#but now he's gotta be like santa clause did you fuck my mom?

[softquietsteadylove]

Hello. I would kindly request something for the Pokémon AU please. Gil still recovering from the whole poison thing and everyone there is helping him whenever they can, even Thenas most stubborn Pokémon. Thank you!

"Shit!"

Gil stumbled, nearly toppling all the way over before a psychic aura caught his fall. He blinked as he floated upright again. He would have expected Ninetales or even Froslass to be responsible for it, but it was neither. "Uh, th-thanks."

Gallade just glared at him, picking up one of the bags and walking out of the room.

It had been a harrowing week, Gil had learned. He was only leaving their room in the pokemon centre because they needed it for more critical patients. He wouldn't be cleared to work again for a while. He wanted to insist that he was fine, but he felt weak. And he had put Thena and Teddiursa - and poor Dragonite - through enough.

Thena looked like she hadn't slept all week. And she and their little cub wouldn't let go of each other for anything--it was like when he was a baby all over again. He kept catching them staring at him, like they were expecting him to get worse again.

The Audino and Chansey had looked him over and given him a full pass if he rested. Even the human doctors and nurses agreed he could be released.

"Hey, move slowly," Thena whispered as she came over to him. She tucked herself under his arm as if he had been limping and needed a crutch. "You're coming straight home, anyway."

Gil eyed the doorway where Gallade had all but stomped away with his stuff. "He doesn't seem too happy with me."

Thena's eyes drifted away. "It's been a tough week--on all of us."

That implied that Gallade had been worried for him too. But Gil thought it was much more likely that the Blade Pokemon was frustrated with him purely for the stress he had caused Thena.

Gil paused, making Thena halt with him. He raised his hand to her cheek. He knew it was impossible, but he could swear she had lost weight in the week he'd spent in bed. "Are you sure you're okay?"

She smiled for him, at least. But it really only served to emphasize that she had dark circles under her eyes, her cheeks felt sunken and she was lacking the usual sparkle she had. Naturally, her eyes were as vibrant as a dawn stone, but now they just seemed...sad. "I'm happy you're on your feet."

He sighed as she leaned up to kiss his cheek. "I really put you through hell and Hoenn water, huh?"

She didn't disagree with him, but she patted his chest. "You're coming home, that's all that matters."

"Has Dragonite been staying with you?"

"Yes, although I fear we'll need more room," she lamented in good humour as she helped him drag himself out of the room and from the poison ward all together. She gave him a poke, "no more big pokemon."

"So I shouldn't come home with a Tyrannitar or a Snorlax, you mean?"

She laughed, and he felt better as soon as he heard it. "Absolutely not--keep it small. No bigger than a Munchlax."

Even young Munchlax could be hundreds of kilos in weight, so that really wasn't an option for their little house on the hill either.

"Froslass?"

"Hey, I'm okay," he smiled at the ice/ghost type hovering close. He must have really scared them all if she was floating around completely visible. "I'll get some rest and be good as new."

Dragonite gave him the biggest, saddest eyes a dragon could muster.

"Oh, come on buddy," Gil chided lightly. Dragonite leaned down to let his snout be petted gently. "Don't look at me like that. You can come and see me as soon as you're done work."

"Teddi?"

Ah, their sweet little bear cub, growing up so fast. Gil patted between his ears, finally in good proportion with his head. "You too, buddy. You can't skip work to stay home with me."

Teddiursa pouted a little, but Thena nuzzled the crescent moon in his fur and pressed a kiss there. "You are a junior ranger, my Luvdisc, you have responsibilities."

The pressure from his Mama made him pout even more, even cross his little arms. But he agreed, "Ted-Teddi."

"You sit," Thena helped him into one of the seats in the main waiting area. She set Teddiursa in his arms as well, "I'll get your ride ready."

He figured it would be Dragonite, like always. But Dragonite's harness did require some holding, even with the safety buckle. Maybe she'd called a pokemon taxi. He sighed.

"Gal-Gallade."

Gil blinked as Gallade set his bag down at his feet and sat next to him. He leaned forward, resting his weight on his knees(?) in a way that would have Thena scolding him to sit up straight. "Thanks."

"Gal."

Gil idly rubbed Teddiursa's back, seated on his knee. He looked at Gallade. "Sorry, for all this, I mean. I'm sure it hasn't been easy on you."

Gallade looked towards the front doors of the pokemon centre. His concern wasn't really for himself, but for his trainer. "Gallade."

Gil winced. Thena had been through too much because of this. Gallade was right to be angry with him. "I'll make it up to her."

"Lade," he scoffed. Gallade was a pokemon of few words, especially when he had to listen to them.

Gil ruffled his hair, a subconscious move in substitute of reaching for his ranger hat. "I didn't mean to get poisoned, y'know."

Oh, now it was the silent treatment.

Gil rolled his eyes. Gallade had been increasingly hostile since the beginnings of his and Thena's relationship turning romantic. He sighed, "look, I'll take care of her. These things...just happen."

"Gallade!"

Gil startled, as did a few other patrons. He hadn't expected such a strong rebuttal about taking care of himself. "Uh, I usually take care of himself-"

"Gal-Gallade, Gal," the pokemon rolled its eyes. He even crossed his arms and rested one of his feet(?) on his knee(???).

"I do," Gil scowled at the childish feeling argument--and with his girlfriend's pokemon, no less. But he watched Gallade's annoyed eyes and shifty body language. He sat back again. "These are the risks of the job, bud. I know that, and Thena does too."

Gallade said nothing.

Gil moved a little in his seat. Gallade was far past the age when it wanted to be petted like a Skitty. But he tried to catch its eye, "I am sorry, though. I know I worried you all."

Gallade had been worried about him. And now that he was better, he could experience the fighting/psychic's full annoyance as a result. "Gallade."

"I know." Gil had heard all about the pokemon's care of him. Gallade had used hypnosis to put him in a state even the pain killers and sedatives couldn't achieve.

Gallade eyed the door again before looking at him, and then swatting at him. "Gallade-Gal!"

"Okay, geez," Gil held up his hands before Gallade stood and walked outside, presumably sensing the return of its trainer. Gil looked around sheepishly at the guests. He cleared his throat, "sorry."

An older woman smiled in her seat, her Pansage on her lap. "Teenagers--he'll grow out of it."

"Hope so," Gil sighed. He looked down at Teddiursa, who hadn't spoken a word in his defense. "You were no help."

"Ted," the little bear turned his head. He was a little upset too, it seemed. Although Gil got the feeling he was mostly copying his big brother, more than anything.

"Okay, come on," Thena came back in, holding out her hand. Gallade left her side to - still scowling at him! - offer his support.

"Thanks," he sighed, standing with a heavy groan. He looked at Gallade, offering its blade like it was assisting an old man. "I can walk, y'know."

"Gal." It wasn't the first time Gallade had told him to shut up, and it probably wouldn't be the last either.

"Excuse me?" The stern words from his trainer did make the Blade Pokemon stand up a little straighter and lower his tone. She put her hands on her hips, "that's what I thought."

"Gallade."

Gil just chuckled. He was plenty used to it, and he had somewhat missed the chaos of his usual life in the silence of his private room. "None taken, buddy."

"Okay, let's go."

"Whoa," Gil blinked and smiled, dragging his feet over to his chauffeur. "It's been a while--how are you?"

"Altar," the Humming Pokemon cooed, letting Gil bend its long neck around to receive some head scratches. It no longer possessed the little antennae on top of its head but now had long, flowing ones. "Altaria!"

"Thanks, I guess I've been better, but it's good to see you," Gil grinned. It had been a long time since he had last seen the Swablu-turned-Altaria of Thena's. "You're my ride home?"

"I called," Thena confessed, also receiving some affection as Altaria leaned its head down to nuzzle her. "I know Dragonite can carry you, but the news of your condition brought him home anyway."

It was very sweet of the retired and technically freed pokemon to return to check on him. The dragon type passed through regularly of course, always checking up on Thena.

It nodded to Gallade, who nodded back. The two original party members of her team in this region conveyed an understanding that even the rest of her team lacked. Gallade offered a wave, which Altaria met with a slap of one of its antennae.

"Come on, then," Thena said gently, helping Gil ease onto Altaria's back.

"Thena, really, I'm-" his mouth shut as he sank into the sheer plushness of Altaria's downy feathers. It really was like sleeping on a cloud. "Wow."

Thena had on a smirk. She knew that he wouldn't be able to resist the offer of an Altaria, no matter how much he insisted he was well. "We'll meet you at home."

She gave him a last kiss on the cheek before asking Altaria ever so gently to fly him home slowly and smoothly. She gave her old pokemon a kiss on the tip of his beak, their foreheads pressed together before the flying pokemon took off lightly and smoothly.

He had never flown on an Altaria before, but wow it was luxurious. It would probably be more common if they weren't so tough to actually train, let alone evolve. Only the most ambitious trainers would go through the work of evolving a Swablu that wasn't purebred.

That was his Thena, though.

[milimima]

That house. That house that my mom picked out was our first house house. Na I ain’t gon cap when we was in cali it was lit. But guess what my ppls got cps called on them allll the time 🤣🤣😭 why cause they was wildinn . They was. And the can’t tell you otherwise cause they know. Or maybe they don’t but let’s let’s break down. We can. Cause these are facts. Regardless I feel like I was always taken care of like God always had my back even when I ain’t believe in him. Even was claiming atheist and all dat n this and that throwing all these “facts” out there. I was really cuttin ppl ass up about it. Like nigga what🤣 believing in God was like believing in Santa clause. Cause that’s what I heard. And there was all these “facts”. So I was hard on it anddd on top of that, how can their be a God where there’s all this shit happening to me God all this pain and rage and anger at such a young age I couldn’t understand and I didn’t feel understood.

Then I remember the first time G really showed up in my life. I was trying to take my life. Cutting myself up, being quite dramatic but all this is are facts lol, I was beating myself up. Crying and screaming in the bathroom with everyone home. You’ll that silent scream 😭😭 And I just was rl remember me n da devil was talking. I was like fuck it. I felt like I was selling my souls bitch I was prolly like 14-15 but that was my experience. Ide remember what brought those feelings about, I’m pretty sure it was a bunch of things. I was just talking to him and cutting and trying to cut deeper without making to much noise and I just remember G coming to me like “So you just gon go like that” .. bruh I’m rl tearing up hold on.

Bruh and this was before I even knew God it’s so crazy I’m thinking of this rn. Cause I didn’t bruh. I didn’t know him. Even after that situation I was still going th— hold on. He was “So you just gon go like that, let them win, you not even gon see what I got for you” that’s when he told me bruh. He told me I was destined for greatness bruh. He told me I have grace and blessing over my life, a mission. And at the time I was arguing w God rl blood on the floor tears in my eyes like No. I don’t see it. How could it be. With all this going on why me . He ain’t answer me bruh. He was like “You een gotta know all dat.”

This rl how G talk to me. That’s why I can call him G. He said “You think I took you this far just to bring you this far” damn I feel dat shit in my soul I guess it applies rn. Bruh I still was denying God it almost was like he told me all dat and I didn’t really believe him, it was a lot. A lot happened. But I kindve just shook it off. At the time it was just something to keep me going. Like ok God said he got sun for me but my situation was still crazy so I brushed it off I went back to not not believing but also not really claiming he did. Like I just kindve ignored it. Him. And went back to life, Ay bro I got suspended like twice after dat day and thrown in da crazy house cause I was wildin out.

Bruh still ignoring shit. Well I wasn’t hearing. I wasn’t aware. I was just tryn get out my situation. Dammmmn. This is crazy how it’s all coming full circle. It took for me to get alone wit God. Rl. He had to bring me back to dat place. Alone. Really alone. Really isolated. Really feeling like I ain’t got shit else. So who did I turn to … well who found me. I feel like sometimes our soul will go looking for things are flesh isn’t aware we need yet. Sheeeeesh who am I. 🤣🤣🤣 naaa fr tho. Then I started to understand, I started to listen. Now just now. I’m starting to obey. Now I’m starting to search for him. Claim him. Look for him but not really cause I understand he’s everywhere. But also really talk to him. And understand if we’re apart of Gods creation why do we think we can put him in a box. Like it’s only one way to pray, one way to worship, one way just to even have a relationship with him. We’re allll different. All apart of him. He’s so beautiful and multifaceted, how can we box that up. We can’t. Anyways I had to do that to me a few times (get alone w God) but now it’s like I see. Now I hear him. 14-15 bitch that was almost ten years ago. Woooowwwwwwwwww. Life. Life is crazy. Tryn not to think so hard but woowww.

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Imagine:

Erik and the Readers first Christmas together

Santa baby

Just slip a benzo under the tree for me

A '98 convertible, light blue

I'm looking for a fly guy, like you

So hurry down the chimney tonight

“Erik, what happened to my pretty black angel with the curly hair?”

Y/N didn’t notice it when they put the tree up a week ago but the angel that she purchased on Etsy couldn’t be found. The top of the tree was bare and that irritated her.

“I don’t know, girl, check the living room, next to the couches.” Erik yelled from their bedroom. Y/N went looking for it, finally coming across a UPS package. It had her name on it and when she used the box cutter in the living room to open it, sure enough, it was the damn angel.

“I’ve been so busy shopping I forgot about this pretty ornament.”

Y/N climbs the stairs, finally at the top and placing the angel at the top of the tree. It was complete. Y/N’s first Christmas with Erik was going to be special. It was her first time in a big ass house too. Just wait until her family comes over tomorrow evening for dinner.

“Aight, so I need your opinion.”

Y/N turns around to face her husband. He was wearing a Santa Clause onesie with the front zipped down to just about his crotch, the Santa hat tilted on his head showing a sprinkle of his dreads. He looked like a Christmas treat forreal.

“You putting Saint Nick ass to shame!”

Erik starts to pose, dipping low like he was in a prison photo. She giggles, wishing she had her phone. Y/N walks up to her man, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her nose couldn’t miss the smell of the gingerbread body butter that she made especially for him.

“You smell just like a cookie,” she pressed her nose into his solid chest.

“And so do you,” Erik was referring to the sugar cookie body butter on her skin, “Where is your sexy Mrs. Clause outfit?!”

“It’s supposed to be for tomorrow so we could do our Christmas role play not tonight! That’s why I wore this,” Y/N shows Erik her fitted pajama onesie with candy canes and hot cocoa mugs on it. She had a cute butt flap on it too and her toes were covered. It was fucking adorable.

“Damn, I was just gonna wrap my dick in a bow and carry a can of whipped cream.”

“I mean,” we can do that too.” She wagged her eye brows at him.

“So, should I take this off?”

“No! Keep this on tonight, and do the other thing with the bow tomorrow.”

“You just wanna unwrap this dick.” Erik laughs.

“I mean, it is a gift; a blessing,” Y/N drags Erik towards the steps, “now lets go! We gotta make some caramel hot cocoa and watch Polar Express!”

“Big ass kid.” Erik jokes.

“Says the guy who recorded Rudolph The Red Nose Rain Deer to watch.”

Finally downstairs, they both make it to the large chef kitchen, Y/N’s early Christmas gift ; a mixer for baking, sitting right on the counter with a gold bow. She still had the “12 days of Christmas” suprise Erik planned. Y/N was being nosy and she discovered that her first gift was going to be an all white Jeep with a big pretty red bow. His early gift was a rather expensive set of weaponry that included chrome gold guns and daggers. He was so damn hype about that.

Erik gets the heavy cream from the fridge plus the whipped cream. Y/N grabs the jumbo marshmallows from the cupboard and the hot cocoa mix with caramel drizzle. Erik was at the stove now, pouring the heavy cream into the pot to heat. Y/N grabbed two mugs; one Harry Potter and the other with a mistletoe. She was using the Harry Potter one. She takes the caramel drizzle, squirting some all over the bottom of the cups.

“Yeah, don’t be shy with the caramel, girl.”

Erik was in the middle of stirring the heavy cream, not even noticing Y/N sneaking up on him from behind. She placed a little bit of caramel on her finger before rubbing it onto his cheek. She squeals from him grabbing her hand, pulling her towards him and rubbing his cheek against hers so she could have some too.

“Eek! Erik, Stop!”

“I know you ain’t telling me stop when you started with me first!”

Y/N rubbed her sticky cheek. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“I will bite that tongue.” He warns.

“Don’t let the milk burn.”

He rushed over to the stove, turning it off. Y/N brought the mugs over, applying the cocoa to the cups before Erik poured in the hot milk. Once that was finished, she grabbed two soup spoons to stir it in. Erik popped a marshmallow in his mouth before adding four each to their mugs and whipped cream. Finally finished, Y/N picks up the hazelnut nut wafer sticks, her and Erik leaving the kitchen to settle in their cozy living room to watch Polar Express.

“I’m actually pretty fucking happy I moved to NYC with you. I never experienced a white Christmas before.” They had the curtains open, snow sprinkling the ground but not exactly sticking to the streets, making it a slush.

“Laying that salt down is a pain though,” Erik pulled Y/N into him. She leaned her head against his chest.

“Just be happy that you already did the shit now our side walk and drive through is clear.”

Erik pressed play on their movie. The music still played in the background; it was TLC- Sleigh Ride.

Even though they both were supposed to be paying attention to the movie, Erik couldn’t help but watch Y/N drink her hot cocoa, wide eyes like a kid at Christmas time, and a foam mustache. Erik takes his finger, dragging it across her upper lip to clean it up before licking it off his fingers. She didn’t budge, eyes glued to the TV.

“Are you watching?” She asked to make sure. They were 30 minutes in.

“Stop asking me.” Erik secretly tries to yawn but Y/N felt his chest move.

“You always get fussy when I ask if you’re sleep. Stop falling asleep on me all the time and I won’t ask.”

“Can’t make any promises,” His eyes lids dropped a little. Y/N grabs her phone, seeing a message from her mom:

MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄🎁

“Babe!!”

She hops on Erik, straddling him now. Y/N bounces on Erik’s lap, saying “Babe! Babe!” Over and over.

“What, woman?!!!”

“It’s Christmas Day!” She places sticky kisses on his face, “our first Christmas together, bae!”

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it?”

Erik proposed to her so early they didn’t get a chance to experience other Christmas holidays before. He just knew Y/N was the one.

“That dry ass response.”

“Aight, ITS OUR FIRST FUCKING CHRISTMAS TOGETHER !!!!”

Erik picks her up, spinning her around. She giggled and squealed.

“HOLY SHIT! OUR FIRST FUCKING CHRISTMAS AS A MARRIED COUPLE! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT, Y/N?!!”

“Alright, now you’re yelling in my ear.”

Erik puts her down, wrapping his large arms around her waist.

“Too bad that mistletoe isn’t over here. But fuck it, you taste so sweet.”

Both of their sugary tongues swirled in each other’s mouths.

“Babe,” she pulled away with kiss swollen lips, “I’m nervous.”

“Why?” His face was aglow from the Christmas lights.

“You’re gonna meet the rest of my family tomorrow since we didn’t have an actual wedding...”

“I don’t regret eloping with you. I’m fucking glad we drove to Vegas to get married and have a crazy ass weekend that I can vaguely remember.”

“Partying with fake Michael Jackson and playing poker,” Y/N smiled with her arms around his neck.

“Stripper pole in the shower...” Erik had his lips on her neck placing small kisses there.

“Mmm, how could I forget that...”

They kiss again, more passionately this time. She was reminded again why she fell in love with him. It was the first kiss all over again.

Santa, baby” Y/N whispers in Erik’s ear.

“Wassup, baby girl?”

“Can Santa fuck me in that new walk-in closet like he said he would? You got the mirrors installed I wanna watch you dick me down...”

“Fuck,” He picks her up, Y/N wrapping her legs around him, “Put that sexy red lingerie on and get the white cuffs.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #308

“you don’t need treats, and you don’t need tricks, and you don’t need me.”

Middle name? Marie. Or Marie Catherine, if we're technical, but as someone who loooong left Catholicism and never even agreed with many aspects of it in the first place, I don't like to include it. If you're confused, there's a ceremony called Confirmation, and while I honestly don't even remember the details of it, you adopt the name of a saint you want to stand for, kinda. I chose Catherine just because I liked the name outta my other options. Democrat/republican/other? I classify myself as Independent because I really don't relate well enough to either, but I do know I'm becoming more and more liberal with time. Do you dress according to your mood? My mood? No. I dress with what I feel like wearing at that time, but my actual mood has nothing to do with it. Are you good at doing hair/make up? No. Are you always worried or stressed about something? 24/7, my friend. Can you swim? Yeah. Are you afraid of needles? I don't like them, but I'm not afraid of them. How many kids do you want? Zero. Long/short nails? I keep mine short. Do you like wearing hats? No. Does mall Santa Clauses or Easter bunnies freak you out? Nah, I loved seeing Santa as a kid. :') Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am RIDICULOUSLY clumsy. Do you like when a guy picks you up in his arms? In concept, but I ain't easy to pick up anymore lmao. Do you like hairless cats? I do!! Females, anyway, for... obvious reasons lol. Not having fur makes some things waaay too ~obvious~ otherwise. I would love a sphynx. Do you like the color yellow? No; it's actually one of my most disliked colors. Have you ever seen a cat have a hairball? Yeah. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? Not by a dentist, no, just by myself as a kid when I was losing my baby teeth. When someone says don’t look do you look? It depends on why they're telling me to not look. Have you ever played spin the bottle? No. If you had to name three important details about you, what would you say? I'm a very emotional person, I need a lot of "me" time, and to be aware of my social anxiety so not every interaction I have is perceived as just a dumpster fire. What are your three biggest insecurities? My creativity, my goddamn body, and my lack of social skills. If you could write anonymous letters to three people, who would you send it to and what would you say? Ummm. I can only think of people I miss and don't WANT to be anonymous... Favorite photo of yourself? A senior prom picture I don't have anymore. I looked so, so happy and fuck my low self-esteem, gorgeous. Who are you disappointed with right now? I'm like, permanently disappointed in myself lol. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? No. My minimum is 21. What question do you hate to answer? "Are you a virgin?" because it's just a confusing answer. It doesn't sound like one at all, but trust me on this. The subject of sex just makes me uncomfortable anyway, so even if I was confident in the answer, I wouldn't want to talk about it. What’s your most listened to song? I don't have a way of actually finding that out, but I'd say I've been listening to "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli quite a lot lately. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? I mean, I don't know. It would depend on what was going on in my life and head at the time. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? A nice car for Mom. She's had the same shitty car for yeeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss now because she just can't afford a new one; hell, this one was free. A dance friend hit a deer, so the front of the car is messed up, and she bought a new one, but because the car itself was still functional, she gave it to my mom. Mom is so loved at the studio. The car just has various issues by this point, like trouble starting, accelerating, it's bumpy, etc., so it's way past time for a new one. Do you like licorice? NOOOOOOOOOO that's a big 'ole "ew." Have you ever visited your country’s capital city? No, but I've seen it from a distance when riding up to NY. When was the last time you were outdoors for over an hour? WOW. I couldn't even try to guess. What is the shortest amount of time you’ve lived somewhere? The house I was born into. I actually don't know how long Mom and Dad lived there, but I was only in that house as a very little baby. I have zero memories of it. What’s your favorite kind of mint? (Peppermint/wintergreen/spearmint/etc.) ... There's a difference? lol I guess peppermint? What was the last thing to frustrate you? I wanted to draw yesterday, but I didn't know what to draw to even get started. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party? No. Did any of your family members serve in WWII? I don't believe so? Well... maybe my grampa did? I don't remember. What’s your favorite kind of salad? Gimme an Olive Garden salad and I will deadass eat the whole bowl. Are you more realistic or idealistic? I'd say I'm more realistic with most things. Are you currently borrowing something from someone? No. Is anyone currently borrowing anything from you? No. What is your last name’s heritage/country of origin? Ireland. When did you last buy a new pair of shoes? What kind? I got new flipflops a year or so back because my old Rainbows were so worn out and blackened my feet. Have you ever experienced culture shock while traveling? If so, where? No. Are you able to see the stars at night where you live? I actually haven't checked since moving here. We're in the suburbs though, so it's questionable. Do you include your middle initial in your signature? Not unless it's required, usually. I think. When's the last time I physically signed anything, anyway? What brand of computer do you have? It's an Acer Nitro. What operating system does that computer run? Windows 10. What’s the oldest piece of clothing that you still own and wear? I don't really know, given how much my weight has fluctuated. Went drastically up, went down, now it's back up. .-. I still own a handful of shirts I want to "shrink back into" from late HS and early college times, but yeah, I don't know if I'll actually achieve that. Is the area in which you live flat, hilly, or mountainous? Flat as my ass. What is your significant other or best friend’s ring tone? No one on my phone has a "special" ringtone. Where do you keep your hair brush? There's a comb I use in a drawer in the bathroom. Which pair of shoes have you owned the longest? Multiple pairs of Converse, also from high school. When’s the last time you were sick at the same time as someone else? I'm very happy to say I don't even recall the last time I was sick. My immune system is the fuckin GOAT. What did you have for breakfast this morning? A pb&j. We've got very little rn, but thankfully Mom's picking up our Wal-Mart order today. Last time you were in pain? If I'm standing, you can bet my legs hurt, so. What color is your mom’s hair? It's growing back totally gray now. Is that also your hair color? Well, no, I'm only 25. Do you watch any daily vloggers on YouTube? Who? No. I watch people who vlog occasionally, but not regularly. It's gotta be people I'm very into to really be interested in vlogs. What room of your house do you usually do your surveys in? Sigh, I'm always in my bedroom. Really hoping Mom and I muster up the motivation to clean up the extra room soon to turn it into my "dayroom" or "office," if you will. What do you put on your tacos? I hate tacos. What is your favorite stuffed animal and where did you get it? I have a bittersweet connection to the adorable plush meerkat Jason gave me for Valentine's our first year together; I always slept with it when we were together by apart, and for a year or so after the breakup. It was a source of comfort for me, so I'm really fond of it. Fella's fur is so worn out and matted down with age and lots of love. He's on my dresser now, towards the front of all my plushies. Last thing you hung up on your wall? My Illidan poster, I believe. Do you have a full length mirror? Yeah, on the back of my door. Is it currently raining? No, finally. It's been raining for like a fuckin week, it seems like. It's finally a clear day. It's nice to hear birds outside. Does anyone you live with talk in their sleep? Does this happen often? I'M the one doing the talking/screaming in my sleep. Thanks, nightmares. When was the last time you cried, or felt tearful? I'm not positive, but I know I had a pretty rough PTSD night not too long ago where I teared up. Did you wake up with a song stuck in your head today? What was it? Ohhh yes; I've been listening to Mother Mother's "Ghosting" on repeat because it's jammed up there. When was the last time you used moisturiser or lotion of some kind? Not too long ago on my hands. They get dry this time of year, and besides, I wash my hands a lot nowadays especially. What was the last thing you owned, that was accidentally broken or damaged? Were you able to get it fixed? My laptop, and yes. Tell me about the last dream you recall having. Was it weird, amusing, etc. So this is pretty wild. I know I had a nightmare last night, but I don't remember it; the night before, however, I had a nightmare about a possibly rabid and ginormous rat (I mean like, smaller dog sized) in the house and trying to bite me. It was SUPER weird, because I was actually afraid of it, yet I absolutely adore rats in real life. What was the last video you watched on YouTube? I've really gotten into John Wolfe (a let's player) lately, and I'm going through his The Evil Within playthrough. Do your parents use any social media at all? My mom has a Facebook, and hilariously, Dad has a Snapchat to talk with my sister Nicole. He has no clue what he's doing with it and it's adorable, haha. Mom also has a Twitter, but she doesn't use it. Is there anyone in your life who regularly asks how your day has been? Regularly, no. I've always been that person, especially in the WoW guild I'm in. I'm very close and comfortable with them and ask how everyone's doing any time I log on. Lovely people who give me some social interaction every day. Tell me something positive about the day you've had. It's still early, but once again, it's pretty and bright outside. Why do you prefer Facebook over MySpace, because I know you do? Ha, you'd be incorrect. MySpace was more personal, so I actually preferred it. But it's obviously long-dead, so I just settle with Facebook. Have you read the Pretty Little Liars series? No. My sister looooves it, though. What product do you use to moisturize your lips? I don't remember, actually... It's in my purse somewhere. When did you start using Xanga? I never have. Be honest, do you judge people on their appearance? Judge, I don't think so. I can make assumptions like everyone else, but I'm not gonna think someone is beneath me just by their attire. Do you know anyone who does not like The Beatles? Me. At least, most songs. "Hey Jude" is good, but everyone agrees with that, haha. Did you have a friend in middle school that you’re now enemies with in high school? I'm long since out of HS. I had a middle school friend who I disconnected with following a fight in high school, but we weren't "enemies," and we reunited our senior year anyway. Aaaaand we're not friends anymore once again lmao. What is one thing you hope your children don’t inherit from you? If I hypothetically wanted kids, God knows I'd hope they wouldn't have my psychological issues. Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? It'd be nice, anyway. What type of foundation do you wear? None. Who’s the most controlling person you know? Someone I'm no longer friends with, partially because of this. Do males look good in skinny jeans? Yep. Are you for or against guyliner? Ugggghhhhh guyliner makes me weak in the knees. How many jobs have you had? Where do you currently work? Three; nowhere. Who did you last hit? Um, nobody??? What way of self-care do you enjoy the most and what feels more like an obligation? I enjoy my alone time on the computer as the best self-care, especially after being social all day; I don't, however, enjoy the act of performing hygiene care. I still do it, it's just not fun. The feeling afterwards is great, though. Have you ever tried specific diet plans or fads? What made you do it and how did it turn out for you? I was briefly using NutriSystem, which didn't work for me. I hated too much of the food. More recently I stuck with flexible dieting and calorie counting for a while, but I drifted from it when I still lost no fucking weight in like a month. I want to get back to it, though... oh, and intermittent fasting. I don't think it really worked for me yet again, even though I did it correctly, but that and the aforementioned flexible dieting is all I feel like I can handle. I guess I just have to give it longer. Do you know anyone who has been directly affected by COVID-19 e.g. testing positive, losing a loved one, or their job due to the pandemic? Too many people I know have had it or had someone they loved die because of it. Take this shit seriously. Is there a kind of music you only prefer listening to during specific type of activities that you otherwise wouldn’t enjoy under normal circumstances (e.g. EDM while doing sports or instrumental music while studying, etc.)? No; I have to actually enjoy the music. If you had to start a YouTube channel and motivations/skills/resources/any other inhibiting factors weren’t an issue, what would it be about? Either animal (preferrably reptiles) education or let's plays, ig. Has anything ever happened to you that if you told someone about, they would think you’re making it up? I don't believe so. What travel destination or popular spot have you been to that you found overrated? What about a lesser known place that you thought was a hidden gem? I really don't know; I haven't traveled nearly enough for this.

[esperanzafuentes-archive-blog]

beans & santerías → reyza

Where:  IKAG Mansion

Summary: Esperanza and Reyna finally talk, instead of coming at each other’s necks and they find out that old habits truly die hard.

Written with: @reynasantos

The theatre was blacked out for Christmas Eve which was perfect for the actress. It was her favorite holiday, and well, even though she couldn’t go home she planned on cooking and enjoying the evening watching Santa Clause. It was and always will be her favorite movie. So, there she was in the kitchen stirring the beans and getting ready to fry some maduros while dancing to some Beyonce. She was completely oblivious to anything around her until she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. That didn’t stop her dancing of course. Nothing stopped her groove once she was moving. “You’re welcome to stick around if you’re hungry,” she said before turning around. Of course, the person she offered this to would be her ex. A part of her wanted to take it back, but she told herself that would be cruel on Christmas. “I mean, if you want to. I kinda made too much. I guess I’m used to the whole six of us kids and the rest of the family deal.”

It was rare that Esperanza was ever tired. She ached to do nothing but the brunette was good at keeping herself occupied between her cello, her portraits, and boxing. Plus, it was an added perk that she could do the things alone. Exhausted, the girl padded her way into the kitchen to find something to snack on before heading back to boxing, since she had somehow managed to have gone the whole day without eating anything. With a messy bun and stuck in her own head, Esperanza pulled her headphones from out her ears when she heard someone talking to her, realizing far too late that it was Reyna. “Yeah, uh, no I’m okay. I only came in for a drink before having to go back to what I was doing.” Esperanza explained, figuring that she would just go back and find granola or whatever in her bedroom. “Yeah, is that gone be weird for you? To not be home with your siblings and stuff?” She asked, pulling a water bottle out, being polite.

Reyna didn’t even try hiding her eye roll when Esperanza turned down the offer. She had no idea how long the girl thought she could avoid her for, but Rey was finding thoroughly amusing. Although the question about her family made her sigh slightly. It wasn’t one she was expecting because she didn’t think the other woman would be interested in small talk. “It’s weird yeah. Jonah and I have been inseparable forever, and that’s only gotten worse with age. Ruby too. But they all call pretty much constantly.” Which was true. You’d think they’d get enough updates due to her being on a show that watches her every move, but apparently not. “By the way, just sit down and wait for dinner,” she said without thinking twice. “You can’t survive all day on whatever snack you’re going to grab. If you keep it up, you’ll end up passing out mid jab. Plus, I already got a call from your mother and my own about our fight. I don’t need to hear about my manners too.”

Esperanza really thought she was doing what was best for them. They had gone so long without talking anyways, what was a couple more months? Suppose it was a little different now since they lived in the same space again. “You and I both. I got like a three way call, it as a bit strange but whatever. They said their due.” The brunette said, having her hand away at the issues. She wasn’t going to deal with it again, in fact, she had made it every clear to her own mother that the subject of Reyna was not come up if she didn’t want the call to end. Just because Esperanza didn’t want to talk about it. Not now. She wanted to paint it out, play it out, to box it out. Especially box it out. She didn’t want to talk. “I’m glad they’re calling, though I wouldn’t have expected anything else. And uh, news flash, I would be okay, Reyna. I haven’t passed out yet.”

Her ex had apparently gotten more annoying over the years too, and God, did it drive Rey crazy. She honestly just wanted to do about anything to shut the woman up. “Looks like your mom is getting better though. I mean, she knows you’re on a gay show and with your very out lesbian ex girlfriend. And she calls, so that’s progress.” Reyna knew it was hard being from where they were, but honestly, things were getting better just about everywhere. The newsflash part though made her bristle slightly though. “Es, I’m just trying to give a damn. If you’d rather me go back to hating you, then you let me know. God, you’re acting like I’m the one that hurt you, and I’m the one that should stay clear of you. Just fucking stop and deal with the fact that I’m here.” Then fighting was always dangerous because with Reyna, well, it had a history of turning passionate more than once.

Esperanza could only shrug her shoulders, her mother only called because they pretended it was a phase. She might had even told her mom once or twice that it was. Anything to keep her in her life really, which wasn’t the smartest move but it was what worked for her now. Her father on the other hand, man, he was a piece of work. They really weren’t talking about it. For all he knew, she was straight and the show was just to bring attention to her work. “Yeah, progress. We can call it that.” She said with a smile, taking a sip from her water bottle. A eyebrow raised Reyna mentioned that she acted as if she was the one who was hurt because in reality, in her eyes, Reyna did hurt her. Esperanza might have put the final nail in, but in her books, Reyna has her fair share in the situation. “I am, dealing with the fact that you’re here. Maybe not the way you’d want me too. But I’ve got a good routine going on.”

“You’re so fucking difficult,” she mumbled under her breath. Although one thing had been on her mind since she ran into her ex, and well, she’d be damned if she didn’t get the answer. “Let me ask you something though. If we got back together, would you still want to keep me a secret back home? Even now?” She just — the thought hadn’t crossed her mind but she needed to know if anything had changed. “You’re not dealing. You’re avoiding. Those are two very different things.”

The girls eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “This is a multi-parted questions. First, no. I wouldn’t. The things that I was previously afraid of before aren’t really a factor anymore.” Esperanza explained, and it was true. While her parents wasn’t exactly over the moon about it, she had told other people in her community over the years. “Two, when pigs fly, Reynita.” The other said with a laugh, shaking her head. That would never, ever happen. Not that she didn’t want it to but Jesus, it would take so long for them to not want to choke each other out. Not in the good way either. “Says you.”

Reyna was happy to hear that her ex wasn’t living in fear of being herself anymore. “I’m happy for you. I mean, living with that wasn’t easy, and despite everything I just want you to be happy.” The second comment did sting though, and she didn’t even know why. However, she would rather die than show it. “First off, you haven’t called me that in years. Secondly, how many times I’ve caught you staring at my ass when I’m stirring these beans tells me differently.” Esperanza’s final answer was enough for the actress. So she put everything on the stove on low and wiped her hands on a dish towel before moving closer to her ex. She placed both hands on either side of Esperanza against the counter before whispering, “So, me being this close to you isn’t a problem?”

“I haven’t seen you in years.” Esperanza retorted, tilting her head to the side before going on, “Well, something’s gotta get fed. I don’t remember beans ever taking this long to cook.” It was a half joke, mm, actually mostly not. There was a reason Esperanza had originally been attracted to Reyna, and those reasons had only become better with age. She was a nonsensical idiot, not blind. The cellist kept her eyes on the other, letting them become more narrow as she got close to her. Esperanza would be lying through her teeth if she said that she didn’t have to steady her breathing, especially with the counter up against her back where nowhere to go. “Get closer.” She dared quietly, the smallest evidence of a smirk upon her lips.

“It’s been what, about ten,” she asked as if she hadn’t really been keeping count. She knew it was closer to twelve. She was very aware of the fact actually. “Smart ass. Also, you know good black beans takes hours. Don’t even try to make a comment about my cooking.” Getting closer to her ex wasn’t exactly easy for the actress either. She wished that Esperanza had gotten ugly over the years, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. That made everything harder. At the dare, Reyna didn’t hesitate to take another step so their bodies were pressed together. She slipped one of her thighs between the cellist’s and made sure her lips were just a few meters away from Es’. “Your turn. Say another smart ass thing. Give me a reason to shut you up.” The dare was evident in her voice as she kept her eye contact firm.

“Around there.” She mused, though Esperanza knew how long it had been. Down to the month, it was easier to keep track of when she was in Boston. It was just a reminder of how long it had been since she found where she wanted to create her new home. Since she had, quietly, in some way, given Reyna the neighborhood. She’s find new family somewhere else, and Boston offered that to her. With her hands gripping the edge of the counter, she watched as Reyna’s dominant trait made a full blown appearance, confirmed with the other giving into Esperanza’s playful taunts. “Another smart ass thing.” She said clearly, never breaking eye contact with the other.

They were both so stubborn. While, they both could be stupidly sweet and romantic with each other when things were good, when they fought it could be like the Cold War. They would stay at a standstill until one of them missed the other too much. Now, Years had just made that stubborn streak even harder apparently. When those four words left the musician’s mouth, Reyna felt her nostrils flair slightly as she rolled her neck. “Fuck you,” she mumbled before grabbing the back of her ex’s neck and crashing their lips together. She said that she would shut her up, and Reyna never backed out of her word. So, her hand fisted a bit of the woman’s hair as she pressed her body even more firmly against the other woman’s.

She had always been a brat, especially when it came to Reyna, a trait that she had quietly tucked away. One she thought she probably wouldn’t see again, being an adult and everything. But of course, the minute the other waltzed back into her life, it was begging for attention. She remembered how hard they could fight and how she could never last long. At the thought of it now, Esperanza was surprised she had held out for twelve years. Mostly only possible because she hadn’t been back to Washington Heights. Perhaps because she knew this might happen, the anger, the need to prove something to the other, the battle for dominance that Esperanza’s would never win. “You won’t.” She muttered before their lips were roughly pressed against each other. With the position of her arms, she was able to push her body against Reyna’s moving ever so slightly from the back of the counter.

Reyna didn’t even bother to answer to Esperanza’s shit anymore. She just got lost in the kiss and wanted to kick herself for doing so. It honestly felt more like going back home than any of the other times she had been back in the Heights. Their games had always ended like the same way, but it was so much more dangerous right then. It was dangerous because she knew Es didn’t feel the same way about her. She’d treated her with nothing but walls and distaste really since they laid eyes on one another. All it would lead to was pain and watching the cellist fumble out of the room when they stopped after going who knew how far. And yet, Rey couldn’t pull herself away. She pressed firmer against Esperanza to pin her back against the counter. The cellist didn’t know it but she wasn’t the only one who boxed and worked out religiously. Her free hand went to her ex’s hip before dancing along the muscles of her abs and stopping to cup one of her breasts.

Es was more mad that she was enjoying what was happening, she wanted to say that she would have been able to stop herself from kissing Reyna. Still, she found herself kissing the other back with the same energy, not yet wanting to give in to her own nature. Esperanza wanted to avoid what was happening at all costs, she had always told herself that she wouldn’t let herself do it. It would cause everything she thought she had worked on, crumble to the ground. Just that was happening too. Her hands finally moved away from the counter, coming up to the sides of the others face. Aching for her to be closer which was seemingly impossible. Esperanza’s breath hitched for just a second feeling Reyna’s hand make its way over her body. Shit.

As soon as she felt Esperanza’s hands on the side of her face, she wanted to melt into the kiss. To take the time to mark every inch of the woman’s body and hear her make sounds she hadn’t heard in years. The actress wanted to say fuck it to every concern about what it would do to them, but she couldn’t. She had always been the dominant one, the one to bring forward the hard choices, and it was her job again. If they did everything she wanted to, Reyna could end up heartbroken by Es’ running, and she refused. So she pulled away, but only enough to rest her forehead against the woman’s before her. “If we keep going, you can’t run or keep pretending like I’m nothing,” she said breathlessly. “If you can’t do that, push me away now, Es.”

The two of them complimented each other nicely, that was the truth, especially when it came to making tough calls. Her passive and sort of naive nature meant that she always acted as if things were okay. Refusing to make the decision that would change things. Feeling the other pull away, she groaned softly and her eyes fluttered open— keeping their foreheads together. Esperanza’s eyes locked on Reyna’s as she talked. In her heart, she knew she was right. Esperanza has treated Reyna in a way that she definitely didn’t deserve. The brunette thought about it, how everything she had wanted for so long but didn’t think she’d ever see was right in front of her. She couldn’t mess it up, right? She couldn’t be that dumb twice. “I won’t.” The cellist whispered softly, her lips brushing over the others ever so slightly. She had to stop being a brat, and running, and acting like Reyna wasn’t this huge important person in her life.

The groan made Reyna smile softly. Es was always someone who absolutely hated momentum being broken. It was always a cute quality. The other woman could always get so instantly lost in anything she did. She waited patiently for an answer, and when she got it, she didn’t waste anymore time. She closed the distance between them with a more tender kiss that grew as the seconds passed. One of her hands slid into Esperanza’s hair as the other reached for the the cellist’s ass and gave it a firm squeeze. She hated how her siblings knew this was what she needed and practically arranged it. They were tired of seeing woman after woman not make it home for one reason or another. Add to it that Es was family, and well, it was better for her to be with the cellist than any other woman to them. They’d have hell to work through, and Rey wasn’t easy, but she’d try. Right then though, she just tilted her head to the side and enjoyed deepening the kiss.

Esperanza couldn’t remember the last time she wanted someone to touch her. The friends she had made who didn’t know the whole story just thought she was picky which wasn’t untrue but relationships never seemed to last and she was always the one to break it off. With Reyna, it came naturally, something she just didn’t have to think about. Hands making their way down the other body, she one wrapped around Reyna’s waist, keeping her close to her. There was a world of things they’d have to talk about, apologies that Esperanza would have to give and mean before they could be back in a happy, healthy place. For now though, she figured that this was enough. Sliding her hand under the other’s shirt, she gently let her nails go over the others back, following Reyna’s lead, continuing to kissing her.

A soft moan escaped Rey’s lips at the feeling of nails against her back. She smirked into the kiss because it was such an Es thing to do. It appeared the woman still knew exactly what to do to make Rey feel absolutely insane in every way. As much as she wanted to continue everything right there, she did have some pork in the oven and food on the stove. So with one more quick kiss, she pulled back and cupped Es’ cheek. “Stay for dinner with me. We’ll talk, and then we can go back to my room or yours.” Hopefully they could pick back up where they left physically later on at night if things went well.

Esperanza could truly stay in that same position until they couldn’t stand it anymore, till her lips were raw. Alas a small hmph came from the other when they finally broke apart, she wasn’t very patient when it came to not getting exactly what she wanted. A brat through and through but she did need food and well, it would be better than possibly letting the house go up in flames. She turned her head to kiss the inside of Reyna’s palm, a hand coming up on top of hers before agreeing to stay. “Okay, that sounds like a good plan, Rey.” Giving her ass a light tap, she managed her way out from Reyna to sit on the counter and watch her with the patience she had left. “You should know,” Esperanza started, “I became a vegetarian few of years ago.” The truth? No, but it would be funny to her to see  if Reyna could tell that she was talking out of her ass. It wasn’t entirely untrue, she had just left out the part that she had reverted to her old diet about a year ago now.

After stealing one last kiss, she went back to moving around the kitchen. Of course, she looked over her shoulder to give her ex a look that said the other woman would be getting it for that slap on the ass. She figured that Es was hoping for it though. “When do I have anything other than terrific plans,” she asked with a sweet smile. That ego was never fading. If anyone tried to tell her that she was less than the best, she’d barely even give her the time of day just to prove how little their opinion meant. When she heard her ex’s comment though, she chuckled. “Oye ya tú vas a empezar a comer mierda,” she asked playfully without even looking around. “You were a vegetarian. If you think I didn’t keep some sort of tabs on you then you’re out of your mind. Plus, your mom practically told the whole neighborhood when you told her that shit because she didn’t know what to feed your ass,” she said with a chuckle. The whole thing had been hilarious. “You know, I think it was your plan to act like the biggest brat this whole time to get me to shut you up the only way I know how.”

Climbing onto the counter, she settled herself there comfortably. It was amusing to her that time had just intensified Reyna’s personality. Not that she was complaining but she didn’t think she would have expected anything else. Then again, it seemed as if Esperanza had made this Reyna up in her head that was so drastically different from the real one just to make it easier on herself. She liked the real one more. “Es que esa mujer no saber como dejar las cosas en paz.” Esperanza said, rolling her eyes. She loved her mom, she did. She didn’t deserve her but she was such a gossip, that nothing Esperanza ever said to her was in actual confidence. As for the keeping tabs, Esperanza had too. Again, via her mother and the occasional google search of Reyna. That was the joy of her job, it meant that her life was in some ways public. She definitely knew the highlights over the years. “I don’t act like a brat, I am a brat.” Esperanza joked, an eyebrow raising ever so slightly, “It’s not my fault you have an almost default way of doing things.”

“You do realize you’re on public television, and she will see all of this, yes,” she asked as she turned to look at the woman over her shoulder. She knew Esperanza would get a call from her mother about that comment later. A playful one, but a call nonetheless because that woman was a gossip. Hell, she’d probably touch on that just to be a pain in the ass before even mentioning Rey and her daughter making out in a kitchen. Grabbing oven mitts, Reyna opened the oven and then bent over to pull the pork out. There would be enough for more than a few people in the house to eat which she hoped happened. If not, she’d be taking leftovers to the theatre. “You are, this is true, but it’s grown over the years. You’re going to give me grey hairs,” she mumbled loud enough for Es to hear as she placed the dish on the stove. She had to let it cool for a bit, so she went about grabbing plates and everything else. “You love my way of doing things. Even now, it’s not like you were exactly complaining.”

Esperanza contemplated it, moving her head side to side before shrugging. She didn’t know if her mom was actually watching the show, just because when she mentioned it, a groan came out of Sara’s mouth. She didn’t want to tell her what to do but Esperanza knew that she mother was less that pleased. She did it anyways. A call from the woman would be the confirming that she in fact was keeping up. “Like you don’t already have some.” Esperanza joked, a playful laugh coming from her. “Ay, old habits die hard, if ever.” The brunette mentioned, watching Reyna move around the kitchen. She’d offer to help but she enjoyed the view, enjoyed just being around her. It would never make up for the years they were apart but it was a good place to start. No matter how it ended.

A scoff escaped her mouth at the idea of grey hairs. She had yet to find one and was quite pleased. “Keep it up amor bella, and you won’t be getting any of my ass later.” It was an empty threat at best. They both knew that if just kissing each other felt that good that sex would be a whole other thing altogether, but it was fun to mess with the woman. “You know though, if you had just gotten ugly like ex’s are supposed to, then this whole not wanting you thing would have been so much easier.” She was kidding partly. It was aggravating for the actress to want Esperanza when she had sworn up and down that she was over her first love for years. Although, she also admitted that she wanted the cellist the moment she saw her in the same sentence, so it wasn’t all playful and bad. “You’re lucky I still have a soft spot for your bratty side, and I love putting you in your place or else I’d want to kill you.” She set up their places on the kitchen island, and as she walked past Esperanza she let her hand graze her leg before moving to start serving their plates.

Making a face, Esperanza rolled her eyes knowing that after all that, there was no way she was letting Reyna out of her sight for the next couple hours. God, if she was that worked up for just kissing her... it made her head spin to think about what it be would be like back in the bedroom. “Sorry, getting ugly isn’t in the cards for me, honey. I can’t believe you’d want that for me.” Esperanza exclaimed, her hand joking clutching her chest. “The wretched curse and me, over here knowing that you’d be pretty forever.” She might’ve been better but Esperanza definitely gave credit where it was due and when it came to Reyna, you had to be practically in denial to say that she wasn’t absolutely gorgeous. Age had only added to that. “Oof, that isn’t the first time I’ve heard that. This wouldn’t have ever worked if I wasn’t bratty and you know it.” Biting softly on her lower lip, she reached out to catch Reyna’s hand as she moved around her but missed it by a second. It was probably for the best because all Esperanza wanted to do was wrap her legs around her waist and kiss her again.

Catching sight of the face Es made, she couldn’t help but chuckle. A part of her wanted to be aggravated beyond belief that her ex could still ignite her so quickly, but she honestly gave up that battle. While she was stubborn at times to a fault, it was hard to argue something that was so blatantly obvious. “It’s not like I started doing Santaria and sacrificing chickens to hex you,” she said cheerfully. “I doubted it would happen, but a girl could dream because then I wouldn’t be getting wrapped around your finger again.” People always assumed the dominant one held all the cards, but it was so far from true. The submissive one in a relationship held the safe word, was taken care of, and could crumble any dominant with a pout. It was ridiculous. “I’m glad you knew I’d be gorgeous though. Although, me being in tabloids and on the internet made it easier for you to see me over the years.” There were many times she wanted to see a picture of Esperanza, but she didn’t want to ask. Asking would make it seem like she cared, and she refused to do so. “And it won’t be the last. That’s true. You always kept me on my toes with your bratty side. Ugh. I don’t even know why I find it so sexy on you.” Within minutes, dinner was served. She fixed them both a glass of water since they definitely didn’t need alcohol to add to their mix right then. “Come here,” she said as she pulled back the chair for Es.

“I can’t even imagine you doing Santarias.” The brunette said with a laugh, the very thought of Reyna doing the old school Caribbean voodoo was hysterical. Esperanza hummed, moving her head from side to side when mentioned that she had it a little easier to see Reyna over the years. She wasn’t wrong, for the most part, Esperanza wasn’t looking for her— in the line for groceries, watching the news, Instagram. It seemed like she was everywhere. It was only a handful of times where she went into a deep delve of what she was doing after her mother mentioned a thing or two to her. It was pen of the things that she enjoyed about being a cellist. She still had a bit of anonymity in her life which she was beyond grateful for. “Being a pain has definitely brought me what I want on more than one occasion. Don’t fix what isn’t broken, right?” She pondered before hoping off the counter to where Reyna was, taking a seat. Curious how a couple days ago they were ready to rip each other’s throats out. Ready to spit an venom they had to to survive in the same house together to being more than friendly. “Tell me about what you’ve done though? I mean— a lots bound to happen in twelve years, Reynita.” She whispered, placing her elbow on the table and her head on her hand.

“That’s because you know me, and you know I would never even try that brujeria.” She managed a shudder at the very thought of it if she was honest. Some things just shouldn’t be messed with in her opinion. A part of Reyna was worried about them trying things again because Es would be in the public eye a bit more. Rey wasn’t a huge celebrity which made it easier. Broadways actors didn’t really get the lime light outside of the Tony Awards, but it was still there in the background. “It has. I should really try not giving you what you want every once in awhile to show you that is not always a viable way to get things.” When Esperanza took a seat, Rey did the same and placed a napkin on her lap. It was an old habit her mother had engrained into her brain. “I’m sure you know highlights from your mother, but it is different hearing it from me,” she said after taking a sip of water. “Well, I told you I went to Emerson. I was offered a full ride for their musical theatre program, and I loved it the four years I was there. I made a bunch of friends, and eventually got an apartment with my sister for my junior and senior years. Ruby still lives there actually, so I go back whenever I can if she’s not appearing at my flat in Brooklyn.” She took a moment to think of the things Es would want to hear about. Surely, it was everything since they were best friends for years, but some things were just honestly mundane. “I moved to New York right after graduation with Jonah. We found a roommate on Craigslist to share a one bedroom with and my God was he the weirdest human I’ve ever met. He collected his toe nails and just, I couldn’t. But he paid rent on time and left us alone, so it could be worse. I auditioned for every musical out there. I had this no fear mentality for years, still do I guess, so I didn’t care how many no’s I heard. Eventually I knew I’d get a yes, and I did in The Waitress for the lead. It got kind of crazy from there. I was in award shows, photo shoots, and just went from being the baby sister of a huge family and small neighborhood to being a name most musical theatre fans knew. I’ve given my mom heart attacks because I became an adrenaline junkie. I’ve sky dived, swam with sharks, and other shit that she yelled at me for.” She left the girlfriends part out. She wanted Esperanza to ask. If she didn’t, then they wouldn’t talk about it. She just wanted to see if the other woman wanted to know or not because she knew how jealous people could be. “Ask any questions too. I mean, it’s a lot of years.”

The Heights native knew that the quiet life she lead would end because of IKAG, and it was... okay. To some sense, she had made the decision and well, come what may. She couldn’t take her choice back this far in. Something that was already apparent in her Instagram statistics. She wasn’t wrong though, Reyna, doing witchcraft? Hell would have had to freeze over before that was even an option. She was glad that was her mentality because Esperanza didn’t play with Demons. She nodded when she heard about Ruby still living in Boston, she had definitively seen her and had definitively turned around and walked in the opposite direction. Esperanza gave a hearty laugh when she mentioned her freak of a roommate. New York attracted the strangest if people like flies they swarmed to the state. She knew about Waitress, Esperanza had seen it at the American Repertoire Theatre before it went to Broadway. Beautiful show, she could only imagine how well Reyna had done. However, she didn’t know about the crazy stunts, just the thought of it made her heart pump into her throat.  She could never do anything like that not for any other reason that she  didn’t crave adrenaline like that and often found it in other places. “Y la prometida?” Esperanza asked before taking a fork full of food up to her mouth. She had only heard of that one, her mother called her to let her know. Esperanza had cooly told her that she didn’t care about it, it has been forever and of course Reyna would eventually get married. With her family mentality, there was no way she wouldn’t settle down. There was no chance in hell she would be admitting that hearing of her engagement sort of felt like a nail, the significance of some sort of end.

Of course that was the only question that Esperanza would have. It nearly made Rey chuckle. It was hard to miss though. It was on headlines that she was going to get married, and their whole neighborhood spoke about it. It was a huge thing until it wasn’t. “She got scared of the commitment. Her name was Christina Russo. Whoever thought a Hispanic woman and Italian woman should get together clearly had a desire to make a world war,” she said with a shake of her head. It was definitely a passionate relationship, but not always in the bedroom. “We ended things because I wasn’t about to sit around for her to figure her sexual identity out and see if she really wanted to be with a woman forever. It was fine when we were on red carpets or events, but forever was too big of a commitment.” She wasn’t hurt by it or even bitter. Honestly, it amused her as she looked back on it. “I thought my family would freak since she was the only girl I ever brought home, but nope. I swear, they are just waiting for you and accepting no less. I don’t know how Christina didn’t get tired of hearing about you. My dad even told me once that if I had to be with a woman, then why not make it you. Lord. I think they think they took the break up harder.” She rolled her eyes and then took a bite of her food. “What about you? Tell me about your life,” she asked after swallowing.

She hummed while Reyna talked, it made sense. She heard about the engagement and then nothing more of it after a little bit. For a long time Esperanza had thought that she had actually gotten married but eventually figured that her mother would have called to tell her how beautiful it was or whatever the case actually was. The brunette chuckled at the comment of the world becoming a war zone. She could definitely imagine the intensity of two very loud people. She didn’t know about why it ended nor had she been entirely interested at the time but hey, if the door to ask questions was there. She was going to take it. “She was the only one you brought home?” Esperanza asked, and she knew that Reyna would be able to hear the surprise in her voice. She wasn’t entirely sure why it shocked her so much. It was interesting that her family was still wondering why they weren’t together. She had only gotten that question a handful of times from her family, from their neighborhood abuela when she flew her out to Boston. It was odd ghat people cared that much about the two of them and their relationship.  When it came to her life, Esperanza gave a little shrug. “I dunno, I stayed in Boston after graduation. It took me a year longer that I had expected which broke my heart but whatever, it happened. I wanted to move back to New York but  I don’t know, it felt too much like a hassle, I got my seat in the Boston Symphony Orchestra the same week I was deciding between the two places. It felt like a sign, so I went for it.” Sighing, she played with her food before taking another bite of food. Thinking of the worthy moments in the past twelve years. There weren’t many. “And that’s been my life, painting, scoring, playing, and boxing my life away. I’ve maintained a pretty consistent life.”

Reyna was wondering if Es would catch that, but she shouldn’t have. Her ex was incredibly intelligent and observant. She caught everything even if she didn’t always make it obvious that she did. “Mhm,” she said with a slight nod. “No one else felt worth it. I know that sounds mean, but I had to feel something with you to take you back to the Heights. I couldn’t just parade you around unless you meant something. I guess — as much as I tried to act like you didn’t mean anything anymore, you did. Every girl subconsciously was compared, and it wasn’t fair because you weren’t just an ex. You were my best friend. Big shoes.” She decided to leave it at that. She’d given a lot in this dynamic right then, and well, Es needed to show that she would treat Rey differently too. Not just that night, but the next day or the day after that. Yeah, she knew she was cold, but Esperanza had acted down right ruthless at some moments too. Her words may not be an apology, but she was pretty much showing that she was talking shit. “I heard about the Symphony Orchestra. I almost went to hear you play, but I didn’t know if you’d want me there. Plus, I — I didn’t want to run into you with some girl or something. Funny you say boxing though, because I box too. I picked it up in New York. My brother said it would be good for how angry I got over the years. Turns out he was right.”

She hummed, giving a nod, letting it be. She wouldn’t question it any further, it wasn’t really her business. She had felt that way too, she hadn’t found anyone that made it past her own standard. Her standards were impossibly high and Reyna said it right, there was very big shoes to fill. At the thought of running into Reyna in Boston made her think about how strange it would have been. “I wouldn’t have noticed, I don’t think. After every performance, I feel my skull coming out my head and just ran on autopilot.” Esperanza explain and she chuckled at the thought of some girl being with her before she shook her head, “No, I never let them come. The only person who ever came was this... guy. I begged him not to but God, he really thought I was the love of his life.”  At the thought of him, Esperanza could only roll his eyes. He was a different story one that she wasn’t entirely proud of but proof that curiosity could get the best of her. “No way? Huh, I didn’t know that. I mean, I never wanted to. My dad always wanted me too, y’know. Since that’s his thing. But after whatever happened, he and I came to the conclusion that there was no other option but to do it. It was love at first jab.” Esperanza joked.

Reyna nodded in reply. One difference with Esperanza was that she was more distant, and it was odd for Rey. She never had that. They were best friends since kids and then effortlessly slid into more. She didn’t have to endure this whole breaking down walls thing or working back towards something. For her being around Esperanza immediately effected her, but it wasn’t as easy to see on the other woman. “Oh, well, I just thought it would be weird. Maybe it’s me having a big head, but you not noticing me wasn’t something that ever crossed my mind. I guess it’s because I was going off of old habits. I haven’t really ever known us acting a different way.” That was the most she could say about it without getting too into her own feelings. She just couldn’t give them freely anymore. Now, she was more cautious. She had to be. “A guy huh? Well, I’m not surprised. Falling for you is pretty easy. Poor guy though.”  Rey focused on her food for a moment and tried to put a bit of a dent in her plate. “I’m glad you like it. It’s a really good way of getting energy out.”

The years has definitely made Esperanza more cautious, she was someone who had always had an open heart, an open mind. She didn’t want life to harden her, she Joey enjoyed being an exposed nerve. It felt like a fresh air to her. She was trying not the be that way with Reyna, she really way trying to be that person she was years ago. “Yeah, I get that. Reverting to old habits that sometimes you just can’t shake.” As much as you tried, trying to stop being who you are, at the core of your being, was hard to do. She could speak to that. “Oh, I shouldn’t have but I got curious. I without a doubt regret it but hey man, it was a rough couple of months and I know better now.” Esperanza said, before she kept eating, “Oye, lo vas a quebrar.” The cellist commented, giving Reyna a wave of her fork as she watched her pressed into the plate.  “It is good, God, it’s so good. Plus, it gave me something solid to talk to my dad about. An unexpected perk.”

“You seem to be avoiding old habits pretty well,” she said with an arched eyebrow. However, after a moment she sighed. She decided to not be so snarky. While she always said things bluntly with Es or anyone, there was a difference in her tone. “What I mean is, you’re still acting like I’m someone you should have your guard around. I know I acted like a bitch too, but at the end of it all  I am at the least your childhood best friend. Plus, no matter what, I couldn’t ever intentionally hurt you.” If she was that petty with Esperanza, she would have sought her out just to hurt her. They were in the same city after all. “And I’m sorry I’m being blunt. I know you hate being out in the spot, but give me credit. I lasted five minutes without saying something.” She wasn’t even being cheeky. For those who knew Rey, they knew she hated being in awkward situations. She’d rather call out the elephant and deal with it than walk around it. “I’m glad you did what you had to do. Now that you know, you can be more at peace with yourself I guess.” At the comment, she stopped moving her fork and instead took a bite of food. “Good. You two need to deal or at least make avoiding shit less awkward.”

“No, no, it’s not that, Rey. My life has literally been the same over the past twelve years. I went to school, I achieved what I wanted. I paint, I play the cello, and I box, Day in... day out. I don’t know what else you’d want from me. I mean— Que mas quieres? I’ll answer anything.” Esperanza said softly, maybe there was something huge she was missing. Underestimating what Reyna wanted to hear, she wasn’t trying to stir the pot, Jesus, it was the last thing she wanted. “No, no don’t apologize if that’s how you feel. Really, I mean communication is clearly what we need right now.” Nodding, she decided to end the conversation about the boy. It wasn’t even worth mentioning and mentally she was kicking herself for even saying anything. It was a detail that she could have just left out. “Yeah, it is. I mean, the only thing we don’t talk about is my relationships. Which is fine by me, the last thing I want to do is talk to my dad about my sex life.” She said with a chuckle, scratching the back of her head before taking a drink from her glass.

Reyna didn’t know what it was. Something felt off with Esperanza. Taking a moment to wipe her mouth and then take a sip of water, she decided to try something and see if it would fix it. Without taking another minute to second guess it, she gently put her finger under Esperanza’s chin to tilt her head up and then placed a soft kiss on her lips. She lingered for a moment to savor the connection before pulling back. “I think I’m just not used to being weird with you. Part of my fear of finding you was the weird. I told myself I’d rather lose you than be around you and be some shell of us.” She rolled her eyes at herself. The closet romantic would never leave apparently. “What are you scared of now?” The comment about her father made her laugh. They were an awkward duo. “Well, now I have something to talk with him about too. We can box together.”

The kiss was softer than the first one, more tender and it was a little more her speed right now. Reyna was always a better gauge to their situations and she was thankful that she really knew when to be more gentle and soft. “I think it’s just going to be a learning curve, Reynita. It’s been so long and while not much has changed, so much has many without us realizing.” Esperanza whispered, “With us as people, with our relationship.” She could only shrug, it was going to be a trail of relearning each other. Sure, core portions of people don’t change but little things do. The way they sit, how they react to things, their favorite movie. There’s as a lot. “What am I scared of now? It’s been the same for a couple of years;, losing my hand.” She admitted, “That’s really the worse thing that could possibly happen to me. I got a taste of that and I can’t possibly think of anything worse.” She chuckled about Reyna having something to talk with her Dad. It would work, Mateo was all about boxing and would rather avoid the awkward bits with talks of boxing stats. It was the referee in him. “What about you, what are you scared of now?”

“I’m not patient,” she said with a laugh. That wasn’t a secret and probably something that’s only gotten worse with age. She was used to getting what she wanted because she usually just went out and got it. “Well, just be your physical self,” she said with a huff. “Because if I have the green light, I’ll touch you whenever I want. You know that. And I’m much more forward than I was at eighteen.” If she was going to start something with anyone they had to know she was a touchy person. It was how she showed her affection. “I’d be devastated if you did. I still have some of the recordings you made me when we were younger on my phone. I listen to them a lot.” She loved classical music because of Esperanza. It was the first thing that calmed her. “I was scared that I’d regret not following you forever. That was it. Now, I guess it would be letting my temper and ego cause me to fuck up again. I’m not scared of much.”

“You’ve got a green light, Reyna. I’ll make it known when and if you don’t.” Esperanza stated, taking the other hand in hers, giving her a tight squeeze of some sort of reassurance. From what the girl remembered, Reyna had been quiet forward and touchy in the past, it would be interesting how much more she was now. Her eyebrows pulled together in embarrassment thinking of the old recordings. She knew exactly which ones they were, done on Abuela’s quite crummy cello (that was still Esperanza’s favorite) and she was so much better than that now. Back then, she was proud of what she could do. Esperanza was good, she was a natural but man, she could run circles around her younger self any day of the week now. Seventeen year old Esperanza wouldn’t mind either, she’d admire it, try to get all of the information out of to get better. “I didn’t know you ever regretted it, I just assumed that you would’ve just... well, I don’t know what I thought you felt. But regret wasn’t it. Your ego has gotten you into some hot waters before, no?”

“I can deal with that.” Food was long forgotten. She had eaten enough to satisfy her hunger in that moment. At the mention of her regret, she sighed. “I was good at hiding it,” she said with a chuckle. “But if you saw me through it you would have noticed. You were my world, Es. I doubted I’d find anything like that again, and I was right. And my ego has only gotten me into trouble with you. With anyone else, I’ve never cared what it cost me because they didn’t matter. When it cost me you though, that’s the problem.” With a sigh, she got up and began to move her plate away to clear at least her section of the table. “When you’re done, do you want to keep talking in yours or mine?”

It was becoming more and more clear to Esperanza that what had happened had actually affected Reyna. For a long time she had this thought that because she was so tough and she probably didn’t care, Reyna going to Emerson and not telling her directly in a weird way confirmed that for her. It shouldn’t have but Esperanza was so wrapped up in her own head at the time. “That would have been a sight to see, just because I couldn’t have ever imagined that was the case.” She admitted, watching the other move about the kitchen. “Mm, how about we go to mine? I technically don’t have a roommate. I mean, I haven’t seen her in weeks.” Esperanza said with a chuckle, she would care more but with the way that people went in and out of the mansion, she was sure that maybe she just moved out. Most of her things were gone as it was and when she had met her, she was pretty consumed in whatever her work she was in. She padded after Reyna, clearing her own area because she wouldn’t be labeled a slob in the house. Happy to have at least something in her stomach. Placing it down, she went behind Reyna, wrapping her arms around her waist before she placed a kiss on her cheek.

“You always thought of me as the strongest girl around,” she said with a smile. “And I am, but we all have our soft spot. You’re mine.” Reyna was so focused on putting things away that she didn’t feel the woman wrap her arms around her from behind. “Yours it is,” she said with a smile as she leaned back into the embrace. After rinsing things off, she dried her hands on the nearby towel and then turned around to face Es. “You ready,” she asked before slowly moving to kiss the woman’s neck. When she reached her pulse point, she nipped the skin.

Reyna was right, per usual. Esperanza has just always grown up knowing that Reyna was the toughest girl, no one could get to her. It felt as if she was invincible, anytime anything went wrong as kids, Reyna was always the one to stand up for her and little Esperanza kind of just cried things away. Not much had changed. “Yeah, c’mon.” The cellist whispered, taking her hand and leading them out of the kitchen up to her bedroom. She kept their fingers interlocked just wanting them wanting to be alone, well, more alone than being in the public kitchen. Up the stairs to her room, she walked down the hallway because somehow she was placed at the end of the long hall of doors.

Reyna allowed Esperanza to lead them through the house. She was happy to follow the woman through the house. When they got to Esperanza’s door though, she couldn’t reach for the doorknob quick enough. As soon as the other woman was through the door, Rey closed it behind them. “I know we aren’t technically alone, but this feels better,” she said with a sigh as she leaned against the wooden surface. “If you want full privacy, I can just take my shirt off. They gotta cut off when we get to semi nudity.”

“It’s better than being out there,” She responded, she knew that aside from the bathroom, in their bedrooms they got just a tad bit more privacy. Not much but just enough which worked out pretty well for all of them. A little smirk can from her when she mentioned taking off her shirt and she chuckled, “I don’t think taking off your shirt will do much.” Esperanza admitted, “But I won’t protest you doing so.”

“You won’t protest huh,” she asked with an arched brow. “Aren’t you ever the opportunists?” Her voice was teasing as she pushed off the door and walked towards her old friend. “Mmm before I do any of that though, you’re sure about diving back into this rabbit hole, Es? I’m far from easy, and I’ll drive you crazy on more than one occasion.” The question wasn’t as serious as before because she was wearing a smirk. They were close enough for her to not have to be so somber. “And you know, just try to ignore the fact that you’re answer will get you me pining you against your bed and having my way with you for hours eventually.”

“I mean, what am I going to do? Stop you?” She teased, taking a step backwards as Reyna came towards her. At her words, she did take just a second to think about it before coming to the conclusion that she couldn’t imagine not diving head first into this. Again, it was always this little fantasy that she had in her head but to have it before her as a tangible option? There was no way she was going to say no. “Eventually? That sounds like it’s going to take too long.”

“You could,” she said with a contemplative look on her face. “You could grab my hands, tell me it makes you uncomfortable, or just throw a blanket at me.” There were many options if she was being honest. Of course, she knew Es wouldn’t pick any of them, but it was so much fun to tease the other woman in any way possible. The answer made her chuckle and shake her head. “Well, it might take that long if I have to chase you all over the room with this one step forward one step back then you’re starting.”

Esperanza rolled her eyes, Reyna really knew how to get under her skin. Which wasn’t a bad thing, but Rey could act like a brat too, whether she knew it or not. “Y’know me, I’m all about the chase.” She said playfully, taking her steps back towards Reyna until she was pressed up against her, ever so gently. Esperanza didn’t touch her for a second before her fingers grazed the hem of her shirt and she whispered “Take it off,” into the others ear.

“You’re all about being a pain in my ass.” When Esperanza made her way back towards the actress she smiled but kept her hands at her sides. Typically she’d ask the cellist who she was giving orders to, but since she was being nice and easing the woman back into things, she crossed her arms and grabbed the hem of her shirt. In one quick tug, she pulled the shirt over her head so she was left in just her pink, lace bra. She allowed the shirt to fall on the floor and then placed her hands on Esperanza’s hips. Her body hadn’t changed much. It was more toned than before, but that was about it.

Esperanza knew that she was pushing her luck already with Reyna, normally she wouldn’t dare tell her what to do but when she didn’t get a quippy response back, she realized that the other was letting her play her game. It wouldn’t be long until the script was flipped on her. Esperanza almost told Reyna not to touch her but figured it might backfire. The cellist took in her body, nothing that in many ways it was the same, her hand came up to trace the edge of the lace bra before she learned in and placed a soft kiss on Reyna’s lips.

Reyna happily reciprocated the kiss and slowly pushed the backwards towards the bed. Once they reached it, she pushed more until Esperanza’s legs gave way and the woman gently fell backwards so Rey could straddle the cellist’s legs. Slowly she ground her hips down into Esperanza before leaning forward and capturing her lips in another slow kiss.

She had kept her hands on the actress’ body, keeping her close before she felt the gentle thud of her bed against the back of her knees. Feeling Reyna’s movements, she lifted herself off of her back, propping up on her elbows then meeting Reyna halfway to the kiss. She deepened the kiss gently, bringing a hand up into the others hair, acting as if she could make the distance between for them smaller.

[gayhags]

bruna tagged me and i gotta do it cus her life is on the line if i dont so like i guess ill tag some of u if ya wanna do it 

(it’s supposed to be 20 but like i dont know 20 of yall so like ill tag @evelynebrochu @delphines @odetteannable @gaytiemcgrath mm yeh

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

last

1. drink - almond milk latte

2. phone call - i ignore all phone calls

3. text message - my best friend 

4. song you listened to - monotonia // the growlers

5. time you cried - mmm like a month ago

ever

6. dated someone twice? - nope

7. kissed someone and regretted it - not really

8. been cheated on - not that i know of so like no

9. lost someone special - in a way i guess

10. been depressed - mmm yeh

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - yeah thas why i cant stand tequila

fave colours

12. light pink

13. black

14. white

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yep

16. fallen out of love - no ive never been in love so like lmao

17. laughed until you cried - yeh

18. found out someone was talking about you - mmm yeh

19. met someone who changed you - no not really

20. found out who your friends are - this is some tea but yes

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no facebook is for pussies

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - everyone except kate and soph ://

23. do you have any pets - no i fuckin wish bich i want a dog

24. do you want to change your name -  in a way i guess...like i dont really think my name fits me like idk my name makes me uncomfortable but like im used to it now 

25. what did you do for your last birthday - nothing bc houston thas when hurricane harvey hit and like everything was closed down for like a week so happy 20th to me thas mother nature saying fuck u bich 

26. what time did you wake up today - 7:40 am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - idk...i was probably crying bc of sendrick 

28. what is something you cant wait for - for me to be rich and sex see

30. what are you listening to right now - the growlers listen to them theyre sexy 

31. have you ever talk to a person named tom - no all toms are creeps

32. something thats getting on your nerves -  a lot of things like life and being alive in general 

33. most visited website - tumblr

34. hair colour - light brown

35. long or short hair - long

36. do you have a crush on someone - i havent had a crush on someone since last summer thank fuck 

37. what do you like about yourself - sometimes i like her sometimes i hate her it depends on the energy that day but like shes pretty funny i guess like i make myself laugh 

38. want any piercings? - yeah my cartilage

39. blood type - in case im like dying my blood is O- im that universal donor ass bitch 

40. nicknames - my friends call me bitch or b or henny

41. relationship status - single lmao

42. zodiac - virgo

43. pronouns - she/dat/bich

44. fave tv shows - the office, parks and rec and ob

45. tattoos - no  but like i might get one soon idk of what yet 

46. right or left handed - right

47. ever had surgery - no

48. piercings - yah

49. sport - no lmao i was tha lazy bich in high school i only started to get into like fitness and shit my senior year of high school 

50. vacation - i wanna go to england

51. trainers - what does this mean idgi

more general

52. eating - i just ate some chickpea pasta w/ tofu

53. drinking - my 3rd coffee of the day 

54. im about to watch - my life crash and burn bc i have nothing figured out and i feel like wasting my time lmao 

55. waiting for - my lana concert feb 10th and then i can die 

56. want - this moneyyyy

57. get married - no 

58. career - i dont know!!! im a junior in college i should kno but i dont im gonna have a breakdwon 

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs

60. lips or eyes - eyes 

61. shorter or taller - im a short as bich so taller 

62. older or younger - older

63. nice arms or stomach - stomach bich i want this stomach to be flat like where are u bich im so tired

64. hookup or relationship - hookup cus like people are annoying after a while like leave me alone

65. troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant is boring but like troublemaker is too much work so like neither

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - no id never im a pussy

67. drank hard liquor - yes 

68. lost glasses - i dont need glasses but ive left my best friends shades in an uber once bc he left us in the middle of the road at a festival and we had to run out the car cus it was illegal to stop there so like we ran out and i feel so bad bc they were expensive

69. turned someone down - yes lmao

70. sex on first date - no 

71. broken someones heart - i think...

72. had your heart broken - yeah

73. been arrested -  no oh myg od i always have nightmares in which im arrested like i just want a mugshot but no 

74. cried when someone died - ok but liek who hasnt

75. fallen for a friend - mmm lmao

do you believe in

76. yourself - yes i have to push myself tho like its just me and myself fighting all the time but yeah ultimately i do 

77. miracles - yes like i really do after like me n my best friend almost got caught smoking we*ed in her house and like her mom came home early from a trip and like i really thought we were gonna die that day but im smart and lit a candle so like idk how she didnt smell it but like after that day i believe in miracles i do 

78. love at first sight - yeah but like only in fiction like irl it’s lust at first sight 

79. santa clause - yes i love her 

80. kiss on a first date - yeh if im into it 

81. angels - by the xx, gr8 song

other

82. best friend’s name - she dont have a tumblr 

83. eye colour - dark brown

84. fave movie - silver linings playbook, prisoner of azkaban, and the polar express i said what i said 

85. fave actor - anna kendrick and emma watson and like katie and evelyne 

[bluesmemethings]

the ultimate heathers lyric starter meme ( act 2 )

MY DEAD GAY SON

❛  You wait just a minute, (name)!  ❜

❛  It’s ignorant, hateful talk like yours that makes this world a place that they could not live in.  ❜

❛  They were not dirty!  ❜

❛  They were not wrong!  ❜

❛  They were two lonely verses in the Lord’s great song.  ❜

❛  Our boys were pansies, (name)!  ❜

❛  Yes! My boys a homosexual, and that don’t scare me none.  ❜

❛  I want the world to know, I love my dead, gay son.  ❜

❛  I’ve been thinking. Praying. Reading some magazines.  ❜

❛  It’s time we opened our eyes.  ❜

❛  Well, the good Lord created the universe.  ❜

❛  The Lord created man.  ❜

❛  I believe it’s all a part of His gigantic plan.  ❜

❛  I know God has a reason for each mountain and each flower, and why he chose to let our boys get busy in the shower!  ❜

❛  I never cared for homos much until I reared me one.  ❜

❛  He loves his son.  ❜

❛  Jesus says it’s cool!  ❜

❛  They just had flair!  ❜

❛  They were desperate to be free!  ❜

❛  They took a rebel stance, stripped to their underpants.  ❜

❛  I can’t believe that you still refuse to get a clue after all that we’ve been through.  ❜

❛  I’m talking you and me, in the summer of ‘83.  ❜

❛  That was one hell of a fishing trip.  ❜

❛  Our jobs are now continuing the work that they begun.  ❜

❛  They were good men!  ❜

❛  We’ll teach the world to love.  ❜

SEVENTEEN

❛  Fine, we’re damaged. Really damaged, but that does not make us wise.  ❜

❛  We’re not special. We’re not different.  ❜

❛  We don’t choose who lives and dies.  ❜

❛  Let’s be normal. Watch bad movies, sneak a beer and watch TV.  ❜

❛  Don’t you want a life with me?  ❜

❛  Can’t we be seventeen? That’s all I want to do.  ❜

❛  If you could let me in, I could be good with you.  ❜

❛  People hurt us, or they vanish, and you’re right, it really blows.  ❜

❛  We let go, take a deep breath.  ❜

❛  Don’t stop looking in my eyes.  ❜

❛  Is that so hard to do?  ❜

❛  Let us be seventeen, if we’ve still got the right.  ❜

❛  So what’s it gonna be?  ❜

❛  I want to be with you.  ❜

❛  Yeah, we’re damaged. Badly damaged.  ❜

❛  Your love’s too good to lose.  ❜

❛  Hold me tighter. Even closer.  ❜

❛  I’ll stay if I am what you choose.  ❜

❛  You’re the one I choose.  ❜

SHINE A LIGHT

❛  Deep inside of everyone there’s a hot ball of shame.  ❜

❛  If we show the ugly parts that we hide away, they turn out to be beautiful by the light of day.  ❜

❛  Every day’s a battlefield when pride’s on the line.  ❜

❛  I attack your weakness and pray you don’t see mine.  ❜

❛  If I share my ugly parts and you show me yours, our love can knock our walls down and unlock all our doors.  ❜

❛  Who wants to share what’s in their heart?  ❜

❛  No volunteers? Fine, I’ll start.  ❜

❛  I live alone. My husband left. My kids are grown.  ❜

❛  In the 60s love was free, that did not work out well for me.  ❜

❛  The revolution came and went -- tried to change the world, barely made a dent.  ❜

❛  I’ve struggled with despair.  ❜

❛  I’ve joined a cult.  ❜

❛  I chant, I prayed but God’s not there.  ❜

❛  (name) I’m ending our affair!  ❜

❛  I faked it every time.  ❜

LIFEBOAT

❛  I float in a boat in a raging black ocean, low in the water with no where to go.  ❜

❛  The people smell desperate.  ❜

❛  We’ll sink any minute so someone must go.  ❜

❛  Everyone’s pushing! Everyone’s fighting!  ❜

❛  There’s no where to hide.  ❜

❛  The captain is pointing. well who made her captain?  ❜

❛  Still, the weakest must go.  ❜

SHINE A LIGHT (REPRISE)

❛  Aw look, (name) is gonna cry.  ❜

❛  Stupid childproof caps!  ❜

❛  Aw look, (name) is gonna whine all night.  ❜

❛  You don’t deserve to live.  ❜

❛  Why not kill yourself?  ❜

❛  Here, have a sedative.  ❜

❛  Whine, whine, whine like there’s no Santa Clause.  ❜

❛  You’re pathetic because you whine!  ❜

❛  You whine all night!  ❜

❛  Your ass is off the team!  ❜

❛  Go on and bitch and moan.  ❜

❛  You don’t deserve the dream!  ❜

❛  You’re gonna die alone.  ❜

KINDERGARTEN BOYFRIEND

❛  He was sweet, he said that I was smart.  ❜

❛  He was good at sports and people liked him.  ❜

❛  At nap time, once, we shared a mat.  ❜

❛  I didn’t sleep, I sat and watched him breathing.  ❜

❛  I watched him dream for almost half an hour. Then he woke up.  ❜

❛  He pulled a scab off one time playing kickball, kissed me quick and pressed it in my hand.  ❜

❛  I took that scab and put it in a locket, all year long I wore it near my heart.  ❜

❛  He didn’t care if I was thin or pretty.  ❜

❛  He was mine until we hit first grade.  ❜

❛  Last night I dreamed a horse with wings flew down into my home room.  ❜

❛  Now we’re all grown up and we know better.  ❜

❛  Now we recognize the way things are.  ❜

❛  Certain boys are just for kindergarten.  ❜

❛  Certain girls are meant to be alone.  ❜

❛  I believe that any dream worth having, is a dream that should not have to end.  ❜

❛  I’ll build a dream that I can live in, and this time I’m never waking up.  ❜

YO GIRL

❛  Oh my god, is she dead?  ❜

❛  Just another geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably.  ❜

❛  keep it together.  ❜

❛  I knew you would come far.  ❜

❛  Smell how gangsta you are.  ❜

❛  I’m so sorry.  ❜

❛  Feel a bit punchy?  ❜

❛  She’s not looking so well.  ❜

❛  You’ve earned that red scrunchie.  ❜

❛  Come join (name) in hell.  ❜

❛  Where have you been?  ❜

❛  We’ve been worried sick!  ❜

❛  Your friend, (name), stopped by.  ❜

❛  He told us everything.  ❜

❛  He’s got your hand writing down cold.  ❜

❛  Please, honey, talk to us.  ❜

❛  No, you wouldn’t understand.  ❜

❛  Guess who’s right down the block?  ❜

❛  I’ve experienced everything you’re going through.  ❜

❛  Guess who’s climbing the stairs?  ❜

❛  Your problems seem like life and death, I promise they’re not.  ❜

❛  Guess who’s picking your lock.  ❜

❛  You don’t know what my world looks like!  ❜

❛  Times up! Go say your prayers.  ❜

❛  (name)’s running on fumes now.  ❜

❛  (name)’s totally fried.  ❜

❛  (name)’s gotta be tripping on shrooms now.  ❜

❛  (name)’s done for, there’s no doubt now.  ❜

❛  Notify next of kin.  ❜

❛  Too late, he got in.  ❜

❛  Sorry for coming in through the window, dreadful etiquette I know.  ❜

❛  Get out of my house!  ❜

MEANT TO BE YOURS

❛  All is forgiven baby!  ❜

❛  Come on, get dressed! You’re my date to the pep rally tonight!  ❜

❛  You chucked me out like I was trash.  ❜

❛  For that, you should be dead.  ❜

❛  Then it hit me like a flash: what if high school went away instead?  ❜

❛  Those assholes are the key.  ❜

❛  They’re keeping you away from me.  ❜

❛  They made you bling, messed up your mind.  ❜

❛  I can set you free!  ❜

❛  You left me and I fell apart.  ❜

❛  I punched the wall and cried.  ❜

❛  I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside.  ❜

❛  So, I built a bomb!  ❜

❛  Tonight our school is Vietnam.  ❜

❛  Let’s guarantee they never see their senior prom!  ❜

❛  I was meant to be yours.  ❜

❛  We were meant to be one.  ❜

❛  Don’t give up on me now.  ❜

❛  Finish what we’ve begun.  ❜

❛  In the rubble of their tomb, we’ll plant this not explaining why they died.  ❜

❛  Our burned bodies may finally get through to you.  ❜

❛  Your society churns out slaves and blanks, no thanks.  ❜

❛  We’ll watch the smoke pour out the doors.  ❜

❛  Bring marshmallows, we’ll make s’mores.  ❜

❛  We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars.  ❜

❛  I can’t make it alone.  ❜

❛  You were meant to be mine.  ❜

❛  I am all that you need.  ❜

❛  You carved open my heart, can’t just leave me to bleed.  ❜

❛  Open the door please.  ❜

❛  Can we not fight anymore?  ❜

❛  (Name), sure, you’re scared, I’ve been there.  ❜

❛  (Name), don’t make me come in there.  ❜

❛  I’m gonna count to three. 1, 2, fuck it--  ❜

❛  Oh my god.  ❜

❛  Please don’t leave me alone.  ❜

❛  You were all I could trust.  ❜

❛  I can’t do this alone, still, I will if I must.  ❜

DEAD GIRL WALKING (REPRISE)

❛  I wanted someone strong who could protect me.  ❜

❛  I let his anger fester and infect me.  ❜

❛  His solution is a lie.  ❜

❛  No one here deserves to die, except for me and the monster I created.  ❜

❛  Heads up (name).  ❜

❛  I’m a dead girl walking.  ❜

❛  Can’t hide from me.  ❜

❛  There’s your final bell.  ❜

❛  It’s one more dance and then farewell.  ❜

❛  (name) told me you just committed suicide?  ❜

❛  Yeah, well, he’s wrong about a lot of things.  ❜

❛  I through together a lovely tribute, especially considering the short notice.  ❜

❛  What’s under the gym?  ❜

❛  That’s it.  ❜

❛  What’s that sound?  ❜

❛  Give a great big yell!  ❜

❛  Step away from the bomb.  ❜

❛  This little thing? I’d hardly call it a bomb.  ❜

❛  This is just to trigger the packs of thermals upstairs --those are bombs.  ❜

❛  I wish your mom had been a little stronger.  ❜

❛  I wish she’d stayed around a little longer.  ❜

❛  I wish your dad were good.  ❜

❛  I wish grownups understood.  ❜

❛  I wish we’d met before they convinced you life is war.  ❜

❛  I wish you’d come with me.  ❜

❛  I wish I had more TNT!  ❜

I AM DAMAGED

❛  I am damaged. Far too damaged.  ❜

❛  You’re not beyond repair.  ❜

❛  Stick around here, make things better.  ❜

❛  You beat me fair and square.  ❜

❛  Please stand back now.  ❜

❛  Don’t know what this thing will do.  ❜

❛  Hope you miss me.  ❜

❛  Wish you’d kiss me.  ❜

❛  I’ll trade my life for yours.  ❜

❛  Wait, hold on!  ❜

❛  Once I disappear, clean up the mess down here.  ❜

❛  Not this way!  ❜

❛  Say hi to God.  ❜

SEVENTEEN (REPRISE)

❛  Listen up kids, war is over.  ❜

❛  Brand new sheriff’s come to town.  ❜

❛  We are done with acting evil.  ❜

❛  We will lay our weapons down.  ❜

❛  We’re all damaged, we’re all frightened, we’re all freaks but that’s alright.  ❜

❛  We’ll endure it. We’ll survive it.  ❜

❛  (name) are you free tonight?  ❜

❛  High school may not ever end.  ❜

❛  Still, I miss you.  ❜

❛  I’d be honored, if you’d let me be your friend.  ❜

❛  We can be seventeen.  ❜

❛  If nobody loves me now, someday somebody will.  ❜

❛  There’s still time to make things.  ❜

❛  One day we’ll change the world, but let’s kick back tonight.  ❜

❛  Let’s go be seventeen, take off our clothes and dance.  ❜

❛  This could be our final chance.  ❜

❛  We’ll make it beautiful.  ❜

[stripey-land-shark]

Tagged by @caizero! Thank you for this terribly long tag thingy xD A good way to eat up an hour of a slow day.

THE LAST

Drink: Water

Phone Call: It was to the Tax Office

Text Message: It was to Ren, talking about a Woah Crash Doom mod I found xD

Song you listened to: Team Panic by Vanilluxe Pavilion (if you like Pokemon music you’ll love VP)

Time you cried: Uhhh, I guess about a week ago? It was while watching The Boy and The Beast >_> I’m such a softy

HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: I’ve never technically dated before, so no.

Kissed someone and regretted it: Never kissed someone, so no xD

Been cheated on: Not really.

Lost someone special: Not exactly. I’ve lost people but no one particularly close...

Been depressed: Yup. Too many times.

Gotten drunk and thrown up: I never drink enough for that to happen.

3 FAVORITE COLORS

PURPLE!!

Teal/Aqua :D

White or Silver

GENERAL

How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them, that’s my point for having a FB account.

Do you have any pets: Just a cat. Her name is Boggle!! xD

Do you want to change your name: I really like my name. I’m not fond of my last name though, so perhaps.

What did you do for your last birthday: Went out for a chinese dinner! It’s what we do ^_^

What time did you wake up: 2:02 PM. Ew

What were you doing at midnight last night: Just dorking around on here.

Name something you cant wait for: Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night

When was the last time you saw your Mom: Just then. We’re in earshot of each other.

What are you listening to right now: I’ve got Supernatural on the TV. Also my room is right next to the laundry room, so the washing machine too.

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Nope

Something that is getting on your nerves: Adult life in general.

Most visited website: This one :P

Hair color: Dark brown.

Long or short hair: LONG

Do you have a crush on someone: Yeeeahh... Got a big time squish, and a big time crush ;;

What do you like about yourself: How easily amused I am at the smallest things.

Blood type: Red (I honestly don’t know)

Nickname: Party Pie, Spud, Spardy(I guess) xD

Relationship status: Single as heck.

Zodiac: Scorpio

Pronouns: He/Him, though not 100% sure about that ^^’

Favorite TV Show: Have You Been Paying Attention, and Game of Thrones.

Tattoos: Nope. Kinda want a small one though.

Right or Left handed: Lefty c:

Surgery: Stitches on my forehead because I did something really stupid as a kid.

Sport: I don’t partake in it but I do enjoy watching Surfing every now and again.

Vacation: You mean have I been on one? Yeah, went on a 5 week road trip around Australia.

Pair of shoes: I just have these $20 ones from Kmart xD

MORE GENERAL

Eating: Fried rice.

Drinking: Water.

I’m about to: play Mass Effect 3

Waiting for: The 11th of August, so I can finally start college.

Want: more confidence in myself.

Get married: I would love to ;u;

Career: Don’t got one yet but Sound Design or Music Composition for a video game would be a dream come true. Computer Engineering is something I think about often as well.

WHICH IS BETTER

Hugs or Kisses: Hugs! I don’t know what the other is like xD

Lips or Eyes: Eyes, definitely.

Shorter or Taller: As a taller person, I gotta say shorter~

Older or Younger: Neither. Both. It doesn’t really matter to me.

Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: W... What

Hook up or Relationship: The ship of relation

Troublemaker or Hesitant: I don’t even know what you’re trying to ask here, but... both can be good, depending on the situation.

HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: Nah

Drank hard liquor: Never

Lost glasses/contact lenses: Only my sunnies

Turned someone down: Not that I know of.

Sex on the first date: Nope. I’m not sure if I ever could, to be honest.

Broken someone’s heart: Yeah... Hoping to heal that though ^_^

Had your heart broken: Unfortunately yes, plenty of times.

Been arrested: No way.

Cried when someone died: Fictional, yeah. I’ve been blessed to have those around me in real life stick around.

Fallen for a friend: Mood

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

Yourself: Sometimes.

Love at first sight: Definitely not.

Santa clause: How could I not when he drove past our house every Christmas in his Fire Truck, throwing candy canes onto our front lawn?

Kiss on the first date: If we had fun, yes. I think it’s the gentlemanly thing to do?

Angels: I like to c: I MEAN JUST LOOK AT MY MUTUALS

OTHER

Eye color: Hazel

Favorite movie: It’s a tie between Independence Day and The Goonies

AND THAT’S IT HOLY FUCK

I tag @knight-conrad, @a-princess-in-bloom, @astralauslander, @symphonicvocalist, @a-curious-passerby, and @berukatxt! If you want. I dunno. It’s a lot of questions, as you can see D:

I also took the liberty of uploading a text file (.odt file but it should open with any text program) of just the questions of this ask, so my dear friends that I’ve tagged can just copy and paste, hopefully ^.^ Here is the link! https://files.fm/u/f2vepdp5#_

[tinykawaiisatan]

85 Statements Tag!

Alright so i was tagged by several people a couple days ago, but i was too lazy to complete this at the time. bUT IM NOT NOW SO HERE WE GOOOO

The Last :

1.) drink: Dr Pepper 2.) phone call: A Discord call with a friend while we watched Noragami Aragato together 3.) text message: @batmans-sister 4.) song you listened to:  Diamond Sky - Elliot Berger

5.) time you cried: It was recent but idr why I cried???

6.)dated someone twice: Never .w. If we broke up there was a reason. 7.) kissed someone and regretted it: Uhhhh back in middle school I think? Dude was a prick. 8.) been cheated on:  :> Yupp. 9.) lost someone special: Yes. 10.) been depressed: Middle School and High School was rough. 11.) gotten drunk and thrown up: Not of age, and I don’t plan on drinking, so..

3 favorite colors:

12.) Emerald Green 13.) Black 14.) Light Blue

In the Last year have you:

15. made new friends: Yea .w. 16. fallen out of love: Nah. Haven’t bothered with dating since Junior year. 17. laughed until you cried: Yes quite often haha 18. found out someone was talking about you: This morning actually :> 19. met someone who changed you: .... e.e Not really. 20. found out who your friends are: I’ve known. 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: I’m sure.

General

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I don’t have Facebook friends that I don’t know irl 23. do you have any pets: My cat and my parents’ dog. I used to have a dog and another cat, plus two leopard geckos, and 3 bettas. But they all passed away before we moved ... 24. do you want to change your name: Never~ 25. what did you do for your last birthday: I slept. It was just a normal day tbh. 26. what time did you wake up: About 11 AM I think. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Drawing I think. 28. name something you can’t wait for the announcement for: New season of Servamp. that’ll be a while tho. 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: 9pm. So like 5 hours ago. 31. what are you listening to right now:  Yellow - Coldplay 32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Nope. 33. something that is getting on your nerves: People on Overwatch and other games. but eh. It happens. 34. most visited website: Tumblr, Discord, and Youtube. 35. hair color: Purple and black. (Black roots, purple ends) 36. long or short hair: Short 37. do you have a crush on someone: Nope~ Well sorta but not in the traditional way I suppose.   38. what do you like about yourself: I try my best to be a good firend. 39. piercings: None. Can’t be bothered to mess with them tbh. 40. blood type: No clue :3 41. nickname: the list could go on forever. (Stan, Satan, Tiny, Kawaii, Karma, Sleepy, Dying... depends on the site I’m on.) 42. relationship status: Single and ready to stay that way. 43. zodiac: Cancer 44. pronouns: She/Her .w. 45. favourite tv show: I don’t watch T.V. But I watch an ass ton of anime so... I can’t pick one tbh. 46. tattoos: None 47. right or left handed: Right handed. 48. surgery: Tonsils :P 50. sport: I was in dance, then soccer, then swimming, then realized I hated sports. 51. vacation: What about it? 52. pair of trainers: I wear boots.

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: ...String cheese... 54. drinking: water 55. about to: upload my new icon 56. waiting for: my ass to get tired enough to sleep 57. want: More Kuro and other SERVAMP merch. (And the new Mercy and Sombra Skins >A<) 58. get married: Idk maybe. 59. career: I want to design videogame characters :3

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: Hugs. I’m not a kissy person. 61. lips or eyes: Eyes. I love eyes. Theres so many variations and theyre all so cool. Have you heard of heterochromia? It’s a rare genetic--- 62. shorter or taller: Short. I’m fun to hug. 63. older or younger: I prefer being older despite the responsibilities 64. nice arms or nice stomach: ... On myself or other people??? 65. hook up or relationship: ..... Neither? Not rn at least... I’m too busy.  66. troublemaker or hesitant: Ehe... Depends on where I’m at. Discord I’m a trouble maker....

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: Fuck no 68. drank hard liquor: Not 21 yet 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: Nope. One of the few things I’ve never misplaced. 70. turned someone down: Yeh. A good few times. 71. sex on the first date: You’re gonna have to kill me first. I’m not a very sexual person in relationships. 72. broken someone’s heart: Unfortunately. 73. had your heart broken: Hm... yeah once.

74. been arrested: I’m an angel, how dare you accuse me of something like misconduct. 75. cried when someone died: I cry over every fuckin thing, are you kidding me 76. fallen for a friend: e.e ..... Once? I think? No. Nvm he didn’t know I existed xD

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: On good days 78. miracles: Definitely 79. love at first sight: Nah. 80. santa clause: At one point yea  81. kiss on the first date: Maybe? You’d gotta prove yo’self worthy bb. 82. angels: Yes

OTHER:

84. eye color: Green with slight gold centers.  85. favorite movies: Everything Marvel, and Harry Potter was good.

Done~ I’m just gonna say... I tag you if you wanna do it. :>

[faberry101]

Tagged by @wonder-womans-lasso  Thank you!!

The last:

1. Drink: water

2. Phone call: my Dad

3. Text message: a friend making plans for me to bring her to an appointment

4. Song you listened to: The Scientist by Coldplay

5. Time you cried: this morning

6. Have you ever dated someone twice: yes, learned that mistake quickly...

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. Been cheated on: technically, no

9. Lost someone special: hasn’t everyone? makes us appreciate those around us, eh?

10. Been depressed: yes (thank you genetics and hormone treatments, lol!)

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Once.  There are pics but they’ll never see the light of day.  I made sure of it.

12. 3 favorite colors: grey, black, white (technically not colours, I know but fight me...)

13. Made new friends: of course! gotta love tumblr for that too!

14. Fallen out of love: nope

15. Laughed until you cried: use to be almost daily but now it’s as often as I can.

16. Found out someone was talking about you: Oh yes, but doesn’t everyone get talked about at some point?

17. Met someone who changed you: Yup!  I kinda think everyone we meet has a little impact on us...

18. Found out who your friends are: the hard way, yes, and I love each and every one of them.

19. Kissed someone in your Facebook list: yeah, but in, like grade 6, lol!

20. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: too many

21. Do you have any pets? I had a gorgeous puppy but life had other plans, hopefully will again some day soon!

22. Do you want to change your name? Nah, I’m good.

23. What did you do for your last birthday: kinda forgot about it until a friend reminded me, then we went for dinner.

24. What time did you wake up: 0730

25. What were you doing at midnight last night: dreaming of good lovin’, lol!

26. Name something you can’t wait for: I genuinely don’t have anything at the moment

27. What are you listening to right now: the dehumidifier, the ice melting in my cup, and my allergies making me sniffle

28. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes, a couple of them, both really nice people

29. Something that is annoying to you: I think it’s circumstantial, like someone who has pissed me off and is then beside me breathing really loudly kinda thing

30. Most visited website: tumblr I think

31. Hair color: was born mostly blonde, now I’m dark brown mostly

32. Long or short hair: it’s just past my shoulders

33. Piercings: ears once upon a time

34. Blood type: O-positive

35. Nickname: Luce, bitch, Murray, so many, all lovely

36. Relationship status: single apparently

37. Zodiac: Taurus

38. Pronouns: she/her

39. Favorite TV show: The Golden Girls

40. Tattoos: yes, 3 (red maple leaf with “Made in Canada”, a cross with a sun shining behind it, and “Laugh” in cursive)

41. Right or left handed: right

42. Surgery: good Lord yes

43. Piercings: see #33

44. Sport: none

45. Vacation: dying to see Hawaii, New Zealand/Australia, and tour Ireland/Scotland/England

46. Pair of trainers: like running shoes?  last pair were New Balance 

47. Eating: goes by mood, try to keep it balanced, last meal was yogurt, 2 boiled eggs, and 2 pieces bacon

48. Drinking: none, water and tea for me.

49. I’m about to lose: my mind...

50. Waiting for: my laundry to finish

51. Want: oh Christmas, way too many things that I can’t have, but I’ve got what I need so I’m alright

52. Get married: to the right person, sure

53. Career: nurse

54. Hugs or kisses: both when appropriate, but hugs go a long way with more people

55. Lips or eyes: eyes definitely

56. Shorter or taller: I’m shorter but I tend to be attracted to taller

57. Older or younger: no difference to me, in moderation

58. Nice arms or nice stomach: fuck, so overrated but if I could choose on myself both, can I have both please?

59. Hook or relationship: relationship, always, I found out.

60. Troublemaker or Hesitant: hesitant

61. Kissed a stranger: no

62. Drank hard liquor: one time

63. Lost glasses/contact lenses: yes, and blind as a bat without ‘em

64. Turned someone down: yes

65. Sex on the first date: no

66. Broken someone’s heart: yes

67. Had your heart broken: yes

68. Been arrested: no

69. Cried when someone died: yes

70. Fallen for a friend: stupidly, yes

Do you believe in.

71. Yourself: not quite yet but working on it

72. Miracles: yes

73. Love at first sight: for others who say it’s happened to them yes

74. Santa Clause: wait, is he not real?!

75. Kiss on the first date: it’s nice if it happens but it’s not expected

76. Angels: yeah, I’ve seen too much to not believe in some type of otherness

77. Current best friends name: Vero, my mom, and my bro @elopingwithkarofsky

78. Eye color: hazel

79. Favorite movie: waaaay too many, but among others Mystic Pizza, Bridesmaids, Silence of the Lambs, Wall-E

I tag the following: I’m not tagging anyone since no one answered the last thing I tagged people in but I’d love to read these about any of my followers!!

[bruciewayne]

tell me about the stars [2/20]

masterpost

[ao3]

previous chapter

Sunday, 16th December

Steve came stumbling into the kitchen, wearing a shirt that was way, way too big on him, that he probably stole from Bucky. And he definitely didn't look hot and adorable. Nope, not at all, shut UP Barnes.

You’d think, that after living together for two years that he would have gotten used to a ridiculously hot and/or unfairly adorable morning-Steve-Rogers. But alas, nope.

“A-ha!” Bucky cried, with a beautiful stupid smile, “he rises, after millenia upon millenia of rest, the grand Steven Grant Rogers is no longer dormant!”

“I hate that you think you’re funny,” Steve grumbled, reaching for Bucky’s coffee. Bucky snatched it back, cradling it against his chest, “Nope, people who insult my genius comedy skills don’t get coffee.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but the corner of his lips twitched up a little, “I apologise,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm that wasn’t fooling anybody, “clearly, Taika Waititi and John Mulaney are quaking, you should quit science and pursue comedy.”

Bucky squinted his eyes at him, “You know, that’s no way to treat your fake boyfriend.” “My fake boyfriend wouldn't deny me my lifeblood,” Steve countered, trying to ignore the fluttering in his chest at ‘boyfriend’ because it was fake, not real, an illusion. Made up. Santa Clause. Make believe. Youtube pranks. FAKE

Bucky leaned back and decided that Steve could have his coffee, pushing the mug towards him, “You’re almost as bad as Tony, you know that?”

Steve chucked a Froot Loop at him, grinning when it hit his forehead. And he wasn’t absolutely fucking adorable when nose scrunched up, nope, nuh uh.

“Not even close, did you forget the time he tried to I.V drip coffee into his literal bloodstream when he was drunk.” Bucky laughed into a spoon of his Lucky Charms.

Suddenly, Steve’s phone went off, buzzing on the countertop, “Speak of the devil,” he muttered, answering it and putting it on speaker.

“Ah, tweedle dee, is tweedle dum there as well?”

“Good morning to you too, Tin can, how can we help?” Bucky said, sarcastically.

“You know you love me, Bucket. Anyway, ‘cos nobody’s seen anyone for ages and we’re all going different places ‘n stuff until who knows, everyone’s coming over tomorrow, be there or Pegs will drag both of you by the ears, asthma or not Stevie-boy what the fuck dummy, no, you piece of- oh fuck, I gotta go gays, sorry, guys, see you tomorrow at six!”

“Hypocrite,” Bucky grumbled to Steve’s phone, disregarding the ‘call ended’ sign blinking up at them. “Well, I mean, he’s not wrong,” Steve reasoned, getting up to put the dishes away. Bucky harrumphed, which was NOT cute, nope, no siree, shut up Rogers, “I guess.”

Bucky got up, stretched, and glanced over at the clock on his wall, somehow he’d managed waste away most of the day on his laptop doing jackshit, trying to convince himself that he was doing work. But all he’s done is update his Tumblr, watch movie analyses on youtube with a research paper open in another tab and found out his horoscope (it wasn’t looking up).

He leaned back in his chair, swinging a bit and staring out of the window, eyes following rain trails highlighted by the fluorescent orange street lights, thinking. Could he really pull off dating Steve? And not give away his feelings? And convince his mom?

She’d told him, when he came out to her at 16, that she’d suspected that he was gay when he was 10. Both of them had dropped drama the second could in high-school and last time they’d played two truths one lie with the gang, they’d both failed miserably. To really convince his family, they’d need to practice or something. Have some sort of a dry run, a rehearsal…

Holy shit.

He suddenly stood up and rushed to Steve’s room and barged in, “Steve, Stevie, I have an idea!” “That’s new,” Steve said, spinning in his chair and tugging his headphones down around his neck, and fuck, he was wearing glasses, which definitely didn't make him hot, nope, he just looked… nice, yep, just nice. Nice. Hot. Good.

Bucky huffed, “Hm, funny, anyway, so, you know the whole fake dating thing, and how we’re not really the best actors-” Steve snorted, “Understatement.” “Yeah, anyway, listen, we should do some sort of rehearsal with the guys tomorrow. To see if we can pull it off.”

Steve looked up at him through his eyelashes and messy floppy hair. Not adorable Barnes, NOT adorable or hot or attractive in any way shape or form. Shut up. “Are we going to tell them or…”

“Uh. Let’s see if they believe it then we’ll tell them.” Bucky said, snapping out of his Steve-induced stupor.

“We should have some sort of story, or they’ll sniff it out, remember the time Thor realised that Nat and Clint were together before any of us.”

“Oh, fuck, yeah-” Shut up, shut up, shut up, no other context, nope, nuh uh, mind out of the gutter Rogers “-uh, any ideas?”

“Well, it has to be after Thanksgiving, something basic, easy enough to remember, lets we said we liked each other, and uh, now here we are.”

Bucky grinned, “Riveting,” Steve rolled his eyes, “Anything more complicated than that, you won’t remember it,” he said with a shit-eating grin on his face, Bucky squawked in offence, “Stevie, I almost have a masters, I can remember a story-” Steve bit his lip, trying to stop himself from laughing, “Uh uh, sure, sure, Bucket.”

“You’re a funny guy Stevie, forget the art, go write for SNL,” Bucky said, moving to flop on Steve’s bed. Steve got up, took his headphones off and walked over to his bed. “We should hold hands, cuddle ‘n shit, y’know, like real couples, practice now for tomorrow and later,” Steve said, looking down at him, fiddling with his hands.”

Bucky grinned and opened his arms, “Come here then, boyfriend-of-mine.”

Steve clambered onto Bucky, wiggling around, trying to find a comfortable position and Bucky wrapped an arm around him. Bucky bent down, on a whim, and kissed the crown of his head, smiling into his hair when Steve relaxed further into his chest and tried to tamp down the hope blooming in his chest.

next chapter

[bruciewayne]

shut up (and dance with me) (2/?)

[1] [ao3] [masterpost]

December 16, morning

Steve came stumbling into the kitchen, wearing a shirt that was way, way too big on him, that he probably stole from Bucky. And he definitely didn't look hot and adorable. Nope, not at all, shut UP barnes.

You’d think, that after living together for two years that he would have gotten used to a ridiculously hot and/or unfairly adorable morning-Steve-Rogers. But alas, nope.

“A-ha!” Bucky cried, with a beautiful stupid smile, “he rises, after millenia upon millenia of rest, the grand Steven Grant Rogers is no longer dormant!”

“I hate that you think you’re funny,” Steve grumbled, reaching for Bucky’s coffee. Bucky snatched it back, cradling it against his chest, “Nope, people who insult my genius comedy skills don’t get coffee.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but the corner of his lips twitched up a little, “I apologise,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm that wasn’t fooling anybody, “clearly, Taika Waititi and John Mulaney are quaking, you should quit science and pursue comedy.”

Bucky squinted his eyes at him, “You know, that’s no way to treat your fake boyfriend.” “My fake boyfriend wouldn't deny me my lifeblood,” Steve countered, trying to ignore the fluttering in his chest at ‘boyfriend’ because it was fake, not real, an illusion. Made up. Santa Clause. Make believe. Youtube pranks. FAKE

Bucky leaned back and decided that Steve could have his coffee, pushing the mug towards him, “You’re almost as bad as Tony, you know that?”

Steve chucked a Froot Loop at him, grinning when it hit his forehead. And he wasn’t absolutely fucking adorable when nose scrunched up, nope, nuh uh.

“Not even close, did you forget the time he tried to I.V drip coffee into his literal blood stream when he was drunk.” Bucky laughed into a spoon of his Lucky Charms.

Suddenly, Steve’s phone went off, buzzing on the counter top, “Speak of the devil,” he muttered, answering it and putting it on speaker.

“Ah, tweedle dee, is tweedle dum there as well?”

“Good morning to you too, Tin can, how can we help?” Bucky said, sarcastically.

“You know you love me, Bucket. Anyway, ‘cos nobody’s seen anyone for ages and we’re all going different places ‘n stuff until who knows, everyone’s coming over tomorrow, be there or Pegs will drag both of you by the ears, asthma or not Stevie-boy what the fuck dummy, no, you piece of- oh fuck, I gotta go gays, sorry, guys, see you tomorrow at six!”

“Hypocrite,” Bucky grumbled to Steve’s phone, disregarding the ‘call ended’ sign blinking up at them. “Well, I mean, he’s not wrong,” Steve reasoned, getting up to put the dishes away. Bucky harrumphed, which was NOT cute, nope, no siree, shut up Rogers, “I guess.”

Bucky got up, stretched, and glanced over at the clock on his wall, somehow he’d managed waste away most of the day on his laptop doing jackshit, trying to convince himself that he was doing work. But all he’s done is update his tumblr, watch movie analyses on youtube with a research paper open in another tab and found out his horoscope (it wasn’t looking up).

He leaned back in his chair, swinging a bit and staring out of the window, eyes following rain trails highlighted by the fluorescent orange street lights, thinking. Could he really pull off dating Steve? And not give away his feelings? And convince his mom?

She’d told him, when he came out to her at 16, that she’d suspected that he was gay when he was 10. Both of them had dropped drama the second could in high-school and last time they’d played two truths one lie with the gang, they’d both failed miserably. To really convince his family, they’d need to practice or something. Have some sort of a dry run, a rehearsal…

Holy shit.

He suddenly stood up and rushed to Steve’s room and barged in, “Steve, Stevie, I have an idea!” “That’s new,” Steve said, spinning in his chair and tugging his headphones down around his neck, and fuck, he was wearing glasses, which definitely didn't make him hot, nope, he just looked… nice, yep, just nice. Nice. Hot. Good.

Bucky huffed, “Hm, funny, anyway, so, you know the whole fake dating thing, and how we’re not really the best actors-” Steve snorted, “Understatement.” “Yeah, anyway, listen, we should do some sort of rehearsal with the guys tomorrow. To see if we can pull it off.”

Steve looked up at him through his eyelashes and messy floppy hair. Not adorable Barnes, NOT adorable or hot or attractive in any way shape or form. Shut up. “Are we going to tell them or…”

“Uh. Let’s see if they believe it then we’ll tell them.” Bucky said, snapping out of his Steve-induced stupor.

“We should have some sort of story, or they’ll sniff it out, remember the time Thor realised that Nat and Clint were together before any of us.”

“Oh, fuck, yeah-” Shut up, shut up, shut up, no other context, nope, nuh uh, mind out of the gutter Rogers “-uh, any ideas?”

“Well, it has to be after Thanksgiving, something basic, easy enough to remember, lets we said we liked each other, and uh, now here we are.”

Bucky grinned, “Riveting,” Steve rolled his eyes, “Anything more complicated than that, you won’t remember it,” he said with a shit-eating grin on his face, Bucky squawked in offence, “Stevie, I almost have a masters, I can remember a story-” Steve bit his lip, trying to stop himself from laughing, “Uh uh, sure, sure, Bucket.”

“You’re a funny guy Stevie, forget the art, go write for SNL,” Bucky said, moving to flop on Steve’s bed. Steve got up, took his headphones off and walked over to his bed. “We should hold hands, cuddle ‘n shit, y’know, like real couples, practice now for tomorrow and later,” Steve said, looking down at him, fiddling with his hands.”

Bucky grinned and opened his arms, “Come here then, boyfriend-of-mine.”

Steve clambered onto Bucky, wiggling around, trying to find a comfortable position and Bucky wrapped an arm around him. Bucky bent down, on a whim, and kissed the crown of his head, smiling into his hair when Steve relaxed further into his chest and tried to tamp down the hope blooming in his chest.