#but like... that's why I'm always talking about just checking in on the calibration of your moral compass

[medicinemane]

I do wonder what people would do if they felt all the pain they'd caused in the world

Not even the big stuff, we're not even talking stuff like politicians being forced to feel just how much damage they've done, we're talking about the small scale stuff

All the off hand comments that were thoughtless and hurt someone, all the harm done without even realizing how much harm you're doing

I think if I could I'd like to know, I'd like to see the places I've hurt others around me

But I don't know... I listen to some people and it's just like... I don't think you even begin to imagine the damage you're doing around you. I don't think you even remotely begin to think about not even strangers, but the harm you'll do to people you claim to care about

What are you gonna do though? People are allowed to say and act however they want at the end of the day and even if I tried to explain I don't think they could hear me

[ipleadbritney]

magic, crushes, and time warps

osctober day 25: magic

landoscar, magical realism, time travel, rough sequel to three-sixteenths

"Where's Oscinha?”

“Haven't heard that one in a while,” Oscar says, not looking up from his phone.

Lando plasters himself all over Oscar's back. “Where'd you hide the kid?”

Oscar finally gives Lando his full attention, doesn't fight Lando nuzzling into his neck. “First, he's not a kid. Second, why would I even hide him? Third, where would I even hide him?”

“You tell me,” Lando mumbles. “I had a short meeting and then he wasn't in the clinic. Nurses said McLaren staff fetched him.”

“Kim and Mark's probably talking to him. Calming him down.”

“He seemed pretty calm when I saw him. He's you, Osc. Of course he's calm.”

“You saw him from a distance, and he's 17. Nobody was calm when they were 17.”

“I thought you were,” Lando says. He slides into the space in front of Oscar. Their driver rooms weren't meant for this sort of acrobatics, but they make it work. Lando's also grown used to Oscar's magic in close quarters. No suppressor can fully erase magic that sharp.

Lando knows Oscar, knows his magic, and also knows when he's hiding something from him.

Lando pinches Oscar's cheeks and stares into his eyes. Almost gets lost in them, but. “You know where Oscinha is. Why won't you tell me?”

Oscar has the decency to look sheepish. “It was no use, huh?”

“No use at all.”

“Well,” Oscar clears his throat, “he is with Kim and Mark. They're in Andrea's office. He's overwhelmed, and his magic is a bit all over the place. I didn't have good control back then.”

Lando can't imagine a time when Oscar wasn't a textbook example of a responsible magic user. He's loyal to his suppressor, and apart from a few instances, he hasn't seen Oscar's magic get out of hand. “You didn't wear suppressors back then?”

“Whatever got him thrown into the future also messed up his suppressors. He's wearing one of my back-ups, but it isn't calibrated, and there's the whole not-supposed-to-be-here part that's difficult to deal with.”

Lando hums. “Makes sense."

Oscar rubs their hands together, one of his nervous tics. “The team said he's fine, and they also said it'd be best if we're kept apart. Too much tampering.”

Lando understands, as much as he can when he's never remotely experienced anything like this. It's not exactly common for the world to spit out a younger version of yourself right after FP2.

“I can talk to him, if you'd like,” Lando offers, softly. “I can see him, right? I'll check up on him and report back to you.”

Oscar's eyes widen. “You don't have to do that, Lan. I'm sure he's safe, and they'd tell me if anything— if I have to be there.”

“But you're worried. I can feel it.” Lando holds up their joined hands. “See?”

Oscar's worry is clearly etched on his face, and so is his hesitance.

“It's just me, Osc. I won't make fun of him.”

“I know you won't.”

“But?” Lando cares for Oscar. He cares for every version of him, past or present or future.

Oscar tips his head forward, curling into Lando. His voice is small when he says, “He has a crush on you.”

“What?”

“I told them to hide him from you, because he has a crush on you.”

If Lando's maths is right, and his tutors always said he fared better with numbers than with words, then. That would mean. Whoah. “You had a crush on me at 17?”

Did they even know each other that far back? Max had mentioned Oscar in passing, and several journalists asked Lando questions about this young gun in F3, F2, in Alpine reserves, but until Zak plopped him in front of Lando in 2022, he had no clue.

What did Lando look like at 19? Surely not hot enough.

“You had a crush on me at 19?” Lando repeats, unable to fight his giggles. “Osc, that's adorable.”

“It's really not. It was debilitating.”

Translation: Oscar was down bad.

“You told me you wouldn't make fun of him,” Oscar points out, mouth ticking downwards.

“I'm not! I'm honored.”

“You shouldn't be.”

The conversation goes back-and-forth until Jon comes knocking on Oscar's door, looking for them both. “Debrief's in five, and we're checking you both for any side effects caused by the time warp.”

When they step into the hallway, Lando reassures Oscar that everything will be fine. They’re no strangers to weird, powerful magic.

Lando lifts Oscar’s arm and puts it across his own shoulders, velcroing himself to Oscar’s side. Maybe his words won’t do much against Oscar’s spiraling thoughts, but he hopes Oscar feels warm and loved. Because Oscar is— loved. And Lando runs warmer than most people, so that’s a free heater already.

Whatever Lando was about to say next— another proclamation of love or a jab at Oscar’s teenage dreams —dries at his throat. There’s a prickle at the back of his head. Raw magic, leaking out.

He turns around, looking for the source. Just in time to see young Oscar ducking his head, caught. That familiar flush on his face.

[kiefbowl]

Hey sorry I don't know why I'm telling you but just wanted to share, sorry if it's too long

I started working as an intern in this tech company and I'm kinda the only woman in the rnd department. Two weeks passed and it was pretty good but today they sent me and another intern who is a male to the department where they fix broken cards and stuff. The men in there immediately started talking to the intern and asking him to come check out their work cause it would be a great opportunity for him. They showed him the machines and i just tagged along, both me and the guy tried to tell them that i am too an engineering intern but they just ignored. I tried to tell him that i was interested and had similar classes but he didn't even listened or looked at me. I felt kinda weird cause i never really experienced something like this just wanted to share cause I don't know what i was supposed to do.

Sorry you experienced that. That's some old school sexism for sure, and you're bound to run into it some more as you enter the work force. Fortunately, a lot of these old school guys are headed out (which doesn't mean misogyny in the work force is defeated...but you know...we take our wins where we can).

My advice to you: report it. Report it to your direct manager and/or HR. I'm not saying it's a magical fix all in all work places, but if you do nothing, nothing can be done about it. At the very least, it will probably motivate someone to speak to him, like "hey man, you can't obviously treat our female interns differently, and we don't want to hear about this again." Convos like that might make someone salty, but also not want to push their luck a second time. Or not, but again you can only guarantee nothing will happen only if you do nothing.

In the moment, your milage may very, but trying to just point blank in a friendly and professional way ask him to clarify why he won't show you something can really put the pressure on them to admit out loud their sexist beliefs, which they know they shouldn't do. Things like "Did you not hear my question? Are you ignoring me on purpose?" or "I just explained I'm an intern as well, is there a reason you won't demonstrate this to me as well?" or even "I feel like you're treating me differently than him, I hope it's not because I'm a woman" and just leave the unspoken part hang awkwardly in the air for him to puzzle out.

As always, this is easier to imagine and write about than to do in the moment. Don't beat yourself up if someone catches you off guard by being an asshole. Know that YOUR job as intern is to get experience and education, and you do not have to suffer fools that get in your way. If you need to get engineering knowledge out of this guy, be an annoying fly in his ear. Buzz buzz, I'm here for 8 more weeks and if you don't show me how to calibrate this thingy-ma-bob today, I'll just be knocking on your door tomorrow, buzz buzz. Who cares if he walks away thinking women are annoying or whatever, it's your future and you can't change his mind.

[summer-nights19]

Replaceable

Ryota Kise x gn! reader (cw: angst, cheating, toxic relationship) I'm in an angsty mood and feeling motivated so here you go <3

You looked at your phone and tried not to cry as you reread the message Kise had just sent you to make sure you'd understood correctly.

"Something came up. Can't make it tonight,"

That was it. No apologies. No explanations of exactly what had "come up" that was important enough for him to miss out on your one year anniversary dinner, although he probably just meant that he changed his mind and had ditched you to play basketball with his friends until late. Again. You swore that every time he hurt you by letting you down like this, a little piece of your heart broke. It didn't ache like it used to, though. You'd grown so accustomed to being let down by him that you were starting to grow numb to it. Each time he did it, he never showed remorse or even bothered to check if you were ok. Feeling like an idiot, you trudged downstairs and cleared away the large meal you'd spent the whole day preparing. A lot of work had gone into recreating Kise's favourite dishes, and cooking wasn't exactly something you adored, but you hadn't minded because it was for him.

You'd been completely delusional to believe in the man who did nothing but let you down.

As you packed everything up in the fridge, you thought back to the start of your relationship. How everything had seemed so perfect. How, at the time, you took it all for granted.

You and Kise first met when you worked as an assistant to the team's coach during the season of the Winter Cup. She was a friend of yours and had been tired recently due to the season's workload, so you you didn't think twice about offering to help with the simpler tasks, like going through paperwork, supplying water bottles, or cleaning up the gym after it had been used. You'd seen Kise around school, always followed by masses of adoring fangirls. He was loud, charming and confident, as well as a known player. Those were qualities you envied greatly, even though it pained you to admit it. The first few sessions, he'd hit on you continuously, but, much to his surprise, you'd brushed him off, telling him to stop being a dumbass and go back to training. Back then, you didn't know it, but the fact that you were so adamant about rejecting him only made Kise want you more. It was the first time in his life he'd been rejected, let alone so bluntly. He realised he'd have to change his game in order to win you over.

Before you knew it, Kise was sticking to you like a clam. He'd walk with you to class, sit in the desk next to yours, sit with you for lunch... he was even there when you were running errands after school or walking home. All this time, he'd been very kind and respectful, though a little flirtatious. At first, this almost stalking of his irritated you greatly. You didn't understand why he was so desperate to make you his... groupie ? No, that couldn't be it. He treated you with an attention and talked with you in a way he never did with his groupies. Besides, you didn't see him around with them that much these days. However, over time, you discovered you liked having him around. As your conversations got deeper and you opened up and grew to understand each other, you realised how comfortable he truly made you feel, and the indescribable joy you felt in his company. He'd become your rock- a stable point in your life who was always there for you and ready to support you. When, a few months later, he asked you to make it official, you didn't hesitate to say yes.

Dating him was always going to be more a of a compromise than you would have liked. There were days in which you didn't see each other at all. A student athlete of his calibre didn't have much free time at all, especially when important tournaments came around. However, he always found a way to make time for you in those days- he'd drop by your house, take you on dates all around the city centre- coffee shops, parks, cinemas, you name it- and on the days he really didn't have time, he'd call you and let you know, apologising and promising you'd do so much together when he returned. You compromised too, showing up at his training sessions and matches decked out in his team's colours to cheer him on. On the nights he was too tired to take you out, you'd simply take him back to yours and spend hours talking as you both snuggled in your single bed. How many times had you fallen asleep like that, with his arms wrapped around you and your head on his chest ?

Things didn't change suddenly. They rarely ever do. The dates became less frequent, even when he had the time. He stopped calling you when he was busy and just disappeared for a few days, returning afterwards and acting like nothing had happened. His affection became less and less frequent, even when you tried to initiate something. You'd never forget the pain you felt when you said "I love you" and he didn't say it back, but played it off instead. It had been like a knife wound in your chest. Over time, you noticed he barely initiated anything, even text message conversations. It was usually left to you to do that, and half the time he'd have some lame excuse about this test he had to study for or that extra practice session he couldn't miss.

He'd also started hanging out with his groupies again.

You watched them flirt, Kise's arm around their shoulders as he showered them with praise that was only meant for you. The first time you'd seen it, you'd ran off in the other direction and hid in the bathroom crying for the remainder of the school day. Eventually, you tried to confront him about it. Several times. It never went anywhere.

"I didn't mean it like that, Y/N. You know you're my girlfriend,"

"Don't be so uptight,"

"I had my arm around her waist ? Are you sure you didn't just imagine it ?"

It seemed like all you did those days was argue. You'd had the occasional argument during the early days of your relationship, but it was always resolved quickly with hugs and apologies and a bond stronger than ever. It never used to be like this. You thought about leaving him, playing the scene out in your head, thinking about what you'd say and how he might respond. If you left him, it would end this vicious cycle and you could start fresh. However, you knew you couldn't act on these thoughts. Kise still held your heart in the palm of his hand. You were bound to him, your feeling like chains you couldn't escape unless you ripped off a limb in the process.

Sometimes, you wondered if he knew this. And if he did, did it give him some sort of satisfaction to have your unquestioning loyalty, no matter what ? Was that what he'd always been like ? Maybe you'd just been too blind to see it.

When you discovered that he'd been sleeping with some groupie or other three months ago, you'd come very close to leaving him. You'd shut yourself in your house pretending to have the fever, lying in bed and wondering when the tears would stop. You'd been just about to call him when you heard a knock at your front door. Against your better judgement, you opened it. After all, the part of you that loved Kise was still the strongest. He stood there looking more attractive than ever, with a bouquet of your favourite flowers in his hands.

"Bae, I'm sorry. I was really drunk and I wasn't thinking right. It was a mistake and it'll never happen again, I swear to you,"

You'd collapsed in his arms, sobbing as he stroked your hair and comforted you. You took him back without hesitation, telling yourself that this time, you'd make it work.

Ever since that day, he'd started to text you and take you out slightly more frequently. Still nothing compared to what he once did, but even the slight improvement was like balm to your wounds. He still almost never touched you or told you he loved you, but you told yourself that you'd build back up to these things slowly, that you were just going through a rough patch. Kise himself would tell you that he was really busy and stressed and tired all the time, so he didn't have the capacity to treat you like he used to. You accepted his explanation graciously, ignoring that he seemed to have the time to be constantly out with his friends despite all this.

The lengths you went to to delude yourself into thinking that it would all turn out fine were remarkable.

After the first month, even those slight efforts simmered out and he went back to practically ghosting you, except this time you didn't have the energy to try to fix the relationship. Your heart ached too much, and part of you hoped that he'd just leave so you could start to move on with your life. But he never did.

Maybe that was why you'd been anticipating this anniversary dinner so greatly- it was a chance to truly be alone together, to spend time together like you did when you first fell in love, to start to heal your relationship in a healthy way together.

So much for that.

You made your way upstairs to bed again, cocooning yourself in your duvet and letting the tears flow freely.

What had you done wrong ? Why were you never enough for him ? Why couldn't it all be perfect again ?

Your phone went off, a message notification appearing on the screen. Your home screen was a picture of you in Kise's basketball sweatshirt. It was way too beg for you, but you loved wearing them whenever he was away as the smell reminded you of being held by him. IN the picture, he was lifting you up and spinning you around as you laughed. He'd just won some match in a tournament and you'd gone to congratulate him. You tried to remember the last time you'd felt like that with him. It had been months since you'd been that happy together. Sighing, you clicked on the notification, the dread already beginning to coil in your throat.

The message was from your friend, the coach of the basketball team It was a photo of Kise, his arm wrapped around some girl in your year. He was looking down at her with his signature flirty smirk, and she was looking back at him like he was her whole world. They seemed to be at a party, surrounded by people dancing and drinking. They all looked so happy. The girl, of course, was absolutely stunning. Like a model.

You thought back to that picture of you with Kise and started sobbing even harder, your entire body shaking. The pain in your chest was becoming almost unbearable.

It was captioned "I'm so sorry, but you needed to know,"

You knew what you needed to do. You'd feel lost at first, and it would keep hurting for a while, but it would ultimately set you free. You couldn't keep allowing Kise to break you and then picking up the pieces quietly. It all hurt too much.

Taking a deep breath as you fought the tears, you clicked on Kise's phone number and began typing. Soon, it would all be over.

Masterlist

[fleshwerks]

Thoughts on new Dragon Age "teaser"? You have the best takes.

I'll be deadly honest, I didn't even realise it was out, that's how checked out I am, but I will always fall hook line and sinker for a delicious bait made of things I can chew on, so let's seeeeeee. I'll do first impressions for now. I'll warn you, I haven't done 'takes' in ages, I've seriously lost my edge and resemble someone yelling at a cloud more than someone with intelligent or at least entertaining takes. Proceed on your own volition. Note, I have not been keeping up with DA4 updates. At all. I am literally grasping at straws and screaming out of my arse.

I'll say this. I believe Mark Darrah who had retired from BioWare was brought back on to save this tattered ship that had failed to launch how many times now? If you were with DAI and Anthem especially, you know that when a vet of that calibre is being brought on board towards the end of production, you're fucked. The sheer scope of the regions visited in the trailer... I wouldn't blink an eye if it was a turn-based strategy game, but it is not.

I'm surprised how shit the game visually looks, but it's been my criticism with the thus far released art, and now, environment assets. And again, I'm coming off of Anthem, and Anthem was truly, truly gorgeous. Now someone might argue that every DA has had its distinctive visual style. Well I thought DA2, for what it was, sure did look inspired. I didn't enjoy the game or the characters, but I enjoyed looking at it. Dragon Age Inquisition kind of lost me aesthetically, but I see what they did there. It was more generic, certainly not attempting to be photorealistic, but I saw the idea and accepted it.

Now this though? What is this? The panning over what I presume is Treviso literally looks like a mobile game ad.

Ok, fine, I'll not go in on the visuals, I'm too fresh out of art college and I'm so anal-retentive that my o-ring's more pinched than a pinprick about this stuff. Moving on.

I believe the new PC is an Antivan Crow? Since when are they fighting for all of Antiva? Everyone??? Since when?! Zevran's canonically not returning, and even he was compassionately practical on his best days. The Crows are not good people. They buy kids to train for miserable jobs meeting miserable ends. Oh, so we had a whole character who gave the Crows a finger for being the shitshow they were, but now they're this resistance task force? What, why, because the 'Islamic Borg' invaded?

Then. I feel like I'm missing a fuckton of contest because I haven't read the preceding comics and stories, I have one comic book from the DAI-DA4 interim and it ended so disappointingly, I never bothered after that.

We're really retconning all the complex and complicated factions into freedom fighters, aren't we. I guess such is the state of our real world. Always a plucky band of people belonging to formerly shitty fucking organisations suddenly saving the day like heroes, possibly somewhere along the way ruminating for 2 seconds on whether they deserve to pat themselves on the back, landing on 'but we will change how we operate, and we will save the world, always!'

I'm into the Rivaini squid though. I've never been fond of Rivain, not just because parts of the fandom like to present this place that has barely been talked about in canon like some haven for... idk. I just didn't expect squids. And you people know I love marine invertebrates. You know what, fuck it, here's my 'best take': have squid, will travel!

But that port city ravaged recently by the dragons in ruins looks like it's been in ruins for the past 2000 years, only recently excavated. It's so clean. And here I go again with the aesthetics.

Anyway, Falon'din and/or dirthamen is fuckin' around in Rivain, aren't they. Because I believe that head shape, multi-hands etc were presented in many of the statues we saw in DAII, and given that Falon'din's proverbial crows, envy and nightmare were so prominently featured, and sexyman Solas' outright resentment for former master Dirthamen and the vain Falon'din, welll... risen gods. Dirthamen at the very least was associated with watery depths, but they're twins (or are they? Perhaps the facets of one person altogether)... Anyway, I'm more interested in what the fuck is happening in Weisshaupt. That part genuinely interests me. Circling back to Dirthamen, Razikale is the dragon of Mystery. Associated with Dirthamen, at least according to my theory, while Urthemiel was the Dragon of Beauty, and we keep getting indications that Falon'din was pretty, aggressive, and exceedingly vain. So Big Dirty's up next. Falon'din had the crows, right? Both defeated in DAI. He's out, more or less. And again, Solas most likely was Dirthamen's student before he decided that he himself didn't want to be but totally wanted to be revered. So my take is that Razikale, who got mentions in DAI is waking up as well.

The villain gods of this mess, the classic Dragon Age false gods we fight in every single game as end bosses, will be connected to Dirt. Eh. Same eagle, different liver.

Anyway I have a doubt that this kind of scope will end anywhere nice. The production's been fraught as fuck to the point where the panic button has been pressed many times. The art looks like a significant downgrade, the production has been filled with veterans just clocking the fuck out.

It doesn't sound interesting. I'm tired of saving the world as an Eastern European in late 2023. This kind of story does not speak to me at all anymore. Not after 2019, not after 2021. It looks dated and mediocre, the story is so old that if it goes where I think it will, it has no relevance or message for anybody but perhaps some American audiences (some). I'm just... I'm not.

The rah-rah I got from that clip leaves me ice cold. There is no rah-rah in such widespread misery. There are only curse words and the sound of grinding teeth, and everybody's a dick, and everybody's dick past is dredged up hard. No retcons.

I don't want it. It better receive insanely high marks for me to play it. And I loved this franchise, two of the PCs have gone on to be archetypal in my private works now.

The mystery is gone. The power creep... I don't want to hang out with gods. They should have never been brought into the story as characters you can extensively hang out with. Edit: basically the entire thing sounds about as exciting as a somewhat well-produced mobile game. Which is fun to fuck with while taking the metro, but...

[ailelie]

Reasons I See a Therapist Regularly

She helps me track shifts in my mood, making it easier to notice when I'm keying up or down. Like, I recently had a few weeks of feeling very confident. I expressed my concern to her about this (high confidence, in my experience, leads to over-commitment) and she said we'd check in and talked about ways to add checks to myself.

I like being able to process my thoughts by sharing them with someone else. So I appreciate that she listens.

Sometimes, when I get stuck on something, she offers another point-of-view. For example, I've always viewed my horrible bingefest of stories I didn't even enjoy during my last depression bout as a waste. She had me talk through why I had binged and suggested that, maybe, the binging was a survival mechanism to keep myself from falling deeper into depression.

My therapist doesn't give me homework and rarely gives me strategies and such to try, even when I want them (such as for help with focusing), but just having to organize and talk through my thoughts regularly is very helpful. It is like I'm combing out threads before they can get too tangled.

That said, I do have various mental tricks I use to keep even keel, but those are things I figured out myself over the years. For example, when I used to fear home invaders and such, I started saying to myself, "Okay, so they break in and kill me. I might as well be well-rested. Joke's on them, I'm getting sleep and they aren't." Like, that's a ridiculous thought process, but I was able to sleep. And I've learned to adapt the technique for more likely issues.

If I'm too anxious to sleep because I'm worried about the coming day, what I do is ask myself, "can I do anything about this right now?" If yes, I do that thing. If no, then it is like the home invader then, "Disaster is going to come regardless, I might as well be well-rested when it does." (This is useful for times other than bed, too).

I also figured out fairly early that venting does help me. If I can bleed off some of my emotions, I can think more clearly. Two kinds of venting helps. (1) I vent to someone uninvolved who doesn't escalate my feelings. My grandmother is great at this. (2) I vent to someone who also gets upset. Then, their reaction becomes a check on my own. Seeing their emotional response helps me analyze and calibrate my own. The more upset they are, the calmer I become. I do try to do more of #1 than #2.

I've also gotten pretty good at recognizing when my emotions and thoughts are real and when they aren't. Like, not all of my emotions are valid. If I'm angry about X, then I'm more likely to get angry about Y when I wouldn't normally because my fuse is shorter. What's important is for me to realize is that I'm not really angry about Y. Any strong emotion has this kind of spillover. What I need to get better at is reality checks for positive strong emotions.

Other tricks aren't mental. I used to forget toiletries all the time while packing. I now have a set that never leaves my suitcase. I keep a bowl by my front door and my keys are either in my bag, my hand, or the bowl. They aren't allowed anywhere else. I now use YNAB for budgeting, which has basically obliterated my constant financial stress.

And so on.

That said, I would like more techniques on achieving and maintaining focus.

[mzannthropy]

Okay, let's talk about this

Sam Claflin + supporting Johnny Depp.

I'm using this screenshot purely as an example, not to attack the poster. It's the only screenshot I have re this topic, I've had it saved since April 2023. Last I checked, this account has been suspended from Twitter. (ETA it has now been re-instated.)

I'm not here to fight Sam's battles or argue; if you're determined to cancel Sam, don't let me stop you. If you, however, would like to know more on Sam's background and why he may have supported Johnny--read on.

What the above screenshot tells us is that Sam liked, and commented on, Depp's Instagram post celebrating the win of his defamation trial. Some time later, Sam deleted his comment, unliked the post and unfollowed Depp. (I didn't even know about all that as I'm not that deep into Instagram, but I can see Sam doesn't follow Depp and there is no like from him on that post. Anyway, you can check for yourselves.) I think there are worse crimes than liking a social media post and as Sam deleted the comment and unfollowed Johnny, he clearly realised his mistake. But this is not about that.

Sam and Johnny Depp

Sam started his career in 2010 in the mini series Pillars of the Earth. He had a couple more TV jobs, until he landed his first big movie role, which was Philip in Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides (the 4th instalment of the franchise). For Sam, this would have meant a lot--more than a lot. Sam comes from a normal background--by which I mean his parents are regular people and not in entertainment. His father makes dad jokes on social media. (His younger brother Joe is also an actor, but he's very low-key.) Like I keep saying, Sam's just a boy from Norwich, essentially the exact opposite of a nepo baby. He didn't even plan to become an actor in his childhood, his dream was to become a professional football (soccer) player. It was only after suffering ankle injuries that he switched to acting. What I'm saying is, for Sam to get a role next to a star of Johnny Depp's calibre would have been HUGE.

Check out this snippet of an interview with Joe Wicks (dated Spring 2021), where he talks about how nervous he was on the set:

No doubt he was starstruck about working with Depp. A quote from Sam's IMDb page: "Johnny Depp gave me the best advice. He said, 'Keep your feet on the ground. Stay grounded. Remember where you came from.'" It's something that must have resonated with Sam. Sure, Depp didn't come up with it, it is, after all, a good old common sense advice--but that doesn't matter, bc you always remember the person who gave you the good advice, even if it was not something they invented themselves.

Timeline-wise, POTC4 was released in 2011, which means it was probably filmed the previous year. So before Depp got into a relationship with Amber Heard.

Sam has, as you know, forged a respectable acting career for himself, but that POTC experience is something he would never forget. More than a decade later, he still goes back to it. And why not--you don't just let go of your first blockbuster that easily.

I seriously, SERIOUSLY, doubt Sam watched any of that notorious trial. He was filming Daisy Jones and The Six at that time and at least for a portion of the time he had his kids with him and homeschooled them.

Sam and Women

Sam has worked with female directors, as well as doing female-centric projects, or projects featuring strong female characters. (Whatever your opinion on how DJATS diverged from the book in this regard, he can hardly be blamed for it. Ask yourself instead why Reese Witherspoon, with her female character centred book club, let the male writers get away with what they did.)

And let's not forget that Sam is also, like Depp, divorced. Unlike the beloved pirate star, he has not a bad word to say about his ex-wife, Laura Haddock. "We're still a family." Laura is also an actress, you may know her from the Guardians of the Galaxy films.

Recently, Sophie Turner had to deal with being smeared in the media by her (soon-to-be)ex-husband. No such behaviour from Sam. Of course, you can argue that Sam's conduct in this matter should not be praised, bc it should be the default. Probably, I'm just pointing it out as it's relevant to the topic.

Sam and being down to earth

I always laugh about the fact that (nearly) all of Sam's interviews include the following 3 items: 1. Sam praising the people he works with, be it fellow actors or other crew, 2. Sam saying something self-deprecating and 3. Sam mentioning his kids, or the fact that he's a father. Read any of his interviews--or watch this, filmed by yours truly (sorry for the poor quality):

As I said above, Sam is from a regular family and started earning his own money from the age of 13. When he was at SXSW 2023, where they were served food, he cleared the dishes after himself [source].

Sam is not one of those big name Hollywood stars. I'm not sure he can even be called a Hollywood star. He could have been one, he could have been on the level of Marvel's Chrises, after playing Finnick in Hunger Games. But he chooses smaller, quieter projects. He maintains the just right level of fame that brings him enough money, while allowing him to keep his personal life private.

Sam being a dad:

Sam has also been open about struggling with his worth and his insecurity. I guess this circles back to Johnny Depp. When you don't know your true worth, you might believe certain people, who have been in the business for a long time, to be more than what they are. But I'm getting into some armchair psychology now, so let me end it here.

In conclusion, you could do worse than be a fan of Sam Claflin.

[nedjemetsenen]

So I've talked about this before at length, but a hit to kudos ratio of 10% for a oneshot is fantastic. Long fics rarely hit more than 4%. This is another good primer on the topic.

One of the things that both of those posts touch on that bares repeating is this: hits are not a count of how many people have read your fic. They are a count of IPs that have touched the fic. It's part of why long fics get such bad ratios. If I'm reading on my phone and I'm not logged in, then I can count as dozens of hits if I'm moving between hotspots.

That's not a guess, I checked this.

From my phone, I was able to leave three kudos on the same story. One from my house, one from a friend's house, and one from a store. Plus I could leave another from my laptop if I wanted to. So if I'm a reader and I read on my phone, then switch to a tablet, that's at least two hits, potentially more depending on if I'm reading chapter-by-chapter and going between IP addresses for whatever reason. That's not to mention that search engines probably count as hits to when they're cataloging the page contents. Users only count as one hit provided they're logged in, but if they get logged out while on your story? That's two hits.

So, yeah, stop paying attention to hits. There's a reason I only track kudos. Kudos are real people who liked the story enough to do more than passively engage. Hits? There's no way to know what they mean. Theoretically they could all be unique readers, but that's highly unlikely.

In summary, the obsession with the ratio between hits and kudos is a path to despair unless you've heavily calibrated your expectations. 10% or less is normal and means nothing about the quality of your writing and it's quite nice to see industry professionals chiming in to confirm what I've always assumed to be true.

To end this on a positive note: even if you only get a handful of kudos, you're doing great. You wrote something that total strangers were willing to engage with. The kudos button is at the bottom of the page. Every kudo is someone who read at least the full first chapter without any social obligation to do so. They just liked it enough to keep going. That's pretty darn cool.

I’ve seen five different authors take down, or prepare to take down, their posted works on Ao3 this week.  At the same time, I’ve seen several people wishing there was more new content to read.  I’ve also seen countless posts by authors begging for people to leave comments and kudos. 

People tell me I am a big name fan in my chosen fandom.  I don’t quite get that but for the purposes of this post, let’s roll with it.  On my latest one shot, less than 18% of the people who read it bothered to hit the kudos button.  Sure, okay, maybe that one sort of sucked.  Let’s look at the one shot posted before that - less than 16% left kudos.  Before that - 10%, and then 16%.  I’m not even going to get into the comments.  Let’s just say the numbers drop a lot.  I’m just looking at one shots here so we don’t have to worry about multiple hits from multiple chapters, people reading previous chapters over, etc.  And if I am a BNF, that means other people are getting significantly less kudos and comments.

Fandom is withering away because it feels like people don’t care about the works that are posted.  Why should I go to the trouble of posting my stories if no one reads them, and of the people who do read them, less than a fifth like them?  Even if you are not a huge fan of the story, if it kept your attention long enough for you to get to the bottom, go ahead and mash that kudos button.  It’s a drop of encouragement in a big desert. 

TL;DR: Passively devouring content is killing fandom.

[whitherwordswither]

Logs from the Starfields, V

Captain's Log #0.05:

This mornin' I took a few contracts from the Trade Authority job board. The first one is a simple in-system delivery from New Atlantis to a small settlement over on Gagarin.

It's a quick drop. This place used to manufacture mech parts back in the day. Man, it would be pretty cool to get up close and see a fully working mech. Don't know why they went out of style. Always thought they was neat.

The shipyard here has a spiffy gal, the Murasame. I'll have to compare 'er to the Shieldbreaker back on Atlantis 'cause… well. Now I got choices and I don't know which'n I want more! I do like Mura's colors more than the Shield's. But… ultimately it's gonna come down to specs. But I still got a bit more credits to earn before I need to make that choice.

One of the other contracts I picked up, a bounty, is in-system as well so I make my way over to Curbeam, one of the moons of Bondar.

Decided to hail a random UC ship flying by as I entered orbit. Small galaxy! It's the captain I helped out on Altair II. What a nice surprise. She even gives me another gift. A nice lookin' Osmium Dagger. While I ain't one for hand-to-stabby combat, I appreciate the gesture. We part ways and I touch down at an abandoned hangar on Curbeam.

Pirate Cleanup. Not a bad gig if you've got the tools for it. And I've picked up quite a few tools finely calibrated to allow me to do the job that needs doin'. It's kinda like haulin'. Sorta. Maybe… whatever. Hah. I mop the hangar up and scav what I can. Easy peasy.

I do a quick scan of the surrounding area. There are a couple points of interest. I saw a ship land not too far off so I head in that direction. Another abandoned facility! What luck. A weapons facility, too. Only problem is it's crawlin' with bots and Ecliptic asshats. Well. I'll just consider this bonus pay!

There are quite a few Master level locks here I'll need to remember if I ever decide to come back this way. If it's behind that tight of security, there's gotta be somethin' good inside, yeah?

After scoping out another abandoned facility of no importance I hop back in the Frontier and boost off. There's one more contract to take care of in this system over near Chawas, a moon of Olivas. Spacer scum sure like their moons, don't they?

I head back to New Atlantis. Apparently too early. All my shops have yet to restock. Which, yeah I get it. I do kind of tend to waltz in with loot-for-days and have been consistently clearing them out of credits. So I grab another contract from the Trade Authority board. A simple delivery run out to Cheyenne. Taking a stock of electro-plated wafers to Waggoner Farm.

You know what are weird lookin' critters? Blummox'. That's all I'ma gonna say there.

Since I'm in the system, I jet on over to Akila to check in with Keoni. See if them modules she had me place turn up any good data. And the data she's gotten doesn't add up. She thinks someone may be tampering with it. Asks me to talk to Davis since he has blacklisted Keoni from getting any sort of info out of security personnel.

The guy is kinda brash. I don't like him much. But his goal is protecting the city so I can't really hate on him. He's noticing something seems to be agitating the Ashta as well. Doesn't care that Keoni's data is mirroring this at all. But he asks me to join him on a recon out the gate to take a looksie. Well, alright. This whole thing has my curiosity piqued so I follow him out the gate.

He's concerned about the Ashta tracks we find. They don't make no sense either. Erratic. When the Ashta can be rather… predictable. We follow them a ways and find one of security's patrol bots. Apparently someone was using it to mimic the Ashta. Well now this is getting more complex!

Davis sends me to the barracks to check the security logs. Only they have access to robot control. I have half a mind to find Keoni. She'd accessed a terminal before to set up her modules. But I don't think it was this one. The name on the last update log is from Kirklin. I don't have to look far for her, since I saw her right outside the barracks.

Turns out… she was just trying to mess up Keoni's data. Take a little slack off of Davis since she felt this had gotten him all stressed and outta sorts. Weren't no ill intent by it. But what she did could've cost some lives by rilin' up the Ashta so much. Her heart's in the right place. But. At least we know what happened now. I head back to report to Davis.

With all this new info, he's willing to cut Keoni some slack and let her gather new, clean data. I'll need another 24 hours before I can talk to her, to let her get the new data again. I'm thinking the couple system hops it took to get here might've been enough time for stock to replenish back in New Atlantis.

And by the time I'm done there, Keoni should have her data.

End Log.

[forgotten-stories-podcast]

The Howling Past

In this setting, I'm mixing League of Legends canon with Arcane, so we have an adult Vi who had the past of Arcane Vi, Jinx is officially Vi's sister, Silco existed, etc.

Now, let me ask you a question:

What would happen if Vi found out that her adoptive father, Vander, was still alive?

-Speech

*Thoughts*

---

Despite many years have passed, his last moments with her were always in her mind and in every punch she threw. He was there when she and her sister lost everything. The civil war between High and Low Piltover, when Zaun was yet to be born, scarred her for life. Who knows what would have happened, what she and her blue-haired sister would have done in order to survive if Vander hadn’t taken care of them. Sure, they still had to steal, to do their part, but the ‘no killing’ and the ‘only from those who could afford it’ rules were always to be respected. These rules were important not just to avoid any unwanted attention directed to them, but they knew it was not right to survive at the expense of others. Vander avoided an even worse fate. Vander had avoided an even worse fate. Who knows how many people they would have had to hurt, or worse, in order to survive…

Now, the memories of Vander were even more insistent, after discovering one, unexpected info.

-Are you sure, Vi? What if it is false info from one of the Chem-Barons?

-No, I’m not sure and yes, I thought about it.- Vi was calibrating her gauntlets, to head to Zaun. Caitlyn had received her message and went to her to understand what her plan was, like she didn’t know it already.

-Did you come to stop me?

-I’m here to show you my support. I know you better than anyone, there is no stopping you when you make up your mind, especially when it comes to him.- Cait moved closer to her colleague and dear friend, embracing her from behind. Vi let out a sigh of concern.

-Aren’t you worried someone might see you vulnerable?

-No one’s here.

-I need to go, Cait.

-I know. Just promise you’ll be careful.

-Hey, it’s me you’re talking about.- Vi replied with her usual smirk.

-Yeah, that’s why I’m concerned. What did Ekko say? That you still block with your face?- Vi laughed.

-Eh, as long as it works…- Caitlyn released Vi from her embrace reverting back to being the strict sheriff that Piltover knew and respected.

-I’m sure you’ll come back in one piece. The enforcers need their mascot.

-Mascot?- Vi laughed again.

One more screw and the gauntlets were ready. Vi put them on, checked that everything was working properly and smashed a fist into the other. She was ready.

-Do you know where to start?

-I’ll go to The Last Drop. They’ll be thrilled to see me.- Vi headed towards the exit. The thought of finding his father, the man who made her what she was that day, alive, gave her a motivation she hadn’t felt since she exited the prison to find her sister. Would the result be the same? Would she find Vander or would she find disappointment and sorrow?

-Good luck, Violet.

-See you soon, cupcake!