#but names r like a super weird subject for me

[clembian]

been thinkin abt a new name recently ^_^

[mixsethaddams]

Eddie/Hotdude Official Megathread!

(This is based on this post I made a while ago, shoutout to @bunk12bear for suggesting the format!)

(I know the formatting is a bit weird because of how tumblr is posting it, but it’s much clearer/cleaner over here on ao3!  But generally I think it works better on desktop than mobile...)

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

r/corrodedcoffincirclejerk

Eddie/Hotdude Official Megathread!

TheNumberOneBanished 8hr ago

Ok everyone, this is the official megathread to discuss this post from Eddie. Mods have decided it’s been too crazy in here and it needs to be compressed. 

If you missed it, although I don’t see HOW at this point, Eddie and a man (who was named by fans in the 90s as Hotdude Inthebackground) have apparently been engaged since 1989 and were among the first same sex couples to get married in Indiana this morning. Hotdude has previously been assumed to be part of their security but *shrug* looks like we were wrong. We’ve been overwhelmed with posts on the subject so keep it in this ONE PLACE please from now on. 

Bots and mods will be on patrol to mute/ban where necessary. Don’t be fucking rude. 

r/CCCJ Bot 8hr ago

Beep Boop. Don’t downvote mean comments, but do upvote anything you agree with! 

I’m a bot and my actions will be performed automatically. Contact the moderators if you think I’ve made a mistake!

EddiesGirl 8hr ago

Are we sure it’s not a joke?

---mrboombastic 8hr ago

    Yes baby we’re sure

    ---EddiesGirl 8hr ago

        How though?

        ---mrboombastic 7hr ago

         They’ve never joked about anything like this, sex and sexuality

          is probably the one thing they’ve always been super serious

          about. Guess this is why.

---user37397564397569 8hr ago

    U mad?

     ---EddiesGirl 7hr ago

         Just not sure I believe it

throwawayfuckeddie 7hr ago

burning all my cc shit right now man. don’t need a fucking fag on my car stereo. fuck eddie. 

---Mycoffinisfineactually 7hr ago

     They still have your money, dude. But sure, go ahead and destroy

      all your shit.

     ---throwawayfuckeddie 7hr ago

         fuck you too. 

(comment deleted)

---frogger75 8hr ago

    You kiss your mother with that mouth?

---lokisbabe 8hr ago

    What the fuck?

---allthegoodnamesweretaken 7hr ago

    That’s…an interesting threat? I think?

---(comment deleted)

     ---freakmeup 6hr ago

          Digging your own grave here. Just stop. 

         ---(comment deleted)

 ---seven8nine 5hr ago

     No way you could fit your entire truck up there

---(comment deleted)

    ---(comment deleted)

pussyfromaboywithcatears 7hr ago

Do we even know Hotdude’s real name? I mean I doubt Eddie’s going to be Mr. Inthebackground from now on?

---bornindenial 7hr ago

    I don’t think so? Someone on twitter said Eddie used the name

    ‘Steve’ literally one time when they were at a signing and Hotdude was the

    one who came to the table. No proof though.

    ---pussyfromaboywithcatears 7hr ago

     Strange thing to wait until NOW to mention. Also, Steve?

      Generic af. My money’s on that being a lie and ‘Steve’ was the first name

       they thought of.

---babygotfront 7hr ago

    Eddie’s got the name ‘Dustin’ tatted on his leg? 

    ---pussyfromaboywithcatears 6hr ago

      Along with about eight or nine others, so unless we’re also

       thinking Hotdude’s name is also either Jane or Erica, I don’t think

       that makes sense.

---lokisbabe 6hr ago

    Twitter right now is saying Steve and this tracks for me. Eddie’s got

    that big S tattoo on his ring finger.

   ---frogger75 6hr ago

       Did he not saying that stood for ‘sucking dick’?

       ---EddiesGirl 6hr ago

           When did he say that? Like is he even really gay?

           ---Mycoffinisfineactually 6hr ago

               sweetie he’s been out a long time, its time to move on

       ---indianaguy 5hr ago

       I knew eddie in highschool and that is absolutely something

         he’d get a tattoo of.

          ---mrboombastic 5hr ago

           My guy. Check your fucking yearbook rn to see if Hotdude in

            there.

           ---sevendogsinatrenchcoat 5hr ago

              No way to verify, Eddie never graduated, ergo no yearbook.

              Got his GED in 98.

               ---mrboombastic 5hr ago

                  We get yearbooks every year but yeah you’re right, too

                  hard to verify

        ---freakmeup 5hr ago

           Ignore this guy, he’s always on all the conspiracy boards

           claiming wild shit about. Russian invasions and monsters.

           Says the earthquake that gave Eddie that scar on his face was

           an evil wizard. The band themselves have renounced him as a

           fan.

            ---indianaguy 4hr ago

                Fuck you you fucking sheep

                ---freakmeup 3hr ago

                      Baaaaaa

CallMeByYourMothersName 5hr ago

holy fuck HOLY FUCK everyone needs to watch this video right now. Eddie blowing a kiss to the side of the stage at MSG and if you turn up the brightness HOTDUDE IS THERE AND HE CATCHES IT

---ninebrassmonkeys 5hr ago

   Oh shit that’s cute

   ---ninebrassmonkeys01 4hr ago

      I have a bone to pick with you 

---burningmanwasboring 5hr ago

    Oh shit that’s cute, indeed

Chesticles03 5hr ago

Does this mean Lollipop is about Hotdude’s dick?

---pissbaby75 5hr ago

   …yes I believe it does

---showmeyourfeet 5hr ago

    lol you’re right it probably does

---drumbitch98 5hr ago

    There’s a video of Hotdude wearing a Lollipop shirt at a meet and

    greet! Eddie told the person recording that it was a merch sample

    that never got made!

    ---pissbaby75 5hr ago

      I’ve seen this video omg wait let me find it I’m sure it’s on

       youtube

pissbaby75 4hr ago

HERE is the video of Hotdude in the scrapped Lollipop merch and I swear at 1:23 he SAYS HIS NAME. Headphones on full volume. This was from 2002. Whoa.

---CaptionBot

    Here are the captions for this video! 

    “Hi guys thanks for coming”

    “I’m so excited to meet you, your music saved my life”

    “Awesome to hear that man, glad you’re still around. Is this the

     shirt you brought to get signed?”

    “Yes please. I think all the Lollipop merch get sold out already but

      this one is  awesome too”

     “I’ll pass it on to Will our designer, thank you. There was only

     samples made for 

     Lollipop stuff *laughing sounds* They said looked too much like a

     dick to sell. (Steve?) back there has the only actual one. Here you

      go, enjoy the show tonight!”

     “Did you call me?” 

     “Oh my god Hotdude! Hi!”

     “Uh, hey?”

---Chesticles03 4hr ago

   STEVE!!!!!!!!!! He definitely does say Steve!

---interestingreaction 4hr ago

   The tattoo of the S on his hand. It all makes sense now.

   ---jackskullboy 4hr ago

     As much fun as the story he tells about it being about his love for

     sucking dick is, I agree that this is a better fit

CorrodedCorpse 4hr ago

Hotdude has an E tattoo! Repeat! Hotdude has an E tattoo! This video of him in shorts lifting an amp into a van is grainy because hey, cellphones in the mid 00s, right? But the tat on his left leg has a very definite E shape. Props to tumblr for spotting this one.  

---punchanazi 4hr ago

    How is it that we’re literally only clocking this now?

    ---CorrodedCorpse 4hr ago

        He’s also topless. We were not focusing on anything but

        Hotdude without a shirt

        on.

        ---punchanazi 3hr ago

           Valid. 

EddiesGirl 3hr ago

There’s been nothing posted online since. I still don’t think this is for real if he hasn’t posted a follow up.

---coffinfucker 3hr ago

    How does that logic work?

    ---EddiesGirl 3hr ago

      Well wouldn’t you be posting your wedding day for everyone to

       see?

        ---coffinfucker 3hr ago

           He kept it secret since the 80’s and you think now is when

           that’ll change? We were lucky to even get this. There was more

           info about Beyonce’s first trimester on Blue Ivy than there was about

           this relationship until literally 10 hours ago.

            ---EddiesGirl 2hr ago

               I just think he owes us more of an explanation. We’re the ones

               paying his bills.

---Mycoffinisfineactually 3hr ago

    I think you should log off

    ---EddiesGirl 3hr ago

        Why? Because I want to know why he’s lied to us for so long

         he’s not the person I thought he was if he’s been lying about

         being in a relationship for so long.

        ---Mycoffinisfineactually 3hr ago

            *facepalm*

             ---EddiesGirl 2hr ago

                If you’re ok with supporting someone who has the capacity

                for such a huge lie then fine. Some of us are on discord

                writing an open letter about it.

                ---Mycoffinisfinactually 1hr ago

                    oh my god of course you are

allaboutthatbass 3hr ago

Is this Hotdude in this video? In the yellow? Is someone calling him Harry?

Edit: sorry, new to this. LINK

---showmeyourfeet 3hr ago

   You forgot the link, champ

   ---allaboutthatbass 3hr ago

       Sorry, fixed it.

---ozzyozzy 3hr ago

   That’s Hotdude! It doesn’t sound like Harry though. More like ‘Here,

   Tony’. Is his name Tony?

   ---CallMeByYourMothersName 3hr ago

      No we’ve figured out it’s Steve, but you’re right that there’s two

      parts to whatever he’s being called. Surname maybe?

---thedoctordonna 3hr ago

    He looks great in yellow

    ---pissbaby75 3hr ago

        He looks fuckin great in yellow

        ---milestellme 3hr ago

            Definitely his colour

            ---daisiesonyournightstand 2hr ago

                More Hotdude in yellow content please

                ---27 more replies

---CoffinUpMyHeart 2hr ago

     If you slow the video down it sounds like they’re saying Harrington.

     Could that be it?

    ---coochieluver 2hr ago

        Steve Harrington is such a Midwest name jesus christ

    ---bodysnatcher 2hr ago

        I hear it too. Sounds like Harrington for sure

EddiesGirl 2hr ago

If anyone wants to add their name to the letter of why we as fans feel betrayed by not hearing about this before now, I’ll leave the link here.

---mrboombastic 2hr ago

    Are you still here?

---Mycoffinisfineactually 2hr ago

    This is so funny

---showmeyourfeet 2hr ago

    What the fuck is this?

---TheNumberOneBanished 2hr ago

    There are easier ways to ask me to ban you

---pussyfromaboywithcatears 2hr ago

    Careful throwing that ‘we’ word around

tusconarizona 1hr ago

It’s kind of hard to see for sure because it’s a screenshot of an old Top Of The Pops performance, but this looks like Eddie holding Hotdude’s hand when they leave the stage?

---BeamMeUpThotty 1hr ago

   Hard to tell! Could be just Hotdude putting his hand out to help

   him step down off the stage?

TimCurryingMyFavour 1hr ago

Was he ever just a security guard?

---ironmanCW 1hr ago

    Now there’s a question.

    ---TimCurryingMyFavour 1 hr ago

         Like how did they even meet?

mopthefloor 38 minutes ago

I wonder if Eddie knows how big a deal this is? 

---callousedanus 35 minutes ago

    That he’s married?

    ---mopthefloor 27 minutes ago

      Well yeah but like, that he’s officially gay now too. NME has been

       saying for years that he’s been joking about it. This is huge for their queer

       fanbase

        ---throwawayfuckeddie 20 minutes ago

            fuck their queer fanbase

            ---mopthefloor 17 minutes ago

                Don’t threaten me with a good time

        ---callousedanus 25 minutes ago

          They’ve been pretty clear about never joking about that kind of

           thing (I think it was discussed further up the thread?) so NME

           haven’t been paying close enough attention. I get what you

            mean though, very validating, especially in this scene.

SpaceDogsInMyBrain 26 minutes ago

Hasn’t Eddie said that he lurks this subreddit? I wonder if he’ll see this?

---eddiem 20 minutes ago

    Yep!

TheNumberOneBanished just now

Ok! So we’re locking this thread now because we’ve come very close to accidentally doxxing Hotdude! We’ve been given a super rare insight into Eddie’s personal life and we’re going to stay respectful of it.

Also, Eddie has posted another picture on Instagram, you can see it here.

tl;dr for anyone too lazy to click, it’s a picture of them holding hands backstage at a show, it’s pretty cute. Caption confirms that Hotdude’s name is in fact Steve, they met through friends in 1986, and that CC will be scheduling their long awaited farewell tour dates once they’re back from honeymoon. 

It’s been a pretty wild day for us in the fanbase, but if it’s one thing we can all take away from this, it’s that Hotdude looks great in yellow.

Thread Locked By Moderators.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

People who said they might be interested:

(Also if anyone was planning on writing this for real then please do and please still tag me! I'd love to see it)

@shainsaw22 @duckyreads @maya-custodios-dionach @impeachy @daydreamerblues @0o-queendean-o0 @softgaygothboy @butterisgod @theoncelee @toasted-ghosty @genderisaliesowhyshouldihaveone @furbywithaknife420

[rubykgrant]

On the subject of what kinds of tattoos RVB characters might have (or if they wouldn't have tattoos at all)...

Grif; we know he's got a Blade tattoo on his neck (I'm imagining it on the back). He'd probably get a few more, but avoid ones that seem too "typical" (he's mentioned several he would DEFINITELY not care for). He might get some on the Simmons-sides of his arm/leg, for the fun of it. I think on the back of his shoulder, he'd get something that matches with Kai, and when they sit side-by-side, it fits together. You just know he'd get a pizza tattoo somewhere (possible even a pizza with a slice missing on one arm, and then the slice over on the other). If he wanted to be all extra romantic about it, he'd find something with Simmons' signature on it, and get it tattooed on his chest, over where the heart is (this is a game, and he's winning). He also might get a traffic cone~

Simmons; he'd be all afraid to do it, but also REALLY wants to seem cool... if he finally goes for it, he'd get something like Pi or the infinity symbol. He might get a nerdy tattoo on his neck to match Grif (the Robin R, since his name matches Dick Grayson, or the Starfleet insignia, or the little up-link patterns from Ghost in the Shell)

Tucker; listen, he's a pain-baby. In a serious situation, when he has to fight or save somebody, Tucker can handle anything, he'll keep going and push through the pain... but in regular situations? Ow, no hurty! However, he'd get something for Junior (like the shape of his handprint when Junior was still tiny), perhaps on one shoulder blade, and on the other he'd get the Alpha and Epsilon symbols (almost left those unfinished, because HURTY, which would have been ironic, since Church keeps dying... but he finally got it done)

Caboose; had to be talked out of getting a HUGE tattoo that just says "I LOVE CHURCH" on his chest. Instead, he got a pale-blue helmet tattoo on his forearm on one side, and a deeper blue helmet tattoo on the other forearm (his and Church's original one), and when he hugs Church, the helmets overlap~

Sarge; never gave himself any down-time for decades, so no tattoos for a long time... when he finally chills, he would get a few for ODST, the Red Team symbol, and a shotgun slapped on him somewhere... maybe something pretty like a sunset scene on his back (he has a sentimental side for things like that). He'd also get a series of lines, in a stripe pattern, of red-brown-maroon-orange-pink-purple, one his bicep (people who see it ask "what Pride Flag is that?")

Doc; not super interested in tattoos... but he might get something like a moon and sun overlapping, like an eclipse, to be all symbolic for him and O'Malley. If O'Malley convinced him to get more, there would be like, a skull next the peace-sign. Doc's also one of those guys who'd get a motivational quote printed on him somewhere (everybody teases him that it's gonna be "Live Laugh Love", but he's not THAT much of a dork)

Donut; an elaborate tattoo illustration of a ribbon and several flowers, maybe on his thigh above his knee, and curves up around his hip, all very PINK~ Also, something that says "God Can't Kill Me" on his arm

Wash; not especially into tattoos, but he might get something on his neck (not over the scars, but around them), like a couple flowers to represent still being alive/growth. On a dare, he might get like, a small road tattoo (black winding stripe over an arm or leg, with the yellow lines down the middle. because it's his armor... and hahaha, car joke). Although he'd like to get something for all his friends he's lost, it feels weird getting a Project Freelancer tattoo (because the program itself SUCKED), or multiple AI Fragment symbol tattoos (it feels in poor taste, after what happened to Maine and the Meta). He would finally pick something like an intricate kaleidoscope pattern full of multiple colors (for the armor of all the friends he's lost, and all the friends he still has) on a shoulder

Carolina; just don't want any tattoos

Church; same. He doesn't care, he'll be the token plain-vanilla one with no ink

Tex; finally got herself that star on her back~

Kai; she's got a matching one with her bro... and also a lipstick kissy-mark on the little dip under her belly, something like cherries/hearts on her chest, small stylized symbols of different drinks on one arm, a crown and the word "PRINCESS" written in fancy font at the small of her back (it was gonna say "Princess Slut", but she decided to be at least mildly considerate to her bro's sanity, since he'd see it any time she had a swimsuit on. prude), "Fuck The Police" on her arm somewhere, and a rainbow that is a gradient- half colorful, half grayscale

[knife-moth-mc]

oo that’s actually exactly what i needed thank you! The situation with Anathema and Moth in this AU is result of an experiment with forcing two consciousnesses into one body in an attempt to gain immortality. He did not choose to be a test subject so he is understandably not happy about it. I haven’t quite figured out his deal yet but he’s supervillain adjacent ig? So far he hasn’t featured super heavily (mostly just a part where August gets caught skipping patrol to go be with him) but i plan to put him into the AU a lot more because he’s fascinating and fanfiction is how I study characters like bugs. Anyway i would always like to hear more about your boy please always. Ive watched all your vods twice now i need m o r e

Fantastic, I'm happy to help!

Anathema's a weird one for sure. I've never written or played another character quite like him, and I keep coming up blank trying to find similar characters in other media. I didn't even really create him, exactly; the very first moment he existed was the moment he spoke up during the seance. (I knew his name and the bones of his backstory by then, but I hadn't figured out his voice or personality yet.) I didn't know that the seance was going to work until it did!

As with many of my characters, I understand both C!Moth and Anathema through a combination of observation of their actions and after-the-fact analysis. This is easier for me to do with Moth, since it's so directly patterned on myself. There's been significant drift but we fundamentally think very similarly so there's not much of a gap to make up. I don't have as easy a time with Anathema because his thought patterns are pretty foreign to me, so I tend to go ramble in DMs about why he did what he did after each stream. This means I have a LOT written down about how he works.

One of my favorite things about him is the way he understands people and conversely the ways in which he struggles to understand them. He has a wildly accurate knack for reading people in exactly one specific way, which is to say that he can see very clearly who people are but is blind to the justifications and plans and trains of logic that overlay that. This makes it less useful than it sounds, a little like having X-Ray vision you can’t turn off. Everyone else is concerned with the color of people’s clothing while your only view of them is their bones; it’s hard to functionally engage on the same level. And as it turns out, people’s actions tend to be more informed by logic than by some nebulous ~who they are underneath~ so the experience of being Anathema is one of consistently being blindsided and doubting your own ability to understand people in any way.

He’s missing a pretty significant chunk of default social software in general, honestly. There’s this relatively common thing called the “nerd social fallacy,“ which essentially boils down to “all my friends should be friends with each other.” Anathema doesn’t have that, or rather, he has its opposite rather than its lack. The (healthy) lack of the nerd social fallacy goes something like “sometimes people just don’t get along, and it is good and normal to have different non-overlapping friend groups.” Anathema just... doesn’t think about how other people feel about each other. To him, all his relationships are separate and have no bearing on each other. It genuinely didn’t occur to him until prompted to tell Lux he was dating August or vice versa, for example. This is also how he’s capable of being besties with K while dating Lux.

This is where I’ll leave things for now, but I’m always glad to answer more questions if you have any. (Or point you towards symbolism or similar, because I put a lot of thought into that but don’t want to say outright what most of it means. @blorbosfromminecraft can confirm that there’s a bunch of this and I love when people engage with it.)

(Also what do you MEAN you’ve watched all my vods twice, even if you’ve just watched the lore edits those are almost 70 hours of content are you okay)

[matoitech]

i get where ppl r coming from w those like ‘u should read/watch/listen to Terrible Bad indie art’ stuff like i get what ppl r Trying to say. but i also feel like its kind of weird to act like everyone that isnt attached to a brand or company name is making Dogshit Art. like again i See where its coming from and i think ppl should feel free to create no matter how ‘good’ they r at something. but like.. there  r ppl who genuinely enjoy like. ‘rougher’ work and it feels like a lot of ppl want to go watch like. amateur theater or read indie graphic novels or listen to someones funky niche music to feel like theyre a better and more moral person than ppl who watch marvel movies and not bcuz they like. actually like it. bcuz there r ppl who Like Seeing That Stuff. like i cannot stress enough that there r ppl who r legitimately passionate abt things like amateur theater or indie comics with ‘bad’ art or weird niche music that ‘isnt good’ to u personally or whatever. like this stuff is super subjective and there r ppl who genuinely enjoy what u make. even if some tumblr user makes a 50k note post abt how much they love your Completely Dogshit Laughably Terrible Art. like this is just my interpretation of it n again i Get where its coming from i get what ppl r trying to say, but it feels liek some longform way of saying someones passion is stupid and dumb and bad 2 me bcuz personally i love seeing ‘amatuer’ work. 

like absolutely u dont have to be ‘good’ at anything to create. you should not feel like u have to be an amazingly skilled talented professional to doi something that makes you happy. but also like. there r ppl who r going to genuinely love and enjoy your work and passion and ideas literally no matter how ‘good’ you r or think u r. so it just seems like kind of strange to be like ‘i love watching ppls DOGSHIT amateur theater productions that are SO cringe and embarrassing bcuz im SUPPORTING THE ARTS’ like wow..... im sure those ppl r rly rly grateful that a connoisseur such as yourself is tolerating their Cringe passion and helping them stay afloat out of the kindness of ur heart or whatever

anyway dont like overanalyze if ur ‘supporting artists for the wrong reasons’ like who fucking cares go watch theater productions cuz u feel good to support local theater share someones indie graphic novel around bcuz its rly cool that they made it even if it didnt hit for u personally like genuinely WHO fucking cares but also like there r ppl who r genuinely passionate abt this stuff and enjoy this stuff like it isnt just you in a room choosing to support someones Bad Art or something. its good to support ppl n stuff it just feels like a weird way to frame the discussion 2 me sometimes. there ARE ppl who actually enjoy this stuff and dont think its Bad or Cringe

[dacergirl369]

HELLO HELLO I WAS TAGGED BY @horse-music HI BESTIE THANK YOU!!!!

are you named after anyone? yeahhhhh my irl first name is named after my mums favourite movie but benny is a diminutive of my surname so im named after...... myself??? slay

when was the last time you cried? uhhhhh maybe last week??? I had a very frustrating time last week and im a real crybaby lmao 

do u have kids? no unless you count my three beautiful cat children :)

do u use sarcasm? YEah i guess so. this question feels like a trap I feel like no matter what answer i say people are going to assume im being sarcastic. I'm STUCK. 

whats the first thing you notice about people? I guess whether they seem nice or not?? approachability???? idk

what's your eye colour? grey blue

scary movies or happy endings? WHY PIT TWO BAD BITCHES AGAINST EACH OTHER

any special skills? not particularly!! I can't really think of any rip

where were you born? yorkshire. white rose for life innit

what are your hobbies? DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS OBVIOUSLY. but also I don't know if i've ever really talked about this on here but im SUPER into bookbinding. largely of fanfics but also notebooks and my original writing etc. i mostly do casebound books since thats what i enjoy making the most BUT i LOVE experimenting with new types of binding as well as binding adjacent crafts (paper marbling, paste papers, box building, etc). bookbinding is highkey the love of my life rn i love CRAFTS. Its fun its cool its easy to get started with and its extremely rewarding to create a pretty good book even first try. cannot recommend it enough. the only downside is that ive started pouring all of my limited money into Bookbinding Supplies and Machines bcs i am. Obsessed. but you don't NEED that shit to do well at it i just like it. :)

do you have any pets? YES i have many beautiful children including three beautiful kitties and two Very Large Dogs (technically they belong to my parents but those r MY KIDS). 

do you or have you played any sports? im not really a sports guy but i played rounders through to the end of secondary and one time when i was in year 5 i think i got a last minute invite to come to a golf tournament bcs someone got sick and they were a person short for the team and i was like “sure, ive never played golf before but i will say yes to literally anything that gets me out of class” and so i went and i won the tournament so i guess you could say im a champion. full disclosure i dont know that any of those kids had ever played golf before that day think everyone was just picked for being vaguely sporty and i got picked for being generally well behaved and also available. plus the category was like “[city] year 5 golf champion” so it was SUPER narrow and not very competitive. lol. i dont really remember what the actual tournament consisted of but im like 75% sure it wasnt actually playing golf. I think it was just like a selection of golf adjacent activities. weird day

how tall are you? I don't know like 5’5? 5’4? something like that

fave subject at school? media studies my beloved <3 i never had more fun engaging academically than i did in gcse media.

dream job? I dont KNOW i like performing i like writing i like creating. probably like a podcaster or stand up or author i just got SHIT TO SAY. or a bookbinder. :)

TAGGING @acasternaut @blueberrybonbons @riverblujay @billhaders @tattoobedobedoo @pawpunkao3 AND ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO. IF I DIDNT TAG YOU IM SOWWY :D

[purplesurveys]

1620

Spell your name without any R's, I's, G's, or E's: Obyn.

Is there anyone on your mind? Nobody, really. I don’t usually think of people – instead, I’m always just looking for the next thing I should be worrying about lol. 

Describe your bra: It’s a black tube bralette. Do you ever want kids? I did for a time. I wanted to be a mother. But my previous relationship turned out to be very traumatic that I was turned off from that whole lifestyle altogether; not interested in dating, not interested in having kids, I don’t even daydream about my wedding anymore. I’m excited to have nieces and nephews though! I feel like I’ll live out my love for kids through that route instead. What are you looking forward to this summer? I’m so sick of these season-related questions.

How are you doing in school? I had to give a fuck for me to be doing excellently; but I didn’t care for most of my classes so I was more of a boring above average student instead. Did just enough to pass every grade without issue, but I also had the occasional achievement like getting the highest exam score in the class. In college I was more proactive in doing better since I wanted to graduate with honors, which I was able to do.

What color do you like most today? Purple.

Rain or sunny? Rain!

Live close to a beach? Not at all. You’d have to drive north or south to the provinces to get to the beachy areas. Otherwise, in this area, it’s just one concrete jungle after another. What does your hair look like, normally? Dry and frizzy. It looks a lot healthier when the temperature is lower, but obviously we never get that here, so dry and frizzy it usually is.

What are your thoughts on marijuana? I don’t have much of a relationship with it other than having a bad experience last year. I know it has a medical debate around it too but I honestly don’t know much about that side to have a stance. When was the last time you spent the night with someone? That would be two Saturdays ago when I had friends sleep over.

What song are you listening to, if any? I Need U by BTS just started playing.

Pretend that you are five years older, what would you be doing right now? In another country drinking wine even though I hate it to feel fancy.

What subjects are you good in? History and any kind of social science, really. Ever kissed someone whose name started with an X? Nope.

Any complaints? My braces are so tight and uncomfortable and I just wanna get back to eating more solid food.

What's your favorite alcoholic beverage? Cocktails.

Do you miss anyone? Just BTS.

Who's on your top friends? Social media doesn’t do this anymore.

--

1. Is there something you have been trying to learn lately? I think Korean counts? I’m always constantly trying to pick up new phrases and sayings and vocabulary to add to my mental bank. I can read Hangul at an acceptable rate now and can even distinguish satoori at this point...but grammar is just impossible to master. I never know where the nouns and subjects and verbs go hahaha.

2. If you ever feel like you are different from your extended family, in which ways is this? In some ways. I am most definitely NOT religious, which is blatant on both sides. A portion of my mom’s side is actually pretty modern-thinking (not homophobic, fine with same-sex relationships, the whole shebang) which I appreciate; though my dad’s side is generally super conservative and has the shittiest political opinions so on both fronts we’re very different.

3. When you think about your future career, do you envision yourself becoming the head honcho or CEO? If not, why not? No, I’m not interested or even knowledgeable about running-the-business type of things and don’t think I’d be capable of doing a good job at all. 4. Is there something that you are sort of weird about talking about? Like, a thing that other people find casual, but you feel uncomfortable when the subject comes up? That’s a good question. One thing would be the pandemic – all my friends are pretty well off so none of them were actually affected too much and all of their stories are just “I learned how to do this or that” “I spent all my time doing this or that”; but both my parents are in the hospitality industry and were hit pretty hard, as was our family altogether. With no money flowing into the home, every day was spent worrying if we’d be able to afford groceries, when they can be able to work again, hoping none of us get sick so that we didn’t have to spend on hospital bills, etc. It was the closest we ever got to poverty.

This is not to say that I’m ashamed of the fact that we had to sell one of our cars or that my dad had to be a delivery worker that entire time – I am especially proud of the latter – but it’s just a topic I hate venturing into only because I never want to remember the struggles we went through anymore. 5. Can you think of a time when you seriously misjudged a music artist based on their name? Oh I remember judging “Beyond the Scene” way too fucking much when I wasn’t into K-pop yet. 

6. Do you ever make negative comments about other body types? How does it make you feel when you see or hear negative comments about your body type, or a physical trait that you have (even when it’s not directed at you)? Uhm, not really but it’s also because I never get into conversations where I get to talk about different body types. As for comments...I don’t care. I feel pretty comfortable in my own skin, so hearing stuff about my body type doesn’t faze me too much. It most likely comes from insecure people, anyway. 

7. If you are in a situation where you feel like you are being attacked or not respected, how easy or difficult is it for you to stay and keep your head rather than leave in a huff? I either bite back or stay doing what I’m doing until I’m able to prove myself to those people.

9. When you think about how attractive you feel and your favorite features, are you comparing yourself to a societal ideal? Eh, not so much. Again, what matters to me is simply if I feel comfortable and confident about myself. If the answer to that is yes, that’s all I really need.

10. If you have a favorite song right now: What is it? How did you first hear it? Why do you like it so much? Closer by RM, Paul Blanco, and Mahalia. It actually used to be one of my ‘least’ favorite (or at least, least listened to) tracks off Indigo, which is funny due to how my relationship with it eventually panned out. I’m now obsessed with it and is one of my top favorites from the album.

I love the song because it’s very...honest. Real. Raw. I don’t think I’ll ever forget about the despair in Joon’s voice when he sings “Stay where you are.” 

11. Have you ever had someone that has been your friend for a while come to you and tell you they had romantic feelings for you? How did you respond, and did the friendship survive? This has happened, but I was on the other side of the coin; I was the one who did the reveal. The next day they told me the feelings were mutual, and we were together from there on out. No, the friendship didn’t survive when we broke up 6 years later.

12. Hypothetically speaking, if Hillary Clinton were running for President as a democrat against Chris Christie as a republican in 2016, who do you predict would win the election? Wow, US politics, can totally relate.

13. When you are getting to know someone new online (particularly someone male), how cautious are you of the possibility that they are serial killer/kidnapper? I don’t like making guy friends online as they might be a creep.

14. If you are talking to someone that you want to get to know, what are your go-to conversation topics? What subject makes you disappointed when another person isn’t interested in or knowledgable about it? Usually I just kind of poke different topics here and there until I can pinpoint an interest of theirs, regardless if I’m familiar with it or not, so that they can start to open up. I love to see people get all excited about the things they love :)

As for the second question, I don’t usually get disappointed! Different people are into different things, so if someone isn’t into K-pop or Breaking Bad or YouTubers or whatever, I don’t get affected and I just try searching for something else to talk about.

15. Say you have a lot of free time and want to join a club or class. You are browsing postings on local bulletin boards and online. What sort of group would you be interested in joining (e.g., book club, game group, crafts, golf lessons, etc.)? Anything related to K-pop or learning Korean history/culture/language.

16. Have you ever kissed someone that you didn’t really want to kiss (not assault, just indifference)? Why did you go along with it and how did you feel after? No. I’m asexual as asexual gets so I’m very clear about not being a fan of intimate physical contact.

17. Have you recently learned anything about your personality? If not, have you ever consciously tried to change your personality? I have recently learned that I am not as trusting of people as I think I am, particularly work-wise. I haven’t realized that I have the tendency to do 10x more work than is required of me, oftentimes leaving my teammates dry with nothing to do; until Bea told me straight up to learn how to delegate because that’s the only way everyone else can learn how to do things.

18. Are you or any of your friends in a sorority or fraternity? Would you be interested in belonging to one? I cut off everyone I know if I find out they’re part of a frat; but one of my closest friends from college is part of one. I still correspond with him but we never raise the topic of frats; but if ever it does come up I also wouldn’t hesitate to call him out on it because gross.

19. Can you recall a recent time that you were surprised, but in a bad way? Last week when I was headed to Kim Seonho’s fan meet! I was SO excited to head to the arena and get my ticket processed and get to my seat and all, but I totally missed the memo to wear blue (I was wearing the brightest yellow jacket known to man). I was already at the elevator which would lead you to the arena when it was quickly evident that I was the only yellow-wearing motherfucker out of the sea of blue, so naturally I panicked and decided right then and there that I was gonna have to take a quick sprint to the mall to get the first blue shit I’d find lmao. 

20. Do you feel uncomfortable when you receive praise for doing certain things? If so, does this make you less likely to do those things? Not uncomfortable, but I just deflect the complements haha. But I find the next question weird – why would I stop doing something when it’s clearly the ‘right’ or ‘acceptable’ thing to do?

21. Do you make spontaneous purchases often or rarely? When you are upset does it make you temporarily happier to buy yourself something new? Nah, I’m not that spontaneous anymore and have been more conscious of what I’m spending on and how much I’m saving. The most reckless I get these days is just getting food delivery and manipulating myself to think “I deserve it” because “I’ve worked hard,” lol.

22. If you have to wake up early for something, what time is just TOO early for you to be there and be presentable and sentient? Have you ever had to be somewhere that early? 6 AM and 7 AM calltimes are beyond ridiculous. Fortunately I have not had a lot of those.

23. Have the majority of your romantic relationships started with a physical attraction or a deeper connection? Deeper connection.

24. Do you ever catch any of those conspiracy shows on Animal Planet, like Bigfoot hunting or proof of Mermaids? Do those shows make your more or less likely to believe in the existence of such creatures? Nah.

25. Did you ever write a fan letter to a celebrity? How about submit something to a magazine? Yeah I submitted this written material for a magazine when they were giving away an iPod shuffle to the best entry. I never heard back from them.

--

What do you think makes you a good girlfriend or boyfriend? I’d pretty much bend over backwards to make them happy and comfortable. I also remember things, which as far as I know is something people appreciate.

When was the last time you went to the movie theaters? What movie did you see? I went in 2019 to see Knives Out which I personally had no interest in seeing but because my partner at the time wanted to, I went ahead and kept them company and tried to appreciate the movie too. I hate having to keep giving this as an answer (both because it’s been repetitive over the last three years and because of the person I watched it with), so I’m OVER THE MOON in sharing that I will be going back to the cinema this Wednesday to watch Yet to Come: Busan with friends! I have an outfit picked out, I’ve had my leave filed for the last three weeks, and I’m just so ready to go and relive the show again.

Did you ever go to a mental hospital? No. Just like the rehab question I answered in a recent survey, I don’t think we even have reputable mental health facilities here. Anything to do with issues like teenage pregnancy, drugs, mental health etc is a very underdeveloped sector here.

Do you watch the show, Ghost Whisperer? How about, NCIS? What two completely different shows haha. No, I’ve never seen either.

Do you like s’mores? Nah and I don’t like smores-flavored stuff either. Way too sweet and I dislike marshmallows anyway. Do you like to watch those old scary movies, from like 1980? I’ve seen a few, like Carrie, The Shining, and The Exorcist; loved them all.

Does your mom/dad smoke? They don’t.

How often do you take a shower? Every other night. But during hotter months, I do it daily. Do you wear flip flops in winter? We don’t have winter.

How old are you? I’m 24.

When was the last time you went to a concert? What band? Hmm...does a fanmeet count? They’re basically set up and promoted just like a concert, but since the main attractions are actors they do entertaining stuff like play games, answer quirky questions, and recreate scenes instead of sing. Anyway, I went to Seonho’s last Sunday and had so much fun. Do you ever have hallucinations? I do not.

Do you believe that weed should be legalized? I guess, for medicinal purposes. Idk enough about the marijuana discourse to have any stronger opinion though. Did you ever feel someone was following you/watching you? Not for real; I just get paranoid easily and assume people going the same route as I am and are matching my pace are following me.

Are you one of those over-obsessed Twilight fans? When I was in elementary school when it was big, for sure. I had multiple copies of the first book, attended midnight screenings, had posters up in my room, and even bought those behind-the-scenes photobooks. I’ve definitely been tamer after the movie series ended, but people still know me as the Twilight megafan and I’m not ashamed of it hahaha.

Got any scars? How about bruises? I have scars from falls I had as a kid, and one big one from Cooper. I don’t think I have any bruises at present.

Have you moved here from a different country? I’ve never moved to a different country.

Are you afraid of the dark? I’d only be scared if the situation was meant to be scary? like if I’ve found myself at an abandoned hospital or whatever, haha. But generally I am not, and when I sleep I really prefer it to be pitch black. Have you ever been stalked? Fortunately, no. Do you like when people tell you they love you? It feels nice but as I am not an openly affectionate person, I can feel kind of awkward saying it back. The only people I’m comfortable saying I love you to are my close friends.

Would you say your taste in music is in a very broad spectrum? I wouldn’t say it’s a spectrum; it’s more of straight-up extremes haha. I largely listen to K-pop/rap these days but sometimes I’d revisit my punk rock favorites. Don’t really listen to anything else in between.

Have you ever had a significant other with a mental disorder? Idk, probably. 

Do you like doing laundry? Not really.

Have any siblings? How many? I’ve got two.

Do you like beer? Dislike it but I would get a bottle if everyone else at the table’s drinking.

Do you sip your shots or down em all at once? Down just to get it over with.

Have you ever counted your scars? Back during my sh days yeah.

What website do you spend way too much time on? YouTube. I have videos playing all day, man. What is one thing that you absolutely despise about your personality? I put myself in too many inconvenient situations just so that others can have it easier. I have to learn how to be selfish lol.

What two colors do you think look best together? Beige and olive green.

Do you take any medications that make you nauseous? Nope.

Have you ever tried Nutella? Yep. I don’t like it as a spread, but I can enjoy Nutella-flavored stuff. Idk if it that makes sense? like I need Nutella to be mixed with other ingredients (Oreo bits, almonds, etc) for me to enjoy it, because otherwise I find it too sweet on its own.

Are you a person that enjoys re-reading books? No, but I like re-watching comfort shows, like Friends or Brooklyn Nine Nine.

[tehuti88-art]

3/15/24: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is an unnamed tank commander, without cap (top drawing), with field cap (middle drawing), and with field cap and goggles (bottom drawing). He often gets into verbal sparring matches with Master Sgt. Theodor Schulte. There'll be more about him later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se.

Regarding his design, he's a fawn Great Dane. I'm not entirely satisfied with him but he'll do for now.

TUMBLR EDIT: This is the guy known as Unnamed (SS) Panzer Commander, I've just learned to be prudent regarding which language I use when referring to this story on Reddit. I had to change the size and lengthen his cap to accommodate his design. He's a relatively bit character who won't be receiving a name, since his brief appearances in the story are meant more as comic relief/a running gag than anything, though he does play a bigger role in the background than previously intended. Result of all this is I don't know much about him, and don't intend to.

Guy here is a Waffen-SS Panzer commander (I think he's a master sergeant like Schulte but am unsure) (edit, I just looked at the adult scene he appears in, and yes, that's his rank), very tall and broad shouldered and gangly, as it seems to me, probably not the most fit person to be crammed inside a tank. But hey, my Manitou Island character Francois LaCroix is a tall voyageur in a profession where being short and compact is far more suitable. Maybe this is one reason for Unnamed Guy's attitude? I've already mentioned, I believe, the running gag he's involved in. Every so often he comes into contact with Lt. Gunter Hesse's henchman, Master Sergeant Theodor Schulte, and the two of them spend several moments cussing each other out, screaming threats, and hurling insults about each other's mothers and whatnot, as if they're mortal enemies with some lifelong grudge. They then promptly settle down and exchange cigarettes and chocolate and such before making plans when to next meet and wishing each other a mild farewell. Lather, rinse, repeat. Hesse, when he's present, always observes these weird interactions with vague puzzlement. When he tries asking Schulte for details on what exactly originated this ritual, Schulte can't recall, he doesn't even know the Panzer guy's name. Hesse is bothered by this lack of clarity yet Schulte doesn't care, Panzer guy always offers decent cigarettes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A few of the details of what I do know about this Panzer guy:

*He's almost certainly on meth, and this might partly explain his screaming matches with Schulte.

*He appears as a background character in an adult WIP featuring Lars Franke, after Franke is forced out of his position in the SS-Totenkopfverbände and transfers into a Panzer unit himself. Hinting that, at least for a time, these two serve together. I can't get into detail for obvious reasons but the Panzer unit is overnighting someplace, and Unnamed Guy's part in the scene involves his, um, extracurricular activities with the housewife keeping Franke awake. Franke is understandably peeved, and comes across as quite a prude, when it turns out later on that he has his own kink. (See HIS ENTRY.) So, Unnamed Guy and Lars Franke are familiar with each other.

*He (and Franke) appears at the Alpine Fortress in Ultima Thule, meaning he's a test subject in Project Ultima Thule. This is a more recent development involving how Project Doomsday evolves into the newer project and what testing entails; certain Waffen-SS units are volunteered for experimentation with the new, repurposed serum, to create a sort of "immortal" super soldier. Both Franke and Unnamed Guy act with autonomy, indicating that they survive the war and flee to the Fortress voluntarily, rather than being killed and brought there afterward (like Hesse and PFC Konrad Helmstadt). They also answer to Frau Sigrid Richter, who's the last person left in charge of things after the SS falls. This is a much newer plot point which needs more fleshing out; Franke is planned to play a supporting antagonist role, though Unnamed Guy is still a minor background character, so far.

And, that there is about all I know of him. He might develop a few more details in the context of a supporting character in more important characters' sidestories/backstories (like Franke's), though I'm attempting to leave him largely undeveloped.

[Unnamed SS Panzer Commander 2024 [‎Friday, ‎March ‎15, ‎2024, ‏‎12:00:21 AM]]

[Unnamed SS Panzer Commander 2024 2 [‎Friday, ‎March ‎15, ‎2024, ‏‎12:00:29 AM]]

[Unnamed SS Panzer Commander 2024 3 [‎Friday, ‎March ‎15, ‎2024, ‏‎12:00:36 AM]]

[riseofthecommonwoodpile]

what's the best place to start with dean blunt and / or inga copland - you reviewed a lot of their albums and I remember them being super praised in like tmt a decade ago - is it the one with the praying hands?

sometimes i get anons that feel like a kind zookeeper has found the ultimate enrichment object for my particular species of insane person

but yes i L O V E dean and inga, but their discography is uh. a bit intimidating lmao (as of right now i have 42 releases by them in my iTunes). at one point, i made an hour long playlist for people looking to get into them, which i cannot seem to find, but if anyone wants it send me an ask or a message and i'll re-create it and upload on my google drive or something. my own personal top 10 looks like this:

Lolina- Lolita EP

Dean Blunt- Jill Scott Herring OST

Dean Blunt & Inga Copeland- Black is Beautiful

Lolina- The Smoke

Dean Blunt- Stone Island

Babyfather- 419

Dean Blunt- The Redeemer

Babyfather- "BBF" Hosted By DJ Escrow

Lolina- RELAXIN' With Lolina

Hype Williams- One Nation

But I think some of these (especially the top 2) really, *really* benefit from a broad knowledge of their work as a whole, and are not really the kind of place to get started with them. this is true of their discography far more than most artists. their work is best experienced cumulatively, and is very purposefully fragmentary; charitably intertextual and abstract, uncharitably half-finished and tossed off. so i'm kinda worried that no album i give you will be like, "the one".

BUT REGARDLESS, let's do it anyways, though i am going to be insufferable and give you three suggestions as different possible places to start, but all total it's under an hour of music, so i don't think i'm being unreasonable:

Copeland's RELAXIN' With Lolina (under her Lolina project) is a three song EP of. uh. pop music? i guess? the stuff she's done under the Lolina name is (mostly) structured something like dance pop, but with the parts replaced ship of Theseus style until it becomes unsettling and weird, intimidating, threatening. her melodies are *wildly* memorable, but the spaces they're put in are so sparse and the words so cryptically evocative that she feels at the center like both victim and aggressor. wildly out of tune pianos, heavily slapback delayed drums, shitty synth wind instrument patches, it's all so off-putting and so satisfyingly good (and it'll become less off-putting the more you hear).

Dean Blunt's Stone Island is my favorite example of Blunt's R&B / indie pop / singer-sampler...thing he does (see also Black Metal, The Redeemer, SOUL ON FIRE, etc.), hypnagogic loops of light guitar, some washed out synths, string samples, unhurried drum loops, etc. backing his uniquely normal voice. he's not a "good" singer by any means, almost always pitchy, kinda unsure, but his voice *is* uniquely evocative in how it so often sounds like someone singing to themselves rather than singing to an audience, creating this subjective space, a space of interiority that Blunt uses to create his own kind of subtler unsettling darkness. The loops on "Three" imply a triumphant kind of melancholy, ask for empathy, and then Blunt sings about how "nobody's gonna catch you when you falling down, and nobody's gonna want you when I run you out of town." it's brilliant.

And then Cypher, from Blunt's Babyfather project (his most explicitly hip-hop oriented) takes up both a very different side of him as well as calling back to the hallucinatory sampledelia of Hype Williams. the way it moves between ideas is genuinely dreamlike, a sort of free association that makes sense intuitively but rarely logically, sounds played backward and forward, stretched, degraded, layered, spliced, ruined. I will admit that the first time i heard it it got on my fucking nerves (the amount of reversed vocals and rhythm tracks is grating if you aren't sure where it's going), but I think being kinda frustrated and annoyed is also part of the Hype Williams Extended Universe Experience, so hey! it also is the one here with the easiest to divine political content, which is usually present in their work (if rarely explicit).

If you like RELAXIN', check out Lolina's The Smoke next. If you like Stone Island, then do The Redeemer. And if Cypher works for you, go to "BBF" Hosted By DJ Escrow to focus on the hip-hop influences, and One Nation for the hallucinatory, sample-focused trip.

I hope that helps!!

[applestorms]

oh, this is fascinating. out of curiosity (and also for my own reference lol) here’s almost every major character’s name in the original japanese: (ft. a little informal japanese pronunciation guide cuz i got excited whoops)

ok so… from what i remember of my admittedly quite limited memory of this subject, pronunciation in japanese is actually pretty straightforward: i.e. all 5 vowels typically sound the same (see ref below) and there aren’t really syllables but moras, or rhythmic units of about equal length. so you don’t really emphasize any one sound in japanese, kinda sorta, though this is somewhat debatable. [insert link to funny video that i can’t currently find here.] ANYWAY.

first, a japanese vowels pronunciation guide:

A: like the a in “father” or “taught” (AH) - あ

I: like the ee in “meet” (EE) - い

U: like the oo “ooze” or “food” (OO) - う

E: like the e in “pet” or “debt” (EH) - え

O: like the o in “or” (OH) - お

consonants come in lines, e.g. the K line (ka/ki/ku/ke/ko) and S line (sa/shi/su/se/so), and you can basically just add the consonant right to the vowel with a few exceptions (shi, chi, tsu, fu, etc. also n can be on its own as ん). btw, hiragana and katakana cover the exact same alphabet sound-wise, the difference is just that katakana is usually used for foreign words. so そうだ (so-u-da), as in 「そうだ。僕がキサだ。」 is different from ソーダ (sō-da), the drink.

there’s also a weird little thing where if you have a small tsu, like in the word for school がっこう (romanized as gakkou, w/ a little repeating consonant usually) you just kinda pause/repeat the sound— tbh i have no fucking idea how to explain this through words alone so just look here for an audio ref if you’re super curious. and finally “ー” just means you extend the previous vowel sound for another beat (i’ll add the little line thing on top of vowels for this, like ō).

ok now, the actual names:

Light Yagami: 夜神 月 -> ya-ga-mi ra-i-to. obviously there’s the whole 月(typically つき/tsu-ki) = “Light” thing going on here.

L Lawliet: L・ローライト -> e-ru rō-ra-i-to. really, the ロー here almost sounds like “raw” when i say it out loud, accounting for the whole lack of distinction between R/L thing. like “rohh-raito.” this is where people get the “lowlight” pronunciation i think. personally, my instinct is to go “law-lee-ett,” but i’m also a filthy american, so. also note the katakana here, for a foreign name, not to mention the “L” itself. the “raito,” though… on the nose, yes, but at leas with some basis in canon lmfao.

Misa Amane: 弥 海砂 -> a-ma-ne mi-sa. note, there are no silent letters in japanese!! so e’s at the end of a word/name should always be said aloud, like “ah-mah-neh” in this case

Ryuk:リューク-> ryū-ku. again it’s in katakana which is kinda interesting. this is pretty straightforward since we usually call him ryuk, but i did see a fan translation that called him “Luke” once— maybe cuz of the katakana? lol.

Rem: レム -> re-mu. no notes, just her <3

Near/Nate River: ニア -> ni-a, ネイト・リバー -> ne-i-to ri-bā. the “nia” part of that is pretty well known by now in english speaking communities ig, if only cuz of use of the ship names meronia/niamero lol. speaking of,

Mello/Mihael Keehl: メロ -> me-ro, ミハエル・ケール -> mi-ha-e-ru kē-ru. looking at that now, i wonder if the name “Mihael” was picked for the end “e-ru,” to mimic a certain someone…

Matt/Mail Jeevas: マット -> mat-to (small tsu thing applies here), マイル・ジーヴァス -> ma-i-ru jī-ba-su. the mail to mile thing might make more sense looking at how “a” is pronounced here, “mAH-ee-ru.”

Watari/Quillish Wammy: ワタリ-> wa-ta-ri, キルシュ・ワイミー -> ki-ri-shu wa-i-mī. again note the katakana for both names

Kiyomi Takada: 高田 清美 -> ta-ka-da ki-yo-mi. pretty straightforward

Teru Mikami: 魅上 照 -> mi-ka-mi te-ru. again straightforward though the inclusion of “kami” is perhaps notable, if a bit on the nose lol

Soichiro Yagami: 夜神 総一郎 -> ya-ga-mi sō-i-chi-rō.

Touta Matsuda: 松田 桃太 -> ma-tsu-da tō-ta.

and some bonus…

Minoru Tanaka: 田中実 -> ta-na-ka mi-no-ru.

Beyond Birthday: ビヨンド・バースデイ-> bi-yo-n-do bā-su-de-i. the english words are clearly intended here lol

Raye Penber: レイ・ペンバー -> re-i pe-n-bā. i appreciate that his name is usually written in english as “Raye” to distinguish from the more japanese “Rei”

Shoko Maki/Naomi Misora: 間木 照子 -> ma-ki shō-ko, 南空 ナオミ -> mi-so-ra na-o-mi. never realized that she has kanji for her surname but katakana for her first name. fascinating.

Eraldo Coil: エラルド・コイル -> e-ra-ru-do ko-i-ru.

so, yeah. perhaps that explains some of the origins of the “true” pronunciations that people tend to bring up, though really you can do whatever you want to forever <33

it’s interesting to note that even in the original series (aka not the LABB murders novel), both the japanese & non-japanese names were intentionally made to be not super common/realistic, though ohba perhaps stuck to that rule a little less stringently than mr. “believe bridesmaid” or whatever the fuck

pronunciation

the one thing that upsets me about my dialect is that i automatically put emphasis on YAGami instead of yagAMi as it is intended, so i sound like a poser.

that being said, i don't consider canon pronounciation to be sacred. the way takada's english voice actor pronounces mihael keehl is absolutely sickening, and i refuse to call him anything but mi-hay-el k-ee-l.

amane is left up to the gods to decide. i will usually just stick with a-mayn, rather than ah-mah-nAY.

don't know what the fuck is going on with matt. while i do enjoy that the phonetics of his name are completely different to the pronunciation, how one gets from mail to mile is beyond me. i could say something about how mail and mihael's names sound very similar and uh. maybe that's because. uh. mattwasmadeformello. but i won't. not today anyway.

will we ever learn how to pronounce lawliet? will that ever be something we understand in our lifetimes? maybe one day in a hundred years when we are living in floating pods in space, someone will remember tumblr exists, log back on, and find this post. maybe they will have the answer after all that time. but for what it's worth, law-lee-et. i think low-light is a bit too on the nose.

[shoichee]

Rose-Tinted

Craving for angst with kise please!! Like both are afraid to act on their feelings which ends up hurting the both of them unconsciously. Idk, maybe kise is trying to “test” the girl, but went a bit too far i guess. Whatever floats your boat!! I just want angst but maybe hopefully still HEA in the end (or whichever your muse takes you) ;-; thank youu ❤️

Kise x Reader

Word Count: 6975

Note: oh my GOD, HELP THIS WAS 17 PAGES ON MY GOOGLE DOC I COULDNT STOP MYSELF………. angst, happy ending, fake dating!au, mean old kise ….. girl idk WHAT I WROTE I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT ????? reader POV first half and kise POV second half~

@knb-kreations

»»—————　☼　—————««

He holds you so gently, the touch so feather-light as he cradles your head and dips his own head in for a soft peck. The warmth of his lips makes you feel things you shouldn’t feel, things that you still chased for more in a never-ending cycle. You hold onto his hands thumbing your temples to try to anchor yourself further into the bliss, but it ends all too soon when he separates from you and gives you a radiant smile.

You were rudely pulled out of your rose-tinted trance when you heard gasps and chatter amongst the gawking students nearby, particularly Kise’s fans. He doesn’t pay any mind to their reactions and turns his friendly demeanor towards them.

“So you see everyone,” he cheerfully says. “I’m sorry I can’t accept any of your affections, as much as it flatters me so… after all, I have my dear (y/n)-cchi by my side!”

Groans and cries rung throughout the campus as most wail about missing out the opportunity to be Kise’s romantic partner, but before you can listen to their laments, Kise hurriedly tugs you away to the privacy of the back of a building nearby, away from prying eyes and ears. He drops your wrist just as fast and yawns with a stretch.

“What time should we meet up tomorrow?” he casually says, taking out his phone from his pocket.

“Huh?”

“Well, we can’t exactly sell our image of us being a couple unless we walk to and from school together consistently, right (y/n)?”

The rose-tinted lenses on your self-indulgent fantasy shatters to the ground instantly. You gulp, the swallowed spit hitting down to your stomach in heavy dread, where it was previously occupied by fluttering butterflies just moments prior.

This isn’t real.

“Ah… um,” you hesitated, thinking of a reasonable time, so you can wake up and get ready accordingly. “How about this time…”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he replies, shutting off his phone before he walks a few steps away from you but then stopping. “Huh, uh… should I walk you home first? There might be some nosy people around, and we might as well get some practice in as an official couple.”

“W-Why don’t we start tomorrow morning instead?” you suggest. “A lot’s happened today, and well, I wanna have some time to myself.” Kise impassively stares at you for a couple of seconds before he forms a grin.

“Ah ha, well then, (y/n)-cchi,” he shouts jovially, making sure that his voice rang throughout the area for anyone nearby to hear. “I’ll be waiting for you tomorrow morning, my love!”

“Y-Yeah…” you mumbled, your hand held up in a half-hearted wave. “See you…”

With that parting, you turned to the opposite direction to exit through the side gates to get to your home. Your mind scrambles to recall the impulsive decisions you decided to take on a whim today. The grip on your bag tightens as you finally realized what sort of situation you got yourself into.

You like Kise, plain and simple. You’ve always gazed longingly at him whenever his presence entered within your line of vision. You couldn’t even fault his fans for being so whipped for the basketball player in the first place, not when you felt like you were more enthralled by him than anyone else. So what does a love-stricken fool like you do when the source of attraction directly asks you to partake in a “relationship?” You immediately accept his conditional proposal on auto-pilot before he barely finishes his sentence.

It felt so wrong, yet so right. How can you hate this arrangement when you enjoyed that first kiss you shared with Kise earlier? But how can you love this arrangement when you knew Kise only kissed you to drive everyone off? You stopped on the sidewalk and heaved a huge exhale, and you continued to walk again, the action not even remotely able to clear your head. Your mind continues to swirl and race.

You agreed to this. He even laid out his intentions very clearly to you, and he was more than ready to leave you alone if you didn’t consent to this. But stupid, desperate you did. You were ashamed to feel even a shred of flattery when he told you that you were the only one he can ask to drive off his fans in this only effective method: a relationship.

“Why me?” you said, looking up at his casual posture. “Don’t you have someone you like to ask to be in a relationship? I’m sure they’d be more than happy to accept you…”

“Well,” he mumbled. “I don’t really have someone in mind… you’re kinda the only one who doesn’t drool over me whenever I’m near, and I just ought to ask for your help.”

“W-Well,” you slightly stammered. “I’m okay with helping you, right, so…”

“This isn’t something to accept so readily, you know,” he said, raising a brow. “I know this is super sudden, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to force an answer out of you right at this moment. Besides, I don’t think there’s any incentive for you to be in this either? It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“N-No!” you interrupted, but you coughed to regain your composure. “I mean, I do have something in this… maybe if I got with you, people would stop trying to harass and tease me if I had someone like you by my side.” That was a half-truth, but you knew there was no way you could reveal your crush to him… not when he believed you were “different” from the others. But can anyone blame you for sticking up for Kise when someone was talking about him like a piece of meat rather than a normal person? “Besides, for you to get to this point, things must’ve gotten too chaotic to simply tell them to stop, right?”

“Huh… is that so,” he said, stretching his neck, but you didn’t know whether or not he intentionally ignored your last question. “Well, if you’re fine with this, I’m letting you know now that we’ll be doing actual couple stuff, like…” He pauses for a second to gauge your reaction. “Hugging, hand-holding… probably kissing too…”

“Y-Yeah,” you nodded. “That’s fine with me! And we’ll have a code word in case either of us overstep our boundaries in any way… maybe…”

“Unagi,” he said.

“Huh? Why?”

“Because they’re the bane of evil…”

“It’s just a dish, but…” you laughed, giddy at how he already showed a different side to you apart from his cool persona. “Alright, let’s go with that.”

How long were you able to keep this up? You pat yourself on the cheeks to dismiss the rest of your fantasies. If you keep this up, Kise will soon notice how you actually were head-over-heels for him all this time, and surely you’ll lose any future chance with him. Besides, maybe you can use this unique arrangement to learn about Kise and his hobbies other than basketball. Yes, you tell yourself, jogging the rest of the way home. It won’t be so bad, after all.

———

Starting today, you’ll be officially dating Kise.

That’s how it is on paper, anyways.

How are you supposed to act while dating the Kise Ryōta? Equally cool and flamboyant? Athletically capable? Would you weird out Kise if you were the one initiating physical affection?

“(y/n)!”

You flinch, not expecting anyone to call for you so early in the morning, and your walking route to school was never shared with another student as far as you were concerned. After all, your path was a little more obscured and unorthodox compared to the majority of students traversing the main neighborhood paths.

“Sorry… did I scare you?” You stop and turn to the source of the voice, only to be surprised when you see Kise himself. “Why do you look so surprised? Didn’t we agree on the time to meet up and walk to school together?”

“Oh… yeah…” In the midst of your thoughts, it seems that you forgot the arrangements you made with him yesterday evening. “My bad?”

“Oh, come on,” he gives a mock-hurt face with a hand to his chest. “Am I that forgettable, (y/n)?”

“N-No!” you immediately deny. You knew it was more like the other way around, the way constant thoughts of Kise preoccupy in your head too much. How can you ever forget him when he constantly runs through your mind everyday for so long? Kise merely gives a good-natured sigh before he changes the subject.

“Kidding,” he says, holding out a hand to you. “Seriously though, get your act together. We gotta start acting the part if we want this to work.” You stare at his hand, hesitating for a split moment before you put your own hand on top. His large hand easily encompasses yours, and the warmth makes you widen your eyes. It… felt nice.

You were so entranced by your linked hands that you failed to notice how Kise was staring at your face with a sharp glint in his eyes, but when you look up back to his face, he easily morphs his expression into his signature grin. He swings your hands around like an excited kid and turns to walk ahead to tug you along.

“Alrighty!~ Let’s hurry together before I get chewed out by Kasamatsu-senpai!”

“Kise, have you ever considered that it’s not really your tardiness that gets the captain mad but more so about the way you seem to irritate him with the way you skip around?”

“(y/n),” he says with a pout, “you know you’re not being convincing when you use my last name to address me as your boyfriend.”

“R-Right,” you stammer, still not used to the entire situation. “Ah… wait. Don’t you uh… call people who are close to you with -cchi?”

“Huh…” he mumbles, looking up at the cloudy sky before looking ahead of the path. “Not necessarily people who are close, just people who I really admire. I guess I addressed you like that yesterday without really thinking.”

“U-Uh, right… sorry.” He stops walking with your hand still in tow, and you almost bumped into his back at his sudden movement. He turns to you with a quite serious look.

“Do you want me to call you that?”

It was a normal question, but for some reason it felt like the next sentence coming from your mouth would make a huge impact on the way the two of you would interact in the future. From the way Kise looks at you with such a scrutinizing gaze, it feels like a trick question, and you’re not sure how to answer it. Your mouth goes dry when you try to reply.

“I… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Kise’s eyes widen a fraction before he gives an unexpected chortle. “Pfft… how do you not know what you want to be addressed as?”

“Arrgh, oh shut it!” you frown, hitting his arm in a fluster before stalking off ahead. You remember that you were supposed to go to school together, and you begrudgingly stop and turn back to wait for him to catch up. “Ryōta, just call me whatever you want. You’re already calling me by my first name, so I doubt anyone would care if you added -cchi or not.” Still, your cheeks turn pink at the realization that Kise would be uttering your first name for the next couple… whenever this relationship will last.

“You… wait up!” Kise wheezes dramatically, despite the both of you knowing full well how easily he can catch up to your stride. “You really shouldn’t be treating your boyfriend like that! Especially on the first day!” Kise holds your hand again to lead you to the rest of the way to school.

All the while, you’ve been staring at his back, your heartstrings being tugged so mercilessly at the cacophony of emotions you were feeling the whole time. He felt so warm, so inviting, but the way he held your hands felt cold and transactional.

———

You’re not sure how to react whenever Kise introduced himself as your “boyfriend” to everyone or whenever nosy students inquired about your new “boyfriend.” All you could do was gulp and manage the most convincing act you could do within different contexts. Smile, laugh, get bashful, be modest in talking about how Kise managed to “like” you, pretend you know many embarrassing stories and sides to him that no one else did. Truthfully, you were just as in the dark as anybody else.

You think the only reason why everyone bought the couple-act was due to how enamored you were in talking about him. This was the only response you could be truthful about. At least you could use your huge crush to your advantage in portraying yourself as the “lovey-dovey” half of the couple. Yet it feels unbelievably wrong.

You knew you had to prepare yourself some preset answers for curious students, but you didn’t expect yourself to be participating in neverending “interviews” in these social settings. You thought this relationship would entail a closer access to Kise’s true self, but things suggest otherwise.

“Ryōta,” you say, peering up at his face as the both of you walk down the hallway to your designated spot for lunch together. Even as you two walk, he puts a reasonable distance between the two of you when there is no one in close proximity. Even when you two are together, he only grabs your hand when it’s socially convenient. Even when Kise approaches you to talk, you know it’s never anything beyond for the sake of acting. And you agreed to this entire thing.

“Hm?” He spares a glance to your figure before returning his gaze ahead.

“Uh, I brought extra food today,” you say, trying to use this situation to try to express your genuine feelings to him in small increments. “I brought an extra bento box too… in case, you don’t wanna actually share one…” He was about to reply before a pair of students turned around the corner to head towards your direction. Kise narrows his eyes at the unexpected turn of events, and immediately turns to you brightly.

“(y/n)! You really thought that I wouldn’t like the idea?” he pouts. “Of course I wanna share a bento with you! Silly…” He slightly bends to your level to place a chaste peck on your forehead.

“Ah…” you freeze at his soft touch, your legs stiff in place as you stop walking. Kise, in response, moves his lips to your ears, and you slightly shiver at the unexpected intimacy… it was the closest he’s gotten to you ever since that public stunt when he kissed you in front of everyone the other day.

“Hey, don’t just stand there… you can’t overreact like this over something couples do everyday.” You bit your lip in an attempt to stop your heart from sinking from disappointment, but in turning your face to him to spill an apology, your face ended up right in front of his. Your eyes widen but he only stares at you with such an intensity that makes you hold your breath in anticipation.

But he immediately draws away and stretches with a yawn. “Looks like those people left right after they thought they intruded on a private moment between us,” he says. “Sheesh, people really do the most to be so nosy nowadays.” You wonder how he can be so casual about this all. Perhaps it was a mistake to be here like this when you were so in love with him, overthinking every single thing he did.

Why didn’t he kiss you this time? Did he not find you the teensiest attractive enough to want to kiss you even without an audience nearby?

“Come on,” he mumbles, waving a hand through your face. “Quit making that face. I won’t be doing that to you without warning anytime soon. My bad, okay?” Kise sheepishly holds out a hand for a handshake to make peace, and you wordlessly take his hand. One day, you’ll stop being his special someone to savor his warmth…

No, you thought, you’re an idiot… he’s never considered you as someone special.

You debated in telling him that you were fine with him kissing you, but you hold your tongue, afraid that he’ll realize your true feelings about him. Besides, were you really okay with him kissing you when he didn’t reciprocate the same feelings?

“It… wasn’t like what you think,” you hesitate. “It just caught me off guard.”

“Well,” he laughs. “That’s a relief! By the way…” He stops to settle himself on the bench. “What’s exactly your lunch? Since you went through the effort to bring extras, I guess I’ll eat them.”

“I packed salmon from leftovers I had from home,” you reply, taking out your bento box and utensils. You decide to shake off your negative thoughts and shove them to the back of your mind. He makes a horrified face at the lunchbox. “Kise, what’s wrong?”

“Do you… happen to have anything else packed?”

“Rice?”

“Well,” he coughs. “I’m not a fan of dishes with boned fish.”

“Didn’t you say you hated unagi too?” Kise shyly averts his gaze before he reluctantly confirms it so. “They’re delicious though! Especially when they’re grilled!” At first, he refused to answer, but the more you tried to poke and prod (literally too, at his ribs), he finally gave in.

“Alright, alright! But I swear, you better not tell anyone!… I choked on a fish bone one time…”

“… And?”

“And yeah.”

“You choked on a bone once and you got scared out of eating fish—”

“Shhhh!” he hushes, emphasizing his hiss with a finger to his lips. At this very moment, you saw a glimpse into who Kise really is, and you can’t help but bust out a genuine, carefree laugh for the first time in front of him. In embarrassment, he bonks your head with his fist to get you to stop laughing, but it only makes you more conscious of how close he is to you.

But just as quickly and telepathically, Kise puts some distance between the two of you, sitting closer to the edge of the bench. He opts to hunch over casually and keenly watch you scarf down your meal in minutes without a care.

You wonder if you should feel guilty for enjoying this moment with Kise, even if he was only waiting with you out of obligation of being your “boyfriend,” but right now, you allowed yourself to indulge, letting your heart beat sporadically without guilt and fear for once. You continue to savor your lunch in silence, concentrating on munching around the fish bones, while Kise sat in contemplation all the while.

———

“You should come watch our practice game today, (y/n).”

“Eh?”

You tilt your head at him in confusion. It’s been two weeks since you started this arrangement with him, but nothing extraordinary or groundbreaking happened between the two of you, much to your despondency. But you knew, you shouldn’t be asking for too much when you already have the once-in-a-lifetime chance to be close to him like this.

“There’s going to be a lot of people coming,” he explains. “Even if it’s just a practice game… it’d be weird if you weren’t there, because, you know, we’re dating.”

“I don’t mind going,” you reply. “It sounds fun.”

“You know, you’ve been agreeing to everything I’ve been suggesting the entire time,” he mumbles to himself, but he zips his mouth shut when he sees you instinctively moving closer to try to catch what he said. “Uh, in any case… just stop by the gym whenever you can.”

So here you are a few hours later, being the first person to settle yourself on top of the 2nd floor of the gym. You rest your arms on the railway, fascinated by the Kaijō basketball team and their skills. As they warm up on the courts, it’s the first time you see Kise truly at ease and happy with the people he cares about, and your heart pangs in jealousy seeing his genuine smile. You were pulled out of your thoughts when you realized the gym became completely crowded, the constant chattering announcing huge crowds along the entrance and the lucky watchers at the 2nd floor with you.

You didn’t mind the onlookers when all you were focused on was Kise throughout the entire game with a smitten look, and you weren’t surprised when his team easily won against the other local school.

“That’s Kise isn’t it?” You were about to turn to leave the higher floor to wait outside the gym when you heard his name. You stop to eavesdrop on the conversation next to you.

“Yeah, I’ve been hearing about him way too much. Something about him dating now?”

“He’s dating (l/n) right now, which is super weird because they never even talked… and all of the sudden, they’re dating? I didn’t think of him to be into short-term flings.”

“You think he’s using (l/n) in some way? What an asshole.”

“Yikes. You’re probably not even that far off the bulls-eye. He’s a really heartless guy, from what I’ve heard.”

“Hey,” you interrupt, scaring the two girls out of their wits before they turn to you. “I don’t think you should talk about Kise like that when all you know of him is through speculation.”

“Ugh, here we go again with his fans…” one of them groans, rolling her eyes. “Look, I get it, he’s good-looking and all, but I don’t understand how you can defend him to death when he doesn’t even spare a glance at you… ah… shit, you’re (l/n)?” A flash of hurt was visible on your face for a split second before you frowned. Their words unintentionally hit the nail in the coffin.

“Whether I’m (l/n) or not doesn’t really matter,” you say angrily. “Gossiping about anyone like that isn’t something you should make a habit out of.”

“Jeez, let’s just leave,” the other girl whispers, dragging the first girl along.

You simply stand there watching them leave, but you can’t shake off what they said. They were right… how could you be so whipped for him when you know he’ll never see you the same way?

“Oy!”

Kise’s voice brings you back to your consciousness as he waves at you from the court. “You’ve been standing there for a while! Hurry up, or I’ll leave you behind, (y/n)-cchi!”

“Coming!” You race from the 2nd floor to the ground level to catch up to him, your heart pounding all the while. Did he… did he just…?

You shake your head before you reunite with him to walk home together. Stop it… don’t overthink it.

———

Kise waits at his usual spot to wait for you before walking to school together. It’s been three weeks since he’s approached you to “date.” He’s grown quite comfortable with this arrangement, being close to you and backing off when it’s convenient. After all, if you somehow showed a gruesome true self of yours, he’d be able to separate himself from you with no consequences… even if his heart would cry out not to.

“Ryōta!” There you are, running down the path towards him so cheerfully. Could you really be an awful person when you have such a pure smile like that?

“Ah, (y/n)-cchi,” he says. “We should hurry if we wanna be inside campus. It’s a little chilly today, so being indoors sounds really nice right now.” He peers over to your face to see your nose slightly red from the cold, and he huffs out a chuckle, noting the warm puff of air escaping from his own lips.

“I guess it’s a little cold today,” you say, looking up at Kise with a slight childish wonder. “Hey, that’s a pretty cool cloud that you puffed out.”

“You have some clouds around you too.” He gently smiles, and he notes that your eyes widen at the sight of him. “Wha? Is my face that horrific, (y/n)-cchi?” You avert your gaze as your cheeks grow just as red as your nose.

“Nah… i-it’s nothing…ah—” He holds your cheeks to turn your face back to him, and he draws near with a serious gaze, bumping his forehead against yours.

“You’re actually really cold…”

“Uh, um… I don’t think I’m c-cold anymore—” you stammer, your eyes darting to look everywhere but his face, and Kise’s eyes only scrutinize your behavior further.

“Hm, if you say so…” he mumbles. Your eyes flutter close at the anticipation, and he feels the pull towards your lips, closing his own lids shut…

Wait, what was he thinking? He snaps his lids open and slightly draws himself away to look at you, still vulnerable with your closed eyes. It’s only when he drops his hands from your cheeks and turns to walk ahead when you flutter your eyes open again. Don’t let your feelings for (y/n) blind you into figuring out who they really are.

“Come on,” Kise calls out to you. “We should get going… we don’t wanna be late.” Besides, what if there’s a possibility that you don’t really like him at all?

“Y-Yeah…”

The rest of the walk was in silence, with Kise slightly ahead of you. Perhaps if he turned around at least once to check on you, he would’ve seen the consequences of his actions.

You were silently crying the entire walk.

———

Nothing seems to change much for the entire month. The way the two of you dance and sway around each other, while never being too close, never being too affectionate, never being completely honest. In this shared rose-tinted world, the frail glass that holds these moments together threatens to break with every fickle interaction. Every shared kiss constitutes another small crack to the rose-tinted crystal.

And both of you are content with just the way things are.

Or that’s what you both mutter to yourselves like a mantra.

“Ryōta!” you call out to him. “Did you wait long?”

“Not really,” he says. “I just barely got out too… the teacher was really lenient on dismissal today, actually.” His heart swells at the sight of you as usual, but just as quickly, he’s always managed to quash his emotions in check.

For the first time, you initiate physical touch with him without hesitation, linking your hands with his and snuggling up to him. He flinches, not fast enough to process the sudden warmth of your body, and he immediately separates himself from you. Do you actually like him after all?… No, something is up, right?

“Ryōta…?” You flinch just as severely from the sudden reaction, and he turns to avoid looking at your face, knowing that his resolve would crumble right in front of you. He’s a coward, and he fucking knows it.

“S-Sorry, (y/n)-cchi! I don’t know what came over me like that, but you know you don’t have to force yourself to do things like that, right? There’s no one here, so let’s just walk home together like we always do, yeah?”

He turns to already walk ahead, too afraid of hearing your response and hoping you would follow and catch up to him… like you always do.

You simply stood there for a few moments, anguish clear as the sky above you as you keep telling yourself to manage your own expectations. Still, your voice croaks out quietly to respond to him, even if you knew he wasn’t going to hear it.

“… But I wanted to do these things with you, Ryōta.”

———

It’s been several days since that incident.

It was very awkward for the most part, the walks to and from school silent and suffocating. He’s not quite sure how to go about it while trying not to sound disingenuous about it. Nonetheless, even through his quiet apology, your face still lights up, and he’s confused about why you would ever be so forgiving of him.

Although today, lines have been crossed and this shared secretive world between the two of you have completely shattered to the point of no return.

It was quite a blur, an instinct that Kise has developed over the course of this relationship. Every time a group of students drew near, he was always ready to tug you close for a kiss until they left and carry on with their day. Today was usually no exception.

Another group of students was hanging around the corner, presumably spying on you two, and Kise did what he’s always done, grabbing your hand and embracing you for a kiss. Your eyes were blown open in surprise, but when you saw Kise’s eyes elsewhere, something finally snapped inside.

You push him away at his chest.

“U-Unagi… unagi…” Your voice trembles, and you use your arms to cover up the fresh tears. The code word sounds unbelievably stupid out of context, but at this moment, the word alone stabs Kise in his chest. “I-I… just stop… please.” Kise stares dumbly at you, processing the fact that you just used the agreed safe word against him.

“… (y/n)-cchi?” Kise asks with a confused smile. “You’ve never objected to kissing before… I’ve even told you what we’ll be doing if you agreed to this…?”

“How…” you choke on tears. “H-How can you kiss me like that while your eyes are on someone else…?”

“I don’t understand—”

“A-Am I that atrocious to kiss unless you stare at something else or there’s some convenience?”

“I don’t get it, (y/n)-cchi,” he frowns. “Did you expect more out of this or am I missing something?”

“There was no reason to kiss me like that,” you softly wail. “Everyone already knows we’re a thing for… o-over a month now. There’s no reason to kiss me around people anymore when they won’t suspect us anyways…”

“So you don’t want me to kiss you anymore?” Kise’s heart sinks in thinking about where this is going.

“No!—you don’t… you don’t fucking get it! I don’t get it—! Why are we doing this anymore—I just, I see no reason to continue this anymore… you already shooed off your fans, right? Why haven’t you ended this?!”

“(y/n)-cchi—I…” He reaches out for you, but you immediately recoil.

“No—please… no more, I can’t do this anymore!” you sniffle. “I can’t fucking do this… I’m done, I’m tired—please… just look for another person to take my place… I… I’m done—I can’t pretend with you anymore when I always expect more out of it like a love-stricken fool!”

“I…”

“Look—see,” you choke. “I’m just like everyone else who’s in love with you, I’m no different than everyone else R-Ryōta… so that’s why, I-I… can’t do this anymore!”

Kise stands there, staring at you running away from him. It was like everything had gone silent, save for the sound of his blood pounding in his ears.

“You think he’s using (l/n) in some way? What an asshole.”

“Yikes. You’re probably not even that far off the bulls-eye. He’s a really heartless guy, from what I’ve heard.”

He hated rumors, he really did… but for the first time, he feels like he deserves every word thrown at him around the hallways and classrooms. His memory flits to the time when he felt warm from seeing you standing up for him, even if he wasn’t bothered by them before. Now, the warmth is replaced by agonizing regret and guilt wracking through his entire body. His hands feel cold with you gone from his side.

What has he done?

———

He’s grown quiet for the next week.

It’s been a week since you ran from him, and it’s been a week since he last talked to you.

Even his teammates were concerned about his reserved behavior, but just as always, he’s managed to shoot them a convincing smile. Kasamatsu was more persistent about this but eventually dropped it seeing Kise’s refusal to talk about it.

That day when you pushed him away, he couldn’t sleep, his thoughts keeping him awake the entire night. He resolved himself to talk to you the next day… but he changed his mind the last minute… and then he told himself he’d do it the next day… and then he changed his mind again.

He tells himself that it’s because you rightfully hate him, with the way you’d surround yourself with other crowds and groups to prevent him from walking up to you when you were alone. He tells himself that it’s because both you and him needed space to cool off and go back to the way you two were. He refuses to tell himself that it’s because he’s an honest-to-god coward.

He misses you. He misses you damn badly. Why the fuck did he go through such lengths instead of confessing to you straight up? He tells himself that he was being cautious. He tells himself that he doesn’t want his heart to be broken again. He refuses to conclude that it’s because he’s a fucking coward.

“I don’t know what’s been on your mind, idiot,” Kasamatsu says. “But you better solve this yourself quickly if you’re not opening up to me about this. We can’t have your performance quality be dropping even in practice. Hurry up and fix this shit with (l/n)-san already.”

“H-How’d you know?!” Kise raises his head from his desk in astonishment.

“Tch, idiot,” he glowers, chopping Kise’s head with a swift hand. “It’s too obvious from the way you’re moping around… from the way you two stuck together all this time, who wouldn’t notice something happened from the way you’re at your desk watching (l/n)-san like that?”

“O-Ow…” Kise grumbles rubbing his head. Ironically, his captain’s hit cleared up his doubts and he took a deep breath before exhaling. “Got it, senpai.”

“You better.” Kasamatsu goes back to talking to his classmates during break, and even despite not knowing the truth of the relationship, he manages to give solid advice as usual.

Tomorrow. He’ll find you tomorrow.

———

He doesn’t know where else to find you alone other than the place he’s always waited for you before you two used to walk to school together. So he stands there, almost an hour earlier in case you had the idea to walk to school extremely early to avoid him at all costs.

He was right.

Here you are, shuffling your feet as you trudged yourself along the path and looking down at your feet. You even manage to walk past by him without noticing his presence.

Even if you’ve grown to hate him, he’s willed himself to come completely clean about his feelings to you for once. But a part of him is thinking to change his mind again and just let you slip away from his fingers. It’d spare the both of you the inevitable, right?

“R-Ryōta…?”

He was pulled from his thoughts, startled to see you staring at him from a short distance away. Apparently you did notice him after all.

“… (y/n)-cchi…” He swallows his words, knowing full well that his stupid words might blow this up for him again, his words responsible for all the rumors at school, his words responsible for hurting you and will hurt you again.

He wordlessly walks up to you and holds your cheek, and waits. He waits for you to push him away again. He waits for you to say the code word to let him know that you don’t want him near you again. The thought of you running away from him nearly brings him to tears, but he gulps his emotions down and stares at you calmly, with only his upturned brows hinting to his inner turmoil.

“Ryō—”

He swiftly brings his head down and kisses you. In feeling the warmth for the first time in a while, he greedily drinks from your lips, holding your temples more firmly as he searches for more, more, more.

You push him away.

Kise immediately lets go and stares at you like a lost child, unable to mask the devastation from the implications of your actions. But you’re still gripping his uniform tightly, almost as if you didn’t want to let go.

“W-Why…?” you croak, biting your lips to stop any tears from breaking through. “There’s no reason to kiss me. Don’t you know that we’re done? There’s no one to watch us here, no reason for you to walk me to school anymore. You know that, Ryōta. After all, we haven’t talked since a week ago, and you have the audacity to come here and kiss me like everything is okay—”

“… I want to kiss you, because there’s no one around, because there’s no other reason for me to.”

“Why…?” your voice softens to a whisper. “Don’t you hate anyone who likes you in that way? I… I already told you that I see you in that light, like many of your fans do. Don’t you hate me? Don’t you hate me for using this arrangement to get closer to you? Don’t you hate me for expecting something real out of this?”

“I already had an inkling of suspicion that you liked me, (y/n)-cchi,” Kise turns away to look at the bright morning sky. “I just didn’t know if I was wrong or not.”

“Then… why did you ask me to do this whole thing with you…?”

“Because I’m a coward,” he says, looking back to you. You were stunned into silence. For the first time, he finally admits what’s been weighing on his mind for weeks out loud, and his eyes, while drenched in shame, were full of resoluteness. “I liked you, but I was too afraid for the day when you ended up being not like the person I ended up liking. I liked you, but I was afraid of a real relationship that would tie me down. I liked you, but I was afraid of making huge decisions that involved another person into my life. I didn’t want to end the fake relationship because I was too fucking selfish… if I ended it, I’d lose the only connection I had with you… I’m sorry.”

Both of you went silent, bathed in the light of the rising sun. Kise drops to a squat to hide his face from you, and you knew he was trying to stop himself from tearing up. He knows how uncool he looks, but he had no right to cry when you were the one who got hurt the most.

“Ryōta, did you really find it difficult to kiss me…? Just… be honest.”

“Yes,” he looks up from his squat to stare at you with an intense look, even despite his puffy eyes. “Everytime I kissed you, I found it hard to control myself. I thought, what if you were using me to somehow get a kiss from me? or what if I couldn’t stop myself from kissing you and I ended up taking things too far? Looking anywhere but you at least stopped me from getting too invested…”

By now, both of you had turned completely red at his honesty, but he still found you frankly stunning even with your red, puffy eyes. “Look, (y/n)-cchi, don’t you hate me? I used you. The rumors are right—I’m a complete asshole. Just… I won’t blame you if you walk away right now.”

“You do know that I used this opportunity to get closer to you, right?… I wasn’t a saint about this either, so… I’m sorry too.” Both of you go silent again, and you slowly drop yourself to his level in a squat of your own in front of him.

“… C-Can we… can we start over?” you whisper, your warm breath tickling his chilled nose.

“(y/n)-cchi, I don’t think I’m capable of continuing this arrangement…”

“No,” you huff, before you tentatively press a chaste kiss to his lips. “I mean… can we… start over, but this time, as a real couple? I… want this relationship to be substantial. I really do like you, Ryōta.” You murmur against his lips with your hands on top of your knees, waiting for him to rebuke you away with an easygoing comment or a plastered smile.

But he doesn’t do any of that.

“I… guess we can try that,” Kise mumbles, gaze averted as his cheeks flame brighter than his nose and ears.

“Can you kiss me again?” you ask, your voice cracking at the end out of fear he’d turn down your request. Kise flicks his gaze back to you to see you equally red with a hesitant expression.

“Could you… close your eyes?” he asks with a frown.

“H-Huh?”

“Y-You don’t need to see me looking like a mess, I don’t look charming right now.”

“I… guess…” After a few moments of hesitation, you flutter your eyes shut, waiting apprehensively for his lips to descend onto yours again. Kise holds your cheeks and takes the time to admire your features for the first time, and his smile grows wider with every passing second.

‘R-Ryōta…?” Afraid of the fact that he actually may not like kissing you after all, you worriedly open your eyes, only to be greeted by the most brilliant smile from Kise, his figure illuminated by the sunshine hitting the back of his head at the perfect angle.

“(y/n)-cchi,” he teases with a small pout. “Didn’t I tell you to close your eyes?”

Who needs a rose-tinted lens when the sight before you is already so radiant to behold?

[alpacaparkaseok]

Inside “The Pact”

Hello! For those of you that followed along with The Pact, I received a few questions and requests to get an inside look. I’ll link the post here that explains a bit more about what this is gonna be about. 

We’re gonna break this down into sections: first will be answering your questions about The Pact & the characters. Then I’ll show you guys a little about my notes & decision making process (which is very obscure because I just tend to keep a hypothetical tab open in my brain most of the time lol) as well as some pictures of my ideas!! 

Thanks for requesting such a fun thing to do now that this series is over. It’s been fun to look back!

Q. What song did the boys dedicate to y/n?

A. “Her” || This is a sad song, but I felt like it fit so well with how the boys had to hide a part of themselves (their feelings) away for the sake of the pact!

--

Q. Did the boys get mad/how did the boys react to Jungkook’s kiss?

A. Jungkook was a little shocked, and felt extremely guilty on the drive back home. He wasn’t sure if he could stand to tell his hyungs, but he also knew he couldn’t lie to them. Naturally, the second he walked in the house and everyone saw his face, they knew. It was just quiet, everybody was a little hesitant to say anything/bring it up because they were all upset. Only Jimin has heard all of the details of JK’s kiss, whereas the others are simply aware that he kissed her and that’s that.

Namjoon was the most upset, although he didn’t say anything. He just sat there on the couch and did the jaw-clenching thing he always does. Yoongi just tried to change the subject and ask about other aspects of the date. Taehyung was actually pretty pissed, especially because he’d been so good about refraining from kissing you even when you’d asked for it. Hobi had a chat with him later that night and calmed him down. Jin wasn’t angry so much as he was worried that he missed his shot & couldn’t stop replaying his date in his head.

--

Q. Who fell for y/n last?

A. Namjoon. He’d had a little crush, and that’s why he was willing to go along with the pact. But it hit a point less than a year ago when he fell hard and fast. (you called him in the middle of the night when he was on tour and he realized that your sleepy voice is possibly the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard) The boys noticed and as a result teased him endlessly about it, because he doesn’t quite know how to navigate his feelings. 

--

Q. Who did the boys bet on? (We already know that Jimin bet on Yoongi and won lol)

A. Namjoon bet on JK, Tae bet on Hobi, Hobi bet on JK, Jin bet on JK, and Yoongi bet on Jin, and JK bet on Namjoon (because we all know JK would pick Namjoon lol)

--

Q. Didn’t y/n ever date other guys? How did the boys react?

A. hahaha ok I actually would have such a fun time writing this Yes, she dated around a bit. For the first year of the pact, she had an on again, off again bf. It wasn’t very serious, and she always made that clear to the boys. They still hated the dude. After they broke up, she only went on a few dates here and there. Didn’t really seriously date. (except for that one time she went on vacation and had a fling, but everyone has decided to forget that) They just smiled and supported her, although Tae was always very clear that he didn’t like any of the guys she dated. 

--

Q. In Namjoon’s date, who was the 1950′s author mentioned?

A. Agatha Christie, the queen. 

--

Q. How did y/n meet Jimin? (he was the one that introduced her to the rest of the group)

A. She was a PR intern for Lee Hyun. Jimin and Lee Hyun are close, and they crossed paths fairly often until Jimin decided to invite her to hang out. 

--

Q. What is y/n studying in school?

A. Public Relations (which will honestly come in handy with her new relationship lol)

--

Q. Where was Jin in the last chapter when y/n came to the studio?

A. Agh how could you ask me this and bring back all that pain?! Jin was at his brother’s restaurant for some much needed R&R. He ended up staying the night with him, not wanting to go home just yet and have to face his decision.

--

Q. Who would you personally choose to end up with and why?

A. KIM SEOKJIN. Date #5 was basically for me lol. Like, unapologetically wrote that for myself. Not just because he’s my bias, but because I personally felt like I could picture myself chilling on that couch watching Dateline with him. And it was beautiful. 🤧 Also, while Jin can be loud and goofy, he’s an introvert. I’m an extravert with introverted tendencies, so I just feel like his date would have been the most comfortable for me.

--

CREATING THE PACT - AN INSIDE LOOK AT MY NOTES

First thing’s first, I have an on-going page in my notes on my phone which is FILLED with ideas & half-formed thoughts. Before I began writing The Pact (or even Spooked, for that matter), this happened:

So you can see that I had no idea what I was doing lol, but I thought that it would be cool. Mainly I wanted an excuse to write OT7 and display all the members in a sweet light. Also, we see that not all of these actually made it into the series. (Tae w/ the family)

BUT THEN, “SPOOKED” HAPPENED, AND A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY POPPED UP 

ngl, I cracked up when I looked back at my notes and saw this. 

“Sweet Gloria what am I doing to myself” 😂😂 this was when I was pushing “Lost & Found�� out and planning for Taehyung’s series (which is why so much is blocked out on my notes, because it’s riddled with spoilers lol) so I literally had no idea why I was jumping into another project as I was already super busy. That’s why I scheduled it for just Saturday’s! (and also why I sometimes posted super late at night lol)

As you can see, Seokjinnie’s date was literally always on my mind. From the very beginning. Which is odd, considering the fact that he didn’t end up being endgame. wow it’s like he’s my bias or something

Occasionally I’d take breaks from hw and work on getting to know how the boys were with y/n. Quotes and poetry serve as a great source of inspiration, and I assigned a quote to each member. (notice the little stars by Jin, Yoongi’s and JK’s names lol, they were my top three as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now)

There were a couple of things that I didn’t think of adding until I was reading through your theories and got an idea of what you needed to push the series in the right decision. i.e. bringing Gina back to explain that she closed the door in Spooked. 

I have a whiteboard in my room that I use to map out what I need to do that week for whatever series I’m working on (as well as jot down ideas for new series, which I why this photo doesn’t show the whole board haha) 

So here’s a peek at my thought process for writing about how the pact was formed. Sorry if you can’t read it haha

NOW, the last few questions you guys had:

Q. Did you ever change your mind while writing the pact?

A. Yes! I actually originally intended for Hobi to have written the note. It fit very well with how angry he was at first and how worried he was during the date. But by the time I'd gotten to Jin’s date I kinda knew that he wouldn’t be that petty but Jin would haha

I also planned on Yoongi kissing y/n on their date. It was supposed to be on a rooftop somewhere, which we know didn’t happen. In fact, I didn’t really intend for their date to be so disastrous until I was coming closer to having to write it. I think I was a mess, so the date was a mess lol

I had no idea what I was doing for Tae’s date until I wrote it, all I knew was that there had to be a museum. The rest I just made up as I wrote and hoped that it made sense. (also, for some reason I hated the museum portion of the date. Idk why, but it just felt so stark to me. still don’t like it lol)

Q. When did you know how it was going to end? 

A. That’s a....difficult question lol. Honestly, I thought of just doing an audio recording and uploading it because it I didn’t really know how to put it into words, but then I realized that most people probably wouldn’t wanna listen to that lol. So here we are. 

I had the ending scene in mind before The Pact even became a thing. I knew I had a series that I wanted to end with baking cookies. (weird, I know.) It didn’t exactly go how I planned, but I remember having the thought while writing Spooked (when I thought I was just writing a one shot) that it would be nice for y/n to be with Yoongi. I just instantly felt like they had a connection, when he was the first one she went toward. From then on out, I always kinda kept Yoongi in the background. 

I had a crisis about halfway through (right before Jin’s date) when there were a bunch of people rooting for Tae, because he hadn’t even been on my radar. But then Jin’s date went much better than I thought it was going to/received better, so I think that got me back on track. 

But from the beginning, Yoongi was #1. (I wrote this in the back of my Career’s notebook lol) when I was trying to figure out for myself who wrote the pact. 

So yeah! There you have it! Just an FYI, I had to physically restrain myself from throwing caution to the wind and making Jin endgame. Especially when so many of you were on board. :( However, the survey helped because Yoongi was the majority of votes (closely followed by Jin & JK) and that showed me that we were still on the right track! 

Ngl, my brain stopped working around Wednesday of last week, so writing the finale took FOREVER because nothing would compute. But I’m so happy you guys enjoyed it and reached out to me about it! This really is like a part-time job most days, and I really felt like this series paid off. 

Hopefully I covered everything! To end, here's the most satisfying part of every project for me:

Thanks guys!

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 15 of 26

Title: Tehanu (Earthsea Cycle #4) (1990)

Author: Ursula K. Le Guin

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Fiction, Third-Person, Female Protagonist 

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 6/24/2021

Date Finished: 6/30/2021

Decades after The Tombs of Atuan, Tenar decided to settle down and live an ordinary life on the shepherding Isle of Gont. Now a farmer’s widow, she adopts a disfigured and horrifically abused child, who she names Therru. When a giant dragon deposits a grief-stricken Ged at her doorstep, Tenar finds herself in a strange situation as she cares for her old friend and her adopted daughter. But threats from Therru’s past and a malevolent force on the island soon threaten Tenar’s small family. 

Despair speaks evenly, in a quiet voice.

Content warnings and spoilers below the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Violence and death. Mentioned murder. Severe child abuse. Descriptions of traumatic injury and disfigurement. Mentions of r*pe, including of children. Trauma, sexism, and ableism are explored in depth. 

Tehanu is a much different book than the trilogy that precedes it. Perhaps this is unsurprising, considering the 17-year gap between this book and The Farthest Shore. I’d describe the Earthsea series as “grounded fantasy”. While all of them take place in a magical world, the thesis of each book is universal; the fantasy always comes second. Tehanu takes this idea to an extreme. The story is about everyday life as a common woman in the Earthsea world, with fantasy barely factoring in. The pacing is intentionally slow and introspective, which is something I normally don’t like, but Le Guin is a consistent exception. 

Key characters from the previous books make an appearance. Obviously Tenar is the biggest return, absent since The Tombs of Atuan. The Tenar in this book is older and much more mature, having decided to live a simple life in spite of her adventures and accomplishments. Ged returns, but he’s a shell of his former self, as he mourns the loss of his magic and the man he used to be. Even King Lebannen (formerly Arren, the main character of The Farthest Shore) makes a brief appearance, and is quite a palate cleanser after the horrible men throughout the rest of the book.  

Probably my favorite aspect of the novel is the fact that these characters stand well on their own without magic to prop them up. Tenar explored the terrifying freedom she won in The Tombs of Atuan; got married, settled down, had kids — but still finds herself at a loss on what to do with her life after her husband dies. Ged is in a similar boat; he’s gone from an almost mythic character to an ordinary man, and like Tenar finds himself at a crossroads in life. Other characters embody this idea of transformation and uncertainty; Therru’s escaped her abusers and now has a loving mother, but what does the future hold for someone with her appearance? Stuff like that. 

The idea of metamorphosis and new beginnings is well-trodden. But what makes Tehanu interesting is Le Guin primarily examines this with the middle-aged characters. Tenar and Ged are legendary figures in the world of Earthsea, but life has taken them to an uncertain future. The thrust of the novel lies in finding a purpose and becoming someone new. I also like that Tenar/Ged is endgame; I got Vibes from The Tombs of Atuan, but neither character was in a position where it would work. Seeing them form a romantic relationship much later in life is touching and cute. But it’s not the reason that either of them grow as people; finding one’s purpose is something one has to do on their own. Their relationship only develops once both parties have done so.   

My main complaint about A Wizard of Earthsea, the first book, is the sexism inherent in the setting, which is never examined below the surface level. Perhaps Le Guin’s outlook changed, or perhaps the publishing environment did, because often Tehanu reads like a response to this criticism. The central theme of the book is misogyny, the patriarchy, and its debilitating effects on women. Le Guin examines everything from micro-aggressions (“common wisdom” that happens to paint women as inferior) to domestic issues (“women’s work” and how much that actually is) to outright sexual assault (both in threats and actual acts; it is heavily implied this is part of the abuse Therru endured). She even goes into how powerful women are only considered as such because a man gave them that power. 

While I appreciate the fact she addresses these issues in such a frank, blatant way, at times reading Tehanu felt like reading a basic feminism primer. These subjects are all things I’m familiar with, and I feel like anyone who’s studied key feminist ideas would be aware of them also. Maybe 1990 was different? Le Guin doesn’t add any insights to the bleak reality of patriarchy and sexism, which is a little disappointing compared to previous books. That being said, this book is aimed at young adults despite its dark subject matter. Tehanu could be the first exposure to these ideas that many children receive; looking at it that way, it makes sense that the analysis comes off as basic. 

I also found the book’s examination of gender to be very cishet-normative. That’s definitely not surprising, considering the book was published in 1990, but to a 2021 reader this hasn’t aged super well. There’s a lot of discussion about the relationships and differences between men and women--whether there are any or not, how magic differs between them, the ability to bear children, and so on. There’s a weird sexual component to this, like how wizards (who are exclusively men) have to remain celibate in order to… keep being wizards? But women who are witches don’t have to do that, and that’s an advantage women have? (There’s mentions of male witches too, iirc, but it’s not expanded upon— do they have to remain celibate? Who knows.). I found this whole bit pretty odd and unnecessary, although I realize a lot of my perspective on the matter comes from a modern view of sex and gender (and, y’know, being trans). Not all the gender takes in the book are bad, but they are limited. 

I found Le Guin’s exploration of trauma and ableism through Therru to be more interesting. There’s a lot of examination about how society treats Therru, a survivor of unspeakable abuse. Her trauma is visible due to severe burns along part of her body, leaving her with a missing eye and disfigured hand. Tenar spends much of the novel wondering what future Therru has; no matter how capable she is and how much she acts like any other little girl, strangers gawk at her, or assume she “deserved” what happened to her. Therru becomes happier and more independent over the course of the novel, but relapses into a traumatized state when she encounters one of her abusers. As a survivor, it’s heartbreaking and distressingly realistic. As much as I like Tenar, I almost wish the novel was from Therru’s perspective (other than the brief jump at the end), but I realize it would spoil the ending.  

I’m torn on the ending because, while I thought it was cool and had some interesting revelations, it’s a jarring tonal shift. As I mentioned, Tehanu is a slow novel with a heavy focus on everyday life, and the trials and tribulations both Tenar and Therru experience. There’s even a climactic event a few chapters before the end; the only thing left is a persistent loose thread from earlier in the novel. That subplot explodes to the forefront a bare chapter and a half before the end of the book, and a lot of action-y fantasy stuff happens. It doesn’t come out of nowhere; it’s set up throughout the novel, but it is sudden. 

That being said, I do like that the subplot with dragons vs humans is hinted at as early as The Tombs of Atuan. When Tenar tells the legend about the origin of dragons early in the story, my mind immediately went to that one room from the Labyrinth with the sad winged humanoids painted on its walls. I’m curious if there are hints elsewhere in the series. I also figured out Therru’s true name and how she relates to that subplot based on context clues. While it’s not a shocking twist, it is a satisfying one. Though parts of it gave me a “magical destiny” vibe which is counter to much of the series so far; I do wonder how the last two books will address this. (Also… did Le Guin imply Kalessin is Segoy? AKA God? What did she mean by this. So Ged literally like… hitched a ride from God, who promptly yeeted out of the story until the end? That’s kind of funny. Maybe I misinterpreted something.) 

I probably sound critical of this book, but I did genuinely enjoy it. It just didn’t speak to me the way the previous two did. The next book is a short story collection before the conclusion to the series, so we’ll see where it goes! Tehanu set some stuff up that I expect will be expanded upon in these volumes.

[forevercloudnine]

batman forever riddlebat ship meme

(This one was inevitable. God, do I love this movie. @heroes-etc​ gave me questions from this ship meme.)

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

The obvious answer here is Edward because he is... clearly and pathologically insecure in his identity and requiring outside approval. You could argue he gets over this once he adopts his flamboyant supervillain identity, but as soon as he steps out of it to be Edward Nygma again he’s as self-conscious as ever. On some level his Bruce cosplay at the Nygmatech party is probably supposed to be a dig at his former idol, but it’s pretty transparent that he’s paranoid about not measuring up, especially once Bruce actually walks in.

As for what makes him feel better, two obvious high points of his self-esteem right off the bat (lol) are when Bruce is giving him positive attention in his intro scene, and directly afterwards when he’s murdering his boss for ragging on him.

Of course, neither external validation or murder is, like, a permanent solution to insecurity. Obviously. If they ever got together Bruce would probably make him go to therapy, which would be incredibly hypocritical because, as Dr. Meridian points out in this movie, that’s not exactly something Bruce is doing. Although in Bruce’s defense, if you count the novelizations as canon for this continuity, the psychiatrist Alfred hired for him as a child basically wrote him off as a lost cause that was going to inevitably self-destruct at some point in adulthood. So I can see why he’d think therapy isn’t for him. 

"Young Bruce may seem quite the stalwart, but there’s still a child beneath that veneer of calm acceptance [...] The day will come when that veneer crumbles, and the boy reacts to the memory of his ordeal. Such matters may be postponed, but not indefinitely. And the longer this one is delayed, the greater the damage will be to his psyche.”

“Still,” Alfred pressed. “How do you think this will all come out? Off the record, if you prefer.”

Another pause. “I am not terribly optimistic,” the stout man admitted. “But I assure you, I will do my best.”

Alternatively, Bruce just lets Edward borrow his clothes and calls it a day. It’s less time consuming than therapy and both the movie and novelization demonstrate how into that Edward is.

He was murmuring to himself, “We’ll probably be dining at Wayne Manor together.” He envisioned Bruce sitting across from him, and began to launch into a narrative [...] “Yes. Yes. A Party in my honor? I should have rented a tuxedo. What?” he couldn’t believe it, “One of yours, Bruce?” He gave it a moment’s thought and then shrugged. “Why not? We are the same size.”

3. Who is the most romantic?

 Uh, not Bruce! Batman Forever is the most thoughtfully romantic he gets in the entire series, and even here his only two dates ideas are “whatever Gotham social event my secretary tells me I need a date for” and “coming on to my date in my alternate identity to see if she loves me enough not to cheat on me with Batman.” Also, he vacillates between staunchly refusing to do any flirting at all and dishing out the least romantic pick-up lines possible.

You say “bad writing,” I say “totally in character for a hot rich guy who knows that this is as hard as he has to try to get into someone’s pants.” Bruce might love his partner with the intensity of a thousand dying suns, but he’s still sending Alfred to buy all their Valentine’s Day presents. His idea of a romantic evening for two is finally trusting someone enough to tell them his secret identity. If he’s done that already, or they already figured it out, then his playbook is over. That’s clearly the only romantic fantasy he’s ever allowed himself.  

(I was going to say he does this once every movie, but he actually never does this in Batman & Robin specifically because he doesn’t actually care about Julie Madison. She proposes to him and he gets her name wrong while shooting her down. Add that to the “Bruce Wayne isn’t romantic” box.)

The ridiculous amount of magazine cut-outs populating Edward’s apartment indicates that he probably has a very vibrant and extensive set of fantasies involving Bruce, which is hinted at a couple times in the novelization.

Edward would certainly know him when he saw him. He’d spent enough time anticipating the moment, after all [...] Finally he was going to be meeting Bruce Wayne face-to-face, and he had every moment of the encounter scripted [...] He’d rehearsed it to perfection in his mind for weeks upon months.

In the grand scheme of things... in the fabulous, sweeping, intertwining destinies of Bruce Wayne and Edward Nygma, such a slip would not even rate a footnote.

He becomes suddenly and painfully aware that if Bruce Wayne walked away without Edward Nygma by his side, then that would be it. It would be finished. All these weeks, months... indeed, a lifetime of planning... and it was crumbling under him just like that.

Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean his fantasies are all romantic in the traditional sense of the word. This is a man who was charmed by Harvey holding a charity circus hostage with some kind of graffitied missile warhead. Tonally, there’s not even that much of a difference between his crush collages and his riddle death threats.

What’s weirder, using a magazine cutout of someone you hate to make a pop-up card of their face, or using a magazine cutout of someone you love to replace the anatomically correct heart in the cardiovascular system diagram you keep in your apartment/arcade/makeshift laboratory? Probably the former, since it was made with the express purpose of Bruce actually seeing it. Although presumably Edward was planning on taking Bruce to his apartment at some point? And in the novelization, he actually drags Bruce into his cubicle to look at his Wayne Shrine.

He grabbed Bruce’s arms and shouted “No, don’t leave me! I need you!” [...] Bruce was thunderstruck as he was pulled partway into Edward’s office... and then he caught sight of the shrine. 

Edwards’s head bobbed eagerly. Now, finally, Bruce would understand the depth of Nygma’s devotion to his idol. He would see how important he was to Nygma.

Notably, the only thing that upsets Bruce about the fact that one of his employees has a serial killer wall dedicated to him at their work station (@heroes-etc: realistically.... IS this the first time this has happened? i doubt it.) is the fact that the shrine includes a picture of him taken directly after his parents’ death, which is obviously a huge trigger for Bruce’s PTSD.

Wayne’s gaze zeroed in on the picture of himself as a young man. 

The eyes of Wayne the elder locked with Wayne the younger, and when he slowly turned his scrutiny back to Edward Nygma, Edward could feel the temperature in the cubicle drop to subzero.

Later, once Bruce isn’t being actively reminded of the most traumatizing day of his life, he reflects that he could probably relate to Edward’s specific brand of crazy, and hopes that it’s not too late to try again (it is).

He paused momentarily at Edward Nygma’s cubicle, thinking about the intensity he’d seen in the man’s eyes the other day. Nygma’s ideas might have been a bit odd, but that sort of passion—if properly channeled—could accomplish miracles. That was something Bruce Wayne certainly knew better than anyone else. Perhaps after this fiasco was the time to take Nygma aside under less-pressured circumstances. Start again...

With any other character, I would call bull on their being this unphased by someone being obsessed enough with them to build a stalker shrine, but, like. It’s Batman. He probably has a stalker shrine to Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman in his cave somewhere. When they start dating, Edward mails the weirdest magazine cutout valentines to his office on the regular, and every time Bruce has to assure his staff that it’s not a ransom letter and it’s just “his boyfriend being romantic.”

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

I mean, by most people’s standards, any one of the things that Edward does in front of Bruce could easily be the most embarrassing thing to happen to them in their lifetime. But for the most part, Edward seems blissfully free of that kind of self-consciousness. He accidentally introduces himself to Bruce as “[extended moaning sound] Bruce Wayne” and shakes it off without even registering his mistake. Even when he feels like Bruce has rejected him and his project, his emotional state is more shocked, saddened, and angry than it is ashamed. He does apologize to Bruce, during the scene where they first meet, for holding on to his hand too long during their handshake. And by “handshake” I mean that Bruce extends his hand to be shaken, and Edward just grabs on and holds it without any motion whatsoever for the entire first half of their conversation. Which might be the only time he ever apologizes in the entire movie. So I’ll say that was his moment of embarrassment.

Bruce only really embarrasses himself in front of Alfred, but Edward does manage to trick Bruce into getting scanned by his mind reading device at the Nygmatech party. Being tricked in general would be pretty awkward for Bruce, since this movie goes out of its way to show the audience how SMART and CLEVER and KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT BRAINWAVES Bruce is at every opportunity. But being tricked into getting your mind read is about a million times more embarrassing than just running into a wall like some kind of Looney Tune. Obviously having access to Bruce’s mind allows Edward to figure out that his former boss/current obsessee is Batman, but also it’s just got to be super weird in there. Bruce is a bizarre man.  

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

Whether he’s idolizing Bruce or plotting his destruction, Edward is still seeing the subject of his lifelong obsession as a larger than life exaggeration of the real man. Some of that pedestal would probably survive into the beginning of a romantic relationship, but by the time they got serious Edward would have had to recognize that Bruce has both positive and negative traits. He would also have had to grapple with the fact that the man he once assumed would make everything in his life better is a lot of work to be around, especially in this movie’s continuity where the trauma of his family’s death and his guilt over allowing enemies like Joker to die are genuinely affecting Bruce’s day-to-day functionality.

(A lot of things, Chase.)

Edward’s introduction scene demonstrates that he doesn’t see Bruce as having these kinds of problems. His Escapism Wish Fulfillment Device TM is clearly a very personal project for him, since he, you know. Is kind of already living in a Bruce-centric fantasy world.

When he’s pitching it to Bruce, however, he states that he doesn’t think someone like Bruce would ever need to escape reality (which could just be ingratiating flattery, but he barely seems aware of what he’s saying at the time because he’s too busy staring with his mouth open at Bruce putting on glasses).

(Side note: an interjection from @heroes-etc​

Anyway, moving on.)

Obviously we know he’s wrong, since Bruce escapes his reality every night by dressing up like a bat and scaring people. Normally that’s just subtext (or me being cynical and creating subtext), but Batman Forever introduced a hot psychiatrist who is constantly poking at Batman for being a power fantasy created by a traumatized mind to cope with intense feelings of helplessness in childhood. 

 The novelization makes it clear that it’s not the illusion of perfection that Edward is attracted to, however. The picture of Bruce in Crime Alley is what kickstarts Edward’s obsession, not because Bruce seemed flawless but because he seemed to be going through similar pain as Edward (whatever Edward’s pain even IS in this continuity). So I think recognizing Bruce’s issues would be less of a dealbreaker and more of a point of connection, were they to get serious.

He saw, there in Bruce Wayne’s face, an intensity that mirrored his own. An anger, a frustration at the hand that fate had dealt him. There were no tears on Bruce’s face. Instead there was a smoldering intelligence that Edward intuitively sensed was on par with his own. 

There was something in Bruce’s eyes, something in that gaze. There was Bruce, in a moment of raw emotion, his parents just having been cruelly taken from him. And there was no self-pity. Just cold, hard anger.

[...] Ed still had the newspaper with him when he was walking home from school. Not that he needed it to read; the contents were safely locked away in his skull, thanks to his photographic memory. But he wanted to clip out the articles and pictures about Bruce Wayne. He found the young man fascinating, as if he had discovered a soulmate of sorts.

For Bruce, on the other hand, getting serious presumably just means attempting to include Edward more and more in the found family he builds in the latter half of the 90’s Batman movies. Alfred approving a love interest is not quite as tantamount in this continuity as it is sometimes (Micheal Gough Alfred is pretty laid back), but Bruce is still spending all of his non-Batman, non-socialite time with his butler. So if Edward wants to hang out with Bruce, he has to either get on Alfred’s good side or prepare for a lot of “romantic quality time” where his boyfriend’s dad is glaring at him from the background.

Dick is less important to get on the good side of, since he and Bruce argue all the time in these movies (apparently one of the proposed scripts for Batman & Robin was Bruce kicking Dick out of the house and making him go to college, where Dick would cope with his dad-related anger by bullying his psychology professor Dr. Crane into becoming a supervillain. I personally feel like I deserved to see that Scarecrow origin). So if Dick doesn’t like Bruce’s new boyfriend, it’s just one more thing for them to be catty to each other about.  

Alfred’s niece Barbara Wilson on the other hand (who is adorable as a fusion of Barbara Gordon and Julia Pennyworth, do not @ me) would be absolutely vital for Edward to win over, because her opinion could easily either make or break his standing with her uncle. Also Bruce decided to adopt her within five minutes of meeting her, so he’s obviously fond.

19. Where do they go on their first date?

Edward’s fantasy sequence in the novelization makes it obvious enough that he would really, really like to have dinner at Wayne Manor. Hanging out at someone’s house isn’t really a traditional first date, especially if one of you is a billionaire who could have taken you literally anywhere, but clearly none of that matters to Bruce, because that’s exactly the first date he invites Vicki Vale on in Batman (1989).

It’s pretty painfully awkward (“You want to know the truth? I don’t think I’ve ever been in this room before”) until Bruce gives up on the formality and takes her down to eat the rest of their courses with Alfred in the kitchen.

I feel like his first date with Edward could probably go the same way, with a few major differences. One, Edward would have been super enthused about eating in the fancy dining hall, and Bruce would have only suggested finishing their meal in the kitchen because Edward clearly wanted to see As Much Of The Manor As Possible. Two, when Alfred offers to stop embarrassing Bruce and leave them alone for the end of their date, Edward would have insisted he stay and break out the baby albums. You cannot convince me that Alfred is not a scrapbooker. Actually, does what Edward’s doing count as scrapbooking? Maybe they could compare notes.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Hi! If you don't mind could you write me some headcanons about being bff with some female cp's? Like Jane, Nina, Clockwork, Nurse Ann...?

One of my best friends is called one of these names so it was odd to write XD Some headcanon’s were totally true about her as well, and some definitely were n o t. XD

Anyway I’m not sure how comprehensive this is since I just kinda spewed it all out so, uh… I hope you like them! 😅

~~~

Clockwork:

·         Natalie stays at your house all the time and eats all your food. Girl has a FAST metabolism so you cannot tell, but she eats e v e r y t h i n g.

·         She doesn’t even have a key to your home, you just come home from everyday activities and she’s slumped in your couch cushions watching TV and there’s a pool on your bathroom floor from her shower and- oh, she has also ordered pizza so get your wallet out.

·         You just squint/glare at her before flopping on the couch beside her. She hands you the remote and gets comfier by you.

·         Even when you have a romantic interest over, she is there at your house, comfortable on the couch playing games on your phone as you walk your ‘friend’ to your room.

·         It’s not all frustrating though, she’s always there to protect you. There have been multiple burglaries that she has intercepted and ‘taken care of’. She’s honestly like a guard dog who also has an excellent sense of humour.

·         And don’t think she just wants you around for your apartment and money. Nay nayyyyyy nay. She tells you all about the Creepypasta drama and what’s going on at the mansion, even though you aren’t apart of that life.

·         And she calls when she’s away. Just calls up to talk to you.

·         You two are the kind of friends that don’t need to talk to each other all the time. In fact, you agree that talking to people all the time is annoying and too much trouble, and you could totally go without each other for days (Weeks even) if either of you were busy! But… without either of you even realising, you always end up contacting each other in one way or another every day, anyway. Its easy with you two. No romantic relationship could compare.

·         She was the groom and you were the bride in your make-believe weddings and mums and dads games as kids.

·         On Toby: “Okay Nat, I like Toby but I hope you know, if he hurts you… well there is absolutely nothing I can do to wreak revenge on your behalf, as he is a duo hatchet wielding psychopath, except maybe give him a stink eye. … When he is looking away and therefore cannot see the stink eye.”

·         More on the Toby subject: Clockwork once took you to Slender Mansion (Cuz you were targeted by a botched victim of hers because she cares about you and she wanted you close by to keep you safe until she could, like, finish killing the guy and all. Whatever though, no biggie. Pft, At least that’s how she made it out to be.) and she had to leave you for a moment so she handcuffed you and Toby together because he’s the only one she could trust to watch you.

·         It was very awkward for the two of you, but definitely a bonding experience. You were both very happy to see Clocky come back though.

·         HORROR. The world of horror is your favourite genre together. Supernatural horror, slashers, basement dwellers, vampires, werewolves, the blob, stalkers, murderers, psychological horror, black and white, colour, movies, tv shows, books- whatever. You two get so excited to experience new fictional horror.

Jane The Killer:

·         If you’re into boys, let me tell you right away- Jane is very critical of their actions. She was at a very influential time in her life (Especially concerning boys and girls and romance) when she met Jeff and Liu. She met those boys, thought ‘Oh, they’re cute. Maybe budding crush?’, and then Jeff killed her family, burnt down her home and ruined her life and Liu became an asshole, and now the male species has been, sorta… tainted. She knows there are good ones (In fact, m a n y boys are lovely, of course.), but one’s that you’re in romantic cahoots with are always going to be under her very watchful eye anyway so she doesn’t really bother to hold back her fear (Which translates into dislike… or hate) with them. So if you have boy problems, be careful. Provided you like this/these guy/s, at least. If you don’t like them, then she’s the perfect person to go to!

·         If you are a boy, then- of course, none of this applies to you. She loves you. Don’t worry. You’re her best friend!

·         Girls are an entirely different situation though of course. Jane drinks that love women juice every single day.

·         Jane is really good with altering clothes, so she’s the one you go to when you need help hemming something or taking something in. She likes to do it, too. Quality best friend time while not being lazy.

·         Speaking of her hating to be lazy… This does not apply at night. Nighttime is a whole other ballgame. Its bedtime by 7 for her if you don’t lock her into plans a week in advance. If she is braless and in her P.J’s, you will not be able to peel her from her home. Except for snacks, but even if she goes to the grocery store, she’s not getting changed and she’s going to wear her bunny slippers.

·         You two watch so many cartoons together. Gravity Falls, Star Vs The Forces of Evil, Over The Garden Hedge, Villainous, Looney Tunes, Ducktales, etc. Any and all that you can get your hands on.

·         You two are prepared to get platonically married, for any reason. Like, you need to stay in the country? Married; You’re staying. You’re the only one who can testify against hr in the court of law? Married, so by law you don’t have to. One of you accidentally planted yourselves with a kid and (Cuz you’re ride or die for each other, obviously), you’re gonna parent the child together and cuz of religious beliefs one of your would feel better about raising them together with a wedding band? Married.

·         Jane doesn’t drink, so when/if you get drunk she’s always there to keep you safe.

·         Jane also gets friend-jealous, a lot. Like, that bitch just called you her best friend, Y/N. Is she your best friend? I thought I was. So who is it, Y/N? Me or her? HM? (She is prepared to turn up to wherever you and this person are hanging, all glamorous and cool as she is, and show off. Prove she’s a way better friend then this new person so they back off).

·         When you were little, she was the bride and you were the groom in your wedding/marriage/mums and dads games.

Nina The Killer:

·         You have known her for both your entire lives and there have been iffy, and dark times but through hell and high water you have stuck with her. You love her. She’s your girl, you are her person too. You will be with her, and protect her from anything.

·         You are the only one in the world that loves her, really. You may not quite understand her weirdness, but you stick with her anyway because you love her.

·         Just like- baseline of your friendship is being ride or die for each other.

·         You were also really into Jeff, but at a more… healthy? Level? Like, you were still romantically interested in a real-life murderer, but you wouldn’t have done anything about it. You wouldn’t hurt anyone (Except to protect others) or victim blame, or contact the victims (Dear God) or whatever, but you would take peaks at fanfiction and gab with Nina about it. I mean, it’s not grand, but in comparison to Nina, hah… you were harmless.

·         Now though, that you’ve met him and he is the reason your bets friend is so hurt and broken, you are not the fondest of him. I mean, you still have a place in your heart for the version of him you and Nina made up in your heads (The version that Nina still believes is real) but that isn’t the real him. Jeff Woods is an ass. You need to keep your friend safe from him.

·         And uh… so nowadays… occasionally, you will find out where Jeff is (You keep an ear out) and, you know, just… lie your ass off to Nina. Yep. You tell her you heard that he’s in the opposite direction than he is so that she’ll unknowingly put more distance between him and her.

·         Yes. It’s a lie, but… its for the greater good! It’s for Nina’s mental health and physical safety.

·         Anyway, moving on to lighter things.

·         In your make believe mums and dads/’grown up’ games that you would play together as kids, you were a single parent and she was the dog.

·         She will lie for you in an instant. She’s also really good at it.

·         You walked into a room once and saw she was drawing something, and it turned out to be your joint tombstone. She has not let this go- you will be buried in the same plot together, if it is the last thing she does. This is slightly concerning, but… also kind of cute. You can roll with it.

·         “What if I get married or have kids?”

·         “They will need to apply with me to join. There will be an interview process.”

·         ‘What about pets?”

·         “Oh, they can come in! No fee!”

·         Do not underestimate her weight. If she doesn’t want you to leave, she will hold onto your leg and go deadweight, and you will s t r u g g l e.

·         Nina talks to herself, but she acts like the person she’s talking to is another person, inside her mind. You both know its not, but you refer to the other girl as Agnes anyway. Super casual.

·         Follows you when you go on dates (At least the first one with someone)to make sure all goes well and texts you rapid fire when she smells something fishy. Even the smallest thing.

·         You two really love dystopian teen fiction. Divergent? Matched? Hunger Games? Maze Runner? Ugles? Alllllll. You consume them and then watch the movies/tv shows too.

Nurse Ann:

·         Live-in medical services! This means you can get really cheap life insurance and not worry about it to much.

·         And on the topic of insurance… Ann is super smart, and organised, and just really awesome at practical stuff like that. Insurance, bills, mortgages, any kind of forms and receipts. And she’s happy to sit down and help you go through it- and, as we all know, everything is better when it’s with a friend you feel comfortable with.

·         You can tell Ann anything and she’ll just roll with it. No judgment. Either she takes it and lets you talk about it or she just acknowledges it and moves on.

·         Like Jane, Ann has very little patience for boy problems. In fact, she has zero time for it. Boys? Girls? No thank you. So if you’re into boys, I have some bad news for you.

·         Best friend maintenance. Occasionally, Ann will over work herself (with murder) and you will need to guide her to relaxation. Gently persuade her to sit down at the dinner table and just make idle chit chat with her every now and then as you make her a good, hearty meal (Or as good as you can do XD Anything between Beefy stew and a Cheese toastie will work fine, don’t worry. She’s not picky at all), and then watch some movies with her. No phones, no knitting, no drawing, no… whatever. No other activities except TV watching! She needs to rest. I’m always shocked at how relaxing just sitting and watching TV can be. There’s a big difference between doing that and multitasking.

·         Ann will call you to pretend there’s an emergency if you want to get out of social engagement.

·         A thing that two enjoy together is science fiction. Star Trek (Including the animation), The War of Worlds, the world of Star Wars, Dune, a Handmaids Tail, The 100, Eureka, etc. She loves the brainy stuff.

·         Ann is the logical friend, who tries to give the most practical advice and make pros and con lists and everything. And then you go ahead and do the crazy thing, the thing she said definitely would not work and would probably make things worse, and she just face palms and says she’s never getting mixed up in your mess again. … Until the next time, when she totally does.

·         “I love you Y/N, but I am not about to walk into a police office and bail you out of jail so do not do that.”

·         You trap her into resting by painting her nails (Hands and feet) in her sleep right before her alarm is about to go off so she has to take the morning SLOW or the paint will mess up. She just wakes up, you hold up a sign in front of her face that says ‘NAILS’ and she stops immediately. “You bitch.”

·         As kids, of course, the two of you would play make-believe family games and you were both mums (/ or you were the dad). She was the working mum and you were forced to stay home take care the baby (large container of vitamins with a face drawn on).

[themonkeycabal]

Wandavision Ep 5 Spoilers

Wherein I watch Wandavision at a stupid hour of the morning because I do not sleep like a regular human being, and sometimes I have things to say.

Previously on Wandavision, we all discovered that Darcy Lewis and Jimmy Woo were the BFFs we never knew we needed and now can't live without. Also Wanda reminded us that she's really scary.

We should be in the 80s now, right? Ahh the 80s. Leg warmers, Aquanet, and MTV.

Baby shenanigans with crying twins. Wanda tries to magic them to sleep and it doesn't work. "Maybe we just need some help." And in pops Agnes without waiting for them to answer the door. As you do in a sitcom hell. She's got a headband and leg warmers on and is on her way to jazzercise. Of course. Is the point of Agnes to really anchor us in a decade? Asking for real. She's very "this is the era, and these are the tropes, let's all play along now."

Vision is very protective of the babies, to such a degree and with such intensity that Agnes literally forgets her line and nervously asks Wanda if she wants her to take that again. Well, then. Agnes very super a lot does not want to be wished to the cornfield. 

The babies stopped crying during the whole "should we do this scene again" interlude. Vision noticed the weirdness and is trying to figure out what's going on, Wanda is trying very hard to pretend everything is normal. Agnes is being super duper bizarre in the background. And suddenly the twins are like three years old. Agnes has given up and got into the liquor. I don't blame her.

Opening credits. Okay, I'm sorry, 'baby' Vision is almost more stupidly funny than I can take. Like … what? I think I want that as my new icon, though. Also the credits are too long. I think they were very proud of their theme song, so we have to hear it all. These are my least favorite so far. Very 80s, but meh.

In the real world, Monica is getting x-rays and giving a report on being yeeted from Wanda World.

Jimmy Woo and Darcy are there to greet her at the end of the exam. "This is Doctor Darcy Lewis." Yes, she is! Still very proud. She's also the doctor of encouraging people to wear pants, shoving a pair at hospital gown-clad Monica. Erik's no-pants phase was very scarring.

The medic comes back and says the medical tests didn't work or something. The medic wants to do x-rays again because the first came back blank and also she's going to have to do another blood draw. Hmm. Monica is still somehow affected by Wanda World? Unclear on how that would work. Some sort of weird witchy radiation-like energy? Monica says 'no' to more needles and also wants to put pants on. Just let the woman have her pants.

Now we're on to a briefing with the acting Director of SWORD whose name I don't remember. He's very "government suit" bland, I have a hard time caring about anything he says. Also, does anybody else pronounce the 'w' in SWORD in their head when they read it? Like I cannot make my brain stop doing that. "s-WUH-ord'.

"Our initial theory had Wanda Maximoff as one of many victims. We now know she is the principle VICTIMIZER!" Settle down there, acting director guy. Why not say 'subject', 'suspect', 'perpetrator', or boring old 'cause of the anomaly". VICTIMIZER! Geez then. I'm going to guess his solution will be a tactical nuke or some such rot.

Jimmy gives background on Wanda.

Acting Director Guy: "The twins were subsequently radicalized, volunteering at Hydra." Jimmy Woo: "That's an oversimplification of events, but yes." I'm giving you heart-eyes Jimmy Woo.

"After unspecified experimentation with the mind stone, Maximoff gained telekinetic and telepathic abilities."

Then a weird aside where the Acting Director — who shall now be known as Acting Director Dick — wants to know if Wanda had a code name or a something, seeming to imply that not having one made her a bad guy?,  and then he points out how the first time she used her powers it was against the Avengers. He totally just ordered a tactical nuke from "overreacting-government-douchebags r us".  I hate this particular character trope, the government heavy who never listens to anybody and is always ready to napalm the suburbs because reasons. It's so tedious.

Jimmy points out that Wanda earned the Avengers trust and then became an Avenger herself, thank you very much. Acting Director Dick doesn't care, he's decided Wanda is a terrorist and he'll turn half of New Jersey into a glass parking lot to get rid of her. Sure am glad he's in charge of some sort of mysterious and powerful agency.

Jimmy Woo is not a fan either, and he walks back over to his new bestie and tells Darcy that while he tries not to speak ill of anybody … Darcy interrupts "then allow me", and she has no trouble saying that Acting Director Dick is, in fact, a dick. That's my girl.

Elsewhere AD Dick is blathering on about how they don't negotiate with terrorists. Well, since Wanda hasn't made any demands, or released a manifesto or anything …. Monica also points out Wanda is not a terrorist. AD Dick twists her report to make Wanda sound as terroristy as he can. I'm bored with him now.

Monica argues with him a bit and say she doesn't believe Wanda World is a premeditated act of aggression. I vote Darcy, Jimmy, and Monica wait until AD Dick is alone, and then they shove him in a locker for the rest of the season. If anybody asks he had to run back to sWUHord for meetings or something, "Darn, you just missed him. I'll tell him you're looking for him. Great. Buh-bye now".

AD Dick needs to make his big jackass point that Wanda is the most terroristy terrorist who ever terroristed, so he shows off footage of Wanda breaking into a SWORD facility to steal back Vision's body. Because that seems terroristy and not at all like some sort of emotional breakdown. As far as I can tell, she just busted open a few doors, but didn't hurt anybody. I think AD Dick doesn't know the meaning of the word terrorist.

And, yes, then she resurrected Vision in an idealized sitcom world in a small city in New Jersey. That's exactly like something a terrorist mastermind would do. Mmmhmm. Is it nice for the people trapped there with them? No, clearly not. Agnes and Herb in particular seem aware and are scared. They need to be rescued and Wanda needs LOADS of therapy. But Director Nuke the Site from Orbit over here isn't going to make anything better. Darcy, sister, shove that asshole into a locker stat.

Jimmy notes that stealing Vision's body is a violation of the Sokovia Accords. And while I appreciate his dedication to maintaining the Accords … well, I mean, look, it's body theft and all. It's not a great look; I absolutely allow that. But you can just sort of stop there. Though, that's very the Sokovia Accords "if this guy dies, his body must go to a shadowy government agency. for safety. yep."

Also Vision had a living will, where he didn't want to be used as a weapon. Sure, okay. Because I'm sure SWORD was just totally not doing anything at all with his body. Nope. Look, I'm totally a SHIELD girl and even I wouldn't necessarily trust SHEILD with that. So, who is SWORD to me? Pfft. I'd give him to Thor or something and ask him to be buried far far away. I'm just saying. I'm supposed to trust Johnny-Come-Lately S-WUH-ORD?

(In my head now is an inter-agency rivalry where SWORD is like "We have rocket ships!" and SHIELD is like "lol, our lead scientist got eaten by a rock and survived on an alien world for like six months". "But rocket ships?" "We've traveled through time a dozen times in the last year alone. We're a bigger chaotic disaster than you can ever hope to be".)

AD Dick undermines his own "SHE'S A TERRORIST!" thesis by saying she acted out of grief. And then he dismisses everybody. "Work the problem!" Uh … whut? Fine? What is the problem? That she's a WILD MURDERY TERRORIST who must be stopped! or a grief stricken woman who stole her technologically advanced boyfriend's body and probably should be talked down? Acting Director Lack of Clarity.

Jimmy wants to know how Wanda could have resurrected Vision without the Mind stone and Darcy wants to know what Vision will do when he figures it out. Fine questions, friends, fine questions. Monica is just like "acting director dick used to be a buddy but now I kind of want to punch him and am very conflicted. oh and wanda kind of freaks me out but also i feel bad for her" only she says all that without words.

Tommy and Billy are now about like 5 or 6 or something. I'm terrible with kids ages. They're up to shenanigans. Oh, they found a lost puppy dog and they're giving him a bath in the sink. It's all super adorable.

Vision wanders in and greets his family all formally and in his human face. He says he has a premonition someone might pop over. He's not a fan of sitcom neighbors either. And there's Agnes now with a dog house. How does she know whether to enter through the front door or the back door?

The dog tries to burn the house down by licking an electrical outlet? so they name him Sparky (harr harr) and Wanda magics him a collar with Agnes right there. Vision's all "wtf darling?" and she points out Agnes didn't even notice when the boys went from babies to five-year olds, she certainly didn't notice the magic collar. Agnes is trying very very hard not to notice anything. Poor Agnes.

Wanda says she's tired of hiding her abilities and Vision is Very Concerned. He's starting to figure things out.

They tell the boys they can't have a dog until they're 10, so the boys grin at each other and age themselves up to 10. That is all very unsettling. Agnes "Let's just hope this dog stays the same size." as she screams internally "save me!"

Real World. Jimmy's hustling back to the science room with coffee for Monica and Darcy. Monica is asking for some sort of wild mobile bunker to help her get back into Wanda World and Darcy's like "well, yes, but also no". But Monica knows an aerospace engineer who'd totally make it for her.  

"I can't guarantee the Hex won't just mind wipe you as you go in." "What's the hex?" "Oh, it's what I'm calling the anomaly because of it's hexagonal shape. It's starting to catch on." Darcy's so proud, but Jimmy's like 'not so much' but he's too polite to say.

Monica's determined to go back in. Jimmy wants to know who the kids are, if they've id'd them or the babies and Monica's all "oh, no, those are legit Wanda's." Darcy says if she can make stuff with her mind, and all the props and whatnot in the Wanda World are real then she's wielding an insane amount of power. Monica is sure she could have taken out Thanos if he hadn't cheated and snapped her. Jimmy thinks Captain Marvel could have done it. Monica very much doesn't want to talk about Captain Marvel.

Monica has an Idea!

Ah, she wants to see her outfit from Wanda World, which is now in the real world. So, is it real matter Wanda created, or is the perception field bleeding over to make them all see that outfit in the real world. That would have been hella awkward if Monica got yeeted out of her clothes.

Monica confirms they're real then steals Jimmy's gun and shoots them. Ahh, she was wearing a kevlar vest when she went into Wanda World, and that changed shape to be her super fly 70s outfit. "Wanda is rewriting reality." Changing things to fit the hex. So they'll send in something that doesn't need to be changed. Um. Sure. Fine. I don't know what that means, or how that would help in this context, but I'm sure I'll find out.

Meanwhile, Vision is at work, and all his coworkers are amazed at the actual computers. Golly shucks. Computers. Hey, so, computers have been around since the 40s. ANYWAY.

"Should we surf the internet?" We're progressing rapidly through the 80s. Oh, lol, Darcy sent an email. And the whole office creepily reads it out loud. Vision is very weirded out. As well he should be. He wipes the computer with his glowy synthezoid powers and then he glowies Norm when Norm tells him 'none of it is real'. Norm wakes up "please help me. what day is it? how long has it been?". Oh dear. Poor Vision. This is all going to go so very badly. Norm gets very freaked out begging Vision to "stop her". Vision resets him.

At the house the boys wonder where dad is, and Wanda tells them it's Monday and he's at work. Except the boys are all "um, no, it's Saturday". Wanda, your house of lies is tumbling down! You shouldn't have let them grow up so fast. Babies don't ask inconvenient questions about why Daddy needs some space from Mommy and her questionable choices for their shared reality.

Wanda takes the opportunity to impart the 80s family sitcom trope of the weekly life lesson about how family might fight, but they still love each other and family is forever. One of the twins asks if she has a brother. She does. He's far away. But, Sparky goes barking at the door. Wanda looks far away herself. She goes to open the door and Sparky runs out.

Monica has sent in a drone from the 80s. Well that wasn't really a thing. But, how does the 1980s rc plane look more high tech than the 2020s drone they sent in first? Talk to your design team, SWORD.

Anyway, Wanda spots the drone, but she's keeping it out of the broadcast, because she's the editor and director and producer of Wandavision, of course.

Monica announces herself and tries to get Wanda to acknowledge her. Whoops. Wanda's eyes go glowy. AD Dick says "take the shot" and Monica's all "what? no, the drone isn't armed." Except of course it is, because AD Dick is a monumental dick, and he's got a backup drone pilot who takes the shot. Wandavision goes off air. And, oh no, there's a breach at the Hex!

Lol. It's Wanda coming through, dragging the mangled corpse of the drone with her. That was entirely deserved, AD Dick. I hope she shoves it up your ass, dick.

"The missile was just a precaution". AD Dick backpedals quick, like a coward. You gave a three second attempt to talk to Wanda before you pulled the trigger, I don't like you. "You can hardly blame us."

Wanda warns him to stay out. "You won't bother me, I won't bother you." Okay, well, he does kind of have a point, in that there's a whole town of people who are stuck as bit players in Wanda World. That's not very nice. I mean, surely she could have found a nice empty spot somewhere and created her sitcom utopia. That's at least a fair criticism.

Monica tries her best to talk Wanda down. It doesn't work particularly well.

"What do you want?" "I have what I want and no one will ever take it from me again." And she mind controls the soldiers training their guns on her, to turn them on AD Dick. Whoops. And Wanda goes back to her world. The Hex glows all red as she goes.

And we go to commercial. Lagos Brand paper towels. "For when you make a mess you didn't mean to." Wow, so that was brutal. Wanda's not mad at you, Monica. She's just carrying a lot of guilt. Ouch.

Back in Wandavision, the boys are looking for their dog. They find Agnes hiding in the bushes with the dog. Poor Sparky apparently ate some azalea leaves and died. The boys are very sad and Wanda warns them not to age up. They can't run from their feelings. Oh Wanda. "It's too sad," Billy says. "You can fix anything mom," Tommy cries, "Fix the dead". Yikes.

Wanda "I'm trying to tell you there are rules in life." Poor Agnes is trying not to have a total meltdown. "We can't reverse death. No matter how sad it makes us. Some things are forever."

Billy and Tommy try to talk her into bringing back Sparky. And Vision turns up. Well, this is just brutal.

Vision is entirely outside of Wanda's control. "I spoke with Norm. I unearthed the man's suppressed personality and I spoke to him free of your oversight." Yikes. "He was in pain, Wanda."

Okay it's kind of funny they're arguing over the end credits. Vision is very very pissed. "I'm scared." Aww.

Wanda insists she's not in charge of every life in Westview. "I don't know how any of this started in the first place." Huh. Is that really true? Because she's pretty sure of it now. Somebody or something convinced her into a sitcom world and now she's just like "yeah, this is good"? really asking.

Ding-dong.

"I didn't do that." 

Vision: *doubt*

DING DONG

Wanda goes to answer the door.

In the real world, alarms are blaring but Darcy notices a new revelation on Wandavision.

Wanda Word — and it's Pietro at the door. See! I knew it had to be Pietro who'd be the surprise guest thingy. I mean it's hilariously X-Men Pietro (Evan Peters, like @lewstonewar suggested), but Pietro nonetheless. There's nobody else it could have been.

Darcy be all WTF? "She recast Pietro?" lol

Okay, Wanda seems legit shocked. I don't think she did that. And I super really don’t think she’d make him sound like a NYC cabbie. 

And end.

Well. I mean, I'm not sure what to think. Wanda insists she's not controlling everything. I don't think she created Pietro. But, she totally stole Vision's body and created the kids and seems mostly happy in her sitcom universe and she can traverse the Hex, which obviously suggests its her doing. Dunno. I have questions about Agnes and her convenient timeliness here and there.

The mystery continues.

Disney wants to know if I want to watch Age of Ultron next. How poorly you know me, Disney.