#but never remembers her when it restarts so it's a bittersweet 'i'll always find you again' thing

[masters-of-void]

yeah i'm slowly getting attached to the idea that drifter and aoi date casually for a little bit before he ends up with eleanor.. like she comes at him so strongly with the warmth and affirmations that i think he would gravitate to that, being someone who's presumably never had romantic feelings before. and at the same time, he's the version of arthur that can understand her and is willing to not take everything so deathly serious, so it makes sense she'd be smitten

however, they don't go deeper because she'd start to remind him too much of mathila, feeling himself at risk of falling into an unbalanced spiral with her, and she'd see a man who could become just as bitter about The Mission as arthur is given enough stress in the loop. neither at this time early in the drifter's dynamic with the team would know how to work those issues out, so they'd simply break it off amicably, agreeing that they're better as the close friends they'll become instead

myes, i believe this would be good for them. she needs a soft rebound and he needs to test the waters before he jumps into such a deep end as one of the hard-to-get hexes lol

[xiazoxio]

Chapter 1 - "Flicker"

Word count: 1.2k

A/n; oop- part 1 omg! I made it only 1.2k words because I was busy being a 🤡 hehehh-

There's a surprise moodboard at the end c:

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I've finally come to the realization that maybe,after all these years, she wouldn't be coming back.

I placed the cup I was previously holding back onto the counter. My tears felt suffocating at this point, they never stopped. Salty and bittersweet sorrow was always a nostalgic feeling no matter how many times I've tried to impede it. They were always reminiscent of the fact she was never coming back. 

I took in a deep breath, like I could breathe only when my presence was accompanied by sadness.

I leaned back on the cool wall, jolting me up a bit,from the contrast of the warm bed. I started thinking. 

Was that dream real? Or was it just another one of those stupid,stress nights?

I unconsciously looked at the gently swaying window, reflecting the orange hue of the rising sun, the curtains dimming the light from completely blinding me. There, a slit between the curtains and the window was present. Beautiful cotton skies,swirling with intricate clouds and vibrant dream-like colors of hints of pastel blues and indigos. The clouds forming a beautifully ornate pattern across the sky after the rain, something I'd seen for the first time. 

The little plants growing beside the window frame were luminous with life. They gave off a fresh scent that made breathing a bit easier. The lovely scent pricked my nose, chuckling a bit at the thought. A few chirping birds passed by, a mother and her child, her children emulating her,singing sweet songs.

The little window gave me just the tiniest bit of hope of restarting.

-

I was holed up in this apartment for the rest of the day, having been given a holiday due to heavy rains for the past weeks. Of course, I continued on lifelessly until today, where I wanted to do some activity.

Still having the reminder that rain will be pouring down later this day. 

I started planning on what to do. I counted the stakes this was just a lucid dream, or it wasn't. I've never had these dreams, half of the excuse that I hadn't been able to snap out of my own haze of ignorance. 

If it really was real, I started planning ahead.

Acceptance.

My heart ached for a minute as I stared at the word I'd written down. It was almost on impulse my mind acted upon, but it was showing that I had started to think about this more rationally than an emotional view.

I brainstormed for steps to start, my hands not fast enough to keep up with my mind, a reason for my messy handwriting.

I need to start thinking about our old,happier times instead of mourning for the ones we won't be able to spend together.

This sentence alone made an appearance of a bittersweet smile.

I may not remember those times too brightly, because back then, we didn't know we were making (lost) memories, we just knew that we were having fun.

-

5:36 PM

It was the same dream I'd gotten last week.

The same road I'd inevitably run down, the same pattern of warm blood that'd slip through the cracks of the jagged road, the dreadful feeling of fear creeping up on my back as I came to a screeching halt in front of me.

The pitiful stares of people around me as shock stilled my body.

But then I woke up.

A dry path of drool still embedded on my skin as I lifted my head up to see the papers around me, small pictures of us scattered on the grey,cold desk. I fell asleep. 

I stared at the ticking clock for a few minutes,confused thoughts still clogging my mind. I slowly processed what was happening around me and stood up.

I turned right,hearing a loud purr.

Munko laid on top of my bedside drawer,dangerously close to pushing the lamp off,but taking more interest in the stray fibres of my pillow cover. I walked over trying not to startle her and slowly picked up the lamp, keeping it beside the drawer. Munko stretched out onto the space the lamp had previously taken over, as if mocking its victory over the space. I laughed at her antics and picked her up, making sure her claws weren't tangled within the fibres of the pillow cover.

I walked out of my bedroom, leaving the half written papers on my desk to fly with the outside wind however they wanted,hoping they wouldn't fly out the open window.

I slowly let her down from my arms onto the floor. She walked towards her food bowl that laid empty,with only small crumbs of the dry food I'd feed her at times. I remembered to feed her and walked over to her to pick up the bowl. She'd instantly meow as loud as possible whenever there was her bowl in my hand, because she knew I was going to feed her a bunch.

I kept the bowl on the counter and,like muscle memory, completed the task before I knew it. I was still thinking,however, about what I should exactly do. Enko's instructions were quite vague, only to "move on".

Of course, I had the internet too. But just as a precaution,maybe I should wait for her instructions. It is her undying wish, after all.

I picked up the bowl after Munko had eaten and licked it clean to pour in some water and get her to drink some,even if only a little.

Making sure she'd drink at least some, I searched for my phone. The apartment was too silent,too tormenting for my thoughts.

I searched for my phone, located it and sat on my bed, browsing through my music playlist searching for some background noise. It'd work even if it was static, I can't handle silence for long. 

Music was like a form of comfort.

I'd always find something related to my problems, having something to relate to and knowing that person who sang it was also going through the same thing always gave me some form of reassurance. It comforted me.

But music only helps you so far. 

There are times when even music can't read your feelings. Feelings are complicated and hard to understand. They're always deeper than the surface. No words can describe, whether unique or common, no word could ever.

People say that a person who understand the depth of your emotions is your soulmate, and to hold on to them with a death grip.

However, this concept was quite a mess to me.

I put my phone down as beautiful rhythms emitted from it. 

I was lost, for once. It was a new feeling. A mix of stress, confusion yet excitement and thrill. It felt refreshing. Life was seeming vibrant and colorful for the first time,new fluttering feelings dancing in my chest, and my heart pounding in happiness as small flickers of thrill run down my spine.

Is this what living feels like?

I don't want to lose these feelings, this new feeling of ebullience, a ball of child-like happiness. 

I want to make everyday count,every day to remember, and every moment to be filled with contentment.

Maybe I'll try something new tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

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