#but like. i think it would mean a lot to kids like me who never stayed in one place for long to see their struggles addressed

[finchsflight]

The most important thing, that a lot of people who want this kind of job don't get, is that you have to have an explanation.

And not some namby-pamby 'oh, you see, it was simply up my sleeve, ha ha let's all pretend this didn't happen!'. No, you need a proper, actual, well-thought-through explanation.

(At least, for the kids I show off for. If the parent didn't ever bother getting their kid into the business, or explaining tricks -- eh, you're probably fine. But if they didn't explain the tricks, well, they wouldn't need us, would they?)

The kids -- usually, at least, that I see -- want magic. But half the time they're too smart for their own good, and there's no one who'll think you're a real wizard like a little kid. They want you to be a real wizard. But you need them to think you're just really, really good.

(Y'know. On account of how we don't endanger kids. And if that's an issue for you, then I've got a big stick and you have some fun places I can shove it.)

So that's the first thing. Explanation. Every trick you've got, you better be good and prepared for them to ask you about it, in detail, at the end of the show, and if you don't have good answers, it breaks. Yeah, yeah, a magician never reveals their secrets, but little kids hate being condescended to and they'll have a great time if you show them the props and the 'real magic' behind the magic. Yes, yes, I know, it sounds stupid.

The second thing is, you're showing off, but you're not showing off. Big elemental stuff? Usually a no-no, even if you've got a good and sciency explanation. Partially because, like... if you're doing a science show, you don't need a wand. You can just go buy some liquid nitrogen. World's neat enough as is. And partially because -- look, you're a delight. But listen. You are never as good at lying to small children as you think you are, okay?

If you're gonna need an explanation, well, that means you need explainable stuff. Me, I like kinda theming things off human magicians -- you know, cards, ribbons, vanishing boxes, sleight-of-hand style stuff. A few flashy lights. That sorta thing. They love seeing a card trick that's just impossible enough to be amazing and just possible enough to be explained.

Works to add some things they can actually recognize, too; then they get a little moment where they get to feel like they've got one over on you.

And that leads pretty well to my last one.

Eventually, a kid's gonna ask you how you did something, and you're gonna give your made-up bullshit explanation that you will have gotten really good at delivering, and then either they're gonna say "That's not possible," or they're gonna ask you if you can teach them.

And you're gonna not be able to dismiss it, or you're not gonna be able to say 'sorry, I need to go', and there's gonna be a little kid who figures out that you're a wizard.

Remember what I said? How we don't endanger kids?

This is the part where that gets important.

Feel free to remember them, bookmark their name for when they grow up 'cause you think they might be a good apprentice, whatever. But you do not recruit kids.

And you already know that. So you're not gonna like what I'm about to say, because yes, it's gonna feel icky and terrible and it is, technically, about as illegal as anything can be when you're behind the -- what's the word for it these days?

Masquerade? Oh, man, that's so much better than it used to be. Nice.

Anyway.

Learn how to muddle a kid's memories.

Yeah. I know.

No, I don't like it either.

Only a few times. Thank God.

There's a trick I use, though -- and also makes it a lot less icky -- build a time limiter. Make a spell up, on your own, that is inextricably tied to a time limiter. Make it so it breaks when they're... remind me, what's, like, an age where kids are allowed to make bad choices?

Jesus. That's too young.

Well, let's say, uh... twice that? Twice that. That seems fine.

Don't make it something flashy. Just... let the memories fade back in. And after that, if they find you, it's not a kid, and they can make their own bad choices.

Yeah, I know.

I said it wasn't always a fun job. Wasn't just talking about the bodily fluids -- oh, yeah, that too. They're totally gonna get things on you. Snot, vomit, blood... small children end up bleeding a surprising amount, honestly?

Sure, yeah, I can teach you some cleaning cantrips.

When normal people throw a birthday party for their child, they call in a magician. When magicians throw a birthday party for their child, they call you.

[iregularlyevadetaxes]

sorry this is probably proving the point but i can't stop thinking about the reddit comment you posted where everyone in the notes was agreeing with "short women are weirdos about height." can sivi followers expand on that genuine question. being 4'11 and perceived as a 12 year old is like the bane of my existence so i complain about it all the time is this more annoying than i thought. i've seen people accuse short women of infantilizing themselves and acting like children on purpose when they're pursuing men which is what some of the notes seem to be saying… i'm not into men but i've been accused of acting like a child on purpose as well and it's kind of bizarre to me but maybe it's true for others (tbh i think it often is for straight women in general). can y'all explain

i'm not even that short (4'11 is what I would actually consider short) but have a smaller body frame and get some odd comments comparing me to a child. are there creeps like that? yes. is it the responsibility of smaller women to not "attract" them? I just don't care anymore. I like to wear cute/childish things because they make me happy and if someone's a creep over it that's their fucking problem. bitches can't even have whimsy now...SAD.

also I think a lot of people are projecting here wrt height because i've gotten oddly accusatory asks about height preferences when i've never even said anything about it. so by what means are we determining short women only like tall men? just seeing a couple like that, making the assumption, getting mad, and telling reddit about it? literally incel shit lmao

also

>tbh I think it often is for straight women in general

probably because a lot of romance media marketed to straight women tells them it's desirable to men. like look at older hollywood movies where a mid-20s model lusts over the main character who could be her dad's age. or all the plotlines where men leave older women for younger ones (notice this is really only 'a thing' in real life among egotistical celebrities, and guess who stars in and directs those movies?) anyway i'm the pattern noticer. i'm always noticing things. also I could write an essay on how a lot of what we identify as pedophilia is a result of social engineering and not innate sexuality. and no, I am not saying this in a right wing "teachers are grooming kids to be WOKE!!" way, i'm saying any patriarchal society includes subordination of women and children and that is something that needs to be drilled into your brain at some point because you don't accept it by default. just like any social injustice really--you will follow the narrative or you'll be violently corrected. ok this post got kinda dark but it IS a topic I enjoy analyzing, in part to answer questions I have about my own experiences. and yes, I could absolutely explain why my political opinions and what i'm attracted to seem contradictory. do not even try because if something exists I will manage to connect it to politics

[cloversplace]

“Pony was being dramatic!” “Darry only hit him once!” “You’re telling me Darry never hit him before?” “Johnny gets hit everyday at home and doesn’t complain!”

Shush. Just, stop for a minute. I personally think that Pony’s reaction to getting slapped was justified, and it angers me a little sometimes when people chalk it down to just him being a brat. Ponyboy already thinks Darry doesn’t want him around, Darry’s constantly on Pony for every little thing, being hard on him to keep him from getting taken away. Hitting him is one thing that would get Pony taken away faster than anything else, in doing this, Darry’s accidentally sending Ponyboy a message: He doesn’t just not want him around, he wants to get rid of him as quickly as possible. 

“Oh but Darry probably hit him a lot when they were kids!” EXACTLY. When. They. Were. KIDS. Darry 100% slugged Pony a couple times bc he was being a little shit, but Darry’s stuck halfway between being a father and a brother. He’s not just Pony’s brother anymore, he’s his guardian. Pony explicitly says that no one in his family hit each other, including their parents. Pony says Darry looks exactly like their dad, in that moment, Pony can’t imagine his father hitting him. If his parents had still been alive and his father had hit him instead of Darry, Pony would’ve had the same reaction. Pony’s in shock, when someone is hurt they go into fight or flight, Pony is a track star, and also kinda scrawny. (no offense Pony) He’s gonna choose to run instead of try to fight back. Because in his mind, if Darry hit him once, who’s to say he isn’t gonna do it again?

Now onto Johnny, yes Johnny has it way, way worse at home than Pony does. But he’s also used to it, it’s sad, but true. Johnny’s used to being hit by his parents, Pony isn’t. The first hits are always the worst. We see that in Tex and The Outsiders. There’s no doubt in my mind that Johnny acted like Pony did when he was younger, when he wasn’t so used to his parents hitting him. If Darry continued to hit Pony, Pony would eventually start to act like Johnny. Learn to take it. I also don’t think that Johnny was mad/annoyed with Pony for acting like he did. Maybe Johnny was a little jealous when Pony used to complain that Darry hated him. But that was before Darry hit him, Johnny’s probably a little mad at Darry too, being honest. Darry’s supposed to be the one holding them together. The one refuge most greasers on the East side have. Johnny probably knew deep down that Darry was scared and most likely felt bad and won’t do it again. But you still don’t hit people when you’re scared. Johnny has never been hit out of fear, every time his parents beat on him it’s out of anger. You hit out of anger, you fight back out of fear. 

So no, Pony didn’t deserve to be slapped. He wasn’t asking for it. They lost their parents less than a year ago. Darry is 20 years old for fuck’s sake! I bet some of you reading this right now are either older than that or only a year or two younger. 20 is arguably still a kid, and 20 should not be the age to take on two jobs, maintaining a house, and taking care of two teenagers, plus 4 other teens and oh, I don’t know, almost everyone in eastern Tulsa? That’s too much to ask of anyone. Even if Pony was being a little shit (which he usually is, but in the argument that night I would say Darry kind of instigated it more, at least in the book/movie) that still doesn’t mean he deserved the hit, or shove, in the movie’s case. 

Thank you for coming to my ted talk, I really needed to just put that out there. I’m seeing so many people ratting on Pony for the way he acted, especially comparing him to the way Johnny is treated at home. Which isn’t fair in my opinion. Thank u for listening! 💜

@natur3sf1rstgr33n @magefelixir @staygoldspiiderrah @marciavalance @sonnysimagination@polishravagingasexual @dairyfairyy @curtis-brothers-hug @penguinstuff @colequette@therealtwobit67 @far-away-from-tulsa @strxwberry-julius @fawning4leif @im14andivebeen14foramonth @chipperdipperr @stayruby @averagefandomist @johnnycademyschmookie @maxiebearz @totoroboiii

[cheesycatz]

Parasitic worm pretends to be your valentine so you don't notice that they're the reason you have 24 days left to live

Wormton AU fic is 190k words now! : )

Nothing crazy new plot wise, more bonding and found family stuff. Obligatory fluff after how much these guys had to go through. I like describing all the sounds he makes when isn't trying to suppress them; chirps, warbles, trills, chirrs, chitters, screeches, snarls, and that weird computer whirring sound he makes that may or may not have the same connotations as purring (sorry I couldn't resist)

I'm excited to go through revisions! It's been so long since I wrote some of this stuff that I don't remember the fine details, so it's genuinely fun for me to read through. Also, I had fun making disguised wormton seem as cursed as possible without actually describing his real form until post-reveal. Blue was probably the only one who didn't think he was some deranged serial killer at first sight, which, fair enough. I was kind of worried about a few very minor original characters I added not being accepted, but then I remembered that Trashy the trash can probably has more speaking lines than any one of them and it probably isn't that big of a deal. I hope you enjoy the one chapter with these three kids putting their LPS animal dolls through the most traumatizing, heart-wrenching, dark story as we all did as children (I promise it's plot relevant and contains symbolism).

Drew some non-canon wormton stuff for Valentine’s Day. I mean, I don't know how you would send a valentine to an elusive homeless man with no official documentation of his existence. The asexually reproducing computer worm guy can't feel anything romantic, but he would love to take advantage of you—gladly accept your lovely gifts. Bro’s just teasing haha he would never inject parasitic worm larvae into your abdomen just don't go to the doctor in the next 24 days please he definitely loves you and not the worms hypothetically eating your organs

“worm.vbs” is a reference to the file type used by the ILOVEYOU worm and other old malware. I only know this because I realized that one of the official spamton valentines from last year contains its exact file name “LOVE-LETTER-FOR-YOU.TXT.vbs”. sharing this trivia because it was like the one reference in those valentines that I didn't see anyone mention back then and because it makes me feel smart

Food for thought:

Honestly, he'd be pretty scary if it weren't for his justified fear of the antivirus forces. Malworm safety is all about avoiding disembodied voices trying to lure you into alleys, so the fact that you can physically see his relatively humanoid disguised form would make him seem dangerously trustworthy. I was thinking about what would've happened if he would've gotten help from the person on the phone (probably gaster I guess? idk). He could've totally been like a cult leader manipulating people into willingly becoming hosts because it was honorable or whatever. And that could combine with the fact that their venom slightly influences the brain. And the followers would've thought he was simply dressing up as a malworm and his fall from grace would've been when they realized he was just a malworm in disguise infecting them and prolonging the invasion. I prefer what I have now; lonely hypothetically-murderous wormton is a lot more redeemable than very-murderous cult leader wormton would be. The addisons, or anyone really, would want nothing to do with him. Fun to think about! And only to think about; I'd rather focus on the version I have now.

See you next time at the big 200k 👀 chapter 3 might actually come out before my multi-book-length spamton fanfiction but don't worry I would never abandon my favorite freak of nature

yappin complete B)

[maxdibert]

Personal view, as someone who grew up in an abusive environment and is hyper-reactive to seeing children in distress or being mistreated by adults, including in fictional depictions, I never felt the kids in Harry Potter were in any danger from Snape. He’s bitchy and snarky, yes. But no more so than other teachers in Hogwarts. And from what I’ve experienced in the fandom, a lot of Snape fans are abuse survivors in some shape or form. He’s a complex character, and unlike a lot of fictional abuse survivors, he can actually be angry and rage. It’s very cathartic for people who have had to mask and suppress their negative emotions in real life.

It's curious how most Severus fans tend to be survivors of bullying or people who see themselves reflected in him because they went through similar experiences in school, or people who have experienced violence at home. Meanwhile, the haters are simply kids who have a terrible teacher and project that onto Snape, so they hate him.

If we're going to play the "I had terrible teachers, so I know how it feels" card, then I can use that too. Not only did I have terrible teachers—so bad that what they did was absolutely reportable and punishable—but in university, I even had professors who LITERALLY made students cry with their critiques. And yes, I’m very angry with those teachers. Even though I wasn’t always a direct victim, thinking about the teachers from my old school fills me with rage. And yes, whenever I’ve run into some of them on the street, I’ve made sure to say something to them in a super passive-aggressive way.

But the thing is, I don’t see any of them in Severus. Not a single one.

Severus has always reminded me of a literature teacher I had in my last years of school. He was a guy who taught classes to make some money while finishing his university doctorate—clearly, his goal was to be a researcher or teach at a university level. And you could tell from a mile away that he HATED having to teach teenagers. But hey, the school paycheck was good, right? I’m not going to blame him for that. The thing is, he had a degree in Philosophy and Literature and had a level way above that of a regular high school teacher.

I remember he was young. At the time, he seemed like an old man to me because when you're 16, anyone over 20 seems ancient, but he probably wasn’t even 35 yet. The thing is, he had no patience for nonsense. He hated childish antics in class, got annoyed by dumb questions, and if he explained something and someone asked the exact same thing two minutes later, he would clearly get irritated. I remember once a kid told him he had just read the latest Dan Brown novel, and this guy, with the most cunty smirk, said, "Well, I wouldn't know about that, Mr. X. I don't read mass-market literature." And it was like… lol why so mean? But I found it hilarious.

He was the only teacher who called us by our last names and never used informal speech, which was shocking to us because it never happened with other teachers. He rarely attended staff meetings or team dinners (a teacher who was actually abusive and spent entire classes physically humiliating 15-year-olds used to complain about that a lot). You almost never saw him interacting with other teachers because, honestly, I’ve always had the feeling that he thought his colleagues were idiots—and I don’t blame him. If I worked with that bunch today, I’d think they were idiots too.

Now, this guy was strict. Very strict. If you got a 4.9, he wasn’t giving you a 5, because you didn’t get a 5. He wasn’t going to be nice to you unless he thought it was strictly necessary. He wasn’t going to be warm, he wasn’t going to be friendly, he wasn’t going to be funny. He despised mainstream literature and bestsellers, believed certain books were absolute garbage, and thought people who only read that kind of stuff didn’t actually understand literature and lacked the braincells for it. You could agree or disagree with him, but his behavior wasn’t abusive.

Was he sometimes too blunt? Did he have incredibly sharp, sometimes unpleasant responses? Yes. And, funnily enough, this teacher was widely disliked precisely because he was one of the strictest ones. He was hated even more than the guy who groped female students or the one who called kids fat, gave them weight-loss tips, and told girls they dressed like prostitutes if they wore certain tops. But those guys used informal speech, gave you a 5 if you got a 4.6, and weren’t that strict, so people didn’t hate them as much.

That’s why Severus always reminded me of this guy. Ironically, I really liked him because I appreciated his sardonic, sharp humor, and he appreciated that I had read One Hundred Years of Solitude at 12 lol. But above all, he liked that, even though I never paid attention in his classes because I physically couldn’t focus on a lecture for more than 10 minutes, I never disrupted anything. I never got caught talking, never caused trouble—I was just drawing my stuff or reading things unrelated to the lesson, but I wasn’t bothering anyone.

And honestly, I think that’s all Severus wanted from his students: for them not to be a pain in his ass. And if he was an even bigger jerk to some, it was precisely because they got on his nerves the most.

The Weasley twins were total chaos and constantly acting like fools, yet they never have a bad word to say about Snape throughout the saga besides that he was kinda mean sometimes. Why is that? Maybe because they didn’t put the whole class in danger? Maybe because, while they were insufferable in the hallways, they knew they had to tone it down in Potions?

Only two people have a real problem with Severus as a teacher throughout the saga: one is Harry, who disrespects him from day one, constantly challenges him, talks back, breaks the rules, and does exactly the opposite of what Severus tells him. The other is Neville, who basically exists to give Severus seven consecutive nervous breakdowns in a single class.

That doesn’t make you an abuser—it makes you an adult who is sick to death of two pain-in-the-ass kids.

[twin-wxngs]

Woah, these are really creative and interesting ships! Like in a very good way, ofc, I haven’t seen much on these.

Sooooo….

What’s your thoughts on the trio (Dogday x Simon x Allister), Catnap x Toullie and Poppy x Bunzo?

Dude. Thank you, first of all, for sending this and being genuinely curious. Second of all...

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE. YOU WILL HEAR ME YAP.

1. Poppy and Bunzo! Okay, so at first when I was thinking about them, I was thinking of them as something platonic right? You know the whole deal with kids shows and having an animal companion, namely Dora with Boots, her cousin Diego with that Baby Jaguar, etc. But the more I thought about it the more I took a look at them aaaaand...

Thoughts of Jessica and Roger Rabbit came into my head. All because Poppy and Jessica are redheads. But using that lovely romance as a base, made me think the reason they work together is that Poppy would constantly stress herself out in my opinion. Bunzo however would see this and do what he's known to do, and make her laugh.

He's probably the only one that can tone down her seriousness and help her calm herself because she's busy worrying. It'd be this fun loving prankster that'd teach her how to look at the bright side of things. He makes her laugh, as Jessica would say. But I think Poppy would say that too and genuinely care and appreciate him for it.

And in Bunzo's case he probably did take one look at her and had an awooga moment, but instead of needing to impress her, which probably weirded her out, she just plainly tells him when they do start as friends that he just needs to be himself. And well, I can see it working out.

2. Catnap and Touille! Two tropes: Cat and Rodent. And then.. Yapper and Listener. I blame this guy for making me like it! @smilingcrittersthingig

But more on that, I like to think the part of Touille's character is that he's street smart and knows obscure things the others don't know, hence he's Bubba counterpart in that department, as they're both exceedingly knowledgeable in their own way. But the problem with Touille, like Bubba, tends to go on for a bit too much, that he never gets to talk about the things he likes around them and refrains from it.

But I can see Catnap being not only patient with him, but one of the only people that would actively listen to his rambles because he's heard it from Bubba. Unlike Bubba though, it would be different from what Catnap is used to hearing because it's not something that's brought up every day, especially if it's about your not too typical, obscure thing that can be used in an unconventional way, but still works. Touille has a collection of junk that he treasures in that regard that he doesn't show anyone, but I think he'd show Catnap.

Though I like to also think they started as enemies since they're in different groups, with Touille being a bit scared and attracted to said cat at the same time. But I can see Catnap thinking it's cute that he's scared too. He's a mischievous cat after all, and they like to "play with their food". So while he does scare him from time to time, it's ultimately lighthearted and he loves his little rat boyfriend.

3. THE POLY. LISTEN, I love all three of them. It originally started as SunCross and I still love SunCross a LOT, thanks to this idiot. @smilingcrittersthingig

BUT I FIGURED I'd throw a curveball. The reason being is that of Dogday's nature in comparison to the two Nightmare Critters. My thought process for this is Simon's greedy and selfish nature, compared to Allister who's laid back and lazy. I feel like Dogday would unintentionally get them both attracted to him when he decides to help them both get through their bad habits.

What attracts them is the way he acts. He has to be a leader, but people mistake this as him only being nice, but that's not the case. He's firm, he's to the point, and has to look out for everyone in the Smiling Critters as the Everyman, meaning he acts more serious than friendly. He's respectful, not friendly, but has a big friendly side. That soft side of his that helps the two slowly improve is what attracts them to him. And on top of that, it's how they treat Dogday that really puts the poor doggo in a chokehold.

Simon would proudly take him wherever he wants to go, buy him whatever he wants, and make it clear to everyone that this is his boyfriend with no shame, showing his love through material appreciation, but still meaning every word he says along with it, because what's the point of money if the one thing you want isn't made of money? At that point, it's something to be used to make that person happy. Although Dogday says money isn't everything, Simon at least thinks money can be used for something.. and if it can be used to make Dogday his, then he will do it. And upon him seeing him using his money for someone else other than himself would really make him appreciate it..

Allister meanwhile had a problem with his lack of effort and motivation, but I like to think a date would be where he tries to put everything he can into it, even if it's not much. He doesn't like all the attention, would pick a location just for him and Dogday to be alone. He'd prepare everything with a little help from say Bobby and/or Rabie to see what he likes, and would even get him a gift. And even though it's not much, he tried. The effort is there, and the doggo would wholeheartedly appreciate it. Although he didn't do much, he's trying. Dogday sees that and ends up just blushing hard.

So when it comes to choosing between Simon and Allister, he hits them with the "I choose both" and lets him hear him out on it, explaining that he can't imagine his life without either of them, because the two also taught him how to be himself, take breaks and relax, and share the obscure things he likes and knows how to do that he didn't get to show with the Smiling Critters.

And overtime, his love of the two would rub off on them and see the merits in the others (opposites attract yay!), with the three becoming a polycule. As a friend did say..

Simon with his two trophy boyfriends, Allister with the two people that he thinks are way too good for him, and Dogday with the two people that he helped improve, but helped improve him too.

[deke-rivers-1957]

Speedway Review

Originally planned to be a Sonny and Cher picture, the rights were sold by Columbia to MGM. It would subsequently be retooled into an Elvis movie. Given the decline in Elvis' box office success, MGM wanted to recapture the magic of Viva Las Vegas by utilizing the rising star in Nancy Sinatra. This was ironically her last film role as she would go on to focus on her music career. Naturally with movie plots being recycled where we have yet another movie involving Elvis as a racer vying for the affections of a younger woman, a burning question came up: Is Elvis still relevant?

Based on the critics reactions, the answer was no. A relatively generous critic who reacted to the movie as it came out, Kevin Thomas, stated that Nancy Sinatra's song was the high point of the movie with the film as a whole being too much of an imitation of Elvis' other movies. If even an Elvis friendly film critic is pointing out how stale and boring it is, that's a sign serious changes need to be made. But is the movie itself good despite being a copycat of Viva Las Vegas or is it a sign that Elvis and all creative minds involved stopped caring about the product they made? Let's find out.

I'm so used to having the title card with Elvis singing open up the movie, that it's very jarring to have action happen right away. For an opening that's meant to get you hooked for more, all we get is lackluster exposition regarding Steve preparing for a race. I understand that he's supposed to be a racer but why should I care about him winning this one race when we're just meeting him? "Speedway" plays over b-roll of the real life Charlotte Motor Speedway in North Carolina. Too bad Elvis himself is rear screen projectioned in as all racing footage is b-roll. At least they showcase the real life top named stock car racers such as Richard Petty outside of the opening credits so racing fans have something to enjoy. Oh wait.

I do appreciate that there's a lot of secondary characters to fill in the scenery but too many of them with speaking roles are introduced at once. It'd be one thing if they existed to specifically set up the location, but Steve's pit crew is introduced all at once and will have absolutely no individual character traits. In a movie that's meant to be a comedy, the only thing that's mildly funny is how superstitious the racing world is. One guy kisses the lucky rabbit's foot in his car while another one ups him by taking out a whole rabbit. It's a quirky visual gag.

Steve of course wins and immediately any suspense I had is lost. There's no immediate answer to the question "so what" and it will never be answered. Nancy Sinatra plays Susan Jacks who works for the IRS to investigate Steve's income vs his deductions. The whole premise is weird and I won't bore you with my accounting and tax background on why. It all boils down to the movie's idea of what IRS collecting agents do and how inaccurate it is. I don't like poo pooing movies for not being 100% accurate because I get that to some degree you need artistic licensing. The problem is that nothing involving Susan's character and situation is entertaining to me.

I'm skipping through a lot but in all honesty it's nothing but padding. Steve handing out money for this down on his luck guy and his kids means nothing to me. It's a pitiful attempt to answer the "so what" question given that if things were that bad, these kids would not still be living with him. I don't find these kids charming and it's obvious they want to have a "cutesy" factor because it worked so well in previous movies. All I can think about is how if the dad was that down on his luck that him and his children are sleeping in his car, there would be a lot of law enforcement involved since you have at least one girl who's barely 3 years old. Steve being in the racing circuit means traveling across the country so I have no idea how he's able to keep up with financially supporting this family.

Imagine my surprise to find that at least a year has passed in this movie since it's covered by one montage of Steve winning races. This only makes the Susan issue worse since at some point you would think Steve would question why she's following him everywhere the past year. It also makes "He's Your Uncle, Not Your Dad" painful to watch because we waste so much time getting to the inevitable scene where Steve finds out how bad his tax situation is. It feels like a propaganda piece that comes off as insulting. We get it, paying your taxes is important. We don't need a song number about it and everyone's faces says it all: Kenny doesn't care about Steve's eventual problem, Steve looks like he's miserable as get out and Gale Gordon looking at both of them like "oh my god I have to deal with these people". I felt like Steve sitting in the office as Gale Gordon reads off all the hokey deductions Kenny tried to make. It's another example of how nothing this is. Does it suck that Steve now owes $145k in back taxes? Yes but it's not like he's being arrested for tax evasion. They just want their money and know him winning his races will accomplish that.

I'm about an hour into this and we're just now getting to the actual conflict if you can call it that. Steve looks annoyed but it's not as if he actually fires Kenny for preparing his returns incorrectly. I get that they want to poke fun of Elvis for the things he did in real life, but even Elvis cut people out of his life once he stopped liking them. For someone that's supposed to be a life long friend, Kenny has been nothing but a creep and just isn't funny at all for someone who's supposed to be the comedic sidekick. Like him making up this wild story about a zoo escape just to keep a woman from going home isn't funny. If anything I "laughed" more at the woman knocking him out with how justified her reaction was.

In a not at all shocking turn of events Susan falls for Steve which completely compromises her position with this case. The reason why I say that is because she's supposed to be a neutral party to this yet by falling in love with Steve, this would create a conflict of interest. It's amazing how the movie is progressive for having a woman work in a pretty powerful entity like the IRS, yet reduces her to the love interest. The funny thing is, the more sexist option of having Susan just be Gale Gordon's secretary actually makes more sense to the overall story. Either that or be even more progressive by having Susan just be Gale Gordon's character so the subsequent consequences actually feel earned. I get that in real life you would have an agent regularly check in, but from a narrative perspective, it's just repetitive since this is your main conflict. The result is that both Kenny and Steve badger Susan just so they can get back to financially supporting themselves. She has absolutely no say in this decision so it makes both of them unlikeable even though the movie wants you to think this is all Susan's fault.

It gets even worse when you have Steve barge into her hotel room to confront her. The writers clearly had no desire to write a good romance as we literally go from seeing Susan running for her life as Steve chases after her to them kissing. I'm sorry what? I can't even begin to describe how disjointed everything is where it's obvious nobody actually read the whole script to see if scenes actually flow together. Not to mention how Steve even doing this makes him look like a monster even in the context of this universe so you really wouldn't want to support this relationship. I get that this is meant to be his breaking point but again THIS IS NOT SUSAN'S FAULT. As I've already stated, the only person responsible for this entire situation is Kenny. So for him to put that on Susan not only makes him a bad person but it also makes the decision to have him fall in love with Susan just terrible writing. I'm beyond confused at how Elvis and Nancy Sinatra had a very good rapport behind the scenes only for none of that to come out on screen.

So Steve ends up in debt because Kenny has a gambling problem and not even that is enough to fire him. But it's ok as with the big race coming up, just doing well enough to win any cash prize will be enough to at least cover Kenny's gambling debt and buy back all the repossessed items. Seriously why bother even having stakes when your problems are pretty easy to resolve? There's being a slice of life movie and there's being painfully boring. Even when Steve randomly crashes despite being the only car on the track, the montage of everyone fixing the car feels flat. Because based on everything you've seen, of course the car's going to be fixed in time. The only so called humor is the dad being stuck in the back seat and having to be physically removed through the front side window as there are no back doors. He's just frozen in place because he was just going over 100 mph after waking up in the "backseat" which doesn't make sense either but moving on.

The final race is a snooze fest and at this point you forget that Paul was his rival. From a narrative perspective he's supposed to be another antagonist but he's not. Steve kept winning or at least placing in his races so there's no rivalry. They're not on equal ground based on what's shown in the movie. It's not even set up where they're rivals in universe but to the audience it's so one sided that Paul talking trash would be funny. There's just nothing to the point where Paul shouldn't even exist as a character. Even Clambake had a better set up than this as you at least had Scott interact with Jamison throughout the movie. With Jamison you at least understood that him being a creep towards Diane had a point. Kenny being a creep with women is practically played off as comedy when it's not funny. I know I'm going on a lot of tangents but it's because Speedway gives us nothing and there's only so much b-roll of actual racers you can watch before you just want the movie to end. After all everyone knows it's just going to end with Steve winning.

Actually it won't. Steve doesn't win the big race. Wow. This subversion of expectations would actually be a fun twist if it genuinely mattered. But it doesn't. Steve wins enough money to pay off Kenny's debt. Of course he still owes $137k in back taxes but forget all that let's go clubbing! I know they mention how he has a long way to go since no one actually expects you to pay off that kind of debt right away, but it's still the concept of it. You feel frustrated that the whole movie built up to this only for nothing to really happen. Clambake at least had an intrapersonal conflict where Scott's trying to see if he's liked for his personality as opposed to his nepotistic roots. Here I know nothing about Steve outside of him being a professional racer. Therefore I do not care about whether he wins or not. After all it's not like anything actually changed.

Sure Steve isn't in immediate debt anymore but that doesn't mean it won't happen again. Steve is treating the symptoms of poverty and debt before treating the actual cancer that is his manager Kenny. In other words, Steve winning this one race doesn't mean Kenny kicked his gambling habit. Steve winning this one race doesn't mean the father got a well paying job that allows him to provide for his children. Nothing that caused Steve to actually be in this position was changed. All he did was win enough money to no longer deal with the immediate negative consequences. Why should I be happy knowing this could all happen again if Kenny makes one bad bet? But who cares when at the end of the day none of what just happened actually matters am I right?

I have no idea why the choices that were made were made since you have Nancy Sinatra being Nancy Sinatra when she's supposed to be an otherwise ordinary woman who works with the IRS. Even if you don't know who she is, the movie itself is just awful with many scenes only existing for padding and a painfully boring story. I'm amazed that watching this movie made me realize I was actually quite harsh on Harum Scarum. Is it nonsensical and very cringe inducing? Yes. Is it a rehash of something Elvis had already previously done and is boring as sin? Absolutely not. Speedway manages to be all of the above. I had very little joy watching it. There's so little plot that you can easily turn this into a short film. The songs add nothing and if anything demonstrates that duplicating successful Elvis movies means nothing if you don't understand why they were successful in the first place.

When combined with a terrible romance and a horrible use of characters this is the worse Elvis movie I've seen so far. If you're a fan of any of the demographics this movie is trying to target do not watch it. Elvis looks like he's permanently trapped at the IRS office with how irritated he looks most of the movie, Nancy Sinatra has absolutely no charm with how boring her character is, and racing fans would feel totally ripped off to see big name racers like Richard Petty get his own name card in the opening credits only for that to be his only appearance. This is a 3/10 simply because I don't know how bad a movie needs to be to genuinely deserve a lower score. It's so beyond shocking how we go from King Creole to this in the span of a decade. The movie being a box office success is the best example of how just because something is popular doesn't mean it's good. And this movie quite frankly is not good at all and is only another brick in the proverbial wall that is Elvis' Hollywood career.

An: Man. I don't like skipping over songs or a lot of scenes in the movie, but I just couldn't find it in me to go through it all in full detail without copying and pasting my live reaction blurbs during a watch party. What a way to celebrate Valentine's Day. I thought this movie was going to be mid at worst but I was shocked at how bad this was. I wish I had a better movie that showcased a strong romance but oh well. Better luck next time I guess. Let's hope March gives me a "pot of gold".

Tagging: @codalysssssworld, @presleysweetheart, @smokeymountainboy, @arrolyn1114, @peaceloveelvis,

@mercsandmonsters, @eapep, @atleastpleasetelephone, @without-him, @lucy114505,

@blighted-star, @rjmartin11, @elvisbdoll, @dragonkingsdaughter, @ifyouloveweedletsgosmoke,

@ilovequeen978, @fuzzymusic94, @halieghhh, @tacozebra051, @hooked-on-elvis,

@lola-1013, @father-of-2cats, @southcarolinawoman, @elvisflowerchild, @elviscinema,

@i-r-i-n-a-a, @jadeeloveselviss, @xanatenshi, @thelonelyheart, @vintagepresley,

@iloveelvis2, @elvisfangirl92, @angelelvis, @chihirolunvh, @epcoffeelovenotes,

@jd5824, @ahundredlifetime, @alienelvisobsession, @eptodaytommorowforever, @freudianslumber,

@wanderingelvis, @lustnhim, @lvrdollep, @georgefairbrother, @bioshockpunch,

and @joecartwright1842.

[tmasc-confessions]

I'm kind of an egg/questioning if I'm tmasc or not rn, so sorry if I don't fit, but I need advice 😭

---

I've been thinking about what it would be like to be a guy since I were like 14 or so, but I've heard stories about transgender people since I were like 7-8 at best. And in the process of questioning, I've met a few signs that I might be, but at the same time not?

I dreaded at the concept of periods and breasts. I remember feeling like dying when I got both of them. Back when I was younger than that, I used to go well with male classmates and when wandering around transformation tropes (I had... unrestricted internet access), I sometimes asked to myself "how come there's TFs of man to woman but never woman to man?" I also used to wonder WHY there was barely any guys in certain communities like fandoms or artists (Not in a "eh men better" way but moreso because I was curious as of the why), as well as being more curious about male puberty and surprisingly close to my dad as a kid compared to my mom. Is all weird, probably they're signs or not. I don't care.

---

Part of me fears that I'm not trans because I didn't found out about tomboys/FtMs until pre pandemic (2017-2019), via youtube videos explaining it (most of the trans media I used to watch was either MtF-centric or just "man in a dress" jokes). And also because I used to like a LOT of commonly "feminine" and cutesy interests in my childhood, probably a few masc ones but mostly fem. And how do I know if I'm genuinelly trans or just a "generic puberty thing"? I mean, obviously all girls hates being girls and sometimes wishes they were boys, right? Do all people sometimes think about what it would like to be another gender?

I mean... I think I would be better if I had a flatter chest, or maybe a deeper voice along with shorter hair and a less defined waist. But hey maybe is just normal. I'm still not an adult yet (despite that I'll be turning into one this year). Maybe they'll go away once I'm 20 or something

I want to talk about it with my psychologist but I'm also scared of opening up about them. I've repressed them so badly that maybe is actual dysphoria or just a mess of feelings.

No no, people who are questioning are absolutely welcome to submit asks!!

From personal experience I myself can tell you I had a very similar experience - only difference is I did assume trans men existed pre-pandemic but I'd never actually heard of one. And especially never thought I could be one myself.

I mean, obviously all girls hates being girls and sometimes wishes they were boys, right? Do all people sometimes think about what it would like to be another gender?

Sweetie... oh... no they don't. We were the ones who did that.

I can't speak for 100% certain because I don't know the inner aspects of your life, but... it kind of sounds like you know the answer and just kinda can't admit it to yourself.

We all went through that. It takes a little time. But you'll come to terms with it. I'd be more than happy if you ever came back and wanted to talk more. We're here with open arms :D

[iamlostsomewhereinthegarden]

A Valentine's Day with them

A Valentine's Day with some of my favorite characters

A Valentine's Day with Ryou is filled with running and hiding away from his fangirls who want a date with him after school, giggling all the while as you’re holding hands because it feels like a romance story where you guys are running away from everyone else in the world to pursue your secret love. Later it’s spent at a cute nerdy cafe where couples get a discount on their meals and a special monster world figurines of a couple meant to stay together forever. It ends with you gifting Ryou cream puffs you made for him for the special day and heading over to his apartment and playing a short specialized monster world campaign Ryou made for you as a Valentine's gift.

A Valentine's Day with Souya is filled with going to all the local ramen shops and benefiting from the Valentine’s discounts. But if you think that’s all it’s not! Souya stepping out of his comfort zone made you chocolates while you made him a cute stuffy for his bed that you’ll see later on in the future when you guys move in together (“You still have that old thing? Of course I do, it’s something you made for me and gave to me for Valentine’s day!”). It ends with sneaking into Souya’s room -because your parents don’t approve of delinquents so you guys can’t go to your house- but you can’t let Nahoya know you guys are there or else you’ll never hear the end of it! And still waking up with y’all faces covered in marker and teasing from Nahoya because that’s just how he is but you’re happy you got to spend the night with your adorable angry boyfriend.

A Valentine’s Day with Shikamaru is filled with you two not being able to meet up until late into the evening and that’s because you guys have plans for the day but it’ll take most of the day to do. So Shikamaru spends the day at Ino’s house doing his best to make some chocolates for you, and while they aren’t the best they’re made with love and make you cry because the lazy bum put in work for Valentine’s day. You on the other hand was preparing the best stay at home lazy date one could ever ask for, and surprisingly it takes a lot of work but you got it done and welcomed him home to the cutests but laziest and most loving Valentine’s day ever.

A Valentine's Day with Neji is weird at first because he really wants to do a lot for you so the normally stoic man is doing the most to show that he loves you! All while looking like a tomato and like he’s about to pass out lmao. Though after stopping him from being weird and letting him know that all he has to do with you is just chill and spend time with you on this special day calms down and you guys have the best and still most romantic Valentine’s day ever for the two of you.

A Valentine’s Day with Kalim is a crazy private party with just you two but filled with gifts sent to one another and cutesy Valentines themed meals to the heart's content. As a poor student that can’t buy much you end up being creative and gifting a bunch of adorable homemade crafts that Kalim does is best to preserve forever. Kalim's gifts to you were a bunch of expensive gifts but after being with you for a while still has a lot of meaning because as much as he can’t help spending money like crazy he does understand what to give to make you happy. The day is spent having fun and being stupid kids while enjoying the day that Kalim ordered.

A Valentine’s Day with Idia is spent in his room playing a bunch of romance and otome games together for fun, and not even the good ones the dumb silly ones like the one with the horses and the one with the pigeons and some of those games that can be played fast and in one sitting like “A Date with Death”, “The Kid at The Back”. You guys order some food and find some kitties to pet and hold onto and enjoy the day. For two anime obsessed gamers in love it’s a great way to spend a day like today.

A Valentine’s Day with Leviathan is different than what you would think, you might think you’d spend the whole day inside but why would you guys be if there are so many anime Valentine’s events today?!?! The day is spent going from event to event ranting and being crazy fans over the animes, games, mangas and manhwas and getting limited/special items along with signatures especially since you guys are a couple. What more could two anime geeks want?

A Valentine’s Day with Tamaki is spent inside ordering a bunch of Valentine's food and having an at home date then watching some romcom movies. And let me tell you, while Tamaki may struggle in public or in many situations he’s steeled himself for this moment in order to show you how much he loves you and cares for you. It’s a day that the Pro-Hero makes sure to take off just for you and if at the end of the night he ends up being dominant with his quirk making the night very fun (especially with his tentacles and maybe even a horse coc-) that’s for you guys to know! Unless you want to spill the beans to Neijire, Mirio, Fatgum and Kirishima, though Tamaki would prefer you not to for the sake of his health.

A Valentine’s Day with Feitan is a surprise because each year he somehow does something different, the first year you guys celebrated it was the severed head of someone who kept harassing you, which though it freaked you out you understood that he was trying and at least you never had to deal with them again! Another couple years later after learning and realizing that body parts wasn’t the best item to give to your spouse and the only reason you loved them was because it was Feitan who did/gave it to you his present was a bunch of the prettiest and most expensive jewelry he could get his hands on that you could only wear once the hype about finding them died down but were amazing! This year while you got him a new amazing and pristine sword that he could use which he really loved and appreciated he somehow got you dinner reservations at an expensive and top notch restaurant and even went with you wearing a suit and actually having manners. To say that this Valentine’s day was amazing would be putting it lightly and you were definitely happy that you were with the man that you’re with despite his quirks.

Hope you enjoyed that was all written within an hour because I had a Spanish composition to write, plus a busy af university day and had to scrap my original idea that I spent whole last night working on instead of studying for said Spanish composition. I really wanted to do more but time is running out for the day and I still have more homework to do lol!

Tags: @kisakis-boyfriend

[ifbrd]

Cipher Zodiac - Holding Hands with Enemies

If I’ve got my dates right, today is the 9 year anniversary of Gravity Falls ending. Consider this analysis and discussion my celebration post! (Not that I care to celebrate that my favorite show ended nearly a decade ago but anyway…)

I recently ran into this really cute little mini Gravity Falls fan comic by @the-meme-monarch. I actually first saw it Reddit (credit properly given) a few weeks ago (and hunted it down today to reblog lol) and people on Reddit were talking about how having Mabel hold Gideon’s hand in the finale was a weird choice.

I want to talk about that, but first I want to clarify a few things:

- This is not supposed to be any kind of like callout or attack or anything like that on you @the-meme-monarch. I love this art you did, it's sweet and adorable and it would have been nice to see in canon. I'm really worried you'll take this post the wrong way and think it's meant to be personal so I just want to assure you that that is not the case.

- I am making this a separate post, not a reblog to your post, because I don't want to hijack it haha. I want your post to just be about your lovely art, not the long winded analysis I'm about to give. So everyone please go check out that post!

- I definetly think this is a fair critism about the finale. Mabel, by no means, should have been forced to hold Gideon's hand when he couldn't just learn from his wrongdoings. With what I'm about to say, I'm not trying to say this was necessarily a good choice.

With those things said, I do want to play devil's advocate a bit for this decision.

Having Mabel and Gideon be next to each and hold hands, does serve a narrative purpose here, albiet said narrative purpose could have been executed a lot better, in my opinion (or, alternatively, wasn’t even entirely necessary)

Let me explain. Let's revisit this scene: Ford takes Robbie's paint can and goes around painting the Cipher Zodiac on the ground. People start figuring out where they are on the Zodiac and getting in position. Gideon makes a big deal about being next to Mabel, despite her asking him not to. Ford instructions everyone to hold hands. Pacifica remarks that she will not hold hands with McGucket's dirty hand, and her father tells her she should do the one thing no one in their family has ever done "touch the hill-billy" (a sentence that sounds terrible out of context). They start glowing and after the extras evacuate, Ford tells Stan to join. Stan refuses, taking this opportunity to have a conversation with Ford that absolutely does not need to be addressed in this moment. Ford passive aggressively thanks him, and then corrects his grammar which is also something that absolutely does not need to addressed in this moment. They start fighting and it all falls apart.

The narrative purpose that's being served by Mabel holding Gideon's hand, is to contrast Stan and Ford, and further emphasize how riduculous they are being in this moment. Mabel is choosing to temporarily let go of her ill feelings towards Gideon, for the sake of saving the world, and she's not the only one to do this. Pacifica didn't want to hold McGucket's hand, but did so anyway to save the world. While Stan is refusing to hold hands, Robbie announces that he has "never held hands this long before" and is "very uncomfortable" but he is also continuing to cooperate in spite of this clear discomfort. These are examples of members of the Cipher Zodiac, members who are children or teenagers with underdeveloped brains and are therefore more likely to act selfishly or immaturely, setting aside their discomforts for the sake of the greater good. Then there's Stan and Ford, two grown ass men, who both know what's at stake, know their family, their neice and nephew, could die if they don't defeat Bill, yet can't manage to put aside their hurt feelings long enough to do whatever the Cipher Zodiac was going to do. The kids can pull themselves together, why can’t the full grown adults?

In what way could this have been executed better? In my opinion, the best way to execute this would be to have has many members of the zodiac as possible be holding hands with people they have or had conflicts with. This would, in theory, make Stan and Ford the only ones who couldn't set aside their grudges, which would have made it more impactful.

Most of us know that the Cipher Zodiac wasn't originally supposed to mean anything, it was just supposed to look cool and mysterious at the end of the title sequence. It was thrown in to the finale because fans had spent so much time theorizing about it. If this hadn't been the case, if the Cipher Zodiac was actually something intentional that was planned from the beginning, they really could have preplanned this and made it impactful. They could have designed the Zodiac to have the symbols have to be in a specific order, and could have written the series with that in mind, to make it so everyone was holding hands with someone they had issues with.

Of course, that wasn't the case, but I still think this could have been done more effectively with the position the writers were actually in. Looking back on the series, I decided to photoshop the finale's Cipher Zodiac to be odered in, what I think, would have made this contrast in actions more impactful. I tried to order it in a way that as many people as possible had a problem with someone they were holding hands with.

The original:

My Photoshopped version:

My explanations, starting with Ford and going counter clockwise:

Ford and McGucket - they had a falling out, although they did make up mere minutes prior to this.

McGucket and Pacifica - what canon did, and the reasoning has already been brought up and was openly expressed in canon. Though McGucket doesn't seem to have any ill feelings towards Pacifica or her family.

Pacifica and Mabel - what canon did, these two did have a rivary for a good portion of the series, although they had more or less resolved that

Mabel and Gideon - what canon did, and I don't need to explain this, it's what sparked this entire post

Gideon and Dipper - these two hated each other. Dipper didn't like how Gideon harassed Mabel, Gideon was convinced that Dipper was coming between him and Mabel

Dipper and Robbie - these two fought over Wendy for half of season 1. And I don't think they every actually made any kind of amends with each other specifically.

Robbie and Wendy - they dated and had a messy breakup, although they did appear to make amends

Wendy and Soos - also what canon did. Look, Soos is the world's most perfect man, he has beef with literally no one, but he's on the Cipher Zodiac nonetheless, so he has to hold hands with someone, this is the only spot left.

Stan and Soos - Again, what canon did, and we can refer to the same logic as above, but I also think this can work to our advantage here. One the one hand, keeping in mind their father-son dynamic, Soos adores Stan and wants his affection, so I could see it being awkward for him to hold hands with Stan, whether nervous because "don't mess this up, Soos" or an overly excited issue. While Stan seems to care about Soos the same, he would never in a million years admit it, which would make holding Soos's hand potentially awkward for him, especially if Soos is being a crazy fanboy over it. On the flip side, like making the complete opposite argument, Stan not being cooperative when he has no problems with one of the people he's holding hands with, while nearly everyone else has an issue with both people they're holding hands with and aren't making a scene, could further emphasize the ridiculousness and immaturity in his actions.

So yeah! That's what I think should have been done for this to be most effective! Or just not putting Mabel by Gideon at all would have also been great!

I'm curious though: Does anyone else have a different way they'd set up the Cipher Zodiac than what I did?

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work:

So, my boss has a 12 year daughter, that she occasionally brings into AutoZone. Not often, but her kiddo has trouble sleeping and Boss is a workaholic, so when kiddo can’t sleep and Boss is having a semi anxiety attack about the store, they both head down for an evening.

The thing is, Boss gets super sidetracked and forgets she brought her kid to work (she’s having anxiety for a Reason) and the crew on shift is left to entertain her.

As a person who always always always has some type of food available, at first I was like “ok, feed the kid and see what happens” and what happened was kid is super into astrology and jewelry and weighted emotional support stuffed animals.

This is a direct quote “I’m legally allowed to get a job as soon as I turn 14, my mom promised me she’d sign the paperwork, I have it ready.”

Kiddo is absolutely adorable, zero interest in school but just really wants to get out into the world and be herself without being judged by people (her peers) that she’s actually too mature for. My favorite thing to do with her is to treat her like she’s a new employee and “train” her like she’s a new employee. I break everything down a lot more and guide her a lot more than I would an actual new hire (I feel like a 12 year old I see once or twice a month needs significantly more guidance than a 17 year old I spend an entire 3 consecutive days with) and it’s so freaking cute to put her in front of customers who are blatantly thinking “what is this tiny ass child doing???”

Because here’s the thing. Im blatantly turning a “typical customer transaction” into a “child teaching moment” and the people who are in a hurry and frustrated actually slow down and smile and smell the roses for a minute. In all the times I’ve “trained” this kid, I’ve never once had a customer get mad, entitled, mean, or anything. Just sheer patience oozing out of every pore. Kiddo if fucking magic with customers too, she’s so excited to learn how to do things correctly and always wants to be precise but unafraid of messing up.

[contessaxchaos]

So here's the scene where The Bachelors Three get their first Inquisition pay:

“Hey Chuckles, did you get yours?”

Solas was just coming out of the infirmary carrying a basket of used bandages and potions when Varric strode in after midday. He put down the basket on the table outside and washed his hands in a basin. He was aware of Varric following him in his periphery; the dwarf was clearly in high spirits. 

“I don’t know what you’re pertaining to, Master Tethras, but I think you will enlighten me soon enough.” 

“That I will, my friend,” said Varric as he passed him a small piece of paper, rolled and tied with a string. Solas wiped his hands on the half apron around his waist and quickly read the message.

“A summons?” A very curt one addressed to Solas, Elf Apostate .

“We’re getting new gear!” Varric announced. “And, apparently, they’re also paying us!”

“Hm. I know the soldiers are not volunteers and are therefore owed their pay, but must they purchase the loyalty of the precious few who volunteered to do the right thing?”

“Hey, if they’re paying soldiers to stay, the least they can do is make sure the volunteers are happy, too.”

“I suppose…you’re right.” He had distributed gifts and favors in his time, as well, when resources allowed for it. They were always carefully chosen and distributed to strengthen the ties within his ever-expanding network of freedom fighters. “An honorarium shows the Inquisition’s appreciation to its volunteers, who should want for nothing.”

“Yep! Nothing says ‘you’re not our slaves’ like a surprise gift!”

“A small gift, Master Tethras?”

“Heh! This isn’t even enough to cover what we do.” The dwarf scratched his jaw. “Eh. From what I heard, none of the advisors are getting paid, either…”

Adan emerged from his cottage just then. “Did you know about this?!” He raised a small piece of paper, identical to the one Solas received. “It says to pick up my honorarium from—but—did you get one like this?!”

It seemed Adan was not ever going to believe the note until he had personally seen the quartermaster. He looked close to tears. Solas and Varric exchanged glances before the dwarf approached the apothecary. “Come on, Potions, let’s get your money.”

“I’m a volunteer—I mean, I serve the Chantry!” he said before realization hit him. “I’ve never been paid before…”

“I never would’ve guessed, Potions. But you deserve it.”

“You don’t understand, I don’t—I mean—they give me everything. I’ve never—I mean I can count money but—”

“Heck, don’t expect a lot, kid! They’re not gonna make you a rich man!”

“—orphanage to the Chantry, and I’ve never—”

They waited but it seemed Adan broke before he could complete the thought.

Varric patted the man’s back. “Welcome to the world outside the Chantry, Potions,” he said and ushered the still-stricken Adan to the path leading to the quartermaster.

Minutes later, Varric spilled the coins on his open palm and chuckled. “Cute,” he said, then put them back inside the pouch again. “Anyway…drinks at the tavern?”

Adan looked happy just feeling the weight of his coin bag. “I can buy a bigger scale! Or—Varric, do you think the Seeker would let me buy saltpeter?”

“That money’s for your personal use, Potions—you shouldn’t buy supplies for work!”

Solas tied back the strings of his coin bag; like Adan, he had no frame of reference. He was used to bartering, which must be challenging for the quicklings without the aid of Spirits of Need and the ever-wandering wisps that collect and trade things.

“What are you spending on, Chuckles?”

He thought about it but there was nothing he needed that his agents couldn’t get him. “Nothing…at the moment.”

“Good. Save it. Or better yet, invest it.”

He already knew the dwarf had money and influence—more than enough, in fact, to make his stay in Haven more comfortable than any other volunteer. He got Inquisition servants to help him out on the side with minor conveniences, which the servants are very happy to help with. Like getting his friends listed higher in the priority at the communal baths. Or getting Solas additional gear, like the new legwraps that the quartermaster placed on top of his standard supplies. 

Solas checked the list the quartermaster had posted on the table. He received a blanket, a bedroll, a waterskin, a map of the Hinterlands, a healing kit with the dry poultices and bandages that he and Adan had prepared with the help of Tranquil assistants, and dry food rations. Under equipment, they listed a mage robe, leather boots, and two pairs of socks.

So why the legwraps?

[More on the legwraps/the actual gift in BtDC Chapter 11: "A Small Gift".]

I want sad pathetic Solas and The Lost Elf drowning me in sadness

BUT

I also like Solas in unfamiliar situations like the Inqusition giving him his first EVER wages and him going “hmm…” because he doesnt know what to spend it on because if he needs something he has agents who can get him things but also he’s disguised as a poor apostate who probably spends all his money on basic necessities but he doesnt wanna spend it that way because the Inquisition is already giving him free board and lodging.

[skunkes]

[maxdibert]

I wished lily wasn't the reason for Severus' loyalty. The revelation of his love for her (platonically or romantically) was truly important. You have the incident that kickstarted the prophecy. Severus' switch to the order. Voldemort giving Lily a chance to choose. Severus playing an important role in the second wizarding war. All because of a friendship of two people from spinner's end.

JKR should have developed it more. I understand that she went for the twist, but when the thrill of the discovery is gone there are so many questions that are unanswered.

first, I do not like Lily as a friend. She forgives the marauders for the years of bullying, see her 'best friend' being hanged upside down and threatened to have his genitals exposed. Who the fuck does that ? Also when Harry asked if his mother knew that James still bullying Severus in the seventh year, remus answered with "she did not know too much." so she knew something...

I do not like Lily as a sister, why did she not let James know that vernon probably doesn't know anything about the wizarding world before they went on dinner. I mean wth is Petunia supposed to say to Vernon ? "Oh yeah my sister is a witch and she went to this magical school". Not the best way to make a men fall in love with you. Is Petunia even allowed to tell Vernon all of this under the secrecy law? (I'm aware that restaurant scene is not canon, but that's what I thought when I read it on the website).

I don't like the way she uses her other friends opinion of Severus and their friendship, who clearly don't like Severus, as an argument to why Severus should stop hanging out with his Slytherin friends. Why are your friends even discussing Severus?

Also, I don't like the way she idolize Albus Dumbledore. Severus' got bullied for years, and Dumbledore did nothing. Severus was nearly killed by a werewolf and Dumbledore made Severus swear to never talk about it. What did he do, he made James head boy. Yeah if that happened to me and this man was the leader of the order, I might have asked for the death eater sign up too. Ridiculous.

By making his love for her so pure and selfless, it makes me wonder why he loves her so much. We know nothing, and the things we know just make me go "bruh really.... her ? .... she would not spare a thought for you if your funeral was announced in the papers".

Listen I was never part of the cool kids, so perhaps I don't understand her. But then again, for a Gryffindor, she really is a social coward.

It makes everything so bloody tragic. I sometimes wonder if I'd wished Severus stayed a death eater in the story but then one with guilt because he started caring about the professors and children through the years of working there.

It was honestly funny to read all of this because it feels like listening to myself when I was 16 or 17. I mean, even before I was a fan of Severus—because that came with time—I had a pretty neutral opinion of the character. I didn’t dislike him because I understood his motivations, but I wasn’t particularly a fan either. And if I wasn’t a fan, it was precisely because of everything you’re talking about.

A lot of people say Severus was an obsessive incel who spent 24/7 thinking about Lily, but I never saw it that way—I just thought he was an idiot. I thought, Wow, what an absolute moron. Like, did he really sacrifice his entire life for a woman who was actually kind of a piece of shit? Did he really give up everything to protect the son of his bully and the woman who married said bully? Could you be a bigger loser? No, seriously, could you be more pathetic? Because that woman not only let him be bullied for years, she almost smiled at his bully while he was publicly stripping him. She practically blamed him for her lack of popularity because she was seen with him, and somehow, he was supposed to be grateful. She gaslit him when he tried to tell her about what his abusers were doing to him. She literally told him he should be grateful to one of his abusers. Like, this woman was a piece of shit who was just looking to climb the social ladder. She loved being Gryffindor’s golden girl, just like she was the golden girl back home, and she hated that she had a weird, ugly, nerdy friend with questionable associations who tainted her image. On top of that, she loved having Gryffindor’s rich, pureblood king fawning over her because it was yet another symbol of status—but, of course, she had to play hard to get because good girls always resist bad boys.

That’s how I saw Lily Evans (and honestly, how I still see her), and it seemed absurd to me that Severus would have given so much for her when, honestly, I would have told her to fuck off. Like, if I were Severus, I would’ve dropped her the first time she gaslit me about my abusers. But if for some reason I had still stuck around after that, the moment I saw her almost smiling at my main abuser while he was stripping me in public, I would’ve beaten her so hard she’d have lost all her teeth.

That was my mindset when I was younger, before I learned a lot of things. Back then, I didn’t know what toxic friendships were or how easy it was to fall into them. I had no idea what codependency was, nor did I understand what an attachment figure was. At the time, I grasped some of these concepts vaguely, but over the years, I not only understood them more deeply but also experienced them—both personally and through people around me.

As I got older, I realized that the fact that Severus came from a home where he felt terribly unsafe, and that Lily represented his first safe place as a child, played a huge role in his cognitive development and psyche. In some way, he was always going to be grateful to her for probably being the only good thing in his childhood. And those childhood attachments are some of the strongest and hardest to break because they’re so deeply ingrained in a person. On top of that, Lily was his friend for years, during key developmental stages, and he probably didn’t see all of her flaws—he had her idealized. He grew up in a house where violence was the norm, and his classmates at Hogwarts also treated violence as normal. Lily was different, so he simply wasn’t capable of recognizing problematic behaviors that anyone with a healthy upbringing and healthy role models would have seen immediately. Because he didn’t have those things.

We’re not talking about a character who had examples of healthy behavior, affection, or attachments—we’re talking about someone who had the opposite. So, of course, he wasn’t capable of seeing anything bad in Lily. To him, she was the good in his environment. She was his moral compass, a kind of lighthouse to guide him when he wanted to know if he was heading in the right direction. It’s even possible that he never blamed her for marrying James, and instead, just thought it was normal that she gave in—because she was so good that she could see the good in even horrible people like James. Or maybe he believed James had somehow deceived her.

Severus’s attachment to Lily is kind of like a child who idolizes their mother and is completely unable to see her flaws—even when she acts like a complete asshole—because she’s their mother. And if she does something bad, well, it’s probably the fault of the people around her, not her. That’s exactly how Severus saw Lily.

When I understood all of this, I felt like I finally understood the character and his motivations better. I think it’s important to look at it not from our perspective as outsiders forming opinions, but from his perspective as someone inside the situation—someone who was emotionally dependent on her and either didn’t see the truth or didn’t want to see it.

Over the years, I’ve toned down my discourse about Lily, but my opinion of her hasn’t changed all that much from when I was a teenager. The only difference is that now I rationalize it better. But I still think she was a self-centered social climber. The only thing that’s changed is that before, I just thought she was a shallow, frivolous person—now I give her a little more credit and think her behavior was based on an inferiority complex stemming from her working-class background and her Muggle heritage.

But that doesn’t change the core of the issue. And honestly? I think she and James Potter were a perfect match—two absolute assholes who deserved each other. In fact, I’ve never been bothered by Jily because I’ve always thought they belonged together. Equally insufferable.

[dhmis-autism]

been thinking about them lately ok

[hexarcana]

When he puts his arm around her, awkward or not, it it’s like a door that she’s been desperately to run through has swung wide open. She huddles in close, trying desperately not to burst into tears again simply from receiving a bit of affection. Her arm even goes around him too, her hand closing into a loose fist to hold onto his jacket.

Hugs were kinda rare. It’s not that Aggie never hugged her- In fact they were typically pretty affectionate- But it was things like big protective hugs from her dad that she really missed, especially when she was scared or upset. Growing up her dad was the only one who was affectionate with her, with her mother rarely touching her more than to brush her hair when it got too messy. Without her dad around, it feels like something important is missing, and it’s something that Stan has just offered, even if he seems a bit uncomfortable. She really doesn’t care, she’ll take what she can get.

She nods though his advice, trying to absorb their full meaning and really set it to her heart. She has a hard time believing that being the girl who brought a weapon to school and rearranged a teenagers face could ever blow over, but she’s choosing to believe him.

As he goes on, talking about her grandmother she has to agree. Her gran was a tolerant and patient woman, and really only reacted to things this intensely when she was worried about someone, not upset at someone. She sniffs, keeping her head nestled against his side until one word strikes her.

“We might make each other crazy but we’re always there for each other.”

She looks up at him. We, meaning his family… Included her. He could have said “You might make each other crazy…” which would technically mean the same thing but by using We he was clearly including her.

This weird old guy that her grandma was so fond of was her family too. And not just in the private secret way she always thought about when she wondered what it’s be like to had a grandad. He saw it too. And it makes her feel a lot better. A lot less alone. She swallows thickly, sniffs, and nods, hugging the old man just a tad tighter.

There’s a soft knock at the door, and when it opens Aggie peers in. She’s surprised, not expecting to see her crying granddaughter huddled against her partner who’s put a big burly protective arm around her. If the circumstances weren’t so glum she’d fawn over such a visual. But there’s no time for that. Aggie closes the door and steps over to the pair, kneeling down so she’s below Olive’s line of sight.

“Hey, Junebug.” She says softly as she rests a hand on her granddaughters knee and reaches out to pet over her hair. It’s like getting a glimpse at what she must have been like as a mother. Patient. Comforting. “You doin okay?” Olive nods and Aggie looks up at Stan, offering a sad and sympathetic smile before putting a hand on his knee too.

“M’Sorry.” Olive whispers, “You had to-“

“It’s okay.” Aggie says, wiping a few of Olives tears away. “It’s not that big of a deal to me.” It is in fact a big deal to her,but she just told a flawless lie. Anything to her Olive to not look so defeated. “I talked them down for expulsion, and I talked the kids dad down from.. Pressing Charges.” She thinks with a shudder that her own father had done virtually the same thing for her, in an office just like this one at the high schools. Further, She hadn’t expected to see either of the boys parents, she figured they’d be at the hospital for their son. But with the younger bit still at the school she supposed it wasn’t too much of a stretch. It had been easy work, spinning the narrative and twisting words to equalize the playing field. Olive was just as much a victim as the boy was, the victim of weeks of relentless bullying and teasing. It had all been the truth of course, but forcing someone to believe the truth is still forcing.

“You’re out for two weeks. A couple teachers are gettin coursework organized for you so you don’t fall behind.” She gives Olive’s knee a squeeze, “And they’re gonna check your backpack when you come to school. And your locker, they’ll be checking it weekly until the end of the year.” It’s eerily similar to parole for a prisoner. “And you’re going to start seeing the schools counselor. I was gonna try to talk them out if that but I think it might help.” She takes a breath. “The older boy is getting the same three weeks and is banned from the Middle School Grounds. His younger brother, one week.” Olive looks surprised. “And I’m having them modify your schedule so you don’t have any classes with that rude little-“ She shakes her head. “That boy.” She sighs. “You’re lucky you’ve got such a good negotiator for a grandma, huh?”

There had been barely any negotiating. She’d made the plan and relayed it to the principal and the boys dad in a way that made it stick as fact in their stupid heads. But negotiate rid a lot better than magic manipulator.

Olive nods, still unable to smile but at least she’s responsive. This whole time she hasn’t fully let go of Stan, either.

Stan stiffly puts an arm around Olive in an awkward half-hug, not knowing entirely what would the best way to comfort her. He cared deeply for Olive, almost like she was his own grandchild. That still didn’t mean he was confident as to where he stood with her. To her as far as he worried, Stan was just the weird old guy who hung out with her grandma.

“Like I said Olive, you’re a good kid. Things will blow over. They always do. You’ll be my age one day, and…well. Not gonna say you’ll look back on this day with pleasure or nothin’, but at the least you’ll be able to see how you moved on and things got better.”

He pats her reassuringly on the shoulder.

“An’ don’t worry about your grandma neither. She thinks the world of you. You hung the moon as far as she’s concerned. That’s the thing about family. Well. The kind of family that counts anyway. We might make each other crazy but we’re always there for each other.”

He pauses thoughtfully.

“Though I’d still maybe want to tread carefully for a while Olive.”