#but oh my brain is like the most out-there but still convincing somehow conspiracy theorist

[theworstcreature]

I never get why people always talk about being scared of the dark when perfect silence is like ten times as terrifying. Lock me in the darkest and emptiest void, and I’ll be fine as long as there’s like fan or wind or rain noises or something. Put me in a bright and anything-but-scary, well lit room and make it dead silent and I will be startled by even the slightest new noise and feel watched or that something’s going to Appear

[twilight-zoned-out]

What Just Happened

In which Peter and Ned have a grand old time wading through Flash's Spiderman conspiracy channel until they get back from Europe and everyone finds out who Spiderman actually is. Based off of two posts (although currently I can only find  one of them!).

Update: Here's the other one!

 Part I: The Context

It began as a joke.

Ned found it, surfing the web (as he often did) for Spiderman-related articles. Now that he knew Peter Parker, aka Midtown’s smartest and most heroic but also-kind-of-a-flake-when-it-came-to-events-but-for-a-good-reason teen was actually Spiderman, he redoubled his efforts with the added goal of making sure nobody ever got too close to Spiderman’s true identity.

Which is how he found the youtube channel.

“Hi, my name is Eugene Thompson, commonly known as Flash, and today we’ll be beginning a series of videos akin to what some of my peers might refer to as ‘Behind the Mask.’”

Ned stopped it right there and called Peter Parker.

“Dude, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing right now you have to come over.”

“What? Why?” Slight static ran in Peter’s background – no doubt caused by Peter’s frantic efforts to get to Ned’s room. Or maybe he was just shifting the phone to multitask with his homework. Static meant a lot of things.

“I found another Spiderman conspiracy video and I feel like it doesn’t exist in the same dimension I’m living in.”

“Did it say I was alien?”

“No – well, I don’t actually know. I haven’t gotten to the conspiracy part yet. But it has to be good.”

“How do you know?”

“You’ll get it when you see it. Come over, I’ll wait. I’m only 8 seconds in.”

“Don’t you have a test to study for?”

“Quiz, and it’s Tuesday. Besides, we both know that won’t take long.”

“You, Ned Leeds, are a bad influence.”

A tap tap tap came from Ned’s window. He grinned as he drew away the curtain to let Peter inside.

“It didn’t take much to convince you.”

“Yeah, well, you piqued my intere-” Peter’s jaw dropped open at the sight of Ned’s laptop.

“I know, right?”

“That’s Flash.” Peter turned to face Ned and pointed at the screen. “That’s Flash Thompson from Midtown School of Science and Technology.”

Ned’s grin grew. “You understand my pain.”

“I don’t know if I understand anything.” Peter flopped down onto Ned’s bed, then sat up. “Okay Flash, what have you got.”

Ned settled back into his very comfortable spinny chair and brought the video back to the start.

“Hi, my name is Eugene Thompson, commonly known as Flash-”

Peter snorted.

“-and today we’ll be beginning a series of videos akin to what some of my peers might refer to as ‘Behind the Mask.’”

Flash wore a suit without a tie and stood next to a series of boards, hands clasped behind his back.

“For me, it doesn’t matter. I have one goal in mind.”

Flash’s gaze intensified as he leveled with the camera.

“Who is Spiderman?”  

Peter and Ned watched silently, enraptured, until Flash actually started rolling out the theories. Then Ned actually had to pause it because the both of them were laughing too hard.

“There’s a whole series,” Ned managed to get out between fits of laughter.

They watched them all. Peter even got Ned to subscribe to ‘Spiderman Thomspiracies,’ as it was.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t promoted his channel to the school,” Peter commented.

“You know Flash. If people actually find out Spiderman’s you, he probably doesn’t want to be proven he was wrong.”

Peter briefly sobered at the idea of being figured out, then lightened. “I guess we’re never going to prove that he’s wrong, then.”

The channel had surprisingly few viewers before Ned and Peter got a hold of it. Then Ned started promoting it through his magic tech ways, and it really took off. Flash still didn’t mention it during school.

But his series was a hit.

‘Out of all the theorists I’ve watched, you’re the best!’ One of the comments said, and given how Ned and Peter were the only ones not to take the channel seriously (as far as they could tell), the only conclusion was that the comment – and the tens of others like it – weren’t being sarcastic. A good portion lauded him for endeavoring to use science, physics, and logical theory to determine or invalidate hypotheses, and surprisingly enough, when the topic was about who Spiderman couldn’t be, he had pretty good reasoning. It was the opposite side of the spectrum that took him off the rails – and he went there a lot.

One of his theories became so convoluted and over the top (it spanned a few episodes) that Peter and Ned had spent an actual 40 minutes trying to map out his train of thought. It took four sheets of paper, and at the end they just dissolved it into a galaxy brain meme.

Peter’s sophomore spring turned to summer turned to fall. Junior year rolled around, and Flash’s search to figure out Spiderman hadn’t slowed down. In fact, he’d been given a boost.

“I just want to say thank you for 1000 subscribers, it really means a lot for you all to support my work. We’re getting closer to discovering Spiderman’s true identity every day, I can feel it.”

Then the blip occurred.

Somehow, in that timespan, Flash’s videos grew big. Bigger than his channel had a right to be.

When five years came and went, and Peter and Ned had just started to adjust to everyone else’s way of life, Spiderman Thomspiracies appeared like a ghost. They made the time to watch it.

 “Hey guys, it’s been a while, I just want to say thank you so much for pushing this channel on strong. I was blipped, apparently, and it’s crazy. I don’t know if I’ll have time to do videos like this for a while, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’m starting up an Instagram where I can talk to you guys about what’s going on, you know, my experience, and maybe you guys can catch me up on some things. Starting with your thoughts on Spiderman. Five years should be enough time to crank out at least one video.

“I’ll make it easy for you. Catch me on SpideyNo1Fan. Flash Thompson out.”

Peter and Ned stared at the screen long after the video ended.

Flash had reached approximately 13,922 subscribers.

Part II: The Event

“Hey guys, it’s been a crazy week. But you’d already know that if you watched my previous videos. Gotta say, being saved by Spiderman in Europe is pretty dope. Now I’m back in home sweet New York, and – aw thanks dude, you’re the best. See, this is why I livestream: it’s so much easier to connect with you all in real time – hold up.” Flash looked up from his phone, then swiveled himself around to put the giant advertisement-turned-news screen behind him. “Looks like something’s going on.”

“The following moments may shock you.”

Flash shot a strange look towards his viewers, falling silent as the news clip ran its course.

“Do it. Execute them all.”

Flash’ jaw dropped.

“There you have it, folks, conclusive proof-”

“What?!” Flash looked at his invisible viewers furiously as the side of his screen lit up with people clamoring to know his opinion. “This is ridiculous. Something else has to be going on here – I know Spiderman, I see him almost every day. Spiderman saved the day! He’s not like that - How long have we known Mysterio? I mean, he saved the day, but Spiderman, there’s no way-

“But that’s not all, folks. Here’s the real blockbuster.”

Flash raised an eyebrow as he commented to the masses. “I’ll get to the bottom of this, don’t you doubt.”

“Spiderman’s real name-”

Flash froze.

“Spiderman’s real name is-”

“No.”

The word came out as a half-wheeze whisper. Spiderman’s identity had been kept from the citizens of New York – nay, the world – but working together in Europe, there was a possibility Mysterio actually did know who was behind the mask-

“Spiderman’s name is PETER PARKER!”

An image of said person blew up on the screen behind Flash, who let out an ungainly shriek, eyes bugged out to the max.

“I’ve gotta go,” Flash stammered out, voice uneven, after enough of a pause for the news segment behind him to begin relooping. “I’ve gotta figure this out. Flash out.”

With shaking hands, he ended the livestream. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He felt sick.

Out of all the possibilities for who Spiderman was, he’d never once thought Peter Parker.

Flash, still standing there gaping at his own reflection through the turned-off screen, made for the closest bench and sat himself down heavily. He had to work this through.

The news on the screen in front of him returned to its revolutionary image; Flash’s focus intensified, trying to absorb every detail. Trying to find the flaw.

It couldn’t be Peter Parker.

.

Peter had raced away immediately after the video and ended up on top of the old Avengers tower. He didn’t even want to check his phone, want to see all the texts flooding in.

But he had to call Aunt May. He’d do that first.

Once she knew where he was and he’d assured her that he knew what to do if bombarded by questions he didn’t need to answer, he hung up and called Ned.

“Ned. Ned. I am freaking out right now.”

“Okay, this is bad.” Ned didn’t even try to put a positive spin on it; despite his own opinions about sharing Spiderman’s identity, he knew what it meant to Peter. “Where are you? I’ll come over. We’ll face it together.”

“No. I’m still in the suit. I left MJ – oh man, people saw me with MJ earlier and I just…I just left her there-”

“I’ll contact her, it’s fine. Guy in the chair.”

“Guy in the chair.” Peter blew out a shaky breath. “You can’t tell them anything.”

“…Peter,” Ned replied, a little confused. “Your picture was up on the screen. The secret’s out.”

“No. I mean, the rest of the news wasn’t true either. They said I killed Mysterio, which-” Peter suddenly went silent.

“Peter?”

“I didn’t.” Peter’s voice was small and tight and high-pitched. “He fired the bullet and it ricocheted off my suit and hit him. I didn’t have time to figure out where it would go.”

“Dude, I believe you. You didn’t kill Mysterio.” Ned changed the pace of the conversation. “Anyway, this whole claim is ridiculous. Who would actually believe you’d want to kill Mysterio? You’re the friendly neighborhood Spiderman.” Ned sighed. “I’ll try to keep you posted with what I can find. Are you sure you don’t want me to come over later? I can bring pizza. Or you can visit my place. I’ll explain to my parents that you aren’t a super-murderer.”

“I’m not a super-murderer-”

“I know, that’s what I just said, you aren’t a super-mur-”

“Just- don’t say that right now. Please.”

“Okay. I’ll check up on you later.” Ned hung up, and Peter let out a sigh. He couldn’t hide in the building forever, and reporters – or even police, Peter realized with a jolt – might be waiting for him at Aunt May’s. If he didn’t come soon, they might have to take the Bugle’s footage at its word.

Was that how it worked? Was that even legal? He wasn’t sure. American Government was senior year.

His phone vibrated.

Incoming Call from Flash Thompson, his phone read. Peter rested his head against the wall. Flash was among the last people he wanted to talk to at the moment.

He let the phone call go to voicemail and ignored it.

His phone vibrated.

Hey I need to ask you something for social media.

Peter’s eyes widened with a start. In the stress of the moment, he’d almost completely forgotten about Flash’s channel.

Incoming Call from Flash Thompson, his phone read again. Peter answered on the first ring.

But Flash didn’t seem smug. Or menacing. The only thing he asked when Peter picked up was a simple “Is it true?”

That flew Peter for a loop. Disoriented, he responded a beat late. “Flash-“

“It’s true, isn’t it.” Flash didn’t even need Peter’s confirmation. “At first I thought, ‘no way Parker’s actually Spiderman.’ I mean, you guys are nothing alike. But then I thought about it more, and I realized – there’s no way you have family in Germany. You weren’t even when any of the Elementals attacked, and they followed us everywhere – wait, you didn’t plant the elemental attacks, did you?”

“What? No, of course not.” As upset as he was about the event, Peter was more upset that somebody would believe something so blatantly unrealistic.

“Of course not,” Flash agreed, speech coming through as if his mind were elsewhere. “You’re Spiderman.” His voice came back to focus with a snap. “Oh man, you’re Spiderman. I can’t believe this is happening.”

It was over. Peter wanted to cry. “Flash, please, you can’t post about this on your conspiracy channel-”

“You know about that?” There was suddenly a smirk in Flash’s voice, but it didn’t have any disdain attached to it. “I’m pretty big on there, aren’t I?”

“Flash, seriously, this is a big problem for me. Anyone with something against Mr. Stark or an avenger knows who I am now and they’re going to come after me and Aunt May and possibly the school-” Peter took in a deep breath, trying to formulate words.

“Don’t worry man, I got you.”

Flash hung up the phone.

Twenty seconds later, Flash’s Instagram updated.

‘Getting to the bottom of this insane claim. Guess you’ll see another video sooner than I thought!’

Peter put his face into his hands and groaned. He didn’t even know what to make of that.

.

Another vibration.

Hey. It was MJ. You okay?

Yeah, Peter responded. You?

No thanks to you.

…

I’m joking, I’m fine. Do what you gotta do.

Ned texted him around the time, too.

Hey, MJ’s safe, I’m safe, are you safe?

Safe enough to respond to your text. How’s Aunt May?

Holding down the fort pretty well. Do you think you’ll have to come to school on Monday?

Bigger problems.

Right.

.

The video uploaded about an hour later.

“There’s been a horrendous accusation floating around the figure we know and love as Spiderman. Today, I’m here to prove to you that this lie has been purported by the media and is not possible. Ever.”

Flash spent 20 or so minutes describing his first-hand experience in Europe and extol Spiderman’s actions. Then he veered off course. “Now, I’m sure you have some questions about the other claim made by the Daily Bugle – a site which I’m pretty sure none of us have heard of until now. Particularly, concerning Spiderman’s true identity.” Flash then filled the time doing what he did best – making fun of Peter Parker. He went through numerous examples of what Peter Parker was like, and although Peter tried to reason that the bullying was an attempt to help him out, he was a little less grateful when it stretched for 15 minutes.

Flash ended the video with a sober expression.

“As you know, every theory has both impossible and plausible components to it. But ask yourselves: if Spiderman, who you’ve seen and known as a hero, and Peter Parker, who you now know as a wimp, were in that position on the London Bridge, do you really think either of them would want to kill the great Mysterio? Do you think either of them would even think about doing something that ruthless? That dastardly?

“We are far from finished with the topic of Spiderman. But while I work tirelessly to achieve the high standards set long ago for this channel, ask yourself that question, viewers, because something doesn’t add up. Flash Thompson out.”

Peter took a minute to digest what he’d watched. Then he called up Flash. Of course, Flash was the first one to speak.

“Pretty great, huh?”

“Flash…”

“Don’t thank me. I already know what you’re going to say.”

“You…didn’t try to convince them I wasn’t Spiderman.”

“What – of course I didn’t. Do you think I would blatantly lie to my fans? I’ve built this channel off of trust. And math. And logical reasoning. And I did you a favor. People need to see you as a hero instead of a weird power-hungry monster, so that’s what I’m driving at. You’re not a power-hungry monster, right?”

“No!”

“No. Obviously. Because you’re Spiderman.” Flash paused. “Man, I still can’t get over that. I just want to make sure you know that I totally respect you as Spiderman, but as Peter Parker, everything I said in the video still stands.”

Peter sighed. “Thanks, Flash.”

“No problem. If you need PR, I’m the guy. As Spiderman.”

“Great.”

Part III: The Effect

Peter finally got back to the apartment (thankfully in one piece) and Aunt May and him where sitting together on the couch with hot chocolate when his phone began to vibrate.

“I don’t want to answer it,” Peter half-murmured.

“You should put it on silence,” Aunt May suggested helpfully. With a groan, Peter moved to do so.

The text was from Flash Thompson.

Sure you don’t want my offer on PR?

Peter’s brow furrowed in confusion.

Before he could dismiss it, his phone vibrated again. It was from Ned.

Dude. Check the video. Check Flash’s video right now.

Peter refreshed the page – he hadn’t even deleted the tab yet – and carefully set down his hot chocolate so he could plop heavily onto the couch.

Aunt May shifted closer, concerned. “What? What is it?”

Peter shook his head, disbelieving. “Just…” He was going to have to explain the whole thing. For the moment, he just showed her the screen.

Flash’s video had reached 1 million.