#but not one that Moves. just one that is stagnant. BUT I WONT!!!!!!!

[moldwood]

[learn-and-accept]

I will truly never understand how I managed to find such a truly incredible partner let alone on the first try

[thelov3lybookworm]

I Am Forever Yours (part 1)

Day 1: Gentleman

Summary: Lucien is his gentlemanly self. Of course, not without being a rake.

•○●⛦●○•

Word Count: 1111 (lmao)

Warnings: none, just lucy being a delulu girlie 🤭

A/n: lol it wont be like my if i posted stuff that arent series for character weeks loll. happy @lucienweekofficial to all my fellow lucien simps, i love you all hehe.

(also i wouldnt say he is very gentlemanly in his thoughts, but we all know he wouldnt be 😏)

anyways, ENJOY🥹

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Lucien stood by himself against the wall nearest to the refreshment tables, quietly humming along to the rising tunes of the violins from the opposite corner, eyeing the couples twirling around the dance floor. If he cared, he would have opened a dancing class just to teach the men how to dance. If he were the one dancing with them, he would be so embarrassed.

The women though. They were the embodiment of grace, elegance and poise, so beautiful and twirling like they were born to conquer dance floors.

Alas, Lucien could not do anything to bring them justice except for cursing their partners.

With that depressing thought, Lucien moved away to set his empty glass on the table when someone bumped into him, jerking him forward and making the glass shatter as it hit the floor. Lucien looked at the broken glass, then turned away to look at the perpetrator who led to its demise, and did a double take.

Wide, frantic eyes moved to meet his after surveying the crime scene of the murdered glass, and blinked at him when he did nothing, as if she had expected to be yelled at and he had surprised her.

Her cheeks shimmered lightly under the lights emanating from the numerous chandeliers hanging from the carved ceiling, her shoulders pushed back and enhancing the look of her collar bones. Just the sight of those made Lucien swallow hard.

Who is this goddess?

While Lucien had been busy ogling the lady who clearly hailed from a high family clearly given away by her dressing, an older lady sharing the same hair and eyes appeared, glaring. "Y/n Jade, I cannot believe you would be so clumsy. Do you need to go back to school?"

Y/n?

Definitely moanable-

Fuck.

Pretty, Lucein told himself he meant to say pretty. Pretty name for a pretty lady.

The older lady turned to give Lucien an apologetic glance. "Forgive me, sir, for my daughter has begun to lose her mind." With a scathing glance at Y/n, she continued. "How are you enjoying the party? I haven’t seen you around much. Are you from this city?"

Lucien offered her a polite tilt of his lips. "Yes, though I prefer to travel. I work under my father as his emissary."

Lucien figured this lady did not know of his parentage, and he would love for it to remain that way.

"Oh, that’s wonderful."

Lucien could see the gears turning in the woman’s head, and he wished he had a glass of drink in his hands so he could hide his smirk behind the rim. Even not knowing that he was the youngest prince, everyone wanted their daughters to marry this fine specimen of a gentleman.

And why would they not, Lucien wondered. He was everything anyone could wish for, if just slightly cocky.

Not cocky. Just the slightest bit self assured.

"Well, I fear I must go hunt for my husband to make sure he isn’t making a fool out of himself. Y/n, why don’t you give your new friend some company while I search for your father?"

The lady, who by now was clear was Y/n’s mother, turned away and strode off, leaving Lucien to look at Y/n, who rolled her eyes. It amused Lucien to no end.

This was new.

"So… how old are you?" Lucien mumbled, trying to get rid of the stagnant silence between the two when it became clear that Y/n found the numerous chandeliers and the arguably bad dancers more intriguing than Lucien.

She only spared him a glance before turning her gaze towards the orchestra. "Twenty two."

"I’m twenty five."

She hummed in response.

"Your name is Y/n?"

Finally, she heaved an exasperated sigh and shot him an unamused look. "Yes, I would have assumed that was clear by now."

Lucien blinked. No one talked to him like that, even when he acted like he was one of the lowly townsfolk when he travelled to avoid attention.

"I- I’m Lucien."

"Did I ask?"

He stared at her a moment, eyes widening before dipping his head, fumbling for the first time in his life when talking to a lady. "I… I just thought-"

She snorted. "Stop thinking then."

He nodded dumbly, trying to focus on the strings of the instrument that was leading the song currently playing, the shine of his boot, the crunching glass under his toes, anything to stop himself from focusing on this lady who was thoroughly uninterested in him.

It made him want to interest her even more.

"You’re from which family?"

"Oak."

The favoured advisor of the king would be her father then.

"Y/n Jade Oak? That’s a pretty name."

"I know."

Lucien inhaled, deciding that if he wanted to get a reaction out of this ethereal creature who seemed to not know how to give any reaction other than unbothered, he would have to tell her something she wouldn’t expect. "I’m from the Vanserra’s. The king’s youngest son."

And as Lucien watched her, his eyes unwavering in hopes of catching even the tiniest bit of reaction, he almost nearly cried in joy when he spied her lips twitching at the corners.

"Look, I can do nothing about that. I’m not the one you should be complaining to. Maybe try your mother?"

It took Lucien a moment to comprehend those words, for he was too busy staring at her lips that still retained that slight tilt. And when he did, an unexpected laugh burst out of him. Once he finally got himself under control, he met her surprised eyes, and she blinked at him, as if him laughing was something that had not even crossed her mind.

"My, you’re funny." He grinned, shaking his head. "Are you by any chance engaged?"

She still watched him as she shook her head. "No. They usually decide they’re way too good for an uncultured lady like myself."

He raised a brow. "Well, as much as I want to give my condolences, I simply cannot say I’m sad for you, considering they have just made me courting you easier."

For the first time, Y/n’s composure faltered. "What?"

He offered her a lazy grin as he extended his hand to her, and after a moment of consideration, she placed hers in it. "I would like to court you. If that’s okay with you, I will like to talk to your father right away."

She searched his eyes, then dipped her head in the barest of nods. Lucien smiled, brushing his lips against her knuckles before he straightened.

"Then let’s go find your father, my lady."

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

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Lucien Vanserra Taglist: @mirandasidefics @tele86

[yamiiwaii]

Do you have headcanons about macaque's recovering process from bpd and his copying skills (like about holding back extreme emotions or apathy, how does he regularly motivates himself to keep healing and so on)?

thats honestly a really good question...strap in, its a long one

macaque is definitely prone to bad spirals and bad episodes, as evident in the show, and he tends to internalize a lot of it and lash out in aggression. because of that i feel like starting the healing process was really hard for him. with lbd off his back and a lot more free time, im sure he thought alot about the things he did in the last few centuries. he probably stayed holed up in his dojo for a good while after the lbd stuff and just...thought. all that thinking led to spirals and breakdowns and he spent that time crying more than hes ever cried in his life. but afterwards i think he felt fine, stagnant even, and thats when he finally decided he could move on.

its hard giving up your fp and if hes anything like me im sure he didnt want to let go. he didnt want to break off those ties he had with wukong because those were familiar, safe. he fell back onto bad habits a lot, (i headcanon that he has s/h stims and he pulls on his fur when hes really stressed which adds to his bald spots), and found himself in spots where he felt the urge to go and fight wukong again, like before. during times like these his shadows are actually really helpful ! they help ground him and im sure rumble and savage help talk him through his breakdowns when theyre alone together. they help drive him to keep going, i think, because they know as well as he does that he needs this.

i think mk is another big motivator for macaque too, if not the biggest. he cares about mk so much, way more than he was ever expecting to, and i think he does hold some guilt and remorse about the way he treated mk. he wants to repair their relationship and actually become friends in the genuine way that mks friends with everyone else. and mac knows he cant get that if hes still holding onto the past, ya know. he wants to be someone mk could go to when wukong isn't available (he makes that...very very clear its honestly a little endearing) so i think he always thinks about mk while hes going through the process of healing.

and honestly, repairing his friendship with wukong could be something of a motivator too. he wants them to have something thats normal, im assuming, and maybe thats why he hangs around ffm still. but its also a little bit of a bittersweet memory of sorts, to see everything still as it was. to see bits of him still there.

with the holding back extreme emotions, macaque is the type to bottle everything up util he explodes. which isnt...healthy AJVKSKCJ i think overtime and mk exposure showed him its okay to feel those things...its okay to cry and to be upset and to just. be a person...obviously he only ever lets himself feel those things in the privacy of his dojo but hey, at least its something !

he does have set backs, as everyone does because healing isnt linear, and he still has days where its almost like hes back to being that hard-headed smartass trying to kill everyone...but i think now its a bit easier to deal with those days because he has a support system. he has people to rely on that wont shun him away, even if things are rocky between them all. but hes trying and he'll keep trying because as much as he lets it on, i dont think he actually enjoys being alone as much.

[hollowsoul12]

Anywho, on to a less happy post that I've been wanting to make, yet was unable to make due to personal OCD reasons, I'm going to talk about the bright contraversity, but more specifically how poorly the tumblr side of the community has handled and how separating art from artist is tricky in this situation. (Now just like most of the bright post this will be getting into it, this post contains mentions of serious and horrible sexual topics relating to AdminBright. If you are a bright system you should go into this post with caution, as I won't be kind of AdminBrights creations in the slightest. Also you should check out Daisy Adia's document on her previous relationship with AdminBright regardless of whether you read this post or not)

So, most of you have probably already know of the basic gist of the situation, but if you have not been checking the scp tumblr tag for a while or dont even know what a AdminBright i, let me just catch you up to speed: Recently the contraversity of AdminBright (or Theduckman), the creator of Dr. Bright, Brights family, and handful of other SCPs as well as being a previous staff member for the wiki before he was banned, after "the list of things Dr. Bright is not allowed to do at the foundation" was temporarily deleted by a leaving staff member without telling the rest staff. The reason this article specifically was targeted was because AdminBright is a known s*x pest that s*xually and emotionally manipulated/ab*sed multiple people and, due to the list being the most egregious interpretation of his self insert on the wiki (as the list portrayed him as a womanizer and pervert), its been one that held the most hatred in the on-site community. Unfortunately, due to the licensing and previous scp wiki rules, the article has been brought back and has gained protected status due to its unprompted deletion. This one action, however, has lit a new spark of hope of getting rid bright from the site, as the list was the biggest stop sign in peoples hope of getting rid of him and with its deletion it weakened that obstacle. Now people on both the off-site and on-site community have been going about protesting and rewriting articles surrounding bright from changing his name and creating a new character to less than subtle frustration of allowing the bright list back. Meanwhile their is many others that are simply trying to figure out with what to do next. 

This latter group, however, is where the problem's mentioned in the beginning have started to occur. You see, the tumblr side of the community, as well as many other parts of the off-site community, have (and I try to put this is the nicest way possible) been stagnant in relation to scp, but tumblr in particular has been extremely stagnant. What I mean in this case is that unless its about a scp that's over 1000+ upvotes or is character/group that got a cult following during series 1-3 (alagadda, nalka/sarkics, the doctors of the foundation). it wont get discussed and even then the stuff discussed isn't looked at from a meta/real life angle. It is also due to this extreme stagnation that now that this situation about bright has once again resurfaced, it has been a mixed about the idea of getting rid of or even replacing bright. Some have decided to cut ties with bright, but a very vocal group of people on here have decided to basically dig their heals in here and even started to deflect the anger towards people trying to replace him like DJ Kaktus.

Now, I've tried my best to keep calm try to figure out a way to reach a certain middle ground with this situation, as I know their is a lot people that kin bright are generally normal/good people, and tried to figure out a ultimatum, but you know what I'm just gonna say my truthful opinion:

If you are a bright fan or any SCP fan for that matter and actually care about being against Theduckman, THEN JUST FUCKING MOVE ON FROM HIS SHITTY FETISH INSERT AND HIS INSERTS ABLEIST CODED FAMILY!!!

"BUT HE ISN'T A SELF INSERT ANYMORE, THE COMMUNITY HAS RECLAIMED HIM." Dr. Bright has been constantly used as a stand in for his creators sick fantasies, not just on the SCP wiki, but also in sexual roleplay. Dr. Bright, the character, was used by Theduckman to take advantage of people. Dr. Bright, the character, is reason Theduckman got to the position of admin and was able to take advantage of people. Hell, Brights amulet and his ability to swap bodies ican literally tie directly back to Theduckmans branding fetish Even after he got banned, he actively encouraged people to keep using his characters! Most in not all active on-site authors know of Theduckmans past, and guess what, THEY WANT HIM GONE. Their also victims of Theduckman that want him gone. The only reason why people seem to have "separated" bright from Theduckman is because of the disconnect between the off-site and on-site communities, but I guarantee if many people actually knew the situation, more people would not be supporting keeping him around.

"BUT DR. BRIGHT AND HIS FAMILY ARE IMPORTANT TO THE SCP LORE" Dr. Bright and his family have not, is not, and will never be important to the lore of SCP because THEIR IS NO CANNON. Their entire storylines where Bright doesn't exist, hell their is multiple timelines where the foundation does not exist. And even if their was one overarching lore, bright and his family barley play a role in modern scp or are just their for name recognition. 

"BUT CHANGING BRIGHTS NAME DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING, WHY WOULD EVEN CHANGE THE NAME BUT KEEP THE CHARACTER THE SAME" BECAUSE OF BRIGHT FANS THAT DON"T WANT LET HIM DIE! STUFF LIKE SHAW ONLY EXSIST BECAUSE WON"T FUCKING LET BRIGHT DIE!

*Ahem* So, yeah, thats my opinion. Truthfully I know that its impossible to actually get rid of Bright and truthfully that not every single person thinks the same way about Bright as I do. In truth, this post is NOT meant to hat on people that like Bright but rather is meant show how fucked up Bright as a character is and how his existence in this fandoms needs to change. And in truth that change appears to be finally happening with the list being temporarily deleted. I hope that one day we finally can leave bright as a memory, but till that day we just have to stick to rewrites

[boundless-n-bare]

celebrate

i am trying hard, friends. life has been rough and i am (yet again) in a transitional period in life. just took down all the decorations in my room, my walls are now bare, and though my inclination is to feel sad i am forcing myself to see the positive in this, that being that today is the first day of the rest of my life - i have no idea where im headed but i know it aint here. i am ready to throw everything in my truck and jet at a moments notice, im just waiting for the oppurtunity. and you know what, leaving things behind is never easy but sometimes its absolutely necessary and this is one of those times. my surroundings no longer suit me, they're bringing me down hard. i dont know where i will end up next. i know where i want to be but i also know that its in the universe's hands and she dont give a fuck what i want so im detaching myself from that for now. all i know is that i wont waste time being down because i have a life to start living! and i am so excited for that! regardless of my physical surroundings, i am excited that now more than ever i have a clearer idea of who i am and who i want to be than i ever have. i have come to terms with myself as an individual in ways that i hadn't previously been allowing myself to do and i am excited to continue that journey. its hard, its complicated, its complex, its messy, and a lot of time it sucks but also i am starting to feel alive again, and that is the feeling i want to celebrate - i have felt stagnant, isolated, lonely, and without purpose, drive, or motivation for so long it felt like i might as well have not been existing at all. and although i went from having very little to do to having everything to do in a very short period of time, i know i will persevere and i know that through the sress, discomfort, and pain i will emerge on the other side to experience calm, softness, and pleasure. once again, as i did years ago when i first moved to this town, in leaving i will feel alive. and that, as well as everything that follows, is worth celebrating

have some fun news coming soon, hopefully later today. just gotta tie up some loose ends!

[my-journey-to-recovery]

11 days until detox!

Yesterday was such a positive day!

It started with a bit of alone time in the garden. I read the book 'My Sheep Hear my Voice' with a coffee and it was so peaceful. I asked God to help me to trust Him fully. To help me have faith that everything that's happening is for the greater good.

Then we had a picnic at the hostel organised by staff. I helped put the tables and chairs out and enjoyed serving in this way. I need to remember this when it comes to my sobriety - get involved with helping others to keep busy and help myself. A bunch of us ate together; two coke heads, two crack heads and a heroin user. We played games; egg and spoon race (which I won), pass the parcel (which the staff made sure we all won a prize), tennis and hopscotch. The sun was shining, we had music playing and it was just such a lovely vibe.

Of course I had a bag of coke for the day but I was sensible with it and made it last. Then spent some time with S and J, smoking weed and I did S a tarot card reading. She said it really resonated with her to the point she started crying. It's funny how God/Universe bring people into your life when you least expect it. I never thought I'd become good friends with a 'crack head' but do you know what - our habits don't define who we are as human beings. Everyone has a story to tell, a journey in which they've ended up on the wrong side of the track at some point and now I feel like everyone that's here is on a journey to better themselves and their lives - some will make it, you can tell who they are. The ones that still have that fire in their belly and some sadly wont. You can tell those ones too, which is sad. I hope I'm one of the ones who make it.

This place was so hard to be when I first moved in. But I've really grown to love some of the residents and staff and will miss them all. Miss it all.. the freedom of taking drugs/drinking whenever I want, all of it. But I also know that if I don't move then I will get stagnant, as my alcoholic neighbour says.

I just have to trust God that this move is the way forward for me and prepare to be ready to leave all this behind.

[korns299]

newsflash: we have every right to be vocal and assertive, especially when it comes to our rights and boundaries. we're not here to make everyone comfortable—we're here to be heard and respected. If you stay quiet when your friends make misogynistic jokes, you best keep the same energy when a woman says she hates mens Red light therapy, sleeping with your mouth sealed, in one position on your back so either side of your face won't get squished and swollen. Like you realize that's what that is right? Forcing people to see porn? Or threatening them with sexual activity? You know what that's called, right? And then you wanna say "they are fake feminists, we are REAL feminist!" The 'real' feminists go-to method for people they don't like is sexually harassing them. Okay. How!! Unique! Online feminist spaces can feel stagnant due to their lack of real world activism. While digital platforms allow for the spread of ideas, many feminists feel that true change requires physical organizing and collective action. The disconnect between online discourse and real world mobilization highlights the need for feminists to move beyond theory and into practice.Capitalism's exploitation of women and girls's beauty standards is evident in the endless products and procedures marketed as tools of empowerboyst. Feminists argue that these products actually reinforce harmful standards, keeping women and girlsnewsflash: we have every right to be vocal and assertive, especially when it comes to our rights and boundaries. we're not here to make everyone comfortable—we're here to be heard and respected. If you stay quiet when your friends make misogynistic jokes, you best keep the same energy when a woman says she hates mens Online feminist spaces can feel stagnant due to their lack of real world activism. While digital platforms allow for the spread of ideas, many feminists feel that true change requires physical organizing and collective action. The disconnect between online discourse and real world mobilization highlights the need for feminists to move beyond theory and into practice.Capitalism's exploitation of women and girls's beauty standards is evident in the endless products and procedures marketed as tools of empowerboyst. Feminists argue that these products actually reinforce harmful standards, keeping women and girls

^^^ reminder that Robo Shrek think stuff like this is ok. You wont believe how funny it was when Shadow started pingasing in In the back of a fridge. How did a boy as buttery as this end up vegetaing in Candy Mountain? What if DIC is actually sklebby and sucksing in my butthole right now? friezas scrimpsing! I didnt grap all the way to In the back of a fridge just to deal with this flibbley plimby. Lets slomp until we find the Shadow Clone in The togrash shack. Just because you can scrip doesnt mean you should slop. penis…TRA…Garfield… All sliping. gyns: Its not about being scrambled; its about finding the right frieza. Me: The way you plap snorbly makes me question Gay Luigi.

[augustspisspoorblog]

sometimes i think about whats gonna happen to my room when im gone. all my favorite things will collect dusk because there wont be anyone to use them. my room wont be lived in anymore and it never will be again, it will never have a chance to get messy or moved around late at night because i was bored. it will just be stagnant. no one will take care of it like i do, they dont know where my things go. they dont know my hiding spots or my favorite place to read. they dont know where i keep all the little memories im too embarrassed to display but like to look at when im sad. they wont understand anything in my room. they dont get it because they arent me, because these arent their things, this isnt their room. my life will end but my things will not. i wish they could come with me or i could stay with them forever.

[atryer]

that said absolutely nothing and reads like every sad post i have ever seen someone post. let me try again with nouns and direct subjects.

i got dumped by the girl ive loved the most in my life. so extremely painful that my brain makes me think about it every day. due to two things that i can see: she found me boring, or at the very least stagnant and unexciting, and she also loved fucking an old man so much that it made her feel so guilty that she had to stop seeing me. fucked. it makes me want to kill myself. this has happened before, about 9 years ago. that also made me want to kill myself. men somehow being a significant part of breaking apart the connections i have with people (all but one a woman) is a curse i cannot escape, as well as one that no one seems to take seriously at all. they almost find it funny, if not that, they find it irritating and fucking stupid.

my now ex-boyfriend, of 8 years does not like me anymore and will not admit as such, is irritated by my presence and seemingly barely thinks of me postiviely in any way. i often see what i can only consider as hatred in his eyes. it hurts more than anything else i think i have gone through, possible even the last paragraph. i could get through tpying that without crying at least. this i can't. someone i. saw everything in? saw everything with? almost became one with in a way? has dropped me in less than a year. i think he thinks i deserve it. i think he thinks its because of the man he has started seeing, and partially it is. but he thinks i seethingly hate that man when truly i just want it to stop. because it represents the exact thing that the role of men in the loves i have is: the end of them. and it was. i think he thinks i am not worth it, i think he thinks i am a lost cause for him, i think he thinsk i have wronged him so much that he cant abide by it. he is often very mean to me. i want to believe i "deserve better" and i want to feel relieved or righteous or justfied but i do not. i feel a deep and utter sadness by losing him, even in knowing i have been mistreated. i just wanted to be loved by grizz. i just wanted to seehappiness in his eyes one more time. i wanted him to ask me something that he cared about. i wanted him to love me in a way that did not feel like my eternal service to him. i do not think that is possible anymore so it had to end. but truth be told i would give it all up to have a kind grizz back. even for one week. for anything. i dont know. but he has given up, and its become clear that i wont get anything like that from him maybe ever again even if i do everything i think he wants. it hurts. it hurts so so so so so so much. i am crying. i am incapable of waxing poetic on heartbreak. or dead love. it just fucking hurts. it is bad. i am in pain.

my family is stagnant. this is not all bad. but i am constantly worriedetither of my parents could die at any moment, insane and fatalistic i know, but each moment i am not doing something to care for them feels like a minute wasted. they are the kindest most loving people i have maybe ever met. and i can see it in everything they do. i hope to somehow go above and beyond for them in a way that they couldnt ever concieve of but i do not feel capable of that in body mind or spirit anymore, and have not for years. i know they are proud of me. but i want them to not have to worry in themselves anymore. to feel health and calm just for a bit. anything. anything anything at all.

i am alone. this feels like too much. it feels to depressing. it feels nightmarish. i am being tortured in a waythat is specific to me. obviously, otherwise it wouldnt be torture dumbass. its your life. Fuck it . its fucked. its all fucked. and yet ill keep going. this is not a strength or bravery thing. it just because that is what happens. you move with time whether you like it or not. and if you do not eat you die. so you eat. if you do not drink you die. so you drink. if you do not do these things, not only do you die, but you go through more pain imaginable first. that is how it works. it is not easy to die. it is not easy to stop. i dont even know what the fuck i am talking bout anymore but i know it would be overly concerning for anyone i currently know if i did. so it goes here where no one sees shit like everything else ever has. Thanks sam!

[mushrooms-at-ikea]

I haven't done one of these in a while...

Right now I am 24. I'm 3 months away from 25. I've never had a credit card. I've never owned a car. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

The problem isn't that I don't have goals or aspirations, but rather that I've just never been able to achieve them. I've put effort into doing the things I need to accomplish something in my life, and yet for some reason there's a mental roadblock always in my way, preventing me from getting to the finish line. I've made a habit out of giving up on myself.

I think it's caused by PDD, something I was diagnosed with 4 years ago but never really had any help for. It would explain why I haven't been able to pick up a pencil and draw the first thing that comes to my mind. It would explain why playing video games doesn't fulfill me the way it used to when I was a kid. I feel like I'm constantly chasing a sense of normalcy that I haven't felt in years.

Recently I moved to another country to be with my lover, hoping that the change of scenery would allow me the ability to reset myself and get the gears rolling again but they've been anything but. I feel the motor is running but the gears have been jammed for decades and there is not enough WD-40 in the world that is going to lube them enough to spin. It's incredibly frustrating and discouraging to have to push myself so hard to just feel like a person. It's unfair to me and especially my lover, who has never deserved anything less than a functional spouse capable of contributing an equal amount of effort every day. I just hope that I can one day show her that she's worth every ounce of effort I have even when I feel like it'll never be enough.

I've been stagnant from years of avoiding making decisions about the direction of my life. My first idea was to become a graphic designer, something I have experience doing, but no traditional education for. I rely on my performance and portfolios to prove my worth. I know I could put in so much more and be successful but I have some weird fear of going forward. Like once I start I wont be able to stop. I know that's unrealistic and that if I wanted to change the trajectory I could always do that whenever I wanted, but for once I just wish I could be sure about something.

Lately I've been thinking about becoming an Architect. I wonder how long it would take me to get a degree for it. I think about how much money it would make me to become one. I wonder how expensive it would be to go to school for it and if I'd get that money back. I worry about how broke I've been my whole life. I worry about how I struggle with money all the time and how I've never really been all that responsible with it. I hope that I can figure this all out soon.

[i-hope-no-one-finds-this]

The air is stagnant with desert heat that covers my thighs with sweat as I sit on the leather-bound chair. I contemplate if i am showing too much emotional distress or not enough. Should I keep eye contact for this long? He would get even more distraught if he thought i was not taking this conversation seriously, im not. He sits comfortably in his own chair, 5 feet in front of me. I think this is the most he has said to me in over three months and its a lecture, of course it is. “It hurts that you just have that emotion of ‘i-dont-give-a-fuck-especially-to-my-dad everytime I see you.’” Hmm, its because after the emotional trauma you have put me through I really can’t afford to spare any more mental room for your nonsense anymore. “Who do i live for?” Yourself. “Me.” i say. “Uh-huh. And have you ever wanted anything? Do people look at you and go shes poor as fuck? No, they havent. I am poor as fuck, i am so poor and i do it all so that you can have the nicest things, your car, your phone, your shoes…” You can take them all back if you want, wont change anything. “I just want you to admit what you did was fucked up and apologize, you knew that we had been talking about this, yet you still just dont give a fuck about my emotions or how it would effect me at all.” Oh, I have to respond fast here. “Honestly i am sorry dad, i really did not think this was that important to you. I knew you wanted to get one together, i just didn't realize it had to be my first one.” “Baby why would I not want it to be the first one?” Baby, thats a good sign. I really wonder if he thinks that i hate him, as a person i do, as family I just want him to be good to my mom and I, not treat us each like shit. A memory of a video of a girl describing how she leaves her boyfriends after a single argument because she is used to being let down by her father who will not change pops into my head. Huh, i guess he really has messed me up. Ladies choose your men right, dont let just anyone hit cause youre not only condemning yourself but also your child of a world of hell. I am a bad daughter, ill admit it at least. Better than claiming i deserve the best dad of the year i suppose. 

Statistically speaking, about 45% of American households are separated, and of all marriages in the country, about 17% of them are truly happy. Unluckily for my household, we are part of that 45 and 83 percent. My parents separated long before I can ever remember however, I vividly remember when they wanted to spend time all together seeing as they had a pretty good friendship and both shared a deep desire to spend more time with their one and only child, me. For a year and a half during high school, my parents decided to move into a house together as friends and roommates so that they both can have quality time with me while I still lived under the same roof as them till college. This friendly agreement was soon to be a terrible mistake that gave off the impression that I was living in a continuously breaking family. Imagine having to go to school early in the morning yet you can’t fall asleep because of the arguing going on apparently right outside your door. Imagine feeling guilty because you're the only reason both parents decided to do this in the first place, and now they have nowhere to go but to their pits of despair they call home. The repercussions of what was said after an especially bad argument would usually be days of silent treatment and lingering resentment clinging to the house walls. My only escape was school so when I dove into homework as soon as I got home, it would be confused as responsible indulgence, when the truth was I didn’t want to witness the confrontation my parents had with one another when they would return home from their day jobs. The house, however small it was, resembles an extremely hard time in my life, where I was consumed daily with self-destructing thoughts of why my parents argued daily, why I usually caught the backlashes of their disagreements when they would ask me if I agreed or not. That year, I finished having one of the highest GPAs I think I've had, ever. The continued hard work I put into studying and doing homework in order to get rid of my constant sadness and guilt had propelled me to set new highs for me in school.

[romanceddawn]

i know you meant this for like au's and stuff, but i think it would work really well in canon-verse where puzzle obviously breaks up cuz atem goes to the afterlife and yugi tries to move on and just considers atem his lost young love sort of thing

but then atem doesn't move on in the afterlife because the afterlife is stagnant so he's still hung up on yugi watching him and kaiba slowly get together and is like "oh hell no, he's mine i had him first" and just keeps finding ways to come down or tear kaiba a new one every time he visits for a duel (maybe eventually kaiba proves to him he's worthy cuz he wont give yugi up though idk)

I have seen Puzzleship fics with Rivalship as exes but I never see Rivalship fic with Puzzle as exes, I wonder why. Atem certainly wouldn't be a toxic ex, maybe Family Stuff made them break things up- or idk, maybe Atem can be a toxic ex?? 🤔🤔 I want him to show up and be like the Final Boss Kaiba gotta deal with 😂😂

[diomedrian]

Everyone is moving forward everyone is moving forward and I took four very big steps back aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[liinos]

.

[marieabubb08]

Miss Manager

It all started with your aunt.

Your aunt has been a music producer for different artist for as long as you can remember.

By the time you graduated college, you were in desperate need for a job.

And your aunt heard about this and so she reached out to you about this important job.

“This one company I worked for before is debuting a new boy band and they are in desperate need of a manager. You can try to apply if you want.”

Now, your aunt told you the company was a bit small so the salary wont be too big

But you were desperate. After all, it was better than none and you needed the money fast.

And so you applied.

The interview was nervewracking but definitely not as challenging as you thought.

They asked you a few questions about yourself, your work ethic and other questions that really told them about your personality.

Just after a few days, you already received a call back from them anndddddddd…..

Surprise suprise

You got in! Congratulations!

The next day you met up with some staff who taught you the things you’re supposed to do.

Reviewing and reminding the boys about their schedules. Checking up on the events, stylists, their lessons. Scheduling their calendars. Talking to producers, event organizers etc etc

Needless to say, you are packed madam

But no worries. You are used to stress and you say yes to everything without no second thought.

After that brief showcase of your supposed job, the staff introduced you to the 5 boys.

Izuku Midoriya, the sweet, shy main vocal and leader of the group who proved to you that singing isnt just about belting because his voice serenaded you with how sweet, sincere and emotion-filled his singing was.

Shoto Todoroki, the cold and stoic song-writer, vocalist of the group who you thought would be pretty popular with the ladies once they debut because of his handsome face.

Katsuki Bakugo, the hot-headed producer, rapper of the group who was rather brash and looked to be rather stagnant in his work only for you to be surprised that he can play a few instruments and is the jack-of-all-trades of the group

Eijiro Kirishima, the talkative and bubbly singer, dancer who may seem clumsy with some normal things but when it comes to performing, shows why he was chosen for the group. His passion shines through making him very ‘manly’ in your eyes.

And finally, Denki Kaminari. The flirty main dancer of the group who can move his body incredibly fluidly and flawlessly as if bending your back towards the ground while doing a split was as easy as walking.

Now everyone was very polite and welcoming to you (even Bakugo no matter how ummm…unpolite he was) telling you that if you needed help they will gladly help.

But you shook your head, telling them to focus on themselves and their performance on stage and you’ll worry about everything that happens behind and before the stage.

A few months before the debut date, you had approached all the members individually asking them on what theme they want for the structures of their sound and message to look and sound like.

And that interview brought you a lot closer to these boys as they talked to you about their ideas, personal experiences and personalities.

Izuku told you that he wished their message would integrate that of never giving up hope and to always looking at the beautiful things in life rather than looking at what things you dont have.

A lesson that he had learned growing up from being always bullied about alot of things. His appearance, his life etc. And he wanted everyone especially the youth to feel like he knows how it feels to be alone and to feel like the world is against you.

But looking at the things he loved and he had like music, performing, his friends and his mom made him realise that all his wishes were just his wants and all his needs are already given to him.

Katsuki wanted to intertwine the main idea Izuku gave with adding the lesson he learned from his now band leader.

The lesson of the power of compassion and empathy. He was a prodigy in everything he did and so he felt cocky about it and almost like he was ontop of the world and everyone was just below him.

He even told you that he was one of the people who bullied Izuku but changed his ways once he realized how empty he felt even with all the glory.

Feeling something towards others made him feel more whole and important to the world and he wanted to teach everybody who was and still an asshole just like him that it is better to care than not caring about anything rather than yourself.

Shoto wanted to integrate the journey of the long road of unbias acknowledgement and acceptance of oneself.

He was a victim of parental abuse from his father that left him and his whole family scarred.

His mom especially, was damaged to the point where she became insane and detested anything and anyone who reminds her anything related to his father.

And him, getting some attributes from his father made him hate those parts believing them to be a curse, something monstrous like his father.

But once he learned how to accept that those parts arent Enji Todoroki but rather fully him, Shoto Todoroki was he able to let go of all the hate towards himself and his isolation from others.

And now that his father is trying to redeem himself from his past mistakes, he is no learning not to forgive yet, but to acknowledge that his father is trying without the bias of just chalking his father up to be just bad.

He knows that the world is morally gray, and so is his father whom he is now trying to erase the view of him just being the devil himself with a black, inked heart but rather a man realising the large doom he put onhis family cause of his mistakes.

And thats what he wants to share to the world. You dont have to forgive someone, but you need to forgive yourself if you want to move forward in life. Just because you remember a trait as something evil doesnt mean it is because like he said, the world is morally gray and so wait befor you judge.

Eijiro wanted to add the sense of positivity and being brave.

Being brave doesnt mean having no fears but rather fearing something but still facing it.

Its what makes a person so manly as he says.

And so many people bring down themselves just cause of the misconception of bravery.

They let their minds pick up on their flaws so much that even strengths will be considered as a flaw just because them or society doesnt like it.

And so he wants everyone to feel as positive about themselves as possible because you cannot be brave about external forces when you hide and run away from your internal insecurities and fears.

Denki, being last that you asked found out about each and everyones ideas and suggested only one thing. A story.

If its a love story, a self-ove one, a story of that of a hero, etc etc.

What he wants is something that would start as flawed just like he was when he started training in this company.

But he wants that one day if this band does seperate, he can look back on it and tell himself.

'This was my-no our story on how we recognised who we are, our strengths and weaknesses. This is our character development, the era where we improved our flaws and make our goods as excellent as possible. And I think we did it correctly.’

And hoped that maybe the future generations who’ll find their music, if they were lucky enough, would find this story and tell themselves that its never to late to start the journey they went through.

All of these made you cry small droplets of tears.

Each went through alot of things that may seem shallow but is actually so rooted and deep once you dig deep enough.

But you notice one motif of their ideas: The want to help, teach and reach out to everybody.

Your mind brightened as you ran to the office to suggest them an idea that popped in your mind.

“Why not call their group name: Hero? It fits with their whole theme and wants for their careers.”

Needless to say the boys, the staff and some higher ups liked it and decided to stick with that.

And so the day they debuted came and you were amazed with their talents when ir came to acting on the music video (just as you though their talents were just in performing, you were wrong they were excellent actors as well)

The song ended up becoming well. The views werent that bad and they were earning a few fans here and there.

You thought it would be the best to let them perform on a small scale and schedule those on small auditoriums(?) with the maximum of a hundred people with only 2 performance a week.

Well your mind slowly started to change about that decision when you saw them practice their song at 1 in the morning. All of them drenched in their sweat but they all enthusiastically agreed when Izuku asked for another rundown.

They reminded themselves of the promise they all told each other:

“Even if thousands, hundreds or even one person came to see us, we’ll still perform like its our last.”

And they definitely did.

Ome of their first performances infront of the public only had less than a hundred but they all performed like they’ll die if they did not give a 110% of their power

You can bet that after that one performance, all 60 people who came to watch their performance were in awe and some even at the state of open mouthed shock because of how charismatic and mindblowing everything was.

You were also in big awe. You were used to watching some performances by other artists that were more well known.

But this. They were spectacular even if there were no special effects or fireworks, no nothing. Just the passion, talent and hardwork of these boys.

After the stage, the 5 approached you, before bowing their heads as low as they can. Thanking you for your hardwork on setting up a stage where they can perform like they have always dreamed of.

But you also bowed your head, but this time in apology.

You admitted that you had indeed doubted their skills. But with just this one performance, you were convinced that they could do so much better and alot of people deserved to see their love of performing.

You promised that from that point onward, you will do more than your best and not doubt them because they are clearly using everything they have.

So what is holding you back from doing the same.

This turned out to be longer than I thought oml-

Part two coming soon (probs today cause I dont wanna listen to my online class-)