#but like…. if it’s just some random people on the internet saying your ship sucks and they don’t think it’s canon

[musclesandhammering]

If you accuse real human people of being homophobic bc they don’t ship the two fictional white men that you do, you have empty space where your brain should be.

[olderthannetfic]

Obvious Disclaimer that this is not about any specific anon in particular, not about OTNF themself, but that my following rant might *slightly* punch down on people who ARE, well, older than net fics are.

But my honest opinion is that I really don’t like it when us old heads tend to sorta…talk down to? “Adultsplain”, if that’s even a thing? To The Gen Zs, by being like “damn kids! back in my day we never used our real name or posted selfies or posted about our personal life at all!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of those people who never posted the real me — but not because I was anonymous and cared about online safety, because I was a liar 😂 That being said, there ARE older people who definitely over-shared or “doxxed” themselves and still do, and there’s younger people who don’t!

I also feel like being “ha, these stupid KIDS who post about their FANDOM LIFE on TIK TOCK under their REAL NAME AND FACE where IRLS CAN SEE THEM, how STUPID” is not doing anyone any favors. Is that, technically, a smart thing for kids to do? No. Has it become normalized? Yes. And does that suck for people who might be bullied or outed or whatever cuz they genuinely are dumb and don’t know better and then someone they don’t like sees their stuff? Yes.

We all talk about how there’s no more kids spaces on the internet and how that’s a shame, but then five seconds later we’ll reblog that one “At any time I’m at risk of seeing a 14 year olds opinion and that’s why I hate it here” post. There’s really so few kid spaces on the net now, that’s true. We should extend empathy and let the teens be obnoxious and pretentious in peace, rather than making it a point to “ratio” or “roast them.” Idk personally I’d be completely unbothered if some 14 year old insulted my fic or my ship or whatever. I’d just block and move on, no need to try to argue with them.

And also, not all kids are even pretentious or obnoxious! I’m not saying we all need to take the kids under our wings, but we should be careful about not hating them just for being in their teens years, you know?

Also… telling a teenager to not post PII or not get into discourse or not have social media or whatever will NOT work the way you want it to 😭 kids are by default a little bit oppositionally defiant so telling some rando teen to Get Off Your Lawn (blog) rather than just blocking them, will encourage said teen to Stay On Your Lawn.

I just hate how it’s become normal for adults to talk down to teens online. I was harassed by adults online as a kid, then years and years and years later i went through my own “Older Than You™️”phase where I myself was a shit to teenagers, and I truly regret that so much. To this day I still need to make an effort to be careful. I saw on Twitter where an adult posted a DM from a 13 year old, mocking them. The DM said “I’m 14 next year, can I follow you? Please don’t groom me.” And the adult OP was laughing at how stupid the dm was. A few years ago, I would’ve been one of the people retweeting that and rolling my eyes at the child. Now im disgusted by the people who WERE laughing at them.

And again I’m obviously not saying we should be “nice” to the teenagers who mock us for our ships or who virtue signal too hard. But we also don’t need to make fun of their CARRDS or call them Puri-teens or rag on them just for being 17 or younger, yk?

--

Teens aren't 'puriteens' just for being young, dude. They have to also be puritanical bullies.

I find the stuff about real names hilarious because, actually, if you're really Internet Old™, then you probably did use your real name... it was right there in your university e-mail address! Or your random early ISP address if your stepdad got it for you and thought the university format was the default. Thanks, stepdad.

I've done every single dumb thing from going to meet my internet pen pal at an Alice Cooper concert to flying to Ireland from Japan to stay with a fandom friend I'd never met without telling anyone where I was going and without a credit card or enough cash to flee if I had to. I remember sitting on the plane thinking "Man, this is such a CSI episode topic".

The really funny part was that despite what she'd said before I visited, we ran into each of her parents at different times and ended up going to a play courtesy of her uncle, and all of them were like "So how do you know each other?" and "But you'd met before, right? RIGHT?!"

The level of panopticon is horrifying now. Teens have my sympathy. That part really is worse, and I think it's driving an entire generation nuts and we're going to see even more shit about people wanting to run away and live in a cabin in the woods with no internet. But in general, I don't think we're so different.

[devsgames]

On AI-Driven Conversations In Games

The AI gang really shot themselves in the foot by leaning so hard into capitalist exploitation angle, because now whenever they present a use of the tech that is actually moderately interesting the baseline reaction people have to it is just going to be hate because it's associated to AI in any way shape or form.

I mean, obviously I understand why people react this way, because most of the practical applications of AI are just a veil for replacing of labour and increasing profit margins for the executive levels. But I feel like nowadays you'll also just see a lot of people hating an idea because it's implicitly tied to AI in any way, despite the core conceit of the idea actually being fairly interesting. (Remember when Spiderverse used Machine Learning to generate some of it's incredibly labour-intensive frame-by-frame effects and then a bunch of people got mad because it used Machine Learning for that?)

People have been pointing to the use case of "what if you could talk to an NPC in a game and have their reponses generated via AI", and laughing at it like it's the dumbest suggestion ever, but honestly in my opinion I think that's the exact kind of system AI was practically designed for! To me that feels like an excellent application of the tech that is now just marred by the mention of AI in the first place.

Anyway, to ruminate on the concept a bit: I see that use of AI enabling a dev to fill out a world with more NPCs who help it feel more populated, as well as potentially give them incredibly varied responses that are more relevant to the NPCs immediate context of the game. I imagine instead of replacing full-on player choice dialog it would instead replace the throwaway barks of awkward and out of place open-world NPCs who look at you and say "I have nothing to say to you" and giving them something to directly say about your adventure or the context around them instead.

Instead of having the intern narrative designers be forced to write little barks and blurbs like "I have nothing to say" (which I understand narrative folks usually view as grunt work and hate writing in he first place), they'd be writing little prompts for that system instead. End result is when you talk to random farmer NPC #344 outside of town they say "Crop's doing well this year, here's hoping a dragon doesn't attack us" instead of "I've got nothing to say". I think on paper that's a genuinely good and interesting way to improve an antiquated open-world problem like that. Should it be helpful? Probably not. Would it be interesting? No. Would it be a little more flavourful than what we currently have going on? I think so!

It's not an AI shill fever dream, I can see exactly how it would work and I'd bet money that there's a studio doing something like it in R&D right now. I imagine it'd also probably be pretty adaptable between projects too, so the similar system could be applied to different areas of the world.

Should it be trusted to give the player directions or do any sort of leading that a narrative designer should do? Almost certainly not because it would be inconsistent and have too big a possibility window, and AI is nothing if not horrible at performing essential tasks that might block progress.

Should it be done with the tech as it is now? Hell no, unless you want to wait five seconds for every reply to be generated and for it to be tied to some server bank that's guzzling all of Arizona's water. Also it would probably need an internet conncetion to work, which is asking a lot for an open world game.

Should it be done by these studios who are more interested in using it to replace labour and make the end result cheaper to make so they can keep more profits off he top? No, and that's the real reason why the applications of this tech sucks - because spoiler alert they'd all love to save money.

Obviously this concept isn't doable right now, but I wouldn't be surprised if it ships in a game in some form within 5-10 years tops.

Again I get why at this point in capitalism there's almost no applications of machine learning that are easy to trust, nor should we ever believe studios are doing it for any reason outside of trying to make development cheaper. I just think when it comes to tech it's worthwhile to keep execution in mind separate from intent; Tech isn't implicitly evil, it's the system it's built under that is. :)

[ch3rr13zk1n]

Alright its introduction time

Im CHERRIEZKIN! Please never fucking call me Chez ever EVER again. I dont wanna be associated with that oc anymore.

I mostly don't wanna actually smile IRL and just stay with a neutral expression. However i do like memes and things i enjoy. I just hate my emotions that's all! Also if you catch me being an awful person PLEASE tell me.

I tend to also get sorta uncomfortable with people being confused by my stuff or someone seemingly not in the same fandoms as me liking my stuff as it sorta makes my brain explode and PANIK!!! Not like you can't enjoy my stuff when you don't know shit about the stuff i like but it sorta makes me think some random adult or teenager just came across my stuff

And i occasionally make weird jokes about fictional characters (sorry about that I'm possibly hypersexual.) but i don't wanna see NSFW TOO often so purely NSFW accounts.... don't even like a single post of mine at all plz :3 (unless you make NSFW of characters i like like..... Heheh. Not really but really)

Also I'm a minor!!!!!!! Never forget that!

Sorry about the suggestive and NSFW jokes i have no idea why but sometimes i just have the urge to say that publicly on the internet. Maybe that furry fetish game i found when i was nine really did fuck me up badly. Also i password locked cherrysimpingtime for the sanity of the Wallter fans. D:

also here's the other apology for the suggestive and NSFW stuff

Anyways i got some interests like Solarballs, Shovelwares brain game (Ish since my intrest dried up a little), Captain underpants, The youtube shorts arg, Vocaloid (Ish), Undertale , SMG4, DHMIS, Alphabet lore, OMORI, FNF (Ish since the fandom sucked and a part of me refuses to go back there for my own mental health. However Vs Bob is here since its just my humor n stuff as an FNF mod), Bugbo (Ish since it got pushed aside by my other fixations), The amazing digital circus, Pretty blood, Art, BFDI, Object shows in general, Riddle school (Ish since the creator sucks and i only mentioned it here because i know what it is) REGRETEVATOR, Tally hall (ish), Vs Bob and etc

though i post about some fandoms more than others but it doesn't mean i don't like/don't know any fandom on this list that isn't mainly being posted about here

its just that i draw Wallter from REGRETEVATOR pregnant instead of talking about how Rinny from Pretty Blood is a fucking bitch because my fixations are in a constant war

i also have a Tiktok and a mostly abandoned Youtube account (don't look at certain posts on my tiktok you'll go blind)

Also this account is mostly full of shitposts, Memes, Reblogs and doodles so good luck finding high quality art here!! I don't put my own tags a majority of the time and don't even tag some of my posts with the art tag since I'm insecure and stuff. I do create a bunch of dumb shit like Wood Noise~ Bark Bark Dog Mannequins so maybe you can check stuff like that out if you like my shitposts.

Also Wallter is my favorite character and my heart cannot be put on a leash so i have a crush on that gayass

i respect the gay rep and its just that i got attracted because i don't fucking know (sorry)

I'm also a bit of a shipper and i ship Wallmark, Walljim/Jimwall, SlimJim, Skaterlight(maybe???) and etc. If you are uncomfy with any of the ships listed or literally want shippers of that stuff to get the fuck off your page then block me or tell to to leave your page

Also sometimes i don't read people's pinned posts and generally just reblog because that's sorta like a secondary more useful like button to me

i also had a bit of a tier list showing my opinions on the regret characters but that's kinda outdated and may not be fully reliable on my actual opinions on those characters however you should know that Wallter is.. According to my moots and other people... My comfort character, My favorite character and my fictional crush currently. He sorta means a bunch to me rn so don't potray them as a physical abuser or rapist.. Please. If you violate these boundaries then i may not hesitate to block you.

Actually.. Not just Wallter. ANY of my favorite characters.. Or maybe just any character in general unless its canon or smth and NOT romanticized. However i may not be able to tell which one is spreading awareness, a vent or just literal fetish/kink shit.

anyways that's all you need to know uhh have a weird image and stan Wallter on my page! (Not forcing dw)

[notafunkiller]

I love how people who talk about seb's sex life (they way they imagine it to be which is another big red flag), defend annabelle's problematic behaviour, encourage stalking etc say people like you are the cause that drove a fucking hollywood actor away from IG. They need to touch grass NOW.

He always talked about SOME weird fans following him around, but he also said the Marvel fandom the best. Bc guess what? This fandon kept him popular and cares for his character.

What I find hypocrite is how he allows people like annabelle and her friends to directly expose his location... post on twitter from a burner (talking about the football match pic with them at different tables), annabelle stalking his fans, then him saying people around him do not sell him out :)))

Also, whoever thinks random respectful people on the internet (who do not believe in a relationship for various reasons) can influence an online presence of an actor is deadly wrong. And it shows you know nothing about Hollywood, the film industry or pr. Seb is 100% on social media, just not posting... and no, it's not bc people fo not like annabelle wallis.

No one from the PR "team" (since we are back in 2010 with teams and fan wars) ever came up with such a direspectful, dumb idea as giving hin a list with a bunch of usernames with people who don't "ship" (as you said... shipping real people is strange af) him with a problematic person and real haters...

+ sorry you actually post about the person you follow and like aka sebastian and didn't change your account into an annabelle fan account like others :)).

Oh you are a terrible fan for not talking about how veiny his c*ck must be, how annabelle will suck it after he comes home (on behalf of the fans), how she will look pregnant, how sebastian MUST have babies,.

I got called a prude and a dumbass for pointing out how these comments are absolutely not okay and I saw you were too. It's so weird how these people can't see how problematic this behaviour is and "hoeing" on sm is different from oversexualizing a man (very one direction of them... since I saw you are a harry fan too, you understand what I mean), projecting your fantasies onto a random woman who happens to be with your favorite actor (bc they were not talking about her before she was with him lol).

It's sick and twisted and I am tired of them playing good fans, angels meanwhile they are stalking, bullying, driving good people away from the fandom.

Where was this attitude they have for annabelle and her horrible attitude and actions when he was with alejandra or margarita?

Since you talked about xenophobia I seriously thought about it and it makes so much sense.

For a bunch of people who are in their 20s they are really naive, rude and clearly do not understand many things.

My piece of advice fot them is: Stop. Being. Chronically. Online.

This fandom stopped being fun, but I am glad I found a couple of people (like you) who have logic and speka their mind.

Sorry for the long message <3

Please do not apologize!

Everything you said is sooooo on point. I do not know what to add.

Thank you and I am sorry you had to see and experience such meh things

[finrays]

Like, honestly, I think y’all would benefit a LOT from the Grocery Store Test when it comes to talking to other people on this webbed site.

It’s super easy and it makes life better for everyone. Here’s the test;

If you were in line at the grocery store, and two total strangers were having the conversation you’re thinking of butting into in the queue ahead of you… would you speak up?

Sometimes the answer is absolutely yes; you’d probably call someone out if they say something bigoted. You might chime in if you agree and have additional insight to add. These things you’d do without really hesitating. They’re fine to do online.

Sometimes the answer is absolutely no; if you agree but don’t have points to add, maybe you just nod and smile and go “Yeah, exactly!” to yourself, the equivalent of a Like or a quiet Reblog with maybe a few positive tags in it. Maybe you have no idea what they’re talking about so you shrug and go “Eh, not interested” and move on to looking at the candy rack.

And sometimes… sometimes the answer isn’t clear cut. And those are the times where you gotta use your brains, my good bitches.

If you have a respectful disagreement, is it your place to chime in? Can you accept the consequences that might come with that (people maybe being rude to you when you stuck your head into a place that you weren’t really invited to, for instance.) Is it worth risking them to make your voice heard, here? That’s on a case-by-case basis.

And, perhaps most importantly… IS IT AN IMPORTANT ENOUGH DISAGREEMENT TO ACTUALLY TAKE SOMEONE TO TASK FOR???

Would you tell that grandma in line ahead of you that Character McCharacterface sucks, he sucks shit, and you should be ASHAMED that he’s your favorite character in Showy McShowface? Would you tell an excitable preteen buying some Skittles for a movie night with her friends you hate her ship and you don’t want to hear about it here in a public place that’s as much hers as yours?

Or would you wait until they leave and then make a snarky, quiet aside to your friend? Or wander off to another part of the equally shared public store and go “GOD I hate Character McCharacterface,” to let it out?

Basically, if the answer to your question is “I wouldn’t say this to a person’s face/treat them like this in the flesh”…

…why are you doing it on the Internet? We’re all (mostly, I love you Haikubot) people here, just separated by each other by screens and electrons. We’ve all got inner lives, complexities, and things that light us up, but which other people might find blinding. Take a minute to consider how you want to ask your neighbor to turn their lights down. To think before you hit Send. It’s hard. I fucking KNOW it’s hard. I have been learning and relearning it for 32 years now, and the emotions want you to bite like a shrieking fuckweasel half of the time.

But we gotta treat each other better, and we gotta put in a little thought and care and effort. We can’t just fly off the handle whenever we feel like it and expect the universe to shrug it off; we’re not the only ones experiencing it. We can’t let ourselves get addicted to the cheap dopamine hit of holding ourselves as morally superior to people for any and all minor reasons that come to mind; you gotta accept the fact that sometimes people just do things, no judgement or morals or reasoning attached, just human beings doing the being part, and that it’s ok.

Newton’s Third Law applies to human conversations, too; for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Stop and think for a minute about what that might be before you hit send (unless it’s just a straight up random act of kindness, that action-reaction is pleasant and warranted like 99.99% of the time.)

And if you do like being a rot-mouthed snakefucker to people online for minor disagreements specifically because they’re easier to dehumanize here and can’t turn your snout concave when you’re a cunt to them, well… I don’t know what to tell you. You’ve become the bullies you claim to hate, and you should either take a good hard look at your life or accept that people are going to shut you out of pretty much every conversation eventually on account of your slime-guzzling nature.

And, no, you don’t get to complain about that when it happens, either.

Remember the Grocery Store Test when you get up in arms about something; it’ll make your life and everyone else’s a hell of a lot better and keep us a hell of a lot closer to the caring community we all really want to be.

[shoheiakagi]

I agree with you about the tags u left on that anon being rude to ciassu! Seriously thats just plain so fucking rude smh. Anyway u ended your tags with mention of shuhei x yata that op was going to write and it got me curious bc ive never thought of that pairing before lol so now im wondering if u have any other yata or shuhei ships u like/can think of? Sorry for the random ask i just want to see if theres any other ships i can add to my list other than chitose x yata lol

Hi!! Thank you for reaching out! And yeah, I feel like some ppl just like to send anon hate cause they’re bored? Like what is the end game here? You’re not gonna be the person with the last laugh cause your ask is either gonna be deleted or responded to in a post. And like, if you think there’s other writers who post the same type of fics, then why don’t you just focus on them? People need to realize that writing fics and drawing art is a skill, and that the creator puts in a lot of time and effort into perfecting it for the audience. I just don’t get why some ppl act mean online, when they don’t have that same persona irl?? Like why act like an internet thug??

Anyways!

Yes, I was also intrigued when I saw how op was working on a ShouheixYata fic! Like I know some bits and pieces of how they’d interact as friends, but as romantic partners? I’ve seen some EricxYata and and ChitosexYata, but never a ShouheixYata. I’m sooo curious cause Yata is terribly shy when it comes to romance, while Shouhei is charismatic and nicer than the other abc boys. Like is Shouhei going to be all flirty and try to charm him?? Does Yata develop a crush on Shouhei which he tries to hide but miserably fails at it??

And I do!! So to start off, I’ll be honest and say that I’m not really fond of romantic!banshou. Its weird cause i have other ships with similar dynamics, and i also adore both characters individually, but im not the biggest fan of them as a ship. I think its probably bc i dont like how its portrayed by the very few fans they have, and how a lot of things about shouhei, end up revolving around bandou’s inferiority complex towards him (which really sucks as a shouhei’s girl who wants to learn more about him).

But despite being in my y/n feels for shouhei, i do have a few ships for him! I don’t think it’s as obvious as it was when i first created this blog, but shouhei/eric is the closest to an otp i have for this fandom. Its probably bc theyre my top two faves, but i do think they have strong potential to be a sweet and interesting ship, and the few interactions they have are so cute 🥺 the fact that shouhei is the only person Eric refers to by their first name other than Anna 🥹🥹 (although i do think its probably cause everyone refers to shouhei by his first name lol. If im not wrong, i think eric refers to fuji by his last name despite being very close). I also do think they’d look really good together! Despite Eric being unkempt and not into fashion, he is objectively very good looking and i think his sharp and cool features are a good contrast against shouhei’s softer and warm features. I genuinely do think shouhei is the second person eric is comfortable with, after fujishima. I also ship shouhei with chitose and akiyama! I think i started shipping shouhei with chitose sometime last year and honestly? I think they’d be a fun and hot pair. I can’t really see them being them in a serious and committed relationship, but i do think they would probably hook up here and there (or even just be really good friends, since theyre pretty similar to each other except for some differences). Akiyama/Shouhei is always going to be that one opposites attract/enemies to lovers ship for me lol. I wish their fight scenes from s1 were longer, im so curious on what the dialogue would have been like.

Yata was my first ever fave character/crush when i first got into K back in 2012, but unfortunately that died out. But i do think ericxyata is such a cute and funny pair! I remember reading this really old fic on them in which yata learns english just so he can finally respond to eric’s taunts, only to have the story end with eric kissing him on the cheek 💞 i don’t remember being sold that quick on a ship like i did with that fic lmaoo. They’re like my second favorite pair, but theres sooooo little content on them :/ thats what i hate about k. Most content are on the popular/designated ships, you barely see anything on different pairings/dynamics. Yata and Kamamoto are seen as platonic for the most part, but i can see some potential for it to turn romantic! Kamamoto is a ride and die for yata. Like if theres ever a rare chance that yata decides to leave homra (unlikely, i know), i do feel like kamamoto would probably join him idk. the loyalty there is really strong. I think yata and chitose would be interesting since chitose is a playboy while yata is a virgin, but its probably gonna end with a nasty heartbreak on both sides 😬

[demonicintegrity]

Watching from the sidelines as photomatt makes a fool of himself. and I'm just tired.

Listen im not gonna say "i hope someone dies in a car explosion full of hammers" has like, the strongest high ground standing. I'm above that. So may you. But I am gonna say it highlights the double standards pretty well. Are we gonna pretend like half the site wasn't openly wishing for Trump or any sort of alt-right politician to die? Not even like in a cartoony way? Just straight up memes about preparing the crave rave if anyone went? Which was a lot more passionate and strongly motivated than this? I watch so many people get straight up nazis in their askbox. I see so many bigots remake blogs without a sweat if they're even deleted in the first place. Misinformation and racist memes abound. But this small thing gets someone and all their blogs nuked off the website? Okay. Sure. Yeah. That tracks.

Hell, the fact no one can even tag him now shows a special standard. Wdym none of us can blocked being mentioned by others but the specialist ceo can because he's getting flamed for his own double standards? We can actually, its just buried in my settings I didn't know was possible until writing this and double checking. LMK if yall knew that was an option cuz I sure as hell didn't. @staff can still be mentioned and replied to on some of their posts, I'm sure some genuis is gonna have the bright idea to bother them even though they have no control over him. Hell, I've seen them being tagged in posts about policies and drama and all that! The ability to bother the working folks is never taken away but the ceo is above that.

(and no, it's not comparable to a kys joke, which I have never and will not ever condone. That's a fucking crime and terrible.)

(And if the average person can't get the police to do anything about the weirdos in their dm's, if celebrities couldn't get the police to help by being stalked by paparazzi, I doubt they're gonna take "someone on the internet I don't know wished I would be dead by a silly way" seriously. They wouldn't even take my roommates bike being stolen on camera seriously. That was a bluff out of his ass and we know it. He just wants to throw around power he doesn't/shouldn't have.)

("I hope X person dies" is harassment at best but not a credible death threat. It's hard to prove any sort of legitimate attempt behind the words. I would know, queer people get told they should be dead all the time and there's nothing that can be done because it's not a threat. I don't even think it was mentioned at him or anything like that, so it wasn't even intended to be seen by him. So yeah.)

And that's what all the outrage is about. It's the double standards. It's about how all these legitimately awful people still stick around because its not hard, but some random queer or otherwise marginalized person will get scrubbed off the face of the Earth because they were a little rude once. Or because they've done nothing at all. Remember when normal-horoscopes' blog got nuked for no fucking reason at all? Have no idea if that blog was ever restored. But man, all those posts unable to be searched for again.

And to be clear, I'm not surprised by this. In the slightest. When have ceo's ever reacted will to the people using their product not giving a shit about them? I may not know the entire story of who this trans women is and her history but like. But this part doesn't shock me. It sucks but its not surprising when Whatever Rich Ceo picks an enemy out of thin air and tries to drag them around as an example. It's happen so many times. I'm not shocked.

Nor does seeing the transphobia spike AGAIN because of it.

It's just exhausted that I set up myself here all comfy and everyone I follow is considering jumping ship again. I doubt I'll ever use any of the tumblr copycats. I got rid of my twitter. I've been putting off making an instagram for forever. If this goes assume your best chance is finding me on discord or by carrier pigeon. And ill be upset as hell because I love tumblr, it's my homebase, and I just set up my art blog here.

Yeah. So none of this is surprising. Disappointing, but not a surprise. You mean the website that regularly thinks any depiction of a queer person deserves a mature label with no ability to really appeal and fight against that, is being mean to a trans person?? Is the sky being blue also shocking??

Yeah whatever. This isn't changing or personally affecting me in any way but like. Man. Sure. Okay. Might as well be an issue on top of the others on this god forsaken webbed cite.

[erruhh]

Update, i now know what pro shipping actually means; second update

I AM A PROSHIPPER X3

I’ve been on TikTok for all of my fandom-life, and got all my definitions from there, and on TikTok ‘pro shipping’ is actually ‘problematic shipping’ which is SUPR confusing. But now that i think of it it makes sense how problematic shippers would never just say “I’m a proshipper” they would have this emoji combo:🍖🌈 , which, if I’m right, certainly fits the bill, or at least I’ve been conditioned to think so, context:

As a tiktoker/TikTok user..

TIKTOK IS A CONFORMITY MACHINE!!!

More context: the kind of posts you see on tumble like

“___ ao3” or “____miraculous ladybug” or just any fandom post, is the same kind of post that gets BOMBARDED with comments like

(Fandom posts that aren’t normalized like Spider-Man or marvel or smthg)

“☠️☠️☠️”=“this kid likes ___”

“Nahh☠️☠️”=“no way they’re being serious”

“It’s so preppy in here!”=quote, it means your weird

“oh.. that’s not..”= just a random quote, normally when something is deemed as weird

“Post this on ig reels”=“i wont make fun of you because i know those guys who can do it better”

Or if you post a drawing that isn’t immediately incredible:

“Oh.. that’s not..”=still a random quote, but this time it means “omg! This sucks!!”

“It’s so preppy in here!”=quote, means your drawing looks really weird

“Post this on ig reels”=“i wont make fun of you, because i don’t feel like it”

Or you’ll get some variety of:

“Yeah you go (randomize pronoun)!!!” With a string of emojis and more obviously sarcastic encouragement

Idk why this turned into a guide to survive mainstream social media, but I’m living for it.

Tip number one on surviving TikTok,

BULLYING IS A MASSIVE CULTURAL ACTIVITY

Here’s somewhat how a conversation might go over TikTok when your talking to someone while they’re bored

A: “Why is bullying on TikTok just.. normalized?”

B: “what are you on about☠️”

A: “ok pause, that emoji right there, why is it so common?”

B: “bro are you dumb?”

A: “you see, that right there, I’m just tryna conversations and you’re insulting me”

B: “bro it’s not even that serious, if you can’t handle being on the internet just log off☠️☠️”

Or

B: “bro it yeah sometimes it sucks, but bullying is necessary, why do you think people aren’t just posting corny sh&t all the time? Because WE keep them in check”

So now..

The masses are left with a crossroad,

find a new platform and work harder to fit in? Or simply become a sheep in the crowd, follow the micro trends and when the first sign of dislike shows up, show dislike for it even if you like it?

I, among many others, conformed, i mean it was easy, and arguing on the internet is now like a hobby, a fun pastime

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here my friend after a very, very long week. This is actually my 3rd attempt at sending you an ask. First, I finally had time and was excited to type up something for the latest episode and then the Buck LI stuff came out and the mood for that was killed. Next I had mostly typed up my salty thoughts only to have my internet go down (yes, I whined at home "what i was going to read??!!" and pointedly ignored my very much filled bookcase because my ships aren't in them). So here let's see if this one works out.

So how is it KR and the promo dept always manage to kill any joy we have when we get fed any kind of Buddie content (the follow-up to the Eddie getting shot, and the 5b and premier come to mind here)?? Seriously Buck and Eddie more or less went on a date and had family night together and almost immediately they came back with "look Buck and Eddie are going to go on dates!!". Its exhausting cause it seems like any time they put out a story that might even be slightly suggestive of them being more than platonic bros they insist on following it up with stories to "prove" they are, no matter how recycled those plots are.

And okay let's take a second here to ask WTF is KR doing with these characters? In 6b alone we've had Buck dying, a coma dream, PTSD, super powers, and now he's getting a crush, and we STILL haven't finished the accursed sperm donor storyline??!! Bobby and Athena investigated had the death of a beloved friend 🙄 plot, HenRen had the nonsensical Denny secretly seeing his Dad which was never an issue before plot, and Madney and Eddie are just kinda there?? The other characters have had at best one storyline where the audience has to either invent or rewrite the backstory for. But for Buck he's had like 50 plotlines, none of which have really gone anywhere? I love Buck but I'd rather have him have 1 good arc and resolution than whatever this bullshit is. I'd easily take that screentime and give it to any of the other characters if it meant we got 1 well thought out and executed storyline. Instead we're just recycling and redressing old plots for everyone else while KR uses a magnetic poetry set to plan what Buck's doing from episode to episode. We have 5 episodes left in the season, 4-5 guest characters that are going to be incorporated (including 2 much beloathed ones 🙄🙄🙄), and nothing really setup for our mains to do (even Eddie dating isn't setup, it literally hasn't come up after Ana and you'd think they could have in 6a while he was watching his son mature).

Anyway, I'll stop the rant here though there's definitely more I could say. I'll close off saying I hope you're feeling better today since this week looks like its been rough on you. Sending you virtual tea, soup, and hugs!!

Long week is RIGHT my friend! I'm so sorry you were foiled in your previous attempts! I am right there with you on the Buck LI stuff just...sucking a lot of the joy out of things for me. Because of course we're doing this again 🙄🙄🙄 I was even writing up notes on a possible fic and you KNOW I haven't written anything since Malex and even that was before s4 started. But alas. That sucks about the power going out! I hate when that happens especially if I was in the middle of something! (Also I am SO with you. I keep buying books and then just...not reading them because my brain says "it's not our blorbos so no.)

I am just...so tired at this point. Like yes these people *may* not stick around, but even so, I don't want to loose out on Buddie scenes and Buckley-Diaz family scenes! I don't want Buck to have 90% of his time and discussions with some new character I do not know or care about instead of Eddie and the firefam! They already tried to do that with BT and it was the woooooorst! I want Eddie to have screentime and arcs but again, I don't want the little time we DO get to be wasted on some random side character! And lets be honest, there is no person they can introduce at this point that can compare with the relationship Buck and Eddie have already built and the ways in which they are the perfect partners for what each other needs. So the options are to a) cut down on seeing that relationship so their new het ones don't look so shitty and lame in comparison, b) have these women be mostly just Blurry Girlfriends in the background with no personality or depth just to have the boys paired off so they don't have to do Buddie while still centering their relationship so people can't call them out for not committing to Buddie because their "friendship" looks basically the same, or c) give them LIs that are basically the other's personalities transplanted into a female body in order to have the relationship be anything close to what Buck and Eddie need in a life partner. These are all terrible options, and I hate them, more than I hate the idea of them ending up single even though it undercuts their own narrative set up for the characters but that's a cop-out too.

ANYWAY

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 to everything about Buck's 700 shitty arcs this season while everyone else is mostly twiddling their thumbs. KR is literally the worst at pacing and planning, and constructing a season with any kind of flow. On the bright side, Ravi is coming back and Chim is going to get to do something! I'm so excited! I was really hoping for more of him and Bobby teaming up last week because the little crumbs we got were GOLD.

I did have a very emotionally rollercoaster-y week and the show being Like This absolutely Did Not Help, but I am making it work. Mostly with loooots of fic. Cheers friend, lets see if we can make it through the finale intact, if Buddie dreams can make it through the finale intact, and if the SHOW can make it through the finale intact with how these renewal negotiations are going.

[museenkuss]

I hope you don't mind me asking...but do I feel less guilt/judgement about liking things in media that are 'dark' or not 'morally correct'. I want to let go and just have fun and not worry so much, but it feels really hard these days (especially with fandom). People who are very hardcore about morals or "purists" scare me a lot. There are people out there who will ruin other people's lives (doxxing people!) because they don't like the way they engage with works or famdom, and especially with darker material. This rise of moral police have me afraid of engaging with fandom at all these days (especially the constant war between the pros and antis. Why are there even labels for this...). I hate being labeled an awful or corrupt person simply because I like 'wrong' or 'gross' things that aren't even real. I know who I actually am and hearing people who don't know me decide that I'm scumbag who is on par with actually evil people hurts...

Its not real guys, its fiction. Why all this hostility?

I suppose what I am asking is how to let go and let live? I miss engaging with fandom. I miss the fun of messing around with fiction in any way. I want to be ok with the judgement and still have fun. I want to enjoy fandom again with worrying if I am being 'morally' enough for these people. Any advice?

Darling, I know exactly what you mean. I used to have a lot more fun with fandom and writing in general before coming in contact with those types of people, too. It’s really sad imo, but I've also decided to actively work against internalising the hateful atmosphere those groups cultivate

Firstly, what might help is making a sideblog. Separate it from your main, don't link it on main etc and just treat it as your personal corner. It helps with the fear of being attacked - especially if you get personal on main and fear that random weirdos will get nasty on there. It also helps because if you're active, you WILL find likeminded people and they will find you, so you can build your community and have fun in this secluded and safe environment.

Apart from that, what I try to keep in mind is that, as you said, it's fiction. You're not an immoral person for being intrigued by thoughts and concepts - that's the most important part. You said it yourself: You know yourself, they don't know you. Them attacking you has very little weight if all they base it on is "you enjoy trope x, therefore you're bad". In fact, it's plain laughable at times. The puritanism of it all. Of course there are very interesting and nuanced conversations to be had ("Can you enjoy Balthus art?" being a non-fandom example that intrigues me, for one), but I find it very difficult to have this kind of conversation with people who say that liking Hannigram is problematic because they have an age gap. And frankly, I don't see the point of trying to constantly have nuanced discussions about what I do and don't find intriguing about "problematic ships" with people who've made their mind up that fiction = reality = morality.

- But I also have to say that to me personally, aggressively taking the counter stance is draining as well. There are people that get very vicious and venemous towards the purity people (making fun of them, belittling them, writing essays in their bios about fiction and reality etc), but I distance myself from those as well. "Why all this hostility?" extends to this side as well, I think. I'd rather just ignore that whole mess and do my own thing in my corner.

So, in short, I get where you're coming from and I'm afraid as well, which sucks. So my recipe for enjoying ~problematic content~ is: I keep to myself, I create and interact for and with people who enjoy the same things I enjoy and I don't take myself or the counter side too seriously.

I really hope this helped in some way and I hope you can find your joy in engaging in a fun hobby again, unafraid of weird bullies on the internet 🌹

[paigemathews]

Okay seriously?! I don't understand that anon's problem?!?!?! Are people really that pathetic and needy that they sit waiting for people to reply all day long? In this day and age life is so incredibly busy and hard as you said there's not many moments to sit still and just appreciate life anymore and it royally sucks :/ I'm sure you just like me would love to have time to edit and talk away to people a lot more but sadly it only comes around every now and again for chances life has to come first no matter how much you may want to interact and obsess over your shows. If the anon is that bothered why not try messaging other charmed blogs who may have a little more time to answer if it's that big of a deal? Sounds to me like it's a teenager who doesn't have to work or have family, pay bills among other things such as health and just taking a "you" moment with a cuppa and a book to switch off for all of 5 minutes if that. I'd give anything for some time to live again adulting is soooo much fun..said nobody ever x'D

I think that to some extent, it's easy to view people on the internet, especially specialized blogs like this, as content instead of individuals doing something for fun. Same notion as why you shouldn't give criticism to people who don't ask for it. This is a hobby that people are doing for fun in their spare time, and they're not obligated to give you anything: fics, edits, meta, thoughts, etc.

The funny thing to me is that I definitely get the desire for more Charmed content. I mean, one of the only things I even use Tumblr for anymore is the Charmed tag. And it's definitely a small fandom and there's not a ton of people creating stuff or writing or editing or anything like that. Which is why I made this blog.

Like sometimes, if you want more content? More fics, more aesthetics, more headcanons, more meta, more anything? Ya gotta make it yourself. I mean. I'm not saying don't engage with other people's stuff, but this is a show that ended nearly two decades ago unfortunately. And depending on what you're wanting in regards to characters, ships, plots, scenes, etc., you're gonna have to do the specific stuff yourself sometimes. (Please be aware that I Am Not Saying Not to Engage with People but like if you're wanting something specific... you can also do that? Like, honestly, asking another blog and then still doing it yourself means more content, which no one is gonna be sad about.)

Okay, but yeah, back to the point. (Me going on a tangent? Pft, that's the entire blog, lbr,) Anon was definitely a frustrated teenager with a bit of an entitled fandom problem, who is almost definitely gonna look back on this in a few years and cringe. And I say that bc, while I was so by far not the worst, my entry into fandom was not on the best angle of things. (There's literally an apology on my FFN profile for anyone I ever gave "constructive criticism" to as a teenager, and I still feel bad about it today.) And don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly thrilled with getting called a bitch - actually, no, that's a lie, I started laughing at that, might be one of the best moments of my life. But I hope (and recommend) that they find their own creative way to engage with fandom! Just preferably not Dear John-ing random Charmed blogs for not answering fast enough (thanks @chloesaunders for that reply, it's now the exclusive way imma talk about it).

[damedking]

Okay I literally was saving money to get an apartment over there so I can be beside you and have you move in we had a few months until June but YOU jump ship I moved all the way up here and have been working my ass off saving money so I could make that move without any set backs of course I want to see you of course I wanna hold you until you know everything will be alright so don't sit there and insult me like I wasn't always trying to be there for you as much as Possible under the circumstances I'm going through shit as well this place is dangerous and I'm up here by myself the house next door just got shot up not to long ago people dying left and right and I work at night in dark places anything can happen people were getting killed at there cars and shit and have have to deal with this depression ALONE like iv always have this shit sucks how about you try asking me how I'm feeling and get to know me on a deeper level your not the only one suffering and I'm not comparing struggles I'm just just saying YOU DONT HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT ALONE and also my pages are not always just one subject of content I don't just sit around and post sexual stuff just to get your attention I have like 4 blogs and you follow three of them and Ishare art hentai kinks the state of my mind or random thoughts I have posted things for you to see in the past a few times to get your attention but no time recently I post art I post kinks etc they're my blogs I can do what I want with them And speaking of blogs the other one you blocked me on I was waiting until you unblocked me to see it but I just looked and scheduled phone call trauma your acting as if it was every day when we didn't call each other everyday and when we got off you always pouted and you more often than not enjoyed yourself so don't gas light me as if I was forcing you the only timed calls we did was me waking you up for work Yes I hate that I can't be there for you the way I want to be I know it sucks but don't try to make me seem like I'm someone who's in your life to play around how is any of this playing this is my LIFE I care about you I care about your mental state I care about your depression I care about your smile you my fucking nigga at the end of the day and I know a lot of this is because of shit from your past and how you are so I don't take most of it personal And I can't express myself through comments I still want to be there for you and support you BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT You Crazy GIRL GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD This isn't a damn act I'm sorry you're going through all of that alone I truly am but you don't have to I told you I would always be there for you and I haven't given up yet I know all of this isn't a magical situation that'll just sweep you off your feet but none of the movies you love have a happy beginning I don't want an internet relationship who wants to be away from someone they care about my love language is touch so I try to keep it together while we talked but I wanted to be around you more than anything else I know you inside and out and you haven't scared me away yet because when I was going through some of the worse shit in my life you were there for me even if I wasn't talking about it much of course were not perfect but we're trying our best to live in a world we don't even want to be in SO LETS NOT MAKE IT HARDER THAN IT HAS TO BE

[weirdo-2000]

I posted 252 times in 2022

That's 214 more posts than 2021!

79 posts created (31%)

173 posts reblogged (69%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@zzoupz

@randompurplepanthergorl

@gayalienlover

@pastel-skies

@punkhomerkin

I tagged 53 of my posts in 2022

#waylon smithers - 5 posts

#the simpsons - 5 posts

#smiling friends - 3 posts

#roblox - 2 posts

#smoe - 2 posts

#degenerate artist problems :\ - 1 post

#pokemon - 1 post

#the internet fucking sucks i hate it - 1 post

#weirdo-2000 - 1 post

#why me - 1 post

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#even then a lot of adults don’t respect that and figure that just because they have authority over me means they can call me whatever they

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

ive said this before but i feel like i need to say it again…….

do NOT interact with me if youre a burnsmithers shipper.

why the fuck do you guys ship burnsmithers lol?? its weird and abusive. burns is canonically 104 fucking years old and smithers is in his early 40s. and if you even pay attention to the episodes then youll see the way that burns treats smithers. burns is a narcissist and constantly looks down on smithers, always telling him off for doing whatever. imagine if you were in a relationship and your significant other always talked down on you. that would feel like shit.

the art that people make of them is super weird too. like you cant even casually look up their names without seeing some weird af fetish art of them in maid outfits spanking eachother or some shit. burnsmithers is fetishized to the MAX for no reason. fr, you have hundreds, maybe even THOUSANDS of simpsons characters out there and yet you decide to ruin burns and smithers for everyone.

i see burns and smithers as funny little old men running a tiny little nuclear power plant, not as this gay couple who want to grind on them eachother. fucking weird as fuck.

if you ship this, get off ALL MY PAGES NOW. i dont want you and your simpsons fetish porn anywhere around me. and maybe consider seeing a psychiatrist.

maybe also consider shipping something ACTUALLY healthy such as smoe or something. just please for the sake of your sanity don’t ship burnsmithers.

that’s all i had to say. if you ship that, fuck you.

6 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

#4

the weirdo-2000 blog!

hey there, i'm addy! welcome to weirdo-2000, a blog that was created with no purpose at all. my pronouns are she\her, biological female at birth. please try your best to respect my pronouns because i try so hard to be feminine and everytime i get misgendered it really hurts and i think about it for months on end. the content of this blog depends on my fixations atm. my current fixation is smiling friends. i usually post stuff related to simpsons or other kinds of adult animation, but you'll mostly see other random shit too. got any questions? you can ask me in my askbox. got a submission? submit it! please note that i am NOT AN ADULT (under 18) and if i recieve any NSFW chats, asks or submissions i will block you, report you, and get the police involved. do NOT take any chances. i will not be telling anybody my personal info because i would like to keep it private. you can check out my other profiles at stuckinchernobyl.carrd.co if you're interested. i also have a sideblog dedicated to my webcomic if you wanna check it out inaplacebeyondfromhere.tumblr.com thanks so much for checking out my blog. a follow, repost or like will be much appreciated! hope you like what i post ╮(￣▽￣)╭

6 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

#3

most likely one of the best videos i've ever made. i plan to abuse smithers in lots of other fun ways soon 😈

9 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

#2

we were at the park because my siblings wanted to go sledding, and they had these snowmen that some local schools decorated and we spotted…kenneth. this is so cool lol

12 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

you guys. charlie is LITERALLY that kinda person who sits on a couch in his underwear, watches trash tv and eats an entire tub of ice cream. alone. by himself. at 2 in the morning.

86 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mike-wheeler-ik-what-you-are]

Max and Hopper were both extremely manipulative of El in season 3, it’s not mike’s fault he had to lie, he was threatened. Hopper should have let them continue being together, than none of this drama would have happened. Mike and El are soulmates. Will is a friend.

hey anon, thanks for sharing your opinion, it made me want to take some time to talk about this issue. why are you writing me this? is it to prove something to me? because sorry, I will continue on shipping byler. I don't get why some of you guys just go to my blog to tell me "haha you're wrong", do I do the same with you guys? no, because it's a fucking waste of time and because I just want to enjoy my ship. so tell me, is it because you're too insecure of your own ship? or maybe you just want to bother some random people on the internet? or perhaps you're just homophobic. I don't know, what I do know tho is that - if your mamma didn't teach you this - it's rude to go to people innocently enjoying something just to tell them that you don't like that. if you say you like apple juice I don't go tell you "apple juice sucks" because it makes no fucking sense.

so yeah, that's it anon, I'm begging you, don't go bother more people, because it says a lot about who you are, and what I got from this ask is just that you're a rude person

[princessofprocrastination]

Not Suitable (Quackity)

MASTERLIST

pairing : quackity x female reader

summary : quackity has always had a specific vision of what he wants his partner to look like and certain qualities he wants in them. unfortunately for you, you are the opposite of what he wants. (ANGST) 

-

as a kid, you loved the whole girly look. you wore dresses, short heels that came in a princess toy set, and wore pink lipstick all the time. 

but as time passed, as you grew older, your look changed completely. you like to say that you simply matured, that it wasn’t at all serious. slowly but surely as you were in your teenage years, your favourite colour became black. 

that didn’t mean you didn’t like pink or these other “girly” colours. sometimes, you’d even incorporate some of those bright colours in your outfits to make a statement. you just seemed to like black, it matches with everything. 

although you kept wearing black outfits or have black or dark nail polish on, your hair never stayed black or a dark colour. you just hated the look of the natural colour on yourself. it sure did fit other people, though. 

you liked to describe your style as trendy. you always follow the trends of recent times and wore what you thought looked good on you. 

-

you sat down next to sapnap, dream in the next room. you and sapnap had been friends since highschool. you skipped a grade, making yourself one of the youngest in that class which meant that you were lonely and no one really wanted to make friends with you. 

but that quickly changed when nick came up to you and offered to eat lunch with you. since then, he had been your soulmate. platonic soulmate. 

of course, being friends with nick meant that you were bound to meet the other two boys that he considered his best friends, too. it just so happens that you, george and clay ended up building an amazing friendship really quickly.

three guy bestfriends. that technically equals to having three big, protective big brothers. they really cared about you and you can see that, even if they often make fun of you. 

nick started his stream, facecam on as you sat on an extra gaming chair that clay had next to nick. you typed away on your phone as he started rambling about random things while waiting for more people to come on. 

apparently today you and nick were meant to play some scary game, you controlling the keyboard, him on the mouse. nick often forgot that it takes you a lot to get scared. 

“we’re making this video inspired by quackity and karl’s stream from a while ago.” nick told his stream, you nodding your head to agree. 

you smiled softly at the name he mentioned. quackity. it was apparent to everyone that you had some sort of crush on him. the small smiles, the little blush that rose to your cheeks if someone were to mention your ship name or tease you about it. 

it was all too obvious. of course the three boys you call your best friends knew, you’d never keep such a secret from them. but no matter how annoying the boys can be, they never once told anyone else about your not-so-little crush. 

but that didn’t mean they didn’t tease you. they enjoyed it whenever your face would turn red, whether it being you’re embarrassed or you’re mad. 

the only weird part is that nowadays, they don’t even bother to tease you anymore, not like they used to. you knew they were hiding something from you, you just didn’t know what they were hiding. 

for example, you seated next to sapnap, grinning as he mentions quackity’s name. he would never let you live down that moment. he’d tease you senseless. but this time, he only glanced at you and looked back to the stream.

and what was that? seemed like a pity glance. almost looked like he felt bad. 

you two continued the stream as the ‘scared counter’ keeps going up as sapnap keeps getting scared, you constantly laughing at him. 

“HOW ARE YOU NOT EVEN FLINCHING?” nick screams in your ear. 

“cause i’m not a pussy.” you answered him simply. 

“oh shut up, will you.” he rolled his eyes, you laughed at him being a scaredy-cat. 

you two played for a while more as the counter on the bottom left of the stream screen gets higher and higher. soon enough it reached it’s limit which meant that sapnap needed to end his stream. 

-

it was weird how time works. one second, things were mellow and slow, just like how your everyday is, and the next second, your name was trending everywhere. 

you didn’t even want to check why at first, since you knew how weird and surprising your followers are.

“dude, you need to check twitter.” nick told you in a hurry while he runs from the second floor, to the kitchen in the first floor where you were sitting, editing a video for your channel. 

so you did exactly that. you scrolled through the trending page and clicked on your name. then, you saw hundreds, if not thousands edits and videos of quackity and your video. 

the video of yours that was posted was the part when you smiled at the mention on quackity’s name but as you scrolled more, it seemed that everyone had dug through and collected snippets of you blushing or smiling when quackity was mentioned or when you were on call with him. 

you and quackity were no stranger to each other. the two of you knew each other, sapnap and him being friends and all. you just couldn’t help but fall for him. he’s just extremely charming. 

although your exterior showed otherwise, you really swooned just by looking at his pictures. 

and that’s why all the stans are going crazy. they didn’t think you’d fall for someone, especially not a man who act like a child on the internet. but you can’t predict people, especially not who they like, or more, love. 

you slowly panicked. this was embarrassing to you. more so that it’s all over the internet. there was no way you could erase all of the posts. 

on the outside, you looked composed, like it didn’t effect you at all. but nick knew you well, he knew you had a million thoughts in your head at that point. 

you were just a second close to getting into a panic attack. “hey, hey. calm down, everything’s good.” nick coos in your ear as he pulls you close to him. he knew that you hated to be left alone when you panic. 

you hated this feeling. it felt so unnecessary and it felt like you were making matters bigger than it actually is. 

but the boys would tell you otherwise, they’d make sure that thought leaves your head as soon as it reached.

your body being rocked back and forth helped you calm down as you slowly start to forget the reason of your panic in the first place. 

-

when you do come back to stream regularly, you tried to play off like nothing had happened, like it was all a dream. 

that is one bad habit you couldn’t get rid of for some reason. you liked to just run away from your problems, big or small. you would often play it off like it didn’t matter to you, eventhough it is very much the opposite. 

you’re just scared of getting hurt. you didn’t want to hear the rejection, you could never brace yourself for that kind of pain. 

but somehow this was different. you braced yourself. you didn’t know what drove you to it, but you did. maybe it was the small signs your friends showed you that you never noticed. it was like you knew that rejection was bound to happen, and that this one would hurt the most. 

you told yourself that you would never let yourself get hurt over someone, especially males. it just never made sense. they were never really worth your time, anyways. 

although personally you’ve never ended a relationship of yours badly, just maturely, you’ve read and heard how painful relationships can be. and you never understood why people kept going back into relationships when they hurt so much. 

but you get it. he’s simply addicting. you felt like you couldn’t distance yourself from him. but you needed to. and you knew that. all your friends told you that. 

you weren’t going to let some man put you down because of what you look like. 

granted, it hurt at first, but you learnt to heal, you learnt that although he probably isn’t going to be the only man who hurts you, you needed to suck it up and not show him the pain you felt. you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. 

to summarise it all. quackity finally beat around the bush and came out with a statement on his own on his stream. 

content creators or public figures often learn that they need to leave things for private, that they can’t spill everything out for people to hear. that causes drama. 

but he didn’t stand back at all. everything he thought about you was shared on stream for all his viewers to know. maybe you liked him for his persona after all, not the real him. 

-

“talk about it?” quackity read his donation. 

“sure, i will.” he started. here it comes. 

nick told you that in order to heal and move past the pain quickly, you can’t run away from your problems, to face the current issue. so he made you watch quackity’s stream. 

you didn’t feel like shedding a single tear today because of how exhausted you are from crying for hours on end, but still agreed to your bestfriend’s wishes to sit through a long stream. 

to be honest, you weren’t expecting him to speak on it, given the amount of time he’s waited. it’s been a couple months since it happened so you could only imagine the shock of his viewers when he finally did say something. 

maybe the constant spam finally got to him.

“she’s not my type, chat.” he said. oh, that wasn’t so bad. no pain just yet. 

“she’s far from it.” okay that pinched you a little. were you really that bad. you waited for his explanation. 

“she looks so emo all the time, it’s scares me. does she ever not wear black?” ouch. and yes, yes you do.

“she’s just not what i like in women. i like soft girls who are respectful and know when to keep their mouth shut and definitely a little more conservative.” whoa. okay, maybe that hurt extra than the rest. 

you turned to nick, he had the same shocked look on his face, clearly not expecting to hear that come out of his good friend’s mouth, especially on stream. 

quackity doesn’t end there. he pulls out his phone, typing away. soon he pulled up a picture of you from your instagram account, showing his stream. 

“she looks like she barely graduated highschool. she’s not one with a future, chat. just stop shipping us. i don’t like that.” he finally finishes, locking his phone and putting it down, continuing playing his game from earlier. 

you closed your eyes for a while, trying to process it all. 

“are you going to cry?” your bestfriend says from next to you. you shook your head. 

“i’m furious.” you told him, voice soft but slightly menacing. 

“holy shit. i’ve been waiting for this.” nick says, jumping in his seat. you knew exactly what he meant. 

you aren’t the type to get mad. you only got mad jokingly. and as much as you look emo and depressed all the time, you’re practically a walking sunshine, you just don’t show it due to your resting bitch face. 

and although nick and you have been friends for god knows how long, it wasn’t often he saw you mad. and it excites him to see you enraged, to say the least. to him, you always ‘pop off’ when you’re mad. 

you made sure you cooled off slightly before you go off on the man. you didn’t want to do things you would regret, after all. but to you, you didn’t think you’d regret anything at this point. 

you waited a couple days before you tweeted something. 

it was simple, your tweet. just two photos. first, it was a photo of your acceptance letter to harvard law school from a year ago, followed by a photo of you carrying thick and heavy textbooks for school that was taken by nick when he visited you in campus. 

it was captioned, “not one with a future.” simple, but it was obvious that this was going to blow up. you looked up from your phone to nick before you tweeted it. 

you two shared a smile. a grin, if you will. it was like the two of you knew what that tweet would do. 

you knew this was going to be surprising to your followers, too. you’ve never spoken about going to school after highschool. sure, if they scrolled far enough on your channel and listened through everything, they might know you skipped grades, which was the reason you met nick but most of them didn’t know. and you didn’t blame them. 

what you would blame them for is that they sat and listened to everything quackity said in that stream. they all thought you were just one dumb, depressed girl who had no future. one that relied on a social media career. 

only if they knew how wrong they are. well, that didn’t matter now. they all knew. 

that was the only tweet you sent out regarding the matter. you didn’t want to prolong it, it isn’t worth your time.

when you did stream a couple days after you sent out that tweet, your twitch viewers sky-rocketed. it was weird, almost. but they weren’t there to patronise you. the opposite, really. they said sweet words, donated generous amounts and gifted plenty of subs. 

you would answer questions as donations slowly came in. and one in particular caught you eye.

“why aren’t you in school.” the monotoned woman asked. 

“i’m not currently in school because it is closed due to the pandemic. but i’m currently attending it online.” you answered swiftly, not really focused on the question but more to the parkour you were doing. 

from time to time, your eyes glanced at your chat to see if they said anything that caught your eye, apart from the ones that bashed you for liking their favourite content creator. 

it cracked you up to see how far stans would go to protect their favourite creators. granted, it made you feel a little envious seeing how many people unfollowed you when the drama happened. you wanted to know just who would stand with you, besides your actual friends. 

“what would you describe your style?” the monotonous woman spoke once again as a donation came in. 

“thank you for the 10.” you started, and then pausing to actually think about it before you answered. 

“i think my style is a little more dark but not emo, as most people call it. i also don’t dress conservative.” you finished, feeling good about your answer. 

you were not brought up in a conservative family, so that was shown in the way you dressed. no, you never really left the house in your bra and jeans, not saying that style isn’t cute, but you never stopped yourself from showing a little bit of skin. 

you also were not the type to get insecure, so reading through comments on your posts have never really affected you. but there was something about the comment quackity said that made you rethink about a lot of things. 

you hated that feeling, though. you hated that you let a man say things about you and made you feel apologetic about it. you knew it should never be like that. why did you let a man step all over you? it irked you that you stooped so low. 

things also never got easy after the little drama. sure, you gained a little more publicity, but you felt nauseous knowing what attracted them. you’re just now constantly reminded how you got a higher number of following. 

nonetheless, you’re grateful for the platform given to you, although this wasn’t the path you chose to take. 

it didn’t take you long to recover from the tiny insecurity you found yourself having. you started not caring even more, posting even more photos of you. some might say you grew to be a narcissist. 

but you enjoyed it. it showed people just how much you grew and learnt from what happened. 

you’re glad you moved forward from it and never dwelled on the things he said about you. 

also, did you mention that quackity apologised? 

guess not. 

Part 2