#but obviously with a low focus span

[revolutionsingingintherainnn]

some landolove 🫶✨🧡

[halcyone-of-the-sea]

Between Dreams and Sugar

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!Reader

Synopsis: Your screams will haunt his dreams until the day he dies.

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: Torture, gore, angst, violence & death, suggestive joke, fluff, happy ending, rescue fic but who rescues who...>:)

A/N: Guys, I have a confession - I don't think I can write Ghost properly lmfao. This is horrifically mid.

*I do not give others permission to translate and/or re-publish my works on this or any other platform*

There was so much blood coating your body that you had forgotten where the wounds were and weren’t. It flowed from you like viscus water—a homogeneous mixture of congealed shades of red like rubies except for the simple fact that this was not beautiful; it was not desired or sought after. 

 On the ground, soaking in indistinguishable pools of crimson, ripples are sent out when your limp foot twitches mutely in its clutch. That was all you could do now. Twitch. Writhe. They didn’t even bother tying you to the chair anymore—just let you slouch half out of it like a school kid who had gotten too drunk the night before. 

Hell, you wished you were drunk. 

“Sergeant.” 

You wished you could feel your fingers. You wished you could move your neck up from its bend position as if it was a wilting flower; hair stuck to your skin. Blood dribbles out of your mouth. Drip…drop…drip…drop. 

You’d bitten your tongue open in a vain attempt to stop yourself from screaming, hadn’t you? You…you can’t quite remember.

“Sergeant!” Groaning long and low, the violent chills that wrack your form only serve to make yourself bleed out faster, tension forcing precious life fluid out from burst veins and slashed ankles. 

Cuts far span your legs and shoulders. Your back is nothing more than a painting of burns coated with sweat and infection; puss sticking you to the backrest of the chair like yellow-colored adhesive. Your clothes are the opposite idea of modesty. Tattered, torn by blades to create harm. Fuck, could you even breathe properly anymore?

Lungs only create a wheeze—you’re not getting enough oxygen to function. 

A dark growl bounces off the walls.

Ghost struggles against his binds, uniform also in a state of disarray with very obviously broken ribs and bruised chest. Splotches of yellow-white mounds signal blunt trauma over the pale skin that’s already laced with old scars. 

They’d all but anchored him to his chair—and even then the red marks that blister are a signal of the brutality of the large man as he peels back his skin to try and struggle himself out. 

You whine, the loftiness stuck in your brain addictive; to pull back that curtain was as much of a struggle as staying awake. That harsh Manchester accent was something to draw closer to, though, professionalism a key to the lock on your failing consciousness. The reminder of companionship.

“G…” Your vocal cords fizzle, “Ghost…” 

“Open your eyes.” Every word was enunciated, deep and guttural.

Parting your lips, more blood drowns your lap in thick globs, and soon your battered throat vibrates with coughs that make you see stars, mild panic the moment you realize that you can’t breathe. 

Jerking forward, you gasp, eyes snapping open as your neck bends ahead in desperation. Mucus and other bodily fluids spray over your lap, tinged scarlet, but the blockage in your throat is dispelled as your broken ribs quiver in agony. 

Whimpering like a kicked dog, you wonder how long it’ll take for Ghost to realize getting you to focus on him was pointless. If this all continued, you’d be dead within the day. 

But you entertain him.

Head slowly balking back as your jaw hangs loose, you rest it on the wooden frame behind you as softly as you’re able with a most likely concussed brain and a fractured skull. Only one eye opens, and even then it’s half-glued to your cheek with dried blood. 

Ghost’s balaclava had been ripped off. It felt wrong to see him in the open like this. Exposed. It was quite obvious he disliked it just as much as you did. 

Blue eyes blazed at you; blonde hair going this way and that as crimson fell down the swell of his Adam’s Apple from a very broken nose. That gaze was unrelenting, and even with your blurry vision, you knew it would be unwise to look away. 

His stubbled jaw sets as a heart can be seen skipping beats in his breast. You were totally out of it, enough so that you missed the way his lungs slightly released when you had pulled yourself back to the present. 

The gulping sigh.

“That’s it, Sergeant.” You cough once more, wet and haggard, and your head falls back to your chest before you have to force it back up on shaking muscles. It was getting harder. “Easy does it, then…Thought I lost you.”

“C–can’t,” the useless feet flicker over the ground, sloshing through fluid in unstable jumps as you slur out, “Hurts, Ghost.”  

A slow and dark inhalation meets your ears before a sudden grunt of a struggling body; jerking arms as the chair squeals with old nails being torn out. 

“I know, Birdie, I know.” His tone is lesser now as he bites back a curse as the blisters on his arms pop, the rope burns turning a vile color as his muscles strain, “But you keep those pretty little eyes on me, yeah?” 

It wasn’t supposed to go like this. 

Black Operations were dangerous, yeah, but never had the Lieutenant been so down in the gutter as he was right now. Mainly because of you, no, entirely because of you. He could withstand months of torture—mental and physical—with no problem. He’d done it countless times before. 

But never had he been forced to watch someone hurt you instead of him.

They would come in every day, these pitiful excuses for German drug runners, and would make him watch as they ripped open your skin with blunt knives and other tools coated in rust. Questions would be asked—questions that Ghost knew he could not answer even if it was you who would get punished. 

Every time you would flinch when the door to this concrete basement opened, it was harder to keep his tongue from wagging. He was watching you die; letting it happen. 

Fuck, it made him sick.

Ghost violently reems a shoulder up and down, not caring about the long stripes of now oozing blood on his forearms or the pain that the action brings bone-deep. There was so much scarlet flowing from you. Too much.

What he knows for certain is that he can’t let you die here. He’d never forgive himself for that.

How is she still conscious? The question was utterly genuine as Ghost’s dead eyes narrowed dangerously, sparking with urgency at the uneven risings and fallings from your chest. 

“Fucking hell,” the Lieutenant growls, each word punctuated by a desperate attempt to free himself. He had to get you out of this. You were his responsibility; his team. 

His…Ghost pants, sweat dripping down his arms.

You didn’t abandon him, how could he do the same to you? When questioned you hadn't given up his true name, hadn’t blabbered to save your own skin so you could avoid a horrible amount of pain. Pain that Ghost knew well. 

Pain that was never supposed to be known to you.

Your screams would haunt his nightmares until the day he died. 

“Ghost,” blue eyes freeze, snapping away from the sight of the bone around his wrists becoming visible through a thin coverage of remaining flesh. He pauses like a guard dog. Your optic was glinting, flicking with failing consciousness. The movement of your chest sputtered as the man clenched his teeth together. “You’re hurtin’ yourself.” 

“‘Bout to do even more damage, yeah?” he gets back to it, working enough blood into the rope to make it slick; dripping. “If it’ll get me out of these bastard things.” 

The weak smirk on your face gives his brows a deep furrow, sweat glistening on his forehead.

A part of him hated you. Hated you for the way you had this effect on him. He shouldn’t care if you lived or died—that wasn’t his cross to carry. 

But you’d made him soft these last few months. Soft, and weak, and disgustingly concerned for your safety. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t Ghost. 

“Gonna b…bleed out, y’know.” Your tongue slips, mind so loose that anything that comes to the front slips out like water from a slip-and-slide. Fingers twitching, your limp body grows so cold that you shiver. 

“Negative.” Ghost barks, slipping one hand partially under the restraint and his flesh, acting as a zipper, starts to go with it. He hisses under his breath, body hot and spilling. Mutilating himself. “Shut your damn gob.” Blood splatters to the floor, “I’m gettin’ us out of ‘ere.”

“Tell me a joke.” Blue eyes flicker, blonde lashes slipping over pale cheeks. 

You feel another wave of pain shutter through you—one that makes you whimper as quietly as a soft breeze on a summer day. 

“Joke?” Ghost hisses, glaring over at you without heat. “The fuck are you on about?” A wobbling eyebrow raise is all he gets. 

He grunts feral-like, evocative of a bear that hadn’t gotten his supper. Your lid droops and panic spikes.

“How long can a fish breakdance for?” Ghost slips a hand free, snarling in the back of his mouth as the entirety of his left hand is left ripped open, the fissures itchy and welling. Wasting no time, the limb goes to assist the other, pulling with ripped-off fingernails at the tight knot. A side-eye is sent your way.

Only you weren't moving. Lips snap in a moment of obvious concern, not only by the tone but by the way the man jerks forward in the chair—no matter if one arm and both of his legs were still restrained.

“Love!” The door handle rattles with screeching chains, but Ghost is occupied with raging at you. Ordering you to stay awake with terrifying eyes. It was as though for the first time in a long time there was true fear in his throat. True hatred. 

Chucking voices heat veins that he had long since thought were cold, and the Lieutenant composes himself with a sharp pause. He leans back slowly into the chair; jaw so tight his molars almost crack in the back of his mouth like candy. Your face is tilted downward, and Ghost memorizes the make of it, trails his gaze slowly over every slash and cut that mars you. Feet slap off the concrete as multiple people enter the room, but it was like a switch had flipped internally, walls going up.

The mask was still there, even if all that physically remained of it was the black paint in his sockets.

He’d return every mark, from a bruise to an open wound, tenfold. But you needed to wake up first. You…you needed to.

You had to be okay.

Three men encircle the two of you, faces hidden and obviously enjoying a bit of their own product.

“Look at this, Lutz, the man got a hand out of the binding.” Blue eyes travel to stare dead-on into a pair of blown pupils; mind gone. 

The second man goes to grip your hair, forcing your head up in inspection. Ghost’s vision immediately travels over, biceps going tense like a dog with its hackles raised and vision going red. 

“Don’t worry about that. It’s one hand, what can the Bastard do?”

“Oh,” another laughs, though his body is wound tight, “careful with the woman, Alric—the beast looks like he’s about to snap at you.”  

The three share sly looks. Alric, the one with your hair in his grip, shakes your head back and forth, blood flying around in the air as your limp body jerks. Ghost lunges, but he only makes it as far as the chair allows him before he’s shoved back by a hand on his chest. 

Moving quicker than an animal, bone snaps, and an agony-laced scream echoes off the walls not a millisecond later. 

Ghost had gripped that hand and twisted, making the wrist joint completely flip on itself. Blank blue eyes watch with glints of sadistic glee as the man wails, grabbing onto himself and falling back onto his ass.

The one holding you instantly releases your hair and rushes to his friend. 

“Holy fuck!” Everyone divulges into frantic German curses, Ghost making out a command to leave and go see a doctor.

“Cheers. Good luck with that, ya’ Bastard.” Grumbling under his breath, the Lieutenant realized he was probably enjoying this more than he should, but always his attention shifts back to you. How you hang limb, battered face covered by your hair, and loss of blood steadily leaving your hands curling into the palms—

Ghost’s eyes widen slightly as the two still try and calm down their companion. Your hand. It wasn’t curled because of onset rigor mortis. You were holding a blade. 

The Brit’s large chest swells with pride; jaw going somewhat slackened as he stares at you. So you were faking it….Fucking hell, Sweetheart. 

Slowly, his vision peels to the empty sheath on Lutz’s belt. It wasn’t a big knife—nothing more than a three-inch blade on the end. But you were still conscious enough to hear these goons show up before he had; had used sleight of hand that anyone else in your situation would have just given up on. 

It was hard to hold back a low chuckle, but he managed. Fuck, you were something else.

The two unmaimed men shove the third out the door, shouting down the hallway as his sobs and sniffling nose reverberate even as he’s out of sight. 

Grunting, the Brit shifts his hips, lips pulling in a snarl at the bouncing electrical wire that goes up his ribs. Many were broken; along with his nose and a dislocated shoulder, but he knows he can deal with it. Getting you out and to the Evac point was his top priority—his wounds weren’t over-the-top life-threatening unless they went too long without treatment. 

You on the other hand. 

Lids narrow on the way the knife-holding hand shakes with exertion when simply applying pressure. If this was going to happen, it had to happen now.

“That was a nice little show,” Alric growls, standing in the middle of the two in the chairs and keeping a considerable distance farther from Ghost than you. Blue eyes blink blankly, emotions swiftly wiped away. “One-handed? I’m impressed.” 

Ghost raises a single blonde eyebrow, “More where that came from.” 

Alric smiles.

“Emil—get the gun.” Legs slowly tense, but other than that there’s no outward display of nervousness. 

Seconds later a barrel is level with Ghost’s forehead, the chilled metal pressing deep into his blood-coated skin. He doesn’t balk back, he doesn’t even flinch, just watches with a dim flicker in his optics that remains even after he blinks. Like a cat’s slitted pupils. 

It would be no use shoving the gun out of this man’s hands—he would fire before the Lieutenant was able to steal the weapon for himself. 

“I’m getting sick of this game, Soldier. We’ve been through this day after day.” Alric swipes at his nose, white powder stuck under his nostrils. Ghost can’t stop the small tick of his mouth. “Tell me who you are,” the gun swivels, and the Brit’s heart seizes up. It points at your abdomen. “Or the girl gets a nice new stomach.” 

Lips thin into a small line as hidden fury swells. 

“Alric…” Emil seems nervous, his feet shifting and hands twitching. The aura Ghost was emitting was like a dark cloud around the room; sheer size and indistinguishable emotions rose to drown out all else when a threat to the beast’s bird was brought into the picture. There had been multiple times throughout the days when the men had been scared to touch you at all for fear of the look that had been leveled their way. Those eyes…fuck it was like a demon was stuck in flesh. In blue so close to gray the color was more like the concrete of a prison cell. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“Tell me.” Alric growls as Emil gets closer to you. Ghost stays silent, unblinking as his fingers curl into fists. His knuckles crack from the force. “Tell me!”

Emil bushes your shoulder and you lunge. Bringing the blade into his chest, your form brings the both of you to the floor in a splash of scarlet and twin screams of pain. 

The Blonde’s heart seizes at the sound in an aggressive bounce.

Alric whips around, eyes widened and gun loose in his grip. Ghost wastes no time, trusting your judgment, and shoves himself forward. A shot goes off as the Lieutenant rams his shoulder into the man, but the bullet bites into the far wall instead of your back as you dig your knife into Emil’s throat; wrestling for life. 

The chair still attached to Ghost was a problem, but his body weight was used to his advantage. Sinew bunched as a growl exits his lips, Alric and him slamming to the floor in a flurry of rabid intentions and the likeness of wolves caught in a trap. Ghost’s eyesight goes red, remembering every cut and beating you went through for him in the reflection of Alric’s eyes. That pathetic drug runner had made you bleed. 

His bird doesn’t bleed.

Teeth and nails are tools kept for animals, and now that the gun was too far from grip and you were limp beside the gargling body of Emil, Ghost decided that being a bit insane might do him well at the moment. 

He had to get you out of here. And in no world was this man going to get away to live one day more.

“Please, don’t,” Alric begs, clawing at his behemoth build, “I’m not—I wasn’t—!” 

Blood-stained teeth snap into the thin flesh of a visible neck as dead blue eyes keep you in sight like a dog does the moon.

—

You don’t recall anything after slashing one man’s neck and even that is a blur of flashing colors; instances of one waxing expression waning into another. Trapped between bouts of failing consciousness and pain that could rival someone getting their bones snapped one by one. 

But you know the feeling of moss on your cheek. The shadow that sits above you and the fingers that prod at your back, pressing cooling salves of Silverweed into the burns and cuts. Your eyes weakly flicker, a low moan stuck in your throat. 

Every limb is a cinder block.

“Stop your moving.” The command was stiff but quiet, and the pressure on your spine increased. Flinching, the sensation of tight bindings all along your body became apparent to you, slowly but surely. 

“That…hell?” You cough, throat bare and dry. Sweat drips down your temple. 

Blinking rapidly, you try to focus on the cold wind whipping past your bare skin, the trees in the distance of what appeared to be a glade. The sound of a running stream makes your ears perk.

A canteen was suddenly shoved to your lips and you grunt in surprise, water slicking your closed lips.

“Drink.” You don’t argue, peeling back your lips and letting the liquid drip into your mouth, most falling to the moss under you and getting re-adsorbed into the earth. “...There’s a girl.” 

The metal container disappears just as quickly as it showed up, and you lick at the corner of your lips, cheeks burning at the comment.

Ghost kneels above you, bar a shirt, and you narrow your lids to focus on the black and blue splotches completely covering him. He still doesn’t have a mask, and you glance over the blonde stubble; the scars, and the aggressive set of his eyebrows. The blood had been washed away, and you wondered if the stream in the background of this place was still stained with crimson and the telltale black of eye paint.

“Simon,” whispering seemed appropriate, though you don’t know why. Your voice was better now but still, your body refused to listen to your instructions. Every plea to move your arms or legs was denied, sharp needles poking into your flesh that made you shake. “What…?” 

Blue eyes blink down at you, something hidden in the depths. A finger curls to flick a stray hair from your face slowly. Skin brushes skin.

“Snagged what I could before I ran off. Wasn’t much.” That harsh voice, the gravel in it. You frown weakly, your lids heavy. “Bandages. Extra shirt. Blanket I used to stop the bleeding.”

He won’t tell you he was begging you to wake up when he’d been stuffing old fabric into your open wounds. 

Coughs wrack your frame, whole body jerks that overtake what little peace there was to be found. A hand tilts your head back to the ground, patient as the other grabs your hair, peeling the strands away as a flood of vomit escapes your mouth. 

Eyes burning and face hot, you sputter as a thumb runs deep circles over your scalp. 

“Easy…” Ghost whispers, tattoos like obsidian in the darkness of the world around the two. Late afternoon and this was the first time you’d woken up since he’d been carrying you. A nail was taken out of his heart. 

Seeing your eyes flicker, even filled with the tears as they were, was a blessing he’d thank whatever God that was out there for. “Easy, Sweetheart. Breathe for me.”

“Fuck,” you gasp, shaking more than a leaf. “Fuck it hurts, Simon.” 

He shifts you slightly away from the bile, the familiar words burning his lungs. 

“Evac point is four miles.” It felt like a death sentence to you, your eyes going buggy at the thought. “I’m carrying you there.” 

“Bullshit,” you pant, wheezing. “Your arms are destroyed.” 

Ghost blinks before scowling, sending a glance to his limbs. They’re both raw and skinned, just like his fingers; red with burst blisters the size of rocks. One hurts far more than the other.

“They’re nothing.” 

“Nothing pretty to look at,” blue eyes narrow on you in annoyance, but the dry-humored Brit doesn't miss a beat.

“Seems you’re in good spirits, Sergeant. Fancy walking on your own?” Your lips flick, delirious and high off of whatever pain meds that Ghost had found when he had been carrying you out of the basement of that house. 

Try as he might, the feeling of your dead weight was worse than he ever could have imagined. So, outwardly, he stayed numb but knew that every little look from you was as beautiful as a sunrise. 

“Want me to try?” Palms begin to shift, a hand pressing deep into the moss that bends and yields to your form. 

Ghost snaps forward.

“Fucking Bastard!” He puts weight on the back of your shoulder as you hiccup dull chuckles, “Quit it! Else I’ll leave you here to annoy the damn plants.”

The threat was empty, and your eyes softened as they spread their fatigued gaze over the span of the Brit’s visible skin, glee leaking out. Ghost sighs, shaking his head sharply at you, agitation stuck in his skull as it always was.

So beastly, this man, but his hold on you was about as gentle as you could imagine. 

Your attraction to him was anything but one-sided. You knew his emotions as well as your own; it was quite obvious to everyone but him. The long looks, the concerned glances. His touch freely given.

He had given you his name and, to you, that was about as close to a proposal as a ring was. You’d kissed; you’d shared beds and shared skin. You knew when he was being horrible to himself deep in the confines of his head.

“Simon,” you whisper, and a blue gaze stays stubbornly away, glaring at your burns with venom. A tired smile peels your lips. “Simon.” 

A huff is all you get, a bush of skin as breath wafts over your bare back. Your hand goes to touch his knee, brushing softly over the torn fabric. The flinch would not be noticeable to anyone but you. Brows pull slightly tighter. 

“I had a dream about you, y’know.” Speaking hurt, but the attention that is finally brought your way was worth it. Birds chirp in the distance.

“What’s that?” 

“Hm,” you lightly nod, cheek ruffling moss as you take down slow inhalations. Staring into each other’s eyes you for a moment forget the agony under your skin. “You were trapped by a giant fish underwater.” 

A Blonde eyebrow raises, slow smirk unable to be hidden. It was impossible not to be entirely taken by you. How you speak, how you breathe. Even like this, you had placed a spell of black magic over him, binding the darkness that made up Simon Riley—Ghost—to your every action and whim.

“That right, Sweetheart? What happened, then?”

Chuckling, Ghost’s hold goes to your neck, massaging the skin so delicately that you lose your train of thought for a moment as shivers erupt, “I had to save you.”  

Lips press to your scalp, a bent nose digging despite the shifting cartilage as lion limbs shake with a want to drag you to him. Such a rabid beast that devotes himself to your life.

“You tend to do a lot of the savin’, Love.” It’s muttered into your hair, softly, lowly. Compliments are rare—Ghost prefers actions above all else—but they’re treasured. 

You know what he means.

“Yeah, I love you, too, you brute.” Deep chuckles dance in your ear, and you both stay there for a while, simply breathing in each other as the sky bleeds into the earth. So content, your heart had slowed, the salve in your wounds and the bandages compressing the areas with the most problems and forcing them to be numb. 

When you had nearly fallen asleep, Ghost had peeled back to look down at you; eyes malleable as they slipped over your battered body. 

“Hm,” he hums, reaching to his side and grabbing for the shirt he had stolen. After a few minutes of quiet curses and apologetic kisses, the large piece of fabric was over your top. The Lieutenant had begrudgingly admitted that the scraps of pants you had on now would have to do until you got proper attention. 

“Giving the squirrels a show, then, Simon?” The man rolls his eyes deeply at the sarcastic comment, rubbing up and down your legs to keep circulation going as he readies to move you.

“They better keep quiet ‘bout it,” Ghost grumbles, running a hand through his hair, “Else I’ll have to rip a few tails.”

“So violent,” You wince when your shoulder is gripped, neck limp as your upper half was rotated. Gnashing your teeth, the Lieutenant shushes you comfortably, raising your body to rest in the crook of his large arm. Muscles tense and loosen, your cheek now resting on your Lover’s pec. You hear him hiss silently at the pressure on his broken ribs as guilt hits you. “Not the squirrels’ fault.” 

“It is if they keep looking at ya. Only I get to see you like that.” Your pain-laced laugh is cut off when you’re lifted, large hands under your knees helping equalize your body. 

A strained whine exits your lips, straining to get air as you pant and clench your eyes shut. Ghost wasn’t doing much better—gritting his teeth and tilting his head back. 

Feet stumble before righting themselves, lids opening as lashes flutter over bloodless cheeks to stare down at you. 

The word seems to stop.

“...Tell me you’re alright.” You heard that for what it was—Tell me to keep going, because if you don’t then I won’t be able to. 

Blinking up at him, your nose slots under his chin as you feel him shake with exertion, lips pressing deep into his raging pulse. You swallow down saliva as his grip on you tightens, pressing you closer; giving you his body heat.

“I’m okay, Simon. Not…not lost yet.” 

“Good.” He lets his eyes close for a moment, taking you in as he lets his nose be coated in your scent, the flesh under his fingertips. Ghost knows some of your wounds reopen, and, thus, his bare feet start off into the woods. His men would still be at the Evac point waiting for them. Price would have given the order. “...I’ll be needing you ‘round. Might lose my head otherwise, eh?”

“You do seem to have a few loose screws when I’m not near.” 

“That was an exaggeration,” Simon grumbles. 

You scoff, trying not to puke at his limping steps. The word swirls, but the man carrying you stays ever clear. “No,” you whisper, “No, it wasn’t.”

Scared lips pull up, but the birds respond for him. 

Less than ten percent out from the Evac point is when you drop a tidbit of a thought to the man.

“Y’know what I want, Ghost?” The large Brit side-steps a downed tree, sweat dripping down his chin to splatter to your skin.

“What is it?” He pants, sparing you a glance as his eyebrows are constantly furrowed in concentration. Your talking made it easier to push on.

“A fucking cake. A big one.” Blue eyes blink and his feet nearly stumble to a stop before he forces on. A gasp of a chuckle makes your heart skip a beat as voices start up from the next tree line.

“Keep talking to me, Love, and I’ll buy you the whole bloody bakery.” Soldiers burst from the bushes, and Ghost calls out identification as everyone gapes. Guns immediately lower.

Medics rush forward, but still on high alert, the Lieutenant snaps at them, bringing you closer into his hold as he pushes onward. 

“Where’s the fucking heli?!” Everyone stops and points. Huffing, Ghost shoves forward. 

“The whole bakery?” You slur, giggling and feeling the kiss on your head. 

“Every bastard pastry’ll be yours. Count on it.” 

—

“Simon, you promised.” Your wheel-chair bound form pouts as the man in question deadpans from behind you, leaning on the handles. His balaclava can only hide so much.

The air is sweet with the scent of desserts and bread. 

“Birdie, you can’t eat all ‘O that, you’ll explode like you took a .308 round to the head.” The woman behind the counter pales, pulling at the collar of her shirt with her smile becoming strained.

“Is that a challenge?” You glance over your shoulder, smirking wide. 

“No,” Simon blanky states, the skin over his nose bridge and under-eye completely black and blue. 

“I think that was a challenge.” 

“It wasn’t.”

The customers grind their palms into their eye sockets, some tuning around in line and leaving entirely.

“Simon,” you intertwine your hands and lean to show him, eyes wide and pleading. “Please.” Drawing out the word, you smile with everything you can. 

The both of you connect in a battle of wills—you with that infectious innocent and sly nature, and Simon with a tight glare and tired eyes. A blatant will to please you in every aspect and a need to see you happy at all times. This goes on for a full minute before a loud sigh echoes off the walls, shoulders deflating. A hidden kiss is pressed firmly to your head.

You giggle loudly at the authoritative order.

“One of everything.”

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[doumadono]

(Sinful Sunday)

Karaku with lactation Kink. Y/n has just recently given birth to his baby and complain about sore chest so Karaku offers to help her by sucking them. Obviously not in front of the baby who happily sleeping

SINFUL SUNDAY

You and Karaku have embarked on a journey of exploration together — venturing into desires mutually shared and fantasies that each of you yearned to try before your paths converged fully. Now, you've discovered a comfort in exploring these facets with each other.

For Karaku, a particular desire lingered in his mind — he harbored a keen interest in tasting breast milk directly from the source. Despite the challenges you faced in conceiving, the two of you found pleasure in dry nursing. The sensations brought forth by his skillful mouth and tongue were almost orgasmic for you, and your moans, in turn, stirred a powerful response from him, making his cock hard within seconds. This intense connection often led to a swift conclusion of the nursing session, yet neither of you voiced any complaints.

Your deep care for him extended into various aspects of your time together, but the act of breastfeeding remained elusive. The moments you shared never seemed enough to satisfy the yearning for the regular, daily suckling that both of you craved.

Then, as if a miracle unfolded, you discovered you were pregnant with Karaku's child. As your pregnancy progressed, a tangible transformation occurred — your breasts grew rounder and more substantial. Karaku, captivated by this change, couldn't divert his gaze from the captivating sight before him.

Following the successful delivery of your child, a process marked by the intricacies of labor that relied solely on the benevolence of Karaku's counterparts, considering you resided with demons outside any human village, your recovery spanned several days.

Upon commencing the nursing of your newborn, a welcome revelation unfolded — luckily, you encountered no impediments with lactation. Your breasts swelled with milk, providing a nourishing source of sustenance for your unique offspring, a blend of demon and human heritage.

One evening, after Karaku gently placed the baby into a meticulously crafted wooden crib, a creation Sekido graciously assisted him in preparing for the child, he found you nestled on a futon, tears streaming down your face. Concern laced his voice as he inquired, "What's troubling you, my love?"

"My chest… I mean, my breasts, they're incredibly swollen, and it's painful," you expressed, revealing the physical discomfort you were grappling with.

In that moment, Karaku swiftly discerned a method to alleviate your discomfort while simultaneously satisfying his deep-seated desire for the nourishing milk. "I can suck them for you, if you don't mind?" he proposed.

Responding with a wry smile, you remarked, "Somehow I knew you'd suggest that; I'm not even surprised. Okay, let's give it a shot."

You gradually unveiled the nightgown that adorned your form — a thoughtful gift from Aizetsu — exposing your breasts to the gaze of your beloved.

Karaku observed them intently before delicately cupping them in his rough, clawed hands, applying a gentle squeeze that evolved into a soothing massage.

Your response was evident — a moan, a blend of pleasure tinged with a hint of pain, escaped your parted lips.

Karaku grinned, continuing his skillful manipulation, while leaning down to trace the tip of his tongue around your aureolas. Each area received the precise amount of attention, heightening the sensations coursing through you.

With your hands finding their way into his hair, you engaged in a gentle massage of his scalp, deepening the connection between you and Karaku.

Karaku shifted his focus to your left nipple, encircling the bud with his lips, creating a subtle suction while simultaneously applying a gentle squeeze to your breast. The sweet, fluid essence spilled over his tongue, eliciting a reaction from him as a low growl of anticipation escaped his lips, and a noticeable twitch in his hakama pants revealed the impact of the intimate encounter.

Karaku continued to suckle, varying the pressure and squeezes on your tender breast, immersing himself in the act as if he were an infant seeking nourishment. The audible pop that followed marked the release of your bud from his mouth. "Damn, baby, your milk is exquisite. Every part of you is delectable, from toe to head!" he exclaimed.

Amused, you giggled and playfully urged him to indulge in your other breast, a request he readily fulfilled. His lips enveloped the bud, initiating another round of sucking. Simultaneously, his hand ventured down into his hakama pants, and you bit your lower lip witnessing him palm his dick within the confines of his clothing. Occasional grunts punctuated the air, and he would intermittently nibble on your nipple, each bite gentle enough not to cause any discomfort.

"Just like that," you encouraged, your fingers gently stroking his nape. "Holy shit, it feels so good, Karaku…"

He persisted until no more milk flowed into his mouth. With a final, fervent suck, a groan escaped him, and with blush covering your cheeks, you observed the formation of a damp stain in the center of his pants — an unmistakable testament to his climax.

A moan escaped your lips as you drew him into a passionate kiss. "You've really eased my discomfort, my love," you whispered, gazing up at him with a grateful smile. "Thank you. My breasts feel so much better now."

Karaku grinned, gently pinning you down onto the futon. "Well then, let me continue having some more fun with you, my sexy mommy."

[whysperingwoods]

Ethics in Witchcraft: Empowerment vs Cheap Tricks

Witchcraft is mainstream-- a reality I never would have imagined ten years ago. With that rise comes a surge of offerings on various platforms, from spellwork to tarot readings, along with it the need for deeper questions: What's real? What's empowering? What crosses ethical lines? I want to explore the ethics of witchcraft, and how we can empower ourselves without resorting to cheap tricks.

The Etsy Dilemma: Quantity Over Quality?

What inspired me to write this article was setting up my Etsy shop. A few years ago, when this blog as last active, I sold tarot and fire readings on Etsy, and I was curious to see how things had changed since then. So, I decided to do a little research and see what other people were offering.

I was surprised to see how much the popularity of not only tarot readings, but spell work has skyrocketed in the last few years. Initially, I thought "Great! People are more open to witchcraft and divination!" But a closer look at the listings-- the quality, the prices, the speed of turnaround-- my excitement faded.

Let's take a look at some of the top listings that come up when you search for "tarot reading" on Etsy:

Most of the top results use stock images, some are obviously AI generated. The turnaround times are incredibly fast, and the prices are strikingly low. It's hard to imagine the quality of a 12-month tarot reading done in under an hour for a fraction of the usual cost. Now, let's look at the highest-selling listing:

The listing has racked up around 51 thousand sales in only 1200 days. That's 41 readings per day, just for this one listing (and this shop has several). Can you imagine providing 41 readings per day? It raises important questions: How much personal energy and focus can truly go into each reading when it's churned out at such a high volume?

When I adjusted the price range to being between $25 and $100, the listings were much more realistic. Photos of real people, with reasonable turnaround times and expectations. Phew!

What if we look at spellwork? This is where things get even more complex.

We see the same trend we saw with the tarot readings: Quick fixes, AI-generated images, extremely low prices.

Any experienced practitioner knows how much time and energy can go into a spell. Everyone has their own personal style-- sometimes I favour small workings that can be done in the span of a breath, and other times I like to prepare something elaborate that will take weeks to prepare and execute. But it raises a critical question: Can real intention be poured into something that’s mass-produced and requires only the click of a button?

At the heart of witchcraft is intention. Without it, what are we really practicing?

Love Spells and the Ethics of Consent

I would be remiss if I didn't talk about love spells here. This topic easily warrants its own post, but let's touch on some key points. Love magic is one of the most popular types of spells on Etsy, and I wouldn't be surprised if it holds true on other platforms. A quick glance through old grimoires and folk traditions reveals countless examples of love magic. In a world where connection feels more elusive than ever, it makes sense that these workings are in such high demand. But where do we draw the line?

Navigating consent in magic is tricky-- where do we distinguish between influencing the world in our favour and infringing on someone else’s free will? It’s a deeply personal question, one that each practitioner must answer for themselves. It's easy to tack on an "and it harm none" at the end of a spell and hope for the best. But that sidesteps some important questions: What is harm? How far do we take that? Sometimes, giving one person favour inevitably affects someone else. For example, casting a career spell to improve your chances of a promotion may unintentionally take an opportunity from another person. Can that not also be seen as harm?

This is why it's important for practitioners to reflect on what level of harm they are comfortable with. It's not an easy question, and the answers may shift over time and with experience. Ideally, none of us want to harm others, but that's something we have little control over. Maybe a better framework to consider is reducing suffering, rather than trying to avoid harm altogether. For example, while aiming for that promotion, you could also wish for your competitor’s contributions to be recognized in other ways. Instead of trying to avoid all harm, perhaps the goal can be to soften its impact and ensure that success isn’t gained at the expense of someone else's misery.

Rather than an “and it harm none” approach that could render a spell ineffective, asking ourselves how to minimize harm while still achieving our goals can lead to more balanced, thoughtful outcome-- ones that benefit everyone involved.

When it comes to love spells, another way to navigate this ethical grey area is by focusing on influencing your own circumstances rather than someone else's free will. I see this as putting something in the person's path, and allowing them to approach it themselves. Rather than casting a spell to make someone fall in love with you, how about casting a spell to increase your confidence, making yourself more noticeable, or drawing more positive attention your way? These types of spells empower you without infringing on someone else’s autonomy or agency.

Final Thoughts

At its core, ethical witchcraft is about empowerment—honouring the free will of others, practicing with intention, and ensuring that our magic comes from a place of authenticity. As practitioners, we have the power to shape our craft in a way that’s meaningful and respectful. Let’s choose paths that uplift and empower us, and the people around us.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you approach ethics in your own craft? What ethical issues have you had to navigate, and how did you handle them?

[icyrambles]

hi friendly reminder that everything said in this post is my personal opinion. i actually really enjoyed earthspark season 1 and i was really really excited for season 2. i do not expect a piece of children’s media to be a perfectly written masterpiece but good lord was the bar low. anyways extreme spoilers below the cut. proceed with caution :3

i do not think it an untrue statement to say that the writing quality went down significantly between seasons. the plot, while not perfect in season 1, was far more fleshed out and actually took a whole season's worth to complete. meanwhile we had a plotline with much higher stakes get finished within the span of about a third of what the first season got. additionally while many of the episodes had some sort of connection to the wider goal of this batch of episodes, that being reclaiming the emberstone shards, many of the episodes did not focus specifically on the emberstone itself, instead sidelining it to a background plot or merely having characters randomly finding bits and pieces of it just lying about.

i would not think this a bad thing had the episodes not felt so rushed. starscream's plotline of obtaining all the emberstone shards should've taken the whole season, not just 9 episodes. the rushed writing reeks of corporate interference and slashed budgets and i have nothing but praise for the writers who scrambled to try and salvage a story that should've gotten 1, if not 2 seasons for a well rounded plot. however this does not stop me from wishing that they had tried to focus on creating a plotline that felt at least marginally more connected and tonally sound

it's an issue that i noticed throughout the first season where the dialogue and general morals of the show seem to be marketed towards a much younger audience and then the actual content of the show is not at all suited for children. obviously rampant child endangerment is a common theme in a lot of children's media (steven universe, she-ra, literally every tf show to ever feature a child character, etc...) but it's very strange to me that so few of the adult characters seem to care or understand how much danger mo and robby are in whenever they are part of an active combat scene.

neither dot nor alex seem all that concerned that their literal children are fighting alien robots who are more than twice their size and could easily maim or kill them without much trouble. obviously they have plot armour because they are the main characters but even then that's not a very good excuse when it's been established within the show that the characters are in highly dangerous situations that could get them killed and yet mo and robby's parents simply stand by and let their very young, elementary/middle school aged kids throw themselves into the line of danger.

and it's specifically the tone issue when it comes to the violence. if the combat in earthspark was treated as though no one could get hurt seriously and everyone would be okay, like it is in many prior transformers shows (like G1, TFA, and cyberverse) then i wouldn't have any issues with this. but it's not. fighting the decepticons is treated like it's a majour risk and that mo and robby could die every single time they leave the house to go on patrol. but their parents, beyond a few verbal warnings, do not do anything to keep their kids out of the way. they do not question why their children must be the ones to fight the decepticons, instead of leaving it up to the much more capable autobots.

it was bad in the last season but at the very least most of the fights then were simply due to the maltos being caught up in combat they weren't actively seeking out. but now, they are actively hunting down and searching for pieces of the emberstone that frequently lead them into situations that could risk their lives.

another issue i have with the tones of the show is how it treats injuries. hashtag seemingly gets very badly injured in the first episode because of aftermath and we, as the audience, are supposed to be very worried for her. however this lasts for all of about 10 minutes before she's back on her pedes and rolling around just fine, which once again leads to the confusing question of whether we're supposed to care if characters get injured. 

in transformers animated as an example, i was never particularly worried when characters got injured because of the allspark key. it was functionally a fix all tool used to repair any cybertronian character who got injured. therefore, whenever there was a majour battle, i never was in disbelief when a character would get seriously injured because it was previously established that the characters have a tool that can fix them should they require such drastic medical care. and it even tied into ratchet’s character arc and him learning to trust newer forms of technology.

wheeljack is another example of tonal dissonance when it comes to injuries. he gets stabbed in the face by a weapon called the cyberslayer. he then passes out and his optics turn completely black. we see dot grabbing him and looking very worried and then we don't get to see him again until the very last episode (which takes place two episodes after when he first gets injured) where he only appears for a split second fighting nova storm. no one mentions the fact that he got grievously injured, not even characters who saw him get hurt, like twitch, who has a strong emotional attachment to him and should likely care about him getting injured. 

mind you beyond a cybertronian’s frame going completely grey, their optics are how their physical and emotional state are often portrayed to most animated audiences. it’s not like in the comics where they can be covered in gore and lose limbs without consequence of scaring a young child. so seeing wheeljack’s optics go completely black and having people be worried about him and then never mentioning him again for two fucking episodes is really poor writing. 

and speaking of characters getting grievously injured. let me talk about spitfire and aftermath.

i do not enjoy the fact that they were killed. in fact i am appalled that they took two characters who were maybe less than a month old and then had them killed in what is to be implied to be an extremely painful manner. i’m unsure as to why the terrans are treated as though they are fully grown cybertronians when they are clearly not. they may have fully developed frames but they have the minds and personalities of children. additionally the way the chaos terrans are treated makes me deeply uncomfortable considering their age and the way they were brought into the world.

it is implied that the emberstone brings terrans into existence depending on the situation and in both cases of a chaos terran being created, that situation is combat. aftermath was created when breakdown fumbled an emberstone shard and it landed in a puddle of water. he was then immediately hit by a truck and began attacking the rest of the terrans. spitfire is much the same, being created when a shard of the emberstone was tossed into a thunderstorm while twitch was being chased by laserbeak. 

the way that the maltos talk about the chaos terrans, addressing them as evil and corrupted versions of the other terrans is deeply unsettling to me considering season 1’s themes of acceptance and understanding for those around you. it’s very weird to have jawbreaker go from being buddy-buddy with aftermath in one episode and then upon meeting spitfire in the next episode, distrusting her. obviously aftermath did betray jawbreaker’s trust by stealing the supply of cave water, but it feels incredibly out of character to see jawbreaker, who is friendly, kind, and unrelentingly positive, suddenly stick his nose up at spitfire, an individual he has never met before in his life. 

i’m aware that the terrans are proven right about aftermath and spitfire but it’s so gross to see characters who are less than a year old get thrown under the same bus as the decepticons who have committed literal war crimes. 

and then there’s the fact that they were killed by starscream. now to be clear, i did not expect starscream to be a good person in this season. i was tentatively hopeful that he would get a redemption arc of some kind considering megatron’s whole deal, but i was fully expecting him to be the main antagonist of season 2. however… it feels bizarrely out of place to see starscream quite literally murder two newborn babies and then not have said babies get revived at the end of the season. 

aftermath and spitfire are dead. just straight up gone. and it’s a waste of potential in my opinion. 

these are two characters who could have gone from side antagonists to genuine fan favourites given enough time and proper development. that’s what i though their plotline would be to be honest; i assumed that we were going to see them grow and develop over the course of the season (not just the first nine episodes) with the two of them eventually leaving the decepticons to join the autobot side. 

instead they are murdered in front of four main characters and banished the realm of never having had existed once again. there is the possibility of them being revived but i am highly unsure of that being the case considering how their existence sort of depends on the emberstone being shattered into several pieces. 

additionally, going back to starscream, i honestly do not want him to get a redemption arc now. there is no way in my mind that the writers can make him a good guy after he murdered two children. like, zero chance. unless they just bumped it under the rug, it’s fucking impossible to go “yeah starscream, the guy who killed two babies and then tried to destroy an entire town full of people, yeah he’s a good guy now!” 

that just would be tone deaf.

okay i’m moving on to the various plotholes and open ended questions that have been left on the floor now because if i keep thinking about how the chaos terrans were treated it’ll make me sadder

so first big question. why are the cons bad now? no genuinely, i would like to know why exactly the decepticons suddenly turned evil. the excuse of “oh that’s just how cons are” is not an excuse, it’s a fucking shame explanation that goes entirely against the themes of the first season. like even a fucking line of just “oh we tried peace but like many of our past ceasefires our ideologies just clashed too much” or something along those lines. 

and it’s been a whole year since season 1. something must have happened for the decepticons to have suddenly flipped sides on a dime. it’s so weird to me seeing a character like breakdown finally have the opportunity for something tangentially related to peace and then become a con once again despite having zero reason to actually stay with them. 

like ghost is gone (which is another thing i’ll bring up later) so why wouldn’t he chill with the autobots where he’s not in active combat and being starved for resources. like i can understand soundwave, shockwave, and starscream leaving considering their ties to megatron, and novastorm and skywarp leaving because of starscream seems about right. 

but swindle? hardtop? the insecticons? why the fuck do they care about the decepticons? surely those individuals don’t have the same loyalty to the cons as the others? and it doesn’t help that the insecticons get no lines this season and swindle and hardtop get like 6 collectively. we don’t learn anything about them or their motives. we can’t deduce anything because the narrative doesn’t care enough about them to actually explain or show why they’d choose to stick with the decepticons over the autobots. 

and starscream’s motives are another really weird thing. we’re told it’s because he wants to build a new cybertron but that feels so wildly out of character when he’s shown to generally just dislike megatron and his rule. why would he want anything to do with earth? 

“oh well shockwave hasn’t found anything that says cybertron is still around” 

well he hasn’t found anything that says cybertron is gone either. like one blown up spacebridge would not fucking explode an entire planet. and it would make far more sense for starscream to be building a new spacebridge powered by the emberstone instead. and the decepticons being the antagonists instead because of them wanting to go home quicker and not wanting to be patient and resorting to violence. 

like you’re telling me that shockwave couldn’t build a fucking space bridge when agent croft and mandroid could. pathetic. he would probably do it faster and with better materials because he knows what he’s doing. 

additionally if we got a space bridge up and working that would mean getting to see cybertron which would provide a lot of really good character building for the terrans! like it would be very fun to see them getting to explore and grapple with their cybertronian side!

ignoring the whole mess that is decepticons are the bad guys again because of “reasons”, i wanna talk about the carnival episode

now overall i actually enjoyed this episode. like beyond the whole crush plot not really being my thing (which is more a result of me not enjoying romantic subplots within kids media to begin with which is in it of itself just a result of me being aroace and disliking unnecessary romance in media) i actually really liked this episode! i enjoyed seeing the terrans interacting in an environment that isn’t a fight scene. and the use of their bond in regards to robby’s crush is actually a really cute concept that i felt was well executed. 

absolutely zero thoughts on robby’s crush. other than they both deserve jail for that food crime abomination of a funnel cake. but to each their own i suppose. 

but now comes the questions… what the fuck was up with cosmos man?!

from his dialogue about not knowing that megatron was an autobot we can assume that he’s been trapped there for minimum of like… 40 years give or take. and that’s a fucking horrifying thing to think about. he’s trapped in his altmode for decades without any way to communicate with his allies all while this random human uses him as a method of making money. 

i don’t particularly know how those altmode devices work, but surely his spark signature would still be recognisable correct? did the other autobots just assume that he was dead? did they not care? were ghost preventing the autobots from rescuing him? 

so many questions that will probably not get answered because having weird al voice him probably increased his budget several times over. 

oh and also are we going to learn where fairemestro got his tech from? did he just get it all from swindle over the years, that would seem the most logical, but also maybe he was working with ghost, that could be an interesting plot threat if the writers decide to bring him back. 

the quintessons are another group that leaves me with a lot of questions. like clearly they’re being set up as the main villains of the rest of the season but it’s so weird to me that they’re not set up earlier than that. 

why on earth make starscream the villain if you’re going to just get rid of him nine episodes in. surely it would’ve been easier to simply dedicate the time and energy into building up the quintessons in the first batch of episodes, with the decepticons as minour supporting characters along with the autobots and then have the rest of the season be about fighting the quints. 

it feels so oddly structured and rushed. 

i understand that time constraints and budget cuts most likely caused them to cram everything into season 2 because season 3 might not be a guarantee but considering how big of a threat the quintessons are likely going to be, having them get their own season to fully realise their goals and/or plans is a better writing decision than a singular episode of setup that immediately got forgotten for the rest of the episode batch. 

and okay, personal bias here. the quintesson executioner model was ugly. it was weird and it was gross and it’s fucking limbs made of jelly energon was just not it man. like give that thing some tentacles with blades on the end. not whatever the fuck that creature was. 

and also small tangent, i don’t like quintus prime. i do not like the fact that he enlisted two literal children to do his bidding and then having the writing team puppet said children around saying “yes quintus prime is our friend :)” while he has done nothing to earn their respect or trust. he’s a fucking dick who is leaving his mess for two kids to clean up. 

mo saying to the executioner “but quintus is my friend” pisses me off so much because he’s really not. he appeared in one vision for about 3 minutes and in that time he got angry at mo for being scared about her brother being in mortal danger. that’s not friend behaviour. 

additionally alex’s nonchalance about the quintesson executioner is so strange to me. he literally saw his probably 9-10 year old daughter getting hunted down and just doesn’t do anything afterwards to ensure that it won’t happen again. no sitting down with dot and saying “honey maybe we shouldn’t let our children do this anymore. it’s clearly dangerous.” nothing of that sort??? really??? do neither of these parents care about their children now???

season one dorothy malto would never do this. she would be furious that her children are regularly throwing themselves into life or death situations. 

not to mention the fact that these kids are still in school, actively!!! mo finding the quintus temple is literally only because she has to do a history project on witwicky, meaning she’s actively in school during the season. so that means that not only are these kids in school during the day, but they’re also training, going on patrol, and fighting beings roughly 2-3x their size on the daily????

how are they not exhausted physically and mentally? how have their teachers not noticed something is off? do they just not have any connections with their classmates? do they merely just go to school, go home, work, and then repeat?

this problem could be easily fixed by just saying they’re homeschooled or that it’s the summer. but nope, they’re in public school. 

okay end tangent. moving onto characters. 

i’ve already talked about the assassination of characters like dot, who is suddenly a background mom who seemingly doesn’t give a shit about her seven kids throwing themselves into life and death situations and the same goes for alex, but there was a noticeable lack of character time from pretty much every majour character from season 1. 

like bumblebee, someone who lives with the malto family and was their teacher and mentor in season 1. he’s just fucking gone for 90% of the season. he has like three total scenes and most of those are dedicated to him being comic relief. it baffles me that he’s just missing. everything from season one, his silly moments with alex, his awkward dynamic with optimus and megatron, his love and dedication with the kids is just gone. 

it breaks my heart because bumblebee was one of the highlights of season 1. he was silly, kind, caring, strong, and the perfect mix between the bumblebee’s of tfa, g1, and cyberverse. 

megatron, arcee, and grimlock also got almost no screentime. arcee and grimlock i can sort of understand because even in season 1 they were relatively minour background characters who featured in only one or two episodes… but megatron, fucking megatron, mr. i’m an autobot now. mr. i’ve changed for the better???? why is he not more prominently featured as a potential mentor for the chaos terrans. 

he of all bots would understand what they’re going through? why does he just brush off spitfire? why is he not more concerned when the chaos terrans are merely left to the side and dehumanised like the rest of the decepticons?

it’s so strange to see him become this random guy who says almost nothing and is mostly in the background when he played such a prominent role in season 1. and it’s especially weird that he’s also just okay with the terrans and malto kids collecting the emberstones by themselves. like he was very clearly protective and caring towards them in season 1 so why the sudden shift in character in season 2?

starscream is also such 180 from season 1. like did i expect him to be a perfect little angel who can do no wrong? fuck no. i was fully expecting him to be mean, ornery, and snippish when he interacted with megatron and the autobots. but to have him go from “look out for yourself” to hashtag and then straight up murder two children for a plot point that barely makes any sense is just so fucking out of line. 

i’m a firm hater of most starscream’s that are just evil guy for the sake of evil. i fucking hate what skybound did to him good lord. so to see him suddenly flip from being relatively sympathetic (i say relatively because he’s not like a good person. i fully understand that he was actively part of the group that invaded earth and probably killed a lot of humans) but having him just straight up kill two children… no man. i will not accept a redemption arc after that. 

he had so much potential to be a good character, who actively struggled with becoming a good person and dealing with his trauma in a healthy way and to see that potential get tossing into the trash just makes my blood boil. 

zero thoughts on soundwave and his team. he got like three lines and was mostly just a cardboard cutout of his season 1 self. weird that we never got to see frenzy considering laserbeak and ravage got scenes. is she just dead now? 

shockwave betraying (or at least not listening to starscream’s orders) was pretty interesting. i’m ready to see what he’s going to do in the rest of the season. then again there’s a good chance that he’ll just be cardboard cutout later on. 

skywarp and novastorm. nothing much. they’re fine. i like the few interactions they got. i enjoy the fact that skywarp is allowed to be a little stupid like her g1 counterpart and her fight scene with elita-1 was pretty nice. i’ve seen people complain that they didn’t change enough about her to justify the pronouns change but i subscribe to the notion that cybertronians do not use pronouns in the same way that humans do, so like, i don’t really give a fuck about the she/her usage. it’s a silly thing to get hung up over in my opinion. 

insecticons are nothing burger characters. swindle and hardtop are boring as hell. also someone get hardtop a new arm for fucks sake. it’s been a year. surely they could manage that. 

another dropped plot was the combining concept. like it gets put into an episode and then it gets dropped only one episode later. i honestly did not like how jawbreaker was portrayed in the episode that he features more prominently in. he’s upbeat and happy sure, but even he isn’t that emotionally dense. you’re telling me that while combined with aftermath he really couldn’t figure out why aftermath was so pissy. or that he was going to end up stealing all the cave water? really man?

additionally i’m not a massive fan of combination as a concept in tf to begin with. it feels very much like a toy marketing scheme and after idw1 i just cannot bring myself to give enough of a fuck about such things considering how massive combination was in the comics. it especially feels out of place in earthspark. i did like the scene where mo and robby devour like three plates of food after combining, that was really cute!

quite literally zero thoughts on hashtag picking out a new altmode. it was cute but it felt highly unnecessary to be perfectly honest. also i genuinely hope that her ai doesn’t turn evil like i’ve seen some people saying that it will. i prefer the interpretation that hashtag is now plural and the ai is simply her headmate. hashtag’s new model is just fine. i don’t like her helm though, it feels too naked for me. but the colours and everything else. fine. no notes. 

in terms of animation i honestly don’t have too much to say. most of the models felt oddly stiff. like the people in charge of animation didn’t get paid enough to properly emote them during scenes beyond moving their mouths and maybe stretching their eyes. (this is a gross exaggeration. there is a lot of time and effort that goes into rigging and creating 3d models and i understand that on a tight budget it’s probably very hard to try and make every character as expressive as possible.)

the fight scenes felt so weirdly rushed and/or oddly choreographed. like it might just be a me thing but most of the scenes felt either too slow or too fast with the rare exception (i like spitfire and twitch’s scenes. they were good)

aftermath’s model is overall pretty good. besides his helm. it feels a bit too small. 

already stated my opinions on the quintesson executioner model above. it’s shit. i don’t like it. 

terratronus is honestly pretty good. the detailing is nice. don’t like her glorification of quintus prime though. like it’s in character but that doesn’t mean i have to like it. she wasn’t around long enough to make a big enough impression on me. she feels like a lore exposition dump and that’s about it. 

alright this thing is getting too long. like 4k words long. before i go, let me say something. 

i did actually enjoy watching season 2. despite my paragraphs and paragraphs of criticism and questions and annoyances with so much of the season, i think it’s perfectly fine by itself. but in comparison to season 1, it’s a poor fucking sequel. it fails on almost every level and i think more people should be more comfortable with admitting that it’s just very bad. that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it, that doesn’t mean you can’t like what it did. i just think that people shouldn’t sweep the massive issues these episodes have with pacing, dialogue, and animation simply because some parts of it were decent. 

i’m probably going to watch the rest of the season when the episodes drop (purely because prowl is there tbh. if he’s there at all.)

[castlebyersafterdark]

https://www.tumblr.com/captain-evil-bastard/765076050038472704/honestly-i-dont-think-mileven-is-endgame-at-all

nah, f this, we better get a kiss (and obviously I’m hoping for something more 😜)

byler needs to clear be and undeniable, without a kiss historians will still say they were really good friends 🙄

I understand why folks are cautious, but we shouldn’t have to settle for scraps‼️

Yeah... I choose to live and enjoy life and media with less caution, holding the show to higher standards than "avoiding backlash" and I hope they wouldn't pander story telling to a falsely perceived audience demand. I feel like they stick to their instincts and artistic intent and will portray their vision in full. Implied/open ended isn't going to work for Will's character. It's the physical expression of his sexuality that's required for his storyline or history will show that these creators are cowards.

The "many characters" excuse is thin. The episodes are long. They've developed relationships in the span of time of a season and Byler has been the series long arc. And Will is a big focus this season. He needs the meaty, weighty storyline. To be honest - shows like this rely on a romance. We're there at different stages for most others. A "get together" makes for compelling TV. Robin/Vickie will be one as well, but they are second tier characters. Mike and Will are mains. A breakup is interesting, a new relationship is interesting - so that's also narratively what Byler also serves.

I'm keeping my answer pretty level here because there's so much I can get into about continuously feeling distressed about the gay relationship in the show always being downplayed as "it'll be totally fine if they're just implied, open ended, subtle, maybe the characters will go separate ways and meet in the future, we don't have time, they'll never show them super romantic" WHY can't they be afforded that arc??? Like everyone else. We know why, I know why. So I'm not gonna relent to accepting that as to protect myself. I'm out here and totally chill with expecting a raised bar with these two. Not gonna settle for low expectations and scraps either 😘

[causeitsagame]

Fic: The Cat in the Box (2/?)

Summary: After someone truly dies, Hajime takes it as his responsibility to keep everyone else alive. With an unexpected discovery, he realizes he can go even further than that. Warnings: Character death, obviously. (There will actually be a lot of character death, but most of it won't stick.) Ships: Assume basically everything. But like in the warnings section, most of them won't stick. I'm shameless and will focus the most on my favorite characters, though. Notes: Well, this took a while! I didn't expect my work life to explode right after writing the last chapter, but these things happen. Before the AU nonsense begins, I obviously needed a long conversation between Hajime and Fuyuhiko. Obviously.

-----

As Hajime soon discovered, universe-spanning technology was very slightly tricky to figure out.

"C'mon," Kazuichi wheedled. He'd promised to stay quiet inside the small facility room that Hajime had claimed for this work. Naturally, he'd broken that promise. "Let me take a look at it? Please?"

Ignoring him, Hajime leaned closer to the device. The closest comparison that came to mind was a spark plug, if that plug was nearly a meter tall, glossy white, and festooned with readout panels and gold wire connectors. Oh, now that he'd gotten close enough to really study it, he noticed something interesting. Gold wasn't just found in those ribbon wire connectors, but was inlaid into the surface itself. Though the narrow gold lines were oddly shaped, their design still looked purposeful.

"Come on," Kazuichi repeated, now close enough for Hajime to feel his breath as he leaned forward.

Hajime's hand shot out and gripped Kazuichi's wrist before he could make contact. "Don't. I need to understand it, first."

Kazuichi stepped back and gestured to himself in a show of protest. "Hey! Ultimate Mechanic, here! I know what I'm doing!"

The low itch that had driven Hajime to pick up this computer now wanted everyone else out of the room. Especially the man whose first instinct at seeing any interesting device was to dismantle it. "Explain quantum physics, then."

Kazuichi moved his beanie and scratched his head. "Uh, I… could probably figure it out. Just give me a minute."

Abruptly, Hajime realized what the gold lines running across the device's surface reminded him of. Folding his arms, he archly added, "And explain the use of kintsugi."

"Kint… kintsugi? It's… uh… probably to… lubricate the—hey!"

As Kazuichi fumbled through his uncertain response, Hajime began steering him to the door. "I promise, I will let you look at this later. But I need to handle it right now," he said, and closed Kazuichi outside.

Now that he'd put the name to it, those inlaid golden lines running across the surface really did look like kintsugi pottery. Hajime knew how to use that technique, of course: collect the shards from broken pottery and rejoin them with liquid gold. It was a delicate process, but with the gleaming golden veins it added, resulted in a piece of art that could look even more beautiful than the original work.

But while kintsugi pottery had irregular chunks joined by golden repairs, this computer case's lines were rigidly geometric and clearly planned. With such precision, the golden lines were so thin that Hajime had been able to overlook them until just now, right up close in this well-lit room. Hmm. Did the organization of the pieces indicate how to use this machine, or was it the layout of the golden lines themselves, or…

Some time later, Hajime realized someone was standing behind him. "I told you: you can play with this once I've gotten it figured out."

"Thanks for the offer, but I'll pass."

That wasn't Kazuichi. Hajime felt himself struggle up from analysis mode like a deep sea diver returning to the surface: slowly, and dazzled by the bright light waiting for him up top. He blinked a few times until he could focus on the face in front of him: Fuyuhiko. For some reason, Fuyuhiko was here. "Oh, uh, hey. What's up?"

Fuyuhiko's thumb gestured backward over his shoulder. "I thought you'd want an update on how those special drugs went."

The drugs? The drugs for Nagito, right. Hajime pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, suddenly realizing how long he'd been focused on those tiny lines. He needed a few hard blinks to (mostly) clear his vision. "Right, thanks for letting me know. How's Nagito doing?"

Fuyuhiko didn't respond for long enough that Hajime began to worry. When he did speak, his too-careful tone worsened that concern."Well, Mikan did get one of those vials into Nagito. It seemed like some pretty serious business. She needed to use an IV line instead of a syringe."

Hajime nodded impatiently. "That makes sense; these were drugs of last resort. By definition, they're serious business. But how's he doing?"

Fuyuhiko paused again before answering. "An hour or so after she got it into him, they both decided to have her hit him with a dose of knockout drugs. It sounds like the plan is to keep him out for a while. However long that ends up being."

Anesthesia? What on earth? The bizarre explanation was enough to make Hajime rise from where he sat. "That's… what happened, then? Seriously, is Nagito okay?"

With a few quick jerks, Fuyuhiko folded his arms across his chest. His good eye flashed with deeper annoyance than usual, and he'd ripped off the eyepatch that usually covered his scarred one. That likely indicated a bad enough mood that even the thin tension of elastic over his skull was too much to handle. "'Okay?' Is that something you give a shit about, now?"

Hajime's frown deepened. "Huh? The whole reason we ran that mission was to help Nagito. Of course I care if he's okay."

One of Fuyuhiko's arms unfolded, and he whipped that hand forward to poke Hajime in the chest. The strike was precise, and landed hard. "Do you give a shit about whether everyone is okay, now?"

Ah. Well, that move might have ruined some stitches. Hajime didn't bother to hold back a wince as he rubbed the spot where Fuyuhiko had poked him. It was right where he'd taken a grazing gunshot in the facility assault, and Hajime was unsurprised to see pinprick spots of blood staining his fresh shirt. "We don't have an infinite supply of clothes, y'know."

"Clothes aren't the fucking point, Hinata. I'm still pissed about you throwing yourself into the line of fire. Peko told me everything that went down in that building." Fuyuhiko's finger threatened to repeat its violent point on one of Hajime's many other shallow wounds. "You're officially off field duty. You're only running support tasks, now."

Unwilling to argue with one of their self-appointed mission directors, Hajime clarified, "So, I can't go onto the field?"

"Right. Not until I give you permission, and that's not coming any damn time soon! And that permission's gotta come from me, you got it? Not Sonia! She wasn't there when you pulled that dumbfuck move!"

Hajime nodded. "Got it. So, all I can do is stay on the sidelines and do… tech support?"

Fuyuhiko's frown deepened over the pushback he wasn't getting. "Uh. Yeah. Right."

That sounded perfect. All Hajime wanted to do for the foreseeable future was work with the quantum computer until he'd teased apart its very last secrets. "Great, sounds perfect. You've got it. But really, is Nagito okay?"

After a few more mute, visibly frustrated seconds, Fuyuhiko relented and nodded. "Yeah, mostly. From what Mikan said, that stuff hit him like a combination of—"

"In practice, like a combination of multiple corticosteroids and a near cousin to a chemotherapy regimen," Hajime finished. Feeling that Fuyuhiko hadn't fully understood the drug supply he'd located, Hajime further explained, "With aggressive properties to reduce problematic tissue, while simultaneously sending the body's reparative functions into overdrive to—hopefully—recover and repair existing damage. It's about the only shot he's got left, so if it's not working…"

"No, for what it's worth, I think it's working," Fuyuhiko admitted. "But it left the guy feeling like his body was being ripped apart and put back together again. From the sound of it, it hit him a hell of a lot worse than anyone knew to expect. And it's not like the guy can't handle some serious pain, so…"

After a moment, Hajime uncomfortably concluded, "You mentioned that Mikan put Nagito into an induced coma, at least for a little while. Did… did the medicine leave him feeling that bad?"

"…Yeah." Fuyuhiko stared at nothing in particular as that sank in: Nagito's only salvation, which they'd worked so hard to get, felt more like damnation. "He, uh… how often is Nagito going to need this shit, anyway?"

The underlying meaning of that question ached. These drugs were the only chance Nagito had to stay alive. But every time he took them, his life would apparently become so agonizing that chemical oblivion was the only solution. How long would Nagito need to be unconscious before his body tolerated each new dose? Twelve hours? A day? A week?

"How often?" Fuyuhiko repeated.

"Every month," Hajime admitted. This cycle would need to happen every month.

Sighing, Fuyuhiko pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fuck. Is this really the only…?"

Hajime sighed, too. "Yeah. Unless we take over one of the top hospitals left somewhere and have its research staff work on him for six months straight… yeah. We're pretty much out of options."

"And I'm betting a hospital wouldn't roll out the red carpet for us any time soon," Fuyuhiko darkly concluded. He stayed silent for a while before adding, "I wouldn't do it."

"Take over a hospital?" Hajime wondered, befuddled.

"Take that medicine. Live a half-life like that, needing to be put under until I stop puking my guts out each month. I'd end it all, first." Despite those bitter words, Fuyuhiko's tone wasn't cold, but certain. Confident, even. "And I wouldn't let you risk yourself for me, in the first place. It'd be better to just end it."

Though the tone wasn't cold, Hajime felt frozen where he stood. "We are not giving up on anyone," he spat like he was talking to a stranger. Was this his Fuyuhiko, or a flickering shadow of the Remnant who'd sent his family's legacy against the meat grinder of the Japanese military? They'd thought the worst memories of Despair had been faced and grimly, painfully handled, but would more bubble up, even after so long? "And Nagito did say that we shouldn't risk ourselves for him, and I'm the one who said there was no question about it! So if you try to—"

"For fuck's sake," Fuyuhiko said, with wry humor that finally sounded more like him. "I didn't say to stop what you're doing, Hajime. I just said that I'd take myself off the board before I dealt with that shit. Me. For myself, not for anyone else."

"Oh." Hajime paused, then admitted, "Yeah, I guess you do like to go for the big dramatic sacrifice moves."

"Watch it." Fuyuhiko glared at him through his narrowed eye before continuing. "And if anyone's a fan of 'big dramatic sacrifice moves,' it's Nagito."

It wasn't hard for Hajime to anticipate the question he was about to be asked: how'd you convince that guy that he 'deserved' a risky mission for his sake in the first place? And that was a fair question. Nagito still acted like there was a separator between him and the rest of the group; between his self-appointed 'worthy' versus 'unworthy.' And Nagito, of course, remained unworthy, even after so long. "Yeah, he didn't want us going on that mission. Not for his sake."

Fuyuhiko's eyebrows raised, prompting a finish to that explanation.

"I lied that it was for my own sake," Hajime admitted. "That I wanted to see if I my talents could fix his medical issues. You know, with all of that…" His mouth twisted with the label a group of self-important monsters had given to him. "Ultimate Hope."

Fuyuhiko studied him. "Bullshit."

"No, really. I don't think Nagito totally believed me, but it worked well enough as an excuse that he gave in and said yes."

"I didn't mean that. That 'bullshit' was that when you said it was for your sake, that you lied." Seeing Hajime's confusion, Fuyuhiko continued, "That was no lie. It's just like I said before the mission: you still think Nekomaru was your fault. You can't take feeling that again, not so soon."

Hajime stayed silent for a while. "Yeah, and?"

"And… and nothing, I guess. I just don't want you lying to yourself about something. Especially something this big." Sympathy began to creep into Fuyuhiko's voice, mingled with real concern. "The only way we all got through, y'know… everything was by owning up to it, and moving on as best we could. That means it could be dangerous if you get too deep inside your own brain and don't come up for air."

When Hajime didn't reply, Fuyuhiko eventually continued, "Kazuichi whined about you kicking him out. He thinks this… whatever it is looked interesting. Are you sure it wouldn't be better if you let him in, instead of sitting in here alone?"

"I… look. I will, eventually! But this is like nothing I've ever seen before, and Kazuichi's first impulse is always to dig into something's components and see how they all piece together. I need to start with a lighter touch, is all."

Fuyuhiko's lips thinned. "Fine. What is that thing, anyway? The Imposter went quiet about it, and no one else knows why you've closed yourself in here." His eye flicked to the side and surveyed the computer, quickly but with keen attention. "It looks like an expensive piece of garbage."

Hajime laid a protective hand on what he'd come to think of as his computer. Yes, some of the elemental plugs had clearly been jury-rigged, but for a prototype, it looked damn good. "It's, uh."

"Uh?"

"If I tell you this, will you promise not to run off and tell Kazuichi? That's gotta be why the Imposter kept quiet."

"Sure, fine," Fuyuhiko impatiently sighed. "So?"

"As near as I can tell, it's a quantum computer that functions by…" Hajime hesitated, bit his lower lip, and continued, "That functions by accessing additional processing capabilities in…"

"Yeah? In what?"

"In other dimensions." Seeing Fuyuhiko frown in continued confusion, Hajime added, "Other realities. Timelines. Whatever you call it, it doesn't just run in our own dimension."

"That's… what the hell?"

Inspiration struck, and Hajime snapped his fingers and leaned back down to the computer. His fingers trailed lightly over the thin gold lines wrapping its surface. Perhaps his mental label of a kintsugi process had been more insightful than he first thought. Using gold to join multiple pieces back together? Maybe… "Look, let me explain it this way: what did you have for breakfast this morning?"

"I skipped it."

Hajime frowned at Fuyuhiko.

"What? Teruteru was pissing me off."

"He always pisses you off, but you still need to eat breakfast." Hajime held up his hands. "Never mind. Fine, you skipped breakfast. But tomorrow, you might decide that you're hungry enough to deal with him, right?"

"Sure. Whatever."

"Okay… well, in some other version of today, you decided to deal with Teruteru instead of skipping breakfast." His point didn't yet appear to be made, and Hajime considered it for a moment more. "How else to put this… before we ran the mission, you told me that you were ready to call it off. You could have decided to do that, right? You could have been too worried about letting me go on the field, or that I was putting Peko at too much risk?"

Fuyuhiko nodded. "Sure. It was a close call; I was ready to pull you all back."

"What would have happened if you had?"

"Well… I guess Nagito wouldn't be on all those knockout drugs, but he'd still be dying. And you wouldn't have that pile of trash on the counter, there."

Hajime sighed. It wasn't a pile of trash. It did look like a weird spark plug, sure, but a graceful, glossy white one that Apple would price like an automobile. "Right, exactly. Well, some branches of theoretical physics—stop looking bored, this is important."

"I'm not bored, I'm impatient. Get to the damn point."

"Right. Under certain theories, for each time we make a decision this way and not that way, a parallel dimension is created. Sometimes, the changes are small, like whether you skipped breakfast or grabbed some food. Sometimes, the changes are huge, like whether we save Nagito and get that computer."

Dubious, and making no attempt to hide it, Fuyuhiko clarified, "So under this bullshit theory, there's supposedly a whole new dimension created for every decision? Made by everyone? You might as well say that—"

"That there's an infinite number of possible dimensions," Hajime concluded with satisfaction. And in many of them, the conditions would be in place for one of these quantum computers to be built. Not all of them would ever be simultaneously in use; not when the word 'infinite' was part of the equation.

That, then, explained the kintsugi design on the computer's surface. The disparate pieces it joined together weren't really the glossy shards on a computer cover, but connections to the same machine in other dimensions. Any individual unit, like this one, only had a few hundred connection areas. But if each unit had a slightly different array of connections, then the potential number of processors was… unlimited.

That had surely been the intention of the designers. A supercomputer with unlimited processing power was a world-changing goal, all on its own. But with Hajime able to bring together multiple theoretical perspectives like no one else on the planet could, he could see an even bigger use for the machine in front of them.

Fuyuhiko took a while to reply. When he did, he sounded as cautious as Hajime had felt when he heard Fuyuhiko sound so casually dismissive about those last-resort drugs. They all knew to keep watch for the return of very dangerous habits. "And what're you planning to do with all of those other places, huh?"

Hajime started tracing golden paths over the machine's surface. Where did this map lead, exactly? "Somewhere, based on some combination of decisions and circumstances and dumb luck…"

"…Yeah?"

"Somewhere… maybe in a lot of somewheres… Nekomaru is still alive."

Fuyuhiko's eye closed, and he sighed. "And there it is."

"Don't give me that! If you knew you could save someone… if what you needed to do it was sitting right there on the counter, you'd do it!" Hajime gestured toward the closed door, and all of the people beyond it. Out there was Peko and the Imposter, who'd eventually bring Akane back into the fold of running their dangerous missions. Nagito, currently comatose with painful medical issues that could only be managed, not fixed. Ibuki, who'd come within seconds of choking to death while her struggles almost went unnoticed. "And I can do it! This is what I'm supposed to do, Fuyuhiko! Its what I was—"

Silence hung heavy after Hajime cut off. Levelly, Fuyuhiko finished, "Made for?"

Hajime grimaced. Yeah, he'd recognized the uncomfortable phrasing a few words too late.

Silence returned. This time, it stayed long enough that Hajime began to focus on the thrum-thrum-thrum of the overhead fan. An irregularity was barely audible, too quiet for even Kazuichi to notice during his visit, but Hajime should probably adjust a screw to correct its balance.

"I'm calling this mission," Fuyuhiko sighed, and broke eye contact.

Hajime blinked. "Huh?"

"Whatever you're doing… whatever you're thinking of doing… don't. That's an order."

Hajime fought down an initial, sharper reply. He wasn't sure exactly what words would have come out, but knew he'd regret them. "Fuyuhiko, this isn't a mission. You're not handling any planning and logistics, here. And so you don't get to tell me that."

"What I just heard is that someone who's spending time alone, getting obsessed with theories that only he understands, thinks he has access to… to fuckin' infinity." Fuyuhiko still wouldn't meet Hajime's eyes. "One of the things we've all gotta prioritize is keeping a handle on ourselves. Whatever you're doing, it's a bad idea."

Hajime's jaw set. "Keeping everyone safe is my job, and that's what I'm going to do."

"Hajime…" Fuyuhiko shifted his weight, looking more uncomfortable than he ever normally showed. The two of them were supposed to be on the same team, understanding each other like few others did. But that all meant that when they did argue, they knew exactly where to aim. "Sure, I can believe that Kazuichi would wreck your computer. You're right, he loves to tear things apart. But the Imposter has been keeping quiet about this thing, just like you hoped. You'd be fine if they came in here while you worked, right?"

"The Imposter?" A sigh of annoyance escaped Hajime. "They don't know about software, there'd be no point. I'd just be distracted."

"When you were explaining all those dimensions and shit to me, I saw you suddenly get inspired over something. I wasn't a distraction."

"I had just figured out why all of that gold is inlaid on the surface," Hajime admitted.

"Right. Hajime is better when he works with other people. If you can't stand being around people while you work, then I'm gonna worry that someone else is the one really digging into all of this quantum bullshit. So if you're staring at goddamn infinity, and you want to work alone… I'm calling this."

The overhead fan continued its thrum-thrum-thrum. Hajime really did need to fix that. "Yeah. Fine. The Imposter can be in here. They understood the basics, anyway, so they'd be good for me to bounce ideas off of."

"Fine," Fuyuhiko sighed, and ran a hand over his hair. He'd just recently cut it as short as it ever went, and he didn't seem to consciously recognize how much he touched it when the trim was fresh. "Research your damn computer a little more… but Hajime?"

"Yeah?"

"Nagito's the priority, remember. See if you can learn something from somewhere else that makes his life a little less shitty. Because… people die. It happens. We deal with it. But afterward, it's more important to focus on who's still here."

Hajime nodded slowly.

Fuyuhiko looked at him sidelong. "…You're about to pull something."

"Well." Shrugging, Hajime pointed out, "A priority is what you focus on. It doesn't have to be the only thing you do." Nagito had a problem, but he wasn't the only one. Nekomaru was dead, and it was Hajime's job to fix things.

"For fuck's sake! So what if there there is another Nekomaru out there? His heart would be about to give out too, yeah?" They'd both done the unforgivable as Remnants, but even before that, Fuyuhiko had never known a life without death surrounding him. It was no wonder that he could mourn, and then grimly let life continue.

Hajime flinched. He, on the other hand, still felt untrained with death. "I… I don't know. I don't know! But think of Akane. Wouldn't it be better for her to have the chance to say goodbye, instead of finding his dead body?"

Fuyuhiko's lips thinned, and he said nothing.

Hajime risked taking a slow step forward. "And if a Nekomaru is out there, somewhere…"

"…Yeah?"

"If I could find a Nekomaru… if Akane could say goodbye to him… maybe I could find a Natsumi, too."

Every line of Fuyuhiko's frame went rigid, and for a breath, it seemed like Hajime had made a terrible misstep. A moment later, Fuyuhiko looked away and the fists he'd instinctively clenched went limp. He stayed silent for a few more seconds, staring at the wall with unfocused eyes, and bit his lower lip.

Wouldn't it be better to have the chance to say goodbye, instead of finding a dead body?

"Nagito's the priority," Fuyuhiko muttered. The words came out thick and rough until he swallowed hard. "Just keep that in mind. I'll go find the Imposter and send them in. And if you ever start flying solo with this again, Hajime… I'm calling it."

Hajime nodded, then promised, "I can do this."

Fuyuhiko still wouldn't meet his gaze. "I'm not telling Akane what you're working on. I can… I can take it, if you don't get it done. In fact, I'm betting on it, since this all still sounds like a load of horseshit. But she'd get her hopes up."

"I can do this," Hajime repeated, hitting each word hard. Because I fix things.

[theeccentricraven]

My Writing Journey

I'm still writing my NaNoWriMo Novel in late March, with April right around the corner. Almost 200,000 words now.

How did I get here?

I chose to be a writer when I was eleven. By the time I was eighteen, I had three incomplete novels, a thick packet of writing notes, and a long list of story ideas I wanted to write before I died. I also had a short attention span that I can blame on my ADHD and ASD, a declining love for reading due to required school reading, and competition with distractions like the internet/social media. I was able to devote a good deal of my spare time on my prize WIP, a unique fantasy titled The Keeper of Maralla. I didn't spend as much time writing as I should have. My writing confidence was low. After I earned my first bachelor's degree in Child Development, several amazing things happened. First, I worked briefly as a custodian (aka janitor or caretaker depending on what part of the world you're in) when I got the idea for my current primary WIP, The Blood Cleaners. At that time, I thought TBC would be an urban fantasy. A few years later, I realized the story worked best as a post-apocalyptic dystopia. I personally feel that you don’t find the stories; the stories find you. Such was the case with TBC. Then, in 2008, I won my first NaNoWriMo when I wrote the first draft of The Star House Club, an MG/YA urban fantasy. It meant the world to me when I finally had a complete novel in my hands, even if the writing was really bad. My next complete novel was finished in 2009, a Christian historical fiction novel called Miriam and Yosef. Then, from 2010 to 2011, I wrote my first really long novel, my sci-fi first contact story called Columbus Day. It was 170,000 words long! The best part was when I wrote my first complete second draft by rewriting Columbus Day. I saw how rewriting really can make things better, even if only a little better. It was also at this time that I earned my second bachelor's degree. I earned my post-baccalaureate degree in English. Then, things kind of shattered. I lost all of my confidence in my writing. I almost gave up completely. I also stopped reading. I've learned that the less you read, the worse your writing is. I went nearly a decade without reading and writing. There were some pluses that happened during that time, such as getting a technical writing job with my current employer. For the most part, I had little ambition and few goals. That was until early 2023, I experienced some epiphanies. I went through some religious/spiritual experiences that allowed me to realize I was meant to be a writer. I needed to get my ideas down on paper before I died or else the world would never know them. I opened up my old writing notes to get to work. I thought about which of my WIP's I would make my primary WIP. It was hard when I felt passionate about a half dozen of them, knowing I would regret failing to finish and publish either. I was hit hard with reality when insomnia hit me. I had been in denial about my need to read. Just as I had to get back to writing, I had to get back to reading. I wanted to say I had read enough and needed to spend time writing. When I discovered reading was the best medicine for insomnia, I realized what I needed to do for both my physical health and writing health. I read about 15 books in 2023. The more I read, the better my writing got. My best read was Scott Westerfeld’s Uglies, a book that reminded me of why I love the dystopia genre. By July, I made the decision to focus on The Blood Cleaners. I spent four months brainstorming and outlining. I began drafting in November for NaNoWriMo. I wrote 50,000 words in 30 days, but the story wasn't over. That brings me to where I am now. My manuscript is almost 200,000 words long. I hope to finish in the next few days. I can’t wait to rewrite and cut this thing. Writing is hard, but it's worth it. My journey isn't over, obviously. I can’t wait to see where this journey goes.

[mischiefmodig]

Unpopular Opinion \ / @fellstcr \ / not accepting

🔥 (their parents) 🔥 (loki, character) 🔥 (mcu fandom??) 🔥 freebie!!

I have a lot of ground to cover, but here we go!! (apologies in advance, the last one gets p long)

Frigga is not as good of a mom as everyone wants to say.

Now with that being said, Frigga is a good mom... but that's pretty much only regulated to Loki rather than both Thor AND Loki |D I have a lot of headcanons about Frigga being his main caretaker especially when he was a baby. And as Loki grew up he just had more of her temperament and obviously, his being magically inclined helped a lot in them becoming so close as well since she was able to able to teach him her own gifts with sorcery, essentially passing down her teachings to him.

But it's so clear in the films just how much she struggles to connect to Thor in the same way. She does her best but considering even she believes that Thor + Odin cast big shadows and that Loki learning her magic was his light, indicates pretty clearly to me that she never properly bothered to connect to Thor on his side of things. That and she can't comfort Thor properly when they are together, but she is literally able to read Loki like an open book.

Now I do think that of course, she loved both of her kids. Thor is actually her child, and I don't think she ever fully meant to favor Loki over him. It's just kind of how it happens when it feels like one child needs more attention than the other - That and I'm sure at some point Odin was taking a much greater role in Thor's life (which Loki was clearly envious of to a degree) and I think she absolutely would have been the biggest advocate for both of their well beings. (and ofc in terms of Thor she was his biggest support with Jane and I think that's very good of her to do too)

But let's not forget here. Frigga was just as complicit in lying to Loki about his heritage as Odin was. And I think personally if Odin did not love Loki at all he would not have hesitated to make it clear that Loki isn't his son at all times. I just think it's too easy to make Frigga out to be the better parent when she played favorites as much as Odin is perceived to. (lbr Odin of course was going to train Thor more than Loki. Thor is literally the oldest who was always going to become king. That's just how the system works and Loki knows that. I do think Odin neglected to give Loki enough affirmation, but people act like Odin was a fantastic father to Thor too when he really just wasn't.)

Loki would not be as interesting as a character without Thor.

They are the sun and moon. Hot and cold. Darkness and Light. Chaos and Order. At their best, they are an unstoppable team, and at their worst they are enemies. But no matter what, by blood or by oath they are brothers. B R O T H E R S.

Speaking strictly to Loki: he has never known his life without Thor in it. He was saved from death (NOT TAKEN) from Jotunheim and has spent his entire life since as a son of Odin. Where Thor struggles, Loki fills in his weaknesses, and vice versa. I see people get caught up in "Loki being weaker" and thus tearing down Thor in the process, but that couldn't be further from the truth. (also tearing down other characters to raise another up is actually lowering the bar for the second character to succeed and doesn't make them look better at all. In fact, it makes them look worse because the standard is now so low :))

Where Thor is very easily heated, Loki can help him focus. While Thor is a tank in combat, Loki is swift and able to take out enemies with precision and speed. Thor is intelligent particularly when it comes to people and he is very compassionate, while Loki focuses on being book smarts and being keen in debates and negotiations. It's SO obvious they really were meant to rule together, with Loki as an advisor to Thor as king. They have a dynamic with each other that is so neat and a bond that spans hundreds to a thousand years. You can't just tear that apart just because you like one character over another. Their stories are tied to each other, and in Tom's words "You can't have Loki without Thor, or Thor without Loki."

Has Thor done Loki wrong? Yes, absolutely. But Loki has equally done wrong by Thor, he is not innocent in that either. Being a shadow is not a bad thing, it's really not, in fact, I could absolutely argue that it is where Loki thrives tbch. But ultimately his origins are found in Thor, and trying to erase that is doing Loki a huge disservice.

Thorki is incestual in nature.

I'm not going to lie to ya, the fact that you ever have to say "Well technically they're not brothers" to ship them, I think makes it pretty clear that it's actually not a good ship LOL

Every time I mention that this is a thing to people not in fandom or in the Thor fandom, they are consistently appalled by it. And as they should be! I've actually seen fan-made comics of when the boys were kids crushing BEFORE THEY EVEN KNEW and that is just //gags

I really also need people to tag Thorki properly so that my filters can block those posts. I don't want nothin to do with that and I don't want it on my dash anymore <v< but that's kind of a whole other thing. I cccccan see why people do it, and I personally think Loki is attracted to people who are similar to Thor (i.e good hearts, heroes, sunshine personality, hopeful, kind, etc.) which is also why I don't think Sylki works as a ship either outside of the selfcest - but I could go on a whole other tangent about them tbh.

Gimme my good wholesome brothers who are just doing sibling things. Not every single pairing of people needs to have romantic inclinations, they can just be very close as friends or family. The boys grew up together for a thousand years, and you're seriously trying to tell me that suddenly both of them abandon their roots to be romantic?? Buddy that is not how that works and don't make no sense at aaaaaall.

Platonic soulmates are just as valid as Romantic ones.

TVA Loki and MCU Loki are not the same, and I won't be gaslit into thinking otherwise by directors who don't care about Loki in general.

I don't know why this is a trend at all, but it seems like the character of Loki keeps getting handled by people who don't care for him in the slightest. Waititi completely sidelined him in gagnarok (in favor of totally misunderstanding Thor and Odin's dynamics) when that film needed to be about the boys properly recovering from the past decades worth of issues. And then in the Loki show that director stopped making him the main character AT ALL as soon as Sylvie showed up.

Anyways, the whole entire point of the Loki show, is that there are multiple dimensions (which they call timelines stupidly) in which multiple variations of every exist. The people in them are supposed to be similar but clearly have slightly different characteristics (see Boastful Loki or Croc Loki) while they all have the same events. And in the show, he straight up does not act the same as he does in the Thor films.

And with that said, we go back to the main topic which is "these two Loki's are actually not the same person."

- First of all, Loki is not a narcissist. A narcissist is defined as "a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves." which Loki has NEVER had. Ever. In any of his film appearances. Being ambitious (and occasionally selfish) is entirely different, but Loki does not admire himself to an unhealthy degree. The only thing the show gets right is that Loki is deeply fearful and insecure, but the fact that he says it outright is just bad writing. - Second of all, Loki is not flighty or talkative. Loki is famous for having a silver tongue, but that does not mean he rambles on and on about a point or uses big words just use them. Actually intelligent people do not need to fake it to prove that they are smart. Loki uses his words exactly when he means to, and doesn't use metaphors/hyperbole at every given opportunity. ( do not confuse Fanon Loki with what Loki is actually like in the films. ) Loki can quip but he never does it excessively. In the show, Loki is constantly moving and fidgeting something fierce when he is typically very still and planted. - THIRD of all, Loki has never been someone who relies on magic as much as TVA does in the second season. Loki is an Asgardian warrior, trained by the best of the best to be an absolute master at combat. Loki primarily relies on daggers using the Ice pick technique (which is actually extremely difficult to master btw), which allows him to be swift in a fight and take out his opponents with deadly precision. Of course, Loki uses his cleverness and magic in battle too, but he isn't out throwing balls of magic fire willy-nilly or making a big scene. Loki has never needed his magic to be good at fighting or keep up with Thor. Frankly, that is an impressive feat in itself that too many people put down for no reason. I'm all in favor of magic characters doing their magical thing, but high key Loki is so much cooler because he is strong enough to rely on magic that he has already mastered too. But this is not true for tva!loki who uses magic literally all of the time.

Now we could call all of this him being out of character, however, I think in the scope of the show it would make more sense to just have him be a different Loki entirely. Which would be fine, if they didn't try to constantly make him out to be exactly like mcu!Loki. They give him the memories of Avengers onward and then speed-run his development in like first episodes to make him have the same emotions WITHOUT actually any development.

Even if we are led to believe that tva!Loki and mcu!Loki started off the same, then they sTILL could never become the same as the Loki we know from 10 years' worth of films. mcu!Loki got to mourn for Frigga in the moment, sacrifice himself for Thor+Jane, lie about it again and take the throne from Odin, pretend to be Odin for several years, see him die, fight his crazy half-adopted sister, watch Asgard be destroyed, and then ultimately sacrifice himself AGAIN to save Thor ending his life.

tva!Loki watched it on a screen... and clearly was emotional about it, as one would be. But none of that is the same as Loki actually being able to experience it. I think I would like tva!Loki SO much more if they treated him like he was legitimately still in Avengers and still in the mindset that he wants to be king to prove to his brother/father that he could do it and is good enough to be a part of the family. And that he was a different Loki entirely.

Instead, the show completely erases his history and his character in favor of an annoying mix of taika!loki and fandom!loki and it's just cringy to watch honestly. The Loki show is just so bad in terms of writing, lore, characterization, humor, and continuity, and now that they're getting rid of Kang the Conqueror, the whole show is completely obsolete! :D

[avissapiens]

Jockbull Summer Week 2 (19/11/23-25/11/23)

Model used is Tsonghan Wu

1

Went hard with the push ups this week. It gives me such a euphoric rush. I’ve built my chest in the gym normally so by the time I've got a pump from doing a single set of push ups I've got my own set of stress toys to flex and play with. The highest score for this week was 36 with no backtracking. One notable Session involved Scandinavian_King(of Set C fame) pushing me harder and harder to keep doing sets past my first one. Each time to failure. I get so easily riled up with shit like that. Guys taking advantage of the muscle lust to push me harder. I think that night I got a total of 90 in a 5 min span.

2

Muscle related competition was a bit sparse this week. K was out sick so no push up rival. I did end up trying to beat my great friend Teal’s record of 50. That did not work. But I'll get there. Need to get there. Need to fucking win.

3.

This is a fortnightly task but I have noticed an issue. It is related to the problem of me defaulting to these shitty pieces of clothing just cause they are there. I wear them, they make me feel like a dysmorphic trash bag and then because I wear them they are dirty and get put in the wash basket. Which interrupts me being able to instantly put them in the Task box. Luckily I've got some Rawgear stuff coming to pad out the wardrobe before I get to those pieces.

4.

This was the first time I actually got to practice the accent with Jockrs. Truth be told, I'm fucking great at that kinda stuff. I’ve always had a natural ability for voice modification and accent work. So i put it at like a 5/10 on the intensity scale for the whole time we were on the call. Jockrs didn’t fare as well. Obviously it’s a little harder to go from Aussie to Cali than my more neutral “trans-atlantic” mess. One thing i'd like to overcome in this whole process is the Irony poisoning. I spent so much of my life as a Snarky sarcastic dweeb. So much of my life being “Ironic” and joking about without taking things to the genuine core of me. So even this task it’s difficult to get started because in the first couple minutes you’ve got that awkward Irony block for doing something that feels affected. It was such a fun experience tho. After a while the voice just flows through you and it is such a flowey, breathy voice. So fluid and easy.

5.

Rather than describe every BtG episode I'm going to focus on different things that I love and how this show absolutely scratches some old fantasies from my days as a dumb teenager in the musclegrowth kink community. Episode 3 where Baki is placed in a normal high school athletics test, and because of his sheer strength and inhuman physique is completely out of bounds and therefore almost flunks. Absolute Muscle RP fuel. Add to that all the gore and viscera in the other scenes. It’s very itch scratchy and possibly kink forming if you’ve got the abyss already bubbling away.

6.

I am a glutton for punishment and I made an extra task for myself in each of the sets. I did this by drawing tarot cards. Letting the universe speak to me to guide my journey. For this set I drew a Wheel of fortune which talks about fortunate initiative, spontaneity, random success, equality of souls.

And i translated that to "Take more chances with guys in the gym" I hopped on this one quick too. 

I had to kinda work myself up for it but this really chill seeming asian dude with nice curly hair who has legit been at the gym the same time as me for i'd wager 80% of my workouts.

He was just resting and I asked his name and stuff complimented him and asked his goals.

His name is Adrian, he used to do a lot of sport and was focused on strength gains back in high school, but now he's in uni and is more focused on just looking good.

He goes to my school but does law and commerce so unlikely we'll ever share a class or even be there at the same time.

He asked some of my stuff yada yada.

And he kept saying super low under his voice like "you're so huge dude. So huge"

And then when he was leaving he came and said goodbye. It seems small, I know but it’s a big achievement for me every time I make a gymbro. It’s hard making friends in this country.

[abcd-em]

Talk Shop Tuesday: because you are a marketing girlie, eye would love your thoughts on the idea of fanfic marketability as it relates to popularity/traction. It’s one of those things that’s rarely ever gets put into words (except to be derogatory) and is undersold as a part of what makes a fic “take off” I’ve known plenty of fantastically written fics that never get their time to shine just as I’ve know abjectly terribly written things become the most kudos and recommended fic ever.

How much of marketing are /you/ thinking of, if you’re thinking of it at all, when it comes to publishing a fic?

(And bonus: what’s the reason you think your underrated WIPs aren’t doing as well as the others?)

As the second person to ask me that, of course I can!!!!!

Fandom, as with any other community on the Internet, goes through trends of what they like to see and how they like to read. I'd argue that it's impossible to truly predict when a fic will 'take off' bc of this but there's definitely things you can assume.

The marketability of a fic rarely stops me from writing what i want (obviously there are exceptions), but its something i keep in mind when planning to ensure theres little hooks here or there. There's things that I know in the back of my mind, that I know almost for certain (for my writing and what's I've observed at least):

- kid fics will do well (or more low stakes, domestic fics)

- fast paced [blank] to lovers will do well vs. A slower burn (I could say this has smt to do with fear of fic abandonment and maybe attention span)

- MCD will not (at least in mcu petermj)

- platonic or character driven stuff can be a mixed bag

- etc.

Your fandom, your tropes, the bare bones of your fic (not the actual words just the vibes/direction) can definitely have an impact on reach and inevitable audience size - not forgetting that HOW ur fandom interacts with content should be considered. Example:

My Insomniac fics didn't get many hits bc it's a smaller audience (though i tend to find more of those hits also equal comments). From that, My Peter/Harry centric fic got more engagement and interaction VS. My peter/MJ centric fic - I knew this would happen when I was writing it BECAUSE the main thing talked about after the release of the second game was Parksborn. (Understandable I was also consumed by the brainrot)

Not to get SEO about it but tags and summary are also going to impact these things. Themes and tropes all have their own popularity innit. Your tags are there to give an overview (AND WARNING!!!) about the contents of your fic. Boiling all your plans down to the right tags will help it appear to the right people that WANT that kind of story, and exclude it from others. Your summary will also help with that (and from my experience main characters & romantic hook/tease is what gets most attention). This is probably where I consider marketability the most tbh and why I struggle so much with summaries bc why am I thinking of work when I'm writing fic???

But tags and summary definitely impacted Forever: there's a big tilt towards 'sadder' tags bc I want to be transparent about the topic. And the summary is very focused on Peter and Gwen (which is why I added the little line about MJ and Peter at the end).

The focus on Peter and Gwen also impacted the divorce AU. I didn't anticipate that fic getting as much traction as it did, but It wasn't until chapter 8 or something that it really began to take off.

Also. As with anything on the Internet. There's the 'right time, right place' effect where something just CLICKS, the perfect storm of a few small things that gets swept up to huge numbers and its difficult to pinpoint a single one.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: creating content for the sole purpose of marketability will make it less fun and kill your joy

Talk shop tuesday

[heygutlcssa]

I figure out why Bernardo's apartment has so many freaking windows. It spans the entire back of the building. So it's two bed rooms, living room, kitchen (obviously fully fitted since the water heater is in the kitchen which would explain how they could afford a refrigerator[~400$ =$4,374.43 today] and stove[~200$ = $2,187.22]). So does every floor only have two apartments then? Since you can clearly the stairwell is the center of the hallway.

Since we know that the average rent for low income housing is generally between 50$ ($546.80) and 75$ ($820.21) a month and the minimum wage is 0.75 cents ($8.20 which is more than minimum wage is today at $7.25 dollars), i find it hard to believe that that apartment is at that price bracket or even affordable when overcrowding and an actual housing crisis was a severe issue at the time. Given their status as persons of color Bernardo would makes 67% less than the average white man at whatever job he chooses and Maria...

( she's 18 and was taking care of her sick dad for the last five years I would be surprised if she has a high school degree, not to mention that the average drop out rate in the USA is at 25% of all high schoolers while in Puerto Rico the drop out rate is around 75% with the average level of education per the 1940 census is the third grade and the ninth grade. there's a whole debate about kids being forced to speak English in all public schools up until the middle of the 1930s fueling a distrust in the public school system, but I do not have enough valid sources to confirm or deny that accusation. We do have return to school statistics for those who migrated to the mainland being at around 50% but we don't know the completion rate versus GED completion which was fairly new at the time.)

...would probably be making minimum wage tbh since its a cleaning job. Now Anita has an advantage if she chooses to pass within the work force as an African Americanwoman. The average white woman makes about 30-50% less depending on the profession and the average AA woman made 50% less than a man. A Hispanic/latina woman made ~70% less than a white man. No wonder she has multiple jobs.

( Noted I do need to find more consistent resources for all of this as most of the statistics for this time period focus on white and black men, not women of any kind. So take all of this with a grain of salt and do your own research because mine may be a bit flawed.)

[thenightlymartini]

I had an idea!

I know New Year resolutions aren't a thing everywhere, but because the New Year for a lot of places just started I thought it might be cool.

What is one resolution that each of them keep, and one that they drop?

You know, I honestly can't remember if I've done something like this before. I'm also not the most adept at searching Tumblr archives, much less lots of behind the scene stuff, so if there was a way for me to figure that out I just don't know about it.

This also gets a little tricky since I know Chinese New Year is more prominent in both Koreas, and I definitely know very little about it other than small bits and pieces I've seen on blogs, fanfics, and Tik Tok. Basically next to no knowledge. As such, this is mostly going to focus on New Year customs I'm familiar with, because I don't feel comfortable talking about Chinese New Year due to my lack of knowledge.

Also this is going to be long, so be prepared.

CW: light mentions of the Korean War and the separation, alcoholism, issues with weight loss, a swear word or two that is censored

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kimchiburger: America introduced this concept to SK fairly early on after they began to build a friendship, and SK found it kind of amusing but also kind of a cool idea. Amusing mostly because, since he's lived so long, he knows it's mostly just going to be the same thing every year and most of these resolutions don't actually get followed through with, but cool as in it kind of is like setting up goals for oneself and sort of makes people try to better themselves.

America obviously makes one for getting into better shape or lose weight, which usually just doesn't keep for long because his diet is very weird and his expectations are extremely too high or too low. Like he under or overestimates how much work it will take or how much he will actually lose, much less what is actually healthy for his body type. SK has to remind him that at least he tried and it will take time, though he will love him even if he does gain weight.

As far as the one he keeps, America made one about trying to be less ignorant of other's customs. He cringes at every memory where he unknowingly and/or accidentally did something rude towards others purely surrounding customs, as well as constantly wonder if being belligerent and his ignorance caused unneeded tension between him and others when they could have potentially become friends. Thus, he makes it his goal to learn as much about other cultures as he can, even those within his own country, no matter if they are minorities or majorities. SK helps him with this a lot when it comes to Korean culture and pointing out the differences between cultures, such as eating etiquettes between Japan, South Korea, and China. SK would also invite the Philippines over to help out with pointing out sub groups in each country and how similar and different certain customs are across multiple countries.

SK tried making new year resolutions when he first heard about them from America, and he always makes the same one every year nearing the end of the 1980s, no matter if it is kept, even if only with marginal results, or drops catastrophically: Have a better relationship with NK. He knows he has very little control over it, considering politics, but in an ideal world where it was just he and his brother influencing their relationship, he would do anything to start mending it. They were bonded together and had each other's backs through thick and thin for centuries if not millennia, only for it be shredded to bits in the span of half a century. There was a time for a few decades where he truly despised NK, just because the wounds kept reopening and the resulting emotional rollercoaster was extremely chaotic, but his anger and feelings of betrayal have been tempered enough where regret and sadness have slowly started to form with some logical reasoning behind it. He's also starting to realize that the longer they are separated and at odds with each other, the less likely reunification will be possible, not only from practical and logistical standpoints like economy, military, and what not, but even from a cultural perspective where he's beginning to see that their own languages are slowly starting to split and certain cultural norms don't hold up as well between them. SK actually was terrified slightly when one day he and NK were in an argument and he was having a hard time understanding him.

Rusnk: From what I understand and have researched briefly, I believe New Years is a bigger deal in Russia than Christmas is, considering Christmas came back after the Soviet Union fell.

Russia loves New Year's. Not necessarily for the idea of "new year, new me" that is common in America where it's a clean slate, but just because a new year means a chance to try again, to learn from the previous year and do better. The idea of making a resolution is still a fairly newer concept introduced, but he likes the idea of them. One in particular that he made that he kept was try to find the good, beauty, or happiness in even the littlest of things. He's lived so long with bitter cold and such a dark history, often by his own hand too, that he's forgotten that not everything in the world is a cold, cruel place or is meant to break him. Even if it is only in a few things or even one thing for an entire year, he finds it as an accomplishment. He's recently started to see snow as more than just brutal winter and has started to see the beauty snow fall can be and the happy times winter can bring, like children making forts or snowball fights, gathering around warmth for celebrations and family time, the way silence doesn't have to be deafening or oppressive and that it can bring peace of mind. It helps that NK likes to indulge in these kinds of things on occasion, and often times will compose poetry with Russia as a means to help organize thoughts and see the better aspects of things.

One that he definitely drops is trying to cut back on his liquor intake, not necessarily due to liking liquor that much, but mostly cause it is so hard to do and political matters and emotional trauma don't make it any easier. He tries, at least around NK, to not drink that much mostly because the other tries to drink with him and it is an absolute disaster when the Korean does. He's also noticing the effects the amount of liquor he normally drinks is starting to have on his body, despite being an immortal. Probably died of cirrhosis of the liver a few times before he knew what it was in his time as a nation. He's realizing he has an addiction of sorts, but doesn't have the knowledge, constant support (NK can't always be by his side 24/7 and he lives alone majority of the time), and massive amounts of will power to either consistently drink less or kick it entirely. He still makes this resolution each year because he is learning from the previous year of what has worked and not and is getting better each time.

NK is far more inclined to Chinese New Year, but indulges in the Western New Year once in a while, mostly because Russia loves it so much. He's very much a pessimistic pragmatic when it comes to resolutions, since he believes people mostly do them as a front and don't actually mean to follow through with them, and that a new year is just "new year, same sh!t". He also doesn't care for them cause they are a Western tradition, but did some mostly to humor Russia.

One he did keep was just doing more creative things, like practicing his instruments or writing or drawing, mostly because he's realized he hasn't had time as of late to do any of them for several years and missed them to an extent. Thankfully, part of Russia's resolutions helped to keep his, since he and Russia write poetry together when Russia is struggling to see the good in things on a particularly bad day. He also likes to play his violin with Russia when the other has his own out. They actually work quite well together once they get through the rusty phase.

One he actually thought he was going to keep turned out to be the one he dropped, which was just trying to say one nice thing to people, whether daily or just whenever he actually saw any other nations. He figured out quickly that his attitude and temper make that really difficult for himself, and when they aren't a factor he botches it and will accidentally insult someone or stumble over his words because his social skills are near zero when not in a professional setting.

Commieburger: America loves making resolutions, but is bad at keeping them unless he has help, while NK is the pessimistic pragmatic that sees right through the sugarcoating and calls bullsh!t on them. The only reason America got NK to made a resolution at all was through compromise and a deal. America broached the subject with the idea of a shared resolution between them, that way both of them work at it together and progress will be made in their relationship. NK mulled it over for a bit, but gave in when he thought about how this would benefit them in the long run.

Their two resolutions were to be able to read each other better so they were more likely to be on the same page more often, which they did end up keeping, and the other was lessening petty arguments, which they debate over if it technically was kept or not.

A lot of their miscommunication, after some discussion, mostly stems from either not understanding intentions, word choice, or just a lack of accurately reading the other. Like, America often thinks NK is in a foul mood when really he's either just deep in thought about something or he's actually neutral (his resting facial expression doesn't help). NK had a hard time figuring out if America was actually boasting or was trying to hide his insecurities or nervousness with the hero complex. The resolution was open-ended on how they would achieve it, but it allowed both of them to generate ways that would hopefully work. NK was prone to doing round-about ideas, such as playing chess to analyze ticks and expressions of the other to get a general idea of certain behaviors or ticks he sees occurring in other situations, since he knows he sucks at directly communicating when it comes to opening up or just with emotions in general. America is more direct and will just ask on occasion, at least giving NK a heads-up that he's trying to ask about more minor stuff so as to not make the other too uncomfortable. Usually he does this while treating NK to food or drinks he made that he knows the other won't turn his nose up at, since NK is more agreeable when there is food involved. It actually worked better than anticipated when America realize he was no longer walking on egg shells with second guessing if NK was in a good mood or meant any of the things he says, especially with verbal ticks or slight expression changes or physical ticks. NK, in turn, became more aware of when America was trying to put on a show and became better at understanding the sources of these acts while being able to temper the other's fears or nerves.

Now, the petty arguments. America makes the point that what people would call "petty arguments" tend to be more debates between them, and, since major arguments are now only happening once in a blue moon or under very specific circumstances, shouldn't count as petty arguments and that they did keep that resolution, too. NK still sees them as arguing, considering they both get pretty riled up when defending themselves, rather than civil debates. He also believes, due to have been around the block a few times as far as age goes and has experienced far more in terms of nationhood in comparison to America, that he knows the difference between light arguments and civil debate and is very steadfast at keeping that stance, thus this was a flop. Ironically, this topic in of itself results in one of those petty arguments/debates between them that will still be talked about years later.

[cerullos]

to be fair, there are definitely also broader concerns about increased screentime reducing students’ (and adults’!!!) attention spans overall, which imo are demonstrably true. when i worked at a public elementary school, we were told our lesson plans should only focus on a given topic for three minutes max before moving on to something new or we risked losing students’ interest. on top of this, many younger students are behind academically and aren’t properly socialized due to attending school virtually during the initial pandemic, and it’s especially important for these students to focus on understanding classwork & collaborating with their peers.

i do think allowing students to use their phones during lunch, arrival and dismissal, etc. is fine and in my experience teachers do tend to be lax about enforcing this rule during free time. obviously very much not in favor of students’ phones being confiscated since it’s important for them to have a line of connection to family, but i do think you generally see less phone usage during class when there’s a blanket ban (as in, you can bring your phone but you can’t use it during school hours), even if in practice the rules are often bent.

anyway, i think it’s fair to say the peripheration of smart phones DOES pose unique challenges for teachers, it does heavily impact student concentration, it does need to be addressed in some way, and it isn’t beneficial for us (or for them) to pretend otherwise. i would argue that none of the examples given here contribute to any kind of longterm reduction in focus, you’re just talking about kids fucking around! sure you can argue that other devices have historically served a similar function (walkmans, ipods, video players, etc.) but none were as widely used, or anywhere near as ubiquitous as the modern smart phone.

realistically, you won’t be permitted to use your phone on the clock at most entry level jobs, even teachers are often told to avoid any kind of extended phone usage during class/in front of students, and i think it’s fine to prepare students for this by getting them in the habit of detaching from their phones early and focusing as much as possible during school. the problem is when at the individual level teachers come down on students too hard for flouting these rules (which, y’know. kids will do, it’s not that serious!) it’s a school rule that, like any other, should be enforced with empathy, understanding and conditionality. unfortunately underpaid, intensely overworked teachers tend to be a little low on nuance in their day to day dealings with students, but that’s a whole different conversation lol

"kids don't pay attention in class anymore Because Of Phone" is so funny as an argument. students haven't paid attention in class since school was invented. my parents' generation were in there making flipbooks out of the corners of their notebooks and doodling random shit instead of taking notes. and they didn't have phones.

[nextceiling]

Step by step instructions to Choose Quality Interior Renovation

Presentation:

Leaving on an interior renovation project is an astonishing undertaking, however it can likewise be overwhelming, particularly on the off chance that you're going for the gold quality. Whether you're redesigning your home or office space, guaranteeing the final product lives up to your assumptions with regards to style, usefulness, and solidness is essential. To accomplish a top notch interior renovation, cautious preparation and determination of the right experts and materials are fundamental. In this aide, we'll investigate key stages to assist you with choosing quality interior renovation administrations and materials.

Characterize Your Objectives:

Prior to jumping into the renovation interaction, carve out opportunity to characterize your objectives obviously. What do you expect to accomplish with this renovation? Might it be said that you are hoping to upgrade the stylish allure, further develop usefulness, or increment the property's estimation? Understanding your goals will direct every choice you make all through the venture.

Examination and Assemble Motivation:

Peruse interior plan magazines, sites, and web-based entertainment stages to accumulate motivation for your renovation project. Make a temperament board or a Pinterest board to gather thoughts, variety plans, and plan components that resound with your vision. This won't just assist you with articulating your inclinations to the renovation experts yet in addition guarantee that the outcome lines up with your ideal stylish.

Set a Reasonable Financial plan:

Laying out a sensible financial plan is essential for an effective interior renovation. Decide the amount you're willing to put resources into the venture and apportion assets for various perspectives like work, materials, and possibility costs. Make certain to figure startling costs that might emerge during the renovation interaction to stay away from monetary pressure later on.

Pick Respectable Experts:

Choosing the right experts is central to the outcome of your interior renovation project. Research nearby project workers, modelers, interior fashioners, and experts with a demonstrated history of conveying great workmanship. Understand surveys, request references from companions or family, and timetable meetings to evaluate their aptitude, relational abilities, and similarity with your vision.

Focus on Quality Materials:

Putting resources into quality materials is essential for the life span and visual allure of your remodeled space. Whether it's hardwood flooring, marble ledges, or architect lighting installations, settle on materials that are solid, tastefully satisfying, and fit to your way of life needs. Focus on maintainability by picking eco-accommodating choices while conceivable, adding to a better climate and long haul supportability.

Focus on Detail:

The outcome of an interior renovation frequently lies in the subtleties. From the decision of equipment and completions to the accuracy of craftsmanship, each perspective adds to the general quality of the undertaking. Impart your assumptions plainly to the renovation group and focus on even the littlest subtleties to guarantee a faultless completion.

Impart Really:

Compelling openness is of the utmost importance for a smooth and fruitful renovation experience. Keep up with open lines of correspondence with your renovation group, tending to any worries or changes speedily. Normal advancement gatherings and updates will assist with keeping the venture on target and limit misconceptions en route.

Plan for Future Support:

Consider the drawn out support necessities of the materials and completions utilized in your interior renovation. Pick low-support choices any place conceivable to work on upkeep and safeguard the immaculate state of your recently revamped space for quite a long time into the future.

End:

A quality interior renovation requires cautious preparation, fastidious scrupulousness, and the determination of the right experts and materials. By characterizing your objectives, setting a practical spending plan, and focusing on quality at each step of the interaction, you can accomplish an outcome that surpasses your assumptions and improves the magnificence and usefulness of your living or work space.

[chateautae]

saudade | kth. (m)

saudade ; “a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something/someone that one cares for and/or loves.”

➵ summary : a demanding idol lifestyle was something taehyung and yourself were all too familiar with. it wasn’t so hard when considering your unconditional love for one another, but lately, taehyung wasn’t the same anymore; and you decide it's time to find out why.

➵ pairing : idol!taehyung x choreographer!reader

➵ genre : angst, smut, fluff (the holy trinity), idol!au, established relationship!au

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 16k

➵ warnings : sexual content, swearing, dom + sub dynamics, dom!tae, fingering, oral (f. receiving), lots of dirty talk, t e a s i n g because let’s face it this is tae, big dick!tae, cock sliding, marking, restraint (with his own hands), unprotected sex (wrap it up peeps), rough sex, mushy i miss you sex, lots of feels, tae undresses reader (it’s hot i promise), praising, name kink, slight body worshipping, slight brat-handling, forced orgasm, creampie, one spank, tiny impreg kink, aftercare

➵ a/n : wow, my first fic on tumblr!! i’m beyond excited to finally be sharing my stories and writing, hopefully i can let you escape into a whole new world and enjoy my works! comments and feedback are always appreciated <3

2:27AM. 

He still wasn't home. 

Texts on delivered, calls unanswered, radio silence on all social media. 

And it wasn’t just tonight, it was every night. 

Everyday. 

And it’s been a month. A long, grueling month.

A month where he only acknowledged your presence just once and called it a day. A month where he returned so late and left early enough the following morning you didn't see him. Somedays, he never even came home at all. You made suggestions to hang out together, and he declined them on the premise of 'too busy'. 

It hurt beyond comprehension. 

It's like he wasn't even there.

But you knew he was. 

He was the one who moved your sleeping body from the couch to your shared bed every night, a sweet gesture of his that gave you hope maybe everything wasn't so bad. Sometimes, though, you woke up on the same couch the next morning, knowing he most likely stayed the night elsewhere. 

You tried to remain indifferent to the treatment, figuring he was just stressed with his tightly-packed schedule that didn't always include you. 

But it was beginning to feel heart-breaking, disappointing, but most of all, so lonely. It was starting to feel like he was slipping away from you, like you were losing him, relationship tearing at the seams. It left you nothing but heartbroken and afraid. Afraid of where your relationship had gone, afraid of whatever happened to the never-ending love you two shared. You both harboured an array of feelings for one another that infinitely tethered you two together, kept you madly in love and nearly impossible to separate.  

So where was that now? How could it have all changed within the span of a month? 

You’ve survived comebacks with him before and he never entertained this kind of behaviour. Maybe you had a fight or two about someone cancelling on a plan or working too hard but nothing as excruciating as this. 

Your relationship began to feel empty, so meaningless. And the more he was distant, the stronger the pain grew and your love seemed to be losing its vitality.

Why would he do this? What's gotten into him? Did I do something wrong? Why doesn't he care anymore? you asked yourself repeatedly for weeks.

You’d think work was the issue, where your relationship had to be purposefully low-profile and subdued. But ever since the inception of your relationship, Taehyung never found any of that difficult. If anything, he loved it the most. You could easily leave it to the 'forbidden’ or 'looked down upon' stigma of you two dating to make everything 100x hotter, more exciting, and fuck, did you and especially Taehyung enjoy fiddling around with the concept as if you were some modern-day remake of Romeo and Juliet. 

The sneaking around, the thrill of moments only you two shared, the promises you kept, the secret kissing or displays of affection, your romantic status like classified information some were only privy to. 

But you didn't have to worry about suddenly losing your 'Romeo', though, because Taehyung wasn't as stupid as he was (no offence, Shakespeare). 

Taehyung remained business-like whenever he needed to be and tended to his work accordingly. He was always cautious of the consequences your relationship warranted, and worked hard to prove your love was worth it despite his chaotic life and the challenges everyone warned you of. 

Taehyung has also always been mischievous, a little rebellious, someone who doesn't always like following whatever he's told; so this relationship was just his cup of tea, making it hard to believe he would grow tired of it considering his well-precedented admiration. 

But now, you weren’t so sure. 

Now he seemed practically devoid of the fact that you two were even dating. He didn’t naturally gravitate towards you anymore like before, instead increasingly gravitating away from you. He didn't linger around to catch a moment with you anymore, didn't come looking for you, didn't spark conversation whether it was important or not, even stopped looking at you as a whole. It seemed like being in your presence was something he avoided rather than just didn't do, like he wanted to fill his time elsewhere and sometimes… you swore it felt intentional. 

As if he didn't want to be around you. 

You sought communicating with him about everything, pinning all the blame on his mountain-high stress and how busy he was thinking you could help ease his mind; but he stayed firm on the notion he was just fine. You obviously knew something was up and wanted to confront him, but you feared pestering or nagging him, never wishing to add to his stress.

And you get that, you really do. He has this demanding, grandiose life that you should understand is incredibly stressful and time-consuming. But you're going to be honest... you fucking missed Kim Taehyung. A lot. 

Granted, you saw him at work, even more so now with a comeback dawning on the group, but it wasn’t the same. 

You missed being home with him. You missed the way his big arms cuddled you when you watched a movie together, you missed 'attempting' to cook dinner with him, you missed your snuggly mornings where he wouldn’t let you go until he laid at least a hundred kisses on you. You missed him tickling you when you least expected it, randomly playing any track of jazz or slow music, swaying you until he made you giggle and you missed him never forgetting to kiss your forehead whenever he parted from you, even if he had to be discreet where work was concerned. 

The cute, couply things you missed, sure. But the one thing that consistently clouded your mind and bothered you nearly every second of everyday... 

Sex. 

That active as hell sex life you two had, you missed every damn detail about it and your body desperately yearned for its revival.

After a month's dryspell, you craved Taehyung so badly it wasn’t funny anymore. From all the times he eyed you suggestively, to the way his large, touchy hands ended up all over you, to the way he eventually laid you down, lost himself in his torturous but pleasurable teasing, maybe even tying you up or handcuffing you in the process, getting you dripping wet before he eventually fucked you just right simply out of his own desire.

Nope. 

You can't do this, it only made you hornier than you already were and fuck, did anything you try on yourself not work at all. You were feeling greedy. Going from doing it nearly three times a week during quarantine lockdown with him to suddenly having gone a month sex-free left you losing your mind. 

There used to be so much fire, so much love, so much passion between you two. It was intoxicating, so ardent that you could feel yourselves aching for each other in your bones.  But now, all of that felt either non-existent or buried so deep underground you couldn't feel much of anything. And of course, the absence of sex and the cute stuff collectively sucked, sure. But what scared you the most were your own thoughts. 

What if he's finally tired of you? What if he wants to focus on his career? What if he's found someone new, someone that isn’t staff, someone much easier and less burdensome than you..

You stopped. 

A dark web of assumptions swarmed your head, all seeming completely plausible and welcoming a dull, daunting sadness to loom over you. Your chest constricted at the thought of your fickle importance to him, wincing at the possibility it could be true. You sat in silence in your lonely home, leaving you to ponder when the apartment began to feel so forlorn in the first place.

The photographs he took framed the walls, the old albums he owned littered your shelves and even one of the many jackets he owned was currently sprawled across your couch. You noticed the way his presence was so deeply rooted in the home, yet he felt as distant as ever. 

You settled in on your couch, cradling his jacket at the thought of how much longer this would continue, forcing yourself to sleep in hopes of ridding the feeling of emptiness from your chest.

But you couldn't.

Your mind drowned struggling to sleep, giving up on shut-eye as a whole until eventually you began swimming, swimming through your emotions and one particular thought stood out to you; this wasn't fucking fair. 

It just wasn't, none of this was. You can't let him continue this, can't remain on the fence about doing something and you certainly cannot just let this go. It was your duty as one of the active partners in this relationship to fight for its life, so that's exactly what you were going to do—with one conclusion you were convinced would work. 

You should give him a taste of his own medicine. 

You decided to be upset, ignore him and see how he reacts. Respond with the same curt responses, not give him the time of day, 'naturally' gravitate away from him. Hell, you could start tomorrow by waking up earlier than him and seeing how he responds to your empty side of bed for once. 

That's if he even comes home tonight. 

This seemed like the only sure-fire method of gaining his attention. Maybe if you acted unreasonably, far from how you usually do he would finally pay you any mind, have to approach and confront you. You’d always let him off the hook on the account of him being an idol, but now he’s taken it too far. 

Your mind grew hazy somewhere in between thinking and shuffling on the couch, only the sight of a vacant apartment and the scent of his cologne lulling you to sleep. 

You groaned as your eyes fluttered open, the reality of last night resurfacing as you remembered the impromptu plan for today, cursing how early you had to wake up to avoid him. 

You lazily rubbed at your eyes as they landed on the clock on your bedside table, suddenly registering you were in a different room altogether. It was then you felt the softness of your pillow, the silk of your sheets, the familiarity of your room's walls coming into view—all of it blissful until you froze at the feeling of weight around your waist, a quick glance confirming it was an arm. It was then you felt your neck being fanned by hot breaths, your back flush against someone's bare chest and you felt your heart speed up. 

Is he...?

Thinking you're getting ahead of yourself, you're proven just right when you turn around to a face you knew all too well. 

Taehyung's soft figure rose and fell as he slept soundlessly next to you. 

You instantly softened, in a bit of shock because he was right there, angelic as ever as he breathed calmly and cuddled your smaller figure into him.

He still held you to fall asleep, huh?

A smile found your face at the thought as you admired the details of his; thick, pretty lashes pressed against the skin underneath his eyes, his large, veiny hand tucked under his cheek as the other draped you, his pink, pillowy lips sealed together in an adorable pout. You shifted onto your side and nuzzled closer into him, listening to his rhythmic breathing and watching his broad chest rise and fall. You melted into his presence, soaking in all the glory that was Kim Taehyung. 

You then remembered he was always here, he did give you his personal time; you just didn't see him. You knew he moved you at night, tucked you in, maybe kissed you goodnight. Maybe he had moments where he felt terrible for being away, whispered sweet apologies and promises into your ear.

But then again, you wouldn’t know, you didn't spend enough time together for you to know. 

A sudden movement of his arm and that eerie thought snapped you back into reality, instantly scolding yourself for getting distracted by him. You had to focus on how you felt, hone in your emotions and refrain from doting on your precious boyfriend. 

You wouldn't be able to ignore him later if you didn't start now.

You were forced to leave his warmth, having to ready yourself for today's rehearsals and resolving numerous things for however long this would continue; you needed Taehyung to feel what you've been feeling all this time, needed him to feel the absence of your presence just as you had felt his. 

And you'll be damned if you were going to be easy about it. 

A couple hours had passed as you stretched, yawning after revising a rehearsal video, the murmurs of staff keeping you awake. Stretching for what felt like the millionth time, you slightly jumped at the sound of the studio doors opening just before the scheduled time. You watched it mindfully, your heart speeding up at the thought of suddenly seeing Taehyung so soon. 

Don’t let it be him first, don’t let it be him first, don’t let it be him first. 

You calmed down once your eyes set on 5 of the members ambling in, watching them greet people until you eventually spotted Jimin and Taehyung trailing behind, thankfully too occupied with giggling to see you. 

You rejoiced in the lack of eye contact until you decided to sneak a peek at Taehyung, mortified when you found his eyes suddenly locking with yours. The shock made you turn away instantly, swallowing what felt like your heart down your throat. 

Your ears were welcomed to the boys making conversation, playfully teasing the 95's for apparently being late and in the midst you managed to shyly greet everyone... except Taehyung.  

And this didn't go unnoticed by him, who already felt worried since he woke up to your cold, unoccupied side of the bed this morning. Taehyung instantly found it off-putting, since he usually knew your schedule and left him wondering what reason you had to disappear without informing him. 

Curiosity flooded him as the thought continued to bug him, what did she have to do so early in the morning? His inquiries turned into actions when he began passing through the boys, immediately stepping towards you. 

"Morning, Y/N. Everything alright?" Taehyung innocently reached for your shoulder once he settled beside you. You almost let him do it, making you reminiscent of when he actually gave a shit about you, but you remembered your little scheme and swiftly pulled away.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Taehyung immediately froze up, disbelief riddling his handsome features. You've never once rejected his touch so blatantly. 

You would never do that, he thought.

Taehyung paused his hand at the point he would have touched you, tugging at his bottom lip uncomfortably before rubbing the back of his neck. You internally winced at the hurt you could see on his face through the studio mirrors, forcing yourself to stand your ground as he feebly spoke again.

"You don't seem fine. Why did you wake up so early this morning? You didn't tell me about it..." He scratched his neck awkwardly, a hint of a pout in his tone.

"I don't know, I just couldn't sleep. I don't need to tell you my every move, Taehyung." You responded curtly.

"I know..but you could've told me, Jagiya. We could've spent the morning together in the apartment if you were up so early." Taehyung looked at you in protest, lowering his voice so others couldn't hear. 

The use of your pet name after a long time instantly ticked you off, even more so his proposal, he could say all that cute shit but couldn't act upon it? 

Irritation nestled its way under your skin, causing you to whisper dryly, “Just get to stretching, Taehyung, we have a lot to go over today.”

His jaw clenched as he swallowed, a troubled expression painting his face. He managed a small 'okay' before he unwillingly stepped away.

Taehyung was beyond confused; something was wrong, seriously wrong. It wasn't just your harsh tone or icy aura, but even in the way you addressed him so plainly as Taehyung. 

He didn't understand, he's seen you mad or annoyed before, but nothing along these lines and he couldn’t piece together the reason for your attitude. It seemed like nothing would ameliorate your mood either, leaving Taehyung cursing whatever evil thing was making you so upset. 

Despite experiencing that bitter demeanour, however, Taehyung was forced to watch you act friendly with everyone else during practice.. except him. 

And what was even worse, he watched you do so for the rest of the week. You had gone a whole week with your (what he found to be) ridiculous behaviour, everything about you so different with him he was left consumed with frustration. 

He watched as you continued to treat everyone else the same, getting a little too close to them than he liked. It was something he noticed in the weeks previous to this, but now silently pissed him off even more because this time you decided to purposefully exclude him; and he hated it. You barely spoke or tended to him over the course of the week, Taehyung's envy blooming in his chest at the way you acted so close to everyone yet treated him, your boyfriend, like a stranger. 

He didn't understand why he was the only one, you talked to Jimin about what he did on his days off, pretended to box with Jungkook, danced around with Yoongi and Hoseok and goofed around with Jin and Namjoon. Hell, he even found you socializing with other staff and dancers more than usual. 

Taehyung couldn't fucking stand it, what in the world was wrong with you? Not only did he figure something was clearly wrong, but that he clearly did something wrong. 

He was beyond confused, annoyed, but more so worried as to what was fuelling your actions. Taehyung didn't know what he did, and he couldn't manage not knowing anymore, most of all despising the feeling that he was suddenly losing you. 

He quickly resolved after a gruesome week he wasn't letting you go after rehearsals tonight, giving a fat fuck you to his evening plans and trading them in for confronting you. 

Your eyes stung from a week’s worth of waking up at the ass crack of dawn to avoid Taehyung, rubbing your eyes as you slung your purse over your shoulder to end another day at the studio. Thinking you were alone, you swiveled around to an empty room and surprisingly spotted Taehyung.

You jumped a little, not expecting him to still be here when you knew he had dinner plans tonight. 

Did he cancel them? 

Suddenly realizing this is the first time in over a month you’ve been in a room with him, alone, and especially after the week you've spent purposefully dodging him, anxiety flooded your chest. 

Your eyes flittered around, nibbling on your lip awkwardly as you pretended he wasn't there. You eventually met his eyes and he returned your hesitant gaze with an intense one, nearly peering into your very soul. He remained unbothered with his hands tucked into his pockets, and now that you were finally viewing him, couldn't help but swoon over his look for the day. 

He really chose to wear that damn grey hoodie with matching grey sweatpants that makes you weak, hair styled in the messy curls he's been sporting ever since his perm and wearing that one silver hoop earring you found incredibly hot. 

He looked like a fluffy puppy but also a full-course meal crafted by God himself. 

This isn't fucking fair at all. 

He noticed you staring at him and his head cocked to the side, studying you with a hint of a smirk. He raised an eyebrow tauntingly, like he wouldn't let you go after trapping you in what felt like shackles around your ankles. You could only swallow dryly, averting your eyes and reminding yourself you had to get out of his trance

His power over you was immense, especially when he flipped his curly fringe from his eyes, examining you with such a fiere, unreadable expression you shifted nervously on your feet. 

How is he so dominant when he's standing a whole 15 fucking feet away from you?

You watched a self-satisfying grin play onto Taehyung’s lips, loving the way you squirmed under his undivided attention until he suddenly began stepping in your direction, sheer panic overtaking you. You weren't ready, you didn't really think of the result of this plan and now that it's worked, you knew you were in trouble. 

Taehyung is unpredictable as hell, you never knew what was running through his mind and which idea he’d pick to entertain. You malfunctioned at the thought and your flight response kicked in, making you step towards the door at light speed. 

"I..uh.. I have to go." You stuttered and purposely ducked around him. You felt relieved once you passed his deep stare, until you felt his slender fingers suddenly grapple onto your wrist. 

Shit. 

"You're not going anywhere." His low voice reverberated in the room, sending currents through your body. You refused to look at him, knowing it would make you squeal, but you stabilized your voice to speak. 

"I..", you swallowed, "don't think it's your place to say." 

You felt his hold on your wrist tighten, knowing that pissed him off. 

A small moment of silence passed and you thought he'd given up, relaxing until he suddenly yanked you towards him, your smaller figure crashing into his chest. He held you against his tall body as his eyes locked with your timid ones, forcing the confrontation of your obvious issue with him. 

You took a stubborn step back instead of giving in, arms crossed. Taehyung had enough of you evading his look and gently lifted your chin with his index finger.

"My place? It's been a fucking week and you haven't even looked at me, Y/N. What is your problem?" He emphasized with annoyance, but his soft eyes gave away he was just desperate for an answer. 

"Nothing's wrong, Taehyung, I'm just tired."

"Oh really? Tired? Y/N, don't think I didn't notice you ignore me for an entire week. I thought something was wrong in general but clearly you have a problem with me and only me. What's your deal?" He vented in frustration, tone utterly displeased.

You only scoffed disbelievingly, looking towards the ground in search of something to hold back your piled-high emotions. 

Taehyung grew tired of your silence and sighed with dejection. He cupped your cheeks and looked at you seriously, "Look at me, bubs, what's so wrong? Did I do something?" the newfound frailty in his voice left you sucking in a breath of guilt. 

You really wanted to voice how you felt, teetering on the possibility until you suddenly became aware you'd be requesting demands from one of the busiest people on Earth.

 Your tongue habitually tied itself. 

"It's just.. It's not important, Taehyung. Let me go." You abruptly turned out of his hold, locking your jaw tightly. 

"Why in God's name would I let you go? Something's wrong, Jagiya, and that's always going to be important to me." Taehyung squeezed your arms affectionately, suddenly warming you to him. 

You could instantly feel your emotions conflicting inside, flooding your chest with regret yet frustration so heavy you needed air. Your eyes were beginning to reveal your vulnerability, trying to blink away threatening tears. 

"Taehyung, just let me go, it's absolutely nothing." Your voice sounded shakily unconvincing and yet, you were tugging yourself away as if he would believe you. 

"It's not nothing, I can clearly see something wrong. Why won't you just tell me?" 

"Because I don't want to tell you, Taehyung. It's really just nothing." 

"You keep saying it's nothing but I can see it in your eyes, you're upset, Jagiya. I know you." Taehyung spoke matter-of-factly, his grip and tone growing desperate.

"I'm not upset, I'm just exhausted." 

"Exhuasted..” Taehyung trailed, licking his lips. “Of course, because now you're waking up earlier than you usually do in the morning and on top of that without even fucking telling me why." His tone grew irritated as he scoffed, looking away from you.

You instantly grew annoyed. 

"And I told you I don't need to tell you my every move, Kim. Why are you even so pissed about it?” 

"Did you just.. family name me?" Taehyung narrowed his eyes

"So what if I did?" You deadpanned. 

Taehyung let out a deep sigh. 

"I’m pissed cause I got worried, okay? Not everyone has a situation like ours where anyone could do shit to you because of me, so I like knowing where you are." Taehyung stressed with a serious tone. "And listen, I’m not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong. I'm fucking serious, Jagi, you did not just ignore me all week only to tell me nothing's wrong." 

"And I'm not gonna say anything. I'm fucking serious, Taehyung." You mimicked him, hoping he'd let you go. 

Taehyung dragged his tongue along the inside of his cheek and chuckled dryly, your impossibility unbelievable to him. He pursed his lips before slowly releasing you, his hands up in mock surrender. 

"Fine, you can leave then." 

You took his words without a second thought and immediately turned for the door. You had just cracked it open before Taehyung’s hand suddenly smacked it shut from behind, making you turn around startled. 

He abruptly pinned you against the door with the weight of his body, locking you in with both arms. He leveled himself to your height and peered directly into your eyes.

"And I told you, I'm not letting you go, Ms. Y/L/N." Taehyung now mimicked you as you felt him dominate you with a degree of alpha-male that left you entranced and unable to move. He drew himself closer to your face, so close that he granted no room for you to breathe. You could only stand in defeat, your doe eyes wide as you flashed them to his lips and back to his eyes. 

Taehyung couldn't resist how much he wanted you anymore.

"I always forget how challenging you can be." He spoke in his deepest, sultriest tone, that damn bass paired with his dancing eyes causing you to bite your lip. 

Taehyung watched you do so and grew hot, finding you irresistible when you were acting impossible yet became putty in his hands. You balled your hands into fists against his chest as he dangerously inched towards your neck, his proximity shooting arousal through your blood. 

His scent was intoxicating, resurfacing the numerous thoughts you had of him in his absence. He manifested butterflies in your chest,  knowing you had to resist him yet found yourself giving in.

He finally ducked into your neck, anticipating the connection of his lips until he only ghosted your skin. He breathed against you purposefully to elicit a reaction, gifted his desire when he felt your body lean into him and breath hitch. 

You hated that you wanted him to kiss you already. You craved him so desperately, so in need of his touch that just the feeling of his body pushing you against the door was enough to make you press your thighs together. 

And little did you know, a month and a week without you left Taehyung dying to devour you. 

As if noticing you getting impatient, he pulled you towards him by your waist and his lips finally crashed onto your neck, a silent groan escaping you as his plush lips began mouthing sensually. You let out a breathy moan but gathered the courage to speak up, knowing full well the high creeping up on you and you needed to get back at him.

"Maybe if you were home more often you'd remember." 

A small laugh escaped Taehyung, "So that's what this is about?" The sudden puff of his breath made you want to jump him. He deliberately pushed his hips into yours, shooting jolts throughout your core once you felt the familiar prodding of something hard. He began sliding one of his hands up and down your waist, almost in an effort to distract you. 

"Of course it is, Tae. You're never fucking home." You spoke with vexation, growing both sexually and emotionally frustrated over the way he was pressing you up against the door and inviting a stirring feeling to constrict your insides. He brought his thigh in between your legs, slightly grinding against you as he added pressure to your heat and sucked your sweet spot.

"I'm never fucking home, huh? Who do you think moves you from the couch to our bed? Makes sure you're comfortable and tucks you in? Kisses you goodnight?" He asked rhetorically, letting his teeth bite at your supple flesh and embellish you with his favourite purple marks.

"T-that's not the point, Taehyung. I'm not awake. H-how does that count as you being home?" You retaliated as best you could, snaking your hands to grab the nape of his neck, fingers trailing into the curly ends of his hair. He groaned so audibly that you grew shamelessly hornier.

"Because I do come home. I sleep next to you in our bed, even cuddle you." He began sucking underneath your jaw, wrapping his arm around your torso to press you flush against him. He kissed down your throat trying to bite and leave more hickies, pushing you back for support.

"I-I just told you, that doesn't count, Tae. You... come home when I'm asleep and leave before I wake up. I-I never see you." You tried to maintain your composure, hands hugging his head close to you. 

"But we already see each other here, don't we? You see me at practice, meetings, in the building... no?" He suddenly came off your neck and his hand flanked to your chin, advancing for a kiss. But immediate annoyance flooded you upon registering his words, pulling your face back. 

"Are you kidding me? You count that as seeing each other? All we do is rehearse choreography and work together. How is that 'seeing' each other?" You asked, baffled at his audacity. 

"Because we're at least together, aren't we? Isn't that all that matters?" Taehyung looked at you as if you were the ridiculous one, ignoring your concerns and trying to kiss you again. You immediately removed yourself from him and pushed him back, his hands letting you go.

"That's not the issue, Tae. The issue is that you're really busy and I get that, but we literally haven't done anything together in the last month. And the reason that sounds insane to me is because we work and live together, you'd expect that somewhere in that time we would’ve done something... but we haven't." You emphasized as you pled your case. 

"Princess, we've been over this. I told you at the beginning of our comeback that our time together was gonna be limited. I remember you agreeing to that and understanding. Why is this coming up now?" 

"So going an entire month neglecting your ‘princess' is what you meant? Your 'limited' seems more like 'nothing at all'.” You air quoted and crossed your arms, becoming annoyed with his ambiguity and sudden use of another pet name. 

"Okay, that's not what I'm saying. All I'm saying is that comeback season is busy, it's one thing after another and I can't always keep up with everything. There’s a lot going on; our album, company business, don’t get me started on the mountain of work with promotions, concerts, filming and photoshoots. I'm even making an entire fucking mixtape. I’m trying my damn best here." Taehyung vouched for himself, holding his hands up to defend against your accusations.

"And I'm not saying you don't try, I understand that you're busy but what I’m saying is I don't even feel important to you anymore, let alone a priority. We barely interact, you never do anything with me or talk to me, but for everyone else you’ve got all the effort in the world to spare. I get that you're an idol, I always see you working hard and I'm proud of that. But you somehow make time for everything else.. why can't you just make some time for me?" You felt like you sounded selfish, almost faltering from revealing anymore but you felt so neglected it had to be said. 

"Wh-what about you? Oh my God, Jagiya.. you're such a high priority to me. Trust me, you really don’t know what I'd do for us and you should know I’d damn well do or sacrifice anything. It may seem like I'm not right now but I promise it's not like that. You'll always be important to me, how could you think otherwise?" Taehyung was perplexed by your sudden outburst, never having known of these feelings before. He reached his hands out to you but you abruptly denied him, snapping at the question.

“Then what’s it ‘like’, exactly? Because it seems very much to me like you want nothing to do with our relationship.” 

“No, that’s-that’s not it at all. Don’t worry about this, okay bubs? Overthinking this won’t do you any good, just trust me.” 

“Trust you? You're not even answering my damn question, Taehyung, what is it then? Why aren’t you telling me? Are you fucking hiding something?” You began speculating, his repeated vagueness irking you.

“Jagi, no, just listen to me. Know that I mean it when I say you’re important to me, you’re the love of my life and you'll always be a priority. Why are you thinking like this? Where is all this coming from?” Taehyung asked incredulously, getting on your very last nerve. 

"I don't fucking know, Taehyung, maybe because you ignore me for hours on end? Maybe because you leave me every morning without considering just waking up together? I know we can't make it obvious we live together, but we’ve always found a way before, what happened to that? Your texts and phone calls are so meaningless. You make time for your friends and other people but don't make any for me." Your eyes turned glassy, tears escaping as you recalled your terrible feelings over the last month. 

"Do you know why you find me sleeping on the couch every night no matter how fucking uncomfortable it is? Because our bed literally smells like you and it constantly reminds me of you but you’re not even there. Do you know how many times I've wanted to talk to you but you're too distracted and I know you'd just push me away? Or how scared I am of bothering you? How many times I've wanted you to come home? How utterly empty and lonely the apartment feels without you even though everything about you is riddled all over it? You don't get it, Taehyung. You just don't fucking get it." You found yourself crying and clutched your chest where it felt like your heart was on display for Taehyung, the reality of everything hitting you like a 16-wheeler. 

Taehyung did nothing but blink at you for several seconds, shocked at what he just heard. Were you seriously.. that upset? His absence was that prominent? It didn't even feel like a month to him, but it seems to you it felt like an eternity. 

Taehyung unfortunately only knew his packed schedule and making sure he didn’t fall asleep where he shouldn't. A multitude of things ran through his mind on a daily basis with his chaotic life; discussing outfits with his stylist, trying to purchase that new serum his makeup artist always reminds him of, meeting with a producer to review freshly composed songs for his mixtape or finally going out for that one drink he always promised a friend or two—and he suddenly hated it all. 

He especially began to loathe his demanding life when he saw the hurt on your face; the way your eyes glistened with pain, the loneliness in your voice, the way you tried physically holding yourself together. He couldn't fathom he was the cause of such pain, wincing at how utterly stupid he was for not noticing this earlier.

I really did do something to her.

He searched for anything to say, beginning to form words but quickly stopping himself from starting a sentence each time. He only examined your crumbling state and regretted not having talked to you sooner, but suddenly wishing you informed him about your feelings preemptively.

"I.. I thought you would've said something, Y/N, but you didn't. How am I supposed to know you feel this way if you don't tell me? You-you seemed okay to me." He inquired softly, tone riddled with guilt, but his words only made a disdainful scoff leave your lips. 

"Told you? Taehyung, you have always made it clear that you're a busy person and I've always respected that. You also made clear the importance of this comeback and that I just had to understand how limited our time together would be. Of course I had to act okay. How could you expect me to come and beg you for your attention after you tell me not to seek it?"

Taehyung was taken aback, falling silent. You watched him angrily, finding it unbelievable he really had nothing to say for such a crucial argument. 

"I was fucking embarrassed, Taehyung. I thought you'd get mad at me for hovering around you while you were busy and stressed. I didn't want to fucking suffocate you." 

"What? Jagi, no, this is important. I wouldn't have reacted like that at all. If you were hurting this much you could've told me and I would've done something. You can always talk to me, how could you not know that?" Taehyung inquired with a hint of accusation and it was like every cell in your body had set off.

"Oh fuck you, Kim Taehyung. Don't give me that bullshit! Of course I know, but I also know that you just get caught up in your own world and your extravagant idol life and I don't wanna fucking bother you when you’re living it without me!" 

"Y/N, don't. I'm not trying to pick a fight with you, can you watch your tone a little?" Taehyung asked with a frustrated timbre.

"You know what? I won't, Taehyung, let's fight. Only way to get your attention, isn't it?" Your feelings had reached its peak as you decided to egg him on.

"Don't do this, Y/N. I'm trying to have a civilized conversation." 

"And I don't want a civilized conversation, it's only making you ask me stupid questions." 

"They're not stupid questions. Can you not understand my side of this?" 

"Nope, I won't because I don't care about your side, actually." 

"The fuck? And you just expect me to understand your side when you won't even try to understand mine? I’m expected to know how you feel? Well news flash, Y/N, I can't exactly read minds.” He humorlessly tapped his head for effect, quipping at you harshly.

"I'm not asking you to read my mind, I'm just asking you to fucking pay attention for once in your goddamn life." You rolled your eyes dramatically, arms crossed tight as ever. 

Taehyung noticeably grew angry at the remark, his eyes narrowing in irritation. "Do not tell me of all people I don't pay attention. You know I've changed over the years but how attentive I am hasn't. Don't ever say that to me again." Taehyung's stern voice warned you of the line you were crossing.

You immediately softened and turned your attitude down a notch, only by a margin since you knew he would never grow angry enough to do anything to you.

"Fine, you pay attention, but clearly not enough." You acquiesced, looking away from him. 

Taehyung tried his best to reason now that he sensed you yielding. "Look, this is my first time hearing about this, okay? I had no clue, especially because you seemed and acted fine with me. Of course I'm going to tell you you should've just talked to me, I'm seriously not asking stupid questions." 

"Well, I didn't want to talk to you." 

"And how was that going to help you? It's only making us argue over something so easily fixable." He indirectly accused you and you returned your eyes to his, narrowing them at his audacity. 

"Wow, easily fixable, huh? Do you really think it takes that little to earn my forgiveness after neglecting me for an entire month? Am I that easy to you?" You smiled to yourself miserably, turning away as tears spilled from you. 

Your assumptions were correct, he really just thought of you as some easy pushover. Part of this was your fault, wasn't it? Being so quiet and passive about everything. You voluntarily let him get away with everything, let him slip away without a fight, and the frustration of that realization came washing down on you, hard. 

"No, wait. That's not what I meant. I just meant that if you'd let me known earlier, we wouldn't be fighting like this." Taehyung instantly softened at your tears with regret, internally facepalming himself.

"I didn't want to openly tell you, okay? It makes me seem...like an attention-seeker, and I was so afraid of bothering you." You wore your heart on your sleeve as your voice wavered, more tears escaping as you attempted to blink them away. 

Taehyung looked at you with overwhelming worry. His heart was beyond broken now, his desire to fix everything growing stronger with every tear that dared escape your eyes. 

He needed to make this right, fast.

"It doesn't make you a fucking attention-seeker, Y/N. Stop being so worried about how you appear to me, I'm with you for a reason. I accept you in any way, especially after how much we fought for this, for us. Your feelings too, they're all fucking valid to me. I really would've done something if you’d just told me how you felt." Taehyung practically pleaded, his pouty lips and devastated eyes making it clear he just wanted to reach some sort of consensus with you. 

"But that's the problem, Tae." You sniffled, wiping some tears. "You keep saying I should’ve told you, when you should've noticed on your own in the first place." 

Taehyung felt like someone had slapped him across the face, his lips parting as a deep look of realization dawned on his gorgeous face. "I…" He trailed, but couldn't let words out. He was realizing how stupid he was, how unobservant and ignorant. He hated it all, hated that he was so busy, hated that he didn't pay enough attention and hated that he hurt you. 

You gave up when his lack of words warranted a tense silence between you two, cut short when you hastily left the room. You walked in the direction of the parking lot angrily. You just needed some air, needed to go home and cleanse yourself of him for the time being. 

You thought you were being quick enough, until you heard laboured footsteps and Taehyung's low voice echoing in the hallway, tailing you. 

"Y/N! Wait, wait! Please, don’t walk away!" Taehyung practically begged as he rushed to your side.

"I'm not gonna wait for anything, I'm going home!" 

"Stop! My manager's gonna take us home tonight, okay? We're gonna talk about this." He stated with solidarity as he grabbed your arm, eager to patch things up.

"No we're not, and I have my own car, I'm getting myself home." You snatched your arm from him and marched on.

"You can leave it here for fuck's sake, and I said stop. We're going home together and sorting this out because I can't leave you like this, okay? We need to fix this."

"Awh, all I'm getting from that is you'll finally be home for once!" You chirped sarcastically, never looking at him as you practically stomped away. You saw him falter from your side, knowing he had to have paused at the heft of your comment. 

You both eventually made it through the building’s doors, you needing to be pretty much dragged into his manager’s car despite your vehement protest, stupidly shut into the back with him.

You were turned away putting on an Oscar’s worthy performance of pretending he wasn’t there, and Taehyung was left to canvas his numerous thoughts as the car drove. 

He realized he had said nothing to your comment earlier because.. you were right. 

When was the last time he sat in a car with you like this? The last time you were both home together? The last time you both lazily threw your things onto the floor once you arrived home and immediately smothered each other after holding back all day? The last time he held you in his arms while you two watched a trashy movie? 

Holy fuck, when was the last time we had sex? Made love? 

He could only think of memories from weeks ago in quarantine, nothing recent. His solemn gaze fell upon you as he thought. He could feel the prominent tension between you two, the gut-wrenching distance, leaving a black hole swallowing his heart. He felt no ease, no affection, no love. 

When did it fucking become like this? 

He was still struggling to stomach the fact that he hurt you. He watched you regretfully, tears pricking at his eyes as he saw you attempting to hold back your own. 

He then felt the sudden need to hold you, to comfort you. You had been pulling away from him for so long that he wanted nothing but to feel his large, warm hand cradle your smaller, colder one. Reassure you that while he's stupid, he's still here. 

Taehyung looked at you and leaned over, deciding to gently slide a reaffirming hand atop yours, gripping your fingers with all the love and warmth he could muster. 

He expected you to reject him, nearly giving up on a reaction until he felt your tentative hand just barely grab his back. Surprised, he took a relaxed breath. 

I'm going to fix this.

Taehyung shut the door as you two sauntered into your apartment and you disregarded your things, heading straight for your room. You thought it would make Taehyung leave you alone, but he caught your hand as you began stepping away. He didn’t yank you; simply held your wrist, still and remorseful with your back to him. 

A long pause passed as he stood in place, silence piercing the air until you spoke coldly, "What do you want?"

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could manage, his once powerful voice so incredibly small. 

You searched for a response, the air becoming somewhat suffocating as you sighed. “I know.” 

“No, you don’t. Jagiya, I mean it. I mean it with everything I have. I'm so sorry” Taehyung insisted with meaning, like he was seconds away from falling apart if you didn't believe him. 

You could hear the sincerity in his words and you could feel how heartbroken he was, but your exhaustion amassed with all the emotions that had been attacking you all week were discouraging you from participating in any conversation right now. 

“You may mean it, but that’s not fixing anything, Taehyung. You really don’t know how it felt to have you ignore me. To see you unaffected by our time apart. It felt like you were pushing me away, like I wasn’t worth your fucking time anymore.” 

“That’s wrong, Jagiya. You are always worth my time.” 

“Then maybe you’re just a contradictive jerk, Taehyung, I don’t know!” You threw your hands up as you broke his hold, turning around vexed. 

"Because one day you're telling me to basically fuck off because you're too busy but the next you're saying I'm worth all your time? Where the fuck was that the last month then? All you had to do was spare me a couple hours a week, just a couple. I wasn't even asking for much, you could've made the time!"

“I'm sorry, okay! I’m a jerk, I get it, but I had a reason! I have a fucking reason but right now I want to apologize and say I'm sorry. I’m sorry I made you feel like that, I’m sorry I neglected you and made you feel alone, I never intended that!” Taehyung sincerely implored, eyes worried and persistent as he reached for you. 

“Then what did you intend? Saying sorry after the fact does nothing. If you didn’t intend to hurt me then what did you intend to do?!”  You shouted, evading his touch again. 

“I was doing it for you! The reason was all for you, for us!”

You couldn’t help but laugh as anger seeped into your blood, unbelieving of whatever excuses you thought he was making up. 

“For me? Us? Really? Wow, did you suddenly quit your job as an idol to become comedian of the fucking year?” You quipped venomously. "How the fuck is you ignoring me for a month 'for our relationship'?" 

Taehyung was trying hard to calm himself down, thinking twice about how he was going to handle this. "Y/N, please, just try to trust me on this." 

You scoffed disbelievingly, shaking your head as you quickly made your way further into the apartment and over to your TV. Taehyung's eyebrows furrowed as he watched you reach towards the shelf underneath it. It was adorned with cherished photos of the people you both held most dear; family, friends, the boys. Most of them consisted of Taehyung entertaining his love for photography, having snapped stunning photos of scenery, people or a combination of both he adored enough to frame. 

But many were of you two, either in front of gorgeous landscapes or adorable candids. You picked up a photograph of you two in Daegu—Taehyung's big arms enveloping yours from behind as you hooked onto them, all smiles in front of his family's strawberry farm after his camera’s timer snapped the photo.

“See this? This is something you did for us, you told me you only take and frame photos of the most beautiful moments in your life, and you gave this to me telling me it was your favourite moment.” You placed the frame down, opting to grab the gray Sherpa blanket off the couch in front of you. 

“This? You got this for me after I was diagnosed with anemia during Christmas and had been shivering for months. You told me not to worry because you’d always keep me warm and whenever you weren’t there I could use this blanket instead, think of it as you. You did that for me.” You disregarded the blanket and held up your wrist. 

“This bracelet? You got it for our anniversary and made it our equivalent of promise rings because you know I hate rings. You even made sure your bracelet matched in a way that other people wouldn't notice and was only special to us." You watched as Taehyung slightly lifted his left hand to look at the mentioned bracelet. "You did that for me, for us.” Tears were brimming your eyes as you spoke, voice growing shaky.

“Taehyung, you did all those sweet and thoughtful things for us, for me. Those are the kinds of things you should be doing, not fucking hurting me by acting like I don't matter to you, making me question everything. What’s wrong with you? How could you scare me like that? Treat me like I’m nothing and say it’s for our relationship?”

“You're not, you're not nothing." Taehyung's voice caught in his throat, trying hard to dry his glassy eyes.

"I get it, Y/N. I fucking get it, what I’m doing right now may not seem as sweet as all those other things, but I promise it’s as thoughtful, it's still all for you. I’m serious when I say that, this is all because I love you. Why can’t you just believe me?” 

"And why can’t you just say what it is? Why won't you tell me? Are you hiding something? Taehyung, what you did felt like anything but love-" 

"That’s not true. The reason is insignificant right now because I didn't mean to hurt you, I’m so fucking sorry.” Taehyung's voice shook with genuity, trying once again to approach you, gingerly, affectionately. 

Your anger couldn’t subside with the way he kept side-tracking, however, your emotions growing erratic again. "Are you kidding me? Insignificant? The reason is the most important! Just tell me, why did you ignore me for an entire fucking month?!” 

"I said it's not fucking important right now. I want to apologize first, I didn’t mean to do it!" Taehyung was desperate to reason, eyes begging you to believe him. 

“It is important! Tell me what you’re hiding.”  

“It’s not important.”

“Yes it is!”

“No it isn’t!” 

“Yes it is!” 

“No it isn’t! I'm trying to earn your forgiveness firs-Y/N, what are you.." Taehyung’s eye widened in shock.  

He couldn't finish his sentence because he watched you grab a cushion from the couch and suddenly launch it in his direction.

"What the fuck? What are you doing?!” Taehyung exclaimed as he dodged, his large hands instinctively catching the object, looking at you like a confused puppy. “Did you just throw that at me?!” 

“I did! And I'll do it again until you tell me what you’re hiding!” You challenged him like a child and started reaching for throwable things. Pens, notepads, books, even a stray plastic water bottle all went hurtling towards Taehyung. 

You couldn’t stop throwing out of frustration, his unfair gift of ambidextrous hands and incredible catching skills making you even more frustrated. 

Did he really have to be made so fucking perfect? 

He continued defending himself from your attacks until he grew annoyed, “For the love of God, Y/N, stop throwing shit! Just put everything down and listen to me, you have to trust me before I can even explain myself!” Taehyung shouted more so with concern for you, dodging a bottle of vitamins. 

Now why the fuck was that just lying around? 

You snorted condescendingly, "Again with that, trust you?" You mocked as the TV remote came into your hand. 

"You know what, Taehyung? Let me explain for you, you’ve just found someone new who's not fucking staff, haven’t you? Our relationship got too difficult and you’ve finally had enough. You’re hiding shit to save my feelings, aren’t you?” You accused him much to your dismay, angry tears pooling in your eyes.

"What-no! Fuck no I would never do or think any of that!" Taehyung vehemently denied, finally having reached you and wrestled you for the remote. He eventually pried it out of your hands, throwing it away and holding your wrists as you resisted him.

 "It’s none of that, alright? I was just so damn stressed and I had way too much work. There’s so much going on, it fucks with me and I didn't want to make you my fucking mental care, unload my idol life crap onto you. You're working just as hard and I didn't want to burden you.”  Taehyung desperately revealed trying to reach you, upset that you could even think such ridiculous, lowly things of him. 

"Don't you dare use work as an excuse. I know you were busy and stressed, but you were making time for everyone else in your life except me. Just say it, Tae. I know you're tired of us!"

"Fucking-Y/N, it's literally not that at all. I was actually busy, okay? What I said is true!" Taehyung pleaded, he knew he was only telling part of the truth, but it wasn't exactly a lie.

"It can't just be that, there's no way. What are you hiding from me? I'm serious, I'll leave this conversation if you don't, I'll leave this apartment if you don't-” 

"No! Just-alright! You really wanna know so badly?” Taehyung inquired rhetorically, his jaw locking. “Fine then. You fucking got found out.” 

You stopped fighting him and blinked, confusion riddling all your features. Taehyung sighed deeply and continued before you could say anything.  

“We got too comfortable, okay? I'm still an idol and our team heard a shit ton of rumours spreading outside the company about me dating someone. They controlled most and knew any remaining ones would just turn into baseless gossip since nobody knew your identity. I’d just get talked about which I didn't care about. But people somehow started finding your face, your name, and your information was spreading fast. Management was scared you'd be made public especially with reporters and cameras so up our asses these days and watching us. I was terrified when they told me. I couldn't let anyone know you, not when they’d do or say shit to you just because we're together… so I had to do something."

Now it was your turn to stand in shock for several seconds, utterly wide-eyed at the bullet you didn't even know Taehyung was keeping from you. 

“What-what the fuck? What do you mean? When did this happen?" 

"The same time I started 'ignoring' you. Nobody pressured me to break up with you, but I was warned to dissolve the rumours asap. I took matters into my own hands by acting the way I did to get people thinking we were either broken up or never dating in the first place. I hated doing it.. but it started working. I didn't want to tell you anything because I knew you'd just say we could solve everything together when we weren't in a position to do so." Taehyung wasn't hiding his clear anguish, upset having to recall his awful memories of the ordeal.

You were still shocked at how little you knew, finding yourself at least understanding of his actions and reasoning, but crossed your mind better ways to have dealt with this; especially ones that didn't entail hurting you.

"But Taehyung, you should've let me known. If you had just told me I wouldn't have gotten hurt like this. Why would you keep this from me?"

"I just.. I couldn't tell you. It felt like I was breaking up with you and I couldn't handle it. Even when I finally had the balls to do it I ended up prolonging because I just got so busy and pushed everything away to focus. I felt like I could deal with it on my own, fix it all by myself. I didn't want to drop this on you when you were busy too." 

You exhaled harshly, hating how unfair this entire situation was. "You could’ve told me with something like this, Taehyung. I can't just let you carry the burden all on your own, this entire problem had to do with me. We promised we wouldn’t keep shit from each other especially considering the circumstances of our relationship. Why would you break that promise?" Your eyes welled up again, inhaling painfully. 

Taehyung paused, scoffing humorlessly. "Yeah? I broke that promise? Jagi...you broke that promise too." 

You blinked again, his eyes piercing yours poignantly as you could only look back at him in defeat. 

He was right. 

He was entirely right, you hid your feelings from him and never told him anything, a clear violation of that promise on your end. But you couldn't let his wrongdoings go either, not on this; the hurt, the doubt, the thoughts he made you think. That pain was making you fall apart and the reality of it all came crashing down on you. "An apology still can’t fix this, Taehyung. I want to go to bed, we'll talk about this tomorrow.” 

You pulled away and moved towards your room until Taehyung rushed in front of you, grabbing onto your arms.

“Wait! This isn’t over, baby please, just listen to me.” 

“It is for today, Taehyung. I can't do this right now.” 

“No, I don’t want tomorrow. I want this now, I want to talk to you now.” Taehyung insisted with what seemed like his entire being. He didn't want to spend tonight like this; he didn't want you to sleep upset, and neither did he. 

“Taehyung, you’re making me repeat myself. Let me go, please. I’m exhausted.” You choked on your words, swiping your tears. 

“No, I told you I’m not fucking letting you go, especially not now.” He gripped you stubbornly, searching for your eyes.

“Taehyung, for the love of God just let me go-”

“I said no!” Taehyung's volume suddenly pierced the room, his intense aura stilling you. 

He didn't sound angry. rather in need, like he was calling out to you with his entire heart and the tight hold on your arms gave it all away. 

You finally decided to pay attention to him. His tone beyond serious, his eyes swimming with worry. His miserable face and refusal to let you go regrettably softened you. You understood him, saw the desperation and concern behind all his actions. 

But he chose to neglect you. He made you feel alone, made you overthink numerous possibilities about your relationship and even question his feelings for you.

"You.." You exhaled with agony, swallowing hard. 

None of this was easy, the nights you spent curled up on the couch overthinking, lying to everyone that you were okay, working in the studio alone to get him off your mind, blaming yourself. The accumulated pain of all those days now manifested in your chest all at once, making your heart ache. 

"You made me feel like I wasn't important to you, like I wasn't worth your time. I.. thought you found someone better, easier.. that I wasn't enough for you." Your voice crumbled by the second, your mind jumping to the one conclusion you tried to avoid the most but couldn't any longer. 

"I thought you weren't in love with me anymore." 

Taehyung's heart shattered into a million pieces, overwhelming hurt piercing his chest so violently that tears instantly betrayed his eyes. 

He couldn't bear any of this anymore, the tension, the distance, couldn't bear that you ever thought such an awful thing. Small tears escaped him as he gently placed his hands on your face, looking into your eyes with insurmountable pain before colliding his lips with yours. 

He kissed you tenderly, passionately, like his mouth was dying to express how much he'd missed you, and trying harder to prove how utterly wrong your last words were. Before you could even reject him, you found your own lips mirroring the same longing, the same need after a painful month apart.

Your eyes fluttered shut as tears stained your cheeks, the sheer love you could feel in his kiss suddenly brightening any parts inside you that had grown dark because of him. He began working against your mouth hungrily, trying to commit every inch of your lips to his memory. 

The kiss was fervent, utterly desperate, your harsh breaths mingling together as his hands on your cheeks wiped your tears away gingerly and yours clutched his hoodie tightly.

It's like he was consuming all of you, attempting to deepen the kiss with every second that passed by as he pulled you closer. And for once this past month, you didn't feel like questioning his feelings for you, because he was now serving them on a silver platter, making it blatantly obvious he had never once lost his love for you and will never do so. 

He kissed you like he wanted you and only you, he kissed you like you were fleeting and could disappear at any moment, he kissed you like you were his home, like you meant any and everything to him, like you were the only galaxy he believed in and it did nothing but set you both ablaze.

His tongue swiped your bottom lip impatiently, wanting to taste you after so long and you permitted absent-mindedly, damning every emotion except love and lust to hell, welcoming him. 

His tongue entangled with yours sloppily as you slid your hands up his sculpted neck, a soft groan escaping Taehyung's lips once you tugged his hair. 

It wasn't until Taehyung caught your bottom lip between his teeth that you felt something ignite inside you. You both panted as you disconnected, gazing at his dark eyes for a mere second before impatiently crashing your mouth onto his again. 

This time you caught him for a heated make out session, pulling his hair aimlessly as Taehyung pressed you against him with his arms snaking around your waist, both of you moving perfectly in sync with one other. The feeling of your bodies so close ignited your arousals, currents running through both your veins.

Taehyung pushed you back against the nearest wall, hard. You nearly yelped at the contact but Taehyung swallowed it with his eager kisses, getting rougher, sloppier, growing high off the feeling of you wanting more, him wanting so much more.

He brought his thigh in between you, pushing his hips against yours and you felt his hardness through his sweatpants. Your panties practically soaked at the contact, your moans devastatingly loud and hot and only making Taehyung harder. 

He brought his hands down to cup your ass momentarily as he kissed you, sliding them to the back of your thighs. You kicked yourself off the ground into his hold, legs grappling Taehyung's waist as he forced you back up against the wall. Your hands grabbed his jaw tightly, wanting all of him as your tongues moulded together. 

Taehyung felt his urges to touch you overwhelm him, utterly dying to hear you desperately say his name and moan breathlessly into his ear. He had gone too long, far too long without feeling you lose yourself to him that he needed you now. 

One of Taehyung's impatient hands moved up to fumble with the button of your jeans, disconneting to look into your eyes, his pink, swollen lips irresistible. 

"Have you been touching yourself?" He breathed hard and asked mere centimeters your mouth, forehead leaning on yours. 

"B-barely. I couldn't get myself off the same way." You exhaled harshly trying to calm down, mind woozy from the sheer adrenaline he was pumping through you. "You?" 

"Tried, but nothing felt like you." 

Taehyung returned his lips to yours breathlessly and unzipped roughly, sliding his hand inside and finding your already sopping wet heat. His fingers made contact through the soaked material and you let out a satisfied moan, throwing your head back against the wall. Taehyung chuckled proudly, pressing his lips to your exposed neck as he began lewdly rubbing your folds. 

Your walls clenched around nothing, begging for something to fill you up. You shamelessly rode against his fingers, desperate for more friction and Taehyung absolutely adored how needy you were. 

He smirked to himself as he pushed your underwear aside, his fingertips suddenly touching your bare pussy and you automatically felt sparks, gasping. 

Taehyung felt your delicious wetness and a satisfied groan left his lips. He couldn’t stop rubbing you, playing with your folds like it was a game he mastered ages ago. His digits spread you all over yourself, teasing you. He purposefully brushed over your clit multiple times and you felt nothing but fireworks, the heat between your legs growing so hot you clutched onto his shoulders to stay sane.

"Fuck.. Taehyung fuck! If you go inside.. I can't.. I'll fucking lose it." You stammered out, trying to relax but Taehyung eyed your panting figure with a smirk so evil you wished he'd just fuck you against this wall right now. 

Taehyung brought his lips to your ear and spoke lowly, the bass in his voice sending chills down your spine. 

"Then fucking lose it." 

Without warning, Taehyung shoved his two fingers inside you, a smug grin decorating his gorgeous face as he watched you nearly cry out, gripping harder into his hair and shoulder for dear life. His fingers began sliding in and out, your walls welcoming him greedily as he pumped you, milking out every beautiful sound you could make for him as he relished in them. 

Taehyung was already the hardest man on Earth, his cock painfully tucked away in his pants and aching to be inside you. You brought your forehead against his for support as he went harder, your breaths melding as you panted fucked out moans from the sheer bliss of his long fingers, just something of his dragging inside you. 

Your body moved up against the rougher thrusts of his fingers, practically fucking you open and the delectable sting certifying you’d lost it for Kim Taehyung. 

You suddenly felt your insides beginning to stir around him and you panicked, not wanting to let go just yet, just on his fingers. 

"T-Taehyung.. shit.. I can feel but- but not just on this." Your head was so gone a coherent sentence seemed impossible. Taehyung's fingers curled up inside you as he pumped a little harder, faster, making you whimper against his mouth and he used every ounce of strength he had not to swallow them with kisses, just so he could hear you. 

"Taehyung, please.." You moaned loudly and held onto him so desperately that Taehyung finally snapped, his dick throbbing to have you wrapped around him and hear his name just like that.

"Fuck this." Taehyung pulled his fingers out and carried you straight into your room.

He threw you down onto the bed hurriedly, his eyes blown out as he positioned himself above you. You breathed unevenly as you looked up at him, his body rising and falling quickly as he tried to control himself and his hungry look made you push your thighs together. 

The sight of your flushed cheeks and panting body underneath him made Taehyung's dominant side thrive. He drank you in greedily, registering this as the first time in a month he had you all to himself. 

"You don't fucking know, Y/N. All those times I had to hold back. When you walked around the studio looking sexy as hell, moving your body like pure sin, and I couldn't do a single thing to you." Taehyung's dark eyes indicated something had awakened inside him.

"What do you mean?" 

Taehyung scoffed, "You just don't get it." He mimicked you from earlier. “I was putting on a front and none of it was true. Every fucking time I saw you I wanted to lose it. Every time I saw you concentrating with that look, working, seeing your exposed skin, all the times I caught you practically eye-fucking me and I wanted to eye-fuck you back." Taehyung breathed out, voicing his pent up tension. 

"But you know what was worse? The times I saw you laughing with fucking Jungkook, screwing around with Jin-hyung, the guys acting so close with you. Watching back-up dancers eye-fuck you, hearing all their fucking comments about how hot you are, people asking if you’re single now, and I couldn't do shit because everyone was always around, watching." Taehyung breathed frustratedly, dangerous eyes locked on you.

"You know I don't get openly jealous, but my blood still boils under my skin when I see or hear those things, especially when I can’t do anything about it. I wanted you.. so badly, just wanted to take you right there in front of everyone if I could.." Taehyung nearly growled as his head hung low, entangling his hands with yours and squeezing them on the bed. 

"Then why didn't you?" 

Taehyung's eyes flashed up amusedly, "Why didn’t-you wanted me to do something in front of everyone?” His confusion softened into a little smirk. 

“You wanted to be watched, huh?" Taehyung lowered himself to your ear.  "Wanted everyone see the way I fuck you? See the way I make you mine? Fuck you open for me?” Taehyung was setting your core on fire and you had to bite your lip. 

He noticed and hated that his lips weren't on yours, quickly planting them for a kiss. 

The weight of Taehyung's leg pushing against your throbbing heat started compromising your sense of control, wanting to rile him up so bad he'll have no choice but to give you what you want. 

"Fuck, this is what I've been waiting for. Teasing you under me, cumming just from my fingers and tongue, fucking you senseless until you’re cumming again." Taehyung's words were filthy as ever and you loved every syllable. 

"Then do it." 

He smiled smugly as his mouth moved to the one spot on your neck he knew leaves you squirming. Curses left your mouth the second you felt his teeth, Taehyung adamant on leaving deep, purple marks. 

“I'm gonna show everyone you're mine, only mine.” Taehyung’s authoritative voice came out breathy as he kissed and bit in between, obsessed with seeing the art he was creating. 

"Shit… Taehyung yes, I missed you, I missed you so fucking much." You desperately stammered out.

"I fucking missed you too, baby." He smiled, his dark eyes glancing from your zip-up sweater and back to you. "But first, off."

Your hands moved for the zipper until Taehyung caught your wrists and forced them back against the bed, obsidian eyes scolding you. 

"That's my job." Taehyung spoke dominantly, hot as fuck as he stared at you while bringing his mouth down to your zipper.

His teeth caught it and slowly zipped down your body, pronouncedly breathing against your bare skin that made you hiss, arching up into him as he held your hands down. 

Taehyung was welcomed by your bra-cladded chest, basking in the glory of seeing your body after so long. He began laying kisses in between your breasts, his every contact electric. 

"Taehyung, please.. don't tease. It’s been so long." 

"We'll see about that."

He reached a hand underneath your back to unclip your bra, practically ripping the clothes off you and chucking them. 

Taehyung was heating up drinking you in, cursing at how even the sight of your naked top was making him somehow harder. 

"Shit, Jagi. You're so fucking gorgeous." Taehyung stated with haste as his large hands found your thighs that rested either side of his hips. He then slowly slid them up your abdomen, cupping your breasts and fingering your nipples. Your hands reached out to hold onto him as you exclaimed but he roughly pinned them above you, restricting you. 

He lowered himself to your chest for hickeys, kissing, licking, nibbling the flesh of your boobs. You arched and groaned as he held you down, sexually frustrated as he torturously teased you. 

"Taehyung, please… you know what I want." You breathed out, your hands resisting but he kept denying you. 

"You’re so fucking hot like this, so impatient and needy for me." Taehyung groaned, lapping his tongue over the flesh of your breasts until the tip of his tongue finally glided over your perched nipple.

You gasped at the contact, whimpering as your walls clenched around something non-existent and you bucked up into Taehyung. You could feel heat pooling at your core, begging to be battered as he sucked on your nipples, tongue doing wonders.  

Marks now embellished your chest as he kissed down to your stomach affectionately and neared your lower half, exciting your opening. 

Your eyes darted down and suddenly caught his length, poking out from his sweatpants and practically begging for attention. 

He instantly took notice. 

"No, princess. It’s about you tonight, not me, no touching." Taehyung ordered seriously, looking at you with a sense of dominance that only left you more aroused. 

You made a whiny noise, "Why not? I want to make you feel good." You retorted, wiggling your hand out to touch him until Taehyung locked you down harder. 

He clicked his tongue as he began pulling your pants and panties down your legs with one hand, his dark eyes chastising you, "We'll get to me another day." He disregarded them and let his hand feel up your thighs, bringing his face to your entrance.  

"But right now, having you like this, begging-” he nipped at your inner thigh, “making those sounds-” he licked the marks, “wet as hell for me-” he sucked your flesh, “that's all I need." His tone dropped an octave, letting your wrists go and nearing your cunt inch by inch. 

"Taehyung, fuck-don't do this. Please, it's been too long, don't tease.." You pleaded, hating the way he was shamelessly working you up.

"Do you need me, baby?" Taehyung watched your breath hitch as he kissed around your nether lips. "Need to feel me inside you? Stretch you out? Fuck the shit out of you?" His low, dark tone made butterflies fill your abdomen and all you could manage was a light nod.

"Tell me, Jagiya. Tell me what you want from me, where you want me.." Taehyung breathed against your soaked pussy and you shivered, beyond impatient. 

"Y-your tongue, your cock, Taehyung, you. Please..I can’t do this.. just fuck me, make me come all over you.." You rambled and looked at Taehyung through hooded eyes. You grabbed one of his hands and brought him directly to your dripping heat, rubbing him against your slit unforgivingly.

Taehyung groaned proudly, "Good girl. I'll fuck you so good you’ll feel me for hours, so hard I’ll have to carry you to rehearsals myself." Taehyung's filthy words rang in your ears. 

A loud moan escaped you once Taehyung's pillowy lips and tongue pressed onto your pussy, your breath hitching as his muscle began licking into your folds. Taehyung hooked onto your thighs from underneath, parting your legs wider for him. Your hands found his broad shoulders for support and you tugged at his hoodie frantically, whining. 

"Taehyung, off.." 

Taehyung drew away from you to slide his top off. He threw the sweater mindlessly as he returned, deciding to sink two fingers inside you as his tongue began licking. His newly exposed skin made you feel more aroused, tugging his soft curls to manage the bliss he was supplying you. 

His tongue licked you like he was starving, sucking and flicking your clit occasionally as his fingers curled up inside your velvety walls. You felt like crying, after such a long time the pleasure was already building up inside you and so intense you needed to let go. 

"Taehyung-Tae.. I feel it. Don't stop..." You moaned weakly, your orgasm dawning on you as Taehyung quickened his pace. His dark eyes watched you through his fluffy fringe and it was intoxicating, had you throwing your head back against the pillow just to contain yourself. 

"Come for me baby, come all over my tongue and fingers. I wanna hear you.” Taehyung cooed at you as he pumped and the tip of his tongue played with your clit faster, soothing your thigh and adoring the wet mess in between you. Your loud moans and groans sent shivers down Taehyung's spine and blood straight to his cock. 

The familiar sensation of something coiling came to you, gripping Taehyung's hair until you saw stars and felt a fierce snap, the unholiest of noises leaving you as your back arched. You panted hard, bringing an arm up to shield your eyes, the pleasure of your high dizzying as Taehyung watched you, tasting and fingering out your orgasm. 

He kissed your entrance multiple times before he decided he was done. He straightened himself up and wiped your juices off his chin, licking your essence off him. Feeling you come undone on his mouth made him go feral, needing to feel your walls hug his cock just the same.

He positioned himself above you, gently moving your arm from your face. 

"Don't hide from me." he spoke softly, intertwining his hands with yours against the pillow to adore your fucked out expression. 

You admired him innocently in the moment, his honey-coloured skin kissed by the moonlight radiating through the windows. The expanse of his broad chest and shoulders looking more bulky now that he was working out, his thick neck, the beautifully visible veins in his arms that all created the art that was Kim Taehyung. 

Your eyes scanned over him greedily until you landed on his lower half, the tent in his pants looking so painful you again ached to relieve it.

Taehyung eyed you as you licked your lips, boldly reaching out for his dick. You touched sparingly, Taehyung instantly letting out a pleasurable groan until he caught your hand.

"What did I say? You never fucking listen, do you?" Taehyung brat-handled you, his alpha male on full display. 

“What if I don’t want to listen?” You disobeyed and reached out again, gaining full contact until he grabbed and forced your hand against the sheets. 

“I’ll make you regret that." 

Taehyung quickly shuffled his pants and boxers down and past his hips, disregarding them and leaving him bare before you. 

Your eyes began ogling the angry, red tipped cock that had sprung out, looking painfully uncomfortable and leaving you wishing Taehyung had just fucked your mouth just watch him suffer. He was already leaking precum, making you whimper at the thought of him coming inside you. 

Taehyung positioned himself in between your legs, bringing his dick to your entrance. He tried to bite away a mischievous grin before sliding his cock against your folds to mix your wetness with his.

"Shit, Jagi, you're so fucking wet." Taehyung moaned with you at the pleasurable feeling. 

"Fuck, Taehyung…I can’t, I need.. inside." Your sentence was mangled, his hot flesh against you heavenly. 

"Shit, saying my name like that..I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll feel me in your throat." Taehyung growled, gripping the base of his cock and aligning himself with your entrance. You readied yourself until Taehyung stopped, a thought suddenly popping into his head. 

"Wait, you got your shot this month, right? You're okay with raw?" He asked with no particular haste, concern glossing over his eyes. 

Taehyung's chest suddenly tightened realizing he didn't even know something as simple as you getting your shot, important to him since your phobia of needles was so bad you usually needed to hold his hand or talk to him on the phone. 

But he was so busy this month he couldn't do either.  

"Of course, Taehyung, of course I did." You breathed out erratically, trying to calm down after his tormenting cock sliding. You gave his hand that held yours against the bed a squeeze, wishing he would begin battering your insides already. 

"Fuck, I know how much you're afraid of needles.. I should've been there." Taehyung became disappointed in himself, eyes faltering from yours. 

You immediately grew soft, "Taehyung.. it's okay, if it's for you then I'm not so scared. Don't worry, bubs." You said as you let go of his hands to cup his cheeks, searching for his eyes. 

"But you get them just for me..even though you're so scared. I love you for that." Taehyung doted on you as he tucked your hair behind your ear, completely contrasting his cock about to abuse you. 

"Taehyung, baby it’s okay, I'm okay. I'm with you right now. I want everything you thought of, everything you want with me… I want you." You looked into his doe eyes tinted with guilt, offering him a smile. 

Taehyung returned a light smile of his own, pressing a feathery kiss to your lips before he grabbed the base of his cock again. He gripped your hand hard as his dick compromised your opening. 

He hissed once he sank in, the feeling of your pussy opening up for him eliciting a drawn out 'fuck' to leave his mouth. 

Taehyung could feel how tight you were after a month without him; you weren't as stretched out and he felt drunk. The way your walls hugged his rock hard dick so snug, so intoxicating he wanted to completely lose control but refrained with you in mind. 

You thought you were used to the pleasurable burn of Taehyung's gifted size, already aware of how well-endowed he is but you suddenly felt a harsh sting and forced your hands against his chest, exasperating. Taehyung immediately stopped, widening his eyes in concern. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Just-just give me a second." He nodded, feeling your breaths calm down as he soothed over your arm, your walls relaxing

"Y-you can move." You voiced weakly. 

Taehyung complied and moved in considerately, failing to suppress the low groans that left him. He finally bottomed out and hit your cervix, both of you letting out satisfied grunts at the feeling of him buried so deep. He could feel the way your walls pulsed around him to adjust, adding to his lists of reasons he was insane for you. 

Taehyung kissed you as he began fucking gently, slowly, wanting to feel the way you wrapped around him, craving for you to feel every inch, groove and vein of his cock. 

The feeling of him slowly and languidly thrusting inside you felt otherworldly, the longing, the care, the love in his movements so apparent you grappled the back of his neck to hug him closer. Taehyung rocked himself against you, laying deep kisses to your mouth.

"Fuck, baby.. you're so tight." Taehyung breathed out, unable to hold back his sense of control, gradually fastening his pace to fuck you better, feel more. 

"How does it feel, princess, tell me." Taehyung cooed into your ear, now kissing underneath your jaw. Your lewd noises grew louder as he began pumping faster and Taehyung looked at you. 

"Shit, Taehyung. I-I feel so fucking good. You fill me up so good… want more.” You practically whined, head spinning at his intoxicating pace, wrapping your legs around Taehyung's torso to feel him deeper. 

Taehyung weakened at the feeling, kissing your lips with fervor and now thrusting faster as his need to come undone racked his balls, but aching to treat you first. His skin was imprinted with your scratches, him only fucking you faster in response. 

"Harder, Taehyung, fuck me harder..!" Your voice trailed with a mewl, kissing him sloppily as your desire for more of him grew unbearable. 

Taehyung smirked against your lips, "You want it harder, huh? You like that? Want me to fuck up your insides? Batter this pussy up?" 

"Y-yes, Taehyung, please." 

Taehyung already felt fucked out, wrestling with your tongue as he wrapped his arms around your torso and pressed you flush against him. You both groaned louder as his pace turned unforgiving, 99% sure your neighbours could hear every lewd sound. 

"Taehyung.. fuck. I missed you. I missed you so much!” You spoke without a thought, light-headed but hyper aware of just how much you wanted him, needed him, not only with his cock buried inside you but just him, so close to you. 

"Shit, baby.. I missed you more. So much. So fucking much, you don’t even know." Taehyung growled desperately as he fucked deeper, kissed harder, his tone coated with sincerity. 

Both your confessions made for rougher fucking, nasty tongue kissing, tighter grasps on each other. You rutted against one another shamelessly, movements faltering in precision and more so in desperation as Taehyung shoved himself inside you. 

And he watched as he did, seeing the way he disappeared into you between your bodies and enjoying the way you bounced in response. 

"Taehyung, fuck, Taehyung.." You moaned out his name breathlessly as you gripped his shoulders, feeling your abdomen flood with heat as his cock kissed your cervix. 

"Jagiya, fucking-watch it, say my name like that again and I'll fuck the living shit out of you." Taehyung warned with a growl as he rammed into you. 

"T-Taehyung.."

“Such a bad fucking girl." 

His arms suddenly locked you down in place, holding you tight as he began the roughest, hardest thrusts you've felt all night. Taehyung deliberately pulled all the way out only to smash back in as he felt your body jerk up in response, swallowing your whimpers.

Your moans were loud, ringing in your own ears as you felt yourself losing your sanity. He snapped into your gut, filled you up so good all you could feel was him. Your orgasm was bubbling in your stomach, begging for release now. 

"Taehyung, I'm gonna- fuck, I'm gonna come!”  You warned him with a pitchy yelp, the tingling feeling unbearable as his body rubbed against your clit. 

"Come for me, baby, all over my fucking cock, Let me feel you." Taehyung encouraged as he desperately tried to hold his own load, wanting nothing but to witness the way you came underneath him.

And out of nowhere your second orgasm washed over you, barely noticing the snap as you ached from oversensitivity and protested him to a halt. Taehyung controlled himself as your walls continuously clamped down on him, watching you pant from fatigue. 

But he decided on your punishment and suddenly flipped you onto your stomach, instinctively settling on all fours as you felt him prod your entrance. He pushed you to arch your back and pulled your ass up, giving a nice smack before kissing up your back like the demon he is. He sank in with no warning and began drilling into you again, setting a merciless pace and angling himself to fuck you completely open. 

“T-Taehyung, what are you doing!”

“You’re coming for me again.”  

“I can’t- Taehyung I can’t!” Your hand quickly came down to entangle with his on your hip, his deft fingers boring into your skin as he mercilessly buried every inch of his cock into you.

“You can do it! Just one more time for me princess, let go for me.” He coaxed you as he felt your walls pulsating around him again, his arms hugging your body to his and mouth breathing unevenly near your ear. 

"Taehyung, Ah- fuck! C-come inside me, please!”

"Shit, I’ll stuff you with my cum, fucking give you my kids!”  Taehyung grunted as he continued bartering your pussy, reaching down to roughly rub your clit. You cried out, half from sensitivity but half from pure pleasure, gripping his hand hard. 

You felt the coil coming back for a third time and Taehyung’s encourgements were doing absolute wonders. "Taehyung-shit I’m gonna..fuck!”

Once he delivered a particularly hard, deep thrust with his hand on your clit, you gasped out his name as another orgasm released through your body, temporarily blinding you with bliss. Your legs grew weak as you buried your face into the pillow, trying to catch your breath. 

“Just like that, baby, just like that.” Taehyung spoke supportively as he thrusted one last time before finally coming inside you, helping you ride out your climax. He groaned into your ear as he spurted hot stripes of cum inside you. You squeezed his hand on your stomach that still held you up, feeling him milk himself of every drop he had racked up just for you. 

Once Taehyung felt completely vacant of his seed, relief washed over him as he kissed your upper back, both of your bodies lax and panting for air. 

"You're amazing." Taehyung tried steadying his breathing, beaming as he hugged you from behind, cock still throbbing inside you. "I fucking… I held that back for so long."  

"You didn’t have to… I would've thrown myself at you if you just came home." You breathed shallowly.  "Could've done whatever you wanted.. I planned...on treating you cause you were so stressed." 

Taehyung rolled his eyes at himself, "Ugh-don’t remind me. I already feel dumb as fuck." 

You turned your head back and scolded jokingly, "Don't call yourself dumb, only I get to say that." A soft giggle escaped him as he let you go. Taehyung slowly pulled out and watched as he did so, viewing the mess in between your legs with admiration. 

Taehyung swiped the cum dripping down your thighs back into your core, completely stuffing you with him until he brought his fingers to your lips. He watched you lick provocatively, his breath hitching at the sight until needing to pull his fingers out. 

He then quickly made off the bed and ambled over to the bathroom, retrieving a damp towel and cleaning you up gingerly. He plopped down next to you after discarding it and threw an arm over his eyes. 

You turned to look at him, feeling the butterflies of him next to you flood your chest. You wiggled closer and propped yourself on an elbow to gaze at him, your other arm laying on his chest. 

Taehyung felt your eyes on him and spoke without looking. "Hi."

"Hi," you moved his arm from his face, echoing him. "Don’t hide from me."

Taehyung grinned at you, lifting his arm. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" 

"Like you're madly in love with me. Don’t do that, I don't really deserve it." He stated dejectedly, evading your eyes to rather view the night sky. 

"Kim Taehyung, what did you just say to me?" 

No response. 

You sighed, "Bubs, look at me." requesting with a softer tone and he returned his eyes to you hesitantly. You wagged your finger at him.

"Don't say that, okay? Maybe you should’ve told me, maybe I should’ve been more vocal about my feelings, maybe we both should’ve just communicated. It's not only your fault, it's mine too so please don't say that." Your bottom lip jutted out and your eyes implored him, upset that he was insulting himself. 

He deserved every ounce of love in this world. 

"Maybe.. I just..Fuck, you need to know I hated doing it, okay? Every time I saw you in that building I was dying to be with you, but I had to hold back to protect you. I couldn’t bear something happening to you, and please, please don’t think I don’t love you anymore. I do, I love you more than you’ll ever know. If I could throw all of this away for you I would." Taehyung spoke sincerely, remembering the way he saw you admit such an awful thought and he hated that he was the cause of it.

"You really don’t know how hard it was. I’m writing lyrics for my mixtape and they all end up about you. We're out at a photoshoot and I always wanted to send you pictures. I didn’t use SNS, call or text you because I knew it’d just be harder for me to create that stupid ass distance.” Taehyung ran a hand through his hair as he sighed, frustrated about it. 

“Even when I was shooting commercials I thought about your reactions if you saw them. I missed you the whole time, more than you know. I just couldn’t risk anything, there was so much on the line with you and I wasn’t going to give you up. Work got in the way and there was so much happening and I just-" 

“Shh shhh.” You calmed him down reaching for his cheek. “Thank you for that. I'm sorry you had to do everything by yourself, had to carry all that responsibility alone." Your lips quivered, catching Taehyung's attention. 

"No, it's okay. I'm the one who made you think all those shitty things. I do find you annoying, but I could never find you that annoying." Taehyung quipped to lighten the mood and you smacked his chest. 

"Hey!" 

"I'm kidding, Jagi." Taehyung chuckled before letting out a long, hard sigh. "I was just so swamped with this comeback, I’m working really hard for it and got too focused." He explained regretfully, tucking his hands underneath his head. 

"So you just thought fuck me for a little while, right?"

"Wha-no I didn't, I mean.. I did just fuck you but-not like that…shit, just come here!” Taehyung suddenly turned onto his side and threw his arms out, you scooted over to him instantly, giggling. He tightly wrapped his arms around you and hugged you close, pressing his lips to your hair and you kissed his shoulder.

Your hand absentmindedly found his and you intertwined them, causing a warm and comforting feeling to spread across your chest. 

You found yourself becoming smaller in his hold, clutching his hand to compose yourself because you didn't feel like ruining a passionate night with tears. 

Nonetheless, Taehyung sensed you growing vulnerable and pulled you on top of him, your naked bodies flush against one another. Taehyung immediately showered you with comfort, clutching you close to him.

"I’m not going anywhere, you’re with me for a lifetime, Jagiya." The smooth bass of Taehyung's voice eased you, reverberating from his chest as he senselessly soothed your back.

"Please, don't do that again. Please just tell me next time when there's a problem, I'll tell you too and we can work it out together." A hint of desperation tinted your tone, shutting your lips together to prevent yourself from crying.

"I won't, baby, I promise." Taehyung hugged you a little tighter, running a hand through your hair. 

"I love you, Taehyung." 

"I love you, Y/N."