#but now i want to be more committed on letterboxd

[cheekblush]

who wants to be mutuals on letterboxd? 🫶🏻

[asclexe]

haii….intro post…..about me……

click (this is a reminder more for me because i’ll see it easiest this way, feel free to click) / i do not answer donation asks and i cannot donate

haiiii :3 i go bye cameron which is very nicknameable so have fun with that. also call me whatever 🔥🔥

boy-adjacent (i lean more towards trans boy but also im agender) and i ONLY use he/him pronouns!!!!!! NO THEY/THEM OR SHE/HER. thanks!

aromantic spec lesbian faggot thing. i think girls r pretty in a faggoty way. 😍

minor!!!!!!!!! im ageless online 4 my safety so B cool im literally 5 years old :3

PROFESSIONAL white boy. i get paid 1 cent/an hour

american :/ + a mixed pot of european ethnically as most american white people are (EST)

im Literally a 🪼. btw. also a cat

currently matching layouts with the awesome @magicmarkerz give it up for the coolest boygirl ever. our backgrounds are like owen and maddy from isttvg. awesome.

interest wise, im pathetically multifandom

most active in/engaged with right now: doctor who (i hate this show i hate this show i hate. FUCK.), delicious in dungeon, warrior cats, i saw the tv glow, broadchurch

backstage interests/stuff i reblog less: house md, good omens, yellowjackets, the good place, ride the cyclone, six feet under, fnaf, rocky horror picture show, the middle, scott pilgrim, mouthwashing, dead poets society, etc. i do live theater, watch tv, go to the movies, take walks, talk about things, do silly doodles, hang out with my mom, and go to school and sometimes travel and that’s about it! :p

currently watchinf (i also blog about these i’m just not done with them)!! : doctor who (whittaker times, s11), six feet under (s2)(if you have watched or even heard of this show Please marry me), torchwood (s1), blackpool, and hannibal (s1)

i run @ask-the-ducklings and @ppth-obgyn-dept-head-real for my house md oc and i’m 1/2 of @meanwhile-on-the-road :3

i have a private blog where i vent sometimes and if we’re mutuals/close enough you can ask for it if tou want ^_^

i use #asclexeposting for all original posts + more

trying to figure out my ao3 situation but im on pinterest and discord under assclexe if you wanna hmu (B cool) and roblox as asclexe and my airbuds and check out my letterboxd too

so yeah below the cut are just like. boundaries whatever lame. but feel free to follow me, ill likely follow back and we’ll be bestest friends forever ^_^

ughh sum things you should know be4 you follow or follow/unfollow or moot/unmoot me/boundaries

i’m generally morbid and sometimes a hater but i Swear im really nice and friendly..

i use a lot of profanity and i say the two (2) slurs i can reclaim.

i will not go to therapy or get help. i’ve been in therapy and it does not help me and i do not like it. i do not want help. i’m fine. please do not tell me “go to therapy u need it” because i do not need it

i say “im going to kill myself” a lot and these are all fruitless, meaningless statements. i am not committing suicide yet, and when i do, you’ll have long forgotten me. hopefully.

pls tell me via ask box! (or dm if i follow you) if i say something offensive or wrong or are overcrossing your boundaries, im sorry, im bound to make mistakes or misjudge a post. ^_^

i do not tag my reblogs with the media or characters, only little comments. i also do not spoiler tag my posts. i try to trigger tag things when i can but if you want something trigger tagged specifically pls just lmk!!

i do not have a dni, interact with me as you please and i’ll block you if i want LOL. i swear im friendly

:3

[ponett]

i've mentioned this elsewhere but recently i decided to make a letterboxd account as part of an effort to try and watch more movies, and a wider variety of movies. i feel like for the last decade my lack of a car has meant i only tend to go to the theater for Big Event Movies that i feel obligated to see ASAP. so i'd have to go see the sonic movies because i gotta have my takes on them, but that interesting little drama i heard was good? eh, it can go on the list for later, i don't wanna have to pay for an uber on top of how expensive the theater is. and then at home i always felt like movies were a big time commitment and tended to favor tv instead. there was a part of my adhd brain that was totally fine with binging four hour-long episodes of an hbo show in one night because i can stop between episodes if i want, but setting aside two uninterrupted hours of my night for a movie? that's a big ask

then i finally figured out that the hack to get my brain to accept watching a whole movie at home on a whim is just to watch it on my tv instead of my laptop and turn out the lights so there are no distractions lmao

anyway, i think i've gotten my letterboxd profile in a presentable state, and i'm also starting to post short reviews. join me as i remember how to watch movies and try to catch up on a bunch of beloved films that i should have already seen by now

[llycaons]

❄️🔔End of the year media review: Movies

I don't consider myself a big movie person but I definitely watched more than tv. My favorite movies of the year -

Reviews under the cut, copied from my letterboxd

The Tale of the Princess Kaguya (2013)

*spoiler alert, mentions of suicide and attempted rape

Is it worse to love a place and forget it all, or to experience the full range of human emotions and know you'll never feel any of them again? a heartbreakingly sincere and grounded film. a story more about living and feeling than almost anything else I've ever watched. a tragedy of circumstance and society. an extraordinarily beautiful and unique visual journey

hope, joy, fun, grief, anger, love, frustration, despair - it's so unfair that kaguya went down to earth to learn about emotions, but she was torn from her friends and the joy she found with them in order to fulfill a role envisioned for her by her misled father. pushed into deadening objectification and control, restricted in movement and expression and social interaction, blamed and scolded for simply being human - and in the end she must give the joys and sorrows of humanity up as her people return to retrieve her. living as an emotionless diety yet craving and knowing she belonged with the birds and flowers and trees, the people who made her life down on earth worth living....the scene at the end with the procession singing her song brought me to tears. but it wasn't enough to refuse the call of the moon. it wasn't enough

...also, fuck her father for doing that to her and then putting her in a position that she wanted to leave desperately enough to call for retrieval like if your daughter would rather commit suicide than marry some guy and you invite him to your house to spy on her and then try to force himself on her and she freaks out and calls for help and has to leave that is on YOU I hope his wife never forgives him and he's miserable for the rest of his days I am so mad. was it really fucking worth it so he could be part of the court? she was drained of all her life and vitality because of this classist, misogynistic, pretentious bullshit he put her through and for WHAT.

ALSO the scene with sutemaru was very beautiful and powerful but in the back of my mind I'm like...is he really abandoning his wife and baby to run off with this moon girl???? REALLY???

BUT overall a goddamn masterpiece. no other film like it. conveys emotion vibrantly and unforgettably with stunning animation and a stellar voice cast

I, Tonya (2017)

*mentions of abuse

wow, wow, wow! what a tremendous cinematic experience. really enjoyed it, a great family movie night! absolutely incredible, this film. heartbreaking! watching a fiery and unapologetic young woman battle poverty, abuse from multiple fronts, abandonment, classism, elitism, and misogyny only to permanently lose something she loved so deeply and was so incredibly talented in. watching her story end like this was iust devastating. did she know? how much? did she care? this does matter, but it's not the whole story.

the film doesn't offer a concrete answer, but presents multiple perspectives with a sympathetic eye to tonya's personal journey. it's hard to come to the conclusion that what happened to her was anything but a terrible injustice, especially considering that jeff and the actual attackers lost relatively so little for it. her passion, her career, her livelihood, the one thing she'd been doing continuously since age 4...banned for life. 23 years old. no high school degree. no other way to support herself. devastating. whatever the truth, I can only hope she's at peace now. it was nice to see she was happily married in the afterward, but what a ruinous event

I enjoyed the snapshots interspersed of interviews with the actual individuals, especially when played for comedic or ironic effect. and cutting to actual historical footage during some of the more important moments immersed us even deeper in this story already vibrantly relayed by interviews and performances.

there is no individual left completely flawless by the documentarian, except maybe diane - gentle, tactful, and sweet-voiced. but tonya was abrasive, avoided responsibility, and was perhaps dishonest. jeff was a lying piece of shit abuser who constantly avoided responsibility for things he definitely did and then ruined tonya's career out of spite, shawn absolutely orchestrated SOMETHING, derrick and the other guy were just absolute idiots, and her mom was somehow more cold-blooded than the man who shattered nancy's knee. not a smile the entire time. admitted point-blank the brutality and threats were all true. just terrifying.

but just as tonya has flaws, lavonda has her single moment of humanity - ignoring her boss and watching the program just to see her daughter's smile. and I liked that nuance. despite how extreme that incident became, it's not like lavonda and jeff aren't rare types of people to encounter. they're horrible, but exactly in the way you'd expect them to be. tonya's story of growing up abused and immediately getting into a relationship with another abuser is extremely common, and it only made it more painful to watch. side note, but ppl are saying sebastian stan is handsome in some reviews and I have no idea how you look at that greasy lying beating fuck with his stupid caterpillar moustache and feel anything but deep disgust. I'm only grateful he got an amount of public hatred that warranted a name change. I have seen stan in other roles and he's also not THAT good looking. come on people

of course she didn't perform well just weeks after becoming the number one news story, hated and turned into a punchline in every household in the country. it appears that she was given no support or privacy or even resources, entirely abandoned by the team and community she was already outcast from for so long despite her phenomenal talent. and obviously the attack on nancy was an injustice, but this entire film was the documentation of a tragedy

The Color Purple (2023)

*mentions of domestic and sexual abuse, misogynoir, and racialized violence

omg I saw this on the plane and I have to rewatch. the dancing! the singing! the acting! the sincerity! the performances! the heart!!!

it was a lot more spiritual than the book I thought, and a lot more hopeful. celie's wedding day was brutal in the book. and sophie really did have to live and work for the mayor's wife - she couldn't see her children for years! the chapter about her very short visit with them was heartbreaking. but the movie was a lot more gentle on her

it was also less explicitly lesbian, tho maybe the airplane version was censored. seeing the word 'sisterhood' in the title I was like hmm. interesting word choice. to the movie's credit it IS heavily implied what her feelings for sug are, but in the book celie talks specifically about not liking men in the end, and they just left it a little vaguer in the movie. I love sug tho!! hiii taraji p henson!!! stellar performance!!!

sophie and celie's different reactions to the abuse they experience is just so telling...there's no 'right' way for a black woman to act in a violently misogynistic and racist society. and in some scenes it sounded like the other women were blaming celie or abandoning her to a man they KNEW beat her, but that they still considered themselves close to. but for a long time celie doesn't fight back, and is abused for decades by both her father and husband. nettie is rendered homeless and has to flee the country to avoid sexual abuse from the men who hold power over her in her life. and sophie stands up for herself and finds another husband she loves who will listen to her and respect her, but she's thrown in jail for daring to speak back to that white woman who wanted to basically own her (anyone else think of the colonel's wife from rrr? that kind of entitlement, with the power of violence to back it up). there is no way to simply act the correct way and avoid being victimized. and watching such a lively and bright and proud and confident woman torn down to a shell of her former self....god, that was hideous. on the flipside, the scene at the dining table, celie finally leaving, mary-agnes going too. wow!!

overall, quite a tremendous movie. colorful and intense and bombastic. cried! the ending where after so many years of sorrow and hardship, family and love and bountiful joy returned to celie all at once. just so beautiful

Pride (2014)

Oh my goodness, what a film. On an individual scale - I enjoyed them all quite a lot, and I found their stories seamlessly slotted into the broader narrative. The brilliant woman who confronted the police and was instrumental in freeing her imprisoned friends and community members. The nervous but passionate young closeted man. The lesbian who looks out for others but had no home to return to. The old woman who took young people so unlike herself under her wing, and asked them about their lives, and loved them. The firebrand who fought on when nobody else bothered, even under his own death sentence. The quiet old man who realized he was gay decades after his friends did, and finally had the courage to come out. The aged, cynical activist who was instrumental in the most vibrant and joyful scene in the story. And finally, the Wesh exile who was welcomed home, in his own language, decades after he was expelled. I did cry! Side note, but it was so gratifying to see Andrew Scott in a gay role where he's not evil. He was great in Fleabag but I do not forgive what they made him do in Sherlock. It was wild to see Dominic West again! You wouldn't know if from him playing an annoying cop on The Wire but the man can DANCE.

On a broader scale, stories about groups of people joining together to fight back against a larger force always hit me really hard, and doubly so when there's so much collaboration. The line about the two hands of the labor movement....wow. And he's right! He's right! The struggle for liberation is a universal one - all of them are connected! It seemed impossible at the beginning of the story - small-town miners and young gay people joining forces despite the seemingly insurmountable barrier of their cultural differences, and the bad blood understandably stemming from a history of homophobic violence.

At times, it seemed like a bizarre, one-sided battle - why are you trying to help these people so badly when some of them openly hate you and many of them are refusing your aid? But throughout the movie, we see not just the social connections across generations and cultural divides, but political bonds forged in a shared struggle that come back around in the most satisfying way possible, certainly one of the most powerful finales I've ever seen. The end shot on the labor flag. DAMN. I don't know the actual history of this event, and I'm sure it's been heavily editorialized, simplified, etc. for film, but the most unbelievable aspects of the story - the miners arriving en masse to lead the pride parade, the fact that Jonathon was one of the first people diagnosed with HIV in the country, the wife of a miner taking charge of the situation and going on to become a member of Parliament - were the ones that, according to the afterward, were entirely true. I don't know if I've cried harder at the end of a movie. Individual stories are one thing, but seeing mass change and the power of a group of people to support one another is something else entirely.

[caninemillimeter]

got tagged by @dogboydeathgrips and the adderall had just hit

Last Song: atm i am currently listening to shit but the last song that just played was city of black fridays by mischief brew, who were the band that radicalized me and are like my all-time favs! theres no last album but ive had DROGAS Wave by lupe fiasco on loop for a couple weeks. very very lyrically and emotionally dense with good soundscapes. has quickly become one of my top 5 albums.

Favorite Color: bitches love purple

Last Book: "God Forgive These Bastards: The Forgotten Life of Henry Turner" by Rob Morton/Taxpayer. Companion piece to a jazzpunk album that, together, comprise a memoir of a fictional mad homeless man. Pretty iconic piece of punk among a certain section of people so it's fun to have a physical copy. I've been re-reading "Sea-Witch" by Never Angeline North lately, which is the most magical book in my life and what convinced me to throw myself into poetry a few years back.

Last Movie: very funny double feature of "Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood" and "Eraserhead". looooove movies love watching as many as i can. i'm a huge letterboxd user, it's nice to have a way to log my opinions on shit

Last Show: either dorohedoro (my girlie jade proposed watching it but i ended up liking it more than she did) or... idr... i was watching dexter but then it got too transphobic to ignore. hoping for a better tv psychopath to come my way that i can project on soon inshallah. i need violence wish fulfillment. anyways ive been watching deadwood and twin peaks and buffy (which im enjoying more than i thought i would) lately too.

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: loooove spicy food i had vegan chicken not too long ago that made me actually sweat and it was awesome. the copout answer is that i really love food and think all flavor should be enjoyed with hedonistic abandon, so i politically have to be annoying here

Relationship Status: relationship anarchy is so awesome. i fuck whoever i trust that wants to fuck me and i set my boundaries wherever and i can shut down any feeling of obligation whenever i want. i can literally be okay with anything because it ALL requires negotiation, so it's helped me learn how to prioritize myself as someone who's experienced grooming & sexual violence. there are Special People for me who get to have their emotions factor in on my actions every so often, and that's a result of clear communication and mutual accommodation! i love talking to people about things

Last Google: i will leave out me trying to find pictures of obscure pro wrestlers. my last two searches on my phone are "separation anxiety dogs" and "how do you not bleed out during surgery", which, as i'm sure you might be able to guess by now, are related searches

Current Obsessions: forever 24/7 pro wrestling and combat sports autistic. been listening to a lot of rap lately and diving into a bunch of new albums. looove poetry its the point of all life. ive been thinking a lot as of late about madness and what my nature is. im also spiraling into depravity which is fun. not enough of my friends are around for me to bother them while i have free time. i wanna scratch at all of your doors!

Looking Forward To: i got a travel scholarship from my university lately which was a looong process! very excited about getting it. i talk constantly with my friends about moving in together and finding ways to intertwine our lives further. my best friend is with family right now and that demands a lot of its attention so im lightheartedly barking until it returns. im gonna graduate next year if i dont die. ive also recently re-committed to doing pro wrestling training after college so im excited about that. im gonna write a book of poems while traveling and shop it around. gonna watch terrifier 3 for the holiday and then continue to try and find the most fucked up horror and erotica i can ^w^. i have a coffee date planned with one of my friends for next month and i'm really excited about it. i like them a lot and i love our dynamic so i'm thrilled to spend more time around each other. i am too affected by The Spectre of The Bathroom Myth to say so much before i get an invitation to so consider this just a fun little sandwich for taste. oh holy shit wait yeah i have gender surgeries and legal changes down the pipeline too. i listed a lot here but things have been catastropic so its been therapeutic to get to talk about all of these good things, even if only in tumblr-appropriate details. there's so much to look forward to...

i'm gonna be so vulnerable and tag people. @nurse-dragonmaid @crunkotheclown @fuck im already forgetting what your urls are. @nesquikflavoredchapstick @mountain-deweys @sphinxgirlbaeddel @noinou @awoooniper @sylviii @trans-seraphim @transfemcombatclub @caintooth @teagrammy theres enough brain teasers for the dog for now. feel no obligation, and if youre upset i didnt tag you i didnt tag some people i thought of bc i got anxious so just imagine youre one of them ok?? <3<3<3<3<3

[matston]

city life....

exams... exams... oh! and more exams! my life has turned into one big rabbit hole that I can't get out of! to think, it was only seven weeks ago that I was halfway across the world in my favourite city of London, and now I'm back home in my messy apartment up to my waist in task notifications.

and yes, sure! I do admit that perhaps staying out until the wee hours of the morning on a "school night" is not the most responsible action taken by yours truly, but I can't help it! live music waits for no one.

and laundry, laundry! the situation has gotten so dire that I am seriously considering burning my clothes and starting fresh (which is not really an option considering I just bought the cutest Tommy Jeans tank for only $20)

ok, it's not my fault that in every area of my life, I am the busiest I've ever been. my weeks are looking like;

rehearsals, catch the train, study, write an essay, study some more, buy an overpriced oat cappuccino, listen to lana del rey, put on some eyeliner, more rehearsals, more emails, call boyfriend (who's not my real boyfriend) more. study. more essays. catch more trains.

why, even now, i'm writing this blog post to escape writing my modern history essay! how fun. how joyous.

i am vowing to (from now on) to commit to the cute school style, you know? pleated skirts, early mornings, black coffee, tidy notes, books on books on books!!

speaking of books, here is the next section of this post (inspired by my very very favourite podcast Emergency Intercom) is

media of the week !!

Books: Currently reading A Little Life and I am up to page 218 and wow!! I so, completely get it. It is so insanely beautifully written and emotionally impactful and incredibly heartbreaking (please no spoilers, I want to feel an immense amount of sadness when I finish it) I'm also just starting everything I know about love by Dolly Alderton and I highly rate it!! Lastly, I began reading Girl in Pieces (and some of you are going to hate me for this) but I really am disliking it. I'm considering a DNF but I might stick it out.

TV: Not much to note except I'm rewatching the big 3 (Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars), plus a little bit of SATC and Suits on the side. (which seem weirdly complimentary? is it NYC?)

Movies: I watched Fracture with my family this weekend and honestly, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I also watched The Craft and let me just say, I can't believe I didn't watch it sooner. As a child, my favourite movie was Disney's Hocus Pocus and it really feels like a natural progression. I want to frolic in the meadow with my girls and get revenge on people who have done us dirty. (p.s follow my letterboxd; matildawatches)

Music: Charli XCX's brat has really been speaking to me, most notably talk talk and mean girls. quickfire songs; Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl, Once in A Lifetime, Black Beauty, Rose Blood, Low, Get Back. some sad some random (elite reference) (p.p.s follow my spotify; bonnie-278)

anyways everyone! if you've made it to the end of this post i greatly appreciate! hope everyone is having a fabulous june and here's toa better july.

-B xx

[its300am]

Something may be happening right now

What is written here is nothing but a compilation of uncertainties, something I should be taking to the therapy room from which I constantly find myself running away. I always wanted to have a blog, always thought it was great, and I was always in this field. I was in the golden eras of Tumblr as a reader and every now, and then I dared to write, but insecurity always caught up with me. I wrote, but I was terrified of being read. When someone who knew me discovered my writings, that was it, I would never appear on that website again. And that's why drowned and doomed to probably give up that I'm not going to give any certainty that this will one day become something, in fact, it may just be a journal. It will always be in process and if anyone asks, well, it's something I'm trying to make happen. Who knows, maybe one day it will happen even without me knowing.

I don't know if this format still works, It may seem cringe to younger ones, but I used to like things like this, and now that I'm way closer to my 30s than my 20s I'm in the right to be cringe or old-fashioned anyway… I'm not certain about my username yet, I wanted to be something that represents what people will find here, or what I look like to readers. I think the name will come to me eventually by itself. For now I'm its300am.

There are subjects that I like or deal with in general, and I think I should mention it to be aware of what may appear here.

• Movies, but my letterboxd is pretty empty, I mostly post vaguely there because I'm afraid of my mutuals, I mean, they know me IRL, so…

• Anime and manga, but it's been a while since I got close to any of those, college is being so hard on me. Still, my favorites are Dr. Stone, Bungo Stray Dogs and Jojo's Bizarre Adventure.

• Literature, but I have such a reading hangover that I spend more time thinking about reading than reading (and the bookshelf is just getting ignored). You can see as my goodreads is left to flies.

• Feminism, okay, in this one I think I'm more active, I'm even part of a women's collective, I may come to comment more on that in the future. I'm a Marxist feminist btw.

• Eco-socialism, this one is new to me, but I've always loved the subject, and now I'm getting closer, maybe one thing or another will appear even from my exploration on the subject.

• Comics, this is the sunken skeleton of that pool meme, you know what it is? I used to love it, but it's really been a long time since I've been close, I want to go back. I really like DC's specially their girls such as Wonder Woman, Harley Quinn, Ivy Poison, Punchline, Zatanna, and others. From Marvel, I enjoy X-Men, Guardians of the Galaxy and I have interest in the Eternals.

Other than that I get into a little bit of everything, in music I can't even say what my favorite genre is. My favorite artists transit between Mozart, Lily Allen, Sistar, Charlie Brown Jr, Selena Gomez, Ludmila, Green Day and so on, without any apparent pattern. My for you is summarized in compilations of kittens and some cosplayers, occasionally something about decoration or DIY appears.

In terms of games, I'm not committed to any, because I don't have much time to play, but I like Danganronpa, Identity V, Dead by Daylight, Street Fight V and Twisted Wonderland. The last one is the only one I play more often, since it doesn't demand much from me. I was addicted to Genshin Impact once, but I left the world of drugs and entered the world of hard drugs (college). Since then, it was a lost cause, and I'm not even a good student, I just need to work twice as hard to keep myself at least average. Thank you dyslexia, thank you bipolar disorder, without you my life would be very easy, so it wouldn't be any fun. /irony

My current addictions are listening to podcasts while doing daily activities, some of my favorites are Ciência Suja and Modus Operandi, both in my native language (Portuguese). Plus another addiction is organizing my stuff, the problem is that it never stays organized, so I'm constantly organizing a lifelong mess.

Now that you know me intimately, let's get to the formalities, I prefer to be called Kaká and I have no preference or identification with a specific pronoun. My sexuality is pan, but I'm not going to make war with anyone who confuses it with bi, I live in a huge fatigue, I don't have the energy for that, really. I'm studying literature and modern languages, focused on Portuguese, and I should graduate whenever destiny has planned to. I want to be a teacher, but every day I lose confidence that I have what it takes to pursue this career, so my plan b is to find a publisher that will take me on their team. Yo hablo Español & I want to learn Italian, French, Mandarin and Russian one day, not today.

I don't know what I'm doing here! Maybe it becomes a kind of logbook, and in this case I'm on board of my own life, trying to figure out what comes next and very afraid of what will become of me.

That's it. Fin.

[thatfilmduderyan]

December 2024 Update!

It's been a while, again...

Regular posting seems to be a thing of the past on here, but that is actually something I want to change. I've been reflecting on my use of other social media sites and feel that they're not as constructive as this place. 'Why' is probably the most popular question in response to that, so let me respond.

Social media seems to be transforming into a highly toxic and manipulative place no matter what accounts or people you interact with. Extreme amounts of discipline are required to navigate its depths effectively without yourself being sucked into one of millions of 'attention span black holes'. Then there's the thread of emotional deregulation - being thrown into fight or flight by various things whether they be fictional or actual reality. It's important to remain connected and grounded to our reality, to be aware of injustice, and to be aware of the great things achieved, but this is a cup that has to be sipped in moderation. I've noticed when I step back from platforms like instagram my capacity to read increases, and from this comes better ideas and more excitement for my career. So if you're reading this and you've been feeling a bit all over the place then might I recommend some time off... I would also recommend downloading and installing the app 'opal' which effectively blocks social media apps on your phone at specific times.

So with myself musing over this, I happened to log back into tumblr the other night and realised that I have over 12,000 people following me on here. I was reminded of the posts I used to share and things I would discuss, but in a way where it was not focused on engagement and increasing numbers but just giving an honest take on everything I've experienced and gone through in this calling of mine. Therefore I feel like it's time to put more attention back into the blog so I can get back to discussing the finer points of my filmmaking journey and share some weekly inspirations. Even if it only helps a few of you then I figure it's worth it, and it feels a cleaner and more focused way to keep people updated through my world.

As ever, I've got my instagram, but my twitter is no longer active due to the increasing hatred and right wing nature of the platform. I've turned over to bluesky instead which will largely be my 'twitter replacement'. I do have a threads account but it doesn't feel quite right! You can also find me on letterboxd, where I log and sometimes leave short reviews for films that compel me to do so.

With xmas approaching I'm thinking of taking a bit of a break from instagram again, especially now my new short film 'The Birdwatcher' has had it's cast and crew screening (more on that in my next post). I have my annual Xmas sabbatical from filmmaking approaching (2 weeks haha), and in that space I watch films, read books, eat food, chill out and just see what comes in my brain. In that space I might find myself writing on here or sharing stuff... We shall see!

But until then I wanted to share my intention to post more on here and commit to honest discussion of how things are developing in my career as a writer/director. I hope everyone's well, and if you've got any requests or want to ask a question then please do do and I'll do my best to get back to you.

Much love, Rx

[smireyac]

hey hey hey it's that time of year again 🎇

oh look an emoji in the title... nature is healing

so it's 9:30... 2023's been... alright, ig? like it feels like things are finally getting back to "normal", whatever that looks like right now... i stopped wearing a mask this year, long after most people ik already did (though considering SOMEONE in this house has covid right now, maybe it's time to buy more kn95s...) and i didn't feel debilitating anxiety being in a crowded indoor space so that means something, right?

once again, these last couple months haven't been so great, personally or globally, and with 2024 being an election year, the state of things feels... uncertain to say the least...

but we're here to look back, not forward (not yet anyway)! SO according to my goal list last year, did i accomplish much?

read 12 books? ✅ i read 20 actually! and not one of them was a graphic novel! ok i lied, ONE of them was a graphic novel but the rest were novel-novels! sure most of them were romance novels but that doesn't take away from the fact that i surpassed my initial goal so!! hooray 4 me 😁

write more? ✅ well, not more than last year but i think keeping up with writing anything still counts !! and i published another fic so!! hooray 4 me 😁

apply to transfer to university? ✅ hell yeah i did !!! and because I'm poor i got 4 free apps to UC and CSU schools!! i applied to UCSD, UCI, UCLA, UCSB, SDSU, CSUSM, and CSULB! i'll get responses back in mid-march/april... i don't wanna get my hopes up for anything... but i am excited to go to actual university, even if it won't be like my peers/the movies... yk bc im a transfer and i'll be 26 by the time i'm actually attending classes instead of a bright-eyed 18 year old, ready to take on the world... we'll see... i'll make this my extremely goofy movie moment if i have to lmao so!! hooray 4 me 😁

do stuff with friends? ✅ while i didn't do all the things i mentioned, most significant things i did this year were with friends!! i went to NYC with remi, and went back to little tokyo with annie and gnat so!! hooray 4 me 😁

make new friends? ✅ i did!! make at least one new friend 😊😊😊 and im very glad for it so!! hooray 4 me 😁

all major goals accomplished!!! ✅✅✅✅✅

hooray 4 me!!! 😁😁😁😁

also of the movies i mentioned that i was excited for, the only one i still haven't seen is the transformers movie lmao 😆 i will eventually

speaking of movies,,, i want to be more into movies this year 🤔 like i watched a number of awards season contenders this year and i kinda wanna be able to make my own oscar predictions this year? I'm also toying with the idea of defending my "movies of all time" list on letterboxd 🤔 (i say toying bc i literally just came up with the idea yesterday lmao) im putting this in writing bc if i don't then it makes it easier for me to not follow through on them, yk? also i have no idea what that "secret writing project" i talked about last time even was lmao

this is all related to my latest existential crisis re: what i wanna do with my life lmaoooo (when aren't i tho frfr) like going to university is the next big step in my life right? and when i tell people that i'm getting an English degree (tho i should rlly start saying literature now) the first thing they all ask is "oh do you want to be a teacher?" which is a HUGE pet peeve of mine because no!! i don't wanna be a teacher!!! that's not the only reason someone would get an English degree!! not that there's anything wrong with teaching, i just don't feel like i... have the right temperament? (tho if i'm being honest, i do have a fantasy of taking over as the film strand teacher when pike retires [but i think that's happening this coming year so that fantasy will remain a fantasy lol]) most recently, i've started saying i want to be an editor but even that feels like a commitment to something idek if I'll be able to achieve (am i commitmentphobic? more at 11) so like !! then what ??? i could try to go further up in the library ? go for a leadership position ??? its stable it has health insurance and a pension... smart things to keep, things i shouldn't disregard frfr i could have a CAREER with the library... but at the same time, i'm like... do i wanna get stuck here? like me and brenden were talking once about how long some of the people working at the library has been there and how most of them are tired and burnt out and

like what if i want to do something else?

my initial plan was to stick with the city for 10 years so i could qualify for the pension and they i might be able to do smthg else with my life while having that pension for later on and who knows? maybe i'd feel like coming back to library when i'm older and wiser??? since i've been here 5 years i thought i just needed 5 more TURNS OUT the 10 years only counts when you became BENEFITED and it only COUNTS YOUR WORKING TIME so even tho i've been here 5 years, im only like 8 months into this pension bullshit bc i got benefits a year and a halfish ago and IM ONLY HALF TIME!!!!!!

[sigh]

so idk!! shit's weird and idk what im doing!! i'm gonna go to school for literature and see what happens while i'm there; i hope i won't have to quit my job but i also wonder what it would be like to go to school full-time, like god intended... i've also considered master's and doctorates but like i feel like i shouldn't worry about that until i at least get through the bachelor's lmao 😆

i could go on (and i might tmrw tbh) but it's also 2am and i haven't even gotten to my goals this year

SO GOALS:

🎇 so first things first: we're keeping up the reading goal! we'll raise the stakes to 20 books since i know i can do that now

🎇 other goal related to reading: i want to read some non-fiction books this year; specific items include kitchen confidential, what we don't talk about when we talk about fat, and any/all of the miami history books i've checked out from the library b4

🎇 ik that my life will get very busy when i get to university so I'm hesitant to have a lot of stuff "to do" but i thought about trying to learn a new skill, specifically blender? bc im obsessed with bigtop burger lmao bc idk i still love animation and it just sounds fun!!

🎇 watch more movies? to do the awards szn thing? like im gonna try for the golden globes in fIVE DAYS? SHIT... well if not the globes then the oscars for sure but man... here's a secret career dream hidden in a goal: film critic? i think that's cool but like what does that even mean for me lmao ANYWAY WATCH MOVIES

i just wanna see where life takes me this year

maybe i'll figure some shit out along the way lol

happy new year babes 💖🍾🥂🎆

EDIT: I HAVE MORE GOALS I MIGHT WANT TO SET

🎇 make a content ? oooo scary ik we hate the word content but i feel like im finally confident enough in myself that i don't feel the excuse "im not good enough" is valid anymore? And sien has been asking to for forever and i think i was supposed to help her do it for her birthday ?? So ive been LACKING lmao

🎇 DM a DnD sesh frfr you've been wanting to for years but u always chicken out bc ur scared well ur reblog all those posts do it scared right? DO IT

🎇 go out to events ? like the poetry reading u were invited to and like u see those posts on insta so like maybe go to them? andMAYBEtrythatspeeddatingtypething???MAYBE.....

[malboraslihan]

so...i’m adding some test muses

sidney walsh mikey madison — independent filmmaker who tends to get in trouble every two minutes cause she just can’t keep her mouth shut. very unlucky when it comes to things, has been kicked out of many places for filming without a permit... has gone viral on tiktok because of letterboxd reviews but hates talking about that cause she just wants to be taken seriously. — twenty-two, bisexual.

izra demirel yasemin yazici — art major who lived most of her high school years pretending to be someone else so she could be adored and popular... leaving high school she’s trying to figure out who she is and what are the things she actually likes... is very spoiled and tends to romanticize things a bit. — twenty-four, heterosexual.

ashton fischer ray nicholson — ezra’s half brother, recently turned rich boy after his mother married into the fischer family. very rough around the edges, smells like new money and hates being looked down. can’t keep his mouth shut to save his life and is a little too worried his mom is getting lost in this new different world. — twenty-seven, bisexual.

gregory clarke mason gooding — all or nothing football player. he was raised in a very small and knit family, they sold cakes for years to get him to college, even with the scholarship he got so he’s very serious about playing and very committed. he finished a seven years old relationship before going to college cause he was scared the distance thing would distract him. 100% does not know how to deal with the fact he’s now a lonely person. — twenty five, heterosexual.

also, behind the cut there’s a list of old muses i want to develop or simply have more threads with as well as a list of a few faceclaims i’ve been eyeing for a while that i’d love to write against... so if you have any, throw them my way please. 

muses i’d love to write some more

celine (always tbh)

elena!!!

lola

nihal

marjorie

berke

jacob

patrick (also always!!)

all the hawthornes tbh, especially with their older fcs

fatma

catalina

alfie

isaac

fcs i’d love to write against

jessica sula

abigail cowen

dua lipa

sydney sweeney

phoebe tonkin!!

charithra chandran

oscar isaac

maude apatow

oliver jackson cohen

sarah gustafsson

natasha liu bordizzo!!

lorenzo zurzolo

katie douglas

angus cloud!!

jessie mei li

tbh i’ll add up to this LKASJDKLA cause now i forgot every name i’ve ever known...

[letterboxd]

Poker Face.

Tiffany Haddish tells Gemma Gracewood about taking a holiday from comedy in Paul Schrader’s The Card Counter, her hotel comfort viewing, and why Oscar Isaac thinks of her as Jesus.

“When I say yes to a movie, that’s a hundred to two hundred people that get to work and I want them to be happy about working.” —Tiffany Haddish

Comedians taking on dramatic roles is not an innovation in cinema, but it’s which comedian, in which role, that makes a casting choice a talking point. Melissa McCarthy in Can You Ever Forgive Me? Mo’Nique in Precious. Peter Sellers in Being There. Robin Williams in everything.

In The Card Counter, Paul Schrader’s meditative slow-burn on American shame, part of the tension as a viewer lies in what we already appreciate about Tiffany Haddish as a performer. She is an unbridled crack-up, a live wire on screen and off, a former foster kid committed to busting unsustainable Hollywood beauty myths by wearing the same dress throughout an awards season. Her physical comedy is electric, even when it’s a simple raise of an eyebrow.

The wildest thing about La Linda—a gamblers’ agent working the mid-level casino circuit, who spies, in Oscar Isaac’s William (Bill) Tell, a potential new thoroughbred for her stable of card counters—is the way her drinks order changes from hotel bar to hotel bar. “I came in there with my comedy ways and it sucked,” Haddish laughs, disarmingly honest about her leap from the hi-jinks her fans know her for, to her dramatic role in Schrader's new film. “Paul was hard on me at first,” she recalls. “He had to reel me in, make adjustments, strip all this stuff off, all my tools, leave me with these instruments I barely ever use.”

Oscar Isaac and Tiffany Haddish in a scene from ‘The Card Counter’.

There’s an enduring myth that drama is tougher to pull off than comedy, something Haddish’s friend Morris Chestnut corrected her on a few years back. “He’s like, ‘No, what you do, that’s hard work. You are actually overworking yourself, doing these comedies.’ And I’m like, ‘He don’t know what he’s talking about.’ Then I actually did a drama. And I was like, ‘Oh, that was so easy. Oh, that was beautiful.’ It’s way easier. It’s way easier.”

What La Linda doesn’t know, but any casual observer of Schrader’s work will, is that Isaac’s Bill has a past, and that his methodical attempts to keep his guilt in check through a supremely minimal lifestyle, perhaps even to allow himself a spark of pleasure—redemption, even—are about to come unwound.

Before that, though, there’s time for La Linda, Bill and Cirk (Tye Sheridan)—the son of one of Bill’s former, shall we say, colleagues—to become an odd little chosen-family unit as they travel the circuit. Bill and La Linda cook up a nice heat while killing time in cocktail lounges, and her casual business charisma is a charming offset to the deeper themes at play. Writing fresh from a Venice Film Festival viewing, Rahul notes “you keep expecting Haddish to break out of the understated style and that tension works.” Andy agrees: “Her simple outlook on life and lack of existentialism offer a nice contrast to Tell’s brooding sorrow. Plus, La Linda is just a great character name.”

Haddish understood the pull between Bill and La Linda, and La Linda’s desire to probe into his mysterious monotony, in a very specific way: “As a standup comedian, I work with a lot of men that—they’re very talented, they’re doing big things when they’re on stage—but then when they come off the stage you’re like, ‘Who are you? Why are you so dark? Who hurt you? What’s going on?’ I can relate to that in so many ways.”

Still, of all the dramatic writer-directors to work with in America, why Schrader? What was it about his specific brand of lonely-white-man stories that appealed? “Cat People. It’s my jam,” declares Haddish, of Schrader’s 1982 erotic horror reimagining of the 1942 classic (and one of his few films with a female lead, played by Natassja Kinski). “I love that movie. It had some weird, twisted shit in it.” She has been campaigning Schrader to mount a sequel, so that she can have a crack at playing a sexy, predatory jungle cat. “I try to bring it up to him all the time. And he’s like, ‘Tiffany, we’re not doing it. No.’”

Natassja Kinski in Paul Schrader’s 1982 remake of ‘Cat People’.

Haddish imagines that Cat People would certainly be on La Linda’s list of hotel-room comfort watches, along with Shaft and Goodfellas. Haddish, on the other hand, prefers to kick back with series television when she is on the road. “I watch old sitcoms like Martin or, like, The Facts of Life. I love a good cartoon, especially the throwback ones on Boomerang. I really like the old school, like ThunderCats. That’s a good wind down for me.”

Filming days are long, making the minutes can be stressful, and Covid safety protocols add layers of complexity to the job. There are performers who are cast not only for what they bring to their roles, but also for the energy they bring to set. Haddish has an undeniable magnetism, so it is unsurprising to read her co-star Isaac, in The Card Counter’s production notes, describe her as being “like Jesus”, in that people would drop everything and follow her. She enjoys this comparison, revealing that she has always wanted to be an AD, the crew member with, traditionally, the greatest people skills. “I always wanted to be assistant director just so I can be like, ‘All right, picture’s up, guys.’ And just so I can know everybody and be cool with everybody.”

But as a performer with clout, what is her intention when she—Tiffany Haddish, famous actress™—walks onto a soundstage? Haddish’s answer is a generous primer on how to be a good sort on set (or, indeed, in any working environment). “When I say yes to a movie, that’s a hundred to two hundred people that get to work and I want them to be happy about working,” she explains. “I’m going to work with them again in something else, and I want to have a pleasant experience with the crew. The DP, the gaffers, all these people, we all work together as a unit, so I think it’s super important.”

Paul Schrader, Oscar Isaac and crew on the set of ‘The Card Counter’.

Certain crew members, she admits, “are imperative to making me look good”, but more than that, her approach is grounded in her own physical and emotional safety in an often volatile and unpredictable creative environment. “I see how some actors won’t talk to any crew members at all, and I feel like that’s not okay because these people are busting their ass to make you look great, and they are part of telling this story too. They might not be hanging off the side of the building like you are, but they are making sure that the camera’s operating correctly, so you don’t have to shoot it five hundred times.

“These people keep me alive. They keep me going and they can tell when I’m in a bad space. They’re like, ‘Here’s a Snickers.’ If I’m working with an actor who might be treating me not the best, they’re coming over, they’re giving encouraging words, ‘You’re going to be okay.’ We’re a team. I even talk to the editor. They’re like, ‘Picture’s up, sound’s rolling, and speed.’ And I’d be like [staring down the camera lens], ‘What’s up editor? Hey, it’s your girl Tiffany Haddish. Just a little note: I’m thinking about you. Now, if you could just make sure this lazy eye is this way… I know you’re in that room by yourself, but look out for your girl.” Sometimes, Haddish will even throw a bone to the studio executives. “I know they’re watching the dailies,” she laughs.

Her investment in the welfare of her film families is paying off in unexpected turns such as The Card Counter, with more to come. Up next, a trio of unusual comedies: Jerrod Carmichael’s existential buddy farce On the Count of Three, which was picked up by Annapurna out of Sundance this year; Cory Finley’s surrealistic sci-fi romp Landscape with Invisible Hand; and the intriguing Nicolas Cage vehicle, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.

Related content

A list of favorite gambling movies from Gamblers, a podcast from The Big Picture’s Sean and Amanda

Life Detained: Jack Moulton’s interview with Kevin Macdonald, director of The Mauritanian

Josh’s list of Neo-Noir films

Follow Gemma on Letterboxd

‘The Card Counter’ is in US cinemas now.

[thesffcorner]

Marauders

Marauders is a 2016 crime-drama directed by Steven C Miller. Now, before I say anything else, this is NOT a review. I don’t feel comfortable enough to give this film a review, because I watched it at, no joke, a pub, with no sound, only subtitles.

I still watched the film, but I also missed like a good 30% of it, by virtue of being at a pub, so though I don’t think I would like it any better, had I seen the full thing, I still urge you to not take this as me telling you (not) to see this film. This is just me, talking shit for 2 pages, because what I saw of this film was WILD.

Now, I say that but really, this film is a rather generic action movie. What makes it wild is both my experience of watching it, where every time I would look at the TV some baffling new development would happen, but also the leaps in logic this film makes are… just pure confusion.

So, the plot (as far as I could proximate) goes as such: Four guys, who all look wear bargain-brand Halloween costumes of Crossbones from Civil War, rob a bank and kill the manager. An FBI agent, played by Detective Stabler from Law and Order: SVU (whose name is apparently Montgomery) gets put on the case. Before he can even get coffee there is a second robbery where the leader of the Crossbones team, stabs a man in the throat with a bullet(??) and the robbers get away.

The bullet has something to do with TJ, an army ranger who supposedly died but his body was never found. He was part of a rogue unit that kidnapped the former owner of the bank they robbed, and his entire unit was killed by a navy seal team. The guy who got stabbed with the bullet, was the commander of said navy seal unit.

We then get a truly bewildering scene, where the leader of the Crossbones team SKYPES Agent Montgomery, to tell him that they sent him files that Senator Cook (who is played by Bruce Willis) is gay, and that’s somehow evidence that he’s corrupt??? And then Montgomery is overly nice and accommodating to a man who just murdered a CIVILIAN, and a veteran in an ARMED ROBBERY, saying that the files the robbers sent won’t be enough to get the FBI to investigate Cook. Like, my dude, maybe they are busy trying to catch the ARMED THIEVES who have been robbing banks?? Also was the whole bit about Montgomery telling Crossbones that it’s none of his business that Cook is gay supposed to show that he’s an upstanding man? Otherwise, how is his sexuality relevant to his supposed corruption?

Montgomery then goes to talk to Cook and is unnecessarily aggressive with him, even though at this point he has no evidence that Cook even did anything, outside of possibly being gay and not appreciating that Montgomery is baselessly accusing him of things that the fucking ARMED ROBBERS told him. Side note, I realize I am like 12 for finding this funny, but anytime two men in an action movie try to intimidate each other with lines like “you’ll give me what I want or else I’m going to put you against a wall and take it” I just lose it because WHO TALKS LIKE THAT? Is that supposed to sound threatening?

At this point I missed a lot of the film, so I assumed that the robbers attacked Cook’s offices, but no; there is a third robbery in which there is a lot of shooting and SEVERAL security guards die, including one of the robbers (RIP nameless Crossbones impersonator). The FBI is super close to getting the robbers to surrender, when Montgomery bursts in, guns’a blazing, like a fucking cowboy movie, shoots the one guy, takes the second robber as a hostage at gunpoint, and has a standoff with the third robber who takes a woman hostage. And then he FUCKING LETS THE ROBBERS go WITH THE MONEY! What? And Dave Bautista, who does absolutely nothing in this film (except get shot at the end) tells him he saved lives??? WHERE?

This is where I gave up on the film, so the rest is a blur except for the following baffling scene, where Montgomery talks to special agent Wells. Now, Wells has been in the film from the start, and at first I thought he was the main character. He tells Montgomery that he thinks Montgomery is conducting the mission morally and really well (??) by focusing on Hubert and Cook’s corruption instead of the robbers, which, in case it wasn't clear by now, by how the film has awkwardly refused to show us who the robbers are, even makes MONTGOMERY pause and be like huh? So Wells, not a good liar.

Somewhere at this point we get some more explanation of what actually happened. Hubert conspired with Cook to kill his own brother so he could inherit the bank, and Cook staged a terrorist threat and sent in TJ’s unit to Costa Rica. They killed the brother and then got killed as a ‘rogue’ unit by the navy seals. One of the seals was Wells, who was a sniper and he saved TJ. He is now trying to take down both Hubert and Cook. TJ, I should add is barely in the film, and even though he got arrested, I never actually saw him on screen.

The third remaining robber is also a special agent, and his name is Mims. His wife has terminal cancer and he wants to give the money back so he can atone, but Wells won’t let him and ends up killing him. So are we supposed to be rooting for Wells? Because so far he has been an outright murderer, a homophobe, and the only good thing he’s done has been to donate the money, which is like trying to compensate for dumping toxic waste in the ocean by using a metal straw.

Montgomery and Wells have another heart to heart where they essentially just gush again about how good and moral the other one is, and yet again Montgomery lets Wells go, and even tells him not to go after Cook, because he can still use the money to start a new life and atone for what he did as a navy seal. Maybe I missed it, but I just didn’t understand WHY Montgomery was so kind to Wells, at all. This man is a killer!

The last scene is Montgomery sitting down to have wine with Cook (who has escaped in Mexico) and Wells coming to kill him. He and Montgomery have a staring match, Wells puts his gun down, Montgomery kills Cook, Wells kills his bodyguard and then fucking walks away. The end.

My brain has lost the ability to form sentences. First off, this plot is more convoluted then my own first draft of book 1 of a trilogy I wrote when I was 13. There are so many characters and plot points in this film, and all of them are complete dead ends. The main theme is, I think, supposed to be corruption, but nothing that happens has anything to do with corruption! Hubert and Cook pulled a hostile takeover, and used the military as cover, but they didn’t embezzle tax money or something. We never focus on any of the shady dealings Cook has, at most we get is lukewarm commentary on the people who enlist in the army because of poverty, but the film isn’t about that.

The second big issue are the characters. I can understand Montgomery being the lead; he is the every-man, investigating a conspiracy. But why is Cook the final boss when he wasn’t even the one who planned the hit? Why is Wells the leader of the robbers and not TJ, you know the guy who was left for dead, who was framed as an assassin and whose entire unit was killed?

I actually liked Montgomery but that’s because I think it’s impossible to dislike Chris Meloni, he’s just such a calming presence. There was some stuff about his wife being dead (I didn’t really pay attention to that part), but at no point did I understand why he was so sympathetic to the robbers, especially Wells? He willingly committed murder to save Wells, but why? Wells wasn’t a good man, and he should have been punished for the amount of people he killed in this film, regardless of the intentions he had. This isn’t John Wick, he wasn’t the best of all the assassins, he was a guy who got in too deep and got away with it, because the FBI agent after him was… moral.

Two more things. I realize it’s kind of gauche to complain about casting choices, but everyone in this film looked the same. Not only was the cast 99% white, all the actors looked alike, and I couldn’t distinguish any of the robbers or the people who died. Even their names all sounded similar!

Also apparently women don’t exist in this world, except for one FBI agent and one other one who I think was a singer and either someone’s wife or girlfriend.

Would I ever watch this again, fully this time? Maybe, if I have literally nothing else to do. Should you watch it? Honestly, I think Money Monster, Den of Thieves or Triple 9 are all better choices, and at least are ACTUALLY about corruption.

letterboxd

[crowdvscritic]

round up // AUGUST 19

It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? 

Let me assure you—it’s not you, it’s me. You know those times in life when watching and writing about every Best Picture winner in a regular cadence feels impossible? No? That’s just me? Every time I think I’m about to get going on this Best Picture Project again, it seems like life finds another reason for me to spend packing up boxes or suitcases again (or sometimes even just packing more into my tired, little mind). As the trailer for the World War I film 1917 says, “TIME IS THE ENEMY.” The all-caps treatment feels appropriate here, too.

But because my tired, little mind does ache to write about movies, I’ve been inspired to try a new segment—inspired by my very own sister. She’s a writer with a drive and commitment to her travel blog I envy sometimes. (But don’t worry, it’s in more an I’m-proud-of-her kind of way than an Othello kind of way.) Every month over at Round Trip, she rounds up the highlights and new things she’s tried each month. They’re some of my favorite posts to read, so I thought I’d create my own version with a Crowd vs. Critic twist. (But don’t worry—it’s more an imitation-is-the-sincerest-form-of-flattery thing than a Talented Mr. Ripley kind of thing.) Each month I’ll be sharing my favorite crowd-pleasers and my top critic picks. The twist on that? I’m recommending more than just films. These are the new-to-me cultural artifacts I’ve loved in a rough order of when I experienced them, including (but not limited to) a TV show, podcast, lengthy feature article, art exhibit, and music video. Oh, and of course, a few movies I’ve seen or am excited for, too.

August Crowd-Pleasers

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)

I’m not really a Fast & Furious gal, and this movie is grade-A bonkers. But Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Jason Statham make stupid one-liners land like nobody else. Seeing Princess Margaret taking control of her life was unexpectedly satisfying, and kudos to this team for knowing this is the kind of movie that should be as indulgent and over-the-top as it wants. Crowd: 10/10 // Critic: 6/10

Minority Report (2002)

Not everything about this Steven Spielberg/Tom Cruise flick gels, and the influence of contemporary blockbusters like The Matrix and Star Wars is excessive. But its take on the surveillance state was prescient, and it’s still a tense thriller. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8/10

Veronica Mars (TV series: 2004-2007, 2019; Movie: 2014)

I’ve been looking for a way to watch this teen detective drama for awhile, and I know why people have been recommended this to me for years. With the new Hulu reboot, the original series is finally available there as well, and I couldn’t stop watching. I’ve given up on other, critically loved shows in an episode or less because I struggle watching violence against women—sorry, The Americans, The Handmaid’s Tale, and Jessica Jones. Veronica Mars somehow handles those storylines with all the seriousness and sensitivity they deserve but without the graphic depictions that make me feel sick. Smart, funny, and addictive, it’s the kind of binge I love, and now I’m just trying to emotionally recover from that new season.

I Feel Pretty (2018)

I’m also not much of an Amy Schumer gal, but this really clicked. If all message movies were this funny and clever, maybe they would have a better chance at making the world a better place. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

The Micheaux Mission

Len and Vince’s thoughtful, funny podcast covering every Black Film ever made took a “Binge Lounge” detour into a retrospective on Black Family Sitcoms this month from the most obvious (The Cosby Show) to the obscure (Julia). Now that I’ve finished Veronica Mars, I might need to revisit the gem that is Everybody Hates Chris.

The King’s Man trailer (2020)

Unclear why the franchise is deviating from the dynamic duo of Taron Egerton and Colin Firth, but color me intrigued.

Rolling Stone’s “Millennial 100”

This beast of a list was published last fall, but I just happened upon it and read all 100 entries. Inevitably, Every Millennial will find something missing on this list (Where is Gilmore Girls? Why do we need to list Taylor Swift’s boyfriends instead of her music?), but it’s a solid summation of the influences on our childhood and adolescence.

August Critic Picks

Paul Gauguin: The Art of Invention at The Saint Louis Art Museum

#NerdAlert: I’m a huge fan of museums. Like, I need to give myself pep talks to remind myself it’s not possible to see everything in one museum in one visit. As members of SLAM, my mom and I were invited to a free, guided tour through a new Gauguin exhibit, which is just another reason to consider supporting your local art museum.

1917 trailer (2019)

Maybe Colin Firth was unavailable for a Kingsman sequel because he and Benedict Cumberbatch were filming this World War I film with a December release prime for Oscar season. Color me intrigued again.

Atlas: Enneagram by Sleeping at Last

I’ve been learning a lot about the Enneagram in the last year, and no personality test (for lack of a more accurate term) has helped me understand how to love others and myself better than this one. I loved the artistry and thoughtfulness behind this album, which brings each type’s longings and fears and strengths and faults into song. (And not just because they’re coming from a fellow 9.) Bonus: There’s an accompanying podcast I’m still digging into.

Roman Holiday on the Big Screen

I caught a screening of one of my favorite Audrey Hepburn movies at the Tivoli Theatre, and she and Gregory Peck were truly larger than life.

Léon: The Professional

This month at ZekeFilm, we watched Natalie Portman movies we’d never seen before. I watched and loved her feature film debut, which came out the year she turned 13. She’s been a knockout from the get-go, and this movie holds up 25 years later. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10

Lover by Taylor Swift

When she released Speak Now, I knew I’d buy the next 10 Taylor Swift albums, and Lover might be in the running for my new favorite of her collections. (I’ll have to listen to it 100 more times to be sure, so come find me in about two weeks.) I loved reputation., but her lyrical prowess and synth-y production have met in a magical and mellifluous 18-track opus. The first five tracks are chef’s-kiss perfection, that “Lover” music video is an aesthetic dream. (t’s not every day I hear a song and immediately can hear it still on the radio in 30 years.) I don’t think she gets enough credit for her songs about friends and family, and some of her best are here as well. I’m both in awe and so proud as a decade-plus fan.

Also in August…

On SO IT’S A SHOW? this month, I watched a cult classic movie and a classic TV show with my pal and co-host Kyla Carneiro for our pop culture podcast. Catch our episodes on Ed Wood and The Carol Burnett Show (and how they connect with Gilmore Girls) on our Tumblr.

I watched 1960s crime thriller Midas Run on Kino Lorber’s new Blu-ray for ZekeFilm. It was…not good.

Until next time, follow what films I’m watching in real time on Letterboxd and find more reviews and features at ZekeFilm.

Photo credits: The Micheaux Mission, Rolling Stone, Sleeping at Last, Taylor Swift. Paul Gauguin and Tivoli Theatre my own. All others IMDb.com.

[drneilfox]

Sonic Propositions: Music Films Book Blog 8 (May 2021)

As teaching commitments eased off this month I saw the open road of more headspace and writing time open up in front of me and some of the weight expressed in last month’s blog lifted. I didn’t quite get everything I wanted written this month but I got a substantial amount done. And it felt good.

A really big month of watching in May. Covered a lot of ground watching concert and tour films and while in many ways it was the easiest chapter month to watch films for - concert films in particular generally have a style that maintains throughout reducing note taking - it was emotionally hard. I really missed live music this month. Watching films about Oasis, LCD Soundsystem, All Tomorrow’s Parties and The White Stripes in particular took me back to some of my favourite live experiences and made me want to experience that sweat, that noise, that proximity again, in the most dramatic tones for many years. The 2007 Oasis film Lord Don’t Slow Me Down features footage from my favourite ever gig, seeing Oasis at the now demolished for Crossrail London Astoria with my brother and best friend. It’s also surreal seeing footage of their Hollywood Bowl show that year that I was also at. My bonkers life. Living in Cornwall my ability to access regular live music is diminished - for reasons of travel, by artists here and by me there - and I have certainly missed it. However this past year it has been the thing that I have missed the most. I think it’s writing the book and my immersion in live music. Even in documentaries there is such an emphasis often on live archive material. So, post ‘this’, seeing more live music even if t means travelling a fair distance, is something I intend to try and bring back into my life in a real way.

Watching Mike Mills’ film about AIR - Air: Eating, Sleeping, Waiting and Playing took me back to lying by a pool in Ibiza in the summer of ‘98 and my only ever ‘lads holiday’, with Moon Safari on constant repeat. The month was not only the easiest watching and note-taking month but it was also the most fun. The emphasis for the most part is on celebration and ectastic communion between artist and audience in the original space and artist, filmmaker and audience in the cinema space. It’s hard to not have a good time watching Elvis, Prince, Beyoncé and others at the peak of their powers. Of my new watches, the Chemical Brothers’ film directed by Adam Smith, documenting their 2011 Fuji Rock appearance Don’t Think, was the most revelatory and joyous. An absolutely exquisite concert film.

I was also grateful this month to my friend Kieran Evans who let me rewatch his brilliant account of the Manic Street Preachers’ Holy Bible shows - Be Pure. Be Vigilant. Behave - which isn’t currently available. Thanks Kieran.

Also thank you Dario for securing an interview for our podcast The Cinematologists with director Caroline Catz about her wonderful film Delia Derbyshire: The Myths and Legendary Tapes. Good timing as June’s watching plan is for my chapter on formal innovations, where I will be writing about Catz’s truly unique film.

Onwards.

Don’t forget, you can track what I’m watching (and maybe try and work out which films I’m referring to above and in the note fragments below) via my Letterboxd list, here.

Don’t forget you can listen in to my book themed playlist here.

Here’s what I was listening to while writing in May:

Finally, a bit of fun. Here are my favourite notes from this month’s viewing sessions:

“tonight, the bass was like a beautiful carpet”

Raw caribou

Meg’s hair in face

Zak Starkey’s birthday

“it starts to get tense about this time”

The Bey-chella folder

Sax playing monk

Creep. Dickhead.

Random parasol

“time falls wanking to the floor” (Fry & Laurie)

Danny and Rasputin

Lens flare ahoy

“this is a sad object dude”

“ssshh you fucking cunts”

Shite weather

Like Chris Tucker in The Fifth Element

“this has been The Holy Bible and you’ve been fucking mega”

The photo that accompanies this post was taken by my friend Tim Holt at the 2005 Oasis show mentioned in this post. I have a print of it, if you like it, why not buy one for yourself here.

[patheticphallacy]

Helllllo! I’m back!

For everyone who keeps up with my blog, I’ve only been gone for two weeks. In reality, I wrote every single post that’s come out in April mid-March, so I haven’t written a single post since Quarantine properly kicked in. Wow.

As is usual for me, I really just needed a break. I’ve spent 4 weeks playing Stardew Valley and listening to audiobooks, and I can’t even be mad about it. It’s really rejuvenated my creativity, and it’s given me some new ideas on how I want to do wrap ups for this blog.

What better way to come back than with a Weekend Reading post? As you might have guessed from my absence, I’ve barely made a dent in the OWLs TBR I made. So… I’m just gonna do the OWLS for two months. Rules mean nothing to me.

My laptop is also really buggy at the moment, so I won’t be able to spend as long writing blog posts. I’ll aim for my usual 1 or 2 reviews a week, but the amount of ‘long’ posts I can manage will probably be cut down until I have enough money to get a new laptop for writing!

1. Dig by A.S. King

Dig was actually recommended to me in a webinar I took part in, hosted by Reading Glasses and Professional Book Nerds.

I asked for books with nihilistic teens and dark humour; I was recommended Dig and Glory O’Brien. I’m only two or three chapters in, and the chapters are super short, so I know I’ll breeze through it.

  2. Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky

This is my current audiobook listen, and boy is it a long one!

I’ve been listening to it on 2.5x speed so it won’t take me too long to get through what’s left. But that’s still over 300 pages, which is about 12 hours of listening, and just feels like way too much. I don’t think this book has anything unnecessary in it, honestly, I just wasn’t prepared for the sheer size of it.

  3. Kappa Quartet by Daryl Qilin Yam

This will probably be the first book I finish this weekend on Friday.

It’s ‘weird fiction’, and by weird, I mean it’s very weird. The way characters are connected, with recurring characters throughout, is honestly incredible. It feels almost seamless in how it’s done, and I’m so glad I took my friend’s recommendation to read this!

  4. Horror: A Literary History edited by Xavier Aldana Reyes

I’ve been steadily making my way through each essay in this collection for a few weeks. Each essay is literally just a breakdown of horror throughout history, focusing on American and British horror.

I’ll have to find other non-fiction for going outside of Western literature, and I feel like it’s a real shame that there weren’t added essays by experts on this fiction, since the stories and beliefs of other cultures– oral storytelling being a major part of their long ancestries– have been appropriated so frequently by Western horror authors. Even one or two essays focusing on this writing would have been a helluva lot better than the ‘0’ in this, and there’s a shocking lack of non-white authors even mentioned in what was presented.

They mention ‘horror adjacent’ work so often, even going on long explanations of how horror’s roots are more in the gothic and the feeling of horror, rather than cliches and tropes, for a long time, and yet they barely spend any time on Beloved by Toni Morrison, which is an incredibly important text within the ever-changing horror genre. I’m not sure it’s even mentioned in the chapter on horror between 1970-2000. It’s just highly disappointing!

5. Rules for Perfect Murders by Peter Swanson

You may know this as Eight Perfect Murders. The title change is exactly like The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle; i.e., completely fucking pointless.

Based on the premise– which reminded me a lot of one of my favourite crime shows, Castle– you think this is going to be a lot more exciting than it really is, considering someone is literally committing murder. It’s all tell, with absolutely no show. I don’t think the reader is ever left to find things out by themselves, without some massive infodump, and I’m just glad this is a quick read so I can cross it off my list in another 100 pages.

YES! I’m finally carrying on these series! I haven’t read One Piece since August of 2019, and Haikyuu!! since May of 2019, which is, frankly, disgusting, considering both are favourite series of mine. I ended up buying a Shonen Jump subscription, so I have access to 100 chapters of manga a day for only £2 a month. The price was lowered to combat the rise of piracy within the industry, and researching into it has just made me realise that this is the best way to consume my manga from now on.

Shonen Jump actually has a lot of the longer series I read, so I’ll be reading those on there. I’ll still be keeping up with My Hero Academia physically, but it saves a lot of money on over 150+ volumes of other series I would have otherwise had to buy. I can afford £2 a month, and I’ll put money into manga with the volumes I’ll no doubt buy of what I can’t find on Shonen Jump!

I hope everyone is doing okay during this quarantine!

Thank you for reading ❤

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Weekend Reading #4: I’m Back! Helllllo! I'm back! For everyone who keeps up with my blog, I've only been gone for two weeks.

[snailkitfilmreviews]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi, 2017 - ★★★★★ (contains spoilers)

This review may contain spoilers.

A common criticism of The Force Awakens is that it lifted its structure and emotional resonance from A New Hope. This failing was used to critique the method by which intertextuality has been increasingly used in blockbuster filmmaking as a replacement for basic story functions like "creating emotional stakes", but many Star Wars fans used it as a meme to point to in lieu of their own argument.

Intertextuality is just a tool, though. Its misuse elsewhere does not inherently make it "bad", just misused. Rian Johnson's application of it is an intentional doubling down on the concept of a film in a series echoing its predecessors. (An idea which, I'll point out, was not new to Star Wars when J. J. Abrams used it, either.) And, to put it in hyperbolic local newspaper critic terms: Abrams took inspiration from A New Hope and made a great Star Wars. Rian Johnson took inspiration from Empire Strikes Back and made a great film.

That's what this series needs. That's what Empire was, back in the day. It didn't start from nothing, sure, and there were certain marks its ending had to hit in order for its sequel to work. It was not a transition, though. It was a story. A story about failure. About hubris. About human connection.

The Last Jedi's a story about failure, too. And about hubris. And about human connection. What's stunning about this film is how it uses the language of film and the language of Star Wars in order to weave that story together.

Think about the first time the technique of cross-cutting was described to you. I'd bet money that, for a lot of you, the example was Empire. That sequence—Luke on Dagobah, the rest on the Millennium Falcon—informs The Last Jedi. Johnson's film keeps a frankly astonishing pace for a 150-odd minute film by filling it with dozens of meanwhiles back on dozens of ranches. More to the point, though, it uses those juxtapositions to create meaning.

Most notably, the conceit of the Force-enabled contact between Rey and Kylo Ren is formally cross-cutting but narratively an emotional connection, a conversation. Notice how judiciously this is shown. Only two shots actually involve the two of them "bridging" that gap in space. Do you think this is an accident? In 2017 it'd be very easy to use any number of effects in order to create a "middle ground", as it were, where the two could interact in each other's spaces. Johnson, however, elects to shoot the two from inside their interaction, facing outward. In their own singles. They couldn't be more separated visually, but because of the Kuleshov effect, because of juxtaposition, because of our familiarity with shot/reverse-shot, we believe this connection. We don't need to see Kylo's perspective of Rey, divorced from her surroundings. We just need a cut.

And now, the more controversial element: the script. The humor.

Something that's unfortunately missed, in a race to "legitimize" that which has been seen as childish, is the true nature of Star Wars as a work of art. There's a desperation with which it's held up as a "serious movie". Accolade upon accolade is thrust upon A New Hope by its fanbase, in a feverish worry that someone will commit the grievous sin of telling them their hobby is dumb. And yeah, y'know. I get it. We want the things we like to have legitimacy. But you wanna hear a secret?

STAR WARS CAN HAVE LEGITIMACY WITHOUT BEING A "SERIOUS" MOVIE.

Star Wars is fucking camp, dude. That's George Lucas' wheelhouse. (Spielberg too, you see it in their collaborations. Indiana Jones is camp as hell.) The villain of Star Wars is a magic black-clad bemasked space fascist. Vader is a symbol. He is the faustian bargain incarnate. As the stepchild of an opera singer I resent misunderstandings of what "opera" is formally, but Star Wars is, perhaps more than any other space fantasy film, a Space Opera. Characters representing ideas and emotions. Human stories. Han Solo doesn't make asides to the audience—oh man, could you imagine if he did—but the function of the dialogue is the same: the conveyance of those ideas, those emotions. How does a person who's built up walls to avoid bettering theirself react where they're in real danger? They sputter. "We're all fine up here...how are you?" It's why Obi-Wan Kenobi's wisdom sounds so wise within its context and so absurd without it. It doesn't matter if it's splitting hairs in "real life"—in a world of melodrama, "a certain point of view" really does make a difference. Anakin Skywalker really was dead. Darth Vader really did kill him.

My point is, what makes a film good is not its "realism", whatever that means. (You shouldn't have to convince someone Darth Vader is scary because of some verisimilitudinal justification. He's plenty scary symbolically.) It's in its Truth. Does a film have something to say? Does it succeed in saying it? Do you believe it? Star Wars at its best functions as a representational work, a melodrama that plays in extremes to tell human stories. A man struggles to embrace healthy coping mechanisms. A woman deals with the death of her family and the context in which she lived her life. A son uses compassion to reach his absent father. A fascist government destroys lives for empty political gain.

The dialogue in The Last Jedi is absolutely more functional than poetic. The film is deeply funny, often in ways that can seem to undercut the "seriousness" of the affair. But if I've managed to communicate my point at all, I hope you can recognize that dialogue and tone do not exist in a vacuum. They exist in context. And here, the context is camp.

So, I'll amend my earlier jokey statement: Rian Johnson took inspiration from Empire Strikes Back and made what is not only a great film, but a great Star Wars film.

In a transparently A.V. Club move, here's some stray thoughts:

If you're still salty about this film having a lot of comedy in it, go rewatch A New Hope. It's not a dour film. Along similar lines, it's helpful to remember that Han shooting first is not just a character moment, but also a joke. Star Wars is no stranger to undercutting itself.

There is nothing like the collective catharsis of an audience watching a scene like Snoke's death. Nothing.

One of my favorite ways in which this film plays with the intertextuality/"echoing" of earlier films is the way that it positions Canto Bight as another "wretched hive of scum and villainy". Sure, Mos Eisley is exploitative, but this place is on another level.

In the Opera paragraph I very nearly tried to draw a link between Darth Vader and the Commendatore in Don Giovanni, but 1. it's way too tenuous and contradictory a link to hold up to scrutiny, even if the statue is a vengeful and wrathful thing and 2. I would've been drawing a link between Darth Vader and the Commendatore in Don Giovanni, which I have enough self-awareness to understand is a bit overblown.

After making my joke about how I wish Han made asides, I realized that his running commentary—his private jokes to nobody except him (and the audience)—does essentially function as a type of aside. Regardless, the point I was making was that neither he nor the other characters make asides in the theatrical sense. He's not talking to the audience directly. That, I'd love to see.

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