#but nah not really i can simply be my own husband and i wont even spend the electric bill money on novelty shoes so

[blowmymongrelmind]

i was raised by a pretty woman to become a pretty woman and so the end goal that i was always steered towards was someone buying me anything i want and doing anything for me for the low low price of enduring dehumanization and misogyny but what they dont want you to know is that you can actually just buy the shit yourself and take yourself out on weirdly expensive nights on the town. you can blow your whole paycheck on yourself and youre not even gonna make you feel subhuman about it

[riseandshinelittleblossom]

Hoping for Home Ch 8 - Burning House

Summary: Sixteen years ago Libby Scott was supposed to become Queen of Cordonia, but Fate had other plans. Catch up here.

Special Thanks to @ritachacha for pre-reading and @ao719 for constantly being my sounding board for this piece. ily both

Disclaimer: I don’t own the TRR characters, they own me.

Song Rec  for this Chapter: “Burning House” by Cam

Tags:  @ao719@cocomaxley@leelee10898@fullbeaumonty@choiceswreckedme@ritachacha@itsstillnotwhatyouthink@blackcoffee85@indiacater@drakesensworld@carabeth@daniv2278@cosigottahavefaith@gibbles82@innerpostmentality@perfectprofessorherokid@darley1101@jovialyouthmusic @liamxs-world@thequeenofcronuts@blznbaby@zilch3382@wannabemc2 @jlouise88@lodberg@jasieschoices@aworldoffandoms @lynne1993 @valtorian-duchess @bbrandy2002 @hopefulmoonobject @dianalend@desiree-0816 @emichelle @lettersofwrittencollective

    "Good morning, Your Majesties." Libby singsonged with a brief curtsey as she entered the breakfast hall.

      Liam and Olivia exchanged glances as the twins looked on in wonder. 

     "Good Morning, Duchess." Liam responded. "It's lovely, if not out of character, to see you so chipper in the morning."

    Olivia quirked a knowing brow at the other redhead in the room as she stabbed a slice of melon.

     "Perhaps Her Grace got a good night's rest?"

    Libby dragged the mug of coffee the servant on her left had just poured closer to herself, eyes fixed sheepishly on the table and unable to hide the smirk on her lips.

     "Oh well now I'm just intrigued. Libby spill." Olivia retorted.

     "My queen this is neither the time or place for that." Liam said, slicing into his French toast.

     The queen looked quickly between her husband and his former flame. Deciding that Liam had certainly not been Libby's late night rendezvous, she returned her attention to her fruit bowl.

      "Will Max and the Walkers not be joining us this morning?" Emma questioned.

     Liam swallowed the gulp of coffee in his mouth.

    "I arranged for their breakfast elsewhere. I had something I wanted to speak to our Valtorian guests about privately."

    Will shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Valtorian. Just the thought made him cringe. The longer they stayed in Cordonia the more he wished to be free of this place. All of the pomp and circumstance was extremely off-setting. He had always wanted to know his father, but if he had known that would mean all of this...maybe his mother had been right to shield them from it.

    "I had hoped we could head to Applewood Manor today. Just the four of us. I'd very much like to take the twins on their first Royal Hunt."

    "The four of us?" Libby questioned, caught slightly off guard.

    "I have no interest in visiting the ruins yet again. And horses are only good for polo and battle, neither of which will be taking place today." Olivia piped up.

     "Hunting? Like hunting?" Emma asked incredulous. 

     "Nah. The Royal Hunt is only symbolic now. It's a trip down old royal hunting grounds on horseback that brings the court to an ancient Cordonian village. There are ruins not far from the village that I assume the queen is referring to. It's rumored that the fabled fire tribe from Cordonian folklore called them their home." Will explained as the rest of the room went silent.

    "What?" He shrugged pushing his eggs around his plate. "I know how to read. History is-"

    "Your favorite subject?" The King finished for him, "Mine as well. I must admit, Will, I'm impressed. It warms my heart to see you take such an interest in your new home country."

     "Well I think that settles it then, we'd be happy to accompany you, King Liam." Libby answered and her former fiance shot her a look that told her he picked up on her subtle sarcasm.

     "Fantastic. I'll have security ready a car. We'll head out to Applewood this afternoon." 

*********

      Liam tapped the mahogany door to Emma's room. After a breath she opened it with a broad smile.

     "Hello Your Majesty. Please come in." She curtsied quickly, stepping aside to let Liam in.

     On her bed there were a few open portfolios scattered about, yet organized all at once. It reminded Liam of the desk in his study.

     "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were busy. I can come back…" he started but the young girl shook her head.

    "It's okay. I've got plenty of time to finish my campaign platform."

     Liam quirked an eyebrow as he ambled to the mattress plucking one of the pages from it's stack.

     "Student body president?" he asked.

     Emma nodded, knotting her fingers together sheepishly.

     "I was the first freshman to win. And I took sophomore year easily too. I know that I may not be attending for junior year," she paused, her face flashing with a mix of sadness and uncertainty, "but I'd like to be prepared just in case."

     "There is still so much that hangs in the air until we get those results isn't there?"

     She nodded solemnly, taking a seat near the head of the bed.

    "You know, no matter who your father is, political savvy is in your blood."

    "Well you're a king, of course." 

    Liam nodded in agreement before wetting his lips to continue, "Did you know that Maxwell's brother, Duke Bertrand of Ramsford, attended the same Cordonian boarding school as my older brother Leo?"

     Emma crossed her legs beneath her. "Mom told me a little about him. He abdicated right? And the Duke was Mom's sponsor when she came here."

    "Right on both counts. Anyway during their senior year my father encouraged Leo to run for student body president or rather the school's equivalent. He'd done so every year, and every year he won. Of course no one ever ran against him because he was the crown prince. But in their final year, Bertrand Beaumont ran against him. He had a very persuasive campaign. And do you know what?"

    "Bertrand won?"

    "By a landslide. My father was furious, but truth be told Leo was glad. The best man won and he knew it. I suspect even then he knew he had no intentions of taking the crown, he never did like the leadership role."

    "So politics runs in the Beaumont blood as well?"

    "Very much so."

     Emma grinned and the room filled up with a comfortable silence.

    "If I'm able to return to school I think I'll use that in my platform next campaign. It'll be hard to not elect foreign nobility after all." Emma finally laughed.

    "If you choose to, I say milk it for all it's worth, my dear." Liam joked rising from his perch. "I'll leave you to it then,and catch up with you on the way to Applewood, young Emma."

***************

              The trip along the path of the Royal Hunt had taken half of the next day and Libby swore it was longer than she remembered. Emma was as bright eyed and bushy tailed as ever and Will and Liam had spent the entirety of the trip ahead of the ladies deep in conversation about Queen Kenna Rys, the legendary first ruler of what is today Cordonia. 

       As the village appeared on the horizon, Liam rounded his horse back to face Libby and Emma. "Shall we continue on to the ruins first, ladies?"

      Libby nodded, pulling slightly at the reigns of her horse edging him down the wood covered path.

      "Your memory certainly serves you well, Duchess. I'm a little surprised you remember the way." The king called as he fell in line behind Libby and the twins.

     "I'm not," she thought smirking at Liam over her shoulder. "This is where I first fell in love with Maxwell."

**************

         The Ruins at Applewood - 17 years ago

      Libby had shared a private moment with each of her friends at the ruins. It was interesting to hear everyone's insights on the awe inspiring place.

     She found Maxwell last, skipping stones across the face of the river near the center of the crumbling landscape.

     "Not a bad toss." she smiled sidling up next to him.

    "My record is five skips. It's not much, but it's respectable. Though there was probably some kid who lived here who could skip a stone over ten times. Wanna give it a try?"

    "Sure." 

     Maxwell came up behind her, a wide grin on his face. He gifted her the stone and placed his hands on her forearms, his chest pressed against her back.

    Libby's body sighed into him, relishing in his warmth.

   "The trick is to clear your mind and become one with the rock. It is an extension of your will."

     The young redhead tried to do as she was directed, but with Lord Beaumont so close all she could think about was his heavenly scent. Hazelnuts and fresh brewed coffee. Her hand went limp as she breathed him in, the stone falling haphazardly into the water with a splash.

    "I guess its an acquired skill. But that's okay." Maxwell hiked up his pants as he squatted down to pick up a few more stones.

     "You know, I don't really know all that much about you." Libby mused.

    "There's not really much to know."

    "Really? I've seen you talk about yourself for hours at our social events."

   Maxwell sighed skipping another stone before reaching around to rub the back of his neck.

    "That's just, y'know, small talk. Nothing real."

    "Tell me something real."

   "What do you want to know?"

   Libby turned away from the water, her eyes meeting the deep blue of Maxwell's. She tucked her lip between her teeth as she was wont to do before continuing.

    "Have you ever loved someone before?"

    "Oh...you don't play around with these questions do you?"

    "I do not."

    Maxwell sighed, puffing his cheeks before exhaling. "Well Bertrand is the more eligible between the two of us. He's the Duke of Ramsford after all. I always kind of thought I'd figure things out once he was married; but I don't think bertrands gotten any closer to getting married...but there's no need to dwell too much on it."

    Libby nodded solemnly.

    " Mmmmmhmmm," she hummed, sucking her teeth. "But I didn't ask you about your eligibility. I asked you if you'd ever fallen in love."

    Maxwell blinked unbelievingly. "I...uh…"

    She could see the slightest tinge of pink creeping onto his cheeks as he rubbed his hair, eliciting a giggle from her.

    "Yes. Only once, but she's way out of my league."

      He stared deep into her eyes, the two transfixed on one another as if the rest of the world had simply fallen away.

     "Come on guys, let's get back to the others." Drake's voice broke their trance and Maxwell cleared his throat, cheeks as red as Cordonian Rubies.

     "Uh, I'll uh race ya back to the village?" He stammered.

    "You're on, Lord Beaumont," she gulped.

***********

          Applewood Manor - Present day

     Smoke.

      It was thick and billowing as Libby staggered down the hallway. She wadded up her tank top, covering her nose and mouth as she coughed, her lungs and eyes burning.

     "Li-Liam!" she croaked frantically, scanning the labyrinth before her, lit only by the rim flickering of the flames from somewhere ahead.

         More coughing.

    She leaned her shoulder against the wall, the surface warm to the touch already. Her breaths were coming shorter, vision blurring from her wheezing. 

   "Liam! Liam please! Where are you?"

      Libby leaned her head against the wall, closing her eyes and steeling her nerves before pushing off of the surface with purpose.

     Again she staggered down the corridor, finally falling into a drawing room of some sort, pitch black but not as smoky, the embers having not reached this far yet.

   Frantically she lunged at the window, her body bouncing off of the glass although it remained intact.

   "Libby? Libby follow my voice." 

    She jumped at the sound to her left, turning towards it but finding only darkness.  The smoke was beginning to thicken once more, curling into her nostrils and seeming to singe the inside.

    "Liam? Where are you? I can't find you,"

    "I'm just here, darling. Follow my words, my love. You can do this Libby. Come back to me."

    She edged closer to the sound, arms outstretched, fumbling in the abyss.

     A plume of fire erupted through the doorway and she stumbled to the side blinking in the sudden illumination. 

     Liam sprang forward, grasping her shoulders to shield her from the blistering heat as the inferno licked it's way into the parlor with a vengeance.

      Libby's knees buckled and she allowed the king to support the full weight of her, head lolling from her lack of oxygen.

    "Liam. We have to...we have to get out."

   "Oh my love, we're trapped here."

   "Trapped?"

      "I am afraid so. Once again I have failed you, darling."

    The redhead buried her face in Liam's shoulder giving way to a fit of sobs and coughs.

  "Don't cry my love," he soothed her, his voice even and steady as always. He rubbed her hair tenderly.

   "This time I will choose you. I will stay with you until the end...and even in death, my arms will hold you, Libby. As they always should have."

    With the last of her strength, she wrapped her arms around him, holding him as if her life depended upon it.

    "Oh Liam...I wish that I could be the woman you think I am-the woman you deserve."

    He shushed her again. 

  "You're more, Libby. So much more."

   He rocked her gently from side to side and a wave of contentment washed over her. But her bliss was short lived.

    Suddenly above the crackling of the flames and the crumbling of the furniture as it was consumed all around them, Libby heard two voices as clear as a bell.

   "Daddy! Daddy save us! Help please!" Emma screamed.

   "Dad? Dad! What do we do?" Will's words hit her eardrums and Libby tried with all her might to move her feet, but they stayed planted in place as if they'd melted into the foundation. 

   "Go to them, Liam. Please. Save our children."

**************

     Libby sat bolt upright, a cold sweat on her brow. She frantically pawed at her face and throat, chest heaving from her nightmare. 

     It wasn't the first time; she'd had the same dream too many times to count in the years since her departure. However this time there was a very different ending.

     Hearing the pain and panic in the voices of her twins was definitely new, and they had called Liam, Dad. What was that supposed to mean?

     Her head was spinning as she flung her legs over the edge of the bed, grabbing her robe and tying it tight around her.

    Groggy, with her heartbeat still elevated she headed out of her suite, unsure of where she was headed. At the end of the hallway the light was on in a suite, the door slightly cracked allowing the beams to spill into the hallway, splashing over the charcoal slacks of the King's Guard posted outside.

     She approached slowly and when she was just outside she dropped her voice conspiratorially.

    "May I- can I see the king?"

     The guard nodded and Libby pushed the door, slipping inside. She found Liam leaned over his desk, his left ankle crossed over his right, his shoulders exposed in the pajama tank he wore, pulled taut against the rippling muscles of his shoulders. His weight rested on his fingertips, brow furrowed and lips pulled down as he poured over the document before him.

     Stunned, Libby blinked a few times at the sight before finally clearing her throat.

     "Oh, Duchess. Is everything alright?" the king questioned, turning his head towards her.

     "Yes. No. I-I couldn't sleep and I saw your light…"

      Liam smiled and for the first time since her return Libby noticed the crinkles beside his eyes when he did it. He certainly had aged since they were together, but he'd done so gracefully. Like a fine wine, he'd gotten better with age.

    "I am always available for a midnight scotch with an old friend." 

     He corrected his posture to stride across the room, grabbing two small glasses and filling them with a few fingers of liquor. He faced her once more, offering the drink.

    Libby stepped her bare feet across mahogany floors to take the tumbler, still unsure why she'd come to Liam of all people. After all these years he had a way of making her feel completely at ease, and perhaps that was her subconscious reasoning.

     Many moments passed, each of them sipping scotch in silence, seemingly waiting for the other to speak. Finally Liam did.

   "Libby, I hope you don't think me forward for saying this, but I have always envied your effortless beauty. Here you are fresh from bed and still you look so put together."

    He leaned casually against the bar cart, once more supporting himself on his fingertips.

    Libby blushed, averting her gaze.

     "You flatter."

     "I'm simply stating my opinion freely,"

      Liam pushed himself off of the cart and took a few steps towards her.

     "Do you ever wonder- do you think things would've been different if I had chosen you the night of my coronation, Libby? I have pondered the thought millions of times since I made the decision. I was trying to protect you, but in my youthful ignorance all I really did was tear you apart. I loved you so much I just...I never meant you harm. The cracks between us began there didn't they?"

    The walls were closing in on her, heart hammering in her chest and before she even knew what was happening Liam's fingers were brushing her cheek, and he was so close. Libby could feel herself dissolving like sugar cubes in afternoon tea. She closed her eyes as the king brushed a hair across her forehead and tucked it behind her ear.

     "I didn't want them to. I knew you were trying to keep me safe. You will always keep me safe. I knew it then and I know it now. You're a benevolent man, Liam and I love you for it. I just wish I could've ...well, I made choices out of my own youthful ignorance."

     He tenderly took her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting her face to look into her eyes.

    "Well we aren't so youthful anymore, my love. I'll just chalk this up to the actions of a foolhardy old man." 

       He bent down, pressing his mouth to hers softly yet forcefully, and when he pulled away Libby stayed frozen in place, lips still slightly parted.

    Dazed, she finally blinked herself back to reality, gaping at Liam. 

    "I should... I-I-I should go." She stammered, setting her glass on the desk and heading for the door. She paused, offering a swift curtsey.

    "Your Majesty." 

     Liam closed his eyes briefly before nodding at her, "Your Grace."

      The next morning Libby was awakened by her phone ringing. Blearily she reached out and pressed it to her ear.

      "Hello?"

    "Apologies for waking you, Your Grace. It's Tessa, your majordomo. I know you had instructed me to forward any letters from the DNA lab to the palace, but since you'll be arriving at Valtoria with the court this afternoon I wasn't sure if I should forward these or keep them here."

    "These?"

    "Yes, Ma'am. One addressed to Lady Emma, the other to Lord William."

    Libby sat up so fast it made her head spin. The results.

    "Uh,uh yes. Tessa, I want you to put them in the safe in my bedroom until I arrive. And don't tell a soul that they're in there, do you understand?"

    "Yes, ma'am. I and the letters await your arrival back home, Your Grace."

   Libby dropped the phone in her lap, scrubbing her hands over her face. There wasn't enough coffee in the world to prepare her for the day ahead.

[onlyonewoman]

Girls (or: the battle of skirts and potatos)

Another lowbones ficlet from the modern AU Aces of Spades and Hearts/Down Foreverdark Woods Trail series with Billy and Ned as an asexual married couple, set around eighteen years later, when Billy’s and Ned’s adoptive daughter Roisin is in her late teens, starting with... potatos. ***                   ”Honestly, I’m not so into this.” ”Why? ’Cause they’re Americans? You’re such a snob.” ”Watch it. I have more reasons to hate the English than Americans.” Ned finished peeling the last potato and put the pot on the stow. Billy pouted and did his best puppy eyes. ”I’m so sorry for the way my country treated you, Mr. Manderly-Low. Please, accept my peace offering.” He picked up a bag of potatos from the shopping bag and in the next second, he was running for his life, laughing, with a trail of earthy potatos and a one-eyed Irishman after him. ”Hey, hey! Stop it, Ned!” ”Ye’re such a bag of dicks!” ”That’s our food you’re throwing!” ”Aye. Enjoying it?” Billy jumped into the living room and fetched his armed husband from the doorway, locking him in a tight hug. ”Surrender!” ”Never!” ”What the hell are you guys doing?” The two combattants turned around to their sixteen-year-old, standing with raised eyebrows and crossed arms in the hallway. Billy quickly let go of his husband and cleared his throat. ”Uhm… hi, pumpkin. How was football practise?” ”Good. Why are you running around with potatos?” ”Oh, you know your da… Loves potatos. Ouch!” Ned elbowed Billy and Roisin rolled her eyes. ”You’re so lame! It’s gonna be so embarressing when Lucy’s parents come over.” Ned rose his hands. ”I swear: no potato throwing, no Ireland vs. England jokes and no black metal. And no football.” Roisin kicked one of the potatos through the kitchen door. ”Actually, please talk about football, then at least her dad will be happy.” ”And her maw?” ”Sorry, da. No theatre or books. She’s a broker and leads aerobic classes.” ”Oh, for fucks sake…” Ned shook his head and Billy choked a laughter as he turned the heat down on the stove. ”Don’t worry, Rose, we’ll behave. Promise. Right, Ned?” ”I’ll behave. They’re not Christians, I hope?” ”Protestant fundamentalists. I think their ancestors fought against the Catholics on Ireland. They have necklaces made from the teeth of Irish babies. Really Catholic babies.” Roisin grinned and Ned patted her cheek. ”Very funny, pumpkin. Now go get yer clothes in the laundry before they mold. Dinner’s ready in ten.” ”What’s more than thrown potatos?” ”Plaice and carrots.” ”Thrown?” ”Laundry. Now.” ”Yes, da. Oh, can I go see Lucy after dinner?” Ned gave her a curious look. ”Didn’t ye just see her at school?” ”So? I can’t see my friends now?” Ned rolled his eyes. ”Just kidding, pumpking. As long as ye’re home by ten. School night, ye know.” Roisín gave her da a quick hug. ”Thanks, da!” Their daughter disappeared from the kitchen and Ned started with the carrots and seasoned the fish, still smiling to himself, shaking his head. Billy opened the door to let Gwin out in the garden and then he fetched his husband’s cardigan, draping it over him by the sink. Ned snorted. ”Didn’t even ask for it.” ”Lift your feet.” Wollen socks and Ned wanted to say he didn’t need them, but the autumn air was chilly and the door open for Gwin. Sometimes Ned thought his husband knew him far too well. Billy wrapped his arms around him and nuzzled his hair. ”You know, you’re so alike, you and Rose, I almost get jealous sometimes.” ”Come on, Billy… She fucking adores ye.” ”You think we should, you know, encourage her to be more… girly?” ”What?” Billy shrugged. ”Well, you know… Wear skirts and stuff, buy make-up…” ”Sweetheart, I hate to break this to ye, but yer daughter’s sixteen and if she by some mysterious reason doesn’t know what to wear, she wont ask us. She’ll ask…” ”John. I know, I know, it’s just that…” ”What? Ye want her to wear more pink so she’ll remember she’s a beaur?” ”Alright, I’m silly.” ”Aye, ye are. What are ye really worrying ’bout, muppet?” ”Uhm…” The sound of Roisin coming down from her room had Billy give Ned a quick kiss on the ear. ”We’ll talk later, hon.” To be honest, Billy wasn’t very keen on having a second dinner date with Roisin’s friends parents either. Not because they were American, but because Ned wasn’t very comfortable with new people. But since their daughters were hanging out regularly and Lucy’s mother had insisted on a dinner and it would’ve been rude not to make an invitation in return, Billy and Ned now had a dinner for eight planned this Saturday, including four parents and four kids. Ned was already on the brink of a migraine and Billy simply counted the days in silence. Ned gave Gwin and Betsy their food and put the dinner on the table while Billy lit some candles. The old kitchen with creaking planks, blue checkered curtains and plants Betsy always tried to chew on gave Ned a calm sense of happiness inside. He felt safe, lucky, just being in his own home with his husband and daughter, his dog and cat. And for being such a ”lame” da, Roisín certainly had a lot to talk to him about. His teenage daughter still had her moments of thinking both her parents were complete idiots, but mostly she talked worse than John, meaning she actually liked her stupid dads. Just like Ned, she wore a metal t-shirt – Cannibal Corpse – and she used Billy’s old Liverpool scarf to school. If that was being lame parents, Ned didn’t really mind. ”Da?” ”Yeah, sweetheart?” ”I need new trousers.” ”Uh-huh. Ye have yer allowance.” ”But these are on sale now… Just this weekend.” Roisín had her pleading eyes and Ned looked at Billy, who put his fork down. ”You have more trousers than me and your da combined, darling. How about a nice skirt?” ”Skirt? Really daddy?” ”Yeah, why not? You’re a sweet girl and you’d look cute in a skirt.” ”Oh, lord…” Ned groaned and shut his eyes, as his husband and daughter began one of their endless discussions about clothes. ”Would you rather have me dressed like a slut?” ”Hey, we don’t use that word unless we’re talking about actual people who’re self-confirmed sluts, like John and you know that, young lady.” ”Whatever! Da, say something!” ”Nah-uh, ye’re not pulling me into this, sweetie. I don’t care what ye’re wearing as long as ye’re dressing properly according to weather. Unless ye decide to wear fucking nazi stuff or I don’t know... heels that might give ye sprained ankles. Then and only then I’ll be worried.” Billy sighed. ”Thanks for the support, Ned.” ”I’m not gonna waste any time trying to convince her to buy some damn skirt she wont use.” ”Thank you, da.” ”But ye have a stuffed wardrobe and what’s so special about these trousers? What colour?” ”Uhm… black.” ”Sweetheart, ye have at least four pair of black trousers.” ”Three.” ”Four. I found yer supposed lost ones behind the laundry basket this morning.” ”Oh…” ”So how about ye wash’em before buying anymore clothes ye don’t need – with or without legs.” ”Uhm… Yeah, I can… have a look at them.” ”That sounds really good, pumpkin. More fish?” *** They’d been married for more than twenty years and Ned’s hair had stains of grey in it, Billy’s wrinkles around the eyes had become more significant and they were still in love. When they’d finished their dinner and Roisìn had left to see Lucy, they took Gwin out for a walk before landing by the fire, a movie on Ned’s laptop and some beer to have a nice evening to themselves. Gwin and Betsy joined them soon. Billy cardened his fingers through his husband’s hair and Ned took a sip of his beer. ”What were ye worrying ’bout, muppet?” ”Nothing, really. Guess I just want her to be my little girl a while longer…” ”Oh, hon… She’ll always be our little girl. She just doesn’t like skirts.” ”Can’t understand why.” ”And I can’t understand why ye’re so obsessed with her wearing’em, Billy. Can ye explain that to me, ’cause I really don’t get this.” ”It’s just… they look pretty on her.” ”And? Ye think she looks bad in trousers, or what?” ”No, of course not. I don’t know, Ned, I just… Damnit, she’s so independent. I don’t know what she needs me for any longer…” ”Whoa, whoa… Stop it right there. How many daddies do ye know who get to take their sixteen year old daughter to games in matching sweaters? Teenage daughters asking for concert tickets to music their da’s like? She’s still practising football in our garden with you before a game, Billy. What more do ye ask?” ”That she’d put on a skirt every once in a while? Is that too much to ask?” ”Aye, it is. Stop pouting and bring me another beer.” ”She has tons of trousers and…” ”Billy…” ”What?” ”Do ye love me?” ”I… Of course I love you.” ”Then stop talking about clothes and bring me another beer. Ye know all we have to do is to make John suggest her to wear something and she’ll consider it. Christ…” Billy fetched a couple of beers and pouted. Ned planted a quick kiss on his mouth grabbed a bottle, let Gwin climb up in the couch and looked at the watch. ”You want me to drive her home tonight?” ”No, I’ll do it.” ”Sure? Ye’re not tired?” ”Not really. And I should talk to Lucy’s mom.” ”Oh, honey… She wont be there.” ”Why wouldn’t… Oh… Right. Teens. You think they’re having boys over?” Ned laughed so hard he spilled some beer on poor Gwin, who looked highly offended. ”Oh, God… this is… Sweetheart…” ”What?” Billy looked completely clueless and Ned bursted from laughter, shaking his head. ”This is priceless, fucks sake, Billy…” Billy pouted. ”Yeah, go on and laugh at your apparently stupid husband, by all means…” ”Sorry, hon, but… When was the last time ye heard Roisín talk about bucks?” ”What do you mean?” ”Sweetheart, she’s having a big poster of Kim Stolz on her bedroom wall.” ”Who the hell’s that?” ”If I say Glee and The L Word, Tipping the Velvet and Casey fucking Stoney, does it ring any bell?” ”Casey Stoney? The football player?” ”With a wife.” ”With a... Oh… Wait what? You mean…?” ”Our daughter is probably a lesbian. Congratulations, hon. The risk of being an early grandfather is significantly decreased and the reason she’s worried about how lame we will be, is because she doesn’t want to look stupid in front of her beour.” ”My daughter’s a lesbian…?” ”Don’t tell me ye’re upset, ’cause that’s just hypocritical.” ”Upset?” Billy grinned and left the couch, leaving Ned to exchange exasperated looks with Gwin and Betsy and then came back with a small tray with two fine glasses and a bottle of really fancy wine. Ned groaned but Billy just kept smiling wide like he’d won the lottery and poured two glasses, handing one of them to his eye-rolling husband. ”Upset? I’m fucking overjoyed! To lesbian daughters!” ”And their gay fathers… I guess. Cheers, muppet.” ”We did a pretty good job, didn’t we?” ”Speaking as if we were done…Ye know John will be so upset.” “Why?” “Because for once, his famous gaydar isn’t working.” “You mean I’m not actually the last to know?” “No, ye’re not.” Billy’s grin turned almost malicious and he kissed his eye-rolling husband. “I love you.” “I love ye too. And we’re missing half of the movie, so shut up, muppet.” THE END      

[lauraxxtennant]

fic: the trace of pleasure or regret, (5/5)

Previous: One - Two - Three - Four

Ao3

When Rose had agreed to come to Shareen’s wedding, she was excited - not just for her friend, and to see her old mates, but for where the evening reception might lead. She’d considered that maybe she’d get the Doctor flirting with her, get him up dancing, show him off a bit to her mates. She’d hoped that maybe, when they got home, he’d give her a kiss goodnight again.

She had not anticipated their evening progressing to him being inside her, shagging her against a tree, in the open air. On Earth. Where anyone could have caught them.

Luckily, they hadn’t been noticed yet, which Rose thought was quite a feat, considering how loud they’d both been.

It was only seconds after they had finished that she realised how cold it was outside. “Oh my god,” she said, laughing in disbelief. “It’s December.”

“Yep,” he muttered, wincing as he tucked himself back into his pants as soon as he’d softened enough.

“And we’re at Shareen’s wedding.”

“Yep.”

“And we snuck off for a shag.”

“That we did,” he said carefully, helping her stand on her own two feet again. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a few tissues, looking adorable and awkward. “Um, shall I…”

Rose laughed and took them from him to clean up a bit, feeling equally awkward but also, mostly, elated. He seemed so unsure, suddenly, that she had to tell him how happy she was.

“I feel good,” she said, beaming up at him, and watched him sigh in relief.

“Me too.” He gave her a shy smile. “That was…”

“Yeah.” She reached up to his hair, tidying it as best she could, but she couldn’t see very well in the dark, so she doubted either of them looked remotely presentable. “Do you think they’re wondering where we are?”

“Probably.”

She adjusted her dress a little, shivering with just her thin jacket for warmth. “We can’t really go back in there now, looking like this, can we?”

“Probably not.”

“We can’t just disappear, though. Shareen will be miffed if I don’t see her off.”

“See her off?”

“They’re heading out on their honeymoon later. Straight to the station.”

“Anywhere nice?”

“Paris,” Rose replied, in her best French accent.

He nodded. “Nice, nice.”

She shrugged. “It’s no Ludolphi.”

The Doctor made a small noise in the back of his throat, indicating his pleasure at her words. Taking her hand, he led her back towards the church hall entrance. “Perhaps we can sneak into the bathroom and tidy up a bit. Then we can at least say goodbye. And make sure Bev doesn’t drive your mother home; she’s had far too much to drink. I told you she would. I’ll phone them a cab for later.”

“She didn’t kiss you again, right?”

“Thankfully, no.” He poked his head through the doorway, saw the coast was clear, and ushered her in and to the bathroom as quickly as possible.

They both came to an abrupt stop, jaws dropping at the sight before them.

“Rose!” Shareen gasped, jumping in front of her groom, Gary. Who was purple. And had spikes where his hair had been, earlier. Then, Shareen narrowed her eyes at her and the Doctor. “Hold on, where’ve you been? Thought you said you weren’t together! Look at you both, you’ve been off shagging, haven’t you? Bloody cheek, at my wedding!”  She grinned at them, clearly delighted and not bothered in the slightest that they’d abandoned the reception for one another’s company.

“Shareen, never mind that!” Rose exclaimed, her eyes shifting to Gary again. “How come you didn’t tell me Gary’s an alien?!”

Shareen rolled her eyes. “Come off it, as if you’d’ve believed me.”

“Hello again Gary, nice to see you in your…natural form. A Huviform, in fact. Aren’t you? From Krax?”

Shareen and Gary blinked at him.

“Yeah, mine’s an alien, too,” Rose interjected, with a quick smile.

Gary burst into speech, “Oh thank goodness. You won’t tell anyone, will you? Only…” He glanced sheepishly at Shareen. “We’re not strictly speaking supposed to, well…”

“Ah yes,” the Doctor nodded understandingly, and turned to Rose. “The government of Krax is quite famously rather xenophobic throughout most of its history. Marrying someone from another world, especially a human…not really the done thing, to say the least.”

“I love him, Rose,” Shareen said, lifting her chin. “I won’t give him up.”

“No one’s asking you to, not here anyway,” Rose assured her, lowering her voice. “How’d you get here, Gary?”

“Crash-landed,” he admitted, looking a tad embarrassed. “Tried to fix my ship, but. Well. I met Shareen. Weeks went by. Then I stopped trying, didn’t want to go back anymore.” He reached his hand to Shareen, and she took it, squeezing gently. Rose smiled. “Gonna settle down right here, with my lovely girl. I can blend in, like a - what was it you called it, love?”

“A chameleon,” Shareen said.

“Right, that. Excepting, of course, when we…er. Well, the reason I’ve reverted currently is…”

Shareen shifted from foot to foot. “They didn’t really need to know that.”

Rose raised an eyebrow, curious. The Doctor handily and cheerfully jumped in, “Huviforms can’t keep up their transformed appearance when they have sex.”

“Right, right,” Rose said, eyes wide.

“Do you…is it the same for you?” Shareen asked the Doctor.

Rose laughed. “Nah, he still looks like this. He’s a Time Lord; they look pretty human.”

“Well, you lot look Time Lord,” he corrected.

Rose took in the cramped surroundings of the bathroom, and wrinkled her nose. “Wait. You were really gonna have your first marital shag in here?”

“Like you can talk,” Shareen huffed, letting go of her husband’s hand to fold her arms. “Where did you do it, then? Don’t see any hotel rooms round here.”

“Anyway,” the Doctor hurried on, “We’ll leave you be. We were just gonna say our goodbyes anyway, weren’t we, Rose?”

“Yeah.” She smiled, and lurched forwards quickly to grab Shareen in a hug. “I’m really happy for you. Call me as soon as you get back from Paris. We have a lot of catching up to do, apparently.” She pulled back from her friend with a grin. “This alien thing. It’s mad, innit?”

“It really is,” Shareen said, nodding sagely. She glanced at Gary. “The best, though.”

“Oh, absolutely.”

They left the room, and the Doctor - who they decided looked the least rumpled out of the two of them - went into the main hall to tell Jackie a taxi would come pick her and Bev up in a couple of hours. Rose waited for him by the coat rack, beaming to herself, a ball of nervous, excited energy. Gary, an alien! Shareen - finally in on the secret about the Doctor. Well, the Time Lord part, anyway. She’d have to fill in her in on the TARDIS when she got back from her honeymoon.

The Doctor came back. “All sorted!” he grinned, a bit manically, and took her hand.

Bemused, but used to it, she simply said, “Ta, Doctor.”

“No problemo.” He paused as he let her exit the hall first. “Well, one small problemo. Bev guessed. Your Mum knows. Bye for now!” He let go of her and dashed off, and Rose rolled her eyes.

“Oh my god. You idiot,” she muttered. Hearing footsteps behind her, she turned around, bracing herself.

“Rose!”

“Hi Mum.”

“You told me you and that plonker weren’t like that!”

“We weren’t.” She fiddled with the zip on her jacket, feeling like a little kid again. “Aren’t, really. I’m not sure what we are, to be honest, but tonight…” She couldn’t help but smile. “Mum, tonight was brilliant, and, well, you know how I feel about him, so I’m not gonna listen to a lecture.”

Jackie’s eyes softened. “I’m not gonna give one. I just…you’re happy, yeah?”

“Yes. Very.”

“And he treats you right? He’s good to you? Won’t break your heart?”

Rose sighed. “Mostly. I dunno, he gets all hot and cold about it, but, I can handle that. I just wanna be with him. Whatever he wants from me, I’ll…” She shook her head. “I know that must sound pathetic, like I’d do anything for a man who won’t give me the same, but you don’t know him, Mum. I know deep down he wants everything that I do. I’ve just gotta be patient with him, I reckon. You know?”

Jackie nodded, her eyes shining. “He’s really old, though, Rose. And an alien.”

She laughed. “Yeah, I know. Surprisingly, those really aren’t deal-breakers for me.”

“Where’s he gone, anyway? Left you to face the music with me, did he. I should give him what for for that, if nothing else.”

“It’s all right. He’ll come back. You terrify him, that’s all.”

“Me?” Jackie snorted. “He’s from outer space, you battle monsters every day, and he’s scared of me?”

“Not every day, Jackie. Trouble’s just the bits in between. And yes, you’re the scariest thing in the known universe,” the Doctor informed her.

Rose grinned, and the Doctor came up behind her and took her hand. He murmured to her, “Sorry. Panicked a little bit for a second there.”

“That’s okay.” She smiled at her mum. “We’re gonna call it a night. I’ll ring you tomorrow and arrange about Christmas Day, okay? And get home safe tonight, don’t let Bev behind the wheel!”

Jackie nodded. “Okay, sweetheart. Night.” She pointed at the Doctor before she turned around. “You be good to her.”

“I will.”

Rose squeezed his hand, and they headed home.

::

“So. Guess Mum thinks we’re together now,” Rose said, overly casual, as she unzipped her jacket. Instead of tossing it on the floor as she was wont, she hung it over the railing, giving him a pointed look as she did. He nodded at her in acknowledgement.

“Yes, I suppose she does.”

“She’s, um. She’s not gonna really get it, the whole, ‘it’s just ‘cos it’s Christmas,’ thing.”

“I don’t blame her. I think we’ve pushed that ruse to its limit, don’t you?”

Rose leant her shoulder against the nearest coral strut, nibbling on her bottom lip, looking nervous. “How d’you mean?”

“Rose. Come on. We can’t go on like that. Before we know it, it’ll be March and we’ll be saying, ‘oh, but it’s still Christmas somewhere!’”

“So you want to stop. Already,” she stated flatly.

“I didn’t say that. I don’t - I just…” He sighed. “I need to think.” He caught her worried look and hurried to add, “Just for a bit. Tonight. Let me think things through?”

She nodded slowly. “Okay. Yeah. Course. I’ll…” She summoned up a smile for him, and his pulse rate calmed considerably at the sight. “I’ll go have a cuppa before bed. Come and find me if you want to talk.”

He leaned against the console, hands in pockets, and watched her walk out of the room. She paused halfway to take off her heels; it was a bit of a challenge, walking on the grating in them without twisting her ankle. She looked back at him over her shoulder as she tossed them under the jumpseat for now, and they shared a smile. Then she left.

The Doctor let out a long breath. One hand left his pocket to run through his hair, and he just stayed where he was for a few minutes, sorting through his thoughts. He moved to tinker under the console after a bit, rightly predicting it would clear his head better.

There was no way they could return to the way things were before. They had been kidding themselves about that already, with what was essentially their Christmas gift to one another, but they had taken it even further tonight and there was no turning back.

It terrified him, really, that he’d allowed this to happen. Once upon a time, he’d been so certain that he could resist, that they wouldn’t give in. That they could be content living together, travelling with one another, as best friends alone.

But the two simple facts of it all were that she made him incredibly happy, and he was in love with her. For once in his life, why shouldn’t he get to experience that properly? The Time Lords weren’t here anymore. And the universe at large didn’t have to know he was...in a relationship with a human. There was nothing to stop him being with her, not really, not outside of his own head.

He had already been monumentally distracted by her on several occasions, long before they gave into temptation this evening, and the universe was still intact. Perhaps it could work - balancing his responsibilities with a relationship. Certainly, Rose already took on her share of saving-the-universe obligations. They’d always made an excellent team, ever since she first stepped aboard.

The Doctor continued these musings as he finished up his tinkering and wandered down towards the galley. He didn’t want to be on his own, having these revelations, with Rose in another room probably worried he was changing his mind.

A problem shared, a problem halved - that was an Earth saying he’d heard. His problem: his duty to take care of the universe. The solution: realising that actually, Rose shared all that with him anyway. He’d never wish to burden her with the kind of life he’d led, but he couldn’t deny that she wanted to help, wanted to travel with him and save worlds with him. He trusted her with his life - that went without saying. But he also trusted her with other people’s lives. He believed in her ability to wield her strength and her compassion to help those who needed her. And people did need her. It seemed to him that the universe was a much safer and much brighter place with Rose Tyler wandering around in it, sorting things out.

And he needed her. She was his best friend and his partner and - well. Everything, really.

The Doctor entered the galley and found Rose slumped over the table with her head resting on her arms, eyes closed. He smiled, and gently ran his fingers across her bare shoulder blade, murmuring her name.

She wrinkled her nose a little but didn’t stir further, so he raised his voice above a whisper. “Rose. Best wake up if you don’t want to get a crick in your neck.”

Rose’s eyes fluttered open. “Hmm?”

“You’ve fallen asleep at the kitchen table,” he said, chuckling, and helped her up when she started to stand.

On her feet again, she looked up at him, and he watched her stifle a yawn. “You okay?” she asked.

She seemed so concerned that he suddenly felt shy. “Mmhmm. Come on, let’s get you off to bed.”

He offered her his elbow and she looped her arm through. “Did you, um. Did you get much thinking done?”

“A little.” He glanced down at her. “You’ve only been gone forty minutes or so.”

“Oh.”

“Thought you were having a cuppa.”

“Was waiting for the kettle to boil, must’ve dozed off,” she said, smiling sheepishly.

“Well, it’s been a long day.”

“Yeah...”

She sounded curious; she was probably wondering if he was even going to acknowledge what they’d been up to. Gathering his courage, he cleared his throat, and mumbled, “I, er. I still can’t quite believe we did that.”

“Did what?”

He gave her a pointed look, just as they stopped outside her bedroom door.

“Oh, right,” she laughed. “Yeah, me neither.” She let go of him and leant against her doorframe. “Especially outside. Against a tree.”

The Doctor felt a blush tint his cheeks. “Yes, quite.”

They were quiet for a moment, then Rose ventured, “So, um. Night, then?”

“May I…” He tilted his head towards her bedroom. “To sleep,” he added quickly, because she was tired and he was overwhelmed, and he just wanted to be with her, tonight, in her presence. Well, in her bed. But - not - the other. Not quite yet.

A beautiful smile crept onto her face. “Yeah. Course you can.” She took his hand, and led him in. “You know this morning, when you asked if I needed help with my dress?”

He scratched at the back of his neck, watching as she stepped over to her floor length mirror and removed her earrings. “Yes. And you said you were fine.”

“You can help me now if you like.”

“Just now, when I said ‘to sleep,’” he reminded her, “I honestly meant that.”

“I know. Promise I’ll put on pjs after.”

The Doctor laughed. “Right, then.”

She motioned for him to come towards her.

“I don’t see any zips that need unzipping,” he remarked, but he moved closer to her, drawn to her immediately, as ever.

Rose met his gaze in their reflection in the mirror, and shrugged.

Without breaking eye contact, he trailed his fingers up her bare back, then slipped the tiny sleeves of her dress off her shoulders. The silk garment slowly slid down her body, and she wriggled it down past her hips so that it smoothly fell to the floor.

It took great strength for his eyes to stay on hers rather than sliding with the dress, but he managed it. Just. Rose arched an eyebrow, evidently noticing this.

The eyebrow did him in, and his gaze dropped, and he heard her giggle. His hands went to her hips, stroking the lace covering her bum on the way, and he pulled her back against him, taking in her reflection fully. The flush on her neck and sternum deepening as she watched him watch her; her breasts, which he estimated instantly would be a perfect fit for his hands; her nipples, pink and peaked. One of his hands moved to rest on her smooth, flat stomach, and he stroked his thumb across her navel.

Absurdly, a lump came to his throat, and he swallowed hard before whispering, “Rose Tyler.”

He was about to tell her how beautiful she was, and how much he - how much he - but she smiled that smile at him again, and he knew she’d already heard what he really meant when he murmured her name. What he always meant.

The Doctor kissed her temple, composed himself, and warned instead, “Blimey. You’d better get dressed.”

He didn’t mean for his voice to sound so gravelly, but it did, and Rose shivered as she left his arms. “On it, Sarge,” she said cheekily, seeking out her pyjamas.

She nipped into the ensuite bathroom to brush her teeth and use the loo, and he tentatively sat down on her bed, considering what clothes to remove himself. By the time she was done, he had been down to his pants, then put his shirt back on, then taken it off again and hastily got under her covers, feeling a bit mortified by the whole ordeal.

“Why do you look so embarrassed?” Rose laughed, getting in beside him. He was silent. She said, more softly, “Are you nervous about sleeping next to me? ‘Cos of what’s happened before?”

“I’m just feeling a little…” He slumped down, head on the pillow, and stared up at the ceiling for answers. “Well, I suppose it’s just that - I - you - ” He broke off and tried again. “I’m not used to not wearing much around you.”

He felt her cuddle up to him, and looked at her, bringing his arm around her shoulders. “I’ve seen your chest before,” she reasoned, smoothing her hand across it, giving him goosebumps. “All those times we’ve been at the beach or in the TARDIS swimming pool, and you’ve been in your trunks.” She slid her leg between his. “And so obviously your legs, too. And in that toga! Ha, remember that? Couldn’t believe you actually got out of your suit for once to blend in. Made my week, that did.”

“That made your week?” he snorted. “Not the absolutely fantastic snog I gave you, but me, wearing a toga?”

“Oh my god,” she said, laughing again, “You know, that’s the first time you’ve acknowledged that happened.” She craned her neck to give him a peck on the cheek, then nuzzled his jaw on her way back down to rest her head on his chest. “Yeah, that was pretty great.”

“It’s different,” he murmured, after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

“Hmm?”

She sounded sleepy. 

“It doesn’t matter. You’re exhausted; let’s sleep.”

“No, it’s okay - what’s different?”

“We’re different. This whole situation is different, now that we’ve...you know.”

“It’s not that different,” she stated, matter-of-factly. “Still Rose and the Doctor.”

“The Doctor and Rose,” he corrected, starting to smile.

“Yeah.” She patted his chest lightly as she started to doze off. “If you like.”

::

Rose woke up to an empty bed. Muffling a groan in her pillow, she rolled over, onto the side of the bed on which the Doctor had slept, then sat up to survey the scene. The chair by the dresser, where he’d left his tux all neatly folded the night before, was empty. She flopped back down onto her back, and sighed.

It was then that she heard the door to her ensuite inch open, and she looked over to it in surprise. The Doctor crept out, looking sheepish. He was dressed in his pinstripe suit, and as he leant back onto the door to close it, he stuck his hands in his pockets, adopting his usual casual stance.

“Morning,” she murmured, sitting back up again and folding her arms.

“Morning, Rose,” he said softly. He cleared his throat after a moment, and tilted his head backwards to indicate the bathroom. “Used your shower. Hope you don’t mind.”

Rose shrugged. “Your ship.”

“But this is your room. I should’ve asked. This is your private space.”

“Don’t have to be,” she suggested carefully, offering him a smile.

“Ha, er,” he mumbled, and ran a hand through his hair, looking extremely awkward.

She took pity on him. “So, um, how long you been up?”

“Oh, not long. I just…” He blew out a short breath. “I sort of felt - I needed -” He paused, then tried again, “I felt like I needed to get up and dressed and walk around for a bit.”

“You needed space,” she said, nodding, “That’s okay.”

The expression he turned on her then was one she was familiar with, on his face. It made her melt a little bit, as it always did. “I’m reconsidering my idea now,” he said, and his tone matched his longing look.

“How come?”

“Because you…” He closed his eyes briefly. “Your bed looks cosier than I remember from thirty minutes ago.”

Rose laughed. “Oh yeah? You can come back, if you like.” She waggled her eyebrows. “Cuddle up nice and close.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t. Tempting enough as it is.”

“Did we have another ‘moment?’”

“Hmm?”

“We didn’t wake up and kiss in the middle of the night and I forgot or something, right?”

The Doctor looked offended. “No. I’d think you’d remember that.”

“Right. Good. So why’d you look so tense?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “Why do you think?”

She didn’t answer, waiting for him to elaborate - to acknowledge it in the light of day.

With a sigh, he came closer, and sat on the edge of her bed; she stretched out her arm to meet him, and his hand slipped into hers, squeezing lightly. “Are we…are we going to be able to do this?” he whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” she whispered.

“I don’t know. I think it must be because I’m very nervous.”

She smiled at his admission, and raised her voice back to normal volume, “Course we can.”

“But honestly, Rose. This is - I’m not used to this.”

“So?”

“So?” His eyes widened. “So, I’m rubbish at it. Evidently.”

“Hey, don’t put yourself down. It was pretty great from where I was standing - ”

“I didn’t mean that - although - really?” He shook his head. “Never mind that. It’s - navigating this whole thing - Rose, I’m a Time Lord.”

“So you keep saying.” She squeezed his hand. “Stop over-analysing it. Like I said last night, we’re still us. You and me.”

“I’m not sure that I’m equipped to - to juggle it all.”

Rose bit her lip, and withdrew her hand. “What’s there to juggle? I’m not getting in your way of saving the universe, Doctor. In case you hadn’t noticed, I help you out with that occasionally.” She folded her arms again, closing off a bit.

“Of course I noticed that. I was thinking about that last night, actually. About what a good team we are. But Rose - I’m not certain that - well, that - that my feelings for you - ” He stopped, and swallowed hard.

Rose dug her fingernails into her palms to stop herself reacting noticeably to his words. It was far too early in the day to have a cry. “It’s not worth it, is that what you’re saying? A relationship with me isn’t worth the effort.” Her legs felt like jelly, suddenly, but nevertheless she wriggled out from under the duvet and stood up.

The Doctor looked alarmed. “That’s not at all what I was going to say.”

“Your feelings, you said,” she muttered, wandering about her room, looking for that book she’d been reading a little while back. “What about them, then? Not strong enough to bother? Not the same as mine?”

“Rose - ”

She found the book beneath her bed, where she must’ve accidentally nudged it in her haste to get ready yesterday morning. “In this,” she told him, holding it up. “It talks about all these rules your people had about not interfering in the universe - in time.”

“You shouldn’t be able to read that.”

“The TARDIS translated it for me. You knew this was what I was looking for that day in the library, right? You left it on the coffee table.”

“Yes, but I had no idea why you were so interested in it - ”

“I wanted to get some idea of where you were coming from. I had no clue where to start, but I figured some of those books on Time Lords and their history would help. The TARDIS nudged me towards this one, which I didn’t get, at first. Seemed to be all about telepathy and time sense and stuff. The dos and don’ts. But a few chapters in, I got the picture.”

The Doctor stood, and his hands returned to his pockets as he stared her down. “All right, and what picture was that?”

“That you defy the ‘Time Lord rulebook’ all the bloody time! Always have! You interfere, and you help people, and you like humans way too much for your own species’ piece of mind, and - ”

“And I stole a TARDIS and ran away from my own planet, yes - none of this is new to me, Rose. I never did fit in there, I hated it, and at the end it was a corrupt and cold-hearted place, but it was still my home, and it isn’t there anymore, and contrary to all reason, I miss it.”

Rose made a small noise of frustration. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t miss it. God. My planet’s full of shitty people but it’s still my home, that’s not what I’m trying to say.”

His jaw clenched for a moment, then relaxed. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m wondering why, if you refused to abide by their rules about getting involved in other planet’s timelines - then, when they were alive, and now, with them gone - then why are you so fixated on this one?”

“What one?”

“Us! Us not being able to be together because you’re some big mighty Time Lord and I’m just a human and - ”

He moved towards her quickly, and took her upper arms in his hands, looking into her eyes intently. “That is not the way things are. I have never and will never see you as ‘just a human.’”

“Then what’s your problem?” Rose asked; not bluntly, utterly lacking in attitude for once, just a quiet, confused question.

To her dismay, the Doctor’s eyes started to glisten. He opened and closed his mouth, but no words came out. She frowned, and tossed the book to the bed so that she could rest both her hands at his waist.

“Doctor?”

“I’ll answer you,” he murmured, nodding, “I will, I promise, I will answer that question later and sort all of this out, but for now can we just - can we stop fighting and can I kiss you and then can we have a day of us just in one another’s company without all of - all of this, so that I can get my mind switched on enough to say what I really mean to say?”

Rose hesitated, eyeing him warily. “You - hold on, what?”

He raised one of his hands up to her face, and stroked her hair behind her ear before cupping her jaw. “You did say last night you would let me think.”

“I did,” she admitted. “But then when you came to bed with me I thought…”

“It’s all just so new, Rose.”

“Okay. Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, Doctor, I don’t mean to push you into something you don’t want to - ”

“Rose.”

“I’m just trying to understand, because it seems like you do want - ”

“Rose, I do, you know I do. It’s just whether I can - whether we can make this work, when it comes down to actually interacting with the universe at large.”

“You mean, it works when we’re on the TARDIS, or at my mate’s wedding; normal, domestic situations. But when we’re out there saving the world…”

He exhaled a long breath, sounding relieved that she was on his wavelength. “Exactly.”

“So. Why don’t we go out today and save a planet and prove it can?”

The Doctor’s eyes widened. “Well. That’s - that’s quite a good idea, actually.”

“Well, that’s the reason you keep me around, innit? All my good ideas.”

He smiled. “One of the reasons, yeah. A very important one. Not the main one.”

He’d started to lean in closer, so she raised her eyebrows and warned, “If you’re gonna say kissing me is the main reason, then you’d better watch it, mate. I won’t be impressed.”

“Not that either,” he chuckled, but kissed her anyway, and she encircled his neck with her arms, fingers sinking into his hair.

“What, then?” she murmured against his mouth, when they paused for breath.

“That’s for me to know.”

::

That evening, they stood facing one another in the console room.

Rose tucked her hands into the sleeves of her hoodie, her lips twitching as she fought a grin. “So.”

“So,” the Doctor agreed, nodding.

“I was right, right?”

He smiled. “I guess you were. Nipped out, saved a village, had a celebratory feast thrown in our honour…”

“See? Nothing’s changed. And they thought we were a couple.”

“Did they?”

“Yep. Think it was the way you introduced us - ‘the Doctor and Rose Tyler’ - saw ‘em write down your name as ‘Doctor Tyler’ on the seating plan at the feast. We’re married now,” she grinned.

He rolled his eyes good-naturedly and stepped forwards, reaching out and freeing her hands from her hoodie so he could hold them.

“Right then. I’ve decided to get over myself.”

Rose’s grin grew even bigger. “You have?”

“Yes. I want to stop...well, I want to stop lying to myself. To us both. It’s exhausting, and frankly, you shouldn’t put up with me doing it.”

Rose squeezed his hands. “Are you sure, because - listen, I know I had a go at you this morning, a bit, but I can respect your boundaries if you need to make them. I want to be a good friend, I’ve tried to be - ”

“You are a good friend. The best,” he said softly. “But we’ve never just been good, or even best, friends, have we? You want more than that. I want more than that, I’ve just been, oh, I don’t know.”

“Scared? Daft? Preoccupied with your own self-importance?”

He squinted at her. “That’s rude.” He sniffed. “But true, I suppose. Anyway. We’ve given in, already.”

“Yeah.”

“And, you know, we saved the world today - ”

“A village,” she reminded him, laughing, but let him draw her closer.

“And I think we’ve probably got a new version of our usual victory hug we could implement...”

“Is that a line?” she asked, as she looped her arms around his neck. She narrowed her eyes at him playfully. “Are you coming onto me?”

His arms settled around her waist. “Last night...I know I for one can’t just pretend last night didn’t happen, and I highly doubt you can either.”

“It was the hottest night of my entire life, so, no, doubt it.”

The Doctor grinned. “You see, if you say things like that, then it just sounds like a challenge, and there’s no way I can pass that up.”

“Dunno how you’ll top it,” she snorted. “That’d been building up for two years, bound to be explosive the first go around.”

“Explosive?” he repeated, delighted.

She shrugged.

“Right, so, answer me this,” he said, sneaking his hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “If I put us into orbit around, say, the birth of a star - or, no! Even better, a star gone supernova - and we keep the TARDIS doors open and make a little bed of pillows and blankets right here on the ramp, do you think that could, potentially, be equally explosive?”

“I think,” Rose smiled slowly, her tongue touching the corner of her mouth, “There’s only one way to know for sure.”

(It was.)

::

Rose woke up to discover that the Doctor had, at some point while she was asleep, shifted the TARDIS in space. The open doors no longer showed her the remnants of a burned up star, but her own planet. She sat up on their little makeshift mattress, biting her lip as she took in the sight of being suspended in the Earth’s orbit.

“Mm, come back,” the Time Lord murmured, and she looked down at him with a giggle.

He tugged on her arm, drawing her back down beside him, snuggling close.

“You still sleepy?” she asked curiously, tracing his features with her fingers.

“Not really,” he replied, eyes still closed. “But you’re lovely and warm and, if it’s all right with you, I would quite like to never move from this spot for the rest of time.” He kissed her shoulder. “Ta.”

She giggled again, giddy with how happy she was feeling. “You must’ve got up at some point already.”

“Yeah, came straight back down here though. Got a bit chilly piloting in the buff.”

“I’d’ve liked to see that.”

“I bet you would.”

“So…if you’re not tired,” she said, raking her nails across his chest, playing with the hair there for a bit. “And you’re happy to stay right here…”

One of his hands ventured from her waist to her thigh, lightly stroking, and he finally opened his eyes, gazing into hers. His mouth curved into a slow smirk. “Morning sex with Rose Tyler? Hmm, I think I’m in.”

“It’s like you read my mind.”

He kissed his way from her lips to her jaw, down to her neck, and then mumbled, “And conveniently, we’re still naked.” He moved aside the blankets covering them, trailing his hand down to the back of her knee, and lifted her leg over his.

::

“I know we’ve been a bit distracted with our own...stuff, but, can I just say...we still haven’t spoken about the fact that Shareen’s married to an alien!”

They were still in their heap of blankets and cushions, her back to his front as they spooned, cuddling together for warmth. 

The Doctor chuckled. “I know! You did it again, Rose - you said something was different about him. And I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Well you had better things to worry about,” she grinned, tongue sneaking out to tease him, “Like showing me your dancing moves.”

“True, true.”

She looked at him for a few moments, pondering something. “Doctor, you know you said about how on Gary’s planet, they wouldn’t want him being with a human?”

“Yeah.” He stroked his fingers along her bare arm, making her shiver. 

“And you disapprove of that attitude.”

“Of course. People should be able to marry whoever they want.”

“And yet you didn’t wanna let yourself be with me.”

His fingers paused in their stroking. “That’s different.”

“How is it? Seems to me you need to apply your open mind - well, not even open mind, just common decency - to yourself for a change.”

“I’m with you now, aren’t I?”

“Only ‘cos it got too hard not to give in.”

“Rose, let’s not fight about this.” The Doctor snuggled closer, nuzzling her neck. “We’re cosy and warm, just…shhh.”

“But what if you change your mind?” she murmured.

He tightened his arm around her. “I won’t.”

Rose turned around so that she could meet his eye. “How do you know?”

Tangling his free hand in her hair, he leant in to kiss her softly. When he released her lips, he closed his eyes, and rested his forehead against hers. “I’m not going to run from this anymore, Rose. When I woke up this morning with you in my arms…”

“What, Doctor?” she whispered, when he trailed off.

“You asked me once why I couldn’t just let myself be happy.”

“Yeah…” She bit her lip. “Look, that was harsh, what I said that day, but - ”

“I couldn’t understand,” he interrupted quietly, pulling back to look at her, “Why you couldn’t tell that I was already the happiest I’d ever been.”

“Oh,” she murmured, breath leaving her in a whoosh.

“However. You also said we’d be happier together. Like this,” he said, squeezing her to him. “And you were right. You could’ve travelled by my side for the rest of your life, holding my hand, being my friend, and nothing more, and I would’ve been content, and grateful, and so, so happy. But it wouldn’t compare to how I felt this morning.”

She smiled at him. “Yeah?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Doctor.”

“Hmm?”

“You said, yesterday morning...you said you’d tell me the answer.”

“Answer to what?”

“You know. When I asked you what your problem was.”

“Oh, right. Well. It doesn’t matter, now.”

“It does, though. I want to know what you were gonna say.”

He blew out a long breath, and shifted onto his back, tucking his arm beneath his head. “Right. Yes, okay.”

Rose stroked her hand across his chest. “Relax, Doctor. I’m done with all the arguing. I’m not gonna bite your head off.”

“That’s not why I’m nervous,” he laughed.

“Okay...then, what?”

He tilted his head and met her tender gaze. “I’m in love with you,” he murmured. “And I was worried that skewed my judgement.”

She blinked. Opened her mouth, then closed it again.

“However,” he continued quickly, “Given that I’ve, er. Felt that way for some time, I realised that simply admitting that by virtue of being in an actual relationship with you hasn’t changed anything, in the grand scheme of things. Personally, of course, things have changed, what with all the new...intimate...developments, but, when it comes to us travelling about and saving people, well. We’ve managed well enough so far.”

Rose continued to stare at him silently, and he felt compelled to carry on.

“It’s not going to be easy, it never has been - especially you being as jeopardy-friendly as you are.” That earned him an evil look, and he smiled. “I’m always going to want to choose you over the world, Rose. I did so right at the beginning, so of course I’d want to tomorrow. But you didn’t let me, then. You wouldn’t let me, and you told me, trusted me, to do what was right.”

“Are you talking about Downing Street?” she murmured, forehead crinkling into a small frown.

“Yes. And every other time you’ve told me to ‘do it,’ to save everyone else; or wanted to stay and fight with me, when others run away. Brave, daft thing that you are.”

She shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know what to say,” she said, sounding a bit embarrassed.

He rolled closer and stroked his hand across her back, fingers tickling the back of her neck. “And it’s no use me sending you away for your own good, because then you just do things like open up the heart of the TARDIS and fly right back to me.”

“Obviously,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I hate it when you make my decisions for me.”

“I know.” She raised her eyebrows, clearly expecting more, so he added, “And I’m sorry. I just get so scared.”

“Me too.” She bit her lip. “Guess we’re both a bit reckless.”

“You could say that.”

“It’s easy to get like that though, don’t you reckon? When you’ve got a best friend who saves your life time and time again? I trust you ‘cos you’ve got previous, Doctor.” She smiled. “You’re really good at getting us out of tricky situations.”

“Yeah, well...I suppose...” 

Going by her giggle, he wasn’t sure he managed to sound as humble as she did, when he’d complimented her just now.

“Anyway, being reckless has other advantages,” she said, eyes twinkling.

The Doctor grinned as he picked up on her meaning. “Indeed.”

“Still can’t believe we did that.”

He rubbed at his eye, feeling himself blush, but he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. “I’m sorry our first time together was against a tree in the middle of December.”

Rose shook her head. “I’m not - it was brilliant.”

He made a small noise, chuffed. “And so was the second time.”

“And the third…” She walked her fingers up his chest. “And the fourth was just spectacular.”

His forehead creased. “Fourth? There hasn’t been a fourth time.”

“Oh?” she remarked innocently, finding his hand and moving it to her chest. “Better get on that, then.”

“Already?” he laughed.

“You saying you can’t keep up?”

“No, no, that’s not at all what I’m saying.” He rolled her onto her back, hovering above her and giving her his best smoldering look. She laughed. He scowled playfully, and reiterated, “Not. At. All.”

“Thank god for that. And then we’ll get breakfast, yeah? I’m starving.”

“Yes,” he agreed, kissing his way down her body as he moved, nudging her legs open to make room for him. He made sure to kiss his new favourite freckle, the one between her breasts. He'd write a poem in his head about it later. “And then, Rose Tyler, we’ll go and find a proper bed.”