#but like my boy aaron holds a special place in my heart

[mooniism]

this is me when im talking about aaron minyard btw

[kairiscorner]

to celebrate this blog's monthsary, i have a lil gift for y'all :D hoping y'all love it, and hoping i'll see you guys more on my blog! cheers (✿◕‿◕✿)

celebrating your monthsary with them

miles morales 1610

oh, to say he'd been anxious for this day was an understatement; he was both happy, excited, nervous, kinda sick in his stomach as he realizes it's been around 30 whole days since you agreed to be with him. 30 whole days. usually, from what he's heard and seen, not a lot of high school romances go on after 14 days, 21 if they really wanted to push it--and to see that you still loved him the same way he loved you, even as he constantly falls for you more and more everyday... man, oh man, do you put butterflies in his stomach.

he went all out this time and stayed up the whole night painting something for you. i like to think miles hasn't traditionally painted on canvas and with paintbrushes for a hot minute, so he kinda was stumped when he realized that he would have to refresh himself on how to do it; but it was for you, so of course, he'd make it perfect and made it scream: 'i'm in love with you, please, never forget that my love for you is here. it'll only get better from here on out as long as i'm with you'.

when he handed the painting to you, he looked disheveled and tired, but he smiled widely as he handed it to you. he used graffiti on some parts because he knows how passionate you are about it just as he is--that's another reason he wanted to be with you in the first place, you understood him and love him and his passions as well. he painted all your favorite things on it, scenes of his favorite memories with you, as if the photos themselves were placed on the painting... he thought of you the whole time he made this.

"happy monthsary, love. sorry, i know i sound so corny right now... but i just really, really love you and... and i wanna keep loving you, every day, week, month, year--every lifetime after this."

miles morales 42

like his counterpart, he would have been a little skeptical at how long you've been with him--how come you haven't gotten tired of being with the same boy every day? how do you still find room in your heart to think of him as someone special? how come you still light up his world every single time he looks at you, sees you smile, and feels you hold on to him? ...you've got him questioning how long he can keep being in this paradise with you and being so damn smitten with you in every way possible.

he hasn't felt such a warm and meaningful connection with someone he truly adores for the longest time–and he wants to let you know you are the most important person in his life apart from his mom and uncle aaron.

i think he'd take you out on a date, and that'd be a total shocker to you since usually, miles hates going out when it's not discussed between you two in advanced; but this time is different, this time marks the beginning of a new month for you two, a new beginning in your relationship as you continue to be with him despite how difficult he can get.

he shows up at your doorstep with lilacs wrapped in a pretty bouquet, and looking at you with such soft eyes and an adoring smile on his face, he mutters a thank you for being with him for this long; for remaining humble and kind towards him even if he can be a handful all the time.

"happy monthsary, mi cielo. i might sound like a total dork right now, but... i love you. and i keep finding myself falling for you over and over and over again whenever i see you, hear you, and feel you close to me. i promise, i will never make you feel lonely or sad, so long as you'll let me. because... i really love you."

gwen stacy

you have given gwen so much relief over the time that you were there for her before you two got together, and albeit she was extremely nervous and anxious about being your girlfriend and opening her heart up again to someone near and dear to her heart, she truly cherishes you and is beyond grateful that you never changed her or forced her to bury that fear just to feel like everything's okay.

she will admit that she often feels scared and that breaking up would be good for the both of you, but she also feels like she wouldn't be the same without you. you've changed her life for the better in so many ways, she doesn't really wanna leave you, instead, she wants to protect you and make sure you're safe–but actually, you end up doing that for her, too.

she's eternally grateful for you since, in your own ordinary, little ways–without even knowing it sometimes–you save gwen time and time again from her own insecurities and self-doubt; and as you stay with her for a whole month, never once neglecting her or her needs, she feels more reassured that you do love her, that she is doing okay, and that you wouldn't just leave her out of the blue.

she'd show her appreciation by sitting with you under the stars in a spot in the park or by a more secluded area only you two know about and just... admire you as you're admiring the stars, and eventually her when you feel her gaze on you.

"i don't know what i did to deserve you coming into my life, i know i messed up a lot in the past, but... maybe the universe is kinder to me this time. maybe i can love without having to think anything bad'll happen, and... i always want that person to receive all my love to be you, and only you."

pavitr prabhakar

he'd actually keep count of all the days you two have been together; like, every day you are with him is never erased from his mind. i think pav would have amazing memory, and actually, there's never a day that went by for the past month that didn't have you two in it. be it the good and the bad, the calm and the chaotic, you two are always together, and he can recall each and every thing, great and small, that made him feel happy with you.

though he says being spider man is easy for him, loving you is much easier. it comes to him like how breathing comes to him, it feels natural, not forced, and like it was always meant to happen for him to feel like he's really living, that he's alive.

your love gives him more of a reason to keep trying as spider man as pavitr, even though you had only been with him for a month, he can picture living every day for the rest of his life with you. i think what he'd do to express that would be through him whispering sweet nothings into your ear as he holds you close as you two are bonding at his place or yours--just in each others' company.

"i can't believe i'm literally the coolest guy in all of mumbattan, but i'm dating the one person who makes me feel like all of this is worthwhile; that it all means something to be... me, and it's to be with you. thank you, love, for being my purpose. you'll always be my purpose every day."

hobie brown

now hobie doesn't like labels, but... he is quite a sentimental guy, believe it or not. when he realized today was the exact day you two agreed to be reciprocate each others' feelings, he felt a little tingly about it, a little warm, a little fuzzy, a little... well, a whole lot actually, a whole lot brighter about what's to come in the future.

hobie wants you to know, even though he tries to express it so many times over the 30-ish days you two have been together, that he loves you not only for how you look, how you smile, how you fight, how you speak, how you laugh, how you do everything... but also how you've grown on him, how you've practically become his everything.

he's a very chill and low-key guy, but he really wants you to know that even without a label, you're not just "somebody" to him. so, he's been collecting small mementos of scraps from battles, sanded them down, and polished them to look prettier and... made you a promise bracelet.

"now, i know i said i don't believe in consistency, but you're the sole exception, love. this bracelet i made for you, it... it means more than what words will allow. it'll hold all the promises i've ever made you and will continue to make, and every time i'll see it on you, you'd best believe i'll make them all come true. such as this one i'm about to make right now: to love you forever and ever, in an inconsistently consistent way, just the way you love it."

miguel o'hara

he didn't realize it had been a whole month since he admitted to you that you've been the only one he's loved for the longest time. it actually scares him a little, how no universe has collapsed ever since you agreed to date him, almost as if... this was supposed to happen; he was allowed to love you.

the thought of you loving him also scares him a bit, knowing that he can be scary and intimidating a lot of the time, he hopes you never felt the urge to hide from him or leave him be; he hates to admit this, but he can't be himself when you're not around. you have provided him with so much relief from all the pain and sorrow he's experienced for the longest time, and to lose you would... it would be like losing everything he's worked so hard to keep.

your love is worthwhile to him, a warm, nurturing, humble kind of love that he is scared to lose. you try to reassure him all the time that he deserves it, and he still struggles to believe you, but seeing as how you've kept loving him for a whole month and never left him once... he wants to thank you for it.

he doesn't exactly have a fancy gesture for it, other than create a whole ass ring for you that acts like his watch. he wants you to know that with this ring, he is just one call away. he wishes he gave this to you the moment you said yes to him, but better late than never, no? he can feel himself crumbling as he fumbles over his words, just kinda hoping that... you'll kiss him to shut him up and spare him from the embarrassment.

"um... sorry that i... i never really gave this to you before, b-but i'm here to give it now. it's a ring i made, it works like the watch, but it's way more compact, and, uh... you can call me on it anytime if you need me. i'm just one call away, if you need anything... i'll be here waiting for you. waiting for you to, to... to call me because... i want you to need me to help you, because... because i truly love you and would dedicate my everything to you."

spider noir

he'd wake up at the crack of dawn to prepare you a whole day of pampering and affection, because he's also kept the details of this day down to the last letter in the front of his mind, every day.

peter is very intricate about how he wants everything you experience today to have at least some semblance of how he feels about you. he never thought you'd stay with him for this long, he's dreamed of loving you for a lifetime, and now... maybe it'll come true, he can show you all the love he's held back for so long in fear you'd leave him not long after he confessed to you.

he'd buy you flowers of all kinds, he'd open doors for you, pull back your chair when you're going to sit, and... just do all sorts of little gestures of love for you to make sure you're not only happy, comfortable, and safe--but that you feel that what he does for you is a choice for him; a choice for him that he will always choose because he wants you.

he'd try his hardest with aunt may to cook you up a wonderful candlelit dinner, and when aunt may leaves you two alone to talk and reminisce such happy memories and a successful relationship so far... he realizes just how much of a little boy he feels when he looks into your eyes; a full-on blush coming on form the tips of his ears down to where his collarbone starts and a goofy grin plastered on his face as he tries to tell you all that he's longed to tell you.

"...thank you, my dearest, for... for bearing with me. it's no easy task to love a man when his name is peter benjamin parker, trust me, i'm very aware of how hard it is. i hope you... i hope you know just how much i adore you, every single day, you are all that fills my mind. i want to give you the happiest life, the best kind of life i can offer you as your lover. so please... if you'll have me for many more months, years, even... i'll show you just how much love a man like me can carry for the most perfect person in the world, who's sitting across me right now and watching me blush as red as a tomato and grin like the happiest guy in the world, which i am right now."

a/n: THANKS AGAIN GUYS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT !! 627 FOLLOWERS ALREADY??? I'M LOVING EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU ALL MORE AND MORE BY THE SECOND <333 THANK YOU GUYSSSSS !!

tags !! @thecoolerdor @miguelswifey04 @sabcandoit @binibinileonara @k4tsu3 @fiannee @maxoloqy @luvstarrstruck @pixqlsin @zalayni @q2ie @thee-fantastic-mrfox @solecitoszn @yuridopted0 @fictarian @jrrantss

[softhairedhotch]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST BOY AARON HOTCHNER <333 comfortember day two: sweater weather aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader it's aaron's birthday and he wants to spend it with you at home. word count: 2.4k warnings/content: just pure fluff and a lil mention to sex but not explicit, pet names and one use of y/n, lots of cute kissing. established relationship! <3

comfortember masterlist here! also on ao3!

lazy day for the birthday boy

The front door opens and in walks Aaron, looking tense. You reach for him immediately, searching his face before wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. He holds you tightly, sighing deeply as he relaxes into you. After a minute, he pulls away and presses a soft kiss to your lips, thumbs tracing your jaw as you pull him closer.

“You okay?” You whisper against his lips.

“Mhm.”

“Sure?”

“I am now,” he nods, kissing you again. “Now that I’m with you.” 

You can’t help but laugh at that. “Don’t get all corny, Mister.”

He pulls back and laughs along with you, already seeming brighter, as he grabs his go-bag and moves toward the living room, the corners of his eyes crinkling in the way you love. “I thought you liked corny.”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”

Aaron rolls his eyes at that, throwing you a fond look. “Right. Well, when’s the next time you have work?”

“I have a few days off, I’m back on Monday next week.”

“Me too.”

You raise your eyebrows at him, a smile tugging at your lips. “Aaron Hotchner… are you saying you’re taking a few days off? What’s the special occasion?” 

He shrugs. “Just wanted to spend some time with you.”

“Yeah? And are you sure it doesn’t have to do with your birthday coming up soon?”

“No, of course not,” he replies, biting back a smile at being caught.

“You’re actually taking time off?"

Aaron walks toward you and wraps his arms around your waist, tugging you closer and pressing a gentle kiss against your lips. “I am.” He gives you another kiss. “I figured I’d treat myself.”

“And how are you gonna treat yourself?” 

“I already told you,” he smiles, pressing his lips against yours once more before pulling you into a hug. “Gonna spend my time with you.” His lips find your temple. “And only you.”

Your heart soars.

***

On the morning of Aaron’s birthday, you intentionally wake up earlier than him to sneak out of bed. It proves harder than you thought it would, having to crawl out from under his warm weight slowly so as to not disturb him, but once you’re standing, you smile down at him. His cheeks are slightly flushed and his lips are pressed together in a small smile, a rare but welcome occurrence. 

He looks peaceful.

Forcing yourself to move so that you don’t stand there all day watching him, you make your way to the kitchen to make him a surprise breakfast. Half an hour later, you smile to yourself with pride at the array of food you’ve made. There’s bacon, eggs, sausages, a slice of toast made to the perfect standard, coffee, and some orange juice. 

You take a quick picture before grabbing the tray, ready to take it to Aaron in bed when an arm slinks around your waist and a firm body presses against your back.  Aaron presses a kiss just below your ear and hums, squeezing you gently. "Something smells nice." 

"You were supposed to still be in bed,” you whine, sagging against him.

He chuckles against your skin and presses another tired kiss to your cheek. "I'm sorry, honey. Did I ruin your surprise?" 

“Yes,” you reply, placing the tray back on the kitchen table and turning around to wrap your arms around his neck. “You did, actually.”

"I did, huh?" 

"Mhm. Happy birthday, by the way." 

He smiles at you before kissing you softly. "Thank you. And I promise I didn't look at what you made, I can go back to bed if you want me to." 

"You better." 

Aaron chuckles and presses one last kiss to your nose before turning and walking back to the bedroom. “I was never here.”

“Right,” you say with a smile, rolling your eyes.

You wait for a few moments before picking up his food and taking it to him, laughing at the sight of him sprawled out on the bed as if in a deep sleep. At the sound of you coming in, he slowly pushes himself up, looking around in confusion and faking a yawn. He reaches up to rub at his eyes, stretching dramatically before sitting up against the headboard. “What’s going on?”

“You’re not gonna believe this,” you start, a smile tugging at your lips as you sit beside him on the edge of the bed and hand him the tray, “but I made you breakfast in bed.”

“Wow,” he replies, grinning like he just won a million bucks. “I never expected this.”

You roll your eyes and lean forward to give him a kiss on the forehead. “That’s the point of a surprise, sweetheart.”

“Right, yeah.” 

“So, what do you wanna do today?”

He chews thoughtfully on some egg white. “Spend it in bed?”

You raise an eyebrow, smirking at him. “Oh, yeah?”

“Not like that,” he chuckles, looking down at his food to choose what to pick next. Then it dawns on him and he looks up at you with a cheeky flustered smile. “Well, yeah, definitely like that, but then we can cuddle afterwards.”

“Wow, Aaron, you’re such a gentleman.”

“Aren’t I just?”

***

You wake up later that day, feeling Aaron's warm arms completely wrapped around you, his soft peaceful breaths tickling your neck. Smiling, you press a soft kiss to the top of his head and pull him closer. He shuffles in your arms and lets out a relaxed sigh, pressing his lips against your collarbone.

"Mornin'," he mumbles, voice thick with sleep. 

"Mornin', sweetheart. Did you sleep well?" 

He grins against your neck. "Mhm. You definitely put me to sleep." 

"Was I that bad?" You joke. 

He lifts up with a laugh and presses his lips against you, kissing you with so much love you feel like you might melt. "Never."

You kiss him back before pulling away, nuzzling your nose against his. "So, birthday boy, what d'ya wanna do the rest of the day?" 

"Can we have a lazy day?" 

"Of course," you smile, giving him a kiss. "Lazy day for the birthday boy, that sounds nice. But are you sure you don't wanna go out and get some food or anything? No museum trip or walk in the park?" 

"Hm, no," he mumbles, shaking his head and dropping his face into the crook of your neck with a sigh. "I'm always busy; just wanna be here." 

You card your hand through his soft hair. "Then we'll stay here. That sound good?" 

"Mhm." 

"Good."

For the next few hours, you're in and out of consciousness, comfortably and safely wrapped up in each other's arms. Finally, though, after you’ve spent most of the day in bed, you're able to convince Aaron to get up when your stomach growls loudly. 

"What should we eat?" He asks, sitting up against the headboard and looking adorable with his messy hair and sleepy expression. 

"Could make lasagne, pasta bake, chicken and noodles, maybe even a curry? What do you fancy?" 

"Hm," he thinks, his hand running over your bare skin sweetly. "Can we order in?" 

"Sure," you smile, pressing your lips to his cheek and grabbing your phone. "Anything in particular?" 

"Pizza," he answers immediately, making you laugh. "I haven't had pizza in ages."

"Didn't you say you had pizza last week at work that was really bad?" 

"Okay, fine, I haven't had good pizza in ages." 

"Then let’s buy you the best pizza there is, honey.”

After much consideration, you decide to buy two large pizzas, one with your favourite toppings and one with Aaron's favourite toppings so that you can share and have enough for the next day when Jack gets home, as well as fries and drinks.

Once the food is ordered, you put your phone down and open your bedside drawer for Aaron's present. He watches you with a raised eyebrow, eyes softening when you pull out a small box. "Honey, you didn't have to get me anything." 

"I know." You shuffle around so you're sitting facing him before you give him the box. "But I wanted to. Open it." 

He huffs out a laugh and takes the box from you, carefully unwrapping it and staring down at it for a few seconds. For a moment, your stomach drops, thinking he doesn't like it, but then he bites his lip to hide back a smile and you can see him tear up ever so slightly. “I love it.”

“I figured you’d prefer it as a necklace, that way you can wear it at work and it doesn’t get caught on your gun. I mean, I know you could wear it on your hand if you want, but it’s just a promise ring, and I figured that–”

“Honey.”

“I suppose you can wear it however you want and–”

“Hey,” he laughs, taking your face in his large hands and stopping you from rambling on. “I love it as it is. Thank you.” He picks up the ring and turns it over in his fingers, pausing when he finds that it’s been engraved inside with ‘We’re always with you, love Y/N and Jack’. That’s when he begins to tear up, pulling you in for a bone-crushing hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” He presses a kiss to your lips. “I love it so much. Thank you.”

“Do you want me to put it on you?” 

“Please,” he replies, kissing you again.

You take the necklace from his hand and move so that you’re mostly behind him, gently putting it on and pressing a kiss to his temple. “There you go, sweetheart.”

“Thank you,” he replies, turning to hold your face softly in his hand and running his thumb over your cheek. “Truly.”

You press a kiss to his nose and laugh before jumping out of bed. “C’mon, let’s go get comfortable on the couch!”

The two of you make your way to the living room, carrying your blankets and pillows and picking out the comfiest sweaters you own so that you can wrap yourselves up. You stick on a movie you're sure Aaron's seen a million times, focusing mostly on his cute face as he watches with complete focus. His head is on your chest and he softly runs his fingers under the hem of your sweater, huffing out a laugh occasionally at the screen.

The doorbell rings and Aaron groans, pushing himself away from you. Before he can stand up properly, you beat him to it, gently pushing him by the shoulder so that he falls back onto the couch with a laugh. “I was just gonna get the door!”

“Nuh-uh! Birthday boy deserves to rest and relax, I’ll get the door.”

He rolls his eyes but pulls the blankets back over him anyway, getting comfortable. “It’s just a door, sweetheart.”

“And I shall be the one to open it,” you laugh, wiggling your eyebrows at him before making your way to the front door. Instead of it being the delivery guy you were expecting, in front of you stands Jack, already in a pair of pyjamas, and Jessica. “Wh–”

Jessica shushes you, unable to hold back her smile as Jack jumps in barely-contained excitement. "He got home early and he wants to surprise his dad," she whispers. 

"This will definitely be a surprise," you whisper back, “he’s expecting pizza.” Jack bounces into your arms and you wrap yourself around him as Jessica closes the door behind her. "He's gonna be so happy." 

"Honey?" Aaron calls from the living room. "Is everything alright?" 

"Yeah!" You call back, stifling a giggle as you walk back into the living room. "It wasn't the pizza guy, it was someone else." 

"Oh, who was it?" You open your mouth to reply but you’re not given the chance to as Jack races into the room with a loud cheer, launching himself at his dad. Aaron immediately breaks out into a huge grin and catches Jack mid-air, pulling him in for a tight hug. "Jack! What are you doing here, buddy?" 

"I wanted to surprise you, Daddy!" 

Jessica walks in and smiles at the sight. "He really did. He couldn't stop laughing all the way here." 

"You knew about this?" Aaron asks Jessica with a laugh. 

"Of course I did," she rolls her eyes, bumping her shoulder against yours as if to say is he being serious? "You didn't expect him to wander over here on his own from a whole ‘nother city, did you?" 

"No, I suppose not," Aaron chuckles, still hugging Jack as if his life depends on it. "I am so glad to see you, bud. You've just made my day so much better." 

"Hey!" 

"You know I didn’t mean it like that, sweetheart," he says with a loving smile before looking over at Jessica. "Thank you for bringing him over, I really appreciate it." 

"It's no problem," she smiles, walking over to the couch and leaning down to give him a hug. "Happy birthday, Aaron. Here." She presses a kiss to his temple and hands him a bag. 

"You didn't have to get me anything–" 

"I know," she smirks. "But I did, so enjoy it! I have to go, though, so I'll see you soon, yeah?" 

"Bye!" Jack replies, jumping up to give her a hug. "Love you!" 

"Love you too, Jack. Take care of your dad, yeah?" 

"Always!" 

"Thanks, Jessica."

Jessica walks out of the room and you follow her out to the front door. "Thank you for bringing him," you say, giving her a hug. "I know Aaron really appreciated that." 

"Of course," she smiles. “See ya.” 

You nod and open the door for her, jumping when there's a man already standing there with his hand ready to knock. "Pizza for Aaron?" 

"Oh, right, yes," you laugh, taking it from his hands and thanking him as he leaves. "Jess, do you wanna knick a slice before you head out?" 

She thinks for a second before shrugging. "Sure, why not." 

After she takes her slice and gives you another quick hug, you close the door and make your way to your boys who are cuddling on the couch. You smile at them, feeling a sense of belonging as you sit beside Jack and he immediately jumps to sit between you and Aaron so his shoulders are pressed against both of yours. 

As you eat the pizza and watch the movie, you lean over and press a soft kiss on Aaron’s lips. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

“Thank you,” he mumbles, unable to wipe the smile off his face as he snuggles closer to you and Jack. “This has been the best one yet.”

Eventually, the three of you fall asleep cuddled up on the couch, warm and full and happier than ever.

tag list: @criminalskies @ssahotchnerr @hotchs-big-hands@citrusiove @sillyhotchsgirl

[sequinsmile-x]

Hi I love all your hotchniss parents fics so much they’re such a comfort!! If requests are open, can I ask for a little hurt/comfort where hotchniss’s teenage daughter is sleeping in their bed again at night? For whatever reason you’re comfortable with writing and it reminds them of when she was little and would sleep in their bed🥺 just can’t get the image out of my head and i know you would do it justice if you want to <3

of course bestie <3 I love writing them with teenage/older kids. It has a special place in my heart.

I really hope this was what you were looking for and that you enjoy it <3

-x-

Reminiscence

Emily and Aaron's teenage daughter has her heart broken.

-x-

Warnings: None

Words: 4k (i got a little carried away!)

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“Here you go, sweetheart.”

Emily smiles as she looks at her husband and takes the glass of wine he holds out for her, “Thanks, honey.”

Aaron carefully observes his wife as she checks her watch, her cheeks puffed out as she blows out a breath. He presses a kiss to her forehead as he sits next to her and wraps his arm around her shoulder. 

“She’s fine, Em.” 

She grunts, irritation that only lasts a second licking at her insides at how well he knows her, “I know that,” she replies, huffing as she rests her head on his shoulder, “It’s just getting close to curfew.” 

Since the moment Hazel was born, everyone had always told Emily how much like her the little girl was. At first, it was the way she looked. How her daughter had her nose, and her dark eyes and her smile. As Hazel’s personality developed the comments became even more common, and Emily couldn’t deny how much of herself she recognised in her little girl, how she had so many of the attributes she’d always been told were bad in her but that seemed beautiful in her stubborn, adventurous, wilful daughter. 

As soon as Hazel became a teenager, however, Emily started to worry. She remembered all too well what she’d been like. All the secrets she’d hidden from her mother, and it made her long for the days when her daughter was a tiny thing that would crawl into her and Aaron’s bed when she’d had a bad dream.

“She’s sensible,” Aaron says, kissing her temple, pressing his smile against the edge of her grey hair, as he takes the glass of wine out of her hand and sets it down. “You know that.” 

She hums as she checks her watch again, “The half of her that is you is.” 

She worried less about Jack and Issac. Not because they were boys, but because they were both mini versions of her husband. Jack was the most sensible college student she’d ever met, and Issac was so serious his teacher had mentioned it at his most recent parent-teacher conference, a wry smile on her face as she told them she’d never met an 11-year-old quite as earnest as him. He was up in his bedroom playing video games and she knew that she wouldn’t have to remind him of his bedtime, that he’d quietly put the game away when he’d been told to.

Issac had Aaron’s stern glare perfected since the day he was born, quiet and furious to be born as he was placed on Emily’s chest for the first time, the complete opposite to Hazel’s loud and dramatic entrance to the world four years previously. 

Aaron laughs and hooks his finger under her chin to make her look at him, “You don’t give yourself enough credit.” 

Warmth spreads through her chest, the familiar love she’d had for him for almost two decades as overwhelming as it always had been as she leans in to kiss him, the taste of the wine they were sharing passing from her lips to his. 

“I love you.”

He smiles as her breath skips across his face as she speaks and he kisses her again before he replies, “I love you too.” 

She smiles as she hooks her hand around the back of his head, her fingers pushing through his hair as she deepens the kiss, taking advantage of the rare opportunity of some alone time with her husband. She starts to lose herself in him and is about to shift closer to him, about to slip into his lap, when she hears thundering footsteps on the porch steps followed by the front door flying open. She slips out of Aaron’s embrace when she hears a gasping sob in the foyer and she walks out into the hallway. She frowns as Hazel comes into view, her face bright red and her eyes swollen as she sobs again, her face crumbling as she steps towards Emily. 

“Hazel?”

“Mommy.” 

The gasp of the name Hazel hadn’t called her in years pushes Emily forward, her arms reaching out as she gathers her daughter against her chest, the fierceness of the 15-year-old girl's hold on her only making her worry more. 

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” She asks, exchanging a look with Aaron as he steps out of the living room too, his worry just as obvious as hers as he steps towards them. She cups the back of Hazel’s head and encourages her to look at her. She checks for any obvious injury, looking her up and down, “Are you hurt? What’s happened?” 

Hazel’s lower lip trembles as she sucks in a breath, “Brock dumped me.” 

She sinks back against Emily, her sob shuddering from her chest into her mother’s. Emily wraps her arms around her and rubs her hand up and down her back, “Oh, baby I’m sorry.”

Aaron is about to step towards them, ready to pull them both into his arms, his wife’s distress at seeing their daughter so upset obvious despite the facade she was trying to hide it behind, but he spots his youngest son standing at the top of the stairs, his concern for his sister clear. Aaron looks at Emily and nods his head towards Issac and she nods in response, a silent agreement that he’d go and look after their youngest whilst she spoke to Hazel passing between them. He turns and heads up the stairs, his arm around Issac’s shoulders as he leads him back to his room. 

“Come on buddy,” he says, smiling softly at him, “Why don’t you show me that level on your game that you were telling me about?” 

Emily half pays attention as Issac frowns and eventually agrees with Aaron and lets himself be led upstairs. She focuses on Hazel, on the way she’s crying against her, the material of her shirt sticking to her skin, and her attempt to soothe her. She shushes her gently like she hadn’t in years and guides her towards the living room, barely getting a second to sit down herself before Hazel is pressed up against her again, her damp face against her neck.

“Do you want to tell me what happened with Brock?” She asks, hating how her daughter tenses against her, how her grip on her shirt tightens. 

Hazel and Brock had been dating for a few months. It had been long enough that he’d been to the house a few times, he’d sat at the dining table with them and been polite whilst they ate dinner and she and Aaron were sworn to ‘behave’ by their daughter. Hazel was infatuated with him. The kind of young love Emily knew almost always ended in heartbreak, but she’d hoped that Hazel would be spared this. 

Hazel sniffs as she pulls back, avoiding Emily’s eye contact as she looks down at her lap, “I don’t want you to be mad.”

“Sweet girl,” Emily says softly, cupping her chin and making her look up, “I won’t be mad. You can tell me anything you know that.” 

Hazel nods and her lower lip trembles again, her emotions still rumbling in her chest and forcing their way out. 

“We were going to…” she clears her throat and closes her eyes, “We were going to have sex,” she says, her voice low, embarrassment colouring every word. Emily is grateful for years of political training, for the fact she can school her features and not show her shock to the teenager sitting in front of her, forcing herself to breathe normally even though it feels like she’s been sucker-punched, “And I thought I was ready but…I didn’t want to. I changed my mind.” 

Emily had always been very open with her children when it came to sex. She didn’t want them to make the choices she had, didn’t want them to look for love and acceptance in all the wrong places and then be left to make the decisions she’d had to when she was young. She and Aaron had disagreed over it occasionally, the thought of his kids having sex as teenagers almost too much for him to bear, but she’d always been more realistic with it - aware they were going to do it anyway. Despite that, this was still hard to take. Hazel was the same age she had been in Rome, and, more than anything, it highlighted just how young she’d been then herself. 

She clears her throat, grateful when her voice doesn’t shake as she asks the first question that comes to mind, “Did he hurt you?” She asks tucking some of Hazel’s hair behind her ear. The teenager looks up at her questioningly, her head tilted in a way that made her seem even younger, “He didn’t make you do anything you didn’t want to do?” 

Hazel’s eyes go wide as Emily’s question registers and she shakes her head, allowing a small sense of relief to wash over her mother, “No. He didn’t,” she says, more tears falling past her lash line as she laughs bitterly, “He called me a tease and then broke up with me,” she chokes on a sound between a laugh and a sob, “He told me if I wouldn’t sleep with him someone else would.”

Anger licks at Emily’s insides as Hazel sobs, the sound catching in her chest as she covers her mouth and Emily can feel her own heart cracking in her chest. Every instinct she has is screaming at her to go find the teenage boy who had broken her little girl’s heart and tell him exactly what she thinks of him, but she reminds herself that isn’t what her daughter would want, or even need.

She needed her right here listening to her as she cried and bore her heart to her, pressed up against her chest in a way she hadn’t been in years. 

“I just want someone to love me like Dad loves you,” Hazel cries, shuddering against her, “I thought Brock did.” 

Emily sighs sadly and kisses the top of Hazel’s head as she continues to play with her hair, running her fingers through it like she had done ever since she was small. It was something that had always soothed all of the Hotchners including Aaron, her secret way of calming them down - a touch her husband always liked to say was magic. 

“Sweetheart,” Emily says softly, resting her cheek on top of Hazel’s head, “You’re 15. You have so much time to figure it all out,” she assures her, “I know that doesn’t help how this feels right now. But you do.” 

Hazel laughs humourlessly as she pulls back and shakes her head, “Boys suck.”

Emily chuckles and nods, leaning forward to kiss Hazel’s forehead, “I’m quite fond of your dad and your brothers,” she says, her smile widening slightly when one flashes across her daughter’s face, “But you’re right about the rest of them.” 

Hazel’s smile shakes, “Can I…”

She drifts off, and Emily can see how her cheeks go slightly pink, as if she’s embarrassed by whatever she wants to ask, “Can you what, sweetheart?” 

“Can I sleep in your bed with you and Dad?” She asks, avoiding eye contact again, “I don’t want to sleep alone, and it always made me feel better when I was a kid.” 

Emily has to stop herself from smiling too widely, and from telling Hazel that she was still a kid, well aware it wouldn’t go down well, and she nods, reaching out for her daughter's hand and squeezing it.

“Of course you can, baby.”

___

Aaron is able to distract Issac for a while. 

He’s worried about Hazel, about whatever happened with Brock, the teenage boy Aaron had never been fond of anyway, but he tries to put it to one side to focus on his son. Eventually, not long after he hears Emily and Hazel walk up the stairs and towards the master bedroom, he puts the controller in his hands down, smiling at his son as he checks the time. 

“Time for bed Zac.”

Issac nods and switches off the console, handing Aaron the controller he’d been using so he could put them on the side. Issac hesitates as he lies down, sighing like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders as he does so. 

“Dad,” he says, the concern he’d had for his big sister coming back in full force “Why was Hazel upset?” 

Aaron sighs and sits on the edge of his son’s bed, his hands clasped in his lap as he looks at his youngest, “Brock broke up with her.” 

Issac looks affronted, a frown on his face that Emily would say was all him as he sits up a little straighter, “Why?” 

Aaron had a feeling he knew, but he hoped he was wrong because he knew he’d have to convince his wife to not hunt down a teenage boy he wanted to tell off himself. 

“I don’t know, buddy,” he says, “She’s going to be sad for a little while though.” 

Issac’s frown deepens, “Shall we beat him up?” 

“No, Issac,” Aaron chuckles and reaches out to ruffle his son’s hair, “You need to spend a little less time with Uncle Derek.” 

Issac looks at the one remaining stuffed animal in his room. A few months ago he’d declared he was too old for them and had asked his parents to get rid of all but one - a stuffed black and white cat called Hector that he’d loved since he was a toddler - claiming it would be good to have one for emergencies. Emily had bagged them all up and put them in the loft in case he ever changed his mind, and they all pretended he didn’t cuddle up to Hector every night. Aaron watches as he reaches out for it, hesitating for a split second before he wraps his hand around Hector’s paw and passes it to Aaron. 

“Can you give this to her?” 

Aaron presses his lips together to suppress a smile and grabs the toy from him, “Are you sure buddy?”

Issac nods, “It’s for emergencies and this is an emergency.” 

He smiles and stands up, dropping a kiss on his youngest’s head, blown away by his kindness and empathy as always, “That’s sweet. I’ll make sure she gets him.” 

Issac smiles as he settles back down, “Love you, Dad.”

“Love you too, Zac,” he says, kissing his head again before he heads towards the door, “You know where we are if you need us.” 

He blows out a breath as he steps out into the hallway and he smiles at the stuffed cat in his hands. They’d lost it once when Issac was young, misplacing it at an airport during a vacation. Issac had spent almost a day crying in Emily’s arms as Aaron hunted it down, edging on abusing his privileges as an FBI agent to get his son’s favourite toy back. He steps into the master bedroom and smiles softly as he spots Emily and Hazel curled up together, the teenager looking younger than usual with her make-up gone and her head on her mother’s chest. 

“Zac wanted you to have this,” Aaron says as he walks across the room, exchanging a smile with his wife as he hands the cat over to Hazel.

Hazel chuckles, the sound wet as it catches in her throat. She hugs the toy against her chest and rests her cheek on the top of it, “Hi Hector,” she whispers against its threadbare fur, “Will Zaccy be okay without it? He still likes to sleep with it.” 

Aaron sits on the edge of the bed, “He said he’d be fine,” he assures her, his lips curled into a half smile, “He said this was an emergency.”

“That’s sweet,” Emily says, running her fingers through Hazel’s hair as she imagines how seriously her youngest would have been as he passed the toy over to give to his sister. As an only child, she’d never experienced the love of a sibling, not until she joined the BAU and was suddenly surrounded by people she would one day class as her family. She loved the love her children had for each other, and it gave her comfort that they’d always have each other - even long after she and Aaron were gone one day hopefully decades from now. 

Aaron reaches out and places his hand on Hazel’s knee and squeezes, “You okay, sweetheart?” 

She shrugs, her focus on Hector as she plucks at some lose fur, “I don’t know,” she replies, her lips pressed into a firm line, “Boys are stupid,” she says, her eyes flashing up at him, “Present company not included of course.”

Aaron chuckles and squeezes her knee again, “I’m sure your Mom would agree that I can be plenty stupid myself,” he says, winking at Emily when she rolls her eyes, “You sleeping in here with us?” 

Hazel sniffs and nods, tightening her hold on Hector, “Yeah. Mom said it was okay.” 

“Of course it is,” he says, “I’m going to get ready for bed,” he says, squeezing her knee one more time before he stands up. 

Emily gets up too, slipping out from underneath Hazel, “Me too.” 

“Before you make out in the bathroom,” Hazel says, settling down onto Emily’s pillow, “Please remember your heartbroken kid in your bed.”

Emily smirks at Hazel as she walks to the bathroom, making a point of stepping a little closer to Aaron than necessary, “No promises, honey.” 

As soon as the ensuite door closes behind them, Hazel’s half-hearted joke in response to Emily lost behind the wood, Emily’s shoulders sag, the fake cheeriness she’d put on for their daughter gone in an instant. She covers her face with her hands and sighs, her chest shuddering with it as it escapes. Aaron walks over and pulls her into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She hooks her arms around his back, pressing herself as close to him as possible, soaking as much comfort as she can from him until they go back out into the bedroom and she has to be okay again. 

“What happened?”

She rests her forehead against his shoulder for a moment before she pulls back to look at him, “You have to promise me that you’ll be level-headed about this,” she murmurs, her tongue wetting her lower lip as she shakes her head, “Because I don’t want to be and one of us has to be so we don’t end up on the local news.”

He smiles as he tucks some hair behind her ear, the low light of the bathroom catching on the silver strands he loved so much. She’d dyed her hair for years, hiding the grey flecks that would appear in her roots every couple of months. He’d encouraged her to grow it out. Something about growing older with her, about watching the years they’d spent together reflected in the laugh lines around her eyes that made him love her even more. 

“Well,” he says, “You did used to be a spy. I think we’d get away with it,” he clears his throat  when she raises her eyebrow at him and he nods, “I promise.” 

She blows out a breath and closes her eyes, giving herself a moment to calm herself down, “They were going to have sex,” she says as evenly as she can, not missing how his eyebrows shoot up his forehead and how his grip on her tightens, “She changed her mind and he dumped her for it.”

“He did wha-” he cuts himself off as he raises his voice, the way she glares at him enough to force him to clear his throat, his anger pushed down into his belly, making it roll in a way that makes him feel nauseous, “That is…” he shakes his head, “Is she okay?” 

She laughs humourlessly, “No. She’s completely heartbroken, she said she just wants someone to love her,” her voice cracks and tears burn at the back of her eyes, her breath shaky as she tries to hold it back, “I remember how that feels, Aaron,” her chin trembles, “I just don’t want her to think that next time she doesn’t have a choice if she wants someone to stay with her.” 

“Sweetheart,” he says, cupping her cheek and wiping away a tear as it slips past her lashes, “She knows she has us, and she’s got a lot of friends and two brothers who love her,” he leans in and kisses her forehead, “She’ll be okay. Maybe not today, or for a little while, but she will be,” he offers her a half smile, “She’s just like you.” 

She smiles at him. It shakes, but it’s genuine, and she nods, hugging him again and breathing him in, giving herself another couple of seconds of him before she steps away and sighs. 

“We should actually get ready for bed,” she says softly, “Before she thinks we really are making out in here.” 

He chuckles and nods, and they get ready quickly and quietly, both of them desperate to get back out to their little girl. Emily is ready first, something that was unusual - her normal skincare routine stripped back to the basics, and she kisses him before she leaves the bathroom, a murmur of her love for him pressed against his lips. 

He’s just about ready himself when he hears his phone vibrate on the counter where he’d set it down as he got changed into his pjyamas and he picks it up, frowning curiously when he sees it’s from Jack. 

Zac texted me about Brock. We ride at dawn. 

Aaron sighs and lovingly shakes his head, enjoying a moment of amusement he knows he shouldn’t show his wife to keep his promise to her that he’d be level-headed about it. He sends a response to his oldest, telling him he’d call him in the morning, and then he heads out to the bedroom. He can’t help but smile when he sees Emily and Hazel curled up together, Hector squished between them. For a moment it’s 10 years ago and Hazel is 5 and upset about monsters that didn’t exist anywhere other than her dreams, not 15 and heartbroken over a boy that never deserved her. He wished he could make it go away for her like he did back then, that there was some way he could make this better, but he knew all he and Emily could do was be there for her. 

“Is he going to join us or just stand there and stare at us?” Hazel stage whispers, not lifting her head from Emily’s shoulders, and he shakes his head before he walks over, climbing under the covers. 

“We should get some sleep,” he says, dropping kisses on both of their foreheads like he would have done all those years ago, another flash of his past colliding with his preset. 

Hazel hums in response and encourages him closer, sighing something near contentedly as she settles between both her parents, “Love you.” 

“We love you too, Haze,” Emily says, running her fingers through her hair, “Try and get some sleep, sweetie.” 

They both lay there for longer than necessary and watch her, their focus on her sharp long after she’s fallen asleep, her grip on the stuffed cat in her arms finally loosening. Both Emily and Aaron wonder where the time had gone, how it had been 15 years since they’d first brought Hazel home, and as they drift off to sleep themselves they idly hope time would slow down so they could enjoy as much time with their children as possible. 

-x-

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[hotchscoffeecup]

a bau found family easter

category: fluff, found family, drabble

characters: rossi, reid, derek, hotch, prentiss, jj, will, garcia, jack, henry

word count: 1k

summary: rossi hosts the bau team for easter sunday including the perfect home cooked italian dinner and egg hunt extravaganza for the kiddos.

“Hey Rossi,” Spencer interjects from where he’s perched on a barstool at the kitchen counter. “I don’t think they’re quite old enough to know what ‘reconnaissance’ means.”

A graying eyebrow arches toward his hairline as the elder agent regards the young doctor before turning his attention back to the kids. “Well, kids. Anyone know what reconnaissance means?”

“Reconn-oh-swince,” Henry whispers as he rolls onto the tips of his toes, fingers twitching around the handle on his Easter basket.

Rossi points a ring adorned finger at him and smiles. “Close!” He shifts his attention to Jack. “Any ideas, son?”

Jack looks at his shoes, then over at his dad, who is smiling at him encouragingly from behind the bar where he sips on a Corona. “You were collecting facts!” he finally answers.

Rossi claps his hands together, “Bravo, Jack!” He inclines his head toward Reid whose furrowed brow indicates his confusion and surprise.

“Atta boy, Jack!” Aaron calls.

“Well,” Rossi continues. “I did some of that and it looks like we had a special guest visit the backyard.”

An excited giggle escapes Henry’s lips as he bounces up and down in place. “Who? Who?”

“My good friend, the Easter bunny.”

Henry’s eyes widen as a big smile spreads across his face. He looks up at his mother, who is standing by the backdoor with his father. JJ smiles in turn, her heart swelling at the sight of the boys’ excitement.

“There are a lot of eggs out there in need of gathering.” Rossi reaches into his blazer pocket and withdraws two plastic eggs. “Jack, you’ll be looking for the blue eggs and Henry, you’ll be looking for the purple eggs. You each have twenty eggs. Are you ready?”

Both boys nod their heads eagerly.

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

“Oh, Rossi, for the love of God please let the little babies run free. My great big auntie heart can’t take the suspense.” Penelope cries from her place at the kitchen table. She leans her head against Morgan’s chest, feigning passing out. The bunny ears headband she’s wearing nearly pokes Derek in the eye as she does this. Morgan’s brow arches as his lips curve into a sly smile. “Babygirl, what are you doing?”

“Shh,” Penelope says. “If this is how I go, it’s how I go.”

“Go!” Rossi shouts and jumps out of the way as the two boys tear toward the back door. Fortunately, Emily is there to pull open the sliding glass doors just in time. The boys clamber over one another as they race across the patio and down the steps into the wide expanse of Rossi’s backyard.

All of the adults follow, drinks in hand. JJ and Will are first into the backyard, Will with his smartphone in hand capturing photos and videos as the boys dart around the yard.

Penelope dashes out after the boys with Emily, clapping and cheering as they find their eggs hidden around the grass, in bushes, and on top of rocks. Derek picks Jack up at one point to help him reach one that was perched in a low hanging tree branch. That had been one of Rossi’s “hard” finds though all of the eggs were in relatively plain sight.

Rossi approaches Aaron, who is watching Jack from the patio. A genuine smile plays on his lips as he watches his son run around the yard. “You think he’s having a good time?”

Hotch looks away from Jack for a moment to look at his colleague and friend. He nods. “I think so.” He pauses and takes a swig of his beer. “The holidays are always hard for him, since Haley—”

“I know,” Rossi interjects. Hotch didn’t need to finish that statement. He elbows him gently. “It’s okay if they’re hard for you, too, you know?”

“I just don’t want him to miss out on anything,” Aaron says as his gaze shifts back to Jack, who’d just found another egg. He holds it up in the air, his toothy grin lighting up his face. Henry had just found one as well. JJ ushers them together for a photo.

“He won’t,” Rossi assures. “You’re doing a great job, Aaron. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Daddy! Daddy!” Jacks calls as he trots over toward them, plastic eggs clattering as his basket bounces alongside him.

“What’s up, buddy?”

“I can’t find the last egg!”

Hotch passes his beer to Rossi and takes Jack’s hand. “Let’s see if we can’t find it, how’s that sound? Come on, let’s go.”

Rossi smiles as he watches the scene play out in front of him. Everyone is smiling. The children are laughing. There’s no vestiges of the horrors and dread of what they face daily at work lingering on anyone. Today, they’re all just people; friends, fathers, mothers, godparents…one, big, found family. He couldn’t be prouder. The BAU had been his pet project from the beginning, and he’d always known it would grow and be a success. He’d never thought it’d turn into a family, not one as closely bound together as this one.

As Jack finds the last of his blue eggs hidden behind a bunch of daffodils, a chorus of cheers erupts from everyone. Henry even calls out, “Good job, Jack!”

Rossi smiles to himself as he heads inside to check on dinner. It wouldn’t be Easter without one of his perfectly al dente pasta dishes, after all.

He drops Hotch’s empty beer bottle into the recycling bin and watches through the glass of the sliding back door as Aaron and Will hoist the boys onto their shoulders, holding their full baskets in the air like trophies. Everyone gathers together as JJ extends her arm to take a selfie, commemorating the occasion to memory.

A Happy Easter, indeed.

[alottiegoingon]

hc! first date & movie nights with van

van palmer x fem!reader

summary: first date with van and my personal movie related headcanons!!

pls let me know if i made a mistake, it's my first time writing for a non binary character and i dont wanna mess it up <3

warnings: van is non binary!!, established relationship and marriage (you lucky bastard), slightly domestic life at the end, cursing, no crash but huh..., reader and van being two awkward idiots at first, spoilers of movies i guess?, all the girls are friends, fluff, english mistakes and not proofread

- of course that your first date with van consisted in going out for movies and you were both SO excited!!

- you knew that van had a tough relationship with their mom and instead of going to their house to pick them up, they showed up at your door wearing a blue windbreaker jacket over a striped shirt and brown cargo pants, holding a vhs with a collection of vhs with movies that reminded them of you <33

- safe to say that you were both sweating like crazy and giving each other awkward smiles or saying nonsense just to fill the silence

- sometimes you or van would say the stupid shit ever. while waiting in line for tickets, a bunch of teenage boys walked by you carring footballs and van said "boys always have balls with them, don't they?"

- "what?" you ask, pursing your lips to avoid laughing like crazy

- "nothing."

- van would always be willing to have the entire movie theater experience and i think they would be happy to buy some popcorn and a lot of sweets if you liked it. but ever since their teenage years to adulthood, in movies like a quiet place, they would buy absolutely no food to avoid noises and would give people the death stare because they were chewing too loud (so right)

- either way, van wanted everything to be special and didn’t want to sound like a movie freak. surprisingly, this once the movie didn’t matter. it wasn’t the main attraction. you were.

- you chose primal fear with richard gere, trying your best to impress them. besides it was a crime thriller movie thing and if you ever get scared, you could ‘innocently’ hold their hand for reassurance

- obviously, van guessed the plot halfway the movie but didn't want to ruin it for you. in the last 30 minutes of the movie, you look at them with an invested look, whispering "i bet that aaron is a liar, he acts too innocent!" while nervously shoving more popcorn into your mouth

- van already knew that. but seeing you so focused on something they loved so much and actually excited about it made their heart melt "what? no way!" they try to sound surprised and do their best to pretend that they don't believe your theory.

- (they were so proud!!)

- "i can't believe you didn't saw that coming! it was so obvious, van!" you tease them as soon as you left the room, non-stop talking about the movie

- "shut up." but they didn't mean it. they were happily listening to your words and smiling the entire time, not being able to look away from you :(

- you and van went out for a milkshake after the movies and were discussing that first scene of scream where casey's boyfriend is tied up on a chair by ghostface. "that poot guy didn't even stand a chance!" you excitedly say as you sip on your chocolate milkshake. "it must be an awful day to die."

- "maybe you should tie me up!" van mutters with a sly smirk, knowing too well that it would made you blush

- you gasp, jaw dropped and pinkish cheeks while you tried to cover their mouth by leaning yourself from across the table

- standing in the porch of your house, van had their hands on your waist and your palms touch their face while you share your first kiss. you were both really nervous but their lips were so soft that you immediately felt relaxed. you could even taste the strawberry.

- when van and the girls would watch movies together, van would always beg to be the one to pick and make sure that it was the perfect choice. of course that perfect meant something longer than 2 hours and with a lot of social commentary or something considered weird. in horror, thriller or serial killer movies like scream, van and misty would be detective partners together and would probably figure what was going on in ten minutes and ruin it for everyone else

- (deeply believe that van would love the lobster in 2015 and would be happy to explain to you all of their theories or techniques used in the movie and why is it so good even though you were suspicious that they only watched it because of rachel weisz. you wouldn’t understand much but were always happy to hear your spouse talk about things they loved)

- that doesn’t mean that they don’t like some cheesy romcoms or something silly like but i’m a cheerleader or the duff. they were SO obsessed with biac when it came out and couldn’t stop talking about it for MONTHS!!

- “shit, shauna! that girl looks exactly like you!” nat gasped when all the girls decided to watch the movie with van knowing how much they liked it and how good it was for lesbians at the time. shauna rolled her eyes while everyone was laughing and chattering about how she was hilary’s lost twin or something

- “come on, you gotta choose!”when they finally agreed to watch the entire twilight saga, that was your first question as soon as the screen of your tv turned black. they had to choose between jacob or edward and you wouldn’t take no for an answer

- “are you serious? those movies are ridiculous! they are so unrealistic and stereotyped.” van adds, slouched on the couch. "and that weird baby looks exactly like rosemary's baby!"

- you and van lived together after getting married, duh, and every friday was considered movie night. van would close the video store earlier and you would run to the couch with big buckets of popcorn and cozy blankets

- “i know…” you can't help but giggle at the thought of that weird thing they used for renesmee. you also knew that your partner was right. but still, you needed an answer. you had spent hours of your day watching all of that nonsense and what hurt would do if they chose a side?

- “ok, fine.” they groan, wanting to make you happy despite all of their hate for those movies. “edward.”

- “yeah!” you celebrate van's choice, grabbing a bunch of popcorn with your hands. “i hate jacob, he’s so manipulative!” you add

- “okay, okay. don’t get all excited.” van gives you a death stare but you know that they don’t mean it when their lips are begging to curl up in a smile when seeing you excited. t hey disliked the movies, sure, but even though the movies and books were terrible van would always be happy to be near you all the time even if it meant to watch those stupid things.

- "that plot twist in the last movie was good. i'll give you that." and you smile at their attempt to compliment the movie and make you happy

- “but i don’t care about edward. i just don’t like wolves.” van shruggs and you look at themwith furrowed eyebrows. “what? why?”

- “i just have a bad feeling about them!” and you laugh.

[definitelynuwonhere]

Saw the moots doing it and I wanted to be included U-U SHFHSJ/lh

MY TOP 10 REDACTED BOIS

NOTE: I WILL BE GETTING A LOT OF SIDE EYES FOR THIS, BUT IMA BE RANKING THEM BASE ON HOW MUCH THEY CAN HOLD MY INTEREST TO JUST CUZ I LOVE THEM OK? IT’S IN THAT ORDER

1. Blake 💀 - I KNOW, I KNOW. BUT LISTEN, I LOVE ME AN ANTIHERO PROTAGONIST, IT’S JUST SO INTERESTING and, and his storyline is like the very foundation, the conduit, if you will, of this whole meridian shtick. HE’S THE PUPPET, HE’S THE LIL LOVESICK DUMDUM, and you gotta admire that naive dedication

2. Morgan - I have to admit, I didn’t care much for his first two episodes, but his last one definitely made me a devout Morganer, like i will learn how to dance for you sir. I can tell ima be loving how his story will go.

3. Vincent - I love me this whole royal thing they have going on ok, it’s my most loved thing about the solaire storyline, the glitz, the glamour, a good scandal, yeah I watch too much bridgerton.

4. David - His character development is my most favorite, especially the contrast with his valenweek flashback to, let’s say his halloween one. I love this man.

5. Asher - Ion have much to say besides, I like me fluff, he is the sweetest boy and I will not take criticism.

6. James - Ngl him as M*rcus’ boss at ETS, I didn’t care for, except when he confronted him, cuz I cheered when he did. BUT WHEN HIS VALENWEEK EP DROPPED, He had me hook, line, and sinker. I desperately need to see their marriage happy.

7. Porter - He’s such a diva I love him. Like I would invite this man to brunch to shittalk about people. (Mostly A!exis)

8. Aaron- HE’S MY SWEET SNARKY DIRECTOR OF ACCOUNTING OK? OK.

9. Sam - I love me southern hospitality. He’s the reason for my cowboy obsession.

10. D.A.M.N Crew - I’m grouping them together cuz ion have much to say about them, and not putting them here would be a disservice. I love the found familyness of these guys, they just hold a very special place in my heart.

[4townie]

Road to 4☆TOWN

part 21

Taeyoung slouched in his living room, watching TV and snacking on some candy from one of his many Valentines Day gifts. He heard the front door open and perked up.

“Mom?” Taeyoung came around to the door.

“Tae-Tae!” Dasom smiled brightly at him. “Ahhh, I can’t believe my baby is 16 years old.” She hugged him tight. “Ugh, you’re growing up too fast. I need you to slow down for me or else I can’t keep up.”

Taeyoung laughed a bit. “Awww, Mom.”

“I wish I could’ve spent the day home with you.” Dasom stroked his hair gently. “Work was so long and grueling, I had so much paperwork to do.” She sighed. “But coming home to my sweet boy especially on his birthday makes it all worth while.”

“Thanks, Mom. I missed you today, too.” Taeyoung smiled. Maybe this won’t be so bad…

“Hang on.” She walked over to the pantry. “I’ve been hiding your gift in—oh my gosh…” She paused when she opened the pantry door and saw a bouquet. “What’s all this?”

“The first part of our special night together.” Jihun said as he approached from behind. “Happy Valentine’s Day, jagi.”

“Oh, thank you, honey.” Dasom rushed to hug him. “I love the bouquet. It has all my favorite flowers.”

“Of course.” Jihun smiled at her. “I know what you like.”

“Uh, Mom?” Taeyoung tried to get her attention. “Isn’t there something you wanted to show me?”

“Usually it’s just a bouquet of red roses, but this.” Dasom turned to marvel again. “It’s so extravagant. You’ve outdone yourself, Jihun.”

“Today is our 25th Valentine’s Day together.” Jihun wrapped his arms around his wife. “I want it to be the best one yet.”

“You mean aside from the day I was born, right?” Taeyoung raised an eyebrow.

“Well of course, Taeyoung, but even that year we had a nice dinner in the hospital room while you were back in the nursery.” Jihun explained with a shrug. He looked back at his wife with a flirty grin. “Even a hospital room with you is the most romantic place in the world.”

“Awww, honey.” Dasom laughed.

“Y-You mean…even on the day I was born, you guys shipped me off to be someone else’s problem so you could have a minute alone?” Taeyoung felt a pang in his chest. He was sure it was the feeling of his heart breaking.

“Tae-Tae, don’t say it like that. It sounds so mean.” Dasom shook her head. “You roomed in with me the rest of the time we were in the hospital. It was just one night I didn’t want to give up with your father.”

“You were a few days earlier than we expected, son.” Jihun reminded him. “I had some other things planned but I guess you could say we were a little interrupted.” He joked, making him and Dasom laugh.

Taeyoung bit his tongue to hold back the frustration boiling inside of him. “Well, you guys have your night planned out. You don’t need me around interrupting you again.” He headed for the stairs. “I’m going to get my bag and head over to Aaron’s apartment.”

“Wait, honey, we’re not leaving yet.” Dasom called to him. “I’m not even out of my work clothes.”

“It’s fine. I’ll walk.” Taeyoung said dismissively as he walked up the stairs. “It’s not like you need an inconvenient stop on your way to a perfect night without me…”

[autisticempathydaemon]

Take all the time you need hun! I don’t wanna make you feel rushed or anything, life is always busy 💞💞💞

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

Both Over & Over by Rio Romeo and Again&Again by The Bird and the Bee, those two songs have been stuck in my head recently, it fits this fear I have in my mind that I’m never truly growing or I’m never actually gonna leave where I am, that I’ll always fall victim to habit and paranoia 💃🏽 also I just ADORE my meloncholy depressing songs lol but that’s not very heehee haha of me soooo Spider Web by Melanie Martinez bc it has the sound of a Coqui in it (I’m Puerto Rican) or River is a Vampire by Bear Ghost and Dan ET bc it’s just the vampiric version of that one meme “How you do my fellow kids” and it kills me

• What is your Enneagram type?

I think I’m a type 4? but I do know I’m an ENFP!

• Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

God I haven’t watched a video essay in AGES but I used to love them, but idk what gargantuan is </3 but I typically like video essays about internet history or crime cases, or of shows I enjoy (like MLP)

• Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

SHE WAS A CHEETAH WHO WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME NO MATTER WHAT!!! I would pet her, talk to her, and she’d keep me company when everyone would isolate me/avoid me bc I was ‘too weird’. She was just a big ass cat that would keep me company and run by the cars side to make sure I and my family was safe. She protected me ��� (thank you for making me remember her 🥹)

• What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Getting on call with my partner, I’m rather clingy and just wanna spend time with them even if it’s just silence or sleepy rambling, it also keeps me from doom scrolling. If not on call with them I’ll put on RSlash or Gavin’s/Davids sleep aid and hope that knocks me out (and if not that a ba LMFAO-) also if I have Lavender, I put it under/rub it all over my pillow and plushies

• If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

Im genderfluid/gendervoid so I’ve tried many names, I do like my birth name, it means Loyal Protector/Pledge, so I wanted to find names that mean loyalty or music related names, but one name I’ve been using recently is Quincy, it feels nice sometimes, my partner suggested it to me.

• What is your favorite of Redacted's audios, and why?

Sam’s cuddles and confessions, it’s nice and comforting. That or Cataclysm in general, I fucking LOVE Cataclysm, I love relistening to it. Also any audio that involves Caelum I love that boy dearly

• What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don't get the hype for. (I won't judge, I promise.)

Aaron and Vincent. Despite me being a huge vampire lover, Vincent just did not catch my attention at all, Aaron just doesn’t peak my fancy aside from one of his BA’s. Also same thing for Porter, he kinda bores me 😔

• Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

When I was a little kid, it was the live action 102 Dalmatians, I KNEW THAT MOVIE LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND!!! I FUCKING LOVED WATCHING CRUELLA BEING BAKED INTO A CAKE BY ALL THOSE DOGS. Also Oddball my beloved 💞💞💞 the sweet baby puppy, I just understood the pup for feeling like and odd one out as a grew up, I haven’t seen the movie in years now but it still holds such a special place in my heart. Now as an adult my two favorite shows are The Promised Neverland(only season 1, I’m reading the manga) and Madoka Magica. I love rewatching TPN, but Madoka I have to mentally prepare myself for cause good lord does it make me feel like I never took anti-depressants/pos and then a movie I love now, A Silent Voice. I think I do know that one scene for scene. As a kid who grew up being bullied for being different or just not doing things right, I felt strongly for the main characters. I’ve cried almost every single time I’ve watched the movie. The part where one of the characters jumped off the balcony kills me every time because it reminds me how that could’ve been me from the fresh ages of 9-16 and almost was. It just holds a special spot in my heart and helps me keep going. (I adore my sad heart wrenching shit lmfao)

• Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Asher and Guy, those two would be so much fun to be friends with, also with the fact I’m so similar to them, especially Asher, bro is just like me fr 💀💀💀 collars and all. Like I just wanna be that man’s friend he is so silly

• Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you're tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I'm ready to sleep when | start talking about space.)

As cheesy as it is, the fact I just want everyone in the world to be okay and happy, I want us all to hold hands, hug, and not hurt. I cry during these rambles sometimes, I genuinely just want everyone to be safe and happy and it tears me up inside and out bc that’s just not possible with the world we live in. That or I just start rambling nonsense lmfao (bonus is if I start rambling about how much I love and care about the person I’m talking to)

• Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

Root beer and either Hot Cheetos/Cheesy Ruffles, or spicy chicken cheese sticks, meow I’m eating the shit out of that. (But if we have the money for it, Icys specifically cherry cause it’s objectively the best flavor next to Pinacolada)

• Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

Like music playlist? Currently my fave has to be either my Alexis, Quinn, or my Darlin and Quinn playlists, I love my evil people playlists and songs that represent fucked up mindsets and relationships. That or my Melancholy Comfort playlist, I enjoy my meloncholy songs.

Redacted playlist tho? Either Sam, Vega, or Caelum, Sam holds a very special place in my heart, he’s incredibly comforting and ngl I miss the less sexual audios from his earlier era. Vega just drives me feral with every new piece of info we learn, GOD I FUCKING LOVE THAT ANCIENT MAN AND THE LORE HE DROPS!!! And then Caelum’s playlist holds a special place in my heart since that was the only playlist I could listen to after finding out I was cheated on/the other woman. Helped me out a lot for about 2 months 💞

• What's your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Those shitty werewolf romance things you see on tiktok, GOD I get so fucking invested in those they’re so needlessly interesting LMFAO idc they’re cringe, I’m cringe too stfu

• And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

I’m a huge performer! I love singing, dancing, acting, especially singing and dancing. I LIVE for the stage and positive attention, I just wanna make people smile or make people feel scene when I preform. Hopefully one day I can be famous and truly fulfill that dream of mine. I also feel emotions strongly and spent my entire childhood from middle school and up studying psychology and human behavior. Also I absolutely HATE fake people, I can’t stand when people are fake, I try to be a safe person for everyone to truly be themselves cause lord knows I always hated having to put on a mask growing up/being isolated because I didn’t fit in lmfao.

I forgot to click on anon sorry-

I adore this entry- not only did you give me so much information to work with but you’ve given me an opportunity to pair you with Lasko which I love to do.

He’s such a character in need of love, and I think you’re a perfect person to love him and be loved in return for so many reasons. He’d be an introvert to your extrovert which is always an adorable couple dynamic. You’ve mentioned a past characterized by isolation and feeling other; Lasko is uniquely situated to understand and empathize with that. You prefer true, genuine people, and Lasko is so incredibly (albeit apologetically) himself and probably incapable of being anything else.

One of the most fun activities I think you and Lasko would do together is watch anime. I like to think he’s already a fan, mostly of adventure and isekai, with some cheesy shoujo faves he’s so bashful about liking. You show him A Silent Voice, which isn’t his usual genre, and you two cry together. Another fun thing is how you’ll perform and Lasko will be in the front row every time, cheering you on. He brings you a mismatched bouquet and rambles about how he couldn’t pick a dozen of one flower, so he got a little of them all.

Song:

Cause lately it's been hard/ They're sellin' me for parts/ And I don't wanna be modern art/ But I only got half a heart to give to you/ How can you miss someone you've never seen?/ Oh, tell me, are your eyes brown, blue, or green?/ And do you like it with sugar and cream?/ Or do you take it straight, oh, just like me?

You like melancholy songs; I can provide. This is one of my favorite pining songs, and it makes me think of a young Lasko (and maybe a young you) longing for connection, love, understanding, that one person who will make the love songs finally make sense. It makes me picture Lasko just waiting for you, you know?

Runner-ups:

On the total opposite of the pairing spectrum, Hudson is one of your runner-ups because he’d be such a good match to you as a performer. I personally can’t imagine a better hype man than Hudson. I’m also picking David as a runner-up for you, because I think you two would contrast each other really cutely, in a maybe golden retriever/german shepherd way.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[webbedphantom]

Aaron in the Spider-Verse

This is something I've thought about on occasion, though I've never done much with it because it's always so... awkward starting interactions with other superhero accounts (aside from MHA OCs for some reason-). I don't even know why, it's probably just from my experiences with them over on Twitter. The Persona verse was much more accepting of Aaron as a concept than most other Marvel accounts, so it's always been hard to reach out.

ANYWAYS, back on topic-

I don't think Aaron would really have much of a place in the Spider-Verse, at least the comic book one. To put it in layman terms, there are these things called totems, people embodying or empowered by different animals, and Spider Totems are special for some big multiversal thingy that holds all the worlds together for reasons I can't remember and don't feel like looking up. And there are even special-er totems that take on a specific role in some cycle or whatever-

Anyways, I bring all this up because Aaron isn't any of that. He has spider powers, but he's not a totem (because yes that can happen). Aaron's kind of an outlier, in both the Spider-Verse and among other Persona users, even other Jokers. The things that allow him to be both a Spider-Man and a Persona user are also the things that keep him from truly fitting in with either group.

I've even thrown around the idea of Aaron not being his world's Spider-Person, that it's actually his kid (whoever that turns out to be) who becomes their link to the Web of Life and Destiny. But maybe that's a bit too far.

I don't know, I just like Aaron being an outcast among outcasts for some reason.

For the movie Spider-Verse though, he'd fit in alright. They don't really have totems as far as I know, and Aaron's definitely had a few canon events, at least in the main AU.

Though he also never has an Uncle Ben moment, since he didn't need one (Canonically, Joker helps that woman without a second thought, so he didn't need to learn anything to become a hero. Just needed to reaffirm the beliefs he already had). The closest he has is Shiho, but no matter the verse there is nothing he could've done to prevent what happened... yet he blames himself anyway, because of course he does.

So yeah, he'd fit in fine and relate to a bunch of the different Spiders. Though, I imagine as excited as he'd be by the idea of alternate realities (he's a massive nerd after all), he'd be a bit more conflicted on the idea of him being a part of some massive legacy. Like he wouldn't be sure if he deserved to be a part of it, and would be constantly terrified of tarnishing it in some way.

Something else I think would be interesting is meeting up with a few particular Spiders. Generally any Spider around his age would be someone he would grow attached to. It's hard to find people who just... get exactly what you're going through. He'd similarly bond pretty well with any Spider that started in their teens, and would take their advice to heart should they offer any.

But the biggest one has to be Miguel O'Hara (My favorite fictional character of all time!!) Because Spidey 2099 is literally the character he grew up reading, who inspired him in so many ways, who he partially based his outfit on, albeit subconsciously. And while Miguel isn't identical to the Prophet of Thor Aaron is such a big fan of, he's close enough that he'd recognize him immediately and fan boy his heart out.

This last part is gonna get into spoilers for Across the Spider-Verse, so if you somehow haven't seen it yet, first of all go watch it right now. This is a threat. Secondly, come back to this after you've seen it to see that-

So, let's talk about the Spider Society and canon. Aaron would probably be really excited about the place at first, super happy to be around other people like him, not to mention working alongside a guy who is all but living incarnation of his childhood hero. But over time, he'd get a bit... less so. Namely when it comes to the canon.

Aaron has two simple beliefs that are the core of who he is. "Inaction makes you complicit" and "There is always a better way."

In other words, if someone gets hurt and you had a chance to stop it, it's on you. And if you come across a situation that forces you to break or bend your moral code, you weren't looking hard enough.

Simple, a bit naive in some ways, but that's just who he is.

So finding out that the Spiders are actively letting people die for the sake of the multiverse... Yeah, he'd hate that.

I mean on one hand, he'd kinda understand because with that many lives at stake, of course you wouldn't want to risk it, but on the other "There's always another way." And it's the fact that they don't seem to be looking for it, that they seem content to just let people die to keep the status quo, that would really piss him off.

I do feel like he'd try to give them the benefit of the doubt at first, like wait a bit before doing anything to drastic and try to see things from their perspective, since he would want to get along with them, especially Miguel. But eventually, especially if someone's life is on the line, he's going to turn on them.

Originally when I thought up this idea, the life that was on the line was someone close to him, someone who's death would be a canon event. But while I do think that would still work, I realized it really doesn't have to be anyone from his universe, anyone he knows at all. Sure, it's impactful to see how far he'd go for someone he cares about, but I think it's even moreso if he goes that same distance for a complete stranger, not to mention totally in line with his character.

It would really tear him up inside to go against them, especially Miguel since he's again, basically his childhood hero on par with Batman and Sonic... But he's gotta stay true to his beliefs.

Now herein lies the issue with writing anything related to canon and the Spider-Verse movies-

We don't know who's right.

Yes, there are hints throughout the film that Miguel is wrong and that canon isn't what holds the multiverse together or that there is another way, but we don't know the how or why of it, nor what that other way is yet. Which is a pretty important thing to know when writing a story where two characters fight over something like this. And until Beyond the Spider-Verse comes out, the only way to really tell the kind of story that I want to tell, of Aaron going against the Society and desperately searching for either proof that they're wrong, or another way to keep the canon intact without letting people die, is to just make something up... which could end up being disproven whenever the movie eventually releases.

Which as someone who is obsessed with continuity, is not really something I want to happen-

So as much as I would like to write that stuff, I think I'd rather just wait for Beyond...

Still down to interact with other Spiders though. Just gotta work up the courage to... y'know, do that-

[casspurrjoybell-26]

💖Sweet Revenge💖 - Chapter 7

*Warning Adult Content*

Aaron Keene

Kate is just locking up when I get back from my visit to Blake's shop.

I keep my face carefully blank as she interrogates me about him and the new store.

It's been a busy day and we haven't had a chance to talk much since I got back from driving into Felton.

"Well?" she demands, flipping her perfect hair over one shoulder.

"Is he single?"

"I hope so," I say, given that he just tried to kiss me and asked me out.

"So, which one of us has a chance... me or you?"

"Me," I say at last.

"He asked me out."

Kate lets out a squeal that could shatter glass.

"Christ, Kate," I turn to glare at her.

"Could you not do that?"

"Well, aren't you excited? He's hot right?"

I resume my cleaning.

"Yeah, he is," I admit.

Blake is just as magnetic as he was ten years ago.

He's the flame to my moth but I'm not in any danger this time.

My wings are already burned off.

"So why aren't you happy that he's into you?" Kate complains.

"Don't you want to find someone special? You gotta put yourself out there sometime and take a risk."

She's had a string of bad romances herself but as far as I can tell it's usually the other half of the equation that comes out the worse for wear.

She goes through guys like fashion trends.

As I consider my answer, I realize I don't actually have one.

The Blake I got to know today is just as charming and handsome as the Blake I crushed on in high school but beyond that, I don't really know how the two compare because if I'm honest with myself, I knew Blake in high school about as well as I knew my favorite pop idol.

I was a stargazer and he a star... I looked at him and yearned to know more but he was as unreachable as a distant sun.

Now it seems like he's set his sights on me and I feel a little like a gazelle who looks up to realize he's been picked out of the herd.

He's suddenly too close, too dangerous and too interested in me for my own good.

"How about this, Kate," I say.

"I'll tell you after I have dinner with him this weekend, if..."

I hold up a hand quickly to cut her off...

"If you promise not to scream in the store."

She nods, eyes wide and makes a zipping motion across her mouth.

Then she mimes a silent shriek and hugs me while hopping up and down.

At least one of us is excited I have a date.

~♡~

I live in a tiny apartment above the shop.

After I strip out of my work clothes and shower, I sit on the narrow twin bed and stare at my collection of books that line the opposite wall.

About half of them are books about chocolate and candy-making and old textbooks from culinary school.

The rest are my portfolios... the records of my creations, my triumphs and failures.

Then there's the notebook.

I keep it in a special glass case I found at an antique store.

It's just an old cloth-bound journal, really but it's my most prized possession.

It contains my Grandma's original recipes.

Fudge, brittle, toffee, truffles, taffy... she made it all.

It was her passion and when I expressed an interest in learning, she shared it with me without hesitation.

She didn't care that my Dad thought it was wrong for a boy to want to cook... much less make candy... and for every discouraging word he threw my way, she had ten kind and supportive ones to take its place.

Which is why, when I decided I wanted to make something for Blake to thank him for saving me on the field that day, I asked her for help.

As I stare at the notebook and the fading daylight gradually drains from my little room, the memories come back to me like birds returning to roost and settle in the waiting bareness of my winter heart.

~♡~

It's P.E. class again, two weeks after the incident with the inhaler and I'm sitting on the bottom row of bleachers.

My dad finally signed the letter excusing me from running after I had to refill my asthma medication for the second time in a month.

Insurance only covered one in a thirty-day period and apparently forcing me into his mold of masculinity wasn't worth the expense.

So I get to sit it out and watch everyone else suffer.

Turns out it's not that entertaining, so I watch Blake instead.

He's training with his team and I've lost track of how many miles they've done by the time they come over to stretch and cool down.

He sees me and waves.

"Hey, Wheezer. How's it hangin'?"

I feel heat bloom over my face and curse my complexion.

"F-f-fine," I reply.

Some of his teammates are watching and I see them snicker.

He shoots me a wink and I wonder if I'm developing some sort of heart condition because it misses about four beats.

Then he goes back to stretching. I'd like to sink into the earth and disappear but I've been steeling myself for this moment for two weeks and this is my chance.

"Uh... hey."

He looks up.

"Whatcherfavertcandy?"

He squints.

"Sorry?"

"Um..." I take a breath and try again.

"What's your favorite candy?"

"Oh... I dunno. Chocolate, I guess," he says, shrugging.

"Why?"

I'm sweating now as well as blushing, and probably about a half a degree from spontaneous combustion but for some stupid reason, I go on.

"I w-wanted to get you... I mean, y-your team... something... to say thanks."

"You don't have to do that," he laughs.

"But yeah, chocolate. That's my favorite."

He smiles and I feel as breathless as if I'd run the mile after all.

"Okay then."

I go to gather my stuff but my backpack is still unzipped and when I lift it half the contents spill out.

I scramble to pick it all up but Blake comes over and kneels down to help.

He hands me a stack of books and my blood freezes when I see the one on top. It's Nina's latest favorite... a volume from the series about the tennis players and there's no mistaking what they're doing on the cover.

I look up and see that Blake's cheeks are tinged pink.

"Um, here," he hands me the books and stands, not looking at me.

I whisper my thanks to his shoes and then he's gone.

I stuff the books in my pack and zip it shut and then I wait.

I wait for the ridicule and the laughter, the taunts and insults but they don't come.

Finally daring to look up, I see Blake chatting with his teammates and none of them are sparing me so much as a glance.

It sounds like they're discussing training times.

Blake casts a glance over his shoulder at me as I get to my feet and gives me another heart-stopping wink.

We have a secret now, I realize.

He knows something that sets me apart, that makes me different and that divides me from a lot of this school and this town and it seems like maybe we're on the same side of that divide.

Later, when I tell my Nana about him, she recommends fudge.

We've made it together more times than I can count and I've got the recipe almost memorized but not quite.

Unfortunately, she's going on vacation for the next week and a half and won't have time to help me make it.

So she lends me her notebook of recipes because, as she tells me, I've got a gift and anyone I choose to share it with is lucky and most of all because she trusts me to keep it safe.

[dreamkidddream]

miles with a sleep deprived fluffy reader?? please?

Ahhhh it’s been so long since I wrote for Miles I miss my boi 😔!! Reader is gender neutral and hope you enjoy!

“(Y/N)?”

“Hm?”

“You sure you don’t wanna reschedule?”

“Of”, your yawn interrupted. “Of course not. I’m good Miles, I pinkie cross promise my heart to fly, and all that jazz.”

“…that didn’t make any sense, but okay.”

Miles went right back to getting his art supplies ready while you sat on his couch, barely awake. It was finally winter break, and the weekend on top of that. The dreaded finals week was over, and you guys have been planning for weeks some type of celebration. To others, you’re just painting the abandoned subway again, but to you guys it was something special.

It was really special to Miles because it was the same place his Uncles Aaron showed him, and it was something that allowed him to spend more time with you.

But he’s not sure if it’s a good idea to do this tonight anymore.

With finals week came studying, and studying came with less sleep, and less sleep is the result of…the state that you’re in now. He was tired too, but he was already used to it (you know, being your friendly neighborhood Spiderman and all) and he managed to get some hours back falling asleep in study hall. He couldn’t say the same for you, unfortunately.

You’re smart, super smart, like more than Dexter’s Laboratory smart, so he doesn’t understand why you feel like you have to live, eat, and breathe a textbook every night cutting into your sleep schedule. You don’t even need your grades to tell you that, to make you feel validated, but you still had your head stuck deep into a textbook, no matter the subject. He can’t count the amount of times he’s had to drag convince you to leave your room.

Miles zipped his bag closed and turned to throw on his hoodie, “Alright (Y/N), you read-“

But was stopped in his tracks when he saw you using his hoodie as a makeshift pillow, mumbling something incoherently into it eyes closed. He wasn’t even mad at it honestly, but my goodness did you look adorable curling up against it. He felt the tip of his ears burning, unable to stop the goofy smile spreading ear to ear. He knew that you would have ended up falling asleep eventually, and it’s not like the subway was going anywhere anytime soon.

When Miles plopped down next to you, you started to stir. But when you sunk into him and let out a dreamy sigh, he thought his heart would give out on him. “Let’s get you to bed, okay?”

You were still mumbling but he could hear you clearly now. “No…I can’t leave my Miles hanging.”

“I’m not going anywhere (Y/N), I’m still here.” And he always will be. He could just carry you to his bed (it wouldn’t be the first time you fell asleep in it to be honest), he didn’t want to walk you home if you could barely keep your eyes peeled (and he didn’t want you to leave yet either even if it was just holding you for the rest of the night).

“But we still have to pray spaint the tracks-“

“Yeah, let’s get you to bed.” He lifted you and started to carry you in his room, pushing aside some of his sketches that were scattered on his floor. “Don’t step on them like that…if you don’t want them let me have it. I love all of your pieces…not as much as I love you…” You murmured as Miles placed you on the bed, bringing his covers over you. As soon as your head touched the pillow, you were on the brink of passing out, still clutching his hoodie in your hands.

If you weren’t sleep, Miles would have probably ended up on his ceiling with how high he jumped (he had to catch himself when his fist hit the ceiling). This was a total win in his book, the best thing that could ever happen right now, but he’ll just wait to celebrate when he’s not risking waking you up (ie. as soon as he closes the door). He hopes that this isn’t a one time thing, and he hopes that one day you can wake up in his arms. Hopefully soon, but he’s fine taking his time.

“I know (Y/N), and I love you too.”

Okay maybe it was a good idea that you guys didn’t go out tonight. He took one last glance at you and went to close his door, ready to crash on the couch for the night-

“Haha no you silly spider, you’re not Spiderman…Miles is.”

Never mind, it was definitely a great idea that you stayed it.

[dirtydancingdean]

✨ fic recs ✨

ok so back in like 2014 i watched supernatural for a solid 3 years until they killed kevin and charlie and i got bored of the bmol storyline. now im here again let’s not talk about it. BUT during this time i accumulated a Lot of fic and in the past two months i’ve gone through all 213 of my bookmarks and gone through like every rec list made after s12 in order to read fic set during every specific season while i rewatch the show. because im insane <3 im on s8 rn and wanted to share my list of favourites from each season so far as well as my favourite aus ! they’re all generally nsfw so minors be careful, and also check the warnings ! and i will update this when i finish s15 <3

aus

asunder by rageprufrock (23.8k, e, background samruby)

obviously the most perfect thing to ever exist. 

and this, your living kiss by opal_bullets (56k, m, background saileen)

poet dean fic need i say more. part dean studies if dean studies was elaborated on lovingly in detail for 56k words, part gorgeous and beautiful poetry, part incredibly clever commentary on meta and fan allusions, and part stunning exploration of the relationships in the show turned on their heads.  

one white little lie by komodobits (11k, gen)

this is SOOO cute. cas is so embarrassing i was covering my face the entire time i was reading it. if u want to be cheered up. read this. 

broadway musical by griftings (12k, m)

this is genuinely sooo funny. big “castiel did you fuck the michael sword” energy and jimmy novak as that “am not against gays” tweet, plus jo <3

c-s-t-l by komodobits (90k, m)

i haven't read this in a while but from what i remember it was incredible and also had cassie <3 

rest is under the cut because it got long fhjfkfklf

pre-series/season 1-3*

a turn of the earth by microcomets (time travel, 95k, standford era, m)

i think everyone’s read this at this point but if u haven't. what are u doing. go read it. it’s absolutely everything i reread it in the week before the finale without remembering half of the stuff it talked about and i was a WRECK. if u think about standford era dean every day read this. cas punches john winchester in the FACE. 

geography by aeli_kindara (3k, teen and up, warnings for discussion of rape/non-con and prostitution)

not dean/cas but a really wonderful and needed conversation with sam and dean during 2x02.

season 4

so says the sword by komodobits (85k, e)

yeah. i dont need to say anything.  

consequences of falling by fayjay (37k, e, background samruby, warnings for rape/non-con)

THISSSS FIC. pls it’s perfect literally everything i wanted when i was watching s4 and obsessed with love as an act of worship + ruby and cas parallels. ruby and cas get drunk together! ruby says this: “dean and castiel sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes the fall from grace, then comes battling the hosts of hell and wishing that you’d managed to get your skinny ass laid before the freaking apocalypse”! what more could u want!

named by rc_machlan (94k, m)

literally the best fic in the world i am not going to say Anything if you love dean and angels and the mythology of s4-s5 that was promptly dropped, you absolutely have to read this.

four people ruby seduced & one she actually fell for (or: ruby's epic love affair with humanity in general and sam in specific) by tuesday (3.7k, e, samruby, ruby/jo)

this is more background deancas than anything else and does contain brief, not romantic in any way dean/ruby and dean/cas, but like. if u love ruby (which i do) u have to read this.

season 5

final fantasy by orange_crushed (1.9k, m)

endverse.....this made me want to die

the (mostly accidental) courtship of dean winchester by tuesday (11k, m)

a classic for a reason. really cute and soft and the handprint and cas beating dean up in 5x18 are angelic marriage rites. what more could you ask for.

the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock (15k, explicit)

of Course i mean of COURSE. thee s5 deancas fic.

strike me down and i’ll come back more powerful than you can possibly imagine by trinityofone (10k, gen)

post 5x22 dean and cas rescue sam from hell with the help of some special guests. PERFECT. the only valid good omens crossover.

season 6**

something stupid by zatnikatel (20k, e)

this broke my heart and put it back together. one of my favourite cas characterizations, takes place over s5-s6 and it’s just stunning. 

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (11k, teen and up)

s4 cas ends up in the body of cas in 6x20. fucking life-ruining.

season 7

make known by domesticadventures (16k, teen and up)

this is a really heartbreaking look at dean’s headspace near the end of s6 and throughout s7, and it’s really wonderful with a hopeful ending.

redemption road by a whole bunch of people (652k, virtual season, explicit)

oh boy. ok. know ur herstory ! this was written from 2011 to 2012 and it is thee s7 fic, a virtual season written by 17 fans all together. it’s very very long and it suffers sometimes from having being written a decade ago, but im making my way through it right now and it still fucking holds up. i really do recommend reading at least some of it, you can stop around halfway through and you should be fine.

season 8***

rinse, repeat by ias (3k, teen and up)

exploration of cas when naomi forces him to kill copies of dean and then his perspective in goodbye stranger.

my keeper by whelvenwings (5k, gen)

another goodbye stranger fic, this time with bonus artist cas!

though the course may change by imogenbynight (51k, e)

au after 8x23. i love this fic so much. dean accidentally ends up making himself have to go undercover with cas and pretend to be fake engaged. also, charlie and kevin. do i need to say more.

apres by imogenbynight (24k, e)

au after 8x23 where dean goes to find cas after the angels fall in paris 🥺

*i have found exactly one bela fic that i loved, and zero henriksen fics that i loved, so IF u have recs for those. i would appreciate that.

**mostly the s6 fics i read were uh...vampire dean fics...

***have found one (1) good dean/aaron fic but im still searching for the perfect purgatory crew fics 

[wishuhadstayed]

Plus One

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader

Word count: 3000ish

Summary: it’s baby time y’all!

Warnings: pregnancy complications, angst

Author’s Note: to those who have been waiting, I AM SO SORRY. I hope this will be worth it! Part 8? to Begin Again. Please feel free to yell at me in the comments if you feel so inclined.

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

Conversation flowed in the dining room and kitchen of the Hotchner residence as the BAU team and family impatiently anticipated the forthcoming announcement.

“It’s a boy, has to be,” Morgan mused.

“No way. Definitely a girl,” JJ contradicts.

“As much as it pains me to say, I think I have to go with Morgan on this one,” Emily admits.

“Garcia?” JJ inquires, “What do you think?”

“I have to agree with Chocolate Thunder on this one, love,”

“Are you all taking his side?” JJ asks with indignation. “I’ll bet you $50 that it’s a girl!”

“Oh you’re on, sweetheart,” Morgan complies with a winning smile.

“I don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy,” says Reid, “but I do know that I wouldn’t bet against JJ.”

“Thanks, Spence,” JJ replies, patting him on the shoulder. “Emily, Rossi? You wanna get in on the action?”

“Oh I am so staying out of this,” Prentiss responds. “Count me out.”

“I’m in with Morgan for $50,” Rossi states.

“Alright, but you’re all gonna be sorry,” JJ says with a smirk.

Overhearing the lively discussion, you enter the room.

“Children, what’s going on here?” You interject, “Don’t make me break up a fight.”

“Y/N! Just the lady I wanted to see!” Exclaims JJ. “May I?” She asks, gesturing towards your growing baby bump.

“Sure, go ahead,” you reply. “Do I even want to know?”

“We’re taking bets on the sex of the baby,” she replies placing a gentle hand on your belly. “And I am so totally going to win!”

“You can’t possibly know that, JJ,” Morgan interrupts.

“Call me crazy if you want,” says JJ, “but a mother knows.”

“I suppose you’ll all find out soon enough,” Aaron cuts in, placing a strong arm around your back and pressing his lips to yours for a quick, tender kiss. “Shall we?”

With that, everyone makes their way to the backyard, where a large golden balloon awaits.

Picking it up from the ground, Aaron asks, “Everybody ready?”

He didn’t really have to ask. The answer was unanimous.

“YES!”

“Jack, would you like to do the honors?” you inquire, holding out a safety pin for him.

“Can I?” he asks hopefully.

“Of course you can buddy. Just be careful, okay?”

“Yes, Mama.”

“Dad and I will count you in, okay? On three.”

Together, you and Aaron slowly count, “One, two, THREE!”

A loud pop from the balloon momentarily startles the crowd and then..... a cloud of pink confetti floats to the ground.

“YES!” JJ shouts in her excitement. “PAY UP, LOSERS! We got a baby shower to plan!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several weeks later found you strolling through the back door of Rossi’s home into the yard where you’d married the man of your dreams not so very long ago.

This time it’s decorated for a slightly different occasion. Pale pink lanterns and streamers adorn everything in sight. A picnic table covered with a pink flowered cloth looks like it might collapse at any moment beneath the weight of a mountain of gifts wrapped in pastel paper. Heart shaped balloons are tied to the corners of another table on top of which is a giant bowl of pink punch, more food than you thought possible, and a breathtaking cake, decorated with tiny pink roses.

A tap on your shoulder brings you back to reality and you turn to see three beautiful, smiling faces. Women that you consider to be not only friends, but family at this point.

“Penny, Emily, JJ,” you say as your eyes begin to well up with tears, “This is too much! You shouldn’t have gone to this much trouble.”

“Oh this is the least we could have done for you, doll face,” Garcia interjects. “Nothing but the finest for my very best friend.”

“Don’t worry about it, my clean sweep at the gender reveal paid for most of this,” JJ jokes.

“You look absolutely radiant,” Emily adds, pulling you in for a hug.

“Where’s the boss man?” Penelope asks. “He’s coming isn’t he?”

“Oh yes” you reply. “He was helping Jack out of the car. He told me to come on in. He’s probably inside hanging out with boys for a minute.”

At that moment, you feel a pair of familiar arms encircling you, one across your chest and one just underneath your baby bump. A soft kiss on the cheek and he turns you around to face him. The tender look in his usually stern eyes melts you as he smiles and says,

“There’s my girls.”

“I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you too, darling.”

“Alright love birds, it’s time to get this show on the road!” exclaims Morgan, coming through the door with both Henry and Jack in tow.

“Thanks for keeping the kids entertained, Derek,” you whisper. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“Don’t you worry about a thing, Mama. I’ve got it all under control,” he reassures with a wink.

“Should we be worried?” Aaron jokes under his breath.

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Garcia offers, trailing off behind them.

Rossi and Reid bring up the tail end of the group, along with Jessica, Jack’s aunt, who had been previously supervising the kids.

“How are the parents-to-be feeling?” Rossi inquires.

“Overwhelmed, and so grateful,” you reply. “I know JJ said she covered most of it with her winnings, but I think we all know you pitched in too. And you’re a fantastic sport for letting the girls decorate your whole house pink.”

“Anything for some of my favorite people,” he replies patting you both on the shoulder.

“I’m so happy for you guys,” Reid chimes in. “This baby’s really lucky to have such loving parents.”

“Reid, stop. You’re gonna make me cry,” you squeak out, pulling a tissue from your purse.

Just then, Jessica wraps an arm around both of you.

“Jess, you know you didn’t have to come,” Aaron says.

“Nonsense!” comes her reply. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

As you go to sit so you can open presents, Morgan pulls out the chair for you, then pulls one out for Garcia as they settle in to watch the kids.

Maybe you were mistaken, but you could have sworn you saw a flirty look pass between them. A mischievous grin crosses your face. Perhaps you should do a bit of your own matchmaking.

“Jack!” you call. “Don’t you wanna help Mama open some of her presents?”

“Yeah! Can Henry help too?”

“What do you think JJ?” you ask.

“As long as it’s okay with you,” she agrees.

The kids ran up to help with their very important present duty. Jack retrieving smaller presents and helping rip the paper. Henry mostly just playing with the shiny bows. Thus leaving Morgan and Garcia free of responsibility.

When the last present had been opened, and the last game played, Aaron made his speech.

“Y/N and I just wanted to thank you all so much for being here today. We love each and every one of you like family, and we are truly grateful for all your love and support. We are truly blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. Thank you again.”

As everyone was leaving, Penelope pulled you to the side.

“Did you call the kids over for help specifically to leave Derek and I alone together?”

“Penny, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” came your reply. “I’m just getting too big to be bending over to grab the presents and I thought it would be fun for the kids.”

“If you say so,” she says with a skeptical look.

As she walks away, Aaron whispers in your ear, “You are so wrong for that, you know?” with a playful shove of your shoulder.

“Oh they’re perfect for each other and everyone knows it. Besides, she played matchmaker for us and look what happened,” you reply, rubbing your belly.

“Okay, okay!” he surrenders with a grin. “You’re right. You’re always right. You win.”

——————————————————————————

As the weeks crept by, your little family was not so patiently awaiting the arrival of its newest addition. Being pregnant and taking care of a 6 year old without your husband was extremely taxing, making the moments that you did have with him exceedingly special.

Moments like today. It was nothing exciting, just sitting on the couch, enjoying each other’s company, but sometimes that’s all you really need.

Seated across from each other, You can’t help but admire the sweet look on his face as he touches your belly.

“I still can’t believe we’re having a baby girl,” he mentions.

“Neither can I,” you agree. “She’s gonna be smart,” you state, resting your hand on top of Aaron’s. “A lawyer like her daddy.”

“She can be anything she wants,” he says, looking up with his smile revealing the stunning dimples that caught your eye on your very first date. “As long as she’s happy.”

“God I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you more, angel.”

But mom duty never stops.

“Oh!” you exclaim. “It’s almost time to pick up Jack from school and I haven’t even started dinner!”

“Don’t worry about it, babe,” Aaron says. “I’ll take care of everything, you just relax.”

“But I,”

“Ssshhhhh,” he interrupts. “No buts. I will pick up Jack, I will get dinner. You deserve a break.”

“Alright, if you insist.”

“I do.”

He leans in and gently brushes his lips against yours.

“I’ll be back soon.”

What felt like an eternity later, you hear the front door open and two distinct sets of footsteps.

“Mama!” Jack yelled, scrambling up into your lap for a hug. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, buddy,” you reassure, pulling him close to your chest.

“What’s for dinner, honey?” you ask?

A playful smirk forms on Aaron’s face, raising your suspicions.

“You’ll see. In the meantime, Jack how would you like to watch a movie with me and mom?”

You all settle on the sofa, Jack in Aaron’s lap and your head on your husband’s left shoulder. Just as you were drifting off to sleep near the end of the movie, a knock at the door startles you awake.

“Dinner’s here!” Aaron announces. “Come on buddy,” he encourages Jack. “Help me out.”

As you reach the table where the food is being laid out, tears begin to spring to your eyes.

“I got you fries and chocolate shake. And a cheeseburger. No mayo, extra pickles.”

“Babe,” you squeak out, “you remembered.”

“Of course I remembered. It’s all you talked about while I was away on my last case.”

You laugh and pull him close.

“I knew I married you for a reason.”

——————————————————————————

Around your 36 week mark, Aaron called from his hotel room to check on you.

“How are you, love?”

“Still pregnant,” you gripe.

“I know you’re exhausted, mama. I’ll be home tomorrow. Just remember the go bag for the hospital is packed and sitting right by the front door, just in case.”

“Yes, Aaron. You remind me every day. Honestly I think it’s bit overboard, I’m fine.”

“I just worry about you being alone while I’m gone is all. It never hurts to be prepared. Anyway, I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Love you too honey. Good night and be safe tomorrow.”

——————————————————————————

When Aaron arrived home the next night, he was greeted by the sight of you dozing on the couch.

Easing himself down on the edge, he swipes a lock of hair from your face. He softly kisses your forehead and watches as your eyes flutter open.

“Aaron?” you murmur. “You’re home.”

“I’m home,” he whispers. “How are my girls?”

“Better now that you’re home. I’ve had some pretty intense back pain, but otherwise fine.”

“Well sleeping on the couch probably isn’t helping,” he states matter of factly.

“Oh thank you doctor,” you reply sarcastically, giving his arm a playful slap. “I would never have known.”

“You’re welcome,” he says with a shit eating grin. “Let’s get some sleep.”And with that, he sweeps you off the couch, heading for the master bedroom.

——————————————————————————

You woke the next morning still in pain, but not wanting to disturb Aaron. You struggle to sit up, finally managing after a few tries. You pull back the sheets and immediately get a sense of panic and dread at the sight of blood on the hem of your nightgown and the sheets beneath you. As the tears begin to stream, you instinctively call out for him.

Waking up at the sound of his name he asks, “what’s wrong, baby?”

But he realizes the problem before you even get a chance to respond.

Amazingly he seems not to panic at all. The tears and hysterics don’t faze him at all. He simply grabs you out of the bed, carries your directly to the car, and buckles you in.

“Stay right here,” he instructs. “I’m getting Jack and we’re going to the hospital right now.”

What seems like an eternity later, but in reality was only a few minutes, Aaron emerges from the house with Jack and the go bag.

He peels out of the driveway and drives to the nearest hospital with no regard for the speed limit.

When you arrived to the emergency entrance, you look at him with a panic stricken face.

“I’m scared, Aaron.”

“Don’t worry darling,” he says soothingly. “I’m going to get you some help.”

The next thing you know several people are helping you out of the car and loading you onto a stretcher. As they wheel you inside he follows closely behind with Jack asleep in his arms.

“What going on?” you plead.

“I don’t know, love but they’re going to help,” he reassures.

Just then you overhear a member of the medical staff informing Aaron that he’s not allowed any farther.

“What do you mean he can’t come with me?” You wail.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but bleeding is very serious. Both you and the baby could be in danger. We need to get you treatment now and we can’t have any family in the room.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron says in a very calm and sure tone. “They’re going to take good care of you. Everything will be fine.”

“FINE? Nothing about this is fine!” you shout. “I can’t do this without you, Aaron.”

“Yes you can,” he replies, holding your hand. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You have to. Do it for her.” He says, placing his hand on your belly.

“We have to go now,” one of the nurses insist.

“Be strong for me okay?” He pleads, gaining a short tearful nod from you in response.

“I love you,” he calls out as they wheel you swiftly down the hall. Just before the stretcher is out of sight he hears your response.

“I love you more.”

——————————————————————————

Collapsing into a chair in the waiting area, mind racing with worry, Aaron does the only thing he can think of at the moment.

The phone rings, and then,

“Aaron! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon after a case,” Rossi says. “We don’t have plans today, do we?”

“No, Dave. It’s Y/N. We’re at the hospital.”

“Wow, I didn’t think she was due for a few more weeks.”

“She’s not,” Aaron explains, his voice beginning to break. “When we woke up, she was bleeding. From what I understand, it’s pretty serious. You’re the first person I thought to call.”

“Oh my God,” Rossi breathes. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Should I call the rest of the team?”

“Yeah, I think that would be best. I could really use some help with Jack. He’s still asleep for now, but,” Aaron pauses for a moment, choking back tears. “I don’t know what to tell him when he wakes up,” he finishes quietly.

“Just hold on, Aaron,” Rossi replies. “We’re coming.”

——————————————————————————

Within an hour, the whole BAU team was crowding the hospital waiting room. Hugs were exchanged and Aaron had handed a still sleeping Jack off to JJ.

Everyone waited in tense silence, not knowing quite what to say.

“I’m scared out my mind, Dave,” Aaron confines to him. “I can’t lose her. I’ve been through too much already. And Jack, God it would crush him if anything happened to her.”

“I think he’s waking up,” JJ whispers.

“Dad?” He asks in a daze as he wakes. “Miss JJ? Where are we?” He questions now aware of the unfamiliar surroundings.

Coming over to squat down in front of him, Aaron does his best to explain.

“Well buddy, this morning mom got sick, so we brought her to the hospital, and the doctors are taking good care of her.”

“Is she going to be okay?” he inquires. “And my baby sister?”

“I hope so, the doctors are working really hard to make mom better okay?”

“Daddy, we should say a prayer for Mama,” Jack responds. “And my baby sister too.”

“I think that’s a great idea, Jack,” Aaron responds, as he quickly turns away to wipe a tear.

The whole group gathered closely around Jack and Aaron. Everyone took turns saying prayer for the health and well being of Y/N and her unborn daughter.

Moments after the last amen was said; just when Aaron thought he would die if he waited a moment longer, a doctor came through the doors.

“Mr. Hotchner?”

Aaron stood, bracing himself for the news.

“Is it alright if I speak in front of the group?”

“Yes, they’re family. Please, just— do you have news about my wife?”

“Sir,” the doctor continues with a look of concern. “You all may want to sit down for this.”

——————————————————————————

Tag list: @ange-must-die @agenthotchner @moonstuffsteve @poetsacademia @hotchners-slut @arganfics @ladyreapermc @rousethemouse @less-intelligent-spencerreid @tgibstan @themanip @word-scribbless @quillvine @glizzieborden @miss-united-ace @samayoshito

[kevindayisafrog]

What if Neil never made it home? (Kevneil pain)

TW - physical abuse (choking), panic attacks, hints of suicidal thoughts, grief and loss of a MC, anxiety

“Where is he?”, Andrew’s monotone voice chilled Kevin all over, making his already rapid heart beat faster. “I-I don’t-“, Kevin put his head in his hands and let out a shaky breath. He didn’t know where Neil was and he was dreading the worst. He was holding his hand just minutes ago but the fight broke out and..Kevin let out a strangled sound and squeezed his eyes shut. “Andrew-“, Nicky’s fear made him look up in time to see Andrew marching towards him up the aisle of the bus. “Andrew, I promise I don’t know where he is”, Kevin pleaded as Andrew ran into him and grabbed his throat, “Andrew, please, I don’t-“. He let out a choked whimper as Andrew’s hands grew tighter around his neck. A million tortured moments of Riko flashed behind his shut eyes making Kevin want to disappear; run away from this place to find his Neil. “Andrew”, he tried to whisper, the name barely coming out. “Where the fuck is he?”, Andrew’s voice barely changed, his deadpan face still remaining; boring into Kevin’s memory. “His father-the butcher-“, he knew Neil would hate him for telling everyone his past, but if it would get Andrew off him, he’ll try anything. As soon as Andrew lets go he can run; he’d run faster than he ever has, until his legs break beneath him. He won’t care about the pain, he’s lived through pain his whole life, what’s a bit more? If it helps him get Neil back he’ll walk through fire, he’ll go back to the nest, he’ll kiss Riko’s feet and smile as he slowly dies. “Baltimore-the butcher of Baltimore”, Kevin closed his eyes and let a tear fall out. Who cares if the foxes see him cry? He doesn’t give a shit. They mean nothing to him. “Andrew get off him”, Matt looked between the two and wrapped his arms around Andrew’s waist, pulling to no avail, “fuck”. Kevin looked up into Andrew’s empty eyes through his blurring vision and prepared for the pain he’ll get before whispering: “please, Andrew, I can’t lose him”. Andrew’s hands grew tighter than before, making Kevin let out a laugh fueled on pain and fear. He looked over Andrew’s shoulder fleetingly as Matt, Aaron, Nicky and Coach finally pulled Andrew off; his throat bursting with a numb pain. “Kevin, sweetheart”, Abby kneeled beside him and pulled his head gently onto her lap, “if you know about Neil’s past we need you to tell us now. It’s important”. Kevin closed his eyes and swallowed through the burn in his throat, silently apologizing to Neil for his truth. “His father..is the butcher of Baltimore. He just got out-“, he pressed a hand against his mottled throat and swallowed the taste of blood, “out of prison. We need to save him”. Nicky let out an inhaled ‘fuck’ as Matt got ready to hit Kevin. “For fuck’s sake, Kevin, why didn’t you tell us before? Is that why he was scared of his own shadow? Because he was fucking running away?”, Wymack ran a hand down his face and swore. Kevin nodded and cleared his throat, “yeah, he ran away with his mom when he was eleven. But she died and..”, he shrugged and let out a pained sigh as Abby began to rub lotion onto his bruising neck. “Fucking great”, Wymack turned his back to the team and shook his head before turning to glare down at Kevin, “you should’ve told us sooner, Day. What if something has gone wrong and we’re too fucking late?” Kevin winced at his words and slowly closed his eyes; he’s been blamed for a lot of shit in his life, but Neil’s possible death stabs deeper than anything before. “I’m sorry”, he whispered, desperate for someone to believe him. “That’s not good enough right now. Everyone get in your seats”, Wymack barked as he strode to the front of the bus and sat down with a loud sigh. Kevin stood up slowly and sank into his seat, watching out of the window as his fear and anxiety choked him once again.

Kevin sunk into the corner of the hotel room and dropped his head into his hands; his left hand red raw from his anxious picking. He didn’t want to stay in this room, he didn’t care if the FBI forced them to, he needed to get out. They reassured him that Neil would be okay, but he didn’t believe them. Kevin flinched as a hand was placed on his shoulder, a gentle squeeze making him want to crawl out of his skin. “He’s going to be okay”, Abby smiled down at him and placed a gentle kiss on his temple, “I know what he means to you”. Kevin blinked up at her and tried to hold his anxious tears in; he didn’t want anyone to know what Neil meant to him. Neil was his and he was going to protect him until the day he dropped dead. “Fuck’s sake”, Wymack grumbled as a loud knock startled everyone up onto their feet. They all stood in silence as their Coach opened the door cautiously and grunted when two FBI agents walked through the door with annoyed facial expressions. “I’m Special Agent Browning and this”, the smug suited man gestured to the taller man beside him, “is my partner Special Agent Towns. We are working on the Baltimore case and can officially announce that the butcher has been executed”. He said it so proudly, so smugly that Kevin wanted to rip the man’s face off with his bare fucking hands. “But this information is not to leave this room, do you understand?”, Towns glared at each face before nodding and pulling a notebook out of his jacket pocket, “we would like some information on Nathaniel Wesninksi, the butcher’s son”. Nathaniel. That name alone brought too many bad memories up that Kevin wanted to scream. He wanted to scream that his name is Neil, he hated that name and he ran so far away to forget it; but now they’re pinning him back down with it. “His-his name is Neil”, Kevin spoke up and felt everyone’s eyes turn to him, “and I want to know where he is”. He tried to stay formal and authoritative but his voice cracked in fear. Both agents shared a small look, a silent conversation being spoken right in front of their faces, before Browning nodded and turned to face the room. “We are sorry to say that Nathaniel did not make it. Our condolences”. Kevin felt the air leave his lungs as if he’d been shot a million times in the chest. “What?”, he whispered as the Foxes turned to shoot him death glares. “For fuck’s sake, Kevin. You should’ve told us”, Matt spat as Dan physically held him back from killing Kevin. “I didn’t-he didn’t want me to, I was just-“, Kevin took a step back in instinctive fear as the Foxes began to shout over each other, each word ripping deep into Kevin’s skin that they began to merge together into a numbing ring in his ears. “He’s okay, they’re just-“, Kevin gripped his chest with his left hand and replayed all his memories with Neil, “they’re lying. He’s okay”. Browning shook his head and sighed, “I’m sorry, kid, but his father got to him before we could infiltrate the building”. Kevin fell to his knees and covered his ears, his lungs bursting in his chest. “No, he’s okay, he’s okay”, he whispered hoarsely, bile slowly creeping up his bruised throat. His ears began to ring with shouts and cries as he watched his Neil slip away behind his eyelids, the blue eyes that he fell in love with slowly closing shut to never open again.

“He’s okay”, Kevin whispered as his body began to shake, painful sobs ripping through his chest, “he’s okay”. He replayed every interaction with Neil, his body still humming with his touches, his cheeks still blushing from the soft kisses. “He’s okay, you’re lying”, he whispered though it came out barely audible, his throat burning with the bile. He felt like he was dying and he was leaning into it; hoping that this will finally be the moment where he’ll die and won’t have to live without Neil. The boy that he fell in love with the moment he saw him swagger onto the court when they were eleven. The boy that mouthed off to the press, to Riko, but would kiss him so gently; would hold him with such tenderness that it would sometimes make him want to cry. His reason to fight back who has lost the battle; who proved that life would never get better, at least not for them. He let out a wail as he felt his lungs collapse, his body shaking so much that he felt as if he were leaving it; finally being freed. “Kevin”, a blurry voice broke through the deafening ring in his ears, a voice so soft that it made his heart break more, “Kevin, sweetheart, give me your hand”. He opened his eyes slowly and blinked through the tears, his head swimming with his fight or flight reflexes. He wanted to do neither; he wanted to disappear. “Give me your hand”, Abby gently took ahold of his hand and placed it against her neck, “feel my pulse, can you feel it?” It took too much energy for Kevin to nod so he squeezed his eyes shut instead. “Good, now match my breathing, I know it’s hard but you can do it”, Abby began breathing too loudly for Kevin’s ears and he just wanted to push her away, but he tried anyway; she always makes him want to try. “Good, that great, you’re doing so well”, Abby whispered through breaths, a sad smile in her voice. “I don’t want to do it”, Kevin whispered as he felt his chest sag in defeat. “No, you’re doing great, I’m so proud”, Abby cupped his face and wiped away the tears that were infinite. Kevin shook his head and dropped his head on her shoulder, opening his eyes to watch as the other Foxes had turned their backs on him. Neil was the only one that made him want to stay here, so why did he let him go? All he had to do was hold a little tighter, but Kevin always let good things slip through his fingers, “I’m sorry”, he whispered though no one heard him.

Kevin strode onto the Ravens court with his head held and with a victory already in his grasp. “For you”, he whispered to the sky before tapping the butt of his racquet against the floor and changing hands, “you gave me your game and I won’t let you down”.

[the-bau-quinjet]

But with you, it’s different...

So, I’ve combined two of my great obsessions: Criminal Minds and Taylor Swift. Pretend the reader is Taylor Swift in the sense that she wrote and recorded the songs, but that’s it. Also, the songs are all out of order and not from the albums so just pretend that’s okay. I don’t reference the albums, but individual songs and yeah. It’s honestly kind of a mess, but also makes me happy. This is part 1! I have most of it written, so I should be able to post the other parts pretty soon. I think there will be 3 actual parts and then a short epilogue! Last thing, Spencer is a little out of character. I (try to) explain that later!!

Summary: Reader is a famous singer with a murderous stalker. Spencer has to go undercover to protect her. 

warnings: mentions of murder, anxious reader

Word Count: 7940

You weren’t expecting anything out of the ordinary to happen tonight. It was just the usual Saturday night. Honestly, you were looking forward to having a boring two weeks off. You absolutely loved touring and performing and seeing your fans, but it was going to be great to have some time just to write again. Writing music has always helped you de-stress and get your emotions out, and you were supposed to finally have a chance to do just that. However, the universe had different plans. Plans that involved the FBI.

This was your second night in DC. It was the first of some of the bigger cities on your tour where you were doing two shows, so you are even more exhausted than normal. You really only just started the US leg of your tour, but the two weeks off was well earned from the Europe, Asia, and South America legs.

 As you begin to perform the second to last song, you start to feel the familiar sadness you get when finishing a show. It’s almost as though the adrenaline rush from the excitement of so many screaming fans is wearing off and you can’t help but feel a bit sorry that the fun is coming to an end. After so many performances though, you’ve learned how to hide the emotions and give the audience your best fake smile. The last song is where you have some real fun, so just make it there.

 As you duck off stage to change for the final performance, you can’t help but notice the small group of people conversing, quite tensely, with your security team. They don’t look like the normal fans who would try to sneak backstage, too official. You make eye contact with one of them. He looks to be about your age, but you’ve never been great at guessing. There’s something about him that makes you want to find out exactly who he is right now, but you can’t. 

You’re left wondering about his identity as you run back onstage for the grand finale. You feel a genuine smile appearing as you feel the heat from the fireworks and listen to the happy cheers from the crowd. You’re last song goes off without a hitch, but you’re exhausted. There’s nothing you want more than to just shower and sleep, but there’s always a buzz about the cast and crew that prevents anyone from leaving right away.

 “Thank you for a great second night DC! Goodnight!” You shout into the mic as you duck back offstage to ride out the post show high. You are still chatting with some of the dancers you’ve become friends with when Carrie, the head of security, comes up with one of the men you saw arguing with her earlier.

 “Y/N? Can I talk to you for a minute?” You turn, surprised to see the stern man standing behind Carrie. “Yeah, sure.” You turn to excuse yourself from the dancers, wishing them a goodnight before turning back to Carrie.

 “We can go do your dressing room, that’s where the others are waiting.” Carrie says with a nervous smile on her face.

 “The others?” You ask confused, jogging to keep up with the brisk pace she has set for you and the stern man. “Who are we talking to?”

 “I’m sure you have a lot of questions. We will explain everything as soon as we meet up with the rest of the team.” The stern man spoke quietly, but with confidence as he followed behind you and Carrie. Before you could ask anything else, you were being ushered into your dressing room, coming face to face with the other two people you saw arguing with Carrie earlier. The first one you notice is a woman with jet black hair and fierce eyes. The other is the tall, lanky man you made eye contact with.

 You’re a little excited to get a closer look. He looks a little awkward at first glance, but you can tell he’s a sneaky sort of attractive underneath the perfectly placed tie and the comfy cardigan. Before you can get too caught up in how good looking these three strangers are, you turn to the stern one and ask “Who are you, and what are you doing here?” Your tone clearly indicates the confusion you’re feeling. 

 “Ms. L/N, my name is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. I am the Unit Chief for the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the FBI.” You can feel your eyes go wide as he shows you a badge with his picture and title. Before you can respond, he begins talking again. “These are SSAs Emily Prentiss” the woman gives you a reassuring smile and slight wave, “and Dr. Spencer Reid.” The sneakily attractive one nods his head in your general direction.

 The woman just introduced as Emily chimes in “we are here because we believe there is a killer targeting fans of your music. We have been tracking murders for the past two weekends. The first was in Louisville, Kentucky, then Columbus, Ohio, and then two right here in D.C.”

 “I was just in Louisville… and Columbus.” You feel yourself beginning to get dizzy as you try to comprehend what the agents are telling you.

 “Yes, and now you’re in DC.” The boss man is talking again. “We made the connection this afternoon as you had two shows here in DC.” The room is starting to spin as you listen to the man talk. “After more digging, we found each victim had purchased a ticket to your show. Additionally, they all had social media accounts dedicated as fan pages to you.” Agent Hotchner continues speaking as you nod along, trying to comprehend how this was happening. You don’t even realize you are tuning him out as you begin to sway on your feet. You can see his mouth moving, and the growing look of concern on his face is the last thing you see before the world goes dark.

 --

 You can hear a faint beeping as you begin to wake up. For a moment, you are blissfully unaware of the murders before the memory of meeting the three agents comes back to you. You instantly sit up and look around, trying to figure out where you are. You can see a very muscular bald man through a window, talking to someone in scrubs.

 Scrubs. A nurse. You are in the hospital.

 Your heart rate begins to calm down before skyrocketing again when you hear “Ms. L/N?” from the other side of the room. Turning with wide eyes and a scared expression, you throw your arms up to defend yourself from the unknown voice.

 “Sorry! Sorry, uh- I didn’t mean to scare you! I’m Dr. Spencer Reid.” Instantly you relax again at the familiar face. You drop your arms back to the bed, shifting into a more comfortable position before asking “Okay, Doctor. What’s wrong with me? Why am I in the hospital?”

He looks at you with a sheepish expression, rubbing the back of his neck before he admits, “Oh, I’m not that kind of doctor. I’ll go get a nurse or someone. Try to think back on what you remember before waking up here.” He shuffles out of the room as you try to replay the conversation with the other agents.

 Well, it wasn’t much of a conversation with them doing all of the talking, but still. The unknown man from outside your room window and the nurse he was talking to come into the room with Dr. Reid. The nurse begins checking your vitals as she asks you some questions.

 “Hi there. It’s good to see you up. How are you feeling?” She wears a small smile.

 “Oh, um, I feel fine. I think. I’m just confused about how I ended up here. I remember talking to the agents at the arena, but that’s it.” You close your eyes as you try to remember more, but nothing comes to you.

 “That was only about 45 minutes ago, dear.” The nurse’s kind voice helps settle you. “You fainted while the agents were talking to you. They brought you here. You should be good to leave in a few minutes as long as your vitals are good.”

 “Thank you.” You return her kind smile as she marks information on your chart before leaving the room.

 “Ms. L/N, this is SSA Derek Morgan.” The Doctor Agent is talking again.

 “Please, call me Y/N.” You rub your head, continuing to try to remember more about your condition. Before either man in the room can speak up, a new thought occurs to you. “If I fainted, why doesn’t my head hurt? The floor in my dressing room is not soft.” You look between the two men for an explanation.  

 The doctor shifts his weight from foot to foot a blush appearing on his face as Agent Morgan speaks up. “That is because Pretty Boy over here” he claps a hand onto the doctor’s shoulder “caught you before you hit the ground.” “Oh, um… Thank you.” You can feel the blush beginning to form as you think about his arms being around you.

 “It was no problem, really. Can we ask you a few questions?” He moves on quickly. “Oh sure thing Dr. Reid. Or Agent Reid. Agent Dr. Reid?” You can feel the blush growing as you ramble.

 “Just Sp-Spencer is fine.” He cuts you off before you can continue suggesting different honorifics. “What do you remember from what Agent Hotchner was telling you?”

 “He said someone was mur-murdering fans of me.” Tears spring to your eyes as you think about it. “That someone was killed in Kentucky and Ohio and then two people here in DC.” You squeeze your eyes shut, willing the tears not to fall.

 Get a hold of yourself.

 You feel a new weight on your hand before hearing Spencer begin talking again. “Take your time.” You open your eyes to see him patting your hand delicately. He moves back after you take a few deep, calming breaths.

 “I’m sorry. I just feel awful knowing people are dy-dying because of me. Is there anything I can do to help?” You choke on the words a bit, realizing the full gravity of the situation.

 “Do you recognize any of these people?” Agent Morgan pulls out photos of three women and one man, handing them to you to sift through. He seems to be staring at Spencer, but you just focus on the pictures. You can feel the tears building again as you realize who they are.

 “I do.” You take another breath before continuing. “I haven’t met them before, but they are all really active on different social sites. I try to talk to as many fans as I can ya know? They are why I am where I am. Is that why they were killed? Oh god. No no no no.” Your breathe increases in speed as you think about everything that is happening.

 “Hey, hey, hey, none of this is your fault.” Spencer is patting your hand again as he tries to calm you down. Just then, the nurse comes back with some paperwork for you to sign in order to leave.

 “You are free to go Ms. L/N. Just sign these forms and hand them in at the desk on your way out.” She exits the room swiftly.

 “Would you mind coming back to our office to finish talking?” Agent Morgan asks.

 “Of course not. Anything I can do to help.” You turn in the forms before following them to a black SUV. Spencer opens the door for you to get in the back before he slides in next to you. You don’t even have the brain power to consider why he isn’t sitting in the front. You just grab his hand and squeeze it, unable to get the thoughts out of your head that this was all your fault.  

 “This is not your fault. You had no idea what was happening, and now that you do you are trying to help.” Spencer looks at you reassuringly as he squeezes your hand right back. You simply nod back. You don’t trust yourself to speak without crying. You just need to calm down before you get to the office.

 About 15 minutes later you pull up to the FBI building that houses the BAU. They must’ve brought you to a hospital near Quantico. They lead you through security up to the fifth floor. You walk through a set of glass doors, passing a few desks before entering a conference room. “Do you need anything? Coffee, water?” Spencer asks as Agent Morgan leaves the room.

 “Oh, um, no I’m okay for now.” You stare at your hands as you go to sit down. “Actually, could I get a jacket or something?” You gesture to what you’re wearing as you ask. You haven’t had a chance to change yet, meaning you are wearing a black, sequined romper that is basically a leotard with how short it is. Perfect for performing, but not exactly FBI attire. “Of co-course! I’ll be right back.” He practically runs out of the room.

 A few minutes later, he pushes the door back open. “Here’s some clothes you can change into if you want. Or just a sweatshirt.” You look up from your position in the chair, rising to take the clothes.

 “Thank you.” You look from the clothes to him realizing you need to change, but are in a room full of windows in an unfamiliar building.

 He catches on a few seconds later, leading you out of the room. “The bathroom is this way!” He squeaks out as you both walk down a hallway outside the glass doors you came in. “I’ll wait here to show you back.” You smile as you brush past him, whispering thank you as you close the door.

 You instantly take off the romper, sliding on some FBI sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt that smells like vanilla and new books. The scent is oddly comforting. You would think a standard FBI sweatshirt would smell new, but this scent is calming your nerves. You fix your makeup as best you can before heading out of the bathroom. Spencer is a few feet away talking to a beautiful blonde woman. She looks effortlessly gorgeous. She smiles as she notices you, waving you to join them.

 “Ms. L/N, it’s lovely to meet you, although I do wish it was under better circumstances. I am SSA Jennifer Jureau, but you can call me JJ. The rest of the team is waiting for us to join them.” She smiles kindly, but you are frozen in place. You feel like a deer caught in the headlights.

 Spencer grabs your arm lightly, pulling you out of your trance. “It’s okay. Just breathe.” He whispers as the three of you start walking back toward the conference room you were in earlier.

 He lets your arm fall back to your side before guiding you back into the room behind JJ. You freeze again upon entering the room. You recognize Agents Hotchner, Prentiss, and Morgan, but are surprised by the other two faces. There is an older man with salt and pepper hair smiling kindly at you. He reminds you of your father. Then there is a very bubbly blonde, in a very colorful dress and matching glasses.

 They introduce themselves as SSA David Rossi and technical analyst Penelope Garcia. The unit chief begins to describe the case again, going slower this time given your earlier episode. “We believe the unsub is targeting fans of yours who he believes is unworthy of your attention. He worships you and views his victims as people who are not devoted enough to you.”

 You can’t decide how to respond, so you wait for another agent to continue. “Do you know of anyone who might be overly obsessed with you? Maybe they sent you letters that were a bit more personal than normal?” At this point, you decide you are done being controlled by this situation. What happened to those people is awful, but you can’t change it. You need to be strong to help prevent it from happening to anyone else.

 “I haven’t finished my fan letters from this week yet. I try to go through as many as possible, but there is only so much time in a day.” At this point you are pacing. Walking around has always helped you with thinking things over. “There is one letter that sticks out from three weeks ago. That was before the murd-” you stutter on the word. “Before anything happened though. Could that be relevant?” You ask, looking hopeful. If the agents are surprised by your change of attitude they don’t mention it.

 “It might be. What did it say?” Agent Hotchner asks, the same stern expression adorning his features.

 “I don’t remember all of it, but it looked like it was written on a typewriter, so it stood out. It said something about how they wondered if my hair smelled like peaches after I finished a show. I thought it was weird because my shampoo is peach scented, but how could they possibly know that? I figured I must have met them in passing, you know. I meet a lot of fans just walking around the different cities. Something just felt weird about this letter though. Like a bad feeling. I mean, my hair doesn’t really retain the scent of my shampoo all that much. So how could he know that unless he knew what shampoo I use? But actually, I use a personalized shampoo so I can change the scent every time I but it- it must’ve been a lucky guess, right? Maybe I just look like I would use peach scented shampoo” You feel like you are talking a mile a minute, but you can’t get yourself to stop. You practically fall back into your chair as you finish rambling about the letter, looking up to see unmistakable expressions of concern on the agents’ faces.

 “What? What does that mean? Oh god- How does he know my shampoo smells like peaches?” You look between all the agents as they seem to be communicating with just their eyes. You resort to taking calming breaths again. They’ll fill you in eventually, you need to breathe. You drop your head between your thighs as you push your chair away from the table. Breathe in for 7 seconds, hold for 7, and breathe out for 7. This always helps calm you down before a show.

 You choose to ignore the agents quietly talking to each other again as you focus on slowing your heart rate back to a normal pace.

 “Ms. L/N?” You look up exasperatedly, “Please, just call me Y/N.”

 “Then you can call me Penelope!” The woman has such a kindness to her that you can’t help but smile back at her.

 “What can I do for you Penelope?” She seems a bit surprised, but she responds in kind.

 “I just wanted to ask if you wanted some coffee. Or water or anything?” You smile at her kind gesture, rising from your seat.

 “Actually, some tea would be wonderful. But, please, let me come help you. These guys seem like they need to talk and it would probably be easier if I wasn’t in the room.” You smile as you walk out the door, leaving the agents slightly stunned at your observational skills in your distressed state.

 Penelope follows you out and leads you to what you assume is the break room. “We don’t really have much tea, but I know where the good doctor keeps his private collection.” She whispers conspiratorially as she searches through a small cabinet. “Aha! Here it is.” She presents you with a pretty impressive collection of teas. You opt for the simple peppermint. You have always found peppermint tea the most soothing.

 She hands you a mug before gesturing to the Keurig on the counter. You place the teabag in the cup, selecting the largest cup on the machine, and brewing hot water for your tea. The two of you don’t say anything while it steeps. Penelope speaks up when you move to sit down at the small table.

 “I just have to say, I am a huge fan of yours.” You can’t hide the smile that forms on your face. You have always loved meeting fans. They are just so sweet and you appreciate them beyond belief.

 “Thank you so much!” She seems a bit relieved at your response. “That’s honestly so nice to hear right now. I kind of feel like a mess.” You gesture to the oversized clothes you’ve got on.

 “Please, you look so gorgeous right now. It’s amazing. Your music is amazing too. I absolutely love Begin Again! It’s so romantic!” She gushes over the song.

 “Honestly, that one took me forever to write. I was in a pretty bad place after a bad breakup, convinced I would never love again. Dramatic, I know.” You roll your eyes at yourself. “But then I saw these two people in a café, and they just looked so happy. The idea of a new love forming so casually right in front of me was beautiful.” You smile thinking about the couple, wondering if they are still together.

 “Wow, so you can really right about anything?” She looks while asking the question.

 “Pretty much. I mean, they won’t all be good. It could be the tiniest moment or a huge thing in my life. Inspiration comes from everywhere. A lot of songs actually draw from multiple experiences, not just one thing. I could totally see myself writing a song about you.”

“No way! That would be insane.” You smile at her enthusiasm.

 “I’m serious! You just give of this energy that is so positive, it’s hard to remember ever being sad. I think it would be about how confident you are. Something like…” you trail off as you begin to hum, setting up your phone to record. “You’re the only one of you, baby that’s the fun of you. And I promise that nobody’s gonna love you like me!” You hum a few more bars before ending the recording.

 “That was insane. How do you do that?!” She has a wild kind of excitement in her eyes.

 “I don’t know. You just inspired me.” You grin at the shocked expression in her eyes.

 “Sing it again!” And you can’t help but give her what she wants.

 You hum a bit more of a melody that could work before jumping into the words you already said. You add a few more here and there, but nothing concrete. In your focus on singing, you don’t hear the door open behind you.

 “I’m the only one of me, baby that’s the fun of me. Oh oh oh. You’re the only one of you, baby that’s the fun of you. And I promise that you’ll never find another like me.” “I don’t doubt it.” You turn in shock to look at the person behind you, seeing none other than Spencer Reid in the doorway. You don’t notice the flush of embarrassment on his cheeks that you heard his comment, just like he doesn’t notice the matching expression on your face. Penelope though, she notices. And, she can’t wait to tell Derek.

 Spencer clears his throat before speaking again. “We’re ready for you to come back in if you’re up for it. We want to talk to you about a plan to keep you safe.”

 “Sure thing.” You grab your tea from the table before you and Penelope follow Spencer back to the conference room. You sitting cross-legged in your seat. You feel much calmer after chatting with Penelope. Song writing has always been cathartic for you, and it is reassuring that hasn’t changed.

The agents waste no time getting down to business. “We believe the unsub has broken into your tour bus. If the letter was from him, it would explain how he knows about the peach scent.” Agent Rossi starts.

 Agent Morgan continues, “It’s an easier target than a hotel room or your personal home since fewer people would be securing it.” You nod along with them. You are determined to stay strong through this.

 “We want to completely ensure your safety, so we think it best to send an agent to stay with you while we work on the case.” Agent Prentiss chimes in. You feel like you’re going to get whiplash looking between all their faces.

 “Since we haven’t ruled out people on the crew, we want this to remain as secret as possible. We will inform the head of security on your team, but other than that the agent will be undercover.” Agent Hotchner, stern as ever, appears to be studying your reaction.

 “Okay.” You sigh. “Okay, I can handle this. I’ll be fine. I’ll have an agent with me. Who’s going undercover? Do you have a cover story planned?” You look at Agent Hotchner with nervous eyes.

 “We wanted to plan the cover story with you to make it as believable as possible. What are you planning on doing for the next few weeks?” You consider what your plans consist of. Honestly, nothing but songwriting.

 “I plan on mostly working on songwriting. I usually go to cafes, parks, or anywhere really with people for inspiration. If I already have an idea, I’ll write from my hotel room or from home if I’m there. If any of you have any musical experience, then we could make up a cover story about a new writing partner. Nobody would really question it because I write with new people all the time.” You glance around the room to see if anyone is willing to take you up on your offer. Nobody says anything for a minute. They are communicating with looks again.

 Penelope chimes in “Reid knows how to play the piano!” You can’t help but latch on to the statement as you turn toward Spencer.

 “Really, that would be so helpful! I normally write to piano or guitar and then add any additional instrumental later in the studio. If you can play, then the story would look even more believable!” You are actually getting excited about this idea working out. You finally feel like you’ve helped them with something. They probably could’ve figured it out without you, but still.

 “Yes, I can play. I mean, it’s just mathematics if you think about it.” Spencer responds quietly, like his mind is somewhere else.

 “Reid, if you feel comfortable with it, that story sounds like great cover.” Reid nods at Agent Hotchner. “Great. You can go to your place and grab some clothes and anything else you’ll need.” He says to Spencer before turning his attention to you. You watch as Spencer walks out with the rest of the team before turning to meet Agent Hotchner’s eye. “It’s best if we stick to your plans as closely as possible. If the unsub is someone who works with you, he will likely notice if you start changing your behavior too much.” You nod in response, mentally going through everything you do from day to day.

 “Agent Reid will stay with you in your hotel room if you are comfortable with it. That is the safest arrangement since he will be close by if anything happens. We will also have agents tail you when you go out in public. We’ll have a rotation of agents in the rooms around yours each night to allow Reid to rest as well. He knows how to contact us, but we will program our numbers into your phone as well for backup. Do not hesitate to call any one of us if something feels even remotely wrong, no matter the time. Do you understand?”

 Again, you nod in response. It’s a lot of information to take in and honestly, you’re still thinking about sharing a hotel room with Spencer.

 “We will need to see the letter you mentioned earlier if you still have it. We would also like to go through the fan mail you currently have and any new mail that comes in. If you see anything else that feels off or seems suspicious, tell Reid or call one of us. If you remember anything else, tell Reid or call one of us.” He gives you a questioning glance to ensure you are following.

 “Basically, tell Reid everything. Got it.” You try to remain lighthearted even though Agent Hotchner’s serious expression hasn’t waned in the slightest.

 “It’s good to see you’ve got a good attitude about this. It’s hard to remain calm, but it will help limit any suspicion on the part of the unsub. We don’t want to escalate his plans. Do you have any questions for me?” He gives you a reassuring look as you contemplate everything he’s told you.

 “What does unsub mean?” you blurt out, surprising both of you. “Sorry, that was loud.” You cringe. “I just meant, why do you call the criminal, unsub?”

 You can see the faintest of smiles on his face as he replies, “Right, we can get pretty wrapped up in a case. It stands for unidentified subject. We try not to assign nicknames or anything to the perpetrators as it can affect their behavior.”

 “Right. Behavior.” You try to sound like you understand, but honestly this is so much different from all the detective shows you’ve seen. Apparently, Agent Hotchner notices and explains more.

 “We catch criminals by analyzing their behavior and trying to predict what they’ll do next.”

 “Like psychology? Nature vs. Nurture and mental disorders?” You ask, suddenly very curious about how this all works.

 “Yes, just like that, although we normally go a little deeper.”

 “So what can you tell about this unsub? That way I know what to look for.” Agent Hotchner seems pleased with this question.

 “The unsub is a man, likely 25-40. Age is the hardest thing to predict, so don’t follow that guideline too strictly. He likely suffers from antisocial personality disorder stemming from negligent parents and has always had trouble interacting with people. He is highly organized, which usually indicates high intelligence, but in this case could be due to the time he spends alone planning. His lack of social skills has resulted in him only working menial jobs. He won’t have worked anywhere for more than a few months before finding a new job since people find him odd or off-putting. He has always felt as though he deserves more because of his self presumed high intelligence. It is possible you met him in passing and any act of kindness toward him resulted in an obsession with you. He doesn’t have the courage to approach you, so he watches from afar or online. That’s how he found his earlier victims. Since you don’t have any shows in the next few weeks, his MO might change slightly. That’s why we want to be so cautious and make sure we can ensure your safety.” You sit quietly for a moment, trying to picture anyone who fits the description. You try to meet the people who work with you, but you certainly don’t know everyone. You were honestly hopeful the description would point you toward a suspect, but you’ve got nothing. “I can’t think of anyone like that, but now I know what to look out for. Thank you Agent Hotchner.” “Please, call me Hotch. Do you have any more questions?”

 “Just one, you said earlier that maintaining a sense of normalcy will prevent us from escalating his plans. What plans exactly?” You were nervous to ask this question, wondering if you really wanted to hear the answer.

 “We don’t know exactly. It is possible the unsub has been trying to work up the courage to talk to you, but since you won’t be doing shows, it is unclear how he would make contact. Reid and the other agents will be looking for anyone who appears to be in a lot of the same places you are. If you notice anyone more than one time in a day, don’t hesitate to-“

“Tell Reid or call one of you. I got it.” You smile at him again. “Thank you again.” He nods as you both exit the room. Spencer isn’t back from picking up clothes yet, so you aren’t sure exactly what to do. Penelope notices you searching the room and waves you over to her. She is talking with Agent Morgan.

 “Y/N! I was just telling my Chocolate Thunder about the song you started earlier. I just need to know, what does this fine specimen inspire you to write?” She sounds so excited you can’t bear to let her down. You study the man in front of you, searching for something to sing. You don’t know why, but there’s a certain sadness in his eye. He hides it well with his masculinity and the clear smirk on his face, but you know he’s been through some shit.

 You don’t want to kill the mood though, so you stick to something a little lighter than past pain. “Well, Pen, I have to say he looks like a heartbreaker.” This only encourages the smirk on his face. “The type to love ‘em and leave ‘em.” You have had a song in the back of your mind for a while so why not break it out now. Penelope shrieks as you start humming, drawing a crowd. Again, you set up your phone to record. The rest of the BAU agents crowd around Morgan’s desk as you start singing.

 “Magic, madness, heaven, sin, saw you there and I thought, oh my god, look at that face. You look like my next mistake.” That draws a few chuckles as you continue humming. More words pop into your head as you think about past relationships and what the media loves to say about celebrities. “Screaming, crying, perfect storms. I can make all the tables turn. Da dada da da, Keep you second guessing like, Oh my god, who is she. I get drunk on jealousy.” You hum some more, really getting into the flow of the song. “Cause darling I’m a nightmare, dressed like a daydream.” The group claps as you end the recording.

 “That was actually pretty impressive.” Agent Morgan smirks at you some more.

 “Well, to be honest I’ve had the melody in my notes for weeks, but I just couldn’t think of the right words.” Yet again, his smirk grows.

 “I guess I’m just that inspirational.” You choke back a laugh as you roll your eyes. You hadn’t realized the size of the crowd you had garnered. You can’t help but knock him down a few pegs.

 “You know what, I changed my mind. Agent Morgan’s song would be called I Knew You Were Trouble.” The entire group laughs at that one, but all the sudden you actually have another idea.

Before long, Penelope is asking you what songs you would write about the entire team.

 “Start with Hotch!”

 “Well, Hotch is so serious. So it’s kind of hard. His face just screams ‘I’ve been through it and dealt it out’. Maybe something like… your string of lights is still bright to see oh, who you are is not what you did, you’re still an innocent.” Even as you half sing it, the one line feels like it could lead somewhere big. It’s not quite right, but it’s a start.

 “That’s so cool. Do me next! And please, just call me Emily.” You nod at her as you think back over your previous interactions.

 “Alright, don’t get mad but something just popped into my head and I can’t un-hear it. They say I did something bad, then why’s it feel so good. Most fun I ever had, and I’d do it over and over and over again if I could.” The smile on her face told you everything you needed to know, but so did JJ.

 “You absolutely nailed it. That is Emily to a tee.” JJ chimed in. “I’m kind of scared to see what you can come up with for me!” Your head is swimming with lyrics and melodies, but it has been so long since you’ve had this much fun writing music with a group of people. It’s become such a solo activity for you, but these people just have so many stories to tell.

 “Okay, let me think.” You pause as you observe JJ. You can tell that she is such a sweetheart from the few hours you’ve known her, but you know you would be intimidated if you went to high school with her. “Sorry to be blunt but, you’re so gorgeous, I can’t say anything to your face. Cause look at your face.”

 “Why thank you!” JJ smiles as you defend the lyric choice.

 “I know you are so sweet and I of course don’t mean to say you are just a pretty face, but you really do have a pretty face.” The group chuckles again and nods in agreement. “Oh, wait! I’ve got another one. You took a Polaroid of us, then discovered, the rest of the world was black and white. But we were in screaming color.” That one came out of nowhere, but it felt right.

 “Beautiful. Okay, okay! Rossi’s turn!” Penelope says right as the man walks out of his office.

 “My turn for what?” He looks skeptical of the group, but in a loving way.

 “Y/N is coming up with song ideas for everyone! She just did Morgan, Hotch, Emily, and JJ! She did mine earlier. So it’s your turn!”

 “Well then by all means, be my guest.” You close your eyes as you think through the words swimming in your head.

 “While, Rossi, you have a kind aura. You seem like a parent to this group of rowdy children. Reminds me of my dad.” Again, the group laughs. You begin humming, lightly patting the desk in front of you as you think back on memories of your own parents. “I don’t know why all the trees change in the fall, but I know you’re not scared of anything at all. Don’t know if Snow White’s house is near or far away, but I know I had the best day with you today.” This tune was softer than the rest, more emotional. Everyone stops laughing as they listen to the soft melody you created.

 “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to kill the mood.” You feel slightly awkward with the new found silence.

 “Please, bella, that was beautiful. You really know how to read people.” Rossi hugs you as you blush, thanking him for the compliment.

 “That only leaves the resident genius. What would you write about Reid?” JJ poses the question and suddenly all eyes are on you. In all the commotion with the other songs, you didn’t notice Spencer exit the elevator. He walked in soon enough to hear the question. Deciding not to interrupt the conversation, he hangs back to listen to your answer.

 You can feel the blush heating up your face, subconsciously hugging the sweatshirt he gave you to wear earlier. After all the short melodies and lyrics you’ve come up with, you are way too tired to put your feelings toward Spencer into words.

 “I’ll be honest, it’s been in my head all night.” You begin to hum, knowing this would be a song about how you felt when you first saw him backstage, to when you spoke to him in the hospital room and all the little moments since then. “Your eyes whispered have we met…” you fill in for lyrics you’ve yet to write by humming. “All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you.”

 “That was beautiful.” Spencer says from behind you. You jump in surprise, nearly falling out of your chair. You didn’t even realize he was in the room.

 He looks sheepish as he apologizes for scaring you. “Are you ready to go?” He asks, reaching out a hand to help you up. The rest of the profilers share a knowing look as you rise from your seated position. They all wish you a goodnight as you and Spencer enter the elevator to head to your hotel. The ride to the parking garage is quiet. You keep humming that same melody, looking for the right words to fill in the blanks.

 Spencer leads you to another black SUV opening the passenger side door for you to get in the car. He tosses his bag in the back before getting in and starting the drive.

 “Penelope said it was my turn, did you do songs for everyone?” Spencer beaks the silence. You turn in your seat to look at him before responding.

 “Kind of. Mostly just ideas of songs. Morgan’s was the most put together, only because it was a song I already started. I recorded the whole thing though. That way I won’t forget any ideas. I can play it for you when we actually start to write some music!” You are honestly surprised by the range of ideas you have.

 “Wh-what? You actually want me to help you write songs? I th-though that was just a cover.” All of the sudden Spencer seems nervous and shy. You put the ideas swimming through your head on pause so you can devote all your attention to him.

 “Spencer, don’t worry about it. You don’t have to come up with any profound lyrics or brand new chord progressions. But, since we are going to be spending a lot of time together, you do have to talk to me. Otherwise it would just be weird.” You try to lighten the mood. You can tell by the way he relaxed his shoulders it worked a little. He nods in agreement as he parks the SUV in the garage dedicated to the hotel you are staying in. You take the elevator straight up to the 11th floor. It’s honestly reassuring to be able to lead him somewhere after everything that happened in the past few hours.

 You dig around in your bag- that somehow followed you on your journey from the arena to the hospital to the FBI building and now back to your hotel- to find the room key. No matter what you try, you can’t seem to slide the key card into the slot in the right way. Every time you try, the little light glows red before beeping indicating the door is still locked. After the fifth try, you are about ready to scream.  

 Suddenly, you can feel the heat from Spencer’s body as he slides up behind you to take the room key. He slides the card into the door, wiggles it around, and then slides it back out. To your surprise, the light glows green and the door unlocks. You must be exhausted to be this shocked at the fact he opened the door. You can’t even seem to force your feet to move. You just stand there like a fool, mouth agape.

 “Why?” Spencer turns to look at you with a confused expression. “Why couldn’t I… How did you…?” You just point to the door. He places his hand on the small of your back, guiding you into the room. He places his bag just inside the door before he turns around to close the door and lock the deadbolt.

 Even after he led you into the room, you turned around so you could keep staring at the door. You don’t even realize you started crying. Spencer guides you to the bed and tucks you into the blankets. You know that you are going to wake up in an hour because you never sleep in pants, but you just don’t have the energy to fight him on it. He turns off the lamp, but before he walks away, you grab his arm.

 “Can you stay?” You have never heard yourself sound so frail. You squeeze your eyes shut, willing the tears to stop. Spencer looks conflicted, but ultimately sits down next to you, his back against the headboard. You lay next to him in the dark, not quite touching. Once your breathe calms enough that you can talk without bursting into tears, you ask “how do you do it?”

 “Do what?” You smile at the sound of genuine concern in his voice.

 “How do you deal with this kind of stuff all the time? I feel like I’m falling apart. I want to be strong about it, so I can help. But then all of the sudden I can’t keep it in anymore. I just… how do you make it seem so easy?” You feel sniffly again, but you try to focus on your breathing.

 “It’s not easy. I hope it never becomes easy. It’s gotten easier, of course, but the minute I stop feeling everything is the moment I let them win. To feel pain in situations like this is human. Somebody wise once told me our best defense is our ability to empathize. It’s a completely natural reaction to experiencing something so traumatic. 70% of adults in the U.S. have experienced some type of traumatic event at least once in their lives. That's 223.4 million people. It would be...” He trailed off.

 “It would be what?” You angled your head up to look at him even though you couldn’t see him in the dark.

 “Oh, it’s nothing. I tend to ramble. I’m sorry.” He sounded so dejected, you couldn’t stop yourself from reaching for his hand. You had to shift on the bed a bit to reach his arm, so you ended up leaning your cheek against his thigh, tossing your arm over his lap in a sort of make shift hug.

 “I like it. It’s calming… and informative.” You couldn’t help but smile into his leg. “People who complain are just jealous.” That actually makes him laugh, but it doesn’t sound like a happy kind of laugh. More like a self-deprecating one. “I’m serious. You are clearly smarter than everyone else is, and you are sneaky attractive. There is a lot to be jealous about.” You dig deeper into his lap as you squeeze his hand in yours. The last thing you remember before falling asleep is the feeling of Spencer running his free hand through your hair.

--

You wake up slowly, eyes adjusting to the dark. You can just make out the numbers on the bedside clock to be 4:37. You must have fallen asleep talking to Spencer. Your head was still resting on his lap, his hand in your hair. You untangle yourself from the sheets to rid yourself of the extra layers that woke you up. It takes a few minutes of digging around in the dark to find one of the t-shirts you normally sleep in. In that amount of time, Spencer, still sleeping, rearranged himself to be laying on the bed rather than leaning against the headboard. You stopped for a minute to observe his sleeping form. He looks so at peace compared to the furrow of his brow and the glint in his eye that normally mean he’s thinking too hard.

 As soon as you lay back down in the bed, Spencer gravitates toward you. Before long, your head is resting on his chest, his arms wrapped around you. You breathe in the scent of vanilla and new books; the rhythmic pattern of his chest rising and falling lulls you back to sleep.

Part 2

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