#but lmk if it isnt clear im not familiar with alt image text!

[bellaslilpapercut]

I finished my twilight reread and I have Final Thoughts!

1. It's so painfully obvious that smeyer did not think of Jaspers backstory until eclipse lol. No mention of "dark tortured backstory TM" or long southern drawl. And aside from Carlisle, he's the only one who speaks to Bella with genuine compassion. Every time Edward talks it sounds like he's speaking from a script or going absolutely mad ("mercurial moods" sure....).

These lines scan with so much sincerity (despite suffering from Smeyer can't write Dialogue Disease) compared to Edward flatly saying "you are my life now." There was fully zero reason for his backstory as a proud confederate and zero hints of it in his first appearances so I'm even more baffled about this choice than I was before lmfao. I'm still not a Jasper fan but I mention this because he's currently my top candidate for Most Inconsistently Written Character though I'm sure that'll change by eclipse lol.

2. Surprisingly smeyer did mention that the cullens had to steal a car in phoenix, fully was not expecting that in a throw away line!

3. Alice and Bella's friendship is very insincere. Here's where it starts:

Yup, "we were friends now, somehow-" what a solid foundation! Again, the only two cullens who have talked to her with genuine kindness at this point were carlisle and jasper.

4. Esme does say some things to Bella that sound compassionate but I didn't really see them that way because they read more like "you make edward happy so I like you well enough!" It's similar to the way Alice talks about Bella, everything is framed through the lens of what bella does for edward (and later what she does for Alice when Alice uses her as a "Guinea Pig Barbie" [epilogue]).

5. Totally am 100% in support of @therealvinelle 's Alice Problem Solving theory. It's clear that Alice knew exactly what was going to go down and caught Jasper up to speed while Bella showered. Schemer!

6. One of the biggest issues I have with this book (just in terms of writing ability, not the mountain of other social issues) is the pacing and the lack of showing us anything meaningful. The last few chapters feel like an avalanche of action after a dozen chapters drawing out every time Bella took a nap or washed the dishes. And of course: the dialogue takes me out of the story every time. Jacob and Charlie are the only two characters with believable dialogue lmfao.

7. Renee was not retconned to be a bad mother. Every time she's mentioned, there's a detail that could have been left out but wasn't and it always makes her look bad. Renee isn't around when Bella wakes from her coma and as soon as she comes back, she talks about how happy she is that Phil is gonna settle in jacksonville and by the way she really has to go call Phil right now, Bella's okay in her hospital bed with her broken body, right?

8. When Rosalie's only line was "what is she to me? Except a menace?" Yes queen, go off.

9. Edward is a maniac!!! Bella stop forging a neurotic codependency with him! Run! Nothing romantic happened he's just pretty!

10. I get pretty heavy vibes that the meyerpires have some kind of ability similar to compulsion or glamour. Bella frames it as something only she's too "weak" to fall for (girl get a therapist) but notes Edward does the same thing to Mrs. Cope (or maybe the nurse?) and Jessica and Angela in Port Angeles. Her descriptions make it sound like the ability is tied to their "intoxicating odor" (which is a bizarre choice, just make it be their intense eyes like every other vampire lmfao).

Anyway, onto New Moon!!!