#but my stomach always hurts

[strxnged]

first night in the dorm my stomach hurts

[inkskinned]

you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.

but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.

well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?

his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.

still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.

so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.

and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.

what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.

it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?

it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.

maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.

[vicsbasement]

Is the scene in the new snippet taken from the Maria/grief fic? :P

You absolutely caught me. It is! I don't know, there's something about that moment in time for me that compels me to write it over and over again. I keep going back to it because I remember that first time we saw the picture of Charles and Carlos driving out of Maranello and to see Charles there-- they already knew, you know? And they couldn't say because there wasn't anything official. But there's this whole headcanon in my head that Charles didn't, couldn't, let Carlos go through this alone because the announcement wasn't supposed to come this early, right. So when Carlos called he picked up. When Carlos needed him, he went. I don't know. Anyway! I did say you'd win another snippet so this is another one for clingy!charles. Enjoy! Carlos was sure that nothing was amiss. He was sure that Roberto just got in his head, but—as he stumbled out of his car in FP2, Charles was the one to grab his arm to stop him from falling. Why was Charles there?

“Hello, mate!” Charles says; a light tone to his voice, cheerful and sweet. Almost too light, like it was forced gentleness. Carlos would be suspicious if he didn’t feel like he was about to hurl.

“Care to hand me over to Gigi? I’m not feeling too well.” Carlos declares, a bit of his polite front waning when another roll of nausea hits him as Charles removes his hands from his back. Carlos starts to take off his helmet and balaclava, hating the sensation of the fabric dragging against his sensitive skin.

“Fred told me this.” Charles sounded… admonishing, like he wanted to make Carlos feel bad for not telling him he’d been having a hard time keeping his food down since yesterday. “You guys heard him, where’s Gigi?” Charles gets something in his eyes when he turns serious. Carlos has seen it a couple of times before, even directed at himself, but his garage—well. It’d come alive with his instructions, with Charles’ tone.

Two mechanics scrambled out of his seat to look for Pierluigi as Charles grabbed Carlos’ arm again and made him sit in a corner. When Carlos felt he wasn’t about to keel over, he let his body fold into himself and his back curved. Carlos just wanted to sleep. The pounding in his head was worsening, the nausea came back with a vengeance, and Charles was looking for—his isotonic drink, of course. That would help a little with the nausea.

“It’s behind you.” Carlos said, and Charles turns sharply and grabs the drink, offering him the straw between pinched-tight fingers. Carlos doesn’t hesitate, but Charles seems to notice the gesture—his fingers a little too close to Carlos’ lips and mouth, so he recoils, albeit gently.

“Thanks.” Carlos murmurs, and Charles nods. He looks fidgety, like he wants to help more but he doesn’t know how. Pierluigi must be looking for medicine to stop the nausea, that’s probably why he wasn’t close, maybe he went to the Ferrari hospitality for his medikit. Charles seems to get an idea and looks for a wet towel, and hands it to Carlos. The heat is stifling and it’s making everything worse, his mouth fills with liquid and Carlos feels like he’s about to throw up in front of the whole garage, when he feels Charles’ gentle hands press the ice-cold towel to his forehead.

“They told me you had a fever?” Charles asks, sheepish. He removes the towel for a second and replaces it with his hand, looking for the pulse point right behind his eyebrows and using his wrists to gauge the temperature. “I shouldn’t have put the towel before, I don’t know if you’re still—”

“I think I am, yeah.” Carlos says. Charles is using both his wrists to gauge his temperature, now, he’s basically cradling Carlos’ head between them. And Carlos gets a good look at Charles; the frown, the pursed lips, the demeanor, and Teto’s voice echoes through his head.

“He’s clingy.” He remembers. But this is not clingy, this is just worried. Right? Just worried.

Pierluigi arrives at that moment and sees Charles cradling Carlos’ head. He raises an eyebrow, a silent question, and Carlos just shrugs as Charles makes space for Pierluigi to lean down and ask him about his symptoms.

As Carlos is trying to recall what’s causing him discomfort he feels how his mouth fills with liquid again, he starts slurring his words, the world turns on its axis and he feels as he’s fading slowly away, the last thing in his vision Charles’ expression of  utter worry.

[jojo-the-bird]

[krotiation]

"You can't ship rhack, it's toxic!!" Wrong, that's exactly why I ship it

[reksink]

Miscellaneous Roughs of Iterators

[dykedvonte]

Preston x Danse is the only companion ship I think would actually work because Preston’s inner turmoil is sort of a loss of faith in himself due to the traumatic experiences he’s faced while Danse is looking for something to have faith in and would find the fact that despite the desire to give up Preston held out so long not just for the honor of the Minutemen but because he had some hope.

It would 100% start off as a lotta unhealthy on Danse’s side as I believe he completely lacks the emotional intelligence (due to a combination of factors) to recognize the he’s feelings as anything but a sort of respect for a superior along with leaning too much into Preston as a substitute for the BoS. Preston may not really have a title but he’s like THE Lieutenant of the Minutemen. Realistically he’s the only companion Danse would probably be comfortable taking instructions from especially for how trusted Preston is by the Sole Survivor and his adherence to military standards despite how unstructured the Minutemen are. It would be him waiting for orders, approval, anything from Preston and he thinks it’s just the desire to have the regiment of the BoS again but he also like when Preston compliments him on being useful or resourceful. He likes the stories of Minuteman glory days and he trades the stories of the BoS that don’t hurt to talk about. He likes the familiarity Preston would provide and he’d be oblivious that it’s not just new found loyalty to the Minutemen.

Yet Preston explains it himself that he’s not a natural leader. He’s not an instructor. He helps manage what the General has put in place and he content on doing that. He relays what needs to be done and does major upkeep but I don’t think he’d know what to do with this guy this literally marches up to him and practically begs for a mission that doesn’t exist. Like the formality and respect is nice but he can tell it’s covering something even if Danse doesn’t.

Danse could go to Sturges for the many repair and upkeep assignments he gives him and has the freedom to go straight to the Castle if he really wants a big mission, but he chooses to come to him everytime. He’s aware enough that Danse only trusts him out of all of the Generals confidantes but it would take a bit for him to understand why. If anything Danse should be strategizing with him as equals seeing as he almost got the Minuteme wiped out and Danse was a Paladin for the Brotherhood with many successes under his belt before Preston even led his first scouting mission. It’s like he sees him as some figure of hope, some one who can come in and add stability. Someone with a fresh outlook who can provide a new perspective for him.

It’s like he sees him like he saw/sees the Sole Survivor but that would be crazy because that would also mean… and then oh, it clicks.

The revelation is both flattering and he doesn’t know what to do with it cause how do you address “I know you respect me but is that the only feeling you have for me?” To the guy who like refuses to rest unless you tell him at ease? He has to reevaluate his whole manner of interaction with Danse cause this is a very slippery slope that he’s sliding down and it’s even more perilous due to Danse’s repressed emotions regarding… everything. There’s an equal chance Danse will try to open up as completely shut down and he’s not just concerned about it cause Sole Survivor cares for him but because he has grown to care for the guy too. It’s not like he doesn’t also enjoy Danse’s company and value as a Minuteman member. He’s not a love at first sight guy but he’s played with the idea, anyone would when you’ve spent nights trading stories, historical facts and beers by the fire in a little home you’ve carved for yourself through literal blood, sweat and tears.

I think it’s one of those cases where it’s agonizingly slow to the actual relationship but neither part are anguished about that. If anything happened to soon Danse would be too dependent and Preston not equipped to handle it. It’s a case where I genuinely think they’d bring out the best in each other cause theyd want to figure out what is best for the other and not just apply what they think is the best. It’s the care that Preston would ask Danse what he wants to do and encourage it and at the same time Danse would be incredulous everytime Preston second guesses himself.

Long story short it’s a good ship to me because it’s just two guys with broken confidences and faith in their roles being each other’s hype man and kissin a little about it.

[hacksawboy]

hi tf2mblr im here to show u guys my medic oc

[ahoyimlosingmymind]

Fitz Vacker being a lonely child is just- peak angst for me

[connecting-the-stars]

Missed Opportunities:

While I did love a lot of the aspects of the finale, I walked away feeling a bit empty? Maybe confused is the right word.

I’m still not fully settled with the finally, maybe it’s the whiplash of seeing Omega all grown up, or Crosshair claiming that clone force 99 died with tech after so many episodes of his death never being acknowledged by him, or maybe the shock that CX-2’s identity really turned out be unimportant or needing to take a day and rewatch the episode again. But I do feel like either the pacing is what put me off or there were arcs we were following that end up being incomplete.

I’ve seen a few people bring up the missed opportunity that the writers had to really tear at our hearts with the lack of CX-2’s identity being revealed.

I just feel like it could’ve been a full circle if crosshair had been the one to change his mind and be determined to bring his family back together, to use the hope omega has shown him and given him, that he won’t leave his family. The show demonstrates his PTSD and his hesitancy to return to tantiss, and throughout the season it had Crosshair revealing more and more about the information he had about the tests and operations. We know that he was tortured and went through the painful process of reprograming that had failed on him, but it almost feels like the progression was leading to a bigger reveal, like he had this massive secret that he refused to share under any circumstance. That paired with the absence of any acknowledgment of tech’s death by Crosshair besides yelling that clone force 99 died with tech, when season 1 really pushed with the fault being on the empire, that crosshair’s loyalty to that authority being the reason the team was never the same again. He knows that he made his own bed and had to lie in it, the deep seated isolation looming over him throughout season 2 really hammered in how much of a mistake it was to refuse rejoining his brothers. The team was never complete without their brother, and you feel the weight when Tech pushes for Crosshair’s rescue. “He is our brother. We do not leave our own behind.”

Crosshair’s growth this season has been wonderful to see, and I feel like rampart singling him out to be “just like him” which he corrects just furthers this idea that he’s changed a lot, that his perspective has changed. Having Crosshair going through this journey of guilt and self forgiveness is so important, and I want that to be echoed to others. From “I deserve to be in here” to “none of us belong here.” Repeating omegas words. Wouldn’t it be so impactful to have Crosshair come face to face with his brother who had faith in him all along when he had been turned by the inhibitor chip and for Crosshair to be the one to hold out hope. For Crosshair being placed in Hunter’s position from season 1 being helpless to save his brother from the empire, forced to leave him behind, but this time they are not abandoning anyone, not again. From giving up ever rejoining his family, literally fighting to send a message that they should go into hiding vs. trying his best to bring his family back together. From tech always having faith, hope that his brother would join them once more, going on that horrid mission in the hope that they might gain info to rescue cross vs. it’s crosshair that has faith that tech will come back to them, standing in the face of death in order to bring his brother home. To not give up on each other, even when the empire has done everything to tear them apart.

The idea that tech’s sacrifice could be represented in his fractured mind, would hold weight to his fall. The clone that’s mutation is to have an accelerated brain functions and highly enhanced technology skills is now failing to remember keys details or who he even used to be. He has to rebuild himself, rediscovering who he was and who he wants to become. He’s not doing it alone, his family and Phee provide support every step of the way, helping him reconnect to memories that had been burned away. If cross still loses his hand, then both of them would be in a similar spot where they now have to become more than what they were originally programmed and created to be. Finding a new purpose, creating your own future.

I’m gonna give it a day, try to rewatch the finale without crying this time. The moment where Omega adjusts Tech’s goggles hit me like a plane crash, like damn.

(I really did love the epilogue showing hunter’s continued care and support for Omega, and her being so passionate about helping others. My heart really did want 4 seasons of this show, I just wanted more time with these characters. My heart was so proud of Omega, just like hunter was.)

[bi-shop]

penny had the worst posture ever which makes jane have to deal with constant back pains with no knowledge of why

[natjennie]

it feels like theres something wrong with meeeee like i dont feel right something is wrong in my brain. it's all coming apart and I don't know why. im getting stupider and it feels like im six years old and I dont understand anything. like im not me. i dont knowwwww

[dooanuh]

911 8x06 being titled “confessions” ohhhhh we’re cooked

[valewritessss]

Any tips to making a cold go away sooner?

[ratcandy]

anyway does anyone want to get over here and drop a huge anvil on my head

[miserye]

i just had second dinner but i want to munch on more food