#but no jk is so pathetic i love him so bad rs is like baby its just a mosquito you will live i promise
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so i was shooting the shit with the girlies in the group chat earlier and we were talking about the great outdoors, which, of course, are great to everyone...EXCEPT JERSEYKYLE who is basically a spoiled brat and pampered house cat and the only thing he thinks would be great about the outdoors...is if one of them would Fucking OPEN and take him back inside to civilization, cable tv and air conditioning.
like i think in the future when j.k. is working his full-time guidance counsellor job ( mr. bro, you are everything to me, baby ) they coerce him ( probably with pastries, paid vacation time and peer pressure ) into chaperoning the 5th grade weekend overnight camping fieldtrip, which ravenstanley marsh, of course, tells him is a great idea and it’d be fun to be out in the forest....It Was NAUGHT.
i am picturing him in like the big puffy orange jacket and like the grown up version of the green ushanka/ear muffs, shivering, snifflin, shrieking, crying about bears or red, blotchy, completely sunburned, totally bugging about bugs, tear-gassing everything with insecticide,
ready to End It All...
meanwhile future ravenstan, who i like to think went back to school, minored in wildlife, became an badass emergency travel veterinarian, is constantly on the move and on location ( and by that i mean like srsly impoverished third world countries, the amazon rainforest, rural new zealand where they desperately need vets, australia with all the shit that can fkn Kill You, buttfuck -40 siberia saving the polar bears )
working with non-profit wildlife protection and conservation efforts, has a little squad of hyper-vigilant zoomanitarian search and rescue emergency animal doctors that specifically head to dangerous places doing intense emt roadside surgeries, goth boy apothecary hot boy shit, foraging for supplies, making life-saving medicine out of tiny mushrooms and pieces of tree bark, running through fields with possible landmines in it to save endangered species, going full emo indistana jones adventuring and saving the world as captain stanet in no mans land w/ all his tattoos and piercings ( hero KING! )
...just pointing and laughing at teacher yersey when he finally gets thirty min of service on the helicopter flying out of snake island, brazil having nearly escaped having his flesh melted off by pit vipers doing important smart boy science research on different poisons and his fiancé calls him bc he got a bug bite and he thinks he's Cooked.
live laugh love ravesey style, everybody.
#nina speaks#i finally did my makeup after a month and feel human again#please clap lmao#BUT LIKE I AM OBSESSED WITH THEM THEYRE SO FUNNY#jerseykyle cannot be outside i am so serious he will die out there he needs to be coddled in several blankets#and complained that whole trip worse than the kids#and they had cabins and bathrooms and everything help#like ravenstan is out here in botswana swining from vines and shit deep in ravines making torniquettes out of branches#being a badass motherfucking enviornmental dora the explora ass bitch saving the WORLD!!! I LOVE YOU RAE#he does spend his summers with kyle and does local emt stuff so they can hang out bc it gets lonely out there#but no jk is so pathetic i love him so bad rs is like baby its just a mosquito you will live i promise#also dont get mad but they are emergency flying me out to a hospital because an extremely poisonous snake bit me#LIKE JUST NBD DONT WORRY ABT IT BESITOS MI AMOR#i am telling u that dating stan marsh prepared him THOROUGHLY for working with children who dont listen#and do stupid ass stuff and get hurt and make bad choices#LISTEN HES SAVING THE WORLD!!!! HUSH!!!#also his calves do look incredible u have to know this
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