#but maybe the timing of exam year + beginning of the colder months wasn't the greatest | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

malachitezmeyka · 17 days

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I know it's useless to get mad at the dog, she's just a hyperactive little thing who doesn't know how to behave yet. She's left home alone for at least 6 hours every day and she's bored, I can't blame her for tearing apart her training pads or shitting all over the place. Even if I did, she must have done it hours ago, dogs don't get that actions that happened so long ago have consequences and all me yelling at her will result in is her being scared of me. I know all that, I do

So WHY am I still so angry at her?? Why does it feel satisfying to lash out and see her scurry away??? She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, she doesn't know any better. And I don't know how to teach her to know better, I don't have the patience for it. She deserves better than me

#I just feel so.. impossibly helpless #here's this tiny creature that depends on me for eveything. that I asked for. that I wanted. and I can't even take care of her properly #I struggle cleaning up after myself. let alone a dog. and I really hate having to handle her shit #I know it's a matter of time. a matter of training #eventually I'll be able to take her on walks and all this won't be an issue anymore #but it is now and I cannot control how much it's pissing me off #if I wasn't alone it would be easier. but I am. so everything falls on me #I'm trying my best and it's just not enough #and my mom will be mad at me because I didn't walk her today even though I promised I would bc it's the last warm day we're supposed to have #but what am I supposed to do if she won't let me take her outside?? she's okay with her harness but the leash scares her #she just stands there hunched over and refuses to move. and cries #I can't force her. I don't want walks to be something she's scared of #but mom is annoyed that getting her used to being leashed takes so long. she insists that forcing her outside is the best course of action #and I can't even tell if she's right or not. I just want my honeybun to be happy and not scared #I feel like crying. I've been barely holding back for the last hour #it's just so so much #it'll pass and settle. I know it will. but I'm just exhausted #now I'll have to admit to everyone that I wasn't able to walk her again...#and that I don't know what to do with her #I don't regret asking for her. I really don't. I've wanted a dog for years #but maybe the timing of exam year + beginning of the colder months wasn't the greatest #and I started my period the day she arrived. so that.. just adds to the emotional instability #I'll get over it. I'll handle everything in time. I just.. wish I had someone to support me #or at least someone who wouldn't tell me 'well what did you expect? owning a dog is hard work. you can't just play all the time.#maybe you should have thought about that responsibility more' I KNOW. I HAVE. I JUST.. have my moments of frustration #that I wish I could express without everyone. including my own mind. telling me I'm a terrible pet owner #that's all #I adore my dog and I would never hurt her or subject her to any harm #but I'm also human and very mentally ill at that. I'm not perfect but I'm not bad. and she deserves better than that #but we're stuck with each other now. I could never give her up. I'm attached already. so... we'll make it work. one way or another. I swear

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