#but no one being like hey...why are these other guys here...is this an tri-racial gay throuple with 15 cats or is there some explanation

[aedicula]

my thoughts watching this video:

this guy is awesome...

2. oh he's gay, that's awesome...

3. ok wait...what's going on here...

[weezly14]

Hey Weezly, wondered about your thoughts on EP 9 of TCR. Tough one to watch, at least for me anyway. Thanks!

Hi there. You may regret asking for my thoughts.

Let me preface this by saying that I came into this show wanting to like it. I think Tom Holland is a great actor, and the source material was interesting, and I was curious to see what they'd do with it - especially once it became clear they were going the "inspired by" route rather than an adaptation of the Billy Milligan book.

That being said, I think episode 9 is when we start seeing the plot really get going, and, as a result, see just how poorly constructed it is. Episode 9 laid bare all the flaws and issues I could ignore in previous episodes. I'm going to watch the last episode because I've invested all this time already, but I liked this show a lot more before I watched this episode.

Here's a brief bullet-pointed list of some of my issues with it:

i hate this courtroom drama angle. a) that's not how trial works and b) why the fuck are we having a trial in the first place. Is he not pleading guilty? The trial just makes it clear how convoluted and contrived the case is - a shooting that injured but did not kill - and I know we were given the heads up that the defense lawyer isn't a good trial lawyer 2 episodes ago or something, but god, I could've represented Danny better. And the prosecutor gave a great performance except I cannot imagine a judge allowing half the shit he did. Also, again, the defense lawyer? Didn't cross-examine Marlin? wtf

the racial and sexual politics of this show are all the fuck over the place, and I could sort of let it slide but nope, now I've gotta call it out. 1) the prosecutor has been so clearly and completely painted as The Bad Guy so she's an easy target for abuse from viewers because she's being mean to our protagonist, and the fact that she (and the judge, who I assume will give Danny a harsh sentence next week - because the jury decides the verdict but the judge decides the sentence) is black and Danny is white? Feels some kind of way. 2) Angelo on the stand? This is a drug dealer, why would he show up? Further on Angelo - in like a 10 second scene last week we saw that Jonny-Danny had apparently a sexual relationship with him which makes the trying to get a gun scene hit so different. There's so much to unpack here. And yet. 3) Jerome. So, like most of the actors on this show, he's given a great performance. He and Tom have had some great scenes. But a) the amount of emotional labor this black character has done for the white character he barely knows is vaguely upsetting, b) when we're first introduced to Jerome via Ariana it doesn't come across as Great Love (sure we can debate this but I digress) but as soon as he seeks out Danny in prison and on the stand we get that narrative of practically Soulmates, c) this show purports to take place in the 70s - not a great time to be gay! To say nothing of the extra layer of race. Stonewall was 1969, dudes. On the one hand, super glad we're not having to listen to slurs. On the other, how is seemingly everyone barely blinking at Danny having a female alter or at the very least, if they don't accept the idea of alters, cross-dressing and fucking dudes? The prosecutor tries to prove that Jerome and Danny/Ariana weren't a couple because they never interactied outside the club - I'm sorry, it's the 1970s. Again, there is so much to unpack here re: Jerome as both a black man and a gay man and! We are getting! Nothing!

I liked Rya well enough but this episode she really grated on me? Her monologues felt preachy and patronizing.

Candy. So, one of the things I've come back to over and over is - we know Marlin abused Danny, and now we're to believe that Candy, on some level, knew. We also know that she married Marlin and theoretically stayed with him for financial reasons. Financial abuse is real, I'm not discounting that. But aside from being a dick, we don't really see Candy and Marlin's relationship as terribly abusive. She's so deferential to him, and yet we never see why, what has her so scared of him. She has a job! Her child is out of the house! Her characterization has been nearly nonexistent and it's frustrating.

So after struggling with undiagnosed MPD/DID for his entire life, we're supposed to accept that Danny, who was given a diagnosis like three days ago, is suddenly able to control his alters? With no issue? The scene 2? 3? Episodes ago where he tells Rya there are voices and he needs help is completely undermined by how much of a nonissue his alters have been in the interim.

All press tour Tom has been saying this show is about asking for help, and Danny asked for help in that scene - which was a great scene, I felt so seen there - and then in episode 9 we get Rya saying how brave or whatever Danny is for asking for help. BUT! He didn't! He committed a crime and was sent to jail and ended up in these therapy/interrogation sessions and then eventually yes, asked for help. But he was not out there crying for help, asking to be saved. He had his alters! He was unaware that he wasn't okay!

It's so clear that this show doesn't know what it wants to be and doesn't know what its focus is. Is it Danny? Is it Rya? The first 4 episodes are their own fucking show, and 6-9 are their own show. 5 feels like its own thing, too.

Additionally, this show is set in the 1970s. Why? Because Billy Milligan. Except they took the teeth out of that story, completely sanitized it to the point that there are virtually no stakes, but kept the set dressing. But that's literally all it is at this point. We get b-roll of 70s London, we have the costumes and cars, but aside from one shot of defense lawyer in army fatigues, we have no real sense of where we are in time. That is the only allusion to Vietnam. The prosecutor talked about incarceration like she's also read The New Jim Crow. Not a slur to be heard despite the fact that we are allegedly between Stonewall and AIDS. Rya talks about mental health like someone might in the present day. If they were already going to not make this about Billy Milligan, why the fuck did they keep it set in the 70s?

It is so frustrating because the actors are giving it their all. Tom? No notes. I was moved this episode, I've been moved all season. But I cannot get away from how poorly constructed this all is. This could've been so good. We should've spent more time digging into each alter. (What the fuck purpose did Mike serve? Ariana is the one "who can have sex" yet we also see Jonny engaging in sex?) What about the other dead alters in the barn? What about Adam. It has been hinted at all season that Marlin was not the first - the existence of Adam before Marlin would indicate that Danny had already experienced something that caused his psyche to split. we know nothing about dad. we still know nothing about Adam!!!!!!! Are we ever getting that resolution? Then what was the goddamn point? Why is there even a trial. Why have him commit a crime that's so toothless and that he's so obviously guilty of? Why structure this around a crime in the first place? Emmy Rossum has been severely underutilized, fuck, even Amanda Seyfried. Cannot believe they got Jason Isaacs to be in like. 17 minutes of this show. And once again, Tom Holland can have no lines and still be the most interesting character on screen. Can he go back to theatre, I'd love to see what he can do with a good script if this is what he can accomplish with a bad one.

I'm tired. This show had such potential, and it's tripping at the finish line. After taking four episodes to get started. Acting is great, cinematography has been good, but story? Writing? It's disappointing. I'm frustrated.

[juiceastronaut]

Okay so. I watched Q-force. And I have no idea what I think about it.

Imma just be rambling so I'll break down the characters and my likes/dislikes about them before giving my plot breakdown at the end. Only the main/prominent ones because I don't have time.

Steve Maryweather-Easily the best character out of them, with Deb being a close second. He could've very easily fallen into the trope of being someone who was incompetent but expected the world anyway, but he doesn't. He graduated top of his class, and despite his quirks is a genuinely competent team leader, and wants the best for his team. He wants to prove that he and his team are competent enough to get recognition, and has a genuine faith in the people around him. It was refreshing to see him hold his team in a genuine high regard, where a lot of times it's like "We're shit but lets do this thing now" He's a genuinely well-rounded character, and (and forgive me if this isn't the best way to frame this) it feels like being gay is an important part of his character, without encompassing the whole thing. I thought Benji and his relationship was super cute and I was sad when they broke up. I was afraid he was going to be, like a second but worse Twink with the stereotyping but gladly fell away from that.

Deb-I thought her and her wife were super cute (though I hate how the wife is designed ngl adjafkldajfd). I liked Debs character, but I feel like she had a lot of racial stereotyping that wouldn't be inherently obvious unless you were looking for them, her being the strong one, and also the "mama" type at the same time. No one treated her with disrespect, and her lesbianism seemed to be more authentic but I feel like there wasn't a lot of thought put into what these tropes were and why they were bad. Her being black and making her the mama type, as well as the big strong type could be read as tasteless. Again, I really liked her character but these were some things I noticed while watching.

Twink- You know, I didn't really like him at first, I thought he was the epitome of all the bad stereotyping (though I'm just glad him and Mary didn't get put into the same category). His humor isn't my taste, and it just kinda seemed like someone for half of his lines went "what twitter stan language can we put in here?" And sometimes it was a bit too random for my tastes. However! I do like that his drag was considered important and was an integral part to a lot of missions they went on, and not just "Ah look at that dumb gay trying to find reasons to dress in drag." His talents and expertise were both respected and, save for Buck (which his whole point was supposed to be offensive anyway) no one undermined Twink for his femininity. His back story is also kinda random but did play a role in the missions as well. Still, personally think he's the worst character. Plus, he's French so minus four-twenties amount of points.

Stat-You know, in a show where everyone was stating what letter they were every few seconds I was surprised that I had to look up that Stat was trans. I...liked her character for the most part, except the part where she was fucking a robot. Kinda weird ngl, outta left field, and with her being trans I wonder if her having that sort of relationship is problematic for her. Love her design tho, love me a hacker girl. She's also listed as "ambiguously gay" tho showed to have mostly girl love interests but, okay.

Buck-He's the straight guy, emotionally repressed haha and he's bigoted. Did think it was funny later on when he was more "accepting" but managed to be even more infuriating about it. Tied with Twink as worse character but you know they tried to do stuff with him.

Vee-Really liked me a boss lady, but kinda weird how they bait-and-switched us with her actually being a lesbian, then go "no she's straight tho" in regards to Karen. I thought her and Mary's relationship was cute, wish I saw more of it. But she did feel like a random plot device in later seasons, what with her disappearing and reappearing when it was plot relevant. (Tho she HOTOHOTHOTHOT bikini episode WOOOWEEEE)

....

Okay, so now the plot....which. it had one?

It felt like it was flip flopping back n forth about whether it wanted to take itself seriously or not, and it seemed to decide on serious more towards the end, but then it would have this random plot element that would be so out of left field it would pull me out of my suspension of disbelief. See the whole "Back cracking to unlock memories" plot point. This back and forth on whether it would be a comedy or not I think weakened both categories it tried to play into.

If I had to compare the show to anything it would probably be Futurama, but the thing with Futurma is, its set in the future, so you're suspension of disbelief is allowed to stretch a bit more because all the wacky quirky stuff can be attributed to future shenanigans. Q-force, to my knowledge, is set in the modern day, which makes the wacky stuff that much wacker, because it's set in our modern times, which you apply the rules of everyday life to.

A lot of the problems that I had with Q-Force is, in the attempt to write specifically about the "gay experience" revealed that the writers have really only had a very specific experience of interacting with gay ppl, what I call the "Urban Gay" experience.

The fact they're in West Hollywood, and all the things that were listed as "universal gay experiences" but were only things that you'd be exposed to if you were in the city. I think a flavor of "white gay" can be implemented here too, which Q force has exactly one black woman, who manages to be the only lesbian.

That coupled with the fact that, there's a difference between having Twink naturally being a drag queen, the whole team being gay to some degree, and the fact they interact with the gay community often without Drawing Attention to all of those things and self-congratulating itself on concluding it. Funnily enough, Q-Force had examples of doing this right and doing this right. Right way: In the second or third episode where Mary found that guy with the flash drive to the uranium in it and seduced him in the gay bar. Relevant that it was gay without overtly drawing attention to it. Wrong-Way: Having Pride go on while Girl Boss was trying to take over the world.

And, for the show that promoted itself as representing the gay experience, there were...two gay men, one lesbian, one trans person, one straight guy and...no bisexual people. Also no nonbinary people. Like of course it's unrealistic to include every single identity but you're one bisexual person who appeared for one episode and was promptly blown up. And also showed to be...more off than the other characters, what with the stealing of silverware and all. Just, bisexual people are already forgotten enough as it is and not including them in the show, but you include two gay men just kinda reads as tasteless to me (as a bisexual person, obviously).

Which makes it so weird that Stat was left "ambiguously gay" when she could've easily been bisexual (which still would be problematic because of the robot-fucking but at least you got the B in there somewhere in the main group)

Overall, it tried to market itself as the "be all end all" of what it was like to be gay, but ended up excluding the exact people that get excluded in real-life lgbt spaces. This combined with the indecision with what kind of show it wanted to be managed to make it fall short. If you arent the very specific type of gay person who lives in a city environment and doesn't fit the stereotypes showed you're not going to feel "seen" by the show.

Weirdly though, I didn't hate watching it, and I would probably watch another season if they managed to make one. The parts that did work, I think worked really well, and even the bad parts just read as tasteless, and not actively terrible. If they focused less on making "hey I'm gay" jokes every three seconds and just let each character be what they are I think the show would be stronger for it. And I think they'd find less problems overall if they did that too. In the mean time I'll just be here side-eyeing the whole thing.

Edit: I forgot to mention, and this is a problem a lot of adult TV shows fall into, that because they got the clear to show nudity/sex they felt like they *had* to show nudity and to a lesser extent sex every episode. So just that whole "Haha adult=sex obviously."

Oh! And this generally goes for the whole "shove it in your face" part, but a lot of the characters who are bigoted were shown to be. Very blatantly so. And not to say there isn't blatantly bigoted ppl of course they are but I don't think that's where you see a lot of bigotry nowadays. This was sort of touched on during the show but more of a jokey manner, but I think it would've been more realistic if we had more "girl with a gay best friend" kinda bigotry as opposed to the "I'm literally hurling slurs at you" bigotry, especially since they're in Cali.

[foramomentonly]

Your meet ugly fics are sooooo amazing!!! Can I please request Malex for 55..?

Author’s Note: Yay, I finished another one! Thank you for the prompt, anon, and I’m sorry for the ridiculously long wait.

CW: Michael exhibits some unconscious racial bias here that leads to mistaken identity. I want to be transparent in case that isn’t what someone wants to read right now or ever.

my twin clearly did something to piss you off, but you obviously don’t know I’m a twin so I’m listening to you tell me how much of an asshole I am and am very amused and it’s making you angrier

“Hey, Manes!” 

Alex turns at the familiar, but unexpected voice and freezes. Michael Guerin is coming towards him, striding across the parking lot. Michael Guerin, with his wild curls and scoop neck tee shirts, his letterman jacket heavy on his broad shoulders and a pencil perpetually stuck behind his ear. Michael Guerin, who Alex has been hopelessly, laughably in love with for at least two years; probably since middle school, if he’s being honest with himself in a way he definitely wasn’t ready to be in middle school.

Alex is so caught up in the miracle that is Michael Guerin wanting his attention that he doesn’t register Michael’s anger until he’s being crowded against the Manes family vehicle, a shabby behemoth of a Ford Explorer, with Michael bearing down on him. He doesn’t touch Alex, but stands obstinately before him, denying Alex the space to open the driver’s side door and escape into the car and blocking his path forward into the open expanse of the lot. A few groups of students are lingering, jangling keys in hand while they make plans and wrap up conversations, but no one is close enough to notice them, and Alex is grateful not to have an audience to whatever is about to go down between the skinny, emo kid and the genius, varsity football captain.

“What the fuck, Manes?” Michael demands, hazel eyes blazing gold in the bright, afternoon light, nose and brow wrinkled in a sort of grumpy way Alex can’t help but be charmed by. “What did you do to my sister?”

Alex blinks, tries to take a step back, but he’s already pressed against the door of the car and he succeeds only in kicking up dust and a small collection of pebbles onto Michael’s sneakers.

“What?” he asks. “Your sister?”

“Yeah, my sister, asshole,” Michael parrots. “You broke her fucking heart!”

Alex takes a deep breath and bursts out laughing, doubling over and nearly headbutting Michael in the process.

"You think this is funny?" Michael hisses, jaw tense and teeth bared.

“I do, actually,” Alex manages between breathless giggles, wiping tears from his eyes with the cuff of his sweatshirt.

Michael growls in frustration, but he doesn’t move, his hands flexing impotently into fists at his side.

“You really think you can dump Isobel a week before prom, call her a ‘frigid bitch,’ and I’m not gonna have anything to say about it?”

Isobel?

Isobel Evans. 

Alex connects the dots quickly, ties noticing Isobel Evans’ puffy eyes in class together with Michael and Isobel’s apparent relationship and his own brother Flint’s posturing comments at the dinner table earlier in the week and reaches an easy conclusion that wipes the amused smile off his face.

“Sorry, wrong guy,” Alex says, and lurches forward, knocking Michael back with his shoulder and pulling open the car door. 

“Bullshit!” Michael replies, stepping forward again and holding the door open with one hand, gesturing to the Explorer with the other. “This is the car that always picked her up and you’re the fucker who was in it.”

Alex whirls around so fast his backpack falls off his shoulder, and he leaves it in the dirt as he advances on Michael, poking a vicious finger into his own chest.

“I’m Alex Manes, I’m a junior, and I’m gay,” he spits. “My brother, Flint, is a senior and, apparently, as shitty of a boyfriend as he is a person. We both use this piece of shit to get around, but we’re definitely two entirely different people.”

“B-brother?” Michael stammers, taking an uncertain step back and staring at Alex in confusion.

“Yeah, man. Brother,” Alex says with a snarl. “Believe it or not, there are two Indigenous guys in this shithole of a school. But I guess I can give you a pass since we’re actually related.”

Michael deflates, shoulders slumping and head falling forward into his waiting palms.

“Fuck,” he mumbles, dragging both hands roughly down his face and raising his chin to meet Alex’s gaze directly. “I’m so sorry. I never really met the guy or saw him up close and I—Yeah, there’s no excuse. I’m sorry.”

Alex rolls his eyes; he’s still offended, but Michael’s apology seems sincere and in Roswell that’s a lot more than he’s come to expect.

“Yeah, well,” Alex mumbles, picking his backpack up off the ground and knocking it against the body of the Explorer to shake loose the dust clinging to the bottom, “whatever. Flint’s at some ROTC thing. He’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Wait,” Michael says, stepping forward to grip Alex’s arm before he climbs into the car. Alex glares at him and Michael rescinds his touch quickly, but Alex’s heart still flutters at the momentary feel of Michael’s strong, calloused fingers wrapped around his bicep. “Can I ask you something?”

“Why not,” Alex sighs, tossing his backpack into the back seat and leaning against the door he just slammed shut, arms crossed.

“Why weren’t you afraid of me?”

Alex scoffs.

“What?”

“You didn’t even flinch when I was comin’ at you and,” Michael puffs out his chest and shakes out his shoulders, presenting himself to Alex exaggeratedly, “I’m pretty intimidating.”

Alex laughs despite himself, shaking his head, and Michael grins as the tension in the air dissipates just enough for Alex to admit he still isn’t impervious to Michael Guerin’s charm.

“You might be hot shit now,” Alex says, and Michael raises an eyebrow in interest, “but I remember scrawny Michael Guerin who had to leave the room every time Ms.Turcios fed her snake a live mouse in middle school.”

“So, what I’m hearing is you think I’m hot,” Michael says, smiling slow and suggestive, and if Alex didn’t know better, he’d think Michael Guerin was flirting with him.

“Even if you don’t know who I am,” Alex continues, and Michael winces, “I know you, Guerin. And you’re not a guy to throw a punch unless you have to.”

Alex watches Michael’s expression shift, the corners of his mouth dropping as his smile softens, his eyes growing wider and his brows raising as though in surprise. He looks younger, open and vulnerable and hopeful; he looks every bit like that goofy kid from middle school whose good-natured showboating in class always made Alex laugh and whose innate intelligence took his breath away. And Alex realizes he hasn’t seen Michael look like that kid since the head football coach recruited him out of gym class freshman year, moved him into his basement (if the rumors are true), and dumped the weight of a lackluster team on Michael’s shoulders, reviving his own career in the process.

“All right, Alex Manes,” Michael all but whispers to himself, stepping close enough for Alex to smell his refreshingly subtle body spray, to catalog the highlights in his curls brought out by the sun and the flecks of green in his eyes, “prepare to be known.”

Alex laughs breathlessly.

“What does that mean?”

“It means what are you doing right now?” Michael flicks his eyes toward the Explorer, a bit of swagger creeping back into his smile. “Wanna give me a ride?”

A drive into the desert, a long, intimate conversation, and an impromptu blow job later, Alex thinks Michael might just have been flirting with him after all. He also thinks, for the first time in his life, he owes Flint one for being a dick and for hogging the car.

[newcaptainofsquad9]

Not So Korean Drama~Park Sooyoung(Joy) x black!fem!reader

Pairing: Sooyoung/Joy x reader

Genre: Romance, Comedy(not really), College AU, Fluff

Summary: The it girl on campus, acting major and international student, Park Sooyoung  is all you can think about. You aren’t the only one, every person has a huge crush on her too. You want to ask her out, yet in the back of your mind you know everything about it would be unconventional.

  Warnings: Anxiety, Mentions of bi-phobia (nothing major), Mentions of Microaggressions 

Word Count: 4,206

Author’s Note: Here’s some Red Velvet, I also decided to write more black readers because I want to write more for black women like me. Also I know this is very niche so I hope you guys enjoy it regardless if you identify with the main character or not. Hope you guys enjoy!

Sometimes I see this mediocre, yet funny life of mine as a television show. A world where I’m surrounded by so many generic people, well they aren’t really generic, just similar to one another. That’s usually how it goes at La Rouge University , or as most of the students of color call it, La PWI. It’s weird though, I don’t really fit in with the other black students either, nothing against them but I’m just more on the nerdy side. I know that doesn’t make me unique, but there aren’t a lot of nerdy black girls on campus. The only one I found was Brianna, who was close to Wendy and Yeri. I found my band of friends but Wendy can be a bit insensitive at times. That’s one of the reasons why I keep my budding crush on Sooyoung. Where can I begin about Park SooYoung? There’s so much about her that draws me towards her, well regardless of her sense of style, straight black hair and the ability to pull off any lipstick color. 

“Um, earth to Y/N?” Brianna asks. 

I blink up from my book, a page that I clearly checked out from. I totally forgot we were in the library of all places, whoops. Of course Brianna’s holding a smug grin while she taps Yeri. 

“Look, Y/N’s lost in thinking about Sooyoung’s eyes,” she teases.

Yeri giggles as she takes Brianna’s hand tightly. 

“I know right, I don’t know why you don’t just ask her out already,” Yeri says. 

I cringe at how loud she said it as Wendy approaches our table with her usual blue sweatshirt, tan pants and bag slung across her shoulder. She must have gotten from her English class since she’s clutching her literature book for dear life.     

“Who’s asking who out?” she asks as she pulls up a seat. 

“Um, no one,” I say quickly. 

Wendy throws a deadpan look my way. 

“It’s gotta be about you Y/N,” Wendy notes. “You’re the single person at the table and if Bri and Yeri were cheating on each other I’m sure they wouldn’t discuss it in front of each other.”

Both Brianna and Yeri shrug as they link arms and kiss each others cheeks. 

“You haven’t found someone else, have you babe?”Yeri whines. 

Brianna nuzzles against her cheek. 

“You know I haven’t jagi,” Brianna coos. 

Yeri giggles at the pet name she taught Bri, earning a kiss on her lips. They’re cute, teeth rottenly so, but I always wonder how they got together. Of course they’re in the same major and have an obsession with Boba tea but what about their obvious racial differences, with Yeri being Korean and all. I’m curious but then again, it’s not my place to ask. It’s their relationship. 

“So, are you gonna tell me who it is?” Wendy asks while she pokes me with the end of her pen.

“Nobody,” I say.“None of your concern.”

Wendy pouts as her pokes grow faster. 

“Ah come on! You were fine with telling Yeri and Bri about it!” she groans.

“Yeah, but you’ll just kill the vibe,” I explain, “plus you know them so.”

Wendy gasps. 

“Really? Ah! So it won’t be hard to guess!” she says.“Is it Minseok from the Starbucks?”

Yeri giggles. 

“Uh, it isn’t a he, Wendy.”

Wendy blinks at Yeri’s statement as I send a Brianna a knowing glare. She nods and pats my hand. 

“Oh, I didn’t know you were into women, Y/N,” Wendy says. 

“Yeah, but I’m still into men too Wendy,” I say. “But yes, this crush is on a woman.”

“Oh ok,” Wendy says. “I didn’t know that was your thing but ok.”

I hold back my words, but Brianna doesn’t. Thank God.

“And what’s that supposed to mean Wendy?” she asks.

Yeri pinches the bridge of her nose as Wendy glances at each of us in confusion.

“What?” she asks.“Aw, did I overstep again?”

I nod sharply when Brianna scoffs. 

“Took a giant step over the line,” I say. “I’m bi.”

Wendy’s eyes soften. 

“I-I’m sorry Y/N,” she says. “I hadn’t realized and you never talked about it with us.”

“It’s fine,” I tell her with a pat of her hand. 

“So,” Yeri says, breaking the tension.“When are you going to ask her out?”

Fortunately Wendy’s all smiles again, yet she goes to asking me again.

“So, who is she? Oh! is it-”

I don’t even register who Wendy’s talking about as my focus shifts towards the entrance of the library. The double doors slide open, slowly (maybe its my hyperactive mind) and steps in the woman herself. Park Sooyoung. Of course she’d step in now of all times with her stylish tan trench coat, white turtle neck and dark skinny jeans. Just like in the TV shows she brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. Ok it is my hyperactive imagination, she’s even walking this way. Shit, no that’s actually happening. Wendy pokes me again. 

“Y/N? Oh!” she gasps, realizing. 

Sooyoung steps up to our table with a tiny smile and a wave. 

“Hi Wendy, Yeri,” she greets.

Her attention shifts over to Brianna and I. Me. Park Sooyoung is looking at me. 

“Oh! This is Y/N,” Yeri says as she squeezes Brianna’s hand. “And this is my girlfriend, Brianna.”

Sooyoung grins, flashing a few of her teeth as she bows slightly, reaching for Brianna’s hand, shaking it then holding it out to me. I. My skin flares as my words begin to disperse. 

“Nice to meet you,” Sooyoung says. “Brianna. Y/N.”

Her attention is back on me, her eyebrow raised as she notices that I haven’t taken her hand yet. I grip it quickly and shake it just as swift.

“N-Nice to, meetyoutoo!” I manage to blurt out. 

Sooyoung turns back to Wendy. 

“I just wanted to ask if Professor Philip put the PowerPoint online,” she says. “I had to miss lecture today because of rehearsals.”

Wendy waves her off. 

“You’re in the clear,” Wendy reassures. “He’s going over it again next class.”

Sooyoung releases a breath of relief, another smile engulfing her striking features yet again. 

“Thank you Wendy,” she says.

It’s as if the entire library started to notice Sooyoung, guys start to pop up that I don’t even know. I know one of them, Jackson Wang, a friend of mine, we aren’t close, yet I didn’t know he knew Sooyoung.  

“Yo Y/N!” he greets. “Bri, Yeri, Wendy!” 

He then turns back to Sooyoung.

“We should get going,” he says. “JB and Bam Bam are waiting.”

“Ah, you’re right!” Sooyoung exclaims. “It was nice meeting you both, see you guys around!” 

And just like that Sooyoung’s gone and around the corner with Jackson flanking her. Are they a thing? Last time I checked Jackson was endlessly flirting with Namjoon, the library’s part time receptionist and full time genius. I’ve confided in Jackson about my sexuality before, but I’ve never talked to him about Sooyoung. Oh God, they must be dating.

“Y/N, Y/N you still there?” Yeri asks.

I turn my attention back to the table. Brianna holds a shit eating grin as always, Yeri tries to stifle a laugh while Wendy narrows her eyes at me.

“Sooyoung,” she says. “You have a crush on Park Sooyoung.”

“Not just a crush,” Brianna notes. “A school girl crush, I know you saw how nervous Y/N got. She could barely speak.”

I hunker down further in my seat as my face flares again.

“Shut up,” I groan. 

Wendy giggles. 

“It’s cute Y/N, but I’m not sure if Sooyoung’s-” she pauses prior to continuing. “You know.”

I get an uneasy tingle from Wendy’s words. She’s right, what if she isn’t into women. What if she doesn’t like black people? Another stab that would hurt more.

“What Wendy?” Yeri asks. “Gay or Bi? it’s ok, you can say it.”

Wendy frowns. 

“Guys, I don’t mean to come off like that,” she groans. “I just don’t want her to get hurt. Sooyoung hasn’t been here in the states for a while, I’m not sure if she’s-accepting.”       

“Well if she’s hanging out with Jackson, who’s big bi energy by the way,” Brianna explains. “She’s got to be somewhat accepting.”

Yeri’s eyes soften at me as she reaches for my hand.

“That doesn’t mean you should give up,” she says. “Just talk to her.”

I slip further down into my seat, it’s easier said than done. Sooyoung’s an international student which means she only hangs out with other international students. I only know two of them: Wendy, born in South Korea but studied in Canada prior to moving here and Jackson who moved here from China on a football scholarship.  They’re friends of course, but even they blow me out of the water with their style and the looks they get from students. Sooyoung especially. 

“I guess, ah look at that!” I say while getting out of my seat. “I got class in ten.”

Brianna grins. 

“Your class doesn’t start until 3:30, it’s only 3:05.”

I nod with a quick smile.

“I know!” I say. “I just need to get away from this conversation. Talk to you guys later!”

I’m out and away from the table before they can utter a goodbye.

***

Class was dull as usual. Thankfully it ended before my eyes glazed over and I can grab some dinner before heading back to my dorm. The classroom empty's out quickly, I rush to the exit of the building, ready for that cool air to hit me. 

“Ey! Y/N!” a booming voice calls.

I turn to see Jackson. He’s clad in his black and red Letterman jacket with the letters L and R embroidered on the front. His hair’s also gelled back to perfection, it looks awesome might I add. 

“Hey Jackson,” I say. “What’s up?”

I slow my pace for him to catch up with me from down the hall. The cool air hits my face, I sigh, then turn to Jackson, who’s already behind me as I hold the door for him. 

“Thanks,” he says as he stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “You done with classes for today, right?”

I nod sharply. 

“Yep, you?”

Jackson chuckles.

“You know I don’’t have classes on Thursday,” he notes. 

I roll my eyes. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have asked. That’s what I want to say, but I restrain. I find myself doing that a lot here at La Rouge University. Don’t want to come across as that kind of black girl. Sure, Jackson and I are cool, I just don’t want him to put a thought into his head. I’m sure he’s seen many stereotypes of black women, black people in general. I don’t want to put that risk out, especially when Brianna and I have to had many talks with Wendy about it.       

“Hey,” Jackson says softly. “You good?”

I blink up at him as we stroll through the courtyard with the wind nipping at our skin. 

“Yeah, uh, I’m fine.”

Jackson smirks and leans closer to throw an arm around my shoulder. 

“So, Miss Y/LN,” he starts. “Tell me, how long has your little crush been a thing?”

I jolt at his words.

“Huh? C-crush? Nah, uh what do you mean a crush?”

Jackson chuckles and bats his eyes jokingly. 

“Don’t play coy!” he exclaims. “You looked like you were going to pass out around Sooyoung.”

My skin burns at his words. I wasn’t that obvious, was I?

“I-I, um, Sooyoung, who? Never heard of her.”

“Sure Jan.”

“When the hell did you watch the Brady Bunch?” I ask.

Jackson shrugs.

“I watched it with Yeri last weekend, you should have came over. I heard its a major part of American slang and memes which are hilarious.”

I nod in agreement. 

“Yeah, let’s discuss memes instead of Park Sooyoung oh-”

Jackson jabs his finger at me.

“You even know her last name, ha!” Jackson says. “You’re totally crushing right now.”

I sigh in defeat. 

“Fine, yes I like her all right. It’s not a big deal anyway.”

Jackson frowns. 

“It totally is,” he says. “Sooyoung and I are friends, along with classmates. I even know her schedule, for class and drama rehearsals.”

“Oh nice,” I say.

“I know that she’s free right now. Chilling at Reveluv Cafe, going over her lines, drinking some coffee or what not, looking stunning.”

I flush and cross my arms. 

“Yeah, probably flocked by drooling people,” I say. “She’s too stunning for her own good.”

“Yes, but unlike those drooling losers you’re going to talk to her.”

“I’m sorry, what? Jackson, no way,” I say. “She’s an actress, didn’t she act in a couple of K dramas?”

Jackson nods.

“Four actually,” he clarifies. “The first three were cameos, but the latest one she played a huge supporting role, over shadowed the male and female leads.”

“That doesn’t make my situation any better,” I deadpan. “she’s got status in her home country, gorgeous features and a promising career ahead of her. What the hell do I have?”

Jackson’s arm tightens around me.

“You’re sweet, pretty and nice to talk to,” he says. “You also have a career ahead of you crazy, that’s why you’re studying remember?” 

“You’re a friend,” I groan. “You’re inclined to say that.”

“Yeah, but even before we became friends, I always found you hot,” he admits.

I elbow him playfully in the ribs.

“Jackson Wang! Stop playing!” 

Jackson shakes his head.

“I’m dead serious, black women are sexy. And you definitely aren’t the exception.”

“Stop!” I laugh and playfully push him away. 

“What?” he chuckles. “look I know you find Asian guys attractive too! And I know good and well you like Asian women.”

He narrows his eyes and wiggles his eyebrows.

My face heats up as we enter the library for the second time today.

“Is there anything I can do to make you stop?” I joke.

Jackson nods.

“Talk to Sooyoung,” he suggests. “Hey, I can help! Start the conversation!”

I just stare at him as he puts his hands together. 

“Please?”

“Fine.”

***

Reveluv cafe is bright, a little too colorful for my taste, but still homey and comforting. The walls are covered in various fruits, some hand drawn and neon to bring, I guess variety. It’s cute. Even the floor is bright red, leading up to the counter that’s decorated with other tropical themes, the employees even wear sashes and white uniforms with fruit based buttons.

Jackson leads me to the lounging area of the cafe which has an area of circular tables and higher tables near the windows. Sitting at one in the corner at the far back is Sooyoung, her straight hair spills down her cream colored turtle neck. Her head’s down in a book, she’s transfixed on the page. 

“Jackson, maybe we shouldn’t-”

“Sooyoung, hey!”

Damnit Jackson.

Sooyoung’s head jerks up as a soft smile graces her lips. 

“Jackson, hi!”

I watch from behind Jackson. He walks up to Sooyoung, she stands and engulfs him in a hug. 

“How are lines going?” 

Sooyoung giggles.

“Great so far! What brings you and-” she pauses to look at me. “Hi, Y/N, right?”

I nod sharply. God, she remembered my name.  

“Yeah, hi Sooyoung.”

Jackson smirks with a knowing glare at me. Hasn’t this man clowned me enough?

“Y/N here was just nervous to speak to you.”

My hands start to tremble as Sooyoung looks to me with confusion.

“Why?” she asks. “You’re friends with Wendy and Yeri, so by default I think you’re cool.”

Wow. Park Sooyoung just called me cool. 

“Oh, she is,” Jackson declares. His mouth opens to say more, yet a slight buzz in his pocket stops him. 

“What is it?”

Jackson takes a look at his phone quickly before grinning back up at me, then Sooyoung.

“Sorry ladies, I kind of have a study date with Mr. IQ 148!” 

Sooyoung’s brows furrow. 

“Um, who?”

“Namjoon,” I say. “Jackson! Ah!”

I take his arm and whisper.

“You can’t leave yet,” I groan. 

Jackson pats my arm. 

“You got this babe, I promise to give you all the details with Namjoon if you give me the details you get with Sooyoung.”

God, this man is incorrigible.

“If I fuck this up you owe me so many smoothies.”

Jackson chuckles.

“You got to try first sweetie, she’s cool, you’ll see.”

Jackson says a quick goodbye to the both of us.

I turn back to Sooyoung who’s looking dead at me with her hands behind her back. 

“Would you like to sit?” she asks with another bright smile.

“Yeah, uh sure.”

She gestures to the empty seat across from her, I slide into it quickly, Sooyoung follows. 

“So, are you an English major like Wendy?”

I shake my head. 

“No, actually I’m a creative writing major.”

Sooyoung’s face lit up as she took a swig of her coffee.

“Really? So, you write your own books and stories?”

I nod, and try to hide a smile behind my hand. Her attention is fully on me. 

“Yeah, but mostly poems though,” I say, pausing once I meet Sooyoung’s eyes. I don’t finish, God I can hardly face her. If Jackson can see it than its got to be obvious to her.

“Y/N?” she asks. “Are you ok?”

“Y-Yeah, I-I I just-”

Sooyoung’s eyes soften as she takes my hand, which is already starting to get clammy and sweaty. 

“It’s ok, breathe,” she coaxes. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

I giggle, the action eases some of the anxiety. My heart rate goes down a bit, just a bit because Sooyoung’s hands are still over mine.

“I-I guess not to judge me, or freak out even,” I say. “I know we’re different, ok. And we’re both women.”

Sooyoung giggles, teeth baring rather sweetly.

“You’re cute,” she coos. “Yes, you’re American and-”

“Black,” I blurt. 

Sooyoung nods.

“Oh, I didn’t even notice,” Sooyoung jokes. She raises our interlocked hands together drawing my attention to my brown hand and her lighter, almost porcelain one. “Why? Is that an issue? Is that what’s making you so nervous?”

“Part of it, the truth is, I like you,” I admit. 

Sooyoung’s eyes widen, forcing me to pull my hand away from her own. She draws back to as she tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear. My trembles don’t die down, but the flaring in my chest does. I nod as my eyes travel down to the table, I can’t look at Sooyoung right now. Of course I made a fool of myself.

“I uh, I can leave you alone now-”

“Wait, Y/N!”

She grabs my wrist before I can get up, it startles me. 

Our eyes meet again, Sooyoung giggles, the confidence she oozes makes me glance down at the legs of her chair. 

“Can I admit something too?” 

I nod, she then sighs lowly. 

“Can you look at me? Y/N?” 

Before I can register her question warm fingers juts my chin up, forcing my attention on her face. She smiles and I swear her eyes lingers down at my lips for a moment prior to moving back up to my eyes. 

“I’m flattered,” she whispers. “You’re really pretty, I’d love to go out. Maybe next week, if that’s ok?”

“I, um, yeah,” I mutter. “I-I’m looking forward to it.”

***

Weeks come and go. The teasing from Jackson, Brianna, Yeri, even Wendy (surprisingly) continues as the dates with Sooyoung get frequent. We’ve start to hold hands even, which is a huge step for me (Sooyoung initiated it first of course).  Dating Sooyoung has been surprising to say the least, she’s even more flirty now that we know more about each other, which makes me more anxious to be around her now. It’s fun to be around her, she’s interested in aspects of American culture that she doesn’t know much about. One in particular being memes, thanks to Jackson himself and even slang. It rubs me the wrong way to hear her say, ‘sup sweetie’ at times but she’s still learning. Right? I’m just thinking too much into it. I’m sure she won’t start talking black and Jackson learned not to from me, along with a quick, yet needed scolding from Brianna.  

 I arrive at Sooyoung’s apartment a sweaty mess. This is the first time I’ve been to her apartment and I already feel like I’m gonna mess this up. She talked about living with someone, but what I didn’t expect was a stunning woman with straight, blonde hair to answer the door. I don’t remember seeing her around campus, I’m sure the people would flock to her as much as they flock to Sooyoung too. 

“Hi, uh,” I pause at how intimating she looks. “I-I’m uh, Sooyoung invited me.”

The woman chuckles as she gives me a quick once over. 

“You must be Y/N,” she notes. “Come in.”  

She steps aside for me which I do. 

The house looks like a loft inside: a low, white couch sits in the middle of the living room, a flat screen hugs the far wall, the carpet is clear and fluffy covering most of the floor, leading to the staircase. 

“Joohyun!” Sooyoung calls while rushing down the stairs. “Y-Y/N, hi.”

I give her a tiny wave as Joohyun chuckles. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to your date,” Joohyun says with a quick wink at me and a narrow eyed glare at Sooyoung. 

“How long are gonna be out unnie?” Sooyoung asks. 

Joohyun giggles and raises an eyebrow.

“Why?” she asks. “You both aren’t going to have too much fun, are you?”

My eyes scan down to the carpet to memorize how spotless it is. 

“Joohyun! Y-You’re so embarrassing!” Sooyoung exclaims. I see her black sock covered feet next to mine. 

“All jokes Sooyoung,” Joohyun explains. “I’ll be staying at Seulgi’s tonight. It was a pleasure meeting you Y/N.”

“Same here,” I say. 

When I meet Joohyun’s eyes her intimating demeanor disperses. An easy, toothy smile now replaces it. Once she waves and is out the door, Sooyoung’s hands are on my face. 

“I’m so sorry about her,” she groans. “She didn’t frighten you too much, did she?”

“Not really,” I admit. “Does she always do this to people she doesn’t know?”

Sooyoung giggles.

“Yeah, she’s just protective is all,” she explains. “Now, would you like to watch the show here in the living room or.”

She steps up to rest her hands on my sides. 

“My room could work, I have plenty of stuffed animals,” she suggests. “We could cuddle.”

She smiles, my heart flutters as she intertwines our hands together. I lose my breathe as she steps closer, our faces suddenly an inch apart. She’s using a bright, red lipstick, perfect at this distance. Kissabl-

“Can I kiss you?” she asks.

I nod, she tilts her head to the right before our lips meet. Her lips are smooth, with a cherry taste. I didn’t even know lipstick could taste this good. She smiles against my lips, her hands wind themselves around my waist in order to deepen the kiss. Sooyoung’s fevered kisses keep my lips moving with her, it continues until I run out of breath, forcing me to pull away. 

“How was that?” she asks prior to biting her lip. 

“It was I-”

It takes me a minute to gather my words. I never kissed a woman before and that was-

“Amazing,” I manage to say.  

Sooyoung chuckles lowly, takes my hand and leads me to the couch. 

“Yeah, would it be dope if we continue?” 

I cringe at the word dope, she notices right away.

“What is it? I’m rushing things aren’t I?” she asks.

I shake my head, but think about it for a moment. I want to have this conversation about our different cultures. Of course it’s something we’re got to talk about but why do I feel as if its so awkward? It’s just a few words, right? I just don’t want to come across as that kind of person. That kind of black person especially. 

“Y/N,” Sooyoung says. “Are you ok?” 

“Yeah, it’s just uh,” I pause to finally form coherent words. “Slang, it’s um kind of weird when you say it-not saying that it’s bad or anything its just.”

I pause again to sit next to Sooyoung, who listens intently. 

“It’s your thing, right?” she asks. “As an American?”

“As an African American, as a black person,” I say. “I just don’t want you to use certain terms without knowing where they come from. I’m curious about Korean too, but I want to go by it respectfully. I want to respect you.”

Sooyoung’s eyes lighten up, her fingers play with my right hand as a smile spreads across her face.

“I want to respect you too jagi, ah! To be honest I got most of those words from Jackson anyway.”

I roll my eyes. 

“I’m not even surprised.”

“So, can we still watch the drama?” she asks with a playful frown.

“Of course!”

Sooyoung lets out a delighted giggle, presses a quick kiss to my cheek and moves to turn the flat-screen on. Maybe dating Park Sooyoung wasn’t going to be so difficult after all. 

[not-a-christmas-tree]

i just watched the dallas theatre company les mis here are my observations

IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THIS PRODUCTION I SUGGEST YOU DO! DON’T READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS THOUGH!

so, in case you didn’t know: in 2014, Dallas Theatre Company did a modern interpretation of les mis. i just watched it on youtube (i will link it later, i promise) and took SO MANY GODDAMN NOTES so here they are!

ACT ONE 

(Look Down-WHID)

starting out strong! we got some HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT THE JAIL SYSTEM!! blatant police brutality happening BASICALLY the entire first part of the song. it hurts me. 

note on the cops costumes: they legitimately terrify me and they are dressed in like. full riot gear.

okay so,,,valjean wraps the rope from his bag around his neck at the end of WHID. this is interesting bc, a) he’s trying to find a solution as to what he should do after the Bishop and that’s a direction I’ve surprisingly seen no one take, but b) this part has the same melody as javert’s suicide, when javert is ALSO trying to figure out what he should do after his perception on life is altered. for a moment there, they both are on the same page, the page being suicide. however, only one of them takes that choice.

the above makes the lines (in both songs) “i’ll escape now from that world / from the world of valjean” ESPECIALLY interesting because. in two different ways, they did escape, but they ALMOST had the same conclusion for a brief second.

(At The End Of The Day)

in ATEOTD fantine ends up being the last one working, causing everyone to look at her with varying degrees of annoyance or frustration. She do be hardworking doe

OH SHIT KIDS IN THE FACTORY!! three little kids run up to the foreman when he’s giving daily stipends to the ladies!! (they’re also the last to be paid, giving significant sass to foreman who also sasses back)

Girl #5 mockingly calling fantine “innocent sister” when 5 is white and fantine is a WOC...that’s kind of interesting given that that can be read as SERIOUS racial profiling on 5’s part

foreman looks like bob’s boss in the incredibles but like. tall lmao

(I Dreamed A Dream)

her look of like,,shock-but-not when everyone from the factory exits and she takes off her bandana,,,that. that is good acting

her transitions from chest to head voice are so good

i’m kinda sad she isn’t younger?? or just. doesn’t look super young bc fantine is supposed to be like. early twenties. she’s not 45 and had a decently long life before she died, no, she’s young. she was taken advantage of. that’s the whole point. but that’s sUPER little like this lady is way too good

she has the perfect mix of sadness and regret plus anger and shameless hope. like. kudos to you allison blackwell you’re a dope fantine 

the cry on “killed the dream i dreamed” brb sobbing

(The Dock Scenes)

MALE PROSTITUTES I REPEAT!! MALE PROSTITUTES!! (no idea what wig he’s wearing tho. he was done dirty in the wig department) 

oh male prostitute is prostitute #1! 

oh damn there is. lady def on some bad drugs with her kid passing behind fantine on the bench. ouch.

hoo okay they did n o t censor lovely ladies!! (mini note: camera person has the camera down an AWFUL LOT on these docks scenes lmao)

there are cops on the docks. gross.

(Who Am I-Confrontation)

OH SHIT THEY HAVE A FALSE JVJ IN THE BACKGROUND OF WHO AM I 

jvj comforts not-jvj for a second!! (money note was FANTASTIC btw)

fantine being WOC and DYING in a modern hospital also is,,yeesh because. you know. racist doctors. 

jvj cries after fantine dies JUST STAB ME NOW OKAY—

confrontation is really funny when u see that javert has a GUN and jvj has A CHAIR

JVJ DID THE LIL RUN ON “live within my care” YAAAAY

(COAC-Master Of The House)

oh boy baby cosette,,so small,,so pure plus classic baby head shake when she sings I STAN

MADAME T LOOKS—OH GOOD GOD

DID SHE SPIT ON MY BABY--

cosette: “please do not send me out alone—“ madame t: “oooooh my gOOOOOD” omg 

what the fuck is thenardiers hair i—

WHAT THE FUCK IS THENARDIER IN G E N E R A L

random idea regarding thenardier’s prison tattoo: he has the same number on his chest that jvj has. Meaning he was in jail too. so why isn’t he as messed up as jvj? i wanna say maybe he was in for less time, but like. I doubt it. However, he has a whole ass gang. did the thenardier gang break their boss out of jail? please say yes 

him listing things for baby éponine to charge i love it

OH MY GOD THENARDIER FLAUNTS HIS NUMBER WHILE JVJ DOESNT!! jvj hides his past because he believes it will get him into better places (it does, he becomes mayor for god’s sake) while thenardier shows off his past with stubborn pride. while thenardier cheats his way to success, jvj lives an almost honest life where he ultimately suffers due to the stress all the hiding he does gives him

i love that éponine looks like neither of her parents,,,madame t got around huh? 

(The Bargain)

I JUST REALIZED THE STAGE HAS A CATWALK DOWN THE CENTER INTO THE AUDIENCE THAT IS THE COOLEST OMG

Instead of madame correcting thenardier on cosette’s name he asks cosette herself which prompts the CUTEST ANGRY YELL OF “it’s cosette!” I HAVE EVER SEEN

also thenardier fuckin MANHANDLING cosette i’m DYING

JVJ LOVES HER SM I AM SOFTTT

(The Beggars)

omg marius is so ADORABLE i love him

gavroche is a style icon

kid holding sign saying “my mom got laid off” POOR BB

i love éponine

that’s it that’s the note

wait a sec was that montparnasse with the prostitute earlier in beggars??

ALSO I SEE AZELMA AND OTHER THENARDIER KIDS PRESENT FOR “turn on the tears!!” THANK YOU FOR UTILIZING THAT LINE PROPERLY

why does enj have a bat?? If it;s not a bat then,,,what is it? someone please help me

marius saves cosette from bad guy gang!! 🥰🥰

bruh javert misses jvj running by like,,,MAYBE two seconds that is hilarious 

jav looks so done when thenardier is trying to get out of this lmao i love it

javert looks so cop-like it scares me

(Stars)

the line “safe behind bars” in stars kind of kills me here because as the audience you SEE the cruelty that the convicts face. you see the guy on the ground getting beaten you SEE the chains around their throats and yet. yet javert still somehow thinks that putting jvj in jail is safe? i think the thing to focus on here is not whether it’s safe, because it obviously isn’t. the focus is who it’s safer for, jean valjean or javert?

has it always been “your father” rather than “her father” when marius asks éponine to find where cosette lives?? if they changed it that is SMART because yk. jvj would be ALARMED if he found out he’d been found by éponine but he wouldn’t hurt her. he’s not the guy she has to worry about, it’s her own father. thenardier gave her a job and she’s straying from it, he’s what would endanger her.

THE PLAYFUL BOOP AND SHOVE FROM MARIUS 🥺🥺🥺

(The ABC Café)

“note-ruh daym”

hee hee pretty enjolras

pretty enjolras in skinny jeans even better

OOH we have,,,angry enjolras in this version o k a y

grantaire raises his hand before agog/aghast part omg

“i’ve never heard him ooOOOOh and aAAAAh *excited squeal*

“dan joo-wan” i love texas

bossuet spotted :)

longing gay looks NOT spotted :(

i love enjolras okay but this one is just,,,a little too aggressive. enjolras isn’t just angry all the time, he’s not that one dimensional. of course, there is more of the show to see and i hope he changes a little bit, but so far red and black isn’t doing much for me. enjolras is hopeful, not just angry.

A CAPELLA SECTION IN RED AND BLACK?? I think YES

the amis finding out lamarque is dead has “fuck trump just won the election” energy

okay i was hoping that enj would change his aggression thing when they find out lamarque is dead (bc that’s when most enjolrai figure out what may happen and kinda sober up yk) but. it doesn’t look like he did. there is hope for barricade scenes

OMG LIL NOTE ON COMBEFERRE GIVING OUT FLYERS TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS: that is fucking pERFECT and yk why?? because it’s a call to action!! it’s less obvious in DYHTPS because they’re mostly singing to each other but later in epilogue when the words and melody is repeated, it’s meant as a call to action! “will you join in our crusade, who will be strong and stand with me?” is a cALL TO ACTION AND THEY ARE HANDING FLYERS TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS—that’s officially the only way to break the fourth wall THANK YOU 

hey fantine doubles as a student i think!!

HARMONIES ARE C L E A N OOOOH

(In My Life-Heart Full Of Love)

okay yes i already love cosette because she plays awkward-teen-in-love-for-the-first-time PERFECTLY. 

book-ish cosette hell yes a cutie

father-daughter forehead kisses 🥺

awkward mARIUS TIMEEEEE

placing marius, éponine, and cosette in a triangle is a MARVELOUS decision thank u for that symbolism

marius checking if he looks good and ép giving him a thumbs up omg

*aggressively tries to sit normally* same cosette

*awkward curtsy* also same cosette 

(Attack On Rue Plumet)

robbery time let’s see how they do this

ooh marius and cosette run off but i can’t tell if they notice gang before running

thenardier fuckin SLICES éponine after her scream

NOOOO HER LIL WHIMPER AFTER BEING THREATENED AGAIN

(One Day More)

this lil part between robbery and one day more is interesting bc i legit have NO idea what jvj is thinking here. he keeps looking between his watch (i think it’s a watch idk) and cosette after she runs off to pack so like. what. is he doing here bc he looks like he’s choosing between two things but i don’t,,know,,what things

red berets on the amis are dope btw

i think marius is discussing what to do with éponine here, which is FUN because we all know why she goes to the barricade in the brick :’) éponine might be convincing marius to go to the barricade knowing this is her chance to die with him like in the book

omg

OMG

OMG

that stomp bit with the students was the coolest fucking thing i’ve ever seen

END OF ACT ONE

act two will be posted shortly :D

[ceph-the-ghost-writer]

What is their family like? What is your OC's relationship to them? Does your OC have any siblings?

Ollie: Her family was part of a cult that believed women were living Pez dispensers, good for nothing but producing babies, and that being gay was worse than committing murder. You fill in the blanks from there. She was the third to the last of nine kids, and was only really close to her sister Violet, who was just a year older. Violet was also the only other one to escape from the compound they lived in, and had settled into a decent life by the time Ollie tracked her down again. She still sometimes looks in on her however-many-great nieces and nephews on the farm they inherited.

Micaela: She doubts there's been a bloodborn who had a quiet upbringing, and she's no exception. She was born in Haiti not long after the revolution. Following in her father's footsteps, who had been trained in the uses of medicinal herbs, setting bones, sewing up wounds, etc., she attended the (State) University of Haiti when it was still new. Her two brothers and pair of sisters went on to start families of their own, last she knew. Sometimes she wishes she'd done the same instead of getting involved with vampires and naively looking to the U.S. for opportunity...but here she is.

Elfy: Her parents work in archives for the Coven, just like their parents before. She only wishes they'd given her some siblings so she could've scandalized them too when she decided to go into field research. What did they expect after filling her head with stuff about pushing back against assumptions and pursuing her dreams?

Ben: Eh, heaven knows his poor mom and grandma tried their best to weave some moral fiber into him. He's not sure they could've pulled it off even if his positive male role models had been around longer. His dad was dead of TB (aka existing in the early 1900s) by the time Ben was nine, and his older brother, Joe, went and got himself killed in the Great War. He feels guilty about it, but he lied to his grandmother and mom once he joined up with Desmond. Sent them letters about some bullshit job and getting married and all that. The hell was he supposed to say? Hey, don't worry about the bootlegging 'cause I'm a vampire now. Joined a union of 'em and everything, so I'm set for life. P.S. Did you know a guy can like other guys same as girls? Would've finished breaking their hearts in two. But he'd like to think if he could do things over, come clean, or just let them see him now...he'd like to believe they'd forgive him. Maybe even be a little proud eventually.

Tilda: Imagine the WASPiest people you can. Now imagine that they figured out how to bond the tormented soul of a wolf to their secondary or tertiary sons in order to have yet another tool to maintain their supposed racial and class superiority. Those are the Mayers, and that's why she did what she did.

Yi: *sighs* She loves them to bits, but they can be...a lot. Not just emotionally, but their physical presence too when in numbers. Everyone trying to shout over each other in Spanish and Mandarin, competing for Meemaw's favor here, sharpening axes over old grudges there. She's starting to think her sisters (she's the ill-fated middle child) were on to something by taking mundane jobs and settling down as far from the Floodlands as possible. Visiting them compared to the rest of the clan is like night and day.

Mergus: History's forgotten them, and so has he. Not everyone is meant to be great, but there must be a certain measure of satisfaction in being a stepping stone to someone who is.

[johnnythirteenguns]

just seen justice league (this isnt spoiler free at all)

also went to thor: ragnarok for the third time to wash the taste out.

so i went to go see it for miller, momoa, and mera in that order. i was super impressed with mera. i thought they were gonna go the like easy way and give her an Accent like the amazons, but they didnt. even though her cadence was different like idk man i know very little about dc but i picked up a one-shot earlier this year where mera neatly beats the fuck out of the justice league on her own and she’s a semi-jerk who kind of hates surface dwellers and you know what for the thirty seconds we had her onscreen i believed it and she was powerful and felt like a character with backstory and i COMPLETELY didnt hear what aquaman was saying i just heard her side of the conversation

man ben affleck really doesnt wanna be here huh anyway we should recast him at the earliest convenience

also why was batman 90% CGI like fine i get it no one can be a gymnast in a 50 lb rubber suit but like every single one of his moves that required any bending had to have been cgi

speaking of which the cgi isnt like bad in and of itself it’s just typical like it’s the cgi youre used to seeing. it doesnt blend seamlessly into anything and the characters dont blend seamlessly into it. the cornfield looks fake as can fucking be and i dont really know why? what else there was another fucking weird cgi moment. anyway, steppenwolf is ugly as sin and has no emotion and is all one color and is??? generally weird looking

speaking of which. he is not frightening at all. the New Gods isnt something casual dc fans are gonna be familiar with (i am barely familiar with it) and like? apparently, darkseid was supposed to have scenes in this but didnt? anyway go see thor ragnarok which features 1) a horned villain that is legitimately terrifying and powerful, that you fully believe can do the things she does, and who is beautifully designed and 2) features glow-y eyed masses of disposable soldiers that are cool but goofy and dont take themselves too seriously but were still frightening and made for thrilling fights because you believed they could actually pose a threat to the characters they were attacking

the beginning... uh i think like three scenes of the film looked pretty good, but they looked like cutscenes. very GOOD cutscenes, but honestly... if i wanted it to look like this id have played... a video game. like, i want it to look like a real place even if it’s heavily stylized. uh but the first showdown where batman is luring a parademon out looks beautiful if fake as shit. the scene with wondy in the bank (which features a group of girls from an all-girls school... at a bank?) and terrorists wearing cheap pinstripe suits (like, this is fine! it’s nonsensical and stupid but fine it’s a comic book movie) was kind of cool because for once i felt like... maybe diana was a creative person who goes in wit ha strategy? like picking the dude up with the lasso and holding him up was fun i was like oh!!! thats not something a typical movie would do! it was the first time she felt like Wonder Woman to me (ive seen the wondy movie itself, it was... eh). uh and idk what was up with the standing on the scales of justice or whatever idk the hilarity of gal gadot on that statue which sits on top of a bank like. it was funny.

hey question what the uh... fuck was the “what are you” “a believer” line about it made zero sense in context at all

dont quote me on the order of scenes i dont remember fuck all of this movie in order because literally, the pacing was so weird. so... it was very obvious there were parts missing from the movie. not like, cuts made where you could be like oh there was something there or maybe there'll be a deleted scene no like you Knew there was stuff that was necessary that was gone. the football scenes with victor from the trailers were gone!!! i think the movie was trying to set up a really strong friendship with wonder woman and cyborg but it never really went anywhere? and i suspect because it all got cut! and i dont understand why because ray did a really good job and he sold cyborg to me so well i loved his take! 

also... i dont know if theyre saving it for the aquaman movie next year but did Arthur get a bunch of his stuff cut too? because i like jason momoa, and i like his arthur and so im sort of torn because, like, he didnt have much to do. like, he has the bit where he sits on wonder woman’s lasso of thruth and tells them all this stuff but you dont know enough about him for any of it to land? but i really wanted to know more (at some point i did give up on, this was a very passive viewing experience). my friend was saying that like literally why did they try to make arthur so Cool he’s already jason momoa he is by default cool now you can do whatever you want with him we’re all going to love him.

speaking of the lasso scene... was the entire last half of the movie re-writen and re-shot by whedon because like? the lasso scene is a whedon. the bit at the end where wondy goes “children. i work with children” is a whedon (THERE’S NO REASON FOR HER TO SAY THIS? I THINK THIS WHEN SHE HAS TWO TEAM MEMBERS LIKE LAYING ON THE GROUND AFTER NEARLY BEING BLON UP? IT WAS FUCKING WEIRD). i genuinely cant tell if all of barry’s dialogue was written by whedon or if that was ezra improvising but uh... man he’s... he needs to practice if that’s hm. if it’s just whedon i mean fine but he also doesnt have the shitty RDJ quality thats let’s him say those lines with believability.

speaking of which, going to see barry was my priority because apparently im gay for miller rn so like. uh. man he wasnt funny like there were a couple parts where he was cute and the line landed and it was fine but generally he just... wasnt funny? because the movie wasnt funny? like... idk man ezra really acting his heart out and ive said like cool i wanna follow his career and see if he does good stuff and gets even better at his stupid art but maybe he peaked with credence barebone i dont know. the first scene where we meet barry, with the flash pad and the pizza, that was good, that was funny. the bit at the prison was good. he has very soft eyes and thats nice. the panic attack is cute in the clip and the beginning like rhrgrh moment he has is good but then idk the pacing falls apart again

why is his character like this? i just dont think ezra’s... funny enough yet. (tbh i think he takes it too seriously even if he’s trying to be light-hearted man sometimes jokes is just jokes). there’s a bit where theyre digging up superman’s body and it’s JUST HIM AND CYBORG FOR UH? SOME REASON? maybe they explained why they sent the two babies but i didnt hear it and it’s literally just them two. and he tries to fistbump victor but vic is like “no” and tbh barry is annoying? like maybe u think he’s cute and an audience member but he’s uh... you can tell he’s annoying in the story and anyway then the flash says “right, racially charged” ABOUT A FISTBUMP? WHICH? LITERALLY MADE NO SENSE? WAS THIS LINE IMPROVISED? WAS IT WRITTEN? IM GONNA PUT MONEY ON IMPROVISED BECAUSE HE IS EXACTLY THAT KIND OF STUPID BITCH

if they were breaking into the lab why even bother going through the front door? barry drives the thing in (theyre trying to smuggle superman’s body into star labs) disguised a soldier (the literally most unconvincing thing, not to me as an audience member, because it was cute and funny to me,, but that a guy with THAT FACE is military like yeah sure, why did that guard believe him) but then they get to like the normal ass parking inside and the other three are standing there in full costume in full grey DC-brand daylight? are you telling me between 5/6ths of the justice league they couldnt sneak in a fucking pine box when wonder woman can lift a fucking tank on her own? like.

speaking of which uh.... superman is stupidly overpowered. like i said i read an issue of JL where mera hands every one of the justice league members their own gently roasted ass in hand on her fucking own. diana regularly kicks superman in the head. why was she not able to take him down? when theyre fighting steppenwolf for real it’s not until superman shows up that they even have a real fighting chance. they dont fight as team, they dont even fight as people casually unified in a common cause. theyre playing high-stakes legos and cyborg gets pulled away from them like three times?? and it gets fucking annoying? and then supes shows up and literally wipes the floor with him. it is so completely bizarre and stupid.

here’s a problem i still have with wonder woman: why is she so thin? the other amazons (except Hippolyta and maybe one other one) look built as FUCK? LIKE THESE WOMEN COULD EASILY TOSS ME ACROSS THE ROOM. wonder woman has serious fucking arms, where are they

also those amazon bikinis were bad. the whole styling of this movie is bad, but especially the amazons. everything is red and gold, for some reasons? the outfits dont looks heavy like armor, they look heavy like bullshit material. there is no reason for the fucking bikinis. the gold cloak hippolyta wears is??? heavy and looks like? like drapes like window dressing like thats the weight of it. additionally, there is no reason for their hair to be SO STYLED. it’s really like prom night hair it’s like shiny and muss free and always loose and in perfect clearly salon-styled curls. also, why are they so heavily made up? it’s really prominent. wondy herself has the same issue going on, she looks much more heavily made up (why is everyone’s blush so PINK, like it's distracting, is this a side effect of the recoloring process) and her hair isnt loose and doing its thing like in BVS or Wonder Woman it’s like... idk she looks really. Pretty when she’s on the field and it makes no sense.

the amazon fighting style is still ugly and makes no sense ive never seen such a wasteful fighting style it made sense exactly once during Wonder Woman

why is themyscira entirely the ugliest cgi i have ever fucking scene

why does the camera INSIST ON MOVING LIKE THAT. the action is super hard to track, the cgi is ugly as fuck (it really cannot be overstated)... i made it to about... i want to say when theyre on the way to the big fight and then the combined everything gave me a heaache that o had for the rest of the movie

i mentioned earlier that the pacing is weird the transitions are also weird. you get cuts to and from places that never fade into each other, it’s always a hard jump cut but it’s never the right cut to make? like, in thor ragnarok for example, there are a bunch of scene changes that happen via the bifrost, via people going through doors. there are wide shots that jump to wide shots in other places, so youre not suddenly on a close-up. there are a lot of people emerging from something into view, and there are a lof of people being alone in the center of the frame. it’s a very smooth and easy to watch movie. JL is the opposite of this in every way. I SUSPECT. AGAIN. THAT WHILE THIS WOULDNT HAVE BEEN FIXED ENTIRELY. THAT THOSE EXTRA TWENTY MINUTES THAT WERE CUT WERE PROBABLY REALLY IMPORTANT

the lois lane bit where she calms supes down just reminded me of the age of ultron and i quoted “sun’s going down” at my friends who were with me and they shit themselves laughing

ma kent calls lois lane “thirsty” in a Hilarious Teen Humor Gag thanks joss whedon you fucking hack

bruce wayne is fucking useless he could have got barry ANY JOB EVER and like... my god whatever.

also i still dont understand how how voice sounds like that when he’s batmanuh the after after credits scene is setting up, according to my friend, a sinister six movie. deathstroke isnt played by manu bennett so it’s fucking usless thanks for coming to my ted talk

[djrelentless]

This Is Us

It's June 12th. 2017 (the anniversary of the Pulse Nightclub shooting in Orlando) and I'm trying to get in the spirit of celebrating Pride this year. While I am reflecting on the tragic incident that happened in my home state, I still feel sad for the loss and can't seem to get in the celebratory spirit. It's hard because I'm watching a class warfare divide and conquer the LGBT Community of Toronto. Everyone is still fighting over what happened last year at the Pride parade when Mathieu Chantelois and Pride board of directors decided to use Black Lives Matters as a political statement to show how inclusive they were by inviting the group to be grand marshals. The only thing was, Black Lives Matters knew what that move was really about…a fake olive branch to show how diverse Toronto is after World Pride. 

Apparently Mathieu had impressed the board so much with his planning and connections for the previous Pride that they gave him complete control over the 2016 celebration. Along with such moves he spent thousands of dollars on bringing a lot performers, gay celebrities and DJs from out of town to make appearances for Pride weekend while kind of marginalizing the locals and people of color. Now, for a certain demographic of the LGBT Community this was fabulous! They really felt like Toronto was a world class city after World Pride in 2015. The only problem was that by the time we got to the 2016 parade the world had changed a lot. With the rise of police brutality and racial profiling in the United States all over the news, many people of color were forming their own chapters of Black Lives Matters in solidarity. So, there was all kinds of tension bubbling under the surface when this invitation was extended to the group. Given that the organization felt like they were being used for a photo-opportunity, and it seems to me Black Lives Matters decided to use this opportunity to protest and make their voices known that people of color are not living the same existence in the LGBT Community as their counterparts…white gays.

Well, we all know the headlines of what happened at the parade and how Mathieu faked a signing of their demands to get it back moving. He bragged about it in the news that next day. One of the demands that BLM asked for was that "no uniformed police officers be on a float in the parade" since many of the people of color had been harassed and profiled by the police in their neighborhoods and on the streets of Toronto. So, if you have never been treated this way by the police this demand seemed outrageous…unheard of. But to put this in perspective….this is like the difference between living in a building with a doorman as opposed to living in a building with security guards patrolling it. These are two completely different experiences when you think of home. 

Okay…so BLM took to social media to complain and express their distaste with Mr. Chantelois' backhanded move at the parade. That's when things really started heating up. the two weeks after the parade I tried to organize a closed door meeting with the an elected official, Pride Committee, Black Lives Matters and other disgruntled local performers/DJs to discuss and hammer out a solution for this year's event. 'Cuz, it wasn't just about racial discourse…it was also about ageism and other marginalized issues in last year's festivities. Well, apparently some were too busy or going on vacation to meet. There were a couple of people who were willing to come sit at the table but mainly because tempers were so hot most ignored my calls and emails.

But to really get to the meat of the problem we have to rewind Toronto's Pride history back to 2013. I guess this would be the year that I became the pariah to Pride. That was the year that I was checking my facebook account before going to bed around 6 AM on the Monday of Pride week and saw a posting of a drag queen in blackface. All I wrote was "I don't even know what to say about this" and left it at that. I didn't even go back to the post because it was an accepted fact that this performer was known on Church Street for being offensive and pushing buttons. Plus I had already seen another performer doing numbers at Woody’s dressed as a Middle Eastern woman with a bomb belt….and this was considered to normal entertainment for the gay village. I did read a post complaining about that performance but the powers that control the hiring, firing and booking did nothing. The complaint was from a person of color and it was only one. So, it was paid no mind.

So, I got a phone call from a fellow DJ who told me to go back to the blackface post because my husband and I were being crucified in the comments. Unaware that my husband had gone an expressed his dislike for the photo while I was sleeping, I was kinda shocked to read some of the comments. Especially the ones telling me and him to go back to the US and stop trying to spread democracy across Canada with our African-American problems. Don't believe me…I have the facebook thread saved as proof and you won't believe some of the people who said these things. Even people of color were coming to this performer's defense. The funny thing is…my husband is Canadian and white.

Well, since I tend to write better than I speak I decided to write a blog pointing out that Canada isn't as innocent as it thinks it is when it comes to racism. The myth that it doesn't exist here was shattered by all the news clippings I pointed out from 2010 to the present time of the blackface incident. That went over like a lead-ballon. Folks don't like to be reminded of the misgivings  and definitely not how they are not as inclusive as they would like others to believe. The facebook posts and my blog made it to the Toronto Star.The performer who did blackface got fired from hosting the main stage for Pride that year. It was all blamed on me. I was the bad guy and the establishment I worked for even sat me down to give a light threat that my job was on the line for speaking out. They didn't do it out fear that I would go to press again, but this made many who had embraced me step back. A few people of color had my back but that number could be counted on both hands….not the POC Community at large.

And then came another racial incident where I was the DJ for Toronto's only Drag King night. It was going good…until I discovered that all the performers were white and a few did Hip Hop material with the n-word in it. Being the only person of color in the room some nights, it was really hard to watch white lesbians lip-syncing the word "nigga" to a room full of mostly white lesbians. So, I posted one night while I was working that I had decided to quit because of what I was witnessing and being subjected to. The troupe's only transgendered man ripped me a new one on facebook in a very long rant. Claiming that I was trying to control their show and content. Another ironic thing I just read the other day….a Xtra article asking why there aren't any spaces for Drag Kings in the gay village.

I bring all these things up to pose a question. I wonder what would have happened had we as a community addressed these issues back then. What if more people of color had stood up and said "Hey! Blackface has no place in our community!" What if the lesbians of color stood up and said "Hey…this isn't cool to be using that kind of language in your shows." Do you think that we as the LGBT Community could have really made everyone feel included in the conversation and a part of the solutions? I mean…if we can't acknowledge there is or was a problem how can we move forward?

Yesterday I posted a link about Philadelphia’s amended rainbow flag that has black and brown stripes added. Like with most things that are happening on social media today, there was much push back against this idea. The community that is supposed to be so inclusive has really shown their true colors about unity. Arguments that this is some power move by people of color to undermine our community shows exactly why and how we got here today. From flat out calling the idea "bullshit" to just wanting to lash out because the flag and pride celebration that catered to this demographic was being disrupted by people who should leave things the way they are. We've come so far and they are trying to tear it all down with division.

Yeah…this what some in the community actually believe.

But let's look at the other side of the story. The majority of the people of color in Toronto who joined Black Lives Matters are black and of Caribbean decent. For most, their living standard is definitely not like a Mathieu Chantelois. They don't have the luxury to run over to Montreal for the weekend whenever they feel like it. They don't have a cottage or tickets to a circuit party. I want you to take a moment and think about that for a second... If you can do these things on a semi-regular basis, you have no idea what it is like to be a gay person of color barely paying your bills on time. And just because you have a friend or two who can do these things that does not mean that everyone is in that same position. I have plenty of friends who are in better standings in life than I am and they have no clue that I'm just a poor man struggling to keep on top of things.

The bottom line is this all comes down to money. The Black Community does not have any financial power in the  mainstream LGBT Community in Toronto. Hell…there isn't even a black gay bar in this town. For many they are regulated to separate parties thrown by DJ Blackcat (and thank God for him continuing year after year to find spaces to throw these events). I bet many of the white gays don't even know who he is. But you should. He and a few others are the backbone of black events in Toronto. These are the people you should be going to when planning the big Pride events. They are the real voices of the Black Community. I'll tell you someone else who should be at that table….Kerolos Saleib. He runs a party called Arabian Knights that welcomes everyone but is themed for the Middle Eastern LGBT community. Someone from El Convento Rico should be on the committee for Pride planning. It's just basic common sense. Local people who are already working in the community and a part of it. 

Granted…there are some issues with the Black Lives Matters protest. Since they mainly have no financial power it is hard to sit at that table. "What money are you bringing to Pride?" The white gays spend money and that's just a fact. I can remember when I first got here to Toronto I started a Vogue night at a bar that no longer exists. The Ballroom kids came out for it. It was a cute little crowd. But they had no money to spend on drinks. I told one of the main voguers that he and his friends needed to start buying some drinks or that night was not going to last. He looked at me like I shot his mother. But the truth is…your dollars are like your vote in situations. The push back that Black Lives Matters received wasn't all based on racism. Some of it was financial. And although some funding comes from the City, it would be great to see everyone working together to raise some funds and build the community as a whole. This would be a solution to getting everyone involved and participating.

And although it is good to see Olivia Nuamah at the helm this year, there's been push back against her as a British woman of color. I love that she is definitely making strides to reach out to not only the marginalized but as well as those in position of authority. Her experience as a community builder and work in the non-profit / government sector is very impressive, but I still think that the board needs to be compiled of local promoters. Imagine if Fly, Crews & Tangos, El Convento, Club 120, Blyss, Woodys, Striker Sports Bar, Flash and Statlers all were at the same table making plans together to accommodate all the diversity that Toronto has to offer. Promoters like MOJO, Blackcat and Kerolos coming together to make the ultimate plan that includes everyone and features the best of our local talented performers and DJs. Would we be at this place right now? Arguing over stripes on a flag…attacking each other for any posts that we don't personally agree with or understand?

For those who are so adamantly against the change for the flag, someone posted on my facebook page "Why don't they just make their own flag?" Well…we are. We are taking the rainbow and adding black and brown stripes for the people who want to show their solidarity for the people of color who feel that they are not being represented. You don't have to carry that flag. This amendment doesn't devalue or diminish the rainbow flag that has been the symbol of our community for many decades. In fact, the original design had eight stripes and was proposed to get away from the pink triangle that was associated with the Nazi branding of homosexuals in the camps. I personally don't think the new design will catch on. Although I do think it would be brilliant because the Black and brown could also cover the Leather and Bear Communities as well. Why not? Let's get everyone on the flag. Just know that my interpretation doesn't effect yours. Just like your opinion doesn't effect mine…unless we compromise.

The LGBT Community is constantly evolving. Just look at all the new terms that have been added to make everyone feel represented. So, to allow others to wave their own flag is part of evolving. We have to grow if we are going to accommodate the future. And the words we use for ourselves are just as important. The ones we use and the ones we omit all play a part in how we communicate with each other.I mean, the omission of  a few words like "in uniform on a float" turned this town into a war zone of words. No one said "no police at the parade" in the demands of Black Lives Matters. Click-bait  media did that. And it gave an excuse for those who have been harboring feelings of exclusion to express them openly. Now it has turned into "no police in the parade" because that's what was put out there to stir up controversy. "Shut up and sit down" is basically what many feel like they are being told. Well, I think the folks who fought at Stonewall were tired of just going along with the program. Had those queens and lesbians not fought with the police would we be here trying to celebrate pride at all?

United we stand….divided we fall. We've come too far to stumble now.

I didn't write this to divide us. I wrote it to hopefully inspire all of us to start really working on a solution on how to move forward from this point on. When I look at Toronto I see such potential. On paper it looks like Toronto has everything covered and everyone accounted for, but the reality is that some of our brothers and sisters are being left behind and most are not paying attention or even care. That is the heart of the matter….realizing that what effects me actually effects you. And this is why I do as much as I can to give back in my own way. You can't just take, take, take…..you gotta give back and contribute.

So, on this day when 49 people lost their lives in a senseless shooting in Orlando, Florida I am hoping to awaken some people to the idea that we need to be united. That shooting could have happened anywhere in the world. We need to get back to being a community that cares and uplifts each other. Just a thought...

[serenitydiviness]

An Awkward Situation- Part 26

Man oh man. It’s been a while since I’ve updated this, lowkey I lost motivation for this and recently I got a beautiful lengthy comment on this on AO3 and that seemed to give me the push I needed. 

so this chapter is an important filler that dicusses the past of one Aaron Jose Balboa the Fourth. 

A03/ffnet

Part 26

Adrien was pacing. He tried not to but he couldn’t help it. He felt his heart rushing as he waited for the door to signal the true identity of his lady.

Maria broke his pacing by forcing him to sit down.

“Breakfast.” She ordered gently.

He looked up at her slightly worried. She looked every bit as tired as she sounded.

“You too.” He said quietly.

“I will.” She nodded.

Maria served him and then sat down herself. He stared at his food completely mystified by the fact that the eggs and ham were mixed together but it wasn’t an omelet. He watched his food intently before picking at it. Why does the food always feel a little spicy? He wondered.

“Yo, Adrien.” He heard Arty call.

“Hmm?” He replied looking up from his meal.

“Some girl named Marinette is here to work on a math project with you.” He said.

Adrien’s heart dropped for a second nodding dumbly. “I’ll go greet her.” He said getting up out of his seat.

He practically ran, hitting a few things on the way, before getting to the elevator. Somehow, the world was both confusing and made a perfect amount of sense in that moment. When he got off the elevator, he saw her, standing there looking nervous. And before he could think, he was hugging her.

“Adrien?” She asked in that quiet musical voice of hers.

“It’s you. It’s always been you.” He whispered, so full of joy. It had been the first time in days since he’d felt truly happy.

“Kitty?” she whispered, sounding shocked.

“Yeah, my lady?” He smiled hugging her close and nuzzling her for her warmth.

“It’s you.” She said.

“It always has been.” He replied.

***   Marinette could hardly breathe at the realization of her who partner was but at the same time it was the most wonderful thing in the world. She hugged him back hard, letting herself melt into his hold.

“It’s you.” He whispered over and over like a mantra.

“It’s you.” She said pulling back softly. She looked up at him and gasped at what she was. He was tired and sad but his eyes seemed to shine brighter than she had seen in ages. “Kitty, is everything okay?”

 “It will be.” He smiled tiredly.

She moved a hand to his cheek. “Of course, it will.” She promised.

He moved his hand over hers and moved it away so that he could kiss it gently. Marinette blushed heavily at the action, feeling like her heart would burst at any given second.

“I know, my lady.” He whispered against her skin.

She swooned. It was too hard not to. It wasn’t every day you found out your crime fighting partner was also the prince charming of your dreams. And seeing those two personalities mesh was enough to drive anyone crazy. Especially her.

***

Adrien smiled as he brought her up, holding her by the waist as they walked careful for her not to nearly faint, again. He was rather curious as to what prompted that but decided not to ask. “Maria’s family isn’t too bad. I can really only speak with her and two of her brothers. I don’t know English or Spanish.” He laughed.

“I know English.” She smiled, his heart practically jumped and he was about ready to kiss her, in all honesty.

“That’s great.” He replied with a nodded as they came to the door.

He opened the door glad to see that everyone else was occupied with their own business, save for Maria who had a grin on her face.

“Marinette is here for um math.” He smiled.

“Remember, improper fractions are when the bigger one is top.” Arty called.

Maria burst out laughing, leaving Adrien confused.

Aaron on the other hand seemed mortified. “Go do work on the roof!” He insisted shooing them away.

***  

Aaron smiled as he got to the roof watching as the two teens babbled excitedly. It was nostalgic in a sad kind of way. Once he had been in their position, standing on top of the world with everything he could dream off, and so much more. They seemed so engrossed in their conversations, laughing happily, and seeming so carefree. It was a really bitter thought when the reality of it all hit. They were teenagers, just as he had once been, and yet they now took the weight of their world on their shoulders.  

“Hey.” He called.

Both of them turned to him.

“Hi…” the girl smiled nervously.

“No need to be shy, my name is Aaron Jose Balboa the fourth, and I used to be El Gato Negro.”

The girl relaxed a bit. “I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” She said.

“It’s an honor to meet you.” He smiled. “Why don’t you two sit. We have a lot to talk about.”

The two teens sat down in front of him.

“Um… I have a question but I’m not sure if it’s too much.” Marinette said quietly. She reminded him of Maria at that age, awkward with a great hidden fierceness.

“Ask away.” He said with a nod.

“What… um. Why is the previous Ladybug not allowed near the Miraculous?”

Aaron sighed. “I’ll be right back to answer your question. I just need some alcohol.” He said seriously.

“You don’t have to answer.” She said quietly.

“Yes I do. It’s gonna help you understand the situation a whole lot better.” He said getting up.

***

Marinette looked at Tikki. “I’m guessing it was bad.” She asked.

Tikki nodded looking as Aaron walked away. “It’s not something any of us like to remember.” She mumbled nuzzling close Marinette.

“I’m sorry.” Marinette said cradling the Kwami close. Marinette regretted asking that question the moment she saw the way Tikki seemed to be on the verge of tears, how Plagg seemed to get so angry, and how Aaron seemed so sad, as if a part of him was lost. Her curiosity had gotten the better of her.

“Don’t be sorry.” The tiny black kwami said. “It was unfortunately, unavoidable.”

Marinette shrunk.

Her negative thoughts were quickly pulled by a comforting hug from Adrien. A wave of guilt washed over her in that moment. She was the one who should have been comforting him. He was the one who had to fight his father, after all. She moved a hand away from Tikki to hold Adrien close. It felt so strange to have the power of all the good luck in the world and somehow be so powerless to those who mattered to her.

*****

Adrien hugged Marinette close and took a deep breath. Hugging her had been selfish on his part. Lately he had been desperate for physical contact because that seemed to be the only thing that calmed him down. Marinette responded and he was grateful for it. Everything was too much for him. He didn’t know if he could handle much more.

His thoughts were stopped by the return of Aaron who came with a bottle and glass in hand. He sat up a bit straighter, hugging Marinette close.

“Let’s talk about Joseph Noriega.” Aaron said pouring himself a drink. “The previous Ladybug, or as Los Angeles knew him, La Mariquita. Oh man where do I begin? Let’s see… Oh right. I was fourteen when I took on the Miraculous and this time I was discovering things about myself that I didn’t want to admit where there. Joseph and I were best friends, and I was pretty much in love with the guy. Tikki and Plagg have a thing where they choose people who are practically born to be together forever.”

***

“No we don’t!” Plagg protested.

Aaron wanted to laugh. He took a drink and continued with his tale. “We didn’t know that the other had become a superhero and we worked side by side and it was amazing. As El Gato Negro, I was free. I could flirt with another boy easily and I didn’t have to be afraid of being called some slur.”

“You could be who you really were.” Adrien said softly.

“Yeah.” Aaron nodded. “Six months into, we found out who the other was and it was scary but it was also when we had our first kiss. We were … I was his secret and he was mine. I thought his family wouldn’t accept me and I knew my parents weren’t… they weren’t accepting of it. The only reason I felt safe at home was because Maria had becoming a huge gay rights activist. I never knew what triggered it but having someone who thought I wasn’t unnatural at home made a big difference, it made it easier to fight for what was right.”

“Your sister sounds like she’s your best friend.”  Marinette smiled.

“Maria is my best friend.” Aaron smiled. “But yeah. It went on that way until we defeated El Zorro. Who is the fox miraculous.”

“Wait what? How did—.” Marinette began.

“Each Kwami is capable of being used for good or evil. Corrupted ones can create Akumas. Ones who are free of corruption can cleanse them. The fox miraculous could create akumas in a similar manner to the pied piper. They would play a beat that would cause someone to go into a trance.” He explained.

“Wait really?” Adrien looked surprised.

“Yeah… the girl behind it she had a crush on me and once akumatized my father. She wanted to hurt our family, and she almost did but we managed.” Aaron said. “Joseph became different after that last battle. He realized he liked the power… he was corrupting himself. He hired gang members to attack schools, provoked others to fight each other, got people to start racial wars, hell he paid off corrupt cops. Eventually… I had to fight him and I found out that he had been out to his family for a while and he had a serious boyfriend. It was a shitty moment.”

“He lost his way…” Tikki whispered. Aaron held out a hand to the small kwami so that she could cry.

“He became corrupted and I had to stop him.  We managed to do it and wiped his memory of it all… but it became too much. I went off the furthest college I could and he lived his life never really paying for his wrong doings.” Aaron said sadly.

“What happened to you after?” Adrien asked.

“I got wild. I partied hard, did drugs, anything that would black out the memories. I almost overdosed.” Aaron admitted quietly. “My dad came to get me and I admitted the stuff about my sexuality… It was the first time in a year that someone had hugged me because they loved me.”

“Oh Aaron… I’m so sorry I made you relive that.” Marinette said.

“It’s fine.” Aaron smiled. “it’s the first time I’ve told this story to kids your age. My brothers don’t even know about the overdosing.”

“Will you tell them?” Adrien asked.

“One day.” He nodded. “But you know what, we got something more important to do.”

“We know.” The teens nodded.

****

Plagg nuzzled up to Aaron and cursed himself quietly. He hadn’t known that one of his kittens had been so hurt and he hadn’t been there to help him.

“So what you guys are dealing with are the worst kind of Akuma.” Aaron said, petting Plagg gently.

“What do you mean?” He heard the bug girl ask.

“It means, Gabriel Agreste is completely conscious but his body is out of his control and whoever did this, knew him personally.” Aaron said. “So here’s the plan…”

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Hope you enjoyed! I promise next chapter will end the Akumatization of gabriel agreste!