#but now that i've been trying to make more active friendships and talking to people at work im finding myself enjoying it a lot more
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teenagefeeling · 1 year ago
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i feel like i've been acting like an extrovert lately and sometimes it's kinda fun, i feel a little freer. but then i get home and remember all the words i said to other people all day and feel so viscerally embarrassed i want to peel my own skin off. baby steps....
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blurreynights · 4 months ago
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I think the biggest culture shock I experienced in Finland so far is around friendships, as well as the area where I learned a lot of valuable things about myself. I might not be entirely right about this as I've only been here for a short time, but those are my main take-aways:
(under the cut to not block ur tags w my english rambling)
Trying to build real friendships takes time, much longer than in my home country. It is relatively easy to get in contact with Germans in my experience, especially if you live in a bigger city and speak the language, ESPECIALLY if you are a student and just starting out in a new phase of your life. You will naturally hang out frequently if you match well and spend a lot of time together. It might take a few meetings before people will invite u to their home, but generally there's not much distance as soon as the ice is broken.
Here I feel like people are much slower and more reluctant to open up. But that doesn't equal rejection, it's simply a slower process and you will still be able to tell the difference between being rejected and being on the path of friendship. In Germany, it's usually a lot more fast paced and there is a small window you have to catch to get into tight friendgroups. If you miss it, no chance of ever going back, vibe gone chance gone. Also people who might have found you interesting could lose interest if you wait for too long (meaning usually a month or so) to get back to them.
I actually realized that this way of socializing stresses me tf out. I much prefer a more laid back approach where you can get to know each other without time limitations (of course prerequisite is that you have the time). It is a much more sustainable, thoughtful and respectful approach to someone elses time. You're not treated as disposable, but rather as a person someone actively chooses to get to know.
Likewise, if people feel like they either do not vibe with you or if they already have a very busy social life or life in general, they will let you know and don't pretend to have time or like you. This was quite a new thing to me and felt a bit cold, but I actually really appreciate it now, as it's saving you from stressful, draining interpersonal connections. It also made me respect some people immensely, because they know their own self worth and boundaries quite well.
It made me reflect upon my tendency to be a people pleaser, and the strong yearning I have to treat my own relationships the same way as I've experienced it here. I've grown so tired of superficial connections that are placeholders for true, fulfilling friendships. I used to think being lonely was the worst thing in the world. It kind of is still awful, but what's worse is being surrounded by a bunch of people you don't really click with or can rely on, which leaves you lonely as well. I do think letting go of this is something that will slowly seep over into my own life, as it is so freeing.
I also intend on staying, or rather coming back when I've finished up all my business back in Germany (I am not really rooted to the city I live in). People who I've told about this recent development were very worried if I would be able to be happy in a country that is (generally) much more reserved when it comes to social interaction, as I need social interaction regularly. I don't really think it's that big of an issue, as I think I can balance out people's passive approach with my more active one in the beginning. I have a high social battery, so I'm fine with interacting with a few more people, before people get truly comfortable to hang out on the regular. Yet I also prefer quality interactions over a bunch of small talk meetups I don't care about. I also still have my core friends who I talk to regularly on the phone, and this has been a tradition for years already before I came here.
What I am immensely struggling with right now is trying to make sense of all the connections I made in the past 10 years. This is the 6th city I lived in the last decade, and the 8th move. All my relationships feel so spread out and scattered. I am holding on to some solely because those people were there when I moved somewhere new and I didn't have anyone else. Like back in school, when I was friends with people because they were the only ones there. It's all a bit confusing and painful right now, as my values and perspectives are changing. I think there are a lot of people moving from the friends to acquaintance category right now. I'm completely redefining friendships for me at the moment.
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dragon-watcher03 · 11 months ago
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My take on how Alastor would fall in love
So, bro is AroAce right? This means he lacks interest in s*x and romance (correct me if I'm wrong) but he can still fall in love. The only way this would happen is if he has known you for a long, long, long time. I'm talking at least 10-20 years. So you'd probably have to know him when he was alive as well, so let's say you 2 met at around 20 in the 1900's.
You'd have to be very interesting to look at and talk with for him to even consider walking up to you to have a conversation. If you have a mysterious aura, the odds are in your favor.
Naturally, you'd fall in love first because of his charming personality and good looks, but you'd obviously be too scared to say anything to him seeing as he'd never show any romantic interest in you. So you kept your feelings to yourself for many years.
After maybe 5 years of friendship, he'd start to know small things about you that only people in relationships would know. Of course, he would be oblivious to this and just chalk it up to you being very good friends. He has yet to develop feelings for you romantically, but he'd say you are his favorite person if he was asked the question.
It would take even longer for him to grow comfortable with you both touching. 10 years minimum. But it would start off slowly from a peck on the hand when greeting, to being slow-dancing partners.
At this point, he'd start to notice he's been feeling different around you compared to a few years ago. He'd miss when you weren't around and would memorize every little thing about you like that of a stalker. He'd also notice how he wasn't disgusted when you touched his skin compared to other people, not getting that lingering feeling of dirtiness when having skin-on-skin contact.
Now, he'd never stalk you, it's ungentlemanly. But he has killed a few men who harassed you at some point. It's not like he wanted you all for himself, but when he saw the look in your eyes when you'd open up to him about those moments, he'd feel something snap inside him. And just like that, those men went missing the next morning.
If you are a female, people would think you both were in a relationship and urge you both to get married. You both just ignored these comments because 1. you thought he didn't like you back, and 2. he didn't know if he liked you back either.
If you're a male, people would just think you were very good friends, which made Alastor even more confused about his feelings. You would also have even more reason to keep your feelings hidden since same-sex couples were heavily frowned upon back then.
Alastors confusion went on for years until he eventually died in 1933 and ended up in hell. After 2 years, you inevitably died as well, but those 2 years away from you made Alastor realize that he had grown romantic feelings for you. Because he'd never been away from you for so long, and he basically suffered withdrawal in his first 2 years in Hell, which tbh isn't uncommon.
When he found you in Hell after you'd been burned at the stake for being accused of witchcraft, he hugged you so tightly you thought you'd die a second time. He was also a bit shocked you were in Hell, but at that point he didn't really care.
Even after that, it would take him a while to pluck up the courage to ask you to be his, but eventually, he does. And now you both can be together in Hell for the rest of time.
For any of the AroAce people out there, plz tell me if I got anything wrong. I've heard from some other AroAce people that they can fall in love and even have sex but don't actively seek it out, so I used that knowledge to try and make a good guess on how Alastor would be like if he were to fall in love.
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xxsabitoxx · 2 years ago
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Keeping Secrets (Giyu Imagine)
A/N: I feel like I've seen a few imagines/headcanons where Giyu has a wife and baby and keeps it a secret from the other Hashira. Not intentionally, but like Giyu being Giyu sees no need to tell them about it cause these meetings are strictly business. This whole scenario was super cute to me so I've been drafting a full-on HC post for a while now with all the hashira. However, my main writing focus has been on Roommates so I haven't gotten a chance to work on it. Before I absolutely lose my mind...
You and Giyu met shortly after surviving the Final Selection. He's extremely heartbroken during this time in his life because he is trying to cope with the death of Sabito. You meet him one day during a mission and go out of your way to talk to him. You've always been good with reading people and their emotions so you can practically feel the weight of his grief just by being in his presence.
Giyu is reluctant, letting you talk to him a bit but not really saying much in return. It takes time, but slowly Giyu warms up to you and one night after finishing a mission Giyu opens up to you. Your seemingly one-sided friendship quickly blossoms into mutual feelings. Giyu hesitantly welcomes you into your heart, trying to ignore the fears of losing you the way he lost his loved ones.
Fast forward to the time when Giyu becomes a Hashira. This is a transitional period of his life, so many things are changing at once and the weight of getting older brings along new titles and new responsibilities. You two are stuck together like glue, regardless of your different titles, Kagaya sees the potential and continues to let you partner up with Giyu during missions. It's during this time that Giyu starts to realize he cares about you more than a friend. He's never really experienced these kinds of emotions before so he's not entirely sure how he is supposed to go about it.
Lucky for him, you're still good at reading emotions. It doesn't take long for you to catch on and take the initiative. Thanks to your openness and determination, within a few months of his Hashira promotion, Giyu begins to court you. It takes another year of proper dating, but Giyu ends up asking you for your hand in marriage shortly after your 18th birthday. You, of course, accept.
The two of you marry a few months later. A small ceremony with Kagaya, Amane, and their children. Urokodaki is there and a few important people from your life are there as well. It's quiet and private and no other corps members catch wind of the fact that the rather 'infamous' water pillar has taken a bride.
Within a few months of your marriage, you and Giyu stumble across the Kamado siblings. After a bizarre battle with both siblings knocked out, you and Giyu discuss ways to keep them safe, coming to the mutual agreement that Urokodaki would be able to help. It is a few months later that you end up getting pregnant, right before your promotion to Hashira. This causes you to cease corps activity almost immediately. You even like to joke that Giyu planned this, he had been hinting at you retiring from the corps since you got engaged.
You end up giving birth shortly after Giyu's twentieth birthday and a year later you're itching to get back to your duties. You have a beautiful baby, one who is still getting the hang of walking and learning to say more than just a babble of "dada". A baby that is the exact replica of their father, the only thing they got from you is your eye color. I mean really, you carried them for 9 months and they have the audacity to come out looking like their dad.
Much to Giyu's dislike, Kagaya awards you with the title of Hashira within a few weeks of your return. You had practically jumped back into training within two months of birthing your child, nearly giving Giyu a heart attack day in and day out. Now comes the day of your first Hashira meeting. To make things a little less obvious, Giyu left for the meeting before you. He had taken only a few months off to help you after your baby was born, but the other hashira had been told he was sent away for a mission that would take quite some time. Kagaya was willing to help keep your marriage and family a secret until you both felt ready to share.
You're getting antsy, the kakushi that you had requested to watch your child while you both attended the meeting was running late. So late that if you didn't leave right then, you'd arrive at the meeting after it started. The last thing you wanted was to make a bad impression on the other hashira. So, one hasty note later, you were hauling your baby into your arms and heading out for the meeting. You weren't quite sure how you would go about explaining this, never mind to the other hashira, but to your husband. "Dada is going to faint." You spoke to your baby, a bit of your nerves settling as they looked up at you with a gummy grin. Only a few teeth were beginning to poke up from their gums... which had been giving you and Giyu one hell of a time. Teething was certainly not your friend.
By the time you made it to the Butterfly Estate, you were settling your baby on your hip and trying to focus on your breathing. "You'll be good for Mama right?" You whispered to them, smiling as they just giggled in response. You adjusted your posture, taking one last deep breath before entering the gardens. You heard them before you saw them, the intimidating aura of the Hashira was certainly no joke.
Giyu's eyes landed on you first, his expression turning to one of mild shock when he realized your baby was in your arms. For a moment he was convinced you had lost your mind, but he couldn't dwell on that for long. "My, are you lost perhaps?" Shinobu walked past him, the chatter around him had quickly died. "No, that can't be the case, you're in a corps uniform." The last bit seemed to be more to herself than to you. "I-no I'm here for the meeting with Oyakata-sama. I'm the new pillar y/n." You nearly said your last name, which was Tomioka. Granted the baby in your arms looked just like him, you figured it wouldn't take long until they pieced things together.
"You're the new pillar and you have a child?" You glanced upwards, the serpent hashira was staring down at you from a tree branch, eyes narrowed. All eyes were on you and your baby, you had glanced at Giyu only once so far. "That would be correct. The kakushi who has been kind enough to aid me and my husband with our baby was running late and I didn't want to arrive after the meeting started." You glanced at everyone else, noticing that all but one pillar was looking at you. Shinobu was standing in front of you, her eyes trained on your baby rather than you. "Say..." her brows were furrowed as if trying to understand why the child in your arms looked so familiar.
"Yes?" you had a funny feeling she had already figured everything out. But, before she could speak, a bubbly pink-haired woman was bounding towards you. "OH! THEY ARE SO CUTE! IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU!" She smiled brightly at you, squealing as your baby began to smile and giggle at her. Mitsuri Kanroji had saved your ass for the time being. "Oi..." This time it was a male voice, one that effectively quieted the space. You recognized him as Sanemi, the wind pillar. "That kid looks exactly like Tomioka's lame ass." Your eyes nearly bulged out of their head, though you knew it was coming, you just hadn't expected it to be from him.
You swallowed, watching as the other pillars looked between you, your baby, and then over at Giyu. You shifted nervously, waiting for the dam to break and the realization to come out. “Say, Shinazugawa isn’t wrong…” one of the taller men spoke, if you remembered correctly, his name was Tengen. Giyu talked about him from time to time cause the man was a shinobi with three wives. “Do you have something to confess Tomioka?” Shinobu was looking right at you as she spoke, because of your nerves you actually responded. “I-I don’t know what you mean.” Her brows raised at that, which caused you to realize your fatal mistake, the nail in the coffin if you would. “Oh? I was referring to Tomioka Giyu… however it seems you’ve confirmed my suspicions… Tomioka y/n.”
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Just thinkin lol
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elrielffs · 19 days ago
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Do people forget that Gwyn can’t even leave the library yet? Like I’m trying to sound horrible but that is the truth.
I see them making theories about her saving Illyria, awakening dusk with Nesta, being Azriel’s mate but they never talk about the abyss between where Gwyn is now and where they want her… I never see them theorizing about how she is gonna overcome her fears and traumas.
I think it would be such a disservice to her character to rush everything… because how can we go from “I’m not even sure if I’m gonna attend my best friend’s mating ceremony” to saving Illyria and doing missions with the Valkyries (who lack training but still)
And not only that but also built an intimate relationship with Azriel? And deal with the Koschei, Illyrian, dusk plot? There is no time (especially since she is not tied to any plot)
It would need time for her to leave the library, feel safe in the outside world and be around men without feeling uncomfortable (and that is totally ok) and THEN starting missions
And SJM honestly wouldn’t write it because she isn’t good enough and this is kind of a delicate and sensitive subject, which if isn’t done right can cause lots of drama (rightfully so)
The thing about Gwyn is, she had her healing journey already...along with Emerie and Nesta. All of ACOSF was predominately Nesta's healing journey yes, but Emerie and Gwyn came along for the ride as needed friends for Nesta and their own trauma to overcome.
That's why the BR was about them winning instead of just Nesta, it was a culmination of their training and healing progress. You never hear about how Emerie needs a book for a "healing" journey.
And the thing about "well, Gwyn went back to the library so her story isn't over yet, she has more to overcome!" Yes...but so does every single character. Every single character can have a book about a personal "healing" journey. They are not static characters and like real life, constantly evolve and have new experiences.
But these books aren't just about personal healing journeys. There is an active plot and narrative and big bad that is uh...trying to destroy and or take over Prythian...a plot that has already been mostly stalled in ACOSF and needs to be progressed as we barely know anything about Koschei, his plans, even what he is trying to achieve.
And Gwyn is not connected to that. Sure, she could be artificially but that's not satisfying and other characters have naturally been connected to the plot would have to be shoved aside or replaced.
Gwyn is not built up as a love interest. Gwyn is not connected to the main plot. Gwyn was there to predominately be Nesta's friend and I say this as someone who likes Gwyn and loved the Valkyrie friendship in the book.
The only way Gwyn could have more significance to the plot is if she was a Lightsinger...but antis don't like this because they know what it means for their precious BC.
And even as a Lightsinger, I don't know how much that would even play into it tbh or if it would just bit a reveal in the book and come into play at a later point? (If I had to guess, I would think if her LS abilities played at all, it would be from Koschei/Merrill influence to keep Elain and Azriel apart? But I've come to really dislike that as I really just don't want Gwyn in an Elriel book at all and also, I think SJM might avoid it now due to the heavier backlash she would receive from the already backlash she will receive for the Elriel book in general.)
And Illyria? Gwyn isn't connected to Illyria. She doesn't even want to acknowledge her title and status as Carnythian (a point that antis forget and try to play up as a point for the ship). The only way she could be connected to Illyria is through Azriel. (Emerie where?? An actual Illyrian woman who has suffered because of her culture?? She's just off eating pussy I guess with nary a care in the world.)
And Azriel is connected to Illyria but that's as his B-plot. His main focus and plot is about Elain (like Rhysand was to Feyre, and Cassian to Nesta). Most of his interactions and words through all the books are about Elain. He doesn't like Illyrians, doesn't like their traditions, hates the BR. The only thing tying him to an Illyrian plot is the knife...which is also tied to Elain. I think if Azriel was going to have this BIG Illyrian plot, ACOSF would have been the perfect time for it. Not to hammer a point home but...the Blood Rite, which Azriel doesn't respect, and Gwyn, his supposed mate who already was SA'd and Cassian even mentions could be exposed to in the BR...what better way to kick off an Illyrian plot with Azriel and mate romance with Gwyn then having Azriel break all the rules and go absolutely feral to rescue her resulting in the fall out to be covered in the next book? It would have been so easy for SJM to set up not only this "Illyrian plot" but also Gwynriel romance if she wanted to. This is already long but I could basically add in short but important pivotal sentences and scenes in ACOSF for Gwynriel that SJM could have easily inserted into already existing scenes and not be in your face but speak volumes.
SJM is a veteran writer who excels at writing romance and has written and thought about this world for over 10+ years. I think if she wanted to do the things that antis theorize, she would have put in way more groundwork for it, either for a romance or just more narrative action for Gwyn and especially if she was an MC for the next book. She didn’t forget, she isn’t saving innocuous interactions for their book, she didn’t look at TOG and think,”well I gotta make a connection to music and mates so I’ll write about Cassian cumming and readers will be able to pick up that this means Gwynriel,” instead of…idk, actual interactions??
Too many antis characterize (and desperately hope) SJM as easily influenced and changeable and while yes, it's standard for an author to have wiggle room and change their mind on some things, I don't think 6 books deep SJM is going to drastically alter the narrative she's been building. This isn't her first foray into a long standing series or even in ship wars. (Chaol vs Rowan was big back when TOG was being written. SJM had a smaller fanbase and booktok wasn't a thing, but there was a shipping war on a slightly smaller scale with who Aelin would end up with.)
Can I see SJM doing something with the Valkyries as a unit? Yes. Can I see SJM doing more for Gwyn as an unexpectedly popular character? Yes but it won't be to basically shove Elain out of her role in the books and insert Gwyn.
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writing-in-the-impala · 1 year ago
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Secret Smokes (Part 7)
Pairing: Teacher! Remus Lupin x Reader
Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.
Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, teacher-student relationship, Slowburn, angst, jealousy, fluff
Word Count: 2681
A/N: Where's the update? You promised it on Sunday? Well, happy Tuesday I've been busy.
 | SERIES MASTER LIST (All chapters) |
Previous Chapter, Part 7, Next Chapter
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On Monday morning you received an OWL from Lupin once again. "Please remember about your tutoring lesson this evening and about your DADA classes this week. R.Lupin." You looked up from the note and saw Lupin was already looking at you while having a discussion with Hagrid who was sitting beside him, Lupin's eyes were fixed on you even when he spoke, you gave him a gentle smile and he smiled back still not looking away.
You attended Lupin's class as you were instructed to, he was quite active in the lesson waving his arms around like he used to. It seemed like he had regained some of the charismatic energy that defined him as a teacher. After your classes that day you went to his classroom for your tutoring and he wasn't in the room you called out "Professor?" And you could hear him upstairs in the office you stood on the bottom of the stairs and heard him shout back. "Y/N, I'm making tea would you like anything?"
"Uh no I'm okay thank you." You replied stunned by his pleasant behaviour. Not that Lupin wasn't usually this well-mannered, he was with literally everyone that's why his recent actions towards you hurt so much.
"Very well." He said coming down the stairs with his own mug, now wearing a sweater rather than his blazer like in your lesson earlier in the day, the spoon inside the mug was stirring by itself with wand-less magic. "Now I wanted to begin work on your Patronus Charm however due to your absence for the last two weeks today we're going to have to catch up on the lessons you missed." He said opening the theory book.
"That's so not fair." You stated in a huff.
"I promise I'll make this quick, and at the end we can duel to see if you remember everything I taught you." He said in a gentle tone sipping on his tea.
"So I can beat you and show you how I don't need your theory?" You asked and he laughed gently.
"If you can knock my wand out of my hand you can choose what we study on Wednesday. Now let's begin how familiar are you with werewolves." He now sat on a desk in front of you that had his book open while you sat on the table in front with yours closed. He was towering over you but you didn't feel intimidated.
"Very much, I hear they're really lovely, they wear warm sweaters but they get angsty around the full moon." You replied and he had a small smile forming on the edge of his lips.
"They don't get angsty around full moons." He stated trying not to laugh.
"They do." You said in an all-knowing voice.
"They don't."
"Well you've obviously never met one."
"Werewolves don't get angsty around the full moon." He said using air quotes around the word angsty.
"So it's just a you thing?" You asked and he just broke out laughing and put his face in his palms. What you didn't know is nothing warmed Lupin's heart more than someone being able to laugh at his condition, he always felt like people either feared him or feared the subject like it was some secret that could never be talked about with anyone except the marauders, you made him feel normal, but you also confused him more than anyone he's ever met.
He realised at the three broomsticks that he's gotten too close to you, not only that but you were developing feelings for him and he knew he had to do something to stop it, you were just a girl yes you may be 18 but not only are you his student but he's a werewolf and that means that anyone who would ever be in a relationship with him would be cursed with a life of suffering. So he did the only thing he knew he could do, push you away but he kept an eye on you and the more he missed you the more it hurt him to watch you be so okay to the point you didn't show up to his lessons or the bridge anymore. He had his own updated version of the old marauders map which he checked every evening to see if you would go to the bridge at first you did but after a few days you didn't even try and he didn't blame you it was exactly what he knew was right. But his loneliness grew, and he left Hogwarts over the weekend to visit Sirius he nearly told him about you but he was too conflicted this was an issue he had to deal with alone, his method of cutting you out was working the only thing left to figure out is getting you to pass DADA without coming to lessons.
His plan failed when on Sunday evening during his turn to patrol the corridors he heard you and Sebastian taking. Him diminishing your love for muggle books hurt Remus but hearing Sebastian calling you darling made even the wolf inside him jealous so he acted on instinct separating the two of you. Sebastian's words reminded Remus of his own pet name for you and it brought him back to the moment when he had you all hot and bothered, the moment he forgot all responsibilities for a second and allowed himself to feel a glimpse of what it would be like if he was normal man and he wasn't your teacher. Remus longed for that moment, it was all he thought about since. The feeling of your breath on his, your lips so close that he could lean in and kiss you, have you as he's wanted for so long. You weren't just beautiful but you were smart and so strong-willed, he knew your future was a bright one and he was never going to ruin it for you.
But what could he do? How can he push you away when you are so drawn to him, he was aware that you had a crush on him, obviously he wouldn't behave how he did at the three broomsticks if he wasn't sure of it but there had to be rules established soon if you were going to spend any more time together, he knew he should never share smokes on the bridge with you again and never call you dear but there was something inside him that hurt whenever he thought about that never happening again. Remus was a good guy he wasn't going to ruin your last year in Hogwarts by being selfish and longing for extra time to get to know you. You needed to be with people your own age like Sebastian...
"Professor?" Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "Are you okay you've gone silent for a minute?"
"I'm still trying to process you calling me angsty." He said with a soft smile pained by the truth of what he was thinking about.
"Wait you're a werewolf?" You asked with a fake gasp and he just shook his head at you in amusement. He proceeded to skim over the facts teaching you the basics over the next hour before closing the book and announcing. "It's time to see how your duelling skills are." Lupin motioned for you to stand and moved all the desks to the side of the room for a swish of his hands. "Now it's okay if you need a bit of time to warm up and practice I know we haven't done this in a few weeks." He began.
"I'm good let's go straight away." You interrupted and like that, the duel began. You began strong as his guard was down and then he began hitting back you continued and then you pulled a special spell you learnt in the duelling club as soon as you began to say the word Lupin disarmed you and quickly came and put his hand over your mouth. "You're about to use dark magic Y/N." He stated harshly before letting you go. "Now tell me exactly where you've learnt all this." He said sternly as you bent down to grab your wand, you could tell fun Lupin was gone and your teacher was talking to you.
"While studying I'm sorry I didn't know it was a-"
"Don't lie to me." He repeated, with the voice of disappointment, while looking down on you.
"The duelling club." You said without thinking of what will happen next.
"What duelling club." He was angry, very angry.
"The crossed wands or whatever it's a secret duelling club started by some Slytherin students to see who's the best at duelling in the school." You blurted out.
"Is this Sebastian's doing?"
"He's part of it yes but I've learnt so much, it's helped."
"Yes but also you've learnt dark magic, you're entering a realm of evil, real evil and you think this is just fun and games? You didn't even know did you?" You shook your head in reply to him. "I am reporting this to Dumbledor immediately." He was almost shouting but his voice wasn't any louder than a whisper.
"No don't they're my friends." You protested.
"Y/N you can't be using that kind of magic, not you. Please. You don't understand what this can cause, how evil it is. You are getting involved in dangerous things and they need to be stopped before more innocent students get involved."
"Please don't shut it down I'll be seen as a snitch, it's the first time I've made friends with people outside Gryffindor, let them have this until the end of the year."
"It's dangerous."
"Please moony as a friend." You said using the nickname you used before to try and get his sympathy, he shared his secret you shared yours would he keep yours? You didn't know this was the same nickname his friends used for him. These five words made him calm down and realise how much he values your happiness over what is right or wrong.
"Can you promise me you'll check spells you learnt there with me first before you use them?" He asked gently.
"Always."
"Very well, I'll pretended I didn't hear a word." He said walking over to his desk and picking up his blazer there to search for something in his pocket. He took out a pack of cigarettes and put on his blazer. "Now if you'll excuse me I have a urgent matter, you're welcome to join if you want to steal one." He said showing you the box and opening the classroom door to let you out. You followed him as you walked together in silence it felt like you needed to say something. The air was too thick.
"Can we go to the lake?"
"There won't be light bugs tonight." He said softly.
"I know I just want to go and sit down by the water."
"Let's go." He said changing the route. You walked outside up to the lake sitting down on the water's edge, Lupin lay his blazer down on the floor as a makeshift blanket. You could see the moonlight reflect on the water and everything felt peaceful and quiet for a moment. You saw the spark of Lupin's cigarette, you looked over at him and noticed he was using a lighter instead of magic. You grabbed a cigarette from his pack that was lying on the jacket in the small space between the two of you. You put it in your mouth and Lupin leaned slightly closer to you lighting it for you with his lighter one hand covering the side from the wind and the other on the lighter right next to your lips.  No words were spoken. They didn't need to be you both understood everything perfectly at this moment. After a moment you finally said something.... "Lupin, can we please remain friends."
"We need clear boundaries." He said simply as if he had thought through his answer a million times.
"Yes, okay, I just don't want to spend another week ignoring each other, you really hurt me Lupin." You said being completely honest.
You could hear him swallow as if he's just realised that you were also hurt in the process of him trying to protect you... "I'm really sorry, I was trying to make sure we don't cross a line. I didn't think it would hurt you I thought it was the right thing to do Y/N." He spoke quietly almost a whisper.
"Don't do that again." You said feeling like crying, two weeks of emotions all about to release in this moment. "I felt like I lost someone I was truly connected with, a real friend."
"I know I felt the same, but Y/N we need to set rules we can't get so close to each other."
"Don't call me dear then."
"Okay dear." He said with a little smirk and you playfully pushed him away "shut up Lupin."
"On the same note when it's just us, and we're being just friends maybe just call me Remus. Lupin feels too formal, it makes me remember I'm your teacher."
"Remus. I like that. Now Remus you won't ignore me tomorrow after this conversation?"
"No Y/N, I will not. I acted impulsively, for that I am very sorry and for how I made you feel."
"I didn't like you for a moment when you were ignoring me but you're truly kind and good under all that angst."
"I'm not angsty." He said laughing again. You lay down on the grass and jacket instead of sitting up and watched as Remus sat up watching the water. You felt at peace maybe you will never fulfil your desire to kiss him and feel his lips on yours. Maybe you'll never know what it feels like to have his hands explore your body but at least you knew you could keep him as part of your everyday again and that he did maybe feel slightly attracted to you below all the proper behaviour and all the teacher like nonsense.
"Can I tell you something I've never told anyone?" He asked.
"Are you about to tell me you're angsty?" You replied sitting up to match his position, he smiled in response but didn't laugh this time.
"No, I, I really wish to see a full moon. To see what it looks like reflecting in the water, what the world looks like in its light." You could hear his voice breaking as he tried to keep a straight face. You didn't know what to do, your first reaction was just to hold him. So you hugged him and he hugged you back tightly. Neither of you thought about what was right or wrong you just hugged for a long time making sure he was okay. If you weren't sure already this vulnerability and honestly showed you how he felt about you, he did in fact trust you maybe more than anyone he's ever met before you.
After moments of silence, you both let go of each other and stayed there watching the water reflect the moonlight. Remus checked his watch and at that moment realised how late it's gotten. "Are you hungry?" He asked and you nodded. "Follow me, dinner is over but I can get some food from the kitchen sent to my office." He explained and you both returned to the castle.
As soon as you walked into the classroom it felt like he was back to Professor R.J. Lupin, he opened his office door and let you walk in first. You took in the room as you've never been up here usually speaking to him at his desk in the classroom. His desk here was covered in papers and books, a small plate acted as a ashtray for him laying on top of a pile of books. He immediately began to clean the desk picking up books and putting them back on the shelf he didn't use magic it's almost like he forgot he could. "Please sit down. I'm sorry for the mess I've been very busy recently." He explained you sat down in a nice leather chair behind the desk, it smelled like him, you felt like you almost melted into this chair as soon as you sat down on it. He performed wandless magic to pull up a small wooden chair to the desk and to sit opposite you. "Any preference in what food you'd like?" He asked and you shook your head. "Very well. Would you like any tea?"  He asked standing back up and walking over to a kettle that was already brewing on the side. "Milk and two sugars please." You confirmed.
"I have a terrible habit of putting too much sugar in my tea, it started when I was around your age, I would put heaps of sugar in my tea because my condition made me so tired and I thought it would help give me energy. It did not. But it did help develop my sweet tooth." He said as he walked over with the teas at this moment the food magically appeared on the table, it was a platter of different nibbles from cheese to grapes and crackers. The two of you dug in while a vinyl record played in the background and your tea cooled to a drinking temperature. At first, you were so hungry that not many words were said but it didn't take long for the two of you to start talking and discussing different things you talked about, the main topic was muggle world vs wizarding world. You learned a lot about Remus's mother and his childhood in the muggle world. You must've sat and talked for at least two hours as by the time the food was only crumbs and your cups were completely empty you had a blanket wrapped around you for warmth and your eyes were struggling to stay open. When Remus realised the time was past midnight he kept apologising for keeping you awake and you kept telling him it was okay. Professor Lupin felt guilty for keeping you awake on a school night, and Remus felt sad you were about to leave. He walked you to your dorm so you wouldn't get in trouble in case a teacher saw you in the corridors, you thanked him for all the food and tea and then you said goodnight.
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NEXT CHAPTER | More stuff I wrote
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mayzi33 · 11 months ago
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*clears throat.*
(apologize in advance for any mistakes english isn't my first language)
Alright. Here we go.
Look, I haven't watched MLP in a LONGGGG time. But recently with all the stuff I missed our and since the fandom is still pretty much alive and well I decided to take peek by peek in the seasons I haven't watched.
Until I came across, these guys
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And I have so much to say.
I didn't write a script for this or anything so I don't know where this rambling is going so I just ask you to bear with me for as much as you can, okay?
Look, watching the Young Six episodes I've experienced one of the things that angers me the most. SUCH. WASTED. POTENTIAL.
You're telling me we got whatever the hell is G5 when instead we could have gotten THESE GUYS???? THESE COOL, UNIQUE CHARACTERS THAT ACTUALLY HAVE AN INTERESTING STORY THAT MAKES SENSE AND HAVE SI MUCH POTENTIAL TO BE ONE OF THE SICKEST LORE ARCS IN MLP???
I homestly don't know what Hasbro WAS THINKING in giving them so little screentime. There's so much I have to say but I'll try my best to keep my thoughts organized.
First things first, we'll need to talk a little about G5 or "Make Your Mark" series or whatever. I personally enjoyed the movie, though the story didn't make much sense (we'll get to that later) the characters were pretty nice, the songs were catchy and the animation was mwah. I didn't bother to watch all of the G5 series, because- (pardon to all who enjoy it) it's so. Freaking. Boring. Like I know there's a pony girl that's supposed to be a traitor among them but then grows onto being their actual friend and there's a villainess and that whole conflict and yada yada yada. But honestly there just isn't anything I found enganging in the entire thing. I can't explain it, it just feels- off. I know I probably don't have much right to talk, cause again, only now I'm diving into the mlp again after missing out A LOT, but I just can't bring myself to like that series.
Now, the whole School Of Friendship saga in the G4 series with our beloved Young Six, I know some people had some issues with it and it didn't please everyone, and while it does have some flaws and is certainly not perfect, you can't deny there was lots of potential. (I'll try to not overuse that word I'm sorry)
I personally, really liked the concept of different creatures from different cultures coming together and forming the perfectly diverse friend group. Episodes like The Hearth's Warming Club and What Lies Beneath were particuarly really fun, it was nice to dive into their cultures and backstories while also watching the six of them be vulnerable in front of one another and grow closer. If only they had more screentime and more deep episodes like that, they could have been in the top 10 found families in cartoons.
Now, just some other reasons as to why I think they're interesting characters and should've gotten more than what was given to them.
Because
1- Their whole deal is that they're not all ponies, that they're all different species. We get to learn lots about their different cultures and customs. It would've been such a good way to teach children about acceptance and respecting differences while also being entertaining. Especially in a school enviroment.
2- We got not one, but TWO male characters in the group. It would make little boys that are interested in mlp feel more comfortable and valid for it. AND those two males also have distinct personalities and their own active roles. Gallus being sort of the leader of the group, and Sandbar being the only pony therefore the one to stand up for his friends.
3- While they're supposed to be the new represantives of the elements of harmonies, their personalities are still interesting and different from the Mane 6.
Onto that, I really like how it's implied they could be the next helders (or whatever its called) of the elements of harmony. Given their special connection to the tree, how similiar they are to the previous groups (Mane 6 and The Pillars) and how Twilight LITERALLY LIFTED THEM UP AS WELL WHILE SHE SPOKE ABOUT HOW THE ELEMENTS WILL LIVE ON, it would've been such a cool concept.
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Onto that, I wanna talk a bit about each of their characters too and how I think they could've been dealt with.
Gallus is the element of magic, but unlike Twilight who's all open and confident-spoken about friendship and all, Gallus is probably the one in the group that's the most closed-off and dislikes getting all cheesy. It would've been interesting seeing his development as the helder ot the element of magic. AND ESPECIALLY since he doesn't have magic in the first place, since Twilight and Starwirl were unicorns. So maybe he could make posions? Get powers someway else? Many posibilities
Sandbar is the element of kindness, but unlike Fluttershy he's extrovert and down to making friends. His overrall personality is that he's constantly very chill-going and nothing seems to ever upset or annoy him. So it also would've been interesting to see how that pattern would break, especially because of his element.
Yona is the element of honesty. She's probably the one that has the hardest time adapting to the Equestrians among the group, and even tried to act like a pony instead of herself one episode. It would've been interesting to see how her element of honesty reflects on how she should be true to herself, especially since her Yak culture comes a lot with honor.
Ocellus is the element of genority, yet, unlike Rarity, she's a lot more like Fluttershy, being timid and insecure, while also being smart and well-read like Twilight. It would've been nice if her development with her element would be gaining confidence in herself and being generous to others that way. Especially since she has a fear of being like the old changling queen (forgot her name) so imagine if she just turned out to be the opposite of her. Instead of selfish and cruel, being generous and kind.
Smolder is the element of loyality, but also like Gallus, she's also not into getting cheesy. But what I find imteresting about her is how she tries to keep her tough, agressive persona (since thats how dragons are) yet it is revealed she's actually interested in cute, fluffy stuff like tea parties and dresses. So it would've been cool to see her growing confident in admiting her interests, therefore being more like Rainbow Dash, who's always confident on herself
And last but not least, Silverstream is the element of laughter. But what's hooking about it is the fact that Silverstream herself probably hasn't KNOWN what laughter is for a long time, having to hide under The Storm King's rule. She's very talkctive, creative and extrovert, like Pinkie Pie, but she also has her trauma that haunts and intimidates her, unlike Pinkie who usually faces her fears headfront. Another great development story.
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So just hear me out, okay. I don't care if MLP is over. I don't care if there's G5.
We. Need. A. Young. Six. Spin-off. Series.
I know it sounds crazy, but I genuely think this idea could work out if it was handled well enough, and Hasbro could make some good money out of this.
Just bear with me. A spin-off series set on the timeline between season 8-9 aka, still on the School Of Friendship, focused entirely on the Young Six. We could still get the Mane 6, of course, but mostly as support characters. It doesn't have to be a particularly long series, (though maybe that could work as well IF handled with enough care) maybe just 2 seasons or so. And I'm not thinking like a slice-of-life or fun little extra kind of thing, I'm thinking of ACTUAL lore. Just more about how the tree and the elements work, and how these six students could grow into being their new helders. In each episode it becomes more and more evident to them and the Mane 6 themselves that they're going to be the next generation of the elements. So imagine once they all fully it figure out and talk about it, the Y6 suddenly feel this pressure about how they're supposed to live up to their teachers and fear that they have to be EXACTLY like them. So we see Sandbar taking extra kindness classes with Fluttershy, Yona taking extra honesty classes with Applejack and heck even Gallus is taking studies more seriously (especially since he's supposed to be the element of magic which again I find imteresting since he doesn't really have magic at least not the way Twilight and Starwirl do. ) So we could have an entire episode about the M6 getting through to them and showing they don't have to be JUST LIKE THEM nor The Pillars. They can be their own people.
Another main-plot idea would be having more villains, probably trying to test them or tear them apart (cough cough like Swift Foot from the idw comics cough cough) or maybe you could even fit someone as intense as King Sombra, or maybe even even the return of Tirek, Cozy Glow and Chrysalis in there. (I remembered her name yay)
And, of course, more onto their characters, flaws, backstories and cultures! I would love to see more about their people and customs, just as much as I would love to explore their traumas, fears, ugly sides and how they overcome it together (cough cough found family COUGH COUGH GAGS)
And another thing, I especially would've liked to explore Yona's and Sandbar's relantioship.
I MEAN LOOK AT THEM-
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Don't they give massive beauty-and-the-beast vibes? I love how their colors and body types contrast with one and another, and their personalities aswell. Yona being loud, cheerful and clumsy while Sandbar is calm, thoughtful and carefree. I just love the big girl x soooorta small guy vibes and I especially loved how gentle and reassuring Sandbar was towards her in that episode. I mean, "I don't care if you're not a pony, you're the best Yona I know." SERIOUSLY? WHO WROTE THAT LINE? I'D LIKE TO GIVE THEM A HUG. And also, onto the spin-off series matter, it would also be a cool topic to explore. Imagine if some ponies/yaks are judging them for having a relantioship while being different species and they learn to ignore them and live past that??? I usually don't care much for romance, (always prefered friendship and found families) but this would've been a nice little arc and episode theme to see.
Lastly, (I'm almost done I promise) to the more technical/economical part.
Like I said in the beggining, I genuely think Hasbro could make some good money out of this. Firstly because it will be using the G4 characters and lore and not...whatever mess of a plot G5 is.
And secondly because, if they took the time to give them some cool power-up designs like they did with the Mane 6, I'M SURE the toys would sell.
I mean- JUST LOOK AT THESE COOL DESIGNS I FOUND ON THE INTERNET?? (not mine, credits to whoever made it, you ate that)
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DON'T THEY LOOK LIKE A TOY SET THAT WOULD CATCH THE CHILDREN'S EYES ON THE TOY AISLE? OH YES I THINK THEY WOULD.
And if anything, they could be as bold as to make an extra Equestria Girls (well, girls and boys) series with them. I know it sounds kinda dumb, especially given the fact that I'm not sure about how that would work given that when Spike went to the "human dimension" or whatever he turned to a dog... So Smolder would also be a dog? Sandbar would be the only actual human in the group?... BUT I'm sure they could come up with some excuse to make it work. Give them some cool, colorful outfits for different events and I'm sure it would sell. And ESPECIALLY since with Gallus and Sandbar in the group, it could get the attetion of young boys aswell.
Anyways. That was it.
Uhm. Conclusion: Hasbro should hire me. I know what I'm talking about. I think. At least a bit.
And I genuely think this could work if only SOMEONE gave it the time and care.
I don't know how to end ramblings so uhmmmm thank you all for coming to my pep talk.
They deserved better.
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months ago
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AITA for not texting my friend?
To be clear I have no intention of cutting off this person, I will not block or ghost them, and if they text me I WILL answer and not be dry or lame about it.
I just won't be the one to start any conversations.
Moving on:
The story is super complicated but I'll try to keep it coherent.
Three people in the story (fake names):
Me (20)
Alex (16) - friend
Luck (16) - younger sibling We are all the same gender.
Something to keep in mind about me: I have always been very sheltered, naive and distracted, people have told me so and the more I learn the more I realize how ignorant I am. So I have very little experience, perception and knowledge of worldly things. This makes it difficult for me to keep up with people my age and I spend most of my focus on stories I like to write. It's not an excuse for anything and I'm actively working to be better.
Something that doesn't contribute much to the story but may be nice to know: Pretty much everything happens online, I've only met Alex in person like 4 times for birthday parties and stuff.
Now the story: I met Alex three years ago during covid when I was doing school online (I was 17 and Alex and Luck were 13). I was introduced to Alex through my younger sibling. Luck added me to a group chat with a bunch of their classmates, and I got popular really fast. Alex took a particular liking to me, because they thought i was funny and we had many of the same hobbies. So Alex was the first of Luck's friends to start a chat with me directly. Alex was always online and so was I, so we ended up talking alot, like all the time. I noticed Luck got kind of jealous, and that was when I began to wonder if the friendship was right, but I did nothing about it.
Eventually Alex and I started writing a story together, it's something I try to do with all of my close friends and we got really into it. A big rule that I have is that the real world and fiction are separate, under no circumstances are they to entertwine, especially emotionally (ex. I have never and will never insert myself in a story or daydream, not even if reality sucks for me at that time) Alex was different, they got attached to the characters. So there I am, obsessed with progressing the story's plot, and I kill off one of my characters. Alex expresses discontent, but not much. It's through Luck that I find out later that Alex had been crying about it for days. I felt bad and brought the character back, and life went on.
A year and a half into our friendship and Luck seems to have gotten over her jealousy, while Alex and I spend more time writing and focusing on the story than anything else. There are some signs in the rare times that Alex and I talk about life that it become apparent that Alex is going through a rough time, but I don't think too much about it since the story is all that's on my mind. On top of this there's school and whatever.
One day Alex starts asking for breaks from story writing and plotting, and I agree without a fuss. It gets me thinking a bit more, and after a couple more days during a conversation about the real world Alex sends a long paragraph about how horrible things are. (I won't explain what exactly these horrible things were for privacy reasons) Now I realize how inconsiderate I've been so far and I tell Alex that I'm there to support them in whatever they need. I spend pretty much all of the next year texting them every hour of every day and this is what happens:
At the beginning of our friendship our conversations flowed wonderfully, we shared our achievements and showed genuine interest in each other's lives. But things changed and by this point In the story our conversations go like so:
Me: (asks a question) Alex: (responds) Me: (reacts to response) Alex: (dry response) -Repeat infinitely-
Aside from that we would always say goodnight and Goodmorning to each other.
One time. Only one. Alex texted me asking for help and I didn't see the message until hours later. I never really forgave myself for that.
At this point I'm 19 and Alex is 15, and it suddenly crosses my mind how our friendship might be perceived by others. I considered Alex another younger sibling, but with all the crazy things happening in the world I wondered what others would think. In the end I concluded that Alex needed me and it didn't matter. So life goes on. My entire life revolves around helping Alex, when I'm not texting them I am worrying, my own problems come second. My whole family thinks I'm addicted to my phone. I'm always tired and stressed. The stories were put on pause.
Time passes and soon I'm turning twenty. I'm starting to think I can't do it anymore, our friendship has turned kind of codependent (I didn't even know what that was until a month ago). I consider ghosting many times, changing my number, blocking, but only for a couple minutes at a time and I always hate myself for thinking it afterwards. I keep talking to Alex, but sometimes I'll answer a bit slower. Let them wait 3-5 minutes instead of 1-2, if I really steel myself I can hold back for 7 minutes.
One day without warning Alex doesn't text me at all. They've dissapeared before but never without sending a quick message to let me know about it, not until this day. Their status also worries me, only one word: "gone". There I am internally freaking out, losing it, trying to come up with reasons for which everything is fine. I don't ask Luck if they know anything because I know they'll get annoyed. It's not until late the next day that Alex lets me know they went a roadtrip. I tell them "I was worried lol" and immediately they ask why. I wasn't expecting an apology but the question struck me as weird, so I was reluctant to answer. Alex pushes for an answer, they haven't been this interested in what I've had to say for years. I with horror I realize that they liked that i was worried, they wanted to milk it as much as they could. I understand that people need validation, but I was already constantly complementing Alex and telling them how important they were. The fact that they preferred my panic (though in Alex's defense I never told them I was panicking) hit me hard. I didn't elaborate on why I was worried. Alex got upset. And i spent the next hour sobbing over my phone, realizing i needed some distance.
I started slow. I wouldn't say goodnight somedays, others I would forgo a Goodmorning, but I always answered (I swore to myself never to leave Alex on read). I went on a trip and I decided I would enjoy it for once, so I let Alex know i couldn't text much. Nevertheless this lack of contact didn't keep me from worrying and wondering endlessly.
After the trip we kept texting less, we expressed missing each other but neither of us did too much to keep things going. I tried to focus on my in-person relationships, and friendships with people my age. I went back to stories and published a novella.
Nowadays Alex and I talk maybe once every week and a half. The conversations are excruciating. Alex tells me how things still suck, my usual words of comfort seem to mean nothing to either of us anymore. Alex leaves me on read as soon as the conversation goes dry, usually after ten minutes worth of conversation, sometimes over the span of many hours. We don't talk again until I cave in and say hello. Then a couple days later Alex says hello. And then it's up to me again, and every time I tell myself I won't do it.
Luck has told me their opinion of Alex, they saw way before I did how self-centered Alex is. The thing is Alex doesn't do it on purpose, I am entirely sure of that and so is Luck. Luck treats Alex nicely but they're out of touch, more than I am. I am not mad at Alex. I still care deeply for them, but I feel like there's nothing I can do andour old dynamic just hurts both of us. Cutting them off is not an option, they're just a kid and I'm better than that. So I just don't start a conversation.
A couple days ago Alex texted me (even though it was my unspoken turn to text first) and we talked, and the conversation wasn't dry at all, and it wasn't that painful to deal with. They showed interest in my life and shared some sad stuff but also happy stuff about theirs, and it felt like old times. We texted the entire day. At one point the they mentioned that I could text them whenever I wanted, and I felt an underlying petition that I do. The conversation went on and eventually they left me on read the next morning when I answered a message from the night before.
Ever since then I've been actively holding back from texting them but I can't help but wonder if I'm a jerk for it.
These aren't even all the factors but this post has gotten too long lol.
So AITA?
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tanukitsuneko-suki · 2 months ago
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build episode 33 thoughts:
- they're STILL in active contact with each other?!?!?!
- "find it within 24 hours" oh even bloodstalk knows we are speedrunning the plot
- i've really warmed up to gentoku. look at him walking awkwardly in the opening song. he's just a guy
- i would consider dying if it's for eiji akaso
- "the evol driver was made in order for evolto to assume his ultimate form" GREAT!! he can do that!! as long has he stays 5832489874 feet away from banjo ryuga
- 𝓶𝔂 𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓼𝓼
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- I NEED YOU DEAD. FUCK. FUCK. STAY THE FUCK AWAY!!!!!!!! UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅
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- bloodstalk's actor is really good. the whole multiple souls in one body plot can and would go awry if the actor sucks at it because it's gonna look cringe, but i'm in no way taken out of the story whenever i'm watching bloodstalk/soichi. the swap is so obvious and seamless
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- MY PRINCESS.....
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- OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH "get out. we're escaping." there's something left in that small, shriveled heart of his <3 gentoku nice one!!
- i'll have to say, this is a nobler ideal than whatever the fuck dan kuroto has LOL
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- gentoku... he's fun now xD i always love a good redemption arc
- hmm maybe he should've succeeded in killing utsumi that time on the bridge. when i rewatch i'll make sure to tell early season night rogue that
- this is his second time getting hit by the Down Boy switch because instead of tucking it somewhere in his suit he just throws it off the side and hopes the problem solves itself, and i really don't wish to victim-blame but Jesus Christ, gentoku
- oh nvm i was too mean there's just another one LMFAO
- MY POINT STILL STANDS!!!!
- they're making fun of him 😭😭 so what if he just wants nationwide peace!! he's trying his best over here!
- BABYGIRL????????? I...OH....BABYGIRL YOU'RE SO BOYGIRL I LOVE YOU!!!!! THIS PLOT TWIST IS SO CUTEEEEEEEE. LOOOLLLL WAS HE JUST FAKING IT THE WHOLE TIME BECAUSE HE'S ALREADY SAID TOO MUCH AND HE'S LOWKEY EMBARRASSED BUT IT'S EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING NOW THAT HIS EMO PHASE WAS OVER BUT HE STILL REMEMBERS EVERYTHING HE DID SO HE JUST KINDA ROLLS WITH IT HAHAHAHAHAHA GENTOKUUU PLEASEEEEEEE
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- i can wife him. i can fix him
- i still think it's the pinnacle of humor that sento has had disastrous friendships broken down by dealbreaker reveals rife with betrayals and they still apparently have each other on speed dial. sure bloodstalk murdered my previous identity and strung me along for a year pretending to be my family while i have amnesia, but i'm not gonna block his number or anything just incase he wants to give me a little kidnapping tip-off. gentoku kept trying to kill me on multiple occasions and has harmed people that i love in both physical and emotional ways, but it's not like i have to delete his number in my silly custom phone now do i
- oh my god he just wants to save his father :(
- i think it would be fun to have a kamen rider season where it's just old men. age 45 minimum
- wait... i get it.... bloodstalk x nightrogue...i get it now....
- the dynamic initially having nightrogue as the leader and boss above bloodstalk that he can't defy, only for it to be revealed that stalk has been stringing everyone along... gentoku being shoved into literal mud, his name sullied and dirt on his tongue... suffering the atrocities borne from his ruthless ambition.. only to lose said ambition but having to stay strong anyway, with nobody to talk to, and now bloodstalk doesn't even offer him a single glance nor a shred of respect, his view focusing on greater heights, unilaterally obsessed with sento's genius as fodder solely to push banjo to his limits.....but gentoku faces him anyway because he doesn't give a shit about powers controlling the universe or ones that could end planets.... he's got a bone to pick with fucking bloodstalk and he's gonna make sure to land a good punch on that ugly fucking mug
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- the clown-ass music as they wind up the evol driver...lmao
- THE ACTUAL BGM IS SO COOL THOUGH
- HIS DAD IS DEAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
- omfg evolto needs to die you guys
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infiniteorangethethird · 1 year ago
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I've been wanting to put my thoughts abt my experiences as a loveless aroapl into words for a while now, and finally I got the chance to sit down and actually write out all my ideas. Obligatory I don't speak for the entire community and these are just my personal experiences; long post ahead.
First of all, there could be many different meanings to the label loveless, depending on who is the one using it. To me, loveless means that I literally do not experience love, that I do not experience the emotions other people seem to define as love. I do experience strong emotions (though some loveless ppl might not, which is also completely valid), but I identify none of them as love.
The reason I've decided to use the loveless label for myself is because after watching people around me for a long while, I've come to the conclusion that I just simply don't feel the same way about other ppl as they do. I hear my friends talk about how much they missed me after we don't see each other for a while, about how much they wish we had more free time so that we could meet more frequently. I see my long-distance friends with whom we only get to see each other once a year desperately trying to find a time we are all free so that we could meet. I get invited to outings with friends before we even have a plan of what we want to do bc to them, the fact that we're spending time together is more important than what we're actually doing.
Thing is, I do enjoy spending time with people. There are a lot of things, activities, that are more fun (or just straight up made possible) if done with others instead of alone. I also enjoy the safety having a network of people around you can give. But at the same time, I've never really felt any pull towards specific people. I enjoy spending time with people in general, but my interest is a lot more directed at the activities we do together and the general concept of not doing it alone instead of the people involved. At the end of the day I don't care much about who those people are, so long as they are decent and aren't actively ruining the experience.
That isn't to say I'm an asshole to them, though. I know very well that friendships (and relationships in general) require a certain level of care in both directions, usually involving spending time together, and just generally being there for the other. I do want my friends to be happy, I do want to make them happy, but it's not really out of an emotional desire to make them specifically happy, rather a more general inner drive to be good to people. I will put in the effort to socialize, to spend time with people, to listen to them and be there for them emotionally bc I know that's what it takes to maintain a relationship, but it's always going to be somewhat impersonal and more I do out of duty than out of an emotional drive to get closer to them.
And yet, the fact that the general population does seem to have this emotional drive while I never felt anything like it made me feel for the longest time that there was something wrong with me. That not feeling the correct way about my friends is making me somehow evil for tricking them into thinking I was actually their friend, and not some kind of monster who was just using their kindness against them - and it's hard not to feel that way. We live in a society that assumes and constantly reinforces the idea that not only is love the purest emotion, but also the only thing a relationship can be based on. Any relationship that doesn't have love at its core is worthless or meaningless, and if you deliberately enter a relationship as a loveless person you are a bad person and the relationship is inherently toxic. It doesn't matter what you actually do, or what feelings might motivate it - if it's not out of love, it's bad.
In this framework, being loveless means no matter how hard you try, you will just never be enough. It isn't enough to be kind or generous or caring, you MUST love the other, and if they find out you don't, there's a really good chance they will take it as a personal attack and break contact with you, even if before they called you their best friend.
It was this pressure that made me pick up the loveless label. For too long have I felt like I wasn't doing enough, like I was missing something, like I wasn't trying hard enough to feel love. I kept beating myself up over not feeling the correct emotions, but unsurprisingly, this did not make me more capable of love. It just made me hate myself for the way I existed. But the moment I accepted myself as loveless? All of that pressure was gone. I learnt that emotions don't inherently make an action morally better or worse, and that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you feel so long as you do the right thing. People don't actually see your emotions, only your actions.
Of course, I still struggle with making and keeping friends. Turns out it is rather difficult to maintain a relationship when you don't have an innate drive towards people; then put on that extra layer of autism and low empathy and you got a recipe for disaster. Still, that doesn't mean I don't try, because I do want to be around people, and I do want those people to be happy to be around me, even if it means I have to put in the extra effort to connect with them that to most ppl comes naturally.
I know this turned out to be pretty long but I wanted to elaborate on these thoughts to give them justice as best as I could. Loveless is still a label most people either don't know or are very confused about, and I just hope I could shed some light on the experience for those who are still unfamiliar with it.
I'm open to answering (good faith) questions, but please remember that I am still just one guy and can't speak on behalf of the whole community.
(Other loveless ppl, feel free to add on your own experiences as well, I'd love to hear about them!)
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uncloseted · 2 months ago
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do you have any tips for making friends or being a good conversationalist in a way that's applicable to real life and doesn't sound like you simply read "how to make friends and influence people" LOL
For what it's worth, I think "How To Win Friends and Influence People" isn't actually that bad as long as you don't overdo it. Being genuinely interested in other people, complimenting and showing appreciation for them, being a good listener, making people feel important, respecting other people's opinions, admitting when you're wrong, not causing unnecessary conflict, and just overall being friendly are genuinely pretty good principles for how to get people to like you. But in terms of other advice, these are some tips and tricks I've picked up over the years:
Go into conversations with new people with the mindset that they already like you. Studies have found that assuming people like you is a self-fulfilling prophecy, where people who assume that people like them are more popular. People like people who are confident, and most people want to like the new people that they meet.
Treat everyone you meet as if you’ve been friends your whole life. Too often, when we meet new people we keep them at arm’s length because we’re afraid of making them feel uncomfortable, but people like people who treat them like a friend. Feel free to be silly the way you would around someone who’s already your friend.
Talk about big things instead of making smalltalk. Ask people what’s been on their minds lately. Feel free to get vulnerable with them (but don’t trauma-dump on them), such as sharing a mildly embarrassing story about yourself. The more strangers share with one another about their vulnerabilities and deep thoughts, the more likely they are to become friends.
It sounds counter-intuitive, but ask people for help or offer to help them. Studies have shown that the act of helping makes both people feel more positively towards one another.
Use statements that include both of you in the same storyline (for example “I don’t know about you, but I could really go for a snack right now”). These types of statements put you both on the same “team” and build feelings of camaraderie.
Be the initiator. Set aside time to reach out to people, work to revitalize old friendships and to hang out with people you like. Friendships don’t always happen organically- sometimes we need a push to make it happen. If scheduling a new person into your life feels like too much, initiating can be as simple as something like, “I’m going to grab a coffee after work, would you want to come?”
Spinning off of that, invite acquaintances to do activities with you that you know they’d be interested in. For example, if you and your coworker both love horror movies, try inviting them to a horror movie that’s playing after work. In general, looking for common ground is an easy way to make a friend, even if it’s something small.
On the flip side, don’t expect that all your friends need to be like you. You can have friends of different genders, ages, backgrounds, views, etc. without it impacting how good of a friend they are. Keep an open mind when meeting new people.
If you already have a group of friends that does things together, invite prospective new friends to be part of that activity. For example, when my best friend and I lived together, we used to invite people to our house for waffles every weekend. It was a great way to test the waters with new friends without the situation feeling high-stress.
Smile and show that you’re friendly. This gets into that "how to win friends" territory, but have an overall positive attitude, try not to disagree with the other person too much, compliment people, praise them, support them, act excited about their accomplishments, etc. People like people who make them feel valued and important.
Ask the other person questions and let the other person talk about themselves (but make sure to avoid overdoing it, otherwise it will feel like an interrogation). Show authentic interest in their life. Be a good listener instead of waiting for your chance to talk. Be curious about this person and non-judgmental. People love talking about themselves and their interests, so even if you just get them talking and then listen, they'll come away from the conversation with a good impression of you.
Say yes to things when people invite you, even if you’re not sure you’ll like it or it’s out of your comfort zone.
Stay in touch with people. Send them the occasional meme or TikTok that you think they’d like, or a link to an event you think you might enjoy together. You can also do this with acquaintances on Instagram- every so often, just leave a genuine comment on a picture or story they’ve posted. You can't be friends with someone if you never interact with them.
Set up repeat encounters. Clubs and classes are great for this because you’ll see the same people over and over again. Friendships thrive when you spend time with someone, because our brains like things more the more familiar they are. I've seen some studies that suggest that it takes 50 hours of doing things together to go from acquaintances to friends and 200 hours to go from friends to close friends, so thinking about ways to see one another more often will help to foster that friendship.
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starry-907 · 4 months ago
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starry swap au woagh
"starry what is this swap au day was friday" yep! and i was late because of work and school so shush and sit down because i'm gonna give you the rundown of my swap au
so who swaps with who?
The basic gist of this au, the "main swap" so to speak, is that the cg have swapped with the hollowheads! there are other swaps it's just that swap is the one that started the au as a whole
here's the designs that i've worked out so far (i haven't done the mercs yet because i don't have much of a basis of design for them right now)
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character info under the cut because it's gonna get long haha (i have more info i can give but you'll need to ask me about it cuz i want to talk more about this au!!!!!)
to start with:
alan has swapped with programmer021, who is a 3d modeller trying to work in blender on animating, using both 3d animation and grease pencil (moreso 3d animation, but the 2d animation is nice to get out frustration and oh those sticks are coming to life)
the computer crew came from an old file on programmer's computer that had been sent from a friend of a short stick figure animation with four hollowheaded sticks. sv finds the file during ava 4 and kinda wakes up the hollows. friendship ensues
the computer crew (ss!cg)
silver (victim swapped with blue)
technically the oldest of the computer crew due to having been drawn first in their file, silver is the sort who seems a bit cold and aloof to outside observers, but her family is more than able to easily read their subtle expressions. she often uses her neutral expressions to her advantage to poke fun at people who aren't as familiar with them. enjoys cultivating flowers and trees, as well as making potions.
charcoal (chosen swapped with green)
the second oldest of the computer crew and technically silver's twin (having been copied and pasted from the original drawing symbol of silver), charcoal is more than happy to take charge when it's needed. however, sometimes this desire to lead can turn into overconfidence, which can lead to a bit of a prideful fall. they enjoy messing around with noteblocks, as well as creating complicated pixelarts (that often get knocked down thanks to a certain bright red and orange duo)
cherry (dark swapped with yellow)
the third oldest of the computer crew, cherry has an endlessly curious mind, but often lacks the self-control to keep from doing more... dangerous activities. if you don't hear from him for at least an hour you probably want to go find him. he can often be found messing with redstone, and gets a kick out of figuring out new uses for tnt and end crystals (often accompanied by getting dragged away from their newest creations by charcoal or silver) (basically where canon yellow would watch mumbo jumbo or zedaph, cherry would watch docm77)
amber (second swapped with red)
the youngest of the computer crew, amber might seem a bit airheaded sometimes. truly when they get into trouble though, they often are able to come up with the most out there plans to get out of said trouble. this doesn't stop them from running into danger headfirst though (and often suffering the consequences...). when not drawing as a hobby, they often work on building up new structures for their family to use.
(also for reference ages are swapped/changed as well, so silver and charcoal are both 15, cherry is 14, and amber is 13)
the powered colors (ok i don't have a cool name for them)
prey (blue swapped with victim)
the eldest of the sticks made by [insert username here], prey was made to be nothing more than a punching bag, and nearly died as nothing more than a punching bag, choosing to use her second chance for vengeance. she runs nightshade corp with a warm smile and polite demeanor, but that warm smile can just as easily turn cruel when "testing" her newest concoctions on those she needs information from.
The Champion (green swapped with chosen)
made for a challenge, champion quickly lived up to that goal. champion has a strong sense of right vs wrong, which is why he attacked the websites of humans but changed his mind after seeing that he and hive were hurting other sticks. he has many powers, but his preferred power is his wind abilities! he likes sneaking into music venues sometimes to listen to performances in his free time. (champion has roughly the same power set as chosen, but again he prefers to use his wind powers over the other elements)
The Hive Queen (yellow swapped with dark)
made in an attempt to contain champion, hive instead forged a sibling's bond with her target, the two of them running to the outernet. while champion slowly lost interest in striking back at humanity after seeing the sticks they were hurting, hive thrived in the destruction, enjoying watching the traitorous sticks that lived with humans flee. when not destroying or annoying her older brother, hive works on making various technological creations, her magnum opus currently at the forefront... (hive has more electrical powers)
The Second Victor (red swapped with second)
coming into being by pure accident, sv quickly forged a bond with the computer crew, managing to arrange for him and the cc to stay on programmer's computer in exchange for 3d modeling help. sv can sometimes be a bit more cautious compared to his friends, but when caught up in the moment he's all impulse. despite not showing any sign of powers like champion or hive, he has had the ability to bring 3d creations to life... and a gap in his memory from the showdown...
(again, ages have been changed/swapped for narrative clarity, so prey is 22, champion is 21, hive is 17, and sv is 13)
"what about the avm sticks?"
well this one's a bit more complicated, so let's try to explain that one
Gold -> Purple
gold lived with their dad, a well-known fighter, until their dad got sick and sadly passed. in the aftermath of his passing they could feel everyone's expectations on them, the weight of their father's legacy. they couldn't take it anymore and eventually ran away to a computer that happened to have a minecraft game open. they accidentally saved some villagers and became crowned by them. it was nice to not have any previous expectations on them.
instead of betraying the cc for power, instead gold is a bit of a coward, tending to run away when things start to get hard or overwhelming. honestly the fact that they stuck around purple for so long is testament to how much they believed in purple's words.
speaking of purple....
Purple -> King
purple goes with their mother to the fair, and the workers allow the two of them to go into the minecraft simulator together. but things go wrong, and in an effort to save her child, orchid throws purple through the safety doors before they close and she gets sucked back into minecraft. purple refuses to believe their mother is gone though, and is determined to rescue her from minecraft's code, even if they have to tear it apart line by line... (a ghost lingering around them watches mournfully).
also they totally think gold is older than they actually are cuz gold's pretty tall for a 15 year old.
(gold is 15, purple is 19)
so the avm swap is kinda a circle swap? gold -> purple -> king -> orchid -> gold.
and now for other characters that i don't have designs for yet
the mercs
I decided to swap them with fanon characters because i thought it'd be interesting to see:
agent swaps with freedom guy
hazard swaps with hangman
primal swaps with the one
ballista swaps with the [selected]
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sharkuccino · 1 month ago
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Spider-Man Jaw•Va Project | The Mentors
Lately, I've been reading a bunch of the Venom comics and just hanging my head. I don't have any solid rewrites or anything like that, but I can play around with the characters. Unorganized rambles below the read more. My thoughts are a jumbled mess which cannot be tamed when I have just so many of them.
Peter isn't actually important to this at all, but it feels wrong not to include the main guy himself. So, first off, @yotakuboi, your Spider-Man redesigns are everything to me. Thank you 🙏🏾 I always thought it was weird/wrong to have the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man become a tech billionaire CEO. It feels so against everything the character stands for. Could he do it? Oh, absolutely. But WOULD HE? Everyone and their mom has thrown around the idea of high school teacher Peter Parker, and I am no different. I think Peter works best as a "little guy," and a teacher gives him a place to inspire people outside of hero work. Plus, it gives him the opportunity to be a mentor to Miles but more on that later. I'm picturing everyone's favorite Science teacher who is also in charge of robotics club and the annual science fair. More organized, sorta, but still runs around like a madman to make the whole superhero thing work. But you can like tell he's practiced. Probably still struggles to pay the bills on time. Lives mainly on cheap take-out. I love the way his black suit design in Venom War makes it look likes he's got white fingers.
Eddie Brock is still an anti-hero in this. He probably still accidentally kills bad guys if they piss him or his other off, but he's trying really, really hard to keep them alive, honest. I always thought King in Black was a step too far for Eddie, but then again, I've never been a big fan of established characters becoming gods. I think he'd switch between working with Liz Allan/Alchemax (or against them, depending on the week), helping out the Agents of the Cosmos, and making sure his son is going to school and generally staying out of trouble. We believe in Good Dad Eddie superiority. He still worries about Venom's anger. They're more honest with each other, but he can tell his partner doesn't tell him everything. It sort of fuels his inferiority complex, esp regarding Flash [(nothing too serious; he's working on it) I never was a fan of writers acting like Flash was a waaaaaay better host than Eddie and giving him grief about it; however, just a sprinkle can be an interesting character conflict]. I want to make his design wider. Big fan of wide work-out buff Eddie.
Venom can form independent of Eddie (as established in Space Knight) but has to return to him, or any host, every so often to live. He probably still doubts his place in the Brock family every now and then thanks to lingering insecurities left behind by Tel-Kar, Spider-Man, and the Klyntar. He's learning to talk it out, though usually with Flash, Pik, or the other Agents since he doesn't want to give Eddie any more reason to doubt him. Loves going on space adventures with the gang but hates leaving his children behind. Dotes on Pik's daughter Hilla. Feels more parental towards Dylan and Sleeper than his past spawn. Probably embarrasses them a lot too. Trying to repair his relationship with Toxin. Can speak in whole sentences but likes cutting them short for fun/ease. I like how the spider insignia changes over time/hosts. Tried to quickly jot down my thoughts on it.
Flash Thompson is still dead and resurrected. Like Eddie, Flash bounces from thing to thing but does not work with Alchemax. He keeps an eye out for Carnage activity on earth. He made lasting friendships with the Agents of the Cosmos and does work with them every now and then. He always has Andi in tow; she's become a surrogate daughter to him and he vows to never abandon her like he did the first time he ran off to space with the Guardians. Besties with Pik Rollo. Trying to get 803 some new hobbies. Somewhat struggling not to flounder when there's no hero work for him to do. Still thinks he has to make up for his bully years even though he's well-regarded by just about everyone he's ever met in the time since. Not the best with relationships despite exuding charm/allure (he does not acknowledge this). Loves TV/movies and making references to them. Great mentor. Still besties with Venom and will watch Sleeper and Dylan for him if not busy. Something of a weird mentor/dad to Bren [(shared with Eddie) Toxin feels more comfortable with Flash] since Ozkar's not the best role model. Could cover Flash's prosthetics, but I love when artists just leave them out in the open. Love that 803 canonically made him legs in Space Knight.
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itsmistyeyedbi · 30 days ago
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from the short asks abt love list: 3, 8 & 11 for zuri 🫶🫶🫶🫶
Hi! Thank you so much for asking🥹❤️ I won't even attempt to say that I'll keep this short lol, I'll just see how it goes as I answer.
3. What does your OC look for in a romantic (or perhaps purely sexual) partner? Is this always healthy?
You know what? I think a good amount of any unhealthy aspects of her relationships come down to her. Not everything is set in stone, but a lot of the things she likes in a partner are pretty standard things.
Being kind and caring is one of them. They don't have to necessarily be nice, so long as they aren't running around intentionally hurting people (...unless there are very specific, convincing reasons for it - and it isn't happening regularly)
A good sense of humour is another one. She doesn't mind having to do a little digging to find it lol, so long as it's there.
She does like flirty (maybe even edging towards sexual) banter, so she usually leans towards people who are comfortable with that - whether that comes out as them responding in kind or them having a more bashful "stammering and clutching their pearls" response.
The main thing is someone that makes her feel special. It can be in how they treat her or speak about/to her (especially if it's different from how they treat or speak about/to others). Fortunately, it's always been less of an "I hate everyone but you" and more of a "You're the most amazing person I've ever met" - can't say the former has never done something for her though. This isn't something she actively looks for, it's just something that always draws her in. And it's gotten her into a little trouble sometimes.
8. Does your OC pursue only monogamous relationships? Or are they open to other, more creative, options?
She's only been in monogamous relationships. An open relationship would be a no, she just isn't comfortable with that. But I don't see her being averse to a polyamorous relationship.
There are some situations that would be easier for her to adjust to than others. If a couple both have an interest in her and wanted to explore the possibility of her being in a relationship with both of them, she'd be down. And excited. And nervous. She'd be more weary if she still had issues with relationships, but if she had enough of a handle on them, she'd be ready to try.
If she and her partner both developed an interest in someone, she could still be down to try. But it would have to be years into her relationship with them, with a lot of talking and her already having a handle on her issues with relationships before she could comfortably do that. If she didn't, she wouldn't be for it. She wouldn't want to complicate things by bringing someone in and possibly subjecting them to her messiness as well - she'd be grappling with the fact that she might be doing that to her partner already.
The most difficult situation would be if they're all single. As in, all three of them having feelings for each other but don't have an established romantic relationship. If there's a friendship there, maybe, but even then she'd be terrified of ruining things with both of them. Her insecurities would shine the most in these circumstances, unless she's dealt with them. But still, not the most ideal situation.
Now I'm thinking about the Adam/Nate/Zuri poly again, God I need to post about that soon.
11. Has your OC ever been the object of someone's affections that they did not (or could not) reciprocate?
Absolutely.
Depending on what route I'm playing, Douglas is one of them lmao. It's not something she can take seriously, but she does consider his feelings when she let's him know that nothing is gonna happen there. She makes sure he knows that she's too old for him.
There were a fair amount of people who showed an interest in her in uni. And she really didn't help because a lot of them were people that she'd spend a lot of time with at a party - chatting them up, getting to know them (but who's to say if they're getting to know her), drinking with them, dancing with them. Then she might make out with them, and on a few occasions, if she really enjoys their company, go home with them.
And she isn't the type to leave immediately after (unless they seem to want her to) - she's down to cuddle a little, maybe spend the night if things go so well that she doesn't even want to attempt to move wink wink, even have some tea the next morning. She isn't going to pretend to not know them afterwards either. If she sees them, she will talk to them.
It can definitely be read as there being some deeper interest there, so some of them do try to pursue something more and well... sometimes, she gives it a shot (as much as she can with her 'leave them before they leave me' mentality), but it ultimately doesn't work out. Even if she does end up having some kind of affection for them, it isn't in the same way or to the same extent that they have for her.
A short ask list about love.
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baqki · 1 month ago
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hey, long time no see
to anyone about to read this novel, have a rockin' monday!
i don't know exactly what sparked me wanting to log on to this account that's been collecting dust for a millennia now, but here i am
honestly i think it's because i'm rewatching something that i was heavily involved in the fandom of on this website back in the day, and i ended up reminiscing about a lot of things and seeing my old art in places, and i just wanted to.. i don't know, come over and talk
firstly i just want to be clear and formally apologize for. well, a bunch of things. i joined this site back around 2011 or so, back when i was still in high school. i'm 32 now. that's a big chunk of my life to dedicate to a website.
a lot of great memories were made here. i'll treasure that, always. but there are also a lot of bumps in my history that are still very painful to think about. losing friendship after friendship, making people uncomfortable, that last one especially. it's strange to look back at my online life and want to do nothing but curl up and kind of vanish, but i can look at it all thru a new lense- turns out i was very, very, very autistic, and didn't know it yet. that was the final piece of understanding why i've been so weird and offputting my entire life.
if i ever made anyone that might be reading this uncomfortable, whether it be thru my actions or my art, i'm sorry. my entire online life has depended on bouncing from thing to thing to just fit in and be approved by people i looked up to. sometimes that pushed myself into directions i am not proud of. so did hyperfixation, by the by- stuck on something so intensely it keeps me from being able to properly function because it's the only thing in my head.
i kind of just have to deal with pieces of me being out there in the world on platforms that i can't control anymore or delete, and that's okay, i guess. it's really hard for me, it's a scary thought, but at least i can give myself a bit of kindness and kind of understand Why a little more. why people just seemed to not deal with me well, why i treated others the way i did. none of it is an excuse but being undiagnosed at the time plus living the majority of my early youth online and especially on this website, it just makes sense now, like i said before.
i don't do much actively in fandom spaces anymore. my friend circle is small, i am too disabled to draw anymore, which is why you don't see my art on any platform that i'm on. maybe one day when i have access to proper medical care and medication, but not right now. right now i am just hanging out with some lifelong friends (some of which i met on here) and playing final fantasy 14.
this has been kind of a major ramble, so i'll try to summarize it here:
to anyone i made actively uncomfortable for whatever reason, i am so, so sorry i did that to you. i won't say i didnt know any better at the time or something like that, but it was very difficult to understand what i was doing and why it was a problem. i know now. it's a case of genuinely understanding my mistakes and learning from them and just doing better, and overall i have been doing better for years. i think so, anyway.
to anyone i've met along the way, i still think about you, i really mean that. i don't forget anyone that's been in my life, right down to the occasional follower that i would consistently see in my notifications. i hope every single one of you is doing well. it's been a really rocky road and i'm not quite satisfied with where i'm at, but for the most part, the journey to get here was fun, and i appreciate everyone.
thanks for bearing witness to my most embarrassing moments! with 2025 going down the tube already, i just hope that we can all do our best. that's all i really want. i haven't read this back, so i hope it makes sense.
if anyone wants to reach out, dm me, i have discord, i'm on xiv, i'm trying to use bluesky but i don't know if i'll bother giving that one out because i have like 7 posts total at most. be cool, all right?
love ya,
dal
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eemamminy-art · 3 months ago
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hi! 5, 6, & 8 for the fandom ask game!
These are long ass answers so... under the cut they go!!
Fandom/fanfic asks
5. Favorite platonic pairing?
Okay so this might be just a thing between me and my friend, but we have this AU where Emet-selch hid away Ryne/"Minfilia" to keep her away from Hydaelyn's influence, but then he still dies as normal and Zenos is the one to find her alone and rescue her? 🥺 And long story short she's now his little sister who is single-handedly saving him from himself and all the trauma his father had inflicted upon him while trying to give her the childhood he never had. I…… am SO emotional about it!! 😭😭😭 They are THE found family siblings, I just get so soft thinking about them 🥺 Genuinely…!!!
I think the only other one that comes to mind, which idk how much this counts since one half of it is my OC, but I'm thinking very much all the time lately about the friendship between my OC Mal and Sebastian!! If you've been reading my fic you might say, "what friendship? Sebastian is a total dickhead to him!" But!! Trust me!!! It's gonna get there eventually!!!!! They are gonna be talking about their feelings and watching frogs together in no time (it will actually be. A long time. But you'll see!!) I haven't really talked about it much because I don't want someone to be like "ehehehe and maybe they are into each other? 👀" but they are strictly just friends and it is going to stay that way!! 😤 One day I'm gonna cave and draw something cute with them hanging out, just wait and see lol
6. Favorite headcanon?
I think the one I've been lingering on most lately is the one you brought up recently, of Zenos being autistic! It makes so much sense, and I already subscribed to it before but I've been thinking about it more since you brought it up! Thinking about him laying in the wol's lap in the royal menagerie, and they're counting the petals on the flowers together to calm him down. :3 Idk, little things like this!
8. Fandom you're a part of that's the most obscure?
Mmm here's where I wanna split hairs on terminology sorry haha okay so to me "fandom" is like, a community, a place of active participation with other fans: whether that's sharing fan works, looking at/reading fan works, or discussing the canon material. That to me is fandom!
So like, to me I would say something like utapri feels obscure, because I'm very passionate about it and don't really have people to talk to about it in much detail, I'm picking up little crumbs about it from pixiv or tumblr, but it feels so tiny to me. But I know it is a big series in Japan! It was popular in western spaces for a time too, like a decade ago-- is that obscure? I don't know, I don't think so, but it feels obscure in the sense of like, I don't feel as if there is all that much community for me to connect with about it.
There's also games like Omori, where the fandom is largely minors so I haven't wanted to interact with the larger fandom space and thus it feels small-- or games that I am deeply fascinated with like Dead Plate that I have no clue if there's any fandom at all and am a bit scared to look for one because it's a very small indie game and thus feels like any fandom would feel too intimate, somehow-- or games that are so old and obscure that I would love to draw art for (and even have in the past!) but finding anyone who has played them is like a needle in a haystack, like my favorite game of all time, Arcanum!
Is a fandom just "things I like that I like"? Or "things I make fanworks for"? Or "a community where I interact with others about this shared interest"? What's obscure in one of those definitions wouldn't be in another definition! Sorry this is a total non-answer but I can't find a way to answer the question in a satisfying way because the question varies based on how you would define fandom!!
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