#but nobody else seems to give a flying fuck. whatever man legitimately i hate it here

[bright-and-burning]

i log into tumblr for two minutes. i make it three posts down the dash. i burst into angry tears.

[electricbluebutterflies]

“Pull over.  Let me drive for awhile.” Kabby

Modern AU, PG-ish, and also on ao3. Probably could get turned into a longer fic if y’all want.

Abby isn't sure what protocol is for bringing one's new partner along for the ride when driving across three states to rescue one's daughter, but right now she's too panicked to care. She is not doing this shit alone.

It would be less stressful if she knew what was going on, so of course she doesn't. All she knows is that Clarke is in a hospital in New Jersey, of all godforsaken places. Why that is remains unknown, and there are too many terrifying options. And in this day and age, driving across Ohio and Pennsylvania is less time-consuming than trying to get a flight out. Gives Abby time to process the situation and brace for a further terrifying phone call, if there is one.

She's driving, for now. Pennsylvania does not seem to be a state with an ending, and nobody with a local license plate seems to have any idea what they're doing. It is now early morning, they have been on the road for seven hours, they have stopped three times for coffee at twenty-four-hour truck stops, and Abby is simultaneously too old and too young for every detail of this mess.

"You've been quiet for an hour," Marcus says, popping her bubble.

Yes, she wants to growl, yes she has been quiet because if she starts talking she won't stop and she is scared. Her goddamn kid is in the hospital, and that has never ended well. Clarke is 24 and therefore should be able to advocate for herself to some extent - this will not be a repeat of the summer camp incident, dear god, it is impossible for the universe to fuck over the Griffin family that thoroughly a second time - but that is invalid if she's unconscious or self-destructive or…

Abby has worked in the medical field for the past twenty-five years. She's seen some shit. She knows how many ways this could go bad, and she's envisioning all of them at once, and-

"Pull over. Let me drive for a while."

"Bad idea. You can't simultaneously drive and deal with me finally… doing whatever it is I am going to do if my body stays still long enough."

"Abby."

"They would not tell me why my kid is in the fucking hospital. That means either brain damage or psych ward. Neither of which I have a good feeling about in New Jersey."

"And this is why you need to not be driving right now. You could make things worse."

She really hates when he's right, and that happens a lot.

She's not sure what this relationship is, how she's going to explain the man beside her to anyone else. They've known each other a long time, been friends for a few years, been lovers for one of them so far. After how fabulously things ended the last time she cared about someone, Abby was in no rush to get in a new relationship, and she appreciates Marcus's patience. He accepts that they are undefined, entwined, living together because that house seemed too big for just her but unlikely to attempt a proper wedding. City hall, maybe, she wouldn't be opposed. But nothing public, nothing she could lose, nothing-

Wordlessly, she takes the next exit and pulls into the nearest gas station parking lot.

"Do what the damn GPS tells you," she murmurs as she gets out of the car. She's exhausted and looks like hell and feels worse, and she leans back against the closed door to steady herself, and-

"She'll be okay. We'll be okay."

Abby is not normally a fan of anything that might get interpreted as PDA, but she collapses against her partner just as easily. He's warm and safe, enveloping her as much as he can and kissing her forehead.

"The last time I had a legitimate conversation with my daughter was after that one bad breakup," she murmurs. "She has no idea you exist."

"We could say I'm a concerned friend. I'm that too."

"I'm probably going to be holding your hand a little too much for that to fly," Abby mutters. "And remember, she's half me. She'll see through that."

"We have three hours to figure this out."

"More like four, if not even longer. At this rate, we're headed straight into rush hour in Philadelphia ."

"More reason for you to take a nap," he murmurs, leaning down for a heartbeat kiss before letting her go. "And more time. I do remember that time you were awake for three days, but that was different."

"Yeah. That was an Ikea dining room set. This is maybe the only thing scarier than that."

She gets in on the passenger side, does her seatbelt, and curls up into as small a ball as she safely can. She's headed into hell, she needs this catnap.

"Wake me up if my phone goes off," she murmurs as she closes her eyes. "Or when we get there. Whichever comes first.

"Will do. We'll get through this, Abby."

"I love you."

"Rest. GPS says four and a half hours. That's as much as you normally sleep most nights…"

"I aim for six, and you can give me shit about that when this is over."

"Just pointing out…"

"Less talking, more driving."

Into hell, she thinks again as she fades out, but at least she's got someone good by her side.

[crystalelemental]

FE Fates Replay - Part 6

Okay...okay, I think I’m over Peri being here.  Kinda.  Not really, but enough to move on with our lives.  God I hate her...  Her levels have been better than some of my units with Aptitude!  You couldn’t even just make her a bad unit?!

Ugh, whatever, chapter 12.  The map itself is actually really cool.  The idea is that there are a ton of jars lining the field, and they’re filled with poison or medicine.  You can tell which is which when you hover over them.  Attacking a medicine jar heals you or increases stats or something, for all units within a few spaces.  Poison harms you, brings you down to half HP, or lowers stats, again, for all units with a few spaces.  The concept of the map is to navigate through the maze by breaking the medicine pots strategically to make your way forward.  I actually really like the concept of the map.  I’m just...not entirely clear why this place, the most advanced medicinal center of the world, has a bunch of jars of poison laying out.  Or the medicine, for that matter.  You’d think they’d have a storage space for that shit, instead of leaving it lying around.  Kinda strange, when you think about it.

Anyway, Ryoma is here, but you don’t have to fight him.  You can either beat him, or escape within 16 turns.  Failure to do so probably means Elise dies, since you can’t use her this chapter because of the illness.  Saizo and Kagero are the mini-bosses, in a sense.  They hover right near that nice dragon vein that shatters all the jars, and are paired up so they’re more defensive.  Frankly, they seem kinda scary.  High speed, high evasion, able to hit close or distant foes, and having an attack on them just negated if you miss too often?  Pretty brutal.  Or, well, it would’ve been, if Dragon Corrin wasn’t huge.  She basically one-shot Saizo right away, and then massacred Kagero.  It was not even fair, frankly.  They didn’t deserve that hard an ass-whupping.

Now here’s where I want to note again: I am playing Casual.  So at this point, I made a save, and did two different approaches.  One was breaking all the jars instantly and seeing how that played out, and the other was leaving them.  Leaving them lets you be a bit more precise in your movements, but I honestly found breaking them all immediately to be way more effective.  A lot of enemies get hit with the poison, and since you’re causing the break, you can set up your units out of harm’s way.  That said, this does immediately open up the path for like 10 ranged enemy units to swarm you, and most are ninjas so your defenses drop really fast.  It’s surprisingly dangerous.  I’m sure there’s a better way to handle this map, but we’re on a timer here so instead, Dragon Corrin is just going to bait all your fuckers out and take like no damage, then have everyone else run in and smash them to death.  With that, all the remains is Ryoma.  Who is also no match for Dragon Corrin’s hugeness.  I paired her up with Nyx, and she deal something outrageous like 25 damage to Ryoma in that single hit, and took like 6.  Being a dragon is kickass.  Her dialogue with Ryoma is about the same as usual, but I did have Azura land the final blow, getting her unique dialogue with Ryoma as well.  Honestly, it’s more of the “Ah, so you’ve betrayed us Azura!” stuff, and how I guess nobody from Nohr can be trusted.

Look...I get it.  Nohr is the instigator in a war here.  They are, by all accounts, the bad guys here.  But my god if I’m not tired of having every single conversation with the Hoshidans turn into then yelling about all Nohrians being scum, and how being treacherous is just in their blood, yadda yadda.  I know I shouldn’t conceptualize it this way, but my god do the Hoshidans come off as way more belligerent.  Sure, we have the inside perspective of what the Nohrians in general are like, being inside the kingdom, but like...okay, imagine in Heroes, if everyone who met Laegjarn and Laevatein just kept shouting about how they’re horrible awful people and their whole kingdom is a bunch of back-stabbing sub-humans.  That’s basically how Hoshido approaches Nohr, solely because the king is insane and evil.  I get that they’re angry, and they’re right to be so, but their approach to people legitimately trying to act with a sense of decorum and decency is still to constantly call them scum and dismiss the whole kingdom.  Seriously, fuck you guys.

After Ryoma gets fucking bodied, Elise is given the medicine and is back to full strength!  From here we are given our next assignment.  There’s another rebellion in Cheve, and we’re to put it down.  Boy Garon, you’re sure doing a great job leading, what with the constant rebellions going on.  So, off to Cheve it is, where we meet...oh god yes.  It’s Takumi again.  Oh man, I am going to kick his ass into the fucking dirt.  He yells more stuff about Nohr being traitors and shoots Elise with an arrow, securing his death.  The rebellion is all mad and shit, and Corrin gives another order to not kill anyone.  Early on, we get two new characters, Benny and Charlotte.  Benny doesn’t stand out much at all, so not much to report.  Charlotte...is the only character whose outfit might be worse than Camilla’s.  The win still goes to Camilla, because...my god, lady.  But Charlotte is a front-line warrior, who’s barely wearing clothes.  I think I’d be less pissed if her defense growth wasn’t so high.  Look, this is a series with units in heavy armor and units in cloth armor.  There’s meant to be a distinction in which stats are good.  Her having great defense is not following the damned rules!  Also I think the armor part above the cleavage pisses me off too.  Like, if you’re going for the whole seductive appearance, go all out.  That stupid little bit of armor ain’t doin’ shit anyway.  That said though, her introduction is threatening to kill everyone for being too noisy at night, so like...I can relate.  Might be another situation of “solid character, shitty costume.”  But she sucks up to Corrin really hard, so she’s kind of all about the attention from others, and is a bit of a gold-digger in general.  So we’ll see if that goes anywhere in supports.

Map itself isn’t that interesting, so once you win, Hans, of course, does his thing and starts killing everyone.  “Uh, um...the king!  Yeah, the king totally told me to do it, so you gotta follow my lead on this one!”  Camilla apparently agrees and insists that there’s nothing we can do here.  Listen...I’m pretty sure there’s a solid argument for not listening to the current commanding officer being a punishable offense.  I get the king’s decree and all, but you know how Leo and the others constantly think around the problem and look like they’re obeying but don’t actually obey?  Yeah.  This is like...the easiest time to do that.  Evacuate the townsfolk and sticking Camilla’s axe in the back of Hans’ skull, and call it a day.  The village is gone, as far as the king knows, and Hans’ death was in battle.  They don’t know the difference.  “Oh, but Iago might be spying on them.”  Bullshit.  Iago could be doing a lot of things, but he only shows up to be slightly annoying.  Besides, if he were really so vigilant, then Leo wouldn’t be able to pull of anything he’s pulled off in the game.  We can’t throw out “Iago is watching” as a convenient catch-all for everyone, except for Leo because the plot needs to make us think that he’s the clever one so no one else is allowed to think around problems.

Chapter 14, the group arrives for some more rest in Cyrkensia, which mostly seems to be about a big theater.  It’s a neutral territory, which I wasn’t aware existed in this conflict.  Leo finally joins us and is around, I guess.  Corrin attempts to confront Garon about the situation in Cheve, and he’s just like “Good job on killing all those innocents.  I hear you even seemed to enjoy the work.  That’s the kind of thing I expect of you.”  Like, buddy.  Guy.  Are you an idiot?  You know full damn well Hans was full of shit on that report, and by now you know that Corrin wasn’t going to go along with it either.  Honestly, this is the biggest problem with Garon, he’s inconsistent.  For such a merciless guy, he sure keeps giving Corrin a ton of second chances after she constantly and consistently defies him.  Almost like...everyone’s kinda full of shit?  And that Corrin can do whatever she wants because plot armor?  Weird.

Azur-uh, the totally mysterious performer on stage, gosh-golly who could it be, attempts to sing this magic song that is too lit for the king to handle, so he has a combined orgasm/heart attack and nearly bites it.  Iago, ever the clever advisor, is like “HOLY SHIT, THAT PERFORMER CAST A CURSE ON THE KING!”  I...don’t think that’s particularly likely, guy.  But no, everyone just goes along with that, as if it’s the obvious answer.  So yeah, I guess that’s what we’re doing now.  Catch the mysterious singer.  Oh, wait, the Hoshidans are here.  Better fight them first.

Keaton shows up, mostly because he has no sense of direction and kinda just bumblefucked his way here.  He seems cool.  Wolf man that collects bugs and shit.  He’s alright.  The map itself was pretty uninteresting.  Mostly it’s just a lot of flying and ranged units on very narrow paths, so it’s kinda hard to defend everyone effectively when the enemy is so much less hindered by the terrain.  Also there’s a cleric who uses the Freeze staff, and my god am I already getting tired of that one.

After the map, Garon commands you to kill all the performers in this neutral territory, because that’ll go over well on the global stage.  Sure doubt that’ll set the neutral territories in motion against you.  Corrin is mortified and does that arguing thing, and Leo gets to be the only smart one and takes her aside, and tells her that they’re going to follow orders by looking in really unlikely places so everyone can escape.  See, this is what I’m talking about!  Iago’s literally in this general area, and yet the plan is spelled out and carried out without a hitch!  Why couldn’t anyone have figured this out back in Cheve?!

Chapter 15, this is another fun map.  Corrin is still upset about all the needless killing lately, and sees Azura taking a walk as well.  Thinking about how similar their situations are, she follows, and finds Azura sinking into a lake!  Fearful that she’s drowning, Corrin chases Azura, and falls through the lake herself, into this mystery world full of weird soldiers that are apparently not able to feel any emotion at all and just seek to kill.  Gunter shows up and is apparently alive and well here, so that’s cool.  Really, there’s a lot I can recall that pisses me off about this hidden world, but that’s for a much later time when they try to explain shit.  For now, just know that I hate this place.

The map itself is neat.  The dragon vein splits your party into two copies, one in the north and one in the south.  A unit and their copy share damage and stat changes, so anything that hurts one hurts the other.  Also only the real Azura in the north can do the singing thing.  It’s a neat concept, and having only three units to do it is an interesting limitation, but...one of them is Azura, who is very weak, and her copy can’t even provide multiple turns.  And the other is Gunter, whose stats are not terrible but who comes with no preparation and the worst growths in the entire game for some reason.  At least you get a bunch of stat upgrading items if you can clear it fully.

Now...this is where things get dumb.  Azura informs you that you must jump off this cliff, and you’ll arrive at the bottomless pit that Gunter got kicked into.  Why?  Dunno, that’s just how they’re connected.  Corrin asks why they can’t just go back through the water, and Azura informs her that only Azura and Corrin are able to do that, so Gunter would get left behind.  Corrin asks the logical follow up of “Why the hell would that be the case?” but this question is ignored so that there’s more shit they can explain in the true route.  I’d call this foreshadowing, but I think foreshadowing comes with a degree of subtlety.  Azura jumps, and Corrin follows, with Gunter going last.  Oh, I forgot something.  Azura informs them that “time flows differently in this hidden world,” which is bullshit code for “we needed a way to get Corrin and Azura alone for this next scene, so Gunter not showing up immediately with them is because the flow of time is convoluted.”  So begins the true contrivance train.  Azura uses a magic crystal from the hidden world that can show you the truth of things.  She uses this to show Corrin the truth of King Garon, that he is a weird goo monster!  Literally, he’s made of goo.  Callie didn’t believe me when I called him a goo monster, but she has since acknowledged this is the only explanation for him.  What does this mean?  No idea.  Initially, I would’ve said he was killed and replaced by the thing, but Azura further explains that her performance in Cyrkensia (*gasp* It was her the whole time?!), was to restore Garon to his senses, implying that he’s still the same human, just corrupted into...whatever this is.  Somehow.  God, I hope they can explain how the fuck this happened, but I doubt they can.  Azura explains that this song was the only way to restore him, and that it failing means there’s only one option - regicide.  About time someone on this fucking team started talking any sense.

CONTRIVANCE TWO!  Corrin says no one else would go along with this, and that they can’t tell the other siblings about this because, as Azura explained earlier, if you talk about the other world, you’re cursed and get drawn back in, never to leave.  Because if you could just talk about the problem, then this entire plot, from start to fucking finish, would be resolved in the span of like 5 minutes.  We needed a contrivance to say why they can’t just do that.  But hey, you know, Awakening’s story just wasn’t that good, and we’re here to do a better job.  They remember the Hoshidan throne, and that sitting upon it would restore someone’s true memories and shit, so their new plan is to gain Garon’s trust and have him sit atop that throne and be revealed as a good monster.  So let’s just run with that.

Chapter 16, Xander finally joins us!  He has a nice introduction with Corrin and Azura in particular, mentioning that when Azura came to Nohr, it was with Garon’s second wife, Arete.  Now...I’m confused.  So, diving into things from my last playthrough, Mikoto and Arete are siblings, from Valla.  Arete had Azura before marrying Garon, so I’m assuming that Garon must’ve already had his four kids by the time she shows up, since none of the Nohrian siblings are apparently related.  But Xander only mentions Camilla and “later, Leo” in his explanation of the other siblings liking her despite the masses not liking her.  So...when were the kids born?  Because in addition to this, apparently Elise has no memories of her father ever being a good person, which I believe happened shortly after Arete, who must’ve come in after Leo was born but maybe not before Elise?  It’s so fucking confusing.

Anyway, we’re on the direct war-path with Hoshido.  We’re told to go by sea, since they’d never expect a sea-based attack!  Garon makes some comment about outsmarting them at every turn, and it’s like...guy, listen.  I know you think this is super clever, but unless the Hoshidans are full-on dumbasses, they thought about the fact that the navy can get to them too.  Iago also attempts to be a shit, by asking where Corrin and Azura went last night.  Corrin, in the span of like two seconds, seems to have learned how to lie really well, and gives the story that they went out for a stroll, encountered some unknown soldiers, and killed them all.  She even parrots Garon’s thing about rebellion and seeds and all that.  Our girl is learning...

No sooner do you leave port than you are besieged by pirates.  Yes, pirates have snuck aboard, and are taking all the gold you set off with!  ...a few questions.  (1) Why is this gold not in your pockets?  (2) When you win, why is some of the money gone forever?  You’re at sea, and there are no pirate vessels nearby.  They all snuck aboard ahead of time, and have no exit point.  So where the hell did the money go?  This mechanic makes no sense.  I will admit though, I do like the idea of balancing keeping your characters alive, and saving as much money as you can in this kind of route where funds are limited.  It’s a cool idea, it just doesn’t make sense.  You’ll also note that the goal is “beat the boss,” but the boss isn’t present.  Part of your goal is to identify which Nohrian soldier is in disguise, and out them as the leader.  Again, really cool idea, for a fairly nonsense map.

There isn’t a ton going on with the map outside of this, but you unmake the boss, Shura, and probably kick his ass really hard now that you have Xander.  Shura talks a lot, but the only thing of value he says is that he’s the one who had kidnapped Azura as a baby, under orders from Yukimura, the tactician for Hoshido.  Shura explains that he doesn’t really have allegiance to either nation, but wants to avenge the death of his clan.  You are given the option to kill him or spare his life.  I sincerely thought about killing him, just to know what happens, but I did let him live.  Corrin thinks he deserves a break after all the shit that’s happened to him, so that’s fair I guess.  With this, we press on toward Hoshido.

UGH.  God, I knew the plot would take a downturn, and here we are.  EVERYTHING about that hidden world, Valla, is just stupid beyond words.  I hate its existence.  Even just smaller things at this point bother me.  There’s no reason Leo has to be the only one with an ounce of sense.  Hell, he even states that all the siblings have become masters of seeming to obey while making judgment calls for the greater good, yet no one else is allowed to demonstrate this ability because then Leo loses his only characteristic so far, being clever.  Honestly, the characters have been doing okay, but the plot’s holding them back.  So next time, instead of plot, I’m going to be doing the supports.  All of them.  We gotta figure out who’s getting paired up with who, after all.  So stay tuned for me going insane, because now I have to deal with Peri talking.  God...if you’re listening...please...look down upon the development team for Three Houses.  If they’re making another fucking character like Peri, where she’s just infantile and murder-happy, give them a sign that they need to knock that shit off.

[callmetippytumbles]

Thoughts on THOTS, Chapter 15: BUH BYE DEMON!

So long bitch! Ain’t nobody gonna miss you and your dusty ass green dress! 

So before I start two things.  One, this chapter review is brought to you by the magic of generic Dayquil/Nyquil.  I took one orange gelcap and one green gelcap and they are warring in my insides for dominance.  This is a great idea. Don't do this, this is a terrible idea. I have been sick with a cold throat thing since Thursday but its been really bad today and it doesn't help that I am rarely sick so I have no idea how to be sick. (Read: I am being a big ass baby about being sick.)

Two, over the last week I made it to 103 followers. Jesu Christi Oluwa-WHAT?!?! I never thought I would convince more than ten people to want to see my posts let alone 103. Seriously, my mind is blown.  My body is breaking down having to process that thought. So many words to say about that, but the simplest and most important is thanks! From the bottom of my petty, bird-ass heart, thank you for liking my posts, reblogging and stuff.

Now on to the mess.

I have no idea what the fuck is happening now.  When I first started reading The Royal Romance Book 2, I thought that finding Tariq would be at the earliest chapter 17.  PB was like:

I also thought that this chapter was going to be Halle, Maxwell, and Bertand looking for Tariq in boutiques and sand. But no, Drake and Hana are coming for this trip and Betrand is going to stay at the hotel and sext Savannah and pull his hair out or whatever.

Well Hana is back, missed her lots I will get back to this but first I need to address something:

THESE MAGIC EYE SUNGLASSES PB AND MAXWELL ARE CALLING A DISGUISE.

Sure, those sunglasses are as effective as a disguise as two toddlers in a trench coast passing as an adult. Halle may as well be like:

I can't look into Halle's eyes with those sunglasses, I can see them but I can't "see" them.  It’s like trying to look into a magic eye and trying to see the real picture. I can't.  

The rest of the outfit is cute.

Halle has to get a whole disguise (read: sunglasses) but everyone else is not even going to try to put on a hat or a scarf or a Steve Harvey mustache? Okay. Sure. Whatevs.

Am I surprised that Maxwell asked a man who could be harboring Tariq if he is harboring Tariq? No.  I am just happy that this did not play out like I thought: Maxwell: Maybe Tariq is at the beach. He did say that he likes beaches and he seemed to like it when Halle took us to the beach in NY. *PB gives us the Venice Beach background* Halle: So where is Tariq? Maxwell: I dunno. Oooh! Hot dog! *Maxwell gets a hot dog* Halle and Bertrand: Maxwell! Maxwell: Sowwy. *swallows bite of hotdog* Maxwell: I didn't want to go to LA and not see the beach. You guys could still get a hot dog.

Could have been worse is all I am saying.

@lizzybeth1986​ I told you that that beach background was coming to play and here we are.  We are both right.

We actually found Tariq pretty quickly.  He is chilling in Mark and Cole's apartment in LoveHacks. Tariq likes to spend his money on designer clothes not designer housing.

I like that you get the option to slap Tariq.  You know I took it.  He deserves and he acknowledges that he deserves.  I like that he does not try to make himself some kind of victim.  I am pissed that he ran away and stayed silent while Halle's name was being dragged through the mud tried to frame it like he was doing her a solid by doing that.  Also, if he was so concerned about doing the right thing why did he have to be "convinced" to make a statement. FOH!

We fly back in record time, get Tariq to make a statement, and then we have to fight with Justin on when the message goes public.  My petty ass wanted to have the it go out like Justin advised because that demon can spin shit and turn everything into an alternative fact. Justin had legitimate worries about that. However, I tried to play nice and give Liam and IT prior notice and take the high road and it goes out anyway.  PB straight up was like:

This is why I like to be trash and go low.  Especially when it involves the demon. Speaking of which:

First of all you of all people should not be doubting my, I mean Halle's, I mean my integrity with your fake ass chocolate allergy bitch!  You have suspect intentions ALL THE FUCKING TIME.  Just this time Halle did it to you.  It hurts doesn't it Demon?  Just burns your grits.  Good. Second of all, I still tried to warn your wicked ass when I wanted you to get embarrassed because FUCK YOU FOR THE REST.

Also: Fuck you mean "enjoy this satisfaction while it lasts"? Doesn't matter.

I hate having to be suspect of Justin.  He is probably the most informed and reliable character of the series.  I mean his insights literally saved Halle from her worst enemy, Halle. The exchange in the hotel room and this exchange says I should not trust him as much I do:

I know your ass ain’t sorry I should have known not to trust Justin when he kept saying nice things about the Demon.  He could be working with the Demon.  I do not want this guy to be my enemy.  It will ruin my future fics. However if Justin did had some ulterior motives, this better not play out like the Hyde thing in 50 Shades of Grey.

Hana is so freakin cute in this chapter I just can't even.  The hair is everything and I want a textured version for Halle.  Hana is straight up looking like a Flushing girl who just spent her Forever21 gift card.  I am not mad at it. Live your life Hana! 

Then Hana does this at McDermot’s and I died:

There is nothing that is more pure than Hana doing a happy dance in her seat while eating a french fry dipped in a milkshake.

Also McDermot’s? This is worse than the McDonald’s of Nigeria Mr. Biggs...in terms of names.  Mr Biggs has jollof rice and meat pie so it wins on food.

Liam wears the casual outfit from last week again and I am like:

You have money Liam.  While I don't want you to go clothes shopping for yourself but that doesn't mean that I don't ever want you to shop for clothes again period.  I just meant hire someone who is paid to have taste do it for you. Then again...

Liam can just wear his swim panties (for public decency) and I would be fine.  SHOW MEH DEM THIGH MEATS!

So those fortunes.  Can we talk about my whack ass fortune?

I know Halle! Why can't we just have our happy ending with our fine ass king who breaks our back every night because his fucking is just that good and have a bunch of cute babies with curly hair in our palace? Why can't we have this? Don't we deserve?

Anyway the chapter ends with my king, Liam, coming to my room in full kingly garb.  

All of the medals and sashes. Looking like a carefully wrapped present. Just goodness.  We all know what is coming.  He tells me that he breaks off his engagement to the Demon.

***This Thoughts on THOTS has been interrupted by the Demon is Defeated Dance Party***

TAKE THAT DEMON!

WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND CURLY HAIR THAT IS NOW GOING TO NESTLE A CROWN? HMM? HALLE, THAT'S WHO BITCH!!!

TASTE THE DEFEAT SATAN!

GONNA FUCK YOUR MY MAN, GET HI-FIVES FROM YOUR MOM WHILE I DO IT, AND BE A MOTHERFUCKING QUEEN BITCH! 

YOU! COULD! NEVER!

***We will now return to your scheduled programming***

I don't know how Liam broke off this engagement, but in the moment I don't fucking care.  I know what my man is here to do and I have been ready since the end of book 1, logistics be damned. I am ready. Then PB has to pull this bullshit:

Fuck you mean that I have to wait one whole entire motherfucking week to hear my beloved give me the most romantic speech of my entire life that ends with him asking for my hand in holy matrimony? Why do I have to wait for that, especially when I know that more bullshit is around the corner and that happiness will not last long? Why are you like this? Ugh.

With that said I don't understand how Liam could just break his engagement when the Demon while totally evil and shit did not actually have anything directly to do with the scandal as far as we know.  The whole reason he didn’t break their engagement as soon as my ass came back to court was RULES. Now that Tariq came out and made a statement that did not implicate the Demon, Liam is all like FUCK RULES? Huh? I can see how that could make the Demon angry. However...I do not give a shit. So there’s that.

Good news: So in the next chapter I know that Liam is going to propose with a ring that has the pearl from the grotto.  I know that I am going to have to pay all of the diamonds to fuck him from dawn to dusk to dawn again especially if this is at the beginning of a chapter.  This will take place in my hotel room because we like to keep it spicy and go inside for a change. If Liam is not your LI you can finally crush his heart and start courting the person you want for real, starting with sex.  So really everyone may be fucking in the next chapter. YAY! My Tumblr timeline will be lit if that happens. Can't wait. I want all of you to fuck your beloveds. The Demon would be doubly pissed if you wrecked her queenship and did not even want Liam! Win! Making her mad is fun.

Bad News: The Demon knows something. IT just will not die easy.  Will not be surprised if IT literally shows up at the last chapter like:

Then murders Liam for dumping her demonic ass.

Also Justin may be up to something.  This hurts. I just don't understand what his motives behind behind sabotaging me could be.  Would not be surprised if it's as simple as "the check didn't clear". It would not be the first time Bertrand wrote a check and it bounced. Just saying.

I am really worried about the calm that PB is trying to lull me into.  I remember this from when I played the first book.  I was like I got this shit in the bag, I am going to be queen and win everything, then PB was like no bitch! PB might pull some shit like that again.

I am going to cure my throat/cold thingy so that I can do all the screaming next week when I get my proposal. Still want a panda at my royal wedding @playchoices.