#but mc is kinda the queen and we’re not rich either

[potatotrash0]

…….frostheim i know what you are

[anxiousdepressedintrovert]

Otome Tuesday

-So I’m gonna have to start doing these in the afternoon cause I have a job now and it goes form 8am-3pm.

-Let’s get started. Shall we?

Nikolai Route

Episode 4

-This guy is fucking creepy. Like, holy shit.

-Maya (MC) thinks she’s creeped out, nah, I’M creeped out

-Ew. Stop looking at the Poppy, They’re too good for your cold, dead eyes.

-Oh and he just skips over Maya (MC) FUCKING RUDE!

-DID HE JUST CALL MY BABIES TOOLS?!

-FUCKING TOOLS?!!!!

-I’LL KILL HIM!

-Vidocq, …I’m calling him Video. Cause I can and also cause that’s all I can think about when I see that name

-It’s a stupid name

-Apologies to anyone with that name

-Oh now we’re a team. Bitch you said TOOLS

-wtf does painting have to do with trust?

-back off.

-creep

-UGH I HATE him

-I really want to take a baseball bat to the side of Video’s head.

-Nikolai’s arrogance was earned, he put his talent where his mouth was.

-This guy is literally all talk so far. And HE’S CREEPY

-Ah yes the missing portrait of Riothamus. I’m shortening that to Rio. Because that’s a lot to type

-Ugh. I bet Video is gonna try and “steal” Maya (MC)

-Ohhhh he already found the “legendary art”

-“So this is the sort of leather you wear.” CREEPY

-Does he want to dethrone him or fuck him

-or both?

-I’m kinda sad the penthouses are all the same.

-Niko, obsession isn’t a good thing…

-A rich eccentric lady has the painting

-I wanna see the rest of her mansion.

-Cause she has a bonsai room

-I want the bonsai room

-This is too easy…I don’t like it

-It’s all sus af

-reverse uno on that behave request Remy

-All Niko wants is Zoe to export his photos of Elizabeth

-Holy shit secret stairs!

-I wanna meet this lady!

-And marry her. She has my ideal escape room

-#givejettadiamonsaw2020

-Oh look a cemetary

-EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Video copied Niko’s cologne?!

-WTF

-I am all types of creeped out

Episode 5

-He thinks he’s charming and he’s not.

-No Maya! Don’t let your guard down! That’s what he wants!!!

-Oh if her reputation preceded her, you wouldn’t have skipped over her last episode!

-I’m gonna barf

-This guy is fucked in the head

-Run Maya run

-Bleh I called it!

-RUN BITCH RUN

--No no no no nonononononono NO

-I have goosebumps.

-This guy is insane

-I can’t right now

-He talks like people are objects!

-What the fuck!

-Here comes Niko to bitchslap Video back into last place

-Yeah..he’s def a masochist

-only for niko tho.

-Oh. Oh fuck no. He did not.

-A king bows only to his queen.

-Fuuck outta here!

-I’m actually gonna puke

-Backup date time

-Awww bath time.

-I like relaxing nonsexual scenes like this. It’s cute.

-Man, this whole arc is fuckin nuts and really freakin creepy.

-I know I’ve been saying that a lot but it is.

-Niko listen! She’s making a good point!

-That CG was adorable!

-Shenanigans?!

-I LOVE shenanigans!!!!!

Episode 6

-No bachelor party for Niko

-See the way that Viv says “If he wants a Russian wedding, he’ll get a Russian wedding” sounds like a threat

-The fuck is a vykup nevesty?

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

-He has to convince Maya’s family to give her up?! OMG!

-LEON! “So you want to marry our precious little girl?” I can’t!!

-Niko knows exactly what’s going on!!

-Leon wants cars. Multiple

-Viv wants a faberge egg

-Oh I’m sorry, three eggs

-Zoe wants a nightclub

-I’m cackling

-Niko makes it hard by asking what city!!

-It takes him three hours

-He works fast

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

-They have Jett in a wedding dress

-I want my sprite

-Jett asked for…um…bondage things…

-and now…last but not least. Remy

-Remy wants HIS PRIDE

-Niko has to sing, “I’m a little teapot” in front of the Poppy

-We should’ve gotten sprites

-Because just him blushing was not enough

-Jett had a glam rock phase. Again, I need photographic proof

-Awwwwww Niko’s happy!!!

-Can’t sleep after sex

-Now we’re up talkin

-I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop

-Finally! You’re seeing what I’m seeing Niko!

-It’s too perfect!

-I keep saying Video is fucking creepy. And I’ll keep saying it!

-…Jett come back with news.

-Guy who sold him the lock picking kit sold two.

-Fucking called it

-The lock an only be picked once

-Nah this is a fucking trap.

-I don’t like this.

-Called it

-Room is stocked with fakes

-Oh shit. They think Niko was outsmarted

-I think there was never a painting/it was a fake too

-Either way it’s a goddamn conspiracy 

[judgeanon]

So if you were to write a Hershey series what would you do with the character

(art by daintyboots)

Oh. BOY. Now you’ve gone and done it. I’m putting a jump before I even start writing this because I know this is gonna be a long ‘un. See, here’s the thing: I have three different ideas on how to handle this. So yeah. Strap the fuck in and get ready for some goddamn fanfiction...

(art by Colin MacNeil)

My very first idea, and this was something I thought up back in, like, 2010? Something like that. It’s called “Law in Exile”. It’d be a flashback story set during those couple of years right after she was kicked out by Sinfield and Francisco over the mutant rights deal, and would involve her travelling through space having short adventures all on her own. Kinda like a more violent Postcards from the Edge, y’know, that Anderson space trip story. I wrote about four or five scripts for that and sent them to Zarjaz, and you can actually read some of them in issues 27 and an upcoming one!

I had two finales thought up for Law in Exile. The shortest one would’ve involved her hunting a mutant through a massive crystallized cave of mirrors. The guy would have low-yield psychic powers, not enough to control minds but enough to suggest himself into them, so the whole story would have narrative captions written in third person omniscient talking about Hershey’s fears, her story up to this point, etc. As she gets closer and closer to the guy, the narration gets more aggressive and desperate, bringing up stuff like her getting hogtied and thrown on a Resyk conveyor belt by Fink Angel. And suddenly she realizes what’s going on and fires a Lawgiver shot that goes right through the last caption box, shattering it to pieces. And on the next panel you see she was actually aiming at the mutant. Having faced her fears, she makes a decision to go back to MC-1.

(art by Daniel Dwyer)

The other finale was much, much more elaborate. Like, short epic elaborate. Definitely not something I could send to Zarjaz. A transport carrying Hershey between worlds malfunctions during hyperspace travel and crash-lands on a remote jungle world. The world is inhabited by warring tribes of aliens obsessed with symbolism. One tribe in particular has united into a vast empire and is conquering all the others with brutal efficiency, so when a smaller tribe runs into Hershey, they ask her to lead the resistance. 

So it’s your standard Princess of Mars/Sci-Fi Barbarian Fantasy but with Hershey, all themed around the idea that even in an alien world full of alien people, she’s so much of a born leader and steadfast exemplar that she can’t help taking over. She’s too boss to not be a boss. Eventually it’s revealed that the conquering tribe is lead by a Mega-City One washed-out actor who had a similar accident, and selfishly manipulated himself into the big boss via over-acting and cheap symbols of “power”. So there’s also an element of responsibility, of duty towards cleaning up the messes of your own people.

If I’m being honest tho’, this is also about having a bit where another judge (maybe even Dredd?) is sent to find Hershey after she disappeared, and they find the planet and are taken by the tribal warriors to see their leader, and she’s sitting there on a throne of bones wearing her tattered uniform and has turned the eagle shoulderpad into the head of a warrior pennant and is just covered in eagle regalia, like a Savage Land Chief Judge. Still, I probably wouldn’t pitch that. Much as I like the message, it’s all a bit too... fanfic-y? Racist? I dunno.

(art by Doug Braithwaite)

Anywho, the second idea is what I would’ve done all the way back in the 90s, when she first had her own solo story. It’s important to note that by now she’d already been the youngest member of the Council of Five for a good bunch of years, but of all her solo stories, only one, Deathmasques, really touched on that. Which is an absolute shame and a massive missed opportunity. What I would’ve done is a series of political intrigue thrillers where Hershey, who still thinks and acts like a street judge, runs headlong into the maze of personal interests hidden under red tape that is Justice Dept bureaucracy. 

Deathmasques had her dealing with a rogue judge assassination squad, which was a great starting point, but then you could have things like disgruntled Teks seeking revenge after their designs were “stolen” by other co-workers, Meds running a gene-stock dealing ring selling prime clone DNA to international buyers, gloryhound judges who feel Hershey was rocketed to the moon far too quickly... Basically, Hershey having to deal with the underbelly of Justice Dept politics, which is good because it’s the sort of story you could never have with Dredd on a long-term basis. And through it all, show Hershey slowly becoming more of a politician herself, more shrewd and cunning and looking at the big picture, but also slightly losing herself in the process. How does she go from peppy gung-ho street judge to cautious sneaky Chief Judge?

(art by Andrew Currie)

Of course, the problem with this is that you’d need a writer who can make that kind of backroom procedural, red-tape drama compelling. Like a John Ostrander or Warren Ellis, or what Wagner eventually became. Shit, I sure as fuck couldn’t write it if I tried. I mean, I’d still try, but it’d be terrible because I can barely write action now. But anyway, that’s option two.

And the third option (hang in there, we’re almost done) is to just say “fuck it” and do Chief Judge Hershey stories. I already wrote a fairly well-received one (if I may say so myself) for Zarjaz #26, and although it’s tough, I can still think of a few stories you could squeeze out of the concept. A diplomatic trip to Hondo City goes awry and she ends up in a The Raid/Die Hard situation, locked inside a building she doesn’t know and having to work her way out. A rich, eccentric philantropist sets her up and hires a squad of assassins to make a run for her solely because he thought she looked too bored and needed some action. One of her robot duplicates is infected with a virus that makes her think she’s the real Chief Judge. 

The running joke being, of course, that Chief Judge of Mega-City One is the most dangerous job in the world. And the main theme would be all about duty, leaning hard on the archetype of the Warrior King (or Queen, in this case) as Hershey really doesn’t want the job but knows she’s pretty much the only one who can do it effectively, and so accepts her lot in life because sometimes, being a Mega-City One judge is less about dragging yourself down a river of lava and more about staying sane while being drowned in paperwork and having to dodge potshots from madmen with more balls than common sense.

(Art by Cliff Robinson)

Finally, I do have another mini-epic thought out for this third option. The set-up is a looong fucking reach, but the gist of it is that Hershey visits a Sector House at the same time as Dredd, and by some stroke of luck they end up sharing an elevator. We get the usual passive-aggressive bickering between the two, “You keep undermining my orders”/”You keep making bad calls”, nothing too overt but definitely feeding off the last decade of interactions between them. And when the doors to the top floor open... A volley of Lawgiver rounds cut through the doors.

Turns out a bunch of judges, angry with how Hershey was leading the dept and still carrying some grudges from the mutants right issue, decided that the opportunity was too good not to take a shot at her. They didn’t count on Dredd being there too, but by then they were in too deep. The elevator doors open and someone returns fire, making them scatter. And the opening twist is that that someone is Hershey, and Dredd was incapacitated by the opening shots.

(art by Staz Johnson)

So the rest of the story is Hershey dragging Dredd around like a dead weight, in an inversion of how stories like Enceladus: New Life and Hot Night in 95 usually go. For once, Dredd is the one who’s helpless and needs Hershey. Who isn’t in a much better state, mind you, but at least can hold a Lawgiver. A lot is made of how Dredd is now older and doesn’t bounce back as quickly, Hershey quips that she isn’t getting any younger either, and the two bond as they try to escape the hostile Sector House. Lots of “trust me” bits, like Hershey asking Dredd to override the palm reader on his Lawgiver so she can use it (and in the end it’s revealed that, as Chief Judge, she could’ve done it anyway, but didn’t want to out of respect for Dredd and also maybe as a little test to see how much he really trusts her) and stuff like that. The story would end with her taking a few more shots for him, and Dredd returning the favor by killing the last corrupt judge before he can finish the job. So when the meds do arrive, they find both of them barely alive and the final page is all set in a medbay, with the two being stitched together and looking at each other like “we’re both too old for this stomm.”

And hopefully, the story would end with the hatchet well and truly buried and an editorial mandate going around telling writers to stop doing fucking “Hershey makes a decision for the city that Dredd doesn’t like and then it turns out he was 100% right in not liking it” stories for at least a year. At least. Honestly, I just really want a story that shows exactly why she deserves to be Chief Judge, which is something I feel is sorely lacking in the progs. So you know, if you want something done well...

Speaking of which, I’m not sure if I’d pitch any of these to 2000AD. The Sector House one could probably work in the Megazine or something like that. But the real trick would be to actually break into the progs before they kill her off.

So... knock on wood.