#but man I dunno I just. 'the secret rule of this game is that brennan specifically cannot win' was a good bit Once

[blujayonthewing]

had an unexpectedly visceral response to a haha funnie video of sam reich telling brennan about how he thinks nat1s are better than nat20s because failure is so much more interesting, and brennan, obviously, being like 'OH you like failure? sam likes failure?? I wouldn't have guessed?? do you like it so much you'd rig a whole gameshow to make winning impossible???? HUH. WHO KNEW'

and like man I dunno, just, something about the specific intersection of having spent my entire life trying as hard as I know how and it still never being good enough and failing everything I touch no matter how important it is or how much I care about it, but also what it's like feeling like you're getting singled out and then punished for being good at something, how frustrating it is in dnd when the DM manufactures a failure out of what should have been a clear success because, well, you're just too good at perception but I thought it'd be more interesting if that ambush happened anyway haha, how it makes me feel like a whingeing spoiled child if I point out that doing a good job and being rewarded with success just fucking feels good, how at a certain point if you're too smart or too good at something people will start getting lowkey mad at you for it

and like maybe it'd be one thing if it was just 'oh yeah I love it when trying your best is frustrating and unfulfilling and never good enough' OR 'hey if you know too many bird facts too many times then everyone's gonna be gunning for you to get taken down a peg about it you smug clown bitch' but man it had to be both

[inopinion]

Story Snippet

Feeling like a stalker, Ben sat in his room at the Marriott and chewed his thumbnail. They’d last talked a few years ago. Coinciding reasons had brought them to the Charleston in the same week. He came to mourn his Uncle, she was on her last break from school, a week away before she finalized her dissertation for her doctorate. At that point, they’d been over a year without an email.

“I wish there wasn’t so much distance in life,” she’d smiled and propped her feet up on the patio coffee table.

“I guess everyone gets busy.”

“You used to tell me when you were deploying,” she scowled.

“I used to be able to tell.”

“Right, top secret. Ben Blue, one of the spooks. You ever get the right clearance, break a rule for an old friend.”

“Yeah, right.”

“So, how do you get from the Coast Guard to the Navy Seals?”

“Who said I was a Seal?” Ben grinned.

He’d always smiled more around Tory. He always smiled thinking about Tory. And he hadn’t smiled near as much about any other woman. On the off chance she wasn’t seeing someone, he pulled up his contacts and made the call.

Disconnected. Probably five years since he last called. He brought up her office website at George Washington University. No cell. He tried the number.

“Yes, I’m trying to contact Dr. Brennan. Do you have a cell number. Oh, yes, I’m a friend from high school, I’ll be at her talk tomorrow… Right, of course, Ben Blue.” He left his number.

A blip on his laptop and he could have smacked his own head. Hiram, logging on for their weekly round of Call of Duty 4. He yanked his headset on.

“Hi, wierd question, but you got Tory’s number?”

“Yes, Benjamin, I’m fine and my mother is well, recovering nicely. Thank you so much for asking. And Emmy and the babies are just peachy desire the back to back colds,” Hi answered. Ben could hear Hi’s toddler screaming in the background interrupting before he could apologize and placate. “Ah, man, sorry, five alarms! I gotta go support.” And then he was gone.

Maybe Hiram and Shelton were just as out of touch as he was. Getting the three of them in the same server once a month was a challenge and plenty of times the just played, bantered, and signed off. Still, Ben waited for Shelton, but he didn’t show. Most likely, he was DJing a wedding or some fancy party.

Ben played against the computer for a bit, but his constant glances at his phone got him shot twice. Instead, he took a walk to the National Mall and the memorials, ringer turned up. Still no call.

Organizational leadership and change management… A conference for suits and nervous middle managers. He wondered from one session to another, sitting back and counting his blessings. The immovable structure of military life had chaffed him at first, he almost failed basic on attitude. But there weren’t any guessing games. There was a right way and a dead way. And he made a practice of choosing the right way. Even competition for posts and training was pretty cut and dry. Keep your nose clean and your eyes on the qualifications and, mostly, you could predict your trajectory.

The buzz about the dinner speaker started around three. The whole place was electric over Victoria Brennan. In a small group break out, he was confronted by three fangirls.

“She’s really an inspiration, don’t you think?” One woman beamed.

“Oh, totally. A force for sure. Such a strong voice. I can’t believe she’s here, talking to us! She’s basically a super hero,” Another woman responded.

Ben had chuckled.

“What?” The first levelled her eyes.

“I dunno, super hero is ah…” He chuckled again.

“What, a woman can’t be a super hero?”

“Now, now… Look I know Tory, it’s a… It’s an inside joke.” He explained.

“You know Victoria Brennan?” The first looked skeptical.

Ben shrugged and smiled, “A girls gotta know folks.”