#but now i can't retake the year and get the best of both worlds i have to either

[highmarshall-azure]

.

[fireofjudgement]

Joke's on you, my friend (Part 1)

Fandom: All of us are dead

Pairing: Gwi-nam x gn!reader

Summary: After your childhood friend suddenly starts to avoid you, you can't help but blame him for ruining what you've once had. But when the world you know comes to an end, you'll get one last chance to fix things between you. Will you take it?

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: angst, childhood friends to enemies, swearing, zombie apocalypse breaking out, graphic descriptions of zombies, some gore, major character death, themes of unhealthy/one-sided friendships, mentions of bullying, mentions of death and blood

A/N: No smut this time, who would have thought! On a more serious note tho, this is based on a real life friend I've had when I was younger, tho obviously it wasn't as extreme as it is portrayed in this story. Fun fact: I originally intended to end this in a different way so if you'd like a part 2/ epilogue let me know :) Also this is the longest fic I've posted so far, so if you read it till the end, thank you <3

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"Fuck this, fuck him, fuck everyone!"

Ignoring the risk of getting injured, the fact that someone might hear you and probably already has, and putting all superstition aside, you made sure no mirror was spared as you let all rage consume you inside the tiny bathroom. Seven years of bad luck, even multiplied by the amount of mirrors you've broken already, didn't sound bad right now. You could handle that. You could handle the consequences of your own actions. 

What you absolutely couldn't handle however, was the fact that, within minutes, your whole life got destroyed  because of one insufferable asshole. You didn't even regret smashing those mirrors, you could only imagine how crazy you looked at that moment, hair disheveled and tears running down your face. But who the fuck cared anymore?

Certainly not Gwi-nam. No, he was most likely home already, laughing his ass off with his idiotic friends, remembering your confused expression when you entered the classroom two hours late and got kicked out by your teacher while everyone was staring, trying to contain laughter. You knew how fucking happy they must have been seeing their class president arriving late to the most important exam of the year. The one that you cannot retake unless you repeat the whole year. They loved watching you fail, watching you get humiliated like that, after years of living in your shadow. 

The more you thought about it, the harder it became for you to stay mad at them however. Admittedly, you weren't the best class president, nor the best classmate in general. Focused on your career goals, you've never bothered to make friends at your school. Always keeping to yourself, never helping out others - even during group projects you'd rather do all the work alone than spend any time with them. 

You didn't go to parties or sleepovers, nor did you do the whole dating and relationships thing. To be perfectly honest you've never expected your classmates to achieve anything in their lives, you didn't consider them a competition at school and definitely not for a future job hunt. You would be surprised if most of them even graduated at all. 

You couldn't help but sigh at the thought. How ironic, considering the fact that now you were the only one not graduating. Karma truly is a bitch.

But having to repeat the year wasn't the most painful part of this whole situation. Nor was it your classmates turning on you and happily witnessing your downfall. No, what hurt you the most was Gwi-nam's betrayal. The two of you have been friends ever since you could remember. Both coming from rather dysfunctional families, you clicked almost instantly and for over a decade you had each other's backs, no matter what hurdles life threw at you.

All of that suddenly changed when the both of you started college. Pretty much overnight you were deemed too uncool to be seen with and instantly replaced by a bunch of cavemen, driven mainly by their libido rather than any goals or ambition. You tried to salvage this friendship, you really really tried. Afterall, for many years he's been the only good thing in your life, a safe space, your best friend. Your only friend. You'd basically beg him to at least spend time with you after school, you didn't mind pretending to be strangers during classes but you couldn't stand the thought of him being gone from your life entirely. 

Despite your pleas, despite your threats and bargains, he wouldn't budge. Every single time you'd try to talk to him he just laughed, his eyes and tone ice cold. You'd ask him why he's treating you like that after years of friendship, why you're less important than some people he's met a month earlier but an answer never came, the conversation ending the same way each time - your tears, his laughter and disapproving looks from anyone who happened to be around you.

It took you months to accept the new reality and move on, but you've never understood why he acted that way. All you knew was that this guy might have had an appearance, voice and style that resembled Gwi-nam's but it wasn't him, it couldn't be him. It wasn't your Gwi-nam at least. You spent hours, maybe even days staring into his eyes when you were younger, you knew him better than he knew himself. But looking at him now, years later, you didn't recognize the person in front of you anymore.

Taking all of that into consideration, it would be an understatement to say you were surprised when, one day, the communication between the two of you suddenly resumed, as if nothing had ever changed. 

Because of your declining health you were forced to skip school for a couple weeks, something you've never thought you'd do, but between your health and career, the latter was definitely less important than the former. Your school didn't offer homeschooling and, due to your nonexistent social life, you weren't exactly receiving any offers to help you out with the classes you missed out on, so, even though you'd honestly rather crawl back to school on all fours, you had to turn to the one person you were hoping wouldn't reject you despite your failed friendship. Yoon Gwi-nam. 

You spent hours nervously pacing around your room, trying to gather the courage to text him. Calling him was out of the question, nothing in this world could prepare you for that, so you decided to do the next best thing and send him a message. It was already well past your usual bedtime when you finally managed to put together a perfect message, after typing it out and deleting it right after a dozen times. But if you thought putting your thoughts into text was anxiety inducing, you couldn't even begin to describe how you felt after pressing send. Suddenly time slowed down, minutes lasting for what felt like days.

No matter how hard you tried to pretend, you weren't ready to read his reply. If you were being completely honest, you didn't even expect one in the first place, so when your phone lit up with a new notification, you got startled, waves of anxiety and embarrassment hitting you repeatedly. So many questions went through your mind all at once, it was hard to focus on just one. Did he read your whole message? Did you take him by surprise or did he expect you to reach out to him, since he knew you weren't talking to anyone else? And most importantly, would he actually agree to help you or did you just make a fool out of yourself again?

Finally deciding against waiting till the morning to open his message, you clicked on the notification, only to see his, more than disappointing, one sentence reply.

"k, i'll come over tmrw"

You put the phone down with a long sigh. Really? That's all he had to say? After all this time he couldn't even put a little bit of effort into his message? Oh well, at least he responded. And he agreed to help you as well. Or at least that's what you were hoping for, why else would he come over? He didn't visit you since.. No, you didn't want to think about it again. It was late, you were sick and you were tired. After such a long day, you could only hope for a better tomorrow. 

The next day came and went, Gwi-nam's visit much less eventful than you anticipated. You spent the whole day trying to make yourself look halfway decent and prepare to face him once again. Practicing in front of a mirror, you tried your best to organize your thoughts, turn them into coherent sentences and explain exactly what has been on your mind, in a calm and collected manner. The last thing you wanted was to break down and start crying in front of him.

But when he finally showed up at your doorstep, you didn't even get a chance to say anything. He handed you the notebooks, briefly explaining what they've been working on for the past couple weeks, and then left, not sparing you a single look or a word of apology. He repeated this for the next few days - he'd show up, pick up his stuff and then come back later to let you know what happened at school that day. He'd never go beyond that, never ask you how you were doing or why exactly you stayed at home, never mentioned anything that happened between the two of you. If you were being completely honest, you started questioning if you were ever truly friends. Even if it didn't work out or he didn't feel like continuing whatever you had, was it really necessary for him to treat you like that? Like a complete stranger?

A million questions in your mind, your anxiety skyrocketing every time Gwi-nam was about to come over. You were really hoping these visits would help you get closure, finally feel at ease but they turned out to have the exact opposite effect - you felt uncomfortable, anxious and sad every time you looked at him, the realization that you were never going to go back to what you once had, hitting you harder every single day, until you finally accepted it. There was no point in wasting your time and energy on him anymore, as difficult as it was for you to move on. But there was still one thing you wanted to ask before you closed that chapter forever.

"Why are you helping me?" 

Gwi-nam stopped midway to the door, slowly turning around to face you again. It was supposed to be his last visit, since you were going back to school next week, so you decided to take the chance and finally confront him, even if the outcome wasn't going to be pleasant for you. It was still better than nothing and you knew that with school ending soon you wouldn't get another chance. 

"What?" 

"Why are you helping me with this stuff? I thought we weren't friends anymore?" You knew the last question came off as passive-aggressive but you didn't really care anymore. He's said much worse things to you in the past few months, and in front of other people too.

"Don't be ridiculous. Who else were you going to ask for help, huh?" 

His words hurt. You knew he was right but that didn't make it any better, nor did his visibly annoyed expression. It was clear he wasn't enjoying this unexpected conversation. 

"So you're doing it to feel better about yourself? What about all the times you've insulted me or made fun of me in front of your cavemen friends? Did that feel good? Because it sure didn't for me. I hope you'll get a good laugh out of it and it'll help you pass the time while you repeat the year, asshole.." 

Gwi-nam stayed quiet, clearly taken aback by your sudden outburst. You weren't planning to scream at him like that but you were bottling up your feelings for way too long. You finally snapped and, as embarrassing as it was to show him your weaker, more vulnerable side, you felt relieved to finally let it all out, no matter how it made him feel. 

"You know.." he finally spoke, his tone serious like you've never heard it before. "maybe if you cared enough to look up from your books sometimes, you'd realise why I didn't want you around anymore. Goodbye y/n."

Leaving you shocked and speechless, Gwi-nam made his way to the door again before turning around one last time with an innocent smile. 

"Oh, and don't forget about the exam next week, at 10 am."

Thinking about it now, after calming down a little, maybe he wasn't completely wrong. Maybe he had a reason to resent you, maybe they all did. You've always acted like you were better than your classmates, like they weren't worth your time or energy, without ever even making an attempt to get to know any of them. You were so sure they were the ones that needed you but within a couple minutes they managed to prove you wrong. Fuck, you've never felt this shitty before. Because of your own ego you've lost the only friend you've ever had, all the friends you could have made and a chance at graduating. And on top of that you'd have to pay for the damages you've caused. You'd probably scream your head off, if all of this didn't give you a headache. 

Right as that thought crossed your mind, a loud, almost unnatural sounding scream came from outside the bathroom, startling you. It was quickly followed by one, two, three more, until the whole school was filled with a cacophony of piercing cries and screams full of despair. Unsure of what was happening and how you were supposed to react, you decided to leave the safety of your hiding spot. Maybe it wasn't the smartest idea but at that moment you hoped that whatever was going on, you'd be able to survive it, leave the building and go home.

Oh, how wrong you were. How naive. And you didn't even have enough time to regret your choice or realise what was unfolding right in front of you - the second you stepped outside, you were met with tens, dozens of..what you thought were people at first but after taking a closer look, you weren't so sure anymore. Their bodies and faces horribly deformed, certain body parts either missing or mangled, clothes ripped and covered in blood. The screaming and crying didn't stop either. No, it only grew louder, stronger. 

Surrounded by a chaos you've never seen before, you just stood there, body and mind completely frozen. What was happening? Who..what were they? Why were they attacking each other? What were you supposed to do? There really wasn't anywhere you could escape to, dead bodies and those..creatures blocking the way wherever you looked. You thought about fighting them, at least for as long as you could find an exit or another hiding spot, but you quickly realized that whoever or whatever they were, they were much stronger, faster and had way more stamina than you. 

Still, there had to be something you could do, right? You refused to just give up and let those monsters kill you, despite having very limited options when it came to hiding or defending yourself. In fact, there was absolutely nothing you could use, except an old broom resting against the doorframe. 

"That'll have to do, I guess.." You weren't sure but you had to do something, at least try. You've had your whole life ahead of you, so many dreams and goals, you didn't want to accept that it could end just like that, you couldn't accept it.

And so, terrified to see the full scale of the situation, but determined to fight for your life, you grabbed the broom and you ran. As fast as you could, as far as you could, trying to avoid any contact with the creatures. It was a difficult task, considering the fact that their only goal, only purpose seemed to be catching and devouring you. 

At first you thought they were simply killing anyone that got too close to them but no..the truth was much worse. The creatures didn't seem to care whether their prey was dead or still alive, they consumed whatever they could put their mouth on and when they got you..You'd come back as one of them, no matter what state they left you in. It was terrifying, horrors you couldn't even imagine before, playing out right in front of you, in a place you've always considered a second home. Sometimes even the first.

So you ran and ran, not looking back and barely aware of what was awaiting you wherever you ended up going. The creatures weren't smart, that much you knew, but they were strong and there were so many of them, more than you could count, which made hiding pretty much impossible. Every room, every corridor, every tiny little nook was full of them. After a while of this never-ending race your legs started to give up on you, your health still not at its best, but even when you were struggling to move forward, struggling to catch your breath, you didn't want to stop. 

You'd crawl if you have to but you won't let them have you that easily. You most definitely didn't lack the determination but you were running low on energy, getting weaker and slower until finally the inevitable happened. Your whole life flashed before your eyes, a terrified scream slipping past your lips as you were grabbed and pulled into the nearest classroom. Screaming and thrashing around, you tried to push the attacker off but to no avail. 

"Shut the fuck up, you're just gonna lead all of them here you idiot!"

"G-Gwi-nam?!" You gasped in shock, unsure whether you were happy you were still alive or angry at him for scaring the life out of you. What was he still doing at school anyway?

"No, Santa Claus. Of course it's me you dumbass. And instead of yelling, you should thank me for saving you. If it wasn't for me you'd have your head bitten off by these freaks by now." 

"Thanks..I guess.." You were thankful, you really were. But it was hard for you to face him again, after everything that happened on that day. Though..maybe it didn't matter anymore. Maybe he was right. All that mattered was that you were still alive. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I managed to hide here when shit hit the fan. But we shouldn't stay here, it's too dangerous."

"So..what now?" 

"We need to get to the rooftop."

"The rooftop? What for?"

The look he sent your way made you regret asking any questions. And so did his answer.

"Fucking hell..I thought you were supposed to be the smart one here, but since that's clearly not the case, listen carefully because I'm not going to repeat myself. Shit is going down at our school and someone is going to notice it sooner or later, if they haven't already. So, when they send help, we need them to see us, know that we're here. The rooftop is our best chance at that. Understood, class president?"

You nodded, your face hot with shame and embarrassment. His words cut deep but you knew he was right. So, for the first time in your life, you decided to let him take control and trust him, forgetting what happened between the two of you, at least temporarily. Right now Gwi-nam was your only chance at surviving, you'll worry about the rest when you're both safe.

"Aight, let's go then."

Trying to stay together and stay aware of your surroundings, you left the empty room and made your way to the rooftop. With newfound energy and an ally by your side, you felt safer, more confident, fear slowly leaving your body. The two of you quickly found a rhythm, working together and supporting each other - it almost made you feel like back when you were kids, always having each other's backs. Maybe it was silly, especially given the circumstances, but with the way he held onto your hand the whole time, never letting go, how determined and confident he was, Gwi-nam almost seemed attractive to you at that moment.

"You're being stupid, focus y/n!" You scolded yourself in your thoughts. This was important, this was life and death, even a second of hesitation was something you couldn't afford. Neither of you could. 

After what seemed like a century, you finally managed to get to the stairs leading to the rooftop, but with the both of you out of breath, completely exhausted and struggling to run or even walk fast, and an entire horde of the creatures behind you, determined to drown you in the sea of half dead bodies, the future didn't look too bright. It was clear that you wouldn't be able to run for much longer but luckily for you, you somehow made it to the door. However, once one problem was solved, another one appeared.

"It's locked.."

"What the fuck do you mean?"

"It's locked Gwi-nam, the door is fucking locked!" You screamed, feeling the tears you've been trying to hold for so long, finally escaping and running down your cheeks, onto your ripped shirt. 

This was it. This was the end. There was nowhere else to go.

"Come on, you have to try harder! See if you can find anything to break it with, I'll fight them off for as long as I can."

How Gwi-nam managed to stay so calm and collected, you honestly didn't know, but he proved to you that he wasn't as weak and pathetic as you thought he was. You underestimated him your whole life and you knew it was stupid to think about it now, that you were both about to die, but you couldn't help it. You had to say something, let him know how much you regretted treating him like he was worse than you and, as a result, ruining your friendship. Because him saving you, risking his own life to protect you and take you to safety, made you realise one thing - it wasn't him that caused your friendship to end, no. It was you. And you knew you were not going to get another chance to apologize. 

"Gwi-nam.."

"What the fuck are you doing y/n?! Go back there and open the goddamn door, are you deaf or stupid?"

"Gwi-nam, there is no point. The door is locked, there's nothing I can do. But I have to tell you something before we die, I'm-"

"Die?" he cut you off, a big smile spreading on his face. You've never seen a smile that cold and emotionless. At that moment he almost reminded you of those monsters downstairs. "Sweetheart, I'm not dying today, oh no. Don't take this the wrong way, I am happy I found you when I did. Finally, you'll be able to repay me for those years I've wasted trying to be your friend. Trying to be your equal, despite you letting me know every step of the way that I'm not. That I'll never be as good as you, at anything. Even if I try."

Before your brain could process his words, he grabbed you by the shoulders, a firm grip making it impossible for you to escape or push him away.

"Gwi-nam, what are you-"

"I hope it doesn't hurt too much." Was the last thing you heard him say, before he pushed you down the stairs and into the sea of starving monsters, ignoring your screams and cries for help. His sadistic smile only grew bigger - afterall, he's been waiting for this moment for months, maybe even years. He came prepared and he won.

His plan worked.

[dxmedstudent]

Dx- I am feeling really really sad right now, can't really stop crying. I sent you an anon a month or so ago (if you remember) on the day of my OSCE and updating you how it went... Long story short, there was a leak and many of the students knew the stations in advance and I was feeling shit about it after (because it was a good half of the year I think) but my OSCE results came back and I got 25 (out of a hundred) and a very clear fail. There are no retakes (it is formative) but I am now in my final year and I can't help but feel like absolute shit. I know I am a good person (the patients I see now at the GP always tell me I will become a lovely doctor) but I feel so stupid... My friends did better and they didn't know about it either- so they're trying to say some hospitals are harsher but I know someone on the exact same circuit as me who also passed. I just feel horrible, my EPM overall is going to be so low and I will have to accept that I can't live in London. Idk. I feel really sad... I'm going to meet my personal tutor and he will provide words of comfort. OSCEs are absolutely the worst.

Hey, I'm so sorry to hear this. It's really unfortunate that the stations were leaked - and therefoe some people got an unfair advantage which then ruined the grading curve for everyone else. It always sucks to do less well on an exam than we hope - expecially when that's at least partly not our fault. It's not fair, and I can see why it really hurts. I'm sorry, I wish we could make it better. I would say that the EPM is only part of it - the SJT matters too! You don't know where you're going to get a place til its done. Now I received this message a while ago and I lose track of time, I'd love to hear where you ended up! Ultimately this only affects your foundation years - remember that it won't be forever, and when you get a clinical fellow job, locum or go into training you'll get another chance to apply whatever you want. Even if you don't get into London, you might get somewhere nearby enough to travel back to see family and friends on the weekend! I should say that as someone who has lived both in and around London for work, it honestly took me less time to get back to see family and friends from some places outside fo London than when I was on the other side of London! I also want to say that whilst it hurts if we get sent further away than we want, sometimes that also ends up being a nice place to work, with the best kind of people. You can find your home, and make friends anywhere! I wish you all the happiness in the world, and as you face your foundation years you always have at least one friend to share things with - whether things are good or bad. Welcome to the team :)