#but like all the drama is starting to get to me

[ovaryacted]

EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERRY

─ Joel Miller x fem! reader || WC: 10.9k (oops)

SYNOPSIS: Against your best judgment, you take a flight back to your hometown in Texas to celebrate the holidays with your hectic family. Amidst the chaos started by the people you shared blood with, Joel Miller is there to mend the pieces and more.

CONTENT/WARNINGS: MDNI/18+. NSFW. SMUT. No-Outbreak AU. Age gap implied. [Joel is hitting 50, reader is late 20s]. Primarily Best Friend's Dad! Joel Miller. Explicit Language. Alcohol consumption. Oral sex (m & f receiving). Unprotected Sex (p/v). Kissing. Admissions of feelings. Mutual pining. Toxic family household. Mentions of past cheating. Slight homophobia & fatphobia. Patriarchal & misogynistic views on women. Mentions of childbirth and marriage. Mentions of religious upbringing. Reader is originally from Arlington, Texas & currently lives in NYC. Reader is described to have hair, wear makeup, and wear feminine clothing. Reader is very close friends with Sarah Miller. Joel is a long time family friend. Lots of drama. We all hate aunt Evelyn.

➣ Disclaimer: This story includes ignorant language & bigotry that may be offensive to people (the word queer in this fic is used in an offensive manner). The dialgoue in this fic is meant to highlight the toxic household the reader came from. I do not support such usage of language.

A/N: Happy belated holidays & New Years. This fic took me much longer to finish and that really pissed me off but I'm just glad it's done. Thank you to my prima @gothcsz for the proofread, and for holding my hand along with @joeloverture as I wrote this fic cause only you guys know how much of a stressor this was for me. I apologize for any typos or repeating words I did not catch and any warnings I forgot to add. Anyways, reblogs, comments, and likes are always greatly appreciated!

NAVIGATION | MASTERLIST | AO3

When the message from your mom came through to invite you back home for the holidays, you felt hesitant to confirm your presence back in the very place you planned to escape from years ago. Yet, the burden of familial obligation overwhelmed you, planning out the last couple of days in December to visit your folks perhaps for what felt like the last time. The trip back to Texas was dreary and long winded, a packed four almost five hour flight from New York City to Dallas with a handsy, fidgeting couple in your row almost brought you to the brink of insanity if it wasn’t for your noise cancelling headphones being your saving grace. Thankfully, you slept for the majority of the flight, waking up once to get your free ginger ale and biscoff cookies as tradition demanded, and by the second time your plane was landing in Texas.

The temperature difference took you off guard, peeling off your thermal jacket and holding it in your arm as you grabbed your carry-on and called for an uber to your hotel. The safest option for you was to pay for a room in the city to avoid your mom bribing you to extend your stay longer than you wanted.

After a day of getting situated in your hotel room and sleeping off the lingering jetlag, you mentally prepared to meet your family after much time away in the East Coast. You meticulously planned out your outfit to be the perfect balance of sensible and formal, a sweater dress cinched with a golden belt by the waist, paired with black pantyhouse and heels to match. Your makeup was equally as tasteful, natural to not distort your face, but layered enough to hide your facial imperfections.

Bringing a bottle of wine as a “welcome back home gift”, you called another Uber destined to your hometown of Arlington, Texas, a different region entirely from the tall skyscrapers you’ve grown fond of in the Big Apple. Walking up the steps of the wooden front porch you’ve known for most of your childhood, nervous fingers reach to press the doorbell, fussing with the edge of your dress and tugging it down as much as it would allow. The moment the door opened, the facade that’s kept you safe all of these years turned on like an involuntary switch, now met with your mother.

“Honey! You’ve made it.” She instantly brought you in for a hug, giving the side of your cheek a kiss. “I hope the trip wasn’t too bad, it seems like everyone wanted to travel this year.”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle. Plus, I brought wine.” You said to her, the smile on her face widening as she took the bottle happily, stepping to the side to let you in.

Holding your trenchcoat in one arm, you stepped into your childhood home and looked over the wall of family photos in the entryway, still in the same frames and spots as you last remembered. You stalled to look over one of the frames, a family photo that was taken back when you were a pre-teen, you could tell from the animal print leggings and shin-high laced converse you wore.

Oh, how the time flew by.

There was a bunch of commotion towards the living room, standing by the archway to spot other members of your rather hectic family. Some of your aunts and older cousins gathered around the television already a few glasses of wine into the night, currently watching something you didn’t care to pay attention to, critiquing the appearances of the women on the screen as a means to feed their broken egos. Thankfully, the family members with younger children weren’t here, the slightest bit of ease settling your nervous system at the thought of not needing to monitor children that weren’t yours. You got the rundown that luckily, your mom had downsized her usual Christmas dinners, most of your extended family opting to save their money and host their own celebrations closer to home. Less people to deal with, even better for you.

Your younger sister came down the stairs once she heard of your arrival, practically jumping on her toes and waiting patiently to have you spot her. You didn’t deny her the hug she had been waiting for since hearing you were coming back home, wrapping her arms tightly around you in an affectionate squeeze.

“Been a while pipsqueak. You've gotten taller since the last time I visited.” You teased her, taking in her slightly mature appearance as if it were the first time you were meeting her despite the facetime calls shared between you. Really, she was the only member of your immediate family you kept in touch with nowadays, the only person you’d want to speak to anyway.

“Yeah yeah, I can finally reach your shoulders.” She replied with a laugh. “Thought you’d bail out this time around.”

“Didn’t think it would be too overwhelming if I visited. How’s college going? Are they treating you alright in California?”

“It’s pretty good. Biology is pretty easy, but I have the absolute worst organic chemistry professor, thankfully me and the other students have a study group so I think I’ll manage. I’m still not used to California, being close to the San Andreas fault keeps me up at night.” Your sister’s irrational fear made you giggle, your head turning over your shoulder once you heard a familiar male voice through the walls of the kitchen, your father making an appearance as he reached into the fridge for what you could imagine was a beer.

“How’s dad doing?” You asked timidly.

“Well, he’s still a bit upset about you leaving after all of these years. I don’t think he’ll ever live that down, but for the most part I think he’s alright.” Your sister’s shoulders rose and dropped in a shrug, not wishing to press on with this conversation topic.

In the midst of asking about what your mother could be cooking, the doorbell rang and your name was called from the dining room to answer it. Parting away from your sibling, you reached for the front door knob fully expecting another distant relative on the other side of the threshold holding a pan of some dish as a welcome gift.

Instead, your eyes widened to see Joel Miller standing on your porch, holding a bottle of rum you knew your father liked. He was older than you remembered with more gray on his head and in the facial hair that accentuated his upper lip and jaw. The seasonal flannel he wore looked tighter across his broad chest, the thin jacket he layered on top only accentuated his wide shoulders and thick biceps. There were a couple more wrinkles on his forehead, some additional creases you counted on the side of his eyes, still as warm and brown as you last saw them.

He grows more handsome with age you’ve come to notice.

“Hey darlin’.” The baritone of his voice washed over you suddenly, smooth in your ear like honey. It took you a second to realize you’ve been blatantly staring at him before finding words. 

“Hiya Joel. Sorry, I didn’t realize you were coming by.” Moving to the side to let him through, you tried your hardest not to stare at the length of his back as he sauntered past you.

“Your mom invited me, heard you were visitin’ so I wanted to see you. Been a while.” The idea of Joel possibly missing you brought a flutter to your chest, but you swallowed it down with a calm nod of your head.

“Yeah, I haven't been back in a long time. How’s Sarah doing? She told me she couldn’t make it for this week.” Ah yes, the mention of his daughter and your childhood friend brought a sly smile to his face.

“She’s over in Chicago celebratin’ the holidays with her boyfriend’s family. Told me she’ll be back for New Years so at least she’ll get to see her old man for a few days. She misses you, you know?”

“She definitely told me that after apologizing for not being able to see me now. I bribed her to make it up to me with a really nice gift.” You both laughed amongst yourselves, the sense of familiarity you always got with Joel in particular made it easier to talk to him, even if it’s been some time since you’ve been back home. “You look good Joel.”

It slipped out before you could take it back, misinterpreting how that could’ve come off. Yet Joel, ever the considerate man, responded with equal amounts of charisma.

“You look good too darlin’.” There was a pause, a single breath that could’ve disrupted the vibe had you cared to look into it more than you’d like. Instead, your mother came to interrupt the minor moment you were having with your best friend’s father.

“Joel! So happy you could come by.” She embraced him much like she had done when you initially came in, with Joel wrapping one thick arm around her waist and holding the rum bottle in his other hand. “You brought a gift for Joseph?”

“Couldn’t come empty handed, wouldn’t be very gentleman like.” The three of you chuckled, but you caught the way he glanced at you as he spoke before looking at your mom again, your cheeks warming the slightest bit when he did so.

“He’d love it. Sweetie, why don’t you go in the kitchen and check on the rolls in the oven. Take this with you.” She hands you the rum bottle Joel had brought, and you fight the urge to roll your eyes at the instant dismissal. Joel gave you another look over as you turned on your heels to head to the kitchen, checking over your mom’s cooking.

Your sister had come by to give you company as your mom paraded Joel around to your aunts and other relatives. Evelyn, your recently divorced aunt for the second time might you add, was eyeing Joel like he was a piece of meat, reapplying her lipstick and curling her hair behind her ear for a chance to have his attention on her. You and your sister snickered under your breath at her obvious antics, making hushed comments of your own as you poured yourself a cup of wine to sip on.

Your family have been preoccupied drinking away and making mundane conversation while you stayed behind to inspect the rest of your mother’s extensive menu, letting the bread rolls cool off and switching out their place with a fresh apple pie. Bending over to check on the pastry through the glass oven door, you watched the dough edges caramelize into a brown, oblivious to an additional presence in the kitchen with you.

“It won’t cook any faster if you glare at it like that.” Joel quipped, his voice startling you as your back straightened.

“No harm in checking, you know how my mom is with her cooking.” You stated, gesturing over to Joel’s almost empty glass. “You want a refill?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” Joel handed you his glass, ignoring the feel of his fingers grazing yours as he passed it over. He watched you from the side of your face as you mixed him a rum and coke, just the way he liked, the way you learned he liked. “Learned some new skills in the big city?”

“Bartended for a few years to pay off the living expenses. Was a pain in the ass, but at least I can make a mean cocktail.” Your little jest made Joel chuckle under his breath, passing him his new drink. He took a tentative sip, offering a satisfied hum.

“It’s good. Remind me to give you a tip later on.” You playfully rolled your eyes and shook your head, refilling your glass of wine. “Your aunt, Evelyn if I remember, I think she’s tryin’ to make a pass at me.”

“Well, she is divorced, so it’s not farfetched to think she might want to shoot her shot while she can. She doesn’t tickle your fancy?”

“She ain’t really my type.” For some reason, you felt relieved to hear that from him, despite feeling a bit guilty for doing so. “Been sticking to myself, you know?”

“Right. I forgot you were sticking to the whole ‘single dad bachelor’ type of vibe.” He was smirking now, the appearance of a dimple on his cheek tugged at your chest. 

“So you’re saying I’m a bachelor?”

“If we’re being technical, yes you would fit the bracket, bonus points for being a girl dad too.”

“Well now you’re just butterin’ me up.” You knew you were, but you shouldn’t entertain it in that way, even if you wanted to. Acting nonchalant about it, you shrugged, sipping away at your wine once more.

“Listen, I’m just reiterating what’s been told in Cosmopolitan. Don’t shoot the messenger.” You rose your hands up in feign innocence, much to Joel’s amusement.

“I definitely missed you around these parts. Always were a funny one, smart too.”

“Now I think you’re the one that’s buttering me up.” You were having trouble discerning if or you were outright flirting with Joel or if he was simply being kind after some time away. For now, you’ll blame it on the wine coursing through your system.

“Maybe. Just bein’ honest with you.” He swallowed more of the mixed drink you made him, holding the glass in his large hand, struggling not to examine the way his thick fingers gripped around the cup. “Listen, do you mind sittin’ by me at the table? I’m feelin’ like an outsider and frankly, I don’t mean to upset your aunt if she realizes her advances aren’t bein’ reciprocated.”

“Sure thing, Joel.” You couldn’t blame him for the proposition, hell you wanted to ask if he could sit with you. Looks like you were both interested in doing the other a favor on just getting through the night in one piece.

“You’re the best.”

It was the last thing he said before leaving you in the kitchen, his words of praise bouncing around in your head as you continued to watch over the pie, knowing the dinner you dreaded was quickly approaching.

After a while, your mom had called everyone over to the dinner table, the red and gold table cloth matching perfectly with the white porcelain and silverware gracing the mahogany wooden table. Everyone was quick to find a seat, your parents sitting on the right end and your extended family fanning out on the opposite side. Joel had already found his seat right in the middle of the table, and you took your place beside him on the right with a thankful smile, your sister situated across from you.

“Come, let us say grace.” Your mother declared out loud, your mind blanking at forgetting how religion was such an influential part of your upbringing despite your personal qualms with it.

Everyone around you closed their eyes and bowed their heads, reaching for the person besides them to hold their hand. Joel opened his palm and gestured to his hand with kind eyes, clasping your fingers in his once he felt you. As your mom recited the prayer you’ve tried to forget since you had moved away, you focused more on the way Joel’s touch felt against your skin. He gave you a couple of untimely squeezes, his thumb caressing over your knuckles as you tuned out the sound of your mother’s voice, mind wandering to places where it probably shouldn’t go while being surrounded by your family.

“Amen.” You heard from your right side, the dinner guests echoing afterwards, quickly snapping you out of your day dream.

“Amen.” You muttered last, reminiscing the final instant Joel had your hand in his before he dropped it, leaving it on your lap.

The bowl of fresh butter rolls circled around the table, snatching one as you planned out the rest of your plate. You took your pick of what was laid before you, some mashed potatoes, macaroni salad, glazed ham, and a piece of turkey breast. You brushed off a slick comment you heard down the table aimed directly at you and your portion control. The faster you eat and finish your meal, the less you would have to entertain familial bullshit.

The table burst into conversation, your guests exchanging recent and old memories as they munched away at the contents of their plates. Trying your hardest not to humor any overly personal inquiries from your parents, you made small talk with Joel and your sister, talking about school and childhood stories. Of course, that was short lived by the time your mom chimed in.

“So honey, how’s the city?” You know the chances of this conversation heading in the wrong direction were high, but you would like to give your mother the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she actually cares. Maybe she’s changed.

“It’s good. Finished my masters, moved into another apartment further downtown. Things are going well.” You kept your answer general, thinking that maybe she wouldn’t pry too much.

“That’s nice, I’m glad you finished your program. But that sounds a bit lonely, no? What happened with that boy you were talking to before? Oh what was his name…Daniel? Derrick?”

Oh of course. Your fucking ex of 2 years.

“You mean Devin?”

“Yes Devin! I liked that boy for you.” You fought the urge to roll your eyes into the back of your skull.

“I liked him too before I found out he cheated on me with his coworker. You knew that mom, yet you always remind me of him as if he’s some saint.” The table had gotten a bit quiet then, and you swear you could feel Joel’s eyes digging holes into the side of your head. You didn’t care much to mention your ex, you’ve grown past the bitterness you used to carry and already made your peace with it. Apparently your mom was still hung up on the one individual from your past you would do anything to forget.

“Yes, well, you can always forgive him for that, I’m sure he’s learned from his mistake. I just don’t want you to be all alone in the city. You are getting to that age where you should be thinking about having a family of your own, to have people who can take care of you.”

Of course she was going to fucking say that.

Your achievements didn’t mean shit to your parents. It didn’t matter if you went to college and graduated top of your class or excelled in your Master’s program, getting an offer to work at one of the biggest corporations in the country at a supervisory position. They were always more focused on when you planned on popping out children of your own for their comfort, to reassure them that their lineage will be passed on. That has always been bullshit to you.

“I’m focused on work and my career, so I’m not really interested in planning for a family of my own.” It was a straightforward response, you think it would be enough for your mom to read the room but it never was.

“How long are you planning on only prioritizing your career hun? You’ll be alone your entire life at this rate. Surely you want to have kids soon, you can’t leave me high to dry. I want some grandbabies of my own!”

“I like my job, I like where I’m at, and a kid doesn’t need to be added in the mix. I’ll be alright.” Your mother forced a hurt expression, real enough for a stranger to think you caused her physical pain. She wore the mask of victimhood well, but you’ve learned to see through her facade since you were a child.

“That city life has made you selfish. See, I told you this was going to happen before you left us. You’ve been telling me you wanted kids since you were little and now you’ve changed your mind.” You bitterly sniggered under your breath, shaking your head in disbelief. Your sister shot you a look of concern, already familiar with the combative direction of this conversation.

“I’m selfish for not wanting kids? For changing my stance on it from a thought I had when I was six? That’s rich.” Before your mother could respond, the nail scratching voice of your aunt Evelyn hit your ears, always so quick to criticize and taunt.

“You won’t find a husband if you continue to be so work focused.” Your pulse pounded in your ears at how dense she had always been, but you weren’t a defenseless child anymore, you had a mouth of your own. “If you ever want to get married, you should learn how you can contribute to the home, to cook and take care of your family, like me and your mom were taught.”

“Really? And how has that turned out for you? You’re on your second divorce from your personal cheating scandal, so maybe I’m doing something right.” You’ve trained yourself to bite back after experiencing so much nonsense from your family. Besides, you weren’t obligated to be anybody’s emotional punching bag.

“The only thing you’re doing right is tightening your waistband. If your education stopped you from finding a man, your appearance certainly will when you’re wasting your youth away.”

You had lost your appetite a few minutes ago, feeding off of the years worth of irritation you felt coiling in your gut, dropping your silverware on the table. Since you’ve left for New York, you put so much into changing the way you thought about things, to undo the traumas you’ve experienced your entire life and unlearn the very things your family indoctrinated you into since you were young. You’ve done the work, and now you realize just how ridiculous the people you share blood with truly are, minus your sister of course.

“And then you wonder why I don’t visit for the holidays.”

“It’s not like you visit anyways.” Your eyebrows furrowed at your father’s voice, tensely looking towards him and growing tense at what will come out of his mouth. “New York has changed you for the worst. I told your mother it was a bad idea to let you go over there, and now you won’t come back to Texas.”

“Well when you guys act like this during a time that should be about love and family, do you really expect me to come back here? Come back to what exactly?”

“You don’t abandon your family, not the people who raised you and brought you into this world.” Is he fucking joking?

“I didn’t ask to be brought into this world, and I didn’t abandon anybody. I went to school. I went to learn. To be somebody.”

“The only thing you learned is how to be ungrateful for the life you’ve been given, the life me and your mom worked hard to give you. And now you repay us by ending our family lineage.” 

You’ve got to be kidding me.

“For the love of God, I don’t want children and I don’t care about getting married. Why won’t you get that through your thick heads?”

“Your responsibility is to continue the growth of the family, to be a respectable woman and a wife to a nice man. Yet you go to the city, doing drugs and partying, losing your faith and probably behaving indecently. Maybe you’ve become one of those queers, an even worse abomination.”

Your heart was hammering in your chest at your father’s words, straining to keep them out of your head. Emotionally, you’ve already grown detached from the man you unfortunately shared blood with, and your time away from home along with the therapy you’ve gotten has shown you just how much pain this man has caused you.

You knew better than coming back home. There was nothing left here for you. And there was nothing else left for you to say.

“Woah, Joseph. That ain’t the way to talk to your kid, c’mon. You don’t say those things to anyone, much less to her.” Joel chastised, holding one hand up in your defense and the other landing on your lap, sensing the angry trembles washing over you.

“Ain’t no kid of mine acting this ungrateful in my damn home! She’s free to leave and go back to her city if that’s what she wants.” Holding your head high and standing up, your chair scraped against the wooden floor, shooting daggers of hatred directly at your father.

“Fuck you.” The words came out of you so vehemently you couldn’t take them back, not that you wanted to. Your other family members gasped around the table, closely watching the showdown between you and your parents.

“Apologize to your father right now!” Your mother had definitely lost her mind, but it came as no surprise that she’d instantly coddle your father instead of giving you the support you needed since you were a little girl.

“I won’t. But I’ll do you a favor and go back to my lovely city. You can all go fuck yourselves.”

Not bothering to look back and hear the additional comments from your bigots of parents, you grabbed your jacket and swiftly threw it over you, taking your purse and heading for the door. Before you fully stepped out, you went into the kitchen, taking the bottle of rum Joel had brought and the apple pie, covering it with a plate and forcefully slamming the front door.

Slumping on the porch bench, you dug into your purse to find your phone to call an Uber back to your hotel. Right as you opened the app and began typing your hotel’s address, the front door opened and closed again, finding Joel now standing by the entryway.

“You alright?” He asked, walking towards you to sit beside you on the bench, his presence easing you in ways you desperately needed at the moment. You hid your emotions well, but you knew it was a matter of time before you broke down to release your storming emotions.

“I will be. Just trying to get out of here really.” You weren’t as bubbly as when you first came home, sagging into yourself and face frozen in a neutral expression despite your eyes telling a whole different story.

“Let me drive you back. It’s the least I can do after watchin’ you go through that.” You should’ve expected him to want to help you out, he always did when things at home got too much to handle.

“It’s alright Joel, I can just get an Uber. You shouldn’t have to leave because of me ruining everything.”

“You didn’t ruin anythin’, and I don’t really have plans of stayin’ with your family, not after how they treated you. I’d rather make sure you’re okay.” He squatted in front of you with a grunt, knees popping as his hands went to sandwich yours, an act of kindness you took graciously. “Please, let me drive you away from here for the night, somethin’ for your peace of mind.”

“It’s a bit more than a thirty minute drive to Dallas.”

“I don’t mind the drive. I’ll do it if that means you’re somewhere comfortable.”

You knew he didn’t have to do that, you could pay the $75 late night fee to find your way back to Dallas and be left alone for the next few days, thinking about whether or not you should pay more money to reschedule your flight back to New York earlier than you had anticipated. But Joel was here, offering you the generosity you had been deprived of for so long, you knew there was no other convenient choice.

“Alright, I’ll appreciate the ride.”

In the next few minutes, you found yourself in the front passenger seat of Joel’s truck, carrying the apple pie you stole in your lap and the bottle of rum securely by your feet. He played some music to try to mellow you out over the 30 minute drive back to Dallas, your phone ringing a few moments later, seeing your sister’s contact picture pop up on your screen. Sliding your thumb on the green phone button to answer the call, you held the phone to your ear, answering all of her sudden questions.

Hey. Yeah I left. Yeah yeah I’m fine, promise, nothing I can’t handle. Yes I’m safe, Joel’s taking me back, Ubers were too damn expensive. Of course I took the damn pie, they didn’t deserve to eat it after that. Sure, I’ll try to save you a piece and you can pick it up tomorrow. I’m not mad at you, you know how they get, I didn’t want you to get involved with them in my defense, I can handle them now. I probably won’t be back for the rest of the break, but we can hang out before I leave and you go back to Cali. Yeah, I’ll let you know. I love you too pipsqueak, stay safe.

Joel did you a favor by keeping quiet for the entire drive, staying focused on the road and taking the fastest route to the city. You weren’t necessarily in the mood to talk anyway, stuck in your head and tuning out the music playing in his car, thinking of other solutions to the mess of your night. Time flew by so quickly, Joel had begun pulling into the driveway of your hotel, putting the car in park and turning off the radio momentarily, bringing your attention back to him.

“Thanks Joel, for getting me out of there. I’m sorry for what happened, for my family acting the way they did.”

“Ain’t nothin’ to apologize for, family gets messy like that, I get it. It’s not your fault, just a shame they behaved that way durin’ the holidays.” Even if you didn’t ask for it, you appreciated his compassion. You just hoped the next thing you said didn’t ruin your current circumstances.

“You know, I didn’t eat much at dinner, and I have an entire apple pie and a bottle of rum to myself. Want to grab a bite and share it with me?”

You didn’t know what exactly you expected in his answer, but the small smile creeping on his face was all you needed to know you were in the clear.

“I wouldn’t mind some pie.”

After driving out to get some chicken tenders at a local spot that was still open and purchasing a full liter of coke, Joel took you back to your hotel, guiding him up the elevator and to your bedroom as he held the bag with your food. Taking your keycard from your purse, you inserted the small piece of plastic on the sensor by your door, opening it with a click.

The both of you leaned on your bed, munching away at your tenders and fries and sharing sips of watered down rum and cokes with cups provided by the hotel service. Your heels and belt were thrown to the floor, laying on your side while Joel was beside you, keeping his feet off of the bed, not trying to dirty your pristine sheets by mistake. The conversations between you flowed with ease, taking trips down memory lane and talking of all the moments you shared with each other while biting into the apple pie piece by piece. Sarah’s birthday parties and soccer games, high school prom, trips to the mall and sleepovers at the Miller’s household.

Being with Joel now at this very moment was the closest thing to normalcy you’ve felt since coming back to Texas after all of this time. If it were up to you, you would hold on to this feeling for as long as you could.

“Sarah told me she was thinking of coming back home next year, tells me she misses you a lot.” You mentioned to Joel, taking another swig of your mixed drink, losing count of what refill number you were on.

“She still has to figure out the whole transferrin’ of jobs from Chicago, especially with her boyfriend, but I won’t deny that the idea of havin’ my baby girl back home 'excites me.” The way Joel spoke of his daughter was always with pride, the love towards her evident in how his eyes brightened at the mere mention of her. Sometimes, you envied your close friend for having such a good relationship with her father, but you knew she was the most deserving individual you knew.

“I hope she does. I think it will be good for her, being back I mean.”

“I’m guessin’ you don’t feel the same about coming back here then?” You grew quiet at that, releasing a heavy sigh and swirling your cup around as you thought about your answer.

“My life in New York is different than it ever was here. It’s a huge lifestyle change, yes, a little chaotic moving to such a big city but…I’ve never been happier, never been more myself. It feels good, and I’ve worked too hard to lose that.”

Joel hums, sipping his drink in the same manner you did before, downing it completely and refilling again, looking into his cup to think of the proper words to comfort you.

“You worked hard to leave, to get out. If there ain’t nothin’ left here in Texas for you, then stay in New York, live your life, the life you want. Nobody should take that away from you, even your family.”

“I know that. It’s just, it’s hard not to feel guilty about it sometimes, leaving everything behind…dad’s still holding a grudge about it, if you couldn’t tell.”

“Family is a real messy thing, but just cause they’re your blood shouldn’t mean they dictate your whole life darlin’. You deserve to be happy, to thrive, and if it upsets them…well fuck ‘em.” His honesty made you chortle a bit, bashfully glancing at him to meet his softened gaze. “Besides, you have me and Sarah rootin’ for you always. Don’t matter the distance, we’re here for you even miles away.”

“I know. You guys have been there for me since the beginning, I don’t know how to repay you for that.”

“Nothin’ needs to be repaid. Only thing you should do is prioritize yourself and your career, everythin’ else can come afterwards. Relationships, kids if you want, all that can come after you’re settled in life.” If only it were that easy.

“Trust me, I’ve already made up my mind on kids, that’s an absolute no. Relationships are quickly finding their way on the no list too.”

“Damn, that bad huh?” You laughed under your breath, finishing the rest of your drink and reaching for the rum bottle for a refill, long passing the threshold of tipsiness. 

“You have no idea, Joel. But it’s alright, really, he was an asshole and I was just an idiot. I’ve made peace with it.” It was easier for you to say that compared to the actual healing process, the months worth of anguish from a broken heart put behind you once you were ready to move forward with your life.

“It’s a shame. A man disrespectin’ a pretty girl like you. Should knock some damn sense into him for lackin’ so much of it.”

Pretty girl.

“Would’ve been nice if you did that honestly. He deserved it.”

“I can fly back to New York if you want, rough him up real good.” If Joel was trying to make you feel better about your shitty night, he was doing a real good job of doing just that.

“No Joel, I don’t need to explain to Sarah why I had to bail you out of jail in the city. I have enough going on as it is.” The sound of lighthearted laughter filled the walls of your hotel room, the episode of some reality show you didn’t care for playing on the mounted TV in the background.

“Just sayin’, don’t let that one situation make you question your worth. Anybody would love to be with you, and if they don’t realize that, then they’re as blind as a bat.”

“You really think that?” You focused directly at him, his brown eyes landing on yours, taking in your facial features so intimately.

“I do darlin’. I really do.” From the soft tone he used when he said that, you could actually believe him. “You’re a lovely girl, I’m sure the right person will make you feel the way you deserve.”

“What about you?” You blurted out, the rum flowing through you lowered your inhibitions.

“What about me?”

“Are you one of those men that have sense?”

With how Joel had grown quiet, you would think you just fucked yourself over, making things weird between someone you’ve known for a large portion of your life. Yet he only stares off towards his feet, hesitant to meet your piercing gaze.

“I think under different circumstances, I wouldn’t hesitate to snatch you up, show you a good time. In another life maybe…”

“Why not this one?” At that, he almost snapped his neck to peer at you, the haziness in your pupils matching his own.

“Sweetheart…you know we can’t mess around that way. It ain’t right.” Of course he had to be the voice of reason. Fuck morality. Fuck holding yourself back. Fuck thinking so much about the hypotheticals until they smothered you in your sleep.

“It ain’t right to who exactly?”

“For starters, I’m a lot older than you, your parents would kill me.”

“Do you think I care what my parents have to say about me and my life choices? I stopped giving a shit about their opinions a long time ago.” You wanted to reason with him, to find a way to break his inner critic. “And you might be older than me, but we’re both consenting adults here. I’m not a kid anymore, Joel.”

“And what about Sarah? You’re close friends with my daughter, have been for a long time. Do you really want to risk your friendship just to be with an old man like me?”

“Joel…” You inched closer to him as he shakily sucked in a breath. “Sarah, well, yes we’re close, but she kinda figured out I’ve had a little crush on you for a while.” You were sincere when you had a little alcohol in your system, but your words continued to surprise Joel, giving him a sense of whiplash.

“You’re jokin’. Really? Since when?” As if it would be difficult to like a man like him.

“Remember when I came back to visit a few years ago for your mom’s birthday barbeque? You were wearing this stupid grilling shirt, and I think that was when my crush really sunk in for me. Thought you looked really cute.”

As you recalled the memory, you had a sheepish grin on your face. You could hear Sarah teasing Joel about his outfit on that hot summer day, embracing the title of barbecue dad like a badge of honor. He kept himself busy over the grill, flipping burgers and hot dogs as the brisket continued to cook in the smoker, authentic to the Texan cuisine you grew up with. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him that whole day, watching his throat bobbing with every sip of his beer, how he laughed loudly at something Tommy had said in passing, tossing his head back to show all of his pearly white teeth, both dimples on display. You could spot his softened tummy through the corny t-shirt he wore, his ass accentuated by the jeans he still managed to wear despite the burning sun.

You were long gone the moment he smiled at you, tilting the tip of his beer bottle towards you in salute.

“So you don’t think it’s a bad idea to try and kiss you?” You couldn’t hide the smirk on your face even if you tried.

“No, I don’t think so.” You drew nearer to him, carefully testing your boundaries with the man that had always been considered as a family friend. Placing a hand on his chest and messing with the collar of his flannel, you offered him a genuine smile. “I really want you to kiss me Joel.”

“Wouldn’t be kind of me if I kept you waitin’ any longer, right?”

Joel inclined towards you, hovering his mouth over yours and glancing between your eyes and your lips. Finally, he graced your lips with a kiss, cradling the back of your neck as his thumb caressed the spot behind your ear. He tasted like you expected, a mixture of rum and apple pie, a sweet combination garnishing your tongue.

Jerking on the collar of his flannel to bring him closer, you instinctively crawled into his lap, your legs on either side of his hips to sit comfortably on his pelvis. He grunted under his breath, a heavy hand now on your lower back, holding you by the waist while the other caressed your cheek. You willingly opened your mouth wider when his tongue teased over your lower lip, welcoming the wet muscle to curl around yours with a muted hum.

You spent a good while simply kissing Joel, sitting above him chest to chest with your hips gently grinding into his, feeling a bump growing under the confines of his thick jeans. He squeezed your hip and pulled away from you for some air, setting his forehead against yours as he huffed through his nose.

“Darlin’...this might be embarrassin’ but, it’s been a while since I did anythin’ like this.” Despite being in the same predicament as him, his confession only seemed to arouse you even more.

“Been a while for me too.” You admitted, stroking his chest through the soft material that covered him, thrumming your fingertips over his collarbone. Trailing your lips over his jaw and the side of his neck, you whispered in his ear. “I want to make you feel good.”

“You sure you want that?” If you looked at Joel long enough, you would see the slight blush painting over his features. “Don’t need to do anythin’ you don’t want to.”

“Positive.” One of your hands drifted to palm the bulge in his jeans, the groan rumbling in his chest made you clench around nothing. “Want you in my mouth. Please?”

“Alright baby, alright. Take what you want.”

With a grin you slipped away from Joel and eased down to your knees, letting him stand for easier access. Antsy fingers fumbled with the buckle of his belt, taking the leather strap out before yanking it off all in one go, tossing it behind you and popping the button of his jeans open to pull them down with his black briefs. His cock poked out for you to marvel at, hard and heavy as it was revealed to you. You concealed the moan that threatened to tumble out of your mouth at the sight.

You didn’t bother wasting any time teasing Joel, instantly pressing several kisses to his tip and the underside of his shaft, lavishing your tongue over the bulging vein under his length. In an instant, your lips circled over his throbbing crown, swirling your tongue around the circumference of him and slithering it over his slit. Breathing deeply in your nose, you took him into your throat on the next exhale, relaxing to take more of him, feeling him in the depths of your esophagus.

“Fuckin’ hell, sweetheart. Are you tryin’ to kill me?” Joel rasped above you, bringing one of his large palms to hold the back of your head, palming your skull as you hummed around him.

Drawing your head back and timing your breaths, you adopted a forceful rhythm, bouncing your head with enthusiasm and clutching at the denim over Joel’s thighs. You lost yourself to your movements, glassy eyes staring up towards Joel, observing the way his head was thrown back in pleasure, his Adam's apple bobbing with every breath he struggled to have.

His thick fingers grasped at the hair on your head, keeping you in place and lightly thrusting into your mouth, chasing the feeling of your warm tongue stroking the underside of his cock. You encouraged his movements, unhinging your jaw and opening your mouth wider, your hands tugging on the back of his thighs to bring him forward. He eyed you closely, watching the tentative manner you held his gaze, an invitation for more.

“Gonna let me fuck up into that perfect mouth of yours, huh?” Joel croaked, yanking your head back to give you a forceful thrust, one you skillfully took and mentally prepared for with a swallow.

The man above you continued with his rough touch, bucking into your mouth with his heavy balls slapping into your chin, feeling every pant through your nose over the wet spit that covered his length. Your nails dug into his thighs, tears lining your lids as you felt the heavy weight on your tongue twitch, whirring in confirmation to coax Joel to fall over the edge, to feed you with his taste, something you’ve only dreamed of at the late night hour in private. The gruff moans coming from Joel dampened your panties, surely ruined by now as the material uncomfortably clung to your body.

“Shit…sweetheart I’m gettin’ close,” he didn’t need to confirm what you already knew, but you appreciated the notion anyway. You buzzed in affirmation, bobbing your head faster over Joel and taking a hand to knead over his balls, thumb pressing right into the crease between them, a primal growl pouring out of the older man as his vision went white.

“Fuuuuuck!” The sound Joel released as he came in your mouth would’ve been enough to bring you to the edge on your own. Your nose pressed into the coarse hair at the base, his musk overpowering your senses as you milked him for everything he had to give, happily drinking down his release with a gurgle. He didn’t need to shove your head down to keep his spurting cock down into your esophagus, you did it all on your own, hungry to every bit of him until he was running on empty.

With ease, Joel plucked you away from him, his softening cock slipping out of your mouth with a line of spit connecting you to his length. Giving the sensitive tip of him one last parting kiss, your lashes flapped upwards to meet Joel’s darkened brown eyes, now engulfed in black.

He pulled you to your feet and brought his lips to yours, chasing the taste of him in your mouth. You moaned against him, gripping the collar of his flannel and scratching at the nape of his neck, biting his plush bottom lip before he withdrew.

“Had I known it would feel like that, I would’ve made a move a while ago.” He cheesily said, making you giggle and place another kiss over his mouth.

“You can make up for lost time then,” you replied cheekily, humming at the way the tip of his nose ghosted yours. He brought you to stand fully before him, widening his legs and stuffing himself back into his briefs for the time being, leaving his jeans haphazardly unbuttoned.

“I sure can. Wanna see all of you now baby. Can I take this off of you?” God. Even the way he asked just to peel your clothes off of you was attractive, nodding enthusiastically.

His antsy fingers reached for your baggy sweater dress, lifting the material above your head in one fell swoop, careful not to ruin your makeup or hair further. He was kind enough to fold the dress and place it over on the farthest corner of the bed, the act bringing an airy giggle to your lips. As he turned to look at you, standing in front of him in your lace underwear set and pantyhose, he tried his hardest to suppress his audible moan of approval.

“Christ. Ain’t you a pretty thing.” He touched your waist, bringing you closer to him so he could nuzzle into your chest, placing affectionate kisses over the swell of your breasts. He meticulously reached for the bra clasp in the back, undoing it with finesse and tossing it to the floor. He stared at you in awe, rough graying stubble rubbing against the soft skin of your breasts, calloused thumbs stroking your stiffening nipples as you curved into his touch.

“I just know you taste as good as you look darlin’.”

Joel maneuvered you to lay on the mattress, your back bouncing a bit from the movement, waiting for Joel’s next move. He hovered above you, kissing your lips before moving to plant kisses down your neck and collarbone, shifting between the valley of your breasts and lining his lips with one of your nipples. Swirling his tongue around the stiff peak, he suckled at the nub, bringing a moan to your throat and a slight arch of your back, pinching and plucking at the other nipple. He pried away from your slick nipple and blew over the peak, drawing his attention to the other and doing the same, alternating his touch and attention.

Warmth pooled in your gut, gasping once Joel was ready to reciprocate the attention you had given him, grasping the flare of your hips and kissing down your sternum and lower stomach, running his chin over the waistband of your pantyhose.

“You better not think about ripping them.” You joked with him, seeing him smirk with a dimple popping in his cheek.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, unless you let me.” He jested right back, carefully taking hold of the waistband of your pantyhose and peeling them down your hips and thighs, his fingertips leaving goosebumps in their wake.

You aided him in removing the fabric off your body with a kick of your foot, getting a kiss on your knee as a thank you. Joel took one more minute to appreciate the way you looked in your black lace panties, the soft wet flesh underneath barely covered by the material. Without hesitation, he hooked his fingers with the waistband of your underwear, tugging them down and tossing away the last article of clothing you had over your figure.

The sight of you bare with nothing obstructing his vision made Joel’s heart pang in his chest, the organ pumping between his ribs a tad bit harder as you spread your legs for his view, inviting him to take a good look at you.

“Fuck darlin’. Look at that.” He drawled, his voice dropping an octave as he noticed the slick skin of your glistening flesh, your clit peeking out from under its hood, twitching and desperate for his attention. “That’s for me baby? All from suckin’ my cock?” Joel Miller had a mouth on him, but you loved it.

“Yeah, I liked having you in my mouth.” You didn’t feel ashamed of the truth, sitting up on your elbows as one of your hands swam between your legs, spreading your lips for Joel to get a better close-up of the deep pink between your thighs. “Now I think you should repay the favor.”

He was so fucked.

Joel didn’t pause his movements, diving head first between your legs and licking a broad stripe up your cunt, groaning at the taste of you invading his mouth. His fingers clasped around your thighs, keeping you spread open for him as he feasted over your pussy, shifting his tongue over your twitching flesh, gathering as much of your arousal as he could get on his lips. His nose pressed into the sensitive nub of your clit, his tongue gliding lower to twist inside you, fucking up into you as you bucked your hips into his face.

“Taste so fuckin’ good darlin’. As ripe as a fuckin’ peach.” Joel commented in a muffled grouse between your thighs, eating away at you with added fervor.

He pulled away for some air, your arousal staining his chin and upper lip, marking your territory. His plump lips veered to your twitching clit, wrapping around the nub and swiveling his tongue over the tip much like you had done with his cock a few minutes prior. The act had you keening louder, one of your hands coming to tug at the graying curls on his head, clutching the strands in your fist to keep him sucking at your clit in attentive pulses.

“Fuck Joel. Yes, yes, that’s so good, feels so good.” He grumbled around your pussy in praise, taking it up a notch as one of his hands moved, his fingertips skimming your entrance and plunging two of his digits inside you, down to the knuckle.

You gasped from the added stretch, your walls pulsing around his fingers as you adjusted to the intrusion. If you were feeling like this from just his fingers, you couldn’t imagine how taking his cock might feel, how it will stretch you out from the inside. You twitched around him at the thought, craving the release he waved in front of you like a treat.

Joel thrusted his fingers in time with the sucking of his lips around your clit, pulling out his digits and burrowing them back in. In and out. In and out. A steady push and pull that made your thighs shake beside his head, your grip tightening between his hair and the bed sheets under you, hips jerking up into him, trying to take more of his fingers. He curled his digits on the next drive, hitting something divine that sent a shot of lightening up your spine, the pressure building in your belly as the rope of tension threatened to snap at any given moment.

You could feel yourself clenching around him, your walls tightening as you were brought closer to the edge than ever thought possible. Your cries turned breathless, airy whimpers pouring out of you in par with the arousal that seeped out of your cunt and onto the bed underneath.

“Joel…I’m so close.” The curve of your back deepended, the man on his knees before you sucking with more intensity, pressing his fingertips into the textured spot inside in faster pulses, the entirety of his mouth slurping the length of you.

“C’mon baby. Give it to me. I know she wants to spill for me, let me taste her.” Joel was determined to make you fall apart because of him, inserting a third finger for an additional stretch, the act of the blunt edge of his teeth scratching your slick pearl was your undoing.

You shook as you hit your limit, climaxing with Joel’s fingers never ceasing their lunging, milking your orgasm for what it was worth. Both of your hands were fastening the gray strands at Joel’s scalp, throwing your head back against the mattress and coming with a broken cry of his name, tears pricking the corner of your eyes at the pure euphoria that overwhelmed you from the force of your climax.

All too soon, your body grew limp on the mattress, Joel slipping his fingers out of your pussy and cleaning them off with his mouth. He placed one last parting kiss on your twitching clit, kissing around your mound and inner thighs in an attempt to soothe you, leaving another smooch over your hip and floating up your body before meeting your face. You blinked up at him, cheeks heated at the way his lips plumped up from the work they did, his lower face shining in the lighting of your hotel room from your arousal.

You tugged him down for a passionate kiss, winding your tongue around his, devouring the tangy flavor of your release coating his mouth.

“Need you to fuck me,” you begged hastily against him, sneaky fingers going to haul Joel’s flannel from his softened tummy, craving more of him. “Please, Joel.”

“Baby, I would, I want to… didn’t bring anythin’ with me. Wasn’t even thinkin’ about doing somethin’ like this.” Ever the considerate man, of course he would be thinking about protection. Frankly, you could care less.

“Got tested a while ago and I’m covered. It’s fine, Joel. Trust me.” You bargained with him, sense thrown out the window as you clenched around nothing, wanting to be claimed and taken by the man you’ve fantasized about since going away for college, the man you’ve compared every previous partner to since the beginning. “Just want to feel you.”

“You will darlin’, you will. Not gonna leave you runnin’ on empty now. Not while I’m right here.”

Joel swiftly removed his jeans and briefs in one piece, hard cock bouncing between his legs as he undid the buttons of his flannel, peeling it off with your help. You released a lighthearted giggle when one of his arms got stuck in his white undershirt, mimicking your laugh and smirking at the appearance of your smile. His knees sank into the fluffy comforter of the bed underneath you, large hands taking hold of your hips and towing you closer to the edge.

“Thought that was funny?” he bantered above you, kissing your lips and enjoying the reciprocation of his actions, his length twitching beside your thigh.

“Maybe. It was cute…” you murmured, hand taking hold of him to pump his shaft with a jerk of your wrist, a shaky exhale falling from his lips. “Are you done teasing me now?”

“I might be. You’re gettin’ desperate?”

“For you to fuck me? Yes, I am.” Your thumb swiped over his tip, the sticky precum wetting your digit. “Been waiting too damn long.”

“Then put me inside darlin’. Let me feel you.”

You positioned him over your aching cunt, his hips thrusting over the seam of your pussy, sticky tip grinding into your sensitive clit. He felt good like this, mind running on empty imagining what he would feel like inside you. You didn’t have to imagine too much when his tip bumped into your entrance, his hips tentatively rolling to plunge into your waiting warmth, your hands jumping to clutch his freckled bicep. Joel didn’t stop pushing into you until he was down to the hilt, balls deep and groaning at the feel of your walls pulsing around his thickness, adjusting to his size.

Eyes beating closed, Joel put more of his weight on his forearms, breathing heavily through his nose to calm himself down, not focusing too much on how warm and wet you felt, wanting to last and make this experience good for you. Meanwhile, you had already lost all focus, the depth of him could be felt in your chest, widening your pelvis just to accommodate him.

“God, Joel,” you practically mewled under him, clamping around him once more, forcing Joel to open his eyes on you.

“Sweetheart, don’t…fuck don’t do that…” he panted, pinning your hips down into the mattress to keep you in place, trying not to cum too early. “Ain’t gonna make me last.”

“Just fuck me,” Joel had started to slowly bump into you, pulling his hips back and leaving half of him outside of you to plunge back inside, savoring the gasp you gave him. “Fuck me.”

“Look at you, already beggin’ for it. You like my cock that much darlin’? Like havin’ this old man fuck you right?”

“Yes.” Your wispy reply made Joel chuckle, a deep rumbling you felt inside you as he kept his steady pace. “So fucking deep.”

“Yeah? Feel me deep in ya?” You nodded dumbly, his forehead pressing into yours, your eyebrows furrowing as he hit that delicious textured spot tucked in the roof of your canal. Your legs wrapped around his waist, accepting his passionate kiss, unabashedly moaning into his mouth.

Joel began to pick up the pace, pouring all of his energy into the drives of his hips, listening to the high pitched whimpers that came out of you. He leaned forward a bit more, his hands raising the underside of your thighs, allowing him to slip just a tad deeper inside you. The angle brought a cry punching through your lungs, squirming under him from his consistent thrusts.

The hotel room filled with sounds of skin slapping, his heavy balls slapping into you, your slick covering the length of him every time he fucked into you, letting your pussy taste every gracious inch he had to give. You were getting close again, pawing at Joel’s broad chest and tightening your hips around his waist. He kept his deep and precise pace, sending the tip of him kissing your cervix with every pound.

“Joel,” you whined out, glassy eyes struggling to focus on him as your pussy grew taught around him, the tell tale signs of your pending orgasm creeping up on you, building in intensity as the hair at the base of him grazed your tender clit with every grind.

“I know, I know. Can feel you flutterin’ around me.” His words made you whimper, clutching at him harsher, your deep crimson nails creating fresh streaks down his back, leaving your mark for him to admire in the morning. “Let me feel it darlin’, need you to cum around me. C’mon baby, c’mon.”

With his gentle coaxing and a bite to the side of your jaw, you fell apart for him a second time, a wail resounding the walls of the bedroom, silently praying that the walls were relatively sound proof. Joel fucked you through your release, an audbile squelch filling the room as you soaked his cock, your thighs quivering as he milked your orgasm to finality.

“That’s it. That’s my fuckin’ girl.” His praise brought heat to your face and the tip of your ears, heart lurching at the thought of being his girl. “Fuck, where do you want me sweetheart?”

“Inside,” you pleaded meekly, head bouncing limply as he pounded harder into you, letting him use your cunt for his own release, making an effort to clamp around him as an invitation, wounding your legs tight around him with whatever strength you had left.  “Please Joel. Fill me.”

“Christ. That fuckin��� mouth,” Joel was heaving now, sweat dripping down his brow and the bridge of his nose as his climax grew to profound heights, a tingling in his lower back that he could feel in his balls. “Gonna fill this pussy up ‘till you feel me tomorrow.”

Two more drives and Joel growled as he came inside you, his spend dribbling into every crevice and you took it all with a fucked out smile. You whizzed as your body tingled from the aftermath of fucking Joel Miller, a family friend that was significantly older than you, not like you cared all too much. Joel struggled to keep upright after his vigorous orgasm, pulling you with him as he laid down on his side, facing you.

“You alright?” Joel asked you once you gained your bearings, his palms rubbing your cheeks and keeping you present in the moment during your comedown.

“Mhm. Can’t really feel my legs.” You conceded with a grin, Joel following through and wearing the same blissful expression on his face.

“Means I did my job right then.” Tired chuckles replaced the sounds of panting, basking in the weightless feel of laying next to Joel like this.

He kept his palm on your cheek, caressing your heated skin and running his fingers over your jaw as you breathed in and out. You don’t recall a time where you ever felt this good, where you felt truly satisfied after being with someone or giving somebody access to your body in such a passionate way. Had you known you would’ve gotten that from Joel Miller of all people, you would’ve made a pass at him a long time ago and saved yourself the trouble of wasting your time with your mediocre ex.

A voice nagged in the back of your head, the echo of wondering what comes after this. You wondered what Joel was thinking in his foggy subconscious, if the post-coitial clarity was starting to hit him and he was second guessing what you two had done. You didn’t want the guilt to kick in just yet, to imagine the consequences and have them ruin the perfect manifestation of your biggest fantasy. You’ll both figure it out somehow, like you always did, right now, all you wanted was to enjoy Joel for as long as he’d allow.

“I wouldn’t mind having you stay the night, sleep off the rum and apple pie before you go home.” It was a flimsy suggestion, half serious and half not, but as you looked directly into those chocolate orbs of his, watching them soften at your inexplicit question. His lips turned upwards then, your heart hanging on to hope that maybe, you weren’t asking for too much.

“Yeah, I reckon that’s a good idea darlin’.” He leaned forward to kiss you again, much softer than how he had just rendered you boneless.  “Like I said, you were always a smart one.”

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Dividers by @/saradika-graphics

[snakesafraidtodie]

Mediocre Reveal AU

So usually we see the Fentons in fic after finding out their son is Phantom, either being totally loving and supportive or horrendously hateful and destructive. But what if they were just... not great?

Like they try, right? But they still say bigoted and ignorant stuff. There's still micro-agressions. One reveal isn't gonna change anybody's entire world view. Just because they're not attacking Danny doesn't mean they're comfortable with it, accommodating or accepting of other ghosts.

"Those damn ghost scum!"

"I'm a ghost, remember?"

"Sure Dann-o, but you're different! You're not like them! You still hold onto your humanity. It's a heavy burden to bear, holding off the monster inside you, but you're doing so well and your mother and I are so proud of you!"

They could accept that he is a halfa but still dislike and discourage him from using his ghost side. Like coming out as bi to someone who thinks you should only act on your attraction to the opposite sex so that they can pretend you're straight.

It can be one of those things where you just... know your relatives have problematic views so in order to maintain the peace you just don't talk about it. I think it's pretty normal to have certain topics you avoid with certain people. Or try. There's always those family gatherings where you know you'll just have to grit your teeth as your uncle spews BS again.

So sure, if Danny understandably doesn't want to talk about ghosts with his parents once he's an adult, they can have a two minute phone call once a month were he listens to the tiny bit of small town gossip unrelated that Maddy and Jack have deigned to pay attention to and share a bit about his mundane life in return.

It's not great, but they're still his parents and it could be worse. They could still be actively trying to End him.

I'm picturing this could be perfectly utilized in a Dead on Main fic where Danny's parents are pestering him to meet his boyfriend and he reluctantly agrees. So they all meet up for lunch and Jason notices how the Fenton's keep casually dropping these disparaging comments about ghosts and gets pissed on Danny's behalf. Jason tries to defend him, which leads to an argument, which leads to Jason declaring himself undead, which leads to the Fentons instantly becoming disapproving of their relationship.

"Danny, how could you pick such a person for a partner! It could worsen your condition!"

"Deadness isn't contagious Mom."

"Yeah lady-"

"Don't you start again, Jason! I told you not to start a fight with my parents!"

"Me? They're the ones spouting garbage! I'm just trying to educate the so called experts-"

"I'll have you know young man-!"

And the whole meeting falls apart. Jason is mad Danny won't let him defend him, Danny is mad Jason made a scene. The Fentons are mad that their son's boyfriend is a rude undead who is corrupting their boy. It's a mess. Y'know. Typical meeting the in-laws drama.

[sosasturns]

spin bout u - c. sturniolo

in which shoota!chris spins the block of bottle girl!reader’s ex

the lounge was packed-dark neon lights flickering against glossy walls, the bass heavy and rolling through the air like a heartbeat. it was a prime night, weekend chaos in full swing, but this was your zone. the crowd, the music, the game of balancing trays and dodging wandering hands—it didn't faze you. in your sleek black dress and heels, you moved like water through it all, flashing practiced smiles and racking up tips with every stop.

but your night flipped when you spotted him. meech.

he was sitting at a table in vip, surrounded by his boys-trey, dashaun, and a few others you didn't know. and next to him? his new girl. the one who'd been starting drama since the breakup. her group of friends was there too, laughing loud and throwing side-eyes like they were trying to make you crack.

your stomach dropped, but you played it cool, not letting the irritation show as you passed by. they didn't deserve that satisfaction.

but it didn't stop there. the new girl called your name all sweet, pretending like she was gonna order something, just to snicker when you leaned down. her friends giggled like it was the funniest thing in the world, whispering behind their hands.

you kept it professional, swallowing the heat rising in your chest. but when one of her friends "accidentally" knocked into you, making you stumble with a tray of empty glasses, you were done.

in the back storage room, you paced, trying to breathe through the anger bubbling inside you. the phone in your hand felt like a lifeline, and before you knew it, you hit chris's name.

he answered on the second ring. "what's good, mama?"

hearing his voice calmed you a little. "it's meech," you blurted. "him and his girl are here, and they're acting so fucking childish, chris. like, it's messing with my whole night. i can't even think straight."

he hummed quietly, his tone steady. "what they doing?"

you vented, laying it all out-how they were trying to embarrass you, how it felt like they were testing you on purpose. chris stayed quiet for most of it, his occasional "mhm" and "yeah?" grounding you.

finally, he broke the silence. "don't let them get to you. you good?"

you sighed. "i'll be fine… just needed to hear your voice."

there was a pause, then his low, calming tone came through. "alright. don't let them ruin your bag. i'm busy right now, but call me if you need me, aight?"

you nodded even though he couldn't see it. "yeah... thanks, chris."

"always, ma."

you hung up, taking a deep breath before heading back out, but you didn't know what chris meant by ‘busy.’ not yet.

the hours dragged, and by the time your shift ended, you were drained. brina's place was the safe spot for the night-chris had sent you money for an uber and insisted you crash there. you didn't argue, knowing he always had his reasons.

but the whole time you were there, sipping wine and half-listening to brina rant about her situationship, your mind wandered to chris. something about his tone earlier stuck with you, but you couldn't put your finger on it.

when your phone buzzed after 3 a.m., you weren't surprised to see his name.

"i'm out front," he said simply.

you grabbed your bag, heading outside in your pajama shorts and an oversized tee, too tired to care how you looked. chris was leaning against his black maxda3, arms crossed and hoodie pulled low.

he smiled when he saw you, stepping forward to wrap you in a hug that felt like home. "you good?" he asked, voice soft.

"better now," you mumbled, letting yourself melt into his warmth for a moment before pulling back.

he opened the car door for you, tossing your bag into the backseat. as you slid into the passenger seat, your eyes caught something-the edge of his sheisty mask on the backseat, and his bmw keys next to a pack of raws in the cup holder.

you didn't say anything, but your mind started to piece things together.

back at your place, the clock read well past four a.m.

you were curled into him on the couch, the faint glow of the tv casting soft shadows across the living room. one of his arms was draped around your shoulders, holding you close, while the other rested lazily on your thigh, his fingers drawing slow circles against your skin.

it was quiet, the kind of silence that only came after a long night-comfortable, familiar, like you'd both been here a hundred times before. his hoodie hung loosely on your frame, the scent of his cologne still clinging to the fabric as you buried your face in his chest, breathing him in.

"you good now?" his voice was low, almost a whisper, his lips brushing against your temple as he spoke.

"yeah," you murmured, your fingers playing with the chain resting against his chest. "just tired."

but the way his hand started to wander-fingers dipping under the hem of the hoodie, brushing against your bare skin-told you he wasn't ready to call it a night.

"you tired-tired, or just saying that?" he teased, his tone light but the subtle press of his hips against yours said otherwise.

you looked up at him, your brows furrowing slightly as you smirked. "what you think?"

he chuckled, the sound low and warm as his hand slipped further up your thigh, his touch slow and deliberate. “i think you ain’t that tired.”

before you knew it, you were straddling his lap, your knees pressed into the couch on either side of him. his hands settled on your waist, his grip firm but not rushed, like he had all the time in the world to just sit here and admire the way you looked in the dim light.

"this what you wanted?" you asked, your voice soft but teasing as you let your weight settle against him, the thin material of your pajama shorts doing little to hide how close you were.

he tilted his head back against the couch, his lips curving into that familiar smirk. "don't act like you ain't been waiting on this too."

you rolled your eyes, but the way your hips shifted against his gave you away.

the pace was lazy, unhurried, the two of you moving in sync like this wasn't the first time you'd ended the night like this this week. his hands slid under the hoodie, gripping your waist as you rocked against him, your movements slow but deliberate, the kind that made him bite his lip to keep from letting out a sound.

the quiet of the room was broken only by the soft, breathy sighs that slipped past your lips and the occasional creak of the couch beneath you.

his fingers dug into your hips, his head dropping forward so his forehead rested against your collarbone. "fuck," he muttered, his voice muffled but heavy with tension.

you smiled, leaning down to press your lips to the corner of his mouth. "what's wrong? you can't keep up?"

that earned you a soft chuckle, his hands tightening their hold on you as his hips rolled up to meet yours.

"you talk too much," he shot back, his lips brushing against your neck as he spoke.

you didn't reply, too caught up in the way his touch felt-possessive, steady, like he didn't want to let you go. the warmth between you was intoxicating, and you couldn't help but let your head fall back, your hands gripping his shoulders as you kept your pace slow and steady, savoring every second.

his hands trailed lower, squeezing your thighs as he leaned back slightly, his eyes meeting yours in the low light. "why you lookin' at me like that?" he asked, his tone teasing but curious.

you smirked, leaning in closer so your lips were just barely brushing his. "who's block you spin tonight?" you asked, your voice soft but laced with curiosity, your hips never breaking their rhythm.

his smirk faltered for a split second before it returned, a little sharper this time. "you don't need to know all that."

"don't i?" you pressed, your hands sliding up to cup his face, forcing him to look at you. "was it meech's?"

he didn't answer right away, his grip on your hips tightening slightly as he leaned in to kiss you, trying to distract you. but you weren't letting it go that easily.

"chris," you muttered against his lips, your tone equal parts amused and demanding.

"damn, you nosy as hell," he finally said, pulling back just enough to look at you.

you raised a brow, your lips curving into a small smile. "so it was."

he shook his head, his smirk growing as his hands slid up your back, pulling you closer. "i told you," he said, his voice low and deliberate. "i'd spin bout you."

his words sent a shiver through you, and before you could think of a response, you found yourself leaning down, your lips brushing against his as you murmured a soft, "thank you."

you didn't give him time to question it before you started sliding lower, your fingers trailing down his chest as your lips followed. his breath hitched, his hands moving to rest on the back of your head as he watched you. his smirk melting into something softer, something more vulnerable as you showed him exactly how thankful you were.

@ sosasturns

“sosa mafia” taglist: @submattenthusiast @sophand4n4 @secretlocket @mrsdillonx @ch6rm @sweetrelieef

[ramshacklefey]

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich and The Things They Carried rewired parts of my brain. The Odyssey was a real treat. (Especially when some of my classmates who found the language rather opaque started gathering around me at morning homeroom to hear my retellings of last night's reading assignment.)

But I know some of you probably have or had a miserable time in English class, and that may have been partly because your school didn't properly prepare you for reading the books ahead of time, so you were just totally at sea all the way through.

If that's the case, here are some tips for getting more enjoyment out of a book you're struggling with!

Look up summaries of individual chapters (CliffsNotes usually has these). Then go back and read them. Having an idea of what's happening might help you follow along with language or writing styles that you're struggling with.

Let yourself skim over particular passages you're baffled by and latch onto the ones that make sense. Finding points that you can follow might help you make sense of the trickier ones by providing context.

If you don't understand a character's motivations, especially in older books and books that take place in a foreign country, it might be because you're missing context. That's okay, and your teacher isn't expecting you to have encyclopedic knowledge of the historical and cultural context for a book.

But also, even in the most unfamiliar circumstances, you can look for things that make sense to you. The characters are still people, and regardless of context, people are still people.

But also, sometimes you just can't relate to the character. That's ok. "Well I would never ____" Yes, but this person did. And here's why. In the world they live in, it made sense or it was the only thing they could do. And there are people in real life who do that. Now you've seen a little bit of why.

You don't have to like all the characters. Some characters (even the protagonists) you're supposed to hate. Sometimes that's because the author is saying, "This bastard is fucked up, but do you see how he got that way?" Sometimes it's, "This bitch made every wrong choice possible, but damn if it didn't make some wild drama."

Remember that sometimes the author may not explain exactly why something happens because it's supposed to be a bit of a mystery at first! Keep reading and see if it gets explained later!

Look up words in the dictionary!!

If you're having trouble keeping a lot of characters in your head, make a cast list. "John is Mary's brother and he's a bit of a dick."

It's okay if there are books you simply do not vibe with. Give them a fair shake, but really, even the kids who love English class are gonna have books they hate. I despised a few of the books I read for school. But remember that struggling with a book and not liking it aren't the same thing!

And for the love of everything holy. Ask. Your. Teacher. Questions. Write them down while you're reading and ask! If you're scared to ask in class, talk to them at another time! But I can guarantee that if you didn't understand something, some of your classmates didn't either. If your teacher is remotely competent, they'll be delighted to answer your questions.

And there are no questions too simple to ask in class!! "Why did this character do this thing?" "What's up with this sentence?" "I tried reading this, and here's what I think the events of this chapter were. Is that really what happened?" "What the heck is a ____?" "Why was this bit in here? It doesn't seem like it's important to the plot." "How do we know that ____ theme is in here?"

Yes, there are themes and symbols and motifs and whatever else in books. Your teacher isn't just making it up. People tell stories for a reason. The author is trying to communicate something to you. "Well why didn't they just say that?" Because saying it in a story shows you something about it. I can tell you, "Love isn't always enough to save you." or I can show you that by telling you a story about two people who fall in love and then get their shit wrecked. I can tell you, "This war happened and it was awful," or I can show you the people who were in it and what it did to them. I can tell you, "The government is a corrupt pile of festering feces," or I can show you what might happen if we keep going on the path we're on.

And you might not agree! You can say, "No, it wouldn't happen like that." You can say, "But this war was worth it because it resulted in this." You can say, "Actually, this particular social outcome seems pretty rad to me." That's okay because stories are a conversation, not the word of God from on high. But again, give the author a fair shake.

The most important thing is that you don't just give up if you're struggling. You're in school to learn! So accept that there are things you don't already know.

I straight up do not trust you if you did not enjoy a single book you had to read for English class. I know they assigned some real stuffy stinkers and the curriculum varies across districts but not one? Not The Outsiders? Not The Picture of Dorian Gray? Not Fahrenheit 451? Not even Frankenstein? Damn. That’s crazy.

[kari-sims]

Tomiko Moriyama (she/they) as my entry for the Total Drama Sims season 3 by @jonquilyst!! (thanks for letting me participate <3)

also huge wall of slightly amusing text below the cut (you've been warned!) cause i was caffeinated and ended up having some fun with this ৻( •̀ ᗜ •́ ৻)

👩 Age: 14 🪐 Lives in: Strangerville 🐛 Goals in life: to open a bug museum 💖 Orientation: thinks girls are cute, but doesn't want to waste their short teen years chasing them around (that's what the 20's are for!) 🎶 Hidden talent: encyclopedic knowledge of kpop girl group's songs and dances 🥇 Honorable titles: -> 'Mighty Collector of the Fun Hats' -> 'Prestigious Ambassador' at the ''International Bug Diplomacy Federation'' (only actual human member, but it'll grow, just wait!) 👍Likes: iridescent beetles / cut rock hard candy / slippery mud you can draw on / putting googly eyes on random things 👎 Dislikes: homework / cleaning things that'll get dirty again / humans evil bug killing inventions (unless it's a laser shooting death ray gun for mosquitoes, cause yeah, even a bug loving girl hates those bastards!)

[RECORD 434, another sunny day in strange Strangerville]

🔴 ▶ •၊၊||၊|။||||။‌‌‌‌‌၊|•

(sound of someone clearing their throat, followed by what's obviously a kid trying to speak in an exaggerated deep voice)

Tomiko: "Tomiko is a girl who didn't need a home with walls or windows - the roof to her 'home' has always been the sky above." (pauses, mutters to themselves) Ooh that's a good one! Wait, people will think i live in the woods, no? Wouldn't that be the dream…

(moment of silence as Tomiko daydreams, then remembers she just started recording)

"Tomiko doesn't have many friends, because she was destined to be a free-spirited loner. With the exception of Clarisse, a girl who dreams ofbecoming a marine biologist. Clarisse was made fun of by strangers on a dumb internet show she went to one day, all because she wanted to win the money and go on a trip to Sulani. Now everyone calls her the 'Dolphin Girl'. After Tomiko decided to console her at lunch in school, both of them ended up bonding over their crazy obssession with nature. They've been inseparable friends ever since."

(another pause, followed by an audible sigh)

"Well, they were inseparable, until Tomiko moved away. Now Clarisse is being weird for no reason... anyways, where was i?

(forgets why they went on a Clarisse tangent and starts to fumble with their unorganized notes)

"Oh yes, destined to be a free-spirited loner, ya-da ya-da. Unfortunately, Tomiko was forced to live in a boring house made of bricks, with white furniture, and a mom who was always mad about her muddy boots on the carpet."

(voice shifts to mimic the mom's screech)

- I'm not gonna raise a savage wild child! Since you love dirt so much, go live with your bum of a father in that Strangerplace world, or whatever it's called.

"Best thing to ever happen to me!" (voice switches to normal accidentally, then goes back to the fake deep one) - I mean - best thing to ever happen to Tomiko! Even though her dad looks kinda weird lately, walking around aimlessly at night in search of his mother. Classic dad, being a weirdo. No idea how this man got married..."

- Dad, I told you grandma still lives in Willow Creek. Why do you think she's in the middle of the desert? Also, she wouldn't be caught dead wasting away her fabulous heels in this god-forsaken place.

"Tomiko pretends she doesn't see it, because now she can do whatever she wants, why complicate things? The only problem is, there isn't much to do in Strangerville with the infection rumors going on, and all the damn sus soldiers. Also, the taste of travelling for the first time has left her wanting to see more. Imagine all the bugs she could find?! But you need money for that, sooo… what to do, what to do…"

(voice returns to normal, a bit defensive)

"Okay, fine, I'm the one recording this… (sighs) I know what you're thinking - "just steal from your dad!". Seriously, who do you think I am? Anyways, I did something else instead. I heard there's this competition with other teens where you get to travel the world, and guess what? I signed up for it! Without my parents knowing, of course, but that is irrelevant. They won't even notice I'm gone, I fear. I just hope the organizers don't ask for their permission, because Clarisse was the one who knew how to fake signatures, but now she's hanging out with other kids at school, and thinks she's better than me."

(inhales, then proceeds to speak loudly at a wall, probably)

"Like... Nina? The enemy? Be so for real right now Clarisse! My life is just grand without you! I'll get to travel the world and educate people on how bugs are friends, and definitely NOT disgusting or too dangerous! Well, most times. I'll also prove that even if you're a weird bug loving kid like me, you can still have a chance at a game that requires you to make friends. It'll be eaaasy! In a few weeks I'll be like, Clarisse who? Hahah!"

(brief pause on their flex-rant, which is totally NOT a defense mechanism because she's hurt by them growing apart. They return, slightly worried)

"Do you think I can die in there? Cause gosh, let's hope not! Imagine going on an adventure of a lifetime and not being able to tell people about your heroic deeds... that'd be so lame! Anyways, I'll see you when I see you, whoever is listening to this… Tomi out!"

🟥 ▶ •ııııııııııııııııı•

[RECORD ENDS]

wow if you're still here, thanks for reading, you wonderful bean! here, have a cute snail

(´・ᴗ・)>~🐌

[admiringlove]

mischief managed

pairing: gojo satoru x fem!reader

↬ summary: gojo satoru was a slytherin through and through—cunning, clever, and infuriatingly charming, with a reputation as both a prodigy and a troublemaker. you, a gryffindor prefect, couldn't be more different—fearless, fiercely principled, and far too stubborn to let someone like him get under your skin. or so you thought. by day, the two of you bicker and clash, bound only by your shared duty, but by night, within the room of requirement, you're partners in something far greater—a secret operation known as the marauders, granting the whispered wishes of hogwarts students. for a while, the dynamic works: sharp wit, heated glares, and the unspoken rule to keep things strictly professional, but when a request plunges you both into a conspiracy that could shatter the fragile balance of your world, you’ll find that secrets can’t stay hidden forever—and neither can the feelings you swore you’d never have, because gojo never cared about rules, and it seems he’s starting to care about you.

↬ genre: jjk x hogwarts au; academic rivals/enemies-ish to lovers au; fantasy; drama; romance; angst and then fluff; slowburn basically; happy ending i promise but it takes angst to get there.

↬ warnings: angst; SLOWBURN; slight nsfw; profanity; gojo being a dick at times; oo also shirtless gojo; fictional slurs; mentions of alcohol; some dark stuff (not much, but there are some because what is a story i write without angst); mentions of death; etc.

↬ word count: (tba)

↬ note: inspired by this drabble + ty to the loml @fxstpace who beta read this for me. so happy to finally put this out! art credit: @3-aem.

table of contents.

↬ prologue.

↬ chapter one: of serpents and lions.

↬ chapter two: veil of the ancients.

↬ tba.

author's note: hi everyone! this is the official masterlist/table of contents of mischief managed, which i shall start releasing later this month. for now, i'm releasing this page so that all those who'd like to be a part of the taglist for this series have a chance to sign up. until then, see you!

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[jhyoos]

REBEL GIRL

Chapter 4: Ugh! As If!

rockstar!sevika x influencer!reader

summary: reader has to suffer the consequences of her actions.

mentions: modern au, fame au, drama, swearing, mommy caitlyn, groping, kissing, neck biting and kissing, drunk truth or dare.

notes : drafts somehow deleted…and I didn’t back it up so im writing off of hopes and dreams. love yall 🫵❤️🎸

chapters : one, two, three, four

The morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the room as you made your way to the bathroom for a much-needed shower. The hot water cascaded down your body, soothing the lingering tension from the previous night’s chaos. You hummed softly to yourself, allowing the steam and the scent of your vanilla body wash to envelop you.

As you rinsed off, faint noises from the room outside caught your attention. You figured it was Caitlyn moving around, likely getting ready for her own day. Brushing it off, you continued to enjoy the quiet moment of solitude.

After about half an hour, you stepped out of the bathroom feeling refreshed, your skin soft and glistening from the lotion you’d applied. A fluffy towel was wrapped securely around you as you walked back into the room, ready to pick out an outfit for the day.

Your peace was short-lived when you noticed someone sitting on your side of the bed. It wasn’t Caitlyn.

“Oh…it’s you,” you said flatly, your tone dripping with irritation as you recognized Sevika lounging on the mattress like she owned it.

She smirked, leaning back slightly, her arms crossed as she watched you. “Good morning to you, too.”

Ignoring her, you made your way to the closet, pulling out your luggage to sift through your clothes. You crouched carefully, mindful of the towel wrapped around you. You knew Sevika was probably watching, and you weren’t about to give her any kind of show.

When you finally found something to wear, you stood up and placed the outfit on the bed. Turning, you noticed Sevika’s eyes still fixed on you, her gaze unrelenting.

“What the fuck do you want?” you snapped, annoyance clear in your voice.

Sevika let out a dramatic sigh, shifting to make herself more comfortable on your side of the bed. “An apology,” she said simply, her tone laced with mock seriousness. “My phone’s been blowing up all morning because of you. Maybe a little…gesture of goodwill would help. Head sounds like a great place to start.”

You glared at her, utterly unamused. “Ugh, as if!” you shot back. “And honestly, you should be happy you’re getting so much recognition. Free publicity.”

Sevika raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed.

Rolling your eyes, you huffed. “Fine. How about this? I’ll buy you food as an apology, and I’ll take care of debunking everything. Happy now?”

She regarded you with a skeptical expression, her eyebrow arching even higher. “Food? It better be something expensive. I’m sure a girl with a four-million-dollar net worth can figure that out.”

You froze, staring at her in disbelief. “Oh my gosh! You stalker…what the fuck? You’ve been looking me up?”

Sevika smirked, standing and stretching as she made her way toward the door. “Yeah. And your dating history, too. You’ve got pretty good taste. Might text one of them later.”

Your jaw dropped. “You—!”

Before you could finish, she opened the door and stepped out, narrowly dodging the pillow you hurled at her.

Her laughter echoed in the hallway as you stood there fuming, shaking your head. “Unbelievable,” you muttered under your breath, already regretting offering to buy her anything.

But as much as she got under your skin, you couldn’t ignore the faint smile tugging at the corner of your lips. Something about Sevika’s audacity was maddeningly entertaining, even if you’d never admit it.

After pulling on your outfit and styling your hair into something effortlessly simple, you grabbed your phone and sat down on the edge of the bed. The articles and posts about you and Sevika were still fresh in your mind, and you knew your manager was probably seconds away from blowing a gasket if you didn’t address the rumors.

You needed a tweet that was professional enough to appease your manager but also blunt enough to shut everyone else up. It took you a moment to think before your fingers began typing.

“Me and Sevika are just friends. If I’m in a relationship, I would’ve already confirmed it by now. Get off my dick and leave my friends alone.”

You reread it once, nodded in approval, and hit “Post.” Within seconds, the tweet was blowing up. Likes, retweets, and comments flooded in, most of them praising your straightforwardness.

(y/n)smaingf: This is why I love her LMAO

viseye: Ugh…I was in the middle of fanart about y’all

sevileftnut: Ya know what…Hell yeah!

You decided not to scroll too much further—no point in diving into the cesspool of opinions. Tossing your phone onto the bed, you grabbed your bag and headed for the door, ready to start the day.

When you got downstairs, the group was already waiting for you in the lobby. Caitlyn leaned against a pillar, her arms crossed, while the others stood or sat around, all wearing smug expressions that immediately annoyed you.

You raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Vi smirked. “We saw the tweet.”

“And?” you asked, exasperated.

“You’re treating us to free food, obviously,” Sevika chimed in, crossing her arms as she leaned casually against the wall. Her smirk was just as infuriating as the rest of them.

You rolled your eyes. “Fine. Free food for everyone. Happy now?”

A cheer went up from the group as you pinched the bridge of your nose, already regretting your generosity. “Can someone at least order the Uber, please?”

Jinx raised a hand. “I guess I’ll do it.” She pulled out her phone and started tapping away.

Caitlyn nudged your shoulder. “You’ve got a way with words,” she said with a small smile.

You shrugged. “Someone had to say it.”

As you waited for the Uber, you dug into your bag and pulled out your mini vlog camera, the familiar weight of it a comforting tool for killing time. “While we wait, let’s make some content, please?” you said, flashing a quick smile as you powered it on. The red recording light blinked on as you turned the lens toward the group, framing yourself and everyone else in the background.

Fixing your hair in the little camera screen, you caught Sevika rolling her eyes in the reflection. “Aye, I can see you, Sev,” you said, turning your head to glare at her playfully.

Sevika leaned back against the wall with her arms crossed, her expression unimpressed. “Hurry up already, princess. The Uber’s gonna be here any minute.”

You ignored her impatient tone with a dramatic sigh, pressing the record button. “Hey, you guys!” you said in your most cheerful voice, pointing the camera at yourself. “Guess what? We’re heading to Five Guys, and I’m paying. This is my charity for the day—I’m feeding starving artists.” You smiled mischievously at the camera before panning it to the band behind you.

The group groaned collectively at your teasing. Jinx leaned into the shot with a smirk. “You do know it’s 1 v 4, right? You’re outnumbered.”

Without missing a beat, you fired back, “Oh, please. I can take you all at once.”

The air froze for a second before Vi raised an eyebrow and burst out laughing. “Woah, that sounded wrong.”

“Oh my god, you freak!” you shouted, clutching your chest dramatically as if offended. The others joined in with their laughter, the sound of it filling the parking lot and making the moment feel more alive.

“Cut the camera, Y/N,” Caitlyn teased, nudging you gently. “Before this vlog turns into a comedy special.”

You shrugged. “Hey, this is pure gold. The fans will love it.”

Sevika, still leaning against the wall, muttered, “Yeah, great. Let them see you lose your mind before dinner.”

“Sev, the only thing I’m losing is patience with your attitude,” you quipped, spinning the camera toward her. She glared at you half-heartedly, but you caught the faintest twitch of amusement in her lips.

Just as you were about to retort, the Uber pulled up to the curb. “Saved by the ride,” Vi joked, pointing to the black SUV.

You turned off the camera, tucking it back into your bag. “Alright, let’s go, starving artists. The food awaits.”

Sevika brushed past you as the group piled into the car, her hand grazing your lower back in a way that felt both accidental and deliberate. “After you, princess,” she said, her voice dripping with mock politeness.

You rolled your eyes, climbing into the back seat. “One of these days, Sev, you’re gonna wish you were nicer to me.”

“Doubt it,” she shot back, settling into her seat. The banter continued as the car pulled into traffic, and you couldn’t help but smirk, already anticipating how the night would unfold.

The ride back from Five Guys was anything but quiet. The car was filled with laughter, teasing, and the occasional groan of someone who had eaten too much. Vi leaned back in her seat, hands on her stomach, a satisfied grin on her face. “Alright,” she announced, “I think I’ve had enough carbs to fuel me for the entire night. I’m officially ready to party.”

Jinx, sitting beside her, raised her hand like she was in class. “I second that! We’re hitting the club tonight, and I’m not holding back.” She leaned forward, grinning at everyone else.

You, however, were still half-reclined in your seat, your head resting against the window as you groaned. “Y’all really have that much energy after all that food? I need at least two naps before even considering going out again.”

As the car pulled up to the hotel, Caitlyn suddenly turned to you, her voice firm. “Not so fast, (Y/N). You’re not going anywhere tonight.” You froze, blinking at her in confusion.

“What? Why?”

Caitlyn crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow. “Because last night was a disaster waiting to happen, and I’m not about to have you causing chaos again.”

The group laughed, but Caitlyn’s expression remained serious, leaving you groaning in protest as everyone else headed up to get ready.

Minutes later, you found yourself sprawled across the bed in your shared room, flipping through channels with one hand and scrolling your phone with the other. The TV droned on about some crime show you weren’t really paying attention to, but it was better than sitting in silence. You huffed in frustration, tossing your phone aside, just as the door creaked open.

“I thought I was locked in,” you said dryly, not bothering to glance up. You assumed it was Caitlyn coming to check on you.

“Guess I’ve got the key,” came a familiar, low drawl.

Your head snapped up to see Sevika leaning casually against the doorframe, her arms crossed, a small smirk tugging at her lips. She was dressed down compared to her usual style, wearing a loose black shirt and jeans. The relaxed look somehow made her even more infuriating.

“What do you want?” you muttered, sulking deeper into the bed.

She shrugged and strolled in, letting the door click shut behind her. “I’m putting myself in time-out too,” she said nonchalantly. “No one’s allowed to have fun without me.” She plopped into the chair near the bed, slouching back as if she owned the place.

You stared at her for a moment, debating whether you wanted company. But as the TV continued to drone on, you sighed, realizing it beat being bored alone. “Fine. If you’re staying, we’re making this interesting.”

Her eyebrow quirked as she watched you sit up, reaching for your suitcase. From its depths, you pulled out a bottle of whiskey, your secret stash for nights like these. You placed it on the nightstand with a sense of finality, grabbing two glasses.

Sevika’s smirk deepened as she leaned forward, elbows on her knees. “Drinking truth or dare?” she asked, her voice tinged with amusement.

“Exactly,” you said, pouring the amber liquid into both glasses before sliding one her way. “Unless you’re scared to play.”

“Scared?” She scoffed, picking up her glass. “You don’t know me at all, princess.”

The game began innocently enough. Sevika dared you to do a horrible celebrity impression, which resulted in a laugh so loud it made her throw her head back. In retaliation, you dared her to sing a verse from a Taylor Swift, and the sound of her gruff voice struggling through the high notes of Lover left you in tears from laughter.

“Alright, truth,” she said after finishing her whiskey, her cheeks faintly flushed.

You grinned mischievously. “What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done on stage?”

Sevika groaned, her hand rubbing the back of her neck. “I ripped my pants. Front and back. In front of a packed crowd.”

You burst into laughter, nearly spilling your drink. “No way!”

“Swear on it. And I had to play the rest of the set like that,” she admitted, her voice tinged with both embarrassment and pride.

“Legendary,” you said, raising your glass to her.

When it was your turn, Sevika leaned forward, her smirk widening. “Dare,” you said confidently.

“I dare you to prank call your manager,” she said, pulling her phone from her pocket and sliding it over to you.

You grinned as you dialed her number, lowering your voice to imitate a stiff, formal tone. “Hello, this is Officer Jenkins with the local police department. We’ve received a complaint about you being a raging bitch. We got a warrant for your arrest.”

The sound of Lauren’s confused, half-asleep voice on the other end made Sevika snort with laughter. “(Y/N)…I’m not about to play wit—”

By the time you hung up, both of you were doubled over, Sevika clutching her sides.

As the dares and truths became bolder, the atmosphere started to shift. You dared Sevika to share her type, and her answer—“someone bold, someone who doesn’t back down”—came with a pointed look that left your cheeks warm.

“I’m not gonna lie…sounds like you’re describing yourself,” you teased, earning a low chuckle from her.

“Maybe I am,” she admitted, her gaze steady, almost daring you to break eye contact.

When your turn came, you chose dare, feeling emboldened by the whiskey warming your veins.

Sevika leaned forward, a lazy smirk spreading across her lips. “I dare you to sit on my lap.”

Your breath hitched, your cheeks heating, but you weren’t about to back down. “Fine,” you said, standing and walking toward her with as much confidence as you could muster.

Lowering yourself onto her lap, you felt her hands rest lightly on your waist. Her touch was casual, yet it sent a shiver up your spine.

“Comfortable?” she asked, her voice low, her breath warm against your ear.

You cleared your throat, trying to ignore the way your heart raced. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” she replied, her eyes never leaving yours.

You leaned in closer, your faces inches apart, your lips hovering just shy of hers. “I dare you to kiss me.”

Sevika didn’t hesitate. Her hands tightened on your waist as she closed the gap between you, her lips capturing yours in a kiss that was anything but hesitant. Her movements were deliberate, her lips soft but insistent, making your pulse race.

The kiss deepened, her tongue brushing against yours with a confidence that left you breathless. Her hands slid under your shirt, her fingertips grazing your bare skin, sending a thrill through you.

Your fingers tangled in her hair, tugging lightly as her lips trailed from your mouth to your jaw and then to your neck, leaving a heated path of kisses that made you arch into her. She gave you one last kiss on your collarbone before finding your lips again.

Her mechanical hand slid lower, gripping your ass firmly as she shifted you on her lap, pulling you even more against her. The other hand, far from idle, slid under your shirt. Her fingers, rough yet somehow gentle, brushed over your bare skin, grazing your ribcage, going under your bra before boldly cupping your breast. Her thumb flicked over your nipple, sending a jolt of heat straight through your body.

You gasped against her mouth, your hands tangling more in her hair as the kiss deepened. Her tongue swept into your mouth, teasing and dominating in equal measure, leaving you completely breathless. You arched into her touch, your body responding to her as if it had been waiting for this moment. She pulled away and found your neck again, this time leaving love bites.

“Sevika,” you moaned breathlessly, barely managing her name as her teeth grazed your skin.

“Shh,” she murmured against your neck, her lips returning to yours in a kiss that made you forget everything—until the door swung open with a loud creak.

“Are you fucking serious?”

Caitlyn’s voice was sharp, cutting through the haze like a bucket of cold water.

You scrambled off Sevika’s lap, your shirt hastily tugged back into place as you turned to see Caitlyn standing in the doorway, her arms crossed and her expression a mix of disbelief and exasperation. You were immediately sobered up.

Sevika, by contrast, remained unbothered, lounging back in her chair with her usual smirk firmly intact. “We were bonding,” she said lazily, her tone dripping with amusement.

Caitlyn raised an eyebrow, setting her bag on the table. “If this is bonding, I’d hate to see what happens when you two don’t get along.”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “This is all your fault,” you muttered toward Sevika.

Sevika chuckled, leaning closer to you, her voice low and teasing. “Didn’t hear you complaining.”

You shot her a glare, though the small smile tugging at your lips betrayed your annoyance. Caitlyn shook her head, muttering something about “never getting a break” as she climbed into her bed.

You grabbed Sevika by her arm, pulling her out of the chair and pushed her towards the door. “It’s time for you to go, Sev,” you said.

“Awe, but we were having so much fun,” she teased turning towards you, getting closer along with her face.

You immediately stopped her, putting a hand on your chest. “To be continued…maybe,” you said as you opened the door, gesturing for her to leave.

“I’ll take your word on that,” she added in quickly before leaving.

You climbed into bed beside Caitlyn, still feeling the heat of embarrassment from earlier. As you pulled the covers over yourself, you glanced at her. “Are you mad at me?” you asked softly.

Caitlyn let out a long groan, turning her head to look at you. “No. I mean… at least you’re standing by what you said last night.”

Her words made your stomach drop. “Oh, shit,” you muttered, sitting up slightly. “I talked about her while I was drunk? What did I even say?”

Caitlyn rolled her eyes, though a small smirk tugged at her lips. “Something about her being annoyingly hot and how you wanted to fuck her so bad. Seems like you were in the process of it.”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands, but Caitlyn wasn’t done. Her eyes zeroed in on your neck, and her smirk widened. “Speaking of… how long were you two going at it? You’ve got two huge hickeys on your neck.”

Your eyes snapped open, and you sat up abruptly. “What?!” You scrambled for your phone, turning on the front camera to inspect the damage.

Sure enough, there they were—two dark, unmistakable marks standing out against your skin. “Jesus,” you muttered in disbelief, your fingers brushing over the spots as if that would make them disappear.

Caitlyn chuckled, leaning back against the headboard. “You’re lucky I’m too tired to lecture you about keeping things professional. But just so you know, I’m giving you side-eye for the rest of the trip.”

You flopped back onto your pillow, staring at the ceiling. “This can’t get any worse,” you muttered.

Caitlyn shot you a look. “Don’t jinx it.”

taglist : @whatlefoop @nonexistentsourcherry @graciebloom @swordfemm4 @m00npjm @sevikasleftarm @fayecreates @mulan-but-gay @inlovewithsevikaandambessa @sapphiellar @artfairyyyyy

[p0orbaby]

I Feel Alive in the City That You Like

summary: who doesn’t like a bit of gossip?

warnings: none !

a/n: something short for our fav actress, with a little cameo from ale

word count: 1.5k

part 1

-

The bar is tucked away in a side street that smells of sea salt, diesel fumes, and hot pavement—the kind of place you only find by accident or through someone who’s “been coming here for years.” It’s called La Mala Vida, which feels pretentious in an almost charming way, like it’s trying to convince you it’s grittier than it actually is. Inside, the walls are painted a deep crimson that almost glows under dim lights. The ceiling is low enough to feel oppressive, and every table is crammed with people leaning too close, talking too loud, the air thick with cigarette smoke despite the supposed indoor ban.

Your friends are already at a corner booth when you arrive, practically shouting over the music—something vaguely Latin remixed with techno—and you spot Frances first, her sharp red lipstick and a blonde bob so precise it could have been cut with a laser. She’s dressed for drama, as always, in a vintage YSL blazer so cropped it’s practically a shrug, paired with leather trousers that look like they might have been painted on.

“We’ve been here for an hour,” she announces the moment you approach, her tone loud enough to carry over the din of the bar. “I thought you’d forgotten about us.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” you reply, pulling off your jacket—a lightweight cashmere thing that you’d brought only because the evening forecast had mentioned a breeze. You hang it over the back of the chair, careful to keep it away from what looks suspiciously like a puddle of spilled sangria.

“She thought you were avoiding us,” Georgia chimes in, already halfway through her first glass of wine. She’s dressed in an oversized white button-down that she’s knotted at the waist, paired with frayed denim shorts and silver hoop earrings big enough to be used as hula hoops. The effect is effortlessly cool, though you know for a fact she spent 45 minutes in front of a mirror before leaving her hotel room.

“I don’t avoid people I love,” you say, sliding into the seat between them.

“Except Alexia,” Frances says, her grin razor-sharp. “When she’s too far away for you to stalk”

“Frances,” you warn, though your voice lacks any real edge.

“Oh, please. Don’t pretend we haven’t all read the headlines. ‘Football Star’s Mystery Lover’—that was my personal favourite. Or was it the one about how you’ve been jetting between continents like a lovesick heiress?”

“Stop,” you groan, but Georgia is already laughing, her wine glass wobbling dangerously in her hand.

“Don’t worry,” she says. “We didn’t fly all the way to Barcelona just to interrogate you. But we will be taking the opportunity since we’re here”

“You didn’t fly here to see me at all,” you point out. “You’re here for Georgia’s ridiculous ‘self-discovery retreat’”

“It’s not ridiculous,” Georgia protests, though her tone suggests she knows exactly how ridiculous it is. “It’s wellness. I’ve been stressed”

“You live in a Soho loft and do Pilates every morning,” Frances deadpans. “What could you possibly be stressed about?”

“Life,” Georgia says, as though this explains everything.

Frances rolls her eyes, but before she can respond, the waiter arrives to take your drink order. You glance at the menu briefly before asking for a vodka lime and soda.

“Make it a double,” Frances adds for you. “She’s going to need it”

As soon as the waiter disappears, Frances leans forward, her elbows on the table, her chin resting on her hands like a particularly nosy house cat.

“So,” she says, drawing out the word. “How’s Alexia?”

“She’s fine,” you reply, keeping your tone deliberately neutral.

“Fine?” Georgia echoes, clearly unimpressed. “That’s all we get?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know,” Frances says, her grin widening. “Something juicy. Like how she’s already convinced you to move here and start a life of domestic bliss”

“Or how she’s secretly awful in bed,” Georgia adds.

“She’s not awful in bed,” you blurt out before you can stop yourself, and both of them pounce on the admission like hungry wolves.

“Ah-ha!” Frances crows, pointing at you. “See, now we’re getting somewhere”

“Stop being so tight-lipped,” Georgia says. “You’re glowing. Look at you. That’s post-orgasm skin”

“Stop it,” you hiss, though your face is already burning.

“Don’t be shy,” Frances says, leaning back in her seat with a satisfied smirk. “We’re your friends. We’re just curious.”

“She’s curious,” Georgia corrects. “I just like making you uncomfortable”

“Why do I hang out with you?” you mutter, though the question is purely rhetorical.

“Because we’re fabulous,” Frances says.

“And because we rescheduled our chemical peel to spend time with you,” Georgia adds. “Now, come on. Give us something. What’s she like when the lights are off? Or on, we won’t judge”

“Jesus Christ,” you groan, covering your face with your hands.

“Fine,” Frances says, waving a hand dismissively. “If you don’t want to talk about that, tell us what you two do when you’re not shagging”

“Normal couple things,” you say.

“Like what?” Georgia presses.

“Like… cooking together,” you offer.

“Boring,” Frances declares.

“Or watching TV”

“Also boring”

“Taking her dog for walks?”

Frances sighs dramatically, as though your relationship is personally offending her. “You’re no fun”

“I’m plenty of fun,” you argue.

“Prove it,” Georgia says.

“How?”

“Call her,” Frances says, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Right now”

“She’s busy,” you protest, though your hand is already hovering over your phone.

“She’s not too busy for you,” Georgia says in a sing-song voice, grinning like the devil.

Frances leans back in her seat, folding her arms. “Prove it. Call her. Right now. Or we’ll start making assumptions, and you know we don’t hold back”

“Fine,” you snap, swiping your phone off the table. “But if she gets annoyed, I’m blaming both of you”

“Blame away,” Frances replies, looking positively gleeful.

You don’t bother stepping outside for privacy—this is what they wanted, after all. The bar’s music fades to the background as you scroll for her name, your thumb hesitating for a brief moment before you press call.

She picks up on the second ring.

“Hola,” she says, her voice warm and slightly hushed, like she’s leaning in closer to the phone to hear you better.

“Hi,” you reply, already feeling the tension ease at the sound of her voice. “What are you doing?”

“Dinner with the team,” she says. “What about you?”

“Out with Frances and Georgia,” you say, shooting them a look across the table. “They’re being infuriating, as usual.”

Alexia chuckles softly, and even though the distance between you stretches across an ocean, it feels like she’s right there. “What did they do now?”

“They’re insisting I call you so they can be nosy,” you admit, ignoring the way Frances pretends to yawn theatrically beside you.

“Well, I hope I’m living up to the hype,” Alexia says, the smile evident in her tone.

Frances immediately leans forward, practically yelling into the phone. “She’s not doing you justice, Alexia! We’ve heard nothing spicy”

You slap a hand over the phone’s speaker. “Frances!”

Alexia’s laugh is louder now, melodic and unrestrained. “Is that Frances?”

“And Georgia,” you say, glaring at them both as they descend into a fit of giggles.

“Hi, Alexia!” Georgia shouts, waving as if Alexia could somehow see her through the phone. “How do you feel about long-distance frustration?”

“Ignore them,” you say, lowering your hand from the speaker, though Frances has already leaned halfway across the table.

“Alexia, quick question,” she calls into the receiver. “On a scale of one to ten, how insufferable is she as a girlfriend?”

“Frances!”

“Eleven,” Alexia replies without missing a beat, her voice warm with amusement.

Frances clutches her chest in mock offense. “A woman with taste. I approve”

Georgia’s cackling now, practically falling off her chair. “She’s funnier than you. I like her more already”

“Okay, this was a mistake,” you mutter, though you can’t help the way your lips curl into a smile.

“You’re handling it well,” Alexia teases. “And you haven’t hung up yet, so maybe you secretly enjoy it”

“Maybe I just like hearing your voice,” you counter, softer this time.

There’s a slight pause, just long enough for Frances and Georgia to exchange exaggerated ooohs like a pair of primary school children.

“I miss you,” Alexia says, the sincerity in her voice cutting through their antics.

“I miss you too,” you reply quietly, forgetting for a moment that you aren’t alone.

Frances doesn’t forget. She leans so close you can feel her breath on your shoulder. “Tell her you love her!” she stage-whispers, loud enough to draw stares from the next table over.

You shove her back, pressing a palm to your forehead. “I’m hanging up now”

“Coward,” Frances mutters, smirking.

“Goodnight,” Alexia says, and you can hear the smile in her voice.

“Goodnight,” you reply, the word carrying more weight than usual.

When you finally set your phone down, Frances and Georgia are watching you like vultures circling a carcass.

“Admit it,” Frances says, taking a triumphant sip of her drink. “You’re smitten”

“Completely pathetic,” Georgia adds.

You don’t even bother denying it. Instead, you flag the waiter down for another drink, shaking your head as they burst into fresh fits of laughter.

[smittenmeraki]

I have so many random ideas of Andreil being found out by the media in the strangest ways. My personal fav so far is them going pro and being on different teams. They end up playing against each other and everyone starts to think their rivals because Andrew keeps launching the ball at Neils helmet. After like 7 headshots from across the court Neil swears at him in german something along the lines of "I know you're doing that on purpose quit being a bitch for the sake of your entertainment or I swear I will empty your candy drawer" and of course Andrew's just there with his blank expression leaning on his racket, knowing Neil will forget all about it when they're home. However, all the fans see is Andrew targeting Neil over and over no matter where he is on the court so everyone thinks they hate each other until some weeks later an article is released with pictures of them grocery shopping together. Andrew is in the cart eating candy he hasn't even bought yet while Neil scans the aisle with a hand in Andrews hair. Another picture of them loading everything into the car, Andrew with a hand on Neils waist as he opens the backdoor. The article is titled something like "rivals or lovers : a deep dive into their history" and it brings up points like Andrew protecting Neil from Riko and Neil getting Andrew to shut down the goal with just a few words (ones no one knows), but also points of them shoving each other and getting in each others faces (tbh they were just flirting but from an outside prospective it was violence because they are never normal) all of the fan theories come to a head when Neil gets interviewed.

"What is your thoughts on the rumors about you and Minyard?"

"Rumors?"

"Yes, the ones about you two being teammates turned rivals turned lovers. Many fans are speculating what your relationship is and several articles have become very popular over it."

"We were never rivals??" Neil is absolutely lost at this idea, complete confusion.

"Really? Never once over the years?"

"No? And what articles? I don't understand how this has anything to do with Exy."

"Its about your career in the sense that Andrew Minyard has been a challenge for you." Neil smiles at the idea of Andrew being a challenge. "There was a really big article that shared some photos of you two together at a grocery store. It's rather unusal to see you two in a domestic setting, can you tell us about that? Many are wondering why you shop together." The first photo is pulled up on the big screen and Neil just stares for a moment, unsure of when it was taken.

"1. Its creepy that that was taken without us knowing. 2. I don't know what you want me to tell you, Andrew's not allowed out of the cart because he's a mence to shop with or maybe he refuses to let me go alone because I constantly forget things. Its just normal every day life, same as everyone else. 3. Because we live together?? I still don't see the relevance any this has to Exy. Many spouses go against each others teams, it's a part of being pro's."

"Spouses? So you are confirming you and Minyard are married?"

"Not on paper. Fundamentally yes. I thought this interview was supposed to be about how our season is going?" Neil sits back, baffled but also slightly smug from the look of shock on the interviewers face.

Meanwhile Andrew is at home with the cats eating a tub of ice cream while watching the interview thinking to himself 'yeah, fucking tell her. Noisy ass drama seeker.'

[yaseraphine]

pick a card 4 - your 2025 main lesson and themes.

KO-FI / MASTERLIST.

my last post : 2024, the year I lost my crown.

PILE 1

5 of cups, Page of Wands, 5 of Wands

“There are no traffic jams along the extra mile”

Main themes : Fun - Party - Getting ready - GRWM - Glow up - 5th house - Life path 5 - 2nd house - Venus and Sun - Leo energy - Taurus energy - Dating - Love - Silly crushes - Compliments - Bittersweet - Sinning - Karma - Situationship - “Toxic” relationship - Forced changes - Tower moment

As soon as I started your pile, Woman by Doja Cat started playing. This year, you will enter in your empress era. It will be soft and venusian but there is also a little edge to it, a really fiery spirit that I can feel for you . 

There is also really sensual and luxurious energy.

I see first and foremost two fives in your spread out of the three tarot cards that fell for you : 5 will be a significant number for you this year. Maybe you’re a life path five, maybe your personal life path number this year is 5 or maybe you’re completing OR starting something this year that took 5 years to finish/ will take 5 years to finish. I am mostly picking up on the fact that this year will have patterns of a life path number 5. In numerology, a personal number year 5 is all about new adventures, discovery, being social, curious, adaptable, flexible, fearless and fun-loving. This is what your year will be all about : fun and lightheartedness. However, the number 5 is also a signifier for change... Be prepared for a busy year !

This energy feels a lot like the 5th house in astrology. You will spend your year hanging out with friends, flirting, laughing, going out and dressing up. Major Venus and Sun energy. Leo and Taurus energy. I am seeing bubble baths, extended grooming routines, new hairstyles, looking good, smelling good, gossiping,.... It is a really luxurious, sensual, lighthearted, fun and ego driven year that you will have. 

I am seeing trips to islands, vacation photos posted on social media, maybe you will start creating influencer type content this year just for the funsies. Bikini picks/flexing in front of the gym’s mirror in your insta story kinda vibe. 

You will keep up with the good habits you got in 2024 and reap the benefits of the consistency you had towards attaining your ideal self-concept (looks, mentality,..)

You will appear extremely sexually and sensually attractive and will probably attract many suitors, which will obviously flatter your ego greatly. 

 However, all this romantic/sexual attention might lead to a lot of drama and hurt feelings so be careful. People will probably only approach you because you're hot. It will not bother you in the moment (because some of you will lowkey be in your player era lmaoo i mean go ahead i am not judging lol) but it will eventually take a toll on you. I am saying this because I keep on seeing Doja Cat in the Vegas music video. You will be as stunning as she is in the video (her look was peak in this) but your attractiveness could lead you to your downfall this year... It seems that you could try to take advantage as much as you can of the new found pretty privilege you just gained from your glow up in 2024.

You will play around with your suitors, just lighthearted love energy until that one specific person that will bring a ton of drama. This suitor will end up being a major relationship/situationship/talking stage you have this year and they will be exactly like the guy Doja Cat describes in the song : 

“You ain't nothing but a-

Dog, player, ah get it

Fraud, player, ah get it

I understand, I understand

You ain't the man, you ain't a man (you ain't nothing but a-)

Hound dog, hound dog, hound dog

You ain't nothing but a-

Player gettin' valeted around in that ho whip

Two fingers up, one down when my toes ten

Flewed out with my boobs out, put a cork in it

Love it when you be cryin' out when I'm corseted

I don't think he gon' make it, do not let me start ragin'

****, I'm losin' my patience, this ain't stayin' in Vegas

(You ain't nothin' but a)

There's more sides to the story, I'ma tell everybody

Had your ass sittin' courtside with your arm around me

Had your ass sittin' first class with your burnt ass out in Abu Dhabi

Coulda been what we shoulda been

But you lost a bet, now you gotta find me

Find a seat

I ain't playin', that's hide and seek

High school when you finally peaked

Hound dog, couldn't find a treat

I'm a bad bitch, but”

This "bad relationship" will completely stop you from the high you got from your suitors and your fun filled lifestyle. You will feel betrayed and feel so stupid for trusting them.

This year, I think you will learn a major lesson about superficiality and how your looks and external validation is not what builds real confidence. 

You will start the year with a burning fire and desire to get everything you want, maybe for some to do some shady shit. For most of you, it won’t go to extremes EXTREMES but a minority of you could do stuff like taking someone’s partner, playing around, generally indulging in really “devilish” (as in The Devil in tarot) activities. Most of you though might just “stick” to less problematic activities. You might indulge in addictive behaviors like gambling, drinking, smoking all that shit you find in Vegas. Partying, Raving, just having fun and being a little careless.

I am hearing “Everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”. You might surround yourself with people who do pretty shady shit (not too bad like most of you won’t end up in jail) and who have morally grey ways of thinking. You will eventually adopt this mentality/ of some of those low vibrational beliefs, but it will be for a pretty short amount of time. You might join them because you want to enter this “good girl/boy/enby gone bad” era in your life. You are probably sick of people pleasing, being tamed, being a doormat, and being played because you’re “too nice”. The problem here, and the lesson too, is that you don’t have to lose all your morals and become mean and bitter just because people did the same to you. 

“healed people hear differently”

What you will do the first half of the year, if you do not do it for the entire year, will catch up to you later on and you will be humbled quickly. Have fun until you get hit by this lesson that will come unexpectedly like a Tower moment. 

This sounds scary, I know, but you might be young or just bitter because you were always picked last your entire life and now you're finally the hottest in your vicinity so I totally understand the anger and resentment you might feel. It’s okay, it will be overall a bittersweet year for you. You will have loads of fun but will suffer the consequences of some of your actions eventually.

One quote for you : “Quiet the mind and the soul will speak.”

You are called to detach a bit from everything that is physical and factual this year. You might embody Taurusian, Virgo, Capricorn, Aries and Leo energy at the beginning of the year and will slowly follow your intuition more. The North node going in Pisces this year in January will probably impact you quite a bit. It’s the body VS the mind VS the soul. You will gradually be pushed to each part of yourself to connect them together healthily, and not overtly rely on only one.

ORACLE CARDS 

Change - I understand that nothing can grow or evolve without movement

Again, this card makes a lot of sense. A life path year number 5 is a signifier of fun and socialization but also of change. Falling into those bad habits/behaviors/mentality will be a catalyst for a change that didn’t occur last year. This change is much needed for you to develop a deep sense of self and a solid self-concept, not one that is solely based on physical attractiveness or external validation.

2. 28 - Energy / Orange (Virgo energy) : "Adventure and rapid progress are indicated, and it is specifically anchored to your true purpose and the direction you are currently taking. Oranges indicate that anything is possible, although you need to get that willpower working hard. There will be challenges but you can overcome them, and someone around you may need extra support at this time. Be wary of apathy, of losing interest too soon before giving something a chance, and of negativity”. 

“A garden requires patient labor and attention. Plants do not grow merely to satisfy ambitions or to fulfill good intentions. They thrive because someone expended effort on them” - Liberty Hyde Bailey

This year will be just like I said : bittersweet. You will have amazing moments and then lower moods where you will feel sad or betrayed. Huge theme around relationships and interpersonal relationships. Last year you focused a lot on yourself. This year, you will lose yourself in your interpersonal connections as a lesson to strengthen your self-concept. Your dedication towards creating your dream life will be tested.

Pile 2.

“Progress is still progress no matter how slow it is”

“It is never too late to be who you might have been”

Main themes : Healing - Therapy - Transformation - Friendship - Soulmate relationship - Twin flame connection - Anxiety relief - Emotional intimacy - Virgo and Pisces energies are prominent - 12th house - Acceptance - Surrendering - Salvation - Love - Spiritual love - Spiritual growth and awakening - Help - Forgiveness

I think right now you might be frustrated at yourself. You are probably prone to pretty extreme overthinking and you feel like you wasted time thinking and planning or fantasizing about doing things instead of just doing them last year. You feel like time is running out and you might be starting this year with a lot of pessimistic thoughts. It is totally normal that you feel disappointed in yourself, it shows that you care about building a life that you desire. But, you struggle with assertiveness towards what you want. You might have an idea but you always find a way of seeing how it might not work while planning for it. You tend to give up pretty easily because you want everything to be perfect. You have this mentality where everything needs to be perfect before you can share it. Here is an example : "I need to practice more before sharing my covers online I can't post it like that it's not that good". The thing is, you don't need to be perfect in something to share it or put yourself out there. You have enough talent and potential and you will learn and refine your art while you are out there in front of the public. The feedback could be really beneficial for you.

There is only you and you're fear of failure that is holding you back. Have the audacity of a straight man for a second and you will see how many blessings will fall into your lap. (sorry if you're a straight man lmaoo love y'all slayy queen). You're already that bitch, you're just the only one not seeing it.

This year, you will learn a major lesson regarding forgiveness towards yourself. You will be met with similar situations as last year, however this time you will try different approaches to avoid making the same mistakes, and you will do so without insulting yourself. You will break a pretty prominent cycle that you may have been stuck in for a few years now where you are really harsh on yourself for trying and failing. This negative self-talk that is tied to worrying and overthinking is what held you back from taking proper actions towards your goals/dreams/dream life all those years. This year, you will start being more gentle towards yourself and this will benefit you a lot. 

“Actually, I am happier than ever”

12th house - Pisces energy / Virgo-Pisces axis

There is an interesting connection with pile 1 regarding pisces and virgo energy. I feel like the North node going to Pisces this 11th of January will push the collective to surrender more, be more compassionate towards themselves and others and accept that we cannot control everything. There is this sense that this year, you will finally find a way towards inner peace. It doesn’t mean that you’ll stop overthinking forever and altogether, it is simply impossible. You will just learn how to manage that overthinking, find healthy coping mechanisms that help you get you out of your head. You will accept that sometimes things happen in divine timing and that you cannot control every outcome. Any perfectionistic tendencies that you had and that often led to overthinking will be toned down this year. 

I don’t think however that this epiphany will start at the beginning of the year. You will dismantle these ingrained bad habits throughout the year, step by step, as you will face similar lessons as last year but this time you will pass every test. Just be patient with yourself and everything will flow as they should.

The Fool, 2 of Cups, King of Cups + Ace of Wands

This year is obviously a year of starting over. You will be pushed to stop taking everything so seriously and just trust your gut instinct and the universe. You might naturally embody virgo and libra/venusian qualities which make you overly critical and passive. This year, the lesson is to embody these signs’ opposites’ qualities : Pisces and Aries energy. Trust the universe and blindly and confidently walk towards the unknown. Trust yourself, you’ve got this ! 

Honestly, reading this pile is pretty fascinating because your energy is exactly in tune with this year’s astrological transits. This year, many outer planets will change signs to aries or pisces. Both signs are significant as one shows the beginning of a cycle (Aries) and the other the end of a cycle (Pisces). This is exactly this. This year for you will be a year of transition towards a new beginning.

I see in the cards that, even though you might start the journey alone, you will eventually meet a soulmate along the way as you fear-less-ly work towards this cycle's end. I am seeing that this soulmate will not be a romantic soulmate for most of you. This will most likely be a friend or a mentor that you will unexpectedly meet towards the fall time I believe . September and especially October might be a significant time for your guy’s meeting and friendship beginning. They will most likely be opposite to you in many ways (ex : you are a virgo sun, they are a pisces sun, or you are a libra sun and they are an aries sun,..). Your friendship with this person will surprise you as your current friends and/or your past friends are/were probably completely different then this person. This relationship will be a breath of fresh air for you. 

ORACLE CARDS

Self-esteem - I possess gifts of the soul that benefit me and others

Indecision - I use my intuition in all aspects of life

Trust yourself, believe in yourself. Try to listen to your intuition, find exercises to reconnect with your intuition and to learn to go with the flow.

A life changing sentence that one of my friends with an anxiety disorder told me is that “ You cannot reassure someone who is anxious”. This might resonate for some of you who struggle with anxiety. There is no way for you to get rid of this anxiety permanently but you can learn how to manage it through daily practices and exercises. This year might be the year you find a daily practice/method to help you cope healthily with your anxiety.

12 - Affection / Sorrel ( Taurus energy) : "New experiences are coming your way, which means you will feel prompted to find new ways of doing things. If you are seeking a solution, be more receptive to suggestions and openings. Ensure you are putting your true feelings into all that you are doing. A valuable proposition should come your way, but don’t get too carried away."

This is exactly what I was talking about above : you will find new healthy ways of coping with your toxic habits. This will be done through trials and errors, you will have to be resilient and willing to try again even after failing to have this new habit. But don’t worry, you can or will be able to count on the help of people, or someone around you. Just don't be afraid to ask for help, express your issues, don’t be afraid to seek help and you will be granted a helping hand that has good intentions towards you.

Pile 3.

“Normality is a paved road”

Main themes : 8th house - 10th house - Saturn - Pluto - Reputation - Money - Power - Fame - Hunger - Determination - Life path 22 - Life path 8 - Influence - Lana Del Rey -“Season of the Witch" -  Dark Femininity/Masculinity - Lilith - Reconcialiation - Soulmate reconnection - Quiet confidence

Before I even started your pile, while choosing your picture I felt called to pick one that was quite different from the other two piles. Your energy feels very different and contrasts with the rest of the reading. There is a lethal confidence about you. I have a question first though : did you pick the pile 3 in my what do people like about you reading? I don’t know why this pile’s energy keep on coming back in the 3rd pile in every single one of my readings lol

Anyways, so for this year I think you’re starting it with a clear idea in mind : you have a plan, a vision board already made. This year, you are fearlessly going towards your goals. I am seeing cheetah and leopard prints,  luxury hotels, bubbling champagne, Chanel perfume.. Most of you who chose this pile are looking to create your dream life where you’re independent. This year, “you will get that bag while also securing your own bag” I am hearing. I don't if you watch TheWizardLiz or Manifestelle but your energy reminds me of them. Even if you're not a girl, it’s obvious that you’re entering a phase in your life where you’re self focused and tunnel visioned. You have a goal of creating your own empire and you are willing to put in the work and make the sacrifices needed for it.

This year , you are locking in. Period.

Knight of Pentacles, 4 of Swords, The World, King of Wands

“I believe that each soul has a plan - a pathway and direction - that it has come here to experience in this lifetime”

Julie Kay

This year, you will work diligently towards your goal. You might neglect your relationships a bit so be careful. Despite the fact that your spirit guides are proud of you for being so passionate and dedicated towards your dreams they still want to tell you that some of this passion needs to be poured to the people around you that supports you now and that always supported you, even at your lowest. For some of you, it’s a family member like a mother or a father, could an aunt or an uncle for others could be a sister, a brother or a grandparent for another group. 

Your assertiveness and discipline is great but do not let your heart harden too much in the process. I am seeing that during summer, especially June and August, around the Lion’s Gate portal (8th of August), you will have mini “burnouts” because of the dedication you showed the first 6 months of the year. During that time, you will reconnect with a specific someone, a person from your past that you lost contact with. I feel like this might have been a “right person, wrong time” kind of situation. It could be a friendship, but for a lot of you this will unexpectedly develop into a romantic connection. I see a slow burn for you guys. Late night car drives while blasting your favorite songs. Dates on the beach at night time/or while the sun is setting. There is this really soft and romantic energy between you guys (omg I am so happy for you guys what!!). I find this so interesting that the quote that fell for you here is extracted from a book about love and soulmates. I haven’t read it yet but I am giving you the title if you want to read it. This might be relevant or eye opening for some of you : Soul Lessons to Soul Mate: Relationship Revolution by Julie Kay.

This person might be your life partner for some of you!!! I am so hyped congrats!! I am literally so excited for you guys lets goo

ORACLE CARDS

Health - I will honor the physical vessel that enshrines my soul

Be careful not to push yourself too hard this year. You might neglect your health, nutrition or physical cues this year and this could be detrimental for you. Make sure to drink enough water and eat plenty of vegetables and fruits. Don’t drink too much coffee or avoid relying on artificial stuff, like certain medicine or supplements to replace your lack of sleep or nutrients. Stay healthy, be happy <3 

So many oracle cards of my Green Witch Oracle wanted to fall for you. I had to reshuffle so many times and still got 2 oracles cards instead of one. and, guess what ? They literally follow each other in the deck : You got the 34th and the 35th cards. again, soulmate/mirroring/twin flame energy. Pretty fascinating to say the least. What a duo you will make with this person !

34 - Attraction / Pansy (Libra energy) : "Pansies indicate that people are being pulled into your life who align well with you. Romance may be on the agenda, but this energy also helps build community and friendship circles, possibly where learning takes place. It is time to step back a little and relax into what is happening naturally. Hesitation and over-thinking could cause blockages, and watch out for personal deception and gossip."

35 - Focus / Stock (Sagittarius energy) : "Stocks offer confidence, calmness and a central place to rest amid turmoil and change. It is time to focus, to think more deeply and slow down. Your personal truth needs some attention, so don’t get lost in your present dealings. Stocks also indicate and lead you to a balanced place in emotional swings. Be careful of losing yourself amid the behaviors of others."

No much explanation needed. Your main lesson this year is to be able to find a work-life balance. You will be pushed to slow down in your grind multiple times to take care of your health, both physical and mental, and to nurture your interpersonal relationships. Overall a really sweet and deeply calming year awaits you. 

[stargirlygirl]

self-care day with the boys

denki, katsuki, kiri, shoto

wc: 2.1k

kaminari denki

⭑.ᐟ it’s your day off, and your bf comes over to your place. you are exhausted from work lately, so you’re looking forward to spending the day with denki and relaxing.

you two try to bake a cake together. the kitchen looks like a bomb went off. a bomb of batter and flour. you’re both covered in it once you finally get the cookies in the oven. after cleaning the kitchen up, denki convinces you to shower with him and wash all of the goop off of you two. you lather each other up in body wash. once you’ve rinsed it off, you two stand there and cuddle. denki peppers your face with sweet kisses and tells you how beautiful you are. once you get out, denki wraps you in a fluffy towel before dashing off to your linen closet because you forgot to grab a second one.

after drying off, denki lets you tie his hair into pigtails and lather your favourite charcoal face mask onto his soft skin. he complains about how hard it is to talk with the clay mask on, the grey cracking around his mouth, eyes, and forehead creating wrinkles which you laugh at. he draws you back into his arms, bare bodies pressing together once more. he whispers into your ear what he’d like to do with you in such a vulnerable state. you can feel your face heating up beneath the clay. you tell him off and rinse your face mask off. you then apply toner, serum, and moisturiser to both of your faces. denki sighs in relief feeling your delicate fingertips soothing the cream into his skin.

once you two get dressed (denki keeps a few shirts and shorts at your place for situations like this), you check on the cookies. entering the kitchen, you can smell the stink of burnt sugar. denki turns off the oven, grabs the mitts and pulls the door down, revealing completely charred cookies. you two laugh and you playfully slap denki, scolding him lightly for taking forever to apply his face mask because he wouldn’t shut up. denki ends up trying one but immediately coughs it up and spits it into the bin. you heat instant ramen instead and have that for lunch.

afterwards, you two sit on the floor on opposite sides of the coffee table. denki lets you paint his nails black as you rant about work drama.

“what a bitch,” he gasps.

“i know right,” you say as you look up at him. he’s focused on your hand painting the glistening polish onto his nails.

you blow on his nails after you’ve finished and tell him not to touch anything (he knows the drill).

that night, you two cuddle up next to each other on the couch as you play animal crossing.

bakugou katsuki

⭑.ᐟ you’ve been super stressed out by work lately. you just finished getting dressed and were about to start on your makeup when you get a text message from your boss. he asks if you are okay since your bf had called in sick for you. you immediately text katsuki, asking him what the fuck was up.

you: suki

you: why did you call in sick for me?

suki pooki: cause your work sucks balls

suki pooki: i’ll be over in ten

and he was. he came barreling through your door. you meet him with a stern look, your hands on your hips. seeing your mood, he rolls his eyes and pulls you into a hug, rubbing your back and kissing your forehead. he tells you that today, he’ll be pampering you since you need a rest. he tells you to get out of that hideous uniform as he starts to raid your kitchen, whipping out ingredients for the fire breakfast he’s about to make you. you protest at first, but quickly let him take care of you. you know how determined he can be once he sets his mind on something.

katsuki makes you the most yummy breakfast that you both enjoy together. afterwards, you two cuddle on the couch and watch the next episode of the series you recently started together. katsuki then carries you off your bed and tells you to strip. you look up at him in confusion but he just gives you that sharp, cocky grin. he leaves and you do as he says, already bare under the covers when he returns holding a bottle of body oil. you stare at him even more bewildered until he tells you that he’s going to give you a full body massage. the tension in your muscles instantly dissipates as you let him coax you out from under most of the blankets.

he gives you the most relaxing massage. the scent of coconut is divine and the sensation of his hands pressing into your skin takes you to heaven. at first, he checks in with you to make sure that the pressure is okay, which of course, it is since he was being gentle with you. now, you’re about to fall asleep when he grumbles. it makes you laugh and you stretch, your fists opening and closing towards him in grabby motions. he lets you wrap your arms around his neck and you pull his body onto yours. the oil seeps into his clothes and he groans, trying to push you off. but you won’t move.

you two cuddle in your bed, katsuki asking you every few minutes if you’ve fallen asleep to which you mumble that you haven’t.

the rest of the day goes by in a blur of katsuki’s gourmet cooking skills, his grumbles, and his cuddles.

kirishima eijiro

⭑.ᐟ kiri knows that you’re exhausted because of a major project due at work. the day after it’s finished, you call him in the morning and tell him that you’ve got the day off from work. within the next half an hour, kiri is at your doorstep, telling you to grab your gym bag and put your activewear on cause you’re going to the gym. you groan but oblige, throwing on a baggy gym fit (baggy gym fit superiority, am i right?) and trudging out of your apartment with his arm around your shoulders.

he works you hard, motivating you every rep to keep pushing and going harder, perfecting that form every time. afterwards, you two walk to a nearby café and get some breakfast. you two sit outside, enjoying the beautiful weather as you munch on your brekkie. kiri listens as you rant about how stressful work has been lately, especially since your colleagues weren’t cooperating with you. but it was all over now, and that’s what mattered. he reassured you that you did the best job you could of given the circumstances.

“you’re so strong, baby. makes me so proud to see how well you did,” he says as he wipes your lips with a napkin. you giggle and nod, taking a moment to appreciate your bf.

in your sweaty gym gear, you two walk back to the car. but instead of taking you home (which you thought he was doing), he drives you to the aquarium. you scold him for not letting you get changed first. he apologises and pulls you into a warm hug, kissing you on the cheek. he holds you the entire time that you’re at the aquarium, first holding your hand and then your waist when your palms become sweaty. he takes candid photos of you gawking at the ginormous string rays, chuckling to himself about how cute his girlfriend is. you point to one of the sharks and tell him that it’s him and he laughs, pulling you close.

afterwards, he finally takes you back to your place and you two shower together. kiri kisses almost every inch of your body after rinsing the suds off of you, worshipping his gf’s divine body. your hands tangle in his hair, feeling his lips all over you. he finally stands up and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest. you ask him if you can return the favour. he shakes his head and gives you a deep kiss, saying on your lips something about this being your day.

once you get out of the shower, kiri dries you off and lathers moisturiser into your skin, placing kisses on any part of your body that he can reach.

you then curl up on the couch and cuddle, kiri doting on you and satisfying your every need until you fall asleep in his arms.

todoroki shoto

⭑.ᐟ it’s the weekend and you wake up to your phone ringing. you pick it up groggily. your bf’s voice hums in your ear, asking you what your plans are for the day. you groan as you tell him that you just woke up. he’s quiet for a few moments before telling you that he is going to pick you up in an hour. you hum in response, rubbing your eyes and muttering an ‘i love you’. shoto returns your sentiment and ends the call. you get up and brush your teeth, opting for a comfy outfit.

in an hour, shoto is knocking on your door. he’s holding the most beautiful bouquet of your favourite flowers and tells you that they’re for you. you smile, tears gathering in your eyes as you take them from him and dash off to grab a vase. once you put the flowers in a vase and set them on your dining table, you run over to him and give him the biggest cuddle. he returns your hug hesitantly (this touch-starved boy😭), his hands light on your back. you pull back and thank him, blinking back your tears. it’s been such a hard week at work and for him to surprise you like this meant everything to you.

shoto tells you not to hold back as he draws you back into his arms, this time with more confidence. for the next little while, you and shoto cuddle on the couch as you cry. his thumbs caress the delicate skin beneath your eyes, wiping away your tears. he gives you a small smile and tells you that you are one of the strongest people he knows.

after you’ve calmed down, shoto suggests getting some food to help cheer you up. you nod and you two head to the mall together. you sit down at one of the cafés and get tea and a pastry. the flavour explodes over your tongue, so sweet and the pastry is so crisp. you look up and see cream on the tip of shoto’s nose from his cream puff. giggling, you wipe it off his nose with the tip of your finger. but before you can draw your hand back, he grabs your wrist and licks your finger. the gesture has you blushing hard.

once you finish your pastries, you two walk around the mall together. you head into many different stores, shoto by your side the entire time. he holds any clothes you grab to try on and even waits outside the fitting room for you as you get changed. he usually tells you that the clothes look “nice” or “good” but, when you come out in something that he really likes, he freezes up. he can’t stop staring at you.

“shoto,” you call. he’s been looking at the dress you have on for the last minute in complete silence. “do you like it?” you ask. he gulps, adams apple bobbing. he opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. you cross your arms under your chest, wondering if you look so hideous that he’s been rendered speechless.

you sigh, “is it that bad?” at your words, shoto shakes his head vigorously.

“no!” he says enthusiastically, surprising you. “no, it looks—” he pauses, trying to find the right words. he mumbles, “you look very pretty.” his words have you giggling and blushing an instant.

you motion with your finger for him to come over to you, and he does. you shut the fitting room door behind him and give him a gentle kiss, surprising your poor boyfriend who watches you peck his lips with wide eyes and a stiff body. you pull away, trying to contain your laughter. he pulls you back in and captures your lips in another kiss. this one is far more passionate.

shoto buys you whatever you want with his dad’s credit card. he carries your bags around as you shop. by the end of the day, you go home with far too many bags. you used to be very shy about shoto spending all of this money on you, but you know that he wants to. you know that even if you broke up tomorrow, he wouldn’t regret any of it because that’s how much he loves you.

[nemisuki]

Sudden Shower

Break up AU | You didn’t realize entering a new life would affect your relationship this drastically. Maybe some things are meant to stay in the past to live in the future. 

᧔o᧓ || katsuki bakugo x f!reader, no manga spoilers, pure angst, no fluff, sad but kinda open ending, aged up to 19-20, right person wrong time trope, high school sweethearts no more, time to cry, read at ur own will, 1.1k word count 

"You can't keep pushing me away when all I've been doing is trying to help you Katsuki."

The sound of water droplets echo around the couple - pitter and pattering of the rain trickle on the concrete pathway under their feet.

Small vibrations course through his hand as the storm grows more intense, both in his heart and nature taking its course, heavy downpour hitting the surface of their shared umbrella.

Her gaze roams his facial features from the side, the moonlight illuminating his red eyes, making them look more intense if even possible.

"I didn't ask for your fucking help. I'm not a kid who needs to hold your hand every step of the way."

He refuses to meet her eyes - staring straight ahead as they walk towards the agency he interns at. His voice was intense yet not to the point of yelling.

Arguments aren't uncommon these days. Growing more frequent these past couple of weeks.

The stress of newfound adulthood seeping into the cracks of their relationship.

"Yes and I understand that but you're not acknowledging my concerns! It's not like I think you're not capable, I'm worried about you. What part of that don't you get-"

He halts in his stride as she expresses her troubles - causing her to stop as well.

They both stand in uncomfortable silence, the only thing being heard is the rain around them and sway of leaves from the trees of the park.

A shortcut to the agency they found months ago.

"Don't you think I know that? That's not the point! Breathing down my neck every time we meet and constantly babying me is fucking annoying!"

"Because I care about you!"

"You never were like this before we graduated! And don't give me that bullshit of hero work being dangerous. I know what I signed up for and you knew since we started dating!"

"Did you ever think for one second from my perspective?! I barely see you these days and when I do, you're so exhausted that I have to pick up your pieces!"

"I never asked you too, I'm fucking fine!"

"You never tell me anything! Just talk to me! Why can't you admit to yourself that you need a break?!"

"I don't exactly have the pleasure to have free time Y/N. I can't just stop going on patrols because my girlfriend fucking misses me!"

The storm only seems to grow more intense as the pitch of their voices turn sharp - courtesy of their fluctuating emotions.

A chill goes up her spine as he finally turns to face her, those red orbs boring into her own.

Whether it's from the cold weather or the frustrated expression on his face, she doesn't know.

At his words she's unaware of what to say in response, thinking about the tension between them as of lately.

Her gaze wanders away from his face and down to the puddle forming beneath them.

The reflections of them two tauntingly staring back at her. A version of themselves they have yet to explore.

This isn't high school drama anymore - the new world they entered was filled with responsibilities and unfamiliar experiences.

They have yet to open the gates of their unknown future as adults but looks like they'll be choosing which path to take from here on out.

And they both knew there was only one right option.

He seems to understand what's going through her mind and grimaces at the thought.

Even if he knew it was inevitable.

The decision was like a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode after weeks of arguments, conflicts and foul exchanges.

She couldn’t constantly be distracted from her work because of the uncontrollable anxiety towards him. And he couldn’t give it his all if he had to balance his busy schedule between his work and personal relationships.

They both had problems to work on but separately. 

"....katsuki-"

"yeah i know... i know."

Before he cowers back on this decision, he gently places the umbrella in her hand, giving her one final look.

As if all his frustrations vanished and were replaced with a neutral reaction. Maybe because he’s trying to be strong for the both of them, knowing he has to be the one to end things.

That’s something that she always admired, his strength.

She’s about to apologize for not being the one to speak up but he shakes his head. Already knowing what she’s gonna say and gently patting her head.

Her heart thumping away at the small gesture.

A distant look casts over their eyes - though they both know once they look away, it will all come crashing down.

They didn't say much after that, unaware of how long they stood in the same position communicating with their stare alone.

He was the first one to move.

Turning around and beginning to walk away from her, droplets starting to absorb into the jacket he wore today.

One she bought him long ago.

"Text me when you get home at least dummy."

The serene sound of his voice made her unable to stay silent any longer, she bit her cheek as tears began trickling down her face, attempting to hold back the sobs urging to escape her mouth.

"Katsuki!" she yells out, once he's a good distance away.

Her heart is clenching so much that it hurts, her throat closing up as if her body registers that this is really it.

He hesitates but ultimately turns around, looking at her from afar.

This distance between them is so vast - both physically and emotionally.

When you love someone, set them free right? Right.

It was as if all their shared memories came flowing back to her.

Perhaps they were meant to meet when they're still young and find each other again when they're older.

Or maybe this truly is the end - only time would tell.

She musters up the best smile she could at the moment and stares at him. Many thoughts going through her mind but only one stands out.

Slowly she opens her mouth to speak, wanting nothing more then to run back into his arms and say "I love you" but-

"Thank you."

Before he could say anything back, she turns on her heels and spins around, walking away from him before she breaks down. 

Finally allowing her emotions to surface, bursting into tears as her figure goes out of sight.

She knew if he said anything more, she'd go running back to him. But you shouldn't stay on a chapter for too long, no one should stay stuck in the past after all.

Unable to see the blonde, he stands there motionless, letting the rain devour him up completely.

Streaks of water dripping down his cheeks - unaware of the difference between possible tears and the downpour coming from the clouds.

"I love you too Y/N."

Oh how much the boy hates rain. 

✦ ⎯⎯⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨ masterlist || taglist || intro || socials ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⎯⎯ ✦

a/n ||| im sorry i haven't posted in 2 whole weeks! honestly i zone out during december but im back ૮꒰ྀི > . < ꒱ྀིა and with some angst oooo la la. idk if u guys would like more sad fics like this on my page but do lmk in the comments! sometimes u just gotta let people go to improve on urself and thats okay :) tags ||| @leleyro

[spanishskulduggery]

Hi! Native Spanish speaker here

Could u explain the difference between Chilean/ Uruguayan-Argentinian Spanish?

I have amigos gringos y estaria bueno explicarles.

Me di cuenta que sabes español así que puedo pedírtelo asi jajaja

Muchas gracias! 🫶🏻

Saludos desde Uruguay 🇺🇾

I'm not even sure where to start, the accent itself is so different even though Chile is very close to everything else

I'm going to list some differences in no particular order as they come to me

-

I think it's because Chilean is a bit of an outlier compared to what they call rioplatense Spanish... like there are similar trends, but it's pronounced differently

The main grammatical difference I've found is that Argentina uses vos for everything - more than tú, more than usted... it's a lot of vos

[Historically a singular vos was quite fancy and the way you addressed nobility and people very politely; the common term of address Vuestra Merced turned into Usted over time. In Spain, vosotros is now plural and informal. But depending on the time period, vos still shows up in historical dramas and fairy tales or things set in medieval times like fantasy. It's my understanding that multiple languages have something similar....... in English, our informal "you" was "thou" tú and "you" was formal, but then "thou" became obsolete]

The voseo in most of South America is usually understood as more intimate and friendly than tú

The big exceptions to this are Argentina and Chile

In Argentina, again, vos is the de facto 2nd person singular pronoun [I believe plural is still ustedes "you all"]

In Chile, vos has a different meaning from what I've been told. It's not vulgar but it's kind of impolite. If you're addressing someone as vos in Chile it can read as "dude" or "bro" almost, it's very familiar and not how you'd want to address someone from the older generations

While Argentina uses vos for everything, Chile uses vos for close friendships or where informality won't cause offense

The other main issue is the conjugation of vos

The majority of South America (including Argentina) conjugate vos like the vosotros form just without the I

...Like vosotros sois "you all are" in Spain then turns to vos sos "you are" in South America; they keep the S, but omit the I

Chilean voseo usually takes that vosotros form but omits the S sound and leaves the I

And so you get something like vosotros habláis "you all speak" turning to vos hablái in Chile [while it would be hablás in Argentina or the rest of Río de la Plata]

The verb that always trips you up with Chile is going to be ser because there are two forms; vos soi but I've more commonly heard vos eri(s)... like I've heard Chilean eri puro blabla which is "you're all talk" but literally "you're all blah blah"

The other one that's a little weird is ir just because of how vosotros normally works

In Spain vosotros id "go" as a command, ve for tú, but then vas for regular rioplatense commands, and then Chile says vai which is like if you tried to say ve but had your mouth way open

Chile (specifically those from lower income backgrounds) tend to omit the S more than most, while the higher income backgrounds or those trying to sound more posh tend to pronounce things more fully

The very informal aspects of Chilean Spanish are associated with the working class, which is probably why it's considered impolite (or maybe uneducated is the better word? it's a class distinction) to use those kinds of pronunciations and vos but it does depend on the area

...

The other weird thing about Chilean Spanish, which is sometimes common in rioplatense Spanish outside of Argentina, is that sometimes people use vos forms with tú as a pronoun

You might see tú eres or tú eri... or tú vas or tú vai

-

And I don't know if it's a thing in Argentina but I see Chilean Spanish sometimes using double reflexive pronouns. I think the common example is that Chilean Spanish might say me voy a irme, where you would typically say/read me voy a ir or voy a irme

Sometimes translations write it a bit differently to imply it's a different and more informal or regional way of saying it; so I've seen me voy a irme get translated as "I'mma head out" or "I'm gonna go" - it's not a 1:1 translation but it does portray that it isn't technically considered "correct" but is understandable

-

The common expression that I had to learn to sort of make sense of it was Chile's ¿Cachai? which is "Got it?" or "Understand?" which is from cachar (in Latin America it's like "to catch" like, "Did you catch that?" both in physical grabbing and understanding, but it's less common outside of Latin America) - it can be used as a filler word, but it is literally like "right?" or "got it?" or "you know what I mean?"

The only other expression I know for Chilean Spanish is qué fome which is "how boring" - I think they still use that

There's more of a generational and class divide in Chile as far as Spanish expressions

In general though, Argentina's accent (and rioplatense in general?) sort of sounds Italian. The Chilean accent is... very hard to understand, there's a lot of unique grammar and the accent is like Italian but more rural to my ears, not in a bad way but to me it sounds like if you were speaking Spanish with a southern drawl almost

...

As far as general vocab, I think Argentina and Chile agree on a lot of the regional words like the word for "car" is el auto which is probably from many German immigrants, they use extrañar for "to miss someone" like most of Latin America

But I do know the one that trips me up constantly is "computer". Spain says el ordenador. Most of Latin America says la computadora. Chile says el computador

Some typical words you should maybe know for Chile:

fome = boring

guagua = baby [from Quechua, I think it's the sound of a baby crying; Caribbean countries sometimes use la guagua for "bus"]

pololo/a = boyfriend, girlfriend

el computador = computer

¿Cachai? = Got it? / Right? / Understand?

el cahuín = gossip [I think it originally meant "party/assembly" for the indigenous people, sort of like in American English you might hear "pow-wow"; but cahuín is when you get together and gossip, so it can also mean "shady business" or "intrigue" or "something sketchy"]

po = (generally means something affirmative; it comes from pues but po is used so often it's like "yup" or "uh huh" or "of course" but can show up at the end of practically any sentence)

hacer perro muerto = "to dine and dash", to eat at a restaurant without paying [lit. "to do a dead dog", the rest of Spanish tends to use hacer un simpá which is from sin pagar "without paying"]

weón / weona = dumbass / dude [informal way to address someone - sometimes an insult sometimes not, kind of impolite, comes from huevón "dumbass", again means "big balls" I think since it's "big egg" and los huevos are slang for testicles]

la wea = thing [it's really comparable to how some countries say la vaina for "thing" - it's informal, it's everywhere, and for some reason it sounds almost rude if you didn't know better]

...

And I know I said it already, but po. No, but seriously po is so Chilean I cannot stress this enough it's just an all around affirmative - I don't know if you can use po wrong, it just shows up at the end of sentences

Also I don't know if Argentina says it but I'm pretty sure Chile uses bacán as "cool" - if I remember right Argentina uses chévere

I think it's common in most of Spanish now, but particularly Argentina/Chile and rioplatense Spanish are known for using chao/chau as "goodbye" since it comes from Italian ciao; this is as opposed to something more formal like adiós or more Anglicized "bye"

Every so often you will hear tschuss or something equivalent in Argentina which is from German as well

Chile tends to share a lot of regionalisms with Peru and Colombia and generally it's like countries that are in the Andes or were connected to the Inca Empire or some of the indigenous tribes

Argentinian Spanish you should maybe know:

che = hey / bro (a go-to word like "hey"... it's a bit like the Chilean po but it usually calls attention to something or it's affirmative; can also be "bro/dude")

el pibe = boy la piba = girl

la mina = chick (usually a girl/woman you don't know the name of; it's not polite but it's not mean)

boludo/a = bro / dumbass, idiot [it can be an insult "has big balls", but it can also just be like... "bro" or "dude"]

And if I remember right the slang term for money here is la plata which is literally "silver"

The main thing about Argentina people talk about is the accent particularly with how they pronounce LL

Spain tends to pronounce LL as if it were LY with a bit of an L sound in there still... Latin America sometimes pronounces it like a full Y/I sound... parts of Central America give it a hard J sound

Argentina gives it a SH sound; so llamar or lluvia can sound like "shamar" or "shuvia" in Argentina

...

Also I think in Argentina you hear la remera for "t-shirt" [lit. "rowing shirt", from el remo "oar" or remar "to row" but sometimes remo "oar" can be "limb" on your body], and Chile says la polera which I think is from "polo shirt"

General Spanish will say la camiseta which is the diminutive of la camisa "shirt/chemise"; in textbooks they typically say la camisa is a "shirt with long sleeves" or a "dress shirt", and la camiseta is "a t-shirt" or informal shirt

And I'm not sure if they both say this, but it's my understanding that they use la frutilla for "strawberry" in rioplatense Spanish; usually it's la fresa

Mexico does this too if I remember right, although for them la fresa means "posh" or "snobby" like it's slang for a rich person or someone who acts fancy. I'm not sure if it also means that in Argentina and Chile

There are also different linguistic quirks of Argentina like lunfardo [regional Italian-inspired words, specifically from Lombardy], or vesre which is... I don't know I'd call it closer to Cockney where words are played with or backwards [revés "backwards/reverse" -> vesre]; like la mujer "woman" is sometimes jermu which is the same word just the syllables are backwards

...

And Chilean Spanish has been called the Quebecois of Spanish; similar enough but also very different and more irreverent in other ways... though to me I find it's probably closer to how English-speakers see Australian English, a little hard to follow sometimes and the accents are very much class-based, where there's a way to sound posh and a way to sound distinctively not posh

Argentina is more like if you had an Italian person speaking Spanish then sprinkled in a bit of German, lots of rising and falling tones, almost lyrical, sometimes like someone is speaking in very fast accent marks (both Spanish and Italian accent marks á then à, just so many rising and falling tones)

[beepbeepbeepbeeeeeeep]

It honestly sucks how negative the Incredibox fandom has become as of the last couple days, I feel like I gotta say something about it:

I love Incredibox, I have loved Incredibox, I will continue to love Incredibox. Yes, even Sprunki. Even FIDDLEBOPS. Even Elementibox. I love all of it. No amount of drama, hate, or general negativity will ever ruin it for me.

We all know the issues this fandom is facing right now. I don’t need to repeat it, we all know it. It’s inevitable that one day it will reach a boiling point. This community will crumble very soon. There’s nothing we can do to stop it.

It saddens me whenever I see people say things like: “I want the community to die.” Or “Everyone here sucks.” I consider myself a part of that, and I’m sure a lot of you do too. The sad truth is, when bad people ruin a good thing, they ruin it for everyone. As much as we want to separate ourselves from that, the only way we could is to say we “aren’t part of it anymore.”

So… what can we do? You can’t feasibly and openly be a fan of Incredibox anymore without being associated with a toxic, harsh environment? Here is some advice:

- Stay away from large fandom spaces. This includes Incredibox discord servers with more than a hundred people.

- Refrain from posting about specific dramas or fights that you yourself aren’t a part of. If it doesn’t affect you personally, don’t comment on it. You’re just wasting everyone’s time.

- Almost exclusively talk about it with people who are your friends or who you trust. You don’t know what kinds of people are out there.

- Don’t look at comments. Be it on Scratch, Cocrea, or YouTube, it will never end well. Can’t help it? Disable them. At this point it’s better to be a ‘coward’ than engage with these people. Only enable them if you’re actively looking to start conversation.

- Separate the mod from creator. This is the most important to enjoying Incredibox in my opinion. It seems nowadays every single creator has gotten themselves into controversy, for both valid and invalid reasons. Referring to the second bullet point, if it doesn’t concern you personally, you shouldn’t feel like a bad person for enjoying it.

- Stop treating Sprunki like a disease. We get it, “it’s overrated,” “it’s not even that good!” “It ruined the community!” While those opinions can be warranted in some regard, please remember that this attitude is why what happened to the creator happened.

- Most of all: Be kind. I know it’s hard. We’re angry, we’re scared, we’re sad. But it’s important to know that negativity will only spawn more negativity. Anger and resentment are what’s causing this fandom’s deterioration. Be the bigger person and don’t attack people for no reason.

Though our community is undoubtably “cooked” by now, it won’t last forever. We will get through this.

[wildeoscars]

Excerpts from 20 Questions: Eric Bogosian

Playboy, July 1991

The raging monologist who gave us “talk radio” raps about street life, horny guys and the redemptive joys of gardening.

Playboy: Your characters plead, cajole, threaten, offer skewed insights, and exhibit paranoia. Is your stage act a cry for help?

Bogosian: I need to solve my own personal problems. I know nowhere to look other than to myself, so I look at my own questionable traits. And then I personify them in a character. Early in my career, I spent a lot of time on things that had to do with sex, because I wanted to have better relationships with women. FunHouse was about pure, unadulterated fear, because at that point, I was just freaked out. My wife, Joann, and I were impoverished; we lived in this tiny apartment. Drinking in America, written when I became more successful, was about a hunger for power and success. Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll asks, How do you live when all you know how to do is party?

Playboy: You honed your performance style in New York’s downtown art scene. Was it easier and cheaper than enrolling in drama school?

Bogosian: The downtown scene allowed me to walk out on stage every night and say and do whatever I wanted. I would go out and insult the shit out of the audience. There were nights when I took all my clothes off. I had fights with the audience. The best thing about the scene was that we were making our work and having a good time entertaining one another. I would perform in front of audiences that were guaranteed smart and hip. They didn’t care whether or not I was doing something right, like some acting teacher had taught me. They would tell me whether or not they got it. I was performing loud, nasty, insulting stuff.

Playboy: Does The Stud, your monolog about one man’s extraordinary endowment, reflect your own desire for a larger penis?

Bogosian: I was taking a pee one day and I looked down and wished I had an eight-inch dick. You’re going to quote me on that. Don’t quote me on that. It’s part of men’s fascination with themselves. I wanted to take something out of the back room of male mentality and stick it right out in front of everybody. The Stud is one of my oldest pieces. Doing things about giant dicks is not that far out at the moment. There are probably twenty comics out there doing dick things. But when I started ten years ago, it was extremely embarrassing for men in the audience; they’d sit there with their hands folded over their crotches, not laughing, and the women would be laughing their guts out and the men would be getting angry. I thought it was great stuff going on between people in the theater.

Playboy: Horny guys populate your monologs. Do you claim special knowledge of America’s testosterone level?

Bogosian: I’m very average in what I want. And my desires point me towards centerfold models as the ultimate, the ultimate, the ultimate. The ultimate accomplishment in my sexual life would be to ball a centerfold model. For a pretty girl with large breasts to be the object of delight to millions of red-blooded American men is perfectly normal. Nothing wrong with that. Guys get horny and need to focus on something. Large breasts are great. A large breast is a lovely thing at a particular moment. But as I become old and wise, I think the really important thing is being oriented towards something and understanding that you don’t necessarily have to have the thing to enjoy the thing. I happen to be in love with a woman who has medium-sized breasts.

Playboy: You are synonymous with the downtown New York scene. Do you dream crossover dreams?

Bogosian: At this time, I don’t think I’m going to show up as some kind of box office attraction. But you never know. I’d like to be a star. There’s always the challenge, especially when you’re surrounded by agents and producers, to see if you can really catch the gold ring. Can I fill Madison Square Garden? Can I go on Johnny and do a killer five minutes? I can’t imagine getting on Letterman, people would watch and say they knew what I was doing: This guy plays thugs from New Jersey and subway panhandlers. They wouldn’t see the irony; it would be like I’m just making cruel fun on these guys. I need an audience to be with me for a little while.

Playboy: You’ve bought a house in New Jersey. Will crab grass begin to crop up in your monologs?

Bogosian: It has already. I did a monolog called Normal Guy. I like gardening a lot. Gardening gets me real mellow. I grow twenty-five kinds of vegetables, and when I’m lucky, like last summer, a lot of things come up very nicely. I grow lettuce and beets and carrots and different varieties of cucumbers. I grow different varieties of corn and tomatoes and squash and pumpkins and peppers and okra and all kinds of neat stuff. And early in August, you get to a point where everything you’re eating that night at dinner was grown in your own garden. That’s nice. However, when you garden, you find out that in order to get your vegetables to look good, you have to kill everything within a hundred yards: animals, plants, and little insects. And you realize that after you do all that, you still end up with this gnarled little carrot. Then you go to the supermarket and you get this perfect carrot and you wonder, What are they killing to make these?

Playboy: One of your characters defines being civilized as sitting on a couch with a babe, watching TV, eating clam dip on a ripple potato chip, smoking joints, snorting coke–and swilling bourbon, beer and champagne. What’s your vision of the civilized life?

Bogosian: In New Jersey, we have a fireplace and we’re very, very civilized. I’m sitting on the couch and the fire is going and snow is falling outside and I’m reading a pulp novel by Stephen King. Being over thirty-five, there’s no question that there is a vibe in me that’s moving toward a Stratolounger with a bowl of potato chips and a cable TV with a channel selector. I will fight that tooth and nail. It scares me. I like middle-class life. I don’t think it’s a sin to be middle class. I don’t have to be mainstream to be comfortable. I’ve spent time with Frank Zappa, and he has a very normal, middle-class existence. He’s a daddy and has a whole family and they have pizza for lunch and they have pets and it’s a very normal life. But he’s not mainstream and never will be.

[valjeancrazylover2]

Javert's Inspirations

So, neither option won that poll, so I'm making this post first. This is probably going to be me ranting more about Javerts I like than actually talking about my own Javert.

The characterisations of other characters have been taken from either one primary source, musical actor, or my own personal take. For example, Cosette is mainly inspired by the 1982 film, but has some influence from musical actresses such as Beatrice Penny-Touré.

Exeptions to this is the versions of the characters post-barricade, as from there is where my story mainly diverges, as most Javert & Valjean Live AUs do. Most of that is my own interpretation, since they are no longer in "normal" circumstances.

As such, Javert has been very fun to work on, because there have been many different characterisations that I find VERY entertaining. They all seem to lean into one aspect of his character more than the others, which makes him... strangely versatile, for such a rigid character?

So... what does this mean for my favourite baldie?

-

Let's start with the guy who started it all, and my blog icon: Todd Alan Johnson. There will be several musical Javerts listed here, but nobody was doing it like TAJavert. I blame him in part for getting me into Les Mis, as I had been a fan of TAJ for a while, when I stumbled across him in 2021 in Little Shop of Horrors as Orin Scrivello (my favourite character - can you tell I like villains). After being introduced to Les Mis through the work experience I was doing in Feb 2024, i revisited TAJ, finding out he had in fact played Javert - first in the third national US tour, and a few other times in smaller productions.

Thats when I found the pictures from Surflight's 2013 production.

And thus Chauvert was cemented in the brain. simply couldnt have it any other way. he just HAD to be bald. Because of this, and at the time I began designing him I didn't know anybody else who played Javert (this would later be changed when I saw stewart clarke live, but nothing really changed after that except for the javert bug eye truth to be solidified)

I really wish there was more footage of this production past these photos, because I NEED more of his bald head as Javert. And look at those sideburns! They're all-natural! Plus, i thought his face was a good fit in general for Javert. It's less obvious with his sideburns, but he's got that big jaw, talks with his bottom teeth showing, intense eyebrows, big buggy eyes when he wants them to be.

Pic from him as Sweeney Todd. My Javert's face is just a heavily cariacaturised version of his.

Additionally, I'm sure you're all familiar with jadenvargen/melancholyarchivist's art. I was a fan before, so finding out there was les mis art too was huge. My Javert was always a bit on the larger side, but that one drawing with Javert and Valjean labelled something like "tremendously large man" and "bigger even huger man" or whatever, cant find the piece right now. anyway that definitely confirmed for me that they were BOTH gonna be built and fat, rather than the lanky javert that I see most people draw.

So, that was the foundation.

From here I'm not really sure in what order inspirations came, but next was probably Anthony Perkins in LM1978, because you just dont get more diva that that. We all know how much of a drama queen Javert is, and in fact Perkins was so good at this that the first thing I did after watching this film was go downstairs and ask my mother if Perkins was gay (to which she replied "Oh, absolutely flaming")

My inspiration for Javert usually comes from small, inconsequential little actions or demeanour that catch my eye... Perkins had plenty, as well as a ring on his finger, which I always forget to draw, but my Javert is supposed to have.

Here's a select few bits I like of his, that have directly influenced my Javert. There's probably more, but I can't remember off the top of my head.

1) the walk. 2) the way he hold's the cane??

3) this whole scene, but specifically the there is no monsieur in this room! there is only a scoundrel! line. 4) the way he reacts to finding out valjean is still alive. VERY similar to how it goes down in my canon, just in a different setting/scenario.

outside of 1978, there havent really been any non-musical adaptation Javerts that have particularly stood out to me. I havent watched 1998 but he doesnt look like he'd be like my Javert, and 1982 despite being my favourite adaptation ... did not have the most memorable Javert.

Even in the radio dramas, which i love to death, don't really have much influence over my Javert, since I already have a very clear idea in my head of his speech, and most inspiration comes from visuals. the CBS radio drama probably comes the closest to the way he speaks, though. (his voiceclaims are either roger allam, todd alan johnson, or some random french guy with a really deep voice who came up on my instagram feed once. yes, I'm serious, my javert sounds like that.)

My javert is not exactly expressive, or outwardly "sassy", per se? I think he's more subtly camp, perhaps with the way he stands sometimes. Don't worry, he's still the absolute drama queen he is in the brick, with "would you like my hat?" and all, but he delivers it in a much more flat way. that's why I don't exactly look at the way perkins delivers "monsieur, monsieur le inspector now!" for my javert. yes, he'd say that, but with a little less visible sass, if that makes sense.

Pre-seine, he's expressive in his own way. whenever he loses control a little he's prone to getting visibly angry; distressed (see: losing valjean when chasing him through paris); when you can see him setting his jaw with a visible vein in his head, short-tempered and curt; or that sort of sinister glee with his "bark" of a laugh or patronising sneer. But other than that... you've gotta hear it in his voice. Sorry to all the cuntvert fans out there, my Javert tries to keep it professional when he can, but he's still trying to out-diva everyone at any given opportunity!

So we return to musical Javerts, then.

I've seen a few, so it's hard to gauge who's had an actual effect and who hasn't. There are a few I do know for a fact I have taken little bits from:

Terrence Mann is familiar to everyone I'm sure. sass-central, which contradicts the above paragraph, but he does it in a wonderfully weird and kind of menacing way which i LOVE. My javert leans more into that menacing side of things. He's always JUST in the shadows, just so that you might not notice him, but if you were wary of authority, you'd see him lurking. his stature, you might think would make him a bit lumbering, but he's shockingly agile and snakelike. Think of a tiger. (oh yeah, shere khan from the jungle book is another inspiration i guess, but I won't include him here - we know.) Terrence Mann is delightfully snide and insane and I love it.

Gifs of small bits of his performance I like.

And his soliloquy? oof.. believably absolutely losing his mind.

The Javert who has probably influenced mine the most is Hartwig Rudolz, from the german Duisburg production in the 90s. He's commanding, he's dignified and haughty, he's even got the sinister chipperness about him from time to time (he's chummy with Madeleine in the cart scene, even laughing and smiling with him. While not really my Javert, it's worth a mention. Also does a condescending chuckle when Thenardier asks to be let go before Stars.)

More gifs of bits I like!

Bonus gif, cus that wig is loooong!

Three more would be Nic Greenshields, Jordan Simon Pollard and Michael Ball. They are all great Javerts (which might be a hot take, I'm not sure if ballvert is popular but I've been a fan of his for 5 years so maybe i'm biased.) I can't say TOO much on Nic and Michael acting-wise, because Michael Ball has only been in the arena tours, and the footage ive seen of Nic Greenshields is not the GREATEST quality - but they all have an air of haughty dignity about them, which obviously i try to give my Javert.

Jordan I've had the pleasure of seeing in person, twice, as well as meeting the guy. He's been the understudy for a while. He takes quite an expressive approach to Javert, using mainly his eyebrows, which i definitely think makes up most of my Javert's expressiveness. He really knows how to use his face to act - seriously, I can barely believe it's the same guy ! He usually has quite a furrowed brow, with his chin jutting out a little, standing with his chest puffed out. He's 6'3, and quite broad-chested (seeing as he works out) so you can imagine what kind of a presence that creates.

Both Nic and Jordan, being in the same production (Jordan was Nic's u/s in the UK tour, is now Stewart Clarke's on the West End) had this moment, but after Thenardier asks to be let go, on "it was me what told you so!", they turn and step forward so that Javert is basically chest-to-face with Thenardier (and the guy playing him at the time was like, a foot shorter than the both of them). I liked that a lot. Absolutely something my Javert is doing. He's got the height and the tits for it, there's no way he isn't, cmon

Also, both Nic and Michael also have the benefit of being broader than most Javerts, Nic especially, as he stands at a whopping 6'6, so he's a SERIOUS presence onstage. My javert is around that margin at 6'6-6'7, so that checks.

I know a lot of people say Ballvert is "too cute" or whatever, and i'd totally agree as a michael ball fan, but if you ignore the fact it's Michael Ball, i think he seems a bit more "unsuspectingly cruel" than outwardly intimidating. While this doesn't exactly reflect my Javert, he DOES have some good bits. From my notes when I saw him in the arena tour:

the wway he takes off his gloves in the confrontation was not only kinda sexy (sorry) but a bit foreboding. he has a nice amount of sass, which of course is always appreciated. his general attitude in Stars, too, like he's truly earnest, and someone mentioned how he sings it like a love song - yuuup. His soliloquy is also amazing, the way he portrays Javert as being just so scared of what's happening, but lapsing into anger... ouuh.

I have not fully planned out my Javert's suicide (attempt) yet, how he would be responding, but I've been leaning into the more fearful approach. I mean, his entire worldview has been shattered like that, the entire structure of which he built his life on has just crumbled in front of him, i'd be frightened too.

Anyway, random detail - if you were interested in the origin of Javert's scar, like, from a meta perspective:

Adam Robert Lewis, of course, with his cool nose scar.

My javert had a scar anyway, just a small cut on the lip, probably from a nasty hit to the face which never quite healed right and scarred, but something about ARL's scar really worked... so the scar extended a few inches up the face. It's changed places since then, originally going from the lip to the nose, then from the lip to below the eye, but now it's branched off to both. I still don't have a specific origin for the scar in canon, so you can make one up yourself.

Linking to that scar, and also linking back to Michael Ball - i mistook a shadow on his eye for a burst blood vessel, and thought it would be an interesting look for my Javert. I'm a sucker for temporary details (Javert's moustache post-msurm, for one), so I've given him a bad eye for early M-sur-M. Very recent development.

HONORABLE JAVERT MENTIONS, THAT INSPIRED ME SLIGHTLY OR CEMENTED A SPECIFIC IDEA:

Stewart Clarke. He was the first I physically SAW, and also the one I've seen the most, since he's the current West End Javert. Very good javert, unsettling with those eyeballs, very spitty, which I totally forgot to mention is also an integral part to my Javert. So, thanks Stew! His soliloquy is also just out-of-this-world, seriously. Seek out a recent audio of his if you haven't heard him. He's nuts.

Jeremy Secomb. Sir Eyeballs Supreme. If you want a Javert with an unsettling stare, he's your guy. And he's currently the Bishop in the arena tour! What a way to convince Valjean to be a good guy, just staring him down with your evil fucking peepers. When partnered with Peter Lockyer, they form THE valvert duo, they kissed on video in costume, so many cute photos of them together, and they LOOK the parts. Jeremy looking like those toys you sqeeze and their eyes pop out vs Peter's soft face and kind smile like a golden retriever or something. Seriously perfect.

Nick Rehberger. Current US Javert. Great at really minor acting choices, sassy man apocalypse. Very dignified. VERY handsome. Bit gay. Amazing voice. What more could you want?

Roger Allam. Now, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here. I've already mentioned he's one of the 3 people I cycle through for my Javert's voiceclaim, and there's like NO (publically available) footage of him. I am planning on viewing the footage they do have, but that's some time in the future. The OLCR is my personal listening choice when I'm listening to the musical soundtrack, so Allam is kind of burned into my brain. I know it probably sounds crazy but the way his voice sounds really influenced the way I have Javert physically speak, with his heavy jaw. Anything about his specific physicality is completely imagined - but hopefully not for long.

Chris Murray. Another german Javert I really like, from a 2007 nonrep production. If you like unhinged Javerts with eyeballs for days, he's your man. He's also just greatly unsettling. He almost made the cut with gifs, but unfortunately Terrence Mann won out. He was just a little TOO chipper about things. But i do love how his amiability is very obviously a ruse, with the way he holds a stiff smile in The Robbery on "But where's the gentleman gone / And why on Earth did he run?" (or, the German lyrics, whatever. It's that part of the song.)

Preston Truman Boyd. One part only. He's the reason I gave Javert a moustache and weird little chin beard thing post-msurm. I just thought that was important enough to get a mention, other than that I haven't really seen much of him enough to say.

ANYWAY, that's about it !!

There's probably more i've missed, but it's 5.30am right now, and I'm flagging. Plus, the post is long enough as is.

If you've read this far, I gotta know - who's your favourite Javert, or at least top 5? Have they influenced the way you view Javert in any way?

If you're like me and like taking tidbits from different sources, what are yours? Im curious to know !!! PLEASE tell me!!!!!!

Much love to my favourite bald freak <3