#but now i horribly regret my decision and i feel so sad and angry. like i haven't seen these ppl for years and i was indeed

[tkbrokkoli]

need to vent in the tags a little :(

[superblysubpar]

We'll Call It Love masterlist | It Had To Be You masterlist

the song: Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls // It Had To Be You playlist

warnings: this story is a part of the series We’ll Call It Love, and much of it would be spoiled if you read this first. It’s linked above, and I hope you love it! | series warnings pertain

2.7k words

A/N: A little nod to @palmtreesx3 series "Get Off" in the form of a little Smash or Pass 💛 Thanks for always being my cheerleader lady, I owe you my heart and life because of it, I'm afraid 🤷🏻‍♀️

He regrets how hard the door slams behind him almost immediately. 

His vision blurs, his fingers swipe down the sides of his nose, pressing harder than he ever has but it’s no use. 

Steve Harrington doesn’t cry. 

Except he is. 

It’s this awful choked sound that leaves his lips, it’s pathetic and angry and hurt all rolled into one horrible sob as tears rapidly fall down his cheeks. 

He tries, he really does, to get it to stop. He presses his palms into his eyes as he walks, and decides that’s a really fucking bad idea in Chicago. And so he just ducks his head and he clears his throat and he walks. 

But it just gets worse and worse.

Not the crying, but the feeling in his chest. Every time he blinks he sees your hurt face. He sees the shattered glass dish. He sees Robin’s blue eyes breaking just like the shards all over the floor. He sees Eddie put his hand on your back. He sees Nancy glaring at him. He sees every bad decision he’s made for the last few months and his stomach rolls with each reminder of his mistakes. 

He fucked up bad this time. There is no bonk to the head that can fix this. It doesn’t feel like any way he apologized would ever make it okay. 

All he wants to do is talk to any of the people who hate his guts right now, and more tears slip over his lash line when he realizes he may never get to talk to the most important person of the bunch ever again. 

The longer he walks, the clearer his head becomes. He can fix it. He can. One step at a time. 

But despite the cold air against his damp cheeks bringing clarity, it also quickly makes him realize he doesn’t have his coat, his keys, or his fucking car. He slows down as he rounds the corner, debating turning back, wondering where the hell he even ended up on this sad walk. 

He’s on Robin’s street. Because of course he is. 

Steve swipes at his nose, keeping more tears at bay successfully this time, and he sits on her stoop, waiting. 

Maybe it’s selfish, to seek Robin’s comfort when he lied to her, but if there’s anyone he can talk to about how much of an idiot he is, it’s her. 

So he waits. 

He sits there for what feels like an hour, and maybe it is, with his elbows on his knees and his hands running through his hair he’s refusing to cut because at least he can keep his hair long in some sort of pathetic excuse of a stand against selling his soul to his father. 

“Ryan Gosling?” 

The question startles Steve, his head whips up at the voice. 

“Oh, smash, definitely.” A girl giggles in a group walking past. 

“Yeah but which Ryan Gosling?”

Two girls chime in with “The Notebook” at the same time laughing and Steve loses it. 

There’s no way to ward off the tears this time, and he drags his fingers over his lips so his sob is muffled and his temple falls against the railing. 

Maybe it’s because he’s been so stubborn his whole life, but it sort of feels like every tear that’s ever wanted to be shed by his body is falling now. His entire vision is blurred and his arms encircle his stomach because it fucking hurts to feel this sad and broken. 

How could he do this to you? How could he lie to Robin? How could he just do exactly what you said and not stand up for himself? How could he not choose the life he wanted? Why didn’t he fucking fight harder for you? For what he wanted? 

He was pathetic. He was lazy. He was scared. 

“Holy shit, you actually love her, don’t you?” 

The sound of Robin’s voice and her question makes a loud sob leave Steve, the most horrible sound he thinks he’s ever heard save for Robin crying. It just keeps coming and he covers his face with his hands, sure he looks disgusting and miserable and as pathetic as he feels. Snot and tears and red cheeks like a fucking kid. 

There’s pressure against the side of his thigh, and then warm arms around his shoulders and it isn’t fair to her, but he turns into her body and wraps his own arms around her waist. 

Steve cries into his best friend's shoulder so hard, he feels a little dizzy from the pain that’s demanding to be felt and he stutters out a pathetic apology.

“Ro-Robin, I’m so, I’m so-”

“Dingus, shut up.”

Which only makes him cry harder and squeeze his arms tighter for her to squeeze him back. 

Then it starts to rain. 

And not like a few sprinkles, but just pouring, out of nowhere, like the earth is as sad as Steve feels. 

“Shit, come on,” Robin yelps, pulling at his shoulders and dragging him to her front door. 

Steve swipes at his eyes and finally gets a less blurry look at her, wearing his jacket, his car keys dangling from her finger, and his pan of mac and cheese in her arms. 

The guilt smacks him so hard, he actually takes a step back. 

“Rob-”

“Don’t. Come on, inside,” she sighs around the command, nodding her head to the now open door. 

Her blue eyes are glassy, or maybe it’s just the rain soaking both of them, but her chin does this sort of horrible quiver that he knows means she’s going to start crying too, and apparently that’s all he does now, because there’s a fresh wave falling from his eyes. 

“Robin,” he chokes on her name, like he doesn’t remember how to talk, “I am so sorry. I-”

“Steve, please,” she starts crying, clutching the pan with both hands now, “I don’t care about an apology right now okay? I care about getting you inside and wiping that snot off your face cause you look real fucking sad and you don’t cry okay? And I don’t know what to do and I’m really sorry because maybe it’s my fault you know? Maybe I made you lie to me because I’m shitty and told you not to date her, but obviously you really fucking care about her I mean on some sort of astronomical level because-”

“Robin,” Steve laughs around his crying, stepping towards her and hugging her, “Will you shut up for once in your life and let me apologize?”

She shifts so she can wrap an arm around him again, her face pressed to his chest before she starts laughing around her own crying too. 

“What’s this shutting up you speak of? Is there a switch? How does one simply not spew out every thought that passes through their brain to fill the silence?”

His cheek presses to the top of her head, voice muffled in her hair, “I love you.”

Robin’s arm squeezes around his waist, “I love you too, Dingus.”

Now, she sits across from him. Having changed almost immediately upon entering her apartment. She cranked the heat and pushed him down onto the couch and just said, “Explain.”

Which is how he finds himself on her couch, with a cup of hot cocoa spilling over the rim and marshmallows overflowing the mug as he finishes, “I don’t know what to do.”

Robin’s fingers fiddle with her rings as they wrap around her own mug. She stares at the drink for a long time, before she finally lifts her gaze to his.

Blue eyes that pierce directly into his soul as she shrugs and says, “I think you know exactly what to do, Steve.”

The intercom buzzes loudly and Robin moans, “Oh thank god, food.”

Except when she stands, the speaker crackles and your voice comes out of it. “Robin?”

Steve freezes, the mug of cocoa suspended to his lips as Robin stares at him with wide, blinking eyes. 

It buzzes again and your quiet voice fills the room, “Please Robin? I know you’re home…I just…”

“I’ll…I’ll tell her to go?” Robin looks worried, her fingers pulling on each other and Steve shakes his head. 

“No, I…I’ll climb down the fire escape. Won’t be the first time.” He makes his way to her window. 

“Excuse me, what?” Robin crosses her arms, frowning. 

The buzzer rings three times, long and annoying and Steve’s lips twitch despite the thing inside his chest feeling like it’s going to somehow shrivel up and dry out and explode at the same time. 

“You should really talk to her, it…it says a lot she came here to talk to you.” Steve taps at the window frame, looking at the door like he can somehow see you downstairs through it. 

The intercom vibrates again, and your voice sounds pained as you shout through it, “Buckley I’ll keep buzzing, your egg rolls are getting cold!”

As if on cue, Robin’s stomach grumbles and she crosses her arms, frowning. “I’m not even hungry. Dingus, I can tell her to leave, I want…I need you in my life-”

It buzzes again, your choked words making both of them stare at the speaker with sad eyes. “Okay, Robin, I, listen. I am so sorry. And if you want to hate me and never see me again, that’s totally fine, I understand. Because honestly, I am…I am scum for lying to you. I am pond scum. I’m lower than pond scum. I am the fungus that feeds on the pond scum.”

Robin’s breath inhales sharply and Steve smiles. He squeezes her hand and whispers, “I’m not going anywhere, Buckley. Go hug it out with each other. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

She squeezes his hand back, and heads towards the door as he disappears out the window. 

Robin was right, he knows exactly what he needs to do. 

“I don’t believe you,” tone matter of fact as you shrug off your coat in his hallway.

Steve laughs as he shuts the garage door, shaking his head. “I told you, she’s too wrapped around Robin. I could never.”

Your feet pad down the hallway, past the laundry room and half bath as you spin and walk backwards pointing at him, “Nah. No way. You’re so smashing Julia Roberts.”

The conversation started after your anniversary date to the movie theater. His yellow sweater sits wrapped around your shoulders, warm and comforting, and a slight cherry red slushie stain on the hem now. Steve’s green sweatshirt is absolutely not green anymore, the majority of said slushie landing on him when he tried to do a “move” at the theater. 

Steve catches up with you, a box of milk duds in his hand as he grabs for your waist with the other. “Baby, I promise you, I’m passing.”

You narrow your eyes, lips twitching, as you prod, “Steven. Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman? You’re passing?”

Steve squeezes his eyes shut, but his mouth fights a smile as he shakes his head. “Robin has been Vivian so many times for Halloween, there is no way I’m smashing Pretty Woman Julia Roberts.”

“Mm. Sure.” You nod, face full of faux believing features as you press your lips to his pout. 

When you spin and head into the kitchen, flipping the lights on as you do, Steve catches your waist and lifts, causing you to yelp out a laugh. 

“Put me down!”

“Not until you believe me!”

“You’re an idiot,” you laugh as your head tilts at the giant box on the counter, “Wait, what’s that?”

Steve slowly puts you down, his arm remaining around your waist. “That,” he whispers, “Is a very late present. Or early Christmas. Or right on time anniversary. ”

“For me?” You turn and bat your eyelashes at him, grinning. 

Steve looks very serious, the playful moment gone as he grabs for your chin gently, tilting your head for a slower, and longer kiss. It feels important, something swooping in your stomach, collecting the butterflies flying around there and surrounding your heart. 

“For you,” he whispers when he breaks away from the breath stealing kiss. 

Your eyelashes flutter as you come back to earth, his fingers cradle your jaw as you clear your throat. 

When you turn back towards the package, your heart drops into your stomach though. The brown shipping material is covered in European stamps, packaging labels showing it went a lot of different places before ending up here. And it’s a fairly large box. 

“How…how much did this cost?” 

Steve’s going to a drawer for a box cutter, opening two different ones before finding the right junk drawer, still getting used to his new stuff and space. 

He shrugs, eyes focused on cutting the tape. “Babe, don’t-”

“Steve, you can’t do this.” Your head shakes back and forth as you press your fingers to your temple. 

“I can’t what? Give my girlfriend gifts?” He sounds irritated, hurt. 

“You can’t keep giving me expensive gifts. Paying for everything. You paid for Inigo’s vet bill last month, you can’t-”

“You like the gifts, I have the means to pay and if it’s a date, of course I’m paying. And absolutely I paid for his vet bill, it was insane. And you were going to take out another credit card to pay for it like a crazy person.”

The words make something ignite under the surface of your skin, cheeks growing hot as he sets the box cutter on the counter and glares at you. 

“That’s not crazy! People do what they have to do! I would have paid it off, it’s not like I’m in a crazy amount of debt Steve. In case you’re forgetting, I’ve made it on my own for quite a long time.”

Your hand presses to your chest as you stare each other down. 

Steve’s jaw tenses and he shakes his head. “I know that. I’m not discrediting that. But it’s crazy to still do that when I can help.”

Your hands fly in the air, frustrated, “Okay, fine! Thank you for the vet bill, nevermind, but this,” you gesture to the box, “Has to stop.”

Steve laughs, dragging his palms down his face. “I’m not gonna stop getting you gifts.”

“How am I supposed to compete with the fancy shit Steve? How am I supposed to feel when you get me expensive things for holidays and I get you dumb trinkets or hand made shit like coupons?”

Steve takes a step toward you, “I like the coupons and trinkets that aren’t dumb. If you just-”

“I’m not opening that.” Your hands are in front of your chest in surrender, eyebrows raised as you walk backwards. “I do not want it. Return it, whatever it is.”

“Honey,” Steve’s eyes turn somber, hand running through his hair, pleading, “You have to open this, please.”

“Baby,” you glare at him, “I’m not going to.”

His fingers tug in his hair, an aggravated huff surrounding his words that get increasingly louder, “I swear, I won’t get you another present for…for a year. Six months. But you have to open this.”

“No.”

“Open it.”

“Nope.”

“Babe-”

“Steve-”

“Oh my god, fine!” 

He shouts the last line, flaps of the box flung open as he reaches inside through white packing peanuts that spill out onto the counter as you roll your eyes.

Until he’s holding the sapphire blue pie dish in front of you with glassy eyes and pink cheeks and red ears. 

“I know, okay, I…I can’t ever apologize for breaking your mom’s enough. And I know this can’t ever replace it, or be the same, but I just thought…I kept searching for it, because I just thought if I could fix it…” he trails off when you step in front of him. 

Your heartbeat thuds in your ears as you stare down at the dish, your fingers trail over the cool glass. A shiver runs down your spine because you’re fairly certain, somewhere, somehow, your mom and dad are here. Your mom is shouting at the TV screen of your life, telling you to kiss him, to tell him. Your dad is rolling his eyes, but they’re a little misty. 

Steve’s nose taps yours as he tilts his head, eyes looking into yours as he hesitates, waiting until he sees what he needs to. 

His lips press to yours softly then, the dish held in both of your pair of hands between you. 

Something inside of you crumbles, it breaks off into a billion pieces, each one belonging to him. 

You are undeniably, irrevocably, in love with Steve Harrington. 

And that’s fucking terrifying. 

[xkaidaxxxx]

JJK Gojo and Nanami cheating on you.

Gojo

“ You need to go baby girl. She’ll be home soon.” Gojo said to the woman who was tangled with him underneath the sheets. “ will we be able to see each other this weekend?” She asked. You came home early from work an hour early. The woman straddled him. “ Yes beautiful. She’s having a girls trip with her friends. I can’t wait to devour you those 2 days. Non stop.” He replied. “ Baby I’m home” you said opening the door seeing them both naked. Seeing her straddling Gojo. The man who you’ve been dating for 3years. Who asked your hand in marriage 5 months ago. “ What are you doing home so early?” He asked nervously. The girl held the sheets and changed back into her clothes in the bathroom. “ How long you piece of shit?” You asked with anger. Your blood was boiling. He stayed silent. “ HOW LONG GOJO!!!” You yelled and tears slipped. “ A year” he replied. “ Baby I’m sorry. I love you. You’re the one I need. Don’t leave me.” He pleaded. Regretting his decision. “ I’m sorry.” The lady said grabbing her purse. “ Take him with you.” You spoke. Gojo cried. “ Don’t do this y/n.” His voice cracked. “Get out of my house. Grab your shit and get out!!” You yelled throwing the lamp at him. He didn’t dodge it. He deserved it. He let you hit him with all the things you threw at him. Once you got all the current anger out he was bleeding from his head and arms. “ Get out Gojo. Leave before I kill you.” You spoke sitting on the bed where he fucked another woman. Gojo started gathering his clothes placing them in boxes. He messed up and knew he lost all the happiness he had. “ I do love you. I’m sorry.” He apologized. You went to the spare room and cried scratching the wall harming your fingers, while he packed his things crying and filled with regret. Once he was ready he opened the door to the spare room. “I-I’m sorry y/n.” You cried staring at him. “Goodbye Gojo. I love you.” You replied turning away. “I love you too.” He left but had no intentions to stop loving you. He will get you back no matter how long it takes for you to forgive him.

Nanami

Nanami is a wonderful husband. You have been married for 6 years and have a 4year old kid. “ Mama when is dada home?” Baby sakura asked. 10 pm turned to 1am. You decided to put sakura asleep. She immediately slept. Too tired to wait for her father to come home. You heard the door open. Smiling he’s finally home. “Mhm fuck.” He said as a woman palmed his dick. “ you like that daddy?” She asked with a smirk on her face. Nanami nodded. You watched from the stairs. Shocked. You’re loving husband of 6 years cheating on you. “You’re so sexy baby. I’ll make you cum on my cock until you can’t take it anymore.” He spoke seductively. Spanking her ass. They made out. You can hear the moans and the way they kissed, sloppy. You saw them take their tops off.“ You’ll have to be very quiet otherwise I’ll punish that pretty pussy.” He said leaving hickeys on her neck. “ yes sir. I understand” she replied. The one thing she didn’t know is that he was married and had a child. You slow clapped appearing to them. Your heart ached. Tremendously. You felt sad and angry. “ What a show.” You said holding your tears back. Dominating your feelings. “Nanami?” The woman said putting her shirt on. Nanami came clean. “ This is my wife…y/n.” He spoke and saw his daughter at the end of the stairs. She looked over at the little girl. “ My daughter sakura.” “ dada you’re home!” She ran to him. He carried his daughter. Holding her tight. She’s a baby. She doesn’t know what’s going on. “ I’ll be going now. Nanami you’re a horrible man.” She said grabbing her coat and purse. Left in such betrayal. She loved him. “Sweetheart go back to bed. Wait for mommy and daddy. We have to talk and make warm milk to sleep.” You said. She giggled. Nanami set her down. She ran to her room. “ I’m sorry y/n.” He held your hand. You backed away letting him go. “We’ve been married for 6 years…I’ve been loving you all my life. You’re my other half and we were blessed with a wonderful little girl then this happens. How could you Nanami…how?” You said crying keeping your voice down. “I don’t know y/n. I’m sorry. I love you and our little girl.” He said. That night he slept on the couch while you and Sakura slept in the room. You both agreed to talk in the morning for the next steps to take.

[pinkspiraling]

tw suicide

(getting v angry and aggressive. just a warning)

no bc my mom broke down in tears in front of me a couple months ago talking about how scared she was that i was gonna hurt myself. and in the moment i felt horrible and sad and cried too. but i don’t feel bad anymore. cause she doesn’t do SHIT about it. like she DOESNT DO A SINGLE FUCKING THING to act like she wants to help me or for me to get help. when i told her i was going back to therapy she was like “okay 😒”. girl wants to cry about something she doesn’t even ACKNOWLEDGE EVER. she barely even talks to me. and when she does it’s like…telling me that she’s gonna switch dog food brands. my sister who has witnessed my substance abuse more than anyone, gave me a whole bottle of pills that now i’m hooked on. she knows i snort them now. when i run out i guarantee she’ll get me more when i ask. she’s a fucking nurse that stupid cunt. the other week she bribed me to come over by offering me alcohol. she encourages me to go to the liquor store when i want more, she’ll stop by when we’re out, she’ll cheer me on when i order another drink, she lets me drive home. i know she’s seen people die in the hospital bc of alcoholism and substance abuse and i don’t understand why she does this shit to me. the other day she was rummaging through her prescription pills offering me shit and what the fuck. i hate everyone so much i hate them i never want to see them again. when i was barely 19 they acted like they knew i would attempt and they acted ACCEPTING and peaceful and no one said much. i think my mom asked me about it once maybe. i was so fucking suicidal and barely spoke. no one ever said shit. and i’d try to mention concerning things because i needed someone to be concerned AND NO ONE EVER CARED. sometimes i want to kill myself to spite them and how they’ll ALWAYS prefer to look the other way than to even just fucking say something. when i’m dead i hope they regret every fucking day that they noticed it was bad and didn’t bother to say anything. i hope they all feel like shit forever i hope they hate me for all the decisions i made when i was suffering alone and i hope they hate themselves more for letting me be ALONE WITH IT. they’re all i’ve had to turn to and they’re not even there. they only care if i die, they don’t care if i suffer. hope i get to watch them rot painfully in hell

[ancha-aus]

@somegrumpynerd Lmao! Don't worry about it.

I for one am always down for a chat about either Lore, worldbuilding or characters :3

I love the many ways these fanon canon characters have come into show and I have my own headcanons about it but I won't ramble too much. Hihi, normally i remain either in the tags or comments as i try not to highjack posts but I figured I couldn't sends like 60 comments to get some points across. (more under the read more)

It is just, the more i read on these two (I am on a Kist binge and am rotating them in my head) I just keep seeing more and more reasons that both would both hate each other, but also reasons why they would just want to be near each other.

At first, obviously, the hate.

Hate is easy, for both of them hate is easier now than it ever was before. it is a 'safe' emotion to feel and both feel like it is deserved. as you said. "How dare this guy do this/that".

For Dust it is also that Killer agreed to work with chara, while he fought and resisted before making the ultimate decision to grow stronger to fully stop them and well, we see how that ended for dust.

And for killer the other way, probably at first not even the emotions per se but like. Dust is wicked powerful (at least in my mind) and Killer would be so annoyed that all dust does is just shrug and try to disassociate.

Hell maybe at first Killer just wanted to see somekind of reaction, he likes when stuff happens and change because then he is bus and has entertainment! (and he doesn't have to think about the fact that he can't feel right anymore. that he is too broken and messed up beyond the point of return.)

And... well... as time passes. Their hatred changes. It gets worse but also more self loathing.

Dust sees that Killer is able too move on. He accepted his past and just lets it rest. Dust needs that and he can't do it (it isn't in him) and he hates that Killer can just look at what he did and just not care about it. Dust hates it but he would love to be able to have that inner peace. to be able to look forwards and just be instead of having to ignore the voices of all those he hurt, as they keep reminding him just what he did and what kind of horrible person he is for doing it. and Dust can only find it in himself to agree. (which, shows up as him just laying around, being depressed and sad, and disassociating). Dust just wants to be able to not regret everything for one day and he can't and he hates that Killer can do it so easily.

And then there is Killer! Killer who can't feel right anymore. Hell maybe he sometimes has this very specific feeling where he just feels how wrong his body feels, his soul is outside his body. Hell even when in the multiverse he doesn't see that. Killer knows he can loose himself to a stage three and just, lose days upon days of his life and wake up with no memory of it. being left to wonder what he did or said or anything. (or worse that there is someone in his past that he will never be free from). and then there is Dust! Dust who managed to win wihtout having to sell his soul and work with them. Dust who is still himself and who knows ever decision he made was his. How dare he just mope around?! Killer would Kill (eeeyyy) for that!

I think... That as you said it would take a lot of fighting. But somewhere Killer at first hates that Dust can aparently match him when he is in stage three... but maybe over time. it reassures Killer, because even if he looses his mind Dust can stop him. it is a safety net Killer didn't expect to get.

The other way, Dust probably eventually finds it reassuring that Killer just isn't like anyone he ever met before. Killer is such a one of a kind type of guy that Dust finds reassurance in the fact that Killer doesn't remind him of anyone.

Knowing them? They are both probably angry about this discovery at first. Killer doesn't WANT to like Dust! (for all the before mentioned reasons). and Dust would feel terrible that he is starting to like someone who wasn't like the people he knew before (what? Are the people he had before in his life not good enough anymore?)

again, I think they way their friendship or whatever relationship they have could work. But both would have to deal with a lot of emotions and self-hatred before being able to connect as people. They could be good for each other in that way!

But also once those two became friends you know that they were menaces and so many things were destoryed.

It's interesting to think about how, to me at least, Dust and Killer are like mirror versions of each other.

One who joins a villain enthusiastically, jumps at the chance to leave his past behind and have a purpose again, and the other who has to be dragged in, would rather rot in the consequences of his own actions.

One who needs orders, needs the distraction and the action and the thrill, can't sit alone with his thoughts for too long lest he hear them clearly, and the other who can't bring himself to ignore the ghost over his shoulder, would rather sit in place and listen to his own self loathing parroted back at him than stand up and find a way to drown it out.

One who doesn't associate with his past anymore, that wasn't me and I wasn't him, and cannot stand the thought of going back from where he came, and the other who wants nothing more than to be his old self again but feels so strongly that he doesn't deserve to return to the life he tore down himself.

They both wear their new names like dog collars, but one is a gift given by someone else because he's theirs, he has somewhere he belongs that he's expected to return to, and the other is a choker tying him to a post, warning others of his danger while never allowing him to get out of arm's reach of his past.

And getting them both back-to-back while trying to understand mortals was probably enough to give Nightmare whiplash

[hxlyhead-harpies]

Don’t Call Me Kid (G.W.)

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Summary: When her soulmate’s name appears on her wrist on her twentieth birthday, (Y/n)’s heart stings with betrayal when she finds out who it is.

Word count: 2.6k

Warnings: Angst

As the clock slowly ticked towards midnight on the eve of your twentieth birthday, you couldn’t help but feel edgy. Your nerves were tingling and your stomach churned at the thought of what would be revealed on your wrist the moment you turned twenty. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to find out who your soulmate was; you just had no idea who it could be.

There was no one in your life who you felt a strong connection to. No one that gave your stomach the little tug that your parents so fondly described when they told you the story of how they met. And no one had revealed to you that you were their soulmate. You had always hoped that your soulmate was older than you. And that they would find you before you had to anxiously await for a name to be seared into your flesh. But no one had come forward yet. So you went with the assumption that you didn’t know your soulmate.

Of course, there was one person who you had always hoped it would be. It was your best friend’s older brother, George. It was a schoolgirl kind of crush, one that had you writing his last name on your school work and blushing every time he merely looked your way. As a child, you had followed him around like a lost puppy, fantasizing about your name adorning his wrist. But it wasn’t the case. His twentieth birthday had been years ago. You remembered the day very clearly.

You were spending the Easter holiday with the Weasleys, rooming with your best friend, Ginny. She was in your year and you had become fast friends the moment you sat next to each other on the train first year. You and most of the Weasley clan were eating breakfast, anxiously awaiting the twin’s arrival at the table. Fred had been up early, a wide smile informing you all that Angelina Johnson was his soulmate. Molly had clapped and pulled her son into a bone-crushing hug.

Eventually, George had stumbled down the stairs. The bags under his eyes were evident, displaying his lack of sleep, and his hair was disheveled from repeatedly running his fingers through it.

As he stepped into the kitchen everyone froze. Ron’s oatmeal dribbled down his chin as he stared at his brother, impatiently waiting for him to reveal his one true love. Molly’s hand was over her heart and her breathing was shallow as she anxiously awaited for her son to tell her the name of her future in-law.

George looked up to see everyone staring at him and just shook his head, tugging his sleeve farther over his wrist. Molly gasped before pulling her son into a comforting hug and you felt your heart break for him. George’s behavior let everyone know that he didn’t have a soulmate.

It was rare for people to have a blank wrist, though not impossible. Some people were meant to be alone. But you had never imagined that George could possibly be destined for loneliness.

You pushed the thoughts of your old infatuation and focused on the present. It was impossible for him to be your soulmate, the universe had already decided that, so there was no reason to even think of him.

Soon, your wrist began to burn. It wasn’t a terrible feeling; from the descriptions you had heard you assumed it would burn like placing your hand on a flame, instead it burnt like firewhiskey running down your throat. Your eyes watered as the name was carved into your skin, the gravity of the situation finally settling in. You were about to find out who your other half was, the person you were meant to spend your life with. The moment couldn’t be more daunting.

You screwed your eyes shut, not wanting to catch a glimpse of the forming letters until the burning subsided.

When your wrist cooled your eyes fluttered open. You took a deep breath before lifting your wrist up to your face. You read the name. Your world stopped. You couldn’t breathe.

George Weasley

Your mind ran over all of the possible explanations, confused as to how his wrist was blank but yours adorned his name. You came up with only one answer.

Your name was on George’s wrist. But he wished that it wasn’t.

Why else would he go through the trouble of hiding it? Why would he accept the years of pitying looks when he told people that he didn’t have a soulmate? Because he’d rather belong to no one than belong to you.

Hot tears rolled down your face as came to the realization. A moment that should have left you euphoric with happiness, only made you feel emptiness.

It was unfair really, that you had spent years pining after him and years feeling sorry for him, only for him to have been lying to you all along. You had been there when his mother cried for her son and cried for his life of loneliness. You had rubbed his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him when he sulked on the couch for a week. You felt like a fool.

As your mind began to remember all the moments where he had the opportunity to tell you the truth, you only became angry.

Because how dare he keep this from you. You were supposed to be his other half. You quickly wiped away your tears and apparated to the front of his shop.

It was a few minutes after midnight and the shop had been closed for hours. But you knew that he was up there in his flat above the store. You just hoped that he’d be able to hear you bang on the door from all the way up there.

After a few moments of relentless pounding, the door flung open.

“Bloody hell do you know what time it is?” Fred asked as he swung the door open. He caught sight of you and his mouth dropped.

“(Y/N)!” he said, a stunned expression on his face. You crossed your arms.

“Go get George,” you said, letting a small amount of anger to seep into your tone. Fred cast his eyes to the floor. The look he gave you let you know that he knew exactly why you were here. He had been in the same room as George when their soulmates had been revealed. He was probably the only other person in the world that knew about you.

“(Y/n) don’t be mad at him,” Fred said quietly. You scoffed and shook your head.

“How do you expect me to not be angry,” you asked incredulously. Fred just sighed and opened the door wider to let you in.

You hadn’t been inside the shop in years and under better conditions, you might have been able to appreciate the beauty in the chaos of it all. Even in the after hours inventions whizzed past your head.

“I’ll go get him,” Fred said before squeezing your shoulder and climbing up the stairs.

You nervously waited for him, suddenly regretting your decision to show up so abruptly. You hated that you could be so rash at times.

“Happy birthday,” a soft voice called out, interrupting your thoughts. You turned to see George staring at you from the top of the stairs, an unreadable expression on his face. You stiffened at the sight of him, instinctively wrapping your arms around your body as if to shield yourself from him. But that didn’t stop yourself from feeling drawn to him, as if the universe was tugging you towards him.

He slowly descended down the stairs, stopping a few feet in front of you. You stared at the floor, unsure of how to begin.

“(Y/n)...” he whispered softly, coaxing you to meet his eyes. You spoke instead.

“How could you?” you asked, your voice shaking. George let out a sigh.

“You have to understand. I couldn’t tell you,” he said, running a hand through his hair.

“What is that even supposed to mean George?” you asked, “I was right there in your kitchen that day. You could have said something.” George shook his head.

“I had my reasons and you just have to trust that,” he said. You rolled your eyes.

“Am I really that horrible?” you questioned, “so horrible that’d you rather lie and say that you didn’t have a soulmate than admit that it was me.” Your voice cracked. George shook his head and stepped closer to you. He lifted his hand as if he wanted to reach out to you, but he retracted it at the last second.

“That’s not why,” he said softly.

“Then why?” you pushed, angry that he wasn’t telling you what you wanted to know.

“You were just a kid, (Y/n)!” he said, desperation filling his voice. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“What does that have to do with anything?” you asked softly.

“(Y/n) you have to understand… You were sixteen! You were my little sister’s best friend and you were still in school! And I was older and I had the shop!” he explained. You shook your head.

“You still could have told me,” you whispered. George groaned.

“No, I couldn’t! I was out fighting with the order and you weren’t even old enough to use magic outside of school. You were a child,” he explained exasperatedly. You felt your face harden.

“What about now?” you asked bitterly.

“Huh?”

“What about now,” you repeated, “I’m not a child anymore and after everything that happened, I haven’t been for a while. You could have told me at any point over the last few years and you didn’t. Why?” George froze, clearly unsure of how to answer. You felt tears rise to your eyes at his silence, taking it as confirmation of his rejection. You took one last look at him and stormed out.

Two weeks later you’re standing outside the Burrow. Ginny and Harry’s engagement party was in full swing but you had no desire to be there. Sure, you wanted to be there for your best friend, but you knew George would be there and you weren’t ready to face him. He hadn’t attempted to contact you in the time since you’d seen him and the rejection stung. So you stuck to the same lie that he had; you told everyone that you were soulmateless. You took a deep breath and fiddled with the leather band that covered George’s name and stepped inside.

The Burrow was loud and bustling with people. Family members and school friends filled the space, leaving barely any room to breathe. People shot you sad smiles as you pushed through the crowd, all of them having heard of your predicament. You ignored them as you searched for Ginny.

Eventually, you found her near the kitchen, leaning against Harry, his hand on her waist. Your smile dropped for a moment, jealousy rippling through your body. It was the kind of quiet intimacy that you wanted with your soulmate. With George.

Ginny looked up and caught your eye, making her way over to wrap you in a hug.

“There you are!” she exclaimed, “it’s not like you to be late I was getting worried.”

“Sorry about that!” you apologized. Ginny just shook her head and dragged you over to where she had been standing. She snaked an arm around Harry’s waist, jumping right back into the conversation.

Harry was talking to Fred and Angelina about quidditch when you arrived. You sent them a quick wave and Angelina sent you a warm smile. Fred sent you an apologetic look which you ignored. You tried to immerse yourself in the conversation but you kept catching yourself scanning the room for George. You felt Ginny nudge your shoulder.

“You alright?” she whispered just loud enough for you to hear. You sent her a quick smile and a nod, hoping to convince her that you were fine. You subconsciously pulled your sleeve down farther.

As the party wore on you couldn’t seem to spot George. You didn’t know why you kept looking for him, it was obvious that he didn’t want to see you anyway.

You made your way into the kitchen, hoping you could pour yourself a drink. As soon as you stepped in you froze. There he was, leaning against the countertop, a glass in his hand. His eyes met yours and his body tensed. He seemed to be in just as bad of shape as you; he had evident eye bags under his eyes and his clothes were rumpled and unkempt.

You sent him a polite smile before grabbing a glass from the cabinet. You walked across the kitchen to where the bottle of firewhiskey was sitting, which was, unfortunately, very close to George. You reached for the bottle but you were interrupted by him grabbing your wrist. You looked up, shocked, only to see him staring down at the leather band that covered his name, running his fingers over it.

“I’m so sorry,” he said quietly, his breath fanning across your face. You pulled your wrist back.

“Whatever George,” you replied, “it’s in the past now.” George screwed his eyes shut and ran a hand over his face.

“But what if I don’t want it to be in the past,” he whispered. You stared at him, your mouth agape.

“What?” you whimpered. He reached for your hand again and you let him hold it.

“I don’t want to pretend that it never happened,” he said breathily, “I don’t want to pretend that we aren’t made for each other.” You scoffed slightly.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” you asked, bitterness seeping into your voice. George lifted your hand up so it was resting on his heart. You could feel it hammering in his chest.

“When I first found out that we were soulmates I didn’t tell you for all the reasons that I said. We were at different stages of our lives and I didn’t want to spring that on you. But then… But then as you got older I just- I didn’t know what to say. How could I tell you something like that after hiding it so long? I spent so long trying to figure out how to tell you but then time just caught up with me and it was too late,” he said, a new intensity in his eyes.

“George…” you whispered. He shook his head and spoke.

“Let me finish. Please,” he pleaded. You nodded your head. “Every time I saw you, you became more and more beautiful and more and more as I had always imagined my soulmate to be. You laugh at my stupid jokes and you always know what to say and you’re so much smarter than me… I couldn’t hope for a better other half than you,” he finished. You stared into his warm eyes, trying to decipher if he meant what he said. You could still feel his heart racing under your hand and his eyes were slowly filling with tears.

“Please forgive me,” he breathed. Without thinking you leaned up on your tiptoes and kissed the corner of his mouth. You stepped back, removing your hand from his heart and wrapping your arms around yourself. He stared at you, shock written all across his face.

“You’re my soulmate, George,” you whispered, “I can’t stay mad at you forever.” George smiled widely before stepping forward and scooping you up into a hug.

“Thank you,” he muttered into your hair. The two of you stayed like that for a moment. Your body flushed against his, his hands wrapped around your waist and yours slinked around his neck. When you pulled back you spoke.

“I understand why you didn’t tell me at first,” you admit, “I was just a kid.” He brushed a strand of hair from your face.

“But you’re not anymore and I should have told you sooner. I’ll never forgive myself for the years I wasted without you,” he said softly. You smiled shyly at him, seemingly returning to the schoolgirl crush that you had harbored for years.

“I’m glad it’s you,” You said. George smiled at the ground.

“I’m glad too.”

[liannelara-dracula]

🥀how they react if they make their gf cry. (for subaru, Reiji, Laito)

Hi loves, thank you all for asking the same thing. So all of them will have a how they comfort her in the end. 💕🌸 Thank you all for being so lovely. 

-------

The post that leads up to this is ----> here

Sakamaki

Shu:

He was a little shocked that he had made you cry tbh. It was a little weird. He didn’t talk to you for half of the day. But he started to get lonely and so he got up and went to your room. You were on your bed laying down so he came behind you and hugged you. 

“What are you doing?” You’d ask pushing him away.

Though he’d only hug you again despite you not hugging back.

Being cold about it tho he whispered into your ear and told you, “Forget what I said earlier. It was stupid.” He said engulfing you in the hug and you couldn’t cry anymore bc you knew he was saying sorry. You smiled before snuggling into him more.

Reiji:

Can’t believe it honestly. He views you to be strong bc he wouldn’t be with someone who cries easily. So after a while when he didn’t see you he came looking for you so he when to your room. While walking by he heard your soft sobs and hiccups so he felt horrible. But he’d never say that, yet he did knock on your door.

He’d place his hand on door from outside, listening to you. “Y/n-”

Reiji stopped as you had now opened the door with tear stained cheeks and somewhat red eyes. “What is it?”

“My what a disheveled state you are in. This won’t do come with me.” Here he’d drag you the bathroom to wash your face. After wards he’d stare at you for a moment, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.  You looked like you’d want to cry again yet instead he pulled your body into is.

“I owe you an apologize, my dear.” He’d smile, kissing your temple.

Laito:

He hated this, he didn’t want you to cry. It hurt him. So he went up to your room and the door was open. You sat on your bed sniffling and wiping your tears. Seeing this he sat next to you with a frown on his face. You took note of this and only moved further away. 

Here he’d whine and wrap his arms around you, “Bitch-chan, don’t ignore me~”

“Laito.” You breathe whilst he pulled you into his lap.

“I’m sorry.” He whisper nibbling your ear and kissing your neck. Of course you were vulnerable here so you end up laughing.

“Forgive me please~ I’m no longer upset.” He’d say still showering you with kisses. 

“Your forgiven.” You’d say between giggles

Kanato:

He didn’t want you to cry and was kinda mad he made that happen. He’d probably start to cry and would wipe your tears away of course.

“Please don’t cry. It makes me sad when you do.” You’d look at him with wide eyes as he looked to be on the verge of tears.

He handed you flowers that were your favorite and asked you to forgive him and you just could say no to him. He was really trying.

Ayato:

Was kinda shocked that he got so mad. Ayato didn’t think you’d cry but seeing you mad him feel guilty.

“Damn it, Y/N I’m sorry.” He’d say pulling you back by your wrist.

“I didn’t mean to get angry like that.” He’d say, his head hanging low.

“It’s fine.” You’d whisper.

Of course he’d surprise you by pulling you into a hug. “I am sorry, I promise I won’t do that again.” He’d mummer. You accepted his apology by resting your head on his chest.

Subaru:

He’d hate him self bc he already views himself as a monster. Probably would apologize as soon as possible. Giving you cuddles and everything. He came to you with flowers in his hand and he was a stuttering mess of course. Because of this you honestly couldn’t stay mad at him you liked him to much. Plus you knew this was hard for him.

“I’m sorry--about-”

You cut him off by hugging him and crying some more and telling him not to apologize. You were only worried for him.

Kino:

At first he thinks it’s silly that you’re crying but he ends up feeling bad. He didn’t want to make you feel like that. After not seeing you for half the day he needed to talk to you.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s not enough. But you mean the world to me.” He’d say before back hugging you.

Mukami

Ruki:

He doesn’t like fighting with you so this was already something he didn’t like doing. But see you sad was even worse of course. Here he couldn’t let you leave. He pulled you back into him with a worried and softened expression.

“Don’t leave me, we can talk about this.” He’d say caressing your cheek with his hand.

“Ruki, this isn’t going to work if you keep doing this.” You shake your head feeling distraught.

“Y/n I want to protect you, let me at least grant you that.” He’d say kissing your head.

Yuma:

He hated it, really he did. You were his weakness and having this happen was something he hated. Yuma didn’t want to push you away, let alone hurt you. So after the course of a few days he came to you but you only ignored him. But he didn’t give up, he cared too much.

“Look I know that you’re thinking about what I said before.”

You remained silent whilst looking at him.

“Don’t worry about what’s to come. I can’t spend another moment without you. Even if I can’t always protect you, I don’t want you to move on to someone else.” He seemed sad and you had never seen the look that he gave you.

“Please don’t go back on your word again then? Promise me?”

“I promise.” He’d say before bringing you into his chest.

Kou:

 He couldn’t believe it, he was shocked. He saw you as a confident person who could break down but when you did it changed him. Kou felt guilty for not helping you so he stopped the bullying at school and on social media for you. He took care of it but it wasn’t enough for you to start talking to him again. So he ended up being very annoying with her by always bugging her till she started talking. 

“Hah! I got you talking!” He’d say proud of himself only for you to frown.

“Y/n, I’m sorry for being an idiot about all this. I should've helped you. You don’t deserve that.” He’d say hugging you with a worried expression. Of course he’d only let go until you said you forgave him.

Azusa:

He didn’t think you would have cared too much about his decision but he felt broken about it. Seeing you cry was something he didn’t want to be the cause of, and he was. He had to apologize to you and he did with flowers of course.

“Y/n...you’ll still...be mine right? I...love you. Please...don’t leave me.” He’d say with a worried expression.

Leaving you only to cry more as you ran up to him to hug him.

Tsukinami

Carla:

It was tragic for the both of you. He hated that the girl he loved was broken by him and his words. Carla always thought of him self a monster to you no matter how much he wanted to protect you. And now it was showing and he couldn’t stand to see you like this. He followed you despite how upset you were.

“Please Carla just leave me alone.” You’d huff.

“I can’t, not until I tell you that I didn’t mean to push you away.” He’d say walking up to you.

“Then let me help you.” You’d say meekily.

“Y/n you will get hurt and I can’t live with the fact of something happening to you. Say you forgive me at least.” Carla looked at you with sorrow in his eyes.

“Oh Carla...of course I do. I love you.” You shook your head, crying before resting your head on his chest.

Shin:

Shin was mad at himself. His intent was never to hurt you and he didn’t think he’d make you cry. Now he felt guilty and he had to give you space. And he did but after a while he had to see you. I see that he’s the type to get over things quickly but his girlfriend isn’t. So he’d want her to get over it and he would be around her all day trying to help you.

“Ugh! Stop following me, just what do you want?” You’d yell growing annoyed.

“I want to apologize, love.” He’d say hugging you.

“After all the pain you caused me?” You’d say still upset.

“I didn’t mean for my anger to get the best of me. I care about you.”

“I know you do and I do too. Please don’t make me regret that.” You’d smile before kissing his cheek.

[genshin-impact-fics]

I love your fatui! reader x genshin really tugged on my heartstrings right there.

if it's alright can i ask for a continuation for keqing? 👉🏻👈🏻 like the two of them inevitably have to fight each other ft. other fatui and keqing gets overwhelmed so the reader ultimately betrays her peers and gets gravely injured (i live for the angst-hurt/comfort)

again thank you for writing this it was definitely a fun read 😊

Thank you so much, I really enjoyed writing it as hopefully I'll do more for other characters! I love continuations so I was so happy to write this. I also apologize for not getting this out sooner as I had this in the works with a few other things; however, a couple of personal things came up. But that aside I do hope you enjoy this as I hope you don't mind that I did a hybrid of scenario/fic.

Keqing was asked to go investigate the suspicious activity that was going on near the entrance of the mines with only the mention that it is possibly involving the Fatui. On her travels to get to the location of course her mind had wondered to what she’d possibly find; then the thought of you popped into her head.

It had been so long… Maybe a couple of months since she last saw you since she cut ties after finding out you were with the enemy. There couldn’t be a possibility that you were still in Liyue after the whole incident that had taken place right, she didn’t want to worry about coming to come face to face when the pain and the memories of that day was still very fresh in Keqing’s head

Whatever or whoever was seemingly up to no good, Keqing’s resolve to keep all of Liyue and Liyue Harbor safe stayed strong. Upon arrival so far there had not been a soul in her sights, but of course continued to look around to see if she could find any signs of evidence that people were there. It was after a while of searching that Keqing walked up a couple of stairs until she heard a voice talking. She only saw two figures, one kneeling before the standing figure

“Boss, the rubble that’s blocking the entryway to the Chasm is far greater than initially suspected… It may take us longer to clear it all out,” the masked agent kneeling said. Keqing’s eyes widened at the new information as holding her sword in hand she rushed over to put a stop to the Fatui’s plans. “Stop right there,” she shouted getting both the agents attention; however, the kneeling agent was the only one who jumped up and looked at her

“Leave this to me, get back to the others and get the job done,” the other figure spoke as at that moment she knew right away it was you. When it was just the two of them Keqing’s hold on her sword loosened as she watched as the hood was pulled off. “Of all the people that could have been sent it had to be you… I really wish this wasn’t how we met again,” you said with a small sigh fully turned to face her removing your mask revealing the glimmer of the eyes Keqing had fallen in love with

“What’s the meaning of all of this (Y/n),” she asked as she was mad, she should be mad yet her heart betrayed her as it raced at the sight of you. “Unfortunately that’s classified information,” was all you spoke having a soft expression on your face before you summoned your weapon. “I’d much rather not fight you but knowing you, you just won’t simply walk away… So you give me no other choice.”

The fight between you two was fast as flashes of your elements clashed together blow for blow. The sounds of metals clashing and striking one another till eventually you both skidded apart from each other heavily breathing, small nicks and tears in clothing. The brief moment of the wind passing through before Keqing sprinted forward attacking again.

“You’re a traitor! A Lair,” Keqing shouted, striking her sword at (Y/n) who was simply blocking and staying on the defensive side. “You have every right to be angry with me; I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. I knew if I did you wouldn’t give me the chance to explain, but please believe me when I say that I dated you because I loved you; I wasn’t trying to use you,” You further said blocking the barrage of attacks. Keqing gritted her teeth as she felt the ache of her chest; how could she believe anything you said, for all she knew you were simply trying to sweet talk her. “How can I believe you when you told them everything that I told you and everything that was in the Jade Chamber,” She shouted angrily, swinging her blade.

Her words of her assumptions of what you possibly did brought a sharp pain to your chest; instead of using your weapon to stop her attack you grabbed the blade by the hand; the small pain of the blade cutting into the skin causing blood to seep out. Looking at her with a hurt expression you looked Keqing in her purple eyes as she was staring back with a shocked expression by your actions. “You-you really think I’d stoop that low to tell the Fatui all the things you’ve told me about and what was in the Jade Chamber? I never told them anything; I might be working for them, but I’ve kept all of our conversations and that of the Chamber to myself this whole time,” You said, causing Keqing to freeze at your words in complete bewilderment. Though before any more words could be exchanged during your fight, the sound of a gun being shot, the two of you jumped back to watch a bullet engulfed in flames hit the dirt of where the two of you just were.

The other members had suddenly appeared shooting attacks as one of the Vanguards charged Keqing. Panic started to slowly overtake you as you had to watch Keqing fight off the others. “What are you all doing?! I told you to get the job done didn’t I,” You shouted trying to get them to back down, but it didn’t seem to be working. “We’ll make quick work of this one,” The Bracer said, aiming his gun to fire another round. Glancing back to Keqing it was clear she was doing her best to at most keep up and dodge the enemies attacks. In this crucial moment there was a decision to be made: to either walk away and let the others continue the fight and simply pray Keqing would flee or betray the Fatui in order to save the woman you still very much loved. Finally coming to your decision you first attacked the bracer to get him out of the way before running over to handle the rest. Getting knocked down Keqing was doing her best to get right back up, but only managed to sit herself up; her attention now on the electro vanguard who’s hammer was up in the air about to come down on her. Closing her eyes she waited for the impact… However after not feeling anything she opened her eyes only for them to widen at the scene before her; there you stood your weapon blocking the hammer before managing to push the tall man back.

“Who do you all think you are?! How dare you go against my orders like a bunch of morons,” You shouted angrily as though she couldn’t see the look on your face, she could only imagine how mad you were. “For your unacceptable behavior you all will face punishment,” you now spoke in a much lower tone, your vision surprisingly enough started to change to a different color before you charged at the other members of the Fatui. It still almost felt unreal of the turn of events that have taken place yet here you were fighting your own peers to protect her, the feeling of guilt creeping in on how she treated you. The fight dragged on a while longer until the last remaining members fled while they could, leaving you to stand by yourself with the few bodies that laid on the ground. You turned around to look over to Keqing to check on her and to your relief she wasn’t hurt too much. “You okay,” you asked, feeling your body grow heavy and tired from the wounds you’ve sustained. Blinking she snapped out of her trance and nodded her head uttering a small yes. “That’s… Good,” you replied smiling before falling over.

“(Y/n),” Keqing shouted, scurrying up to get to you, carefully turning you over gasping at the sight of how grave your injuries were. “Hey! Hey,” she loudly said cupping the side of your face to make you look at her as a flurry of mixed emotions were going on. “What’s the big idea huh?! What do you think you were doing,” she asked sternly as it pained her to see you in such a horrible condition. A weak laugh came out as you reached up a hand to overlap the one holding the side of your face running a thumb over her hand in a comforting manner. “I was pro-tecting you of… Course,” you answered before a hard cough briefly stopping you from talking. “It-it’s okay if you still… Hate me, but I hope that… At least this makes up… For all the bad I’ve done,” you further spoke, wincing when trying to breathe. Tears falling, Keqing feeling the weight of your words hit her heart hard, regretting how cruel she was. The rain started to fall, Keqing couldn’t just mope around and let you die; putting her strong urge to cry aside, she carefully picked up your body and made a run back to the harbor as hopefully Dr. Baizhu would be able to help.

Who knew how long you had been out for, though much to your surprise you were actually alive but how? The sight of an unfamiliar ceiling was the first thing you saw before you tried to move to sit up to further investigate your surroundings. “Don’t you dare try to move, you’ll only reopen your wounds,” the stern voice of Keqing rang in your ears as looking over she was now right beside you causing a small strained laugh out of you. “How could you be laughing, you could have died,” She said now sitting on the edge as she had a sad expression on her face. “Hehe sorry, sorry… But really if it meant that I knew you were safe I was well prepared to die,” You answered as suddenly Keqing was now gently hugging you and the soft sound of her crying reached your ears. “You idiot, you can’t go dying on me! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for how cruel I was to you and all those harsh things I said to you. I love you so don’t try throwing your life away for me!” she spoke, carefully hugging you firmer. It brought a relief to you to hear that she still loved you so in return you put a hand on her back and rubbed it in a comforting manner. “It’s alright I never held it against you, though if it makes you feel better then I forgive you… I will always protect you, you’re the love of my life,” you responded with a soft smile. Having begun the mending of your relationship you two shared a short kiss before Keqing brought over some food and medicine for you to take; it would take time for you to get better, but at least you were still alive.

[equizona]

Shielding Embrace

Fandom: Obey Me!

Characters: Mammon

Format: Drabble

Warning(s): Mentions of abuse(?) Angst(with a happy ending), crying, swearing, calling Lucifer a stuck up little bitch, OOC.

Summary: MC is tired of hearing Mammon get picked on so often, by his own brothers no less. As the second-born demon has always protected them, they think it's their turn to protect him.

Note: I wrote this a while ago, since I'm tIRED of Mammon getting bullied all the time. He deserves better-

"Diavolo, stop being such a scumbag Mammon-"

It wasn't uncommon that the brothers would call the second-born mean words. Scumbag was their favorite, along with dumb or stupid. You agreed that he didn't always make the best choices, but they were always so cruel about it. It never gave off the vibes that they were only joking either. It was like they meant every word.

You hated it with your whole being. Mammon had been the nicest to you, and he had been the one who had been there with you since the start, ever since Lucifer made him your 'guardian' in a way. He wasn't the best at showing his emotions, but you could tell he cared. Sometimes, it felt like he was the only one who cared.

You wanted to shout, or scream at them, for all the cruel things they would say to him. He deserved better than that. He was their brother, so why were they always so mean to him?

"MC? Are you okay?" You were forced out of your mind by Satan's annoyingly Loud question that brought the attention of everyone at the table to the two of you.

You remember when he tried to kill you. You remember when all of them tried to kill you. You remembered when Belphie actually killed you.

All those times never quite left your mind, and you could still feel the fear you felt in each of those situations. Mammon was the only one of them you felt completely comfortable with anymore, as he was the only one who never seemed to lose control and attempt to harm you.

You decided you wanted to stand up for him like he stood up for you all the time.

"Actually, no, I'm not. What's wrong with you guys?"

Satan's eye twitched, and it was oddly satisfying. You could see all of the brothers about to speak up about what you'd said, though you didn't give them that chance.

"I don't understand why all of you keep calling Mammon a scumbag. Is it because he's greedy? 'Cause if that is the case, then I want to remind you that greed is his sin. He's the avatar of greed. And I mean, why get mad about him for that? As far as I remember, all of you don't ever try to deny your sins."

You didn't feel satisfied just yet, so you decided to continue. You wanted to make them feel just as horrible as you assumed Mammon felt each time they threw those words at him.

"I mean, Lucifer is a stuck-up little bitch with too much pride and he can't ever seem to apologize or see that it's his fault no matter how obvious it is. Leviathan is constantly envious of everything to the point it can be fucking unbearable. Satan has extreme anger issues, and gets angry at the smallest things and Asmo is constantly flirting with people and usually not stopping until he's in their pants. And please, don't even get me started on Beel. Then of course, Belphie just seems to never bother lifting a finger to help anyone. But I never see anyone complaining about all of that, do I? It's not like any of you do anything to deny the sin you are assigned to, so why do you expect Mammon to do it, hmm?"

You raised your eyebrow in a judgemental way, just to add that extra spite. You could clearly see Mammon's shocked expression.

You preferred watching the reactions of the others more though. Beel looked guilty to some degree, Asmo looked offended, Levi and Belphie looked annoyed at the whole thing while Satan and Lucifer looked downright pissed.

You could see that Mammon was about to say something, probably about how he was okay and you should calm down, and Satan looked ready to snap and attack you, again. Though neither of them had the chance to react before Lucifer stood up while slamming his hands down on the table, glaring at you.

"Excuse me? Run that by me again, won't you?"

You'd normally apologize and leave the room to do something else, but you were tired with their bullshit and this just seemed like yet another way you could call them out on it.

So, you gathered up all of your courage and looked Lucifer straight in the eye, glaring at him as well, despite the fact you knew it would have little to no use.

"Or what? Are you going to try and kill me again? Because let me remind you that all of you have attacked me before, except Mammon. Oh, and of course, one of you actually managed to kill me. Remember that, Belphie?" You shot him a mean look, and at least he seemed to have some guilt over the situation.

"And you know, Lucifer probably would have killed me before as well, hadn't it been for Lord Diavolo. Oh, but you never quite did apologize for that, did you? You never apologized to Luke for attacking him either, did you? And it's because you have so much pride. Because you're so high and mighty and you can never do anything wrong, can you? Ah, but nobody ever tells you that, do they? Because they know it's the sin you represent and they know it's a part of who you are."

Lucifer blinked at you, shocked, and nobody else seemed like they were going to say anything either.

"Actually, in my opinion, I think Mammon is the least 'scummy' and 'lowlife' person in this room. And he somehow managed to be the one with the most control. Seriously, at this point I'm certain that you all only ever say those things to him because you all know you're the real lowlives and you're just too pathetic to admit it."

You didn't want to stay there anymore, and since they all seemed to shocked to say or do anything, you stood up and quickly made your way to your room, though it wasn't long until someone was knocking on your door.

"Uh, human..?"

Mammon's voice.

You almost wanted to cry. He didn't usually knock, he preferred to just barge in with his stupidly cheerful attitude that never failed to make you smile.

"You can come in."

You voiced it quietly, a small part of you hoping that he wouldn't hear you and just leave instead, but seconds after he opened the door and let himself in.

He didn't say anything as he sat down next to you on your bed though, most likely trying to figure out what he should say in a situation like this.

What you weren't expecting was to hear the sounds of sobbing.

Worriedly, you say up and moved next to him, concern filling your entire body as you gently put your arms around his shoulders and made him lean on your chest.

"Hey, hey, shh, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

You tried to make your voice as gentle as possible. You weren't entirely sure what to do, but you never liked it when he was sad. His negative expressions and tears always layed heavy on your heart, so much that it was almost unbearable.

"Did- did you mea-mean it-?"

He stuttered out after a few minutes of you running your hand through his hair in an attempt to calm him down. You frowned, not entirely sure which part he was asking about.

"Which part are we talking about specifically?" You questioned him, though you made sure that your voice was soft.

"All of it." As soon as he answered your question, he got out of your embrace only to put his hands around your neck for a hug. You grinned, hugging him back.

"Of course I was. You're the one that's been there for me since I came here, and while I can agree that you don't always make the best decisions, they don't always make the best decisions either. They are your brothers, and they should never be saying things like that to you. Actually, from now on, each and every time they say something mean towards you, I want you to come to me so I can smother you in my love and affection."

Oh shit, fuck, did you just-

"Wait- like- uh- no- uhm- like in a-a, uh-"

He moved away from you, and you wondered if he regretted that considering how red his face was. You'd probably burn your hand if you touched his face at this point.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to say that again."

You gave him a patient smile, wanting him to feel comfortable. You were almost certain that he liked you back, since he wasn't exactly very good at hiding it, but you hadn't wanted to act on it before now incase you made him uncomfortable or that you were wrong.

Though his reaction only made you more certain.

He took a few moments to collect himself, before trying to speak up again, though he didn't seem able to look you in the eyes.

"Do, uh- do you mean like- like in a, uh, a rom-uhm.."

"Romantic?"

You inquired softly, and to your delight he nodded, still not looking at you.

This wasn't exactly a side of him you saw often, since he would usually try and deny anything, but you were happy about it.

You moved to hold his face in your hands, though he still refused to look you in the eyes.

"If you want to. I'm not sure how you feel, since nobody but you can be certain about that, but I know I like you, and wouldn't mind smothering your face in kisses each day."

Your tone was playful, be genuine. You felt his face heat up even more, if that was even possible. He changed the direction of his gaze to look directly into your eyes, and you felt like you would get lost in the ocean his eyes had.

He leaned forward for another hug, and you grinned, barely taking a single second to process it before you were moving your hands to hug him back.

"I like ya too."

You grinned even brighter, squeezing him tighter. You didn't ever want to leave his embrace, and while you knew that you would have to face both his brothers and the world later, it would be a lot easier with him by your side.

[honesthammie]

Prompt 39: Death wants you to be terrified. But the scariest thing is wanting death.

13th Doctor x female curvy reader

Warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughts, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic abuse, fat phobia

I'm sorry for this. Its really depressing and I've been hesitant on letting you guys see it but I kinda like how it's written. I've made the abuser gender neutral as females can also be abusive. I promise the next one will be much happier!

"Come on (y/n), you can make it! Just jump across and reach for my hand. I promise you won't fall." The Doctors voice echoes across the widening canyon. If you looked down, you would only see pitch black. You didn't know how long you'd fall. Maybe this would be the perfect time to just go for it. Its not like you'd matter, you're only slowing the team down as is.

They wouldn't even be in this mess if you didn't slip and hit the world shattering drill, turning it on full blast. Unfortunately, you smashed the button making it unable to turn it off. Of course the only way you'd be able to turn it off is to actually go towards it. Everyone in the room screamed at you and some raised their tentacles to attack you if the Doctor didn't step in front of you. You know the Doctor noticed you flinching and your eyes gloss over and noticed you bracing for the impact.

You learned over the years to just accept your fate. You can't run from anyone when you weighed this much. You couldn't hide either, which often left you to just accept what was coming and hope nothing broke. Bruises were always easy to cover and so were any cuts but broken bones, that was always on display and you'd have to break your number one rule: never lie. You hated lying. The truth always comes out anyway so why hide it? If you hide it, you get punished worse anyway so why bother?

If you jumped and actually went with the team, you'd get questioned about earlier and about hesitating at jumping. But if you fell, would the Doctor miss you? As much as you hated to admit it, you were absolutely in love with the adorable alien. Why did you hate to admit it? Because she was a goddess and you were a waste of skin and bones. You weren't skinny and you didn't fit in with the team at all. You were only here out of pity.

You remember when you first met the team. You were the only person alive when they searched underneath the hotel. Even the spiders didn't want you. You were at the hotel because you heard about killer spiders and you wanted an out. You could never do it or something would come up stopping you from ending all your misery. You were the complete opposite of the Doctor. She was so brave and said whatever she wanted and didn't really care for the consequences.

You focused on the Doctors sparkling eyes. Despite the situation, she still sparkled with hope and encouragement. She wasn't upset with you. You really wished she was. This would be such an easier decision to make. Your head was pounding and your heart was going faster than her two hearts. Did you even want her upset? You couldn't tell, your head was spinning wildly, one thought going to another without a chance to process the last one.

You had come to a clear decision. You ran back and let momentum do its thing as your feet left the muddy gravel. You felt so free as you glided in the air for a few seconds. It was the most beautiful feeling. No punishment, no tears before going to sleep and no terror of going back home. Just you and gravity.

Then with a clearer mind you regretted your choice. You were horrified. You weren't ready. It wasn't time yet. Graham can't lose you. He'd only recently lost his wife. He'd feel the same as you and that thought terrified you. He'd survived cancer and gained himself a new family. He can't be like you. Ryan needed him, wether he was willing to admit that or not.

Suddenly you panicked and last minute reached your hand out hoping you'd grab something. Anything. You felt a soft warm object and latched on for dear life. You were then lifted up and onto soil. You focused on your breathing a moment and waited for your heart to calm down. You looked up and saw what, or rather who, saved you. You shouldn't have been so surprised to see the Doctors worried face above yours. She gave you a questioning look, knowing the question, you nodded your head and she straightened herself and helped you up.

"That was great (n/n)! So brave of you! Let's go gang, we've gotta turn this drill off before it splits the planet in half!" She shouted as she ran forward, seemingly knowing the way. She didn't let go of your hand until you reached the drill about 10 minutes later. You couldn't help the blushthat formed on your cheeks. The Doctor quickly opened a panel on the side of the drill.

The drill was massive, bigger than the Eiffel Tower and that what was on surface level, it went down much deeper that it had reached halfway to the liquid nitrogen that ran in this cold planet where our magma centre would be. The drill itself was purple and spherical. The panel box was the size of a human head which was about the size of the civilisations sucker pads. Inside were 3 buttons and 1 lever. You needed to type the pattern that would gain the access to the drill and force stop. If it goes wrong, it speeds up rendering this planet uninhabitable.

You watched as the Doctor quickly typed the pattern in. Red,blue,red,red,red,blue,black,black,blue. That was the pattern she quickly pressed in and held the lever down for 10 seconds. Soon the drill came to a halt and the planet was peaceful once again. You all let out a sigh of relief as it stopped.

You made your way back to the chief of the race and explained that they should dismantle and never use that drill again unless they plan to empty the panet of everything it has within. He quickly agreed and the fam made their way back to the TARDIS.

As soon as tye TARDIS was parked on the edge of your solar system, you got into your comfy clothes ready to nap or maybe play a few games to slow your adrenaline until you were tired enough for a full nights rest. You played a few rounds of uno and some poker where you used some bits of metal instead of chips. Eventually everyone had left except you and the Doctor.

You made your way to the doors of the ship and settled down just watching the stars in front of you. If the sentient machine hadn't already been aware of your darkest thought, you would have jumped out there and been amongst them. Just floating eventually turning to nothing but bones drifting, maybe to never be found. All the sights you've seen and yet this is where you were the most impressed. This was your home, your galaxy and because of all the light pollution, you had never been fully aware of how many neighbours you had because you had been literally blind. This was only stuff captured and faked and now, it's forever in your mind.

You heard movement and a shuffle next you. You knew who it was because she was the only other person awake and you knew she was going to ask and not let it drop until you tell her truth. And you were going to give her it but that doesn't mean you were ready to do so but you had to, someone had to know. Maybe you wanted help or maybe just someone to listen and know everything making you mentally naked in front of them.

The Doctor waited a few moments. She was figuring out how to word it without sounding horrible. "Is everything alright at home?" She asked her voice laced with genuine concern. "Sorry if this sounds a bit abrupt but let me explain. You've been really weird lately. You hardly speak and when you its with as few words as possible, you keep going elsewhere mentally and Rassilion forbid anyone getting angry with you! I also noticed how you hesitated today when jumping and I saw your worry and panic when you jumped. I think I know but I can't help you if you don't at least tell me what is going on! And don't change the subject or anything, just answer me please. I lo-. I can't lose you too." Her voice raised a little as she panicked just speaking about it. Halfway through she grabbed both of your hands and continued her speech.

You looked deep into her eyes for any sign of a lie but there wasn't one. Just like at the canyon, her eyes showed nothing but love. Maybe you should tell her, just her. No Yaz, no Graham and no Ryan. Just you, The Doctor and the TARDIS. You looked away for a moment as you collected your thoughts. However, as you opened your mouth and tried to speak, you found no voice. You couldn't tell her about them. Lord knows what she's capable of. But you've been looking for an out for so damn long. Maybe this is it. She's your out, no death involved.

You walked towards a panel in the console and pushed your hands inside and focused. You focused on the worst time it happened. You concentrated on the fear and everything attached. You couldn't tell her, but you could show her. The TARDIS disappeared into the vortex but didn't seem so sure on landing. She was picking it all up, she felt everything you did and she did not like going. "Please baby girl, I need her to know. I need help but I can't tell her. She's my only out that doesn't involve death and that terrifies me! Please. I understand your hesitation but she needs to see." You spoke mentally to the sentient blue box. She made a sad sound as she gently landed in the moment.

The Doctor looked at you bewildered. Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape. You walked up to her and grabbed her hand reassuringly. You led her to the doors that separated her from your darkest secret. You took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

You appeared to be in the basement of your house. You walked up the stairs and took her to a storage room where she could see it happen. You sat in silence for a few minutes only the sounds of breathing and your heartbeat could be heard.

You knew this day off by heart, it plagued your nightmares often. It all started to sweet and went sour so quickly. At this time you were currently on your way back from doing your weekly shop to Tescos making sure you didn't forget their vodka and gin on your way to pay. Thankfully, the shop was only 10 minuets away and you doubted that the TARDIS would make you wait longer than nessacary. Just as the Doctor opened her mouth to speak the door opened and in walked an 18 year old you.

You set the bags down and started sorting the items into their new places. The canned foods go in the cupboard and the meat goes into the fridge. There were loads of food and stuff to go through and place properly. After you placed the last can of baked beans into the cupboard, the door swung open, nearly breaking the door.

They came home from their dealers place early. They stunk of weed and alcohol and had a little white powder around their nose. They looked like they had a good time until they had to come home. It was their dealers birthday so he was having a brothel themed party meaning there were strippers, pole dancers and prostitutes as well. The dealer was a rich guy who practically ran this city. The cops couldn't do anything as he could always bail himself out of jail.

They looked you in your comfy clothes and scoffed. They looked angry. "Why aren't you in your normal clothes babes? I thought I told you to throw away all of that shit. Come on now. Don't tell me I wasted all my well earned money on those clothes I specifically chose for you?"

You shuddered, both in the past and now except now they only made bile rise into your throat. You were so young and vulnerable. Now you know better.

The past you quickly scampered off to get changed. After only 5 minutes you reappeared in what was sexy school girl. The blue miniskirt covered less than most underwear so you were forced to wear a thong. The shirt was a bralet that barely covered your nipples. Your hair was in pigtails and you wore thigh highs. The sight made you silently sick in your mouth. You looked pathetic and weak.

You looked at them expectingly. You were waiting for your next order from them. They seemed to drool at the sight of you. "That's better babes. Why didn't you go shopping like that? Show the world your fat ugly figure? I want you to walk out there and see that no one else wants you but here I am, loving you. I am the only one who will ever like you in the way we have now. Your lucky I've had some fun tonight. All I want is my vodka and a new blunt darling"

You quickly went and grabbed their stuff and walked towards them as they settled in front of the TV. They turned the TV on and put Love Island on. How you hated that show. It made you feel bad for being the size you are. The women on there were beautiful but you also knew that, that kind of beauty costs money. So while your partner had fun watching the show for the romance, you watched it to spot what part of them was bought and what was real. Almost all the women had fake teeth and breasts. You hated how your partner would make snide comments on how they looked compared to you.

"You should be looking like Becky ya know. Beautiful teeth, big perky tits and a fucking great ass. What do you have? Flabs!" And there was the first comment of the day. The first of 30, you counted.

"Yeah well you are fucking broke so I can't look like fucking fake ass Becky or the others!" You thought. Then the Doctor gave you a look of shock and pity and then you realised you said that aloud. Not loud enough for them to hear you but enough for the Doctor.

"Make yourself fucking useful and make me some dinner. I fancy a steak and chips." They ordered as you got up and waddled over to the kitchen. A few minutes in you realised you put too much oil in the pan for the steak but the steak was already in and cooking quick. So quick that it started to smoke just a little bit. You tried blowing it away from them before they realised that you fucked up their dinner but ut was too late. They were already on their feet a marching towards you.

"I'm so sorry. I accidentally poured too much oil in. I'm so sorry. I have a spare steak, you can have my meal for tonight, I could do with skipping a meal anyways, helps me lose weight!" Past you was panicked and present you wasn't much better. Even though you were safe from them, they still made you uneasy. If you were to ever see them again, you'd freeze. They made your blood run cold. Even their voice sent unpleasant shivers down your spine.

"You better make me another steak but I still have to punish you. You fucked up, a lesson needs to be learnt." They said scarily politely. They grabbed your left arm and marched you towards the sink. They also grabbed the burning pan and pinned you so you had no escape as they poured the boiling oil onto your skin. You knew not to scream do you bit into your other arm knowing a bite out of it is better than causing more punishments for screaming.

When they were done left to watch the TV and you knew what that meant. You had to cook the spare steak and make there meal before you can get proper treatment at the hospital. Through your tears of agony, you quickly ran your burnt and bleeding arm under the cold water of the sink. You bit deeper into your other arm and tasting blood, but thay didn't stop you until the left one had cooled down. Then you got an old shirt, ripped 2 pieces of fabric off and wrapped them around both arm Injuries. You then continued their meal.

Once they had the meal they kicked you and punched you in the stomach because the chips were slightly cold and then they drove you to the hospital as they promised. When you had left you didn't realise you had been crying until a drop fell on your arm. You walked out of the storage room and sat on the sofa, turning the TV off.

The Doctor looked shocked for a moment before walking over and kneeling in front of you. The Doctor went silent for a moment. Before she could speak, you decided to speak first.

"I couldn't tell you because I couldn't think if a nice way of telling you. I didn't want to appear weak to you." You cried as your voice cracked in the middle due to the tears and the strain. The Doctor looked at you in pity and disappointment.

"This does not make you weak. Being abused does not make you weak. Because being abused is like being tortured by someone who supposed to love you and cherish you. They are meant to protect you from danger not be the danger. I would never hurt you. I know that I put you in risky situations but believe me, I would never intentionally put you in danger. You mean too much to me" The Doctor softly spoke with tears making a little river down her soft cheeks and onto your black carpet below.

"Before I met them, I was like you or Yaz. I was so happy at everything. Very little could bring me down. But I met them and started dating them and suddenly, my world of sunshine faded to grey. There was no light. I wanted to die Doctor. When you found me at that spider hotel, I wanted to be free from them as I couldn't do it. I can't because they'd kill me. I don't want to be alive whilst I'm with them. I have so many scars from either them or me trying to end my own life and that the scariest thing. Death wants us to be terrified but wanting to die is so much more terrifying Doctor, I know that." You cried as you emptied all you could to her. The Doctor was silent for a moment, taking in everything you said. Waves of emotion flashed through her, anger, sadness, pity and something you couldn't quite place.

"You said wanted. That's past tense. You said wanted to die. What changed? What made you want to live?"

"You did. You saved me from the spiders. You gave me a temporary out of the relationship for a while. You made me smile for the first time in 3 years! You made me laugh. The world of grey is now full of sunshine and rainbows Doctor. You also saved me today. When I jumped across that canyon, I jumped to end my life. I made a mistake that nearly ended a planet! If I wasn't so fat and clumsy maybe i-"

"Don't you dare say that! You are not fat (n/n). Yes you have more plush to your body but you are not fat. I hate that word. Its such a nasty word. You are gorgeous, amazing and so brilliant. You can't see what I see and I really wished you could for just one moment. You are worthy of being loved and cared for. You are precious, rare, one of a kind. I've never met anyone like you. There's always some skinny, fake bodied and caked up women but there's no one with as much natural beauty as you! Let's get back to the TARDIS and we'll talk more when looking at the stars because I can see that being here isn't doing you any favours" The Doctor spoke with such passion that you started to believe that her words held more than those of a supporting friend would.

Once the TARDIS was parked in the Milky Way you settled by the door once again and found yourself accompanied by the sweet alien. You both sat there for a moment just content with wrapping your heads around what's just happened. You looked over to the blonde and noticed how the stars made her glow in such an ethereal way that you felt almost compelled to worship her. Maybe you should after everything she's done for you. Her eyes sparkled with si many emotions from the past senario.

"Are you still with them?"

"Why do you think I never left this place? I mean even if could, I wouldn't want to but it's mainly because if I go back home, I'll come back with more injuries. I feel safer with you. You are my sunshine and rainbows and they are my storm clouds. Whilst I'm here, I'm alive and mostly unbroken. Whilst I'm there, I'm as alive as a puppet and severely broken. I can't leave, not on my own anyway."

The Doctor looked at you in thought. "The starlight compliments you. You look so pretty and almost angelic. I just wish they never hurt my angel. My innocent angel had broken wings and I'm going to fix what the Devil broke, I promise. Just hold on, I'm going to take us somewhere."

You held the nearest crystal as the TARDIS transported you somewhere but it seemed like the sentient machine was determined to take you there as quick as she could. As you opened the doors you noticed a familiar smell of weed mixed with alcohol. You heard the familiar tune of Love Island and knew exactly where you were. You were home. The Doctor saw your hesitation and whispered softly, "I want you to pack everything you want. I've written a note for them to find. I'm going to put it on the bed. If they notice you scream for me and I'll be there. They will not hurt you much, hopefully not at all. I just need to do something in the TARDIS before I help you." She turned and left into the TARDIS and disappeared down a corridor.

The atmosphere sent chills down your spine and you were frozen. The TARDIS seemed to notice and words of encouragement were sent into your head which helped you move towards your bedroom. You quickly buy quietly opend your suitcase and started to fill it with clothing and hygiene products. As you entered the bathroom a bottle of their shampoo fell into the tub giving you away. You knew you only had so long before they came in and hurt you so you closed the door and barricaded it with whatever you could.

As you pushed the last cabinet to the pile they roared through the wooden door. "Let me in you fat dumb bitch. You've been gone for 3 weeks and you've got some balls coming back! You're lucky I haven't burned all your shit! Where have you been?"

Your heart ran at an extremely fast pace nd you knew only one person could help you now. And so you screamed her name so loud it hurt your throat bit that didn't stop you. You screamed until you heard talking. You couldn't understand what was said but suddenly a thud was heard and then silence.

"Hey Starlight! It's only me. I've taken care of them. They're not dead but in a venishion aikido. They can't move, they're paralysed. You can come out and finish packing"

You moved everything out of the door and opened it to a view you expected. The Doctor with 2 fingers to their pulse point on their neck. The Doctor smiled at when they saw you. You finished packing and zipped the bag up. Then Yaz walked in with her police uniform on and arrested them for domestic violence and many other things. Now you understood why The Doctor left, it was to get Yaz as a back up option to completely take them out of your life.

The Doctor helped open doors for you as you got your room and you set the suitcase to one side to empty another day. You both sat down on your bed. The sound was filled with nothing but 2 lifeforms breathing and the TARDIS faint buzzing. You two stayed like this, staring into each other, trying to read the others emotions. But we all know what The Doctor is like, she can't stay silent for long.

"I had to save you because as long as you were with them, you weren't ever going to be truly happy. I didn't want my big bright star to turn into a black hole, I wanted her to be a supernova. My Starlight deserves to be happy."

"You keep saying my Doctor. And you asked if I was still with them and then when I basically said yes, you quickly, as in a rush, sent us home so I could leave them. You keep saying all these things about me. You held my hand from the canyon to the drill. You are always the first to check on me and you always make sure I'm OK first even if I'm the farthest person from you! Doctor, be honest, I don't want any more bullshit. Doctor why?" You spoke softly but with determination. The Doctor blushed and shifted her gaze to the stars and quietly gulped. She knew this day would come. The day her secret was revealed. And she dreaded her answer and she dreaded your reaction. And whilst she figured out what to say, you already knew the answer.

You gently grabbed her chin and made her look at you. Once her gaze caught yours, you smiled and placed your lips to her soft ones. Quickly she caught up and kissed you back with all the love and passion she could muster. She wanted to relay that she did love you and that she would do exactly as she said earlier, she would cherish you.

As for you, you smiled. You finally had an out that didn't end in death but instead ended with the same love that you yearned for, for years.

[haikwritings]

Forgone | Part Two

Character Mentions: Kōtarō Bokuto

Summary: Bokuto & Y/n haven't seen each other for five years, but an unexpected reunion awaits them when he learns that he has a daughter.

Next: Part Three

She didn't expect to see him after so many years, she thought maybe she could only watch him on television—remembering the old times they both shared.

“Is been five years.” Bokuto said.

Sure, she tried not to remember him every day— but it was hard since she shared a daughter with him, a daughter he didn't knew he had.

“Bo, I don’t have time for this shit.” Y/n said nervously.

Well, at least she thought he didn't knew about their daughter.

“I know that she’s my daughter.” Bokuto said, causing her to flinch at the sudden confession.

She didn't know what to think, but she simply had never thought that he would return to his old town—yet, claim his own daughter.

“I know you have been alone all this time...” Bokuto continued saying.

She had been alone for a long time, working three jobs—trying to give her daughter the best life she could.

“I know that I would never understand the pain you felt and are feeling.” Bokuto said.

She had never thought about the pain and loneliness she was going through—she was just focused on her daughter.

“And I know—” Bokuto was saying but was interrupted by her.

“You never called back.” Y/n answered.

She had stopped thinking about herself a long time ago. That self-love that she had—had vanished without a trace.

“I- I know.” Bokuto answered.

She had tried to contact him many times, but unfortunately he had blocked her. She even tried to communicate with his agent but he declined.

“I- I know and I’m very sorry.” Bokuto said.

The fight they both had—had been sad and horrible.

“I’m sorry for what happened that day.” Bokuto apologized.

And every time she remembered that day—she would just tear up and break into a thousand pieces.

“I said a lot of things I didn’t mean.” Bokuto explained.

What had happened that day, you will be wondering...

“B-Bo— I- I can’t move right now.” Y/n said.

“W-What? I just told you I have the best opportunity of my life and you’re saying, no?” Bokuto asked surprised.

“I- I can’t really move now, I have college.” Y/n said.

“B-But how are we supposed to make our relationship work if we’re not together?” Bokuto asked in disbelief.

“W-We can make it work.” Y/n answered.

“Long distance relationships don’t work, Y/n.” Bokuto said angrily.

“B-But we can.” Y/n answered painfully.

He had received an amazing opportunity— to be the outside hitter for the MSBY Black Jackals.

“L-Let’s go together.” Bokuto pleaded.

“No. I can’t. Bokuto I’m just about to start college, we can’t make sudden changes.” Y/n said.

He had to immediately move and he wanted to take her with him.

“I can’t really believe this shit.” Bokuto said in disbelief.

He was hurt, mad—he just didn’t expect her to not go with him. After all, it was his dream.

“I feel like I’m the only one fighting in this relationship, Y/n.” Bokuto said angrily.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” Y/n asked in disbelief.

“All this years and I’m the only one putting effort.” Bokuto answered.

But both of them had different plans...

“You know that’s not true. You’re talking nonsense.” Y/n said.

And he hated the fact that he had to be away from her...

“Nonsense? For putting with your ass all this years?” Bokuto asked in disbelief.

“Wow, are you serious?” Y/n asked angrily.

“I honestly sometimes think you like Akaashi better than me.” Bokuto answered.

It made him insecure...

“Akaashi, our friend? Are you serious?” Y/n asked in disbelief.

“You put him on a pedestal all the fucking time. Like what? Do you like him?” Bokuto asked annoyed.

“He’s our best friend, idiot.” Y/n answered annoyed.

“I honestly can’t be with someone like that.” Bokuto said.

He was just angry...

Too consume on his own emotions, not seeing the outside perspective.

“W-What are you saying?” Y/n asked painfully.

“I- I can’t be with someone who doesn’t follow my dreams.” Bokuto answered.

And he wasn’t thinking straight.

“A-Are you breaking up with me?” Y/n asked in disbelief.

And he made a decision he regretted for five years.

“I- I have to.” Bokuto answered.

Because even though he broke up with her...

He still loved her.

“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t love me with the same intensity.” Bokuto said.

And even after all this years...

“I hate you so much.” Y/n said while taking her stuff.

He made a promise to himself...

“All this years and you’re throwing me off?” Y/n said while opening the door.

That he would go back...

“I can’t with this shit.” Bokuto replied painfully.

And get her back.

“Just get out.” Bokuto said as he closed the door aggressively.

Because she was still the love of his life.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be the one fulfilling your dreams, Bo.” Y/n apologized.

He still had his eyes on her.

“I’m sorry for not being the one you wanted.” Y/n apologized again.

He still loved her.

“Y-Y/n—” Bokuto muttered but was interrupted by her.

He wanted to tell her.

“I- I know you want to meet her.” Y/n said.

But he understood that it wasn’t the right / best time.

“C-Can you come to my apartment tonight?” Y/n asked nervously.

He knew that right now—their daughter was more important.

“S-So you both can meet.” Y/n said nervously.

And he wanted to meet her...

Hugged her.

He wanted to be there, because he knew he wasn’t there before.

“Y-Yes.” Bokuto answered nervously.

He wanted to offer the best life he could to his daughter.

“T-Take this.” Y/n said while sliding a piece of paper.

“A new address?” Bokuto asked confused.

“Y-Yeah. My parents kick me out when I was pregnant.” Y/n answered sadly.

And he wanted to offer the best life to her.

“J-Just be there.” Y/n said nervously.

He wanted his girls back.

“I- I will.” Bokuto answered.

He wanted to compensate for all the moments in which he couldn’t be present.

General Taglist:

@elianetsantana @pillowpets @boosyboo9206 @chagi-nana @melacholy @kara-grayson04 @sangwoosashyashes @milkawabread @answer-the-sirens @habi20212 @thelilyflowersworld @kellesvt @yuueisteria @dai-tsukki-desu @saeranoppa @wompwompwompwompwompwompw1111111

Additional Tags:

@jennasquishy8 @underratedmage

[ssa-sugar-tits]

queen of hearts // chapter two

summary: y/n y/l/n was crushed when she found out about maeve donovan. heartbroken, she left her entire life behind. what happens when she becomes the most prolific serial killer the bau has ever seen?

prologue + series masterlist & taglist

content warnings: mentions of violence, minor angst

a/n: reader is literally a psychotic murderer. this is purely a work of fiction and if you or someone you know is experiencing homicidal urges, seek professional help immediately.

-

You take the bus to the second hotel room you booked and fall onto the bed. Pulling your hair into a loose ponytail, you glance into your purse and think back to what you did.

You are not a monster. It's not like anyone's going to miss them. You're not a monster.

You're lying to yourself. Aren't you?

You turn on the TV to snap out of the vicious self loathing over what you did. The news is talking about you.

Go fucking figure.

"The Queen of Hearts strikes again at the Fairfield Inn, claiming her 104th victim. Here we have Agent Jareau from the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit with a profile her team has worked up."

Son of a bitch. The BAU's been called in?

You worked for the damn FBI and you know everything about how they'll try to catch you. How the hell did they even connect the kills? Vigorous work to stay out of their jurisdiction all gone to shit.

"We believe our killer is a woman in her mid 20s to early 30s. She is attractive and manipulative, able to lure married men away for sex and then kill them. This woman does not hold a day to day job as she travels nationwide and occasionally outside of the country. She most likely had an unfaithful significant other about 2 years ago, when the first kill happened. Probably a male with brown hair as those are the only victims she has sexual relations with. We believe she's devolving into a type of thrill killer but is more of an 'Angel of Mercy.' Due to new evidence, we believe this woman sees herself as doing 'the right thing' by killing infidels and exacting her revenge. A trace of blood, A positive, was recovered at the crime scene but as of right now, it isn't enough to match or aid our investigation. If you have any information, please call the number on your screen and do not under any circumstances approach her. Thank you."

You'd forgotten how good they were at their jobs. The man who caused all of your suffering, your pain is working your case. You know you overcompensated with... well murder. But who cares anymore? Any sanity you had, you left behind with him and your relationship. Time to pack up and get the hell out. Nowhere can really be home for you. As you pick up your go-bag and prepare to check out of the hotel, you can't help but wonder if Spencer has started to put the pieces together.

-

SPENCER'S POV - 3 DAYS LATER

-

I rub my eyes and look down at the files. There's no way. Y/N may have been hurt and everyday I regretted that but there is no way she threw away 9 years of work in the bureau and all her values to start killing. At that, 104 people in brutal, horribly violent ways. The thought shouldn't even be crossing my mind. But she fits every parameter of our profile and I've been thinking about it since the day Garcia presented the case to us. 35.7% of the population has A positive blood type and so does Y/N.

"Spence you okay?"

I don't look up at JJ.

"Yeah I'm fine."

I lie.

"You're lying."

The blonde insists. Typical.

"No I'm not."

Another lie.

"Sorry boy wonder, but you have a tell. Now what is it?"

I don't know if I can say it out loud.

"Spence?" she asks me, in her motherly tone. I hate when she does that.

I sigh and spit the sour words out.

"Y/N. She fits the profile."

It somehow sounds even crazier out loud.

"Reid, that's not funny. What's really going on?"

"I'm serious JJ."

She looks at me, glossed mouth agape for a second. I knew I shouldn't have said anything.

"Y/N is gone."

Don't do that JJ. Don't brush me off.

"I know that."

I don't mean to sound angry.

"She just isn't capable of this! We've known her for years, how can you even consider this?"

Is that her only point in Y/N's defense? That we know her? Every killer was known by someone.

"JJ none of us know where she went. And I don't think any of us thought she could just leave everything behind, no looking back. Clearly we don't know her as well as we thought did."

She sighs softly and meets my gaze.

"When she left, I was... confused. And just fucking sad if we're being honest. But Y/N is not a killer Reid." We don't know that. "And anyways we profiled that our unsub was cheated on."

My chest clenches and I have to fight back feeble tears as I look up to her.

"Jennifer..."

She looks like she's about to remark once again but she closes her mouth and realization washes over her face.

"You were involved with Maeve longer than you said, weren't you?"

I gulp tightly. I don't want to cry. I try hard not. But I start to and JJ puts an arm around me. She holds me in comfort, like the sisterly friend she's always been to me. I know a few people walk past and see me but I can't focus on that right now. I can only focus on how even if Y/N is a cold-blooded killer, I still want her. I still love her. My voice comes out as barely a whisper, I'm not sure JJ can even hear me.

"I've never believed in fate or soulmates. It isn't scientifically possible. But I always hoped that by some miracle she'd come back to me. Somehow f-forgive me. And now I'm scared that she's doing this. No I know she's doing it... I have this feeling and I-I can't think, I can't..."

"Calm down, deep breaths ok? Everyone fucks up sometimes Spence and if she really is doing this, she made her own decision."

"But I never wanted this to happen."

I didn't.

"I know you didn't. She was hurt, something like that makes a woman feel not good enough, it makes a woman fixate. But get this into your head, ok? Her decisions are not your fault."

I nod and she stands up.

"Where are you going?"

Please not where I assume she's going.

"We need to tell the team Spence."

Shit.

"No! If we... If we tell them they'll know a-and..." I stammer, cheeks flushing and I stop myself from saying the rest.

If she goes away for this I can never be with her.

"I'm sorry Spencer but you know we still have to tell them... Are you coming or not?"

I hesitantly stand up and keep my head down. I finally have to tell the team what I did. And what the love of my life is doing.

-

[willexxmercer]

Hey! Ur taking prompts right? So angst 16 and 17 for willex? Hehehehehe

Prompt: 16. “Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?” AND 17. “If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”

Well this went very much in the superangst/whump direction so thank you for that /lh.  Warning for non-graphic references to physical violence/abuse.

Taglist: @screamin-amuseum @thedepthsofhell @iridescentkippen @owenmercers @oldsmobile-hotdogs @phanhowell @williexmercer @lyxchen @chickwiththepurpleguitar @sk8rwillie @mynameisntluke @julieandthequeers

Something was wrong.  Something was terribly, horribly wrong, and Alex just knew it.  Something had to be wrong, because otherwise, why would Willie’s skateboard be lying, snapped in half, behind a dumpster?

He didn’t know what had compelled him to look behind the dumpster in the first place.  All Alex knew was that he had felt drawn to this spot, and when he had peeked around the corner, he had seen one half of the board lying unceremoniously in a puddle.

His heart dropped.  He felt cold, empty.

“No, no, no…” Alex mumbled, one shaking hand on the wall beside him in an attempt to steady himself, to ground himself.  “This isn’t… that isn’t…”

But it was.  As much as Alex wanted nothing more than to pretend it wasn’t Willie’s skateboard, that it was just some random board, he knew it was.  He recognized the art on the bottom.  More than that, though, he felt the connection.  The board was a part of Willie’s soul, as much as his drum kit was part of his.

And if the skateboard was broken…

He felt dizzy all of a sudden, his head spinning far too fast. Alex dropped to his knees, trying to ignore the ringing in his ears, trying to focus on his breathing, trying to pretend his entire (after)life wasn’t coming crashing down on him.

There was movement in the alley beyond the dumpster, movement that Alex almost missed.  He caught it in the corner of his eye, though, and glanced up.

It was hard to tell, but there was a figure against the wall, their head hanging, long hair shrouding their face.  Long, brown hair.

His heart in his throat, Alex slowly pushed himself to his feet, still unsteady as he slowly walked over.  He crouched down, putting his hand on the other’s shoulder.  “Willie?”

Willie flinched and Alex immediately withdrew his hand.  For a long, painfully quiet moment, he chewed the inside of his cheek, his eyes moving, taking in everything he could.

“Alex?” they said, their voice uncharacteristically small, their body language even smaller, a far cry from what Alex was used to when it came to the skateboarder.  Slowly, Willie raised his head.  “How’d you find me?”

“I… that doesn’t matter,” Alex replied, unsure what to do with his hands.  All he wanted was to run his hands over Willie’s body, to check that he was okay.  “What happened to you?  You look—your board—” He cut himself off, drawing in a shaky breath. “Are you hurt?”

“No,” Willie said, entirely too quickly, averting his gaze and letting his hair fall in front of his face.  Alex wasn’t about to let them hide, though, and he carefully swept Willie’s hair back.  What he saw made him draw in a sharp breath, his jaw clenching.

“Then why are there bruises all over your face?” he asked, tentatively brushing his fingers over Willie’s cheek.  The bruises were fresh, red in colour, and if he looked closely enough, he could guess they had been inflicted with a fist.  Their whole body tensed, and Alex decided in that moment that he hated whoever had done this.  Whoever had marred Willie’s perfect face deserved nothing but the highest retribution.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Willie mumbled, turning their face away.

“Dude… your skateboard is broken in half and you’re bruised and sitting in an alley looking like you’ve died again!” Alex burst out, his fingers grasping.  Willie was making it very clear he didn’t want to be touched, though, and he settled for crossing his arms in front of him, grabbing each opposite sleeve and balling the fabric in his hands.

“I… might have gotten in trouble back at the club,” Willie said, his voice so quiet Alex had to strain his ears to hear.  “A lot of trouble.”

Alex’s blood ran cold.  “You mean… Caleb did this to you?” he asked through clenched teeth.  Willie was quiet, their head still hanging, and Alex swallowed the hard lump in his throat.  “Tell me what happened,” he urged, hot tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.  His voice was perhaps more forceful than he had intended it to be, and it broke his heart when the skateboarder shied away from the sound.

“I… he found out I helped you,” Willie mumbled, his whole body shaking.  “He was so angry… he broke my board and did… this… and sent me away, and I didn’t… I couldn’t… I can’t move, Alex…”

As if the magician hadn’t done enough to ruin his afterlife, now he had hurt Willie too?  He wanted to strangle Caleb.  He wanted to make the man pay for everything he had done to the people Alex cared about more than anything.

Willie whimpered, then, drawing Alex’s attention back to them, leaning limply against the wall in the middle of the musty alley.  This was a side of Willie Alex had never seen before. He definitely didn’t like it, not one bit.  “What can I do to help?” he asked, feeling at a loss.  This was so new to him; he had absolutely no idea what he could do.  He knew what he would want in this situation but had no clue what Willie would want.

“I…” Willie started, their hands clenching in their lap.  “Could you… could you hug me?”

He hadn’t expected that.  Alex frowned, swallowing once more.  “Are you sure?”  After all, they had been avoiding his touch since he had found them.

“Alex… if you don’t hug me right now, I think I might fall apart,” Willie whispered, his voice shaking.  “Please.”

There was something about the urgency in Willie’s voice, the way they looked up at Alex with a sad, broken look in their eyes.  Alex gulped, making his decision and throwing his arms around them, one hand on the back of Willie’s head.  He pulled them in, holding them securely, trying to control the tears that were threatening to fall.  Mercifully, Willie relaxed in his arms after only a brief moment of tightening his shoulders, letting out a breath.

“I don’t regret it,” Willie mumbled, turning his face in towards Alex’s shoulder.  “Not at all.”

Alex let out a shaky breath, holding Willie even tighter, if at all possible.  “You’re going to be okay,” he murmured, “I promise.  I’m here now.”

Willie only hummed, slowly sliding their arms around his torso, and Alex knew in that moment that he wasn’t going to stop until Caleb paid for all of it.

But for now, Willie needed him.

[pradaksj]

ghostin || part 2 (finale). (m.)

all rights reserved © pradaksj

↳do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

❧ summary ⟶  ❝Though I wish he were here instead. Don't want that living in your head, he just comes to visit me when I'm dreaming every now and then. ❞

❧ pairing⟶ seokjin/reader

❧ genre⟶  angst, angst, and angst … did i say angst? + a bit of fluff? friends to lovers.

❧ word count ⟶ 18,000+

❧ warnings ⟶ major character death! sad ending. descriptions of grieving process.

❧ part of the  ⟶ thank u, next series

part 1 || part 2 (final)

“H-He did the right thing,” Jimin stutters, and you were sure he hardly even believed what was coming out of his own mouth,“What he did was selfless,”he declares.

“No he broke my grandma’s heart!” Jia scowls at Jimin, “What a jerk…” she huffs, having been fully engrossed in your story.

“No he’s right,” you say, shocking Jia, “It was an act of complete selflessness and in a sense, I applaud him for being able to do it because God knows I wouldn’t have been able to,” you sigh, “But ask yourself Jimin, in a week from now would you regret it?”

He looks as if he’s about to nod his no, until you add to your question, “How about a year? Maybe two? What about three? Just how sure are you about it?”

He remains silent.

“Tell you what Jimin,” you pause, “Only if you’re one hundred percent sure that you’d have absolutely no and I mean zero regrets about your decision then go ahead and leave,” you say, and he looks at you in a confusing manner, “You heard me, you can get up and leave right now, but,” you add emphasis to the word, “if you have even the slightest bit of a doubt, then all I ask of you is to hear this story till its end.”

Jimin, who by now had grabbed his jacket from the table in preparation to leave, now hesitated. Before you went up to him, he was so sure he wouldn’t regret it… but now after hearing a part of this story of yours… that confidence was long gone. Because if history truly was repeating itself, then he wanted to know the ending to this tale.

And so remaining in his seat, a look of determination covered his face.

“Okay then,” you mutter, ready to continue.

“That night I had cried in that diner for what felt like hours. It wasn’t until the waitress had to tell me that they’d be closing soon that I remembered I was far from Seoul, and so instead I went to my parents’ house and spent the night crying in my mom’s arms. I didn’t tell her right away, but I knew that she had known. Because honestly why else would I cry that hard.

Still though, I kept my mouth shut about it for the week that I slept over there, thinking deep down in my heart that he’d come back and tell me it was all a big mistake. Because if he did, I would’ve forgiven him. Maybe give him the silent treatment for a bit, hell even make him beg a bit, but I would’ve still forgiven him nonetheless.

When I went back to Seoul, I stayed in the same apartment. I paid the same expensive rent despite there only being one person living in there now. I stayed there because every afternoon I’d come back from work with a tiny feeling of hope that when I’d walk in, I’d find him in the kitchen like I always did after work, eating God knows what.

Sadly it never happened....

In the beginning I’d have no problem visiting my parents in their home, that continuous hopeful side in me thinking I’d be able to magically see Jin at his parent’s house. 

In reality the only person I’d occasionally see was his mother, who greeted me the same way she always did, acting as if nothing happened. I’m sure Seokjin must’ve told her through a phone call, but yet like the amazing person she was, she never asked me any questions about it. Never uttered his name around me, instead asking about trivial things like my career and such.

With no update on where Seokjin was, or what he was doing, it was only a matter of time in which I’d realize that things just weren't going to play out like how I imagined them to. The charming prince in my story had truly left.  

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and soon months turned into years. I stopped visiting my parents house as much, and ultimately began to ask them if they could come out to Seoul to visit me rather than the other way around. As going home only served as a reminder for me of what I had lost. No… of what had left me.

And so after about two years of being single, I finally began to date people for the first time in my life, until soon enough I met someone by the name of Seojun. Though it wasn’t exactly love at first sight, it was definitely my first serious relationship since my break up with Seokjin, and slowly I really did fall in love.  

I had successfully forgotten about Seokjin.

At least I thought I did ….

I guess this brings us to where our story begins to end….

1999. 

“My loneliness is killing me,” you whisk the batter of the cake you were making, “and iiiii,” the shiny ring placed on your left ring finger shines even under the kitchen light, “I must confess I still believe,” you pause for a moment, “I still believe,” you horribly sing the ad-lib to Britney Spears’ chart topper of a song, “...Baby One More Time”.

Out of nowhere, the music on the radio is turned down, “I think that’s enough whisking y/n,” your mom chuckles, “any more and you’ll over mix it.” 

Sighing, you follow your mom’s orders.

Today was Christmas, and like every other year, you were spending it at home with your parents. Your fiancé, Seojun, who was out of town to celebrate the holiday with his family as well, would arrive in two days. It was the best compromise the two of you could make, with the agreement that the roles would be reversed for the following year.

Taking out the baked bread she had put in an hour earlier, she immediately sets it down on the cooling rack placed on the table, “You’re going to have to take these to Mrs. Kim right now,” she mentions, while cutting the bread into slices.

Silently, you nod, ignoring the drop in your stomach that you’d feel whenever you had to interact with anything that forced you to remember him. 

Despite you successfully managing to forget about him in terms of your daily life, Kim Seokjin just wasn’t someone you could ever completely forget. No matter how much you wanted to.

Wrapping parchment paper around the pieces, you help your mom tie the cute little pieces of red string around it, her belief of presentation adding to the flavor still ringing true to this day.

She inspects them one more time before placing them into the woven basket decorated with many other Christmas like things, along with the two gifts she bought for the twins, “Make sure you remind her about coming over tomorrow with the kids.”

Nodding, you place your coat on and begin to make your way out, “And tell her I said Merry Christmas!”

Making a motion with your hand that you heard her well, you close the door before she can add anything else.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Ah y/n,” Mrs. Kim greets, pulling you in for a hug, “Merry Christmas,” she says.

“Merry Christmas Mrs. Kim,” you smile at her, handing her the basket.

“Come in, come in,” she insists, and reluctantly you do, “I swear everytime I see you it feels like I’m only getting older,” she chuckles, “You don’t want something to drink? Maybe some wine—”

Laughing at her enthusiasm, you say “It’s fine Mrs. Kim,” while looking around the place. She had done an amazing job at decorating this year, not like she never did, “Where’s Mr. Kim?” you ask in curiosity.

“Ah he’s not coming till later, had some paperwork he wanted to finish up at work,” she explains, and you nod in understanding.

“Merry Christmas!” two voices simultaneously yell, and immediately you're met with a giant hug from the two twins.

Eyes widening at how big they had gotten, a smile covers your face, “Now I’m the one who feels like I’m getting old,” you comment, resulting in Mrs. Kim to laugh. 

The two, who had to be at least 13 years old by now, were definitely going through the phases of puberty by now.

Ruffling their hair, you recall how baby-faced they once were, only imagining how different they’d look in a couple years time. 

Minjun, who now sported braces, was the first to speak, “Woah, it feels like we haven’t seen you in forever!”

Yeonha adds on, “Yeah! You’ve gotten so….” she stops herself from continuing, but you know what she wants to say.

“Old,” you finish for her, pretending to be angry by placing your hands on your hips.  

She awkwardly laughs, scratching her neck, a habit she must’ve picked up from her older brother, “Of course not!” she tries to play it off.

“I’m only 25, turning 26 in a couple of weeks if you really wanna be specific, but that doesn’t make me old little lady!” you scold.

She raises her hands to her defense, while Minjun comes to her rescue, “I think the word she was looking for was mature,” he says, “I mean you’re dressed like those office ladies we see on TV,” and you’re unsure if the comparison was supposed to be a good or bad thing, but nevertheless you change the topic, not wanting to fluster them any more than they already were.

“So any gifts you two are wanting this year?” and immediately Yeonha’s face lights up at the question.

Eagerly she nods her head, “I think Santa,” she sends her mom a mischievous look, “is getting me a new beeper this Christmas,” 

Mrs. Kim playfully rolls her eyes.

“Santa heard from a little birdy that your old beeper wasn’t stolen, but got dropped in water,” Mrs. Kim comments, and immediately Yeonha’s face pales.

She turns to her twin brother and smacks him in shoulder, “Hey!” he yelps, “it wasn’t me!” he scowls, “It was probably Jin,” and even by a single utter of his name, you feel your heart begin to race, “I swear, it’s like you purposely forget what you tell him on the phone sometimes,” Minjun continues to ramble on, clearly upset by the accusation of being the snitch.

“I think I should get going,” you suddenly interrupt.

“Oh but you just got here,” Mrs. Kim says, failing to notice why you were suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

“Yeah!” Yeonha adds for support, “Jin’s supposed to get here any second now,” she wiggles her brows, even after all these years, still clearly unaware of the circumstances for your breakup.

Mrs. Kim looks surprised at Yeonha’s sudden announcement, “He was supposed to get here at 8,” she mumbles, a wave of guilt washing over her.

You send her a sympathetic look, knowing that it wasn’t her intention to put you in an uncomfortable position, “I’ll see you all soon, I promise,” you say, and Mrs. Kim now barely notices the ring on your finger. A subtle gasp escaping from her lips.

With your hand on the handle, you begin to open the door, “And Merry Christm—”

Stomach dropping at the sight in front of you, you feel as if a semi-truck had hit you, rendering you at a loss for words, “Y-Y/N?”

The first thing you notice about him is the length of his hair. It seemed as if he had grown it back into the mullet he first had when you met him, only this time it suited the mature aura he seemed to have. 

Dressed in a black turtleneck, matched with black pants and dress shoes, you weren’t sure if you were in shock because he was right in front of you for the first time in nearly 3 years or because of how easy it was for him to get your heart racing.

It was weird really, despite his change in appearance, for some reason even now you were sure that he was still the same old Seokjin you’d always known.

Noting that you’d been staring at him in silence for quite a while, you finally manage to spew something out, “S-Seokjin,” is all you manage to stutter under your breath.

The twins share a troublesome look to one another, “Come on you two, Mom made Pajeon,” Yeonha says, pulling the two of you by your respective hands and forcing you both inside, “We can all eat and catch up,” she smiles wide and big, “I’m sure you two would love that,” she winks.

“I d-don’t,” you attempt to say something, but too flustered for your own good, you remain in shock. 

Glancing at Mrs. Kim, you notice the contemplative look on her face, as if she was debating with herself in terms of what to do.

Making up her mind, she announces, “I’ll get the plates ready,” much to your dread. 

Awkwardly, the two of you are seated across from another, the tension in the room only building as you wait for the food.

“Soooo……” Yeonha breaks the silence that fills the room, “What have you two been up to?” she glances at the two of you, waiting for a response.

Feeling a knot in your stomach, you continue to remain silent. 

It also didn’t help that Seokjin’s gaze had remained on you this whole time. It was as if he was studying you, analyzing you the same way you had done to him. He wanted to see if you had changed.

Feigning a cough, he ultimately speaks. “Shouldn’t you already know Yeonha,” he questions her, “unless you haven’t been listening whenever we talk on the phone…”

Her face reddens, “Of course I have! You just went to Taiwan recently to consult for some business company and do those boring analyses you always do.”

He shakes his head, “Then there’s your answer,” he simply states.

“Business? So he really did end up giving up on his dream ….” you think to yourself, a bit saddened at the fact. A part of you always assumed that Jin had left you to be well on his way to stardom, that when he left you that night, he truly was being the selfish person he claimed he wanted to be.

“Y/N? …” the sound of your name being repeated brings you back to reality.

For a moment you look confused, “I said what about you?” and for the first time since your breakup, both you and Jin make eye contact, easily taking your breath away.

Face reddening, you take a while to respond, “I um—” flustering with your words , you continue, “I’m um— the head writer at the same company I worked at years ago,” you force an awkward smile on your face.

“Oh…” Jin says, “Do you like it over there?” and the question brings you back to that first car ride to the diner when you had just moved to town. His delivery of the question still as blunt as before.

“Um yeah …” you reply, fidgeting with your fingers.

He genuinely smiles, “I’m glad,” he says, “really I am,” he adds for extra comfort.

And before you could say thank you, his mother enters the dining room, the plate of Pajeon in her hand, along with other side dishes, “Here you kids go,” she places the things on the table, “Make sure you eat it while it’s hot,” she warns before making her way back into the kitchen.

It’s only until you grab the piece of Pajeon with your chopsticks that he finally notices it.

He finally notices the shiny diamond ring you sport on your left index finger.

“You’re engaged,” he suddenly announces says , face unreadable.

As if the room wasn’t awkward enough….

Gulping, you nod, “Yeah,” you exhale, “it happened a couple of months ago,” you add.

The two of you stare at each other in silence, “I’m happy for you,” he gives you a small smile. Silently patting his mouth with a napkin, he gets up from his seat, “Well I just came back from a pretty long flight so I’m pretty tired, so I think I’m gonna head upstairs,” he avoids eye contact for a moment, a sign that he was lying, “Jet lag you know?” he awkwardly laughs, “But it was nice seeing you y/n…”

Getting up as well, you decide that it was best you left as well.

“Merry Christmas y/n,” he says one final time before heading up stairs.

“Merry Christmas to you too Seokjin,” you whisper under your breath.

“Since our breakup three years before, Seokjin had never once gone back home for Christmas, which was why I felt so sure that he wouldn’t that year, but of course I was wrong. So when I told my mom she immediately began to panic for me, remembering that she invited Mrs. Kim to come over the next day, and well of course she didn’t want to be rude and rescind her invitation.

And so I told my mom that it was fine. Whether Seokjin decided he wanted to come over or not, I’d be just fine. At least that’s what I tried convincing myself of…”

“Seokjin, we’re going to be headed our way now,” Mrs. Kim yells over the blasting music. God, did Jin feel like a teenager again. “If you change your mind well … we’ll be right next door!”

He hears her footsteps going down the stairs, signalling that she was gone.

Engaged …. You were really engaged ….

The image of the ring on your finger was the only thing that remained in his mind the night before, and it was what was haunting him even now. 

He wasn’t sure what came over him, you were happy, you had found love in someone else just like he’d hoped for years ago. 

He should’ve been ecstatic for you … but he wasn’t.

Several questions pondered in his mind once he saw it. Who was the guy? How did you meet? When were you sure you loved him? Was he treating you better than he ever did? Could he give you the future you always wanted? Just how happy were you?

Sighing, he gets up from bed, not wanting to sulk for any longer. 

He had to do something, anything, for the meanwhile that he was back home to get his mind off of this. And so grabbing his jacket, he prepares to leave, unsure of just how long he could be in the same proximity as you without doing something he’d regret.

The sounds of crickets chirping fills the air, a wine glass in your hand as you look at the stars above in the sky from the comfort of your front porch.

Inside, your parents were talking about the most mundane of things with Jin’s parents, while the kids were busy preoccupying themselves playing with their newly gifted Nintendo 64. And after getting tired of constantly losing to them, here you were, taking a break from the chaos going on inside.

Seojun was arriving tomorrow, from there you’d only be here for the remainder of the weekend and then back home to your apartment in Seoul, as if nothing ever happened. Ever since yesterday, something was eating at you. You just weren’t sure what. And the only thing you could look at to ease your anxiousness was the ring on your finger, a solid reminder that you had a future to look forward to and that the past was buried six feet under.

Taking a gulp of the drink in your hand, you mentally curse Jin. Why did he have to return? Out of all years, this had to be the one he chose to magically come back in? “Damn you Seok—”

“Y/N?” you look up to see the person you were just damning, car keys in hand. It looked as if he was originally planning on going somewhere, but must’ve walked over here once he saw you sitting here by yourself.

“Seokjin,” you say, a mixture of both shock and displeasure evident in your voice.

Relief washes over him when hearing your response because unbeknownst to you, from afar you looked as if you were completely knocked out, a result of the position you were in while you were deeply thinking. Immediately he eyes the wine glass in front of you, everything beginning to make sense.

“You looked um—” shaking his head, he disregards what he was going to say, “Sorry I’ll just get going.”

And maybe it was the wine talking, but rather than keep quiet and watch him leave, you call out to him, “You can—” you hesitate to continue, “You can sit here if you want,” you say, “that’s only if you want to of course, I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to because I’m not exactly physically capable of doing that and—”

Jin interrupts your tipsy rambling by sitting at an appropriate distance from you, a soft chuckle escaping from his lips, “You always did like getting drunk off wine,” he whispers under his breath, a small smile on his lips.

For a while, the two of you remain in silence, simply staring at the view above. That was of course until you asked him a simple question, “Where were you going?” you mumble.

Bringing his attention towards you, his eyes soften, “Just wanted some fresh air,” he simply answers, being completely truthful.

Silently you nod, “Mm that’s good,” you say, your cheeks a soft tinge of red because of the wine.

“So…”

“So…” you mimic him, causing him to playfully roll his eyes.

“How have you been?” he attempts to break the ice, “I realized I didn’t really ask you that yesterday…”

It was funny really, the two of you truly had become strangers in a sense, just like how he said you two would be that night. But in a way, it also made things more interesting, it was as if he was getting the chance to know you for the second time in his life.

“I’ve been..” you hesitate to find the right word, ultimately deciding on the simplest one you knew, “I’ve been good,” you say, “I’m doing something I love, have an apartment I completely adore, and I found someone—” you stop yourself from continuing.

“You found someone you love?” he says for you, and silently you nod, remaining silent for a moment.

“Why did you—” you pause before continuing, “Why did you become a businessman?” you ask, the question having been on your mind since the day before.

Casually, he shrugs, “There was no future in the world of entertainment for me y/n,” he states, “so I went back to college, worked my ass off, and got a degree in financial accounting. From there the job offers came pretty easily and now I’m a traveling business analyst.”

“Did you do it because of your da—”

He’s quick to nod his head no, “I did it for—,” and at the last second he changes what he was originally going to say, “I did it for myself,” and you feel yourself getting angry.

“But it wasn’t what you dreamed of, it wasn’t something you loved!” you unintentionally shout.

“Hey hey hey,” he places a hand on your shoulder, “any louder and the whole neighborhood will hear you,” he attempts to joke around, and you feel your face get redder than it already was.

Letting go of your shoulder, he looks back up to the stars, his voice becoming soft, “The night I told you about wanting to seriously pursue becoming a director, you told me that if I failed, the real question would be if I’d be able to accept it…” your gaze falls on him while he continues to look up into the sky, “At first I wasn’t able to… I was too ashamed to admit to failure, but—” he smiles, “when I finally did, it almost felt liberating. And so I realized sometimes you have to give up the things you love, for a better shot at a future.”

Bullshit.

Complete bullshit.

That’s what you want to say to him.

And so you do.

“That’s complete utter bullshit Seokjin,” you mutter, taking a sip of your drink, “because if it isn’t then that makes you a selfish person, and you’re the farthest thing from selfish. So that’s just bullshit and you know it.”

He laughs, “It is, isn't it?”

Not expecting him to agree, you look at him in shock before grouchily looking away, focusing your gaze on anything but him.

Failing to hear the brief sharp hissing sound of his zipper being pulled down, you suddenly feel the placement of his sweater over your shoulders. You furrow your brows in confusion, “You’re shivering like a chihuahua,” he explains, scratching his neck like he always did whenever he was nervous.

Crossing your arms, you attempt to hide your face which you were sure by now was as red as a tomato. What the hell were you doing? Sitting here talking to your ex boyfriend of 6 years while your fianceé was probably well on his way here… it was wrong, it was inappropriate. So then if you knew that then why did it feel so … you brush the thought off before you could complete it.

“Because he was your friend first and as much as you hate to admit it,  he'll always mean something to you…” you tell yourself, feeling guilty at the thought.

“Y/N?” he says your name, bringing you back to reality.

You look at him, wondering why he said your name out of the blue.

“Do you—” it was now his turn to hesitate, “Do you hate me?” he finally asks, and immediately your mind says no. You could never hate him, even if you wanted to.

He stares at you, anxiously waiting for a response.

“No I don’t.” you simply say, not bothering to elaborate any further, but for Jin that was enough. It was enough to tell him that you still …

“Seojun…” you whisper under your breath, a car pulling into the driveway of your house, a look of surprise on your face. Immediately you push off the jacket from your shoulders, catching Seokjin by surprise.

“So this is who he is…” Jin thinks to himself, watching the handsome man come out of the car, a grin on his face as he locks eyes with you.

Walking towards him, Jin watches as you lovingly greet the man with a kiss to the cheek, the two of you then walking towards him. “Seojun this is Seokjin, his parents are the neighbors,” Seojun offers his hand out, a polite smile on his face, “Seokjin this is Seojun, my fianceé,” the two shake hands. Your past and present finally meeting.

“Seokjin which means to be a great treasure,” Seojun attempts to make small conversation.

“He’s a linguist,” you explain, awkwardly chuckling, noting the fake smile on Seokjin’s face.

“Mm I see,” he mumbles, bitterness in his voice.

“I thought you weren’t coming till tomorrow?” you ask your fianceé, still surprised by his sudden appearance.

He shrugs, “What can I say, I got bored,” he laughs, “So I said my goodbyes early, and decided why not come here to surprise you,” he kisses your forehead, and Jin feels the green eyed monster making its way out.

“Well I should get going,” Jin states.

“You sure?” you widen your eyes at Seojun’s sudden question, “I mean I love your dad y/n but it’d be nice to have someone else to talk to,” he chuckles, “and well I definitely wanna hear about what y/n was like as a teenager from someone who isn’t one of her parents.”

You and Jin both make awkward eye contact, unsure of what to say. “Maybe some other time,” Jin manages to say, “I have to um…” he flusters, “um..”

“Finish typing up that business report you were talking about,” you make an excuse for him.

He snaps his fingers, pretending that that was what he was trying to say, “Mmhmm yeah!” he scratches his neck, “My job just doesn’t want me resting, not even for the holidays, you know how it is...” he adds on, coming for the Actor of the Year award at next year's Oscars.

Seojun surprisingly believes it, “Damn, that’s too bad,” he scratches his chin, a sign that he was thinking of something, “Well are you coming to our engagement party? Maybe we can talk then,” he says, and if your eyes weren’t already wide enough, by now they were well on their way to falling onto the floor. Seojun was just too kind for his own good.

Jin practically chokes on his own spit, “I um—”

Realizing that you probably forgot to invite him, Seojun interrupts before Jin could feel any more embarrassed, “January 12, at the Lotte Hotel in Seoul, 6PM sharp.”

Feeling his face get red, Seokjin nods, “Yeah I’ll be there,” he forces a laugh.

Patting his shoulder, Seojun smiles, “I look forward to talking to you then,” he says, beginning to make his way inside, with you following closely behind, a guilt-ridden look on your face.

Now by himself, Jin silently cursed to himself. Damn him! Seojun wasn’t at all the asshole Seokjin made him out to be in his head. But damn did he want him to be one…. then it’d be much easier to hate the man, and it’d make him much less guilty for what he was planning to do….

“After that night, I’d go to sleep scared. Not because I was in danger in anything, but because I was scared about the feelings I’d repressed for so long now starting to return. I was scared of looking back…”

Patting down your black fitted cocktail dress, you look at yourself in the mirror for a final time, “Everything is going to be just fine,” you whisper to yourself, having cooped yourself in the ladies restroom for quite some time now. 

You couldn’t help it, the moment you saw the twins walk in with Jin’s mother, you knew it was only a matter of time before Jin walked in.

Ever since that Christmas weekend, his sudden return into your life had been eating you alive. You had gotten over him, you were sure of it. No … you are over him. Point. Blank.

This ring you wore on your finger signified that you were over him, that there was a different future to look forward to now. That whatever was meant to be in the past was no longer an option for you now. Right?

The door suddenly opens, “Y/N, there you are!” your mom comes in with an upset look on her face, “the host of the party can’t just disappear whenever she wants to,” she scolds.

Staring at her with a doe eyed look, you want to tell her everything. Everything that you were currently feeling, every question, every doubt that was crossing your mind since Jin’s return. But instead you just look away, making your way out.

“Taiwan huh? I’ve always wanted to visit there,” you hear your future brother-in-law, Hoseok, say. 

He, along with Seojun, Seokjin, and some other guests were currently discussing God knows what in a social circle.

“Y/N,” Seojun calls out to you, a grin on his face.

Immediately you make eye contact with Jin, feeling your every movement being scrutinized under his gaze. 

Sucking it up, you plaster a smile onto your face, reminding yourself that in a couple of hours you’d be in bed, with the only other times you’d have to see Jin being your rehearsal dinner, which was the night before the wedding, and the wedding day itself. And even then he would just have to be another face in the crowd of guests.

Seojun places a kiss to your cheek, “Jin was just talking about his adventures in Taiwan, I’m thinking it might be a good destination for our honeymoon,” he says with genuine excitement in his tone. Oh how naive he was…

“Oh…” is all you can say, struggling to keep the smile on your face, “um yeah, I guess that would be a nice place to go, wouldn’t it?” you attempt to stay engaged with the conversation, and it seemed as if it was enough to fool Seojun because soon he was talking about something else with another guest. 

But clearly it wasn’t enough to fool Jin, as he currently had his gaze fixed on you, occasionally taking a sip out of the glass of whiskey in his hand.

“I think I’m gonna go out and get a breath of fresh air,” you whisper to Seojun’s ear, and silently he nods, distracted by the conversation he was currently having.

Going out, you make sure not to be seen by your mother, knowing that she’d only scold you again for trying to leave. And so like the cowardly person you were, all you could do was hide and wait in the hotel’s little garden, sitting on the stone bench, the smell of the flowers somewhat relaxing you. 

God, did you just want this night to be over already…

“You shouldn’t have come here,” you suddenly say, feeling the presence of someone behind you, but you knew exactly who it was.

“You looked sad,” you hear Jin say, genuine concern in his voice.

You remain silent.

Sighing, he sits next to you, the moonlight framing his face in such a way that he almost looks ethereal. “Originally I wasn’t going to,” he says, understanding the double meaning to your words, for you meant that he shouldn’t have came to this event at all, “But I needed to see it with my own eyes, confirm that it wasn’t just some—”

“What? Some joke?” you scoff, “Some wretched attempt at getting over you…”

Now it was his turn to remain silent.

You shake your head, “3 years Seokjin,” you say, “3 years you were gone and you just had to come back the year I get engaged,” you bitterly chuckle, wishing you had a drink in your hand, “funny how life works huh?”

Silently he nods, agreeing with you, “I guess it was just a natural sense,” he attempts to joke around, but you remain silent, “I’m sorry,” he randomly says and you look at him confused, “For coming back,” he elaborates on the apology, “if I’d known beforehand I wouldn’t have come back to town for both of our sakes,” he chuckles, being completely honest.

“Hand me that,” you motion to the drink in his hand, and without question he does. Taking a giant gulp, you then finally say something, “I’m getting married in 6 months Seokjin,” you remind him of your future fate, “it was going to happen before you came back, and it’s happening even after,” you turn to face him, wanting to make sure he understood that at this very moment you were placing a line between you two, one that you hoped was unbreakable.

He returns to stare, “I know y/n,” he simply responds.

“Do you?” your face twists into a frown, “Because I know you Seokjin and something in my gut is telling me that—”

“Y/N I know,” he repeats, “but just answer one thing for me…” he pauses, contemplating on whether to continue but does so anyway, “Do you really love him?”

And just as you’re about to respond, he interrupts, “But I mean genuinely y/n, enough where you really can picture the rest of your life with him with absolutely no regrets, no what if’s…” he adds.

Could you? You ask yourself. Could you really imagine being with Seojun with no regrets…..

To Jin, your silence was enough of an answer, but before he could get a word in, a voice suddenly interrupts, “Y/N!” Seojun calls out, “There you are,” he exhales a relieved sigh, “We’re about to cut the cake,” he glances at Jin, nodding as a way of saying hello.

“Oh right ...” you get up from the bench, a black cloud hanging over your head, “I’ll see you at the wedding Seokjin,” you look at Jin a final time, the statement ultimately acting as your answer.

“The six months went by in the blink of an eye, but each and every night when I went to bed, it ate me alive. 

The lies I was telling my fianceé, the lies I was telling myself, everything was just becoming too much. 

And as the date loomed closer and closer, it was only getting worse. And so the night before the rehearsal dinner I finally came clean…”

Staring up at the ceiling of your bedroom, you’d become accustomed to the sleepless nights for the last six months, faint lines beginning to form under your eyes. 

In less than 48 hours you’d be a married woman, welcoming a future you’d always wanted. So then why was it now, you still couldn’t get a wink of sleep.

“Wedding jitters?” you hear Seojun whisper beside you, and you find yourself shocked that he was still awake. Usually he was quick to fall asleep, a deep sleeper as well, so to find him awake was pretty unusual.

You remain silent, hoping he’d just fall asleep, but like the caring person he was, he softly nudges you despite knowing that you were ignoring him, “Seojun, go to sleep, it’s late,” you mumble in the darkness, reminding you of a memory from long ago.

“Something’s bothering you,” he says, now turning to face you, and he nudges you a second time, “You know you can tell me anything…” he adds, wanting to reassure you.

This was your chance, your chance to tell him everything before it was too late. It was speak now or forever hold your peace, and so sighing, you position yourself to sit up, turning on the bedside lamp.

“Seojun I haven’t been completely honest with you…” you announce, now avoiding eye contact. “And well you deserve to know the truth because you’re an amazing person who deserves nothing but the bes—”

“Y/N,” he interrupts you, a soft laugh emitting from his lips, “I know Seokjin is your ex, and I know he still loves you,” he drops the bombshell of news on you, and you could’ve sworn you felt your jaw hit the floor.

“W-wait w-w-what?” you manage to breathe out, and it only makes him laugh again.

He now sits up, nodding his head, “I knew the moment you introduced his parents as the neighbors rather than calling him an old friend,” he chuckles, “you were trying to make it seem a little too platonic,” your face squirms, “and well you’re not exactly the best liar,” he pauses, “Plus your mom isn’t exactly a quiet speaker so when I heard her rambling to your dad about the situation, I sorta just knew.”

“T-then why didn’t you call me out on it?” you immediately ask, but before he could respond, you continue to ramble, “God, I’m so sorry Seojun,” tears well up in your eyes, “I love you, I really do,” you say, completely truthful, “but I-I-I—” you struggle to continue.

“But you also love him,” he completes for you, a look of understanding on his face.

Immediately you nod your head no, “No I don’t it’s just—”

“Y/N it’s fine,” he says, grabbing your hand, but you still refuse to admit it.

“No Seojun, you don’t get it. I love you, I do, more than you ever know and I’m ready to start our future together but—” you look away, “as much as I hate to admit it I’m always going to feel something for him because he was my first love,” you whisper the last part, “but you’re my last,” you reaffirm.

Seojun smiles sadly before sighing, “I know, which is why I sorta just let it be that night at the engagement party because well... I figured that if you were able to make it to the aisle without turning back it meant that you truly did love me,” he pauses, “Because even now you have the choice to turn back y/n, you do understand that right? I won’t be mad, I won’t be too sad, and I won’t hate you for it because I understand,” he says and you feel a teardrop fall from your eye, “that night I overheard him ask you if you really loved me and though you didn’t immediately say yes, you also didn’t flat out say no. And so it seems you’re at a crossroad… ” he whispers.

“Seojun…” 

He squeezes your hand, “When you step on that aisle then I’ll have no doubt that you’ve completely unregrettably chosen me,” he says, “and if you don’t then I’ll know you were just never meant to be mine,” he smiles softly.

A silence follows.

“Tomorrow he’s going to the rehearsal dinner, and I’m assuming it’ll act as his hail mary. His final attempt at getting you back,” he suddenly says, “and so it’ll be your time to make a decision … a future with me or a look back at the past with Seokjin,” and he kisses your cheek, his way of saying goodnight before making himself comfortable in bed again, quickly falling asleep, and leaving you in the same sleepless state you were already in before.

He was right, knowing Seokjin tomorrow he was going to do something because you were 100% sure that he would never grow the balls to object to the matrimony in front of everyone. And so as the clock kept ticking, it was only up to you to decide your future.

“The next night came quicker than expected. After all of the guest greetings and pretentious conversations I had to make, it was time for the guests to make a toast. By then I had already made a decision in my mind, I just didn’t expect everything to happen the way it did….

For over the last 50 years I’ve constantly looked back at that night and have asked myself where it went wrong, what could’ve gone differently, what if this, and what if that… as it was never meant to escalate to the point it reached...

But it did … and as much I would love to go back in time and change everything, I can’t. And that’s just something I’ve had to accept, no matter how much it hurts…”

Clink. Clink. Clink.

You eye Jin as he gets up from his seat, his glass of sparkling water in his hand. 

You’d been avoiding him like the plague the whole night, just wanting to get to the wedding day as soon as possible.

You attempt to remain calm. 

He wouldn’t do it, not here in front of everyone. If he really cared for you like you believed him to, then he wouldn’t. 

You knew Jin, and he was the kind of person to pull you to the side or find you alone like at the night of the engagement party in order to tell you something. Never would he stoop so low to do something like this…

Feigning a cough, he speaks, “I want to make this as quick as possible, don’t want to take too much of everyone’s time,” Jin’s mother glances at yours, the two of them unsure of what was going on, “So where do I begin…” Seojun looks at you with an impassive expression, your conversation from the night before coming to fruition, “Ahh I know,” Jin snaps his fingers, “So for anyone who doesn’t know, I actually dated y/n first…”

“Seokjin,” his mother attempts to stop him by harshly whispering his name, but he relents.

“We dated for about 6 years actually, to a point where we sure that we’d spend the rest of our lives together,” he scoffs, “but then I ruined that by breaking up with her,” he reminds you and everyone else around you of the fateful night, “which I know is shitty of me to realize just now how much of a mistake it was. But I mean what are the chances that I come back the year you’re about to get engaged, I mean that has to mean something right?” he rambles, almost as if talking to himself, convincing himself that this was the right thing to do.

Everyone sits in shock of the words spewing out of his mouth, certain that this was only something that happened in movies, never imagining that it could actually happen in real life, “I’m only saying this now because I realize it’d be even more of a dick move of me to object in front of everyone,” he chuckles to himself, “And so I’m doing this now, in front of everyone y/n…” he locks eyes with you, “I’m sorry,” he whispers, “but this is our last chance, a final shot at the future you’ve always wanted... with me.”

The silence in the room was deafening.

Slowly you get up, a heavy feeling weighing down your chest as you clear your throat before speaking, “I know this is a lot to ask but if everyone can get up and momentarily leave the room, I’d really appreciate it,” you announce, “I’d like to talk to my friend privately for a moment,” you look down to Seojun who nods understandingly.

Without question, Seojun begins to lead everyone out, until ultimately it was only you and Seokjin standing by yourselves, a scene all too familiar to you. 

“Y/N…” he begins, but you’re quick to cut him off, your hand placed on your temple.

“Why?” your voice breaks, any emotion you’d been withholding beginning to unravel, “Just why?” is all you’re able to ask.

“Because you don’t love him y/n,” he whispers loud enough for you to hear, and it’s at hearing that, that you feel a shift in mood.

“But I do Seokjin!” you yell, seeing nothing but red now.

Silence momentarily lingers in the air, until you scoff.

“What were you thinking, Seokjin? That you could just come back into my life and I’d welcome you back with open arms?” you ask, tears welling up in your eyes, threatening to fall with every word you got out.

He shakes his head, “No but—” he hesitates, walking closer to you, “what are the chances y/n? What are the chances I come back to town the year you’re getting married—”

“The only reason I’m getting married to someone else is because you left me!” you interrupt him, reminding him of the choice he made years ago.

He looks away, “You don’t get it y/n,” he mumbles under his breath, beginning to grow frustrated.

“What’s there not to get Seokjin?” you push at him, now yelling, “If I hadn’t gone looking for you that night, I would’ve been left with nothing but a goddamn note—”

“I was doing what was best for you!” he yells in return.

“For me?” your voice shakes, “Leaving me at a diner in the middle of the goddamn night with some poor excuse wasn’t the best for me! Leaving me to cry in bed, by myself, for almost 2 years straight wasn’t the best for me! Leaving me, not knowing where the hell you were for almost 3 years wasn’t the best for me!” you finally explode, years and years of anger now revealing itself.

“Everything I had felt, the sadness, the anger, the frustration, everything … was finally being released…”

“I begged for you that night Seokjin, begged!” you emphasize, the tears that had been building up, now falling hysterically.

“I was just trying to do what was best for you,” he says, completely and wholeheartedly honest, because it was true. At the time he really was doing it all for you, and you understood that now, truly you did.

“But I just couldn’t let it go… I was still hurt, and that hurt was what was holding me back. That hurt was what was preventing me from walking out the back door with him, ready to finally start that future with him I always wanted…”

“I didn’t need you to do anything for me!” you yell, “I was a grown woman Seokjin! Capable of making my own decisions, just like I am now!” your heartbeat slows down, “I gave you my heart that night Jin!” your voice cracks, not only feeling your heart break for the second time in your life, but all by the same person, “It was you who left me! Not me, you!”

“Because I didn’t want to hold you back y/n,” his voice breaks, “Because at the time I couldn’t give you the things you wanted.”

“And I told you I didn’t care!” you cry out, “Because for me all that mattered was being by your side…” a silence follows, “You were my first love Seokjin,” you breathe out, “the first boy to make me feel completely and unconditionally loved and so for that I thank you,” you say, “I really do…” you grab his hand, “but this—” you struggle to say the words.

“But this is the end,” a tear falls down from his eye, and you can only stare at him in sadness.

“I’m choosing Seojun, completely and unregrettably,” you whisper, placing a final soft kiss to his cheek, “I’m sorry,” I’m sorry for being unable to let go, is what you want to say.

“So then I should go,” he quietly says, and silently you nod, letting go of his hand in the process.

And he watches you as you walk away, “Y/N,” he says your name for a final time and you turn around, sadness still etched in your face. 

There’s a brief silence before he continues.

“Live—” he hesitates, “Live a life you’ll be proud of,” he reminds you, and to that you send him a small smile. A chapter in your life coming to its end.

“And so the next day was the wedding....” 

“How are you feeling y/n?” your mom comes up to you from behind, practically feeling just as nervous as you were.

You pat down your dress, sighing in the process. Ever since last night, there was a churning feeling in your stomach that had been bothering you, but you reasoned with yourself that it must’ve been due to the events of the night prior, “Nervous but I should be good to go,” you respond, and your mom gives you a smile of reassurance.

Curious to see how many guests had arrived already, you look out the window of the room you were in, which gave a perfect view of the venue. Scanning across, it seemed like everyone was here except… 

“Where’s Mrs. Kim?” you ask, “and the twins?”

After last night’s events, Mrs. Kim had gone up to you frantically apologizing for her son’s behavior, rambling about understanding if you didn’t want her at the wedding anymore, but you were quick to tell her that it was fine. That just because Jin did what he did, didn’t mean you didn’t want her attending. Which was why now seeing her seat empty along with the twins’, you were not only confused but a little hurt.

“Maybe they’re stuck in traffic,” she reasons, “they did leave quite late,” she adds.

Deciding it was best not to dwell on it too much, you push it to the back of your mind, “Let’s get this show on the road,” you ultimately say, ready to get married.

“You have to remember that in the early 2000’s, not everyone had mobile phones yet because of how expensive they were. People were still used to calling a house phone by memory and crossing their fingers that you’d pick up. You couldn’t just send a text message to absolutely anyone whenever something of importance happened…” you explain, your voice beginning to shake, “you couldn’t inform someone of an emergency until God knows when,” a tear falls from your eye, “Because if you could, then—” you let out a heart wrenching sob.

“Grandma?” Jia says in concern.

“Then I would’ve never gone through with that wedding…”

Seokjin was tired, no … he was exhausted. 

God, was he such an idiot. What the hell was he thinking doing that? You were right, did he really think he could just waltz back into your life and everything would just go back what it once was? And to see you cry like that only made him realize even more of what a complete selfish asshole he was.

But at least, you both found closure right? That was all that—

The sound of Seokjin’s car engine making an ugly noise breaks him away from his thoughts. Almost immediately, he pulls over to the side of the road, purposely stopping near a payphone for reference.

Grabbing the flashlight from his compartment box, he gets out of the car and lifts up the hood of the car.

“Hmm...” he hums, nothing seemed wrong. It was probably just his car’s way of saying that it needed to be replaced by a newer model soon. 

He smiles, tapping the hood once he placed it back down. He’s had this thing since his first year in college, it being by his side almost as long as you had been, if not more.

Yawning, he gets back in the car, the need to fall asleep becoming a little too overwhelming. Placing the key back in the keyhole, he turns it in order to turn on the ignition, but to his surprise the car refuses to start, “Come on LadyBug,” he says, the name of the car being something you and him both made up on a drunken whim, it sticking ever since.

Deciding to be stubborn tonight, LadyBug relents. 

Sighing he grabs his Nokia phone from the glove compartment, the giant words of “NO SIGNAL” only making him sigh more. He just wanted to go home and sleep already.

Getting out of the car once more, he walks towards the phone booth, inserts a quarter, and dials the number of his parent’s house phone. As much as he hated to ask for help, desperate times called for desperate measures, and his dad should be home.

“You have reached the voicemail box of 45x-7x8-87xx, please leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeep,” the automated voice instructs.

Seokjin groans, maybe his dad was asleep, “Hey dad, I’m sorta stranded out here with a car that doesn’t seem to want to start and well … I think Mom is still at the rehearsal dinner with the twins,” Seokjin begins to ramble, “She’s probably on her way back home, but you know her,” he chuckles, scratching his neck, “she still refuses to get a mobile phone so there’s really no way of calling her till she gets home,” despite his father not being on the line, he still felt awkward asking him for a favor, “I’m on interstate 6, you know … the usual route to get from Gwacheon to Seoul. Well, I’m gonna try calling someone else just in case you’re asleep… bye,” he hangs up the phone, disappointed that he was going to be stuck here longer than he hoped for.

Who else could he call, hmmm.

Ah! Yoongi! Hell maybe even Taehyung or Namjoon! Though it’d been a while since he last saw them, he was sure they’d be willing to do him the favor.

Quickly dialing their numbers one after another, he’s met with the same automated message of, “We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check your number and try your call again.”

“Damn, they probably changed numbers,” Seokjin mumbles to himself, unsure of what to do.

Glancing at the time in his watch, he realizes just how late it was. Who else could he call….

The image of you appears in his mind, but he’s quick to shake his head no. He was the last person who could call to ask for a favor, but damn was your number the only number he had left in his memory. 

And it wasn’t like he could sleep in his car for the night, that was only an invitation to get robbed on the side of the road. 

He needed some kind of help, and quickly at that. And the chances that you were already home were pretty high, never being much of a partier to begin with.

“Fuck it,” he mutters, promising himself that this would be the last time he ever asked you for anything. He could only hope that you still lived in the same apartment….

“We should really start heading back home,” you whisper to Seojun’s ear, the rehearsal dinner having only awkwardly resumed about an hour or two ago. Things were barely beginning to get comfortable again among the guests, not like you could really blame them, they had just witnessed something that looked like it came out of a movie.

“Y/N,” he chuckles, “Have some fun,” he says, as this was probably your 10th time saying this in the last hour, “You deserve it,” he tries to convince you, your whole mood having gone sour since the whole mishap.

Sighing, you look away shyly, “I don’t know Seojun—”

“Come onnnn,” he teases, gently pulling you into a hug, “Just one more hour.”

You roll your eyes, “Hm fine,” you say, easily convinced, “but only one,” you reaffirm.

He nods, “only one.”

“Hello, we are currently either sleeping or—Jin I’m making the message for the voicemail thingy majiggy—” the sound of a high pitched laugh in the background is heard, and Jin remembers how he had been poking fun at you for using your “I mean business” voice, “as I was saying, we are currently either sleeping or at work! Sorry we couldn’t reach your call at this time, but please please please leave a message after the beep and we’ll make sure to get back to you as soon as we can! You ready? Beeeeeep!”

Jin laughs at how silly you sounded, surprised that you hadn’t changed the message in the last 3 years. It probably meant you had no reason to, considering it was pretty rare that you didn’t pick up a phone. 

Meaning maybe you weren’t picking up on purpose….

Jin shakes his head, reminding himself that he was calling on a payphone and that there was no way you could see it was him. It was just self doubt getting to him.

“Hey y/n it’s me um Seokjin,” he awkwardly laughs, “I know I don’t really deserve to be asking you for a favor right now, but um,” he exhales a deep breath, “I’m sorta stranded right now and well I tried calling everyone else I could think of at the top of my head, I swear, but no one picks up,” he wants to make sure you understand that you really were his last option, “I promise that after this it’ll be the last time you see or hear of me, but I’m just really tired and well I just wanna go home and sleep. So if you can, I’ll be on interstate 6 with LadyBug,” he chuckles, “Um …” he’s unsure of how to end the voicemail, “I’ll see you soon then… bye ….”

Sighing, he walks back to his car, deciding he was going to try one more time before officially giving up. Twisting the key, he could only cross his fingers that it’d start up.

Vrooom.

A toothy grin appears on Jin’s face as he childishly celebrates, “Oh thank God,” he whispers to himself, rubbing his eyes and preparing himself for the drive ahead.

“Y/N,” your mom calls out to you from the dance floor, a shock ridden expression on her face, “Y/N!” she yells again, this time grabbing your attention.

“What is it mom?” you ask, unaware of the severity of what she was about to tell you.

“We need to go outside, I—” she seems out of breath, “I need to tell you something,” her voice shakes, and an immediate concern covers your face.

“Right now?” you ask, confused as to what could be so important that she needed to tell you at this very moment, in the middle of your wedding reception.

Silently she nods, leading you outside, her hand intertwined with yours. Your dad, with a solemn expression on his face, follows not too far behind.

“Something’s happened y/n…” she begins, voice wavering, “It’s about Seokjin…”

Inaudible words are spoken. 

And soon you fall to the ground, the shock paralyzing you in such a way that you were sure this had to be some cruel nightmare, the sound of silent muffled sobs escaping your lips and filling the air. 

A tragic story coming to its end.

“He died that night driving,” you hauntingly say, “A car had swerved into the opposite lane, and he was just too tired,” your voice shakes, “He didn’t see it in time,” tears fall down your eyes, “He died that night thinking I didn’t love him when in reality I loved him more than ever before. I was just too prideful to admit it,” you wipe the tears from your cheeks.

Jimin and Jia were at a loss for words, shock running through their veins, their eyes wet with their own tears, “You-You’re lying…” Jimin’s voice breaks, unable to comprehend what you had just told them.

“His mom didn’t get the call from the police until she got home, and even then she immediately rushed to the hospital, clinging onto the tiny bit of hope that he’d be just fine,” you shake your head, lips quivering at the recollection of everything, “She told my mom the next by calling my dad’s travel phone, felt like as a close friend … I deserved to know.”

“Grandma…” Jia says weakly.

“I always ask myself what if I hadn’t agreed to stay that extra hour that night. What if I had gone home like I should’ve and heard that voicemail? Because if I had, I would’ve gone to go get him without even a second thought. But like I said, I’ve just had to accept that what happened happened, and there’s nothing I could do to change that.”

Seojun gently knocks on your bedroom door, dressed in an all black suit, “Y/N…” he softly says your name, “Today’s the funeral… you,” he pauses, “you have to get up…” his voice is gentle, but firm, “You—” he hesitates, “You have to go y/n, you have to say goodbye,” he whispers.

He hears you attempt to muffle your sobs, just like you had been for every night of the last month. But in a room full of utter silence, it was almost impossible not to hear you. 

“Y/N…” he slowly enters the dark room, heart breaking at the sight of you aimlessly staring at the ceiling. Sitting beside you, he begins to gently run his hand through your hair, an effort to comfort you.

But the heartfelt action only makes you sob harder, reminding you of the person you had lost, “I—” you barely croak the words out, “I just want to sleep,” you whisper, because you knew that it was only in your dreams that this wretched reality no longer existed. It was only in your dreams that he still… existed. It was the only time you were truly happy.

But by going to that funeral, it meant coming to face with the reality that everything was indeed real. That Kim Seokjin was truly dead.

“I know you do y/n…” he frowns, “but you have to say goodbye,” he repeats his words from earlier.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Didn’t he understand? You didn’t want to say goodbye! You weren’t ready, and you weren’t sure if you were ever going to be.

“I don’t want to,” your voice cracks, face feeling moist because of how much you’d been crying.

“I-I know y/n but—” he’s unsure of what to say. What the hell could he say? You were mourning, you were heartbroken. The man you loved more than the world itself was dead, and there was nothing that could be done about it.

“I have to say goodbye,” you quietly mumble into space, the phrase echoing inside your mind, “I have to say goodbye,” you repeat for a final time, an empty look in your eyes.

The rain pours as you watch the casket get lowered, almost as if grieving itself.

There’s a haunting emptiness in the atmosphere, everyone still in too much shock and disbelief to believe that this was all real.

All you could do was blankly stare at what was in front of you, trying your best to tune out Mrs. Kim’s raw sobs, the sound being too much to bear. 

She had lost her very first born. The child she learned how to nurture, the child whose job was for her to protect, the child who was one of her greatest joys in this world, but most importantly the child she had no doubt loved unconditionally. And so to hear her cry with such a deep hysteria…. it was just too much….

Your mom squeezes your hand tightly, knowing that no words could take away the pain that you were feeling. She had first hand witnessed the love Kim Seokjin had for you, watching it go from a faint crush when you two were teenagers to a love so strong she was once sure it was unbreakable. You were going to get through this dark period in your life, that she was sure of, but the real question was when exactly would you come to accept it.

The clergy makes the final cross motion, ending his eulogy with God knows what because right now everything was just a big blur for you. Because even now with the sight of his casket being lowered six feet under and seeing both his mother and siblings cry like never before, it just didn’t feel real.

Slowly members of his family begin to leave after bidding their final goodbyes, with the occasional number of them stopping to give you their condolences, only making your heart wrench even more. You weren’t his wife, so why were they treating you like some widow? You didn’t deserve their consolation because you didn’t choose him. Like the horrible person you were, you just watched him leave that night. If it weren’t for you—

“Y/N?” a familiar voice interrupts your thoughts.

Turning, you feel your body go cold, “Y-Yoongi?” and beside him were none other than Namjoon and Taehyung, all three of them having tear stained eyes. 

With sad eyes, they give you a small smile, clearly hurting themselves at the loss of their dear friend.

Soon you’re embraced in a hug by them, your body still in disbelief at the sight of them. It had been so long since you’d last seen them, years in fact. Never did you imagine your reunion with them would be here.

“W-we would’ve gotten here sooner but we caught traffic,” Taehyung says with a weak voice, eyes on the verge of spilling more tears.

And for the first time in a month, a small smile appears on your face, “You’re—” you sniffle, “You’re such a bad liar,” and he pulls you in for another hug, this time allowing those tears to fall.

The four of you soon stand in silence, words not having to be exchanged in order to understand what you were all feeling.

Namjoon suddenly speaks, “The last time I saw him was was the day he first came back into town, Christmas,” Yoongi smiles at the memory, all three of them being there, “He stopped by our apartment before going back to his mom’s, said he wanted to say hi,” Joon continues, “even apologized for just disappearing out of nowhere.”

“Tch that idiot,” Yoongi mumbles, “he said the first place he wanted to go was the diner but that they were closed,” Yoongi’s eyes glisten, trying his best not to cry.

“He then promised that for the next time he saw us, he’d to treat us to a meal and some soju,” Taehyung feigns a laugh, “We never got to take him up on it though...” his eyes lower.

“But the thing I’ll remember the most was his horrible attempt at finding out how you were after all those years,” Namjoon shakes his head, a dimpled smile appearing on his face.

Yoongi’s face lights up, remembering just how much he teased Jin that night, “You should’ve seen him,” he chuckles, “Not only were his ears red like how they’d always get but his whole face as well,”  tears fall from Yoongi’s face as he laughs, “He looked like a tomato.”

“Ah and the mullet,” Taehyung reminds them, and soon the clear image of the Jin you’d fallen in love with when you were seventeen appears in your mind.

And for the first time since their appearance, you speak, “He—” you softly chuckle, “He was always convinced he’d bring them back in style,” and the boys feel a sudden sense of happiness in seeing you talk about him.

“Yeah he was—” Namjoon suddenly stops speaking, the boys and him now staring at something behind you.

It was Mrs. Kim, who was now walking towards the four of you, a box in her hands. A solemn smile graces her face.

One by one, she hugs each one of them, turning her attention towards you last, “I was—” she pauses, “I was hoping I could talk to you, privately,” she says, the boys silently nodding and bidding a silent farewell to you, glad to have made you smile, even if it was for a temporary moment.

She leads you to a bench, not too far away from his grave. 

By now the rain had stopped and the sky was now a gloomy shade of gray. 

Placing the box on her lap, for a small moment both of you simply stare at the view in front of you in silence.

You hadn’t talked to her since the night of your rehearsal dinner, not because you didn’t want to, but because looking at her reminded you so much of him. It reminded you of that first day you met him, how she had forced him to show you around town, not knowing that the two of you would be head over heels for one another years down the road. She, along with your mom, had always been your guys’ number one fan, always rooting for the both of you.

“He really did love you,” she stares off into the distance, “up until his very last breath, I’m sure,” she whispers.

You lower your gaze, unable to look at her.

Oddly enough, there was a peaceful aura in the air, both quiet and serene. Just like he would’ve loved it to be. He never did like seeing people cry.

“Whenever he’d come back home to visit, you should’ve seen the way his eyes would light up when he’d talk about you,” she smiles, “always eager to talk about what you were doing with your career,” she fiddles with her wedding ring, “Sungjin would get peeved but Seokjin wouldn’t care,” she chuckles, “he just loved you that much.”

At the mention of his father, only then fo you realize that you hadn’t seen him at all the entire service, “Where’s—” you’re hesitant to ask, not wanting to push boundaries, “Where’s Mr. Kim?” you croak. Yeah, he and Jin didn’t have the best relationship, but did that really matter now? Did any of it matter at this point?

She bitterly smiles, “He’s grieving in his own way,” she says, her voice breaking and her eyes still watery, “Those two had a tough love relationship,” she feigns a laugh, “but—” her voice cracks, “I always secretly knew that Seokjin was Sungjin’s favorite,” she sniffles her tears, “he just wasn’t good at showing it.”

You try your best not to cry, too physically and emotionally exhausted to sob any more. To you, it was just better to be numb than to feel every single emotion heightened, but God was it so hard. Everything just had to be so fucking hard. 

Tightly, you grip the bench with your fingers, biting your lip in effort to suppress your emotions.

Slowly, she begins to open the box, pulling out what seemed to be childhood photos of Jin. 

A genuine smile appears on her face as she begins to show you them, wet tears splashing onto the squared photos, “I—” she stutters, “I wanted you to have these,” she begins to explain, handing some of the photos off to you, “I tried looking for the photos and videos he’d take when you two met but,” she frowns, “but I don’t if he threw them away or—” she begins to ramble, “so I brought you these instead. I’m sorry they’re not of the exact memory you have of him,” she feigns a chuckle, “you know Seokjin,” she scratches the back of her neck, reminding you of exactly where Jin got his mannerisms from, “he never did like taking pictures.”

She flips through more of the photos, “I’m sorry there’s not that many,” her voice shakes, “I just—”

She needed to keep her memories of him too, is what you know she wants to say. 

You notice that she’s also thrown some of Jin’s favorite things in the box, his denim jacket, the original little Mario figure he had always kept on his bed stand and his favorite Mariah Carey album, Daydream.

“I understand Mrs. Kim,” you softly say, “Thank you,” you whisper to her, embracing her in a tight hug.

“I should be the one thanking you,” she says in return. Thank you for loving him, are the unspoken words that linger in the air.

“I should—” you lower your gaze, “I should get going,” you say, feeling as if the world was spinning, your breathing now becoming rapid.

With the cardboard box in your hands, she watches as you hurriedly leave, only hoping that rather than haunt you, things could one day get better for you.

Running as far as you could, you hide behind a pillar. 

It was all too much. 

Everything was just too much.

Finally, silent sobs escape your mouth as you squat against the cement pillar. Grabbing his jacket from the box, you sob into it. 

You just couldn’t let go.

As much as you wanted this all to be some horrible nightmare, you knew deep down it wasn’t. This mind numbing pain was all too real and unbearable for it to be some dream. You weren’t going to be waking up and finding Jin by your bedside, you weren’t going to hear his high pitched laugh ever again, and you weren’t ever going to be able to tell him just how much you still loved him.  

Because Kim Seokjin was never coming back.

Your Jin was never coming back. 

And it was completely all your fault for it. It was all your stupid miserable fault. If only you had—

“Y/N?” Seojun crouches down to face you, genuine concern on his face. “You’re—” he stutters, “You’re gonna get sick standing out here,” he wipes your snotty nose with his suit’s handkerchief.  

Seojun was trying. He was trying to be as supportive as he could, and you understood that, truly you did. But just looking at him was a reminder of your choice because at the end of the day he was the person you chose over—

“It’s going to get dark soon y/n,” he whispers, “I-I think we should get going.”

You stare at him in silence and then turn to face the direction of the grave.

He wanted you to say goodbye.

But you just … you just weren’t ready to.

Because there lied the boy you were once so certain you’d have a future with. The boy who was capable of making you laugh even on gloomy days like this. The one who loved you on your good and bad days. The one who stood in a room full of people just to tell you how much he still loved you, something you knew he was probably so nervous about. 

And so you just couldn’t let go.

But knowing you’d couldn’t stay here forever, you had to do the most humane thing you could possibly do. You had to live on.  

“And so I did, all for him…”

“Yeojin!” you grab your mischievous 4 year old from the waist, stopping her blatant attempt at touching the stove, “What did I say about trying to touch the stove,” you scold her, and all she does is giggle, clearly unaware of the potential consequences of her actions. 

Sadly you couldn’t be too mad, she was still learning right from wrong, but when it came to things like this, it was hard to keep your patience.

Carrying her up the stairs, you continue to scold her, “Remember what I said about it being hot,” you remind her, “you don’t want to end up with your fingers all red, do you?”

She nods her head no, “Of course not mommy.”

“Then,” you sigh, placing your little girl on her bed.

“Daddy said I’m in-de-struct-ible,” she sounds out the new word she’s recently learned, “Like Spiderman!” she mimics the superhero’s web shooting ability, the movie she just saw recently still clearly still in her mind.

“Okay Spiderman, I think it’s time you take a nap,” you say, and she mumbles something inaudible in return, “Hey hey, don’t go giving attitude now little lady,” you hide your smile, “it’s too early for all of that.”

Though not wanting to sleep, she allows you to tuck her in, already planning to get up and play with her toys once you left.

Taking note of her grumpy attitude, you place a kiss on her forehead, gently combing a hand through her hair, “I love you,” you coo.

“I love you too Mommy,” and before you knew it, her eyes were closed, the little girl now “sound asleep”, or at least that’s what you thought.

Sighing, you leave the room, gently closing the door. 

That girl was a handful, most definitely, but she was everything you had in this world. Your symbol to keep moving forward, despite that constant need to look back.

Going down the stairs, you hum Mariah Carey’s new song, “We Belong Together” , the famous singer’s latest comeback single having topped the charts these days.

“When you left I lost a—” the smell of something burning gathers your attention, the intense scent of cooking oil alarming you that something was wrong. Your mind goes back to when you grabbed Yeojin from reaching the stove, her arm clearly outstretched—

Boom!

The kitchen illuminates an intense shade of red, a fire now starting from the stove, “Oh my—” immediately you run up the stairs because despite your mind being in utter chaos, one thing was clear: you had to get Yeojin out of here.

Frantically turning the knob to her door, you come to realize that it’s locked, “Yejin!” you yell.

“Mommy, I’m playing!” she giggles, oblivious to the danger you both were in.

You practically begin to punch the door, “Yejin I need you to open the door!” your breathing becomes heavy, panic now flowing in your veins. Smoke was beginning to reach upstairs, signaling to you that this fire was moving fast, dangerously fast.

Taking a deep breath, you take a couple of steps back from her door, “1..2…” using all your force, you ram into the door, effectively opening it in the process.

Without a second thought you grab Yeojin, wrapping one of her blankets around her body and face, immediately running down the stairs as fast as you possibly could. 

By now the whole entire living room and kitchen were in flames, and you could hear Yeojin begin to whimper, confused as to what was going on.

“Everything’s gonna be okay baby,” you soothe her, your hand regrettably grabbing the door knob.

Immediately you hiss in pain, retracting your hand, “Oh God,” your hand felt as if it was sizzling. 

There was no way you could get to the window, not without risking your daughter’s safety.

Preparing yourself for what you were about to do, you mentally reassure yourself, completely grabbing the door handle and twisting it, withholding the screams you desperately wanted to let out until you were out.  

Running out, you place your daughter on the neighbor's front yard, the family immediately coming to assist you.

By now the whole neighborhood was standing outside their houses, concern and worry evident on their faces, “Oh my God y/n,” your neighbor notices the burn on your hand, “Go grab the kit in the basement!” she instructs her son.

By now, your breathing was erratic, a result of all the smoke you had inhaled, “T-The f-fire de—”

“We’ve already called them, they should be on their way. I’ve called Seojun’s job as well—” she immediately reassures you, “You need to relax y/n,” she tells you, but immediately your mind goes to something inside your house that was irreplaceable.

Mrs. Kim’s box.

Getting up from the lawn, you hear Yeojin call out to you, “Mommy!” she yells as you begin to run back to the house, focused on one thing and one thing only. 

Getting that box.

“Y/N!” your neighbor tries to get you to come back, but by then you were already making your way inside, using your shirt as a cover for both your mouth and nose, a measly attempt at having more time inside the house.

Running up stairs, you barge into your room, immediately looking to the spot in your closet where you always had the box, but to your shocking surprise… it wasn’t there.

“What the…” you mumble to yourself, your lungs beginning to feel heavy again. 

Without a second thought, you begin to ravage the room, knowing your time in here was limited. The fire was going to reach up the stairs at any moment, and once it did, it was over for you.

“What the fuck!” you yell to the empty room, feeling as if you were on the verge of an utter mental breakdown. It had to be here! There was no way you moved it, and Seojun knew better than to touch it. Putting a halt to your search, your eyes widen when you come to realize something.

What the hell was Yeojin playing with?

The Mario figure.

And in the blink of an eye, you run out the room, only to find the hallway now engulfed in flames, making it almost impossible to get into her room, not unless you wanted to burn to death.

“No…” you say under your breath, refusing to believe the box was in there. Your vision was beginning to get hazy and your head was pounding, now unsure if it was because of the fire or if it was because of the state of shock you were in. Tears begin to fall from your eyes as you hear the sound of the firetrucks nearing the house.

“Seokjin…” your voice breaks, realizing that the final things you had to remember him by were now gone. But despite your state of grief, your body knew it had to move on its own. Because by staying here, you’d inevitably die, and he wouldn't want that, not because of something like this.

Lifting up the window in your bedroom, you begin to slowly place your body out, trying your best to work with one hand. The fire was beginning to get to your bedroom, and you simply couldn’t afford to wait for the firemen to come with a ladder.

Sucking the pain up for one final time, you place your injured hand onto the ledge as well, now dangling outside the window, a scream of pain coming out of your mouth.

“Oh my God, Y/N!” you hear Seojun call out to you, “I’m gonna get you help, just hang on!” he yells, immediately running back to the front yard to presumably tell a fireman.

But the pain on your hand was just too much.

You needed to let go.

Even if it meant getting hurt in the process.

And soon you feel the impact of the floor, your arm taking mosting of the hit, most definitely dislocating. The last thing you see being the paramedics.

“Mommy! Mommy! Look what I made for you with all the other kids who were visiting their mommies and daddies!” Yeojin eagerly shows you the scribbling piece of art she created from her car seat, a toothy grin on her face.

“It looks amazing Yeojin,” you feign a smile, trying your best to act normal. Today you had been discharged from the hospital after about 2 weeks of getting your hand and arm treated along with having multiple tests ran because of the amount of smoke you inhaled.

Now, with bandages wrapped around your hand and a heavy cast, which the doctor said would take about two to three months to completely heal, you were on your way to your new (temporary) home. The fire had ravaged absolutely everything, sparing not a single thing in its sight.

It was your fault really, you shouldn't have had the cooking oil so close to the stove, especially without its cap on.

You turned your attention to Seojun, his quietness during the whole car ride not going unnoticed by you. It seemed as if whenever he did talk or laugh, it was unmistakingly fake.

Deciding you weren’t going to press him on it in front of Yeojin, you tell Yeojin to go upstairs to her room once you arrive.

Sighing, you place your things on the dining table, your free arm now feeling sore from its now constant use. 

You attempt to make small conversation with your husband, “The insurance company called me at the hospital, said almost everything was covered…” you bring up, but he remains stoic.

You try again, “Yeojin seems to have made a lot of friends, with the way she was rambl—”

He finally breaks his silence by interrupting you, “Why did you do it...” he mumbles, causing your eyebrows to perk up, “Why did you run back into that fire?” he asks, trying to contain his anger.

You feel your body freeze for a moment before answering, “I told you already, I wanted to get the papers in the sa—”

He’s quick to cut you off, venom in his voice, “Stop lying,” he grits his teeth, “There was—” he shakes his head, “There was only one thing in that house that I’m sure you’d risk your life for Y/N, so let’s stop acting dense here…”

You lower your gaze, silence filling the room.

“You could’ve died y/n,” he whispers, and your silence only peeves him, “Died!” he repeats, wanting you to understand the possible severity of your actions.

Narrowing your gaze, you scoff, “You think I don’t know that,” you spit back, not exactly fond of how he was treating you, as if you weren’t a grown woman capable of understanding the consequences of your actions.

“No I don’t think you do,” he retorts back, “Because if you did then you wouldn’t have ever gone back inside that house to begin with!” his voice becomes louder.

“You’re going to wake her up,” you refer to Yeojin, who was probably taking a nap in her room.

It was now his turn to scoff, “Like you care.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you growl in return.

“You almost left her without a mother!” he finally yells, “All for that goddamn—” he stops himself midway, unable to finish the sentence.

You glare at him, knowing exactly what he wanted to say, your eyes already getting watery at the thought of it, “Say it,” you challenge him, “Say what you’ve been wanting to say for all these years,” you mutter.

“He’s gone y/n…” he tiredly whispers under his breath, maintaining your gaze, “He’s been gone for 4 years now!” he cries out, and you feel your face twist in anguish.

“Shut up,” you mutter.

“It’s time to accept it y/n, you can’t keep letting him haunting you, you can’t keep being in deni—”

“Just shut up!” you yell but he relents.

“Life has moved on y/n,” his voice breaks, “it’s time that you do too!”

“But I have! Can’t you see?” tears are uncontrollably falling down your face by now, “I stayed with you despite it all!” you scream, now heaving in anger, “I had a kid with you, we bought that big old house you always wanted—”

“And why is that y/n? Why did you stay with me after his death, huh? Why?” he asks you, his questions ringing in your head, making you feel as if you were going insane.

“Because I made a choice that day!” you yell loud enough for your voice to echo across the room, everything coming to a haunting silence, “Because I chose you that night, when I could’ve chosen him,” you cry, “And I can’t bring myself to regret that choice, not anymore at least, because regretting you would mean regretting her!” you glance at the stairs, signalling that you were talking about Yejin, “And I just can’t bring myself to do that. I chose you, and I have to deal with that decision for the rest of my life. I got up from that bed years ago and went on with my life all for you—”

He shakes his head, “No you didn’t…” he frowns, “You didn’t…”

You did it for him.

“Y/N he’s dead…” Seojun repeats, his heart still wrenching for you even years later, “it’s time you let go and begin to live for yourself. Not for him, not for me, not for her, but for you,” he grabs your hand, squeezing it in the process, “It’s time you let go.”

You pull your hand back, refusing to accept it, “I just—” you muster up your tears, “I just wanted to save what was left of him. Because without it he just existed in my memory and—” your voice shakes, “and now he really only does. Because now he’s really gone,” you sob,“ Can-Can you really blame me?” you weakly say.

“I can’t,” he says, “but I also can’t keep doing this anymore,” he murmurs, “I’ve tried y/n, I really have. But I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, and I have to prioritize Yeojin first and so I think—” he struggles to continue, “I think we should get a—”

“Divorce,” you scoff, tears still flowing down your face.

He gulps, “I’ve been talking with a lawyer for about a year now, we’d get joint custody, with no need for court because I don’t see us having to make this a longer process than it needs to be.” 

“You’re not taking my daughter away from me,” you clench your teeth. 

“I know I’m not and I wasn’t planning on it because damn it y/n, you’re an amazing mother. Truly, you are. But—” he pauses, “But until you find closure and acceptance then I think—I think she should stay with me for the meanwhile, until you’re ready that is.”

Until you’re ready to let go.

By now you were fully sobbing again because not only were you unable to control your emotions, but because you knew he was right. Ever since Seokjin’s death, he was the one who had to hear you silently cry at night, the one who had to accept that no matter what Seokjin would always be the one dearest to you, and who secretly hoped that with time it’d be something you’d get past.

Had it been anyone else, and you were sure they would’ve left you the day Seokjin passed. But Seojun was different, Seojun understood. But he couldn’t prioritize you anymore, not with Yeojin now in the picture.

You feel his arms wrap themselves around your frame, comforting you for a final time, “I’m sorry, for everything,” he whispers.

“Me too Seojun,” you hum in return, “Me too.”

The smell of the fresh rain hitting the concrete headstones fills your nose as you make your way to the resting place of the person you once loved the most. You hadn’t been here since the funeral, too in denial to ever really visit.

It had been three months since your separation with Seojun, your arm now fully healed. Currently, you were staying at a small apartment near your parent’s house, still unable to bring yourself to stay at their place. Not with the amount of memories it brought on.

The last you’d heard, Mrs. Kim had also moved, and you assumed it was for the same reason you couldn’t bring yourself to go back home. It was just too much.

Placing the red roses on top of the headstone, you make yourself comfortable by sitting on the grass, not caring if it was moist from the rain.

You just wanted to talk to him.

“I’m getting divorced, you know?” you begin, deciding to catch him up on recent events, “Things didn’t seem to work out between me and Seojun,” you chuckle, staring at your now naked ring finger ,“Not that you hadn’t predicted it already.”

Silence.

“We had a daughter together,” you mention the hyper little girl, “Her name is Yeojin, I think you would’ve loved the name,” you say, “She—”already you feel tears beginning to well up in your eyes, “She sorta laughs like you, that same kind of laugh that unintentionally makes everyone around her laugh,” you begin to ramble, “she seems to like Mariah Carey as much as you too, she’s the only artist we’ve noticed that can get Yeojin up and dancing. I’m sure she would’ve loved to dance with you,” tears begin to fall from your eyes.

The soft sprinkles of the rain surprisingly soothe you. 

“God, I’m such a crybaby,” you mumble, remembering how Jin would tease you for your sensitivity to things, “It’s just so hard, you know? Sometimes it still feels like you’ll walk through the door with a VHS movie you just rented in your hand, talking about how excited you are to see it after hearing reviews,” you laugh, “or that you’ll come in the room to tell me to fix your hair after cutting it crookedly.”

You place your hand on his headstone, softly grazing your palm against its rough surface, “You know scientist theorize that there’s possibly billions to an infinite number of parallel universes out there,” you chuckle, “I learned about it in my introductory course to Physics my first year in college, I don’t know if you remember me babbling about it,” you continue, “But it means that there are cosmic patches which are exactly like ours where everything has happened exactly like this one, meaning somewhere out there there’s someone exactly like us, except they have the possibility to do things different. And so... I wonder in which universe did we get our happy ending?” you solemnly ask, “I—”

“Y-Y/N?” a familiar voice says your name from behind, and immediately you turn to face the person.

“Mr-Mr.Kim?” you say in disbelief, as you hadn’t seen the man in years. Not since the final year you were still with Jin. 

You scan his appearance, wrinkles and gray hairs now more prevalent on him, but yet he still looked like the spitting image of his son. He just looked more … tired.

He places the flowers in his hands next to yours, silently taking a seat next to you. You were still staring at him in shock as he was the last person you would’ve expected to see today.

“It’s—It’s been a while,” he says, and originally you were unsure if he was saying it to you or his son, that was until he turned his attention towards you.

Silently, you nod, unsure of what to say, “Yeah,” you mumble.

“Do you often come here?” he asks.

Ashamed, you nod your head no, “This is actually my first time since the funeral,” you confess.

He hums a response, not in a place to judge, “Nothing to be ashamed about little girl, we all have our own ways of grieving and coping with a loss,” and you’re surprised to hear such comforting words from him. In the years you’d known him, you couldn’t recall a time where you had an actual genuine conversation with him. It was depressing that it had to be now.

“Do—” you hesitate, “Do you?” you gulp, “Do you often come here?” you repeat his question. 

Coughing first, he then responds, “Every Friday since his funeral,” his fingers tremble, and you were unsure if was because of his age or because of the topic he was currently talking about, “I do it to catch up with my boy, keep him up to date with the things you young people are doing,” he explains, eyes now glistening, “it’s the least I could do for him,” he mumbles.

A silence follows after.

Feeling bold, you ask him something you’d been curious about for a long time, “Why didn’t you come to the funeral?”

He stares at the headstone, “I—” he sighs, “He was my first born, my first son, my—” he hardens his jaw to prevent himself from crying, “The night it happened he called the house, asking me to go pick him up. I had been tired from work that night, so I went to sleep early,” you feel your heart twist, “If I hadn’t overworked myself that day, I could have picked up that phone call and told him to stay where he was, that I’d be there in no time because at the end of the day he was my son who I loved like no other, even if we had a rocky relationship. He still called his dad for help, and I—” he takes a deep breath in, feeling himself lose control, “I let him down,” he ultimately says, “And so I let the guilt eat me alive, to the point where I felt like I didn’t deserve to go to my son’s funeral.”

You stare at him in silence, understanding exactly what he felt. For you had felt that same guilt all these years.

“I quit my job following his death, and fell into a deep depression like no other. Yerin and I were even close to getting a divorce, the loss of our son adding a strain to our marriage,” he explains, “She had managed to accept and let go of her pain, but for me it was just too much. I couldn’t accept that he was gone,” he pauses, “I just couldn’t let go.” 

A single tear falls from his eye.  

“I was breathing , but no longer was I living,” he continues, “And so I needed to learn how to live for myself. I needed to accept that he was gone. I needed to say goodbye, even if it hurt to do so,” he smiles solemnly to himself, “because once I finally did, it was liberating.”

“And it was in that moment while talking with Mr. Kim that I’d come to realize that in order to start living for myself, that it was time to let go, that it was time to say goodbye.”

Getting up from the grass, you stare at Seokjin’s grave for one final time, for it was time to accept the cruel fate that had been given in this awful tale. One day you’d be back, that you were sure, but for now all that was left for you to say was....

“Goodbye Seokjin,” you whisper, ready to begin again.

Jimin and Jia stare at you in silence, both having dried tears and disbelief written on their faces. This couldn’t be how the story ended, right?

But it was.

“So you really have nothing to remember him by?” Jia asks, and you point to your forehead.

“Sadly all ll I have is this,” you say, “but for me that’s more than enough.”

You turn your attention towards Jimin, “And so here I am, having told you this story in order to teach you that you shouldn’t let your fears get in the way of allowing yourself to be happy, ” you say, “Because then you’ll live a life of nothing but regret,” and immediately he gets up from his seat.

“Where the hell are you—” Jia’s about to ask him something until you raise a finger, signaling to her to let him be.

“I’m-” he stutters, “I’m going to get my girlfriend back,” he breathes out, squeezing past Jia, “T-Thank you Ms. y/l/n. I mean it,” he says, and you only smile in return.

“I should be the one thanking you,” you whisper to yourself, watching as he hurriedly leaves the diner.

Placing money on the table, Jia smiles at you, “Come on Grandma, let’s go home,” she hugs you once you get up, making a new vow to herself to appreciate those around her and never take anything for granted. Just like Jimin had learned, she had to live for herself.

“Finally! I know I told you that you could stay out as long as you wanted but I didn’t think—” Yeojin is interrupted by the embrace of her daughter arm’s. Confused by the sudden act of affection, she narrows her eyes, “If this is some trick into getting your phone little—”

“Shhh,” Jia complains, “I can’t hug my mom?”

Allowing her skepticism to pass, Yeojin returns the hug, “Movie night?” she asks her daughter and immediately she nods.

You smile at the sight, making your way up the stairs and into your room.

Slowly, you crouch under the bed, pulling out a worn out box from under your bed, grabbing a small flash drive out of it in the process.  Placing the now vintage item into the plug-in of your TV, your mind flashes back to that last conversation you had with Mr. Kim. 

“Wait,” Mr. Kim stops you from leaving, pulling something out of his suit’s breast pocket, in what seemed to be a flash drive?

Handing you the small item, you look at him confused, “I found it in his room when we moved, not too long after his passing, I’m guessing he must’ve converted it before breaking that old camera of his and well I always carried it around just in case—” he pauses, “Just in case I ever bumped into you.”

You furrow your brows, why was he telling you this now? Why didn’t he look for you instead? 

As if reading your mind he says, “Because you’ve finally said your goodbye,” he smiles, “watch this when you’re finally allowed to look back. " 

Pressing play, you stare at the screen in front of you.

“Seokjin!” the person behind the camera sighs, “Seokjin!” Mrs. Kim yells again, and the camera begins to shake, presumably because the person was now going down the stairs.

The camera soon pans to the twins, both of them giggling at the cameraman's antics, “Say hiiii,” he cooes. And soon the door he’s recording opens and the camera pans to a 17 year old you, an awkward expression being worn on your face.

“Woah,” he whispers, zooming in on your face.

Your eyes begin to water as you watch the recorded memory.

“Seokjin, but you can call me Jin for short,” he introduces himself, the camera now recording the wall beside him, probably because of how he was carrying it in that moment.

The scene then changes.

“Come on, you know you wanna smileeee,” Jin sings, he closes the camera to your face, ultimately making you smile.

“Well cheers to a new friendship,” Taehyung announces and Jin records you all lifting your hands in the air.

The scene changes again.

“This is her first time eating kongguksu everyone,” Jin announces.

“Who are you even talking to?” you roll your eyes, grabbing the noodles with your chopsticks.

“To the people of the future!”

And you recall how Jin had winked at you that time, causing your crush on him to begin to grow more intense.

Your face gets red as he continues to record you. Taking a slurp of the noodles, you try to cover your face.

“Well what do you think?” he asks.

Your face twists, “Mmmm I don’t know,” you mumble, the taste not exactly being your favorite.

“Boooo!”

You flash him the middle finger.

The scene changes.

“Y/N” the camera begins to move around, and your giggles begin to get louder, “Hand that back to me!” the camera begins to move in an up and down motion, probably because whoever was holding it was running.

Soon the person gets tackled, but not before panning the camera onto Seokjin’s face.

“And the recorder finally gets recorded,” you laugh, and Jin attempts to cover his face, but you’re quick to remove his hands. He awkwardly avoids eye contact, allowing you to record his face.

You feel your breath hitch. It was Jin… the Jin you knew, the Jin you fell in love with. Right there in front of you.

Looking at the camera he quickly makes a kissy face, making you shriek in excitement. “There you have it folks,” you tease him, “Kim Seokjin being the model he is…”

He rolls his eyes, now attempting to reach for the camera.

“Okay okay, that’s enough,” he groans as you relent.

“Smileeee!”

The scene changes for a final time, and you see Jin sitting in his room, facing the camera you presumed he had set up. 

“Hello!” he awkwardly waves to the camera, “If you’re watching this it means one, you’ve been snooping around in this room or two, you’re Y/N.”

You feel your heart skip a beat, and your body going numb.

“Ah I don’t know how to start this,” he chuckles, scratching the back of his neck, “When I first met you, I thought you were really pretty,” he begins, “and I knew I wanted to be your friend! What I didn’t think was going to happen was that I’d end up really really realllyyyy liking you,” he laughs, “I’ve been trying to tell you for some time now,” his voice cracks, and immediately he begins to cough, trying to make himself sound as manly as possible, “So I thought why not tell you the best way I knew how … through film! That way I’ll let this video do all the work for me,” he smiles.

You laugh at how endearing he was.

“Hopefully you like me too because if not then I feel really bad for the future Jin who’s probably attentively watching your reaction and crossing his fingers. I made this collage of memories using the shitty editing programs we have at the school library so sorry if it’s not exactly the best, but …. I hope this is something you can look back on in the future and be glad I recorded, even if you complained all the time.”

Look at him, predicting the future.

“So… I’ll leave it to the future Jin to handle the rest,” he laughs, “Byeeee!” he waves to the camera. His final goodbye.

5 years later.

“Mom, slow down!” Yeojin instructs, worried about how fast you were trying to walk.

“If you can’t keep up with me, an 80 year old lady, then that should be a concern for you, not for me!” you continue with your daily walk, enjoying the spring weather. 

“If you’re not careful you cou—” Yeojin suddenly stops speaking, now having caught up to you. “Mom?” Yeojin asks, concerned as to what you two were staring at with such a shocked expression on your face. Following your gaze, she notices a man staring at you a little girl tugging at his shirt.

“Daddy! I wanna play on the swings!” she pouts at the lack of attention her father was giving her. Immediately you recognize the woman sitting on the bench behind them, remembering her once crying face which was now replaced with a grin as she carried a second (younger) child in her arms.

Slowly the man raises his hand, waving at you with a warm smile on his face.

A single tear falls from your eye as you wave back, your heart swelling at the sight.

And as quick as the moment was, it ended just as fast. As slowly, you began to walk away, while he went on to play with this young daughter. Two strangers crossing paths for a final time. 

“Do you know that man?” Yeojin cluelessly asks, confused about the exchange that just happened in front of her.

You nod your head, a smile still on your face, “No,” you chuckle, “No I don’t,” you ultimately say, continuing with your walk.

a/n: whew ! & that’s the end ! if you’ve made it this far then i want to personally thank you! i don’t really expect this story to get many notes well because it’s sad and well ik i personally don’t normally click on major character death fics haha. if you enjoyed this fic then (if you can) please please please leave a comment/review/like/reblog (whichever works best for you) and you can always hop in my ask box for any questions or comments :) im thinking of making an alternative ending for this one day, maybe after i finish the whole tun series, but we’ll see haha. ill see yall next time ! <3

[spockandawe]

Hi....If you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite MXTX characters (top 5 from each novel)? And why? I'm sorry if you've answered this question before.

It’s absolutely no problem at all!! I don’t think I’ve been asked this before, but hey, I also have zero object permanence, so it keeps things fresh and new. And it’s interesting to see how my answers change over time! Lemme see, I think I’m going to go in reverse order, because I feel like then I’ll be doing the worst agonizing up front.

TGCF

Fifth favorite: YIN. YU. I know that he’s a minor character and him even making it onto the list is pretty solid performance, but I do feel guilty that he isn’t higher than this. He came out of nowhere in my first reading and punched me in the stomach with emotions. I find his sections so hard to read, and I was DEVASTATED when he died and BEYOND stoked to find out he was still alive in the extras. His story hurts so much! I am weak against characters who have relatively modest goals and still see them snatched away (see also: my next entry) and have to struggle on. I wish wish wish I had a way to see more of how he made his peace with things after being thrown out of heaven, and the nature of the (distant) relationship with Hua Cheng and what happens with Quan Yizhen now that he died in his arms, and still came back anyways, my god!

.

Fourth favorite:  He Xuannnnnn. I have a hard time articulating particulars, but. I love him a lot. I love a character with a grudge, with a deep, painful grudge, where the grudge is hurting him almost as much as it’s hurting the people around him, and setting the grudge aside would also hurt, and then what has any of this been for-- I've used this metaphor for other characters, but I don’t care if I’m overusing it, because I love it. He feels like a character caught in a thorn bush, where simply being there... hurts, but trying to escape or move in any ways is going to hurt worse, and there’s no path forward that doesn’t involve pain. And like... I don’t love the way he hurt Shi Qingxuan (who didn’t quite make this list adfasgdafsd I’M SORRY) but I wouldn’t have liked to see him swallow back down all that pain and set aside everything that happened to his family and fiancee either! I’m always, always soft for characters who have no good path forward and who grit their teeth and set out anyways.

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Third favorite: MU QING!!!!!!!!!! I have done... extensive screaming about him. And I love him veryvery much. I can already tell that this list is going to have a lot of mean boys on it, and like... no regrets. Especially since this is one of my FAVORITE flavors, an unapologetic mean boy who is rarely (but sometimes!) soft for the people around him, and who regularly tries to do decently by people, but who consistently gets shat upon and misunderstood and accused of acting in bad faith. I screamed when he and Xie Lian finally got to talk their friendship out in the book. I also screamed when I realized how immediately after Xie Lian’s return he started looking out for him again, and how sincerely, despite his horrible attitude about it. I still want to write more fic for him so badly. I love him so much.

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Second favorite: Xie Lian! What a good boy! The best boy! He’s so sweet and gentle, but also the best fightboy this world has ever seen, and also so gently snarky with the people he loves! I just... really love me some traumatized characters who have trouble recognizing that they can be Loved, and I’m not going to write this whole essay right now, but I think in some ways, he’s the most... passive about his romance, out of all the leads? Shen Qingqiu is aggressively oblivious, but Xie Lian kind of gently shrugs off the idea that he might be Hua Cheng’s special someone, until he finally gets hit with the cluestick. I generally shy away from the idea of a character “earning” love, but he’s maybe the mxtx character who moves me most with ‘you deserve to be loved’

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Most favorite: Hua Cheng. HUA CHENG. Oh my god, gotta love this boy. Gotta love this devotion. I love a mean boy who is soft for one person, and he EMBODIES it. I mean, I love Shen Jiu, but he barely manages to do the soft thing at all, while Hua Cheng is over here like ‘if I could only be the stone beneath your feet--’ It’s hard to talk about him separately from Xie Lian, because they’re a unit in my head more than just about any other characters on this list are. I don’t want to get this list to get out of control, so I’m not going to scream for too long, but... I could just watch him go forever. I want to write him forever, and that’s a huge aspect of what draws me to some characters.

MDZS

Oh god, I think I lied, I think this book is going to be hardest. Making these choices is AGONIZING.

Fifth favorite: .....Lan Wangji. Oh god, I feel bad about how low he is. But this story is just packed SO full of wonderful characters, and I’m already consumed with guilt over all the characters who aren’t going to make it. I don’t love them less! But my love for characters in this particular story is very evenly distributed. And I think that Wang Yibo’s acting is possibly scoring points with me that the book might not have earned all by itself. Microexpressions and subtle body language add SO MUCH to a character with such flat affect, and I would be drawn to such a closed-off character anyways, but it really helps. And I love, like... the combined subtlety and intensity of his relationships. It’s not that subtle once you know what to look for, and the brother/sworn brother network makes for varying degrees of how much other characters understand of the things he chooses not to explicitly express, and it gives a really interesting character to the way he interacts with the people around him. Also, love me a man with intense separation anxiety.

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Fourth favorite: Jiang Yanli? I think it has to be Jiang Yanli, but these rankings are hard. So. I just talked about how much I enjoy the flat affect and closed off nature of Lan Wangji? Well, guess what, I also love it when m’girl is just very GENUINELY AND OPENLY an absolute sweetheart of a person, and I love the contrast between her genuinely kind nature and the uncomfortable pressure that her family’s dynamics put on her to start parenting at a very young age. It’s not necessarily a happy situation, but she adores her brothers so much and they adore her so much! And it’s... a very understated element of the story, but after her parents died, her baby brothers went off to war, and one wreaked havoc as a straightforward commander and one of them disappeared for months and returned as a creepy-ass zombie puppeteer. And she STILL dotes on them like before, despite knowing what they’re capable of. Like, yes, Wei Wuxian just raised an army of corpses and forced a man to eat himself, but I shall still boop him on the nose and feed him Soup. How can I not adore energy like that?

.

Third favorite: Wei Wuxian, I think. I do adore him a lot. He gives me some of the same vibes that make me ache most with Xie Lian, where he is trying his best, and is struggling to hold on in the face of lots of suffering, and I find it really interesting that when the suffering peaked, Xie Lian was forced go on because he couldn’t die, while Wei Wuxian... expired. That line about ‘he thought that no matter how large the world was, there was still no place for him’ always sticks with me, and hurts me deeply. Xie Lian had most of his personal attachments stripped away, and was left to wander on his own, while Wei Wuxian still had a number of strong connections left, but abruptly exited life. And that informs their respective trauma so interestingly! The way Wei Wuxian bounces between high energy chaos and drained exhaustion is really fascinating to me, and was the thread that held me attached to the book through a very confusing beginning. And I’m still very drawn to how intensely he loves, whether it’s Xiao Zhan’s fantastic acting, or it’s him busting out with how much he wants Lan Wangji in the middle of the Guanyin Temple scene. He’s a fantastic character, honestly, I don’t think such a convoluted book would have held together very well without a protagonist this strong.

.

Second favorite: Xue Yang :X Look, he’s a good boy and I love him. Who among us hasn’t done a few mass murders that we are completely unrepentant about, but that we would really like to keep hidden from our current boyfriend, actually? Anyways, as always, love me an angry boy who makes terrible decisions for understandable reasons. And I do love a character who is consumed by agonized ragrets (see my next entry), but I DO also love me a character who has no regrets at all and doesn’t even have much interest in trying to justify himself to anyone else around him. Just look at that confidence! Look at him go!!

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Most favorite: Jiang... Cheng....... I knew he and Xue Yang were going to be at the top, but those were the only parts of this list that were easy. I mean. Love a self-sabotaging angryboy who is also super super sad and keeps hurting himself in his own confusion. And while I love the romantic thread in all of the mxtx books, the agonized family thread in mdzs is one of my favorite parts, and something that I don’t really see echoed in any of the other stories. I need ten million jc+wwx reconciliations, at LEAST. He’s so sad! And so angry! And I want to see him becoming less of that thing, and for Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian to demonstrate very firmly how much they love him, because they do. I am invested in his happiness in a way that goes far and beyond any of the other non-main characters, haha

SVSSS

Fifth favorite: Tianlang-jun. I think? Oh god, but moshang. THIS IS REALLY HARD, I HATE THIS ;-; But especially since writing my fic, Tianlang-jun has really won me over. And like, he already hurt me good in the novel, just thinking about how he was an innocent young guy, just! Trying to have a girlfriend! And instead got trapped in sensory deprivation, body-rotting-hell for twenty years, when he didn’t do anything wrong!!! He suffered, so much! And I live for his intensely strained relationship with Luo Binghe, because it’s! Perfectly understandable and painful, from both of their perspectives! And he wants to hate humans so badly, but in the end, when he’s told that Su Xiyan never betrayed him, he starts helplessly asking the people around him, ‘really? is it really true?’ and then in the end he loses the only family member he has left who cares about him, and it’s just! Everything is terrible! I have a su xiyan au brewing in my head because I can’t stand it! Someone just give this man a loving partner!!!

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Fourth favorite: Shen Qingqiu. But... moshang??? Goddammit. Anyways, this dumbass. I find him so endearing, in his dumbassery. I sometimes get a bit frustrated with Wei Wuxian for being oblivious, and Shen Qingqiu is just asking for me to react the same way, but I... don’t, for the most part? Because he thinks he has good information, and he’s slow to react to a changing playing field, and I still haven’t read another transmigration novel that strikes the same balance of hypercompetence and intense incompetence :ppp It’s a funny book, and he’s a funny character! And I really vibe with him, in most parts of the story, which covers a pretty darn wide emotional spectrum. Plus, the running internal commentary is choice.

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Third favorite: Liu Qingge. Look, I’m a woman of simple needs, and sometimes I just need a high-quality fightboy who clearly cares deeply and is absolute garbage at expressing his emotions. I can’t articulate it much better than that. I absolutely howl at the succubus extra, when Shen Qingqiu is talking to Madam Meiyin about his future partner, and Liu Qingge is like ‘oh my god, sHE IS CLEARLY DESCRIBING ME’ and Shen Qingqiu is like ‘haha, liu-shidi, i thought you thought this was stuupidddddddd’. They’re both so dumb. I love them so much. But stupidity plus war god fighting energy has a narrow lead over stupidity and internal commentary track.

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Second favorite: SHEN JIU. GOD. I’m still arguing with myself over whether he should go first, but Luo Binghe hurts me consistently through the whole entire story, so I think he wins. Shen Jiu just stabs me in the heart at strategic moments. This is it. My ideal mean boy who is soft for one (1) person, and who BOTH does unconscionable things for terrible reasons (someone just. give him a pile of girls to teach, it will be much more pleasant for everyone involved), and who ALSO gets blamed for things he didn’t do even when he tries to act in good faith. It is the best of all painful worlds. And even at the end, when he has a powerful person who wants desperately to protect him, he still tries his hardest to shove that person away, to keep him safe. I’ve got like four aus where he gets to live. I’m so invested in this character, I love him so much.

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Most favorite: Luo Binghe. He was.... made for me............ Like, the overwhelming amounts of childhood angst were baked in by Shang Qinghua, but the in-story pain and suffering is PRECISELY my jam. I love a character with separation anxiety! I love a character with massive anxieties over being unwanted! Over nobody ever, EVER just choosing him! I love a character struggling with the idea that the person he loves most in the world thinks that he’s intrinsically Disgusting! I love the kind of stubborn determination that leads him to preserve a corpse for five years, desperately hoping for a way to revive it, constantly cooking fresh food, in case, in case he someday wakes up. The way Hua Cheng loves is overpowering, but he’s had time to like... learn to be mellow when he needs to be. Luo Binghe doesn’t have a chill bone in his body, and if he’s acting chill, it’s probably because he’s done some mental math and decided that being more clingy right now will probably get him pushed away harder. I love the combination of manipulative tendencies and a very, very genuine fear of rejection and being unwanted. There is nothing I don’t love about Luo Binghe, including his worst decisions. I love him so so much.

[liannelara-dracula]

🥀😭 for Uta

Hi Love,

I will be including both.

-Jade

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Prompt

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How they make her cry + their reaction to doing it + comfort

Kaneki:

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It isn’t so much that you fight, or anything, it’s what he gets himself into. I mean he hardly yells anyways. But of course, it leads to you two, to fighting. And you know it’s serious when he’s mad. Now although it takes a while for him to grow upset being in a relationship with him still means you two will fight. I don’t think it’s what he says that hurts the most when you two argue but more or so his actions. When he’s mad at you or disagrees with you he will without saying anything, and he’ll be bitter about the whole thing. He also gives you the silent treatment.

“I didn’t bother to stick around if this is how you want us to be.” You’d say kinda annoyed.

He’d turn to look upset by your statement. “I never asked you to stick around, Y/n. You made the choice yourself. But you’re not being hundred percent honest with me so why should I?”

This made you upset for sure, “You know exactly why! And I know that I know that it was my decision to stay and it’s also my decision whether I choose to tell you about how I feel.” You’d raise your voice just a bit.

“So it’s just when it’s convenient for you?!” He’d arch a brow being ticked by such a response.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” You’d shake your head, angry.

“Then what?! What can’t you tell me?!”

Seeing he was yelling now, it made you react the same, “A lot of things--because there is so much I swore to tell no one! I—I can’t just open my heart up to you like some—little girl! Ken, we’re in a world where we’re at odds!” You’d explain, waving your hands around.

“If it weren’t for that stupid doctor, we wouldn’t have even collided and I wish that was the case right now!” He’d say clenching his jaw a little.

“What are you saying?” You’d ask, not liking where this fight was going.

“I’m saying I’m not in the mood for this back and forth with you anymore, Y/n!” He’d exclaim, looking extremely stressed.

You’d look at him with your eyes watery, “So that’s it, you’re just walking away?!”

“Yeah! Cause we don’t work!” He’d yell now shattering the brick walls you put up when you wanted to cry.

A tear slid down your cheek, “Leave then!”

Knowing he made you sad is a little surprising to him since you two hardly ever fight and so I don’t think he sees you cry, especially over a fight. But when he did he felt horrible tbh. I don’t think he likes seeing you mad but seeing you cry is another level like he crumbles.

He comforts you by bringing you flowers and by apologizing at your door.

Hide:

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Now you two don’t fight, it hardly happens. But I think it happens more often than Kaneki because Hide doesn’t always take things seriously so you can get upset when he just isn’t listening and understanding how he made you upset.

“Chasing after this investigation could get you killed.” You’d frown.

He’d shake his head disagreeing, “I’ve done this before, besides I won’t get caught.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.” You’d place your hand over his, worrying over him.

“It’s fine, besides I know what to do.” He’d say brushing you off.

“Then at least let me help you.”

“Babe, I’m fine.” He’d shake his head not wanting you to be involved.

This was surely the last straw for you before you spoke up, “You’re getting too involved!”

“Don’t be a drama queen.” He’d tease not taking you seriously.

You’d cross your arms, “Hide, I’m serious!”

“Babe-“

“No—there’s a limit to being involved.”

He’d raise his voice now, “Kaneki’s my friend and I’m not giving up on him!”

“You’re going to get killed because of this!” You’d argue.

“Stop getting in the way of it!”

“You’d really go on the line for that!?”

He’d grow annoyed by your selfishness, “What choice do I have?! It’s not like you care or understand!”

“Hide, we can talk about this!” You’d approach him not wanting to fight.

“There’s nothing to talk about!”

“There is plenty to talk about, you are obsessed with figuring this out when it’s basically impossible. A-and you don’t even listen to me! Y-you can’t even see what’s right in front of you right now because you’re so damn blind!” Now you were mad and not getting into a fight would seem impossible.

“Blind?! You’re the one telling me to give up on my friend!”

“I’m not telling you to give up. I just want you to be smart about things and realize you’re only human! You can’t help him like you think you can!”

“You wouldn’t understand!” He’d insist.

“Hide, you’re too upset to think straight--don’t go in this blindly! You could get hurt trying to save him!”

He’d be taking back by your focus and get angry, “Is that all you care about? What about what I want?”

“Maybe so! Because at this point Kaneki is a lost cause!”

“You’re selfish, Y/n. All you care about is yourself.” Though this was true in this moment you were tired of him telling you he’d stay with you when he’d risk his life. It was a tiring cycle you couldn’t continue.

“Selfish? Okay, and I suppose now you’re going to tell me I’m overreacting just like I always do right?” You’re eyes clouded with tears as you were about to explode from this.

“Y/n--”

You’d wipe the tears that slid down your cheeks, “N-no, you k-know what I--I don’t have to h-hear this. Besides, you just keep making b-broken promises to me . . . I mean it’s clear as day I don’t matter to you. I c-can’t believe I thought otherwise.”

He doesn’t believe he had this effect on you and knowing he did he hated how he wasn’t keeping his promises. And he seemed to feel guilty even if your request was a little selfish he understood why you felt the way he did. Hide needed to shape up of you mattered or he needed to let you go because you were becoming his last thought. How he’d make it up to you is by spending time with you and little you help him and he’d listen to you a little more.

Ayato:

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Gosh, he doesn’t have the best personality so fighting can happen between you two. Maybe a lot even. Now you two are polar opposites which leads you two to argue and disagree and it makes you want to change his mind. And let’s just say you’ve been trying to change him for the better but it is just making him mad. Overall you’ve been in his space in a way because you want to come to agreeing and making him a better person.

“Ayato.” You’d say walking faster to catch up behind him.

He was beyond upset and he kept ignoring you as he walked faster.

“Ayato, please. . .” He’d turn to you as you’d finally caught up to him and touched his arm.

“Talk to me.” You’d whisper, not wanting to fight.

He’d look away walking off again, “Tch, leave it Y/n.”

“Ayato, quit being so stubborn!” You’d stop, balling your hands into fists.

“I said enough, Y/n! . . .Just quit it with all this crap!”

“There is nothing wrong with caring or being good to someone.”

“Maybe you’re forgetting something Y/n I’m a ghoul—a monster! Kindness is weakness!”

“You are not a monster! Because if that is the case I am not different! And you are not a m-monster—yes we’re ghouls and we can’t change that! But I don’t want you to hold grudges and be angry at the world and your father Ayato! I don’t want to see you like that—love doesn’t make you weak.”

“Don’t you dare bring my father up!”

“Ayato—“

“He was a weakling I will never forgive and I’m a monster because I am a ghoul! If you think I’m just going to deal with things how you want, then too bad.”

“All I’m asking is that you try! But you never once listen to me, do you?! Hatred is that the only thing you’ve ever come to known?! . . .Ayato, if there’s one thing I know it’s that love is not a weakness our relationship is—“

“This relationship is bullshit Y/n! You’re mending it without me in it. You just change everything and expect me to follow because what? You want me to be a good man!? Well, I’m not and I never will be!”

“If you really think that t-then you s-should’ve just said so.” You’d say coldly a few tears running down your cheeks.

He’d seemed regretful, “Y/n.”

“Don’t, please. Just leave!”

Ayato knew girls typically cry but seeing you cry after what he said shattered him, he was touched and he hated himself in that moment. He’d make it up to you after coming back one night he wouldn’t say anything but you knew he wanted to apologize and he ends up staying with you and just through time you start to talk because he is being kind to you. It’s just small things.

Yomo:

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He’s quiet, so getting into a fight with him? Yikes! This is bad but also really important.

“I can take care of myself, Yomo. I don’t need you to protect me. I can handle myself just fine.”

“You and I both know you can’t.”

“I can. I’m sick of you always looking after me. I’m your girlfriend, not a child.”

“Y/n, I know that but it’s better this way.”

“Ren, I’m fine.”

“Y/n please.”

“What? Why do you always make up the rules?”

“Because it isn’t safe!”

There was a moment of silence between you both.

“I—I didn’t. I don’t want you to end up like my sister did, okay?!”

“I’m not her! You can’t be so set on the past.”

“Y/n I’m not risking this again!”

“Ren-”

“It’s dangerous!”

“Everywhere we go is dangerous! There is no place for us! And you just want to keep me in the dark?!”

“I’m trying to protect you!”

“I don’t want to be protected! I want us to have a life, a relationship!”

“Y/n—we”

“Why do you do this to yourself? You push yourself over the edge for me and you make it so hard to love when it’s not!”

“Y/n-“

“No. . . No i-it shouldn’t be this hard.” You’d say a tear running down your cheek.

He’d wipe your tears away and would be mad at the situation. He wanted to make you happy and safe and instead, he made you cry.

Uta:

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You two bicker but that’s fun and games. What’s not fun is seeing Uta’s true colors and being in a problematic relationship that functions on nothing but a rollercoaster of emotions. And most of the fights are always about him lying and hurt you in some way. He may care for you but somehow you two are always fighting for your love and it honestly feels like it may kill you one day. He’s put you through hell when you guys argue and it’s the worst.

You whimper a little as you continued to sob as you stepped out from his mask shop.

“Y/n.” You ignored him and continued to walk off.

“Just leave me alone Uta.” You’d say sniffling as tears continued to pour.

“Y/n, listen to me.” He said grabbing your wrist.

“Stay away from me!” You’d scream.

“Damn it Y/n, just listen to me!” He’d shout making you gasp as more tears fell from your lashes.

“What?! What can you say that would change a-any of this!?”

“I didn’t do this to hurt you!”

“Y-you lied!. . . “ You shook your head, tears falling down your lashes.

Taking a breath you continued, “You lied about the c-clowns, y-you’re a part of!—-y-you lead the clowns!” You hiccup feeling betrayed.

“This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you!”

Your eyes red and filled with more tears, “Y-you’ve been lying to me this w-whole time.”

“It was to protect you!” He argued.

“Uta--You k-killed those people, for no reason—for what, a show? To make s-some grand entrance!?” You stammered wiping the tears that kept falling.

“I’m a ghoul, Y/n! . . . And so are you. That’s my life! I make bad decisions all the time because I don’t care! So why is it so important for you to keep me in check?!” He exclaimed, angry at the way you tried to see the good in him.

“I know what we are . . . but sometimes I wish you didn’t always have to act like one! Just because we’re monsters by nature doesn’t mean we have to live by that.” You’d yell turning away from him only to sob more.

“Maybe that’s what you wanna do, but someone like me can’t.”

“You don’t have to be this way--no one told you to be. How is this relationship supposed to stand if I’m going in one direction and you’re going in the opposite?! Don’t you care at all?! About yourself? About me? About anything?” You looked at him with widened eyes as you couldn’t believe him.

“I don’t care what you think of me anymore, Y/n.” He turned walking away from you knowing you two were too different and can’t work this out.

He hated seeing you this way. Uta didn’t want you to cry or be sad—he never wanted to hurt you and he did. After some time, he would probably make it up to you because he reflected and he changed and you decided you could give him another chance.

Furuta:

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Ladies, I’m gonna come clean and just say it, he’s abusive. Seriously, watch yourself. Like I don’t see his relationship as something good, it’s always toxic. Now, this fight was probably just general about jealousy. He was possessive and he didn’t like it if you had a male friend let’s just say.

“Furuta, what’s wrong?” You frown touching his shoulder seeing he was upset and ignored you.

“You were talking to him.” He stated still ignoring you.

“So?” You questioned.

“Which means you weren’t being faithful to me.” He pointed out.

This hurt to hear. “Faithful, Furuta I’ve been more than faithful. I care about you.”

“Prove it to me.” He stated bitterly.

“P-prove it, but Furuta I have already done that. Besides, I just know the guy but I don’t like him or anything.” You clarified.

He turned away to fix something on the desk. “That’s not what he feels.”

“But that doesn’t matter. I only like you.” You say approaching him.

He turned to you, his eyes and cold. “You say that, but it doesn’t appear that way. You’re lying.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Then why did you let him touch you!?” He glared.

“He didn’t many anything by it he just brush his hand against me!”

“How many more times are you going to lie to me Y/n?!” Furuta only seem to get even more upset.

“Furuta please, I’m not lying.” You backed a few inches away from him.

He continued cornering you. “What is he to you huh?! What am I to you!”

“He’s nothing, you’re my boyfriend!”

Titling his had he asked, “Am I really, it doesn’t seem that way to me?”

“Please Furuta, I don’t wanna hurt you and I never would.” You shake your head your eyes widening.

“That’s bullshit!” He seethed, grabbing a fist full of your hair.

“Ahh! Stop please!---A-ahh please!” You screamed, tears brimming your eyes at the pain you felt.

He inched closer to your face yelling and demanding for an anwser, “Tell me the truth, are you or were you ever sleeping with him?!”

He continued to tug on your hair making you lose balance and crouch down crying, “Ahh--Furuta please! You’re hurting me!”

“Tell me!” He demanded.

You shook your head, “No! No! I never did! The only person I like---I want is y-you, please!”

“Please stop, stop this right n-now. P-please I’m begging you.” You continued.

“Oh you poor thing.” He cooed, his grip loosens a bit seeing you cry.

“S-stop. P-please make it s-stop.” You sobbed into your frail hands.

He crouched down to your level, his expression changing as he’d comfort you. “Shhhh, don’t cry angel I’m not mad at you.”

It was madness and he made you confused in this toxic relationship. “But you said—“

“Shhh, everything is fine. You’re okay, you don’t have to cry.” He frowns bringing you into his embrace as if to cradle you from the thing which made you cry.

“Please. . . l-let me g-go, F-Furuta. ”

“Shhh, why don’t you fall asleep sweetheart?” He rocks you back and forth trying to making you calm down.

“No P-p-please.” You shook your head crying, not wanting to do this any longer.

Overall, you probably didn’t end up talking to him. But if you did you’d just be stuck in some toxic relationship.

Takizawa (ghoul):

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You two don’t fight much because you try to let things go. But then too much tension builds up and then you both explode. Your fights are always serious and they hurt a lot and they both are emotionally driven. He may be crying in the moment or after because he doesn’t want to hurt you—he Ioves you.

“Hey you know we can talk about whatever’s on your mind.” He says sitting next to you on the bed.

“It’s okay Taki, I’m fine.” You say getting up as he did the same.

“Y/n, why do you push me away?”

“Taki, I don’t want to talk about this right now, please.” You raise your hands feeling a little annoyed.

“Y/n. Please just tell me—if it’s something I did.”

“I said I was fine.” You sounded bitter but couldn't help yourself.

“Y/n-”

“No.”

“Why can’t you ever let something be about you?”

“Why do you care!?” You turned to him now growing upset.

“Because you’re so much better than what you believe! You taught me that yourself and yet you don’t see that!” It's true you made him not be as brash as he was--you were his anchor.

“People like you are not me, Taki that’s the difference! I’m not like you or others! There’s too much that I can’t—-I don’t even—-I’m a mess that can’t be fixed which means you should be with someone who’s pretty and not some used up girl!” You shout.

“Y/n you have so much more than that.” He disagreed shaking his head, he seemed hurt knowing you didn't value yourself.

“There’s nothing here for me anymore! Stop saying that I can change or you can change me. Stop saying I matter or value to you! I’m not worth it!”

“Why can’t you believe anything I say?! Is it that hard to take a compliment?!” He yelled.

“Because no man is ever sincere! The only compliments I’ve ever had are about my body! How do you think that feels?!—To be s-sexualized?! To people, I have no p-personality, I’m just . . . an object that guys think they can use. I’m a c-chewed-up piece of gum and so when I hear from your mouth, the words, ‘you’re pretty or ‘you’re b-beautiful’ a-all I can think about i-is h-how I’m n-not.” You shake your head, tears falling down.

“Others may think that but I don’t, Y/n I love you.” He confessed.

“No, no you don’t—-Y-you’re just confused.” You shook your head wiping your tears.

“Damn it y/n! You just never want to believe you’re good enough! You matter to me okay! I value you! And I couldn’t imagine not meeting you! You were the only girl who bothered with me—why are you this hard on yourself?!”

“Because I’m not what you need! And I can’t love--I’ve never--I don’t. I can’t. I don’t love, I don’t let people in--because I’m so afraid that one d-day you’ll disappear or that y-you’ll leave because everyone I love gets hurt. And I d-don’t what that to h-happen.”

“Y/n-”

“No-no I c-can’t.” You wave your hands in front of him still crying.

“Hey, hey it’s okay.” He comforted bringing you in an embrace.

You accept his hug and look up at him, “Everything feels like my fault and I just, everything--Everything is because of m-me!”

He'd say stroking your hair and making you relax. “No, no, that’s not true, Y/n.” He’d say embracing you. His hug was the best thing you probably haven’t felt in forever.

He never wanted to hurt anyone and most certainly not make you cry. He felt horrible and couldn’t live with himself seeing you that way.