friend doesn't get it)

After that I felt disappointed but it was very quickly followed by....relief. I really didn't expect to feel that. I thought I'd be more gutted that I had missed my chance. Instead I was glad the beating of my heart had stopped.

I realise now that I can't not make my coming out into a casual thing. And by that I mean, it's not something I can just brush off my shoulder, it's a part of me that I've keep deep in my soul for a while and getting it out in the open is a huge step for me. Even if I know ppl are going to be accepting, it's still a big part of my story and I can't just look past it.

Which brings me to right now. That conversation with my friend is what inspired me to write this all out. This is MY bisexual experience. This is MY story.

And it's not over yet. I'm still dealing with feeling not valid enough sometimes bcs of where I fall on the spectrum. I still haven't come out to my parents. I still have a bit of the way to go and I have no idea where that's gonna take me.

What I do know for sure is that I know where to go next. That's to that conversation with my best friend. I understand my situation a lot better now. And that's all I need to move forwards.

Today is the start of Pride Month. Love each other, support each other. I told this fandom my in progress, bisexual mess of a story bcs of how positive it can be. Please, Stand together, bcs our stories deserve to be told and heard. This was mine. And I hope you are able to tell yours ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜