#but obv ill stay home if I'm sick

[cannibalisticskittles]

another coworker tested positive for COVID, one who tested negative yesterday

i do have a second test which i will take, prob in a few hours to give it some time, and also since i planned to go somewhere and this way i can give it time while also knowing before i leave, if i end up still going

argh.

[corleylexi]

so a thing i like to do is tell stories through a playlist. i recently worked on one and it’s short but i think it’s done. idk for sure the first one i ever did has been modified since it was “done” so i’m sure i’ll keep going but for now i’m just enjoying this lil story and damn it’s good. wish i could share it w someone tho. so instead i’m making a post about it.

it will be a long one…

the hardest goodbye

Promise Me (Acoustic) - Badflower

Only Love - Badflower

right where you left me - Taylor Swift

champagne problems - Taylor Swift

Midnight Rain - Taylor Swift

Bigger Than The Whole Sky - Taylor Swift

*** if you have never heard these songs before (and you’re actually reading this and give a 💩) listen to the playlist before reading on (: ***

ik what you may be thinkin; that’s only two artists what kinda playlist is this?? but that’s actually intentional. josh is the voice of character a and taylor is the voice of character b (and in my mind they also play the characters). some context: josh’s character is wildly imaginative and quite emotional as well. the story starts w his pov - but he’s a completely unreliable narrator (we all are really and so are these characters). what you can gather from his two songs are that he’s in love w taylor’s character (obvs). but the first impression you get is he’s talkin about someone he’s loved his whole life (which he has) who has died (which is what he feels like). these characters are the ones who’s moms were best friends so they grew up as best friends and as they got older they got closer. they went away to college together fell in love it was beautiful it was comfortable it was happy.

‘promise me’ is character a asking character b to stay with him til death. she refuses. he feels the separation like it’s a death. he wanted them to stay young and stay together and go home to live the rest of their lives just like the beginning. she wants something else.

“We're getting old now (they’ve graduated college it’s time for them to move on to the next chapter)

But I don't feel it (A feels like there’s no question where his life goes next. he’s known his whole life he wanted his life w B he’s always imagined)

I say you're beautiful (I mean it’s a given)

And I still mean it (A has always loved B)

And I don't wanna know (A doesn’t want any other life than the one he’s seen for himself)

What old age feels like (he believes together they will always feel like this)

So promise me you won't (A is asking B to commit to their life together)

Give up on this life (this life as in the life he imagines they’ll have together - it’s important to remember this song and his pov is filtered completely through his emotions and imagination)

And we'll be busy tryin'

While the rest of them are dyin'

Promise me we'll never grow up

I don't wanna let go

I wanna stay young

And even when the wrinkles show up

We'll be laughing, and

We can play forever

Don't make me face the truth

I think it's obvious

That we'll stay happy

'Cause I'm the happiest

When you smile at me

And we won't end the same

A broken family

I'll never walk away

Without you with me

And times are getting harder

But I'm nothing like my father

Promise me we'll never grow up

I don't wanna fall out

I wanna make love

And even when we can't, so what?

We're together, and

Happy ever after

Don't make me face the truth

That I'm dying soon

That we're dying

Don't say goodbye (he compares death to the end of the life he imagined so it’s less a literal death of either character and more like the dream has died)

We're so much older...

All I want is one more life with you (he wants to keep the life he thought he’d have with her)

When did we get so old?

Why'd you get so sick? (not ill but he feels like she’s “sick of their relationship” bc he can’t imagine a reason for wanting anything else)

And how could you die? (how could she not want that life too?)

You promised me you'd never grow up

Now I have to let go

God, I miss you so much

And even when your heart gave out (he believes she lost love for him and that’s why she would want a life other than the one he dreamed of)

I was thinkin' how

I won't say goodbye

You promised me you'd never grow up

But you fucking grew up (she wants something else in life than what he’s imagined)

God, I miss you so much

And even when your heart gave out

I was thinkin' I'd

Love you 'til forever

And I can't face the truth

That I died with you

That you lied (we can assume from here he doesn’t believe he had any reason to think she would want something else)

You died (they broke up - again we still only have few actual details of the story)”

only love explores the way he feels in the aftermath and some time following the break up. he’s reflecting on the way he felt during the relationship and the pain he’s in since. we even get a glimpse of how it’s affecting his life as he tries to cope with and mourn the loss of the life he thought he’d have.

“Calm down, I'm okay, it's only heartbreak

Don't scheme, just mourn

The cold nights in our bed when you'd steal the blankets

I'd let you sleep warm

It's only love

It's not like I'm missing part of me

It's only love

It's heartbreak and I'm in recovery

Your eyes are better than my favorite song

I'm addicted and I'm possessive

This is no ordinary love

Calm down, breathe in

I feel like I'm dying

I miss you, come home

But it's only love

It's not like she's bleeding out of me

It's only love

I'm not dying, I'm in recovery

But I won't get better

I'm not letting go

I will be right here where you left me

Losing my home again

A life without my friend

Who I depend on, oh-oh

She's everything to me

The best I had, the worst mistake

I'm all fucked up and I'm not okay

Even my therapist said, "To hell with this"

I'm not healing

I'm dying, write me off

I'm stuttering, I'm high on drugs

Loser, lonely

It's only love

These wrist cuts won't bleed it out of me

It's only love

I'm not dying, but I'm in recovery

I won't get better, I'm not moving on

I'm the same way now that you left me

This is no ordinary love”

gotdamn that hurts.

the slight pause represents time passing and the pov shifting

right where you left me shows how B feels similarly to A after the breakup in that it felt like time stopping, life ending. character B is the storyteller of the two, so we get more details from her pov but it is still filtered through her feelings. in right where you left me, she plays the victim almost - not exactly but she’s also not entirely taking responsibility for it and instead ties it into what’s happened in the time passed. in champagne problems she reveals the depth of the situation and she takes the credit for the “betrayal”. she also reveals some of what has happened since the breakup in these songs, but w midnight rain we get the whole story. past, breakup, post breakup - all of it is revealed.

“Friends break up, friends get married

Strangers get born, strangers get buried

Trends change, rumors fly through new skies

But I'm right where you left me

Matches burn after the other

Pages turn and stick to each other

Wages earned and lessons learned

But I, I'm right where you left me

Help, I'm still at the restaurant

Still sitting in a corner I haunt

Cross-legged in the dim light

They say, "What a sad sight"

I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop

Right when I felt the moment stop

Glass shattered on the white cloth

Everybody moved on

I, I stayed there

Dust collected on my pinned-up hair

They expected me to find somewhere

Some perspective, but I sat and stared

Right where you left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You left me, you left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?

Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it

She's still 23 inside her fantasy

How it was supposed to be

Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?

Break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it

She's still 23 inside her fantasy

And you're sitting in front of me

At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want

Cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right

I, I could feel the mascara run

You told me that you met someone

Glass shattered on the white cloth

Everybody moved on

Help, I'm still at the restaurant

Still sitting in a corner I haunt

Cross-legged in the dim light

They say, "What a sad sight"

I, I stayed there

Dust collected on my pinned-up hair

I'm sure that you got a wife out there

Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware

'Cause I'm right where

I cause no harm, mind my business

If our love died young, I can't bear witness

And it's been so long

But if you ever think you got it wrong

I'm right where you left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever”

“You booked the night train for a reason

So you could sit there in this hurt

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers

You're not sure which is worse

Because I dropped your hand while dancing

Left you out there standing

Crestfallen on the landing

Champagne problems

Your mom's ring in your pocket

My picture in your wallet

Your heart was glass, I dropped it

Champagne problems

You told your family for a reason

You couldn't keep it in

Your sister splashed out on the bottle

Now no one's celebrating

Dom Pérignon, you brought it

No crowd of friends applauded

Your hometown skeptics called it

Champagne problems

You had a speech, you're speechless

Love slipped beyond your reaches

And I couldn't give a reason

Champagne problems

Your Midas touch on the Chevy door

November flush and your flannel cure

"This dorm was once a madhouse"

I made a joke, "Well, it's made for me"

How evergreen, our group of friends

Don't think we'll say that word again

And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls

That we once walked through

One for the money, two for the show

I never was ready, so I watch you go

Sometimes you just don't know the answer

'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

"She would've made such a lovely bride

What a shame she's fucked in the head, " they said

But you'll find the real thing instead

She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred

And hold your hand while dancing

Never leave you standing

Crestfallen on the landing

With champagne problems

Your mom's ring in your pocket

Her picture in your wallet

You won't remember all my

Champagne problems

You won't remember all my

Champagne problems”

“Rain, he wanted it comfortable

I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride

I was making my own name

Chasing that fame

He stayed the same

All of me changed like midnight

My town was a wasteland

Full of cages, full of fences

Pageant queens and big pretenders

But for some, it was paradise

My boy was a montage

A slow-motion, love potion

Jumping off things in the ocean

I broke his heart 'cause he was nice

He was sunshine, I was midnight rain

He wanted it comfortable

I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride

I was making my own name

Chasing that fame

He stayed the same

All of me changed like midnight

It came like a postcard

Picture perfect, shiny family

Holiday, peppermint candy

But for him it's every day

So I peered through a window

A deep portal, time travel

All the love we unravel

And the life I gave away

'Cause he was sunshine

I was midnight rain

He wanted it comfortable

I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride

I was making my own name

Chasing that fame

He stayed the same

All of me changed

Like midnight

Rain, he wanted it comfortable

I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride

I was making my own name

Chasing that fame

He stayed the same

All of me changed

Like midnight

I guess sometimes we all get

Just what we wanted, just what we wanted

And he never thinks of me

Except when I'm on TV

I guess sometimes we all get

Some kind of haunted, some kind of haunted

And I never think of him

Except on midnights like this (midnights like this)”

the last song was added after several listens through the playlist thus far. and while it was revealed the depths of each character’s feelings around the end of everything, it didn’t feel complete. this song is a big song for me personally and so i added it just to try it on and now i can’t imagine this playlist without it.

“No words appear before me in the aftermath

Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears

Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been you

Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia?

Did some force take you because I didn't pray?

Every single thing to come has turned into ashes

'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be

So I'll say words I don't believe

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

(What could've been, would've been)

What could've been, would've been you

(Could've been, would've been)

(Could've been, would've been)

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you”

so the whole story really only takes place at the time of the breakup and the midnights following when the two reflect on the breakup.

so, break up… character A’s midnight breakdown… character B’s midnight heartbreaking storytelling. which took place so far after the fact bc she refused to even process it emotionally until she found out that he really did move on.

i like to imagine that now both characters are happy and grateful for the whole thing. they loved and lived a beautiful life together at the beginning. then they each got what they wanted (after lots of processing and pain, but eventually they get there). perhaps i’ll add more to show that, idk... actually i’ve already got some ideas but i’m really a perfectionist when it comes to these playlists so i need the lyrics and the vibes to flow right otherwise it won’t tell the story right. this is the first playlist tho where the irl singers are consistent with the characters. usually the characters have no gender and any gender in the song (from the singer to the pronouns used) may or may not be relevant. but the characters always have consistent vibes that are represented in the songs. this is becoming one of my favorite creative hobbies actually.

if you made it here, thank you for reading (:

[obsessedwithpedritoofc]

Sɪᴄᴋ (Jᴀᴠɪᴇʀ Pᴇñᴀ)

ℙ𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘: Javier Peña × Male Reader.

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 1,1 k.

𝕊𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: You wake up feeling a bit sick, and of course Javier convinced you to stay home and not go to work. When he comes back, he sees you're feeling even worse than you were in the morning. Luckily for you, he is willing to give you his best and take care of you the way you deserve.

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: teeth rotting fluff, established relationship, swearing, spanish (translations at the end of the fic), mentions of being sick obv (thats pretty much it, this is just a fluffy very short drabble), no physical descriptions of reader, no use of Y/N. (lmk if i missed any).

𝔸/ℕ: surpriseee. hey there, im feeling so sick today and i really thought i needed some pedro boi taking care of me. so i wrote a quick something, and since my last peña fic was pretty violent and angsty, here you have him again! this time all sweet and pretty. hope you enjoy it <3

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

You had fallen asleep not long ago, your sore throat and aching body being not merciful at all. Laying on your couch, blanket wrapped around you and the heating on, you played whatever movie you found between all your VHSs and tried to close your eyes.

When you woke up that morning, you knew you weren't feeling alright. So did Javier. He was the first to notice —like always— and told you to stay home. And of course you couldn't say no to those brown puppy eyes of his. You spent most of the day doing chores around the house, trying to be productive since you hadn't gone to work, but by the beginning of the afternoon your head started hurting and your body was stiff. After a while of telling yourself it was nothing, you finally sat down and admitted that maybe, just maybe, you had a fever. 

Fuck, you cursed yourself when the thermometer confirmed your fear.

Being sick terrified you. If there was something you hated was laying in bed for an entire day —or longer—, doing nothing and feeling useless. Especially since you started working at the DEA. Knowing there were lives at risk and you were in your couch being able to do absolutely nothing made you feel even worse about it all. But then again, it wasn't in your hand to get better when you were ill like that. 

So you gave up, got yourself a blanket and tried to ignore the growing pain in your muscles.

An hour and a half into the movie, you finally fell asleep on the couch. Your sore throat and the headache gave you a break to rest for a little while, until the sound of keys and the front door opening woke you up.

"Mi amor", Javier kneeled in front of you, his hand testing the temperature on your forehead. "How are you doin'?".

"Hey...", you weakly smiled. "How was work?".

"I made you a question, baby", he frowned, but he wasn't mad —he was looking at you in pure concern.

"I have a fever", you accommodated yourself under the blanket. "But I'm good", you smiled again. "I left some food in the fridge for you".

"Ay, chiquito", he kissed your forehead. "You didn't have to".

"Of course I had to. You were at work getting yours and my shit done, I couldn't stay sat all day and not leave you some food at least".

Javi smiled down at you. He knew he loved you for a reason.

"I would've taken care", he swiped his thumb over your cheekbone. "Did you eat somethin'?".

"Yeah... For lunch".

"Ay, amor. You gotta start worryin' a bit more about you and a bit less about me".

"Nonsense. You would've gotten yourself killed already", you saw how Javier smiled at you comment and you chuckled. Or at least you tried, until you started coughing. "Ugh, fuck...".

Javier leaned down to press a soft kiss to your lips. Your eyes opened wide, but he interrupted you even before you could object.

"I know, amor. But you can't expect me not to kiss you when I'm seeing you like this", he shrugged.

"You're gonna be sick, too!", you frowned.

"What does it matter? We're gonna sleep in the same bed anyway", he got up and walked to the kitchen. "I'll make you dinner".

You pouted, but didn't complain. You knew you couldn't move much anyway. So you just watched as he moved around, cooked your dinner and warmed his own, turning around to check on you from time to time. Then he sat next to you on the couch and played a different movie as you both started eating.

"Shit, I almost forget", he left his already empty plate on the coffee table and walked to where he had left his work things. He went back to you with a small plastic bag. "I got you some pills on my way back. Figured you'd do better with them".

"Ay, Javi", you reached out to kiss his cheek. You did think it wasn't right of you to do so, since you didn't want him to be ill as well, but he was right —you were going to sleep in the same bed anyway. "You're such a sweetheart".

"You make me a sweetheart", he kissed you back. "I'll make you some tea so you can take the pills".

You almost threw your head back.

"When did you become so cute?", you looked up at him as he walked back into the kitchen. You didn't see it, but his chuckle rumbled to where you were, and you couldn't help but imagine him blushing at your words like he always did.

He went back to you with a steaming cup of tea. You nuzzled as close to him as you could and drank it slowly, taking the pills as well, your eyes focused on the movie.

When Javier saw you were too tired to keep your eyes opened for much longer, he turned the TV off and carried you to the bedroom —leaving the dirty dishes in the sink before, of course. He gently set you down onto the mattress as he started taking off his clothes. Then, he got under the covers with you. His arms circled your waist, his body spooning you and pulling you as close as physically possible. You coughed again —involuntarily, of course—, and he stroked your sides in a soft motion.

"¿Te encuentras mejor, mi amor?", he whispered against your neck. 

"Sí", you turned your head to smile at him. "Gracias a tí".

"Yo no hice nada, precioso", he left a small kiss on the back of your neck.

"Tú hiciste todo, Javi", you kissed his chin in return, holding your coughs in. "De todas formas, solo estando contigo ya me siento mucho mejor", you turned around to face him and buried your face in his chest. "Te amo, mi amor", your voice sounded muffled. Javier chuckled.

"Te amo más, chiquito", he hugged you tight. "Descansa, bonito".

"¿Puedes...?", you cleared your throat, feeling your face growing red and warm —and not from the fever. "¿Puedes cantarme para que me duerma?", you mumbled. Javier stroked your back in gentle circles.

"Claro, amor", he smiled against your head.

As soon as he started singing with a soft tone, you closed your eyes and fell asleep, his voice relaxing and lulling you into a deep slumber. You thought, again, of how much you hated being sick —laying down, doing nothing and feeling useless.

Truth be told, you did hate being sick, you were terrified of it. But at the end of the day, if you could have Javier taking care of you like that, it really wasn't that bad.

¿Te encuentras mejor, mi amor? = Are you feeling better, my love?

Sí. Gracias a tí. = Yeah. Thanks to you.

Yo no hice nada, precioso. = I did nothing, baby.

Tú hiciste todo, Javi. De todas formas, solo estando contigo ya me siento mucho mejor. = You did everything, Javi. And anyways, just being with you already makes me feel better.

Te amo (más). = I love you (more).

Descansa, bonito. = Just rest, beautiful.

¿Puedes cantarme para que me duerma? = Can you sing me to sleep?

Claro, amor. = Of course, love.

[you-can-face-this]

anon friend- hi! thank you for pinning the post- i appreciate it <3 Omg, i can imagine that must have been SO anxiety-inducing, but I am so glad that all your friends (and cafe guy) helped you pull it off. cafe guy literally sounds like the sweetest soul EVER. I think you are right there, I think that this is solid proof that they would be even more understanding if they knew the situation in more of it's entirety. I totally get that you're still processing it, something like that is scary to pull off but I'm real proud of you. I hope your finals and the move went smoothly. And omg, I am SO happy that you haven't had a panic attack or mental breakdown in weeks and that you have healthy outlets for if you do. Darling, that's actually amazing, I hope you are just as proud of yourself as I am of you <3 Maybe even if your friends knew, they might be able to help more with finding financial help that would mean you wouldn't be reliant on them? I obviously don't know what the available financial support is where you are- i know you tried getting help from people at the school, but perhaps this is more reason to tell your friends what's truly going on? and angel, there's no need to thank me- you've done this all on your own! you are the one who has had to be strong and face things and persevere. never give up, there's always good ahead of you. this isn't forever, you will get out of this situation. i know you don't 100% believe you will, but you also didn't think things would get this good, and they have. You're the strongest, and i'm sending you so much love back <3

hi anon friend <3 ahh i have so many updates!

- i've had my few weeks of decent mental health & fun times and then the burn out caught up to me and i've been physically sick & in bed for the past few days rip :( it forced me to stay at home and really rest for the first time in a while tho and i think that's been super refreshing mentally because i felt so much better when i got back to work today!

- unfortunately, when i get sick somehow it's my fault & i'm a lazy b*tch who ruins everything & my p*rents get mad at me :)) so i've been getting the whole anxiety package (endless texts & calls yelling) lately lol and it pissed me off so much that i ended up finally telling 2 of my closest friends here what's going on! obv not my entire childhood (gotta process with a therapist first lmaoo) but what went on during my gap year & how i'm planning on going no contact asap. you were right – they were both very understanding & concerned & have been trying to send me little pieces of helpful info whenever they come across some!

- my school health center therapist said it'll be even harder to get appointments once the fall semester starts so i'm looking for a separate ~real life~ therapist now (i finally got my insurance started so the sessions are actually affordable!). this means i'll get more consistent & frequent help so hopefully i'll be more mentally stable soon lol

- my research professor is in the process of turning my position into an official on-campus job so that i can get qualified to be paid hourly! it's going to be such a relief getting some kind of money on a regular basis 😭& possibly even being able to save up a decent amount of it for my escape plan! i'm also considering telling him a little about my situation (just the part pertaining to when i'll be graduating, since he'll probably ask about that soon for the job) & seeing if he has any other info as a faculty member

- cafe guy really is the sweetest 🥺i've never met someone who i get along with so easily – so much so that i actually thought he was lying/a player/a serial killer the first few weeks adskf;asdf he's very sensitive and aware of mental illnesses + his own issues so he always says something reassuring & validating before i can start spiraling lol this is clearly not the ideal time for a relationship but we have even that fact in common so we've agreed to take things slowly & see how it goes

thanks always for your kind words!! <3 <3 <3 i feel like the day i get out of this mess will come sooner than i've expected – partly because i'm looking into so many new things and partly because i cannot stand it anymore akdfj;asdf i've also opened up a lot more about this to my sister to make sure we're on the same page (she's my little sister so i've been feeling like i needed to singlehandedly figure out how to get us both out) & it's great to have another person in on this with me!