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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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Heres A Review Of Every Order I Made On Grubhub In 2016

I vaguely remember justifying the purchase of Mozzarella Sticks because it was New Years? This was certainly a pivotal moment for me, because it’s when I first discovered the Pizza Fresca Buffalo Chicken Salad. The concept of this salad is brilliant, because to cover up the fact you are ordering shitty wilted-ass lettuce from a takeout joint, they smother the whole thing with cheese and buffalo sauce and it takes basically like your dad’s BBQ sandwich (not really). 8/10

Here I am, just a few weeks later, returning to the Buffalo Chicken Salad. Having started my (failed) New Years Resolution, I ditched the mozo sticks this time. Unfortunately, Pizza Fresca has some arbitrary delivery minimum designed so that no reasonable order could efficiently reach it, so I had to buy two different drinks I didn’t really want.

Apparently the con totally worked. 6/10

Oh look, it’s the same order again, from the exact same place? Was my life really this boring in 2016? Did I do anything of consequence or meaning? This article is really putting my life in perspective.

I actually had a really bad experience with this order, because the food never, ever actually came. So I called the restaurant, and immediately opened my mouth to start bitching about how hungry I was and how my lawyer friend named Brick (who looks over lease agreements I think?) would totally get me some pain and suffering $$$ out of this. Right before my tirade of began, however, the gentleman on the phone informed me that I had put down the incorrect cellnumber when I placed the order and that the delivery guy had spent the better part of 15 minutes trying to call me / knock on my door desperately.

I finally got the food, and considered whether I was smart enough to use this service any more. -2/10

This order is remarkable because it was actually made at my friend’s place when I was hanging out with him, instead of in the dark solitude of my own room. The driver was really confused about where to go, however, and ended up in a parking lot across the street where I had to meet him. 3.5/10

For like a hot second I managed to expand away from Pizza Fresca. I remember this tasting really good, but I think the place went out of business not long after? 9/10

I remember only eating one of the mozzarella sticks because I felt so guilty after consuming the super greasy gyro salad. I think they were pretty good? 6/10

Apparently, I finally decided it was time to shake it up with my Pizza Fresca order. I decided to merge pizza rolls with a Caesar salad. Interestingly, I actually gave this order a rating at the time (five stars). But I also remember feeling disappointed that I got the Caesar, so idk. 5/5 (apparently)

Another order, another attempt to find something else to eat at Pizza Fresca. I think that the reason I keep ordering from here is that the delivery fee is so freaking low compared to other places. I’m pretty sure I was still unhappy with yet another non-buffalo chicken salad. 2.7548/10

This was actually the first order I made via the Grubhub App. I was walking back from a 10 mile run with one of my best friends. In what has now become a broken ritual for us, we would run far beyond what our physical limits should be, switching back and forth between talking about the shit we would never dare to bring up in real life. As if we were both hoping that we could throw our pain out into the open air, andthen simply run past it.

This night while basically sprinting through downtown Columbus I talked about an old flame who had casually tried to slide back into my life. He had ghosted on me a months ago, and I had finally gotten over him, when he texted me and asked to “buy me coffee and apologize” for ghosting on me. I agreed, and we met later that week.

As it turns out, he didn’t buy me coffee, and he didn’t apologize. But after an hour of idle chatter, and sincere laughter, I felt good about rebuilding a connection. We made plans to reconnect before he left for his glamorous job in a glamorous city and I parted ways to nurse my hangover from the night before.

A few nights later, I was getting ready to go to bed when I got a “u up?” text from him. I couldn’t do this again, I wouldn’t do this again.

The food arrived to my house almost exactly as I got there. But I guess I had pushed myself too hard on our particular run that particular night, because after eating only one of the mozzarella sticks I threw up in my bathroom sink. 0/10

10.

After my graduation on May 6th, I had returned to my hometown where was no Grubhub until August. I made this order on my first day back, desperately trying to set up IKEA furniture in my new apartment because none of my straight friends were around to do it for me.

“Looking at your car and putting together furniture is why you have straight friends,” Marilyn Monroe (probably)

I was excited, because moving just one mile south from my old place had opened up almost a dozen new GrubHub establishments for me. I ordered a gyro platter, which to this day, is the only order I’ve ever made at the Happy Greek.

I hadn’t eaten all day, but even if I had, I’m sure it tasted good. It was new, it was exciting. 10/10

11.

I remember this order really vividly because three days later I was still being a lazy fuck and refusing to go to the store. I didn’t get the water bottle because I hate the earth, but because of the fucking order minimum for delivery. Damn you, King’s Pizza. 7/10

12.

I remember getting this delivery when everything was changing.

I was spending another year in my college town after graduating I had just settled in actually, and I had been so excited to go back. I was hoping that it would be an extension of my college experience. That I would have all the fun and excitement of college without the coursework and never-ending commitments.

Instead, I felt like I had my nose-pressed to the window of my previous life. Stuck, motionless, isolated. I was surrounded by friends many of whom I was quite close with but nothing quite felt the same.Now that I was outside the general flow of people’s rapid-paced lives, I started to realize that we were all too busy to hang out. And we would all stay too busy. 1/10

12.

I ordered this ona lazy Friday before Labor Day weekend. All my roommates were leaving town to go camping together, leaving me to an empty apartment. Apollo’s platter is decisively not as good as the Happy Greek’s, but it was a little cheaper and a shorter delivery time. Something about $18.25 feels much more indulgent than $12.65.

Later that night I was going to get a drink with a boy who I had met on a dating app.I had spent the past year waiting on a series of different guys to decide to give me a shot, and it had totally tanked my self-esteem and confidence.

My date was a few blocks away from me, so we decided to meet up and walk down to the bar together. I was nervous, but almost apathetic, ready to embrace the next bitter, dark, disappointment of my romantic life.

Instead, ashopped between bars and rooftop patios that night I stumbled into a man who made me want toditch my angsty #ForeverSingle facade perhaps forever. 10/10

13.

I ordered this after getting back from the gym and being too lazy to cook. I think I really like Greek food. 7/10

14.

I’m actually amazed that I didn’t order anything from GrubHub for almost a month.

I was still talking to the guy I had met Labor Day weekend, as a matter of fact, I was now calling him my boyfriend. He had just gotten a “cannot refuse” job offer across the country, and I was picking away at my Gyro while texting him and watching .

We were going to stay together. I should’ve felt scared, but I didn’t.I felt like the greater improbability was me finding someone I loved, not having that love survive across 2,000 miles. 9/10

15.

I got this for lunch after my boyfriend had left town for the last time before heading out to his new job in a new city in a new timezone.

We had spent the entire day together before. Going to various mall stores and looking at expensive furniture that cost more than my entire hometown (probably). As we fell asleep together that night, I felt a quiet sense of calm and contentment that I cannot recall every feeling before.

The pizza itself could have used a little more sauce, but otherwise not bad. 8/10.