#but my mouth is dryer than the sahara desert

[vse-kar-vem]

i just slept from like 3pm to 9pm and now im trying to figure out if i should get orange juice or try to go to sleep again

[ateliersss]

Where Do You Think You're Going?

Pairing: Vladimir Makarov x Fem!Reader Summary: You try to leave him... Cross-posted on AO3: here Warnings: Abusive and Toxic Behavior, English isn't my first language Word Count: 2.283

"And where exactly do you think you're going, moya dorogaya?" He asked, in that terrifying calm, cold voice you've become so familiar with.

The voice that now sent a shiver down your spine and instilled a sense of dread deep in your gut used to make you feel at the top of the world.

You and Makarov had been a couple for almost five years now, but recently he had become dangerously possessive and overprotective, making you almost suffocate in the invisible grip he had you in.

You bit down on your lower lip, but you didn't stop grabbing your clothes from the closet of your shared bedroom to throw them into your suitcase lying on the king-size bed.

"Away." You simply answered him.

Makarov's demeanor shifted instantly, from indifferent and collected to a cold but calm fury.

He chuckled in that unforgiving tone of his. "And where are you off to?"

He leaned against the door frame of your bedroom, tall and imposing, blocking your way to escape the room should you zip up your suitcase and grab it to leave.

"Anywhere. Primarily away from you." You answered curtly and walked over to your vanity table to collect your perfumes, cremes and lotions.

"And why would you want to get away from me?" Makarov asked as he watched you pack your stuff into the small toiletry bag, your back turned to him.

You ignored him.

His grimace turned into a sinister snarl at your lack of an answer before he pushed himself away from the door frame and moved towards you, towering over you, making his presence felt in a very deliberate and intimidating manner.

He wrapped his arms around your middle section from behind and pressed his torso to your back, leaning down for his lips to reach your ear.

"Don’t you love me? You do love me, don’t you?” He asked, his tone low.

Your movements came to a halt, your head slowly looking up to see both of your reflections in the mirror of the vanity.

Although his head was turned down for his mouth to reach your ear, his eyes pierced yours in the mirror. They looked menacing and warningly at you. It sent shivers down your spine and forced you to look away.

"Of course I love you... but I just can't do this anymore." You said, your throat dryer than the Sahara desert.

"Why?" Makarov questioned softly, his lips mere millimeters away from your ear.

His arms around you, hugging your stomach, tightened in a painful way, which knocked air out of your lungs. His breath tickled the edge of your neck.

"Do you not enjoy being pampered and spoiled with big gifts and expensive things? Do you not enjoy being treated like a princess? Like a queen?"

That was his usual way of manipulation when he noticed even the slightest form of resistance coming from you; guilt tripping and gaslighting.

As he watched your reflection in the mirror, he took in how vulnerable and small you appeared, which gave him a sense of resurance.

"Did you not like it when we went shopping and you spend my money on nice, pretty things? Or when I took you to those lavish parties and showed you off to those disgusting, perverted associates of mine who lusted after you and gave you their undevided attention? Or when I made love to you for hours anywhere, any time?"

When you wouldn't reply again, one of his hands shoot up to grab your chin and push it up surprisingly soft so your eyes would meet in the mirror.

"Answer me."

You let out a sigh and looked defiantly at his reflection. "Of course I love it, but that's not the point."

You had a hard time to speak since his arm, which was still wrapped around your middle, exerted a tight pressure on your belly and made it hard for you to breathe properly.

"I'm thankful for everything you do for me. I enjoy the expensive things, the vacations, the way you finance my hobbies, but... but that's not the reason I fell in love with you."

"Hm, enlighten me then." Makarov replied, his arm easing their tight hold on your stomach, allowing you to breathe easier again.

"What exactly was the reason?"

"I fell in love with you because you were you. You treated me like no man before, even though with your reputation. You are different around me, not much but enough to make me feel special."

You shook you head with a sigh.

"But why do you have to lock me into a golden cage like a bird?"

Makarov chuckled like you were a stupid little child who still didn't understand a simple thing although he had explained it a dozen times already.

"I do this because I want you all to myself, moya dorogaya." He whispered into your ear, his words erupting a warm tingle in your belly.

He stroked your hair out of your face.

"I also do this to protect you from danger." He added, his voice soothing. "I don't want the world to snatch the only thing that brings me joy."

Makarov planted a kiss on your temple which almost made you melt.

"The world can be a dangerous place for a beautiful, delicate flower like you."

"I can take care of myself, Vladimir. You know that." You scoffed.

"I don't doubt that. You are smart and gorgeous and determined, but you're also naive, moya dorogaya. You have no idea what my enemies would do to you if they knew that you existed and where you were."

Nothing, but the harsh truth in Makarov's words.

"So, I think I know better what's good for you than you do."

He kissed you again, this time on your cheek, which made it harder for you to remain stern as the familiar sensation of his lips on your skin were so distracting.

His fingers left your chin and slowly traced down your arm, leaving light goosebumps on your skin.

"Who knows what will happen if I ever let you go out alone."

Another way of manipulating you; scaring you with the harsh consequences that come with being with such a dangerous man like Makarov while also soothing you with sweet words and gentle caresses.

But you didn't plan to give in.

"You could accompany me, or send one or two of your best men with me. I can't stay in this house any longer, Vladimir. It's either that..."

A deep breath, your eyes glancing to the suitcase on your bed in the mirror.

"Or I'll leave you for good."

The corners of his lips curled up into a cruel smile.

Before you could even blink an eye, he had his hand wrapped around your thoat, blocking you air ways.

With panic widdened eyes, you reached up to grab his wrist and dig your manicured nails into his skin, which didn't make Makarov falter for a second.

"No other man will ever be able to make you as happy or as fulfilled as I do. All the gifts I gave you, all the diamonds and pearls I put on your pretty fingers and deliacte neck, all the dresses and shoes I bought you, all the vacations I took you on, and all the sweet words I speak to you and you threaten to leave me…"

He laughed in that arrogant and self-assured way that made your skin crawl while his cold eyes never left yours.

"If you ever decided to leave me, moya dorogaya, I would hunt you down and make you regret the day that you were born."

You wanted to reply, wanted to plead with him to let you go so you could breathe again, wanted to say anything at all, but the only sound that left your mouth was a high-pitched groan.

You quickly grew lightheaded, the corners of your view starting to blur and darken.

Makarov's smile widened as he watched the losing focus of your eyes.

He took a sadistic joy in controlling the situation, took a sadistic joy in the fact that he was in charge, took a sadistic joy in the fact that he was terrifying you.

He wanted you to feel the consequences of standing up to him.

But there was also a part of him that was only reserved for you, his darling, which made him loosen his grip, allowing you to breathe again. In an instant, you eagerly took big gulps of air into your lungs.

"I've treated you with nothing but love and respect, moya dorogaya. I would expect the same in return."

When enough oxygen returned to your brain, you looked at his reflection. Although you wouldn't admit it, you were thankful that he was standing behind you, holding you up, because you doubt your legs were stable enough to hold your whole weight on their own.

"My love for you is unconditional. There's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for you, you know that." He continued.

With his hand still on your throat, his long pale fingers still wrapped around it, he pulled your body flush against his. He pressed the side of his head against yours so he could whisper into your ear.

"But..." He started, "I expect the same level of commitment and devotion in return."

Still keeping his gaze locked on your shared reflection in the mirror, he placed a soft kiss on your ear shell.

"I want you to remember that every time you consider disobeying me, moya dorogaya... every time you even think about leaving this house just for a second..."

His gripped around your throat tightens again.

"Or even considering leaving me..."

He inhaled deeply the rose scent of your shampoo, the sweet aroma of your perfume, before he chuckled as his lips brushed against your ear again.

"It won't happen with you being alive."

You could feel it deep inside you, your heart cracking.

Who was this man?

Because you certainly didn't recognize the Vladimir who had looked at you in annoyance but also slight amusement when you had tripped over nothing and had spilled his drink into his lap.

You didn't recognize the Vladimir who would have had punished any other person that wasn't you for ruining his suit, but instead had asked for your name and what your favorite drink was.

You didn't recognize the Vladimir who had send the strange men sitting with him away with one simple wave of his hand just so he could talk to you throughout the rest of the night although you were still working.

You didn't recognize the Vladimir who had visited the bar you were working at more frequently after that.

(You had never questioned, never even thought about it, why your boss never had said anything when you stopped working just so you could talk to and drink with this handsome man.)

You didn't recognize the Vladmir who had sent dozen of roses to your small and shabby apartment. Although you had been creeped out that he knew where you had lived and that he had broken in so easily, the emotion you had felt at such a pricey and romantic gesture had been bigger.

Where was that Vladimir?

It was as if you had fallen deeply in love with a completely different version of Vladimir Makarov, one that didn't exist anymore.

Or had never existed in the first place.

The man you had fallen in love with was caring, sweet, affectionate and respectful.

But there was no trace of these positive characteristics in the Vladimir Makarov standing right behind you, with his hand around your neck and his thumb pressing on your pulse point.

"You understand me, moya dorogaya?"

With tears prickling in your eyes, you nodded.

There's a tinge of regret in his voice as he replied, "Good girl."

Even though he was a man of violence and terror, he didn't enjoy to seriously harm the only person on this planet that brought him happiness.

But to keep you forever, he had to do certain things even though he didn't like it. If scaring you into submission was the only way of keeping you for himself, he wouldn't hesitate.

He squeezed your throat one last time as a warning, before he harshly let go of you.

The force of him letting you go yanked you forward. You couldn't catch yourself with your hands in time, resulting in your upper body crashing against your vanity and your forehead smashing against the mirror.

You cried out in pain.

The sound of distress tugged painfully on his heart strings, but Makarov fought against the urge to check on you or even apologize.

When he noticed your hands reaching up to brace themselves on the surface of the vanity table to hoist your body up, he was by your side in a milisecond.

His thighs pressed against the back of yours, his crotch against the swell of your ass. One of his hands gripped your waist to push your hips painfully against the edge of the table, probably bruising your soft skin. His other hand gripped the back of your neck and pinned you down.

"Never ever even utter a word of leaving me again. Okay, moya dorogaya?"

Then, with one last harsh push to underline his words, he let go of you, his jacket swirling as he spun around to leave the bedroom.

He didn't even turn back to look at you one last time, despite you crying out in pain and tears running down your cheeks, and slammed the door shut.

Your sobs penetrated the closed door and followed him down the hall.

[ilariyalavorowrites]

Good Enough (Chapter Ten)

Imagine: Imagine leaving LA after feeling like an outsider in your relationship with Bobby and Athena as they seem to pull away and distance themselves from you. Only to find that it is almost impossible to actually walk away.

Warnings: Angst with happy ending, AU, Bisexual Athena, BDSM

Pairings: Bobby Nash x Reader x Athena Grant

Word count: 3,945 words

Universe: 9-1-1

Reader gender: Female

Tagged: @graniairish @madhatter-crazyasahatter-blog @4everflowercore @blueskyredrosegrey @agathaharknessfan96 @ljej95 @yoshinorecommends @horsedragonllama @forever2ne1 @clayzayden @multifandomlesbianic @thepotatoislost @tvshowmasterlistblog @guardianangelsblog @unkindn3ss-of-rav3ns @cptn-nash @originalsoulcollector @ateandleftnocrumbz @911readercollection

Previous

Part: 10/10

“I desperately wanted to hate what I could see growing before my eyes, whilst I felt the sting of bitterness deepening within the very depths of my soul.

I was being pushed but I just couldn’t hate such tender love, pure and healing those festering wounds within you both. I knew there was no way forward. This was my out and I had to take it before those dreaded dark seeds blossomed. I could not be the one to tear down love as beautiful as yours.”

The sound of silence was almost deafening in how all-consuming it was, as you stood straight ahead. You had brought the axe down hard, cutting the conversation dead in its tracks. What else could be said after such a heart-breaking confession left your cracked lips? Your mouth was dryer than the Sahara desert as you waited for the oppressive atmosphere to pass. 

You would have regretted the moment those words crossed your lips if they had been a falsehood, a lie to distract from the truth. However this was your reality, this was how you truly felt. You watched as Bobby’s hope deflated as he began to disappear into himself once more. This cut deeper than anything else, as you witnessed his confidence and self-worth shattered into a million differently shaped pieces. This was now what you wanted but a by-product.

No matter how you phrased it, no carefully thought-through planned statement could have stopped the blunt force of agony that swiftly followed. It was a hard pill to swallow but you couldn’t skirt around what this was. This was the end of the road when hearts got broken, where feelings were pushed out of the way for the cold harsh light of day. This was a break-up, one that had been long coming. You had heard the deafening sirens in the distance but ignored them for as you as possible. You had wanted this to work, you had wanted them in your life as your romantic partners. 

This was failure plain and simple, no matter how it was presented even neatly with a bow tied on top. This attempt at an unconventional relationship, a throuple had crashed and burnt in a way that you hadn’t given a second thought to. Yet here you were with an increasingly despondent Bobby. Athena had held steadfast to her second amendment rights, falling silent and staring anywhere to avoid your gaze.

You felt as if you had been caught with your hand in a cookie jar when you had been told no treats before dinner. At this moment, shame and guilt were the most prevalent emotions but shades of regret and the anguish of waking up alone tomorrow were starting to manifest, mixing in. The weight of this new dawn was unlike what you had experienced before. You had navigated through both messy and amicable breaks but this felt beyond different.

This would be a whole new scenario to manoeuvre through, the various twists and turns that encompassed the maze that you standing in with walls that stretched as far as the eye could see. Your reality had somewhat shifted, changing the illusionary location rapidly. In a blink of an eye, the interrogation room melted away. This was what your mind replaced it with. An inescapable maze, that you rushed through but constantly failed to find the correct path that would lead you out.

This was your anticipated worst-case scenario in one way but yet things were not playing out as you initially imagined. It was a hell of a lot worse than anything that your twisted mind would conjure up. You should feel relieved as the pressure on your chest was finally released as you spoke what had been lingering in the back of your mind. That dejected look in Athena’s eyes stung more than ever thought it might as if that knife you used to cut the thread connecting you to them had been turned around and thrust into your chest.

It twisted left then right, damaging just enough with each turn of the wrist knowingly to leave a mark behind. A reminder whenever you dared to glance into the mirror at your reflection. There it would be, a figurative wound, raw and never truly closing for all your days to come. A fractured heart, aching to be healed but the missing piece could never be reclaimed. This was the price too high that would be paid here and now. The piper was calling and this was your reply.

What else was there to be said? The ball was in their court, you just needed to be patient and wait to see what happened next. Bobby Nash, Fire Captain of Firehouse 118 stood off to one side contemplating how small his world had just become. In a few short minutes, his happy little world had frozen over as feelings of failure, inadequacy, confusion and grief overtook his peripheral vision. Sliding over him like the visor clicking down on his helmet. 

This felt like a step to the side, not a step backwards into the darkness. He wasn’t alone in his despair this time. He had a partner along for the ride-sharing the load as he felt Athena slide along before placing her hand into his. An act of comfort, this was what he needed. Tears would come but not quite yet. He had cried enough for more than one lifetime. Athena barely contained the sorrow as it quelled beneath her simmering fury. 

The storm had come and gone, brushed aside in the heat of the moment. A numbness soon followed, settling over the two of them as they took their first steps back into the world, their hearts bruised and cracked but holding firm. Knitting the threads that held them together tighter than before. This had tested them, pushing them to the edge, only to pull them back again. 

One where things hadn’t worked out when they tried taking a different path, was by inviting one another in and opening up their cosy relationship. It had been one hell of a ride, where flames of passion smouldered. However, ultimately the spark dimmed as that once fierce blaze cooled down until three had disappeared right back to the beginning. Where a couple stood there, watching as the third left. 

Had the right person stumbled in at the wrong time? This bizarre thought dared to cross his mind. Maybe this was simply poor timing and ill planning. He had nothing but time to run all the questions, the what-ifs and the rabbit holes that it might lead him down. Athena would be there to set him straight when he’d evitable delve too far into the depths of his mind, becoming lost in the dark. She would be the light to emulate the path hidden from his sight.

This was both the end and a new beginning. It would be an uphill battle, only this time he would have someone else along for the ride. “This was never the plan when Athena and I opened up our relationship, to invite you in you for a time and then to push you right back out into the cold” He started as he worked through his thoughts, trying to vocalize his rapidly shifting feelings. 

He was everything all at once. A perfect storm locked away in a glass flask but the fierce winds were steadily calming. Athena was another story together as she had remained tight-lipped. All her words were locked away in a vault, under lock and key. There was no doubt that she would make one hell of a poker player, as she masked through each time she bluffed about the cards in her hand. Winning round after round with ease. Burning holes in various pockets and wallets like a seasoned pro. This was different, this was her vanishing beneath her mask and simply walking away.

Storm Athena had vanished in a blink of an eye but was it for the better? That would be the question you were battling with in the days to come. Overanalyzing all the little details of this moment, trying to find sense and logic in her actions. Trying to almost read what was happening within, to hear those precious few thoughts that indicate her next play, the steps that she would inevitably take.

Would things ever truly be amicable? You hoped that would in time but that’s all you could do. Hope that the day would crest over the horizon sooner rather than later but you wouldn’t push. They deserved all the time in the world as the walls sheltering their little piece of paradise began reconstruction. As their battered and bruised hearts started on the next stage of their healing journey without you. Athena, I know that you don’t want to talk to me. Hell, I don’t expect you to even respond or read this but please know that I never meant to hurt you or Bobby. I saw the door start to close. 

I should have tried harder to reach out, to be heard but we are long past that. I don’t know if I’ll be back this way but please know that I did cherish the time that I was there standing toe to toe with you and Bobby. I would never want to stand in the way, have that loving affection turn sour and embittered by the very experience of having a front-row seat to a show that slowly capsizing.  

You deserve better than this, you both do. The dear John letter was a stupid and careless idea that I never thought all the way through but please know that I will never freeze out the lines of communication if you ever think of me and want to reach out for that long overdue talk. I will say this one last thing, 

I did deeply care about the pair of you, you meant the world to me but this was not our time. This was not ours around but it is yours and Bobby’s. I saw that secret smile whenever you locked eyes with him and vis versa. A love story in motion but I was grateful to have been a part of it. I wish you nothing but all the happiness in the world for all that is to come. 

Clicking send hadn’t been the hardest part, as you sat in the seat of the Grey Hound bus heading out of town. The hospital had arranged transport to the bus station then the rest had been up to you. Your one-way ticket was tucked firmly between the pages of the cheesy romance book you had picked up in the little shop at the hospital on your way out. Something to keep your mind preoccupied. 

You had let yourself chuckle softly when you had first pulled it out of your bag. You hadn’t even checked the title when choosing between the limited range and selection starting up from the shelves. The three different books to choose from, you had split down the middle and just gone for door room two which had turned out to be the only romance-heavy option. It was truly karma in action, a borderline cruel reminder of what once had been yours. 

An epic love for ages, well it might have been if the fire hadn’t been blown out. You had been one to finish off those embers, never once giving them a chance to reignite. Now as you sat staring out of the window watching the world rush past. A sense of conflicted peace rolled over. This was a new beginning, a chapter closing as you started on a new adventure into pastures unknown.

Whether the grass was greener on the other side, you’d soon find out as the bus turned the corner and headed out onto the freeway. You had crossed the point of no return more than once in the last few hours. Or so it felt but there was no point in looking backwards, no matter how much it hurt to admit.

Silently you muttered a single word, finally cutting the tattered remains of the thread that held you in place.

Goodbye

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a rollercoaster of ups and downs in the years since you had last dared to step foot in Los Angeles. Both professional and personal. You pushed any thoughts of those failed relationships and the dead-end jobs that landed at your feet when you had struggled to find a home. 

Home had found you when an unmissable job opportunity crossed your desk one fine day three months back. It was almost impossible to stop your fingers from typing up and updating your resume. Before you had known it, you had completed the application and clicked the send button launching into the depths of the electronic superhighway that was the internet. Regret did not follow in its wake. You had anticipated some awkwardness resonating within you but nothing occurred.

You had expected nothing to come from it, it was almost a complete shot in the dark. Yes, you had the skills and the experience in a similar field but would that be enough? As you worked your shoes off day in and day out, you had pretty much forgotten about that one particular job application sent three weeks beforehand. 

You had long since concluded that if you hadn’t heard by now then you were highly unlikely to hear anything at all. You pushed forward with the daily grind. Going to work and then back home. Rinse later and repeat. 

Until that one notification last thing on Friday night shook things up. An interview then a second and a third soon followed after. Before long an offer of another job, a chance to spread your wings and take flight back to the City of Angels manifested. All that you needed to do was simply say yes, well that and find a place to set up shop. Apartment hunting pre-pandemic was hard enough but this was a whole new ball game. Virtual viewings were the done thing in the post-pandemic world.

Viewing a possible home through the screen of any available device, a tour at your fingertips allowed you to go from room to room as you tried to ascertain whether this one, the third tour of the day was the one. Whether it met all your basic requirements. Was it too far from your base of operations? Was it located in a reasonable neighbourhood? Were there good transportation links into the city itself?

Question after question arose as you continued to scroll into the next room. This seemed a lot harder than all the times before when you had needed to go apartment hunting. It was turning into a headache, they all could easily be made to look rather simpler with the click of a well-positioned camera lens. 

As text came through lighting up your phone screen, you paused the video for a moment. The name displayed above the message knocked you for six. You hesitated opening it, for it could easily go one or two ways. For this moment in time, you were solely existing in Schrödinger's cat type of scenario.

It could both be a harmless conversation starter, cracking open what once had been slammed shut or yet it could be something that held steadfast to the notion of flogging a dead horse. Or it be both at the same time but until you dared to look inside that box, you wouldn’t know. Without a second more to mull it over, you clicked upon it. You held your breath as the message revealed itself to your increasingly growing anxiety that bubbled within.

After all this time, Athena responded and replied to your mammoth message sent. Your olive branch to do right by her, to have the chance to sit down and talk like adults. To see if it was truly possible to let sleeping dogs lie and move forward as friends. You hated the idea of completely burning that bridge and cutting her and Bobby out of life because of your mistakes. There had been the building blocks for a stable foundation which you have decided had been cracked.

In the time since then, you had searched through every avenue of what had been. Through rose-tinted glasses, you had viewed the long hours, the lapses in replies and the never-ending chain of cancellations and rearranged dates in haste. They were a part of the daily up and downs when dating two first responders. You had acted with the emotional range of a moody teenager. You hadn’t taken the time to consider what it meant for them, who you were at the end of the day.

You were meant to be their safe harbour, away from the multiple emergencies that lingered on the other side of that door. When it slammed shut, you could have their light in the dark leading through the long nights. Instead of salving to heal their wound, you had ripped them wide out, tearing out their hearts, watching as bled at your feet when you had penned that letter without giving each of them a second thought.

It had all about you. You had changed and grown as a person since then learning more about how to navigate a relationship. The many twists and turns that came and went day in and day out and learning from your past indiscretion when it came to communication lay at the heart of every relationship. Looking back, it hadn’t been your finest hour the last time you were even in the state. You had run away, tail tucked between your legs across several state lines under you found yourself darkening your brother’s door. He had been expecting you. 

Only a few weeks later than initially planned. You had kept him updated from your hospital bed, your ear red raw from his worried rants stuck on repeat like a broken record. Each time you called, He softened his tone and inclination and by the time you arrived. The once bare-to-the-bone wire-like threads that had once connected you had begun to heal, deepened as that proud man opened his heart and mind to welcome home the sibling that had been pushed away. It had been a challenging climb but he had been by your side, walking in tandem.  He had grown as a man, as a brother and as a human being. 

One relationship had flourished, whilst another faded away. However this message, oh how it made your heart skip a beat. Anxious laden but still hope began to flutter its paper-thin wings as it flicked back to life.

I will not deny that your action hurt, not only me but Bobby too. It has taken me years to come to terms with how things went down. I’m ready to talk, understand and move forward completely then we can go from there. 

It had been frank and straight to the point like the woman behind those words but it was a chance. One that won’t waste this go around. It was hard not to smile, to fight back those feelings that you long since buried. Soon enough those dreaded butterflies would take up residence within your stomach but you won’t let them consume you. This was a fresh start, not a blank slate. 

Athena, thank you for this. Let me know when you are free to speak. I am ready to answer all the questions you have. I’m sure that there are plenty, I will be nothing short of completely honest with you

You watched the screen, waiting for those two little ticks to appear. The sign that the message had been delivered then you’d have to kill time until the colour changed from grey to blue showing that Athena had read your message. You placed your phone down as you couldn’t be glued to that device like a lovesick fool. The ball was now in her court now. 

When the message arrived, it was simple. Date and time staring up at you. A question then arose in the back of your mind, who would be the one to initiate the phone call in question? However, before you could even type out a response, another message appeared. She would be the one to call you. It felt damn near bizarre finding yourself in a situation such as this. However, you’d pushed on through if it meant salvaging a relationship from the wreckage. Even if it would be nothing but wholly platonic or not in the long run.

As you typed a quick reply, you smiled softly feeling happier than you had in months, as a sense of peace washed over you as you made your way of the room. A list as long as your arm began to form in your mind of all the possibly questions that might soon be coming your way. 

“It’s a start, the best that I could have hoped for” You softly repeat like mantra as you considered the next steps. Whatever they might be. The bounce in your step would come in time but still each stride no longer felt like you were walking in treacle. Weighed down with the guilt that you had long since carried upon your shoulders. 

Peace was just the beginning if things truly went well. This was only the first of hopefully upon this new trail off the beaten path. 

New memories to be made once you had truly arrived but you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself. One foot in front of the other, never pushing forward unless the opportunity presented itself. You finally could let go of that aching sense of guilt that hung deftly around your neck. The hangman’s noose tightened of its own accord through the day, worsening when you were lying alone at night, clock-watching until sleep overtook you. 

Pushing away the persistent thought of what if, what if you could go back and change the order that events had played out. You simply couldn’t but it was in the past, finally buried when Athena knew the truth behind your actions. The why, the how and the emotions that drove your hand when drawing the next card from the deck of life. 

When you drew the next one, it would be the one that changed your tomorrow into bright light that you’d lovingly thrive to keep joyfully humming in all the days that came after. Through the many ups and downs as you rode through the hard and trying times, through the days were sun shone brightest as if it was only illuminated for you and the ones you loved.

The hours seemed to rush past waiting for the sun to slip beneath the horizon. As day seamlessly melted away as night took hold. You stood silent as a mouse, staring out at the night sky smiling to yourself as innocent enough thoughts overtook as you pictured a new dawn. This was only the beginning, to gain Athena’s forgiveness, trust and friendship was a road that needed to be walked. A journey that you had started, crossing the threshold when you had offered an olive branch.

You had gained ground but that conversation was all that mattered. You wanted to make good on your promise. Tomorrow was now more than just another day, one to toil through the hours until it was time to head home. Athena then maybe one day you could bring yourself to face Bobby.

As you rebuilt your world, one thread at a time. It would not be the same as before but still, it would be home.

[silverhallow]

Strangers All At Once: Bruises

Strangers All At Once Masterpost

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Pairing: Sophie Beckett x Benedict Bridgerton

Counting days, counting days since my love up and got lost on me And every breath that I've been taken since you left feels like a waste on me I've been holding on to hope that you'll come back when you can find some peace Cause every word that I've heard spoken since you left feels like a hollow street I've been told, I've been told to get you off my mind But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind Oh my lord, oh my lord, I need you by my side

Benedict had a horrible headache when he woke the morning after Anthony’s stag do, which in of itself had been a disaster of a night.

He’d planned to be sober enough to see Sophie, to talk to her, to see if maybe whilst she was intoxicated she’d have told him more about why she’d left him, why she’d called time on their relationship but bumping into one of his sort of exes wasn’t really how he’d planned to spend the night.

He and Tilly had split after they’d wanted different things. Hee wanted more than she was prepared to give him after her divorce and he’d spent most of the night avoiding her, he didn’t need Sophie seeing her sniffing around him. He didn’t want her to scare Sophie off but when Tilly had pressed herself up against him outside of the last pub where he knew Sophie and Kate were coming to meet them, and as she threw her arms around him and kissed him he froze in shock.

It had been a few seconds before realised what was going on and he pushed her off and his eyes were wide as he told her fuck off, that he didn’t want her, that he’d moved on and he was in love with someone else.

In his heart he was still with Sophie, he wanted her back more than he wanted air, and it had been his confession that he was with someone else, that he loved another, that had finally gotten Tilley to leave him alone. He breathed a sigh of relief but as he went into the bar and saw Sophie, sitting there drinking on her own.

As he walked over to her, he realised something was wrong as she was clutching the bottle of whiskey like her life depended on it “Soph?” he said, walking over to her slowly.

“Go ‘way” she grumbled.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just… go… I don’t want…” she swayed on her seat and grabbed the bottle and took a drink

“I think you’ve had enough…” he said but Sophie’s face turned to him with an expression he’d never seen on her face before, it was almost hatred… icy glare that froze his heart and he felt his entire being shrink and he knew that she wasn’t going to speak to him and so he did the only thing that he felt he could do…

Get Kate and then go home.

Which he did. And followed Sophie’s suit and opened his whiskey and drank until he fell asleep with no idea that Sophie had seen Tilley kissing him…

Until the following morning when he thought someone was trying to break his door down and as stumbled his way from his sofa to the door, he’d half expected a police officer but he hadn’t expected to see his soon to be sister in law glaring at him like he’d murdered a member of her family.

“You are un-fucking-beliveable” she hissed at him.

“What… what’s happened?” he groaned his eyes struggling to adjust to the light, his head throbbing, mouth dryer than the sahara desert…

“YOU FUCKING HAPPENED!” Kate snapped and Benedict winced.

“Can you dial down the volume… please… and can we not do this here on the doorstep as i don’t need to feed my neighbours gossip…” he mumbled and not giving her a chance to reply he just walked into his flat.

“What the fuck were you thinking? What did you say to me literally 24 hours ago?!” Kate snapped at him.

“Firstly, i’ve got no idea what the fuck you’re talking about… what have I done or supposedly done? I know I wasn't exactly sober but I'm pretty sure I remember everything before getting home…”

“So you remember kissing someone?!” she snapped “you remember that you told me yesterday morning that you want Sophie back and that you felt lost without her… and you love her and want to be with her?!”

“Yes I said all that…” he said, he remembered yesterday morning, he’d opened himself up to Kate and told her how he’d felt in the last two years without Sophie, how everyone was telling him to put her out of his mind, how he felt every breath he’d taken since she’d left had been a waste.

He’d not wanted to forget about her, he’d thought something had been wrong when she left, that there was a reason but he was holding out hope that she’d come back to him when she found some peace with her life… he knew about her step mother, what she’d put her through…

He felt like each day without her had been colder and colder and now she was back… he felt like he was able to tread water, that he was living again…

He’d told Kate all this…

“And the kiss?!” Kate shouted

Benedict scowled “I didn’t kiss anyone… i was kissed by Tilley…”

“TILLEY?!”

“Can you stop shouting please for the love of god…”

“YOU KISSED YOUR EX AND SOPHIE SAW WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?!”

“Sophie… fuck! It isn’t what you think! It wasn’t!”

“Ben… you were seen by the woman you’ve been pining for for the last two years kissing your ex… who you asked to move in with you, asked to meet your family and shot you down?! What else is someone supposed to think?!” Kate spat.

“She kissed me. She spent all night trying to get into my pants… i pushed her off me literally within 5 seconds of her kissing me!” Benedict said “I was trying to get her to fuck off and leave me alone so i could come and speak to Sophie! Was… do you think that’s why…?”

“She fucking told me she saw… she said something about coming to talk to you…i’m guessing she finally worked up the courage to tell you why she left…”

“She… do you… do you know why?”

Kate sighed “i’m not sure I should tell you”

“Please Kate, I swear I wasn’t encouraging Tilley, I told her to fuck off and leave me alone after she kissed me. I told her I was in love with someone else and wanted nothing to do with her and she finally left. She followed us all night. Ask Ant and Simon if you don’t believe me!” he begged “just… tell me please… was… was it something I did?! I mean she said something about saving me the hassle or something…”

Kate sighed, “you remember her step mother and all the shit she put her through?”

Benedict frowned “what’s Araminta got to do with this?”

“Everything” Kate sighed

“Huh?” Benedict replied

“So remember how she was trying to sue Sophie over her father’s will? Adamant it was a fake and everything else?” Kate asked

Benedict nodded, his face showing his utter confusion.

“Well apparently she’d threatened you if Sophie didn’t leave, she said she’d ruin you and your career by saying you assaulted Rosa or something…”

“So she just… rather than telling me she just left?!” Benedict blinked

“That woman completely ruined Sophie’s esteem, confidence and everything Ben… it wasn’t just physical abuse it was emotional and mental abuse for years… she’s terrified of her”

“But…if she just… told me? My brother is a fucking lawyer!” he said growing angry

“Ben I’m just telling you what she told me, it’s taken years to get that out of her… i’m sure there was more to it than just that but she just won’t open up… she’s my best friend. She has been for years but she’s a closed book. It took her 5 years to tell me about Araminta… she told you within a month… you know her as well as I do… her flight and fight is weighed heavily towards flight… she hates conflict. You’ve seen that…”

Benedict grumbled “but she just gave up!”

“Ben, I swear you better not do anything stupid… just… give her a few days. She’ll be broken with a hangover today… just… give her a few days then talk to her… tell her about Tilley, tell her what actually happened and she might give you a chance or at least listen to you and then you can go from there”

Benedict however wasn’t listening properly, his brain was just whirring and he felt like he’d been blind sided, punched in the gut and he just grunted his approval and hadn’t heard a word about giving her a few days.

Within an hour of Kate leaving, he had showered and after some food felt normal and it had been 12 hours since he’d had a drink and he jumped in his car and headed over to Sophie’s, determined to find out the truth.

~*~

When Sophie woke up she had no idea how she’d gotten home. She barely remembered anything after seeing Benedict snogging some random blonde woman. All she remembered was whiskey and heart ache.

But as she saw the sick bowl next to her bed, two paracetamol and a glass of water, she assumed either Michael or Phillip had been summoned to collect her and take her home.

Groaning as she moved, she felt like she’d been hit by a bus. She felt worse than the time Araminta threw her down the stairs and fractured her ribs when she was 13.

She managed to get the paracetamol in and a few sips of water as she checked her phone.

She had a message from Michael: Text me when you’re awake so i know you’ve not died and choked on sick. Oh and take the paracetamol. They will help the head.

That answered her question about who picked her up and brought her home. She just sent a simple thank you as a reply

A response came through almost instantly afterwards pleased your alive boss. Take the day off. Phil and I have the cafe cover. Alice has come in to help. I’ll drop some food off later on my way home to soak up the whiskey.

Sophie groaned, that was what she’d drunk. Her mouth just felt like something had died but that cleared up a lot of things. She didn’t want to text Michael and ask if she’d said or done anything stupid because she didn’t want to remember and she didn’t want to know.

Ignorance is bliss afterall.

She barely felt alive and crawled into the shower and she’d only just put some clothes on when she heard a loud, almost aggressive knock on her door and she groaned. 

It was too early to be Michael and as he’d figured she was rough and delicate, he’d never knock that hard and she wanted to just ignore it but the longer she did, the louder the knocking got.

Grumbling she made her way to the door and as she opened it, she was surprised to see Benedict standing there.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, shocked.

“We need to talk” he said simply, his tone clipped and cold and Sophie just blinked as he walked past her into her flat.

“Ben… can we not… i’m…”

“No, I'm sick of us ignoring the subject… Why did you leave? Why did you break up with me?” he asked

“I told…”

“No. you fucking didn’t” he said cutting her off “you might have said it was to save me a job but that’s not the truth is it?!” he demanded as he stalked closer to her 

“I don’t… i don’t know what you’re talking about” Sophie lied as she moved her gaze away from him

“Bullshit and you fucking know it. I know it was because your step mother threatened me!” he snapped, “did you think I was just too stupid to know the truth? Or didn’t deserve it”

Sophie glared at him her arms crossing tightly over her chest “don’t go getting all high and fucking mighty on me. You know what that woman did to me! What she continued to try and do to me! And besides, it was my decision not yours! You’ve made your feelings perfectly fucking clear since and even before then! It was obvious!”

“Obvious!?” Benedict exclaimed, taking a step backwards in shock.

“I heard you! I came to fucking talk to you and I fucking heard okay!” Sophie hissed her eyes narrowing as she gestured towards him

“Heard what?!”

“Oh don’t fucking play coy with me! I heard you the other day… i heard what you said” 

“No you don’t get to fucking blame me! You’re the one who gave up on us! You were the one who didn’t tell me! You were the one who ran away!” He said walking towards her

“I didn’t” she took a step back, her leg trailing a little as she avoided his eyes.

“YOU WENT TO FUCKING FRANCE! YOU WENT TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY! THAT IS RUNNING AWAY!” He gestured towards the windows 

“LIKE YOU CARED! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE, WHAT IT WAS LIKE. YOU ARE A FUCKING BRIDGERTON! YOU’VE ONLY KNOWN LOVE AND CARING AND WOMEN FAWNING OVER YOU ALL THE TIME” Sophie paused, taking a breath, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears as she continued, I’M A NOBODY. A FUCKING BASTARD. ANOTHER NOTCH” she yelled back

“You’re the one who left!” Benedict replied as Sophie’s chest heaved and she fought to control herself.

“You just don’t get it do you??” Sophie snorted “I’ve spent my life being unloved, unwanted, a burden and told I'm not good enough! Of having people “having to be nice to me” because of my father, because they wanted my inheritance or because of my friends…” 

“Soph…” Benedict said, a little softer, his arm reaching out to touch her

She shook her head and moved out of his way, not wanting his touch, not wanting him to knock down those defences again. “No. don’t you fucking dare. Don’t lie to me and tell me otherwise… it’s how it’s always been! I thought you were different!”

“I… you…” he stammered, his heart breaking at her words and the way she moved out of his way

“Just get out Ben. Go. just… go. Get out.” She pointed at the door.

“No… not…” he replied shaking his head

“NO. you don’t get to come here and shout at me like that… you… just… go” she yelled once again gesturing at the door

“I… i’ll…”

“Get out” she repeated this time stamping her feet, her eyes shining with tears

Benedict sighed “i’ll… i’ll call tomorrow”

“Don’t. If it's wedding related, tell Kate and she will message me… i’m… we’re done… don’t… i can’t anymore” she said and before Benedict had a chance to reply, she walked out of her living room, slammed her bedroom door and left Benedict standing there.

He wanted to go after her but he remembered how she’d floored some guy in the pub once and he didn’t fancy being punched with the wedding less than a week away…

So with a heavy sigh he left… wondering what the fuck just happened and how the fuck was he supposed to get her to talk to him now?

[sweet-villain]

You Feel Like Home~ B.H

@moonchildquinn asked:

hi lovie, i know you’re the queen of angst but could i request maybe a dinner date or anything kinda on the romance side for either Dacre or Billy whichever you feel ❤️

Anonymous asked:

Hi! Its the sadistic anon who requested the Billy, Eddie, and Steve story. I've working on a fluffy request for you to make up for the heartbreak!-

Billy takes Max with him to pick out the reader's engagement ring. The entire time they're both giddy because Max is excited to have the reader as a sister, and Billy is excited to be with the reader forever.

Tags : : @ceriseheaven @josephquinnlover0 @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @stillfalling30minslater @alyisdead @witchy-munson

My Master List is in This Area

He happily wore a smirk on his face when he catches you staring at him as he lifts his head up from underneath the hood of his Camaro. A hint of red appears on your cheeks as you watch his arms flex, some of the grease has caught on his arms. He shut the hood wiping his hands with the small towel he had in his back pocket.

" Are you going to stare at me all day doll?" he asks not even lifting his head to meet your gaze.

" I can't help it when my boyfriend is a pretty sight" he laughs, his cheeks burning with a hint of red as he raises his eyes to meet yours.

" I could say the same to you" you rolled your eyes getting up from the steps you were sitting on as you turned to head inside to prepare to make dinner.

Max was sitting on the couch watching tv when you entered. She turned it off as she turned to face you, " I'm happy Billy has someone like you around. You make him happy."

" He makes me happy too. Do you want to help with dinner?" you asked. Her eyes lit up as she nods, " Let me wash my hands" she hurries off to the bathroom while you head into the kitchen. Billy walks into the house, and as he makes his way to the bathroom he ends up bumping into Max.

" Oh, watch it shit bird" Billy grumbles. Max sticks her tongue out at him causing him to laugh. The two were doing much better as siblings, but there were moments were still things were rocky.

" You watch it, big bird" Max mumbles as she heads into the kitchen. Billy shakes his head as he heads into the bathroom

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Billy clears his throat as he bounces from one foot to the other staring down Max sitting at the table with Lucas, Will, Mike, El and Dustin.

" What?" Max asks, Billy averts his eyes as the words in his mouth feel like dryer than Sahara desert. Max feels the shift in the room as she looks around standing up from the table.

She makes her way over to him, looks up with worry in her eyes.

" Is something wrong?" he looks around her friends then down at her. " I need to talk to you"

Billy felt his palms sweaty as he swallowed the lump in his throat. The others look at each other with their eyebrow raised.

" Come on" Max grabbed his wrist and leads him out of the room and into the arms crossing her arms over her chest as she taps her foot on the ground.

" What is this about? I don't have all day"

" I want to ask Y/N to marry her and I need your help with the ring" her eyes go wide and her mouth drops.

" You are going to marry Y/N!" He hears El making her way to the room with her hands clasped together under her chin and her eyes shining with a wide smile on her face.

Billy groans.

" You're going to marry Y/N?!" Dustin shouts. They all scramble into the room. " Do you have a ring to propose to her with?" Mike asks.

" Not yet" Billy says. " This stays between us you little shit birds, you got it or I'll turn you all into pretzels" they all zipped their mouth and threw away the key.

" I just need your help" Billy looks down at Max.

" I know the perfect place" she says, looking at El. " But El comes too" El look up at Billy with pleading eyes and the widest smile she can muster.

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

" Don't make me regret this" the girls squeal as they hug him around the waist. He softly smile down at them.

" Is Billy smiling?" Dustin asks in shock. Billy head shoots towards him and reaches over to grab the cap off his head and throws it into the kitchen.

" Go play fetch Henderson"

" That's not nice!" Dustin shouted as he races into the kitchen to get his cap

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You giggle feeling pepper of kisses being placed all over your face as you eyes flutter open seeing your boyfriend hovering above you. His curls shield part of his eyes as he looks down at you with those blue eyes.

" Good morning, doll" he says, leaning down pecking your lips. His lips were a little chapped this morning but that was okay.

" Good morning handsome" his cheeks flush red as he buries his face into the crook of your neck. Your arms wrap around him, chuckling.

" You don't have to shy baby"he says something into your neck that you can't understand. " What?"

He lifted his head from the crook of your neck, " I'm not being shy."

" Then what is this?" you motion to him and your neck. He shrugs as he rolls over onto his side on his back rubbing his eyes from sleep.

" I'm going to hang out with Max today" at this, your head snapped towards him as you hear this. " Are you feeling okay?" you asked bringing a hand to his forehead to feel if he was sick. In return he swatched your hand away.

" I can't hang out with my step sister?" he asks. You gave him a look.

" You two haven't hung out like that" he shrugs as he sits up in bed looking for his shirt. " Do you want me to come?" he shakes his head, his curls were wild this morning but he was the most beautiful man you have ever seen.

" Stop looking at me like that" he say as he slips on his shirt. It was on the chair were you folded it for him.

" Like what?" he finds his pants and slips them on.

" The bedroom eyes" he brushes a hand through his curls. " you look so good in the mornings, William" you teased. He shoots you a glare for using his real name.

" You're lucky your cute and I have to go otherwise I'll be over there tickling you" you gasped pulling the cover up to your chin.

" Better not be late"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Billy stares at the box in his hands as El sits in the back and Max is in the front.

" It's really pretty" El says. " She's going to love it" she adds. Billy smiles down at it. Max nudges him, " When are you doing it?"

" At dinner tonight at Harringtons" Max looks surprised.

" I didn't know you and Steve were buddy buddy all of sudden" Billy grumbles something underneath his breathe.

" What was that?"

" We're no where near buddies" Max nodded. " You know, this is pretty big even for you."

Billy turns to look down at Max.

" I know, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with her" For the first time Max can see how you make Billy feel. Loved. Appreciated. Wanted.

" She's going to love it" El puts her hand on his shoulder while Max puts a hand on his arm. He puts the box in the pocket of his jacket. He really is nervous on proposing to you. You make him feel safe and loved. He never felt something like this before.

" You're going to be all mushy at the wedding" Max teased.

" Shut it shit bird"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You ran a hand down your outfit as you looked at yourself in the mirror, chuckling seeing in the back Billy playing with his curls as he hair sprays some of them, grumbling how you didn't let him use the mirror.

" I'm done now, you can look at how pretty you are now" he stops hair spraying his curls as he turns to look at you with a hint of red on his cheeks. He's never getting used to you calling him pretty.

He makes his way over to you, setting the hair spray down as his arms wrap around your waist and tugs you to him.

" How did I get so lucky to have a girl like you?"

" I believe because you ended up spilling your lunch on him as you walked past me and I poured milk on those pretty curls" he chuckles, remembering the memory grumbling when he remembers the milk had soaked him.

" That was the day I knew I wanted you" Billy says.

" Yeah?" he nods.

" You got that fire in you, I like it. You were cute too, how could I pass that on?"

You raise on your toes brushing your lips against his, " I love you Billy."

It took a while for Billy to tell you he loved you too. He would show you in the simplest things he would do for you weather drive you around, move nights, tolerating Steve Harrington, bringing you to parties with him, doing the things you liked.

" I love you too" he says, pressing his lips against yours.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Billy raised his head to knock on Steve's door and it flew open in matter of minutes to reveal Robin standing there.

" The love birds are here!" she shouted through the house. You walk hand in hand with Billy by your side. Billy's stomach turned and his heart raced because tonight was the night he was going to propose to you.

He was nervous. His eyes met Max's as he looked into the living room. She threw him a thumbs up in encouragement.

" You got this" she mouths to him. It didn't really ease his nerves but it made it a little better knowing he has support.

" Hargrove" he hears Steve says. Steve tolerate Billy around because he's dating you. You and Steve go way back to when he was King Steve, he didn't make fun of you but he would copy your work over your shoulder and nudge you for answers.

" Harrington" Billy says. The two exchange an unpleasant look between each other. " Be nice" you tell them, pointing one finger at one and pointing the other at the other one.

Steve puts his hands up telling you dinner would be ready soon. You make your way into the kitchen to see if Nancy needed help, Vicky is there with Robin as the two help.

" Need help?" you asked. Nancy puts a pot down as she comes over to hug you while Vicky shyly waves.

Your head peeks in to see Billy interacting with El and the both of them looked to be happy as they talk.

" I wonder when he's going to put a ring on your finger" Nancy says. " You two are into each other that's it disgusting" Robin says. Vicky pushes her shoulder giving her a look.

" I think it's cute" Vicky says.

" maybe I should put a ring on him" you joked. But the three girls look at you and smirk.

" You don't have the balls to do it" Robin teases. " You're way too much of a softie to ask him."

" I can ask him" Robin shrugs before Nancy tells you to make yourself comfy and Vicky hands you a drink.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Dinner was going well, Billy had been getting along with everyone and teasing Steve like usually. The two haven't thrown food at one another and they were being civil. For your sake.

Billy's leg kept bouncing up and down and he's been staring at the plate for more than a few minutes. You placed a hand on his thigh, squeezing it letting him know you wanted his attention.

His head slowly turns as he looks at you with a panic look on his face.

" What's wrong?" you asked, concern in your eyes. He shakes his head mumbling it's nothing. He looks over to Max in need to help of some sort. She sets her fork down and looks at you then looks at Billy.

The chair scraps on the floor catching the attention of the others.

" Sorry, but Billy has a few words he like to say" she sits back down and Billy shots her a glare on why she did it like that.

" Fuck it" he mumbles as he turns to face you with big blue eyes. His hand is shaking as he takes it in his. You can feel how sweaty his palm is. It must be really big if he's being this nervous.

" You're the best thing that happened to me. You healed pieces of me I didn’t know needed healing. You cared for me when I didn’t know I could use that extra love. You brought out the happiness in me I didn’t know existed. You’ve made me feel more alive than ever." He pauses to take out the box out of his pocket.

Your eyes brim with tears as you watch him open the box and inside is an engagement ring with your birthstone color.

" Billy.." you gasped putting your hand over your mouth. El and Max share a smile.

" When I first saw your smile and heard your laughter, I knew I wanted to hear and see it for the rest of my life. Marry me?" he asks.

" Yes" you whispered out, nodding your head. The table cheers as he takes the ring out of the box and slips it on your finger. He leans down softly kissing you with his index finger and thumb holding your chin.

" Who knew Hargrove can be such a softie and romanic" Steve teases. Billy pulls away as he chugs a piece of bread at him. It hits him in the face landing on his plate.

" That's not nice" the whole table erupts in a food fight but you and Billy get away, he's holding you in his arms as he looks down at you.

" I thought I would be the one to ask you to marry me, I really thought you wouldn't have the balls for it" His mouth drops open.

" Is that so?" How about we start early on our honey moon?" you giggled as he grabs your hand and head upstairs.

" Not in my room!" Steve shouts. But Billy didn't listen as he did exactly that.

[slasher-jaxshitposts]

I'm so fucking hungry its not even funny

My mom cooked turkey last night. No biggie, it was her first time cooking turkey but it turned out good. She also cooked me an onion. Well, I ate all my onion last night and the turkey was good too. A little dry, but still good. This morning however... Dryer than the fucking sahara desert. IDK what to do cause I don't wanna tell her that cause she worked hard on it, but I also need to eat something before I can take my medicine. (it's for anemia but I still eat something before taking it just in case) I was gonna eat my fucking grapes, but I ate them yesterday. I was thinking of eating my graham crackers, but their gonna leave my mouth even dryer and the only thing we have to fucking drink is water. I don't want fucking water, I'm tired of it. 😒

[satorisoup]

⌗ 𝐈𝐂𝐊 ⁝ ( ᰔ )

— suna, tendou, iwaizumi, hinata, kenma, ushijima

pt. 1 | pt. 2

✉︎ 𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ﾉ don’t hate me for these T^T i promise they’re not to be taken seriously!

𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐀 | phone addiction —

he’s ALWAYS on his phone. sure, pretty much every person uses their phone quite a bit but he seriously has a problem. he can’t eat without watching a show, and his ears are practically turned off when his phone is on. he’s even played candy crush at a michelin star restaurant. PLEASE rip it out of his hand immediately.

𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈 𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐔 | nail clippings —

dare i say… he leaves his nail clippings on the floor after cutting them. he doesn’t bother to sweep them up, he just lets them land wherever the wind takes them. you stepped on something crunchy? yeah, that was his toenail on the bathroom tile. “i didn’t know where they went!” SATORI! JUST GET THE DAMN BROOM AND SWEEP!

𝐇𝐀𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐈𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐌𝐈 | messy eater —

i’ve had this headcanon for years now, but you know those kids who had dried mustard on the corners of their mouths after eating a sandwich? yeah. he was that kid. and that’s him as an ADULT too. you can’t take him anywhere because he’s always getting food on his face. SOMEONE GRAB THIS GUY A NAPKIN! I CAN SEE YOUR LUNCH!

𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐘𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀 | toilet seat —

he’s always leaving the damn toilet seat up. walking in after he’s done with his business and it’s practically waving at you in mockery. how are you able to sing a whole bathroom jingle and STILL FORGET TO PUT THE LID DOWN SHOYO???

𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐌𝐀 𝐊𝐎𝐙𝐔𝐌𝐄 | dry texting —

his texts are dryer than the sahara desert. doesn’t matter what you say, his response ranges from “ok” or the thumbs up reaction button. in person he’s better, but do NOT try talking to him about anything important over text message because you are getting absolutely nothing in return. “hi kenma! how are you? i can’t wait to see you” “ok” WHAT???

𝐖𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐈 𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐀 | flipflops —

avid flipflop wearer. but in the sense that his TOES HANG OVER THE EDGE. he’s letting his feet breathe no matter what time of day. don’t you dare look down because you’ll get an unpleasing sight of his little but not so little piggies. “i enjoy these flipflops.” I DONT! PUT SOME DAMN SHOES ON!

© satorisoup ── do not copy, repost, plagiarize, or feed any of my work into ai 🍓

[impetusofadream]

*headdesk*

I've had a sinus infection for over a week and still can't really fucking breathe in my sleep...

Guess which dumbass knocked over and broke her humidifier, which was the only thing keeping her mouth from becoming dryer than the Sahara Desert???

Yup. That's right. This dumbass *points to chest with thumbs*

...y'all I am so fucking miserable right now. My nose is still stuffed up and my dry mouth is making me want to hack up a lung and it's past 1am and I JUST WANT TO SLEEP!!!! But because I am a sad lump of fat and electricity trapped inside a bone mech with meat armor instead of a ball of light or a 5th dimensional being I have to deal with having a corporeal form. And like omg humans are some of the WORST designed animals in this planet. I do not want to be one right now. Having a respiratory system is stupid!!!! Let me be a tree. I would be so happy as a redwood tree. Or a Blue Spruce. Just let me tall and pretty and smell good damn it!!!

[heartthrobohara]

o’knutzy hurt/comfort?? maybe like logan’s depression getting bad and feeling like he’s not good enough for his boys

my touchstarved ass writing this:

characters belong to @lumosinlove

Tw for a depressive episode

Good days were nice. They would leave you feeling like you were on top of the world, on cloud nine. The war raging in your head will finally quiet down. It would make you feel like you could climb Mount Everest in one go. Like the rainbow after rain.

But then, when those days are over, the brunt of the bad days will weigh you down. Feeling like the pain will never end, like constant nagging. When everything that you do has the briefest, most fleeting moment of happiness before it’s replaced with the empty, cold void of sadness, or maybe even anxiety.

Logan was no poet (Finn was the English major), but that was how he would describe how he’s feeling right now.

Of course, Logan wasn’t going to spend all day internally waxing poetics about his depression all day. As he lay on his back, on the bed, staring at a certain spot on the ceiling, he wondered if whatever metaphysical was up there was a masochist.

He had barely moved from this spot in… minutes? Hours? Days? Time felt like molasses, slowly drip, drip, dripping.

Logan saw the worried looks they would give him. At practice (when he had the energy to go), in public, even at home. He couldn’t stand sympathy.

In his opinion, he thought that ‘it gets better’ crap was a load of bullshit. Night and day, he would pray to whoever was listening, to make it stop. Make this whole thing stop. He couldn’t take it anymore, he just couldn’t.

He turned to his side. His face felt hot and warm from crying, and his eyelids felt droopy. Keep in mind, he had only gotten a few hours of sleep. His mouth was dryer than the Sahara Desert, probably from crying and lack of fluids. Hell, he couldn’t tell if his headache was from dehydration or, you guessed it, crying.

He thought of the little boy he used to be, with big hopes and dreams, and bright eyes, and big, genuine smiles. He thought of how he was throwing his life away, drowning in these self-deprecating thoughts all day.

He started to cry. Again. And all he could think of was “save me.”

~

Finn and Leo were worried.

Logan wouldn’t answer his phone, he always seemed to have his notifications silenced. He would never leave the room. And he seemed to flinch away from them.

Leo mentally ran through a list of things in his head that could have possibly angered Logan and made him ignore them, but he came back blank.

He decided to go check on him. Finn was out grocery shopping, but hopefully he’d be back soon.

The door was shut. But that’s when he heard the faint noise of sniffles. His heart broke into two pieces. ~ “Lo, can I come in?”

His heart stopped. He put a hand over his mouth, trying to muffle his cries.

“Tremz, let me in, please. We want to help you.”

And that’s when Logan realized how badly he’d treated his boys this week. He was practically ignoring them! He felt even more tears slip out.

“C-come in.”

The door gently swung open. He covered his face in his hands and let out a sob. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m…” he trailed off, breaking off into another fit of sobs.

“Oh, oh baby it’s okay, it’s okay, you have nothing to be sorry for mon amour,” he said, crossing the distance. Logan felt the bed dip from the weight of Leo sitting down on it, quickly being pulled into his arms.

He buried his face into Leo’s chest, fisting at his shirt. “I’m… I’m a terrible boyfriend and… and I ignored you and I probably hurt you guys. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Lo. Look at me.”

Logan looked up into Leo’s sad eyes, as blue as the sky. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He used his thumb to wipe at the stray tears still lingering there. “You are the absolute best boyfriend we could ever ask for, and we love you so, so much. You should always let us know when you’re struggling, we’re your boyfriends and we’re here for you, I pinky swear.”

Logan sniffled, and he couldn’t believe he had gotten so lucky.

“Well, well, well, are we cuddling without me?”

Logan looked up to see Finn standing in the doorway, cheeks flushed from the cold. At the sight of Logan’s puffy eyes and red cheeks, worry took over his handsome features immediately. “Woah, what’s going on?” He walked over, sitting beside Leo.

Leo leaned over to whisper a couple of things to Finn, who he nodded and seemed to listen in concentration. He looked over at Logan and just nodded, moving over to rub his back gently.

Leo laid back down, sandwiching Logan in the middle. Leo pressed two gentle kisses on both of his flushed cheeks, making Logan smile. Finn leaned over to press a kiss on his earlobe, then whispered; "You know we love you so much, right?”

Logan just nodded slowly, and Finn pressed his forehead to his temple.

As he slowly drifted off to the first peaceful sleep he’d had in the last few days, he slowly felt the rainbows coming back. And he smiled, a real one this time.

[rebelwrites]

She’s Yours 

Jax Teller x Reader

You couldn’t believe it looking down at the tiny human in your arms. The past 9 months you wasn’t sure if you even wanted to be a mom yet here you was staring at your daughter and everything changed, you would move heaven and earth for your little girl.

“If only I knew who your daddy was Babygirl” you whispered as she grasped your pinky.

It was in the moment she finally opened her eyes, revealing the piercing blue eyes pairing that with her light blonde hair, you literally had to do a double take. It was obvious now who her daddy was. Turning your gaze to the window you saw your best friend stood against the wall with his phone against his ear, a small smile on his face as he looked up to see you looking at him. Yep definitely no doubt who the father was.

Confusion washed over you as you tried to figure out when the two of you slept together. Pulling your phone out you scrolled back in the calendar and soon realised it was the night of your birthday. Switching to your camera roll you scrolled back to the pictures of that night. You two had been all over each other, eyes glazed over from the weed and alcohol. To this day you had no recollection of that night.

———

“Come on Jax” you whined wrapping your around his neck “give me the joint back”

“Only because it’s your birthday baby” he winked placing the joint between your lips.

“Thank you” you grinned before running off.

Yes you just turned 27 but you was the biggest kid the club had known.

“Whoa where’s the fire Y/N” Tig laughed as you ran straight into his chest.

“I stole this off Jax, shhhhh” you giggled placing your finger against your lips.

“Okay, I think somebody’s has had too much of the green stuff” Tig said taking the joint off you.

“Imma tell Jax” you pouted crossing your arms across your chest giving him puppy eyes “Tiggy please don’t make me cry on my birthday”

“Argh fuck them eyes get me all the time” he sighed passing you the joint. “But no more, you are so high I think you might start flying”

“Tig what you doing with my girl?” Jax said snaking his arms around your waist.

You and Jax had been friends as long as you could remember, you were two peas in a pod and the trouble makers within the club, always have been and probably always will be. You basically grew up around the club seen as your mom was best friends with Gemma.

“Your girl?” You asked giggling.

“Yeah is that a problem Y/N?” Jax smirked backing you against the wall.

Looking round Tig had long gone.

“Jax what are you doing?” You breathed as his body pressed against yours. This was different to the flirty banter you normally had.

“I know you recently broke up with that douche bag” he whispered tucking a piece of hair behind your ear “and it’s your birthday so I’m gonna take one for the team and give you a present you will never forget”

“And what would that be Teller?” You giggled

“My cock” he whispered huskily in your ear.

This just made you burst into a fit of laughter.

“Come on then Teller let’s go make a baby” you chuckled “taking one for the team, your funny, and I’m only agreeing because the weed is making me horny”

“Well then my little devil” he laughed tossing you over his shoulder “let’s go satisfy them needs”

The next morning you work up with a hangover from hell, your mouth was dryer than the Sahara desert and you was wearing one of Jax’s shirt with him snoring next to you. You didn’t even give it a second thought of waking up in his bed, it was pretty common you’d share a bed with him after a party. However you had no memories of last night after running off with the joint.

8 weeks had passed since the party and here you was sat on the bathroom floor of the clubhouse, tears rolling down your cheeks at the two pink lines staring back at you.

Fuck.

It was no secret the last couple of weeks you had slept with a couple of different guys. So you had no idea who had fathered the child. Roughly wiping the tears with your sleeve you shoved the test into your pocket, walking out of the bathroom to find your best friend.

“Devil what’s wrong?” Jax asked instantly hugging you

“Jax I’m pregnant” you mumbled “and I don’t know who the fuck the dad is”

“Shit” he said holding you tight kissing your head. “It’s gonna be okay, I’m here no matter what”

“I think I’m gonna keep it” you whispered grabbing on the side of his kutte “with my track record at 27 it’s probably gonna be my only chance to have a kid”

Every scan, every appointment, Jax kept his word and was by your side throughout. He had even gone to the point of getting you a job in the office and made you move into his house so he could keep a closer eye of you. In all honestly of you hadn’t had Jax in your corner you wouldn’t have gotten through this pregnancy.

“Do you really think it’s wise me coming to the party tonight?” You asked pulling on a pair of leggings.

Jax propped himself up on the bed, looking up from his phone.

“I’m not leaving you alone when you are literally about to pop” he smiled “and plus this little one is gonna take after their uncle jaxy, so need to get them used to the club life”

“Oh god, my child is gonna be an outlaw” you fake gasped.

“Pot. Kettle. Black” he smirked climbing off the bed to help you put his hoodie on.

“Again sorry for stealing all your clothes” you laughed.

“Hey if it’s comfy I don’t care” he nodded “no let’s go”

“I swear partied suck when you can’t drink or smoke” you groaned to Chucky as he placed a bottle of water in front of you.

“You moaning again?” Chibs laughed.

“Yeah I’m sick of being pregnant now, being at a party that you can’t drink or smoke at sucks major dick” you huffed.

“Not be long now till we meet the little lassie” he smiled placing his hand on your stomach.

“Do you know you are the only one who thinks it’s gonna be a girl, well apart from me” you smiled.

“Just a feeling I have” he winked.

Throughout the day you kept getting twinges and you back was killing you. However you being you didn’t think anything about it until you was bent double gripping onto the bar for dear life and a contraction hit.

“JAX FUCKING GET HERE NOW” you screamed through the pain.

Your baby was coming and you wasn’t doing it without your best friend.

Within 20 minutes you was laying in a bed at the hospital experiencing the worst pain in your life and you had been shot before.

“I’d rather be fucking shot point blanc then this” you growled gripping Jax’s hand so tight you drew blood.

“I can arrange that for you if you want” he smirked trying to make you laugh.

After 12 hours in labour, you was finally graced with the presence of your daughter.

“You did it devil” Jax whispered kissing your head “made me bleed but you did it”

You was exhausted and just wanted to sleep for about 4 days.

“So have we got a name for this little one?” The midwife asked placing your daughter on your bare chest.

“Delilah Rose Y/L/N” you smiled looking down at the tiny human.

———

The night you couldn’t remember, your birthday, the memories came flooding back as you scrolled through the pictures. How you didn’t figure it out sooner you had no idea.

“All the guys are thrilled and gonna pop by in the morning” Jax said walking back in the room. “Come on then uncle jaxy wants cuddles”

How do you break the news that it’s daddy not uncle?

Passing Delilah to Jax you studied his reaction.

“Urm Y/N…..” he trailed off as he stared at your daughter “why do I feel like I’m looking in a mirror”

“Yeah about that Jax” you breathed “and you can’t kill me because it’s only just clicked with me”

“Y/N” he said raising his eyebrow.

“Delilah Urm is your daughter” you said as quick as you could.

“Say it again but slower” he said still not taking his eyes off the little girl.

“She is your kid” you said trying to read his reaction.

After a couple of minutes a small smile spread across his face, tears in his eyes.

“What are we gonna do Jax?” You whispered “we aren’t even together”

“Well do you wanna be?” He said looking up at you making you choke on your own saliva.

“Tell me I’m not hearing things” you whispered getting nervous, for years you kept your feelings burried because let’s face it Jax was your best friend and it would have just made things complicated.

“I’ve hidden this for far too long now because we’ve been best friends forever, I’m not meant to have these feelings for my best friend” he said.

“Thank god you feel the same way” you breathed.

“So Y/N, my little devil, be mine, my old lady” he grinned flashing you the gorgeous smile of his.

“Lemme think about it” you winked grabbing the collar of his kutte pulling him closer, placing a soft kiss against his lips whilst tangling your fingers in his hair. Pulling away slightly whispering against his lips “thought about it and yeah I will be your old lady”

Today was just filled with surprises, you had both been feeling the same way for god knows how long and who knew all it took was having sex with your best friend resulting in a child would be how them feelings got admitted.

[saturatedboy]

How about a fluff Donna oneshot with a gn!reader who’s sicker than a dog

If you’re ok with that ofc

Donna Beneviento x GN!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of sickness and throwing up

Words: 2.6k

You couldn't believe it. You're mind just couldn't process it. Your nose was stuffy with slight snot dripping from it and your eyes were swollen red from earlier crying. Somehow you had gotten yourself so sick to the point it hurt to even talk as your throat was dryer than the Sahara Desert. You had tried earlier to get up from your bed with little effort because of the quick wash of nausea had influenced all your senses to stop. You could feel your stomach turning every now again and decided that it was probably better to lay down in your bed then go rushing to the bathroom in hopes the cartwheels that passed through your digestive system would soon come to a halt.

A sudden cough popped out of your dry mouth as you raised your hand to cover your mouth, the heat of your skin feeling far more hot and sticky than when you were at the Lord's Heisenberg's factory to gather some materials for your lover, Donna Beneviento. After your coughing fit, you had closed your eyes in hopes of rest, but the sudden noise of the door creaking open had made you whine out. "Still in bed?" The voice had teased followed by a chant of laughter. Without moving, you groaned and sighed at the doll who had now floated into your confined room and made her way to hover over your laying down form.

"Angie...please." You croaked out, waving a hand in a 'dismissive' tone for the doll to go away. Once again, the doll had strummed up more laughter from her unknown vocal cords at your terrible state.

"You should hear yourself, it sounds like you're stuffed with saw dust haha!" Angie crackled away, floating down to sit on the other pillow that was at the side of you as she still stared down at your figure. Trying to not laugh at her remark, you had hauled yourself up to cough up a storm into your arm, tears springing to your eyes from the piecing strike of pain that stuck your head. The laughter from the doll came to a stop, now a worried Angie was staring at you.

"I-I'll go get Donna!" She stammered, backing away from you and flying as swift as she could to go find her owner who was most likely brewing tea like she did in the early morning hours. You wanted to call out to her, tell that you didn't need Donna but the warm feeling of something bubbling up in your stomach came back.

Flinging the covers off your body, you had scurried to find the closest bathroom to your room that happened to be next to Donna's anyway. As you were running through the hallways, you had rounded the corner and almost bumped into the jogging figure of Donna. Seeing your face flushed red and the hurried speed of your run, Donna was quick to turn and follow your trail to the bathroom where she was met with your kneeling body leaning over the toilet seat hurling your stomach contents out. She was quick however to attend to your side after rolling her long sleeves up past her elbows. Her hair was already tied back in her usual bun with two strands falling in front of her uncovered face after four months of getting to know you better.

With your vision slightly blurred from your sweaty tears, you leaned back up and tried to grab the toilet paper from beside you to wipe your mouth with, only for the soft clasp of Donna's hand around your wrist to stop you from proceeding. "Don't wipe your mouth with that, I'll go fetch a cloth for you my love." She spoke softly being aware that your senses were higher then usual because of your sickness. You pulled your hand gently out of her grasp to clutch hold of the seat once again as you spilled more sick from your mouth.

"This couldn't get any worse," You said out-loud as you pulled yourself back away from your now mess and leaned against the wall, pulling your legs up to your chest. "Why is it so cold in here?"

"Cold? COLD? Are you mad meat on feet?" Angie screamed out, going crazy over the fact you claimed to be cold when your skin was a tinted red from the world's hottest coal. You pushed your head between your knees, trying to drown out the loud squeals of Angie going off on a rant about you being cold. It was not pleasant to hear as much as you loved to here Angie talk.

Luckily for yourself however, Donna had rushed back into the room holding a bucket by its handle. Seeing you curled up and Angie speaking in a head-splitting tone, she turned to her partner in crime and gently hushed her. Angie at first had crossed her arms till she watched as Donna went to attend your needs. "Ohhhh right, they are sick." She stated plainly as she shrugged her shoulders and went to also aid your needs.

Donna gently took hold of the side of your head and gently pulled you up to face her. Tiny stands of your hair had stuck to your forehead, making her frown slightly. Seeing you in this state wasn't good. How she ever let you get so sick in the first place was a mystery to her. You had been perfectly fine the other day, playing in the snow with Angie and the other puppets but why had you gotten so sick...- "I told you to not go back out there in the storm." Donna disciplined you as she laid your head back to rest against the wall and went to grab the cloth in the bucket. You sighed and nodded weakly, humming in agreement. You couldn't help it though, last night the snow was so fun to play in with your snow boots and cloak made by yours truly, Donna and Angie. You had to go out though last night in the storm, You just had to go make more snow angels and wanted to build the best snow fort. Not to mention you swore you saw a deer running about and had gone to chase it in the forest for a little while before making your way back home in the late hours.

Rinsing the excess water out from the cloth, Donna gently pattered your forehead with the cold water making you sigh in pleasure. The coldness of the cloth against your hot skin had calmed the banging headache that was bashing against your brain. You closed your eyes in content as you felt a small hand brush against yours. "I apologise for shouting earlier," The sudden contact made you unknowingly brush your larger fingers against the doll's hand.

"Its alright, its okay." You spoke out feeling a little more better with some cold on you. Donna had left the cloth sit on your forehead folded as she moved the bucket to the shower and went to flush the toilet. After you had laid there for just a short while, Donna had spoken up again.

"It's time we get you back to bed my little voodoo," She said, clasping her hands in front of her as she picked Angie off the floor next to you. You groaned and lifted your hand back up, wanting to clutch onto Angie. Angie jumped out of Donna's arms and rushed to your side, holding onto your hand and stroking the back of it with her small structured fingers. Donna cooed at the sight, loving the way how Angie acted with you. It did take a while for Donna to convince Angie in the first place to not play her deadly game of 'Hide and Seek' with you but just like Donna did, Angie soon fell in love with everything about you. From your sneezes that you hated to your slightly taller height than Donna- what wasn't there to love about you?

Noticing she was getting of task, as much as she loved seeing you and Angie bond, Donna crouched down to gently, with a tiny bit of a struggle, lift your body off the bathroom floor and hold you in her arms. You were slightly heavy in her arms since Donna always had a frail body but she was persistent to get you back into the bed so she could care for you till and after your sickness left. She was determined to get you back up to full health.

As she walked down the corridors with you in her arms, Angie had placed herself to rest on your chest hearing your heartbeat pump blood around your body. The doll was on the verge of falling asleep, finding safety and comfort being near you. Dona had started to hum a song to fill the silence of the air, enjoying the task of getting to look after you. You normally had always helped her, ever since the first day she had gotten the choice to keep you from Mother Miranda. Now she could finally repay those days back and look after you- she would've either way looked after you but she tended to forget that you knew she loved you. It was a reason why she mostly made you small teddies on a Friday to give to you. Each of them had a name tag that was tied around their necks always held a note from either saying ,'I love you' to 'Forever my voodoo'. It was a sweet gesture to your heart and to show your appreciation for the gifts, you had placed them all on the shelves that were set up around your room.

Donna was relieved to see the sight of your door in sight, she could finally place you down and be at your side until your sickness goes away. Walking through the opened door, she slightly gushed at the sight of her creations up on your shelves. She pulled you closer to her chest as she slowly walked around your bed and leaned down to place up upon the cotton sheets. Pulling her arms out from under your body, she quickly walked towards your wardrobe and swung the door open to take out a folded white sheet of silk to place over your now sleeping body. When she walked back over to you, she unfolded the sheet and placed it over you, tucking the sides under and folding the top of it so it sat just over your chest. Readjusting the also sleeping Angie in your arms, Donna had leaned down and placed a kiss on both of your foreheads, moving more stray hair from your face. She was glad your skin was less hot, it seemed you throwing up had gotten rid of the bad things in your stomach and should make you better for when you wake up. However for now, Donna swiftly left the room to go search for some medicine, hot tea and easy to swallow food for your awakening. She would stick to her word of making you feel better.

You came to your conscience when you felt a hand shake your shoulder. Moaning in annoyance, you opened your heavy eye lids and faced the culprit of waking you from your amazing dream of Donna, Angie an you sitting in a field having a picnic. On other terms however, when your vision was less translucent,  you were blushing like you had spotted your crush- or in other words you did spot your lover. "Having a good dream?" She asked, holding a cup with something steaming out from it. You were loss for words, had you been sleep talking the whole time?

"No...no dreams just darkness." You were fast to reply, wanting to get out of the embarrassing situation quickly.

"Surrreee~" Angie sang out, teasing you as she was once again on the pillow at the side of you. You felt her shift about and felt her climb over you, only for her to nestle herself between your arms that folded under your head. You groaned playfully and kissed her head, laughing as she ducked further under the sheet that was placed over you.

"Now now Angie, I'm sure they need to have something to drink before anyone else sleeps." Donna placed the cup down on the night stand that you were facing and helped you sit up so your back was resting against the headboard of your bed and Angie was sat on your lap, singing softly to herself. Donna, once placing her had upon your forehead and checking to see how hot you were, took her hand away and grabbed hold of the cup that she originally had. Blowing on it herself, she took a little sip to make sure that the solution wasn't too hot or too cold for you to drink and then raised the cup to your lips. You tried to take the cup out of her hands but she wasn't having it. "Let me help you, please." She pleaded, raising the cup back again to rest against your lips. You nodded, knowing full well that you couldn't say no to her and parted your lips open. Feeling her pour the solution down your throat had made you blush deeply. Oh how beautiful she was in your eyes, such a Goddess- she was no Lady only a Goddess in your eyes...But she could be your Lady if she would say 'yes' to a future question you had intended to ask her in the further future.

Drinking what you could taste, which was Earl Grey tea, you sighed as you finished drinking it feeling the warmth in your now settled stomach. You felt grateful to have these people and doll in your life. These two were your home, this was your home and you loved every second of it. Watching Donna place the cup back onto the nightstand, she leaned over and kissed your cheek. You whined in annoyance. "I'm not kissing you on the lips until you are fully better," She accused as she smiled softly at your reactions.

"Then at least stay right next to me until I'm better," You claimed back, adjusting the veil on top of Angie's head getting a sudden yelp from her by your sudden actions. Sighing, Donna had nodded and tried to make her way towards a small rocking chair in the corner of the room that sat by the windowsill but was refused by your hand wrapping around her dress quickly. "Stay right next to me...on the bed." You stated, tugging at her dress with a pout. Nodding, Donna had crawled from the your side of the bed to the other, laying down next to you. You picked Angie's sleeping body up and placed her between bot you and Donna. Stretching your arm out after, you managed to reach over to wrap your arm around Donna who watched you with shining eyes.

"You still need to eat," She whispered, using her hand to place your out stretched hand onto her face so she could feel your soft touch.

"I will after our nap. I think your touch is making me feel better." You spoke, stroking her cheek and blowing a kiss at her to get the best reaction of her closing her eyes tightly and blushing. "So adorable," You whispered back to her, enjoying the moment you had with her.

"Sleep," She said back, keeping her eyes closed and keeping a tight grip of your hand on her cheek, not wanting to ever let go. You nodded and moved yourself slightly to get more comfortable. Although your sickness still lingered, you knew you were in good hands and vowed to never ever go out in a snow storm even if you thought you spotted a deer.

"Both of you sleep," Angie groaned as she yawed loudly and moved her hands to grab hold of both yours and Donna's clothing. Both you and Donna laughed in return- laughter was the best medicine after all.

[stimmywombat]

Hey, so at the moment I can't sleep and I need a distraction. So I shall call on you ,lovely followers, to ask me questions.

[hypeaholic]

Hyperfixating cheeeck

"If I don't finish this now it gets finished never"

Hasn't eaten in literal hours

Mouth is dryer than the Sahara desert

Back feels like someone just slammed their full weight onto your prone body

(You, of course, notice none of this)

3000 new words added one hour ago

It was daytime when you started. Now it's 1 am. Everyone else is asleep. You're still not done.

Normal writing "how do the words- I know what I'm thinking but what am I SAYING!?"

Hyperfixating writing "Shakespeare wants what I have"

Bouncy leg bouncy leg bouncy leg bouncy leg bouncy leg bouncy leg-

Someone has called your name 5 times already. You don't hear them.

They wave their hand by your face. You don't see them.

"Hey man-" "WASSAT!!!"

"Dude chill! I was just gonna ask if you want any of the food I made before it's all gone."

"No thanks I'm not hungry"

"Uh huh, when's the last time you ate something?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh"

BOUNCY LEG BOUNCY LEG BOUNCY LEG BOUNCY LEG BOUNCY LEG BOUNCY LEG BOUNCE-

5000 new words added one hour ago

Coming down like: HOLY SHIT MY BACK HURTS SO MUCH. IM STARVING AND MY TOUNGE IS STICKING TO MY MOUTH AND I HAVE TO PEE SO BAD-

[jbbarnesandnoble]

woke up from my sleep to my mouth feeling dryer than the sahara desert and stomach cramps

[kirasreflectionsofstyle]

Blog #8: 11/5/18

From Virginia Woolf’s Moments of Being and “Craftsmanship”

1.      Passages to Reflect On:

“Here I come to one of the memoir writer’s difficulties—one of the reasons why, though I read so many, so many are failures.  They leave out the person to whom things happened.  The reason is that it is so difficult to describe any human being. So they say: ‘This is what happened’; but they do not say what the person was like to whom it happened. And the events mean very little unless we know first to whom they happened.  Who was I then?” (pg. 65)

 ~ I don’t often read memoirs in my spare time (unless it’s for school), but this week, it was fascinating to read about the troubles that writers face while writing them.  I find it interesting how Woolf struggled with knowing who she was in the past so that she could properly describe what had happened to her in the past.  I suppose that I have faced this issue myself whenever I write personal non-fiction pieces about my childhood, especially if the events I’m describing happened when I was very small.  I remember writing one piece a few years ago about the death of my maternal grandmother when I was eight years old.  It was very difficult to remember every part of my grieving process (and the grieving process of my family) back then.  While some bits and pieces stick out to me this very day, there are still some hazy parts. I believe this feeling certainly helped me empathize with Woolf’s feelings here.  

 “[Words] show no trace of the strange, of the diabolical power which words possess when they are not tapped out by a typewriter but come fresh from a human brain — the power that is to suggest the writer; his character, his appearance, his wife, his family, his house — even the cat on the hearthrug. Why words do this, how they do it, how to prevent them from doing it nobody knows. They do it without the writer’s will; often against his will. No writer presumably wishes to impose his own miserable character, his own private secrets and vices upon the reader. But has any writer, who is not a typewriter, succeeded in being wholly impersonal? Always, inevitably, we know them as well as their books. Such is the suggestive power of words that they will often make a bad book into a very lovable human being, and a good book into a man whom we can hardly tolerate in the room.” (from “Craftsmanship”)

 ~The complex nature of words will never cease to amaze me.  I’ve learned more about words these past three months than I did in my four years of English courses in high school.  The hidden “power” of words is so underrated and has been discarded by a lot of people, including me.  Now that I am a writer, words hold so much more weight now.  Whether it is for academic writing or creative writing, I do my best to make sure every word I write down carries its own special weight and special meaning.  Without that attention by a writer, I do believe that a story or essay would become hollow and unenjoyable for whoever reads it.  This would undoubtedly be my WORST nightmare if I ever publish my own novel someday.

2.      Experiments in Prose Style:

~Since I enjoyed it last week so much, I’ve decided to once again try my luck at writing a short piece based on a prompt in Raymond Queneau’s Exercises in Style.  This one comes from page 218 and begins with three words: “It was hotter . . .”

It was hotter than an afternoon in the Sahara Desert. Las Vegas had reached temperatures in the triple digits and was steadily climbing as we slugged through the Strip. I wiped my arm across my sweaty brows for the eighth time.  Daddy removed his baseball cap to do the same.  My big brother fanned his face with his hand, blowing out a big sigh.  Only Mama seemed moderately comfortable in her wide-brim sunhat and sunglasses.  She kept a firm grip on my hand as we wove in and out of the sea of tourists.  

 I was looking at each one we passed when the breeze suddenly picked up. Sweet relief at last. I lifted my face and instantly recoiled from the blast of warm air; it was as if someone had aimed a blow-dryer at my face.  I sighed in disbelief, smacking my lips together to moisten my dry mouth.  Glancing up at my parents, I could practically see their thoughts written on their damp faces.  This summer vacation would be the last one spent in Nevada.  I couldn’t have agreed more.  Forget the live shows, bright lights, and luxurious hotels; sweltering heat plus overwhelming crowds equaled misery for a ten-year-old.  

3.      Artful Sentences:

·       Appositive: “Hrothgar, their lord, sat joyless / in Herot.”—Unknown author, Beowulf

·       Parallelism (repetition): “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”—Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

·       Conjunction (to start a sentence): “But now there was an excited stir through the hall.  A burly man stepped forward into the clear space, dragging a young girl by the hand.”—Diana Gabaldon, Outlander

 4.      In-Class Exercises:

In lieu of our weekly exercises, we listened to two presentations by Kate and MarQuis.  The presentations consisted of their personal selections of prose and poetry, respectively along with what literary techniques were used in each one.  MarQuis began with a collection of four poems (by Gwendolyn Brooks, Georgia Douglass Johnson, Kyle Dargan, and Ntozake Shange) while Kate read an excerpt from Elie Wiesel’s Night.  After the pieces were read aloud, we would point out familiar techniques as a class such as repetition, use of anaphoras, and rhyme. In addition to that, we also tried out hand at interpreting the meaning of the poem based on those elements and distinct uses of punctuation by the writers.  The reason why I enjoyed this so much was that these presentations helped reacquaint me with some of the terms we learned earlier in the semester (i.e. anaphoras, appositives, etc.).  It also inspired me to examine my own choice of poetry (my presentation is next week) with the same depth and close attention to every single line.

[tired-mum]

11.01.2022

I’m currently stuck on my bed with my 3 month old diagonally star-fished across me as he sleeps. My right ass cheek hurts from the position I’m in, my lips are dryer than the Sahara Desert, I need to pee, and there’s a nappy blocking my way of using the remote to turn the tv on but he’s tired and quite frankly I can’t be bothered with the bloody murder screams if I wake him putting him down. He had a shitty sleep after being put back down at 2 am after a feed, grunting and groaning whilst throwing his feet about the place. My take is that since he hadn’t done his usual 5 am shit that stinks the house out for at least an hour, he has a stomachache. Usually he’ll toss about in the early morning before he gets up and drops his load but this morning when he woke for a bottle and a nappy change he just screamed and wanted to go back to sleep. Me and my head both hate when he gets like this. The guy doesn’t have a build up and literally will scream to the point of coughing in 10 seconds of opening his mouth. So I’m letting him sleep as long as he needs and I’ll sit here until he’s ready for his next bottle and nappy change, even if that means listening to the same lullaby tune for hours and hoping I don’t piss myself in the meantime.