#but like. there is not a single real reason for the lie to pam about Jamie being psychic

[juniperhillpatient]

I was getting salty at this movie’s logic but I’ve decided I can excuse poor logic for the duration of the movie in exchange for a fun time & obvious Narrative & Cinematic reasons for the poor logic because I’m not a fun killer

[spirituallyyellow]

15/5/24

When I was on the train home on the very bad day, I was sat next to a window and had my head leaned against it, 'Battle Cries' by The Amazing Devil on repeat, and I had zero thoughts for the first time in my life. I didn't think about a single thing, just watched the landscape pass. I felt no triumph at being alive, I felt no disappointment. Just a grim inevitability. Of course I didn't go through with it. There are too many reasons not to. None that I was particularly excited about, but reasons nonetheless.

N had called me as I got into the train station at Piccadilly, asking when I was planning on getting back to Stoke, and did I want him to come and fetch me from the station. I'd said yeah, I did, and I'd be home in about an hour. He was surprised, but I didn't explain anything. I was just so tired.

I got into Stoke, and where in the morning I had felt extraordinarily, strangely calm and out-of-body, that afternoon I felt very much in my body. I think the feeling could best be described as resigned.

I knew I was going to have to tell N and I was dreading it. I knew I'd have to tell him because Pam and I had agreed that I was going to call her the next day, and I knew she would ask me if he knew and I could have lied but I didn't want to lie to her after everything. So I knew I was going to have to tell him.

I didn't want to. Not because I thought he would be angry at me, but because I knew he would blame himself because of the argument we'd had that morning. And I knew it would become real at that point.

I got into Stoke, got in the car, and he pulled out of the parking space and I said, "I have to tell you something right now, otherwise I'll never tell you. I was going to kill myself today and I sent you that text earlier as an apology and a goodbye."

I know I said more, but I can't really remember. What I do remember is the tiny intake of air and the look on his face when I glanced over at him for half a second. I didn't cry, I stayed very calm. I didn't betray myself.

He said, after a long silence, "Is that why you only bought a single ticket to Piccadilly?"

"It wasn't - I didn't mean to -" I took a breath and then said, "I wasn't thinking about it that explicitly, but... yeah, maybe. Unconsciously."

I had been quite open about my plans to go to Manchester for the day that day; I was bunking off supervision and saying I was too sick to go, but I was going to go to Manchester to wander around in Afflecks and mooch around. I'd bought the train ticket, and then realised I'd bought a single. I'd mentioned it to N and said I'd just buy the ticket back on the same day.

Which is, ultimately, what I ended up doing.

"What are you thinking?"

"I should have realised. This morning, and - I've felt like you were pulling away from me for awhile. I thought you were going to leave me."

"I never wanted to leave you," I said, but instantly, he replied, "Yes, you did. Just in a rather more permanent way than I thought."

There was not really a good reply to that.

We went home via Starbucks, and sat in the car for a long time. I asked him, quietly, if he wanted us to separate.

"No," he replied. "Do you?"

I thought about it for a moment and then said, "No. But I think something has to change. I just don't know what."

He nodded.

We finished our drinks and I showed him the picture of the birthday card I'd seen, the 'congratulations on your ongoing existence' one. We both laughed wryly. "I'm so tired," I said. "Like exhausted."

"You've got D&D tonight," he reminded me. "But you can cancel."

Oh fuck, I thought, and closed my eyes. "No - I won't, I don't want to have to say anything, I'll just... I'll push through. I think it's just going to be combat anyway."

N nodded. "Okay. I'll take over parenting so you can get some rest. What time is D&D?"

I glanced at the clock in the car. "In like an hour and a half."

We went into the house, I put on my mom face, I tidied up the house, I changed into pajamas because I just did not give a shit about how I looked at that point.

Everyone arrived, and I spent four hours focusing on (an admittedly really interesting and dynamic) combat. I even noticed that I was enjoying myself at one point, but it was a small spark in the huge overwhelming shadow of exhaustion. No one seemed to notice, or if they did, they didn't say anything.

By the time everyone left, my body felt completely devoid of any energy at all. I almost collapsed onto the floor, I could barely stand up anymore.

I went to bed, and stayed there for two days. I slept for sixteen hours and when I was awake, I was so foggy it almost didn't count.

I didn't really pray, but at one point, I felt like I was sitting across from God, both of us just looking at each other, me feeling ashamed and not being able to tell how he felt. I didn't really talk to him, I just kind of sat in the same room as him.

The next day, later in the afternoon, I called Pam and we talked for awhile.

"I didn't know what to say," she said. "All I really know to do is point you back to Jesus. I know it's a cliche."

I smiled a little. "I think I knew that you would, deep down," I replied. "I think that's why I called you. Because I knew you would bring Jesus into it, and that's what I really needed but... I guess didn't know how to do it for myself."

[aleapoffaithfiction]

XVI.

"You will manage to keep a woman in love with you, only for as long as  you can keep her in love with the person she becomes when she is with  you." C. JoyBell

Rockin' around the Christmas tree, let the Christmas spirit ring. Later we'll have some pumpkin pie, and we'll do some caroling…

Naturally, my own vocals lightly meshed in with those of Brenda Lee while my head bopped back and forth to the infectious Christmas tune as it blared from the Beats Pill, I gifted to my mother a couple of months ago. To take advantage of the majority of my weight being pressed against the kitchen island, I slowly flexed my toes and extended my aches in an effort to minimize the throbbing in my feet. Short hisses turned into a deep sigh of bliss but unfortunately it was short lived once I grasped a knife in my hand again.

“Pass me two stalks of celery out of that bag, please.” My precise instructions were pointless. With her eyes intently focused on the phone in front of her, Celeste aloofly tossed the plastic bag in my direction as if I were a nuisance interrupting the ridiculous number of hours she spends interacting on Facebook. If anything, I avoid it, because once you reach a certain age, Facebook is nothing more than a scroll fest filled with engagement and pregnancy announcements, weddings and post-birth pictures, garbage hot takes from people about the most trivial of topics, and finally older relatives who have nothing better to do other than to be in everyone’s business, including yours.

“Shouldn’t you be doing something?” If she’s not going to be in the kitchen either helping me or doing something of her own, then the better choice would be for her to exit. She hasn’t been much company because we’re barely spoken since she arrived and I’d rather not be distracted by her sitting there in a trance with a phone in her hand like a mindless teen.

“Not really. You always do Christmas Eve, I do Christmas breakfast, and mommy does Christmas dinner. Don’t act brand new now.”

“I’m not acting brand new. I just see no point in you being in here.” Celeste does Christmas breakfast because it’s the easiest task to handle and I don’t have much of a problem pushing her dry ass pancakes around on a plate in anticipation for dinner later on the evening.

“For someone who claims to be so demure in the manner that you carry yourself, I’m super confused about why you have streams of diamonds glistening and circling around your neck.”

“What?” Thoughtlessly, I stretched my unoccupied hand up to the exposed skin and lightly brushed my fingers over nearly sixty carats of brilliant round cut diamonds that do not belong to me.

The manner in which O layers his many necklaces always grabs my attention and it’s something about the showiness in the midst of the simplicity of them that I continue to compliment whenever I see him donning them. This morning, for whatever reason, he randomly placed two of them around my neck as I stood in the mirror attempting to figure out just how festive my attire would be for today. Once I’d gotten past three unwarranted outfit changes, I found myself admiring the jewelry as it glimmered in the natural lighting cascading into his master bedroom beyond the curtains. I’d forgotten to remove them.

“They’re not real. It’s just costume jewelry.”

“They look pretty damn real to me.”

“Well, they’re not. There’s this new spot that opened up over on West 47th Street. I grabbed them in there. I just thought they looked cute and they reminded me of something Lil’ Kim wore one time. You know Kimberly Denise Jones is one of my spirit animals. They’re not something you wear everyday but it’s the holidays and I’m on vacation until after the New Year, so why not? I’m glad they look real though. That just means they were well made.”

“You seem to have a million alter egos. One minute you’re Florence Joyner, the next minute you’re Lil’ Kim, on another day you’re Angela Bassett, and then you’re Michelle Obama. We can’t forget you being the Oprah of sports journalism, oh and there’s Rihanna and Beyonce, who else?”

“Phylicia Rashard, Eartha Kitt, Regina King, Janet Jackson, Cari Champion, Lisa Salters, Pam Oliver, Jemele Hill. And I’ve never considered any of those women to be my alter egos. They’re women that I admire due to their drive, success, and character. I’ve taken bits and pieces from all of their careers and used them as lessons for my own. What you’ve mistaken is me saying that Lil Kim, Rihanna, and Tracee Ellis Ross are my style icons. Oh, and Mary J. Blige is my boot icon.” I think all women have a mood board of aspirations and inspirations. It doesn’t always have to be specific people. A portion of mine just so happens to contains who I believe are some of the greatest black women of the past and current generation. They’re not alter egos who I attempt to mimic but rather stories of triumph that keep me driven.

“What’s up with you and Kyle? Why are you interested?” I nearly cut into the flesh of my finger while dicing the stalks of celery. Briefly, I paused to gather myself, and immediately moved on to the three cloves of garlic.

“Nothing at all. I’m not interested so please stop pressing me about that. I’m not going to date your husband’s brother. I don’t do that all in the family stuff.”

“He’s really into you.”

“Or maybe you’re just exaggerating things. We’re just cool. We always have great conversations whenever we’re around one another and that’s good enough for me. I’ve already spoken to you multiple times about my disdain for your matchmaking bullshit. How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not a fan of it?”

“You continue to hold Shamel against me. Things didn’t work out. Okay. Shit happens. That doesn’t mean that every guy that I attempt to introduce you to won’t be compatible with you.”

“Compatibility? It’s deeper than that.” Parsley and cilantro were next for the wrath of the knife in my hand. I’m going to have to med onions next. I should have just bought all of this stuff chopped already.

“What’s deeper?”

“Celeste, you don’t know shit about what I went through with Shamel. You know the shortened version of years’ worth of bullshit. You think we just had a couple of typical couple disagreements to the point of us coming to terms with the reality that we could no longer be together? I wish it were that fucking simple, so don’t sit in here on your high horse with that matchmaker shit. Focus on your man and your marriage. I’m fine.”

I internalized so much of what I went through with the man. I was never the one to take my household troubles and spread all of it in places that it didn’t need to be. Anyone with the vision could see the tension between the two of us whenever we were out and about together and if you couldn’t see it, then it was thick enough to be felt. As my career began to take off, I chose to move as a single woman, often leaving him behind whenever I was out and about at industry events whether they were sports related or not. Shamel had a tendency to spend way too much time at the open bar, tossing back shots of tequila while slyly entertaining any woman that fawned over his deep mocha presence. He’d then cause a scene if he caught any men paying even the slightest attention to mine.

Beyond the decision to mask our toxicity as best as I could, I yearned to make my mother proud by being the quintessential woman; brains, beauty, a reputable career, and a good man standing alongside me. The pride she wore on her face at Celeste’s wedding stood out beyond any and everything that went on that summer night in Brooklyn. Since my father’s death, that wedding and all of the events leading up to it sparked a liveliness in her that I hadn’t experienced in quite some time although it had absolutely nothing to do with me. I’m not sure if she was vicariously living through my sister or she was simply just thrilled to see her began her own family, but in observing her response to it all, I wanted to give that to her.

After a short lived around of sex that left tears of mental exhaustion pouring down the sides of my face as I lie under him, he whispered in my ear that he intended to make me his wife. I’ll never forget the wave of nausea that rushed over my body and sent me dashing into the bathroom to empty out of the contents within my stomach. I thought of marriage as something beautiful until then. Just the thought of spending the rest of my life in misery with him left my mind in an emotional frenzy as I attempt to figure out when and how I’d end our relationship. Less than three weeks later, I finally mustered up the courage to get it done.

“You want to be alone forever?”

“Whether I do or I don’t, it’s my decision. You may be older, but we’re not kids anymore. We’re no longer in Brooklyn, under mommy’s roof, trying to figure out what we’re going to do with ourselves. You have your life and I have mine. I have time to figure that relationship shit out. I’m not stressed about it. Being single doesn’t bother me at all. For whatever reason, it bothers you.”

“It doesn’t bother me that you’re single. I just think you deserve happiness.”

“And you think that I don’t have it without a man? You give them way too much credit.”

And she always has. Celeste has been a serial monogamist for as long as I can remember her dating history. As soon as one relationship of hers would end, she’d be in another one within a week or two. I can recall a couple of overlaps, but that’s none of my business.

“Don’t put the whole bonnet pepper in there.”

“I know that. I’m only doing half.” The last thing I want is to give our mother heartburn on Christmas Eve.

In the midst of me pouring olive oil into the deep red pot I already had on the stove, I reached into my back pocket for my vibrating phone.

Mrs. Claus, I’m missing you. When are you coming home?

Home? To mask my budding smile, I slowly pulled my lip in-between my teeth.

Home?

This man knows how to put a smile on my face by saying the simplest things.

Anywhere I lay my head is just as much yours as it is mine.

I should have known that when he gave me keys and the security codes last night. I’m still in disbelief about that.

I should be finished here really soon and I’ll be right back at the North Pole to keep your lap warm, Santa.

It’ll be the first time I’m spending Christmas Eve anywhere other than here and to say I’m nervous would be an understatement. Usually around this time of the year, O would be in the midst of the season so his family would make the effort to come to New Jersey to be with him. Even though he’s currently not playing, they still decided to come up and enjoy the chilled weather. For the past couple of days, he’s convinced me to rid myself of my reluctance and to be with him and a few people I’ve yet to meet like his grandmother Mille, his uncle Mike, his aunt Pat, and his step-father Derek.

Naked right?

And don’t even get me started on the lie that I had to tell everyone in this house so that I’d be able to get out of our Christmas Eve tradition of my cooking and us sitting around watching our favorite Christmas classics while bundled up under quilts that we’ve had since Celeste and I were toddlers. That lie involved Taylor, who’s actually in Atlanta right now, and Scott who actually did invite me to his Christmas Eve game night over at his place.

I can make that happen. Not while the elves are awake though. That’s a bit inappropriate, Santa.

My snicker wasn’t soundless. It was loud enough to alert Celeste and her eyes slowly panned in my direction and raised in curiosity at what tickled me.

“It’s Taylor.” I said it before she could ask.

Baby, don’t be mad at me but I already cut the red velvet cake. It was just sitting there and I couldn’t help myself.

I knew he’d do it. The fume enticed him by itself, so his response to the finished product was of no surprise. I didn’t even make him promise me that he wouldn’t touch it because I knew he wouldn’t be able to help himself just as he said. It’s why I made two of them.

I knew you would. Enjoy it.  That’s why I made it.

I spent the morning baking as a part of his Christmas request. Renee’s handling everything else, but all of the sweets are my task. When I return, I’m going to make my mini eggnog cheesecakes and cookies.

Try and make it back before the snow starts. I don’t want you driving in that.

It’s not supposed to be enough snow to keep the east coast hiding inside of their homes, but it will be enough to leave traffic dragging and the roads hazardous. I’ve never been much of a fan of driving in the snow, so I do want to be out of here before those flurries began to fall.

Will do. I’ll see you in a bit love.

“I can’t believe you’re about to go and spend Christmas Eve hanging out with your co-workers. Don’t you get enough of seeing them at work?” This is her second time making commentary about this since I’ve been here and I’m not even sure why. Celeste and I barely say much of anything to one another whenever I’m around, unless she’s scolding me about some area of my life that she assumes that I need to improve. It’ll be no different tonight as they’re all curled up in the living room watching classic holiday films while enjoying the dinner that I’m preparing and a shit ton of junk food we bought at Walmart the other day. Besides, her husband is here and when he’s with her, nearly all of her attention is on him.

“What’s the big deal? We’re not kids waiting around on Santa anymore. There are no babies here in the house that we need to be extra festive for. I’ll be back in the morning for breakfast and then we’ll all open up the presents together like we usually do. You won’t even notice that I’m gone.” Maybe my mother will, but she certainly won’t. Whenever her husband’s around, her attention remains solely focused on him. She parades herself on being a so-called traditionalist as a wife; whatever that means. Either way, her head is up his ass and luckily for her, his is just as far up hers.

“What time are you getting here in the morning? I figure I’ll at least be considerate enough to start making breakfast around them so by the time you’re here, you won’t have to eat cold food.”

“Most likely around nine or a half hour after it. It won’t be much later than that.”

“That’s if you’re not hungover, huh?”

“I won’t be. I have no plans to drink, unless it’s like a half glass of some spiked egg nog. Can’t go to a Christmas function and not have some egg nog. I’m driving, so it won’t be much.” I’m not irresponsible with my life and in addition to that, if O smells the alcohol on my breath, he’ll be scolding me all night long for having the audacity to drink and drive.

“Okay.” I never thought she’d leave the kitchen. She’s been in here since my arrival and comfortably settled at a spot in front of the island, while watching my every move. Initially, I thought she was doing it simply to be a critic of whatever I intended to prepare in the kitchen, but now I know she sat there as a mean to try and find her way into my business as she always seems to do. I’ve never been interested in what she has going on with Preston since she met the man. Even when we all went out to dinner a few years back and she first introduced him to both my mother and I, I didn’t have much of anything to say. All I could make of their connection was that she was obsessed with everything about him and luckily for her, he was smitten enough to feel the same way about her. She needed a man who could and world be a bit of a pushover for her and he is exactly that.

My father’s beloved stewed chicken or as he called it, poulet creole, was a breeze to prepare because I’m the only one in our home who learned every single aspect of that recipe directly from him. On a random summer day, while my mom and Celeste were out at the hair salon getting curls put into their hair for Sunday service, he interrupted me from watching ESPN, and called me into the kitchen for yet another one of his many lessons. The manner in which he taught me wasn’t by me looking on at his every task but instead me doing all of the work while he closely directed so I’d my hands would familiarize themselves with the process as he claimed. It was the same method that his grandmother taught him to cook with.

I preferred learning to cook under his guidance far more than my mother’s because she’s like a drill sergeant in the kitchen; barking down on her subject for any mistake or mishap with her directions. He and I laughed, danced to whatever he chose to play in the radio, and compared and contrasted our opinions on any topic we could think of. I will always hold him in the highest regard for allowing my self-expression to flourish. As a West Indian father of two girls, he could have easily chosen the overprotective and absurdly sexist route in raising us, but he didn’t. Rather than doing his best attempt to blind me from life beyond the doors of our home, he chose to listen to my perspective and then teach me about what life has to offer whether good or bad; easy, moderate, or difficult.

I miss him. Actually, that’s an understatement. During the holiday season, that pain that lies dormant within my soul flares up into an intensity that I have to stoically mask for the sake of getting through. As much as he emphasized the need to prepare both Celeste and I for the day that he was no longer with us, none of us ever expected it to be as soon as it was. I want to be the strong and independent woman that he raised me to be, but in some ways, I still need him. My mother needs him because she hasn’t been quite right ever since. Celeste needs him just as much, because there’s a part of her that has always sought him out in the men that she chose to allow into her life since his death.

“Celeste, I’m heading out.”

“Nice coat and hat.”

The caramel wool cashmere single-breasted silhouette was an unexpected gift from Kobe before we went on break for the holiday. Everything about the hand-embroidered embellishments and the manner in which it loosely accentuated my frame instantly made me fall in love with it with the Burberry piece. He encouraged me to open it up while we were standing there in my dressing room so I’d be able to see if I liked it, but I voiced that it wouldn’t be right to open it before Christmas. My curiosity nipped at me all morning long until I fed into its urge by opening it up and like a kid whenever they’re given anything new, I had to wear it immediately. The matching beanie hat is the cherry on top. Before I’m off to bed tonight, I intend to thank him again.

“Thanks. It’s my Christmas gift from Bean.”

“Who?”

“Kobe.”

“So, you’re going to be here around nine, right? You better not be late because I’m not defending you when mommy snaps.”

“Yes. I’ll be here. When she gets in from church, tell her to call me if she needs me.” I still can’t believe she went to Christmas Eve service. Actually, I’m quite surprised that she didn’t pressure Celeste and I into attending.

“Will do. Enjoy yourself.”

“Thank you. Merry Christmas Eve.” Unexpectedly for her, I leaned in and planted a soft peck on her cheek. We’ve never been the type of sisters who shower one another with a lot of love whether it be physical or verbal, but on there are those random occasions when I do show or tell her how much I love her. I’d like to think in all the ways I help her or come running when she needs me, it’s a reflection of what I feel just as much.

“Merry Christmas Eve. Have fun.”

“Will do. You too. Since mom isn’t here, maybe you and Preston can get a little practice in on that baby that you want.” With a slight scoff, her eyebrows raised.

“Since when are you on the wild side?”

“I’m reserved, not virginal. See you in the morning.”

A gust a wind slithered through the open space as soon as I opened the door to step outside and very faint sprinkles of snow filled the air as they lightly cascaded down to meet my frame. I thought I would have been out of here before it all started but the beauty of it ceased any complaints that I usually would have if it weren’t Christmas Eve. If anything, the snow makes the spirit of tonight even more fulfilling. I don’t have to dream of a white Christmas because it seems like the city is being gifted with one this year. “Happy Holidays stranger.” I didn’t see his car parked across the street nor had I noticed him jogging across the street after locking the doors behind himself and yet here he is, stepping up onto the sidewalk and inching closer to the steps of my mother’s porch to trigger a slight downward spiral of my mood with his presence alone. I don’t know what it is with Quinton and his purposeful choice to remain all in the family despite my resistance towards whatever he and my mother thought they had planned for my love life. Initially, I believed he genuinely viewed us as an extension of his own family and supporters in the neighborhood who he knew he could count on, but now, I’m not sure what the fuck this is or where he’s going with it. “Happy Holidays.” “How have you been?” “Well. You?” I was better just a minute ago. “I’m well enough.” “What brings you around? The holiday? You seem to always show up around here whenever there’s one.” In his hand, he held a gift bag that I’m going to assume is for my mother. It’s not that I mind that he buys her gifts, because deep down, I don’t. I’m mostly concerned with what they mean. “I don’t just show up here on holidays. I come over and check on your mom from time to time. You know I love Mrs. Nazaire.” My scoff was loud and clear. Any time we speak now, he sounds like nothing more than a fame hungry politician, who uses manipulation tactics to garner allies and supporters. I’m sure his antics are no different with my mother. It’s why she holds him in such high regard no matter how much I don’t give a fuck. “Yeah? It’s starting to feel like you’re screwing my mother. I’m not looking for any step-dads within our age range. Sniff around women your own age Quinton.” The sarcasm flowed from my mouth and into his ears; leaving a flustered expression on his face that quickly transitioned into one of annoyance. “I’m not. I’ve only been to bed with one Nazaire woman.” “I’m glad you used the past tense. I barely remember that one and done situation; but I’m glad that you do. She’s not here, but Celeste and her husband are. You’re more than welcome to wait for her and I’m sure that you will.” “I don’t know what it is that Shamel did to you, but you’re so bitter now. Not all men are hood gym owners who fucked you over repeatedly while dipping into women who bought memberships to be trained in doggystyle position rather than on treadmills. All I wanted to do was be a good man to you, but you’re coming at my head as if I’m your enemy.” He said all of that and yet I’m the bitter one? If anyone asked me anything about this man’s personal life, I wouldn’t be able to tell you anything aside from what I know from the days when we’d actually hangout with one another. I haven’t kept up with much about his life story since then and I’d prefer not to know now. That’s the difference between he and I; he remains invested in what doesn’t concern him while I can’t seem to find a reason or the time to concern myself with what he wishes I would concern myself with. “I’m growing a bit confused about who has the pussy between the two of us. Only bored and lonely women concern themselves with what was or wasn’t going on in another woman’s relationship. Damn, you were more invested in what Shamel was doing with his time than I was. I’m bitter because I don’t want to play your political trophy wife or are you bitter because despite my firm no, you’re still sniffing around here and chasing me? Find your dignity Quinton. Don’t go out like a wack bitch, aight?” “I hope you don’t go out like one either. Make sure you keep it classy by not fucking with all of those athletes that you’re constantly around. How many have you been with thus far?” “All of them.” I’m usually not the type to laugh at my own jokes but I couldn’t help but to chuckle at his facial expression. I’ve been slut shammed more times than I can count. It happens every day when random people hiding behind social media accounts on apps decide to accuse me of using my body in order to keep my job, so Quinton doing it isn’t offending me any more than it does when strangers are doing it. Initially, I used to be extremely irritated by it but I’ve come to terms with the reality that people are going to say and assume whatever they want no matter what I do or feel about it. No matter who I do or don’t have in my bed, my bills are paid. “Excuse me. I have some place to be.”

Stepping around him wasn’t the problem; it was the oddness of him standing there and watching me slip into my car. Like a lost puppy, he trudged up the stairs to the house door and continued to burn a hole into my foggy windows with a scowl on his face that I couldn’t see but I’m sure is there. Maybe one day he’ll get it or maybe he won’t, either way, I’m not responsible for what he feels. I’ve been clear with all intentions and lack their off.

No matter how much snowfall happens in the northeast year after year, as soon as flakes of any size begins to fall out of the sky, the snail-paced traffic is an immediate effect and it drives me insane. It’s one of the primary reasons why I was in no rush to get a new car and am currently wishing I had a driver taking me to my destination. Not even the holiday tunes that I love so much are distracting me from wanting to roll my window down and shout at the drivers in front of me who are missing green lights and evoking slight amounts of fear within me with their skidding. What would usually be a forty-five-minute commute turned into nearly an hour and a half.

The relief that washed over me at the sight of the double entry driveway was well received as I slowly inched my way in and focused in on the three bodies standing in the driveway. I reached out to him just a few minutes ago to notify him that I’d need help getting bags out of the backseat of the car, so we wouldn’t have to make multiple trips in the brisk weather. Unlike the other males standing alongside him, the handsome one who belongs to me was hilariously covered in an oversized Santa coat with a black hood covering his blonde mane.

“The traffic was so stupid as I was on my way to the Lincoln Tunnel. I will never understand how people who have been living on the East Coast since forever still fear the damn snow. It’s not even snowing that hard.” My right hand latched onto his and he carefully pulled me out of the driver’s seat and into his awaiting arms. My complaint went into one ear and right out of the other as he endearingly snuggled my frame as close to his as possible while nuzzling his chilled face into the nape of my neck. Admittedly, I needed to feel him in this exact manner for the restoration of the joy that this night is supposed to be and bring.

“And don’t even get me started on this ass wipe in this big ass Navigator who kept slightly skidding. I was caught in between being worried for my damn life and wanting to kick his ass for driving so stupidly. Oh and…” His peck was sweet; subtle and yet enough to leave me yearning for so much more.

“Give me your keys.” To oblige his request, I dropped them into his hand and turned to both Kordell and Derek who were looking on and most likely extremely bored with my rant.

“Hi guys.”

“You finally made it. This guy was about five minutes away from hopping into his Rolls Royce and driving all the way to Brooklyn for you.” I’ve only met his step-father Derek once and in my quick assessment of him I understood that he was more of a reserve man who somehow had a humorous side to him that couldn’t be ignored. He can crack a joke and it usually comes at the right time.

“I told him I was coming. I would have been here if it weren’t for the traffic.”

“And he wanted me to get in the car and go with his lame ass.” After a shared hug with Derek, I threw my arms around Kordell and pecked his forehead despite his maneuvers to avoid it. He’s not exactly the most physically affectionate person so I purposefully shower him with some of my own to worsen whatever annoyance his oldest brother sent his way.

“You weren’t going to come looking for me with your brother? I thought you and I are good friends now?”

“We’re family or whatever, but you and bro are old. I have a lot more life to live. I wasn’t about to catch hypothermia messing with the two of you.”

“It’s not even that bad out here. You haven’t seen a real blizzard yet Louisiana boy.” His dramatics earned a light mush to his head. I’d love to see how he reacts to a couple of feet of snow covering the ground and maybe even a power outage to go with it. Now that’s hell.

“Sarai, what is all of this?” The bewildered expression on his face and him using my first name evoked me to widen my eyes in a confusion about what I could possibly be in trouble about. I don’t believe there’s anything incriminating in my trunk and if there is, I didn’t place it there.

“Gifts.”

“All of this?” Like a nagging elderly man who borders between obnoxiously cheap and being frugal with his money, he extended his arm towards the overflowing trunk and placed his idly hand on his hip to await an explanation that he’s not going to receive.

“What? I told you that I was coming with gifts. Don’t be ridiculous. Just grab them. Oh, and don’t forget the ones in the backseat. I’m going inside. It’s cold.”

“This is crazy. You went overboard.”

“I know you’re not talking about overboard. There’s a Rolls Royce parked right over there. I can start there and keep on going for hours. You really want to do this right now?” If there’s anything I’m ever ready for; it’s to prove somebody wrong. Debating is an essential part of my profession as an analyst and I haven’t lost a debate yet if you let me tell it, so I can and will give him an extensive five minutes of dialog about his spending habits and how he is by far one of the biggest spenders that I know. This man doesn’t even use his washer and dryer. He dry cleans every damn thing and never wears the same underwear, socks, or t-shirts twice.

“Nah, baby, you got it.” Without any further questions or concerns, he extended his arms into the trunk and began to retrieve a few of the many bags that they all needed to bring inside.

“Wow. You know how things go in arguments. Good job, man.”

While on my way to the warmth, my laughter at Derek’s commentary was loud enough for me to hear it but low enough so that the man of my affection couldn’t make it out. Sometimes it’s just best to keep quiet about the reality that your man is willing to put himself aside to please you and, in this case, it was his mouth.

“Sarai!”

Sometimes I’m stunned by my sincere acceptance into his family dynamic. We’re anything but traditional and we’re navigating in a manner that I’m sure they don’t understand because we certainly don’t. Aside from my overwhelming emotional affection towards the man who belongs to them more than he does to me, they’ve been unknowingly responsible for making me feel like I deserve the joy that I feel when I’m with him and around them. In my transition from hugs with Heather, Jazzy, and those who I’ve been led around the first level of the house to meet, I haven’t been able to ease away the smile gracing my face.

“Your outfit and pajamas are upstairs in the room.” I know pasta when I smell it. The fumes coming from the kitchen appealed to my senses quickly and left my stomach turning in knots for nourishment.

“Outfit?”

“Wait until you see what your guy bought for you.” Her amusement was my fear. I tend to like to make him the butt of a couple of my jokes, but I don’t want to be the one on the other end of his tonight.

“Is it a onesie?”

“No.” Suddenly I wish this glass of egg nog were spiked.

“I’m going to head up and see it. If it’s a disaster I’m pulling the feminist card and blaming the both of you because we’re supposed to be united against these men.” I waggled my finger back and forth to point out the mother and daughter duo who found my apprehension to be amusing and began slowly inch my way up the spiraling staircase that leads to the upper level of the house. Though I could hear his voice loud and clear from the foyer, O hadn’t brought my personal belongings upstairs and I’m already up here so that’s out. With that in mind, it seems even more logical to take him up on his offer of my own closet space so that I no longer need to keep trekking overnight backs to and from here.

A blend of the Italian bergamot and clay sage from his beloved cologne meshed in blissfully with the gingerbread scent that I know he purposefully misted into the room just for me. Since December came in, he frequently made note of how my home smelled like cookies whenever he came over and accused me of trying to toy with his already slightly ridiculous appetite for junk food, especially candy. Despite my love for Bath and Body Works and Yankee Candle’s holiday scents, he deemed them to be exceedingly sweet and overdone. Now look at him.

Flutters filled my core at the sight of his master suite’s fireplace being utilized for the first time ever. Unlike my obsession with them, it’s a feature within the house that he hasn’t concerned himself with since moving in. There’s something about the way the flames are curling and oscillating, flickering like gleaming lights, and cascading hues of scarlet onto the wall that naturally warms the space.

“Your stuff is on the bed.” I knew he was in the doorway. The chills trickling onto the back of my neck spoke before he did.

“You put the fireplace on.”

“I figured you’d like it. Thank God it’s electric. I’m no fireplace expert.” As his feet trudged against the wooden flooring, he dropped my monogram Louis Vuitton Keepall Bandoulière duffle bag near the entry way of his closet.

“It’s beautiful.” If it were just us, I’d curl up on the floor in front of it with a good playlist going.

As soon as my Ugg boots were kicked aside, I inched closer to the bed and alongside three bags, was a Snoopy and Woodstock perfectly wrapped present that I certainly wasn’t expecting to see. My curiously instantly peaked but in a swift second, I checked myself for discarding the waiting rule I’ve grown up with. Celeste and I weren’t even able to open one gift at midnight on Christmas Eve.

“You forgot to put that under the tree?” Instead, I reached for the crimson red gift bag and snickered as soon as my hand silky velvet material that is identical to the kind covering his frame. My Mrs. Claus coat was that of something I’d be waiting for Santa in the bedroom in rather than keeping an eye on the elves. It’s lace-up front called for a good cleavage while the pure white faux fur trimming and flared skirted bottom were more along the lines of tradition until anyone notices the split open front. What exactly is supposed to go under this?

“No, that’s for you to open now. You probably thought I was playing when I mentioned it before but I really am impatient on Christmas Eve. I like to open presents the night before and just sleep on Christmas morning. Since it’s our first one together, I figured I’d be fair to your traditions and my own. So, we can open some tonight and then open the first in the morning. Fair?” Like an eager child hoping to get his way, his narrowed eyes slightly widened with hopes that I’d agree to what he calls fair. I don’t see what the big deal is. It all has to be opened either way.

“Fair.”

“So open that.”

Lazily, my body flopped down onto the plushness of the bed and I grabbed the box with a bit of shaking to increase his growing anticipation. The contents inside only slighting moved, throwing off just about all of my potential guesses for what it may be. My first donned a smirk as I commenced with tearing through the wrapping paper to uncover the infamous Christian Louboutin box under it. Shoes? Infinite brownie points already. Much like himself, I adore footwear. I stand by the law that a shoe can make or break a look more than any other article of clothing.

“You didn’t.” Instantaneously, thoughts of a random conversation I was having with Taylor came to mind. Christian Louboutin collaborated with Indian Couture Designer Sabyasachi Mukherjee on an extremely limited-edition collection featuring hand-embroidered sari fabrics and jaw dropping embellishments that left me in awe upon the sight of it online. Every piece of material used to craft the shoes were taken from Sabyasachi’s private archive, leaving only a few pairs of each design to be created.

“Didn’t what?” His confusion was intentional. The grin called his bluff. The lid to the box went flying behind me in an instant and in dramatic fashion, I dropped back onto the bed in astonishment and bliss at the sight of the exquisite thigh high boots that I fell in love with. Their golden delicate leather straps were specially designed harness and highlight the leg. On top of it, they’re made to measure.

“Is this real life?”

“I feel pretty alive, what about you?”

“How the hell did you get these? I called everywhere. No, literally. I e-mailed fucking Hong Kong for them. Supposedly only like six pairs were made.” “Those have been in my closet since October.” The nonchalance in his tone evoked a moisture lightly seep into the seat of the lace under my jeans. I don’t know whether to jump on the bed in joy or discard everything covering my frame allow him to twist and flip me into any position of his liking. Maybe both? Both can certainly be done.

“Come and give me a hug please.” With the box now resting alongside me, I opened my arms and awaited his presence. Like a weighted blanket, a wave of tranquility washed over me at the mass of his body now being closely hard-pressed against mine. My fingers found their way into the platinum blonde curls and few loose dreads dangling from his scalp and our lips met for a kiss that I’d been yearning for since I opened my eyes this morning. The sweetness of his supple lips intoxicated me far more than anything alcoholic ever could and the way his length fingers dug into the skin of my hips nearly blurred the actuality that we’re not home alone.

“I love them so much. Thank you, handsome.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Get up so that I can get one of yours from downstairs.”

“I can wait until after you’re dressed.”

“No, I insist. Let me get it.”

“Another kiss first?”

Without hesitation, I once again pressed my lips into his own for a deep peck and moved in a fluidity with his body as we eased off of the bed. I made it downstairs and back up, with a promise that I’d hurry up and change so the festivities could really begin. I need a quick shower first before I do anything else.

“I hope that you like it. I saw it and you instantly came to mind.”

“Can I just warn you that I didn’t wrap all of your gifts. The only reason why your boots were wrapped is because the boutique did it for me.”

“It’s fine. I don’t care about all of that.” The last thing I expected him to do is be frustrating himself with wrapping paper. His patience would never be able to handle it. For some odd reason, I enjoy doing it. I’ve been the designated gift wrapper in my family for years.

Though it may seem childish to some, I wrapped everything I bought him in Dr. Seuss’ “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” wrapping paper that I randomly spotted and happily picked up from a Hallmark store in Rutherford, New Jersey. Since he deemed it to be his favorite holiday classic, I imagined it would be festive to bring an element of it into the fun.

With my phone in hand, I snapped a photo of him as he tore through it to reveal the Louis Vuitton box, I knew it to be. Within seconds, its lid was on the floor and he drew away the protective paper to reveal the tan cowhide and calf leather “Christopher Backpack” backpack I bought for him. Unlike his ridiculously vibrant Supreme bags, I fell in love with the timeless style of the backpack and the classic solidness of its color. It’s a perfect choice for those game days when he’s more dressed up than down and needs something that’s subtle while still somehow being a statement piece.

“Damn, this is clean. This is perfect for when we’re traveling because they usually want us a little more dressed up.”

“That’s what I was thinking.”

“Yeah, I love this baby. I don’t know about waiting until next season to wear it though. I’ll have this on within a couple of days. Watch.”

Knowing him, he will. If it’s new, he’s in it shortly after receiving it. I don’t know him to be that person who saves things for later. Why should he when he’s constantly either buying or receiving things?

“I’m going to take a short shower. It’ll be quick.”

“You already smell good. What you need a shower for?”

“I was cooking. I can smell it on me. It’ll be quick. Ten minutes.”

“Your showers are never ten minutes.”

“This one will be. I assure you.”

The fib didn’t go without being grumbled about when that ten-minute duration I assured him up turned into an additional ten simply because of the feel of the warm water cascading over my skin left me in damn near a state of slumber as I stood there. My lotion lathering came with assistance and so did pulling up the opaque plaid patterned tights over my thighs. By the way of their fit, they were clearly sewn together to cater to an extremely slender woman’s shape but by the grace of God and my man’s hands they were up and over my ass without a snag or hole in sight.

“I really can’t believe you bought all of this.” We look like we work in the middle of a mall. Instead of having crying babies sitting up on his lap for photographs, he’d have lusty women beating one another to a bloody pulp for daring to cut the line to ruin their chances of sitting upon his lap and asking for his genitalia while I’d be called Santa’s Slore.

“Let’s go outside.”

Intricate patterns of the weightless ice floated downward from the darkened sky. Each flake whirled and twirled as a faint wind blustered them in our direction. Much like the silly man alongside myself randomly dancing for his personal media guy’s camera, I joyfully tracked footsteps into the barely there bed of snow covering the grounds of his driveway and took satisfaction in the sound of it squishing under my boots. I’m no longer camera shy, but being on one with him has awoken what used to be a part of me. I already knew that George would be documenting all of this just as he does for a lot of milestones and random moments of his life, but what happens if I’m no longer what he wants and he randomly comes across this Christmas video and the pictures to go with it one day? How awkward would that be?

“Hey, look.”

“Huh?” Though he only spoke two words, the thick cloud of breath still lingered as I faced him. In following his eyes as they slowly panned up, mine met the mistletoe idly hanging on the door with the red bows that were already there.

“That was not there when I got here.” I saw the bows, but the mistletoe? No. Laughter spilled from our lips at what I knew to be true. I’m slightly fatigued, but I can remember what I did and did not see.

“It was.”

“It was not.”

“Come and kiss me so that we can go inside, open up more stuff, and play cards with grandma.”

“That tone. I like it.” I’m alright with a man taking charge every now and then.

“Come here.”

The frost of the winter air was of no match to the warmth radiating from our bodies and serving as a shield around our affection. I’d often fantasize about moments like this; having a companion to comfortably, and most of all safely, bare my all to without any guards or painful baggage weighing me down. I believed the advice of allowing it to come to me was standard and cliché, but I undoubtedly understand it now. It’s when you least expect it that the unexpected happens in the best way possible. I ruled him out of my life as soon as we had that initial conversation and yet the universe continued to cross our paths, naturally coercing me to allow him in. In the midst of all of my fears from the past and present, I want only him.

“Okay, let’s go. I want to see everything that you got me.”

“You can’t open everything tonight. That’s breaking our deal.”

“Huh?” I trailed behind him as he dashed back into the house and towards the living room.

“You heard me!”

I chose the kitchen counter top as my designated seat for what turned into the most chaotic gift giving presentation. Like a hood Santa Claus, all I could pay attention to was my man and his slightly sagging plaid pants zipping through his home pulling out gifts from seemingly everywhere. They jokingly talked about how much of a grinch he was last Christmas but he’s certainly redeeming himself this year.

I can’t remember the last time I thoughtlessly splurged on luxury designer goods but I don’t need to do so any time soon because he covered that and then some. Being overwhelmed was an understatement. Chanel, Versace, Bottega Veneta, Balenciaga, Saint Laurent, Fendi. I lost track of the rest and the process of just how I’m going to be able to organize all of it in my closet.

In watching him, it’s so easy to understand human purpose. In the midst of being here to seek fulfillment within our own purpose, we’re just as much here to look after our loved ones and even those who aren’t. Fortunately, he’s been blessed to have more and because of it, he spreads not only his love but also the benefits of his wealth among them. There’s a pride within it that has been radiating from him for over an hour now. I too, can relate. I’ve been given just as many hugs and kisses of thanks that he’s been given and I expect that it’ll continue when I am with my own family in the morning.

“Draw 4, blondie.” What he thought was going to be a swift Uno out moment turned into him having fifteen cards in his hand and a scowl on his face that is hysterical. He’d beaten me to the point of embarrassment at Spades because I’ve never been that great at it despite the many times my dad taught me how to play, so I had to somehow coerce him into playing something that I could play by pretending that I didn’t know how to.

“You know what, I’m going downstairs to whoop Kordell in some hoops because you’re cheating.” A snicker slipped past my lips at the playfully aggravated scowl on his face as he used his body’s strength to push his chair away from the round table. In a manner to taunt him, I held out my hands before me and wiggled my fingers to signify my lack of cards and the reality that I’d just won yet another game of UNO. My man being a sore loser isn’t something that he’s modest about. I and many others have known that about him for quite some time.

“Don’t be mad.”

“You’re cheating. You keep making up imaginary rules that don’t exist.”

“Seriously? The directions are in the box. Look at them or look them up on Google. It’s not my fault that you don’t know them all. You just suck.”

“I suck?” The amused expression on Mille’s face tickled all of us as she glanced back and forth, to take in every shit talking word as they left the both of our mouths. She’d been quietly observing the two of us since we joined both she and Jasmyne at the table for a round of card games.

Initially, I thought I’d been intruding on her time with her grandchildren, but the sly smirks and eventual huge smiles gracing her angelic face swarmed me with a warmness that I needed to further soothe me into a comfort zone around those who I do not know well just yet. Every couple of minutes or so, she’d give me either a gracious caress to the hand as a sign of her welcoming or a pat of encouragement to continue beating her oldest grandchild at Uno. I’m going to accredit that to the feminism within her.

“If the shoe fits, babe.”

“I’m going to remember that baby. The mental note is made.” He used his index finger to tap his forehead as I wordlessly ogled over his exterior.

If anyone looked at his attire, it wouldn’t be deemed as anything impressive; a black Supreme sweatshirt and a pair of black loose shorts to keep him much cooler than all of that velvet he had on. Simple. Why my eyes are continuing to embarrassingly bulge out of their sockets every time they land on him is beyond my comprehension. I’ve never seen anyone’s facial structure be as chiseled to perfection as his is. The silhouette of his jawbone is completely shielded by the blackness of his thick beard and yet just the hint of it sends unwavering shivers down my spine.

The glimmer in his faintly slanted and ever so narrowed eyes illuminates any room when that priceless smile arises on his face and every aspect of myself begins to figuratively melt into liquid form; between my thighs is the worst of it. In the midst of his sleep, I love to plant soft pecks down the finely lined bridge of his nose until my lips are gently pressed into the suppleness of his own. I’m addicted. I lose all sense of who I am whenever his warm tongue meets mine.

Handsome is an understatement; it isn’t enough to compare. He is beauty personified. I don’t believe there is another man in sports entertainment who has left me gasping for just a slight breath of air upon my every sight of him. It never gets old. I don’t believe it ever will.

Sometimes I have to wonder if he’s truly mine or if the universe is playing some type of sick joke on me.

“I don’t mind you remembering that.” Whatever payback he has for that may come with pleasure that I am more than willing to accept.

“Alright.” The sly smirk tugging on his lips was enough to leave me on the borderline of tickled and embarrassed as soon as he leaned over to plant a knowing and warning kiss on my lips. Despite the presence of his younger siblings and the elders within his family, he didn’t harbor not even an ounce of regard or bashfulness when it came to his need to have his hands touching some part of my body or any other display of affection, he bestowed upon me at random moments. His actions remained consistent with all that he does when we’re alone; barely any discretion involved.

“I’m not sure if my stomach is churning because of you two or because I want some cake, but I’m going to get some cake anyway. Y’all want anything?”

“You just mad.” And just like that, her brother’s large palms were lightly meshing into the side of her head for a playful mush and she instantly pushed him out of her way.

“I’m just fine with my egg nog.” Mille opted to keep hers virgin along with the other underage beings around. The rest of us had just a teaser of rum to give it a subtle kick.

“Me too. I’m fine.” I stepped on the scale a couple of days ago and I’ve gained five pounds. Between the man in my life constantly feeding me and the holidays, I’ve been overindulging on just about everything that’s offered to me. I need to get my life together.

With yet another shove to her brother’s side, Jasmyne darted away from the table with him hot on her trail with jokes about the size of her head which is no different from his own, but I’ll leave him be. They left the matriarch of their family and I at the table with decks of cards and a “Snow Place Like Home” five-hundred-piece jigsaw puzzle that she’s beginning to open so that we can attempt to put it all together before we’re off to bed. The peacefulness on her face evoked a solace within me that I’ve been seeking since this day began. My internal mourning subsided for the meantime as I observed her joy in being surrounded by family and most of all, because they’re all doing quite well in all aspects.

“My daughter went from telling me that you have my grandson’s nose wide open to telling me that he’s completely lost into your world and I couldn’t believe it. Odell would always laugh me off when I asked him about girls or women and he’d tell me that myself, Heather, and Jasmyne are the only ladies of value and importance in his life. From the way he’s been floating around here since your arrival and the way he looks at you, there’s officially a fourth.” My mouth moved to speak but the words remained stuck in the pit of my throat as her ash white eyebrows arose in a satisfaction at the believed accuracy of her all too knowing spirit.

“You don’t have to be modest. He’s not sitting next to you anymore.” Immediately, giggles spilled from her rosy lips prompting my shoulders to sink in a relief that I’m not sure why I needed.

“I’m not being modest. I just don’t know what to say. It feels like a lot of this is unfamiliar territory for me but at the same time, it evokes the shy and bashful side of me.” She’s been making little comments since we were introduced. I guess they were all leading up to this moment.

“That’s a good thing dear; a great thing. I’ve been wanting to meet you ever since his momma showed me a video of him working out with his physical therapists and trainers. You’ve built him back up. She gives you most of the credit for that.”

“I wouldn’t give myself any credit. His determination did it. You can’t keep someone with his determination down and he certainly wasn’t going to do it to himself.”

“Determination goes a long way, but often time, there has to be something or someone to ignite the fire behind that determination and that has been you. You cared for him, physically and most of all mentally, during what he calls one of the most disappointing and darkest times of his life thus far. So, don’t sell yourself cheaply because he talks about you like you’re priceless.”

“I believe in everyone having a person; that person that they can go to for laughter and good times or to lean on for a cry session. Whether it’s a close relative or a friend, you just need that person. I wanted to be that person for him because I know what it’s like to not have that person. He didn’t need pity. He needed encouragement that the injury is just a small part of his journey and most of all, he just needed someone to simply be there. That’s what you do for someone you lo-“

My tongue pressed against the backs of my top front teeth as I halted an admission that I’ve been withholding for a short while and coming to grips with on my own. I’ve been overly analyzing what that means for myself and how to navigate it going forward because it’s never felt quite like this before. As with all that I’ve been sharing with him, it’s new and I’ve jumped off of a cliff and into a pit of fear that I’m doing my best not to drown in.

Acceptance needed to come first and now that it has, I’ve been in a wonderment of whether or not those feelings are reciprocated on his end and how I’m going to handle my ever-going emotions if they are not. I cannot berate him for what he may not feel nor can I resent him for not sparing my feelings with lies if he does admit that I am in this alone.

I want to do nothing more than protect him. It’s almost odd because I’ve felt compelled to do that prior to even knowing him. Every attack and biased commentary that came his way felt like a personal attack on the character of a man who the world refused to understand. Now that I’ve experienced him in ways that are far beyond what were in my imagination at that time, I stand firm in what I knew all along. He’s not perfect and yet his imperfections are too what I love about him. He’s the embodiment of a security in his personhood and masculinity that I am irrevocably attached to.

“You could have finished that. Words are powerful but so are body language and actions. Yours have said it all. You know, I used to call you the young lady on TV that he likes so much, but now I call you the young lady on TV that he loves so much.”

Faint tingling nipped at the nape of my neck and the lined crevice of my back as certain aspects of her statement entered my ear like a vibrating echo; hypothetically repeating themselves for an emphasis to my thoughts. The last man I remember genuinely loving me laid down with my mom to create me. Shamel did not love me; I was something to do.

He rarely ever used the word and when he did, it was to emphasize something that he loved for me to do for him. In poor judgement and a lack of character, I accepted that because I was too emotionally exhausted to be combative with him or myself about it. Eventually, I didn’t even want him to love me. There didn’t need to be anything that kept us attached beyond an ignorant familiarity that I clung to for far too long.

“You really think so?”

“I know so dear.”

In an effort to help her, I reached my arms out and used my hands to spread out the many pieces all over the table so that we could begin a strategy to get it done. It’s been quite some time since I’ve done one of these and I’m not even sure my tired body can concentrate enough but I’m willing to try.

“Merry Christmas.” Yet again, the scent of his Sean Jean cologne slithered up my nose as the heat radiating from his body left me leaning back against my seat, relishing in it. His long arms extended over and he placed a navy-blue box down on the table directly in front of me. Upon my eyes landing on it, the all too famous Harry Winston initials were engraved in a bold gold on its surface.

“What’s this?” Along with him, Mille, and myself being in the room, there was also George who was continuing to document every aspect of this holiday celebration.

“Just a little something for my Brooklyn girl to rock with her Timbs.”

“Shut up!” Our regional teasing never ends. He tends edge me out with the Brooklyn jokes because I don’t know how many other ways, I can talk about how country he is. Technically speaking, he’s not even as country as some of the other athletes that I’ve spoken with over the last couple of years. Even his accent, that nearly melted me out of my heels the night we first conversed with one another, isn’t heavily ingrained with that Louisiana flare.

“Open it.” Without any bickering or hesitation, I slowly pulled up the lid on the box to reveal a pair of hoop earrings that instantly left me in a state of breathlessness. The emerald and round cut stones circled their platinum setting with a glimmer that one could not ignore. Every aspect of their make oozed a meticulousness to his taste and Mr. Winston’s talent. Any figure of price that came to mind could not match up with what sat before me and I know better than to ask him for specifics. I can admit to being a gold hoop wearing girl while I was back in high school, but I never imagined myself having a pair quite like this.

“Oh my God.” Circling my fingers over their surfaces solidified the reality of them now being within my possession and his supple lips pressing against my forehead widened the smile I was already donning.

“You like them? They seemed like they were very you when I saw them. Hoops for when you rock those buns in your hair.” Whether it’s a well done or sloppy bun, he always compliments how “cute” it is on me and he takes it a step further by enjoying the open access to my neck while my hair is out of the way.

“I love them. Thank you, babe. Thank you so much, they’re beautiful.” Just as I’ve done with every gift he’s given me thus far, I leapt out of the chair and threw my arms around his body in a physical showering of the love that I have for him. It’s beyond the gifts but rather the reality of him thinking of me and being so intuitive with what I desire and need that has taken his endless gift giving over the edge tonight.

“George did you get that? Now that’s a picture-perfect moment.” Mille’s face glowed in pleasure at the sight of us. I wonder if we’re reminiscent of those old black and white films that I secretly love so much. I hope so, but just in color. Everything about us is vibrant.

“I have it all Mama Millz.”

“I’ll be back.” I couldn’t take another moment of being in that unbearably warm coat or the tights.

I did change. The crimson red fair isle long john was a perfect touch for tonight. Much like earlier, the fireplace distracted me and I found myself sliding down onto the floor to marvel in its heat and beauty. If there were a pillow down here with me, I’d be asleep within minutes. Though he moved into this house not that long ago, for some reason it feels more lived in than my own. Maybe it’s because it’s filled with family right now or it may be the dogs, but I enjoy the way I feel here. There’s an eerie loneliness in my home that can be difficult to ignore sometimes.

“What are you doing?”

“Enjoying the fireplace.”

“Why are you acting like you don’t have one?” Once inside, he closed the door enough just to leave a crack in it.

“I don’t have one in my bedroom.”

“We can fix that.” Yet again, the nonchalance tone and now shrug awoken parts of me that I’ve been mentally taming since my arrival. He talks like he’s more than willing to give me the world in a silver platter if I were to request it.

“I have something for you.”

“I want something for you too.”

“Me first.” Rather than hanging it to him, I nudged the velvet gift bag towards his feet and he flopped down onto the floor to meet it. He dropped his gift for me, Cartier from what I observed, into his lap.

“Patek Philippe? Oh wow.” With no response, I allowed him to have the moment to himself as he pulled the chocolate toned leather box out of the bag. Our eye contact was brief as he pulled open the lid and his silence intrigued me instead of rattling my already racing nerves. Just as I’d done to the hoop earrings, his fingers ran over its surface while his lips parted to leave his mouth agape. It may not be on his arm now, but I’ve envisioned just how incredible it’s going to look on him over and over again.

“The blue isn’t only representative of the team but it also takes me back to the night we both spoke for the first time. You were wearing blue and black. In New Orleans, when we made things official, you were wearing blue. Blue makes me think of you. I know most associate that color with sorrow, but you give it life and joy. You give it character.”  

Only the sound of the fire crackling against the wood served as a tune dancing in the air of stillness between the two of us. His reaction to so many of the other things I gifted to him were boisterous and comedic, but this stole his words and left him to wallow in speechlessness.

“Sarai, I love you.”

The wholeness of his words filled voids that I neglected and accepted as everlasting destruction. His patience has sealed my gaping wounds and rid me of the leftover scarring. The acceptor of my deficiencies and the protector of my delicate soul, in his eyes, for the first time in such a long time, I recognize myself. The duality of being able to love myself and him is as synchronized as my breathing.

“I love you too, Odell.”

Undoubtedly. Irrevocably.

[theonetrueemo]

May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're gonna have a problem here.. Y'all act like you never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door And started whooping her ass worse than before They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ah!) It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding, He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!) Feminist women love Eminem "Slim Shady, I'm sick of him Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what Flipping the you-know-who." "Yeah, but he's so cute though!" Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse, than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose "My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips" And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is Of course they gonna know what intercourse is By the time they hit fourth grade They got the Discovery Channel, don't they? "We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals Who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP] But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope [*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, Please stand up, please stand up? Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records; Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too! You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me "But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here? So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears? Yo Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV "Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!" I should download her audio on MP3 And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!] I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me So I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt] And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me It just might be the next best thing but not quite me! I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to say it In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all I just get on the mic and spit it And whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings [*HACH*] Or in the parking lot, circling Screaming "I don't give a fuck!" With his windows down and his system up So, will the real Shady please stand up? And put one of those fingers on each hand up? And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go? Ha ha Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us Fuck it, let's all stand up

[panterashadow]

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"The Real Slim Shady"

[Eminem]

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door

And started whooping her ass worse than before

They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ah!)

It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots!

Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

Feminist women love Eminem

[*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]

"Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what

Flipping the you-know-who." "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse, than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP]

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

[Chorus – Eminem (repeat 2x):]

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,

Please stand up, please stand up?

[Eminem]

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records;

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Yo Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!]

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt]

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me

Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me

It just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

[Chorus]

[Eminem]

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you

Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it

In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just get on the mic and spit it

And whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it

Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums

It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting

Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens

And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking

He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings

[*HACH*] Or in the parking lot, circling

Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"

With his windows down and his system up

So, will the real Shady please stand up?

And put one of those fingers on each hand up?

And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

[Chorus 4X]

[Eminem]

Ha ha

Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us

Fuck it, let's all stand up

[caleb4oh]

[Eminem] May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're gonna have a problem here.. Y'all act like you never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door And started whooping her ass worse than before They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ah!) It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding, He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!) Feminist women love Eminem [*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*] "Slim Shady, I'm sick of him Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what Flipping the you-know-who." "Yeah, but he's so cute though!" Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse, than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose "My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips" And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is Of course they gonna know what intercourse is By the time they hit fourth grade They got the Discovery Channel, don't they? "We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals Who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP] But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope [*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes [Chorus – Eminem (repeat 2x):] 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, Please stand up, please stand up? [Eminem] Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records; Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too! You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me "But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here? So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears? Yo Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV "Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!" I should download her audio on MP3 And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!] I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me So I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt] And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me It just might be the next best thing but not quite me! [Chorus] [Eminem] I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to say it In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all I just get on the mic and spit it And whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings [*HACH*] Or in the parking lot, circling Screaming "I don't give a fuck!" With his windows down and his system up So, will the real Shady please stand up? And put one of those fingers on each hand up? And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go? [Chorus 4X] [Eminem] Ha ha Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us Fuck it, let's all stand up

[cheerleader-and-the-burnout]

Since you seem the jackiexhyde expert :) When do you think was the exact moment Hyde noticed he had feelings for Jackie? Hyde's a pretty smart character so even if he wouldn't admit it to anyone else id say he realized it himself early on. What do you think?

Second Anon:

What do you think about the relationship between Jackie and Hyde in season 1?

(Answering these two together on account of similarities!)

((Thank you, Anon! That’s the most flattering thing anyone has ever said!!))

I think there have been a couple moments. Hyde seems to be really good at self-deception, and as we know, his feelings for Jackie make him very uncomfortable. Therefore I think episodes like Kelso’s Serenade, Moon Over Point Place, and Jackie Bags Hyde are all in their own way moments of revelation for him. But if you want to know when I think was the moment that the first inkling of attraction struck him, I have to go with this one. 

(Read more for the usual long-windedness)

Early in the first season, Hyde and Jackie’s relationship appears to have been purely contentious. Jackie took up all of Kelso’s time, and Hyde resented her for it. They were actively antagonistic towards one another. They were also completely absorbed in their own respective romantic relationships–Jackie with Kelso, and Hyde with Donna. And so long as those other relationships were still ongoing, they had no attention left to spare for one another. Then came the beginning of what I like to think of as “The (First) Jackie and Hyde Arc”. 

While I don’t think Hyde and Donna were ever right for each other (obviously) I do think it’s this early crush that sort of wakes Hyde up to the idea that a relationship (a real relationship) might be something that he wants in life. And though any possibility of it happening with Donna comes to a screeching halt after First Date, the seed of interest in something more serious remains. Then, immediately following in The Pill, Jackie’s pregnancy scare wakes her up to the idea that maybe Kelso isn’t right for her in the long term, leaving them both single and unattached for the first time since we’ve known them, just in time for Career Day, the episode in which we first learn what Jackie and Hyde have most in common with one another. Let me just say, I adore this episode. I love getting to see the kinds of relationships each kid has with their respective parents. (The scenes between Kelso and his statistician father, for instance, are pure gold.) But I also love it because it provides the first glimpse Hyde and Jackie have of one another that begins to challenge their initial preconceptions. (Please excuse my early, feeble attempts at gifmaking.) Jackie, independent and covered in axel grease, looks nothing like the spoilt princess Hyde once knew and loathed, and Hyde, quiet and introspective, is nothing like the sneering antagonist she’s so familiar with. Brief though it is, that moment in Red’s garage serves as a sort of reset button on their relationship, both for us the viewers and for them–perfectly setting the stage for Prom Night.

Much can be said about this episode, but I’ll stick to the highlights. The Hyde we first met in the pilot never would have been coerced into taking Jackie anywhere, no matter how much she stamped and cried, so that alone tells us that his attitude towards her has already begun to shift a little. But it isn’t until that moment when they’re alone together on his front porch that it really clicks into place. Not only can you see the look of dawning comprehension on his face when he tells her she’s beautiful, but there’s literally a lightbulb shining directly over his head when he says it. It’s the very picture of an Aha! moment. 

The proof of this change in Hyde’s feelings towards her lies in their third and final scene together. Where earlier he laughed at Jackie’s predicament, he is now sensitive to and sympathizes with how seeing Kelso with Pam makes her feel. Just look at how he carefully steers her away so she doesn’t have to look at them, and does what in every other scenario (see Nobody’s Fault But Mine or Acid Queen) he patently refuses to do: tell a lie (that Pam looks fat in her dress) in order to make Jackie feel better. And later, when Kelso confronts him about it, Hyde takes Jackie’s side, making the episode as much a turning point in his and Kelso’s relationship as it is in his and Jackie’s–one that eventually leads to his revelation in Kelso’s Serenade that his thinks she can “do better than Kelso”. (So much #JHK, I can’t even.) 

So while it’s debatable whether Hyde’s changed feelings had already begun to morph into romantic ones, I think it’s safe to say that Prom Night is the episode that really sets Jackie and Hyde ”on course”. In the course of three consecutive episodes, these two utterly dissimilar characters who once loathed each other now have a sort of understanding with one another, and a relationship that, however tenuous, is wholly independent from the group. It’s the reason why Jackie turns to Hyde rather than Donna when she breaks up with Kelso in Kiss of Death, because the precedent has already been set (both in Prom Night and in Ski Trip) that when Kelso makes Jackie cry, Hyde is the one she cries on. It’s also the reason for their more relaxed, less actively contentious rapport throughout the rest of the season. (See episodes like Water Tower and Hyde Moves In). They still have a long way to go in their evolution as a couple, but it’s that moment on the front porch in Prom Night that gets them going. 

Thanks for the asks, Anons! Have an S1 gifset in gratitude.  

[beatmyaudio]

The Real Slim Shady Song Lyrics – Eminem

The Real Slim Shady Song Lyrics

The Real Slim Shady Song Lyrics From Popular Hollywood Artist Eminem from Album.

This song is sung by singer ” Eminem ” in Year 2000.

Lyrics of The Real Slim Shady :

may i have your attention please may i have your attention please will the real slim shady please stand up i repeat will the real slim shady please stand up were going to have a problem hereyall act like you never seen a white person before jaws all on the floor like pam and tommy just burst in the door started whoopin her ass worse than before they first get divorced throwing her over furniture its the return of the oh wait no way your kidding he didnt just say what i think he did did he and dr dre said nothing you idiots dr dres dead hes locked in my basement ha ha feminist women love eminem chicka chicka chicka slim shady im sick of him look at him walking around grabbing his you know what flippin the you know who yeah but hes so cute though yea i probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose but no worse than whats going on in your parents bedrooms sometimes i want to get on tv and just let loose but cant but its cool for tom green to hump a dead moose my bum is on your lips my bum is on your lips and if im lucky you might just give it a little kiss and thats the message that we deliver to little kids and expect them not to know what a womens clitoris is of course they gonna know what intercourse is by the time they hit 4th grade they got the discovery channel dont they we aint nothing but mammals well some of us cannibals who cut other people open like cantaloupes but if we can hump dead animals and antelopes then theres no reason that a man and another man cant elope but if you feel like i feel i got the antidote women wave your pantyhose sing the chorus and it goesim slim shady yes im the real shady all you other slim shadys are just imitating so wont the real slim shady please stand up please stand up please stand up cause im slim shady yes im the real shady all you other slim shadys are just imitating so wont the real slim shady please stand up please stand up please stand upwill smith dont gotta cuss in his raps to sell records well i do so fuck him and fuck you too you think i give a damn about a grammy half of you critics cant even stomach me let alone stand me but slim what if you win wouldnt it be weird why so you guys can just lie to get me here so you can sit me here next to britney spears shit christina aguilera better switch me chairs so i can sit next to carson daly and fred durst and hear em argue over who she gave head to first little bitch put me on blast on mtv yeah hes cute but i think hes married to kim he he i should download her audio on mp3 and show the whole world how you gave eminem vd im sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me so ive been sent here to destroy you and theres a million of us just like me who cuss like me who just dont give a fuck like me who dress like me walk talk and act like me it just might be the next best thing but not quite mecause im slim shady yes im the real shady all you other slim shadys are just imitating so wont the real slim shady please stand up please stand up please stand up cause im slim shady yes im the real shady all you other slim shadys are just imitating so wont the real slim shady please stand up please stand up please stand upim like a head trip to listen to cause im only giving you things you joke about with your friends inside your living room the only difference is i got the balls to say it in front of yall and i dont gotta be false or sugar coat it at all i just get on the mic and spit it and whether you like to admit it rip i just shit it better than 90 percent of you rappers out there then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums its funny cause at the rate im going when im thirty ill be the only person in the nursing home flirting pinching nurses asses when im jackin off with jergens and im jerking but this whole bag of viagra isnt working and every single person is a slim shady lurkin he could be workin at burger king spitten on your onion rings or in the parking lot circling screaming i dont give a fuck with his windows down and system up so will the real shady please stand up and put one of those fingers on each hand up and to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control and one more time loud as you can how does it goim slim shady yes im the real shady all you other slim shadys are just imitating so wont the real slim shady please stand up please stand up please stand up cause im slim shady yes im the real shady all you other slim shadys are just imitating so wont the real slim shady please stand up please stand up please stand upcause im slim shady yes im the real shady all you other slim shadys are just imitating so wont the real slim shady please stand up please stand up please stand up cause im slim shady yes im the real shady all you other slim shadys are just imitating so wont the real slim shady please stand up please stand up please stand uphaha i guess theres a slim shady in all of us fuck it lets all stand up

The Real Slim Shady Song Lyrics

Youtube Channel Link

Lyrics, Edit, Eminem, English, Hollywood, The Real Slim Shady from WordPress https://ift.tt/2ApoVt6 via IFTTT

[akumeno]

Eminem - The Real Slim Shady (Edited)

[Eminem] May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're gonna have a problem here.. Y'all act like you never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door And started whooping her ass worse than before They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ah!) It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding, He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!) Feminist women love Eminem [*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*] "Slim Shady, I'm sick of him Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what Flipping the you-know-who." "Yeah, but he's so cute though!" Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse, than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose "My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips" And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is Of course they gonna know what intercourse is By the time they hit fourth grade They got the Discovery Channel, don't they? "We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals Who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP] But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope [*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes [Chorus – Eminem (repeat 2x):] 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, Please stand up, please stand up? [Eminem] Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records; Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too! You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me "But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here? So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears? Yo Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV "Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!" I should download her audio on MP3 And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!] I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me So I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt] And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me It just might be the next best thing but not quite me! [Chorus] [Eminem] I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to say it In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all I just get on the mic and spit it And whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings [*HACH*] Or in the parking lot, circling Screaming "I don't give a fuck!" With his windows down and his system up So, will the real Shady please stand up? And put one of those fingers on each hand up? And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go? [Chorus 4X] [Eminem] Ha ha Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us Fuck it, let's all stand up

[simethemetest]

May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door Started whoopin' her ass worse than before, they first get divorced Throwing her over furniture It's the return of the "Oh wait, no way, your kidding, He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" And Dr Dre said Nothing you idiots Dr Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha) Feminist women love Eminem, chicka chicka chicka Slim Shady I'm sick of him Look at him, walking around grabbing his you know what Flippin' the you know who "yeah, but he's so cute though" Yea I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse than what's going on in your parent's bedrooms Sometimes I want to get on TV and just let loose, but can't, But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a women's clitoris is. Of course they gonna know what intercourse is, by the time they hit 4th grade, They got the discovery channel don't they? We ain't nothing but mammals, Well some of us cannibals, who cut other people open like cantaloupes. But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote. Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too. You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me. "But Slim what if you win wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here? So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears. Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first. Little bitch put me on blast on M-T-V "Yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Kim, he he" I should download her audio on mp3 And show the whole world how you gave Eminem V.D. I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me So I've been sent here to destroy you And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me, who dress like me Walk, talk and act like me, it just might be the next best thing, But not quite me

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

I'm like a head trip to listen to 'Cause I'm only giving you, things you joke about with your friends Inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all And I don't gotta be false or sugar coat it at all I just get on the mic and spit it, and whether you like to admit it (rip) I just shit it better than 90 percent of you rappers out there Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums, it's funny 'Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting. Pinching nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with Jergens And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin' he could be workin' at Burger King Spitten on your onion rings Or in the parking lot circling, Screaming I don't give a fuck with his windows down and system up So will the real Shady, please stand up And put one of those fingers on each hand up And to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

[thedietian]

24 Day Kick Start |

Product Name: 24 Day Kick Start |

Click here to get 24 Day Kick Start | at discounted price while it’s still available…

All orders are protected by SSL encryption – the highest industry standard for online security from trusted vendors. 24 Day Kick Start | is backed with a 60 Day No Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee. If within the first 60 days of receipt you are not satisfied with Wake Up Lean, you can request a refund by sending an email to the address given inside the product and we will immediately refund your entire purchase price, with no questions asked.

Description:

If So, Here’s the ONLY Thing You Need To Do:

How do I know that? It’s simple, really. I’ve helped 2,463 people just like you get in the best shape of their life – so they really LIVE their best life. In fact, on our Youtube channel, we have over 450 video testimonials from these folks proving our programs really work. Here’s just a small sample…

And we also have hundreds of before/after pictures and written testimonials!

“I’ve lost 80 pounds. My life is forever changed. The personal trainers, accountability and total program made it different than other things I have tried.” Lori B.

“I’ve lost 30 pounds, I have more energy, keep up with my kids, and I feel WONDERFUL. The support and accountability from the program has been huge!” Cathy E.

“I’m down 35 pounds and over 30 inches from when i started. I’ve gone from a size 6-8 even in jeans. This program is exactly what I needed to get started!”Pam M

“Get You In Shape was just what I needed to get my health in order. 50 Pounds lost but more importantly, my health is now back to normal.”Scott W.

“Lost 15 pounds in the program and went on to lose 30 pounds! After many attempts, this program was the one!” Brandon  C.

“I still can’t believe that I’ve lost 35 pounds and my health is at it’s best in years because of this awesome program” Catherine W.

“After having three kids, this program helped give me the kick start I needed to lose 20 pounds!” Cynthia L.

“I was not a happy person before caving into the program but after a few weeks I was a new ME. It helped that I lost 14 pounds initially and 30 total too “Tarah W.

Have you ever seen that much proof before, from any other product or program?

All these people – regular folks just like you and me – got these life changing results by doing just one thing: “Following The Darn Instructions!”

And now it’s your turn…

Hi. My name is Brad Linder and I can certainly say (and prove it with hundreds of testimonies) that I’ve learned the BEST way to help someone get started toward the lifestyle they desire. I’ve been featured on The Doctor’s TV show, been a best-selling author, been featured on ABC News and been in numerous newspapers articles as the “weight loss expert.” .

From my 18 years as health and fitness coach working with thousands of people who wanted to create positive change in their lives, I’ve discovered that the single biggest problem they face (and you probably do, too) is…Getting Started – The RIGHT Way! You see, I’ve figured out that most people who struggle with becoming their best are lacking 3 main things:​​1. Not having the KNOWLEDGE to put a complete nutrition and fitness program together.2. Not having a “step by step” “FOLLOW THE DARN INSTRUCTIONS” program help get them started. 3. Not having a support or ACCOUNTABILITY System in place to help them get off to a great start.

“I wanted to let you know how much the Get You In Shape and your program has helped me in just a few short months. Thanks for giving me all the tools, encouragement, motivation and inspiration to make the changes to my life. Going from a size 12 to a 4 has definitely changed my confidence and my life. Thank YOU!”

“I have lost 30 pounds beyond the Program. And most importantly, I have maintained my weight for over a year. Maintaining weight loss and keeping a healthy diet were my biggest challenges before joining . I am definitely more conscious of everything I put into my body. I’m not always perfect, but I feel this program has given me the tools to easily get back on track. The weight loss has enabled me to clean out my closet and buy all new clothes!”

“I’m at the lowest weight I’ve been since 2008, feel younger, feel stronger, and feel better about myself.”

“When I started this program, I weighed 243 lbs. I was so tired by the time I got off work that most nights, I would lie on the couch watching TV until bedtime. I would get winded just walking up the stairs at work. I’ve now lost over 80 pounds and feel like a different person!”

“I’m down 35 pounds and over 30 inches from when I started. I’ve gone from a size 14 to a size 6-8- even in jeans!”

You will not just be getting the guidebooks but each section will have a video explaining the important aspects so that you understand WHAT TO DO. The details​​​​ in the different section will all be laid out along with a checklist making it easy to “Follow The Darn Instructions” and get results.

This section will help you get started and stay focused on your health and fitness journey. You will get an Checklist, Progress Sheet, Goals Sheet, Testing Sheet and other helpful documents to help you get and stay motivated, as well as hold you accountable.Having all of these tools at your disposal will ensure that you stay focused as you start the journey to living the lifestyle you have always desired and becoming the best version of you.

This section will walk you through The 24 Day Kick Start and give you the “follow the darn instructions” playbook for the entire program.

Document included:The 24 Day Kick Start Checklist – An easy to follow sheet that allows you to go through the list and check off the steps you need to do before getting started.

This section will focus on your goals, your action steps, your reason why you are pursuing this new lifestyle and creating a vision board. Documents include:

This section lays out the step-by-step nutrition plan:

This book is packed with healthy recipes that will help you enjoy eating healthy.

This book lays out our fitness program for The 24 Day Kick Start and includes:

This program is not for everybody, you can use this section to pre-select the customers that will get the best results.

It’s pretty simple, if you put your honest effort to “following the darn instructions” laid out in The 24 Day Kick Start and are not looking, feeling and performing better within 60 days, just send us a message and we’ll refund your money, no questions asked.

Well, mom of three (including a 5 month old!), Kim, was in the same boat, but knew she needed a change. After completing the program, Kim loves to share her story and encourage others to start. “I believe it is unique because of the length. It really allows for real life change. I like the charts and check off boxes on the daily sheets. It made it so easy to keep up with what I had done for the day already. I lost about 10 pounds initially and a total of 23 pounds. I lost over 21 inches. I fit into clothes that I haven’t worn in years. I feel great, too! Commit to the program and go for it! Life will happen whether you do this program or not. Do you want to look back 3 months from now and say ‘What if I would have…?’ or do you want to look back and say ‘Wow, look how far I’ve come!”

IF KIM CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU! SCROLL DOWN TO GET THE SPECIAL LAUNCH PRICE

“I Lost 20 pounds initially and have lost a total of 37 pounds! “Sharon K.

“My entire lifestyle has changed since starting this program! Not only have I lost over 50 pounds but I am now helping others in their own journey! “Lotta M.

“I started this program because I had two small boys counting on me to play with them and I was too over weight and tired to play with them. I’ve lost 40 pounds and have more energy than I know what to do of because of this program! “Joe O.

Healthy Recipe guidebooks – We know having healthy choices when it comes to eating is tough. We will be adding two other guidebooks as a special bonus. Traveling Workouts – You’ll have access to the same traveling workouts we give our training clients as a special bonus for signing up for The 24 Day Challenge Kick Start.

This Checklist will ensure that you do all of our steps prior to beginning your health and fitness journey. While simultaneously helping you increase your confidence.

This Test will help you know where you are starting at and also help motivate you as you progress in your health and fitness journey.

FTDI is short for “follow the darn instructions” and this guidebook lays it all out in a easy to follow, step by step plan.

You’ll get a sheet to help you track your healthy and fitness journey long the way. The sheet has days that we recommend that you re-measure/weigh.

24 Day Accountability Calendar

A daily checklist to make sure you are “following the darn instructions” to help you stay on track. 

Fitness is just one of the key components to achieving the results you want. This section is designed to help instill the fundamentals to help you get started and stick to an exercise routine. The goal here is to START, so we have conveniently laid it all out for you. 

GetYouInShape.com, LLC . All rights Reserved

ClickBank is the retailer of this product. CLICKBANK® is a registered trademark of Click Sales, Inc., a Delaware corporation located at 917 S. Lusk Street, Suite 200, Boise Idaho, 83706, USA and used by permission. ClickBank’s role as retailer does not constitute an endorsement, approval or review of this product or any claim, statement or opinion used in promotion of this product.

Click here to get 24 Day Kick Start | at discounted price while it’s still available…

All orders are protected by SSL encryption – the highest industry standard for online security from trusted vendors. 24 Day Kick Start | is backed with a 60 Day No Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee. If within the first 60 days of receipt you are not satisfied with Wake Up Lean, you can request a refund by sending an email to the address given inside the product and we will immediately refund your entire purchase price, with no questions asked.

The post 24 Day Kick Start | appeared first on The Dietian.

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[bridgeslebowski]

May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're going to have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door Started whoopin' her ass worse than before, they first get divorced Throwing her over furniture It's the return of the "Oh wait, no way, your kidding, He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" And Dr Dre said Nothing you idiots Dr Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha) Feminist women love Eminem, chicka chicka chicka Slim Shady I'm sick of him Look at him, walking around grabbing his you know what Flippin' the you know who "yeah, but he's so cute though" Yea I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse than what's going on in your parent's bedrooms Sometimes I want to get on TV and just let loose, but can't, But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a women's clitoris is. Of course they gonna know what intercourse is, by the time they hit 4th grade, They got the discovery channel don't they? We ain't nothing but mammals, Well some of us cannibals, who cut other people open like cantaloupes. But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote. Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too. You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me. "But Slim what if you win wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here? So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears. Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first. Little bitch put me on blast on M-T-V "Yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Kim, he he" I should download her audio on mp3 And show the whole world how you gave Eminem V.D. I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me So I've been sent here to destroy you And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me, who dress like me Walk, talk and act like me, it just might be the next best thing, But not quite me

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

I'm like a head trip to listen to 'Cause I'm only giving you, things you joke about with your friends Inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all And I don't gotta be false or sugar coat it at all I just get on the mic and spit it, and whether you like to admit it (rip) I just shit it better than 90 percent of you rappers out there Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums, it's funny 'Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting. Pinching nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with Jergens And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin' he could be workin' at Burger King Spitten on your onion rings Or in the parking lot circling, Screaming I don't give a fuck with his windows down and system up So will the real Shady, please stand up And put one of those fingers on each hand up And to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

Haha, I guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us, Fuck it, Let's all stand up

[lemonsmccartney]

May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're going to have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door Started whoopin' her ass worse than before, they first get divorced Throwing her over furniture It's the return of the "Oh wait, no way, your kidding, He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" And Dr Dre said Nothing you idiots Dr Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha) Feminist women love Eminem, chicka chicka chicka Slim Shady I'm sick of him Look at him, walking around grabbing his you know what Flippin' the you know who "yeah, but he's so cute though" Yea I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse than what's going on in your parent's bedrooms Sometimes I want to get on TV and just let loose, but can't, But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a women's clitoris is. Of course they gonna know what intercourse is, by the time they hit 4th grade, They got the discovery channel don't they? We ain't nothing but mammals, Well some of us cannibals, who cut other people open like cantaloupes. But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote. Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too. You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me. "But Slim what if you win wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here? So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears. Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first. Little bitch put me on blast on M-T-V "Yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Kim, he he" I should download her audio on mp3 And show the whole world how you gave Eminem V.D. I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me So I've been sent here to destroy you And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me, who dress like me Walk, talk and act like me, it just might be the next best thing, But not quite me

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

I'm like a head trip to listen to 'Cause I'm only giving you, things you joke about with your friends Inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all And I don't gotta be false or sugar coat it at all I just get on the mic and spit it, and whether you like to admit it (rip) I just shit it better than 90 percent of you rappers out there Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums, it's funny 'Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting. Pinching nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with Jergens And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin' he could be workin' at Burger King Spitten on your onion rings Or in the parking lot circling, Screaming I don't give a fuck with his windows down and system up So will the real Shady, please stand up And put one of those fingers on each hand up And to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

Haha, I guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us, Fuck it, Let's all stand up

[maevethemetest-blog]

[Eminem] May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're gonna have a problem here.. Y'all act like you never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door And started whooping her ass worse than before They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ah!) It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding, He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!) Feminist women love Eminem [*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*] "Slim Shady, I'm sick of him Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what Flipping the you-know-who." "Yeah, but he's so cute though!" Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse, than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose "My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips" And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is Of course they gonna know what intercourse is By the time they hit fourth grade They got the Discovery Channel, don't they? "We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals Who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP] But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope [*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes [Chorus – Eminem (repeat 2x):] 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, Please stand up, please stand up? [Eminem] Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records; Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too! You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me "But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here? So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears? Yo Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV "Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!" I should download her audio on MP3 And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!] I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me So I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt] And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me It just might be the next best thing but not quite me! [Chorus] [Eminem] I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to say it In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all I just get on the mic and spit it And whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings [*HACH*] Or in the parking lot, circling Screaming "I don't give a fuck!" With his windows down and his system up So, will the real Shady please stand up? And put one of those fingers on each hand up? And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go? [Chorus 4X] [Eminem] Ha ha Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us Fuck it, let's all stand up

[panterashadow]

TH£ R£ÄL SLÏM SHÄD¥ 2000

TH£ MÄRSHÄLL MÄTH£RS LP (Ä)

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P∆ÑT£R∆'SH∆DØ￦

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https://youtu.be/eJO5HU_7_1w

L¥RÏK:

"The Real Slim Shady"

[Eminem]

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door

And started whooping her ass worse than before

They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ah!)

It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots!

Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

Feminist women love Eminem

[*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]

"Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what

Flipping the you-know-who." "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse, than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP]

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

[Chorus – Eminem (repeat 2x):]

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,

Please stand up, please stand up?

[Eminem]

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records;

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Yo Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!]

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt]

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me

Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me

It just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you

Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it

In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just get on the mic and spit it

And whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it

Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums

It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting

Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens

And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking

He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings

[*HACH*] Or in the parking lot, circling

Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"

With his windows down and his system up

So, will the real Shady please stand up?

And put one of those fingers on each hand up?

undefined

[panterashadow]

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TH£ MÄRSHÄLL MÄTH£RS LP

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"The Real Slim Shady"

[Eminem]

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door

And started whooping her ass worse than before

They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ah!)

It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots!

Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

Feminist women love Eminem

[*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]

"Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what

Flipping the you-know-who." "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse, than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP]

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

[Chorus – Eminem (repeat 2x):]

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,

Please stand up, please stand up?

[Eminem]

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records;

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Yo Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!]

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt]

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me

Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me

It just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

[Chorus]

[Eminem]

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you

Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it

In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just get on the mic and spit it

And whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it

Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums

It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting

Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens

And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking

He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings

[*HACH*] Or in the parking lot, circling

Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"

With his windows down and his system up

So, will the real Shady please stand up?

And put one of those fingers on each hand up?

undefined