#but no one knows the stories anymore. theyre all gone..... so im stuck physically drowning in all of them
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#new theme. still my own gif.#emotionally drowning#ssdd#worry pain guilt self pity. feelings i really really dont want to fucking feel rn. oh to be fucking numb as hell.#god fuck this almost 5 yrs clean bullshit. im not even thrilled about it or proud of myself im just hating myself for it tbh#clean. fucking /clean/. idek what that means to me anymore. sure af doesnt mean anything to anyone else.#if i could i fucking would and ngl that scares me but at the same time im tired of feeling like shit so deep in a hole i cant crawl out of.#emotionally fucking drowning. my mantra lately#all but ally knows my entire story and how far this numbness has come. how bad i was. how fucking DEEP i was in the dark ass hole.#how much shit i went through. the ppl who fucked up my feelings over and over and over. stories i still think about and i want to talk abou#just to get it all of my chest#but no one knows the stories anymore. theyre all gone..... so im stuck physically drowning in all of them#while i sit day in and day out worrying about my almost 16 yr old dog who is my entire life line and if i lose him....im not gonna make it.#so yeah#anyway. shutting the fuck up now. talking to myself is fun. okay sorry im done now
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