#but now i saw that he liked a relationshippy ig reel
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#okay so just realised i can be pathetic here bc no one cares#in a good way#i believe i have been thinking about an ex situationship too much believing that i will see him again#like eventually#and i heard he has a girlfriend now#which is cool#but now i saw that he liked a relationshippy ig reel#which made it real for me#and now i realised i have been fantasising about this man like he’d be waiting for me#and projecting trait i want him to have on him#and he had been liking my stories so the door was open but o thought i would catch feelings so i did not pursue!!#bc i am scared of feeling things and not making decisions based on my brain!!!!!!!#this is full of typos#lol#i decided we were not compatible and therefore did not pursue#did not want my feelings to confuse what my reason said#which sounds smart when i put it like that#but all it does is make me never listen to my feelings#or even believe they could matter#if i just make every decision based on reason i will minimise harm and offence i cause & experience#optimising life#and therefore winning#anyway idek that we were compatible but it was the best sex ive had probably#so i miss that#him i suppose less so#so maybe i just need good sex in my life again. and developing familiarity with people#i miss that#where my real human connection fans at#anyway#rambling over apologies if anyone reads this
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